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reality-exodus · 3 months

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BROKEN PROMISES

CH.2 a way out

Pairing: Jake Donfor x reader

Words: 1.5k

Check out the first chapter on my masterlist

It was over I pondered; this would be my end. The feeling of helplessness seemed to swallow my being, thankfully the common sense was slowly rising from the ocean of the panic that almost dominated my head. Michael Hanson was injured, shot two times by Dan. I stretch my back and I felt the figure behind me disorientating lightly, so I shoved my elbow to his side and I heard a groan and the grip around my neck loosened and I seized the opportunity to stepped away. I saw the man with the mask, it was loose over his head.

He only stared at me and I found myself taking steps backwards, away from him, he didn't react, he only sighed and slowly brought his hand in the back of his neck and gently started to remove the mask. I couldn't believe my eyes as the mask fell to the ground, the man without a face had two faces apparently...

"No" I breathed out.

"I am sorry Nellie" he mumbled and didn't attempt to move.

"You... You are sorry? This is all you have to say?" I yelled at him, I felt tears, I didn't know if it was from anger because I was outsmarted and played, from the betrayal I felt or the hurt... It was Richy, the person who was supposingly helped us get the legend, helped the rest hide. He attacked Jessy, twice... The person he was 'in love' with.

"You were right you know... About everything" He started off ignoring everything I was saying. "About everything pretty much, But you missed one thing. There were three people that night" He started saying and he slowly broke down as he narrated everything he did the past weeks, how he was with the girls the night of the accident, and how he lured Hannah to the Hanson residence. I was left looking at him, speechless. He didn't say anything, he couldn't.

His phone suddenly started to ring. I saw Jessy's picture. "I'd like to see how you will tell her. She was shattered when I told her what I saw happen to you..." I spoke.

"Leave" He stated and I laughed lightly at his demanding tone that seemed to be confident enough. "I was serious about the explosives you know..." he spoke and it felt like a punch in the throat. Jake, I had to reach him first, how could I forget him.

"One last thing..." I spoke "Why my number? Why me?" I asked loudly and he simply shook his head.

His gaze blank as he looked at me, his black eyes weren't cheerful and sweet as the way I had met him, he was dark now. He didn't speak, I walked towards him and pushed him. He took out a knife and placed it under my chin and I stayed still. "I wouldn't waste the few minutes I have left MC" He spoke and once he removed the knife from my neck, I took some steps backwards before finally running off that specific tunnel. I got notification on my phone, to join in Richy and Jessy's call. I was sad, she was crying hysterically her sobs echoing in my head. She definitely didn't deserve this, the hurt in her voice when she realized he marked her and attacked her, I was listening to them as I called Jake's name.

'Who else did you tell about the mine?' Alan asked through a text message. He hadn't realize where I was.

'Why do you ask?' I texted and paused, it sounded important and maybe if I moved the reception would be lost again.

'The FBI just arrived, and I do not think it is for Mrs. Donford...' he replied and I panicked.

"Shit shit shit" I repeated "Jake?" I yelled and texted him as well. My voice echoed as I decided to call him. It was the first time I did so, the circumstances didn't allow the butterflies to fly around, even though I had to admit there were plenty hints of enthusiasm and happiness despite the sticky situation we found ourselves into. A few seconds later I heard the Nokia 2000s ringtone, I couldn't help but giggle. My heart was beating fast and for several seconds I forgot about the explosives and the FBI. He was behind me.

I finished the call without turning around.

"Nellie" spoke Jake, his voice calm but shaky, echoing at the dark alley.

I slowly turned around and faced him, he looked oddly like Hannah in many ways but he also didn't. He was wearing a black hoodie with a star wars emblem and a jacket, I scanned his appearance unintentionally, I only had to take in his vision. He had brown hair, messy.

"What are you doing here? Nellie you said-." He begun to preach me and I simply run and wrapped my arms around his neck only to realize how much taller than me he actually is and more fit than his looks. I could tell he was caught off guard, he slowly wrapped his arms around me and held me close for some moments before a buzz on my phone struck me back on reality.

I pulled away. "Well, there's shitty signal. And I really had to talk to you... for several things that tend to get higher on the number each time I have a notification." I spoke and I saw his confused gaze at me as I was staring up at him. "First things first... Hannah is safe, out of here with Bloomgate." I announced and I saw the relief upon his features and I smiled at him.

"She is safe?" He asked and his voice was bass but soothing. "How about Richy?" Jake asked. I clenched my jaw, he slowly brought his hand on my chin wiping some blood. "You encountered Michael" He realized. "I came here, so I would keep you safe Nellie, so you wouldn't have to undergo even more danger. I can't have you running mindlessly into jeopardy." He spoke and I rolled my eyes. It felt oddly familiar.

"Michael is indeed dead, Richy is behind everything you know. But this doesn't really matter now does it? I mean, Friendly Bureau of Information is here and Richy also mentioned some explosives... and something about only a few minutes. So we can run so you can preach me about my carelessness and thank me about saving your life." I smiled, seeing his struggle to catch up with my sassy babbling, it was oddly satisfying

"We need to get out" Jake spoke and took my hand.

"You think?" I asked as I ran beside him holding his hand just as tight. "FYI we don't have to worry about Richy and Bloomgate" I smiled lightly.

"Oh I only have one fear right now. Trust me it neither of those." He said.

"Care to share your fears Jake?" I panted lightly as he paused the run abruptly looking at his map and I stumbled on his back before stopping myself.

"Left to the shafts." He spoke and took my hand again. "Getting you out of here. I offered to come so you would be safe." Stated Jake. His thoughts were stuck on getting me out of there and to be honest I do not know if this angered me or had me melt.

"Let's just say that I always am a step ahead of you." Said I and winked. I could tell he was mad despite his smile at my expression.

"Of course." He spoke and looked at me with maintaining his smile. Once his gaze was removed his jaw clenched.

We were running, our pants echoing in the narrow tunnels. His flashlight finally reached the ladder when massive sound was heard. I paused and looked behind us to see the rocks falling and a wave of fire approaching. The whole mine shook and we started running from the inevitable. Jake was holding my hand so tight, I felt that he would smash it.

A/N: Hey there readers thank you for reaching this point. I hope you liked the chapter, there will be more soon. I always appreciate comments (or dms if you are too shy) and impressions good or bad (as long as we are not mean to eachother) as they motivate me to keep going.

Have a good rest of the day or night and dont forget to take care of yourself.

Yours, silvermist

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brineffxiv · 1 year

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We gather in Limsa Lominsa, awaiting the boat that will take us to Sharlayan, where we will reunite with Krile and set about attempting to solve the many problems that face us.

Hoary Boulder and Coultenet stop by to see us off and to make sure we've got everyone's well wishes and assurances that they'll take care of things while we're gone. And so, with mixed feelings of excitement and trepidation, we set off!

Be still my heart! Is that the voice of Emet-Selch!?

It is him, isn't it?? Oh, I have missed you terribly. Are you narrating this expansion? How? You're dead. Oh, I might cry.

Oh no, now I'm definitely going to cry. Why is the sad music playing!?

Goodness, Tataru couldn't spring for a cabin? Even a bunk? We've just got to sleep here on the floor? Maybe I will go for that walk.

Uh...

Oh, my God.

Hydaelyn. I... have some questions. I feel. Somewhat betrayed. More so on behalf of my friends, than myself. For while it is true you have never - that I know of - done wrong by me, I have complaint over how you have treated my fellow warriors of light and your oracles.

A hard choice, to be sure, but I wanted to know more than I wanted to rage.

And now I wish I had chosen the other answer. No, it is not clear to me why now. Why not before, any of the times before? Why not tell us yourself? Why did you not reveal the truth about yourself and the "servants of darkness" ? Why did we have to find out from Emet-Selch what was really going on here? Don't you think that was a little bit important? If you wanted me to trust in you, why have you never been forthcoming with me?

No thanks to you.

And that's another thing. I realize, as a primal, you are bound by the desires of those who brought you forth, from that moment in time. But. What would be so bad about the restoration of the old world? The way we are supposed to be? Why fight so hard to preserve the broken remnants of an accident?

Now, certainly, in the present, we are peoples worthy of living on. But why initially? In the immediate aftermath of the sundering, before we had rebuilt, why not help put the world back together? Was your drive to subdue Zodiark so strong that you could not consider anything that would bring him power?

