#/abuse

[thismustbeso]

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong

#* #writing #excerpt #ocean vuong #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #/child abuse #/abuse

[hebled]

Thinking today about the first time Beck performs this in his set && the BEATING he receives when he gets home

' so I'll write you a love song and lie through my teeth, the choices you made they don't sit well with me. '

#study. #tbt. #/abuse #Spotify

[beneaththemasks]

this post is dedicated to both kujo and kujo apologists: I hope you rot

#idolish7 #ainana #i7 #my screens #spoilers #i7 liveblog #/abuse

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

The victim blaming and lack of actual coherent thought from that anon is astounding.

"I wrote this thing and specifically posted it to a platform the artist knows to avoid under tags the artist would specifically have to search for to find my content, someone else stole it and exposed the artist to it deliberately, so I'm at fault for writing it in the first place."

Literally how. When. Who. Why.

If I bake a cake with nuts in it, have multiple signs stating it has nuts, tell every customer who buys it that it has nuts in, and someone deliberately buys it, gives it to someone allergic to nuts and sends them into anaphylaxis, I'm not responsible for that person's actions or the harm caused to the person exposed.

It is still a celebrity's responsibility to curate their online experience the exact same way every single person who uses the internet has a responsibility to use the tools they are given to specifically avoid what they don't want access to.

Every. Single. Person.

My responsibility as the content creator: Utilize tags, commentary and host platforms to minimize the risk of exposure and to assist in other potential viewers filtering my content.

Your responsibility as the content consumer: To utilizing the tagging, read the commentary, block the filters you don't want to see, avoid platforms or parts of platforms you where X is going to exist.

If a celebrity doesn't want to see fanfiction of themselves when scrolling through Twitter, for example, its as much their responsibility to block 'my name x y/n' and such tags as it is my responsibility as the creator to tag my work with 'their name x y/n' or such tags so the celebrity has the ability to block out my content.

If you create something with good intent that someone else takes as uses in ill faith, you are not at fault for someone else's actions. Ever. They are. They deliberately went against your own preventative actions and wishes and violated both you and someone else. That is on them.

*points emphatically at all of this*

(the ask referenced)

#pro ship #proship #pro fic #profic #pro fiction #profiction #proshipping #pro shipping #anti anti #proshipper #pro shipper #proship safe #proshippers please interact #my posts #fiction discourse #rpf #rpf discourse #/food mention #/harassment #/abuse #asks #anonymous #long #-responsible

[hoarder-of-danmei]

Question about your apology doc why is your second section 'harassment i received'? I can understand (note: i have never been the victim to online harassment but have been a victim to in real life harassment.) that the harassment hurts, but why make it your second section? It feels very guilt trippy.

(context)

The document you are referring to is not an apology and was never intended as one.  I clearly state at the beginning that “The goal of this response is primarily to debunk the accusations against me and secondarily to criticize the harassment I have received.”  The harassment is focused on because that is the point of the document.  It is titled “response to harassment” and not “apology” on purpose.

Here is a full list of the instances of the words “apologize(s)”, “apology(ies)”, and “sorry” in that document:

- my note at the beginning acknowledging that the document does not include exact image transcriptions - references to times I and others apologized in the past - a note that I believe my ex’s accusation of abuse was an attempt to make me apologize for something I did not do - one set of four paragraphs where I first criticize him for gaslighting me before I apologize for unintentionally causing him harm - one paragraph repeating an apology I gave (for unintentional harm) in our private messages - one single section (3 pages out of 207), jarringly different in tone from the rest of the document but included for completeness, where I note that my other ex posted publicly about feeling distress during our relationship and I apologize for unintentionally making this happen - requests for apologies from the people who incited or contributed to the harassment, and notes about apologies received (88 instances out of 102 total)

(In the interest of completeness: I do also acknowledge a mistake my headmate made with xer research.)

I did not post that document because I felt I needed to apologize for anything, although there are a few incidental apologies included in my discussions of relevant topics.  I was the one wronged.  The people who harassed me are the ones who need to apologize.

