#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'

[kinardscoffee]

Do you think Tommy is here to stay for a while? How do you think is going to evolve his relationship with Buck? Will we get another kiss next episode?

I would love for him to stay forever!! Love him!!

Hey, Anon! Thanks for stopping by! I love talking about anything related to bucktommy, so you've basically made my day with your ask!

This turned into a long ass post, so I'm putting the rest under the cut.

Yes, I really do think Tommy is here to stay for a while because, honestly, he's the perfect LI to become Buck's endgame.

And I know that that thought is the biggest issue with certain stans right now, but like, he can easily have little storylines weaved throughout the series with the main and guest stars. And, if you actually read the interviews that the actors and Tim are doing, it's clear that's the goal. In fact, I was actually going to make a post for that idea, but I'll just add it here:

Hen, Chim, Bobby

Tommy clearly has a connection to Hen, Chim, and Bobby from his days at the 118. We've seen it in S2, so it's a canon fact. Chim saved his life, so that's a strong fucking bond right there. Not to mention they clearly enjoy quoting movies and probably discussing the plot of movies together. (Thank you, Bobby begins for the bar scene) Tommy was there when Kevin died, too, so he understands the loss that Chim has experienced through the job. And let's not forget that he had the opportunity to watch Chim become an amazing paramedic.

When it comes to Hen, he helped get rid of Captian Gerrard when Hen was being put through hell. (And yes, I do believe he said something to the higher ups. He is a military guy, and following the chain of command is very important to them, so I'm not surprised he never voiced his opinions outloud. Add that with the idea that he was very deep in the closet, he was probably terrified of that man.) And he knows that when it comes to Hen, she will never give up to do what's right and I like to think Tommy took a page from her book and applied that to his life on his journey to accept himself.

Then Bobby. Probably the first man in a leadership position that treated him with kindness and respect. When Bobby comes to the 118, there's some resistance, mostly from Sal, but even through all that, Tommy sees that Bobby is fair (transferring Sal to another station instead of fully firing him) and welcoming (by incorporating family dinners).

Athena

I was struggling with how he'd be connected to Athena, but then I remembered: trivia night!

Athena and Bobby used to have game night with Michael and David. Can you IMAGINE Bobby and Athena inviting Buck and Tommy over for dinner and game night??? I can. And I am so here for it!

Teams would absolutely be: Bobby and Buck. Athena and Tommy.

And let's face it. Athena sees Buck as Bobby's un-adopted son, so if Tommy makes Buck happy, Athena is good.

Karen

This one is interesting and maybe a tiny bit of a stretch, but I really believe that Tommy and Karen could connect through their interest for aviation/aerospace. She's a rocket scientist for crying out loud. He'd be like a little kid at the place where she works.

I also like to think that maybe, due to his childhood and being constantly between homes, he can help discuss the trauma that Mara might feel.

Maddie

I mean, the most important thing to her is that Tommy obviously makes her little brother happy and giddy. She wants to meet him, which is something I can't recall Buck or Maddie ever saying before about one of Buck's LI. Maybe Abby, but Buck was living in her apartment soooo... yeah.

I know Lou has revealed the backstory he has set up in his mind for Tommy and after saying his father was an alcoholic, I can't stop thinking that maybe little Tommy unfortunately experienced abuse from his father or witnessed it happening to his mom. Tommy, having a childhood connected to domestic violence, while not in the exact same way that Maddie experienced it, gives them something in common on a deeper level. An understanding of how important it is to accept love and open yourself up to the possibility.

Eddie

Eddie's friendship with Tommy is actually so interesting to me too because I have this crazy "invisible string" theory that includes him.(Platonically) But, moving on...

Clearly, they share a love of the same things. Muay Thai, watching fights, cars, Buck, basketball, the military.

For me, the military is their real connection because of Eddie's breakdown. No one else in Eddie's life can really understand what he's gone through and how it feels to maybe be the only one of your unit to survive. I'm pretty sure Tommy has already gone through therapy, and since Eddie had no one to reach out to with shared trauma like Frank suggested, he found that second chance in Tommy.

