#not necessarily bad. but may make it to where im not as obsessed with the show as i currently am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanggarae · 6 months

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big deep breath OK SO . ive been so excited for this comeback like idk with every new cb i feel like i get even more excited than with the precious one yk so i was really waiting for it to come out!! they released the mv while i was in class (they hate me) but during a little break not long after i managed to watch it and i was bobbing my head and swinging my feet at the sound LJKE U DONT GET IT I WAS GENUINELY SO HAPPY

honestly this is one of my fav svt albums and idk it just makes me so happy all the songs are so perfect and good there's not a single one i don't enjoy and the aesthetic is so cute and im so excited and impatient to FINALLY HAVE MY ALBUM IN MY HANDS ARGHHHH but yes this was such a success im so happy they broke so many records and they just continue to prove how talented they are wooooo

for the songs there isn't one i dislike at all but i really like SOS idk the beat js so nice and the lyrics are really good and this may be also due to me loving marshmello when i was younger but STILL !!! Diamond days makes me SOOOOO NOSTALGIC i love it so much im so glad they used kind off the same sound/sample as Shining Diamond im in love 💔💔 i think back 2 back is my fav song of the album!! i love minghaos highnote and the beat and just the overal vibe idk it stood out to me sm their voices fit the song so well im obsessed with the part around 1.30 where dino and hao sing in like a low voice? YGM BUT ITS SOOOOO GOOD just the entire song is so good i think tbh i have a soft spot for pu songs 😭😭😭😭 i haven't had much the time to really analyze yawn but the soft voices and vocals are heavenly i genuinely passed away BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BREATH 💔💔💔💔 LIKE WDYM UR MY BREATH WHY IS THIS SONG MAKING ME TEAR UP DONT EVEN LIE RNNN monster is such a fun song i just know I'll play it on repeat like fire while im walking to uni to wake me up and get me in study mode 💥💥💥 it's giving Halloween vibes and im here for it!!!! it's also just fun to me because my roommate/bsf and i bet on who sang the first line and she swore it was gyu and i swore it was vernon and today we didn't see each other much so like 1h ago she told me she saw in a lyric vid that gyu sang that line and i was like ??? girl i have weverse and i follow it religiously so ik it's both of them AND WE COULDNT AGREE BECAUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ANY PROOF so i ended up showing her weverse and it was so fun we were both right in the end and we did a silly dance LMAOOAOOOO IT WAS SO FUNNY 😻😻😻😻 but lemme tell u about headliner. FUCK THAT SONG BRO WHY AM I CRYING ??????? no it's actually my fav song along back 2 back like are u actually kidding me ???? this song makes me wanna study even more for my Korean classes like FUCK HEADLINER SO BAD 💔😭😭😭😭😭 I CRY AND LAUGH WITH YOU THIS NIGHT💔💔💔💔💔 WHERE WE OFFER ALL OUR LOVE💔💔💔💔 HOW BEAUTIFUL💔💔💔💔💔 BEVAHSE YOURE MY HEADLINER 💔💔💔💔💔 this moment when we shine together don't lie rn I'll actually kms and take a bath with my toaster like wow jumping of the 9th floor of the apartment building next door seems like such a fun activity today 😻😻😻😻😻😻

RIGHT OMG I WAS LITERALLY TUNING IN EVERYDAY AT 12 AM KST TO SEE IF THEY DROPPED FHE ANNOUNCEMENT AND WHEN THEY DID I WAS SOOOOO HYPED ‼️ like fml was SO huge i couldn’t wait for this one ALSO THE MV LITERALLY RELEASED DURING A PRACTICE FIRE DRILL FOR ME 😭😭

it genuinely is one of my faves too, like although the songs aren’t necessarily my fave of each unit (i still LOVE each one) the album was just so well put together ?? everything flowed perfectly and like usually it’ll take me like two or three listens to like some songs but i listened to the album start to finish ONCE and fell in love w EVERYTHING i’m not even kidding ❤️‍🔥 I CANR WAIT FOR MY ALBUMD TO GET HERE AYSHSHAHDJHS

right like there wasn’t a bad song at all !!! my fave has to be headliner bc it’s just so fucking emotional like woozi why u got me crying on the train home 😐😐😐 it gives me MAJOR our dawn is hotter than day vibes which i love sm !! the whole album vibes reminded me a little of you make my day a little i think it’s just me but yeah ‼️ i LOVED back 2 back too omg perf unit ALWAYS hits and YAWN OMG 😓 every track was amazing 😓😓😓 STOP THE DEBATES ON THE MONSTER FIRST LINE LMFAAOAOAO 😭😭 speaking of monster, cheol’s part.. changed me . i loved SOS too omg it gave such like band vibes ??

ALSO HELPPPPP HEADLINER’S LYRICS OMG 😓😓 my mom heard me listen to it and said “girl why are u listening to such sad lyrics..”

#dori .. 🪼#seventeenth heaven we luv you

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bilbobagginsomebabez · 5 months

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i can be described as nothing less than ruthlessly principled. it's a dangerous quality in a person but i think i may be the one in a million who happened upon some good principles according to reviews so i will share. i was abused as a child by people who suffered psychosis which gave me both an obsessive attention towards harm and an obsessive need for proof before I act, and i love to read. well. it turns out we have an absolute fuckton of data about things that hurt people especially regarding abuse. because people are typically fucking begging you to listen to what hurts them.

and it's like. yeah there's a data threshold. it first has to echo what we know of abuse. all of the -isms and phobias are culturally normalized interpersonal abuses towards a member of a particular group of people. the big abuses of an entire group over another group are built on millions upon millions of the tiny constantly reinforced interpersonal abuses of one human to another human and our collective deafening silence in the face of it.

when a white person does something racist and then gets sad and upset that a person of color was hurt, it's literally fucking classic DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

