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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years

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Ocean Eyes (Ethan x F!MC)

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Donahue's was far more crowded that night than its usual Friday night tally. The dance floor she had just inhabited with Bryce was brimming with twice the number of dancing couples, all drunker and louder than usual. Lilac didn't mind, though. Everyone in general seemed to be having a good time and the high spirits were almost contagious.

Before she could stop herself, her eyes darted to the same spot at the bar where they had been wandering to all night. He was still there, completely disinterested in the revelry around him, his attention instead on the nearly empty glass of scotch in his hand. He seemed to sense she was looking at him because his piercing blue eyes locked on hers for the first time that night.

Ethan's expression, as usual, was unreadable but the way he looked at her sent a spike of adrenaline through her body. It was almost painful, like looking directly at the sun. Lilac could not look away.

“Lil?”

“Hmm?” she said, finally breaking away from Ethan's spell to look up at Bryce.

Bryce, seemed unfazed by her distraction. If he noticed her exchange with Ethan, he didn't comment on it. “I was saying my surgeon buddies want a game of darts. Want to come with?”

Just then, a tiny figure dropped down next to Lilac in the booth, breathless and flushed. “Don't even think about stealing her away into enemy territory, Lahela,” teased Sienna. “You've been hogging her all night.”

Bryce put up his hands in defeat with his signature, dazzling laugh. “No arguments from me. I know better than to mess with you, Trinh.” Giving them both a mock salute and a wink, he strutted off to meet his friends.

Sienna laughed. Once Bryce was out of earshot, she took a hold of Lilac's arm and leaned in to say in a lovely sing-song voice, “You have an admirer.”

Lilac didn't have to look to know she meant Ethan. “My goodness, he is giving you some serious bedroom eyes,” her friend commented with wonder.

“That's how he always looks.”

“That's how he always looks at you,” Sienna corrected. “Any updates?”

Lilac gave her a noncommittal shrug.

“Things are still…weird,” she allowed, even though “weird” was a poor descriptor. Things between them were downright tense and miserable since their phone call a few days ago.

Lilac cringed inwardly at the memory. Leave it to her to get plastered enough to desperately throw herself at him. Where had she found the courage? Was she really that desperate for Ethan Ramsey? She knew the answer to that immediately.

Sensing the shift in her mood, Sienna rubbed her forearm comfortingly. “This calls for a round. You can tell me all about it over mind numbing alcohol. What do you want? The usual?”

But Lilac shook her head, already standing up. “If I'm going to burden you with my dreadful love life, then drinks are on me.” And before Sienna could protest, she was off to the bar.

Ten minutes later, Lilac thanked Reggie for the drinks, left as generous a tip as her salary allowed, and turned back towards her booth. She only made it half a step when she almost collided into a solid, cable sweater clad chest.

“Oh,” she yelped, ready to apologize. The words were struck dead when her eyes met bright blue ones. She froze, internally hating the fact that someone could paralyze her entirely with just a look.

“Dr. Allende,” Ethan said with a brief nod.

“Dr. Ramsey,” she returned.

The music blared just as loudly as before, bodies moving and dancing all around them, yet all she could hear was the ringing silence between them. Lilac bit her bottom lip anxiously, struggling to find something, anything to say for neither made an effort to move away.

Ethan was giving her that same indiscernible look from before. It was driving her to the brink of insanity. Just when she thought she could decode what it meant, he opened his mouth, as if to say something. He seemed to think better of it because he shook his head so imperceptibly that she might have missed it.

“Enjoy your night, Doctor,” he said instead, before continuing his way.

Lilac blinked, so stunned that she did not even turn to watch him walk away as she always did.

“Oh my God,” Sienna squealed when Lilac rejoined her. “That was the most sexually-charged interaction I've ever seen in my life.”

“He barely said two words to me.”

“It gave me Pride and Prejudice vibes. That scene where Mr. Darcy visits Elizabeth at Charlotte's house and he doesn't know what to say."

Lilac gave her an unmoved glare that did nothing to quell her friend’s amusement.

"What have you done to poor Dr. Ramsey?” Sienna cackled with unconstrained glee.

“Very funny, Sienna.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, sobering up. “No more Austen references, I promise.” She took the drink Lilac offered. “Is he still stalking your Pictagram?”

“Not sure. I stopped checking,” Lilac lied. The last time she looked for the username "ejramsey" in her notifications was the previous night.

“Only one way to find out,” Sienna told her, already scrolling through Lilac’s Pictagram feed on her own phone. It didn't take long for Sienna to freeze, grab Lilac's arm with a sense of urgency, and almost shout, “Lilac, go to your last post right now.”

She did as instructed with some reservation. Her last post had been that very morning, a selfie of her in bed, carefully constructed to appear casual and offhand when the reality was that she took several shots before she settled on one she liked. Lilac had captioned it "good morning" for no particular reason. But then again, was there any real purpose to posting on anything Pictagram?

And there, among the comments mostly from people she hadn't seen or spoken to in years was his.

“He liked it!” Sienna declared, victorious. “And he commented, too.” Her friend said this with a certain finality that suggested the deal was sealed. Lilac and Ethan could practically marry now.

“Is this what made you almost late to work, Allende?”

She reread his comment, unsure what to make of it. In her mind's eye, she could see the small, carefully guarded smirk that would accompany such a comment in real life. A small indicative that he, regardless of what he might say, had a soft spot for her.

“Call this wishful thinking but,” Sienna started, “he is totally flirting with you. In his own weird Ethan Ramsey way made even more bizarre by technology. But flirting nonetheless. ”

Lilac would have immediately disagreed, dismissed the comment, and changed the subject, but her attention was robbed by a post on her Pictagram feed. It was from the man himself, time stamped only a few minutes after hers that morning.

She almost choked on her drink.

-------------------

Ethan was weak-willed and a tad bit pathetic, he had to finally admit that. Nothing else could explain the uncontrollable grin spreading across his face when his phone pinged with the notification: "Pictagram: dr.allende commented on your post."

“Unfair,” was all she had commented.

His grin broadened. God, he knew then why people were so addicted to social media. The thrill of instant gratification he felt then could be sold profitably in doses if it could be bottled.

No, he had reached the ultimate low of weak when he decided he had had enough of being tormented by her posts. He wanted to turn the tables on her and hope he had the same effect on her. The thought that he might have made his stomach swoop.

He took a swig of his drink. What was wrong with him?

When Reggie kicked everyone out a few hours later, Ethan retreated to his favorite lounging area in the now deserted beer garden.

It did not surprise him that she joined him a few minutes later. At her brief hesitation, he nodded, a silent invitation for her to join him.

“You win,” she said by way of greeting, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

Their bodies were so close that her thigh almost skimmed his. As if that wasn’t enough to wreck his sanity, she was looking at him with a glint in her eye that was telling of the effect his picture had on her.

“What did I win?” he asked, humoring her. In his state of absolute abandon where his defenses had been rendered useless by her mere presence, he could give her anything.

“You win at Pictagram. I could never top that picture.” There was that look of longing again, unmistakable in the golden lights of the beer garden.

She was going to be his demise.

“You’ve already done so,” he said quietly. “Many times.”

Lilac looked up at him, a quirk in her brow. “The green dress?”

There was a moment of silence in which they both remembered that night.

“Yes, but also the one this morning. It was…” again, he was at a loss for words. “Nice,” he finished flatly.

He almost laughed at the inadequacy. The picture inspired this male brain to fantasize about waking up next to her, kissing her neck, making his way lower and lower until her body twisted in pleasure against his mouth. Ten years of higher education proved inefficient at the sight of green eyes, full lips, and bed sheets. He was reduced to the simplest of beings.

“Yours was very... nice too,” she returned, allowing a small pause before the insufficient word. “I miss that sight,” she confessed with no filter.

An all too familiar tug in his chest.

“Earlier, at the bar, when we bumped into each other,” she started when he failed to respond. “You wanted to say something.”

It wasn't a question but an observation.

She knew him so well. Ethan had been arrogant enough to believe he had concealed his intentions so masterfully. Yet, she always saw right through him with the same precision that made her a brilliant doctor.

“What did you want to say?” she asked in the softest of whispers, eyes locked on his.

Ethan himself was not sure what he meant to say. He had seen her, suddenly in front of him, and he wanted to desperately say something. Anything. There had been no point. No words would be sufficient aside from the three that tormented him everyday.

They were fully facing one another now, bodies mere inches apart. Before he realized what he was doing, he raised his hand to brush a strand of hair away from her face. His thumb lingered, stroking a feather light touch on her cheek.

Her eyes fluttered closed and when she opened them again, they dropped directly to his lips.

That was all it took for the last bit of his resolve to break.

“Ethan, I—”

Fueled by weeks of yearning, Ethan interrupted, filling in the distance between them and pressing his lips to hers.

The kiss started with a rough force that she matched at once, their pressed bodies swaying Lilac back and almost toppling him on top of her. She didn't seem to mind, too entranced by moving her lips against his, arms clasped securely around his neck.

Ethan was a fool for ever thinking two months in Brazil would be escape enough when what he wanted the most was right there, on Lilac Allende’s lips.

“How do you do this to me?” he whispered gruffly against her neck, where his lips had found refuge.

Lilac’s response was a soft moan. The things he'd do to hear that sound repeatedly, preferably echoing every wall of his apartment.

Not breaking his lips' ministrations on the ridge of her collarbone, his hands fiddled with the front of her dress. In his eagerness, he struggled with the damned contraption.

“Need help?” she teased breathlessly.

Ethan broke apart to give her a wolfish smirk. She was going to pay for that.

Without warning, he moved his hands to her hips and in one swift movement, he flipped her on top of him. Her skirt rode dangerously high as her thighs straddled him. Lilac's little yelp of surprise gave way to another maddening moan when his fingers lazily brushed the inside of her thigh.

“I can manage, Rookie,” he whispered hotly against her ear. The old nickname had its desired effect for her legs quivered in response.

His small triumph was short lived, however. Her small revenge was swiveling her hips against his entirely. The pulsing, straining front of his trousers came in full contact with her and Ethan groaned.

“I'm not a rookie at this,” she whispered defiantly, moving against him again with agonizing steadiness. “Lucky for you, I know what I'm d—” she broke off, biting her lip in a futile effort to repress a small cry. Ethan had lifted his hips off the sofa with ease, suspending her entire weight against him.

“I know a thing or two as well,” he growled. His fingers moved higher up her thigh.

“I remember.”

“Do you remember moaning my name?”

His hand roughly moved the lacy fabric of her underwear aside.

“Yes,” she gasped.

His fingers teased her.

“Make me scream it,” she begged in a whisper.

Ethan groaned again.

“Lilac,” he muttered huskily, any other coherent thought interrupted by the way she took his lower lip between her teeth.

“I want— ” she started, but was far too distracted by his expert fingers. She buried her face against his shoulder, desperate to stifle her moan.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice a husky sound deep in his throat.

Before she could answer, however, Reggie's voice called from inside the bar, “Ten minutes, Ethan.”

Thank God Reggie had not bothered to come outside. Otherwise, Ethan would have spent the next five minutes trying to find a sensible reason why his colleague straddled him shamelessly, his hand lost in the depths of her skirt.

They looked at each other through hooded eyes, skin flushed bright.

“Any chance that's enough time for you?” she joked.

Ethan attempted to shoot her a look dripping of indignation, but the effect was ruined by his own chuckle winning out. “You insult me,” he said dryly.

Lilac laughed out loud at that. When she sobered up, she regarded him with a very serious expression. Wordlessly, she pressed a tender kiss against his lips.

“Lilac,” he said softly when they at last broke apart.

“I know,” she said in a small, defeated voice. With that, she carefully climbed off him.

She fixed her dress in thoughtful silence. “You know what this means, right?” she asked, a hint of a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “You posted a devastatingly hot picture on Pictagram to bait me. You won't be able to stop now.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Presumptuous of you to assume it was for your benefit.”

“I'm your only follower.”

Ethan rolled his eyes but he smiled regardless.

“Don't worry. I'll post for you too,” she assured him. “Hope you're ready.”

He laughed despite himself. “Is that a challenge, Dr. Allende?”

Lilac matched his laughter. “Game's afoot, Dr. Ramsey.”

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AN: THANK YOU for all your wonderful comments on my last one. I appreciate everyone who read, liked, and/or commented!

Masterlist

#ethan ramsey #open heart #ethan x mc #playchoices #choices stories you play #OPH #OH #OHSY #My writing #ethan ramsey fanfiction #Ethan ramsey x mc #dr. ethan ramsey #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfiction

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voldemorthatesnose96 · 4 years

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Robbe IJzermans’ Log

Robbe’s short journal entry of his trip around Asia and his meeting with Sander. Enjoy❤️❤️❤️

It got yeeted so I have to repost it! Sorry!

Memory is a strange thing. Even the smallest part of it sometimes can take the biggest place in our mind, making us speechless by its beauty and sadness altogether.

But put it this way. Let’s imagine that memory is like a box of chocolate; once you eat it, you can’t stop taking it again until it’s done. It’s so decadent, bittersweet at times, a true guilty pleasure but utterly satisfying. Sound almost like memories, right?

For me, I still remember this one particular moment in life where I’ve finally falling in love with someone. No, it’s not a woman, but a man—a carefree soul, unapologetic for having such big dreams of traveling around the world, a bit selfish but have a heart as gentle as a lamb. His name is Sander Driesen.

We were practically strangers who accidentally met on 3 weeks trip around Asia. There were about 20-25 people who participated, almost all of them already knew each other. Sander even brought 3 high school friends with him. And guess what? I’m the only weirdo among this travel group. Surprise surprise.

It was genuinely frustrating for me back then. I’m the only child in the family. My parents wanted me to be a doctor someday, because both of them are surgeons. In short, my whole life is already planned. I couldn’t even take a break on Sunday because I’m always too busy to study and they were still nagging. When other boys like me playing outside blablabla, I could only dream about it. So at that point in life, I decided to take a chance, to became a rebel for some time and joined the trip. Didn’t even care that I have to emptied my saving because of it. I only got one thing in mind : “I NEED TO BE FREE!” and that was exactly what I had later. In short, I ran away from home and only left a goodbye note which said “mum, dad, I’m going to Asia for 3 weeks. Sorry and see you later”.

Anyway, meeting Sander Driesen was both endearing and strange for me. When I almost tripped while climbed up the stairs on the plane, he swiftly held my back with his palm. I turned around and caught the most alluring dark green eyes I’ve ever seen. Later, he asked me if I’m alright and my shitty brain couldn’t made the simplest word such as “yes” or “thanks”, so I just gave him an awkward nod instead and continued to climbed up without saying another word. Why the fuck did I do that??? I should’ve at least said something! Lord!

