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magnus-the-maqnificent · 3 years

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Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone.

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

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bisluthq · 3 years

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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

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allsassnoclass · 3 years

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unmute: 2011

Hello friends here is chapter 1 of unmute, aka the off-screen prequel!

Fic tumblr masterpost

Read on AO3

warnings for this chapter: there is one mention of alcohol and there is one slight instance of homophobia (a microaggression)

thank you to bella @clumsyclifford for reading this over for me

Luke first meets Ashton on a normal Friday afternoon. They’re in Luke’s garage to give Michael’s granny flat a break, the door open to let the spring breeze in to occasionally ruffle their fringes. They’re messing around with a blink-182 song just for the heck of it when a bike skids to a stop on the sidewalk. Luke doesn’t even notice at first, too caught up in positioning his fingers correctly on the fretboard and getting the words right, but once they finish singing someone outside starts clapping and Luke startles bad enough that his cheeks immediately feel like they’re on fire.

“Wow, you guys are really good!” the cutest boy that Luke has ever seen says. Even from this distance, Luke thinks he can make out dimples at the corner of his smile.

“Thanks, mate!” Calum says. The cute boy gives a thumbs up and pedals away, and Luke tries to trade the embarrassment of being caught singing with the boys unexpectedly for the pleasant burning of the compliment instead.

It happens again the next week. The boy comes to a stop on his bike at the end of Luke’s driveway, and Luke notices him right away this time. He sends a small smile as he finishes the chorus and the boy beams, bopping his head along. When the final chord fades away, he claps, compliments them again, and then is off.

“Huh,” Michael says as the boy bikes away.

“What?” Luke asks.

“I’m pretty sure we’re Facebook friends. We met at a party. His name’s Ashton.”

“Invite him in next time, then,” Luke says. It ends up being futile, because Michael’s parents let them back in the granny flat after that and there’s no more practicing in Luke’s garage following school.

-/-

He runs into the cute boy again unexpectedly at the movie theater.

It’s embarrassing, because Luke had just been minding his own business waiting for popcorn and hoping that he doesn’t see anyone he knows when a few boys from his school spot him. Normally this would be fine, but Luke just got a haircut that he hates and he’s wearing his really dorky glasses, and these boys aren’t exactly bullies but they’re also not the nicest.

“Hey, Hemmings, how are you going to be a rockstar with those glasses?” one of them says, and the rest snicker, and Luke can feel himself closing in on himself instead of putting on his thick skin and acting like that doesn’t bother him.

“Maybe he’s trying to be a trendsetter,” one of the others says, glancing at him quickly. The boys scoff and Luke knows that he should say something, but he’s desperately hoping that Jack appears from where he ran off to the bathroom instead.

“Popcorn for the guy in the awesome green glasses,” someone says, voice strong and melodic, and when Luke turns it’s not Jack that’s come to his rescue but the cute boy, fringe sweeping across bright eyes and tan skin, wearing the uniform of the movie theater and holding out a tub of popcorn across the counter.

“Thanks,” he says, stepping forward to take it, and the boy smiles widely at him.

Luke had been right. He does have dimples. And straight teeth. And his eyes are hazel. His name tag says Ashton, so Michael wasn’t lying about having met him before. Luke wonders what he was doing when this party took place.

“Don’t listen to them,” Ashton says. “With a voice like yours, they’ll be eating their words soon.”

“I hope so,” Luke says, and then, because Michael says they have to advertise the band better, “I’m in a band. We’re called 5 Seconds of Summer, if you ever want to look us up.”

“I’ll do that,” Ashton says. “I’ll admit I’ve been disappointed when I bike by that house and you guys aren’t practicing.”

Luke’s heart does an excited little twirl at that, because Ashton seems genuine. Luke knows that the band is okay, otherwise he wouldn’t have put anything out on YouTube or let Michael and Calum invade his channel, but it’s nice to hear it from someone who isn’t an immediate family member.

“We’re practicing at Michael’s now,” Luke says. “Maybe--”

He stops, because that’s a silly idea.

“What?” Ashton asks, tiling his head slightly.

“Well, we haven’t done any official gigs yet so I can’t invite you to those, but it might be good to play for someone else who’s not related to us, if you wanted to sit in on a practice or something. But you don’t have to! It’d probably be weird and I don’t know if Michael and Calum would be okay with it, although neither of them minded you watching from the driveway…” he trails off, chewing his lip.

“I’d love that!” Ashton says enthusiastically, startling Luke out of the unfortunate swirl of thoughts centering around how awful it is that he’s still so awkward.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “If your bandmates are okay with it, of course, but I’d like that a lot.”

“Oh. Cool.”

Luke is trying to figure out if he should give Ashton his number, or ask for his, or how to go about coordinating this when the popcorn is snatched from his hands.

“Come on, Luke,” Jack says. “Movie’s starting.”

He doesn’t wait for him, just sets off for the theater, and Luke scrambles to orient himself and follow.

“I’ll have Michael message you on Facebook!” he calls over his shoulder, throwing out a wave. Ashton calls back a confirmation and returns the wave and then goes right back to smiling at the next customer and preparing concessions.

“Who was that?” Jack asks once they take their seats, thankfully before the previews have started.

“His name’s Ashton. He likes the band.”

“Wow, a fan,” Jack says without the proper amount of enthusiasm Luke thinks being in a band that has real fans out in the world should warrant. Luke elbows him and snatches the popcorn bucket, but not before Jack grabs a handful to stuff in his mouth.

Luke rolls his eyes and settles in for the movie. When they leave afterwards he looks for Ashton, but doesn’t see him behind the concession counter.

-/-

Their next rehearsal dissolves pretty quickly into Michael and Calum playing video games while Luke pretends to do his homework instead of watch them. He has a few assignments that need to get turned in to keep his grades up to his mum’s standard, but Michael and Calum are loud and vibrant and very, very distracting. Luke is laying on the floor to avoid any stray elbows that get thrown, but he can’t let his guard down just in case. As such, he’s done exactly half of a math problem.

When there’s a quiet moment he clears his throat and says “Hey, you guys remember Ashton?”

“The guy who was watching from the driveway?” Calum asks.

“Ashton from the party?” Michael adds.

“Yeah,” Luke says. “I ran into him at the movie theater. I think we should invite him to sit in on some practices.”

“Why?” Michael frowns. Luke shrugs.

“It’ll be good to play in front of an audience, even if it’s just one person. He seems cool and he likes the band.”

“Are we ready for that?” Calum asks. Luke shrugs again.

“We already put out stuff on YouTube. How much different can it be?”

“Yeah, but we mess up a lot before we upload the videos,” Michael says. He looks at Luke critically, squinting in a way that makes Luke want to retreat like a turtle, except he can’t even effectively do that because it’s spring and he’s in a t-shirt. Then Michael grins, wide and teasing. “Does he really like the band, or do you just have a crush on him?”

Luke feels a blush flare up on his face, the type that stings.

“Fuck you, I’m not gay!” he says, and a voice inside his head screams liar! He stamps it down viciously.

He isn’t gay. He might be bi, but that’s not relevant right now and he’s not going to make it relevant for a while, not when he doesn’t have to. All of the boys at their school are tools, so it’s not like he’s going to have the chance to explore that side of himself here, anyway.

Maybe if the band actually goes somewhere he will. But then again, maybe having a bi member would hurt them. Maybe he’ll end up keeping this between him and the poster of All Time Low in his room forever.

Either way, it’s not relevant right now. Luke likes flirting with girls and holding their hands and the few dry kisses he’s had, so he’s just going to focus on that.

“Aw, you do have a crush,” Michael says, catapulting him back to the real world, and his tone is teasing but it still makes Luke panic. It’s not even true, because Ashton is super cute and he seems nice but that’s not-- Luke’s not trying to get to know him because of that.

“Are you jealous?” Luke asks, switching tactics because the more he fights against them the more Michael and Calum will clamp down on this line of teasing like dogs sinking their teeth into a particularly good bone. Michael wrinkles his nose and recoils.

“Ew.”

And yeah, that stings a little, too.

Calum gets a look on his face that typically means he’s up to no good.

“I think I need to meet this Ashton guy,” he says. “See if he’s any good for our little Lukey.” He reaches over to ruffle his hair and Luke swats his hand away, which leads to a small tussle that ends in half of the pages of Luke’s textbook getting folded over.

“Fuck you guys,” Luke says once he has Calum in something resembling a headlock, a little out of breath but triumphant. “He just seems cool. I don’t have any cool friends and thought it’d be nice.”

“Hey,” Calum complains, then jabs him with his elbow and escapes.

“He says he’s free on Saturday,” Michael says, looking at his phone. “I don’t want him at our practices until I know he’s okay, so we’re going bowling.”