Deny: no i couldn't have been racist i would never be racist im a good person Attack: you're the mean person because you thought i was being racist and failed to provide me with enough benefit of the doubt to know i was always being a good person Reverse Victim and Offender: i can't believe that someone would think so poorly of me i'm so nice and so kind and so good i would never be racist or hurt someone else you hurt me by accusing me of being a bad person and i deserve an apology for being taken in bad faith.

like think about it. for real. think about how your bosses treat you and if you would tolerate it in an acquaintance. think of yourself as a human, a full human with a body and needs and a family and a home life and emotions and an extremely social and intelligent animal who figured out that living in groups makes it easier to survive and take care of our loved ones. then think of every single other organism in the species classification "homo" that exact same way.

you know you're safer in a bigger group that cares for you. if you're american, think about how what you're gonna do if you need to crowdfund a fucking medical bill. think about how much we need each other for every aspect of our lives. how many guys it took to cut and harvest the wood that builds every single one of your buildings and the guys that delivered it and the guys that assembled it into your house and the plumbing and electrical guys and more and more and more who make your house possible. think about the people in the factories who do the dangerous work of making the screws of every size and shape that hold every single one of your devices you couldn't live without together. how many people does your life rely on? and don't they deserve to live well? and doesn't living well necessarily mean freedom from abuse? your boss can scream at you and you probably can't do anything about it. why are we in a human group where it's okay for one member to abuse another.

we are a culture that permits abuse. it's that simple. we say that it's okay to abuse someone in certain ways based on certain characteristics. if you refuse to allow any level of interpersonal abuse in your presence, things get a lot more clear and easy to navigate. verbal denigration is verbal denigration. gaslighting is gaslighting. your culture will tell you that there are types of "good" power imbalances, "necessary" checks to autonomy, verbal denigration that is deserved, or types of gaslighting that are required. it's always a lie. interpersonal abuse of any kind is always violent, always cruel, always controlling. there is no variety that is acceptable. structural power imbalances are obvious and abusive behaviors are consistent if you're brave enough to accurately identify them and recognize them for the harm they are everywhere they are.

#this is not evaluated for ways it can be taken wrong.#people have a right to defend themselves defensive action isnt the same as abuse. raising your voice doesn't mean verbal abuse. idfk.#this post feels cursed. it got rbs too fast.

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temporalbystander · 5 months

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Okay so I'm back (not sure for how long) but I need an answer to this and it amazes me I can't find it on the internet already. Seriously, everyone in the Miracuclass has to be subsisting on caffeine during some days right? How has NOBODY made a list of what their coffee orders would be? How is that NOT a widely available story writing tool?

I'd make it myself but, wouldn't you know it? I have no idea when it comes to coffee. I've even tried googling what stereotypical orders would be and still get nothing that helps... So I'm putting it out here. Further explanation under the cut.

Why do I need the entire class's coffee order? Because it's important in my story. Why am I being so obsessive for a story nobody else but me will ever see? Because if I don't get this exactly right it will completely ruin the scene and drive me insane.

Here's the setup, OC Faybon is in this new world with villain Chat and a very late night Akuma has kept everyone awake. Determined to make an impression on everyone that he's not the same Faybon they remember he got coffee for the class. Cue everyone being shocked at the guy they've all barely spoken to, getting every single one of their coffee orders exactly right, Ms Bustier and Lila included.

Here's my thoughts just based on the (very very) little I know about coffee:

Rose would probably have something naturally sweet but without any additives (Im thinking something with honey maybe?) Due to the fact she's sweet enough already and has health problems.

Juleka? I keep wanting to say a caramel machiato but I have no idea what a machiato is. I only say caramel because it's still sweet but a bit richer. Going for that "darker" tone of hers.... Okay just googled the machiato and I feel like that may fit better for someone like Mylene but I'm leaving that up to you anyway.

Speaking of Mylene I'm imagining hers to be a similar order to Rose (somebody's getting a similar order to Rose because she (or anyone really) needs to bring up that she doesn't take sugar only for someone else to say they do. Hey Faybon's sleep deprived in this too, he got the orders right he's allowed to screw up handing them out.)

I'm thinking Chloe would probably be the one with a frappuccino. What comes before that is anyone's guess.

Sabrina? Either just a regular coffee or maybe a latte?

This is where I start hitting the wall. Miss Bustier's is decaf something since she's pregnant in this world too. Max, Alix or Kim would probably also have a decaf or maybe an iced something? Max because of the whole caffeine isn't good for your brain and Alix and Kim because they're athletes.

I have no idea what Alya or Nino would want. Same with Ivan. Nathaniel may want something sweet as well? And Zoe may also go for either a latte or something simple due to her time in new York. With a splash of honey because she's currently coming off a very bad cold and her throat is killing her.

Lila is given a whole allergenic soy based thing, because Faybon just KNOWS she would pull something, and yet will not say a word when the cup she's given is actually her preferred coffee. Though she will look at Faybon warily.

As for the two heroes? Marinette gets hers early so it doesn't really matter but yes, it is stacked with espresso shots. While Adrien gets something almost as caffeinated but with extra cream. Not necessarily because it's part of his order but because Faybon just finds the idea of it hilarious.