It seems to me, that as the fight went on, the Ascians became increasingly more in the wrong. But at the start. From where I stand. You were the villain.

Why do you value me so highly. That you would expend the effort to say these words to me when you left Ardbert to languish in perpetual solitary confinement for over a century? When you allowed a succession of Minfilias to fight and die without a word? When your neglect forced the champions of the First to turn to the Ascians for help to save their world? They gave their lives and you wouldn't even speak to them!

I am so mad. I am so very angry with you. I do not understand, and I am furious that you would expend the effort to speak with me just to tell me we're in danger. No duh. We've got a rogue Ascian determined to reenact the Final Days. A problem we wouldn't have if I hadn't gone and killed off the people who were keeping him in line.

If that's supposed to make sense to me I have to tell you it doesn't. How in the world am I supposed to find out what you promised in another age.

I can tell you care about me. You maybe even love me, as a mother should love a child. And I think there is a part of me that reciprocates. That Rhesh'a loves you too. But we cannot see past the injustice of it all. A mother should not pick favorites among her children.

Ahh and now we arrive at Sharlayan. Endwalker is shaping up to be a doozy; I'm already emotionally exhausted.

I am. Unprepared.

Eeee! New city! And Emet-Selch is introducing it to me! Happy happy day!

What happens if we get refused entry? Do we have to get back on the boat?

Right, got it. No talking about the Scions. My lips are zipped.

Ah, yes, I should get around to playing Eureka at some point...

Haha omg. That was... SO long ago. Even longer for G'raha. He went away and lived an entire life and more in the meantime.

I've always wondered what was behind the placements of Archon marks? Clearly the neck is standard, but Urianger chose to put his on his face for some reason? And the pictures I've seen of Louisoix show him with his on his forehead. Hmm... Things to think about.

Trust Fourchenault to have made things difficult. At least Alisaie and Alphinaud aren't precluded from entering. Thankfully it seems that being disowned didn't revoke their citizenship.

I am an Artisan, thank you very much. I didn't level all my DoH/DoL skills to 90 by Stormblood for nothing now.

AHAHAHA! Poor Estinien. He can't think of a job.

Thankfully, Krile arrives to the rescue. Estinien is officially a mercenary. And we are now free to explore Sharlayan, myself with G'raha and Krile in tow!

And here is where I must stop the post, as I have hit my max image allotment, lol. Welcome to Endwalker.

#ffxiv liveblog #rhesh'a tag #krile baldesion #hydaelyn #emet-selch #thancred waters #y'shtola rhul #estinien varlineau #g'raha tia #tataru taru #baseless speculation #thoughts on lore #i finally get to pick that bone with hydaelyn #it does not go well #endwalker

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sjsmith56 · 9 months

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The Stranger - Part 10, From There to Here - Bucky Barnes One Shots

Summary: An accident while on a mission in 1971 resets the Winter Soldier and he quickly begins remembering things. Determined to get away from HYDRA he is taken in by hippies in a commune.

Length: 6K

Characters: Winter Soldier / James, original characters (Seth, Summer, Tanner, and Tamsin), Winnifred Barnes

Warnings: Memories of torture, fear of capture, sadness, swearing, some violence.

Author notes: If the Winter Soldier was "reset" during a mission, he wouldn't be the Soldier anymore. He would be aware he was different. It seems logical that the serum, which constantly regenerated his physical injuries would likely regenerate his brain injuries during this time, restoring the synapses and brain cells that held his memories, allowing them to return. Perhaps the Soldier would take these opportunities to escape and try to get away from HYDRA, knowing in his core that they were evil and he wasn't. What if he could find a community that was accepting of him (even the arm), and would welcome him, being a place where James Bucky Barnes could re-emerge. In 1971, there were already such welcoming communities springing up as young people sought a different life than what their parents had. What if he stumbled onto one and found an environment that sped up the healing of his brain, allowing more of his past to emerge? He would feel part of something good, until they realized his presence would put them all in danger.

The cover of The Hobbit in the photo collage is from the 1966 edition, with Tolkien's own drawing as the cover.

<<Part 9

I woke up with a start, unfamiliar with my surroundings. It was dark, although a full moon was on the rise, and I was soaked. Understandable, considering I was lying on a sandbar in a river. Automatically my hand went to my side holster, finding it empty. My knife sheath was empty as well and I wondered what happened to my weapons. What happened to me? Calming myself I replayed what I could remember, tracking my target, lining him up in the sights, then just before I pulled the trigger an out of control car was on the bridge, aiming right at me and I jumped, landing a hundred feet below in the swift moving current that even with my strength was too much for me to handle. I had to abandon my rifle to stay afloat then the river bashed me against the bridge column, making my head ring like a bell. At that moment I realized something. The Asset wasn't there, it was just me, even though I wasn't sure who I was other than I wasn't him, and perhaps this time I could be free.

Quickly, I did a self-assessment, standing up and lifting my legs to see if there was anything too painful that would indicate an injury. Although I was sore there was nothing that felt broken. Whipping my metal arm around I felt it reset, then I looked at the sandbar I was on. It was long and narrow but near the end of it there was a gap of only ten feet or so to the shore. Stepping into the cold water I carefully waded through, pleased to see it was only a couple of feet deep in this location. It was easy to pull myself up into the brush along the river. Looking up at the night sky I located some constellations, smiling that I remembered them from my childhood. How did that memory suddenly come up? By their position it was after 24:00, if I was still in New York State. I knew that's where I was because they had programmed the optimal location to fire at the target while he had a drink in a golf course clubhouse beside the river, well within range of the rifle I was using.

I took stock of what my mission had been, trying to remember the details. The hit was supposed to be done by 20:00 and I was supposed to rendezvous with my handler at 21:00 at a clearing south of the bridge. The river flowed from northwest to southeast so I was east of my rendezvous site. A search party could already be looking for me. If I was going to get away this time, I needed to find shelter quickly, then deal with the food issue as I was already hungry.

Calming myself again I listened to the night sounds and became aware of a road, perhaps a couple of miles away. It wasn't busy so it wasn't the highway. Perhaps it would lead to a farm and I could hide out in a barn or shed. Heading towards the sounds of the occasional vehicle driving over the pavement I came to a road soon enough and watched for some time before running beside it close to the tree line. I wanted to get as far away north from where I woke up as they knew that I would take my shot from the bridge up river and would track me from that spot. Every time I heard a vehicle approaching my position I hid in the bushes, watching the faces of the people who were in the cars to see if any of them were my handler or the others, the recovery team they would send out after me. So far, the vehicle occupants seemed to be ordinary people. Up ahead I could see a battered sign and stood looking at it for a moment trying to figure out what it meant. There was a name ... Townsend ... then it said "Designed with you in mind." What did that mean?

I kept going on and had to cross over a bridge that spanned a wide but shallow river flowing to the east. While I was on it a vehicle came up behind me without me hearing it. It was obvious my body must be malfunctioning due to a head injury or lack of food, otherwise I should have heard it from some distance. It was all painted with bright colours and the word "Peace" was on the side. As it pulled up beside me the woman in the passenger seat rolled down the window and looked at me with concern. She was pretty, (how did I know that?) with long hair parted in the middle, wearing a head band.

"Are you alright?" she asked, then she noticed my arm. "Oh man, that's some metal arm. What mad scientist put that on you?"

I answered truthfully. "Dr. Zola. I don't feel well." I felt faint. I didn't like it as it made me weak and would expose me to capture.

She looked at the long-haired man driving the vehicle and he nodded his head. "Listen, we don't live too far. Why don't you come with us, and we'll give you some food and a place to sleep."

"Why would you do that?" I asked, puzzled. It didn't make sense.

She smiled. "You look like you need a hand. I'm Summer, this is Seth. What's your name?"

I looked at her and began to panic. It had been so long since I had thought of my name, even though I knew it was important to remember that part of me, and it just wasn't there. I began feeling hot, then dizzy, then everything went black.

🌼

He was being strapped into the machine. After his last mission he had refused to go back with the handler and they used the failsafe word on him, making him pass out. Now as he awakened, he knew what was coming and the dread began to fill his stomach. His mouth was dry, and he looked at the technician who was strapping his titanium arm down.