Buck

I mean... they connected lips and soon hearts. 🥺 Sooo....

Next question...

I really hope their relationship evolves in the cutest, sweetest, sometimes naughty, way!

I want to see nervousness. I want to see them learning things about each other. I want them to cuddle and laugh and go on double dates.

I want them to worry about the other one during a dangerous call or rush to each other at a moments notice.

I want to see them fall so in love with each other that I can sue ABC for giving me cavities from all the sweetness.

Having said that... I also want to see disagreements. Arguments and vulnerability and then the process of apologizing and making up.

So, basically, I want them to evolve into a healthy, stable, loving relationship.

And hell yeah! There will be a kiss on Thursday. I'd like to believe we'll see more than one just because of Oliver's interview, but for sure, we're getting one initiated by Buck and honestly I cannot fucking wait!!!!

I want him to stay forever, too. You're not alone 🩵

#911 spoilers #911 abc #911 fandom #evan buckley #bucktommy #tommy kinard #911 speculation #tevan #kinley #buck x tommy #tommy x buck #anon 🩵

[darkwolf989]

I love your dad Vox stuff! Could I request Y/N trying to tell Vox she likes girls?

Of course you can! Enjoy!

I took a deep breath as I made my way through the familiar corridors that made up my fathers company, VoxTech. Even if I closed my eyes I was confident I would make it straight to his office door without hitting a single wall. I should know the layout that well, after all, I practically grew up here. It made me sick to my stomach that this might be the last time I walked through this building. But I couldn’t keep hiding my secret forever. I needed to tell my father the truth, and only hoped he could tolerate me for who I was. 

The kiss was what sealed my fate. Sneaking around the high school halls with a girl I had the absolute biggest crush on. Hiding behind the gym bleachers, her soft lips pressed against mine. She smelled like peaches and sunshine and for a fraction of a second, everything was right with the world. 

I had played the conversation over and over in my head a thousand times over the past few weeks. 

“Dad, I’m a lesbian,” I would say. 

A thousand different scenarios followed those words. In some scenarios, he cried. In others, he became angry. In a few, he pushed me away and shunned me as his daughter. None of the outcomes I imagined were good, but I just hoped…

Well, I hoped he would still love me. And I didn’t hurt him too badly. 

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door that would lead me over the shark tanks to my fathers central command. 

My father sat in his usual seat, the middle of countless monitors showing all the different views of hell. He sipped his coffee and his chair turned around. Instantly, his expression brightened. 

“Reader! What brings you to me this late in the day? Everything okay at school? I’m not going to get another angry phone call from your teacher, am I?” 

“Hi Daddy, no, not that I know of. I sort of have a bigger reason I want to talk to you,” I said softly. “Do you have a minute?”

“Always for my little girl,” Vox answered as he leaned back in his chair. “What’s up, babydoll?” His expression turned to one of concern. “Are you okay?”

I swallowed as I tried to bite back the nerves and stick to the script. Instead, it all blurted out at once, tears choking me as I spoke.

 “Dad, I- I think I like girls. And I’m sorry and I just, I’m sorry, Daddy! It’s just who I am!”

He stared at me for a heartbeat. I looked down and tried to choke back my tears. Here it came. The anger. The fury. The banishment. 

Wordlessly, he stood up and walked across to where I stood.  He pulled me into his arms and planted a kiss on my forehead. “There, there, little one. Is that what has you so worked up? You want to start dating and you think I’ll say no? I mean, sixteen is a little young to be out without a curfew, but I’m sure we can come to an agreement that works for us. Is there a special girl you have in your life?”

“Dad, I like girls!” I choked out as I buried his face into his shoulder. 

