crackheadacademia

[crackheadacademia]

Until I was 21, I learned to grow up. I learned to get strong and got a hard shell. I learned that the world is unfair. I learned that being an adult means to be hard. To be strong. To fight.

The year I turned 22 I started to soften again.

I started to grow fond of the right people. I started to relax a bit. I met new people. I lived abroad. I grew stronger, yes, but differently.

The year I turned 25 I grew soft. I started to love again. I started to love life more.

Everyday, i struggle with this. I'm not supposed to be soft, I tell myself. I'm not supposed to be weak. But the people that surround me allow me to be weak. They allow me to be soft. They allow me to be vulnerable.

And I'm happier. I still struggle. I'm still alone. But I'm not as lonely. I am not as terrified. I'm not forcing myself to be strong on my own.

#crackhead academia #university #friendship #teens #twenties #growing up #strong #but different now #writing #im just here to scribble my thoughts #yes i drank

[crackheadacademia]

I'm not really doing so bad...

At the first snow, I got a kiss on the cheek from a friend I only met 3 months prior. We hugged in a group of people I had met just that day because most of us didn't have a partner or their partner was far away.

I spent New Years with a friend I have been close with less than a year. We became friends so fast and she spend the day with me and my mom.

I met up with a friend and he called our meetings his "healing time" while he was healing me. We have a language barrier and couldn't even meet very often.

People I barely knew worried and took care of me, helped me to survive abroad where I didn't fully speak the language.

My closest friend is by my side even though we fight sometimes, even though we're very different at times and I was abroad and made it harder for us. I've only known her for maybe 3 years.

My friends at home welcomed me back and asked me to hang out. Some I hadn't seen in years, some surprised me by messaging me.

Not all is good or going well. Not all friends try to stay in contact. I'm still alone. I'm still struggling. There's still a void i yet have to figure out how to fill.

But I'm not doing so bad.

I'm really not doing so bad.

#crackhead academia #university #academia aesthetic #writing #not doing so bad #moving on #struggling #honestly why am I adding tags to a private post like this but here we are

[crackheadacademia]

If whitman wrote poems about intimacy with strangers today, he would totally write about drunk girls in bathrooms.

#crackhead academia #studentlifeproblems #university #writing #books & libraries #dark academia #light academia #academia aesthetic #academia #walt whitman

[crackheadacademia]

I don't know what my own love language is but I know for my friend, one important one is food. She's happy to see her friends eat, she will be excited to make food for her girlfriend and she is all soft and happy when she cooked and people enjoy the food.

She herself struggles to gain weight while I struggle to lose it but I encourage her everytime I can. I try to cook for her and I try to bring snacks with me because I know she struggles.

Even if its not my love language and I don't have a really good relationship with food, i try to learn for her and become better at it.

And she hates when I pay for food. Like legit, I get smacked and annoyed looks but I will not stop demanding to pay for us from time to time ♡

#love language #food #strugglinv #crackhead academia #trying to learn #food is my love language #snacks are my way to say I love you #and she smacks me when I buy dinner which is also really cute

[crackheadacademia]

Spank me daddy or in german

Schurigeln Sie mich, Väterchen.

#credits to my beautiful uni buddy #university #studentlifeproblems #legit dumbasses #we can never work together #darkacademia #acadamia comedy #crackhead academia #ahahahaha jk just messes #there is no academia left in my brain

[crackheadacademia]

me: please someone notice that im struggling and in dire need of someone to be here, please notice im not okay

also me when someone asks if everything is okay: YES IM GREAT so fun to live, how about you?

#why am i like this #hope my friends never find this acc #except for one person who is allowed #struggles #i will always say im okay #literally #I will lie in bed sobbing with a panic attack and tell my friend im doing Great #i wish i could freely express my feelings #BUT THERES NO WAY THAT SOUND SCARY MAN- NO.

[crackheadacademia]

When there is exactly ONE person that you want to talk to at the moment but they are NOT AVAILABLE because they have FRIENDS and GIRLFRIENDS and you're ANNOYED BECAUSE YOU DON'T AND YOU WANT THAT PERSON NOW.

Man I need a hug. or sleep. or food.

probably it's food

#hungry forever #I want a hug #jk i need it #still annoyed by my whole life #someone come pick me up #i wanna be five and have no problems except that jake that bitch stole my sand play thingies and i want them bacm #also WHERE IS THAT FRIEND SOMEONE SEND THEM OVER

[crackheadacademia]

less about external validation, more an interest of mine: I wonder constantly if I am attractive to people- do people wonder if they are attractive to me too? is that a thing?

[crackheadacademia]

LETS GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.

EVEN THO I LOVE SEEING PERCABETH ART OF THEM GETTING MARRIED.

THEY WOULD NOT MARRY EACH OTHER JUST TO SPITE HERA .

Thank you for listening

[crackheadacademia]

Probably not the first to think this but-

Jason Grace is Captain America. He is perfect and as fun as he can be in a group I'm not a fan of him as a person.

Percy Jackson is Iron Man. He is a sassy bitch and I love it and I'm here for it, not only in a group but also as a character himself.

#pjo #percy jackson #jason grace #avengers #marvel #rick riordan

[crackheadacademia]

I'm all for academic integrity and accurate citing until I change the access date in the footnote to make my professors think I didn't procrastinate

[crackheadacademia]

My uni buddy in a conversation about our program:

this university is my villain origin story.

this is my new life motto and you can't stop me

#university #studentlifeproblems #problems #villain #villain origin story #believe me it absolutely is #our program is messed up and i am suffering #this is not student problems #this is straight up student suffering

[crackheadacademia]

at some point i settled for less to be loved. and now I'm so used to it that I don't know anymore what I deserve

#late night thoughts #shower thoughts #deep shit #university #studentlifeproblems #not that funny lol #i tried #i hate this #and need more sleep #overthinking #everything

[crackheadacademia]

to the people who have to write their papers bc its still summer break here and uni sucks: GO GET IT DONE. SIT ON YOUR ASS AND WRITE THAT BITCH. DON'T BE ME. BE BETTER.

#university #studentlifeproblems #light academia #crackhead academia #academia #academia aesthetic #dark academia #grey academia #writing #papers #its still semester break here and i have 6 papers to write #i will most certainly die

[crackheadacademia]

I'm not really gen z, I'm not really a millenial, I'm somewhere in the middle and in despair. mostly despair-

#university #studentlifeproblems #light academia #crackhead academia #academia #dark academia #academia aesthetic #im a mess #aestethic #writing #sad #millenial #gen z #what the heck am i even tbh #honorary member of the black eyed peas

[crackheadacademia]

I'm so not ready for online lessons. I got so used to switching my camera off when I cry, HOW DOES ONE NOT CRY IN CLASS? TUTORIALS PLS??

#university #studentlifeproblems #crackhead academia #light academia #dark academia #academia #academia aesthetic #university makes me cry #how to not cry in class 101

[crackheadacademia]

can't decide if i wanna get a tattoo, move to a different country and start a new life, or just finish my bachelor. man. this is hard.

#university #studentlifeproblems #crackhead academia #at this point there is no crackhead more like depressed academia #what does a university look like on the inside i forgot #writing