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baldursgate3tempobsessed · 6 months

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K follow me Astarion just sees tav like loving on children wherever they go and hes like?????

And tavs like ive always wanted my own child but i didn't wabt to ask you with every

This sends poor starion into a crisis does he was children how many

I think I have followed you. Let's see!

So for this one we got a lil time jump, ambiguous and vague setting and timelines with game spoilers present. M/F pairing because that is my go to and pregnancy is mentioned. Vampiric pregnancy also so there is some weirdness there (i made it up no idea if it's dnd accurate). Vague Tav backstory of a wonderful mother and going off to become a cleric.

Astarion was well used to your antics by this point. You had a severe lack of instincts linked to self-preservation, which led to a consistent pattern of doing, frankly, stupid shit. Stupid, but kind. Nothing that Astarion hadn't adapted to, after nearly two years of being attached at the hip you became pretty attuned to your lover's personality.

He could even go as far as to say that he had grown to love your annoying predilection for pious morality. Perhaps he loved talking you out of certain virtuous dangers more, but still. He appreciated who you were, he adored who you were. But Astarion was no saint, despite his insistence on attaching himself to one.

Which is exactly why he was far from amused when you signed him up to babysit a couple of brats. All for acquittances he barely cared about.

But you at least had the good grace to look guilty, "I didn't mean to! But she looked so tired and she said their anniversary was coming up and it's not like we got anything for their wedding-"

That was a nice try, one that Astarion wasn't falling for, "We didn't know of their existence when they got married darling. Just because I can't remember their names doesn't mean you can trick me."

"I'm not trying to trick you!" You whined, arms crossed as you pouted. It sure felt like a trick, especially when Astarion knew that you were well-aware how easily he fell for your sulking. Adorable little monster that you were, "It's only three kids and a baby for one night, it won't be that bad! You don't even have to help-"

Astarion rolled his eyes as he sat next to you on the bed, "I didn't say I wouldn't help."

That seemed to do the trick to get the pout off of your face. You perked up immediately, looking at him like you couldn't quite believe it, "Really?"

"Yes, really," Astarion sighed as you tugged you closer. Sure he liked to bitch, but he really would do anything for you. Even extremely annoying things like this, "I'm not going to sit back and feed you to the wolves."

"They're not wolves! The oldest is barely five," You laughed as you let him manhandle you, settling you into his lap, "And I am sorry, I really wasn't thinking. I promise it won't happen again."

Astarion doubted that, not when he was well-versed of your weak spot for children. No matter where you went you couldn't help but fawn over them, not to mention the insane lengths you would go to keep any child safe. It was a complete and utter blind spot, your kindness extending to them all, even the little scam artists and hellions.

It was sweet, if not extremely worrying at first. Astarion had been terrified of you finding out his past. The things that he had been forced to do, the innocents whose lives he had destroyed. But not only did you find out, you were forced to see it. Both of you were, and it had been worse than anything Astarion could have imagined. He had always found a slight comfort knowing that those he captured would at least die quickly, that at the very least they wouldn't suffer the same agonizing fate as he, just an agonizing death. But no, even that small comfort had been a lie. The horror of finding them all down there has yet to be matched. He had never felt more self-loathing, more pure disgust than the moment he had found those children, tortured and pale, all because of him.

How you didn't see him for the wretched thing he was after all that, Astarion wasn't sure. But he was grateful. You were too good for him. A fact that he was devastatingly aware of, but that wasn't going to stop him from keeping you.

He still thinks about it on occasion, despite the fact that he had done all he could to right his wrongs. They all at least had a chance now to have a life worth living, Astarion could only hope that it would be used. Their future was out of his hands now, a small comfort.

But despite his complicated feelings towards children, he was more than capable of handling them for one evening. And in all honesty, he truly didn't have to do much. He was on self-mandated baby duty, because of course you had to help out the infant that would scream bloody murder unless it was being held. Keeping her tucked against him was a move of self-preservation, if he ever wanted to retain his hearing.

Most of the night was spent amused as he watched you entertain a gaggle of toddlers. You were so... creative with the ways you could defuse their antics. It came to you so naturally, nearly like you were a born mother yourself. It wasn't exactly surprising that you were fantastic with children, he had seen it time and time again. Arabella, Mol, Yenna, all of which still wrote you letters, visited occasionally. Staying forever attached, even from a distance.

Now that Astarion thought about it, it was odd that you weren't a mother. Odder still that you hadn't never even brought up the possibility of having children together. You were usually so open with your wants and always encouraging the same from him. Just one more thing he loved about you. But... why hadn't it been mentioned? Astarion had always assumed it was because you didn't truly want any of your own, that you enjoyed their fun innocence while avoiding the more laborious responsibility of raising them.

Though watching you take care of them all, changing diapers and negotiating silly arguments with a soft smile of your face had him rethinking his assumption.

"You're good with them," Astarion said eventually after you had successfully set the older three down for the night, the baby still stubbornly clinging to him, "I don't think there's a child we've met that doesn't adore you."

You laughed quietly, walking over to kiss him softly on the cheek. Your eyes wandered to the sleeping infant in his arms, still holding a piece of his shirt in it's little fist, "You don't seem to be too bad with them either."

"Newborns don't know any better," Astarion dismissed as he tried to put her down in their borrowed crib. Tried and failed, considering how the thing immediately started to whine the second he attempted to pry it's little hand away.

Oh for fuck's sake. Astarion wasn't even going to try and argue. Instead he unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall into the crib with her, seemingly doing the trick of stopping her from waking completely.

When he turned back you were staring at him with soft eyes, looking lovestruck at the simple act of him laying a child down, "Looks like she has pretty good taste to me."

"I don't think your judgment should be trusted," Astarion huffed as he walked over to you, grabbing your hand to drag you to the bedroom. He glanced back at you, his heart nearly skipping a beat from the sweet way you kept looking at him. It had his mind wandering again, those questions still nagging him.

Questions that he didn't have the courage to ask until dead of night, when he had you half asleep against his bare chest, "Have you ever thought of having children?"

He hadn't meant to blurt that out in the middle of the night, but Astarion apparently had a knack for starting important conversations at inconvenient times. Not that you minded.

You just cuddled into him closer, nodding against him with a sigh, "I've always wanted my own children. My own mother, Gods bless her soul, made it all sound so magical. Pregnancy, the early years, puberty, all of it. She loved it all. And I guess it rubbed off on me. It used to be all I could think about, before real life got in the way."

Astarion listened, a little annoyed at himself for not putting the pieces together sooner. You had talked so lovingly about your late parents, how you always wanted to be like your mother. Of course you would want children. How had he not connected the dots?

"But then I went off to the temple," You continued, "I completed my training, went off into the world to do good, blah, blah, blah. You know the story."

"So you grew out of the idea?" Astarion asked.

"Not exactly," You admitted, sounding a little guilty, "But I would never ask that of you love, it's not something you have to worry about."

That-what?

Astarion stared down at you, brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"

"I mean I know that the topic of children is... difficult for you. Considering everything you've been through-"

"I think you mean to say everything I've inflicted on others," Astarion interrupted, unwilling to allow himself grace. Especially when it came to the children of the Gur, "It was much worse for them than me."

You nodded, knowing better than to try and fight him on that particular topic, "I understand, but my point is that I can live without them. You're all I need."

It was comforting to hear, an immediate balm to a brand new set of insecurities that Astarion hadn't been prepared for. But even so... he hated the idea of you sacrificing even more for him. It felt wrong, "But-"

"But nothing," You interrupted softly, setting a quick kiss to his mouth, I'm serious Astarion, you don't need to worry. I'm happy, I love you, and everything is fine."

"I love you too," Astarion murmured, at a loss to say anything else. But the conversation didn't end there.

Astarion couldn't stop thinking about it, even long after the temporary children were sent back home. ou seemed so... sure that he didn't want children, and a week ago he probably would have agreed. But that was back before he knew that he was actively keeping you away from something you wanted. Something you had dreamed about since you were a child. And it felt wrong to be the reason for that, so, so wrong.

He didn't even know if his true feelings on the matter were real. He didn't want children for many of the same reasons he never wanted a partner. The attachment to another was dangerous, he was beyond unequipped to deal with others, let alone care for them, and the entire ideology behind love was ripe for manipulation and heart break. But then he met you and everything changed. Suddenly, caring for another didn't feel like a weakness, it felt like the strongest aspect of his entire self. Taking care of you wasn't an unwanted duty, it was intimacy. Something that he now craved. If all of those steadfast ideals could fall apart simply through meeting you, whose to say he could even trust himself when it came the thoughts around having a child?

Would having one truly be so bad? A little piece of the two of you, alive in the world? And perhaps children were annoying but... Astarion would be lying if he said he didn't have a soft spot for them. He had kept his distance before, but now he was fully confident that he wasn't a danger, no with Cazador burned to nothing bus ash and his own bloodlust well controlled. And it's not as if he was incapable of being a father, worse men than him did it everyday.

It was a confusing place to be, this tightwire of indecisiveness. Confusing enough for him to start a bit of research. He was vaguely aware that it was possible for his kind to breed, but finding out the details was disheartening, to say the least. First he had to parse out the different horror stories of babes eating their way out of their mother's wombs with actual facts, which wasn't exactly pleasant. But the truth was that it was more than possible for the two of you to have child together. It had the potential to either be as noneventful as any pregnancy, with the cavate that the babe coming out looking slightly... dead wouldn't be a permanent state of being. Or it could be as risky as carrying a child could be, with pains and complications galore, even legitimate worries of internal bleeding from the wretched thing prematurely growing claws. Not to mention the occasional, intense blood lust that could occur, an experience that Astarion would prefer you didn't have to go to.

Looking into the reality of the choice didn't help as much as he had assumed it would. If anything it just made the whole situation more real. Even if he wasn't a vampiric spawn, childbirth was risky. Maybe not as risky for you considering how Astarion would move the heavens and hells to get you the best care possible, but still. The thought of you passing, leaving him alone with the child you wanted and would never see, would destroy him. Completely and utterly.

But then again... there was the magical alternative of everything working out just fine. The two of you were both beyond lucky in that regard, considering how you'd overcome mind flayer parasites and fought and won against a near god. It was more than possible that everything would be fine, that you would have a beautiful pregnancy that would end in an even more amazing child. Then two would become three, a family of his very own.

That... didn't sound too bad. Astarion was torn. On one hand, he was almost certain that he was willing to go through with it. Not just because he loved you and wanted you to be happy, though it was the main reason. But also because... he could be a part in making something good. A child that would never suffer the way he did, the way countless others had. One who would be loved, who would have the help they needed for their inevitable unholy hungers. Someone precious for the two of you to fret over, to adore and care for. He... wanted that. Or at least he would if you still did. Now if he could just figure out how to bring it up, maybe something could actually happen.

But luckily enough for him, you did the job for him. He had been pouring over another book dedicated to recording the births of Dhampirs in the area, only to be distracted by you loudly sighing behind him.

"What's wrong love?" Astarion asked, his eyes still scanning the page in front of him.

"Oh I don't know," You sighed, rounding the corner to sit on the edge of his desk, "I just can't help but wonder when you're going to explain why you've suddenly become obsessed with parenting books. And..."

You trailed off, ignoring his surprised expression to read the cover of what was in front of him, "'Vampiric and Mortal Love & The Spawn They Create'. It's not exactly your usual reading material."

Part of Astarion wanted to be surprised that you had already figured him out. He had at least been trying to hide things from you slightly, not that it mattered when you could read him like a book. And he supposed that blatantly reading things like this in front of you would eventually have an effect, even if he tried to obscure the titles.

But that didn't stop him from stuttering through a response, "Well-I, okay. I've just been thinking about options lately. Which you can't really do if you don't understand what they are. Hence the books."