#miraculous ladybug #mun post #ooc #story ideas #writing help #coffee orders #miraculous coffee orders #help #my thoughts #crazy mun

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running-with-kn1ves · 2 years

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Jonas is some what aware that reader may not hold the same “intense” feelings like him, but he can see that he’s able to ”break” her and or her spirit. i mean in jonas’s head he’s not “forcing” her to love this asshole or some dead beat. In his head, jonas has all the qualities and more fit for a partner, father and more. This goes back to his moral compass, he’s at heart a good guy (that’s what he likes to reassure himself at least) he wants her to voluntarily be in love with him. but if he has to force her, he soothes his gulitity heart that ”he would be good to her” and ”at least he’s not a outrageously bad guy”. But he doesn’t believe he has to ”force” her just yet, he’s at the stage where he believes with a certain “work” she will fall for him (maybe not as intensely but he’s fine with it). He can see the internal conflict brewing in her eyes when something intimate happens (she trying to decide how to effectively react to it). and he’s totally the type to buy a house for her and not tell her after he buys it 😭😭😭, his reasoning is that he knows she wants it but doesn’t understand that you actually have to be patient and talk with your partner 💀. its a wolf thing i promise. I’ll like to think how he can help her become more carefree is that after a serious of bad work incidents (works in the fast food industry) and student loans is killing her. and she’s just totally breaking down. He comes in her job and sees this customer be totally heinous to her and she looks at the verge of crying. and settling his manners side for moment and completely skips the entire line of people waiting to buy food and just goes off on this person, and she runs away to the back, he follows her, he’s like ”please don’t cry. i set them straight” and he isn’t aware that she isn’t break down because of that incident alone but just her life in general and she’s really fucking tired and just wants to give up. that’s what she’s explains to him. and being the apathetic he is, he goes ”why dont you quit“, 😭😭😭. after some arguing they reach this point where they’re having this intense and deep talk about reader, he asks her some questions that make her rethink some decisions, example being attending college. Of course at the end of it, it isn’t totally where she’s like “yeah im just going to drop out of college and become a housewife”, it’s more she’s thinking about her future in a way she hasn’t before. and with the help with Jonas. she’s stop crying at this point and he’s cuddling her and then he takes her home and she spends the night at his place for the very first time. this is the milestone. reader is stubborn but she’s isn’t unchangeable. in a way reader and jonas are the same. they think their way of thinking is the only true way. but they learn when you want to start a relationship you sometimes have to give something but mostly learn how to compromise. After, he starts his development a bit such as becoming more emotional aware and sensitive that this triggers reader’s own development. Kinda cute how their futures are intertwine with each other.

Ahh I see. So in most attributes he *is* a good, rational guy, but not necessarily when it comes to his obsession. And to himself, I can't tell if he's a little cocky or if his confidence is well deserved lol. I mean he DOES have more positive attributes than most, and can most definitely provide for his family, but he's no perfect man when it comes to some things like emotional needs. But It makes sense that his guilt plays a part...

I wonder how long it’ll take jonas to get frustrated with how slowly things are moving between him and her. I mean, he already expects her to fall for him quickly, but upon realizing thats not going to happen, Im curious to know how long he’ll give her to begin to give in. I doubt he has a set time, but how long would he wait for her to succumb to him before moving to more drastic methods? And because she’s so stubborn, I think it’d take a bit. But I LOVE that eventually she finally has this mental breakthrough with jonas, realizing that theres another way to live, that there’s another way to look at things. Im interested to see how he’d become more in tune to her emotional needs; like, how he stops making decisions without asking for her input or her opinion. He seems like the type where there would be a lot of trial and error. He’d need a lot of patience when it comes to understanding what *she* wants and her emotional satisfaction, considering he’s so used to acting before asking.

I’m glad that she has this kind of development though; it draws her and jonas closer together and its like this kind of advancement that makes so much more room for their future. They both learn to compromise and become a somewhat healthy couple together. ಥ_ಥ

#kn1ves rants #knives rants #writing #Werewolf boyfriend #werewolf

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pangielumix · 9 months

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Why You Should be Corageous

“Be brave”

How many times in your life have you heard that?

Being brave is more than a sentence. It’s a whole concept that applies itself to more than just your vocabulary. Fear is a constricting feeling that can prevent the best things from happening you. You may be scared of getting rejected or having your hopes and dreams crushed by a simple no or your crush calls you fugly (your not, they are). Fear is nothing more than a fence to jump over, like learning to ride a bike or how to tie your shoelaces it can be accomplished, overpowered and forgotten. But it does come back like muscle memory, creeping up your spine and in your finger tips when you have something that has two ways of going coming up.

From experience, i let fear take too much from me. It took away most of my teen years and i lost a lot to it. Lost out on exploration, experimenting and honestly lost a bit of my self identity due to fear of being judged. But at the end of the day the only person who really cares is yourself. No one is walking around judging people from head to toe, and if they are their honestly not worth your time anyway. Everyone is most likely too focused on themselves. Thats the thing about humans, we are all very self obsessed.

You may be thinking, well LUMIX since your such a smarty pants how to I get over fear? It’s more simple than you think. All it takes is… saying yes. Thats right, just say yes to more. (Famous words from Chuck Bass) I’m not implying you should say yes too heroin or sharing needles. I mean say yes to that cake because one slice isn’t going to make you obese. Say yes to going to drinks with your girlfriends instead of the same old netflix and staying in because that’s a lifetime memory your missing out on. Say yes when your trying to hype yourself up for a job interview, you are worthy of it, you worked hard to get where you are and you DESERVE to say yes to things that will only improve your lifestyle, happiness, appearance and general human-ness. At the end of the day you should always be saying yes to things that can send yourself into the future you so desperately desire.

Im not necessarily saying fear is a bad thing though, there’s a reason why its a natural human emotion. It can stop you from making life changing mistakes that can alter your entire lifeline and put you exactly where your most scared to be. For me and probably most woman and girls its turning into my mother. Truthfully fear is good, healthy honestly. It pushes you to challenge yourself and sorry for being cliche but “Face Your Fears”. It’s essential in the evolution of yourself. How are you meant to become the person you desire to be without pushing yourself to over come the very thing that could possibly be standing in your way? And how would you overcome fear i hear you asking, the answer is challenge yourself. Do something that you wouldn’t, like order something new from your local deli and possibly fall in love with that new bagel order. Better yet ask out the cute cashier and you could be meeting your future husband or wife. Send out your writing to magazines maybe you’ll be published, post your artworks to instagram maybe you’ll be recognised.