“No one who goes bowling is cool,” Calum says.

“Shut up, Calum,” Michael says, then begins the next round of their game with no warning, leaving Calum scrambling to get ready. Luke huffs a laugh and tries to get his textbook back to rights, even though he knows he won’t be getting any more homework done today.

-/-

On Saturday, Luke feels inexplicably nervous.

He shouldn’t, because Ashton isn’t special. He’s just a guy that they met and now are going to hang out with a little. Luke has already botched one conversation with him and survived, and he’ll have Michael and Calum with him this time for backup. Besides, if it turns out that Ashton is awful they simply won’t ever invite him over. If it turns out that he’s not, Luke could have a new friend.

He has friends. He’s not an outcast at school or anything, and Michael and Calum are amazing most of the time, so it’s not like he’s hurting for friends. Still, another one would be nice, and he really does think it could be good to get an outside perspective on their music.

His mum drops him off in front of the bowling alley where Michael is already waiting, running a hand through his fringe in a way that makes Luke think he might be a little nervous, too, which is unfortunate because Michael is typically the most boisterous out of them and Luke was counting on him to drag him through this if it starts to go sour. When necessary, Michael is really good at muscling through uncomfortable situations for the sake of Luke or Calum.

“Call me when you’re done,” his mum says. “Have fun.”

“Thanks,” he says distractedly, already partially out of the car. Michael immediately brightens when he sees him.

“Hi,” he says. Luke waves and jogs over. “Cal’s going to be a little late and I have no fucking clue when Ashton’s going to show up.”

Oh no. What if Ashton doesn’t want to come in general? What if he changed his mind and doesn’t think the band or Luke are hot shit? Then not only will Luke be sad, but Michael and Calum will never let him live it down.

“Mate, you look like you’re going to be sick,” Michael frowns. “Don’t barf on me. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” Luke says. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“It was your idea,” Michael says slowly.

“Yeah. Maybe it was bad.”

“Luke, he’s just some guy. It’s not like we’re proposing marriage. It’s not like he might join the band or anything. Relax.” He knocks their shoulders together, throwing Luke off-balance and then catching him with a hand on his arm when he doesn’t bounce back right away. Luke shrugs him off.

“I know that,” he says.

“So why are you being weird?”

He’s about to try to muster up an answer when someone calls their names. Luke whips around fast enough that Micheal has to steady him again, but Ashton either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, because he continues steadily walking towards them and his smile doesn’t waver. Luke waves and hopes that that negates the fact that he just almost tripped over his own feet.

“Hey,” Michael says when he’s close enough. “How’s it going?”

“Good, good,” Ashton says. He rocks on his heels when he comes to a stop, and Luke feels inexplicably nervous again. It’s different from seeing him with a driveway or movie theater counter between them. Here there’s no distance or buffer, just Luke and Michael and Ashton.

At least his shirt is a pretty ugly purple. No one can be too intimidating when wearing a shirt like that.

They exchange pleasantries until Michael suggests they go inside and get themselves sorted while they wait for Calum to show up. They step into the air-conditioning and Luke immediately feels more at ease. He loves bowling alleys. He loves the gaudy carpet and the loud music and the weird lights and the funny shoes and the stacks of neon bowling balls by the lanes. He especially loves this particular alley because he can pinpoint the carpet stain where he spilled his coke while here with his family then didn’t tell anyone so it had time to set before it got cleaned, or the lane they used when Calum broke one of the bumpers because he doesn’t like bowling without them but threw the ball too hard.

“Can I tell you something?” Ashton asks while Michael is paying for the lane rental and getting shoes, leaning close to be heard over the music and crash of pins being knocked down in the background. He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets and a little smile on his face, and Luke is instantly convinced that he’d probably let Ashton say whatever he wants and hang off his every word.

“Sure,” Luke says.

“I’m shit at bowling. I don’t remember the last time I actually played.”

“It’s okay. Calum is, too,” Luke says. “That’ll make him like you. We’re not using the bumpers, though.”

Ashton frowns.

“Do you usually?”

Luke gets called up to the shoe rental before he can respond. While he’s kicking off his sneakers Calum arrives, prompting another flurry of greetings and introductions and small talk, then they finally all head to their lane and can begin the game.

Ashton is not nearly as bad at bowling as he had implied. He’s not great, and Luke is glad that the only real competition he has to worry about is Michael, but Calum still decidedly comes in last for their first round. He vows to take Ashton down for the second, which isn’t likely, but Luke likes the teasing it prompts between them.

Conversation flows naturally with none of the awkward pauses or weird adjustments that Luke had been preparing himself for. Honestly, it’s extremely easy to get along with Ashton. He fits into their little group seamlessly, cracking jokes and asking questions and keeping up with their topic changes like he’s been doing it for years. Luke’s not sure if he’s stopped smiling the entire time they’re bowling, and his smile is great. It takes over his entire face, wide and infectious, and Luke has to remind himself to stop staring multiple times.

It’s still not a crush, but Ashton is cute, okay? It’s an objective fact. Luke is allowed to notice cute people without having a crush on them.

After their time at their lane is up, Luke’s stomach grumbles and convinces them all to stop by the Macca’s next door before they have to call their parents. Luke wants to order one of everything on the menu, but he settles for some chicken nuggets and hot chips. All of them get a large fry, so Luke is pretty sure he’s going to get to eat Calum’s leftovers since he won’t have to fight Michael for them, anyway.

“So Ashton,” Michael says once they’re sitting. “Luke says you’re a fan of the band.”

“Yeah, you guys are pretty good,” he says, then pops some chips in his mouth.

“Do you play drums?” Calum asks around his own mouthful of burger. “‘Cause that’d be convenient.”

“No, I wish,” Ashton says ruefully. “I’m not very musical. My forte is visual art.”

“Really?” Luke asks. “Like, drawing and painting and stuff?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says, straightening up. “I want to study it after school. I actually really want to go to college in America for it. I’ve been looking at places with scholarships for international students. They don’t start their school years until September, so I could work full time for most of the year to save up since I graduate in December.”

“Wow,” Michael says.

“That’s cool,” Luke says, because yeah, wow. Luke can’t imagine leaving behind everyone he knows to go to a different hemisphere, but Ashton seems excited for it, eyes shining. He must really love art.

“If you guys ever make it to America, hit me up,” he says. “I’ll be in the front row at your show.”

“When,” Michael corrects. Ashton grins at him.

They manage to almost finish their meal before Ashton gets a text from his mum requesting him home. As soon as he’s gone Michael turns to the other two, fast enough that Luke’s a little worried he’ll get whiplash.

“That shirt is fucking ugly.”

Luke and Calum dissolve into laughter.

“What? Am I wrong?” Michael asks.

“No, it’s ugly,” Calum says around giggles. Luke nods around his own laughter and Michael leans back in his chair, satisfied.

“Besides that I like him, though,” he says. Luke feels warmth blossom inexplicably inside him, pleased on Ashton’s behalf.

“Me too,” Calum says.

“Yeah, me three,” Luke says. Michael nods decisively and Luke’s heart starts beating a little bit faster in anticipation of their next band practice.

-/-

When Ashton arrives for the next band practice, Michael, Calum, and Luke are all playing Fifa in the granny flat. Michael’s mum must let him in, because one moment Luke is in the zone and the next there’s a prickle of awareness giving him goosebumps and Ashton is there, existing in his periphery.

“Hey Ashton,” he says, not breaking eye contact with the screen. Michael and Calum ganged up on him for this round and Luke is determined not to lose.

"Hey," Ashton says. "What're you guys doing?"

"Fifa!" Michael says in his best sports-announcer voice. Calum scores a goal and crows right before the game ends, throwing his hands up. Luke considers throwing his controller but settles for a very loud groan and scrubbing his hands over his face instead before taking his first good look at Ashton of the day.

He's not wearing the ugly purple shirt, but rather a green v-neck that hugs the tops of his arms and ensures Luke can see his collarbones. Luke tries not to make it obvious that he's looking at Ashton's muscles, following the line of his arms down to bracelets knotted around his wrists and a black book in his hands.

"You can join Luke's team," Calum says. "He sucks though, fair warning."

"Hey! I do not!" He tries to smack Calum, but he has to reach over Michael to do it, which means both of them shove him away and he almost topples over.

"I don't play Fifa," Ashton says.

"What," Michael squawks. Luke stares incredulously, but Ashton just shrugs and adjusts his fringe before flopping down on the ottoman.

"I don't really like Fifa. I'm not big on video games in general, but Fifa isn't one of the ones I play."

"We can't be friends anymore," Michael sighs dramatically, falling backwards with an arm over his eyes like a fainting maiden. Luke pokes his stomach to make him jolt. "How can you not like Fifa?"