You frowned at him, one leg crossed over the other, "Star, I already told you that you don't need to worry-"

"But I want to worry," Astarion interrupted, deciding that ripping the band-aid off would be the best course of action, "And if there is something I can be doing to make you happier than I should at least consider it."

"I'm not going to force you into this for that," You said softly, reaching out to twine his fingers against yours, "This isn't the kind of thing you do just for someone else."

Astarion was aware of that, there was an important truth to your words. But... "What if it wasn't just for you?"

You paused, your brow furrowed as you stared at him, "What do you mean?"

"I mean what if, and consider this purely hypothetical, what if I wanted one as well. What then?" It was as far from hypothetical as Astarion could get, but by the look on your face it didn't seemed like that needed to be clarified.

You swallowed, looking just shy of hopeful as you played with his hand, "I... well. I guess in that case we would have a lot to talk about."

That wasn't quite the answer he was looking for. He pressed on, "So if in theory, I did want one. Would... you still be interested in having one?"

With me?

He left that part unsaid as he waited for an answer, uncharacteristically nervous as you mulled it over. But you were smiling, bright and wide, giving his hand a little squeeze as you spoke, "I think that would be the only scenario where I would want it. If that's something you wanted."

"I think it is," Astarion answered honestly, done with being coy, "I don't know how, I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about you carrying something that could be dangerous. But... in general yes. I think I want this. I do want this. With you and only you. Whenever your ready."

The next part Astarion did see coming, his arms already open by the time you launched yourself at him. You straddled his lap, kissing every part of his face as you babbled, "We can wait! It doesn't need to be now but-I just-yes! Adoption, childbirth, I don't care. All I need is to have them with you. That's all I want."

"And that I can give," Astarion laughed, delighted at your reaction. He still had concerns, plenty of them in fact, but they were hard to consider when the woman he adored was so ecstatic.

He gripped your chin, chuckling at the whine you let out for him interrupting your onslaught of affection. You didn't have to wait long, not when he directed your mouth against his, kissing you deeply as a new wave of exciting, and slightly nauseating feelings worked through him.

He didn't know exactly what was going to happen in the future. He had no idea if he would be a good father, but he knew that he would try his damndest. He didn't know how the two of you would even procure a child, but he did no one thing.

With you by his side, it would work out. All of it, no matter how hard the road turned out to be. And that was all that mattered.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #asks #you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands #spoilers #pregnancy mention #should i do a part 2 of this?#dhampir baby part two?#fun fact im actually so scared of pregnancy it sounds like hell to me #so pregnancy/child fics are very interesting to write #personally #i'm getting through these asks slowly but surely #nine more to go!

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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Ohhh my gaddd I've just read one of your ask and something just came in my mind like a freaking meteor. So in one of your fanfic where you mention that we might not remember a man with a big hat but surely he did. What if we are the reason why Scaramouche trusted dottore in the first place (sorry I don't know a lot about Scaramouche lore 😭😭😭) like what if Scaramouche saw us sleeping in a hidden room of Dottore's palace, he's just wandering until he stumble at the door where Dottore always go often which is weird because as far as he know Dottore never spend his time on anything other than his experiment and he has an entire basement(or palace even) to have an another one 3 floor above his main lab, so to answer his question he open the door and there he saw a body of someone in a bed like contraption that has some strange enchantment (this enchantment helps your body to not rot or age as the time past, it will be a bother some if it's some preserving liquid because Dottores likes to cuddle with your sleeping body as a stress relieved) he looked at the entire room and he sees all the picture of you and Dottore when you both are still in the akademiya, he saw how Dottore's eyes have become warmer and softer until he stumble to the last picture, this is the last picture he took before you fall to a long coma, he look at you with care and sadness and he knew damn well what the eye of a wishing, wanting man looks like and he can see it clearly in the akademiya Dottore' eyes. He looks more in the room stumbling into some trinkets, letters, paintings, poetry and different instruments that he's sure damn well that it didn't belong to Dottore judging with the clean writing and heart doodles. He looked more until he heard Dottore opening the door Both were shocked to see each other in this place, a lot of confronting and Dottore being angry and frustrated to see a coworker experiment being at the same room with his beloved the love of his life, his only life, the only humanity inside of him, his obsession, his beloved, did I say love of his life? But Scaramouche's curiosity is stronger and he asked him who's this human and he's shocked, because Dottore' speaks so fondly about you, for the very first time he saw an actual emotion in Dottore's word, it's very weird but at the same time it solidifies the trust he wants to give to Dottore because despite everything he is, he is still a human~♡

YES I THINK ABOUT THIS TOO EXCEPT MY INTERPRETATION IS A BIT DIFFERENT...

Human emotions are the thing Scaramouche believes to be his downfall, his weakness that he despises. And he knows for a fact Dottore was the same way, lacking obvious empathy for his test subjects and people in general, Scara included. In fact, Dottore was worse than him, at least he still held a certain fondness for kids and the elderly... Dottore on the other hand did not have anything of the sort. So for him to find out Dottore had a lover... comes as a shock to him. Though I doubt Scara would be able to find your room (Dot keeps that highly guarded and shi 😭) he might overhear some murmurs of your name from the segments. And while normally he wouldn't care at all... they don't speak of you as if you're a test subject. Scaramouche knows well very, after all, of their tone with their... experiments. However if he did happen to find you or evidence of you, he'd be met with a sharp, cutting tone and no information whatsoever. Dottore wouldn't let a mere experiment pry into his personal affairs.

If you happen to wake up while he's still in the Fatui, he really wouldn't understand Dottore's obsession with you. You are nothing special. You're really just another mere human, trying to fight the fate of mortality that you were born with. No particular outstanding qualities... he doesn't understand what Dottore sees in you. The moment Scaramouche walked into the lab and he wasn't immediately harassed by one of the clones, he knew something was up. Usually, they had already prepared everything so that they could do those... "experiments" torture on him. Yet there wasn't any of that today. Because, as he found out, there was another guest in the lab of far more importance. You had woken up. Usually the segments would be scattered throughout the lab, but in this rare occurrence, they were all practically crowding you. You're the first one to notice the puppet, and you oh so casually tug on one of the segment's sleeves to alert him. He's met with the entirely disinterested expressions of the clones and "you are not needed now." Scara scoffs and leaves, but the sight leaves questions in his mind that he doesn't necessarily need answers to... but it's something to ponder.

After all of that, I still don't think he'd trust you or Dottore one bit. He doesn't trust anyone in general for that matter. You might be just as bad as the Doctor... he doesn't know, because there is no opportunity to talk to you as you are never alone. And Dottore is a whole other person normally. But Scara does think, human emotions are truly one of the worse things there are, for even the Doctor is affected by them... which may lead to his downfall, one day.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #scara wouldnt like either of you for obvious reasons 🤷‍♀️#still i find it interesting his pov of you since he really cant see anything special about you that the mad doctor would actually like #regardless mhm i love this brainrot #“I suggest you speak to me in a more respectful tone Scaramouche” moment

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radiance1 · 11 months

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FINNALLY FUCKING FOUND THIS POST!

So I'm here to add on to this with another idea that I had, this time concerning Sam than Danny, Vlad and Pariah.

So it's been about three entire years since the Ghost King's left on their quest to find Pariah.

Three years for Danny's friends and family to question where he went.

Three years for them to panic a bit and look for him.

Luckily for them, Sam received a note from Clockwork that the two left on a quest, somewhere along year 1. Which she then told the other, leading to them at least knowing what he's doing and not freaking out over it.

Do the... sudden, change that each and every resident received from a wish, it took some time to adjust for all residents.

Sam considers herself relatively more lucky than some others, say, being turned into a werewolf for example.

Sam herself was turned into a witch, although physically she didn't receive any changes, internally she could feel a thrum of power under her skin, waiting to be released.

So of course she did want any person in her situation would do.

Ask her parents to help her obtain any and all magical tomes they could get their hands on. Hell, they didn't even have to be tomes, just anything that was known to be magical.

Her parents managed to get her what she wanted, though some people made it very difficult to get some items, most of them being museums owners but it wasn't anything enough money couldn't fix.

And promises to take extremely good care, or return them when Sam was finished.

They also, totally unprompted on her part. Got a castle built for her. Only the size of a small mansion yes, but a castle nonetheless.

She thinks they heard talking about having one to herself, but nevertheless it paid off.

By year two she managed to completely go through most of what her parents got for her, then sent back what she was done with to those who wanted it back, if it were pages that still had lingering or outright heavy, amounts of magic still on them she kinda just, used her magic to duplicate them and sent the duplicate back to the museums.

Not that they would really know, now would they? Besides, they wouldn't be able to use said knowledge anyways.

Plus it would also be pretty dangerous if someone else with magical know how got their hands on them.

Now, she isn't pointing fingers but. You know. Freakshow, for example.

Those pages of magical knowledge are ones that she kept in book, with a durability spell and preservation of each and everyone of them, along with protections on the book itself to keep them safe.

Said book is also enchanted to never run out of space for new pages, and if not for any new page, then paper for spells she would right down.

It was near the end of year 2, when she was exploring an old ruin that she got full rights and ownership of. Funnily enough, said old ruin was right beneath her castle, so no one was really going to bother her about it, especially no one outside of Amity.

Amity Park keeps to itself, and anyone outside who wants to look deeper into it is not welcomed.

It was when she was exploring said ruin that she found something... otherworldly.

No it was nothing tied to the Ghost Zone.

At first, she thought it was. But reading through whatever ancient writing was left behind and comparing both ectoplasm and this mysterious pool of substance.

She could say with full confidence that this, liquid, was truly something otherworldly.

So of course she carefully experimented with said substance. It surprised her greatly when she finds out this thing is basically a revive and health potion in one, not like ectoplasm where it gave life to inanimate objects.

Even then that would need them being infused with a heavy amount of the stuff.

Like the Fenton's coo-

Regardless, it was a surprise, but at least it was a pleasant one.

It was when she was down in the ruin, having fixed it up considerably with magic and moved her magical artifacts, knowledge and research equipment down there that another surprise happened in year three.

A few months into the new year, when Sam was minding her business, studying some more ancient tomes and items her parents acquired, that some boy, who looked at least a year older than her. Crawled himself out of her pit.

Safe to say, she wasn't pleased.

But oh was she ever so curious.

#dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #sam manson #jason peter todd #Sam is a witch who isn't pleased with someone crawling out her property #Jason is just a recently revived dead kid who crawled out a pit #Sam is not pleased by this #but she is curious #Jason is just completely and utterly confused

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 10 months

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Howl - Florence and the machine

“The saints can’t help me now”

“Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers”

Tolya or Nikolai?

You chose xx

One In The Same - Tolya Yul Bataar

Content Warnings: Canon Complaint Threat And Violence. Not Proof/Beta Read, I Think My Dyslexic Ass Went A Little Much With This One.

Grisha Reader.

You feel like you're splitting in half, your brain is carving out new pathways for itself, trying to recentre on it's new axis, trying to make peace with the reality that you now face.

"You didn't know," Tolya says, his voice is incredibly soft, unnaturally so, like it was tailored to reach you and only you in this moment, this moment where you no longer know a thing about even yourself.

"There is nothing to know," you try, not so convincing in your attempt at lying, to him, to yourself. "There is... nothing to know."

"This is a lot," Tolya says, that softness not leaving his voice. Tolya isn't sure what he should say, what do you say when someone is discovering themselves all over after years of being sure of what they are. You are suddenly unsure of the ground you stand on, you don't know who you are as you have uncomfortably learned what you are. He wants to know the words to say to make it make sense for you. He wishes he had known somehow, that he could have prepared you, that he would've been able to sit you down and do this calmly, that you didn't have to find out with their lives on the line. With your hands shaking.