"Water, please," he whispered.

The man ignored him.

"Please, I need water," he said louder, and the man still ignored him but sped up his efforts to get him strapped down.

He was angry now. He was thirsty and all he wanted was some fucking water. Straining his arms, he ripped the strap off and grabbed the man around his throat, squeezing. The others started yelling but he just wanted his water.

"Water!" he yelled then the doctor was in front of him.

"Let the man go and I'll give you water," said the doctor, Zola. "Soldier, until you let him go you won't get anything."

He let the man go and watched as the technician crumpled to the ground. The others dragged him out of the way, and he watched someone bring a glass of water to the doctor, who held it like a precious commodity.

"Soldier, what is your name?" asked the doctor in that voice of his. "Tell me your name and I'll give you the water."

James, he wanted to say James, but he knew if he did, they would hurt him, and he really wanted the water. He looked at the doctor and whispered.

"Soldier."

"Very good." The water was handed to him, and he greedily drank it down. "Now, let the technicians strap you back in."

He handed the glass back and put his arms into place, keeping his eyes on the doctor. Then a mouth guard was put into his mouth and the head piece was lowered onto him as the whir of the machine started up. His anxiety went up as he knew it would hurt but this is what always happened after a mission. It was part of his life.

🌼

I woke up and panicked for a moment as I didn't recognize where I was. I wasn't in restraints, so I wasn't a prisoner. Then I heard the sound of children laughing and playing outside the window and I relaxed slightly, taking in the room where I was. I was lying in a bed, with a pillow and a quilt. I was also undressed, and when I looked under the quilt, I saw that I was naked. Scanning the room, I looked for my clothes, but they weren't there. Instead, there was a soft tunic and some pants, folded up and left on a chair. Assuming they were for me I put them on, finding them odd but not unpleasant to wear. They were certainly different from my normal uniform and were totally unsuitable for what I did for HYDRA. Then I remembered, I didn't want to be with HYDRA anymore and I smiled, because I had also remembered my name, my given name, James. My boots were still there, and I slipped them on but didn't tuck my pants into them like I normally did. The wide legs at the bottom of the pants would make it difficult anyways. Just as I put my hand on the doorknob there was a soft knock and it opened from the outside. The man who was driving the van during the night was there and he smiled at me.

"Hey, you're awake," said the man. "Come, we have some breakfast ready for everyone. You remember I'm Seth?"

"My name is James," I said proudly and stepped out into the morning sun. "Where am I?"

"Well, about ten years ago it was a place called Townsend, but they lost the only source of work in town when it went out of business, so we pooled our money and bought a couple of sections of land. We call it Eden."

"I saw a sign for Townsend on the road," I replied, as we walked. "It said "Designed with you in mind."

"Yeah, the owners of the factory built it here after the war because the land was cheap but they couldn't get others to live in the town they built because there was nothing else for them. No one wants to live in a town where there is nothing to do."

"Why do you live here then?" I asked, as I didn't understand why they would live in a place no one else wanted to.

Seth laughed, apparently humoured by my question. "We like it quiet. We came to escape the rat race, live a pure life off the land, growing our own vegetables, raising our kids in peace and freedom. We're a commune, man. It's a good life."

Soon we arrived at another building and Seth stood back to let me enter ahead of him. Normally I would have been suspicious of such a move but Seth had given no indication of subterfuge or falseness, so I entered the doorway and was greeted by many of the adults in the room who were helping to put food out on the large table. There were at least a dozen adults and many children of various ages. Normally I would have assessed every single person in there for their threat to me but there were no indications from any of them that they would be hostile to me so I stopped assessing them quickly. At first I felt self-conscious but no one seemed to think there was anything different about me, they just continued to get the meal ready. Seth motioned to a seat, and I sat down. A memory of a similar event where a large group of people sat down to eat came to mind, but it was gone just as quickly. The others sat down with their children close by and they all looked to Seth, so I did as well.

"Welcome to our new friend, James," he said. "We chose to live in Eden in harmony with nature and with good will to anyone who needs a helping hand. James looked like he needed help last night and we're honoured to have him join us today. Dig in everyone."

Watching the others carefully I helped myself to the food, not taking too much even though I was very hungry. Something in me, a memory maybe, said to make sure everyone got what they wanted first before I could have seconds. Summer and another woman went to the stove, and each brought a pot of coffee pouring it out to all the adults. With a start I realized that Summer was very pregnant. While the two women poured, a couple of the men did the same with jugs of milk, pouring it out for the children then leaving it on the table for people to use in their coffee. The coffee smell was amazing, and another memory came unbidden into my mind of an older woman pouring some for me as I wore dark work clothes. Who she was wasn't clear but the thought that perhaps she was my mother persisted. I took a sip of it and savoured the familiar taste as it went down my throat. Eagerly I dug into my food, finding it somewhat plain but hearty. When I finished my plate another man, Tanner, lifted a basket of bread and offered it to me.

"Have some more, James," he said, smiling. "We have lots of food and you look like you're still hungry."

"Thank you," I replied automatically, wondering where that came from, taking the bread and other foods that were offered to me. "I hadn't eaten for a couple of days."

"Where do you come from?" asked Summer, her kind eyes were gazing at me.

"I...I don't remember. Since the war, my memories...."

The others nodded in understanding. "That explains it," said Seth. "You lost your arm in the war?"

"Yes," I replied. "I remember falling from a train."

"Bummer, man," said another woman, Tamsin was what they called her. "I washed your clothes and they're hanging on the line. They're very... military."

"It's all I had to wear," I explained. "They wouldn't let me wear anything else."

"Who is they?" asked Seth, curious. I felt my face turn red and looked away, unsure if I should tell them about HYDRA. They might not like me if they knew what I did for them. Seth smiled. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. The war fucked up a lot of guys. We know that. We understand."

After everyone finished eating Seth looked at Summer and she nodded. He stood up, signalling to the others that breakfast was done, so I stood up with them.

"We have some work to do," said Seth. "We're clearing some brush to build another residence. Would you like to help? You look like you're strong."

Agreeing, I walked with them out to an area where they had cut some trees down. There were stumps in the ground and I could see that they were digging out the stumps by hand. Taking my shirt off without even thinking, I took a spade and began to dig under a stump as Seth explained they wanted to weaken the root system then use their horses to pull the stumps out. Nothing would go to waste as they would cut the stumps apart and stack the wood for their fireplaces and stoves. As I began digging the others were impressed with how I could use my metal arm. I hadn't even thought of the arm when I took my shirt off and no one said anything about how it looked other than most people with prosthetic arms had something much more basic. I kept digging, until a couple of the women brought out jugs of water and mugs for us to drink out of. Seeing some of the other men throw the water on their faces I followed suit and cooled off a little in the warm sun by wetting my head. Returning to my spade after drinking my fill I began digging in another area, undermining the root system. Just before we broke for lunch Seth took a closer look at our progress.

"I think we can harness the horses up after lunch and try to pull it out," he said. "Some of us can start on the next stump and we might be able to get that one pulled out before supper."

"Can I try something?" I asked, knowing I was strong enough to pull the stump out.

Seth nodded and watched as I went over to the stump and stood in one of the holes that we had created. Placing my hands under two of the sections that had been uncovered I began to lift the massive piece of wood. The others watched as some of the roots began to snap then the stump moved up. Seth jumped down next to me along with a couple of other guys and together we pulled the stump up until it was partially free. Then I stepped back, looked at the different parts of it then repositioned my hands and began to push it over. The others pushed with me and with a collective groan of effort the four of us pushed the stump over, freeing it from the root system still in the ground. I stepped back as the others patted me on the back.

"How strong are you?" asked Seth. "I've never seen anyone do that before."

"I can lift about 250 kilograms," I replied. No one said anything about me using kilograms but they did look at each other as if they didn't understand and I realized that they probably didn't know that measurement of weight. "550 pounds about."

"You're a big guy but you don't look that strong and with your artificial arm I wouldn't think it possible," said Seth. "James, did the army experiment on you?"

"Not the army, HYDRA," I replied, without thinking. "They took me captive in 1945."

The other men all looked at each other, unsure of my declaration.

"James, how old are you?" asked Seth.

"What year is it?" I countered. "I wasn't allowed to know."