And I think fate was hating on me so much back then. Sander was actually my seatmate during the entire fly. He was also kind enough to asked me if I’m truly alright or not, and ONCE FUCKING AGAIN, I just gave him a nod, still tongue tied to say anything at all. From the corner of my eye, I saw him smirking while looking at me—didn’t know what’s that for.

There’s so many things I want to pour but sadly, I don’t have that much time to write the entire journey of my marvelous trip because I have to be at the hospital in 2 hours. But I’ll try to summarize it. Especially about Sander.

He’s also an only child, with a remarried father. He said he doesn’t hate his step-mother but if he could choose, he’d rather not be in the same room with her. His dad was actually half-begged him to not going, but Sander insisted; he wanted to see the world, needed to make the most of it and this trip was one of the best offer. He told me all this when we were at the airport in Shenzhen while waiting for our flight because it was delayed for an hour.

During our trip in Shibuya, Sander gave me a small Gudetama plushie that make could make a sound if you press it. He won it from a skill-crane and thought I’d like it because it has the same color as my sweater. And I do like it, very much and I still keep it safe inside my desk at home.

He was also introduced me to his other friends and we got along quickly. They were loud and didn’t understand the meaning of personal space, but I didn’t mind that at all. Being around them gave a brand new energy that I didn’t know exist within me.

Sander even introduced me to David Bowie’s music. That guy loves him too much, until one evening, when he was too drunk at this bar in Gangnam, he got into a small karaoke stage and started singing Rebel Rebel loudly. The others were too busy laughing and cheering, I was the only one who could convinced him to get down from the stage before he nearly took off his t-shirt. It was a rather wild night, but I enjoyed it. Every seconds of it.

Our last destination stopped in Bangkok. There was this hilarious experience where we tried this dangerous-looking fruit called “DURIAN” and boy, the smell was FUCKING HORRIBLE! Sander even had to excused himself once his nose caught the smell, and he wasn’t coming back until half an hour later. For the first time ever, I laughed at him, hard. I remembered how his expression was more amused than offended. He asked, “where’s this side of you since day one, Robbe?” and I answered in between my laugh, “I had no idea either.”

It was also Valentine’s Day. All of us were invited to a party at this club. But I got too dizzy because of the sound and everything. Not long after, Sander took me outside and we went for a walk together. It was almost 5 AM. I still remembered the night breeze across my neck, the thrill when I accidentally got too close to Sander—maybe you can call me weird but in 3 weeks only, I already fell in love with him. I fell in love with how he spoke about the world, the universe through his eyes, how his eyes always crinkled whenever he smiled, how his nose scrunched whenever he cackled, the gentleness of his voice even when he was drunk; Sander Driesen was captivated and mesmerized me in a way that no one ever could. And that time, I needed to confess, about everything that I felt. Though I couldn’t.

When we were talking about our future plan, Sander pulled out an acceptance letter at one of the most prestigious university in US. Full scholarship too.

But then, I saw doubts flashed in his eyes.

“I’m scared, Robbe.” He admitted, genuinely.

“You? Scared?”

“Because life’s never gonna be the same anymore.”

I still held my ground, kept my voice as steady as possible, “so?”

“I’ll leave my friends behind and they...”

“Secretly aren’t too thrilled about it.” I continued.

His dark green eyes were almost black now, even under the street lights.

“What will my Dad’s say? I haven’t told him yet.”

I considered it for a moment, “yeah, America is very far. When will you be going?”

“In 2 weeks, more or less.”

“Okay.”

Sander took a step closer to me, “I’ll be alone there, Robbe.”

I smiled softly at him, “and here? What about here?”

“Here feels nice. Too nice but...”

“But you want to fly,” I continued calmly. “You want madness. You want adventure. You also want to fall. I remember everything, Sander.”

“And this scholarship...”

“Will bring you a lot closer to your dreams.”

For few moments that felt like eternity, both of us just stood there and stared at each other. It was comfortable, it was needed, it was enough.

“Will you miss me?”

I grinned, “of course not.”

Biggest lie ever.

But from his face, I could tell that Sander only took that as a joke because he was simply gave me his usual dazzling smirk to me.

“Were you about to say something earlier?”

“It’s just... just wanna say that night is ended.”

Just like I thought, I couldn’t say it. Just... couldn’t say it. Because no matter how much I loved him, his love for his dream was bigger than mine and I wouldn’t want to stopped him.

I was hurt but also grateful. Every single memory that I take with me is always gonna be the part of who I am today and in the far future. I can never forget the madness, the sadness, the laughter, the thrills in those days and those nights.

Sander Driesen chased his dream so hard that he was gone in a blink of an eye. It’s almost 7 years now, he never turns back and I’m not waiting for him.