"I'm not, I'm not Grisha, I am not," you're choking on the words, and in panic you throw up your hands. Time stops, or at least that's how it feels.

You're playing it over and over, Tolya was in danger, you were in danger, but more importantly to the time, Tolya was in danger. You're not sure you've known fear like that before.

You just raised your hands, you didn't know what you were doing, not until it was done. Nature had opened up to you, all those tiny intricacies, all those things you'd unconsciously been trying not to see before, you were seeing them then, in bright florescent colours, all movements and pathways. Your reality tilted off it's balance as you found what you'd been ignoring at the ends of your fingertips.

You were Grisha.

You are Grisha.

Tolya hums your name as he places a hand on your shoulder. You relax under his touch, the weight of his hand a reminder that you're both here, both alive, and why that is shouldn't matter. What you are is irrelevant to what you saved yourself from losing.

"Why... how... how did I do that?" You ask, each word feeling like a hook caught in your throat, but you ask anyway.

"You were protecting us," Tolya says, and the softness is there, but you feel the pain also. He didn't want this for you, not the abilities, that is a blessing, but the weight of the actions that have passed. The guilt that is yet to settle in. "You were protecting me."

"I promised I would do anything to keep you safe," you whisper. You'd meant it. You did not regret the actions that you took to protect Tolya you would do them over again, even if it hurts and it leaves you heavy. You'd rather the remorse than risk the loss.

You let that settle, that knowledge, the knowing that there are lines you would not think to cross, and yet for Tolya you wouldn't think twice. You let yourself wonder in the idea that to love someone like this, at the extent where it is not a detriment to yourself but instead an extension of yourself. Protecting Tolya, is self preservation, protecting Tolya is protecting you, because you would be an entirely different person than the one you are without him. That's a person you do not wish to be, a person you hope to never know.

"Grisha," you say finally, staring at your hands, figures outstretched as if extending them to the reach of your muscles would make the Small Science visible somehow. As if it could make it make sense.

"You really didn't know," he says, not a matter of doubt but more a confession of amazement at the idea. How something so deep routed could be overlooked for so long.

"I was never tested," you are fumbling your words. "I... I never..." you think back and there have been times in your life where it would've made sense for you to figure it out. Times when your fight or flight should have gotten you here. Yet nothing had. Only this, this fear, this response, this deep need to protect what matters. “The saints can’t help me now.”

"I don't think the Saints could look on you with anything less than care," he reminds you. You smile at him, at Tolya, the man of endless faith. In both his Saints, and in you.

Tolya is a warrior, has been for as long as you've known him and longer, you know he would never look at you different for things that he himself has done to survive, and he knows your heart often better than you yourself know it. But his softness, and his smile and that hand that feels like it might be the only thing still holding you together, it means more here and now, when in another time for another reason you'd be finding being nearly killed, having to fatally retaliate or finding out you're Grisha, each maddeningly overwhelming. But he is here, and he does not have to do any more than simply be here, to make you feel better. You've not known a time when his presence was less calming than his Heartrending.

You know now what you've always known, all that you are and everything you will ever be is his as much as it is yours. The fire that is in your chest, that keeps the lights on and keeps you moving, it's the same flame that burns in him.

"I am not sorry," you say, "is that bad?"

"I have never regretted what I have done to protect those I love," he says, "I only regret that it is what is needed, but knowing it is needed leaves no room for regret. Remorse, but not regret."

"Is it... bad that I feel better?" You ask, like the final question could be the single thing that broke the balance.

"You're zowa," he reminds you, "your blessing feeds you when it is fed."

"How is it that you always know the right thing to say Tolya?" you ask.

"Because it is you, I will not be wrong when it comes to you, I simply won't allow myself to be."

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #tolya yul bataar #tolya #tolya x reader #tolya my darling i adore you

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lahooozaherr · 1 year

Text

I Will Always Find You

Chapter 1

Word Count: 4.8K

Warnings: Kidnapping, dead parent mention, good relationship with parent, drugging (implied)

MY WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI. AGELESS/BLANK ACCOUNTS WILL BE BLOCKED.

My tag list (instructions & requirements)

Chapter Summary: You’re a princess attending a diplomat event on Naboo with your father, a senator. He enlists his old friend, Greef Karga, to hire the best he knows to be your bodyguard for the week. Meeting the Mandalorian sparks a mutual fascination between you and him.

A/N: This takes place between season 2 and Book of Boba Fett although I do take some liberties with canon. The Razor Crest still exists because obvious reasons. Space birth control is a thing. Trying to bring out the sassy Din I know exists. It’s been over ten years since I’ve written and posted fanfic so please be gentle with me!

Song Inspo: Safety Net by Arianna Grande

Inspo Playlist

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Read it on AO3

Present Day

Wherever you were, it was dark and humid. Sometimes the sun shined through the small, barred window of the room you were placed in. It had been a few days, or at least that’s what it felt like to you, but you hadn’t kept count. Twice a day, meager rations were placed into your room quickly by someone you never really saw.

You couldn’t help but think how this was such a pathetic way to die. Slowly, but surely, you were losing any hope or will to live and any fight left in you also diminished quickly. The timing of all of this was awful. Saying goodbye to the Mandalorian had left a hole in your heart. Life would just never be the same after him.

If only you had told him how you felt. The thought of that had only made you more depressed, given your current situation. That last goodbye, full of unspoken feelings and confessions that wouldn't leave the confines of your beating chests, was all you could think about, aside from your duties as princess, your relationship with your father, and wanting so badly to help his burden as senator. And all of that amounted to this? What a cruel joke the universe had played on you.

The jingling of keys jerked your attention towards the door. A man you don’t recognize walks in, he is probably the same person who's been bringing you your “meals”, if you can call them that. You remained on the small, creaking bed that had been the only piece of furniture in the room besides a makeshift privy.

“We’re leaving later today,” he leans forward with a cloth and wraps it around your eyes. You don’t bother to say anything, the small bruises on your body are enough evidence that asking questions will get you no answers anyways.

After wrapping the cloth around your head and securing it around your eyes, he grabs your wrists. You hear the click of fasteners and drop your hands to your lap. Finally, you hear his footsteps exit the room and you’re alone again.

What was the point of this? To make sure you can’t tell where you’re being taken? It’s hard to care anymore. That flame of self preservation has been increasingly low and dull the more the days drag on.

You had been kidnapped, you know that much at least. Not by who, though. It had happened on a random stop for fuel and supplies on the way back to your home planet. It was during your walk through the market near that stop, telling your father you’d be quick. The planet seemed safe enough but you’d guess that judgment was wrong, evidently.

The whole event was a blur after you had been grabbed back into an alley, made to smell a cloth and pass out. Since then you’ve been met with sneers and silence from the few you’ve seen of your captors. They didn’t harm you but they also didn’t care how they handled you, thus the bruising. Wherever you were, you could tell it at least housed several of them. This must be where they kept you before they decided what to do with you. For all you knew, they could have taken you to an entirely different planet while you were unconscious.

You’ve wondered if you’d be found. Would the Mandalorian find you? Or is he really long gone? Your father had to have at least tried to contact someone.

You sink back into yourself on the thin mattress, slipping back into a dreamless sleep.

—————————————————————————

Two weeks earlier…

It wasn’t long ago that Din had to leave Grogu with the Jedi. Grief had been a foreign emotion to him until then. So he dealt with it the only way he knew how: distract himself seeking quarries. Greef Karga had plenty of bounties for him under the table while he rebuilt Nevarro.

He made his way towards Karga’s office, weaving through the bustling city Nevarro had become in recent months. Merchants sold their goods and civilians worked together to build and improve their infrastructure.

The communication Karga sent to Din had been vague.

“Come see me when you’re done with this job, I have a new, interesting one for you.”

Din had originally scoffed at the statement. Interesting? Probably more like a headache. Karga was regularly roping him into weird and sometimes, very inconvenient, jobs. But he’d always at least hear him out.

Entering his office, Karga turns to him and smiles, “Mando!” The two clasp arms and shake, their usual greeting to each other. “Please, sit.” Gesturing him to the seat in front of his desk. He sits in his own chair and folds his hands out in front of him.

“I’m assuming you got my message!”

“Yes, saying you had an interesting job. Define interesting?”

Karga laughs, “you know me too well Mando. But I promise, this isn’t the usual ‘interesting’ I bring you on for. However, it is still very important.”

Din crosses his arm and leans back into the chair, tilting his helm to signal him to continue.

“A diplomatic gathering is happening in Naboo, one that I’m attending. A very good friend of mine, who is a senator, is requesting a bodyguard for his daughter. He asked me for my best and most trustworthy guy, and that guy is you.”

Din lightly hums, “a body guard while they’re in Naboo? Doesn’t that seem a bit much?”

“I see what you’re saying, my friend, but there’s more to it. We’ve caught word that a warlord seeks control of their territory and….lineage. It’s very important to him that his daughter’s protection is made a priority.”

“Lineage? Because they’re royalty?”

“That’s correct. She’s a princess. She will also be attending the events, their plan is for her to take on more of a senator role and take her father’s place one day.”

Din mulls the details over in his mind for a moment. Karga was right about it being interesting, but it’s nothing he couldn’t handle. If anything it was interesting that Karga had a friend who was royalty.

Karga continues, “you will be paid, very well if I might add. Your lodging and transportation will also be paid for. You and I will travel together.”

“Why not? Sure, I’ll do it.”

Karga claps his hands and stands up, “excellent! I’ll have my ship prepared and we’ll leave in due time.”

—————————————————————————

Naboo has to be one of your favorite places to visit. Your home planet had its own fair share of greenery, lakes and culture but it wasn’t as much as Naboo. Your family’s bloodline were far off cousins to the royalty here and thus you always had somewhere to stay when you were here.

For the entire week leading up to the trip, you thoroughly prepared yourself. You had classes and meetings to be attending soon and you wanted to do your best to properly represent your homeland. Your father had done well to provide you with everything you’d need, from learning etiquette as a senator but as well as politics and diplomacy.

A spacious room had been provided for you, already filled with some of your possessions and needed materials. You sat at a small vanity in the corner of the room, touching up your hair and makeup. Meetings didn’t start today but you’d be making rounds with your father regardless.

“You can do this,” you mouthed to your reflection in the mirror. You didn’t 100% believe yourself though. There was immense pressure to take on the responsibility, though you knew your father would never force you. You wanted to help him, the most selfless and hardworking man that you looked up to more than anyone else in the galaxy. More than that, you wanted to improve your leadership skills for the sake of your people.

But a nagging feeling you’ve tried to squash in recent years always crept at the back of your mind. Is this what you really want? It was easier to keep that thought in the dark and to not question it. But that became more difficult the older you grew.

Would your father be disappointed in you if you chose another path in life? Probably not. But he was also aging, and that worried you always. Losing your mother a few years ago had seemed to fast track that aging. He is a compassionate and caring leader, and an adoring father, all in spite of losing the love of his life. You struggled with the thought of leaving him to deal with everything on his own.

Suddenly you hear your father knocking at your door, “can I come in?”

“Yes father!” You call out to him. The door to your room slides open. You can see him from behind you in the mirror. His smile is bright and warm, as always when he looks at you. Keeping eye contact with him in the mirror, he comes up behind you and places his hands on your shoulders.

“You remind me so much of your mother.”

“You always say that,” you smile back at him.

“And I mean it, every single time,” he lays a soft kiss to the back of your head. “Are you almost ready? We have some people waiting for us.”

You furrow your brow, “really? Who?”

He smiles, “it’s a surprise, you’ll see.”

—————————————————————————

After landing the ship in a nearby port, Din and Karga soon found themselves walking through the expansive, wide halls of one of Naboo’s palaces. This one was reserved for events like this. Senators and other political figures got to stay in the provided lodging of the palace, very convenient for the activities of that week.