"1971," replied one of the other guys.

I took a breath and looked around at all of them. The truth was the best thing to tell them. "I think I was born in 1917. That makes me 54."

I could tell they didn't believe me, but I didn't care. It felt good to tell someone. Just being out in the sunlight, with my shirt off, hearing the birds, and feeling the breeze on my skin was glorious.

"When we asked you about the war, we thought you were a Vietnam War veteran," said Seth, trying to understand what was happening. "What war were you in?"

"The war against Germany," I answered, sure of that. "I was a sergeant, I think. My memories are all jumbled. I fell from a train and the Nazis or maybe the Russians found me. That memory is still unclear, but they took me somewhere, gave me to HYDRA. They did things to me, wiping my memory, injecting me with a serum, rebuilt my shoulder and gave me this arm so they could make me do things for them."

"What kind of things?" asked Tanner.

"Killing people," I said, quietly, almost holding my breath. "I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to go back. They hurt me when I remember things from my old life, and when I don't cooperate. Can I stay here, with you? I like it here. You're all so kind."

The other men looked at each other and I wondered if I had told them too much because they didn't look happy. Their response bothered me and I lowered my eyes, fidgeting with my hands as I suddenly felt anxious.

"James," said Seth gently. "We'll have to talk with the others about what you told us. Are you okay with that?"

I nodded. "I never wanted to be this way. They experimented on me. I don't like doing it and it gives me nightmares."

"It's okay," said Seth. "I'm a vet. I was in Vietnam, and I know I did some things that I'm not proud of." He thought for a moment. "James, the people who make you do this – do they know where you are?"

"No, I was preparing for a target when I had to jump off a bridge to avoid being hit by a car and I was swept away in the river. I came to on a sandbar downstream and took my chance to escape. They may come looking for me."

Seth nodded and put his hand on my shoulder. "Because this is a commune it means all the adults have an equal vote on important decisions. Letting you stay will have to go to a vote. I want you to tell your story to the others, then we'll discuss it and decide."

"I understand," I replied, standing as tall as I could. "If you decide it's too dangerous to let me stay then I'll leave. But if you let me stay, I promise to protect you as if you were my family. I would never let anyone hurt any of you or the children."

We went back to the dining hall and sat down for lunch. No one said anything but I could feel an undercurrent of caution around me. Not that I blamed them as I knew if HYDRA came here, they would hurt or perhaps even kill them, and I couldn't bear the thought of anything bad happening to these good people who had taken me in. When I left to use the bathroom, I wondered if they would say anything while I was gone. On my way back I saw all the children were outside and felt certain that the others waited inside for me to tell my story. My instincts were right, and I didn't sit down when I entered the dining hall. Instead, I stood beside my chair and told them everything I remembered so far. They asked questions about the serum and HYDRA which I answered as best as I could remember. Their faces were at least sympathetic to me, and I took hope from that, but I also knew they had to make the best decision for all of them.

"I'm going back to the other stump and dig at it," I said when I was finished talking. "Whatever you decide I thank you for taking care of me and being so kind. I wasn't expecting it."

Leaving them I walked out to the stump, picking up the spade from where I left it. Then I began digging the dirt from the other stump, attacking it with as much energy as I could manage. The time flew by, and I got half of the dirt from under the stump dug out when I saw Seth walking alone over the field towards me. His face didn't look happy, and I felt my hopes dwindle. When he arrived, he put his hand on my shoulder then sat on the ground, motioning for me to sit with him.

"They're afraid," he said. "We came here to escape war and violence, and they're worried that if these others come looking for you, they'll hurt us for helping you."

"They're right," I admitted. "They are vicious people. They have killed for no reason at all."

"We don't want to leave you helpless," said Seth, "so Summer and I will drive you wherever you want to go. We'll give you some food and money. If I were you, I would try to find my folks but I'm guessing yours might be dead. Is there anyone in the army that might help you? Someone you served with?"

"I wouldn't know where to find them," I said, then I smiled at Seth. "It's alright. Even just being here with you for a few hours has been ... wonderful. It made me remember something my mother would say during the Depression. I can't clearly remember her face, but I remember her saying "Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice."

Seth smiled, a sad but gentle smile. "I think it's one of the Psalms," he said. "Lapsed Catholic. I voted for you to stay, James. So did Summer. Whatever they did to you to make you into their killer, it's not who you are, the you inside. I see a quiet and gentle man who freely helped when he was asked. I hope you are able to stay free. Come on back, have a shower, and we'll look at the map to see where we can drive you tomorrow."

Together we went back, and I showered, washing my hair and remembering how the attendants in HYDRA did it for me. It was a pleasant experience to do it for myself, and I tried to commit it to my memory, knowing there was a place deep inside that HYDRA hadn't yet broken. It was where my memories went to hide lying dormant until one or more of them would bubble up to the surface of my consciousness. I wanted this memory of being in this place, with these people, to go there. Wrapping the towel around my waist I stepped out of the shower room then went to the room where I slept. There were more clean clothes for me, and I put them on, accepting it would be the last time I would wear normal people clothes. Seth and Summer were waiting in the dining hall, and they had a map out between them.

"You have a Brooklyn accent," said Seth. "Tamsin is from there and she figured you might want to get there, see if your folks are still alive. We can take you to Albany and help you buy a bus ticket."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," I replied then looked all around me at the dining hall. "You have a nice place here. I didn't know there were such things as communes."

"Well, there probably weren't any hippies around in the 1940s," smiled Seth. "If you find your folks tell them that if there weren't bad people looking for you, we would have welcomed you to stay. It's just too dangerous for our children."

For the rest of the afternoon, I sat outside in the shade with Seth and the others, having a beer, watching the children play, enjoying their joyous laughter. It was peaceful and I wished with all of my heart that I could have stayed here with these kind people. After dinner I returned to my room and found my Asset clothes there, folded up neatly on the chair. I stripped down and got into bed, turning out the light and laid there in the dark willing sleep to come. Eventually it did.

In the morning I put the Asset clothes on, but left the holster and knife sheath off as I had nothing to put in them. As I dressed, I became more and more sad with each piece of clothing from my past, knowing they were made for one purpose, to kill people. On the back of the chair where my clothes were was a jacket and I smiled, realizing they wanted me to be able to hide my arm when I left. It might allow me a better opportunity to get to New York.

What Seth said about my folks resonated with me. They might still be alive, might still be in their house in Brooklyn. It was worth it to me to try and find them, just so they knew I was alive. Once Seth had voiced that idea the memories had percolated up from my mind and I was sure I could find my way to them, once I got there. Running my hands through my hair I stood up tall, took a deep breath then stepped out the door to where Seth and Summer were waiting. We had a quick breakfast then after the others said goodbye we went to the van.

Summer slid the sliding door of the VW van open, and I stepped inside, sitting on one of the seats in the back. She and Seth got in the front, and we were soon on our way. An hour later we pulled into the parking lot across from the bus station at Albany. Seth purchased a bus ticket to Brooklyn and came over to where Summer and I were waiting. She handed me a cloth bag that I slung over my shoulder. Inside was food, some hand knit socks, and a book, The Hobbit, for me to read on the bus. That book sparked another memory for me, as it was a book I remembered I liked reading. I put the holster and sheath inside the bag. Seth gave me the bus ticket then with an encouraging nod from Summer he pulled out some cash and pressed it into my hand.

"Good luck, James," he said, with some emotion. "I hope you find peace. I think you are a peaceful man at heart. Be careful."

"I will," I replied, hugging Seth first then Summer. "Good luck with the baby. Thank you."

A call for the bus came over the loudspeaker and I walked to the gate showing my ticket. I stepped on the bus and found a seat near the emergency window, in case I had to leave the bus quickly. Everyone that stepped on the bus underwent my scrutiny, but I didn't feel any sense of anxiety over any of them. They were all just people heading to New York City. When the bus pulled out of the garage, I saw Seth and Summer watching for me and waved then settled back in my seat.

I didn't read the book that they put into my bag because I was more interested in seeing the outside world, at how much it had changed since I was younger. The cars were different, people definitely dressed different and there was more of a sense of hurry as the highway seemed full of vehicles of all shapes and sizes. Gradually the skyline of New York came into view, and I found myself anticipating what it would be like as we got closer. As the Soldier I was sure I had been there to complete an assignment, but I was never given the opportunity to just look at things for the sake of looking.