His arms wrapped around me and he gently rubbed my back. “I know. I heard you, sweetie. I promise we’ll figure out the dating rules. I mean, it won’t be perfect but…”

I looked up at him in confusion. Maybe, maybe I wasn’t being clear enough. “Daddy, you don’t, you don’t understand. I think I’m a lesbian.”

“Well, yes that is generally what liking girls is called,” he began. And then a pause. Shock registered across his face. “Wait, did you think I would be upset that you like girls and not boys? Sweetheart!” His hand cupped my chin and he carefully wiped away a tear before cradling me back to his shoulder. He held me tighter and I felt his chest vibrate. 

Was he…laughing?

“Honey, you didn’t honestly think I would be upset over that, did you? I mean, come on sweetie. Have you met your Uncle Val?” He planted a kiss on my forehead and held me back by my shoulders. “Reader, I love you. And nothing you say or do will ever stop me from loving you. You will always be my little girl. Promise.” He put his arm around my shoulder and carefully guided me across the walkway. “Let’s hold a family meeting tonight to discuss dating rules. Can you agree to that? I think your Auntie Vel and Uncle Val will have some…helpful input.” 

I could only nod. 

As we stood and waited for the elevator, relief flooded through me. I turned to my Dad and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He instantly hugged me back.

“Daddy? I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart. Now come on, let’s grab ice cream and you can tell me all about her. I want to know everything. What’s her name? How old is she? Does she go to your school? Who are her parents? I want to know everything.”

I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up in a smile as we stepped into the elevator. “Daddy, just promise you won’t do a background check.”

He laughed as the doors closed. “No promises, babygirl.”

#the vees #hazbin fluff #hazbin hotel #vox x reader #the vees x reader #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox #voxval

[hellenhighwater]

Have you taken any pottery classes or were you entirely self taught? I REALLY want to get into it but classes are quite expensive

I took some sculpting in undergrad, but it was in the context of casting and mold-making, not ceramics. So I'm fairly comfortable with clay as a medium but not so much with clay as an end product--not being able to do armatures and having to think about firing is weird. (If I had the opportunity to do bronze casting again, though, I would, no hesitation.) That puts me in the minority of my current pottery peers, who are largely self-taught or only learned in our studio.

I do pottery now at a co-op studio space, and technically that means that I'm taking classes there--but the classes are more like guided lab time? There's not really assignments or anything, and there's only a couple other people who sculpt, none of whom are in my class. Mostly the class just means that the person in charge demonstrates a technique or two once a week and then lets us do our thing.

Personally I think that shared studio space is the absolute best way to go. You spend less in startup costs (kilns are EXPENSIVE, running kilns is expensive, glaze is expensive) and it plugs you directly in to a group of fellow artists who can help and support you at whatever skill level you're at. Yes, classes are expensive--my class is $250 per season. But for me that includes lab space, 50 lbs of clay per season, almost all of the glaze I use, kiln time, and other people doing all the maintenance and kiln loading/unloading etc. Very much money well spent.

Artist-run shared spaces are often not turning a profit on anything with studio fees, just covering operations costs, so while it's pricey, it generally is just...what it costs to do that hobby. And it is sooooo much easier to be motivated when you're going to what is, basically, Grown-Up Art Club.

But if costs are prohibitive for you to do pottery via classes, and you want to learn to sculpt, then get some polymer clay and see what you can do. It's a different game than actual clay, but form is form, and the medium is secondary to figuring out how to translate an idea into reality.

Polymer clay is relatively affordable and doesn't require nearly the infrastructure of ceramics. If you can't spend the money on classes or a shared studio, then polymer clay is a great way to develop technique and an eye so that when you're in a position to spend the money, you already have the skills to make it worth what you're spending.

#most people who have home pottery studios are either in a position to easily afford that #or are selling their work at a caliber to justify the expenses of making the studio space #which is not what will happen when you are starting out. #pottery is far and away my most expensive hobby and that means #that when it's done #the Minotaur series is going to get sold #probably for as much as I think i can get for it #and probably that means I am going to have to Find A Gallery and Submit Work To Gallery and be #in short #in hell. i have not had to think about doing gallery submissions in so long #and i am dreading it. #anyway if anyone knows a gallery in like. michigan or chicago and can hook me up #i have some sad cows that need homes #i kind of want to keep my sad cow mans forever but also where would i even put them? better to be treasured by someone else #and maybe i will make one extra sad cow. for me.

[gregoftom]

alright nero damn

#WHERE do i even start with this ohahnd m #ok first of all TOM why is your voice so fucking low???????????????????? like girl......... #i know he's being quiet but it's also so LOW. so murmuring...... so .... IntimateTM #the way they act so TETHERED to one another. the way greg is like OH YEAH for a second i forgot #i am bound to you. so am i gonna be okay bc are you? are WE? #YOURE GONNA GET CASTRATED ON PAY SHUT THE HELL UP NERO!!!!! I KNOW HE AINT SAY THAT ON ACCIDENT #he's still thinking about nero sporus he hasn't forgotten what he said to greg in that office he still feels the same way #greg is his sporus now and forever i'm suprised he didn't drop the sporus right there tbh #but i think i can keep you girl i KNOW that is all you are thinking about. that is a top fucking priority for you. you want to keep greg #at all costs. your job yeah you want that and all but the Real reason you want it all is to keep greg with you just SAY that #i mean. you did but still #also stop looking at him like that by talos!!!!!! it gets worse by the day i s2g #tom [looking at greg like he's his entire world]: die #ALSO THE WAAAAY HE TOUCHED GREG TWICE AFTER #cant just touch him once huh. touching his face tenderly is NOT ENOUGH i Must touch his shoulder too. more touching. he is mine btw #tomgreg

[solradguy]

Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

#asks #Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole) #I know exactly how these people function because I was there once... #When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do #Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care #All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did) #I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing? #I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else #People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified #It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic #I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally #I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol #Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized #'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man' #It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly. #There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now #Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently #Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context #So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos. #but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum. #this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering. #happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship? #(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.) #but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened. #so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it. #kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature. #so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work) #anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers. #(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

[milkweedman]

ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.

months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.

#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant) #while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember #usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun #because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die #however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again #so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave #its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad. #i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low #because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in #and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening #i want to scream. #i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care #the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white #hhh. #chronic illness #chronic migraine #and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement #or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body #i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry #at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough #like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it #but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier #im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward #literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit. #so its a catch-22. #vent

[lyrikmumare]

"message for scorpios for what to expect for THIS SOLSTICE 😆😆" do you want to trigger my ocd so fucking badly i don't take any potential advice you're going to give me bc you're scaring me more. fucking hate future-telling astrology and divination and witchcraft pls just leave me the fuck alone

#clyde.txt #they always say the same thing too like MAKE SURE TO START GETTING A MOVE ON ALL THOSE MAJOR LIFE PLANS YOU'VE BEEN COOKING UP 😋😝 #LIKE I KNOOOOOW BUT YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN FREEZE MODE A BIT AGAINCAUSE YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ I HAVE OCD AND YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ NOT HELPING #astrology is fun insofar as guessing and assigning fictional character's signs but good lord this is just evil and not helpful to me at all #literally don't tell me what to do or make me feel like if i don't do anything i'll die and live an unhappy life forever and have bad #things happen to me BC THAT'S HOW YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL‼‼ YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO KMS EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO #IDK WANT TO HAVE TO FUCKING. LIKE MANIFEST OR CHEAT THE LIFE SYSTEM yes i'm well aware i'm responsible for my own success and happiness #and i do indeed plan to do something about that hopefully sooner rather than later but also like.... i already worry enough i'll never be #happy and will just have no option other than to kms like.... like? shut up. i eat good food and pet my cats and hang out and talk to my #friends i don't need to be on the fucking grindset. but fine i'll call the stupid healthcare provider tomorrow. MAYBE #if u want me to realize my potential than how about we stop having a world and society that isn't hell 🤔🤨 how abt i don't feel valid in #feeling scared to leave the house...? 🤨🤨🤨🤨 #the problem is i feel justified with the way i feel abt the world so strongly that idk what's gonna happen that's gonna prove me wrong #and then i can't cope with it either .... which is why i need Mental Help. or epic money

[ipatrichor]

oh my god i just fucking realized. so i named my dnd character's dinosaur mount stig short for stigmata right. and in the last session my character's sister (another pc) died which obviously wrecked my character since they were orphans and only had each other growing up. and. something something a stigmata never healing & representing the wounds of christ something something stig will now forever be a reminder of the home she'll never see again and the sister she failed to save. her sister literally died sacrificing herself to save a crewmate Can anyone hear me

#do yoyu get it. #stig will forever be a reminder of maria's sacrifice and death and the past rilla can never get back #I JUST WANTED TO GIVE THE DINOSAUR A FUN SLIGHTLY FUCKED UP NAME WHAT THE HELL #i didnt ask for a fucking. prophecy dodgeball or whatever. goddamnit 😭 #a wound that will never heal. a reminder of sacrifice. #how long do u think it takes rilla to be able to fly with stig again without hearing maria telling her to be careful #do u think when stig curls around her to try and comfort her all she can feel for a moment are maria's arms holding her #does she live like maria tried to make her. more careful now that there's no one watching her back and no one to rebel against #or does she do all the things that used to piss maria off as if it'll make her come back just to scold her #i am never going to be normal about this game am i :') #pat.txt

[myname-isnia]

Idk why I thought the new year would suddenly bring immense change to me as a person, it was such a childish belief, I can’t believe I let myself fall for it. The years go by but I remain the messed up anxious wreck who starts crying the second she’s left alone with her thoughts. The new year won’t change anything, nothing will

#just look at me #I could very possibly graduate from school in half a year and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life #I can’t take the slightest bit of criticism or else I’ll feel like shit for a week #I need to be staring at a screen at all hours of the day because if I don’t distract myself I will break down #I’m so obsessed with pleasing people that when I can’t fulfill the simplest of requests I want to die #indulging in hobbies. things that are supposed to be enjoyable. feels like hell for me #through all my years of creating there is only one piece I can honestly say I like and am proud of #and I haven’t even touched writing since because I’m scared of not being able to reach that high again #art comes a little easier but I’m only capable of one or two pieces a month #I don’t have anyone irl whom I trust. I’m so lonely that I literally have imaginary friends. at 17 #and I still haven’t figured out my gender or what pronouns I prefer. I don’t even like the name I picked for myself #I could go on forever #I don’t know how anyone puts up with me. I know I wouldn’t if I had the choice #I keep going on and on about how I want to get better. I don’t want to be so miserable all the time #but I just don’t know how #I try to be kinder with myself and I’ve been pretty successful at it but.. it doesn’t help #I can be soft and gentle all I want. it won’t make everything else go away #so there’s nothing left for me to do but cry all alone in my apartment at 2 a.m #I guess

[merevide]

being forced to think about my future WHEN I DON’T WANT TO

#i have a 3 hour zoom meeting later about writing a good college essay and ik i gotta just push through it #but i don’t want to. MY PLAN TODAY WAS TO CHILL AFTER BEING ON MY FEET FOR 4 DAYS STRAIGHT #i can’t take this shit one day at a time. i can’t #like ask me a year ago and my plan for the future was to unironically be in a ditch somewhere. depressed as hell and wasn’t thinking about #anything else. now i actually gotta thgink about wtf i’m gonna do and what i gotta spend my life doing #good god i feel like crying WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CSN’T DO FUCK ALL FOREVER AND I’M GETTING OLDER AND AM ACTUALLY GONNA HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE #also i do not wanna go on a three hour zoom meeting let’s get serious #my text

[came0dust]

frankly i like the things i learned while making this more than the result itself and i wasnt really sure i even wanted to post it in part due to that but if i do keep iterating on the process i used during it, i feel this is valuable context

oh also before i forget: the sketch was done using this brush instead of the one i made earlier

#my art #medibang paint #hades game #for those of you who saw my last art for this game: i am much further along than i was before. i saw the credits 👍 #anyways... i dont like how i drew his face really. like For him. shape is all wrong. still struggle with lips from angles like this #but i really like my coloring here. polyline tool you are my best friend forever and ever #but im also trying to not make most of my art on my phone like ive been doing lately bc it wreaks havoc on my spine and hands and like. #those things are pretty important. but the siren song of 'oooo its meeee firealpaca but Portable' is nigh irrestible to me #it is a very specific form of hell i think. alas. also what the fuck is with my diction lol #<- the effects of posting on a whim at 11pm instead of giving myself time to think about the post without also being about to go to sleep #would say 'cant believe im stuck just drawing guys facing to the left if i want to actually get anything done' but its been happening #for long enough that ive accepted it as a small rut ill hopefully be out of soon. gotta get on my gesture drawing grind

[ironmanstan]

the dichotomy of man (need to get out of this fuckin house but if i go then i can not see my cats)

#JUST realized this and now i want to kill and explode and throw up #WHAT THE HELL WILL I DO . WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO ABOUT MY FISH ok i can probably take the fish with me #but MAN #thats such a FUCKING HASSLE #ill just stay here this is fine <- tormented by the horrors. ball and chained to familiarity #the gamer speaks uwu #guy who is terminally stressed and sick about change but desperately needs it to live a life #oooo i need to be in a hamster ball everything new can just be out of arms reach and i will be safe and contained forever #no more new experiences and life changes ill cry we should all just die actually so i never have to break out of my shell #sometimes im like im therapized i dont need to go to therapy i am sooo normal and then i say shit like all that n im like nvm #the desperately averse to change braincell is funny like is it the autism. is it the ptsd. probably both #bc i sure did like have a moment of like i should just drop out of school all of this is too much i cant do it anymore #wired in juuust the right way where i can live so much better than i ever have but itll stress me out enough where i still feel the urge #to throw it all away bc it is strange and weird. and then i have to resist that urge constantly bc ill be fully like cidal again if i do th #its so weird actually. oh u have friends? u take meds? u have irls now? strange and unfamiliar and scary get rid of it all <- the insanity #anyway sucks how there isnt a word i can use in place of men/women when im like 'women will x' but for being nonbinary #nonbinary mfs doesnt hit the same . enbies doesnt hit the same either #nonbinaries b like i am free from the horrors and then go down a whole spiral at the very thought of moving out of their nightmare house #vent #i guess oops what did this turn into

[elytrafemme]

long theoretical post about my friend hugging me

like. to dissect a matter that none of you are involved in and then i'll delete in the morning: my friend in college hugged me about ten minutes ago and i don't understand why. he's a physically affectionate person so we knew it was bound to happen, it was a running joke between us that we'd like schedule our hug to happen. nothing extraordinary happened tonight. in the second half -- which is when i spent the most time with him -- i was so fucked up that i barely processed what was going on? i was listening to what he was telling me, he just rambled about stuff, and it's interesting and i could recite all of it if asked and the expression he made at each part, but there was absolutely nothing in my head. and he never asked if i was okay which i think he would have if he thought something was wrong, because he's done that before. and we were alone so he could have and there would have been zero consequences. but he didn't ask me what was wrong, so it's hard to assume that the hug was for emotional consolation reasons. he wouldn't have noticed me on the brink of tears, either, he's not that observant. i would have known if he had. and i didn't do anything truly kind to him today, i listened to him talk about his interests and we hung out for a while, but that's what we do all the time. nothing happened. there was the chair thing but i thought i played that off well, i tried to have a coherent narrative about it an hour later too so he would guess what i had hoped, and i think i was successful. he wasn't distressed, i would have known. and he was tired but he's been tired a lot before and he's never acted like this. so he had zero reason to hug me unless he maybe sensed that this entire time i just really fucking wanted him to hug me, but he wouldn't have, and i would never have voiced that, because i don't want him to see me at that level. but i needed that hug badly. and i don't understand why i received it.

#nightmare.personal #neg #he's the easiest person to be around i think. because there are a lot of conversation topics to have #and i understand the way his mind ticks pretty well at this point #that's going to change in spring semester. maybe. which is going to really suck. but it'll be okay. #nothing i offered him would differ from what anyone could give him is the issue #i'm really good at that. you don't really need to have a ton of anything to listen to people #it's just listening. and yeah i guess people are bad at that? but like. #i don't know. he could talk to literally anyone else. all of them could talk to literally anyone else and they actively do #part of my brain is trying to rationalize myself into calming down but the other half is the one i want to indulge because #fuck. fuck. i can't do this forever. #like someday i have to snap right. i can't keep doing this. it's like a time loop. #this always happens and i only vaguely remember tomorrow but it'll happen two days after and it'll be bad #and i will always want to crack under pressure but never do #and if nothing's wrong with me why the hell am i like this? #i wish he didn't hug me. i should have got my book and fucking left. #i only waited because i was getting the book back from his roommate who was off calling his girlfriend #but honestly. that guy even though he's my friend. if he saw me crying he'd do nothing #because i don't think he would care even slightly. we're good friends now i'd say. he would not care. #at least this happened in a pretty way. that's something huh.

[danothan]

finally went to the doctor and, just as i feared, was told everything’s normal actually

the only thing that made this experience worth it was the lightning round at the end where i asked my doctor abt speedster-related biology questions to aid my theories/analysis

if you’re gonna make me stay in urgent care for 5 whole hours just to tell me nothing’s wrong, i might as well use the available resources

#danbles #dc #barry allen #the flash #medical cw #it was hell actually they left the iv in for over an hour and straight up forgot one of the procedures #most of them were nice but some of them were… #like i get that it’s 2 AM for both of us rn but ‘and you came to the emergency room for this..?’ is not rly smth i want to hear #whatever. whatever. #i take solace in the fact that i was right abt my barry blood pressure theory #and that having a fast metabolism has no direct correlation #therefore speedsters do not inherently ‘live fast die young’ as we love to joke abt #barry is gonna live forever!!!! that’s what i got out of this #forget the health problems the important thing is that i was right 😎

[evanbibuckley]

...

#my 6x18 thoughts are that i am SO NERVOUS #cus on one hand i think i /could/ enjoy it if they killed someone off #it'd be ballsy for og and that could be interesting #but also? i love the 118 and the family dynamic they have #and regardless who dies it'll forever change that dynamic. like regardless what happens going forward ill always consider a main dying #the beginning of the end. #not necessarily bad. but may make it to where im not as obsessed with the show as i currently am #okay so that being said? my theory for who could die? i think chimney's fine. story wise he has a lot going for him and in the stills- #-my bet is he gets roughed up in the ambulance and buck manages to save him. ill be gejuinely surprised if chim dies and NO HATE to the #actor but assume kenneth choi wanted to move on and go out with a bang. like i don't think chimney dying is a natural progression of the #plot (regardless of pics we've seen) bobby however? like im sorry but glancing through bts we dont see a lot of him and wat we do see is #before the worst of it. all weve really seen (to my memory) is a video taken from A FAN. of him falling. and my BIGGEST THEORY is that if #they were gonna kill a main (hell even a recurring side) permanently they would keep it close to chest. like we would NOT hear about it or #even be teased. that's just my thots tho and i won't be mad if im proven wrong. or even right! im just super excited about the finale tbh #txt #911 spoilers #kinda? all of this is based on bts (or my imagination)