Much like the rest of Naboo, the palace was beautiful. Lush gardens lined several courtyards within its walls, perfect for gathering with others or even just oneself. The halls were made of a shiny granite, any steps across it left a small clicking noise that echoed in the comfortable silence.

The two came upon a small, more private courtyard. Complete with a stone bench and small fountain in the middle. To the far side there was a door to someone’s quarters, Din had figured.

“Alright, we should be meeting them here,” Karga says while looking around the area.

“This is exciting for me,” he beams. “This year I was finally invited, with a good word in from my friend. This will be great for relations for the society Nevarro is becoming.”

Din is half listening, taking in his surroundings while still as a statue. It didn’t matter so much to him, this was just another job. Another thing to keep him busy, to keep him from missing Grogu.

“Karga!” The voice comes from another man who looks about Karga’s age, emerging from the door in the courtyard. “My friend, it’s been too long!”

The two share a hearty laugh and hug, patting each other on the shoulder respectively. Pulling away, they lock hands and shake.

“Likewise, Senator,” Karga turns and gestures towards Din.

“Mando, this is the Senator, my good friend and our client for this week.”

The Senator reaches his hand out and Din reciprocates, shaking it, “so this is the Mandalorian I’ve heard so much about! I’m so grateful you took the job.”

Din nods and steps back into position.

“My daughter should be out here in just a few minutes. She’s been very nervous about this week. My own nerves are eased knowing I can trust her in your care. Karga has told me a great deal about you, and anyone he trusts that much has earned mine as well. You’ve been made aware of our situation, I hope?” He queries Karga, who nods in response.

“Of course, I made sure.”

“I’m very grateful. I will spare no costs to make sure my daughter is safe.”

Din notices the glimmer of fear in the Senator’s eyes. Karga shared more details about the warlord threatening them on the way to Naboo. He found it odd that this warlord had chosen, what seemed to him, a random planet. Despite its royalty and trading, it was a more distant planet in the outer rim not too many others knew about.

“Then what is so special about this planet?” Din asks, really more so thinking out loud.

“Probably because they seem weaker, and have similar resources to Naboo. They are smaller and lesser known, for a warlord that’s an ideal place to set roots and control,” Karga replies, nonchalantly. “It’s not exactly that they’re weak, but they’ve chosen to keep more to themselves. But times change and relations have to be made to keep their economy running. That draws attention.

“What does the daughter have to do with it then? Why target her?”

“Well, negotiation for starters. Ransom. A threat directly to their lineage. If she’s killed, there’s one less direct descendant to take on their leadership when their current senator is retired or passed on. Although, I doubt the plan is to try and kill her right away.”

“Right. Makes more sense to hold her hostage, I guess.”

Karga sighs, “You’re probably right. And without much of an army at this time, they can’t afford to take them with them.”

____________________________________________

Leaving the door to your room into its adjoining courtyard, you notice your father standing with two other figures.

“Father?”

All three men turn to face you, your father’s smiles, “There you are! Gentlemen, this is my beautiful daughter.”

With part of the gown you’re wearing bunched in one hand to give you room to walk, you descend the small stairs and approach them. Smiling and bowing your head slightly, the two other men do the same in response. “It’s nice to meet you…” shooting your father a clueless look.

Your father clears his throat, “my dear, this is a good friend of mine, Greef Karga.” Karga nods in acknowledgement, holding his hand out for you. You take it gently and allow him to give it a small squeeze before returning it to yourself.

“I’m sure you don’t remember me, the last I saw of you, you were still an infant. You have grown into such a lovely young woman.”

“Thank you, that’s so kind. It’s nice to meet you again.”

Your father quickly interjects, “And the surprise for you, my darling.” He points to the steel clad figure standing next to Karga. “The Mandalorian I have hired as your bodyguard this week.”

Distracted might be an understatement when you first spotted him. Compared to you, he was tall and intimidating. His armor is made of beskar, shining in the sunlight. You were immediately intrigued by him. Mandalorian culture came up in your studies plenty of times, and you had a vague knowledge of it stored in your memory.

The Mandalorian is silent, only giving you a small nod, and you respond in kind. Very fitting for someone like him to be silent and emotionless. You wanted to know more about him. Aside from the bodyguard detail, you understood why your father kept this as a surprise, he knew better than anyone what interests you and your thirst for knowledge.

Your father claps his hands, “Shall we show you two around?”

Karga waves ahead, “By all means!”

Karga and your father walk ahead, leaving you and the Mandalorian to follow behind, side by side. You wanted to keep staring at him but tried not to, you didn’t want to seem rude and you certainly couldn’t tell where his eyes were. Yet.

Approaching another set of small stairs, you habitually gather a corner of your gown to free up room for your feet to step down. Karga holds his hand out to you once more, this time to help you.

Once at the bottom of the small staircase, Karga points at the Mandalorian, “Mando, learn to do that for her. It’s proper.”

The Mandalorian tilts his helmet at him, your face starts to heat up, “Oh please it’s really not necessary!”

He laughs and returns to your father’s side, walking ahead. Both of you follow behind them, now in a sort of awkward silence. You mull over in your head what you could say but you’re afraid of sounding….immature? Incompetent?

“I-I’m sorry,” you begin. “Please don’t worry about something like that.”

The Mandalorian doesn’t respond right away and it makes you even more nervous. Finally, he replies, “Do you plan to wear more outfits like that?”

You felt flustered, quickly. This is the first time you’re hearing his voice, although modulated because of his helmet. Your curiosity only grew.

“Uhm, yes…”

“Then I will help you,” he says, with a hint of softness that somehow filtered through his helmet.

Your now racing heart doesn’t relent and you find yourself seriously questioning why.

—————————————————————————

Karga and your father might as well have their own bubble, leading your group while they engage in deep conversation and play catch up.

Unfortunately this left you and the Mandalorian in a sort of awkward silence. Well, awkward to you at least. He’s probably fine, probably prefers it that way. You had hundreds of questions you could ask but none that were appropriate after only just meeting him. You searched your mind for ways to break the ice.

“Do youuuu…..get jobs like this a lot?” You decided to shoot that one out.

“No.”

Dammit. Of course. New question.

“What kind of jobs do you usually get, then?”

“Bounties.”

Maker, this was almost painful. Intimidating might have been an understatement for you. Something in you wanted to fight for his attention, his actual attention. Not what he was paid to do.

Your small group would come to stops here and there, your father guiding your guests and showing them where everything is and what’s what. You’d occasionally pass others who would nod in your direction and carry on. The palace was peaceful and quiet.

“Are you ok?” His voice startled you out of your thoughts. You glance his way without turning your head.

“Yes. Why?”

“Your heart rate is spiking.”

Oh no, he can tell? Because of his helmet? How embarrassing.

You let out a deep sigh, “this is my first time meeting a Mandalorian. Admittedly, I’m trying to come up with a conversation without prying too much.”

“That makes you nervous?”

“You’re tall, silent and intimidating. Of course.”

A small chuckle escapes his helmet in response to your sudden casual attitude, taking you by surprise. Did you somehow pull a laugh out of him?

“I’ll give you that.”

You smirk and let your eyes wander. Maybe this won’t be as hard as you had thought.

—————————————————————————

The way you look at him is…..different. Din is a trained warrior, he’s skilled in being able to read others. You wear your emotions and thoughts on your face pretty clearly. What he’s not exactly prepared for is the kind of emotions you’re displaying. When he first met your eyes (unbeknownst to you) he saw you look him up and down, curiously. A small smirk on your lips and your eyes change from inquisitive to….excitement? Was he reading that right?

At some point, your father’s tour tapered off. Karga suggested going into the nearby market for food and your father insisted. All four of you are now seated outside of a restaurant. Din, of course, did not eat. So that left him with more time to sit back, cross his arms over his chest and observe you.

It was hard to get a word in edgewise with your father and Karga. It felt like they had never stopped talking, having years to catch up on each other. He’d watch as you sat silently, your eyes would flit between the two of them, him and around you. Here and there you’d stop to stare at him for a minute, observing him right back. But you didn’t have the shield of a helmet to hide the eyes you gave him.

After finishing your food you started to become visibly impatient. You finally find a small moment of silence between those two and interject.

“Father, I’d like to wander around the market for a while if that’s alright with you. I’ll meet back up with you tonight?” You shoot him a look in your eyes that Din can definitely understand. Please let me go. I'm so bored.

He smiles back at you, although cautiously. He seems to hesitate, pausing before saying “Yes. Of course. Of course!” You stand up from your chair and stretch, Din also rises from his seat and stands.

“Don’t give the Mandalorian any trouble,” he winks at you, giving your hand a small squeeze before letting go. You give him a small tch with your tongue, rolling your eyes and turning to leave. Your father and Karga laugh heartily before resuming their previous conversation.

Din catches up to you and you let out a big sigh, “I’m sorry, any longer and I would have fallen asleep!”

“Karga has that effect on people sometimes.”

“You’re lucky though, you have a helmet, you could sleep and no one would really know.”

Din hums, amused, “don’t tell anyone.”

You couldn’t help but cackle back at his unexpected quip. You know for sure now that there’s a living, breathing person under there.

—————————————————————————

You’d noticed the Mandalorian does an excellent job of making himself look broad and strong. He was definitely a man of few words, so you tried to pay extra attention to his body language and mannerisms, which was still almost scarce on its own.

His armor glinted in the early evening light. Night life was starting up in the small area of town you were in. Some shops remained open alongside merchant stands and food vendors. Perfect timing on getting away from your father and Karga, otherwise you’d probably be dozing off.

But that still meant you were left in another silent moment like before. Only this time, the Mandalorian followed you.

You want to say more and break the silence, but your mind draws blanks on what to say. You finally settle with, “So! Uh, can I call you something? Maybe your name?” He’s silent for a minute before responding, “Mando is fine.”

Ah. Yes. Mando. Very creative.

“You don’t tell anyone your real name, do you?”

He glances at you on his side and nods.

“No, I don’t try to.”

He walked beside you as you took your time looking through merchant tables down the street of the city. The choices of items were almost endless. Clothes, books, and trinkets.

“So….besides standing around and brooding, what else can you tell me about yourself?”

He does a double take at you; you’re starting to run a record for most unexpected things ever said to him before. “Brooding?”

You laugh before turning to face him, the black T of his visor peering down at you. You had gotten close enough to him to really take in how broad he really is. A tension slowly built between you.

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“I’m just so fascinated by you”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I wonder just who you are, under that cool demeanor.”

He lets out something between a scoff and a laugh.

He’s used to the mixture of camaraderie or fear others tend to have towards him. But this? His brain almost short circuits, having to take a few minutes to process what you said. His helmet system alerts him to his own pickup in heart rate.

He settles on saying nothing, as usual, and you’ve already learned to not be bothered by that. You take it as an answer itself, sort of. You turn back to the table you’re standing at, browsing the small piles of clothing.

It was like the more the ice melted away between the two of you, the more you felt attuned to him. Maybe it was real or just your imagination, but if felt like you could start to tell where you think he’s looking at. You’d see his hands move in particular ways, clenching his fists at his sides or casually hooking his thumb into his bandolier.

The evening sky grew darker and the streets were lined in lanterns and lights. Music played somewhere in the distance, the crowd slowly died down. You decided it was time to head back, with Mando following after you.

You both turn down a quiet pathway. The silence between you had grown more comfortable. Fatigue has started to settle in your bones. You yawn and drop your shoulders, “just seven days. Seven days of dressing up and making appearances.”

“Do you have to dress like that everyday?” He asks, not that he exactly minds. The way you dress yourself is proper, ethereal. It was one of the first things he noticed about you. Which makes sense, because you’re royalty. Right, that’s why he noticed.

“I have to represent my family, and my home, so yes. I have to look my best every day.”

You pause for a moment, your eyes staring off into the distance as if you were mentally somewhere else.