As the bus drove deeper into the city, I marvelled at all the taller buildings that were now there although I could still see the Empire State Building, pleased to know it was still standing. The bus pulled into a depot, and everyone was told to disembark. Those going on to Brooklyn had to change to a different bus. I followed the others and was directed to another bus. As I walked, I saw a man watching me intently and felt the first indications that this might have been a mistake.

"When does the bus leave?" I asked the driver of the next bus before stepping on. "Do I have time to use the men's room?"

"Sure, kid," he said. "You got ten minutes."

The driver turned to the next passenger and quickly I went to the men's room, stepping into a stall. Looking at the toilet paper I grabbed some and twisted it into a shape that I could insert into my ears to block out the words. I couldn't let them say anything to me, not the failsafe, and not the other words, the ones that would bring out the Asset. Patiently I waited for the man who had been watching me enter the rest room, peering at him through the crack in the door. When the man stopped, I opened the stall door, grabbed him by the throat and head butted him, knocking him out, dragging him inside and sitting him on the toilet. Searching him, I found a gun and a knife, placing them inside the cloth bag. Then I found the man's wallet and took the cash out, placing the wallet back in the man's jacket. After checking myself in the mirror, satisfied that I hadn't cut open my forehead, I left the restroom, and quickly boarded the bus, just before it left the station. No one on the bus took any notice of me and I was satisfied that I was safe once again.

Forty-five minutes later the bus pulled into the Brooklyn depot, and I exited the bus, looking carefully at anyone who looked in my direction. Seeing a couple of men, dressed in black, carefully scanning the passengers at that exit I stepped back, going behind the bus and exited from the bus exit. Looking up at the street signs I oriented myself and smiled. Brooklyn had changed but it was still my old neighbourhood. I knew exactly where I was and where I had to go. For the next few hours, I took a roundabout way to my parent's house, using the alleys and hopping fences. Just before dark I found the street and went into the back of the first row house, jumping over the fences into the yards. Finally, I arrived at the back yard of my parent's brownstone and crept up the back steps to the stoop, looking in the window of the kitchen, while keeping my face hidden in the shadow.

There was an old woman in there and when she turned I gasped, almost to the point of crying, at seeing the aged face of my mother. She was making a cup of tea and I watched as her shaky hands poured the boiling water from the tea kettle into a cup with a tea bag in it. A cough overtook her and she bent over until she caught her breath again. For a second I touched the door handle to open it then she picked up her mug and walked out of the kitchen, turning the light off as she left, shuffling her way to the parlour where I could see the glow from a television. She had a television, something that was new and different when I first saw it at the New York World's Fair in 1939. Slowly she sat in a chair and I withdrew my hand from the door. As much as I wanted to talk to her and hold her I knew my presence put her in danger. This glimpse of her would have to suffice.

Quietly I sat on the stoop and ate the food that Summer gave me. Next, I pulled out the book and cash, slipping the bills inside the pages. Searching the bag unsuccessfully for a pen or pencil I looked at the book smiling at the inscription already written. "To James, May you be free to find your own Eden. Seth and Summer." Perhaps Ma would figure it out. Quietly I put it inside the screen door, along with the hand knit socks. Taking the holster and sheath from the bag, I fastened them on then inserted the gun and the knife into them. Leaving the cloth bag on the stoop I went down into the yard and looked up at the sky, having a brief memory of me and Steve doing it when we were boys. Steve, I remembered Steve. Taking in deep but ragged breaths I savoured those muddled memories that came and went randomly. With determination I hopped over the fences to get back to the street and began to run. They would find me eventually, of that I was certain, but I wasn't going to make it easy for them. I was the Asset, after all, and I knew how to evade capture.

Please like, comment, and reblog if you liked this one shot.

Part 11>>

Series Masterlist

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #winnifred barnes #winter soldier #hippies #commune #hydra

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 years

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hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

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knifefightscene · 11 months

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not entirely sure how this will be received but. Sometimes you are in your own way. To me that’s such a fucked yo and hard thing to hear, as someone who’s gone through abuse and other traumatic things. I didn’t want to admit that I have responsibility in my own mental well being (Which should be an empowering thing, if you think about it) I think for so long I felt as though I was a culmination of things that happened to me, and that I would always be. But the reality is that no one sees that when they see you. No one knows your pain but you. You’re a clean slate to everyone you know, and more importantly, people will just think you’re quite and that’s that. People have their own lines of rumination and lines of mental jargon going on to keep tabs about “What’s wrong/bad abt you”. Allow yourself to exist and let yourself be free of negative self thinking cycles if that’s what’s in your way. I’m in no way free of this myself but I’ve had time to actually realize my own part in staying in a mindset that does not serve me, or is remotely true. I use to not be able to leave my house and up until recently have a job where I was around anyone because I was so afraid of people and felt so horribly mentally that I thought that they MUST know that I was fuxked up and not someone they would want to talk to. But the reality was they didn’t know any of that, I was closing myself off to people and made myself unapproachable which fed into the “No one likes me/no one wants to talk to me” and it’s still so hard but changing how I behave and learning to ignore biased negative thoughts bout myself has really lessened the stress and depression that I had. Another thing is, that depression is symptom that can come from so many diff scenarios (In my case my depression was due to my extreme anxiety) but in other peoples cases it is genetic, (My boyfriends cousin has dealt w/ being severely suicidal most of her life and is now doing amazing by finding meds that work for her) and ofc evironmwntal factors/trauma. Whatever the case it’s horrible for someone to have to experience but what’s worse is believing that there’s no way it could get better, I honestly think this prolongs it but it’s hard to accept or see that type of reality if it’s not worked on. And this doesn’t magically happen. Once you begin to even try to think things can be better or that you could shape your behaviors differently than how you have been it’s going to feel fake. It’s going to feel uncomfortable and unreal and when I was told this advice by my therapist I just didn’t believe him and it made me angry to be honest. I was like. that just sounds like the stupidest fake shit I ever heard. And it did feel like that. I’m still dealing w/ a lot of things like housing insecurity + being post car accident but I can’t imagine how I would be doing if I hadn’t at least done these things. This isn’t supposed to be mean btw I know it might not be something you’d like to hear but seeing your posts transported me to before I had done these things and I just wanted to pass this on, I really believe you won’t feel this way forever. ok i’m fucking awf now

I feel like you’re telling me to be one of those manifestation girl and i am sorry it is not for me. Being delusional is more painful than depression and sadness can ever be.

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possessionisamyth · 1 year

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things i need to unpack

-the gender thing

I remember bringing up the possibility of talking T to a sister in university to which she immediately dissauded me saying i didn't need it and shouldn't do that, no idea what her intentions were or if she was trying to be supportive but i guilted that idea out of me by doing research and convincing myself its not worth the effort, i still dont know if i think its worth the effort or not, but i do need to sort through this

i also remember discovering the term androgynous and running with it only for a group of well meaning friends to further prod me on the definition as if that weren't enough (this was during the time where a bunch of lgbt terms were being brought back into the normal language while others where being created) so I don't blame them but it did kinda make me hate labels if mentioning one meant id be asked to constantly elaborate

-the sexuality thing

I floated between a lot of labels as i was learning them, the first one being bisexual since in highschool there was only gay straight or bi, and a lot of queer online discussion changed between me graduating high school and me leaving university

did latch onto the term "demisexual" when it dropped because it felt like me, but was questioned again when trying to explain it and was told "isnt that just what everyone does?" didn't take this response as maybe they were on the same wavelength and proceeded to have the most uncomfortable and irritated relationship with the concept of asexuality ever since, resorted to sorting myself into simply having a low sex drive and maybe not having met the right person yet, didn't help that the people i was dating or interested in at the time were all some level of shitty or uncommunicative sometimes with the bonus of expectations on me I couldn't meet

realizing now that ive guilted myself out of the idea and it just mixed in with my weird and fluctuating relationship with my body making me feel justified for being a dick

-other thoughts

Also realizing now my people pleasing habits, desire to not be a burden on anyone, and letting my own feelings be ignored or bottled up for the sake of other people's comforts did just as much hindrance for my personal journey as learning all the new information helped said journey

i lashed out at people i shouldn't have, over stepped boundaries i didn't comprehend, and came off all wrong when i was learning to set my own boundaries and trying to hate myself less, there were a lot of pivots trying to curb that self hatred, some better than others, others that resulted in me having to navigate around these coping methods i no longer need and no longer help me