#wtfock #wtfam #fanfic #IT GOT YEETED

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 4 years

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Always Waiting: The Cost of Never Being Done

Hi all,

I kept waiting for a time when I felt like I had time and energy to write and...surprise! It turns out that's not just around the corner when you have a chronic illness and are still working full time (not to mention trying to keep up a social life and maintain all your relationships). But I figure some information is better than none at all, so I'll get through what I can.

You all remember (I think) that I went to Dana-Farber after my December CT scans showed significant growth of my primary tumor despite the metastatic sites holding steady. I came out of that meeting with two recommendations for clinical trials. One--my top pick--was being run out of Massachusetts General Hospital and Dana-Farber and involved an antibody-drug conjugate (IMMU-132) that has been shown to be super effective for triple-negative breast cancer but which got held up at the FDA approval stage. Doctors are pretty frustrated that the approval is still pending and that the only way to use it is on a trial, but there's hope that it might get approved in the next 6-9 months. The other is being run out of UPenn by the same doctor whose study I was on before and who I really like. It looks at the effect of chemo + an immunological agent vs. just chemo.

There were several reasons to prefer the MGH study (even though it would have necessitated traveling to Boston during the coldest months of the year), among them that I wouldn't have to endure chemotherapy as part of the trial. And it looked for a while as though I was going to be able to join it. It wasn't actively enrolling but there was a spot. I waited, in the days right before Christmas, to hear. And my doctors all worked hard, calling the PI and discussing the option of enrollment at either location. But it didn't work out. Another patient made exactly the same call I would have made--and I cannot fault them for that--and I am several places down on the waiting list. Spots open up when people leave the study, so presumably when their disease worsens or a better treatment option opens up. It only happens every couple of months. Doing the math, it seemed more likely that the drug would get approved by the FDA than that I would get to enroll.

I was pretty angry. And it was hard because there was no single person to be angry at. Not at my doctors, all of whom knew my preference, did all they could, and gave sincere apologies when it didn't work out. And not at the other patient who took the chance that I so hoped I'd be given. If anything, I was angry at the FDA for not approving the drug faster, or at whoever was funding the study for not allowing there to be more than 68 patients on it at any given time. The fact that groundbreaking, life-saving medical research is also a business constantly makes me angry. Sometimes it works in my favor (IMMU-132 will likely get fast-tracked on its second go through the FDA because someone will make money) and sometimes it doesn't (why fund more spots than you need on a clinical trial just because people want to be in it?).

So then there was more waiting. So much of having Stage 4 cancer is a waiting game. Waiting for promising new research directions. Waiting for that research to get funded. Waiting for those studies to enroll and complete. Waiting for FDA approval. Waiting for insurance approval. And, the biggest one by far, waiting to see if it works.

I was home for the holidays, not meant to see an oncologist until mid-January. A third option was proposed, which was staying on the study I had been doing with the PARP inhibitors but first doing a short course of radiation on the breast tumor. When I got home at New Year's I booked in to a radiology consultation, even though I felt a suspicion that it wasn't the best option. (Several oncologists told me that if the PARP inhibitors had stopped working on the initial tumor it was only a matter of time--and likely not much of it--before they stopped working on the metastatic sites too.) After spending nearly an hour with yet another very helpful doctor who had studied the whole history of my case (and a little bit of my research, once I told him what to Google) I saw that I was right. A tumor this size, he said, would only benefit from a pretty lengthy radiation course and we only had a grace period of 2 weeks for me to get back on the PARP study. He reminded me that it would be an option later and wishes me luck.

I'd like to pause here to do something I haven't done before and ask you all a favor. I understand exactly why this happens but please, to help me out, don't ask anymore about why I am not (yet) having surgery or radiation on the tumor. Yes, the primary tumor is the biggest and nastiest and pains me every day. You can be sure I'm also asking that question of my doctors, not only when there's a treatment change but when I tell them that it's hurting me. I know that it seems simplest to just cut it out (even if this means altering my body in a way that I am not eager to do) or try to shrink it. And I know that's why people ask. All the time. ALL the time. Unfortunately, it leaves me feeling defensive--do they not know that I have thought of this option every single day as I carry around the painful, swollen weight of a 6cm tumor?--and like I have to justify my decision. I imagine one or both those things will happen immediately. I have many (medical) reasons for not doing them yet. When I decide to do them, you will know and I will tell you more about why. But it would make me feel a lot better if I knew people weren't going to keep asking. Thank you.

Ok, back to what happened one I decided that radiation was out. Essentially, last week I officially consented to the study that's at Penn and that involves chemo. My first session will be on January 30th. I'll be going every 3 weeks. The agent I'm receiving is one of the oldest (carboplatin) and will be given in a higher dosage than when I went every week. This means it's likely to make me sicker. (The doctors did say that I'd feel worst on days 2-5 and better as the cycle wore on.) No one told me that people tolerate this one especially well and, having been so relatively lucky with side effects before, my worst-case-scenario brain assumes my luck will now be bad and that I will really struggle, lose all my hair, not be able to work, etc. Unhelpfully, although they can speak in averages, no one can predict how anyone will react to chemo. So just...wait. As usual.

To join the study, of course, there are a great many hoops all of which involve trips to Philly. I had a biopsy yesterday (Wednesday) and am spending tomorrow (Friday) getting CT and bone scans. There was an ongoing fight with my insurance company today when I got a phone call first thing in the morning telling me that they had canceled tomorrow's CTs because I didn't have authorization. Without authorization, no CT. Without a CT, no joining the study. Without joining the study, no starting chemo on time (lots of rearranging of my work and ride/support schedule). Lucky for me, my doctor's office was the one to do the calling and arguing. But it's frankly absurd to deny authorization for a CT scan to a documented Stage 4 cancer patient. I cannot even imagine what further information they would need for that one. And if I hadn't been joining a trial there would have been no rush and, likely, I would have been the one calling. The amount of admin involved in being chronically ill is frankly staggering. The end result, luckily, is that I am going in tomorrow.

And that's why I must get to bed. I know I make it sound like swinging by the hospital for a biopsy is no big deal - it's an outpatient procedure with only local anesthetic! I ate Shake Shack afterwards and went to work today! But, in fact, it's stressful to the body as well as the spirit to be on an operating table, numbed up with local anesthetic, and pierced in the lymph node or breast by an ultrasound-guided needle ten times (because you are doing so many studies and they all need research samples). The scans tomorrow will be easier - all I have to do is not eat beforehand, drink barium, lie in an x-ray contraption while having contrast dye injected through the port that's plumbed into my artery...then take a break before being injected with a radioactive tracer that will infuse my bones for a couple hours until I lie perfectly still and have them imaged. Easy, right?

I like to say that this stuff is no big deal--that it's just a lot of waiting in different places. And that's true, to an extent. The CTs don't hurt and they aren't physically demanding (although I'm not great at drinking that much barium milkshake that fast). The bone scan is kind of cool and I plan to wear my "Biohazard" t-shirt. But my normalization of the massive apparatus surrounding being ill and my incorporation of it into my everyday life does, I think, minimize the physical as well as emotional toll I pay each time I have a test or treatment. Not only are those reminders of the insidious disease that has taken so much of my life from my control--I'm not even thinking about that consciously most of the time--it's just all so relentless. There's always another call to make, appointment to keep, symptom to track, bill to pay, person to text or call. I am never, ever done.

On that last item, I do often feel burdened with guilt. I want support, but don't feel that I can always pay it back in the form of updates or thanks to those who so generously give it. But I do hope you all know that I'm here, appreciating each and every piece of it that I get. Social media may not be great for some things but it is wonderful for the small kindnesses that can buoy me up on a tougher day. This has been one, so I'm off to bed. But I send you gratitude and love.

Bex

#health update #clinical trials #my life as a cancer patient #mbc #stage 4 #chronic illness #bex writes

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ilovemesomekillianjones · 5 years

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Happenstance Ch. 3

Rated T 2.2K ao3 ffnet Ch. 1 Ch.2

Summary: Emma celebrates a special occasion with her closest friends and makes a decision that will bring some changes to her life. *There is an attack in this chapter, nothing too explicit, not sexual in nature.* Oh, and Neal is a huge asshole in this chapter.

Chapter 3

Emma and Killian continued on just as they had before; if nothing else, the argument had brought them closer together. Emma did begin to have lunch with Killian and his friends, and they quickly fell into a close knit group. Despite having almost nothing in common, Emma and Mary Margaret hit it off immediately. She got along great with David who had a bit of that same chip on his shoulder as she and Killian. He’d been a bit luckier though, since he had been adopted out of the system.

“I’ll be seventeen next month, and Neal wants to have a party at his dad’s house,” Emma said to the group, “I was wondering if you guys want to come?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Mary Margaret said. “I’d love to celebrate your birthday, Emma, but I don’t like that family. There’s something dark about them.”

“Jesus Christ, Mary Margaret,” David chuckled, “don’t sugarcoat it or anything. Sorry Emma, I know it’s blunt, but I do agree with her. Maybe we can do something before?”

“Sure,” Emma answered, trying to mask her disappointment that her friends wouldn’t be there among the swarm of Neal’s less than stellar group he surrounded himself with. “How about you, Killian?”

“Of course Swan, although I don’t know if Neal will appreciate me being there?”

“Since when do you give a shit about what Neal thinks? I want you there, he can deal with it if he really wants to celebrate my birthday.”

Killian smiled at her, wondering if maybe she wasn’t outgrowing her attachment to Neal. “Then I’ll be there.”

~~~

“Come on, Swan, you’re going to be late for your own party,” Killian teased as he knocked on her bedroom door. When she didn’t answer, he knocked again. That’s when he heard her sniffling. “I’m coming in.”

“Okay,” she said in a small voice.

She was laying on her bed, eyes filled with tears. Even crying and puffy, she looked beautiful in her pale pink dress. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and her makeup was light and elegant, showing off her angular cheekbones, and elongated eyelashes.

“You’re only seventeen, love, why are you crying? I thought women did that when they turn like, forty,” he joked, trying to get a laugh out of her. He sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand in his.

Emma giggled, despite herself. Sitting up, she dried her eyes and looked at her friend; he did cut quite the image in his customary black leather jacket and jeans. “I see you got dressed up for the occasion.”

“Well, when you’re as devilishly handsome as I am, there is no need for bells and whistles.” Killian smiled his wide smile, cocking his eyebrow as if daring her to disagree.

She nudged him with her shoulder, “So cocky.”

“Is it really being cocky, if it’s true?”

“Oh my gosh, Killian, you’re impossible. Come on, let’s go before we’re late to meet David and Mary Margaret.”

“You sure you’re alright, Emma?”

She looked at him with wide eyes, it always shook her a little when he used her given name; it was rare. “I will be,” she smiled.

“Wait, I forgot one thing.”

Emma turned around and raised her eyebrows in question.

“You look stunning in that dress,” Killian said, blushing from his neck all the way up to his ears.

“Thank you,” Emma said shyly. She grasped the sides of the dress, holding it out, and twirled around. “Ingrid got it for me, for my birthday.” Grabbing Killian’s hand, she led him out the door. They walked the short distance to David’s house, which was where they’d decided to meet up.

It was a nice afternoon; the four hung out, talked and laughed, and had a nice meal prepared by David’s mom, Ruth.

“You are so lucky,” Emma told David wistfully, “she’s a wonderful lady.”

“I got lucky,” he agreed, “it doesn’t mean I don’t still wonder why, and who they are.”

“Sometimes knowing is not all it’s cracked up to be,” Killian said offhandedly.

They all bombarded him with questions of what do you mean, each in their own words.

“Wouldn’t you lot like to know.” He avoided their questioning looks, suddenly sorry he’d mentioned it.

“Perhaps I would,” Emma said looking into his eyes.

Letting out a sigh, he thought about the simplest answer he could give. “I just mean that even when you do know who and why, it doesn’t always make it better.”

“Do you-” Emma started to ask.

Ruth came into the room at that moment carrying a cake; it was an elegant swan painted in frosting, and said Happy Birthday, Emma! in a flowing font. Tears burned at the corner of her eyes as she watched Ruth set the cake down in front of her. When they started singing to Emma, her tears overflowed, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had Happy Birthday sung to her. Staring at her small group of friends, she was overwhelmed, this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.

“Make a wish, sweetie,” Ruth told her.

Focusing on the flames atop the cake, Emma made her wish, squeezed her eyes shut and blew out the candles. She opened up her eyes when they all clapped. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice strained by tears.

After eating the delicious cake, Mary Margaret handed a gift to Emma.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Emma spoke reverently, cherishing the gift before she even knew what it was.

“We wanted to,” Mary Margaret told her, “it’s from all of us.”

Opening the gift, Emma was brought to tears again when she saw the gorgeous swan pendant on a silver chain. “It’s beautiful!” she exclaimed through her tears. “Help me?” she asked, holding the necklace out to Killian.

He fastened it around her neck, and Emma held the pendant against her chest, “All I’ve done is cry all damn day, but I swear, this is the best birthday ever you guys.”

~~~

Half an hour later Emma and Killian were strolling to her next birthday celebration, chatting about possible plans for the future.

Outside of being on his own in a year, and then possibly joining the service like his brother, Killian hadn’t ever given much thought to the future. Since Liam’s death, the future was nothing special, it was just there. After today though, he was starting to see that maybe a little planning and thought couldn’t hurt where the next years of his life were concerned.

Emma, on the other hand was just starting to realize there were possibilities for the future. Nothing had made that more evident than chatting with Mary Margaret today. They seemed to have it all figured out, Mary Margaret wanted to be an elementary school teacher, and David was going to be a police officer. Mary Margaret would attend the University of Maine, and David would apply for the local Police Academy. Maybe there was more out there for her, too.

They were so engrossed in the topic of possibilities that Killian was oblivious to where they actually were, right up until he found himself face to face with a place he never wanted to see again. “Why are we here?”

“Umm, this is Neal’s place.”

“I can’t go in there,” he spoke tightly.

She could hear the anger in his tone. “Killian, for me? I thought we were past this.”

“This has nothing to do with you and that sack of shite you call your boyfriend, Swan.”

“Goddamnit Killian, it’s been a great day. Please just come in with me, or at least stay out here and wait for me?”

“Look, you don’t understand-”

“Oh, now I don’t understand? And I just have to accept it?”

“Really Emma, you don’t understand, I used to live here, this is the group home I came from. I don’t want to talk about it right now. If Gold is Neal’s father, then I wholeheartedly agree with David and Mary Margaret; this is a bad family to be caught up with. If Gold sees me here, all hell will break loose.”

Emma was silent, she didn’t understand what Killian was talking about, but she knew she trusted him. “Okay, I believe you. Neal’s parents aren’t home though. Let’s go in, we won’t stay too long, but I need to talk to Neal.”

