Red from OSP would be proud
This is Splinter and Shredder isn’t it.
Nice reversal of the “Not so different” trope.
Villain: “But our similarities mean that, deep down, you’re a bad person. There’s nothing stopping you from being just as evil as I am!”
Hero: “Sure there is. I’m stopping me.”
Villain: “But in your heart you crave—”
Hero: “Sometimes when I’m in a crowded building I get the sudden urge to just boop a stranger right on the nose. But I don’t do it, because that would be super rude and weird. Does having that compulsion in the first place make me just as much of a weirdo as if I had acted on it? Maybe it does in your eyes, but to the would-be boopee, it makes all the difference in the world.”
Villain: “We’re not talking about booping noses, we’re talking about killing peop—”
Hero: “Look, dude, I’m sure murder can be really satisfying. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to murder people, and I think that’s very sexy of me. Look at me. With a little self-restraint, you might have had what I have.”
Villain: “You and I are very much alike, you know.”
Hero: “I realize that.”
Villain: “Doesn’t that trouble you?”
Hero: “Why would it? I share most of my genome with sewer rats.”
Y’all kinda missed the point of the ‘we’re not so different, you and I…’ discussion haven’t you? The villain doesn’t really think that they have anything in common with the hero. They’re just trying to buy time or distract them long enough to push the button that opens the trap door they are standing on/give the thug sneaking up behind them a chance to shoot them in the back.
If you really put this much effort into responding to the villain, you’d already be dead.
Cool theory bro but explain to me why I only ever get the “we’re not so different” speech when I’m already hopelessly defeated and strapped into a death trap. What kind of two-bit unstylish excuses for villains are you dealing with who don’t even know how to gloat properly?
Summary: The moral of the story? Penis shaped items are weird and chocolate is always delicious. Also, come on Steve, warn a girl next time.
Star Spangled Bingo Square: “Avengers Assemble”
Cutthroat Challenge Prompt: Valentine’s dinner with Steve
Sabotage one: Steve has to paint Reader’s body (with body paint on her skin)
Sabotage two: You can’t have a sentence longer than 10 words
Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader
Warnings: Brief flashes of smut. Swearing. Penis shaped objects.
A/N: My first story for @star-spangled-bingo and my first time writing Steve as a main character! YIKES. Also this Cutthroat Challenge was hard! I’m not very comfortable writing Steve and 10 words or less in a sentence was tough. Thank you so much @sherrybaby14 for letting me grab a prompt!
Also, according to science, pineapple really does do that (giggles).
Want to find all my stories? Search #bitsmasterlist or try the link in my bio!
Standing before the store, Steve pulls his hat low. Paces nervously for ten minutes. Rubs sweaty palms on his jeans. Finally striding forward, he grabs the front door and -
It swings open, spilling out a giggling group of women. Who are all carrying huge penis balloons.
Steve pivots and hurries away.
Crossing the street, he holes up next to a tree. Digging out his phone, he debates.
“Fuck it,” he croaks and punches in the SOS. He waits 13 seconds before the text chain lights up.
“bUcKy VeToS sAm” I legit snorted imagining Sam doing Spongebob pose and face at his phone xD
This whole “shopping process” was hilarious - made my day.
Chocolate is always a solution ♥
This story is great! Love it ♥
I kinda thought about adding the sponge bob pic into the story, Sam would’ve totally appreciated it. 😂😂