I think i do have a lot of unspoken anxiety about whether im allowed to be angry or sad or upset about myself and my relationships because there have been many times where i try to voice those feelings and I'm told I shouldn't respond that way, and ive unfortunately done the same to others, and i think i do need to let myself sit in my bad moods so i can actually process them instead of trying to constantly shove it to the back of my mind and pretend it isnt there

and i can recognize ive said things that have hurt people or made them upset because of all of this shit ive listed and i cant go back and fix most of it because my running into those people are very slim and thats just the nature of life

But, i think to really sort of heal I'll need to start saying whats for me and that what i say is enough

So I think i am demisexual and androgynous nonbinary and I think if i ever want to start taking T that'll be my decision and no one elses and i still have to unpack the baggage and the guilt but i can keep moving forward, and if those labels change than thats good too and it wont be because someone else made me feel bad directly or by accident for making a decision

#aris advents #gender stuff #body stuff

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rgbyshipper101 · 1 year

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Animaniacs Reboot Season 3 Episode 1 Review

I’m rewatching the episodes for accuracy but only for the Warners. I don’t know P&TB that well to accurately judge them so I’m not worried about them.

I’m gonna do a play by play then an actual review.

The theme song has the contract say 10/13 episodes. Funny. The variable verse is “excessive spit takey” said by Yakko.

Previously On retells the last episode of season 2 with Yakko doing spit takes. Then the cup does a Yakko spit take. Lol

Banana computer! The fact that it’s off-center bothers me.

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot

I’m gonna combine parts 1 and 2 of the Warners.

Ralph seems to enjoy being in charge of the studio. Good for him. He deserves it. He is on a no meat diet, though? And he has to watch meat movies? Sadistic, much, Flora Dora? That’s probably why he goes insane later when the Warners steal his sandwich.

Meatball Man is probably a play on Batman/Marvel/DC movies. Pasta la pizza, gravy is pretty clever. Although how come he is the only one that’s actually meat (I think)? The sausages are humans or aliens dressed as meat.

Nora ends up quitting and becomes the security guard. How is she writing on her laptop? Touchscreen? I do like how both Flora Dora and Nora’s cats have the same hairstyle as them. “Fynd Wrk” is a play on “Indeed” or “LinkedIn”.

So without a guard the Warners run wild and havoc on the studio. Legit. I like the transition where Scratchy falls and it shows him sliding onto his glasses.

“The new Ralph!” lol Also is this referencing when Plotz was a security guard in A Christmas Plotz? That doesn’t look like 4:30am it looks like 4:30pm.

I feel like they’re making Wakko less intuitive than usual. I’m gonna check throughout the season.

Yakko could’ve at least caught his brother. Also, ya’ll see the wall? 87 days? Plus the 8 near the door is 95. Aaaaawww! I was thinking it’s their age. But it would have to be 2024/2025 then.

Dot says “Boys” One of her old lines. Also Yakko says “kids” instead of “sibs.” This saddens me. I know he’s supposed to be oldest and the one that takes care of them but he’s still a kid and their brother. He wouldn’t think of himself that much older mentally.

I feel bad. I know they’re referencing movies but I don’t know a lot of them. There’s gonna be a lot references I don’t know about. Oh boy…

I’m disappointed in myself for not realizing they were in the SWAT uniforms. Although I think it would’ve been better if they tricked Nora.

I know the Warners don’t show affection verbally but…this still seemed off. I can’t see them being desperate to get out of it. They’re very close so they wouldn’t need to be scared of Nora. They could’ve outsmarted her or did reverse psychology. I get what they were going for, but I just can’t see it.

I do like “yoinky yoinky yoinky.” Are they not allowed to say any of their old sayings?

Gookie!

So Ralph gets competent being himself and eating whatever he wants? Who would’ve thought that being not who you are makes you less productive. (Sarcasm)

Batman and Wonder Woman.

I do find it interesting how he was able to beat the Warners here. This is one of the instances where something in the beginning of the episode plays again later - the movie lines playing again is the one for this episode. Although the ending differs. …Would he…have tried to eat Dot?

So the roles switch. Poor Ralph was sad but it’s nice to see Nora have a heart. I like how they had the net ready for him.

Well this episode served its purpose. Making everything back to normal since there’s a new season.

I did like part 1 better. More Warner antic are my forte. Stop hurting the Warners. They do happy accidents like finding solutions without meaning to - not the adversary. It’s cute how they lean on each other. It’s nice to see the subtle affection - see? They are nice with each other. It’s their actions. Each Warner had a time to shine (kinda). The transitions were good. Tried to look at animation. I think it was improved. The details are nice.

Pinky and The Brain

The animation threw me off for Pinky’s song but it was not bad. I do like the Pinky blogger series. It shows the plot in a different way than normal. Nice detail with the camera not being steady since Pinky is holding it. Pinky was sweet at the end. There’s a lot of Brinky moments this season. Or friendship moments.

Warners (both) - 7.7

P&TB - 8.5

Avg - 8.1

These were my initial ratings but it might change.

Wasn’t a bad start but could be better. I feel like the Warners were a little complacent than normal. Their personalities…I’ll save that for my season review.

#animaniacs #reboot #season 3 #review #episode 1 #analysis #discussion #a!spoilers #animaniacs spoilers #what is going on #not all the text is showing up

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loonysama · 1 year

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I posted 2,091 times in 2022

That's 1,879 more posts than 2021!

155 posts created (7%)

1,936 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@true--north

@annaofthenorthernlights

@bad-at-names-and-faces

@sasstrid-and-dorkcup

@alondradina

I tagged 1,084 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#frozen - 473 posts

#kristanna - 285 posts

#frozen fanfic - 247 posts

#anna - 112 posts

#kristoff - 89 posts

#frozen fan art - 79 posts

#elsa - 48 posts

#fanfic - 45 posts

#asked and answered - 32 posts

#tangled - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#and i'd like everyone to know that i've never even been the slightest bit sad that we never had a christmas tree

My Top Posts in 2022:

Kristanna Love Songs Mixtape Challenge -

Week 1 Master Post

Each of the fics in this Valentine's Day collection are based on love songs. They are being posted throughout the next two weeks, leading up to Valentine's Day, so keep an eye out! I'll blog another master post on Valentine's Day.

Sign-ups are still open! I've extended sign-ups since we still have so many unclaimed prompts.

Click here to view the entire Kristanna Mixtape Collection and sign-up.

This Will Be Our Year @hyggscribbles [“This Will Be Our Year” by the Zombies] It’s 1933 and America is not doing great. In the throes of what would come to be known as the Great Depression, Kristoff Bjorgman is struggling to see the positive in life…until he comes home to his wife and she helps him realize how much they have that can’t ever be taken away.

Let the Wind Carry You Away @loonysama ["Catch the Wind" by Donovan] Sgt. Bjorgman knows better than to chase after Anna Gale, a protester who captures his attention when she stuffs a blossom in the barrel of his gun, but he allows himself to get carried away anyway. 1960s Arendelle AU. NSFW

Like We’ve never Met @true–north (@winter_moon on AO3) [“We’ve Never Met” by Neko Case"] An exploration of that deleted Nokk-drowning-Kristoff scene from the first drafts of Frozen 2.

Strange @hyggescribbles [“Strange” by Celeste"] The song asks “Isn’t it strange how people can change? From strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again.” Kristoff gets a sharp taste of that strangeness as a love from his past appears unexpectedly one night…with someone else.

I Touch Myself @hyggescribbles ["I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls] Anna teaches pole dancing at a fitness studio. Kristoff teaches mixed martial arts (MMA) at the studio next door. While they've run into each other outside their studios and exchanged a few words, nothing has really happened...in real life. What happens when they are each home alone, however, is a totally different story. NSFW

Intrusted Hearts @annaofthenorthernlights ["You'll Be in My Heart" by Phil Collins, from Tarzan] A tragic accident in early childhood leaves Kristoff growing up with a special family, when magically Anna – the princess of Arendelle – spins into his life while she´s trying to find a better life… NSFW

Hungry Eyes and Moving Hips @annaofthenorthernlights ["Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen (from Dirty Dancing)] Kristoff and Anna get to know each other rather unconventionally... (ie, ballroom dancing, hot dancing, vacation job, in the bathtub, in the shower, in the car...) NSFW

Happy Valentine's Day, Kristanna Fandom!