“It’s like my armor,” you add, softly smiling to yourself.

Mando notices the distant look in your eye, and the sound of your voice. A sudden sadness had seemed to creep in. Something about seeing you like that pulled at his heart.

As if returning to yourself, you snap your eyes to meet his visor and smile.

He recognizes that look, the feeling emanating off of you. That was your wall, your learned defense mechanism. He knows underneath his armor, he’s a grieving man. A man who is not sure of his path anymore. An apostate.

He wonders who you are, under the well pampered, royal facade. Underneath the manners and gowns.

He mentally agrees, the fascination between you two is mutual.

—————————————————————————-

You’ve really got to start putting on that charm you know you have.

Wait, why are you telling yourself that?

For fun, of course.

If you’re going to be stuck doing this for seven days, you might as well have fun during it. Is striking up a flirtatious banter with the Mandalorian so bad? You’re curious.

Everything about him says “don’t fuck with me.” You’d noticed the glances he got, from the town to even inside the palace. The way crowds parted for him and others looked on and whispered.

You don’t think father thought that through when he hired the Mandalorian. All in an effort to protect you from potential dangers and he has, now, brought more attention to you. But you can’t necessarily blame him. Mando seemed more than capable and his reputation precedes him just from the looks he’s getting everywhere you go.

He had a swagger in his walk and gave off an aura that says he knows he’s a walking deadly weapon.

And all of that combined was exciting to you. It made your heart stutter. Maybe you should ponder that, but you put that thought aside for later.

You have felt his gaze since you met. At first you’d thought you were being paranoid, or maybe self indulgent, you weren’t sure of which at the time. But you’re more certain of it now. Especially when you sat across from him at dinner. But that’s what he’s getting paid to do, right?

Now, as you walk alongside him back to the palace, you’re mentally bashing yourself. You told him you felt like your gowns were like armor and felt ridiculous. There is no comparison of your clothes to his cold beskar. After a smile, you change the subject, opting for the bolder route.

“I’ve felt your eyes on me all day.”

Mando remains silent, looking ahead. You half expect him to scoff. Instead, he stops walking. You stop in front, facing him. In the nick of time, you two had made it to the garden area outside of the door to your suite.

“I could say the same for you.”

Your stomach flips, even though you already knew you weren’t exactly hiding when you watched him. He leans back on his legs and crosses his arms, waiting for your reply.

Right, yes, a reply. Hurry, and think of something to quip back at him.

“Is that wrong?”

He hums, considers your question, “no, just more obvious.”

“Yes, well, not all of us have the luxury of anonymity right now,” you nod your head to him, he shrugs.

You raise an eyebrow and smile, “so you admit it? You’ve been watching me all day.”

His stance freezes, and now you know you’ve got him, you smirk.

He steps closer to you, just enough to barely brush against you. His form is wide and tense, “it’s my job.”

There’s a small tone in his voice. Darker, smooth and matter of fact.

Your eyes drift from down up and focus on where you expect his eyes to be, you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. This is suddenly a contest of confidence, and you muster any bit you’ve got left in you.

“In that case, Mandalorian,” your voice drifts, breathy and low, you run a finger across his chest plate as you strut past him, “I will just have to give you more to watch.”

You peer at him over your shoulder and smile. “I’ll see you back here in the morning,” he says. You notice his stature becoming more relaxed. One hand on his hip, knee popped out, he watches you disappear inside.

Next Chapter

A/N: Thank you @veggiestreehugger so much for beta-reading this for me 😭❤️

#din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin smut #din djarin x you #din djarin x female reader #din djarin fanfic #mando x you #mando #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal #Star Wars #mandalorian

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nayruwu · 3 months

Note

I really love the tragic trio- mahiru guren and shinya, also the fact that all of them have different personality, I wanted to ask

A) What would mahiru have done:-

1)if she was in shinya's place (like everything he has been through since cat16 to vamp reign.. in short)

2) if she was in guren's place

B) what would guren had done if:-

1) he was in shinya's place

2)he was in mahiru's place

C) what would shinya had done if:-

1)he was in guren's place

2)he was in mahiru's place

Ik this can be really long, therefore just geve a summary if possible. I am just trying to understand how their personality are different in comparison to each-other.

I may be biased but since shinya has the least screen time amongst them, I mainly want to know how what he has been through can affect others and what he would have done if he was in their place. But still I luv the trio 💞😘

i put this off for way too long i am so sorry - the complexity of those questions did scare me a bit i'll admit. but since i recently reread the novels they are now fresh in my mind and i think i'll be able to answer them better now than before!

i will think about it generally, because the matter of how they would influence each other were they to switch places is too complex for me.

first of all - mahiru is incredibly ambitious, she knows exactly what she wants and she doesn't care what she has to sacrifice or how many people she hurts in the process. but in shinya's place, what could she have done? shinya did think about paths he could take, prove himself, overthrow the hiiragi, but he recognised that he lacked the power and searched for a different goal. mahiru would probably not accept that, seek contact with the hyakuya sect and destroy herself trying to break free. the same goes for guren's place, except she would have more opportunities to access research and turn into a demon more quickly, lol. so in the end, i think she would always end up in the same place. she would not accept friends as the meaning of life and go peacefully like shinya did. nothing but destruction in this girl's path.

as for shinya, he's just... very rational, and accepting of the things that happen to him. so i think he'd resign himself to his fate and just try to make the most of what little time and opportunity he has. maybe he'd want to try and break out, too, but in the end he would not be willing to give up his sanity and struggle so badly when what he wants in the end is to protect shinoa. in the ichinose clan, i feel like his goal would be preservation more than salvation, a bit like sakae.

and guren is a mess. somehow i'm still not an expert on him after years, @cannibalfrodo maybe help me out here, but the thing is - mahiru is on one end of the spectrum, shinya is on the other (like day and night. heh), and guren is somewhere in between. he can't choose anything, he can't really decide what he wants, he confuses me to hell and back. he wouldn't want to give up everything for power, but he'd be tempted and unable to choose the safest option. it might also end up in destruction and chaos like mahiru, but shinya did work hard to keep him in check. his choices depend on both of them specifically, which is why this question sadly is too difficult for me to answer, at least regarding mahiru's situation. i do think guren would have died in the hiiragi training facility because he is simply too baby. eventually he would have come face to face with a friend, and eventually he would have let them kill him.

#i finally did it god that wasn't so difficult now was it #sorry anon i don't know who you are or if you're even still here but i made it

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wisheduponastar · 9 months

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Sleepyhead... (1.6k words, M/M)

For Day 8 of @danganronpashipmonths Saioma month. Inspired by the prompt : Sacrifices

Kokichi needs to make sure Shuichi is safe during late night training. And he needs to talk to Shuichi afterwards. And then it doesn't matter if it's one in the morning by the end, and he needs hours to be able to fall asleep. It doesn't matter that the minute Kokichi can actually rest, the morning announcement goes off. Because Shuichi is safe. And Kokichi can sacrifice a little sleep for that.

Or~ Kokichi can't get to sleep, but still tries to look after Shuichi. While they're talking after late-night training, Shuichi catches on to just how exhausted Kokichi really is.

Read on Ao3 or below

Kokichi was tired. That was probably the simplest way to put it without lying. Shuichi had started to train with Kaito, and now Maki, for a few nights. Which meant Kokichi shouldn't have been able to meet up with Shuichi. But Kokichi made it work. He stayed up every night, waiting for Shuichi to finish.

Kokichi wasn't even sure why; all they did was talk. And it was even necessarily about the game, or anything useful. It was whatever had caught one of their interests. Kokichi would happily listen to whatever Shuichi had on his mind. From the most recent trial, to something much simpler. Like Shuichi missing rain, that was the most recent thing they had talked about.

Other times, Shuichi let him ramble about whatever he wanted to. He would properly listen, and he would talk back. Kokichi still lied a lot, of course, but he felt he was doing it for himself - not for image, or self-preservation. He did it because, sometimes, Shuichi would laugh at his lies. They'd make eye contact and smile, in the night. And Kokichi cherished those moments.

He also watched, originally, to make sure Shuichi would be safe. Because there was no way Shuichi could've beat Kaito, if the astronaut had a knife. But Kokichi could beat Kaito, he was fairly confident. The assassin girl he could toootally take. He just didn't feel like it. And he didn't think Shuichi could handle the assassin, cause he was weaker.

Maki didn't seem as much of a threat anymore, she'd even started trauma bonding with the two. But that might just be a strategy to kill one of them, and then shift blame off them. Emotional vulnerability, even if you lied about it, was one of the best ways to get someone to let their guard down. That was what Kokichi had learnt, anyway. Although he'd always done it with strangers, and had never exactly been honest with it. His version was a lot more like guilt-tripping.

Staring out again, Kokichi stifled a small yawn, covering his mouth with his bandana. He tried not to rub his eyes, and wipe off the make-up underneath them. Before Kirumi had...

While Kirumi had been able to help him, Kokichi had had her get some concealer in his shade - and teach him how to apply it. His dark circles weren't that bad, he just didn't want Shuichi worrying unnecessarily. Besides, it was totally a turn-off when he went all mother-hen (even if something in Kokichi did crave to be taken care of). Some days he hadn't even needed to put concealer on. And the attention Shuichi gave him when he was worried was all kind of nice.

Narrowing his eyes, Kokichi tried to see what they were doing. At first, he'd thought of going to Miu for a pair of dark-vision binoculars, but then he remembered it would be Miu. And she probably wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut about that. Instead, he had to resort to normal person eyes. Well, he was above average, of course - but mainly normal eyes. Kokichi also took a torch with him, just in case. But everything was pretty illuminated, at the very least.

Kokichi could never forgive himself if something happened to Shuichi, especially if he could prevent it. So he always stayed up. Watching silently, and then waiting. Waiting to see if Shuichi still wanted to talk after training, because as fascinating as their conversations were - they weren’t worth making Shuichi tired. Kokichi staying up himself was a different story, obviously. He wasn’t getting very tired from it. And there was always coffee.

Peering again, Kokichi noticed Kaito standing up and offering Shuichi his hand. So training was over, for now at least. Smiling, Kokichi hung back slightly before starting to follow them - staying in the shadows the entire time, of course. Looking, Shuichi didn’t seem as tired as he had been the previous nights. Maybe he could stay up with Kokichi this time?

Staying silent, Kokichi watched as Maki and Kaito disappeared into their respective rooms, before Shuichi left to go into his. Another beat of silence, and then Kokichi quickly stepped across the empty dormitory to Shuichi’s room, knocking on it, “Open up sleepyhead!”

“Kokichi?”

Sure enough, the door quickly opened, Shuichi staring at Kokichi slightly, as if trying to figure out why Kokichi was there. Moving, he slipped inside of the room, “Wow Shuichi, your room is really boring y’know?”

Tactfully ignoring Kokichi’s taunts, Shuichi headed inside too, “Why are you here, Kokichi?”

“So we can hang out together!” Kokichi felt himself grinning, “Unless my Shuichi hates me so much he doesn’t want to see me?” “Sorry, your Shuichi?” Even with the time, Shuichi still managed to be perfectly sceptical, one eyebrow raised at Kokichi’s antics.

“It’s ok if you hate me Shuichi, cause I actually hate you too!” Kokichi then paused for a second, “Just kidding - that was a lie! Did I get you?”

But even with his usual level of exuberance, Shuichi still seemed to be looking at Kokichi sceptically. Under the mask, Kokichi felt himself panic slightly. If Shuichi knew just how exhausted Kokichi was getting, he’d stop them from meeting up. And then Kokichi wouldn’t be able to spend time with Shuichi anymore. Then he realised, he wasn’t doing any gestures with it. That was why Shuichi was worried!

“Is Shuichi worried about me?” He teased, this time making sure to skip a bit closer and lean into Shuichi grinning up at him and exaggeratedly batting his eyelashes.

“Yes… I am.”

That threw Kokichi off-guard for a second, the level of genuine concern. Recovering quickly, he tried to just grin again and laugh, “Nee-heehee, that’s all part of my masterplan! Once you’re concerned about me-”

“Kokichi,” Shuichi suddenly interrupted, in a rather soft voice. He stood up, making direct eye contact with Kokichi, seemingly oblivious to the butterflies suddenly in Kokichi’s stomach, the effort he was making not to blush. “You seem… burnt out. Are you ok?”

“Of course! You really think the Ultimate Supreme Leader needs something as silly as sleep?”

“You’re not sleeping well?” The question is posed instantly, and with the certainty of Shuichi in a class trial. For a second all Kokichi can do is blink, before he internally curses to himself at the slip-up. He has been sleeping. Not that much, but surely enough to prevent a slip-up like that?

“I’m sleeping fine,” Kokichi puts a grin on again, “I enjoy talking with you Shuichi. Especially after dark…”

“Kokichi, I’m serious,” somehow, Kokichi only now realises just how deeply Shuichi has been staring into his eyes, looking at him, “You… you do seem exhausted.”

“You’re no fun Shumai!” Kokichi pouts, turning away slightly and crossing his arms. Trying to bring a smile out of Kokichi, to let their dynamic go back to normal. Something in Kokichi loves that Shuichi is worried about him. But he also doesn’t want Shuichi to have to be worried at all.

“You need to sleep, Kokichi.”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Before it can develop into a back and forth, Shuichi briefly frowns, pinching his nose. “Right, you need to sleep, now.”

The detective glances around, before his eyes land on the bed. “Please Kokichi, just try and go to sleep?”

“Is my Shumai inventing me to get in his bed?”

Even with his tiredness, Kokichi laughs at how flustered Shuichi suddenly becomes, eyes going downwards and face becoming rosy and flushed. “Aww c’mon. Wanting to sleep with me is perfectly normal. I’m really popular-”

“Bed. Now,” there’s something more demanding in Shuichi’s tone, and Kokichi almost moves closer to the bed without thinking.

“Wow, you’re really desperate,” Kokichi grins, “If you wanted to sleep with me this badly-”

“How about a deal?” Shuichi seems just as tired as Kokichi is, but he has a thinking grin on, “Just… try to go to sleep in the bed for ten minutes. If you don’t, we can stay up tonight for as long as you want.”

“And if I do?” Kokichi prompts, before following up, “You’re a pretty shit deal maker Shuichi.”

“But very well,” he grins. He’s not been able to get to sleep in less than two hours ever since the killing game started, and this won’t make any difference. It’s an easy challenge. And one that Shuichi is glad to accept, “I accept your terms! Prepare to lose!”

Oddly, that wouldn’t have been the weirdest thing that Kokichi had said while throwing himself onto a bed, although he’s in probably some of the strangest company. Around him, he can feel Shuichi grimace at the fact he didn’t take off his shoes. He hears Shuichi shuffle again, and then the light is turned off. Kokichi takes one last look at the clock. It’s precisely midnight. Stopping a yawn again, Kokichi grins sleepily at Shuichi, “Well, see you in ten minutes!”

Kokichi didn’t mean to close his eyes on the bed. He didn’t mean to fall asleep. When he reminisces, he isn’t even sure how it happened. Perhaps it was the gentle sound of Shuichi breathing, staying completely still so as not to disturb him. Deep down, Kokchi knows it’s because, for the first time, he truly feels safe.

And if in the morning he wakes up just before the morning announcement and sees Shuichi, asleep in a chair, he doesn’t mention it. He quietly gets his lockpicks out and slips away from the room. And he certainly doesn’t have a smile on his face.

#danganronpashipmonth2023 #saioma #saioma month 2023 #saiouma month 2023 #saiouma #saioma fanfic #kokichi x shuichi

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karaokebearwithal · 1 month

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1! 2! 3! Please!!

Thank you! For the, Ask! 🐻☺️✨ These are some good choices so I'll have fun answering!!

1. What would your Tav’s greetings be (at different levels of approval)?

Well! This is a big one hol' on Let's start at Medium approval! Middle of the road, most likely the approval you'd have if you'd meet Domino freshly wormed wandering the Sword Coast: Since she doesn't really know you she'd default to being kind and non confrontational, definitely matching the energy of who ever is leader. And this is without hesitation! He would just as easily stop and help every single npc on the map as she is to raid the druid grove with you. As long as you're amicable to with him, he's loyal to a fault. Well I mean granted you'd have to do more convincing to raid the grove than helping but Domino is definitely not turning against you. Voice Lines include! : "Hello there", "You called?", "Anything you need?", "Need help with that?" High Approval: You've spent enough time actually getting to know dear Domino to learn of her actual personality (and other secrets ;3) rather than her default bard mask she uses to avoid trouble during travels (he is very well travelled) He's probably attached to your hip, as loving and caring as a person can be while also clearly being platonic. If you let her, its constant touching, holding hands other forms of physical contact, preforming for you, inside jokes, sharing food. Basically with high approval you're the best of bestest friends (no take backs) and you'll not be allowed to forget it! Voice Lines include! : "Can I bite you? <3", "*so many nicknames*", "If you let me have some of your meal you can have some of mine" "*Player asks if she stole extra food*" "Yes! Of course I stole some more baked goods for us! Now, which you'd like? " Low Approval: As easy as it is to achieve high approval with him, low approval is far more easier to get with Domino. Things like her don't get far without having at least some sense of self preservation and being outright antagonistic or violent towards her is all it takes. (Though he isn't dumb, he can understand intention and context) It'll probably entail a scary amount of silence from a bard. Sneakily trying to attack you in battle, talking to other party members to convince them to turn against you (and he's very persuasive), steal your things. Just anything to be as antagonistic towards you as she can be without loosing the approval of other party members. Domino would also stare at you with large dead eyes where ever your in range like a predator who knows their not at the top of the food chain so has to get smart in order to obtain their goals. Very chilling! Voice Lines Include! : "...", "*low growling*", And if you turn your back far enough "*BARK*"

Next!

2. Describe their tent setup! What’s on the outside? The inside?

Surprisingly, Domino wouldn't own a tent so it would be default, customised. Nothing would be left outside the tent though, She'd fear something happening to her belongings. But everything Domino owns would either stay in his pack or be thrown into a nest in the middle of the tent as a makeshift nest. He'd sleep on all her most valued belongings!

3. What would their character quest be titled? Why?

This is a really good one! Either The Many Masked Beast or The Unyeilding Storm depending on which the player discovers about Domino first. The Beast one would be you figure out she's a werebeast (homebrewed but the mongrel race I think is kinda close?) The Storm one would be if you figure out he's actually a souless only surviving on the sourcer blood inside him. (Storm Sorcerer) Both these things that Domino hides really well though if you figure out one, he'll tell you the other.

Thanks for the questions!! And feel free to ask any more if my answers only gave you more questions :3€

#Dearest Domino

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bcbdrums · 8 months

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How do you think Ron power should be handled had the show continued?

In fanfiction I’ve seen that aspect been handled in three ways:

A) Ron becomes more confident and self assured if a little boastful

B)Ron becomes arrogant

C) is simply ignored to preserve the status quo

I was never a fan of the mystical monkey power storyline, but there is no denying that is an interchangeable aspect of Ron’s character that can’t be easily swept under the rug.

I like the idea of Ron becoming more competent and confident. But if handles incorrectly I can also view his new powers becoming some sort of power creep, at least we know Ron is a grounded and calm person by nature and I don’t believe he would get big-headedness anymore, those few moments were signs of insecurity and not true arrogance and I think his character developed beyond that.

It got me thinking: Would Ron character change after what happened in graduation? Would he become more self-assured? Or would that event make him become more careful with powers? Could that change the way he sees himself? Or change the dynamics of the team?

I’ve seen this concepts rarely ever get explored in fanfiction, what do you think? If the show had continued how would you have liked to see the show or on fanfiction handle Ron’s powers?

i'll assume both asks were you since they're almost identical, so i'm just gonna answer this one.

what i have seen in post-grad fanfic regarding the mystic monkey powers is usually either 1) ron is afraid of the power because he killed the lorwardians; afraid he might get "out of control" again, afraid he'll hurt ppl he loves... or 2) the power indeed takes hold of him like an insanity and he becomes a villain and we don't even get to see much struggle about it. lots of angst, not my thing... that is, while angst is my thing, with ron both of those angles seem out of character.

now ron having a casual arrogance... he does that in ron the man, ron millionaire, less so in naked genius... but you get the point. a little casual arrogance from some false sense of grandeur IS in fact, in character for ron. so that angle wouldn't bother me.

not really reading anything besides drakgo fanfic, i really wouldn't know though 😅 that's just what i've seen in the past when i did glance around. none of that fic ever quite grabs me though.

since the events of graduation seemed to be ron coming into his own with the powers and actually HAVING the control, since prior manifestations of his power seem to be random... he'd show sudden awesome fighting skill and confidence almost subconsciously at various points throughout the entire series, for example... yeah i think that post-grad he'd be far more in sync with himself? able to use the monkey kung fu consciously and confidently. i can imagine he and kim fighting a foe and ron starting to do his typical running and hiding and then being like, wait a sec, and turning and fighting. maybe asking kim if she feels that cool all the time, and how does she just know instinctively what to do, and how awesome it is... they could bond now over both being martial arts masters, haha. and i think he'd only call upon the mystical blue stuff in very dire need like against the lorwardians. but i think he'd be in full control, full awareness... that's most in character for ron, you know? and i like things to stay in character.

that's how i feel about it both character-wise, and show-wise... had the show had a fifth college season or something for example, the mystic monkey power is sort of a uh... deus ex machina? like the battlesuit, which is why it was always on the fritz in S4. there's no threat if he's always using the powers or kim always has the battlesuit, so yeah. but i think he'd be in full control anyway due to like i said, graduation was about him coming into his own finally. to backpedal from that would just...kinda negate that character development. so probably they just wouldn't face foes where that sort of thing is necessary, if we think about it from the practical cartoon storytelling standpoint.

i don't think it changes their team dynamic anymore than just allowing ron to fight more confidently at kim's side. they still are who they are, and to...drastically change something means we're no longer watching Kim Possible as we love it. so...yeah. i hope that answers the question and makes sense. thanks for the ask!

#queue win #kim possible #ron stoppable #kim x ron #mystic monkey power

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helldustedstories · 1 month

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Okay, but I want to talk about Stolas and his relationship with touch, affection, and praise, because they're all kind of wrapped up in one another. Under a cut for length.

When he was younger, he barely saw his father. The day he received his grimoire was the first time he'd seen him all year, and Paimon didn't even tell him 'happy birthday;' he just greeted him, completely forgetting his name, and told him that it was finally time for him to 'become a true part of the Goetia family. Good for you.'

After that, he very quickly told Stolas what his duty in Hell was going to be, gave him the grimoire, and then announced that he was destined to 'sire a precautionary heir,' which meant that he was never going to have any say in how his life turned out. It was all planned for him right from the start. The picture that Paimon showed Stolas of his future wife was one where she was abusing her pets, something that was understandably upsetting on top of the news he'd just received. When Stolas starts crying in reaction, Paimon pats him on the head, the touch condescending and anything but comforting or affectionate. Stolas even flinches when he pats him, which suggests he's used to less than gentle touch, by that point.

He's used to his father not being there or being less than gentle, which sets up an expectation for other. Because if his father, who loves him (because fathers are supposed to be loving, right?) treats him that way, of course other people are going to as well, right?

