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borderline-culture-is · 3 months

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bpd question, what exactly is splitting? i hear abt it a lot and i think i might have bpd but i can’t figure out what it is lmao

Splitting is an extreme change in thinking, and this can go both positive and negative (or black and white)

Splitting white is when you idealize and idolize someone, thinking they're the best person ever and nobody can ever compare to them, that they have no flaws, and that they'd never hurt you in any way, intentionally or unintentionally. That they always love you. They make you feel the happiest you've ever been.

Splitting black is the opposite of that. Devaluing someone, thinking that they're the worst person ever or that they've always hurt you. That they're so flawed beyond repair. That they never really loved you. Wanting to insult them and being so angry at them. Or being so distraught and depressed at the thought of them, feeling betrayed almost. Just a complete contrast to the highs you'd get from them.

You may notice it's similar to black and white thinking, but b&w thinking is in a general context, while splitting is specific to a person or group of people.

Hope that helps some!

- 🧨+🪶+🌸

#not culture #bpd questions #bpd info

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hauntedselves · 2 years

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Splitting in Personality Disorders

Splitting is often talked about in Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s also a feature of other PDs as well.

Splitting refers to when something triggers a switch in a person with a PD’s view of something or someone. This thing or person can be anything or anyone, from loved ones to concepts to items to themselves.

Splitting is a psychological defense against contradiction: if someone is good they can’t be bad, and vice versa. For example, because of childhood abuse, a person sees their mother (their abuser) as entirely bad and their father as entirely good. This keeps them from having to realise that their father may have been complicit in their abuse as well, and that their mother had other factors in her life (usually having been abused as well) that influenced her decision to abuse.

BPD:

In BPD, splitting is between seeing someone or thing as either all-good or all-bad. The classic example is splitting on a loved one, so that at one moment the borderline will see them as perfect, and after the split they see them as a waste of time.

Examples of splitting in BPD:

I love you / I hate you

I’m loved / I’m hated

My relationships are safe and secure / You’re going to abandon me

I want to be part of you / I can’t stand to be close to you

You are perfect / You are worthless

I’m a good, passive person / I’m bad and too angry

NPD:

In NPD, splitting happens on themselves and their self-image. They see themselves as perfect to cover up the feeling of being imperfect. When they face shame, which they are very sensitive to, they split on themselves and go into a shame/depression spiral. Or they may split on an idealised person and devalue them.

Examples of splitting in NPD:

I’m perfect / I’m worthless

You’re superior to me / I’m superior to you

I deserve everything / I deserve nothing

You admire me / You look down on me

SZPD:

In SZPD, schizoids split on their relationships between themselves and others. They fear becoming too close to people, so they withdraw and isolate themselves. They fear that, in becoming close, they’ll lose their autonomy and independence. But they also want close relationships, because it helps them feel more connected.

Examples of splitting in SZPD:

I have no human needs / I want to be human

I don’t need relationships / I want to feel close to someone

I am a slave to others / I am of no use to anyone

I’m isolated but in control / Others are in control of me

If I let myself be close to people I’ll lose myself / If I isolate I’ll lose the ability to connect

I haven’t been able to find anything on splitting in the other PDs, but I think it’d be very interesting to see if other PDs experience similar things too!

Sources:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptions: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety by Elinor Greenberg (2016)

@.schizotaxic’s The Superiority Complex Defence Mechanism post

#splitting #pd splitting #bpd splitting #bpd #bpd info #npd #npd info #szpd #szpd info #pd info

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dickssociation · 2 years

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ok but having bpd (esp quiet bpd which limits the externalization of our stupidly intense emotions) & having a playlist of songs that u can scream along to is one of the most powerful feelings is2g

throw ur hair around & feel all the chills & find solidarity w every mofo who has ever put their angst into music. music reduces cortisol & promotes dopamine production so having ur own lil dance party & moving ur bod while putting away laundry is literally j pumping urself w catharsis juice. being dramatic is fun & cool & good in the music world so u should let urself indulge in that sometimes :*)

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd support #bpd info #bpd help

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borderlinereminders · 2 years

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Honestly, all the coping skills in the world didn’t stop me from crying over a sandwich.