28 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

Do you ever put off writing the next chapter because you're so attached to your characters that it actually hurts you to feel their feelings and you know what you're about to do to them and you just know it'll turn you into a giant puddle, so you save it for a time when you're equipped to handle those emotions, but you're never really able to handle it?

29 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

Fanfic Master List

52 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

68 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Woe is Your Master

Fandom: Wednesday (TV 2022) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Non-Con, Underage Relationships: Wednesday Addams/Tyler Galpin Characters: Wednesday Addams, Tyler Galpin Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Plot What Plot, Femdom, Chains, Bondage, Hurt No Comfort, First Time (view more tags at AO3) Words: 2,587

Summary: Wednesday needs to know who Tyler's master is, and she'll extract the information by any means necessary. Or... What if Sheriff Galpin hadn’t interrupted Wednesday’s investigation?

Read @ AO3

120 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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tallmantall · 8 months

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#Anxiety #CelebratingYourGiftofLife #Depression #JamesDonaldson #JamesDonaldsonMentalHealth #JamesDonaldsononMentalHealth #MentalChallenges #MentalHealth #MentalHealthProfessionals #MentalHealthStigma #MentalIllness #MentalIssues #YourGiftofLifeFoundation

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aries-tornado · 10 months

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Fuck it. I'm tired of holding everything in. When I'm awake at night and everything *should* be fine, I'm plagued with memories that my brain blacked out. So I'm gonna write about it when I feel it all over again, not for anything but peace within myself.

Tonight I can't sleep because of one of my dogs, my first with my ex Joe. His name was Slater and he was the most happy go lucky lil Staffy even though he was rescued from being a bait dog in dog fighting. I wanted him from the second I met him, but I pulled away because I was hoping the "dog fever" Joe had was temporary. I did not want to bring another living thing into "our" world. Regardless, we left with him, and at the least I was over the moon. I trained him. Fed him. Bathed him. My little baby, who clung to Mia as a little brother, he warmed my heart everyday.

But Tonight's memory was the first big blow up in "our" world because of Slater. The grocery store was out of the food he was eating, so Joe called and asked me about it (I was not allowed to grocery shop with him). I told him for some dogs switching foods can cause stomach issues but, "he'll be fine" was the response. Maybe a 36 hours went by, it was about 4am, a little before Joe got up for work that Slater was clawing at the door to go out. I offered to let him out but I wasn't allowed ("out" was upstairs and onto the deck on the 2nd floor). "Lay DOWN, Slate!" Joe kept grumbling half asleep, making remarks about "Katie wanted this fuxking dog...piece of shit..." when eventually we heard what sounded like Slater peeing. We both jump up and he's in the corner with his head down pooping in the corner. All hell broke lose and all I remember is grabbing Mia and holding her, after Slater ran under our California King and Joe picked the whole bed up, shaking it and screaming "IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! IM GONNA FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU!"

All I remember next is cleaning, while the smell of coffee and the faint noise of the news upstairs crept down the flight of stairs to the basement, where our room was, and the occasional "piece of shit dog ruining my piece of shit house" would echo from upstairs. I don't remember why but he only let Slater out once, and when Slater came back downstairs to Mia & I, I saw him get up from his bed leave the room. I immediately knew he was still sick from his new food and tip toed after him. He looked me in the eyes in a way that is burned into my brain forever. Looking back, A sad, "I'm sorry, please help, i know you hurt too" kind of look. And in the moment I just pressed my finger to my lips, cuffed my hands, and let this poor baby shit into them. It was a tragically hilarious scene, looking back, as if he almost understood my "shh" and I kept eye contact so he knew he could trust *me*. He finished up and I whispered to him what a good boy he was and how ill always protect him, "go lay down for mommy". He seemed okay, but the second he left to lay down I kinda froze, realizing I was right at the bottom of the stairs, (which were carpeted, like 90& of the house, so foot steps aren't heard) and at any moment Joe could be coming back down to say goodbye before work. I went straight to our bathroom a few feet away, flung my hands, full of shit, into the shower, used a towel to clean my hands, then the little bit of poop that got in the carpet. Threw it into the wash room adjacent to the bathroom, ran back to the bathroom and stripped naked, into the shower and water on. All of this, just to hide (another) accident our 2 year old puppy had, to further any abuse to him by the hands of my ex. An accident I warned Joe about, something that was very normal... you switch up a dog's food, it's gonna take time to get used to. You have to fix the old food with the new food slowly over time to adjust their stomachs. But no, we were too prefect of a family to have that happen. And I was never allowed to be right about anything.

So, at the time, telling myself this was all my fault (somehow), I washed the shit down the drain and pretend to decide to "take an early shower" is what I told Joe. Because, see, before this I NEVER took showers that early, especially before he even left for work. And I paid the price for that, too.

Because, my beaten, Stockholm Syndrome brain could only come up with the excuse "I want to be extra productive today, babe! I really wanna do a deep clean of the kitchen, and you know showers help me wake up!" I half fake smiled and half begged him to believe me. Looking back? Girl...just tell him how you had to clean up dog shit from early and felt gross? But no, me then thought that would somehow give away Slaters extra accident I was trying to hide. I don't know why, but does any of this make sense? No...nothing does in an abusive relationship.

So I paid the price. And I'm not mad that I did. My ex being the lunatic he was, accused me of taking a shower early to "get ready and clean for another man to come over and rail me after he left for work". I'm probably low balling this Stat but at LEAST 80% of all of Joe's delusions were about me cheating, and looking back...projecting, much?! I guess it's the "victim" left in me or idk, but I feel like I have to say I never cheated on him, nor did I ever even *think* about it. I was so brainwashed I felt like he could read my mind, but that didn't matter because looking back at most of our relationship...sex with ANYONE, even masturbation was the LAST thing on my mind.

Back on track, apologies. I'm in the shower. I'm told to turn it off. I do. He questions me like I said before and when I do my little "I want to be motivated!" Lie to him he grabs me by the cheeks. Kind of like when you squeeze a cute little babies cheeks, but hard, painful, every fingernail stinging into my skin as I hold still to be a "good girl" and listen to him tell me all of the crazy things he'd say. Idk if I blocked it out at the time, or of my brain is blocking it out now, but I just remember thinking "be good, listen, nod and say anything he wants to hear. You aren't doing anything wrong, so as long as you act good he'll know you're good."

I don't remember the rest of that day, I remember him grabbing my face, I know he left for work, and he came home. I don't remember anything else.

But what I will always remember, that makes me clinch my jaw so hard I feel like I'm going to crack a tooth, is Slaters eyes, looking at me. With such sadness, such...hopeless...hurt......I just can't. I took so many beatings for that dog, that wonderful, amazing, resilient dog, that I will forever feel guilty for having had kept in that house. This is just one story about him. And I know thru healing I did the best I could for him. But I will forever think about him. And his sweet, drooling smile. I hope he's happy. I hope he remembers me, and if he does, it's me being his protector. I love that dog more than words can express and I'd give everything to see him one more time.

#cptsd #trauma #dog #staffy

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keefwho · 1 year

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March 17 - 2023

8:24 AM

I had a dream I got fucked super hard in high school science class. It was by someone I didn’t have a very high opinion of when I went there but I didn’t necessarily dislike him. I remember it felt awesome, I got manhandled GOOD. But after that the dream kinda sucked because I was going around trying to not look like I blew my load all over myself and didn’t have a good change of clothes. I also got locked out of my locker and the front desk lady couldn’t help me because I had an expired ID. At some point after school I went to go buy soda for myself, had some awkward interactions at Walmart, and came out with a 24 pack of diet coke by accident that I couldn’t return.

I had other dreams before this that I forgot because I got woken up at 6am. This morning I feel kinda tired still and am not looking forward to commissions or my workout but I’ll try to get it all done. Maybe I just need a real sturdy breakfast.

6:29 PM

I’ve been pretty tired the past few days and I don’t know why. Maybe it is just the slight lack of sleep but I’m not sure. I guess I’ll try extra hard to get better sleep the next few days and see if that helps. I’m not ACTUALLY afraid of this but what if it’s because of an underlying condition? I wouldn’t start to suspect that unless it doesnt get better or got worse. The leading theory is I really need to get my 8 hours and I’ve also been pushing myself pretty hard this week. Even though for 3 days this week I skipped an hour of work. I dunno.

11:52 PM

I feel kinda sad tonight but I’m gonna try no to judge myself for it. Im just gonna write it out and let it be what it is. I feel kinda lonely, largely due to my parents not being here for the next week. Even though hardly anything is fundamentally different with how I operate, it is unsettling having no one around physically. And I gotta take care of the dogs which is annoying.

I also have those classic feelings of “I’m not very good” or “Im falling behind” or “People don’t love me as much as I think they do”. Obviously all disputable claims but I am not here to dispute. Sometimes that doesn’t help. The truth is I think it’s okay to be feeling these things, I feel them for a reason. When I find the reasons I can end up changing my behavior around it. Or I can wait until I know I’ll feel better. I am becoming more and more aware of my patterns and it’s hard to keep falling into them when I see them happening. So tonight I’m defusing from those big negative thoughts but allowing myself to be aware of them and still feel bad about them. Im just trying to prevent overthinking or mental reverb so it doesn’t get so out of hand.

On a brighter note I’ve had 2 successful encounters where I basically brute forced social interaction with a stranger by asking them questions. Like they wouldn’t have much to say and I’d carry the conversation moment by moment until they opened up and started contributing themselves. Its been interesting and I’m starting to hone in on a more clear goal. My objective is to hunt for people I get along with by getting to know strangers. Sounds straightforward and obvious because it is but for awhile now I’ve been in a rut where I was failing to recognize the social potential around me. Everyone felt like an NPC and I didn’t like that. They still do but I’m working on it. But I’m realizing that the only way I can find more compatible people is to actually go around and locate them. Along the way I can learn to socialize better and have meaningful interactions with people I might not ever see again.

At the end of the day I know I always have my homies which is all that matters to me. I’m trying to expand my social circle for the sake of being healthy. I don’t want to replace anyone and I want to stop feeling guilty like I am. In my perfect world I’d want to stick with the homies I got for the rest of my life and thats it. Of course I’ll still try to make that happen, but I wish I didn’t have to make new friends. I like the ones I have.

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glitteryfiremiracle · 1 year

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The mediumship, where it all began…..

I have been able to see things since I was 4 years old but the mediumship didn’t really take off until I was in my early twenties. It was the summer of 2000 and both my then boyfriend and a mutual friend of ours had just lost their respective best friends in tragic accidents. Now as I begin this story, I think its fair to note that my spirit guide Kariss keeps asking me if I want to go through with it because there is a lot of emotion and energy attached to this story due to a lot of what I will call, unresolved issues with both of these friends. I now realize they were in my life for a reason and a season and I wish them nothing but the best.

When I first started writing about my experiences in a file I named brain dump, I immediately heard one of the departed barking in my other ear

“I TOLD YOU!!!! You are NOT allowed to tell MY story!!! You know why. You know exactly what you did!”

Yes, she is right, but I need closure and at the expense of sounding like a delusional jackass, here we go. It was late May, 2000 and I was riding home in the back seat of my parents’ car listening to music on my walkman while drifting in and out of sleep when she appeared to me. I brushed it off at first, but the energy from this girl, we’ll call her Molly, was overwhelming. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and get inside my house, away from her but she followed me like a shadow through the kitchen and down the hall,into my bedroom. I was going about my nightly routine of getting ready for bed, all the while telling myself, I must be crazy.

“Would you look at me?!” She’d say. “Would you at least listen to me?!”

“No!” I answered quickly. “Mindy is going to think I am crazy. No one is ever going to believe me.”

I had good reason to feel this way because Mindy and my then boyfriend Joel didn’t know me in this light. They had no clue I could see spirits, let alone talk to them. I didn’t have much choice because Molly was being very persistent, so I sat down on my bed and listened to what she had to say. She didn’t just tell me, she began showing me the final scenes of her life. I saw Mindy driving in her car through the parking garage trying to find a parking spot, hopeful that she could at least say goodbye to Molly before it was too late. She also told me the most important message that I needed to relay to her parents, family and even Mindy. Her message was that she was at peace and that she was ok. She didn’t feel any pain, and although they were going to be sad she didn’t want them carrying grief around with them for the rest of their lives. This was especially true for Molly’s parents who were grappling with the fact that she had died so suddenly and so young.

Over the course of the days that followed I was incredibly withdrawn from Mindy because I had never experienced anything like this before so how do I even go about telling her this information? I was a pretty insecure young adult and it has never been in my nature to just spring information onto someone, especially when its wo-wo supernatural. Like I had said, Mindy didn’t know this side of me but when she finally confronted me one day I told her what I had experienced. She was relieved because she wanted to know if I was mad at her since I had been avoiding her ever since Molly died. I told her what had happened and the visions that I had. It was around 10 pm at night that Molly had come to me and I later found out that she had passed around that time - it was a powerful validation.

As I write this passage and reflect on it, I wish I would have had the courage to put this message out there for her parents to hear because let's face it, grief can be an absolutely debilitating thing to go through. It's absolutely unbearable at times and losing a young adult so suddenly makes it that much harder to grapple with. Then Molly showed up. This is the part of the story that really takes off. These events had taken place over twenty years ago at this point and in that time Mindy and I had a series of fights, you could say. I think it was more or less me deciding that I didn’t appreciate how she was treating me and I began to set boundaries with her. I originally wrote the synopsis of what had happened with Molly while on vacation when I suddenly heard a very angry women’s voice demand “How DARE you use MY story in YOUR book?”

“I’m sorry?” I say

“You know what you did.” She sneered

“Uhm, no. I’m sorry, I don’t”.

“Well….you can’t use my story” Molly shot back.

At this point. I am completely baffled and I have no idea what she is talking about. It took a lot of reflecting but as I was recounting a story about Mindy and her now husband Andrew it suddenly dawned on me. I didn’t ask Mindy to stand up in my wedding. In fact I avoided her for months because I absolutely dreaded the thought of asking her to participate in a very important milestone event in my life. I was worried that she’d absolutely dominate everything, because unfortunately, this girl had developed a reputation as being extremely self centered and making every single event that I hosted about her. Andrew wasn’t much better. He deliberately tried to sabotage her fake surprise birthday party which was actually for one of her parents. But after all, “It was a joke. Can’t you take a joke, Jen?” Personally, I thought it was very distasteful and rude to do something like that to your future Mother in law. During my efforts to lie low she had been calling me pretty regularly and wasn’t going to let me avoid her forever. She had wanted me to stand up in her own wedding - which took place several weeks before mine. Dear gentle reader, as bad as this sounds, it felt like I had dodged a huge bullet. But there it was - Molly was angry that I snubbed Mindy. As a bride and a bridesmaid as well. Aren’t spirits supposed to see all sides of the story and not just one?

Joel’s dearly departed friend also had a message for me to deliver but that was a lot more tricky. He was Joel’s oldest and dearest friend and since I am airing laundry in this chapter lets keep it rolling, shall we? The long and the short of it was that Joel’s buddy had a very complicated relationship with his then girlfriend and mother of his only child. Here is the part that I couldn’t bring myself to tell Joel; his buddy always felt that he and girlfriend would have made a better couple and he wanted Joel to step into his place as boyfriend and father to his child. Wow! That is a loaded message. I never delivered it. Unlike Mindy, and I truly wish her the best in life, but please, don’t talk to me ever again, Joel was a stand up guy. He was very kind and thoughtful and always put others before himself. He was a very sensitive soul and well, I told his friend under no circumstances am I relaying such a message as it would have absolutely destroyed him at the time. I often wonder if they ever got together, because he had felt a strong sense of duty at the time to watch over his buddy’s child like his own. I hope so.

I’d post a song but the people who know me are going to know the people whose names have been changed, and aw ef it. I have so many more stories like this and I was told in order to to clear the blockages in my throat chakra, its time my truth come out so -

https://youtu.be/99j0zLuNhi8

I truly do wish everyone involved in this story nothing but peace, love and light!

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