And then later, when Stolas bows to Blitzo, being the polite young gentleman he is, Paimon hits him to correct him, calling him an idiot in the process. It definitely wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Paimon's simply not around as much as he could be, but Stolas almost certainly had physical correction applied whenever he did something wrong (a rap across the knuckles with a ruler, a smack upside the head, like when he bowed to Blitzo; little things that add up).

He was also very isolated, mostly only interacting with the household servants and his tutors, none of which showed him more than cursory attention, the way one does to the son of their employer. So he grew up touch-starved, isolated, and desperate for any sort of attention or affection.

Additionally, he was frequently belittled and told that he was stupid, ugly, worthless, that he wouldn't amount to anything, which very much stuck with him and he started to internalize. He's used to just kind of ducking his head and going along with it, to minimize any attention on him, because so frequently when people are paying attention to him, it's negative.

He's more likely to expect a physical blow than any sort of gentle affection, especially when it's preceded by raised voices. Stella was more likely to throw objects than to throw hands, at least at first, but he still flinches sometimes when someone is upset with him, just out of habit. Though he's gotten pretty good at keeping any physical reaction to a minimum, as a means of self-preservation.

Stolas also got very good at deflecting and defusing situations because he had to after Via was born. He showers her with love and affection, because he doesn't want her to end up like him.

Because as much as he craves touch, affection, and praise, actually receiving them is another matter. When he's comfortable with someone, he very much wants to be touching them frequently, even if it's just something simple like the brush of his hand against theirs, because it reassures him, fills part of the hollowness that he constantly feels because he wants to be held, to be cared for.

So he channels that into caring for others: usually his plants and his daughter.

But as is a theme in his life, everything changes when Blitz shows up again. Stolas tries to joke and flirt, not really expecting anything to happen, but he'd had something to drink, and the first person he'd ever called his friend had seemed to enjoy his company when they were children, maybe that hadn't changed. Maybe he really was here to see Stolas.

The two of them sit down on the nearby chaise lounge and talk a little bit, until Blitz is the one that initiates any sort of touch between them. Stolas is immediately flustered and doesn't know what to do, going so far as to back away from Blitz. Because at this point, he's never experienced any touch that is romantic or positive in a sexual nature; he's been married to Stella for quite some time, and he disassociated whenever they had sex. So he's understandably a bit flustered because he's experiencing attraction for the first time, too.

Blitz pursues him, putting all of the attention on Stolas, which he is not used to, especially in this sort of situation, but he doesn't push him away. It's new, it's exciting, and he finds that he actually wants what Blitz seems to be offering. He has no idea how to put that into words, and he stammers over an answer when Blitz asks him what he wants him to do to him. Which is the point that Blitz bites him, tipping that needle over from "I want this but I'm uncomfortable" to "oh my god, I want this."

When Blitz pushes him back down onto the bed, he latches onto that, immediately asking Blitz if he likes to be in charge, to command. He goes right into playing that up, going from the idea of commanding to kinky in seconds, because any of the knowledge he possesses about this sort of situation came from books. Blitz tells him to stop, and he immediately does.

It's at that point that Blitz blindfolds him and ties him to the bed, which Stolas takes to mean that more touch is coming, something he says he's craved for a very long time. Blitz could have just left him there, but he didn't. He stayed and he fulfilled that desire: he gave Stolas what he'd been craving, showed him what it was like to be touched and wanted, which also served to show him what he had been missing.

Because up until that point, he thought there was something wrong with him. I've talked about it a little bit before, but my interpretation of Stolas is that he's both gay and on the ace spectrum, specifically demiromantic, which means he needs an emotional connection to feel more for someone than just appreciating them aesthetically. He hasn't necessarily come to terms with this sort of label yet, which was why his initial night with Blitz meant more to him than some casual fling would have, because he already had an emotional connection, which made the physical that much more intense.

Things with Stella got even worse, at that point. She escalated from just throwing things, to deliberately throwing or destroying the things that Stolas cared about, until she eventually hit him. He was able to block her blow so easily the one time he stood up for himself because he was expecting it, because she'd done it before.

So while he craves touch, there's also part of him that expects the worst when he actually gets it.

Which is part of the reason he leans so much into the BDSM side of things with Blitz, especially in the beginning. Because if he expects pain, if it's controlled and given out as part of the touch, part of the experience, and not just a negative, then that's fine. It's something he expects and can handle, and even find pleasurable, because it's controlled and it's not coming from a place of anger, of fear. It's actually coming from a place of trust and of care, which is an entirely new experience for him.

He can handle being touched, leans into it, because he so desperately wants and needs it.

Affection, on the other hand, is harder for him to deal with because it's so foreign. He frequently feels that he's not worth the time and attention it takes to reach some level of caring for him, even if he's desperate for it.

The same sort of thing goes for genuine praise. If someone tells him he did something well or he's good at something, his first instinct is to pick apart whatever they're complimenting, because he clearly could have done better. They're not actually complimenting him; they're trying to show him how he failed.

It's even worse when someone tells him he's pretty. He wears nice clothes and does what he can, but he's been told from a very young age that he's ugly and disgusting, which is definitely taking some time to unlearn.

But the more he spreads his wings (so to speak) and experiences more and comes to terms with the fact that his treatment wasn't okay and wasn't his fault, the more he unlearns the things he was told. It's been a long road to get to where he is, and he definitely still has days where he doesn't feel like he's worth anyone's time or attention, but he is definitely trying.

#ᯓ★ stolas : headcanon #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[really I should have called this one 'an analysis of The Circus]#[but here we are]#[this got longer than I expected oops]#long post cw

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pantherlover · 10 months

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A Local Habitation Re-Read: Part 3

Hello again! As always, these commentaries are not spoiler free, and please come talk to me about stuff! It's way more fun that way!

Chapter Eight:

I keep forgetting how much I loved Toby having Tybalt's jacket. (Also lol at Toby going 'the scent of Tybalt's magic comforting for some reason. This is for sure a thought that I don't need to dwell on Ever')

I really like the idea of inanimate objects having Opinions about being enchanted. It feels like an offshoot of knowes being alive.

I would love to know more about Dryads and whether April having control over how old she presents herself (at least I assume she does; I know she looks older at the end of this book, and I'm pretty sure she looks younger again when January gets brought back) is a Dryad thing or a being part computer thing.

Everything that Toby says about how the Daoine Sidhe are viewed is really interesting given that we now know that she's not one. She says that they're mostly known for being bloodworkers, but I think for most of the series they're better known for their illusions (and for overwhelmingly being the ruling nobility)? I wonder if she thinks that Daoine Sidhe are more associated with bloodworking originally because that's what she and Amandine are associated with.

Relatedly, she says that the Daoine Sidhe 'didn't sign up for the position of "most likely to handle your corpses"'; given what we know about Eira now, I don't think that's true at all. Considering how often Eira (and all of her children) were responsible for death, it actually makes a lot of sense that they'd be able to steal a person's secrets/memories after killing them. (That's SUCH a grim thought; that after a taking a person's life, Eira would be able to take from them anything they wouldn't give her)

Chapter Nine:

Okay, their (probably specially designed) security cameras were turned off, the bodies had wounds that were likely made with the machine *they* were designing, and Toby tells them that the blood no longer contained memories - you know, the thing that they were specifically trying to do - and it still took them THREE MORE DEATHS to admit what might be involved in killing people?? They are putting *effort* into being in denial about this.

Toby always worries that she broke Quentin when he charges head first into danger, but he's asking to stay and help roughly 30 seconds after seeing his second and third bodies, so I don't think Quentin's self-preservation was as well developed as she tells herself it was.

Chapter Ten:

I don't think Gordon's actually too bad at diverting suspicion from herself, although she does hit 'the lady doth protest too much' levels a couple times. The most suspicious thing about her is probably that she's never the first person to find the body.

I love April kinda-sorta conveying appropriate emotions (presumably to optimize people's responses to her requests) but not quite caring enough to seem genuine.

Chapter Eleven:

It's weird for Toby to not automatically arm herself. I give her a lot of grief for her lack of common sense, but I will admit that there are lessons that she's learned.

Although Toby definitely shouldn't be giving anyone shit over not being sensible.

'Three of us jumped at every shadow, while Gordon just walked blindly on.' Okay, that's also really suspicious. I know none of them are great at staying in pairs, but everyone other than Gordon was at least a little bit nervous about it. Gordon being the only one to point out that being in pairs isn't helpful if one of them is the murderer also feels a little ironic, like she's thought it through more than everyone else because she had to. I might just be projecting a bit on that because I know she's the murderer though.

I feel like this situation where April has to be rebooted is demonstrating a flaw in their plan to digitize everybody. (Also, did anyone guess that Seanan McGuire would predict the Metaverse?) Even if you could digitize most of Faerie, *someone* still needs to be on the outside to make sure that the system is running. That's a lot of trust to put in someone to not just shut everything down and effectively kill everyone who was 'downloaded' onto the server.

It's possible that Toby was so bad at picking up clues in this situation because Alex's enchantments was making her more willing to dismiss anything suspicious.

That's it for now! Please feel free to come talk about things with me.

#October Daye #A Local Habitation #Reread Project

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dragonturtle2 · 2 years

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Why don’t Luz and Lilith try to FIGHT Philip Wittebane?

Why not try to break or return the Collector moon discus, so that this blatant murderer doesn’t walk away from this with exactly what he WANTS? There’s so many options in that moment to undo at least SOME the damage. Or they could hold it ransom, and exchange information on the portal. There’s nothing stopping them from doing anything. Lilith just gets in one satisfying punch, a meme-bait line… And then for some reason they just leave. Nothing is done in response. As if the punch resolved things.

The argument they’re trying to preserve the timeline just doesn’t add up. They’ve already failed at non-interference when they stopped him from getting beaten up and his journal torched. Luz hasn’t even been able to listen to the entire journal; and thanks to the haphazard nature of the Echo Mouse, is it even all ordered like how it was written? So some of the contents of the journal, and the context, is like a temporal Schrodinger's Cat. No one has observed it (unless you count the magic stomach acid of the Echo Mouse), so it essentially doesn't exist. (More spoilers below break).

Okay sure, Belos would know what's in that journal, he WROTE the thing. But A) Luz can't exactly visit him to talk, B) his word is dirt, and C) Luz doesn't even know that Philip has lived on and so wouldn't think to ask. As far as she should know, she's the most knowledgeable living person in the entire universe about Philip Wittebane.

I don't know if any physics in Owl House are written with a Copenhagan interpretation in mind, but it's not like Luz knows that either. Nor would she much care; she's kind of shotgunning this whole time travel venture, in a very Luz way.

All that wouldn't count for bits of the journal filled with blatant lies anyhow. Philip was caught red-handed fibbing in the journal about the arranged deaths of Lilith and Luz. Blue Fang was confirmed as a "sacrifice." Judging from the complete lack of shame or shock when confronted for any of this, Philip has done this over and over again. So at the very least, any part of his journal talking about the the 'tragic loss' of his companions is a load of total *garbage*. Therefore, if Luz and Lilith decided to haul Philip back to Ye Olde Bonesborough to stand trial, she has plenty of logical leeway to set back his plans. Luz isn't aware of any proof that Philip finished the portal and made it home anyway. Or that the portal was completed by HIS hands. It's just a strong chance, which Luz is desperately chasing down so she can reunite with her mami. We haven't seen the actual final chapter of the journal, and according to the Gravesfield legend Luz heard, the Wittebanes were never seen again.

But we don't have to make a convoluted argument about when counts as temporal leeway in the timeline. It's fictional magic, I know people don't really care much about it. Even I feel silly after just reading back what I just wrote. What's really important... is that I can’t see Luz as someone who would set murderers loose, even if it would jeopardize her ability to return to Earth. Or violate any cosmic ‘rule.’ That was the entire basis for her tragic sacrificial gambit at the end of Season 1. She also makes it very clear what she thinks of "destiny" in this very episode. Brushing off the tropes of Destiny was at the core of Owl House, which it made it beautifully clear at the series outset.

