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literary-lesbianism · 23 days

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Apples

Who’d have thought it was possible

to sit by this window, eating apples,

watching the sunrise while violins play,

waiting to visit my friends?

Who’d have thought I’d survive it,

those years locked away in the dark,

the plague and the prom and depression?

How far away they now seem.

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literary-lesbianism · 24 days

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Pinch Me

This is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Not a nightmare, though I have been there,

but a lovely, light dream.

I’m dancing on air.

I fear I may wake up;

pinch me, to make sure.

I never knew life could be this way.

How lovely it is to be alive today.

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literary-lesbianism · 1 month

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Stranger in My Skin

It’s strange to see how much I’ve changed.

I hope it’s for the better.

I didn’t really notice as it was happening,

but the girl in the mirror’s a stranger.

I don’t feel so helpless.

I don’t put up with abuse.

I won’t be controlled.

I’m sleeping in my childhood bedroom,

and the religious imagery on the walls

belongs to someone else, a different life.

Now I’m all grown up, and I know better.

I’ll face god with the business end of a knife.

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literary-lesbianism · 1 month

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Hell

I failed so long ago, but I’m stuck in this game.

No matter what I do, the outcome’s still the same.

Why bother go on playing? I’ve already lost,

so why not keep on sinning as much as I want?

There’s no way to be good enough to please your god.

To hell I go, to hell, for heaven’s a façade.

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literary-lesbianism · 1 month

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Childhood

Be silent, girl! Be seen, not heard.

How rude! You haven’t said a word.

You really need to lose some weight.

So thin! When’s the last time you ate?

I tear myself up, limb by limb.

I cater to your every whim.

You nod your head, and I will sing.

I always have, and that’s the thing,

‘cause I was just a kid and you—

You did what you should never do.

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literary-lesbianism · 1 month

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Good Christian Girl

A little girl, five years old,

bright-eyed, full of glee.

She listens when you speak to her.

She trusts absolutely.

A little girl, ten years old,

still listens very well.

Good Christian girl, she listens when

you say she’ll go to hell.

The little girl, she’s fifteen now,

she thinks on what she hears.

She still thinks that it’s all her fault.

She’s solemn for her years.

The little girl is all grown up.

She’s twenty now, and free.

But still she’s haunted by her past,

the dirt and the debris.

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literary-lesbianism · 1 month

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Use

If I cannot be loved, I’ll be useful.

So you’ve used me,

but you’ve used me up,

and I’m dry and broken.

You never asked if it pleased me.

Would it have mattered?

You made love to me,

but it wasn’t love I saw in your eyes.

It wasn’t love at all.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Back in My Day

The world—it changes day by day;

nothing ever stays the same,

but if I am the one to change,

then who is left for me to blame?

I want the life I used to know,

the love I cherished long ago.

I know they’re gone, but, even so,

I wonder why we have to grow.

It was so easy—simple, too.

Our worries were but small and few.

We walked on clouds; we sang; we flew,

but now those happy days are through.

I want them back; I need to know

that we have not sunk down so low

that unity is a no-go,

that all our hope is down below.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Like Old Times

It was supposed to be perfect,

just like old times,

so what went wrong?

I say the wrong things,

and it’s not the way it was

because time is linear.

I can never go back.

Things seem better now,

but I no longer have a place in their lives.

What do I do with that?

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Anticipatory

I’d forgotten what it’s like—

This seasick sort of feeling,

The somersaults in the stomach,

The sleepless, starry nights.

I’d forgotten what it’s like

To be so excited for something

That it consumes me entirely,

And I can’t wait for it to happen.

I remember now,

And I’m glad.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Schrödinger’s Friends

“I hope I never see you again”

I have thought those words, I know.

What am I supposed to do when

It’s really time for you to go?

How can people just leave a life?

Not life itself, but a life, my life.

So many faces that made me who I am,

So many faces that blur with the passage of time.

They’re still out there somewhere,

But they’re not in my world anymore.

How can it be so?

Tell me, how? I don’t know.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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For Granted

Thinking about things I didn’t appreciate as a child

We went to Montana and dug for fossils

And I hated it because they weren’t pretty enough

I refused to get on a train

Because my brother liked them

I shut myself away

And read my life away

While my grandfather was one room over

And I can never get any of those days back

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Cows

I send you all the cow photos I find on Instagram

because I know you love them,

but, if I’m being completely honest,

I hate cows.

I’ve always been afraid of them.

But you love them,

and you let me see them through your eyes,

and they are beautiful.

And it makes me wonder:

if I could see myself through your eyes,

what would I find?

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Radiant

So what if I surround myself with fake stars

and twinkling lights?

So what?

Not a one of them is real,

and I am no less alone.

It’s just me here,

tormented by your memory,

by your smooth skin

and pink cheeks and lips

and your radiance and vivacity

and the youness of it all

that I can’t get out of my head.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Crossroads

So much is still uncertain,

so what am I to do?

Do they truly like me,

or must I start anew?

I really want to stay here

if they want that, too,

but I can’t trust my judgment.

Guess that means I’m through.

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literary-lesbianism · 2 months

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Homesick

I must travel soon,

and I have a layover in my hometown,

too short to see my family.

It’s a bittersweet sort of sensation,

so close and yet so far.

I could drown in this homesickness.

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literary-lesbianism · 3 months

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Guiding Star

When I was a little kid,

someone

(I don’t even remember who it was, now)

someone taught me how to find Orion

in the night sky.

It’s the only constellation I could point out,

not even the dippers.

And then I grew up.

And then I moved out,

and I feel younger than I ever have.

Everything is so big and strange,

I could drown in the unfamiliarity of it.

A thousand miles away

may as well be another planet.

Except

Except I can still walk outside at night,

and I can still look up,

and I can still find Orion.

So maybe,

just maybe,

as long as I can still see those stars,

as long as there is some familiar point,

then this place isn’t so foreign,

after all.

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