The intention of having the harassment section at the beginning was to make it unambiguously clear that the posting of the callout caused harm and that posting it and leaving it up has been wildly irresponsible, if not malicious. The callout author and multiple people who participated in spreading the callout have denied that it was a harassment campaign, but the sheer volume of messages and publicly posted tweets I was able to collect make it very clear that it was one.

Guilt tripping is when the guilt is unwarranted or unreasonable. But my intention, if anyone reading the harassment section of my response document had contributed to the harassment against me, was not to make them feel guilty (though a sincere apology would be appreciated). My hope was that seeing all of the harassment in one section would help them understand the impact callouts have on their targets, and that they would never choose to participate in a harassment campaign like this one again.

#asks #anonymous #my posts #/harassment #/abuse #long

[sacrificialmaiid]

milena offers her neck to alcina, to be bitten.

Everyone has a breaking point -- and this is Milena's.

It's been days now... or so she thinks. Days of being chained by the ankles just out of reach, days of nothing to wait for but the click of heels walking by her now and again, days of a plate of food tossed down in front of her on the ground with a clatter. She's said nothing all this time, has tried her best to be good, hasn't so much as questioned what she's done wrong for fear that she'll only stoke the Lady's ire further. But she's getting weak - she's getting desperate.

She wishes, more than anything, that the Countess would at the very least glance in her direction, say her name, give her anything even if it's rage. The cold indifference is more agonising than anything else could possibly be. There comes a point where she begins to lose sense of who she is, or if she's ever been anything more than just a vague concept.

The final straw is when Lady Dimitrescu lifts the knife. It's a small dagger used for blood-letting, and Milena knows what it means -- she is nothing, she is dirt, she is not even worthy of the Lady's teeth. She won't even be permitted close enough to be bitten.

Milena crumbles.

"No, no, please!" Her sobs are wretched and, on her knees still, she picks up handfuls of the Countess' skirts. She can think of absolutely nothing worse than the cold bite of the blade against her wrist. Instead, her head cants to the side to expose her tender, thrumming jugular, untouched in as long as she's been in the corner of this room on the floor. Whatever it is, she won't do it again. She will never do it again. Her coltish legs scrape against the thick, dark wood of the floor. Her hands shake against the folds of her Lady's dress.

"Please, mistress, please! P-Please put the knife aside. I'm sorry! I can put it to rights..! I can be better! I can be anything! Please, your mouth..!"

#dimitresca #this has been in my inbox forever l m a o #under a readmore because it's fucky and idek what to tw as #/abuse #/depersonalisation #/knife

[solitaryschizoid]

neurotypicals will be like "you can't self diagnose" and then diagnose everyone they dislike as a narcissist

#actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #npd safe #actually narcissistic #narc abuse isn't real #npd abuse isnt real #npd

[liquidstar]

Reblogs are off because you people don't realize that a post about gaslighting isn't the time or place for your LOL GONCHEROV XDDSS jokes idk what to tell you. If you find the info the other reblog added to be useful just screenshot it and repost it I'm done though

#thats like punching your friend in the arm when you see a punchbuggy and calling it lighthearted physical abuse 💀

[wildbasil]

things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷

#personal #comics #tw abuse #digital art #personal comic #for the record no i don't think my mother loves me #but the idea that she did kept me in an awful situation for a very long time #the number of times people said “she's your mother. she's trying her best. of course she loves you” etc etc #but i don't think “love” and abuse are mutually exclusive #like even if someone DOES love you it doesn't mean it's not abuse and it doesn't mean it's ok #art tag

[fnord888]

Child abuse is a big problem, so it's important that we don't let children communicate with adults except their parents and other official authority figures. Everyone knows the best way to prevent child abuse is to keep children isolated and ensure all their communications are controlled.

#massive sarcasm quotes #current events #vagueblogging #child abuse

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

#narcissistic abuse #ableism #npd positivity #surviving narcissism #raised by narcissists

[teaboot]

Adult ProTip, from a security professional: If a kid tells you, "My parents are gonna kill me / kick my ass / kick me out" for something relatively minor, don't respond with shit like "Really? ;) that sounds a little extreme, don't you think sweetie?" because that shit really does happen.

Instead, respond as though whatever threat they are afraid of is fully valid, and offer whatever you can do to help- ask if they believe they are in danger of being hurt in any way, and work accordingly.

If they're overreacting, they'll usually realize and dial it back, self-correct and begin thinking a bit more rationally.

If they're not overreacting, and the danger is real, then they'll need a level-headed adult in their corner, not another condescending authority figure who doesn't believe them.

#References to abuse #Child abuse #CA TW

[beneaththemasks]

maybe this won't reach many people but as I keep seeing this community grow (which makes me really happy) I also feel it's necessary to say that just like many of you I also seek comfort in characters that go through the same things I did/do and while that comfort is good enough for a while it won't solve all your problems so please know that media has a lot of good and bad examples on how to deal with reality but they're all written by humans of flesh and bone and at the end of the day they're there to teach us a lesson and it's up to us wether we take it or not.

if you're struggling with something and/or are stuck in an abusive situation please know that you have the right to speak up, it's not wrong of you to put a name and label into experiences and feelings and asking for help won't EVER make things worse (trust me when I say this because it's scary but true)

I love Idolish7 and since the very beginning I've been looking forward to see how these boys push through their own limits but I think right now it's a good moment to remind everyone that just because a fictional character faced certain hardships or not and because they spoke up or not it doesn't mean your case it's going to be the same as them and in any case, it's always a good thing to try no matter the outcome so long as you do it at your own time and commit to it

#idolish7 #/abuse #/trauma

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

AO3 abuse team my beloved. 🥺❤️ (They just responded to a harassment report I submitted in under fifteen hours.) I wish I could let them know how much they're appreciated!!!

#my posts #fanfiction #/harassment #/abuse #-responsible

[hoarder-of-danmei]

Hi hi!!

I know I said this earlier but also it felt a bit important to say and get off my chest (feel free to not answer if you don’t want to!!). I’ve had guilt tripping used against me in several abusive relationships and have had to learn about the difference between the type of guilt I should acknowledge vs the guilt I should not.

Guilt is a feeling people /should/ feel when they do something wrong! Feeling warranted and reasonable guilt for harassing someone isn’t something I would call guilt tripping. Shifting that type of guilt into ‘guilt tripping’, is actually shifting the blame from the self to Hoarder. Which I find a bit… immature and naïve and may show a desire to not acknowledge that something wrong has happened and that needs to be addressed.

Guilt is an important feeling that can drive someone to learn, to address their mistakes, and hopefully fix them. That is what Hoarder is encouraging. Not guilt, but apologies and acknowledgment of harm done. Though if they do feel guilty, I wouldn’t claim anyone who participates in blatant bullying/harassment as: innocent. Them feeling guilty for doing those things? I can’t help but think they kinda /should/ honestly.

Anyways, just, I think your response doc is incredible Hoarder. It’s a really impressive bit of writing, it’s compelling, vulnerable, kind, but firmly standing up for yourself. AJ: out 🐍💕

(in response to this ask)

Yeah... it makes me wonder whether that anon participated in the harassment and doesn't want to acknowledge that that was wrong of them.  Maybe in a way that makes it easy to go "I didn't harass anyone!" - like maybe they just helped spread the callout, and didn't directly send me any messages.

(If that's the case, other anon or anyone in that situation or a similar one, I would encourage you to do some soul-searching.  Really think about why you feel any guilt you may feel, and whether it points to any amends you should make, even if that's just a simple "I'm sorry, I hurt you.")

Guilt can be important and useful, you’re right.  I wouldn’t be opposed to my harassers experiencing a reasonable amount of it as part of their journey towards learning to practice kindness.  But I feel like I should explicitly point out that guilt isn’t required to act ethically.  Whether or not you (general you) experience guilt when you “should” is not a moral reflection on you.

Many people live with muted or nonexistent emotional responses, and those people are still fully capable of acting ethically.  It's still their responsibility to choose to apologize for wrongdoing, for example, even if they can't feel guilt.  Even people who are fully capable of feeling guilt in general don't need to feel guilt in specific instances to choose to apologize and make amends for wrongdoing.

I’m really glad you have such a positive opinion of the response document.  🥺❤️  A lot of work went into it, and I’m proud of it.

Thank you for this ask!!

#asks #aj #my posts #long #/harassment #/abuse

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person' #but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know? #and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle