dickssociation

[dickssociation]

why is the best DID representation in media always accidental. the moment they try to do it on purpose its just the evil alter trope again but the moment theyre not trying its like wow. how did you manage to get that accurate accidentally?

#did #dissociative identity disorder #cluster b #bpd #npd #aspd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #bpd info #actually borderline #neurodivergent #stigma

[dickssociation]

When personality disorders, specifically Cluster B’s, specifically BPD, is well-managed, so many of our impulses, overreactions, vindications, and irrational thoughts are held internally. Not allowing ourselves to act on our destructive tendencies is incredibly hard and isolating work.

I’ve been consciously working for a decade now to understand my disorder and help myself develop the skills and habits I need to survive. Sometimes it feels like growth, sometimes progress, sometimes simply maintaining, sometimes a devastating slip backwards. And the better I get, the more invisible my work becomes.

The more work you do, the better you get at it, the higher the bar is raised, the more people forget the person you’ve worked so hard not to be. People who have known me my whole life have told me that my diagnosis can’t possibly be correct, or that it can be chalked up to growing out of something; you’re just so well-adjusted now! This always triggers a defense mechanism, because, yes, technically I just barely meet the DSM criteria now, from an external perspective. Behaviorally, I’m cured (most days). Great, awesome, cool. I’m officially capable of being a productive member of society. But I have worked so hard and will continue working harder than any neurotypical can imagine just to keep my shit together.

I personally subscribe to the theory that BPD is nurture and nature, meaning that the seed was in fact planted into my DNA and then catalyzed by trauma and no amount of reconditioning can rewire how I think, feel, connect, perceive. I can develop coping mechanisms, I can change my habits, I can fill my life with wonderful people and wonderful things, but I will never understand what it’s like for these things to be easy. And sometimes I want some goddamn credit for doing them anyway when it would be so easy to stop stomping out the fires and just let everything burn down.

I sometimes get so angry that if someone even looks at me I'll want to inflict physical harm on them. It's very scary. It's so heavy, physically too. It makes my chest tight and my hands shake.

Sometimes I get so jealous of some being happy I want to ruin it for them. I have thoughts of being mean and being cruel and breaking all of my morals and beliefs. When I'm rejected I convince myself that I rejected the person or I make the person a villain in order to make the rejection hurt less.

These aren't traits I'm proud of. These aren't traits I was born with. I developed these in order to survive. I'm trying really hard to fix myself, without any help from anyone.

Cluster Bs aren't terrible monsters. We're hurting. And telling us that we are awful or comparing us to serial killers doesn't help. Playing with our heads, making us "crash", calling us over dramatic isn't going to help us.

Just saying.

#cluster b #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #implosive bpd #bpd #borderline #bpd support #borderline support

[dickssociation]

seriously like going outdoors & finding 3 nice flowers a day is as good a cure for Female Hysteria as a lobotomy

honestly the human brain is so small that you *will* forget how much beauty there is out there to experience unless you leave your house every three days. ik its fucked up but i promise its true

#bpd #borderline #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #actually borderline #actually bpd #cluster b

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Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) is not medically recognized, and therefore cannot be diagnosed by a mental health professional. The origin of the term is unclear, so it's impossible to say whether it was first coined to stigmatize or support BPD symptoms. It has only appeared in online spaces within the past decade, hasn't appeared in medical publications, and isn't used in clinical settings, so it essentially has to be chalked up to pop psychology. That being said, there's nothing wrong with labeling our symptoms with terms that help us rationalize them. If you identify with a term, "real" or not, that helps you communicate your feelings to your therapist or yourself, go for it.

As said in this article (one of the only credible sources referencing it), the symptoms of OLD are sometimes indicative of a personality, attachment, or anxiety disorder. Someone might have BPD, or they could be diagnosed with something else. If you identify with OLD, look into DSED, DPD, NPD, HPD, and separation anxiety disorder. If none of those fit, you may want to look into attachment styles, anxious or anxious-avoidant in particular. Disordered attachment styles don't come with a diagnosis, but that's okay. It still lends a direction for self-work.

What's most important to remember is that identifying too closely with a label can be dangerous. whether the label was created in good faith or not, whether it feels like reclaiming or not, whether it's diagnosable/diagnosed or not, please don't let a painful or disordered trait of yours define who you are, dictate your behavior, or justify any harm you may cause. A label is an explanation of how you think & feel, not an excuse to act on it. Hyperfixating on the traits that fit us neatly into a box often prevents us from looking at the full picture and focusing on recovery. The term "yandere" is often synonymous with "anti-recovery" in BPD spaces. It's largely due to the common romanticization of attachment-related symptoms in that community, which is honestly really sad. As long as you don't fall into that trap, make up & use whatever terms you'd like for yourself. They're yours.

hi, I saw a post that said something about you supporting "obsessive love disorder". I'd like to tell you that it's a fake disorder that was made to mock people with BPD as they more commonly have abandonment issues and idolize people (bad people or not). as someone with BPD, this is very harmful.

the yandere trope is also usually used to mock people with BPD and make them seem "crazy".

I have also asked my psychiatrist the last time I had an appointment if it was real just to make sure, and he told me it wasn't.

I- have BPD... I- can reclaim a term used against me. And also you can look into it(OLD) being looked into. Again, I know what the yandere trope is, I reclaim it because it has been used against me and I also BPD. Su good day? - 🍼

♡Reclamation♡

Tagging: @de-rune @silentfoxproductions @gender-mailman if they wanna help explain and expand on my points

#bpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #implosive bpd #old #obsessive love disorder #cluster b #yandere #bpd info #actually bpd

[dickssociation]

here's nearly a full day's worth - have fun crying ;)

do yall know any song my bpd ass could relate to? all i know is blank space and anti hero by taylor swift lmao

#quiet bpd #quiet borderline #bpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #cluster b #implosive borderline #implosive bpd

[dickssociation]

i don't think u can feel truly comfortable around a person unless u have traumabonded or run errands w them a few times. either one works.

#bpd #borderline #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #actually borderline #cluster b #trauma bonding

[dickssociation]

The thing about having a FP is that they will eventually be gone, ultimately by your hand or by their own. Then immediately you'll become aware of how few people came close to knowing them and adoring them in any way that comes close to how you did. You'll want to pour over every moment, every interaction, every word, every touch, over & over again. For months. For years. But the number of people who will can entertain you in that will dwindle until you're left with no one who truly remembers them, or cares to do so, except yourself. You'll still spend just as much time in your memories with them as you do in the present moment. Sometimes more. But one day, all of a sudden, you'll find yourself completely alone there, unable to finish the last detail of a story or place the exact color of their hair under city lights. No one will be able to help. No one will understand why they should. And that is the loneliest feeling I've ever found.

#bpd #borderline #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #cluster b #fp #favorite person

[dickssociation]

what “feeling better” can look like after using a coping technique:

beng able to get up and walk around safely

thinking/talking more clearly and lessening of brain fog

a willingness to re-engage with a situation/emotion (even with some reluctance)

ability to do a task you did not want to/could not do before

being able to plan and problem solve (even if you still don’t know what to do)

improved concentration/focus

more understanding of a situation

calmer and slower thoughts (rather than scattered thoughts/rumination)

slower heartbeat and breathing

faster heartbeat, if doing exercise, and momentum that gives you a chance to do a task before you sit down again

being able to sleep easier

an ability to look at the big picture and not get lost in the details

feeling that you can “manage”

ability to control outbursts/destructive behaviour or pause before acting

managing to stop crying

I think people tend to assume their mood is what will improve after trying coping techniques, however, your mood is not the full extent of your mental health, and it doesn’t totally define whether or not a technique has helped you. When disorders cause symptoms like chronic emptiness and low mood, it’s worthwhile to pay attention to your body and your abilities to look for signs of improvement, which can then have an affect on your mood in the long term.

#mental health #bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #bpd info #coping mechanisms

[dickssociation]

my phone broke on Xmas & I just remembered that desktop tumblr exists lmao

This is straying so far from the point of the post, but I’ll bite. Anywayyy, no, gaslighting doesn’t necessarily have to be intentional. It can be, ofc, but unintentional or unconscious manipulation is also possible, if not more common. There was a post floating around at some point about how most abusers aren’t aware enough of their actions to go “oh boy, what a lovely day to go abuse somone!” Generally, it isn’t a concerted effort to harm anyone else, but more of one to protect their own interests. In this case, that interest is their perception or judgement of reality, protected even at the expense of someone else’s. Just like other forms of abuse, sometimes it’s even an effort to protect the victim. If the gaslighter feels like the person they’re manipulating would be better off relying on the judgement of others, they’ll do their best to convince them of that. It’s obviously very wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s consciously insidious or inhuman.

The problem with categorizing emotional or mental abuse/manipulation as something that is inherent a Known Evil & Irrevocable Sin is that it puts people into camps of Innocent Victim & Eternally Damned Abuser. Basically a recreation of Catholic guilt. Really, anyone is capable of manipulating someone, just as anyone can be manipulated. You don’t need to consciously be committing atrocities to be an abuser any more than you need to agree to victimhood in order to be victimized. We all need to monitor our behavior and remain aware that even if we don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong, we’re still capable of doing damage. Even if we've never intended to harm others, we may still be doing it. We should take them seriously if they say that we’ve hurt them, or their feelings, or their sense of self-reliability.

Oh, and back to the original point, gaslighting is not a symptom of a personality disorder.

just because someone's wrong doesn't mean they're lying to you you, just because someone's lying to you doesn't mean they're gaslighting you, just because someone's gaslighting you doesn't mean it's intentional, and just because you think it's intentional doesn't mean that they have a personality disorder. hope that clears some things up. please learn what words mean before hurling them around our world all willy nilly.

TLDR: being wrong ≠ lying ≠ gaslighting ≠ intentionality ≠ having a personality disorder. this isn't hard stuff.