Yes you may be rejected but guess what I have a solution, Pick. Yourself. Back. Up.

Keep trying, keep pushing just keep going. At the end of the day the only way to improve is to face your fears, be brave, push yourself to be the person that you KNOW you can be. You are holding yourself back, stop disappointing yourself and saying tomorrow will be the day you change. Make the change right now, this instant.

You are capable of anything, dont ever let yourself believe otherwise.

LUMIX

#fashion blog #coquette #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #girl interrupted #lana del rey #divine female #female hysteria #girl blogger #girlblogging #femcel #mindset #health and lifestyle #change my mind #keep moving forward

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shkspr · 3 years

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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years

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I honestly want to imagine Leona's happy ending where he becomes a king in another kingdom. I know, im pulling a Lion Guard ending in that part. Im fine with Leona being the royal advisor or a diplomat, but in his own home where he's seen as unimportant by the people due to his position, its better that he finds a place where he is accepted and acknowledge his capability.

[Referring to this post!]

Personally, I don't think that Leona necessarily needs to become an actual king in order to feel happy and fulfilled in life.

The way I interpreted his post-OB backstory, it seems that Leona's obsession with the importance of positions (first born/second born) is more self-imposed rather than an opinion that the people around him actually expressed. If you take a look at the things the people said behind his back, the complaints they have about Leona are (from their perspective) legitimate ones (concerns about his bad behavior and terrifying power). Notice that Leona is the one saying things like "oh, if I were firstborn, they'd be praising me instead of scorning me". We have no clue if that's actually how things would be, we only believe it because Leona is the one speculating. It’s very possible that he recontextualized their comments to fit his own beliefs due to the effects of his neglect. Even when Farena tells Leona he’s smart and can help the kingdom in other ways besides being king, Leona stubbornly refuses to listen to reason and continues to fit things into his own self-imposed narrative. (We see him similarly jumping to conclusions when Crowley suggests to induct Malleus into the Hall of Fame.) This is not to justify the mistreatment that Leona endured as a child, but I think it's worthy to note this perspective.

Springboarding off of that, I feel as though a common sentiment is that Leona would be happy if and only if he is handed the title of king, but I don't think that's true. I think what Leona really wants isn't to be king, but just to be accepted and acknowledged for his work like a king is. We can see inklings of this in chapter 2 (as messy as it is), as Leona constantly makes reference to intelligence and effort paying off/being recognized. He becomes upset, even aggressive, with Crowley and with Yuu and co. when his pride is threatened, because he is so fixated on his own mindset rather than willing to hear others out. Let's also keep in mind that, in chapter 2, while Leona may be fighting for the "crown" of Magift champion, his motivation for doing so is to help Savanaclaw be seen for its efforts. Leona detests the fact that another person will just be rewarded without Leona ever being given the chance to prove himself first.

This leads me to my final point: I think it would be far more meaningful for Leona to take on a leadership position in his own country (even if it’s not “king”) rather than in a foreign one and if we’re getting really technical here, he’d be a consort prince at best in another country, he can’t just become “king” elsewhere. For one, he's probably a lot more familiar with his homeland's politics, and he needs to be there to support Farena (who doesn't seem to be a very competent leader, from the looks of things). For another, I feel this would help Leona's own growth as well. It doesn't help him as much to essentially run away from his real life problems and start somewhere else, as his childhood trauma will still follow him wherever he goes. He'll still remember being rejected by his countrymen, even if he is accepted by his new ones (as is seen with Leona and Savanaclaw), and he'd still stay bitter and resentful about it (which drives the events of chapter 2). (I believe this is also a point that Lilia makes in chapter 2, saying that even if Leona was able to defeat Malleus, he would never truly be a “king” because of his rotten heart.)

I think it'd help Leona to move on from the past if he makes an honest effort to help his kingdom and gains trust through his service to the crown. He needs to actively demonstrate his change of heart rather than sulk around and blame others for everything. The people of the Afterglow Savana can come to realize that Leona is commendable in his own right, and Leona, in turn, can learn to open up more and be accepting of others in his life.

#Malleus Draconia #Leona Kingscholar #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland character analysis #notes from the writing raven #character analysis #disney twisted wonderland #Dire Crowley #Farena Kingscholar #Lilia Vanrouge #Falena Kingscholar

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itsnothesameasitwas · 3 years

Text

hiii! this month I’ve read a lot of great fics, so I decided is time to start my monthly fic rec… that means I’ll be doing a short fic rec and recap every month with my favorite fics of the month

note: the fics I’ll be mentioning weren't necessarily posted recently

!!! - please be careful and read all the tags and/or warnings before start reading and left kudos and nice messages to the authors <33

❀ Divinely Blessed by thinlines @thinlinez | 17k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

“I heard you, Ni. But what do you mean?”

“What do you mean what I mean?”

Harry rolled his eyes as he shoved his alpha friend down onto a seat. “Did you mean you lick someone out or…?”

“Nah, mate! It was me! I got licked out!” Harry could only stare at Niall in horror.

Alpha Harry prides himself on having the bravest and most caring omega who might or might not just fulfill his sudden curiosity.

note: for some reason i don’t know i fell in love with the ABO and found this fic someway and WOW! it’s really fluffy and sweet and while i was reading all i could think about was “god! i really want someone who love me like Harry loves Lou and viceversa” and also has a great smut scene, funny and well writen (cliff ily babe)

❀ Promise me you won’t run away by thinlines | 23k | Explicit | ABO | Español

“Does kissing me stop you from having bad thoughts?” Harry asked, voice muffled into the collar of Louis’ dress shirt. Louis chuckled at this. He trailed a hand down Harry’s back, feeling the muscles tensing along with his touch.

“I guess you can say that. You’re a good distraction.”

“Then I will be the best distraction.” Harry answered, pulling back and watched Louis’ lips unashamedly.

“Come distract me, then.”

Or the Prince/ Knight AU in which Harry left Louis, but the omega never once gave up on them.

note: this fic is beautiful and really REALLY well written, i need to say i cried and im the most cold person in the world but this caught me and I LOVED IT! but also when i finished it i got mad because in the end notes was the spanish translation and i read it in english lmao; anyway i love it!!!... summing this up, the fic made me thought about that LOVE ALWAYS WIN <33

❀ Twist the knife by jishler @jishlerfics | 6k | Explicit | Angst / Smut | fic post

Infuriating, but Louis missed it. Louis missed him. His thighs and his chest and breath and warmth and toothbrush next to Louis’. He missed sex with Harry but he missed his presence more: Louis would settle for watching Harry get himself off if it meant he got to see him; hear the voice that was like a soothing balm over all his wounds.

Two weeks after their breakup, Harry wants his toys back.

note: i definetely don’t read smut in purpose and the reason i’ve read this was because i love the moodboard BUT i need to thank the person who put it on my dash because i liked it so much!! was fun to read and the smut is pretty well written :))

❀ Hold you now by solvetheminourdreams @solvetheminourdreams | 131k | Angst with happy ending | fic post | playlist

The string within Harry's own sweatpants is now dangling outside of his pocket, stretched so far out that the seams of his pants have tightened. His eyes remain hyper focused on Louis, how oblivious he is—scrolling through his phone without a care in the world, while Harry feels his tilt on its axis.

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind. When he accompanies his best friend to a family wedding across the Atlantic, he'll be forced to reopen old wounds and face his past—one that no one wants to hash out, but may just have to.

note: at the end of the first chapter i was emotional, is the kind of fic that you feel every single emotion, the one you literally feel are part of it... it’s perfectly well written and please give it a chance and check all the stef’s works because she’s a super talented writer... if i say something else i’ll probably do spoilers so, shut up ana.

❀ The money mark by brightgolden @brightgolden | 52k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

Harry's heart beats faster in his chest as the name sinks in. The Tomlinson name is awfully familiar, and he isn’t sure how many rich Tomlinsons are out here in London, but he knew one. Seven years ago.

Like all fine things in the world, Louis Tomlinson ages exceptionally well.

Where Louis is Harry’s first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.

note: THIS IS MY FAVORITE FIC OF THE YEAR. sorry, but this fic is super well written, is omega harry + alpha louis and find smth like this is almost impossible! but i loved the fact that harry could be an omega and a sugar baby but he’s independant and strong and wow! it’s amazing; everyone should read it because it’s really good!! (ps. louis is the alpha of my dreams, he’s a complete gentlemen)

❀ Sweet like candy by neodiamond @neondiamond | 4k | General Audiences | ABO | fic post

Louis is an Alpha with an odd obsession for gummy bears. Harry is an Omega who makes friends a little too easily. They meet on the bus.

note: this is the cutest fluffy fic I have ever read! strangers to friends to lovers <333

❀ Literally making love by Brooklyn_babylon @twopoppies | 30k | Explicit | Robot/Human Relationship | fic post

Holding up one of the android's eyes to the workshop’s windows, he smiled as the light picked up the gold flecks in the pale green of his irises. Louis had always paid attention to even the tiniest details.

All Louis intended to do was rescue someone in need from loneliness. He had no idea it would be himself.

note: science + me = signal error BUT this fic. OMG. how to say this is one of the fics would be in my recap at the end of the year; i have read another fic by Gina and was really good but this is probably my favorite between both of them... all i know and want now is to create my perfect partner lmao.

❀ I’m gonna keep this love, if you let me by pixies @tomlinbuns | 26k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.

note: this one is simple to discribe... the best of the best. one of my favorites abo fics, funny, teasing and very romantic. i enjoyed so much read how these two guys fell in love with each other. god bless this fic <33

❀ Beautiful stranger by lovelarry10 @chloehl10 | 66k | Explicit | ABO / Mpreg | fic post

“Did you want to- oh. Uh, sorry, I-” Harry stuttered, licking his lips as he looked over Louis’ bare torso, not focusing on the ocean ahead of him. “You’re very distracting, Lou.”

“Trying to tell me you haven’t seen a topless Omega before?” Louis asked, walking back to his rucksack and grabbing a bottle of suncream out of it before returning to stand by Harry.

“Not one as stunning as you,” he thought he heard Harry mutter as he started to rub the cream into his shoulders.

*****

When Alpha Harry Styles attends the Gucci Cruise 2020 show, he knows what to expect: clothes, clutch bags, and a few too many pretentious people. What he doesn’t expect, however, is to run into an Omega who is more beautiful than anything on the runway.

note: this fic is from 2019 but who cares, i loved it so much and i want to thank/blame @justalarryblog because she unintentionally recommended it to me in her abo fic rec post and now i want someone like this harry in my life... is it too much to ask? because is one of the most beautiful abo fics i’ve read this month and wow. if you haven’t read it yet, what are you waiting for??

❀ Waiting on you by beckywritesthings @beckydoesthings | 21k | Mature | Mpreg | fic post

“Do you want to touch?” Harry asks, taking one of his hands off to tangle with Louis’. His open invitation finally drags Louis’ attention away from his baby and up to his face, blue eyes wobbly with emotions. It’s clear that he’s too taken to really form words, so Harry takes the initiative to press their laced hands against his shirt fabric, warmth from the skin radiating through.

Louis pushes his shirt up to his chest, taking Harry’s hand and pressing it to hold the fabric in place. His hands return to warm skin, palms even more scalding now that there’s nothing in between them. And then, as if that wasn’t enough for Harry’s heart to handle, Louis leans in, pressing his lips right above his belly button.

“Hi, baby,” he says, lips moving across his skin softly. “I’m your… I’m Louis.”