My partner and I are tight with money, kind of like everyone else. But we celebrated something today and had put a little money aside for this.

We went to get our food. I was so excited. It was an hour drive home and I waited so patiently and was so excited about my sandwich.

We get home and I have to eat my side dish first and save my favourite for last which was the sandwich. I like the side but I have to eat in order of least favourite to favourite.

By the time I get to my sandwich and open it, it’s wrong. See, my partner eats his sandwich first. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this…

He realizes when I do that he’s just eaten the last bite of my sandwich and I have his which I actually can’t eat because of the ingredients.

I felt so sad. And I wanted to cry. But I found myself trying to not cry. To try and rationalize and figure out why I was truly upset.

But here’s the thing. I was upset over the sandwich. There was no other reason. It was my reward that I’d waited for all week and was so excited for and it was gone. And even if we could rationalize getting me another, it was an hour drive away. It took me a bit to realize that I was trying to use the wrong skills to handle the situation. What I needed was to just feel it and cry about it.

I don’t know. I guess my point is that sometimes our feelings don’t make sense to us. And that’s okay. They’re still valid. I ended up crying over the sandwich. Was it something others would see as ridiculous? Probably. But it doesn’t change the fact that my feelings were real. And pretending they weren’t was just prolonging things for me. Maybe people tell us we shouldn’t cry over a sandwich, but that’s silly. Your feelings are valid even if they don’t make sense to you or others. If you need to cry over the sandwich, then cry over the sandwich. I promise you’re valid.

#personal #I hesitated to share this because I’m embarrassed about it #but you know what #I think the lesson here is important #and I wanted to share a little of myself with you #and not just rattle off skill info to you #also though #I didn’t once get mad or feel mad at my partner #which is so much progress from my bpd years ago!#I realized it was an accident and just allowed myself to feel sad #personal victory #late to tagging this #but #food mention

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radiostaticsmile · 1 month

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Safety and rapid attachment in BPD

People with BPD often form rapid and intense attachments to new people, and this can be especially intense when both people have BPD. These rapid attachments can be dangerous and painful, since you start to get very close to a person before seeing them in many situations and really knowing them. Most of the advice I have received as a person with BPD is to just avoid these kind of attachments. However, in my experience, that will just lead to me self-isolating, because I literally do not know how to make friends with a new person otherwise. I am sort of an all or nothing person, I can let myself talk about everything and be very familiar with someone or I can be entirely closed off and struggle to connect at all. Additionally, attachment to a new person in this intense fashion causes feelings of euphoria, which I think people with BPD should be allowed to enjoy.

Our goal should not be to have relationships that look like everyone else’s, even if that were possible, which I really do not think that it is. Forcing yourself not to have these attachments can be harmful. However, like I said, these kind of attachments can be dangerous, especially for people who are emotionally volatile like people with BPD are. So instead we need to focus on how to have these kind of attachments safely. The following is advice on how to do this, based on my own experience as a person with BPD who as experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly as a result of rapid intense attachment.

Possible results of attachment

There are three possible results of a rapid attachment. Knowing what all three of them are, and most importantly accepting that they may happen, is important in both keeping yourself safe and treating the person you are attached to well. When you are intensely attached and it is going well, it can feel like you can trust that person with your life, and it is going to last forever. It is not. The intense attachment phase will end, and it is important to know that. It is really a sad news, because it honestly is the best feeling in the world. Something being temporary doesn’t mean you shouldn't enjoy it, however. So enjoy your feelings, lean into them as much as the person you are with consents to it, but accept the that it is not a permanent state. Accepting this can help prevent a BPD crash when it does start to fade in intensity, and it can help you keep an eye out for signs that it is going to end badly.

So what are these three ways it can end?