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #Borderline #cluster b #npd #aspd #actually borderline #abuse #manipulation #gaslighting

[dickssociation]

cluster b culture is basically becoming an amateur psychologist

.

#cluster b #npd #aspd #bpd #hpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #quiet borderline #quiet bpd #implosive bpd

[dickssociation]

just because someone's wrong doesn't mean they're lying to you you, just because someone's lying to you doesn't mean they're gaslighting you, just because someone's gaslighting you doesn't mean it's intentional, and just because you think it's intentional doesn't mean that they have a personality disorder. hope that clears some things up. please learn what words mean before hurling them around our world all willy nilly.

TLDR: being wrong ≠ lying ≠ gaslighting ≠ intentionality ≠ having a personality disorder. this isn't hard stuff.

#bpd #cluster b #implosive bpd #quiet bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #npd #hpd #aspd #quiet borderline #gaslighting #manipulation

[dickssociation]

do u think the folks on r/BPDLovedOnes or those narcissistic abuse truther insta page owners have ever even heard of Medscape? Pubmed? The NCBI?? or even smthn like Google Scholar that literally does all the work for you??? nah mate they just like to bitch bc someone hurt their feelings at some point & now they feel morally superior to The Mentally Sick & Twisted

I need u to stop blindly trusting youtube/tiktok lawyers and psychologists there is a reason why those freaks are on social media spreading false information instead of having papers published

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #bpd info #npd stigma #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narc abuse #narcissistic abuse #bpd abuse

[dickssociation]

i literally don't offer ppl food i make even when i made it partially 4 them as an act of love bc i feel Disgusting & Horrific if someone says no which is probably not a normal or healthy reaction but lmao whatevs if u wanna eat u gotta ask in this house

ive made peace with most of my mental illness shit but i need whoever invented rejection sensitive dysphoria to be in hell no matter what

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #rejection #rejection sensitive dysphoria

[dickssociation]

coukd you talk more abt skyland trail??!! i have bpd and am in res rn but got recommended to transfer to there instead :/

Oh man yes I can talk endlessly. I'm still really close with quite a few people who were there with me, so I'll try to bring their perspectives into it as well. I'm sure at least several of them would be willing to talk. DM me ♡

If anyone else wants more info on Skyland, let me know so I can add details specific to that special special place in the Unofficial Institutionalization Guide that I'll be working on for the next couple days.

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #bpd help #bpd info #institutionalization #skyland trail

[dickssociation]

I've never been in a CBT-exclusive program, but I've been in two for DBT, the first being outpatient and the next inpatient. As an offshoot of CBT, DBT is more geared towards "dramatic" emotional reaction control. It was designed for PWBPD by someone who chose to ignore the catylyzing significance of trauma in the development of BPD symptoms. It's also used for other people without a BPD Dx who display BPD traits, which means a lot of PWcPTSD end up admitted. Same principles, different focus, still ignoring a major (if not totally fundamental) component.

The OPP was led by a therapist who went off book a bit, and therefore was surprisingly trauma-focused, meaning I did fairly well in it. I could also work on regaining a sense of comfort & security at home with my mom, who was a very grounding figure in my life at the time. A lot of those skills were useful as a teenager who'd never had a formal introduction to healthy coping mechanisms for overwhelming emotions.

Then there was the inpatient experience three years later (Skyland Trail, in case anyone needs a reason to specifically avoid it). It took about three hours inside to realize that their entire program was designed for people who had singlehandedly fucked up their own lives past any point of recognition. And that's how they treated us. Every single one of us. There was absolutely no trauma care. If anything, their DBT groups served to teach victims how they should make amends with abusers. And guess what! There were lots of traumatized people there! Who were getting retraumatized just by being there! And this isn't an isolated incident! Every moderately-to-severely traumatized person I've ever seen enter a CBT or DBT inpatient program has only left with deeper wounds. I imagine this could work differently if they were receiving similtaneous prioritized trauma care administered by a specialist, or if they'd had years of it prior, but I don't really know. That's just not how mental healthcare is oriented here in the US under a regime of self-sufficiency & rugged individualism.

I have so much more to say about the rest of the institutionalization experience, and how to survive it, but I'll write up my own big scary post on that.

TLDR; If you're a victim of trauma, especially someone with a traumagenic disorder, please be careful with CBT & DBT programs, especially inpatient.

I still want to make a post about my issues with cognitive behavioral therapy but I never have the brainspace to organize those thoughts.

#CBT #Cognitive Behavioral Therapy #bpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive borderline #implosive bpd #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #cluster b #trauma #traumagenic #dbt #dialectical behavior therapy #institutionalization #bpd info #bpd support

[dickssociation]

it's loss & grief & clinging to both because they're the most real & reliable experiences in an existence without a baseline.

having bpd means missing people more than you could ever love the them & knowing that you'll have to live with that until you die.

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline

[dickssociation]

having bpd means missing people more than you could ever love them & knowing that you'll have to live with that until you die.

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline