#''im new to your community but your culture is backwards and wrong''

[bardinthezone]

Night Vale and the Power of Stories

So I’ve been losing my mind about this latest arc. Full hyperfixation. Studying for finals? Calling my parents? Enjoying other hobbies? Eating?? Who’s she, never heard of her. There is only the “#wtnv spoilers” tag.

Anyways, inspired primarily by this post, this post, and this post, I have been thinking about Night Vale as a place of stories.

Night Vale is a deeply weird place. It is a place where all the crazy conspiracies and contradictions and creepy crawlies can coexist (try saying that 5 times fast), and it is built on stories.

We know from “109: A Story About Huntokar” that Huntokar singlehandedly saved the town from nuclear destruction in 1983. This in and of itself is beautiful, tragic, terrifying and wonderful (I could write a whole essay on the lasting effects of the Cold War on the American psyche and how that’s impacted our media, but that’s not what this post is about). But what Huntokar says in describing this moment is fascinating: “ The people of Night Vale huddled, waiting for the end to their story.” The use of the word “story” here is so poignant and poetic. This was her town, a narrative she had lovingly followed since its inception, with an ever rotating cast of characters, finally seeming as though it would come to an end. And yet she managed to continue their story. The people of Night Vale, of every alternate universe Night Vale, are kept alive because Huntokar wanted to keep the narrative going. It is a town kept alive-- inverted and shattered and bizarre, but alive-- because someone saw the tale coming to an end and wasn’t satisfied with that. Night Vale is a place of stories.

And Cecil. Cecil Gershwin-Palmer is such a wonderful enigma. He’s a deeply troubled man, he’s the town’s beloved radio host, he is the voice of Night Vale. As the town’s only (?) regular source of news, he carries incredible weight in shaping the public’s perception of reality. It is his radio show that keeps the people informed through all of these earth-shattering events-- it is Cecil who, for as goofy and cringefail (thank you @bigcommunist for that phrase) as he can be, has been responsible for keeping his citizens safe. In “227: A Word With Dr. Jones,” Dr. Janet Lubelle notes that one of his traits is “town leadership.” When Cecil speaks, things happen. He rallies the people, against Strexcorp or the Beagle Puppy or Steve Carlsberg and his dry, dry scones. Hell, he says “weather” and everyone stops, or sometimes (Like in “204: Audition”) it literally saves his life. @lostboywriting raises a fascinating theory about Cecil having inadvertently brought the Faceless Old Woman into existence through his repression of his complicated relationship with his mother-- and while this contradicts with the backstory presented in "The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives Inside Your Home," who’s to say that both origins can’t be true, with how splintered and fractured Night Vale’s existence (and especially relation to time) is? Perhaps Cecil, as the Voice Of Night Vale, is capable of changing the world more than he knows.

Either way, this is why Dr. Lubelle’s Explaining of the town has so much of a tangible effect on it-- because she’s coming in and using something “empirical” to change the narrative. That is why she’s so threatening-- because how do you argue with the facts? How do you argue with science? She is using logic to insist that her reality is right, that these stories and poetics used to keep the town alive are meaningless. That it would be better for them to not exist than to exist outside her narrative. She said it herself-- she cannot imagine that anyone thinks differently to herself about anything, and she is all to happy to provide any who disagrees with an Explanation. No matter the cost.

In 227, Cecil remarks that “Science is not good or bad, as language is not good or bad, as religion is not good or bad, because humans are not inherently good or bad.” This sets up a fascinating play between science, language, and religion that I think is perfectly encapsulated by Dr. Lubelle, representing science, Cecil, representing language, and Huntokar, representing religion. Whether she knows it or not, Dr. Lubelle is directly undoing all of the hard work of Huntokar, and attempting to use Cecil as the most powerful tool at her disposal.

And this works in conjunction with my distinction of the What vs. the Why. We can take the incursion point of November 7th, 1983, and view it through both lenses. From Huntokar’s perspective, we get the Why: Night Vale was in danger, and it needed saving, so she saved it. But from Dr Lubelle’s perspective, we just get the What: Night Vale was the target of a nuclear missile. Nuclear missiles are unstoppable by any force known to science. This is a town that should have been empty for 40 years.

I posit a world in which Dr. Lubelle reduces Night Vale to what it “should be:” A town ruined by nuclear destruction. The empirical facts, the anchors that held Night Vale down to reality, the threads that Huntokar broke-- Dr. Lubelle is seeking to tie them back together. And with the Voice of Night Vale on her side, Explained and ready to share the Truth, of course she can make that happen. Perhaps Huntokar takes center stage again to show that science is not the end-all-be-all. Perhaps Carlos steps in to replace Dr. Lubelle as the Scientist in this equation, to provide a good alternative to her callous methods. 

Or I could be totally off-base with that prediction. I imagine the bodies being dug up in the sand wastes and the murals of flesh will play a major role in the finale. Maybe she’ll uncover the splintered realities of Night Vale and won’t know how to explain them away. Hell, people keep hyping up a Desert Bluffs return, what with the Sandstorm tapes and the talk of doubles-- Maybe Kevin and Lauren will be the “religion” in the triumvirate, and drive Dr. Lubelle mad with their unrelenting fervor. Who knows? I have my theories, but I’m just excited to see where this all goes.

.

Also from a meta perspective, this is 100% harkening back to all those early-days fan theories that “Night Vale is a normal town and Cecil is just off his rocker” (Thanks @maxgicalgirl for that one!). Welcome To Night Vale is a show that has never been about continuity and tight lore-- it’s about spinning a fun narrative, it’s about the poetry, the music, the aesthetics; it’s about everything that Dr. Lubelle HATES. From a meta perspective, Dr. Lubelle is every theorist who tries to ruin the magic of a story, who nitpicks it endlessly because it doesn’t adhere to how the “real world” functions. She doesn’t care about why story elements are included, she just needs what’s included to adhere to her worldview. And I can’t wait to see her get taken down, no matter how it happens.

Thanks again to @maxgicalgirl, @lostboywriting, @eclipse-song​, and everyone who’s been sharing their thoughts about the latest arc on tumblr. I would not be writing this without y’all!!

#im sorry to everyone who says shes hot but shes basically a colonizer #''im new to your community but your culture is backwards and wrong'' #''let me fix it with my superior science and reasoning'' #shes so evil i hate her /pos #finknor wrote her so well #and janet varney is an incredible VA #i cannot express how much I love this arc so far #i really hope we get more on the 1983 storyline because that is just positively fascinating #a town that should have died long ago #that should have been reduced to ashes #and yet here they are #lubelle would fucking hate that if she found out #also WHATS GONNA HAPPEN TO EVERYONE WHO GETS EXPLAINED??? #cause if cecil is getting explained i dont think itll be permanent #but #ough its just so GOOD #also carlos. my man. where are you. when are you gonna show yourself #when will we get to know your tragic backstory cause there is SOMETHING going on there #i swear she was just trying to get to carlos and the rest of the town was an added bonus #wtnv spoilers #wtnv 227 #wtnv #welcome to night vale #welcome to night vale spoilers #cecil gershwin palmer #dr janet lubelle #uowii #huntokar

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

#vaccinate your kids #vaccines #anti vax memes #anti vaxxers #measles #this is almost 2000 words long jfhf #im exhausted #how did it come to this

[bookenders]

11/11/11 Tag Game: Round... uh... 5, 6, & 7?

I got tagged by a bunch of people ( @quilloftheclouds is this how your 77 question one felt??) so here are a bunch of answers! I think this is the most I’ve ever talked about myself in my life. 

Good gracious, you’re all so nice and have such good questions.

Tagged by: @surroundedbypearls, @waterfallwritings, @bigmoodword, @sundaynightnovels

Rules: answer 11 questions, tag 11 people, give them 11 new questions!

[I’ve done this enough to be able to break the tag rules. Fight me.]

44 questions and answers below the cut!

But I’ll be nice and put my questions right here:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

When do you title your WIPs? It is the first thing you do? The last? Does it come to you during drafting?

How many inside jokes do you put in your WIP(s)?

Your WIP’s antagonist is now The Riddler. How do your OCs handle that?

Do you use sticky notes?

Laptop or desktop?

Your OC is a wrestler. What’s their hype music?

Do you own any craft books/books on writing?

What’s your favorite book cover?

How many unread books do you have sitting around right now? Which are you most excited to maybe get to eventually some time?

How committed are you to your outline(s)?

Bilbo Taggins: Literally anyone, but also @francestroublr, @sahados-shadow, @a-story-im-writing, @bethkerring, @citruschickadee, @bos-ingit

If I’ve tagged you before, you can totally ignore this. In fact, I encourage you to.

From @surroundedbypearls:

What’s your favourite genre to write in and why? Literary fiction! It’s what I learned in university and the one that fits my themes best. Sci-fi is hard, I’m just getting into writing fantasy stuff, I can’t do thrillers, romance is hard for me, and historical is too much work.

Do you think you have a style/voice that you use more often in your writing? When did you develop that style? If you’ve read one of my stories, you know exactly how my writing voice sounds. It doesn’t change too much. I write like I talk, but if I had a lot more gravitas and charisma. Honestly, I’ve always had that kind of style, but it really developed in high school. It’s been getting stronger since then. It’s one of the things I always got comments about from my teachers and fellow workshop writers. “Your voice is so strong!” Yep. It’s mah thang.

Do you play video games? What’s your favourite? YES I DO. It’s hard to pick faves, but I’ve played Dragon Age: Origins too many times. 

If you were going to do a WIP crossover, which OCs would be most interesting together? (If you’ve only got one WIP crossover with something else) A crossover between H2H and AOPC? Interesting. I think Mel and Keema would get along the best, Oz would have some fightin’ words for Elder Sanga, and Gemma and Teva would be a force to be reckoned with, my god. Two stubborn nerds who believe totally different things but are also very determined to be very good at what they want to do and love their communities to a fault? Fear them.

Do you prefer to plan WIPs in a document or through handwritten notes? I used to do it by hand but I couldn’t read it because my handwriting is terrible and I kept losing papers. I do it in docs now. Much easier to organize and incredibly legible.

Do you multiple languages exist in your WIP? If so how do you address that in the story? H2H is set in the “real world,” so yep. It hasn’t been addressed too much yet, but I have a way for tackling languages. I’ve written multilingual-ish stories before. I never write phonetically and use hella context clues so the reader knows the gist of what was said if another character doesn’t translate.

What’s your favourite animated film that’s not Disney or Pixar? AN AMERICAN TAIL. All of them. It’s on Netflix go watch it and marvel at the way a kids movie talks about Jewish immigration, poverty, and cultural oppression via mice. As a young Jewish child, this movie was my jam. It’s very dark, though.

Do your real-life surroundings influence your WIP’s settings? Nope! One time I tried to write a story set in the same area where I lived and I couldn’t do it. Too weird. Sometimes I’ll write in an item I see near me, or like, a painting or poster on the wall if I need some set decoration, but that’s about it.

Which OCs would be most likely to break the fourth wall? Oz. Lookin’ at the camera like he’s in The Office.

How do you work out your OCs’ personalities? Hm. I look at the story I’m trying to write and make a protagonist that would have the most interesting experience in that narrative. For H2H, I wanted someone who would be loyal as heck to the people they loved while still being experimental enough to try new things and get into shenanigans. The story called for someone like that, and there she was. Mel came about my thinking of someone who would compliment other characters in the story while still being their own person. If that makes sense. I think of dynamics and interactions with the story world in relation to the theme(s). Most of the time they just happen, though.

Do you prefer worldbuilding or character building? Character building! As much as I like making stories about places, making characters is more fun for me, and more interesting. You should see all the DnD character sheets I have. 

From @waterfallwritings:

1. How do you come up with ideas for your WIPs?

At random. Seriously. It’s like my brain has to be running something in the background to function normally, and usually that something is whatever story I happen to be working on. Or I’ll look at a thing and go “huh.” My brain also likes to twist normal things to be a little bit different.

2. How do you get past gaps in the plot?

No idea, man. It’s like throwing spaghetti at a wall. I like to work backwards. If this is what I want to happen, what needs to happen before that to ensure that it occurs? I look at all the elements currently in the story and see if one can be manipulated to fill in the hole.

3. What motivates you to keep writing?

If I don’t, my brain gets all constipated and angry until I write something down. Like, seriously, I get grumpy and frustrated like I’m hangry or something. Aside from physical need, I love writing. I love word puzzles and feelings puzzles and figuring them out. Sometimes I think of how my stories could help someone, or make them feel something that they enjoy. 

4. Do you do any other kind of creative writing?

Oh, man, I’ve done it all. Screenwriting, playwriting, poetry, video game-ish writing, interactive storytelling, short stories, flash fiction, proposals, essays, DnD campaigns, monologues... You name it, I’ve probably tried it. I tend to stick to prose and poetry these days.

5. Do you have any other creative hobbies besides writing?

I’ve gotten into graphic design a little bit. I kind of wanna learn how to knit again. I’m not really very crafty. 

6. What do you do when you’re stuck on a scene and don’t know how to get it out / write it?

Write a different scene, stare at the screen in frustration until I give up and go to sleep, meditate for a few minutes, go do something else to get my mind off of it, clean, work on a different project.

7. How do you decide how to end your WIP?

I mean, see the next question for part of my answer. How did I decide to end H2H? My friend, that’s a big ‘ole spoiler. But I decided to end it at a place where everything, and everyone, comes together.

8. When in the process of writing do you decide how its going to end? Or do you kind of just wait til you get there?

Right at the beginning. If I don’t know where it’ll end, I have a hard time writing the arc. I work backwards: start with the idea, then think of where I want it to end up, then work back to the beginning until I know where its going, then start writing.

9. Why did you decide to join writeblr?

My reasons are pretty personal, but the least personal is that I needed some accountability and motivation. And I missed being in a good writing community.

10. What’s your favourite food?

Pasta! I’m eating spaghetti right now.

11. If you had to kill off a character in your WIP, who would it be and why?

Oz would be the most tragic. Treena would be the most logical. 

From @bigmoodword:

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Nerdy potion woman meets cute odd stranger who helps her solve magic mysteries in their quirky small town.

2. what inspired them?

I saw a zine accepting submissions for magic stories, then an open call for queer shifter stories, and thought “what if wholesome magical lesbians?”

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

Gemma!

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

THE SONG OF ACHILLES.  My God, my soul was weeping. Honestly, it still is. Doesn’t matter that I knew the story from the Iliad. Madeline Miller is a feelings wizard.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

On an as-needed basis. I used to do way too much research to avoid actually writing the damn thing, so now I only do it when I actually run into a problem that can be solved by Google.

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

The ones that aren’t hugely emotional. Which is... unfortunate.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Rude. On a personal level, Jill. I love her, but I would not be friends with her. We wouldn’t mesh at all.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

Third person limited present tense! To the bane of everyone who’s ever edited my work.

9. do you write poetry?

I do! Not often, though.

10. who is your writing role model?

My freakin’ writing professor from college. He is crazy disciplined.

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

Hey, you know those people who say your writing is too dark? Yeah, they suck and they’re wrong. They just want kids to live up to their expectations and write happy sunshiny stories about unicorns and dinosaurs having ice cream. And you’re not depressed because you wrote that one sad poem one time and someone asked if you were depressed. What you have is called feelings and they’re very useful for a writer, nay, a human, to have.

From @sundaynightnovels:

Who is your biggest role model? Okay, so I got crap all the time in grade school for never having a role model, and I still don’t have one. The teachers were concerned about me. But my reasoning was, “why should I want to live someone else’s life?” Yeah. They didn’t really know what to do with that...

What are your OCs favorite foods? Sort of answered here!

Which OC is most afraid of the dark? Oz and Mary!

What made you want to start a writing blog/participate in the writeblr community? Answered above!

Did you sleep with a stuffed animal as a kid? Do you still? I did, indeed. I don’t anymore, but I have two that I shuffle around my room when they get in the way. One is a highland cow I got in Scotland (he has a plaid hat), the other is a blue whale I got at the Museum of Natural History in NY.

Do you like donuts? I love donuts. Especially jelly filled ones. Mmm.

Do/would your OCs like donuts? All of my OCs like donuts. I don’t think Mel has ever had a modern one, though.

What is your least favorite food? Cauliflower? I’m the household taste-tester, so there’s been a lot of stuff I don’t like.  ( @sundaynightnovels I hate sparkling water, too, you’re not alone!)

What is your ideal writing environment? Comfy seating, a chair with no arms (stupid elbows), alone, plenty of chosen beverage within reach, headphones.

Favorite line from your WIP? So far, it’s this one!

Favorite quote from a book? Oh, man. There are so many. From recent memory, here are a few: “’Give it time,’ she replies. ‘It won’t be a story forever.’“  and “Everyone has heard stories of women like us, and now we will make more of them.” (both from The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy) “When he smiled, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled like a leaf held to flame.” and “I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen.” (I could write a goddamn essay about the imagery in this scene.) (It is quite possibly my favorite description of a kiss ever. And the metaphor extends through the rest of the scene so artfully ugh.) (both from The Song of Achilles) “The thing about a story is that you dream it as you tell it, hoping that others might then dream along with you, and in this way memory and imagination and language combine to make spirits in the head.” (from The Things They Carried)

#11/11/11 tag #about me #tag game #writer tag #oh my god so many questions #fun stuff below the cut #forgive my terrible jokes I am tired #writeblr #how I write #I guess #rec #book rec

[a-wandering-fool]

From the article:

==================

Apparently I’m not the only one who has noticed that social media platforms only escape direct legal responsibility for the content published on their web sites if they act as completely neutral parties who take no editorial action against content published on their web sites unless prompted to by a formal complaint.

When Digital Platforms Become Censors: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other tech giants say that they’re open forums. What happens when they start to shut down voices they consider beyond the pale?

If you rely on someone else’s platform to express unpopular ideas, especially ideas on the right, you’re now at risk. This raises troubling questions, not only for free speech but for the future of American politics and media. …

Now these companies are trying to have it both ways. They take advantage of the fact that they are not publishers to escape responsibility for the endless amounts of problematic material on their sites, from libel to revenge porn. But at the same time, they are increasingly acting like publishers in deciding which views and people are permitted on their platforms and which are not.

The thing is, it may pass First Amendment muster–as has rightly been pointed out by others, the First Amendment does not apply to corporations. (Though I find it deeply ironic how hard the Left is relying on corporations–for whom they have historic deep distrust–to censor messages for them.)

But that does not mean it necessarily passes muster with certain other laws–specifically Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which acts as a safe harbor for “information content providers” from the content published on their platforms, but only so long as those providers do not actively censor content on their platforms. Otherwise, those platforms are not “information content providers”, but “publishers” who are liable for all the content on their sites.

Nor does it pass anti-trust laws, which is the angle provided in the above article. After all, Alex Jones’ “InfoWars” is itself a media operation–and in competition with companies such as Facebook and YouTube, with CNN and MSNBC. And when one set of media companies shuts down another from the public square–that could be considered prior restraint of trade.

And while one could answer “well, if he really wants to be in the public square, he should do the same heavy lifting internet companies like Facebook has done”–that is a problematic answer itself. Because it suggests for any of us to want to speak our minds on the Internet, if what we want to say is unpopular or seen as hateful, only the extremely wealthy–those who can afford the thousands and thousands of dollars to set up an Internet trunk line and massive servers on multiple coasts–can speak.

I mean, this is the very argument the Left has been using for a while now in its opposition to Citizens United: that it permits a handful of very wealthy individuals and large corporations to monopolize the public square–and to drown out or eliminate alternate political viewpoints.

Or is it the Left only care about such things when it’s their voices who are not in ascendency?

And does this mean to the Left, freedom is like a trolly car: you keep riding it until you get to your stop–then you get off?

Worse–the Internet is corporations all the way down. After all, even if you can afford to spend the thousands of dollars a month for a dedicated trunk line–you still have to buy the trunk line from a Tier 1, 2 or 3 provider. And who is to say that a Tier 2 provider (such as Comcast) or a Tier 1 provider (such as AT&T) won’t be pressured to cut you off from the Internet for saying something people don’t like?

After all, that’s what happened to Pirate Bay, though they were cut off because they were clearly violating the law by pirating music, movies and software.

Without access to a Tier 1 or a Tier 2 provider, you’re left with… what? Running your own fiberoptic cables under the ocean and becoming a Tier 1 provider yourself?

Isn’t that the essence of the Left’s objection to “Citizens United” on steroids?

In the Left’s long march through the institutions a lot of wreckage has been left behind. We’re seeing colleges become jokes. We’re seeing newspapers and television news falling ratings and revenues. We’re watching many other institutions disintegrate–and the latest is seeing a lot of powerful Internet companies, protected by Sarbanes-Oxley from competition from young upstarts (to the point where to make money in technology today, you can’t just create a new idea–you must create an idea that one of Facebook, Apple, Google or Amazon will buy) sow the seeds of their own destruction.

And the reason why this “long march” simply does not work in the United States is because unlike Western Europe, whom the Marxists saw as an impediment to the socialist state they saw as the precursor to true communismand whose culture (of Christianity, authority, family tradition, sexual restraint and patriotism) needed to be destroyed–the United States was founded on the philosophical principles of the Freedom of Man:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

And any agenda of “radical egalitarianism” proposed by the Left in the United States must deal with the real, fundamental and existential question “how is your ‘radical egalitarianism’ better than our devotion to individual liberty?”

As Calvin Coolidge noted in 1926 on the 150th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence:

About the Declaration there is a finality that is exceedingly restful. It is often asserted that the world has made a great deal of progress since 1776, that we have had new thoughts and new experiences which have given us a great advance over the people of that day, and that we may therefore very well discard their conclusions for something more modern. But that reasoning can not be applied to this great charter. If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction can not lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers.

It’s no wonder those who best embrace the Left’s assertions of “radical egalitarianism” in this country–the fools who join Antifa incorrectly believing–as the (Marxist) Frankfurt School believed–that the United States (having embraced Christianity, authority, family tradition, sexual restraint and patriotism) was ripe for a Fascist uprising similar to the National-Socialists of Germany in the run-up to World War II–are often historically ignorant and culturally blind.

Because unlike the rest of Western Europe, we have already embraced “radical egalitarianism.” Our Declaration of Independence is a declaration to the world of our belief in “radical egalitarianism”, in individualism, and in the supremacy of individualism over the State. Ours is already a country where cultures and governments bend to the needs of the individual, rather than the other way around.

Our governments print voting pamphlets in every native language spoken by the voting population rather than demands our populations learn English to participate in government. Our governments provide reasonable religious accommodation for all faiths and religions–permitting women to wear hijabs in their drivers licenses, for example–rather than going to war against women for wearing the wrong style of dress.

Our history is full of individuals practicing all lifestyles: a century ago we went through a “Christian Perfectionism” phase, where “Perfectionists” of all sorts created great communes to practice odd and interesting lifestyles. One of these “Christian Perfectionist” communities was the Oneida Community, who practiced “free love” (in fact, that’s where we get the term), and started a small company to fund their community which still exists today.

So when the “Antifa” shows up, to Americans they look like NAZI brownshirts but in another guise. We may look at a President Trump with trepidation–after all, every 4 to 8 years we replace the most powerful man in the free world with some inexperienced noob, and Lord knows what sort of chaos that may give rise to. But as radical individualists, the sort of “anti-fascism” being sold by a bunch of often aging radical Leftists does not look like progress.

It looks reactionary, not progress–like proceeding backwards to feudalism (the precursor of socialism), to a time when the world was organized as surfs under the thumb of their (Antifa) manor Lords.

So let the Left continue its long march through the institutions.

Some of these institutions desperately need tearing down and rethinking anyway.

Certainly Facebook has exceeded its usefulness, as has Twitter, and I welcome the next iteration.

Perhaps a more democratic solution based on a common protocol such as RSS,with a search directory that allows us to find our friends and subscribe to their individual feeds without the filtering of a profit-oriented Facebook who wants to rearrange our timelines and insert ads as they see fit.

I mean, hell; all you need is a discovery mechanism associated with RSS which allows an RSS publisher to automatically publish a directory of the RSS feeds of the people they’re subscribed to–and you’ve pretty much replicated Facebook’s “friending” process.

Hoist this on top of a peer to peer networking system with cryptographic handshaking to prevent governments and corporations from intercepting (and censoring) wire messages, and you now have a completely distributed replacement for Facebook–all built on open protocols, that can conceivably then allow individual developers to produce their own clients.

But I am not worried at all about our dedication to Individualism.

The world is moving towards individualism, after all–not away. Unless there is a very powerful authoritarian government on the doorstep of a weaker government, such as Russia chipping away at Ukraine or at Georgia, for most people we are moving towards greater individualism, towards greater individual responsibility and towards greater individual freedom.

Because everyone yearns to breathe free.

Even the Antifa folks yearn to breathe free. They only take the path they do because they’ve been taught that their brand of socialist-communist double-think is a freer path to greater individual autonomy than the alternatives they completely misunderstand. But then, it takes an academic (or a student of that academic) in order to be that fucking stupid.

==================

[wallkickswillwork]

im thinking about moonlight as i prepare to play all the final fantasy games and read a ton of books by the most famous authors in western civilization. im thinking about queerness, blackness, whiteness and the uncertainty of the future as i begin to look back at works generated by people who were, in some cases, extremely privileged. im thinking about forms and dialectics and communism and mythology and archetypes and structures and all kinds of things, mind racing, humming with activity. all the generators are on. this babys rigged to operate, boss.

i watched 20th century women and it shed a lot of insight into what feminists were like before the advent of advanced gender theory being readily accessible. theres a lot of talk about clitori and menstruation and things that cis women get to own as their own. navigating the privilege politics of being gendered as masculine my whole life can be thorny. i also got a copy of diablo 3 and a satanic bible and another book by jung, whos recently becoming my favorite. im thinking about animus and how shoddy animus/anima become when gendered. my first animus is sonya the barbarian, imo. i think if youre a woman who is a lesbian your animus can be a woman. i dont think theres anything wrong with that, and gendering spirit guides is an easy way to give away yourself as close-minded, which is the last thing we need from a professor of psychology.

education takes many forms. im reading a lot of comic books lately, too. comics seem like theyre helping the process. i can shift gears from high sentence and dense literature to pulpy action, samurai executioners, judge dredd, star wars. the pulp is an emanation of the high sentence. like platos forms forming a blueprint for all incarnate matter, classical philosophers can be found in pop culture and the old ways achieve new life on the kitschy pages of superman and batman. final fantasys crystals also express this. crystals are geometric and self-similar. final fantasy manages to appropriate the questionable superstitiousness of nuage crystals and breathe newer, interesting mythologies onto them. the elements, a platonic invention, are there, too, and gary gygax got the d20 from a teachers catalog designed to teach about platonic solids.

so im thinking about queerness and the ending of moonlight which could be called a happy ending but in context of the world at large is difficult to read as such. and queerness and gayness and my own lesbianism and the position of race in context of all of that. and how looking forward our own futures are happy but uncertain. capitalism isnt really touched on but its sphere is depopulating and murdering the planet like in ff7. ive been wondering about the collective unconscious and the ice age, too, and paleolithic man and the origins of our minds from that era. how far down does the collective unconscious extend? does it encompass crocodilian ancestors? rodents? dinosaurs? if this is the case than maybe david icke is just manifesting another type of mythology, in a backwards fashion. like instead of the global elite being reptilians, our dna extends back to the reptilian epoch and hes accessing ancestral memories but misinterpreting them and projecting them rather than assimilating them.

jung talks a lot about the shadow. my shadow frightens me but coming into contact with it is helping me understand my repressed urges. it really is a source of creativity, too. im not sure what the future holds...

#future #moonlight #final fantasy #jung #txt #text #phenomenology #philosophy #20th century women

[deeeknows]

HOHOHHOOOHOHO you returned hello friends! Same rules as always i provided the Important partS for the skimmers but im also not apologizing for the length anymore. Let me hear you thoughts ON THE BLOG AND NOT IM MY MESSAGE INBOX XD.

June 21

the longest day in the year came and it sure felt like it. most of my day i was frustrated so that tells me a thing or two about myself. but my day started with the talk about picking weeds but that didnt happen instead we did pictures for the children all day. then i came back home and the lesson came. i listened to J. Coles verse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6atNwE-uOfE&t=7m14s on the documentary and had a great discussion about this with the baby fathers chat…. no we is not baby fathers. And no we are not plotting on you young women in the chat. they helped me work through alot of what he was saying in that we listen to the music differently just being christians. Important part people can be lead astray if they aren’t developed christians and founded in the truth. their idea of what christianity is looks like a temporary thing and not needed in the long term but instead helped the people in the days of old but now we might need something new to help the people who are having a struggle understanding the intentions of what the bible is trying to communicate. in addition its frustrating because i knew this was coming from the talks of the 2 Timothy 3. This has been a new way for me to think about music in general since its such an integral part of my life. The thats going to be my next personal study. in addition i was completely frustrated at VBS not because it was a bad day or the kids did a bad job but it started with the parents. And how they could teach their children to hate and be complete unashamed and not give a second thought the view of certain people was not only disgusting but almost pushed me over the edge. Important part i want to stay this fired up at injustice but need to find a way to convert my passion to love and not anger. I also made a resume and cover letter shout out Kalane.

June 22

while every day this week i felt like i knew when God was going to pull out the sunday school crafts and make me learn something this thursday was not the same. I was so ready to talk to take notes when we rode in brother Jeff’s car today because those cross the city rides i really have been known to catch a gem riding with my hand out the window. but it wasnt until Kenny made his way into our car at 3 an hour before we got “off”. Kenny gets in the car heated about whats going on in his community and how things arent going right. Kenny works closely with Brother Jeff in 10:12 sports with the kids but stays in the projects right across the street from a “newly opened” rec center. the frustration came from the communities exclusion from what they thought was a glimmer of light for them. the center technically opened monday but only is available to the children below the age of 5 who are enrolled in the summer camp there. Important part what was supposed to give the community an outlet for jobs, support for kids, and escape from a depressing reality at home is being forfeited because many of the kids are “two old” and too far down the path at this point so they are throwing out the whole bunch. to think the problem area in these communities were the ages 13-21 and to hear that the city is going to give them a way out. so you pull out you political boots and start getting about 6500 community petition signatures and they actually build the thing. just to find out the community wont be getting access to it in the heat of the summer and talking to the mayor of the city just to hear them tell you they “will see”, or that “they will look into it, send me an email” is extremely disheartening. especially for kenny who was out there preaching hope to these youth and their parents just to be told later. the exploitation and lack of urgency pains me and the city. the longer these kids are stuck in these pissy stairwells the faster their will for “a future” deteriorates. but after we go back to take him home and the kids all run out to greet him i can see the power 1 man has who refuses to let his light be put out even the darkness is all so much easier to live in.

then i went to dinner with my family group and we talked about understanding poverty and what different types looked like. keep your eyes peeled for the rules of operation because what doesnt seem like anything to you can actually cost you more than a black eye. Important part dont forget the only way to address these generational curses of poverty and situational poverty alike is through relationships. people need to know that you care. they dont need solutions. the reason they are telling you is not for you meet their need. do them the justice of addressing their spirit not just their need. my favorite quote from dinner was that the only way you will not be in poverty any of these resource areas is when you have a community like the church in acts freely giving and supporting one another.

June 23

And then it was Friday. I was so anxious for today before it even started I was ready to get it jumping. Every morning we have prayer I haven’t been talking that much about but don’t get me wrong it’s not a waste of my time at all. I still have my reservations about the group aspect but Important part there hasn’t been a bad morning and or day yet because I believe in the power of setting time aside to do God before getting into anything else that I might consider important. But I was geeked to get up and go to Red Emma’s after brother Jeff, Leslie, and I rode past it yesterday. but when i get in there my brain starts racing. not only is it a place of love but its a place right off north Ave and right in the middle of the art district. this was an area many people dedicated to a no judgement zone and a place where all are welcome. but what i wanted to study is what a christian environment would look like under this philosophy. they served the community and provided a space where the thirsty are given free drink and the hungry are fed. a space where all are welcome and given the liberty to be who they want to be. Important part but what i cant figure out is if that would be a good space for a church. to let people walk all over it and do whatever inside its walls. i want to say yes but i also hold such a high standard to how a church should be maintained. with their single open door bathroom policy and allowing people to “loiter” as they wait for the bus gave me a hope and a vision maybe that id have a service like that one day. where id host community outreach meetings. sell books in our library. sell food and drink and if we’re lucky and it’s on a corner as busy as red emmas ill call it sabbath or something corny. where id anoint the chairs every morning and id hire the homeless to assist me in being my prayer warriors of the city. but who knows maybe this is all just a fantasy to me. June 24 my day started like 3 times before i got fed up and time stopped moving backwards so i went on my first run. I didnt get dropped off because I ran by myself so no one could leave me in the dust and my tears. After we got back around to the city we started our bible study which slightly aggravated the kid because we went backwards to study Nehemiah again. but this time we looked at it from a different lens. Important part what i couldnt get over was how passionate he was and prideful about a people group he knew he belonged to but had never been to visit, see, or experience. but he was not only upset at their state of living up also prayed and fasted when he heard the news of the shameful city. but it didnt stop there. this man dropped everything he was doing because he saw a life better for them then the one they were living. keeping this simple we wanted to come into baltimore the way he did, not looking to turn the city from jerusalem to nehemiahville. but to empower those living and working there. the jews, nobles, priest, and everyone in between. it seemed like he also wanted something from them before he could give them what he wanted to give them. he wanted their help as well as their knowledge. literally this man has never built a wall before and someone is going to have to help him out. Important part thats how i want to be always seeking to learn the culture of the place im visiting and getting into. i never wanna feel like i have it right and others need to be like me. when infact thats not the case on this side at all. things were good after that. then I went to latino fest. and it was people watching central. la musica y la cultura fue incredible. i really felt bad because all i wanted to do was walk back and forth between the stages and listen to the live bands play and watch the folks dance but it seemed i was more interested than my counter parts. its okay tho they i halfway like doing life alone better. i videotaped some strangers for the road and spent hours trying to differentiate between which dances were salsa, bachata, and Merengue but i might need a little more help with that later. On the bus ride home my friends all decided they wanted to ditch Darius and make him walk home alone while they went to get frozen cups. One day they will like me. June 25

im getting used to starting my sunday with the farmers market. i dont know what ima do once i get home. mannnnn plus its only been my second sunday here. i walked less and knew exactly how i wanted to spend my morning, with a chocolate chip cookie. I pulled out my book as i sat right down and started doing what i do best, reading both folks and pages. i read through The Reason for God i wanted to give the people what i have and things are starting to look forward. then i went to service and we spoke about the person who was missing. in our spaces and even from the church. how what we look like and imagine heaven to be isnt what God has planned. there are going to be folks who we would have never placed there and how we can do that even in our church spaces. just to make things more bareable to the people we want to worship our God with . Important part we can say and do things to shape Gods people into our will and that is dangerous. People are made in Gods image and do not need correcting. to end my day i spent big time talking to Nao and in the park. Sabbath was a time for rest but while i was resting the city was hurting as well. i witnessed a man be almost stabbed in the street so there is still work left to be done in baltimore. im just glad God is here using me to provide a safe space for those around me.

June 26

I feel like my day took forever to get started but once it did I was cool. Editing photos for hours on end sucked the first 8 hours down the drain then it was time for the neighborhood association meeting. 6 o clock came whether I was ready or not. I actually never thought I’d end up at once of these community neighborhood watch association meetings especially after seeing them on tv and the boondocks and laughing along about how comical the whole situation is. But that was far from the case or intention of this meeting. The councilmen came and heard the immediate needs of the people and pretty much told everyone be patient and send me an email and I’ll get back to you. Between this man and the police officer they grilled I honestly Marvel at how they spun the same response with such patience with these people bringing systemic issues to their neighborhood officer from squatters, to prostitution, to education reform this man was supposed to answer them all. But this is really why I could never find myself at one of these meetings. After pouring out their hearts to the councilmen and him orchestrating who to contact to get the needs met he leaves and the meeting should be over here. Instead they continue to address their concerns with the officer asking his opinion on how to communicate with the kids and how to avoid getting robbed for the next hour and change. This isn’t a bad thing to get advice but the officer in my opinion made it very clear that he didn’t have answers that they were looking for, And that by playing his part and communicating with the association that the job would get done. But they weren’t taking this answer. They needed more. His “solution” was not going to help them stop the terrorizing happening on their streets and right in front of their homes. The desperation in the voices was heart breaking because as a spectator of this meeting and a spectator of this community I know that exactly the kind of searching for protection they were doing can only be provided by our Lord and Savior. Important part By trying to fill the God sized void in Baltimore with the agents of change that knew they were inadequate to grant change burned me on the inside. I was stuck between standing up and screaming yah gotta stop going around in circles what you’re doing is wrong is clearly fundamentally wrong. The answer is Jesus. But that couldn’t be received from me and I can’t tell if it’s because I wanted to use the cop out of “I want to just pray for the community and that’ll be doing enough” or if I was too selfish to put myself out there as an unashamed disciple of the gospel. I don’t know and it is always easy to see from your perspective but it’s harder to watch.

June 27

And it started my day with more photos and edits but then we made a trip to MND. Where we worked as a volunteer to help the guests with their resumes and things. After our trip back I saw the city and went through west Baltimore. Accidentally. My younger brother Lestle wanted to go for a trip and so we missed our stop and went for a nice little trip. The navy line took us all the way to Mondawmin mall. Which if you don’t know was one of the inciting points of the Baltimore riots in 2015. Reliving for a short time before heading home helped to really put what the community was feeling into perspective. Between the school Douglas, the mall, and the poor communities around it hurts to see what’s “the machine” distrust can do to a group of people. As relationships aren’t getting much better in these neighborhoods there is hope for others to possibly move in and change the climates of these areas. But who would want to move right next to a mall and bus depot and one of the underperforming high schools in Baltimore. Doesn’t sound too appealing at first glance. Or ever. Important part But what I see is a people in need for God and who are crying out for help. How much longer will we allow our pride and self righteousness prohibit us from being Gods instruments of change. What I noticed from the ride actually the neighborhoods leading up to mindoman mall are growing communities and not just hoods. There is hope. Some have caught to Gods vision while others are still working to it . now we just need some labors to get it off the ground

Yeah so i made it 2 weeks and im sad because it almost over and i feel like i havent learned enough. And im getting one of those feeling when God is about to tell me something i dont wanna hear so maybe we just pause this whole BUP thing until i have time to learn everything and then do what Jesus will have me do with the rest of my life. XD. you knew this blog needed at least one. Important part My last impressions would be this learning is not an arrived place and anyone can learn from a teacher, but what can you learn from a boarded up home? My challenge would be to tell you mother twice a day with at least 3 hours in between that you love her! And im thankful for all the responses to my last question you guys are smarter than me. This question would i need an answer ASAP. the city smells in some places. What can i do to make these city streets more enjoyable for everyone walking them?

#deeeknows #me #darius