Ashton shrugs again.

"I just don't."

"You're lucky you're not actually in the band," Calum says, brandishing his controller. "This would be grounds to kick you out."

"It's true," Luke says. "The only band rule is that everyone must like Fifa. That's why we haven't replaced Michael yet."

"Hey! There wouldn't be a band without me!"

Michael tackles Luke to the ground, knocking the wind out of him with an oof. He flails, but Michael digs his fingers into his side, making him shriek.

"Ashton! Calum! Help!"

Ashton sighs, then turns to Calum, who shrugs.

"I'm not getting involved in that."

"Betrayal!" Luke calls between giggles, uselessly kicking at Michael but unable to make satisfying contact. Michael finally relents once Luke feels like his lungs are about to burst from the lack of a good inhale. He pants on the floor for a few more moments, then heaves himself to sitting and runs his fingers through his hair to set it back to rights. Ashton gives him a wry smile. Luke ducks his head, cheeks still flushed from the tickling.

"Is this how band practice usually starts?" Ashton asks.

"Only when Luke's being annoying," Michael huffs. Luke flips him off.

"Well, we do usually start with Fifa, yeah," Calum says. "Sometimes we just hang out instead of practicing, which is probably why we're still kinda shit."

"Hey," Luke says.

"Yeah, hey," Michael frowns. "Don't shit-talk the band."

"You guys do it all the time!"

"Not in front of a guest," Michael says, gesturing at Ashton. "Besides, we're never going to make it out of Sydney if you keep believing we're bad."

"I didn't say we were bad, I said we're kinda shit. You can be a good band and still be kinda shit."

Luke frowns, but Michael launches into a quick rebuttal before he can and Luke decides to stop following. He glances at Ashton and shrugs. Ashton smiles, pressing his lips together in a way that Luke hopes means he's holding back a laugh instead of being uncomfortable. His eyes are dancing too much for it to be a bad thing, though, so Luke returns his smile full force.

It's nice to have someone else here for when Michael and Calum go off on their tangents. Luke never feels left out or anything, but sometimes it's obvious that they have their own language and dynamic bred from years of history that Luke is still catching up on. They all understand each other in different little, intricate ways, but it's nice to have someone to share his own secret smiles with when the others are in their own world instead of him staring off into space and waiting for them to jump to a conversation he can be involved in.

Ashton drums his fingers against the black notebook in his lap, drawing Luke's full attention to it while the others squabble in the background.

"Hey, what's that?" he asks.

"This?" Ashton asks, holding it up. It's a hardcover, with thick black loops binding it together. Luke nods. "It's my sketchbook. I figured it'd be better to have something to do than just stare at you guys while you practice."

"Can I see?" Luke asks eagerly. Ashton pulls the book closer to his chest, a small subconscious movement, smile cracking with nervousness at the edges.

"Not yet. I'll show you when I have something good, though."

Luke deflates, but nods.

"They're unfinished," Ashton explains. "They're messy. I don't try very hard with my sketches, and I want your first impression of my art to be a good one. Sorry."

"It's okay," Luke says. "I get it."

Luke doesn't point out that showing him the sketchbook would probably be like Ashton sitting in on a practice, because maybe Ashton’s not there with him yet. He wants to reach that level, though. He wants to sit on Ashton's bed and leaf through his art with him, letting Ashton explain what he wants and drawing his own ideas from moments of silence.

"Hey," Michael says, clapping his hands a few times. "Are we going to practice or what?"

Luke rolls his eyes, because he wasn't the one arguing with Calum about whether their band is bad or shitty, but goes to get his guitar anyway. He takes him time tuning it, waiting for the others to get ready as well, and Ashton gets comfortable, lounging back. They bicker a bit about what song they want to do, but not as much as usual because Luke made them all talk about it at lunch so they don't look like fools in front of Ashton, although it's probably much too late for that, and the first play-through is always a little rough, but it's fine. Ashton's gaze is a gentle weight on his shoulders, and Luke smiles while he sings.

-/-

Luke waits anxiously by the door, glancing out the window every so often to see if he can spot Ashton making his way up the block to Michael's house on his bike. He's coming straight from work, and they delayed practice a bit today so that he could be there for it. They've started factoring Ashton's schedule into their practices a bit more, and Luke likes it. It's maybe not as productive, but band practices feel better when all four of them are there. Having Ashton sitting in the corner bent over his sketchbook or, in more dire cases, doing homework and revising for exams puts Luke more at ease, and even though he claims not to be musical he has good suggestions for dividing up parts of songs and is willing to tell them when they can do better.

He always phrases it that way, too. Not "that wasn't good," but "you guys can do better." Luke likes that he has standards for them. He likes how sure he is that the band is worth something.

"Luke, sit down," Michael says, picking up another piece of pizza and trying not to lose all of his toppings on the way to his mouth. "Waiting for him isn't going to make him appear faster."

"I'm too excited to sit," he says, snagging another piece of pizza for himself. They're supposed to leave some for Ashton, just to be polite, but at the rate they're going that won't happen unless Ashton pulls up right now.

"I still can't believe it," Calum says, awestruck.

"Me neither," he says.

"I can't believe they said yes," Michael confesses. "I hoped they would, obviously, but I wasn't sure if they would like the YouTube videos."

"This is big," Luke says. "Like, this could be life-changing."

"Yeah, you said that earlier," Calum says.

"Because it's true."

The doorbell rings and Luke scrambles to standing, basically sprinting to the door to answer before anyone else and effectively cutting off the rest of the conversation. He throws the door open wide, greeting Ashton with an exuberant smile that he tiredly returns. He's always a little tired after a shift, shoulders slumped and everything worn at the edges, but Luke's glad that he still comes over when invited. Luke likes to think that they rejuvenate him a little.

"Hi," he beams.

"Hey," Ashton says. "You're in a good mood."

"Hey Ashton!" Calum calls from inside. "There's one piece of pizza for you if you want it before Luke or Michael take it!"

"Oh," Ashton says, perking up. Luke steps aside to let him in and follows him to the main room.

"Pizza?" Ashton asks, sinking to the floor and taking the offered piece while Luke takes a spot next to him. "What's the occasion?"

Michael, Calum, and Luke exchange giddy looks, excitement palpable in the air until Luke can't take it anymore and blurts, "We have a gig!"

Ashton freezes, looking at all three of them before one of his signature grins splits his face.

"No fucking way!" he exclaims. "Seriously? Where? When? Holy shit, congrats!"

"December third at the Annandale Hotel," Michael says. He's practically vibrating. Luke thinks the three of them are probably holding enough energy to power a small city right now.

"A real gig," Ashton breathes. "I'll be there, obviously."

"Obviously," Luke repeats. "We can't do our first official gig without our biggest fan." Ashton gives Luke a smile, the type that makes something warm blossom in Luke's stomach.

"Do you know what you're going to play yet?" Ashton asks.

"No, we just found out today," Calum says. "We were going to try to make the setlist tonight."

"And we still need to find a drummer," Michael says. Ashton hums.

"Do you have anyone in mind?"

They all shake their heads. The Drummer Issue, as it has been officially dubbed by the band, is becoming a bigger and bigger thorn in their sides. They feel good as a three-piece, but you can't play a gig without a drummer. Michael fills in on percussion sometimes when they really need it, but he likes guitar much better and it's a little late to make him learn how to be a proper drummer when they don't even have a kit to use.

"I might be able to help," Ashton says. "One of my friends plays drums. He's not looking to join a band or anything, but he's a quick learner and could probably play at the Annandale at least if you don't have someone more permanent by then."

"Who is he?" Michael asks, reaching for the laptop they upload all of their covers on. "Pull up his Facebook."

He elbows his way between Luke and Ashton so he can lean over Ashton’s shoulder and Luke scoots over to Calum instead, content to munch on his pizza and leave them to do whatever internet-stalking Michael deems appropriate. Michael's approval is the hardest one to get in the band, so if he thinks the guy looks good they'll probably end up using him, and Ashton's recommendation carries a lot of weight.

"A real gig," Calum says reverently, staring at his pizza like it's the greatest gift in the world. Luke knocks their shoulders together and continues leaning against him while the other two talk.

A real gig. Luke has always put a lot of weight into being in a band, but there's something more official about it now. They're a real band, not just a band to themselves and a handful of people on YouTube, but to people who will see their name on the marquee and everyone who enters through the doors that night. 5 Seconds of Summer is going to get a chance to play in front of a real crowd, not just Ashton. This is the start of something huge, he can feel it.

If he had to pick anyone in the world to share this moment with, he’d pick the three people in this room right now. Luke leans his head against Calum’s shoulder and lets himself imagine the possibilities.

