confusedthinker-noeul

[confusedthinker-noeul]

#Bad photos but Happy Post. So this reached bangalore today by post. It’s anthology of poems from poets all over India and I got to be part of it. This is the first time I am seeing something I have written in a book, printed in beautiful, black letters and it feels … I dunno.. exciting. I wonder how excited people could feel when they have a whole book of their own. Anyway this of course is a dream come true and here is to hoping better things would come this way in future. Thank you and beautiful work @sneha.jose_ #bookstagram #publishedwork #anthology #poetsofinstagram #poetsofinstagramcommunity #writersofinstagram #writers #writingcommunityofinstagram #dreamcometrue #life #happiness (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpmNOdWpuDP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#bad #bookstagram #publishedwork #anthology #poetsofinstagram #poetsofinstagramcommunity #writersofinstagram #writers #writingcommunityofinstagram #dreamcometrue #life #happiness

[confusedthinker-noeul]

പതിവ് പോലെ instagram il scroll ചെയ്തിരിക്കായിരുന്നു. വുമൺസ് ഡേ ആണെങ്കിലും എഴുതാൻ ഒട്ടും പ്ലാൻ ഇല്ലായിരുന്നു. അപ്പോഴാണ് ഫീഡിൽ പരിചയമുള്ള ഒരാളുടെ ഒരു പോസ്റ്റ്. എന്നിലെ സാധാരണക്കാരിയായ വ്യക്തി ഒരോ വർഷം തോറും പുരോഗമന ചിന്തകൾ ചുമച്ചു തുപ്പുന്ന, നമ്മുടെ generation better അല്ലേ എന്ന് എന്നെ ഓർമ്മിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ഒരു പറ്റം ആണുങ്ങളേയും പെണ്ണുങ്ങളെയും വിശ്വസിച്ചാണ് കമന്റ് ബോക്സിൽ എത്തിയത്. പതിവ് തെറ്റിച്ചില്ല. ഏന്തൊക്കെ തരത്തിൽ വളച്ചൊടിക്കാമോ, ഏതൊക്കെ തരത്തിൽ ആ വ്യക്തിയെ തരം താഴ്ത്താമോ, അതെല്ലാം കൃത്യമായി ഏട്ടൻമാരും ഏച്ചിമാരും ചെയ്തിട്ടുണ്ട്. പിന്നെ സ്ഥിരമുള്ള "equality വരട്ടെ", reservation എടുത്ത് കളയട്ടെ... Blah blah.. ഇവിടെ ഞാൻ privileged, unprivileged ആയ വുമൺ എന്ന് തരം തിരിക്കുന്നില്ല. ഓരോരുത്തർക്കും ഒരോ തരം fights ആണ് എന്ന് വിശ്വസിക്കുന്ന ആളാണ് ഞാൻ. അത് ആണ് ആയാലും പെണ്ണ് ആയാലും privileged ആയാലും unprivileged ആയാലും. എന്തിന് വേണ്ടി, എപ്പോൾ, എങ്ങനെ സ്വരം ഉയർത്തണമെന്നത് ഓരോരുത്തരുടെയും choice - ഉം. അന്നും ഇന്നും പറയാനുള്ളത് - please don't sabotage somebody else's fight. This is not a war to outshine or overpower but to get something you think you deserve. And when you are in different starting points, equality might not be the answer but equity. പിന്നെ കണ്ണടച്ച് ഇരുട്ടാക്കിയിട്ട് ഞങ്ങൾക്കെന്ത് കൂടുതൽ കിട്ടുന്നെന്നാ, നിങ്ങളുടെ നന്മയ്ക്ക് വേണ്ടിയല്ലേ എന്നൊക്കെ ചോദിച്ചാൽ എനിക്ക് ഉത്തരം പറയാൻ bandwidth ഇല്ല. ആരും നന്നാവും എന്നുള്ള പ്രതീക്ഷയിലുമല്ല. സമാധാനതിനാ. You might think I noted this down on impulse. But honestly, I framed this in different ways, thought about each sentence, deleted some, added some and finally decided to go with this one. Being a women, I feel I have to be extra cautious, to make sure I am right, that I don’t offend anybody. Being a women I feel, to put something through, I have to be perfect, that what I write should only mean what it’s meant to mean and not leave any loop holes to be misinterpreted. (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpiXB5lpPMs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[confusedthinker-noeul]

It was a random Sunday, and I have decided to come over to your place because of nothing but genuine boredom. We don’t know each other for long, but strangely we have always felt comfortable. Also Five days of hostel life was more than enough to drive anybody sane, mad and your place was more than once my safe haven. We are on your living room couch, flipping through Netflix , hoping to agree on something to watch, light-hearted, happy, but not having much luck. So we decide to shut it down and spent the rest of the evening on your balcony. “Tea or Coffee?” , you ask me. “Black coffee, please..” and you go ahead and make two cups of hot coffee. Staring down, I saw three children , two waiting for a turn to ride a cycle, half broken. “They are the caretaker bhaiyya’s kids” , you tell me and I nod, with a smile of understanding. We sat there for sometime in silence, then talking about office, home, about common friends, life and love. Then about things embarrassing, things kept secret in the fear of being judged. You told me forever is a lie, a lie so beautiful that you want to believe in it. And I told you, how I wrote poems about people I loved, how I pasted sticky notes on library books with something scribbled here and there, hoping it would find it’s way to somebody special. You told me about the numerous train journey’s where you hoped to stumble upon a gorgeous girl on your opposite seat and falling in love. And I told you about how I hoped somebody I loved would love me the same. We talked about heartbreaks, mistakes made and growth. “ Do you think we will change? “ you ask. “Meaning?” , I ask “Be less embarrassing, may be?”, you reply “ But you like those parts of you, na. Doesn’t it give you hope?”, I ask. “Yes…”, you laugh. “Then we won’t. We love us way too much for that.” We smile and go on. 📸 : Pinterest #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writing #writersofig #women #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #wordoftheday #sundayvibes #sundayvibes #sundaywritinggoals #sundayvibes #showingupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpIdp22JD6T/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writing #writersofig #women #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #wordoftheday #sundayvibes #sundaywritinggoals #showingupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Hometown greens🍀 📸 : @confused_thinker #writersofinstagram #writers #writerscommunity #writing #keralagreens #photooftheday #photography #photoshoot #photo #photographylovers (at Mundakayam) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpAr3vpp6mY/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writers #writerscommunity #writing #keralagreens #photooftheday #photography #photoshoot #photo #photographylovers

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Shadows of a memory❤️ Day 20 : Showing up for my art #photooftheday #photography #life #shadows #photographer #nightout #nightwalks #dailyjournal (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/Co5KViCBUoI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#photooftheday #photography #life #shadows #photographer #nightout #nightwalks #dailyjournal

[confusedthinker-noeul]

ഇല കൊഴിഞ്ഞ വൃക്ഷങ്ങൾ… 📸 : @confused_thinker Day 18: Showing up for my art #writersofinstagram #writer #photooftheday #photography #photoshoot #naturephotography #hometown #saturday (at Mundakayam) https://www.instagram.com/p/Coz9feNJpI5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #photooftheday #photography #photoshoot #naturephotography #hometown #saturday

[confusedthinker-noeul]

“Have you reached yet?”, he asks from the other side of the phone. “Where?” , I ask. “You said you were going home”. I pause for a moment. It was a simple straightforward question. A yes or no would do. But strangely I couldn’t decide upon the right one to pick. And I realise a simple yes or no question could turn into an essay just because of somebody’s choice of words. This was one such. “Home - no, not yet. But yes, I have reached the house safely. I think there is still a long way till I could call this ‘Home’. May be I never could. “ “ Set up a temporary home, na. A place you could call your own. A place that shouts you” , he tells me and I smile. I smile at the thought of it, I smile wondering what my place would like, I smile not knowing what to make of it. “Sounds good” was my initial thought. “But for how long?” was my second. “Will I be able to?” and “how?” followed the first two. “It’s scary and overwhelming”, I tell him after a minute and I meant it. The fear is real. Nobody knows how lonely it is, to not have a place to call ‘Home’. But then setting up one when you don’t know is even more frightening. The act of planting yourself in a new environment, all the packing, the setting up….that too alone is not going to be easy. “I would rather stay where I am. And may be later when I am comfortable, I will make the switch. I will build a home.” “Later when?”, he asks me, curious , may be even a bit sarcastic. “I dunno. May be when I have made peace with myself”, I tell him. “Don’t you need a comfortable space for it? Isn’t that what you call ‘Home’? And he is right. I realise I am in this bad loop of conflicts and confusions and I am afraid to let go of something to gain another. In the end, I stay at the same spot, hoping things would change on it’s own. I keep going to the wrong places and people, giving them second chances, third and again and again realising there is nothing for you here. There is no ‘Home’. There is never going to be. “ I will call you later”, I tell him and hang up the phone, hoping the next time, I would have definite answers. May be. May be not. 📸: Pinterest (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoxdQ7Jhpai/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[confusedthinker-noeul]

I have always felt happy about going home. But this time, it is a little different. These 15 days have been one of the best 15 days of my life. I have felt home, happy, at peace. I always had people around me, but strangely I felt out of place everywhere. I will be in a crowd and still be lost in thoughts. May be that’s how I have been made. I dunno. But here I have friends who make me feel wanted, people who come and hug me in the most warmest way possible. Even when I am silent or spaced out, I still feel part of the group. There is nobody forcing me to partake in a conversation, they respect my words and silence just the same and I feel valued. May be I have changed. May be I have learnt to love myself and with that, I have started feeling comfortable being part of the group. May be that’s why I don’t feel left out again. Who knows? But the point is, I was happy. I was happy during the many times we had tea, the many times we took trips, the many times we stood and chatted till hours passed by. I was happy. And now it is time to say good bye, until next time. Day 16 : showing up for my art 📸 : @confused_thinker #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #write #wordporn #wordpornoftheday🍁🍃 #wordgasm #photooftheday #photography #goinghome #autorides #womenwriters #dailyjournal (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CouiaQGJLUV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #write #wordporn #wordpornoftheday🍁🍃 #wordgasm #photooftheday #photography #goinghome #autorides #womenwriters #dailyjournal

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Office day… Socialising... Some sunshine… Laughs… Dinner… Tired… 📸 : @confused_thinker #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writer #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #wordswag #mondayblues #mondayblues #mondaymood #writerlife (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/ConHTyMBa5F/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #wordswag #mondayblues #mondaymood #writerlife

[confusedthinker-noeul]

——Random memories about February——— Night walks and weird people Cinemas and the happiness of having a good smelling neighbour - a stranger The hearty laughs without the fear of being judged A lime soda with the perfect balance of sweet and salt Freshly made chocolatey waffles. A late night read. All those things that make life bearable. 📸: @confused_thinker #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #wordporn #wordoftheday #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #photooftheday #photography📷 #randomthingilove #showupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoiBB_jBCmr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #wordporn #wordoftheday #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #photooftheday #photography📷 #randomthingilove #showupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Have you ever felt scared of how you feel? I am worried about where my feelings will take me. I am too scared to own up to the person. What if I explore further and find somebody I really don’t like? What if I turn out to be somebody totally different than the person I am? Would I be able to love myself truly, escaping all the conditioning. I dunno. But sometimes I wonder, may be I am ‘me’ all these times. That is It’s the me today, it’s the me tomorrow, it’s the same me day after, may be slightly different versions. So If I get to love me today, I might be able to love ‘me’ tomorrow as well. But would I ever become enough to explore, to try different things. I dunno. 📸: @gunju_pubgpie196 #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #life #selflove #findinganswers #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #showingupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary #life #writingtoknowmebetter #findinganswers Day 9 : Show up for my art (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/Coc9ZxIB_RP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #life #selflove #findinganswers #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #showingupformyart #showingupformyartfebruary #writingtoknowmebetter

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Let this light shine upon me, Until I am sure I have find mine.. Let this light my way, Until I could find my own way… 📸 : @confused_thinker Day 8 : Showing up for my art #photooftheday #photography #nightwalks #nightlife #nightphotography #way #life #path #decisions #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #wordporn #wordporn #wordoftheday (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoaOBfAhbYB/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#photooftheday #photography #nightwalks #nightlife #nightphotography #way #life #path #decisions #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #wordporn #wordoftheday

[confusedthinker-noeul]

There are days when I don’t know what I am doing. My head feels heavy, eyes cloudy and I can’t even make sense of where I am going. I know in life, you can’t choose everything or do everything you want. I know that we have to choose, prioritise. But I don’t know what to prioritise anymore. Should it be my job or my relationships? Should it be my peace or money?. I know you will ask me to find the perfect balance, to juggle between work and life, but then is there really something like a perfect balance. Are we just trying to make ourselves feel better by telling the same old lie? Or may be we have heard it for so long that now we really believe in it. I dunno. I am just here today thinking about what to do better, hoping to speak up about how regular work meetings mess up my personal priorities and how I am sad about it. Day 6 : Showing up for my art 📸 : Pinterest #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #womenwritersofinstagram #womenwriters #womeninbusiness #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #mentalhealth #life #balance #randomthoughts (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoUyFQIJEKc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersofig #womenwritersofinstagram #womenwriters #womeninbusiness #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #mentalhealth #life #balance #randomthoughts

[confusedthinker-noeul]

8 different people… 8 different poses and emotions… What is more beautiful than different people coming together and finding happiness. Some of us are in their early 20’s, some in mid 20’s, some in late 20’s or 30’s. Some are loud, some are quiet, some are introverts, others extroverts, but strangely when we all come together, we feel good. And I wonder what is the magic that brings hearts together. 📸 : all photos taken by @confused_thinker except for mine. #writersofinstagram #writings #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #sundaynight #friendship #friendshipgoals #friends #potraits #potraitphotography #iphonephotography #iphone13 #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #sundayfunday (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoSVMJOJVHQ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writings #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #sundaynight #friendship #friendshipgoals #friends #potraits #potraitphotography #iphonephotography #iphone13 #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornofinstagram #sundayfunday

[confusedthinker-noeul]

Things that excite us changes as we age. I remember the kid in me getting excited about the sound of aeroplanes passing over my house, the rare eating out occasions, about a school friend’s b’day party, of people falling in love. And now, many of this feels very familiar, common. So I thought, may be the kid in me is no longer there. But today I realised, no matter how much you grow, a visit to an aquarium could still light my face up, make me curious,I realise that the old bubble blowing soap water tube could make me excited, so does the toy lighting horns. I realise the kid in me is still somewhere there, waiting to be called out. Day 4 : Showing up for my art. #wordporn #wordpornoftheday #wordpornoftheday #writer #writersofinstagram #writerscommunity #words #writeaway #saturdaynight #kenkeri #aquariumvisit #aquariumvisit🐠 #happyday #showupformyart #showupforartfebruary (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoP3tkcpfQr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#wordporn #wordpornoftheday #writer #writersofinstagram #writerscommunity #words #writeaway #saturdaynight #kenkeri #aquariumvisit #aquariumvisit🐠 #happyday #showupformyart #showupforartfebruary

[confusedthinker-noeul]

These evenings I walk with people I love. We eat on the way, talk, laugh our hearts out. There is so much life on the street, there is children practising, learning Karate in the grounds, there are friends like us getting out of their stressful work calls to let out some steam, there are parents taking out their kids or dogs out for a walk, there is people in headsets talking to their loved ones back at home, there are people exercising, people on a date, people bargaining on a street side shop. There are people with different languages, styles and interest. And on evening walks, we learn this js how we all live. We smile the same. We cry the same. We fret the same. May be we all love the same. 📸. : found this on my evening walk today @confused_thinker Day 3 : Showing up for my art. #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #eveninngwalks #peopleilove #photography #mentalhealth #photooftheday #photoshoot #life #happiness (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoNdM2QBOB8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #eveninngwalks #peopleilove #photography #mentalhealth #photooftheday #photoshoot #life #happiness

[confusedthinker-noeul]

These evenings I walk with people I love. We eat on the way, talk, laugh our hearts out. There is so much life on the street, there is children practising, learning Karate in the grounds, there are friends like us getting out of their stressful work calls to let out some steam, there are parents taking out their kids or dogs out for a walk, there is people in headsets talking to their loved ones back at home, there are people exercising, people on a date, people bargaining on a street side shop. There are people with different languages, styles and interest. And on evening walks, we learn this js how we all live. We smile the same. We cry the same. We fret the same. May be we all love the same. 📸. : found this on my evening walk today @confused_thinker Day 3 : Showing up for my art. #writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #eveninngwalks #peopleilove #photography #mentalhealth #photooftheday #photoshoot #life #happiness (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoNdM2QBOB8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#writersofinstagram #writer #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #wordporn #wordpornofinstagram #eveninngwalks #peopleilove #photography #mentalhealth #photooftheday #photoshoot #life #happiness