1. The relationship cools down, but remains good.

This is the ideal! Yippee, you have yourself a new friend. You may miss the intense feelings you had in the beginning, but they can and will come back sometimes, especially if your relationship is kinky and you do a scenario lol. But you are unlikely to have that constant obsession feeling long term, it will come and go or it may stop and you will have a more regular relationship. It is okay to feel less intensely about the person! It doesn’t mean you don’t like them anymore, it just means that intensity is difficult to maintain for a long time!

One important thing to remember about this is that the person you are attaching to may reach this phase before you do! You may have been constantly messaging in the beginning, and now they are replying less often and doing other things. This does not mean they do not like you any more! BPD makes us very sensitive to rejection, and someone reaching this phase before you can hurt! But I promise everything is okay, and this is what you want to eventually happen, because it is what allows you to be able to have a sustainable long term relationship. Do some coping mechanism things while your person is busy, play your favorite games, talk to other friends, color or draw, whatever helps you feel better when you are down. Do not try to make the person talk to you more than is comfortable for them! This is crossing their boundaries and will either scare them away or damage them mentally.

2. The relationship fizzles or ends because of an incompatibility.

When forming an intense attachment, you tend to think about the other person 24/7. You form an idea of them in your head that you really like, but since you do not actually know them that well this idea may not actually match the reality of what that person is like. Sometimes after a bit one or both of you will realize you aren’t actually as compatible as you thought! This is okay! This is normal to happen when getting to know a new person, and you are still getting to know a new person even if they feel very familiar quickly! If this happens, it is important to learn to let the relationship go. Realize they aren’t the person you imagined, and don’t try to force them to change to be that person, and don’t try to convince yourself you still like them if you don’t. It is okay to thank them for the good time and part ways! Often this will just kinda be a fizzling in conversation and both people message less until you just kinda stop. You may need to let the other person know that you do not want the relationship to continue though if they are still interested but you are not. Tell them firmly but politely you are no longer interested. This can be scary but it is important to assert your boundaries! If they try to argue and continue when you are no longer interested, block them. No one is entitled to your time or affection!

3. Abuse and mistreatment.

This is the worst case scenario, and unfortunately it is not uncommon. When you attach to someone quickly, you can often make yourself vulnerable to someone when you don’t know them well yet. Personally, I think it is okay to share personal things quickly, since I do not know how to connect to people otherwise and have a bad sense of what is appropriate to talk about when. Instead, it is important to look for signs that the person is using the things you tell them against you. If you tell them something personal and they then use that to trigger you on purpose or control your behavior, run immediately.

In addition to those who are purposefully using your vulnerability to take advantage of you, there are people who will abuse you on accident. In my experience this is actually a lot more common, so it is important to look out for the signs. If someone is not respecting your boundaries, acting entitled to your time and attention when you are not able or not wanting to give it, or trying to change who you are or modify your behavior, run. And by modify your behavior I do not mean boundary setting or them asking you to treat them differently; that is normal relationship negotiation. I mean if someone is trying to get you to change your sleeping or eating habits for them, control who else you talk to, push you to do something you are not comfortable with, or just trying to control what you do when it has nothing to do with them. People can raise concerns if they are worried about you, but they should not be trying to force you to do anything.

Sometimes people think they are doing these things ‘for your own good’. It is for no ones good to have their autonomy taken away, or to live in fear of upsetting or disappointing another person, or to have to live up to impossible standards. Some people will do this because they cannot let go of the idea they made of you in their head, and are trying to make you into the person they wanted you to be. This is why it is so important not to try to force that onto someone; not only is it not going to work and you will be disappointed, You will be abusing them. DO NOT DO THIS!!! Learn to let go if you need to or accept them for who they actually are. This is so so so deeply important.

It can be difficult to admit when someone you like is abusing or mistreating you. After all, you like them a lot and they made you feel so good. You think maybe you can teach them how to treat you well. You can’t. Even if you could, it will hurt you the whole time. It is not your job. If someone starts to disrespect your boundaries, you gotta go. If they mess up a couple times and apologize, that is okay, but if they keep doing it thats no good, even if they apologize, because they are showing you they are not putting in the effort to change the behavior and not hurt you. I know it hurts and its hard and they will probably be mad and that makes it scary. You still gotta do it as soon as possible, the longer you stay the harder it will be. Its okay to block them on everything. Its okay to leave without explanation (though its nice to give one). YOUR SAFETY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEIR FEELINGS!

Other things to keep in mind

Honestly just keeping those three ending possibilities in mind and accepting the reality is the number one thing you must do to keep yourself safe in a rapid attachment relationship, but there are a few other things to keep in mind.

1. Boundary setting.

As I mentioned above, your boundaries are important! Setting clear boundaries and expectations for what you want out of the relationship, and leaving if the other person cannot respect that, will keep you safe and happy. Often I have been in an intense attachment relationship where I wanted it to be romantically kinky but not romantic, and the other person interprets romance where I did not intend it. Once this happened the other way around where I thought the relationship was romantic and the other person did not intend that. By being very clear about what you want, what you are open to, and what you are not open to, you can prevent pain and misunderstanding for both of you. It may feel a bit weird to talk about if you are open to dating or not early in a relationship where neither of you may really be planning on it, but it can honestly be useful for both people to know. If you ask about this and the person gets weirded out you can link them this essay to explain, lol.

2. Be careful about doing things that are hard to undo.

Speaking of dating, people who attach quickly will often also start dating quickly. THIS IS A BAD IDEA!!! I will not stop you, you can make your own decisions, but it is a lot more difficult and painful to end a relationship with an official dynamic like dating than it is to just stop talking to someone you are getting to know and don’t have an official relationship of any kind with. I know you feel very intensely and you feel like you love them and you will love them forever, but you might not! And if you do turn out to be perfect for each other long term you have plenty of time! It is okay to be fun and flirty, its ok to be horny and lovey, but please both be clear that you are not intending that to be an official relationship (see above point) and WAIT TO DATE.

(And don’t say that it is okay for them to tell their friends that you are their partner if you do not consider yourself so. I once told someone this because they said they just wanted an easier way to explain it to people, but then they took that and decided we were actually dating because of it, I didn’t know how to boundary set and say no, felt trapped and had to break up with a person I never intended to be dating. Do not confuse your terms!!)

I think that’s all. Please add on to this if I missed something you learned in your experience!!

#BPD #mental health #cluster b #relationships #essay #now broadcasting #personality disorders #actually bpd #safety #bpd help #info #bpd resource

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galadrail · 4 months

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I think neurodivergent people should make shows/podcasts/books with just "info dumping" in them.

I know that any neurodivergent will go straight to see it, especially since the name is short enough to be remembered.

In any case, I assume that neurodivergents should do their own thing like info dumping and other things that don't interest neurotypicals.

#infodump #info dumping #neurodivergent #adhd #actually adhd #borderline personality disorder #bpd #audhd #autism #neurotypical

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iiflywithmeii · 23 days

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new account, old one got terminated

☾ a lonely girly looking for new peoples to chat with ☾

✧ 21+ minors dni • tw, sh, bpd, ptsd, anxiety, depression, addiction, ed • semi nsfw • pls block don’t report ✧

✞ single ✞

۵ dms/submits or anons are open! i’m not online much, but i’ll always try to respond ۵

♢ i also have discord, iiflywithmeii, feel free to adds me ♢

taken emojis - 🥀🍰🕯️🍁✨🐈‍⬛

~ all my ex’s can’t forget me ~

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borderline-culture-is · 4 months

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Whats fp mean😭

FP means favorite person

A favorite person, or FP, is someone that (typically those with Cluster B PDs) have a very strong and/or unhealthy attachment to.

A FP can heavily affect many aspects of yourself and your life, some examples being

Your emotional state mostly or entirely depending on them

Your emotional state mostly or entirely depending on whether they talk to you or not

Them and/or their interests becoming ingrained into most/every aspect of your life

Your identity being mostly/entirely dependent or based off of their's

Becoming extremely fixated on them or nearly completely ignoring everyone else (for us it feels like tunnel vision of sorts or an extreme hyperfixation on them)

An FP can be anybody. You can have multiple FPs!