-/-

The night before they're meant to perform at the Annandale, Luke can't sleep. He tosses and turns, trying to find a comfortable position and failing, flipping his pillow over to the cool side and readjusting his covers and still staring uselessly at the ceiling. The clock on his side table reads 3:43, red letters blinking mockingly at him as every second ticks by. He sighs, turning back to look at his ceiling.

He could try to text Michael or Calum, but he doesn’t want them to know how anxious he is, stomach already tied in knots with over twelve hours before the performance. They might be dealing with their own nerves and he doesn’t need to add to them, or they might be fine and think he’s being stupid. He could keep laying here, but the longer he does that the more he starts thinking about how everything could go wrong.

What if he forgets the words? What if his voice cracks? What if he doesn’t tune his guitar properly and everyone cringes at the first strum? What if he loses all of his picks? What if a string breaks? What if no one even shows up and it’s just the three of them and Ashton’s mellow drummer friend playing to an empty room and then no one lets them do a gig ever again?

He could try texting Ashton. He might not even be awake, but if he does reply he’d probably say something reassuring that would have Luke’s shoulders unclenching and quiet his racing mind. Ashton is good at stuff like that, but he doesn’t say things unless he means them. If he tells Luke that things are going to be alright, things are probably going to be alright.

He grabs his phone from the nightstand, squinting at the brightness.

Luke: U up?

He cringes when he realizes how much that sounds like a come-on. Whatever, it’s not like Ashton expects him to be doing that, so hopefully he’ll brush it off.

He’s about to try willing himself to sleep again when his phone lights up.

Ashton: yeah whats up

Luke: nothn whats up w u

Ashton: nothing lol. u excited 4 tmrw?

This is his chance. Ashton has given him a clear opening and all Luke has to do is tell him that the thought of going out onstage is giving him a stomach ache and he’s going to die if he doesn’t get to sleep soon. Ashton might think he’s silly and dramatic and a baby, but if Luke works himself up any more over this he’s not going to be able to look at his guitar tomorrow, let alone pick it up, and he needs to be able to do that. He can’t let the band down.

Luke: scared

Ashton: y? u guys r going to kill it!

Luke: what if i suck

Ashton: u dont ur a rockstar! i have gd taste in bands u deserve this opportunity& will be awesome

Luke: what if im not

Ashton: its ur first gig youll only get better frm here uv put in 2 much work 2 b scared u will be amazing

Luke: what if no 1 shows up

Ashton: ill b there! u can play 2 me ppl will come

Luke takes a deep breath. Ashton’s probably right. This is their first gig, and he seems convinced that there will be others. Even if they bomb tomorrow or it’s only Ashton in the crowd, they can bounce back. They’ve put a lot of work into the band, and he can’t let one shitty performance define them, especially when he doesn’t even know if it’s going to be shitty yet. Ashton seems to think they’ll be alright, and Ashton is usually trustworthy.

Luke: thx

Ashton: no prob :)

Luke looks at his clock again and wonders if this will be enough to let him sleep, but something niggles at his mind.

Luke: y r u awake rn?

Outside, one lone car drives down the street. Luke tries to imagine himself in the center of some big city like New York or Los Angeles instead of a suburb outside of Sydney. He tries to imagine Ashton at a college town in the United States, living in a dormitory with all his friends and staying out late regardless of if he has classes in the morning.

Ashton: cant sleep sketching instead

He sends a picture with it and Luke waits patiently for the image to load. When it finally does, he's greeted with a horizontal photo of Ashton's sketchbook, yellow light from a lamp barely illuminating the page. It must be the scene outside Ashton's window, an empty street with houses lining the pavement and a rough sketch of a streetlight at the end of the block. It's just graphite against creamy white paper, but Luke wishes he were seeing it in person so he could trace his finger over the lines. They're rushed, but confident and bold. Ashton has shaded most of the page to give the illusion of nighttime, and Luke imagines him sitting at his window, glancing up every-so-often for reference as he recreates what he can see on paper.

Luke: wow ur really good!

Ashton: <3 ty

Luke bites his lip, trying to figure out something else to say. After a few minutes of silence, Ashton texts first.

Ashton: get some sleep luke. see u tmrw

His stomach sinks, but it’s probably for the best. He’d keep talking to Ashton all night if he could, but he needs to sleep. He has a gig tomorrow.

Luke: gn

He puts his phone down and lays back in bed, taking a deep breath. To avoid thinking more about tomorrow, he tries to imagine what other creations could be in Ashton's sketchbook, black lines drawing themselves on the blank canvas of his mind until he finally falls asleep.

-/-

Luke paces anxiously as well as he can in the cramped “backstage” space. They're about to begin the set, and it's just as nerve-wracking as he thought it was going to be. Ashton's drummer friend is a picture of calm, twirling his sticks with a bored frown, but Michael and Calum are both jittery, too. Calum is picking nervously at the bass he's holding, about to make his official debut as a bass player, and Michael keeps tapping his foot restlessly.

There's a few people here. A group of girls is huddled by the stage waiting for them to start and Luke is supremely grateful that they showed up, but it brings up a new set of anxieties. They're playing original songs for the first time, and it's one thing to be able to sing a cover, but it's another to present people with new material and ask them to like it. They can't let these fans down, no matter how tiny the crowd might be.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and Luke digs it out.

Ashton: break a leg rockstar :)

Luke doesn't have time to reply before the lights are dimming, the crowd is cheering, and he's following Michael onstage.

The show is amazing.

Like, objectively it's probably not, but Luke has the time of his life anyway. He's shaky and nervous for the first minute, then he actually looks up and sees Ashton standing off to the side with a camera in hand, million-watt smile on his face, and suddenly things are easy. They mess up and they're awkward and they give it everything they've got. The crowd is small but mighty, the music is messy but sincere, and Luke starts to figure out how to be a rockstar on a tiny stage in a hotel in Sydney, Michael and Calum blossoming into their own stars next to him.

He tears up a little during "Everything I Want," which should probably be super embarrassing, but mostly he's just happy. He can't believe people came. He can't believe this is real and not a dream. He can't believe he's lucky enough to do this with his two best friends. It's only up from here, and Luke already feels like he's on top of the world.

When they take their bows and exit the stage, Luke is buzzing. He pulls the other two into a hug, the kind that’s so fierce it feels like he’s suffocating, and they all laugh and cheer and maybe Luke cries a little bit again. He tearily thanks their drummer, who looks marginally less bored now that the show has actually been played, and accepts hugs from his parents and pats on the back from his brothers. He talks to a few of the fans that have lingered and even signs his first autograph, which is insane to think about.

When he finally has a spare moment, he finds Ashton and throws his arms around him.

"Hey! Amazing job!" Ashton says in his ear, holding him just as securely. Luke tucks his face in his shoulder and squeezes.

"I thought you wanted to be in the front row," Luke says once he makes himself let go.

"I figured I'd let the other fans get a chance. I have a front row seat at every practice, so it only seemed fair. I got some good pictures, though."

He holds up his camera and Luke brightens even more, if possible. He feels like he's glowing brighter than the stage lights already. He feels like he's probably glowing more than all of the stage lights in all of the big stadiums around the world combined.

"Can I see?" he asks. Ashton doesn't get a chance to answer before Michael and Calum appear in an enthusiastic, all-encompassing storm, pulling both of them out of their corner because Karen promised to buy pizza in celebration and both of them were too nervous to eat before and are starving now. Luke is, too, and he tugs Ashton to follow them out to the cars.

"Wait, shouldn't this just be band and family?" Ashton says, dragging his feet.

"Don't be stupid," Michael says, taking his other hand and helping Luke pull him forward.

"Yeah, you're basically part of the band," Calum says. "As much as our temp drummer, anyway, and Mum invited him along."

Ashton's drummer friend declines, so it's just them and their families. Ashton sits sandwiched between Luke and Calum and Luke's mum jokes about that side of the table needing four pizzas just for themselves. When the adrenaline finally wears off part way through the meal, Luke slumps against Ashton's side and sighs contentedly.

He's pretty sure this is the best day of his life.

-/-

Ashton graduates in mid-December. Luke texts him a quick congratulations, but they don't see each other until a few days after. The band decided they need to celebrate (or maybe they just want the excuse to get ice cream along with the usual pizza), but Ashton spends a few days hanging out with friends from school and his family. Luke thinks it's ridiculous that they have to wait almost an entire week to see him, but they decide to all stay over at Michael's when they do, so Luke can't pout too much.

They pick Ashton up instead of making him bike over, which they make a big deal out of as his graduation present. They leave the passenger seat open for him, at least, so he doesn't have to squish into the back, and he graciously thanks them with a lofty voice, like a king talking to his royal subjects. They make a big deal out of ordering Ashton's favorite pizza, too, which is just one of their usual orders, then grab some chips and pass around goon and put in Iron Man, because Ashton wants to watch the Marvel movies and Michael has all five of them. The wine goes down easy in the way cheap wine usually does, and soon Luke has a pleasant buzz, enjoying the way the room fuzzes at the edges from his place squished between Michael and Calum on the sofa. Ashton is alone in the arm chair, and Luke wishes he were squished in here with them, too.

Calum dozes off first, so after Iron Man 2 they set up blankets and sleeping bags. Michael claims the couch because it's his house, so Luke watches Thor from the floor, propped against the front of the couch so he can see the TV better, Calum on one side and Ashton on the other. Calum falls asleep again quickly, and near the end of the movie Michael starts breathing deeply, the kind of breathing that's close to a snore. During the credits Luke blinks at Ashton and finds him already looking back.

"Hey," Ashton says. "Want to watch Captain America?"

Luke nods. Ashton carefully picks his way over to the TV, crouching to exchange the DVDs. Backlit by the screen, Luke can see the way his hair is starting to get slightly wavy at the ends now, hours and hours since he last straightened it for the flat-iron fringe they all sport. Luke wonders what his natural hair is like. He likes that he's going to get to see it in the morning, but that also means that Ashton is going to see his bedhead, too.

"Hey," Luke says quietly when Ashton returns. "The others are asleep."

Ashton glances at them, then grins. "Do you have a marker?"

They give Calum a mustache, which is hard because the smell of the marker right under his nose keeps making him shift, then giggle their way through drawing a dick on Michael's cheek. Ashton clamps a hand over Luke's mouth at one point when Michael hums and moves, and both of them hold their breath until he settles again, smacking his lips.

"Shhhh," Ashton says in his ear. Luke shivers at the proximity, then nods. Ashton moves his hand, so they continue to give Michael a few more doodle-tattoos before deeming themselves done and returning to their sleeping bags.

"They're going to hate us in the morning," Luke giggles. Ashton snickers next to him, and they turn back to the movie. It holds Luke's attention for the beginning, but now that he's aware of it, Ashton's presence as the only other one awake takes up the room. Luke hears his huffs of laughter and every rustle of his sleeping bag hidden between the dialogue and backing soundtrack. When he grins, it's still bright even though the TV is the only thing illuminating the room. It creates weird shadows on his face, valleys of black amidst the blue-lighted highlights, but it doesn't make him look strange or unfamiliar. If anything, it assures Luke that he'd be able to recognize Ashton in any context. He’s not the artist out of the two of them, but he wonders if he’d be able to draw Ashton from memory.

"Are you going to miss us when you're in America?" Luke asks.

Ashton drags his attention away from the movie to look at him again.

"Yeah, of course. You guys are some of my best friends." Luke tries not to show how happy that makes him. Sometimes he thinks that Ashton must thing that they're all stupid and immature kids. Ashton has graduated and has plans for his life and takes care of his family. Luke draws dicks on his friend's faces when they fall asleep.

"You're one of my best friends, too," he says. "I'm really glad you talked to me at the movies."

"I'm glad you invited me to go bowling."

"It was technically Michael who did that," Luke says, ducking his head.

"No," Ashton says with a small smile. "He sent the message, but I know you told him to."

Luke hums and settles deeper into his blanket.

"Are you going to miss me when your band makes it big and you're on tour all the time?" Ashton asks.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to miss you a lot."

Luke can already feel the phantom pain deep in his chest where he's going to miss him. He once again wishes there was some way for Ashton to stay with them without sacrificing his own dreams. It's strange; he's so excited for the band to take off, but now that it's a real possibility that their dreams are coming true and they'll move on to bigger and better things, it hurts a little.

Well, it hurts to think of leaving his family, and it hurts to think of Ashton leaving him.

"Besides, you're the one who's getting out of here,” he says. “5sos has still only played one gig."

"You're going to be huge," Ashton says. He states it calmly, like an accepted fact. It's in the same way he'd say that the sky is blue. "You'll get out of here and get to see the whole world a thousand times over."

Luke nods, curling into his blanket a little more. On screen, Steve asks Bucky if he's ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death. Bucky says, Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight... I'm following him.

"Are you scared of leaving?" he asks quietly. Ashton stays silent for a long time. Luke watches him blink in the dim light, eyes toward the TV but too still to be watching it.

"I'm more scared of being stuck here forever," he confesses eventually. "I love Australia, but... I don't want to turn into my mum, and I don't know how to prevent that unless I get out of here. I love my family, I really do. You know that, right?" Luke nods. "I love them, and I feel like I've always been taking care of them. Even just wanting to leave is selfish, but filling out the applications for the schools was awful. I felt so guilty, but... I don't know. Australia has a great art scene that I probably should focus on instead, but I keep thinking about America. If I don't go, I'm going to spend the rest of my life regretting it."

Ashton traces a thread on his blanket. Luke wants to take his hand.

"I don't think it's selfish," Luke says. "You can't let your entire life be determined by them. They understand, right?"

"Mum does," Ashton says. "I don't think Lauren and Harry get why I want to go so far away."

He sighs. It feels heavy in the darkness.

"It doesn't matter yet, anyway. It depends on if I even get into any of the schools I applied for and if we have the money. I've been saving as much as I can, but it might not be enough. America is so fucking expensive."

"You'll get there," Luke says. "If our band is going somewhere, you definitely will, too."

Ashton shoots him a grateful smile. Luke wants to tuck it in his pocket. He's already saving pieces of Ashton in preparation of when they'll be halfway around the world from each other.

"Next year will be good for us," Ashton says. "2012 is going to be a big breakthrough for us both."

"Yeah," Luke says. "I believe you."

They watch the rest of the movie in silence. When the credits roll, Luke realizes that Ashton fell asleep while he was distracted by the story, eyes closed peacefully next to him. It’s strange to see him so relaxed and still, like some sort of marble statue. He rarely stops moving when he’s awake, but here all of the stress lines he carries with him are smoothed out. Luke didn’t know that they were there, but now the absence of them is obvious.

The movie menu screen reappears, loud music and bright colors startling him. He grabs the remote and turns off the TV, plunging the room into darkness. He tries to get comfortable, tossing and turning a bit on the floor and adjusting his blanket a few times, then closes his eyes. Sleep doesn’t come easy, and he stays awake for a long time listening to Ashton, Calum, and Michael breathing.

#lashton #5sos fic #my writing #unmute #ahhhhhHHHHHHH #off screen #just lots of yelling lads #it's here!!! unmute is here!!!!

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shy-bi-cutiepie · 4 years

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The Actual Facts & History Of Bisexuality

What Is Bisexuality?

"A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all - but their gender doesn't prevent you from being attracted to them." - The Bisexual Index, a UK-based bisexual activist group

"I am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender. It doesn’t make me wishy-washy, confused, untrustworthy, or more sexually liberated. It makes me a bisexual." - Bisexual activist Lani Ka'ahumanu in the 1987 essay titled The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?

"I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree." - Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs

The Misconceptions VS The Facts

Misconception: Bisexuality is basically being "half straight & half gay."

Fact: Bisexuality is a complex experience that varies from each person who identifies with it -- bisexuality is not simply the "middle ground" between straight and gay; it is not something made up of two already existing sexualities; it is its own sexuality all on its own, and that should be respected and celebrated.

---

Misconception: Bisexuality is inherently transphobic and/or exclusive to other gender identities beyond cis males & females.

Fact: Firstly, to say that bisexuality is transphobic is implying that trans people are not actually male or female as they identify but supposedly some separate gender of their own. This is simply incorrect, and quite frankly harmful to trans people everywhere. Trans men and women are exactly that -- *men* and *women.*

Secondly, to say that bisexuality excludes any gender identity beyond cis males/females not only completely disregards the vast amount of trans/nonbinary people who identify as bisexual, but it also completely disregards bisexual history itself. The Bisexual Manifesto, published in 1990 in the magazine Anything That Moves, was a historic declaration about what it means to be bisexual as defined by members of the bisexual community themselves. Here is a quote from it...

"Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders."

*Do not assume that bisexuality is binary.* *Don't assume that there are only two genders.*

Bisexuals acknowledged & included more than two genders in their sexuality 30 years ago, and they continue to do so today.

---

Misconception: Bi means two, so bisexuality can ONLY be the attraction to males and females, or any two genders but not more than two.

Fact: First of all, this is an etymological fallacy. The meaning of words can change over time. If that wasn't possible, then no one would ever be able to reclaim slurs. Secondly, here is another quote from bisexual activist Robyn Ochs on the subject...

"Dictionary definitions of bisexuality that rely on an idea of "both sexes" are inadequate. As human beings, we live and love in a world that is far more complicated than these narrow ideals allow. Our attractions do not stay within tidy borders, and our understanding of bisexuality must adapt to this."

Thirdly, again, as stated in the Bisexual Manifesto from 30 years ago, bisexuality is not limited to the concept of two genders.

The Biphobia Problem

Biphobia, while similar to homophobia, is actually its own unique issue that bisexuals unfortunately face both from general society and even within the LGBT community.

From society, bisexuals very often see ignorant/hateful phrases such as:

"It's just a phase."

"You're faking it for attention."

"Bisexuals are more likely to cheat."

"Bisexuals are greedy."

Bisexuals also face hyper-sexualization, like people assuming they are always up for a threesome, bi women are treated as a fetish for straight men's enjoyment, and bi men are treated as gay men in denial.

From the LGBT community, bisexuals see equally ignorant/hateful phrases including:

"Pansexuality is more inclusive/better than bisexuality."

"Because you also have the capability to be attracted to the opposite gender, you're lesser than or not as important as fully gay/lesbian folks."

"If you choose to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, then you are a traitor/shouldn't be in LGBT spaces."

"You're dating the same gender right now, so you'll only be seen as gay." // "You're dating the opposite gender right now, so you'll only be seen as straight."

Bisexuals also face the incorrect and harmful ideas mentioned earlier, such as bisexuality being transphobic/exclusionary to other gender identities. Some bisexuals have the pansexual label forced on them, being told they *have* to be pan simply because people don't truly understand the actual definition of bisexuality. Additionally, some lesbians refuse to date bisexual women, referring to them as "bihets," simply because they have attraction to men or have been "tainted" by men. The same sort of thing can happen between gay men and bisexual men, where gay men feel like they can't trust bisexual men to be faithful because they might leave them for a woman.

A Message To Bisexuals

Whether you're new to the bisexual label or have been identifying that way for years, whether you're currently closeted or out and proud, whether you're 100% secure in your identity or you struggle with internalized biphobia, whatever the case is -- you are valid, you are supported, and you are loved. Even if it doesn't feel like there's much positivity for you sometimes with all of the ignorance you face, please know that you have a community who is rooting for you. Keep being true to yourself, and don't let anyone tell you who you are. That is for you, and you alone to decide.

#this is already a page on my blog #but I figured I would make an actual post with this info to hopefully reach more people #so ye #mine #bi posi #bi discourse #im tagging this with both my positivity and discourse tag bc honestly it covers a little of both #so ya know #:)#lol #bisexuality #bisexual #bisexual facts #bisexual history #pan vs bi #biphobia

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theradicalscrivener · 5 years

Text

Above Average Part 28

I got my blog reinstated! That means it’s time to get this party started once more. The big event I have been alluding to for the past few chapters is finally here. Kyle takes his master plan to the next level as he and John hit up the local gay dance club, Members Only.

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || [Series Index] || Next Chapter (coming Soon)

The lights were flashing, the music was pumping, and John was awkwardly fidgeting while trying his hardest to not stick out. Although no matter how hard he tried to blend in, it was pretty much impossible for people to not notice someone as massive as he. His cock alone was as large as most people in the crowded dance club, and that’s saying nothing of the rest of his body. The seven-foot-tall wall of muscle absolutely eclipsed the people around him.

“Dude, can you stop pacing? You’re making me nervous,” Kyle said.

“Sorry… It’s just I feel like such a spectacle here.” John replied.

“Well you won’t have to worry about that for long. A few glasses of liquid courage should be just what the doctor ordered.” Kyle replied.

“I don’t really drink…” John explained.

“It’ll be fine. It’ll be just enough to take the edge off so you can relax and maybe even enjoy yourself while we are here.” Kyle said.

“I don’t know…” John replied.

“Well, just have a little bit, and if you’re still not feeling it after a bit we can call it off and head back to my place for the rest of the evening.” Kyle said.

“Alright…” John replied begrudgingly.

“That’s the spirit. I’ll make sure you have some fun tonight if it’s the last thing I do.” Kyle said and gave John a playful jab to the side of his arm before turning and walking through the crowd towards the bar on the other side of the dance floor.

John was left alone for the time being which just served to amplify his anxiety. Try as he might he couldn’t relax, and it wasn’t just all the gazes that were cast in his direction. He didn’t want to admit it, but he did enjoy the spectacle unfolding around him. He had heard stories about Members Only, but actually being inside the club was another thing altogether. There were tons of guys hanging out with very little bits of clothing on. They almost made John, who was clad in nothing but a pair of sneakers, feel overdressed! One particularly sculpted server was walking around with a bandana which tied his ample cock to the side of his leg, and that was it! And on the far side of the dance floor was a stage which had several dancers swinging and gyrating to the music. Those dancers were each a fine specimen of masculinity and had nothing on but fanny packs for holding their tips. John’s massive cock was rock hard and dribbling pre at the spectacle that unfolded around him, and as hot as the dancers themselves were, there was something about the stage itself that drew John’s attention. The dancers all had their own section of the stage that they worked and wiggled while guys fawned over them, but the center stage was left strangely empty which was strange given how huge the central stage was! It could easily hold someone much larger than John himself! And John had half an idea of just who that stage could be designed for.

“Looking to get up there and strut your stuff?” Kyle asked. He had just returned with a few drinks in hand and had noticed John checking out the stage.

“No. I could never…” John replied.

“Never say never, my man. You might actually enjoy it.” Kyle said.

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” John replied.

“And I think you should try it before the night is over, but that can wait. First, a drink.” Kyle said and raised a glass towards John to take.

John stared at the pale orange beverage for a moment before accepting it. “What is it?” He asked.

“It’s a screwdriver. Light on the OJ,” Kyle explained.

Even with his limited knowledge of booze, John knew what a screwdriver was. He knew that was Kyle was given him was basically straight vodka, but at this point he just accepted it. At this point, getting drunk sounded preferable to being a nervous wreck all night, and it wasn’t like he was going to be driving anywhere – not that he could even if he wanted to.

John raised the glass to his lips, and Kyle began to playfully chant, “Chug! Chug! Chug!” a chant which quickly started to ripple through the club. Before John knew it, it seemed like half the club had stopped what they were doing to egg him on. Without even realizing it, John tilted the glass and downed it all in a few quick gulps.

“Woah… I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” Kyle commented.

“I didn’t either,” John replied.

“Well, it’s all good. It’s probably best you did. Drinking it faster makes it hit harder.” Kyle explained. “Here. Hold onto this one. You don’t need to down it as fast as the last one. Just having something to hold and sip on should help you relax while I make the rounds.” Kyle said and handed John the other glass he had in his hands.

“You’re not gonna stay here with me?” John asked.

“I’ll be around, and I’ll keep an eye on you. If you ever feel overwhelmed or like you want to leave just flag me down. I’ll be back in a jiffy.” Kyle explained.

“What should I do in the meantime?” John asked.

“Enjoy the music. Try to have some fun. Keep an eye out for a friend or someone you know.” Kyle said.

“Oh god. That’s the last thing I need,” John said cringing at the mention of him running into someone he knows.

“Hey, if they’re here, they are at least bi. There’s no judgements on orientation once you walk through those doors so just enjoy it.” Kyle explained.

“I know, I know. It’s just being ‘out’ like this is a lot to take in especially when you stand out like I do.” John replied.

“I getcha, but that’s why we are here. It’ll help you out of your shell, aaaand we can make more people like you. Spread the wealth so to speak. There’s countless potential targets here, and the more of them we grow the less of an outlier you’ll be. It’s a win/win!” Kyle said.

“I wish I had your enthusiasm…” John groaned.

“Well the good news is, you don’t need to. I have enough enthusiasm for both of us. All you have to do is enjoy the music and maybe shake that groove thang. Leave the actual work to me,” Kyle replied.

“I guess… Just try not to be away for too long,” John said.

“You won’t even know I’m gone.” Kyle replied as he ducked into the crowd.

Kyle was quick to get started with his master plan once he was sure that John would be fine on his own. All he needed was to find the perfect starting point, and that didn’t take long at all. No sooner had he started canvasing the crowd than his eyes fell upon a particularly conspicuous duo. They stood out like a sore thumb, but not because they were huge like John. The duo was fully clothed which looked rather silly when compared to all the barenaked studs who were walking around. Kyle recognized the dup immediately and knew that they would be the perfect catalyst for his plans.

“Yo! Yuri! Over here!” Kyle called out to one of the two guys. The dark-haired dude perked up immediately and glanced over towards the sound of Kyle’s voice. He was surprised to someone in a place like this refer to him by name and even more surprised to see someone he barely knew.

“Uh. What’s up?” He asked.

“Not much. I’m just here to make your wildest dreams come true is all.” Kyle said.

“Forgive me if I seem skeptical,” Yuri replied.

“That’s expected, but don’t you worry. I just need your help for a moment. See, I’m trying to help my buddy, John, fit in.” Kyle explained and gestured over towards where John was standing. Yuri’s eyes drifted over towards John and his gaze latched onto the beefy stud instantly. Yuri was transfixed like a deer staring down some headlights.

“I never expected to see him here,” Yuri said in awe.

“Yeah. It’s his first time, and I want to be sure he has a good time.” Kyle explained.

“So what do you want me to do?” Yuri asked.

“Well, I know you and your buddy help out Alan a lot. Maybe you could do the same with John. Just help him along, maybe coax him onto the stage.” Kyle explained

“The stage!?” Yuri asked.

“Yeah. He won’t admit it, but he’s been staring at it since he got here. Whenever I suggest he go up there he gets defensive, but I know he wants to try it. Maybe you guys would have better luck talking him into it, but there’s something else I need your help with first.” Kyle explained.

“And that is?” Yuri asked.

“I need your help opening this box.” Kyle said as he pulled the black box out from his jacket pocket.

“How do you open it?” Yuri asked.

“Well, you see this hole?” Kyle asked as he turned the box so that the hole was facing Yuri.

“Yeah?” Yuri replied.

“Well, you have to stick your dick in it. I’d do it myself, but mine’s kinda too big unfortunately.” Kyle explained.

Yuri was about to ask if Kyle was joking, but one quick glance towards Kyle’s crotch was all it took to see that Kyle was packing over a foot of soft cock snaked down his pant leg. Kyle’s cock was staggeringly huge. Just seeing the outline of Kyle’s amazing cock would have been enough to get Yuri rock hard if he hadn’t already been fully-boned from ogling John mere moments before.

“This sounds ridiculous,” Yuri said, but he sounded more like he was explaining the situation to himself than he was talking to Kyle.

“Yeah, I know, but I promise I’ll make it up to you after you open it. There’s a special surprise inside that I think you’ll get a kick out of.” Kyle explained.

Yuri balked for a moment and seemed like he was going to make another counterargument, but he just shook his head and sighed. “I suppose there’s not really any harm in doing it… just… don’t look while I’m doing it, ok?” He said.

“Fine by me.” Kyle said as he handed Yuri the box. Yuri took the box and quickly unzipped his jeans and snaked his already hard cock out and slid it into the hole in the box. To his surprise it was a perfect fit, and no sooner had he stuck his dick in than he heard a telltale click and the lid popped open revealing a strangely familiar stone cock inside. He couldn’t say for sure, but his initial reaction upon seeing it was that it was his! Everything down to the folds of the foreskin mimicked his own dick!

“Woah! Check this out!” Yuri said as he turned towards his friend to show off the contents of his box. Yuri’s beefier pal, Noah, was quick to glance into the box to see what all the fuss was about, and he was shocked at what he saw. The stone cock that rested in the display case could very well have been a model of his own short and thick dick.

“No way…” Noah said as he reached down and picked up the stone dick.

“Be sure to put it back when you’re done with it.” Kyle chimed in.

“Huh?” Noah asked as he put the relic back in the box.

“It’s tough to explain, but let’s just say that I want to share the love today, and so I want as many people to have the opportunity to see this for themselves as they can.” Kyle explained.

“That… vague…” Noah replied.

“And for good reason.” Kyle concurred. “But enough about that. Hey, Yuri. Make sure you pick it up and have a look as well.”

Yuri did as he was told although he would have picked up the relic and taken a look at it even had he not been told to. His curiosity was too great, and the allure was too strong. He picked up the relic and turned it over in his hands a few times. Even now that it was in his hands, he couldn’t get over how close to his own cock it seemed in terms of length and thickness. It was as if it was sculpted perfectly for him. He could had stood there and stared at it for hours, but the sound of Kyle clearing his throat snapped him out of his trance. Yuri instinctively put the relic back in the box and handed it back to Kyle.

“Perfect. Now if you want to go say hi to John and make sure he’s feeling alright, I’ll be along in a few minutes.” Kyle explained. Yuri and Noah both nodded in agreement and waved goodbye to Kyle as Kyle once again slunk back into the crowd.

Now that the box was open it was time for the real fun to begin. Kyle made good time going around the club, and anyone whose attention he could get he would strike up a conversation with them and then show them the box. Invariably, the dude in question would take one look at the relic and be compelled to at least pick it up and check it out. Once they had had their fun, Kyle would take back the relic, place it in the box and slink off to the next target. He was like a ninja in the club, darting from one cluster of guys to the next spreading the love for all to share. Over the span of half an hour he managed to hit up most of the groups at the club. Meanwhile John was starting to feel his drinks.

Yuri and Noah had come up and introduced themselves to John, but that was the extent of their interactions so far. All three of the guys were too awkward to really take the conversation much farther than that. Being so close to such a staggeringly huge and hung wall of muscle and cock was getting Noah and Yuri both incredibly hot under the collar, but neither dared to get handsy with John. With Alan there was an unspoken understanding that all contact was allowed and encouraged, but with John it was clear that physical contact was the last thing he wanted at the moment. Even a reassuring shoulder pat seemed like it would be overstepping some bounds. The three guys just stood there awkwardly sipping their drinks in relative silence, but unbeknownst to them, some things were already afoot. Yuri’s tight jeans were beginning to become even more snug than they had been before, but he chalked it up to his incredible erection which had not seemed to waver for even a moment since he had stepped in the mere proximity of John’s brawny, bare form. Noah too was experiencing a similar situation in his muscle shirt and gym shorts. His shorts which were normally loose around his already impressive quads were starting to feel a little constricting, and his rock-hard cock was poking out in front of him in a conspicuous way. He actually had to take a moment to adjust himself and pin the shaft underneath the waistband of his short to prevent his tent from being too noticeable. It didn’t even occur to him as he did so that his cock was poking past the waistband of his shorts further than it should have been able to do so.

The trio stood there awkwardly for a few more minutes before Kyle finally returned to break the tension. “What’s up you guys?” He asked cheerily with the still-opened box still in his possession.

Noah and Yuri both muttered something unintelligible that sounded close to “fine…” John meanwhile merely looked pleadingly up at Kyle.

“Looks like someone is not drunk enough to be having fun yet.” Kyle said with a frown.

“I don’t think that’s the problem…” John replied.

“Well whatever the problem is, I think I know what we should do next.” Kyle said.

“And that is?” John asked.

“First. I’m going to go get us some more to drink. Then I am gonna come back here, and we are going to go up on that stage.” Kyle explained.

“W-what!?” John yelped.

“You heard me. You’ve been staring at that stage since we got here like it’s some kind of Red Ryder. You want to see what it’s like to be up there, and I want you to do it.” Kyle explained.

“I’m not so sure that’s a great idea…” John mumbled.

“It’s a terrible idea. That’s what makes it fun.” Kyle responded.

John balked at the suggestion once more, but he couldn’t formulate a real counterargument. He couldn’t deny that the idea intrigued him. He wasn’t one for crowds, and he didn’t normally like to stand out, but that stage just seemed to call to him. In a strange sort of way, being someplace designed for someone even larger than himself felt like the closest thing to normal he could hope for. Maybe by following in Alan’s footsteps he could borrow some of that bravado and learn to love just being himself. The booze may have been partially to blame, but it was all too much for John to be able to put into words.

“Here. Lean down for a sec,” Kyle said.

John was understandably confused, but he did what was asked. Kyle then stood up on his tippy toes and leaned in and planted a kiss on John’s cheek.

“I’ll be back in a minute with some drinks. While I’m gone I want you to think over what I said. I think this is a great opportunity for you. I know you’re curious. I say let’s indulge that curiosity and see what happens. If it doesn’t feel right once you are up there we can leave. Simple as that.” Kyle explained.

John was blushing beet red from the kiss and was too flustered to muster a real reply, but he had to admit Kyle had a good point. As much as John was afraid of going up there, he also knew that he would hate himself for passing up a chance like this. He could be uncomfortable for a moment and try it or he could let the regret haunt him for ages after.

“Just think about it. In the meantime, hold onto this will you? I’ll be needing my hands here in a moment.” Kyle said and handed the still-open box to John.

“Oh. Ok.” John said as he accepted the box and then watched as Kyle once again turned and vanished into the crowd leaving John effectively alone in a crowd of people. Yuri and Noah were still nearby, but they had been steadily inching further away over the last few minutes while Kyle and John had their moment together.

John stood there idly for a moment while he waited for Kyle to return, but his thoughts kept drifting towards the box he currently held in his hands. Without really thinking about it, he picked up the cock-shaped object and turned it over a few times in his hand before putting it back in the box. It was so strange to think that so much of what had happened to him was a result of such a small, strange object. He couldn’t even remember what his life had been like before. He knew he had been smaller, but how small? He had always been seven feet tall, that much he was sure of, but was he buff? What was the ‘real’ him like? Was there even a real him? Everything was so confusing. The multiple possible timelines all blurred together, and the drinks he had had weren’t helping clear things up at all either.

John was snapped from his deep musings when Kyle returned with two cups in hand. “Here you go. It’s just beer this time. I’m trying to take the edge off, not get you black-out-drunk.” Kyle said as he handed one glass to John.

“Thanks,” John said and accepted the glass. The two of them enjoyed their drinks in relative silence while they stood there and listened to the music and watched the throngs of hot guys moving to the music. John still saw plenty of guys staring at him, but somehow it didn’t bother him as much as it normally did. It could have just been the booze, but he was sure that having Kyle there right there beside him was no small part of the equation.

“I think I’m ready,” John said suddenly and then downed the rest of his drink in one sip.

“Great! Let’s do this! I’ll be there with you to hold your hand through the whole thing. Literally, if need be,” Kyle replied. He grabbed ahold of John’s arm and began to lead the way towards the stage. John hesitated for only a second before allowing himself to be dragged towards the center of the dance club. The crowds parted to allow the two of them to pass, in part because of the sheer awe most people experienced upon seeing John striding up to the stage, and in part to avoid being swatted by John’s person-sized schlong as it swung through the crowd.

John’s heart was pounding in his chest as he climbed the stairs leading up to the stage. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He couldn’t believe he was even considering doing this, but here he was, and there was no backing down now. He was just glad Kyle was there by his side. He really doubted he’d have the courage to do this alone, but with Kyle there he thought he just might pull this off.

John had a moment of sheer panic when he felt Kyle let go of his arm and begin to walk off. John turned and shot a pleading glance over towards his pal, but his fears were quickly assuaged. One wink from Kyle was all it took, but the rest of what Kyle did didn’t hurt at all either. John stared in awe as Kyle slowly peeled off his clothing right there on the stage. The crowd began to cheer as Kyle’s lean, sculpted body came into view. His body was impossibly cut. It didn’t seem physically possible that his muscles could be so dense, and yet there he was for all to see… although he wasn’t really there for all to see. Despite being in the center of the dance club, he was really only stripping for one guy. He had his back turned to the edge of the stage and was staring John dead in the eyes as he slowly stepped out from his tight jeans which allowed his huge cock to swing into view. Even standing in the shadow of John’s nearly seven feet of cock, Kyle’s impressive two-foot woody was a sight to behold.

“I told you I wasn’t going to make you do this alone, didn’t I?” Kyle said with a saucy wink. He strode over to where John stood, just as bare-assed naked as the titanic stud who currently stood center stage. When he was within arms’ reach of John Kyle flashed a lopsided smirk and asked, “Shall we dance?”

In that moment, John could no longer even see the crowd that had gathered around the stage to watch them. It was as if all that had melted away, and it was now just the two of them. Even the box that John still held in his hands was a distant afterthought. He barely even processed what was happening as Kyle reached up, took the box, and then set it down on the ground beside them. John was only vaguely aware of the music that was pounding all around them as Kyle crawled up on top of John’s massive cock and began to ride it like a mechanical bull at a road house. Kyle rocked his hips back and forth which caused his big dick to dig into the ample cleft between John’s enormous pecs. The head of Kyle’s cock reached up so far that John could actually kiss it right on the lips, which is just what he did.

“Oh, yeah, babe…” Kyle moaned softly as he felt John’s lips suckling the tip of his huge cock.

Everything in that moment was too much for John to take in. Feeling Kyle riding his cock, feeling Kyle’s cock grinding against his huge pecs, the taste of Kyle’s cock on his lips, and especially the sound of Kyle’s breathy moans was enough to send John over the edge, but being called ‘babe’ was the straw that broke the camel’s back. John let out a loud moan which echoed through the dance club and came hard.

Jizz arced through the air as John’s massive cock bucked and lurched. Cum rained down on the dancers and the onlookers, and in that moment, it was as if a spell that had captivated the whole crowd was suddenly broken. They were no longer content to just sit back and watch as two of the hottest guys they had ever seen shared a passionate moment up on the stage. They needed in on the action, but none of them climbed the stage to interrupt the lovers. Instead they turned to their friends and fellows on the dance floor. Soon there were guys everywhere making out and grinding to the music while cum rained down upon them. Even Noah and Yuri were able to break out of their shell enough to lock lips with one another, but there was more at work than just a little booze and a lot of hormones. In the rush of the moment and the chaos of the club, people didn’t even notice the changes that had come over them nor the changes that were currently happening. Even as Yuri and Noah bulged out of their clothing they were more interested in sucking on the nearest cock than how huge they were becoming. Even Noah’s formerly average cock was now thicker than his wrist and flying free for all to see and suckle.

Once John finally came down from his mind-blowing climax he managed to mutter a bashful, “sorry…”

“Heheh… There’s no reason to be sorry. I take it as a compliment, and besides…” Kyle said. His voice trailed off and he gave John’s still rock-hard cock a playful pat. “It seems like you’re nowhere near done just yet.”

John couldn’t argue with that. Despite having just cum the biggest load of his life, he was still as hard as ever, and if anything, he felt even hornier than before. He felt like he could cum and cum again and never be fully satisfied.

The music continued pumping. The crowd continued humping. John and Kyle continued their two-man spectacle on the stage. Everyone was lost in the moment. Occasional sounds of shredding fabric split the air as the few garments that existed on the dance floor buckled under the swelling mass of muscles and cocks. Everyone was too intoxicated by the raw sexual energy that had settled over the place to notice the changes that were happening, and no one was more oblivious than the couple up on center stage.

Kyle gently caressed John’s enormous pecs. They were so huge and thick, and it almost felt like they were getting thicker against his very hands, but that shouldn’t be possible. Even as John’s cock grew too fat for Kyle to ride it like a bull, he was too lost in the moment to question it. All he wanted to do was continue to share this passionate moment with the handsome stud who was currently stroking and suckling the tip of his cock.

It was impossible to say how long the two of them were at it. John seemed insatiable, and Kyle didn’t want the moment to end anytime soon either. John was loving every second of servicing his friend’s cock and the feeling of Kyle’s hands caressing his chest and occasionally playing with his nips. He had cum what felt like enough to fill a water tower, but even the most voracious sexual appetites have their limit, and judging by the bucking and lurching of Kyle’s cock, Kyle was reaching his limit as well.

“I think I’m gonna…” Kyle moaned. He made a movement like he was trying to back away, but John quickly clasped his hands down on Kyle’s firm, sculpted butt to keep him from getting away. John had worked hard for the load that was building in Kyle’s balls, and he intended to take all of it. John gesture was enough to get it through to Kyle that John wanted it, and Kyle was not about to disappoint. Kyle planted a hand on both of John’s enormous, muscular shoulders and braced himself for what was sure to be a load for the record books. Kyle’s cock bucked and lurched. Cum erupted. Jizz sprayed all over John’s face and cascaded down his pecs, and John wouldn’t have it any other way. He loved every second of it. He loved the feeling of the warm, sticky liquid coating his skin. He loved the taste of Kyle’s spunk as it flooded his mouth. Just the feeling of being coated in Kyle’s cum was enough to get John over the edge all over again. His colossal cock shuddered, and jizz sprayed out over the audience once more.

John was in heaven, and he never wanted the moment to end, but end it did. Kyle reached his limit after a mere six or seven shots of spooge. Kyle was winded and dripping sweat, and John was even worse off. John slumped back on his ass, and in doing so, let go of Kyle’s butt which was all that was keeping the exhausted guy upright. Kyle flopped over onto his back and just took a moment to soak in all that had happened. That had been a climax for the record books. The whole scene had been so intense that Kyle was still trying to parse through it all. His thoughts were racing and yet at the same time, his mind was so befuddled that it didn’t even occur to him that he could lie back atop John’s cock as if it was a mattress.

Judging by the noise of the crowd, it seemed that the audience had reached their collective climaxes as well. Even the music seemed to die down as friends, lovers, and new acquaintances basked in the afterglow of what had just happened. Kyle glanced out over the crowd and smirked at the collection of obscenely hung, massively burly dudes that now littered the dance floor. His plan had seemed to be a rousing success. All that was left was to seal the deal.

Kyle slid down from atop John’s enormous cock and landed with a splat on the cum-coated stage. He staggered exhaustedly over to where the little black box still sat wide open. He reached down, and then, pleased with his work, clapped the box shut tight.

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