Or Harry is pregnant with a stranger’s baby and Louis doesn’t know. It’s a minor detail that Harry’s both living with Louis and in love with him. No big deal.

note: this fic is really new, someone reblogged the fic post and when i saw it first i was like ‘huh?’ and then suddendly (in less than a minute) decided it was the next thing i’ll be reading and now i’m completely in love with it. Lou i need to say you’re the kind of guy everyone wants in their life <3

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❀ all the love, ana. xx

#monthly fic recs #larry fic rec #trackinghome #1dsource #tracksintheam #it's too late to publish this??? idk and idc hope someone like this #and again thanks to the author for their amazing fics!!!#28th appreciation #my fic rec

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carpisuns · 2 years

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do you ever get discouraged by social media? like the fact that a lot of interactions can never go beyond the surface level since you won't get to meet a lot of people irl or the fact that numbers seem to matter so much to how others perceive you? hope this isn't too heavy, just curious to hear your thoughts

hey, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this! but yes, i definitely know what you mean. social media can be a strange and disheartening space to be in because it's all about perception and not often about truly knowing someone. we all kind of have a version of ourselves that we put out there for the world to see, and it's not necessarily a completely false image, but it's also not the full picture, you know? and in a fandom space like this one, it's mostly built around a single interest or group of interest, which is great for surface-level bonding with people but not necessarily for a deeper relationship. so it can feel hard to build truly meaningful friendships sometimes.

i've been fortunate tho to meet some amazing people online that i now consider some of my dearest friends and closest confidants. it started with bonding over a shared interest, but then we found that we had more in common and started sharing things outside of that one interest and talking about our lives and supporting each other in both our hard times and good times. i feel really blessed and lucky to have these friends in my life, whether we ever get the chance to meet in person or not.

i'm not sure if you're actually looking for advice about this, but if you are, mine would be to just be kind and positive and enjoy interacting with people, and that may naturally lead to deeper friendship. that's how it's worked for me, at least. kinda depends on what your vibe is and how you prefer to interact online but i've made friends by sending asks/messages to people to let them know how much I enjoy their work and by hanging out in discord servers to chat about fandom stuff as well as general-interest stuff. might be a good place to start!

and as for numbers, yeah, that can be frustrating too! i'll be totally honest—i used to care way too much about numbers. at one point it lowkey became an obsession for me 😩 i'd be constantly checking to see how many followers i had and how much attention my posts were getting and i got too invested in watching the numbers go up and too frustrated when they would stagnate and most of all just too focused on comparing my following with other people's. it was especially bad on instagram bc everyone's follower count is on public display and art tends to get a lot more attention there, so i grew way faster and i also watched other people grow at like breakneck speed and leave me in the dust and i would get jealous,,,woof.

but there came a point when i realized that my focus on numbers was not healthy or enjoyable for me and it was making my fandom experience stressful and bitter rather than fun and chill. so i took a little break for a few weeks and really tried to gain some perspective with it all and it helped loads!! i mean i won't say i don't care about numbers at all anymore haha but they definitely don't have the same hold on me. my growth both here and on instagram has slowed down a lot but i honestly don't mind at all and actually may find that preferable haha. idk im just satisfied and comfortable where i am and what i find most fulfilling in fandom is my friendships and my interactions with other fans, not really the individual attention that I get. it's been nice to take the pressure off myself and not worry about performance and instead just kinda vibe lol. like i used to stress when I didn't post new art for a week, but now i just make stuff when i want to and let myself take my time and post when i'm ready instead of rushing out of some self-imposed sense of obligation.

i totally get people's desire to grow a bigger platform, especially creators who have professional ambitions, and it's awesome to celebrate with them when they hit milestones. but i hope that no matter where any of us are, we remember that our worth is not determined by our online following. and also that we are all just regular people with blogs! I think there's a tendency to treat bigger names in the fandom as like pseudo-celebrities or something (i've definitely been guilty of that ), but at the end of the day we're all just big nerds who like talking about a cartoon lol. it's nice when we can all just support each other and share content and discuss ideas and stuff without making people feel unduly pressured bc their following (like putting them on a pedestal, demanding a greater output of content, etc.) or making them feel lesser because of their lack of one. fandom is about community, not competition, and your contributions are valuable even if they get less attention that someone else's!

ok i feel like i've just rambled a lot, sorry lol idk if any of this was actually meaningful/helpful to you but i wish you the best and hope you feel less discouraged about this! 💜

#anon #ask

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aliensunflower-fics · 3 years

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In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

#its just me #ml salt #ml sugar #adrien salt #adrien sugar #alya salt #alya sugar #chloe salt #chloe sugar #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #class salt #class sugar

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getofy · 3 years

Text

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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sneakydraws · 3 years

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Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance. 11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword?

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

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atinybitofau · 4 years

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S A N ⇨ mafia au

THE ONE WHERE SAN = SMILEY SATAN

part two

• he watches you.

• and he’s thinking to himself.

• fuck, this dumbass chick really had to be at the right place at the right time.

• he was the most wanted hitman in South Korea

• the most skilled hitman belonging to none other than the top class mafia group ATZ.

• he was trying to fill up his empty schedule that’s all.

• wanted to kill some low life useless fuckers for fun and extra money— why not.

• he never gave a single shit to care about meaningless souls like society’s proper.

• he’s the greatest hitman to ever live?

• why should he care.

• never spent more than 10 seconds looking at a face pretty or not.

• his tongue pokes at his cheek, leg bouncing underneath the tripod of his sniper in impatience before he lets out an exasperated groan.

• “Fucking bitch better move out of my way or I’ll blow her brains out too.” he mutters under his breath.

• he was losing too much oppurtunity.

• “5 seconds, San. Take the shot.”

• “I’m fucking trying! There’s some bimbo in my line of fire and I am not going to waste my time cleaning up her mess.”

• he sighs, finger hovering the trigger counting down from five.

• that is—

• till he stops at three as soon as you turn around.

• you’re gorgeous, he thinks.

• like no one other.

• his eyes narrow and his mouth waters at your beauty.

• special and nothing he’s ever laid eyes on before.

• satan’s gift to him after hard years of working for his ass.

• san’s lips part and he has to look out of the scope for better landscape.

• you smile and he’s shot down.

• he forgets for the last three seconds what he was supposed to be doing.

• “You dumbass. We missed the mark. Now we gotta wait two more hours. You better hope you can sit your cocky ass down for it all cause you are not taking your eyes off that scope, San.”

• with pleasure, he wants to reply to his boss but his finger grazes his lips instead of the trigger reveling on you.

• yeah he didn’t mind.

• fuck yeah he didn’t mind.

• not when you’re on the other side of the scope for him to drool over.

• it bogs him why you were working at that piece of garbage establishment and how he could slither you up his sleeve before he leaves.

• he sits back in his chair, watching you more than his target at this point.

• “San, are you paying attention this time?”

• he hears Hongjoong but he’s more intent on watching you then listening.

• you had curves for days and he couldn’t wait to get his blood stained hands on them.

• “10 seconds.”

• “San.”

• “4 seconds.”

• he packs his sniper, pulling out a small pistol from his weapon bag, strapping on a vest under his business suit.

• “What the fuck are you doing, you idiot?”

• “Gonna get the girl.”

• “SAN IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL—“

• he pulls out his in ear out before his boss could finish and practically runs to the building across.

• he has to get you.

• he won’t be able to think straight.

• wont be able to work straight without knowing he’d see your face every night he comes home.

• won’t kill anyone until he gets his reward.

• “Sir, I’m sorry but you can’t go in there.”

• San doesn’t like to wonder at a pretty face twice.

• at least one that’s not yours.

• he shoots the poor receptionist point blank and half the building with just a little pistol between his fingers.

• not knowing he got the target down in the process.

• but then he see’s you, the lone survivor.

• scared shitless behind your desk with wide eyes and trembling lips.

• “Hi.” he manages to say from his salivating mouth.

• so that’s what people’s faces look like, he thinks. two eyes, one pair of lips just like his.

• he’s never looked at another person for this long before.

• he’s thinking you’re the only person he’ll ever look at for that long. the only person he’ll ever give it worth.

• “Um, hi.”

• you kind of think he’s nice..

• for smiling at you before killing you.

• you think he has a nice smile for a psychopath.

• and that you might not want to haunt him later for killing everyone you hated in a span of 2 minutes.

• “You’re very pretty.”

• you let out a faint laugh of disbelief.

• there’s blood on his cheek, a smoking gun in his hand, and a heart okay with killing innocent lives.

• but he has the time to call you pretty instead of put a bullet through your skull?

• “I’m San.”

• “Y-Y/n.” you mumble tripping over your feet. “Ow. Sorry I’m y/n.”

• he smiles again this time teeth in full view.

• he may be a bad bad criminal but

• he’s got the most sweetest smile in the world.

• “Sorry for killing all your friends, sweetheart.”

• you blink shaking your head at the assassin. “S’okay. They’re not my friends.”

• “I’m glad. They were chumps anyway.” the corner of his lip curls up. “You got a family, y/n? Actual friends?”

• he approaches you.

• you take a step back not knowing what his intentions are.

• his gun seemed noncompliant by his side and you suddenly feel like he’s not trying to threaten you.

• quite the contrary actually.

• you have a weird feeling that maybe this charming assassin was trying to impress you.

• “My family.. my family don’t care what I do. My friends are just people I talk to every now and then.”

• in other words, you had nobody.

• but in no means were you trying to make a good impression.

• you just didn’t want to get killed.

• “I’m gonna give you two choices.”

• “Okay.” you were very obedient and it showed with your answer.

• you weren’t the type of girl who overstepped boundaries.

• he liked that.

• a little too much.

• “You’re either going to come home with me like a good girl— a very nice pretty girl I must add and stay with me until I die,”

• you swallow because you don’t necessarily see a way out.

• “Or I could just shoot you and leave you here with the rest of these dead useless no good rotten excuses for human bodies.”

• let’s see.

• spend your entire life damned to a hot psychopath killer who obviously thinks of you as the prettiest thing on the planet.

• OR

• die with a bunch of losers at a piece of garbage establishment where you never really belonged in the first place.

• “You.”

• now he feels like a twisted version of prince charming.

• he gets to run away with the girl.

• “I think you have the prettiest eyes.” he says as he rushes to you to hold your hand. “The prettiest smile.”

• he reminds you of a lovesick puppy when he looks at you.

• “You don’t talk to a lot of people do you, San?”

• he’s sweet to you.

• it bogs your mind how this sweet little bean was actually a heartless sociopath.

• “No.” he answered you proudly.

• you breath a soft chuckle and he thinks it’s the most precious thing in the world.

• if something were ever able to kill him, it’d definitely be you.

• “You’re gonna love me.” he says rubbing at the back of your hand, eyes dawned in obsession. “And I’m gonna love the shit out of you too. Is that okay, sweetheart? Are you okay with that?”

• “Y-yes.” you’re flattered and a little bit terrified. “Yeah, yeah that’s okay.”

• it’s not like you have a choice.

• his smile almost makes you convinced he’s not actually a cold blooded killer.

• anyone who would’ve saved you from that crap life of yours?

• you probably woulda loved anyway.

• but you definitely weren’t complaining that it was Choi San that ended up saving you.

• he’s just an assassin by day and your boyfriend by night.

• who knew the devil could be so sweet?

@atinybitofau

#san #choi san #ateez san #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #san x reader #san reactions #san imagines #ateez au #ateez mafia au #mafia au

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ayzrules · 3 years

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10 Signs That You’re in an Ayz Novel/Project/Writing Collab/Rp/~Thing~

tagged by @homesteadchronicles <3! tysm for tagging me - i love these things!!!

1. SILK & STEEL MOTIFS - [ mai, rowena, camila (ish), all of proper young killing machines! ] ever since i was 14-15 and obsessing over book!sansa / book!margaery, and only enhanced by my gail carriger phase. maybe it has to do with the fact that i’m too lazy to ever get into a physical fight myself? LMAO but i love writing snakey political girls who don’t really do ~fighty~ stuff but absolutely are plotting something and will manipulate/backstab their way to getting it. and ofc they hide all of that behind perfect manners & designer gowns & high heels ;D. normally about working with the system & bending it to their advantage for w/e reason (revenge is pretty common lol), not necessarily destroying the system & making something new/better. which segues into:

2. ICE QUEEN TROPES - [ izzy, mari, yinmei ] i first started writing these girls as a direct foil to #1; i would say characters in both of these categories are just as ruthless as each other, but #2 are more obvious/overt about it and v v v blunt. instead of working with & manipulating the system, these girls tend to be the type to just break it apart with a sledgehammer, hahahha. sub-category/spinoff being the too-old/tired-for-your-shit-so-pls-fuck-off kind of vibe ;DDD

3. THE VERY MEAN VERY TERRIBLE GIRL W QUESTIONABLE MORALS IS A MAIN POV AND ALSO MY FAVORITE AND NO I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE - [ tess + camila, kyvana, tselvya aka the murder princess trio of lay them to rest ] ummmmm no excuse except i might be not 100% straight lmfaoooooooo. i just can’t resist ruthless amoral girls in flouncy ruffles & floral frocks ok next (!)

4. TREE-HUGGING SHIT / POETRY IN NATURE - [ verdínqa, dulcifera, of daisies & ddt, a bit of run devil run ] i’m an envi sci nerd & study something similar w my degree program so no surprise :D ever since high school i’ve been into subverting the light = life & darkness = death trope, just after learning about shit like eutrophication & hypoxic waters etc where growth/a surplus actually leads to death, and sort of the belief that death in nature isn’t inherently bad for the entire system (ecocentric holism & alla’ that). and also a point that’s been driven home countless times by lectures, talks, books, webinars, what have you - the earth as just a planet will be fine even w all the anthropogenic shit going on, it’s humans who will be fucked. so that makes its way into my work a ton!

5. REINCARNATED QUEEN BEES - [ jenny, chae ] idk there’s just something so iconic about that aesthetic. zombie girls in chanel & luisa beccaria ya feel. the absolute vanity/arrogance/haughtiness of your typical hs movie rich bitch TM meets oh shit im not really alive and also eating brains is gross (i once googled human brain nutrition facts. quora saved a girl but also my search history is wack lmfao)..... yea! :kermitdab:

6. DITZY PINK SIDEKICK WHO IS ACTUALLY PRETTY BOOKSMART - [ steph, lea, lyra ] to (sort of) go with above, i like writing the bubbly girly girls who can throw front tucks and scorpions and double arabians like nobody’s business but also aren’t your stereotypical ‘dumb cheerleader’ trope; they’re just thought of as ditzy because of how nice/sweet/outgoing they are. also 3/4 times they drive crusty mom vans. yes this is me projecting my own driving experience no i will not change

7. SARCASTIC IDIOT MEME QUEENS - [ chrissy, inferna/vicky, angie ] always obsessed with memes, usually obsessed with food/sbux, kpop, or both. these girls are fun to write bc it’s like, 2 brain cells and they’re all devoted to simping for girl groups or copping free food deals (yes i make them all blackpink fans yes i am basic no i do not accept criticism) which is just #same. usually tend to be pretty scathing & hotheaded, also with a bit of a too-tired-for-this-pls-fuck-off energy ;D and that’s highkey my entire internal dialogue so like..... :kermitdab:

8. GLITTER + GORE / MURDER PRINCESSES - [ robot unicorn attack & its spinoff ‘rua: guts & glory’, proper young killing machines, lay them to rest, this new hyper-girly pokemon yugioh-esque collab w loml <333 ] traditionally “”””””””girly/feminine”””””””” aesthetics meets murder/other very dangerous activities you should not try at home!

9. FACETIOUS REFERENCES TO RL - [ gem quest, robot unicorn attack, lay them to rest, other things im prob forgetting ] basically i’m super facetious and also a clown and i like to poke fun at stupid things in my own life hahahah. gem quest is very modern meme culture meets high fantasy fairyland (& it was a collab with fanfan! so literally just my aes meets hers ;DDDDD) in the way i wrote it (references to twilight, phineas & ferb, kpop, other memes in the fairytale setting basically); robot unicorn attack is allllll about that petty celeb drama (just with a glitzy cyberpunk backdrop & also unicorns) LMAOOO & it does have tons of similarities to the kpop industry! & lay them to rest - aka murder princess aesthetic heaven - has me pulling out shit like ‘picstagram’ and ‘versacci’ (versace + gucci lol i’m so lame). one of the murder-y girls is a social media influencer/beauty guru. yeah!!

& last but not least-

10. MORE AESTHETIC THAN PLOT - [ insert everything i’ve ever written ] look i can NEVER come up with coherent plot lines WHATSOEVER but at least my pinterest is popping & my prose is all overly detailed descriptions of dresses & flowers LOL

tagging: @bebemoon @vampirkaninchen @morningstar1399 @now-on-elissastillstands @atimefordragons @tudorgirl @lend-your-lungs-to-me @bulletgirl @unholieds @artless-whimsy @interluxetumbra @clarienanaberry << sorry i cant splel ur writeblr @n-eusex + anyone who sees this & wants to do it!!! <3 <3 <3

#my stuff #my writing #TYSM FOR THE TAG THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN

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