FPs DO NOT HAVE TO BE A CRUSH, PARTNER, OR ANY OTHER ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED PERSON. HAVING AN FP IS NOT AN INHERENTLY ROMANTIC THING!!!

#not culture #bpd info

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hauntedselves · 1 year

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Another thing, do you have any resources on NPD+BPD comorbidity? I looked and could only find "how to spot an abuser" articles.

people with NPD & BPD both need attention and validation from others, and have very fragile self-esteem

the reasons behind the need for attention is different: narcissists need to be reminded they’re important; borderlines need to be reminded they’re not going to be abandoned

someone with both would be very easily jealous

people with NPD are internally focused, while borderlines are externally focused

people with NPD have low empathy, people with BPD may have hyperempathy or fluctuating levels of empathy; someone with both will probably have low and/or fluctuating empathy

borderlines are impulsive, narcissists aren’t (though they may be when it comes to their self-image)

narcissists are prone to grandiosity & manipulation, and can have delusions of grandeur

both can have a need to be in control & are prone to eating disorders, depression, anxiety and emotional dysregulation

people with BPD have chronic feelings of emptiness, narcissists don’t outside of shame spirals (”narc crash”)

people with BPD have intense, volatile relationships, while people with NPD don’t; someone with both may have unstable relationships exacerbated by NPD superiority

both struggle a lot with keeping anger in check

narcissists put people in hierarchies, and borderlines tend to think they’re beneath people, so someone with both may think they are low on their hierarchy

people with BPD have difficulty planning for the future

both can have depression, suicidal thoughts, restlessness, and difficulties with self-identity and social relationships

shame is a hallmark of NPD, but also pops up in BPD a lot (thanks to trauma, splitting, mood swings, etc)

needing to see yourself as superior is more NPD, but again could also be part of mood swings & splitting in BPD

+ see also this post

#dogasks #npd #npd info #bpd #bpd info #pd comorbidity #c+p'd from another ask with the aspd parts removed lol #no bold #pd info

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dickssociation · 1 year

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coukd you talk more abt skyland trail??!! i have bpd and am in res rn but got recommended to transfer to there instead :/

Oh man yes I can talk endlessly. I'm still really close with quite a few people who were there with me, so I'll try to bring their perspectives into it as well. I'm sure at least several of them would be willing to talk. DM me ♡

If anyone else wants more info on Skyland, let me know so I can add details specific to that special special place in the Unofficial Institutionalization Guide that I'll be working on for the next couple days.

#bpd #borderline #quiet bpd #quiet borderline #borderline personality disorder #implosive bpd #bpd help #bpd info #institutionalization #skyland trail

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 10 months

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hi! so I'm questioning if I have NPD but whenever I do research, I always say that none of that seems like me (only like 2-3 symptoms) but going through your blog with people that have NPD, i always feel like someone finally understands (and a little called out)

but then I also feel like I'm not because I have BPD + DID so I don't really know if it's actually NPD if that makes sense (if this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it literally took me two days to build up to actually asking someone because I don't want to look like a clown for not knowing)

sorry if I'm taking up your time, I just wanted to know if you have any like... tips or something ^^;

heyo! if you don't fully meet the criteria but still have significant traits, you may be able to say you have BPD with NPD traits (correct me if i'm wrong, but i think you only need to meet 5 of the symptoms to meet the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria so 3 imo could signify traits)? even if you don't feel like that's true, BPD and NPD are in the same PD cluster and have overlapping symptoms so it may make sense that you as a pwBPD can relate to pwNPD in certain aspects.

imo, i feel that the DSM-5 criteria for NPD is particularly vague and hard to understand what it's asking/what it means at times, i've found this checklist helpful in the past if you would like to go over it. the information in it is pulled from the DSM-5 but it's more elaborated on.

#not culture #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #bpd #borderline personality disorder #info

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