I really, really hesitate to use the term “plot hole.” Partly because it’s been overused, and mainly because it’s association with bad faith or dumb critiques/rants. A lot of times that term “plot hole” is applied leaps in logic made for the sake of entertaining the audience. Like an extensive action sequence, with 10 minutes of martial arts instead of someone just ending it with a bullet (most of my fave franchises rely on this). Maybe a ton of unrelated events lining up to make an intricate plan come together. Or just a stroke of luck so a protagonist can make it out of a situation without death or dismemberment.

But the ending didn’t offer any of that. When we leave the skull temple, we aren’t given a thought-out escape from Philip (even though he has impressive power), no conniving deception, and not even a fun chase sequence. Lilith and Luz are just artificially lackadaisical, suddenly dumbed-down. It certainly wasn’t because they were feeling forgiving of the jerk. Lilith didn’t like the guy from the start, plus she is totally able to whoop his ass.

The worst explanation would be implying the characters really do give into the BS defeatist mindset of “it’s destiny, can’t be helped.” Credit where it’s due, the show COULD be setting this up for Belos to work off of. That he brings it off to show off to Luz or Lilith that ‘destiny’ and God are actually on his side. It actually could be an F’ed up way of trying to convince Lilith to rejoin him. “Do you see now, Lilith? I HAD to break our deal and make you betray me, so you could enact your adventure in the Dreadwardian Era. To act otherwise would unleash a temporal rupture of paradoxical chaos.” You know how this bullshit would go. I HAD to hurt you. GoD hAs A pLaN 4 eVeRyOnE. Cults are happy to try and rope back the people who leave, even after treating them like feces for leaving in the first place.

If the time and/or animation budget was too tight, just have Lulu or Luz go: “Crud, we need to head back to the portal now before high tide!” Even though that last option might have costs us an excellent baluster joke payoff. The easy solution for preserving the continuity, and the run time, would be for Lilith to at least smash the artifact into pieces out of spite. (New idea: have her punch THROUGH the plate, INTO Philip’s face!) Then show Philip reassembling it in that awesome cave sequence.

#THE OWL HOUSE #toh season 2 #the owl house critical #philip whittebane #luz noceda #toh the collector #lilith clawthorne #owl house analysis #time travel plot mechanics #elsewhere and elsewhen #toh spoilers #emperor belos

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incomingalbatross · 2 years

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"The Librarians and the Echoes of Memory":

All right, so Flynn really DID Do Nothing Wrong. Good for him. <3

Eve is the person least equipped to navigate Weird Magical Reality-Alterations, and she knows it, which is what makes watching her so fun. Just gonna shake her head and wing it.

Ah, a cartoony dystopia. Fun Times.

(And to be clear, when I said "Fringe Season 5" I was mainly thinking of the aesthetic. I stand by this.)

"Flynn!! Where are you? Are you okay?" "To answer your first question, I can't hear you." "That—that wasn't—"

^^ GREAT sequence.

I Fell Down, that great comedic successor to Where Are My Pants?

So I guess the Library is the actual embodiment of human wonder and curiosity? All right. Yeah. That's important.

Even in the Dystopia of Blandness, used-car salesmen wear bolo ties. In fact, it looks like they have to.

Eve doing her own version of calling up the trio's True Selves is very good.

Also. Have I mentioned that Eve is literally preserving the Library's existence by carrying the memory of it within her mind. Beloved.

Ezekiel is the world's lamest and also only celebrity?? That is. SO GOOD. Even here, Ezekiel can't blend into a crowd, and I'm sure he will be very smug about that later.

Cassandra and Jacob fanning over him is also very funny, obviously.

And of course he's chafing at this life. Of course he's picking padlocks in his dressing-room. Of course he is.

...Bad Ezekiel. Don't call security on your mom. :(

I will just point out, though, that if you want to keep Eve docile, maybe you shouldn't have let one of her people host the world's only TV show. But I guess you don't really care if she remembers...

Also. Don't stick her in the same ward as FLYNN??

FLYNN IS HERE! :D Asking questions! Talking! Indefatigably Being The Librarian!!

"Judson is a name. Jenkins is a name. Charlene is a name. These are all names that carry on in my head" :')

Good: Flynn going through an elaborate escape attempt just to make Eve laugh on his way back to his cell. Bad: Flynn getting Winter Soldiered.

Ezekiel I DON'T like your hair. Fix it.

The trio are Power of Friendshipping themselves back together!

AND Eve and Flynn pulled out True Love's Kiss again. That's a really handy resource if you've got it, honestly. All-purpose curse-breaker and all they need is each other.

Oh man. When I said they were Power of Friendshipping themselves back together, I hadn't seen anything yet.

Cassandra getting her mojo back was especially lovely. The boys are just "you, uh, you do--a thing! with numbers! and your hands!" And then she gestures and it comes and it's got COLOR. And she lights up too.

But also Ezekiel not needing to be told what he does, just seeing wires and security and going "I have no idea what any of this is but I know I'm GOOD at it :)" And being RIGHT. Insufferable (affectionate).

Jacob had to RIP HIS SLEEVES OFF to become more himself.

...

"WE'RE THE LIBRARIANS"

That is the best use of that running bit in the whole show. It's layered.

Oh no, they're trapped? Looks like they need a... back door.

Ah, well, materializing the Library around them works too.

I... I have... questions. About basically everything pertaining to Nicole. Starting with "what ARE these prophecies?" and ending with "is she still alive?" But all's well that ends well I guess.

(Speaking of which. I TOLD you I was holding my upset in abeyance. I KNEW they wouldn't go through with it. I figured they'd even fix the Graves of Time ending but I KNEW they weren't going through with THAT!)

Little upset about the lost character growth, but... I guess they can get most of it back, really. I LIKED the trio having been tried by the fires of division, but it's all still THERE whether it's been tried or not. Cassandra's solo adventure doesn't have to change much. Christmas Thief is honestly untouched. Feud doesn't have to change.

Genuine concern though:

What about the D&D group. What about all they represent.

...I will assume all is well with that portion of reality. Because it's Important.

#anyway good show #gonna go read more fic now probably! no more spoilers!#a distraction of librarians

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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I've been in my feelings about Jo and Aoki's last interactions for a bit...

Because that whole scene is textbook verbal abuse, right... Aoki is very clearly trying to tear Jo's self-esteem and bolster his own, establish control, all that, and Jo just has to stand there meekly and take it. All because Jo's disobeyed one too many times and Aoki needs someone he knows he can control to head the Tokyo Omi Alliance.

Like Jo says he's never disobeyed Aoki except in that one instance, but not handling things himself at Otohime Land was very much his way of giving Ichi an out indirectly, and I feel like Aoki was beginning to catch on based on his comments about Jo neglecting the situation and acting strangely. Directly refusing his orders just confirmed his suspicions.

It's kind of lost among all the bombshells dropped in Chapter 13, but Jo's hesitance to kill anyone who's important to Arakawa is a big deal to me. It's not like he had any personal ties to Hoshino or any investment in maintaining the balance of the Ijin Three whatsoever; he went to those lengths to set himself up to be stopped because Arakawa wouldn't want Hoshino to die and that was it.

To return to the scene, I think it's also a great demonstration of Aoki's "those who use and those who get used" mentality. This next thing is... pretty badly mistranslated, at least in the subs, so it was lost on me for a while. But before the Lost Puppy line, the specific way Aoki chooses to downplay Jo's merit is by telling him he only got to his position because everyone was so sensitive to his (Aoki's) feelings and could tell he favored Jo, following him around like a lost puppy being precisely why Aoki favored him.

I don't think that was all there was to it, of course. Dude was five and deliberately brings Jo wherever he goes to this day by choice. It's kind of like those guys who get rejected once and start going on tirades about how "she should've been grateful, she was ugly anyway." But that's what Aoki wants to portray--you only had it that good because of me, and I can take it away whenever I want. Whenever you're no longer of use. Anything to preserve his status as the user and Jo's as the used.

Jo's crossed the line at this point. He is no longer of use. He does kind of get into it so that takes the edge off my frustration with The English Language, but from this point onward, he believes Aoki sees him as a "bullet"--a hitman only sent on suicide missions. So despite everything he's done for him, despite being "the favorite," he knows full well Aoki's trying to kill him before Aoki even gives Ishioda the order. And... he accepts it.

So TO GO FROM THAT to having to reconcile in prison would've been so much powerful than what the ending was trying to do. Having to come to terms with the fact you killed one of the only people who saw you for who you were and truly cared about you, were going to kill the other two, and have abused all three from the moment you realized you had power over them. And for Jo, going through everything he went through because of Aoki and loving him without question anyway... Getting to express that in some small way... I need to lie down...

ALSO tattoo essay... later... maybe tomorrow... I mainly just feel like I sound extremely mean about rggtattoos' take😭😭😭but the show must go on

YEAH NO THAT'S IT ALL FAX NO PRINTER NO EXTRA NOTES NECESSARY

It'd be the fact that Aoki'd have no choice but to confront those decisions he made and those things he wanted to happen. he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence he had and totally turned his back on the people who- awfully ironically as he wanted- loved him for him

He'd already smoothed things over with Ichi, so- by his own hand- all that was left was Jo, the person he'd taken for granted the most next to Arakawa and who he planned to have executed alongside him. Jo's got every right to not forgive Aoki and to push him away, let each other rot in prison ignoring each other. So it's the worst feeling when Jo doesn't do that- its impossible for me not to imagine Jo wondering about what happened for Aoki to get so banged up if he's brought into prison the same night, and making sure Aoki's okay despite it.

Whereas Ichi was more upfront about his love and even frustrated about it ('frustrated' in that 'how could Aoki be so blind not to see how much care there is for him from us'), the breaking part about Jo is that he's forced himself to be so careful about showing his affection. Ichi's love was borderline irritating for how apparent it was: Jo's could have easily been written off or ignored.

All of that said, prison is where Aoki would be forced to realize that Jo does love him like Ichi said he does; there's no reason to keep up appearance or kiss up anymore- Aoki doesn't have any use to Jo anymore (if Aoki chose to interpret Jo's loyalties as a stepping stone to promote himself), and there's certainly no where else to run. It's probably that dawning moment that's gotta be so. Oh God What The Fuck. Like it's a sobering moment for him to go 'What have I been doing this whole time/what have I done to everyone', as corny as it sounds

#long post #just said 'no notes necessary' and here i go spouting bullshit again ☠️#in any case there goes my essay about the dynamic shown between jo and aoki 😩#but in all seriousness Yeah.... its shit i rotate in my head constantly about- esp where aoki starts to notice how 'strange' jo's acting #it fucks with me on immeasurable levels and i love examining it in my fuckin. awful little cave that's my brain #its just such a twisted set of circumstances that hurts that i enjoy it makes me want to throw up if i think of it for too long #their interactions are so minimal but i will tear into them and rip them apart. as much as i allow myself to anyway #ive gone on a gross nonsense ramble long enough though.. i blame all the dramas and movies i been watchin lately...#i need that bittersweet moment so bad and knowing itll never come makes me want to eat my tea pot and crunch the porcelain #ouugghhh... i have to finish these comms maybe then i can be delusional and scribble up such an ending #and feel free to take your time with that tattoo essay ! if you disagree with something then just say so #no point in beating around the bush- esp when ive mentioned it so much (which mustve been a pain to read 🙇‍♂️)#just gotta say your piece and carry on: peer review and discussion and all very valuable things #its why i try to not to say anythin if i can help it LMAO im far too baby brained to contribute anything sufficient or of value #big fan of reading though :) very much a sheep i am LMAO #ive thrown up verbiage enough though i still have these comms to finish 😭

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