“You’re sure they’re not home?”

“Yes, Neal said they’re out of town for the weekend.”

Killian reluctantly followed her into the place he had once called home. There were rows of liquor bottles and several kegs, and it reeked of pot and cigarette smoke. “Swan, I’ll be out back, when you’re ready, let me know.”

“Okay,” she nodded at him, “I’ll come get you.”

Killian sat out back ensconced in darkness. He couldn’t believe this was the life Emma wanted to associate herself with. She was so much better than all of this. He was deep in thought on how he could make her see that very fact, because her self esteem was the only thing holding her to these shitty choices.

“That hurts, Neal!”

Killian heard Emma’s voice whisper yelling before he saw them. Neal was squeezing Emma’s bicep, dragging her through the back door. He pulled her over to the farthest side of the house, shrouded by a weeping willow tree, then none too gently pushed her up against the siding, placing both his hands against the wall on either side of her head.

Killian got up from his spot in the corner of the yard, ready to step in if needed. He didn’t want to overstep his bounds and piss Emma off, but he wasn’t about to let this douchebag hurt her either.

“What the Fuck, Em?” he questioned, invading her space.

“You’re drunk, get away from me.”

“Is this because of that pretty boy, Killian,” he sneered, grabbing at the swan pendant that rested on her chest.

“This has everything to do with you. It’s been over for a long time.”

“Is that right?” Neal chuckled darkly. “How about it’s not over, until I say it’s over.” He loomed over her menacingly and pulled her roughly into his arms.

“This is exactly the shit I’m talking about. You try to control me, you don’t want me around anyone else, you don’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated.” Emma struggled against his squeezing grip, it was getting harder to inhale. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she started to panic a little.

Killian was proud of her words, even though he could hear that slight bit of fear indicative of someone who was treading unsteady ground. If he had to guess, he’d say she’d never spoken against Neal before.

“The way you deserve?” Neal laughed, his sickly drunken breath panting roughly against her face. “You don’t deserve anything Emma, you are nothing. No one has ever wanted you. I was the best thing you had going for you. Who’s going to want a trashy orphan whose own parents didn’t want her.” He grabbed her necklace and ripped it away from her neck, tossing it to the ground.

“Fuck you, Neal,” Emma hissed, trying to push him away so she could leave. Tears welled up in her eyes, she wasn’t sad, but pissed and embarrassed that she’d allowed herself to be treated like this for so long.

Neal pinned her in again. “What the fuck,” he roared when he felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him back. “Oh, speak of the devil,” Neal scoffed.

“Come on, Emma, let’s go.” Killian ignored Neal and held his hand out to Emma.

Stepping away from the wall, she reached for Killian’s hand, but before she could take it, Neal grabbed her and wrenched her back toward him.

“Ouch! Neal you’re hurting me,” Emma cried out.

Before anything else could happen Killian stepped between them, “I’m asking nicely once, let her go.”

“Or what?”

“Or that beating I gave your father will pale in comparison to what I’ll do to you,” Killian threatened. He had no wish to lose his shit like he had with Gold, but God help him, if this asshole hurt Emma.

Neal’s eyes narrowed at this new knowledge, and he let go of Emma’s arm. “You think you can take me, Jones,” he yelled, stepping into Killian’s space and pushing him. “I ain’t my old man.”

“I don’t want to, but I will if I need to.”

Neal pushed him again.

“Come on, let’s go.” Emma held her hand out to Killian, imploring him to take it.

As Killian reached to take it, he felt pain bloom across his jaw. “Killian!” Emma gasped, rushing to his side. “Are you okay?”

Neal charged at them both, pushing Emma away from Killian’s side, causing her to stumble over a root protruding from the ground, and fall.

A hot rage consumed Killian when he saw Neal’s hands causing Emma pain. He lunged forward, taking Neal to the ground. Punching him hard enough to temporarily subdue him, Killian pinned his shoulders to the ground, giving the piece of shit a chance to yield.

“You know what man, she’s all yours, she doesn’t put out anyway.”

Killian raised his fist again, ready to put this asshole to sleep, when he felt her gentle hand on his forearm. Turning to look into her eyes, he saw the pleading look. The anger fled his body, and he relented. Getting up, he grabbed her necklace from the ground, took her hand, and they left through the side gate.

Tagging the same crew, please let me know if I should remove you from the tag list!! @laschatzi @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @kmomof4 @resident-of-storybrooke @artistic-writer @jennjenn615@snowbellewells @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @emeraldwitches @nikkiemms @galadriel26 @roseyflush @killianjonesownsmyheart1 @onceuponaprincessworld @captainswan-shipper88 @andiirivera @teamhook@tiganasummertree @deathbycaptainswan @kday426 @sherlockianwhovian @mayquita @captswanis4vr @effulgentcolors@welllpthisishappening@princesseslikepirates @officerrogers @therooksshiningknight @thisisforcs @freechoicedreamer

#cs ff #cs fanfic #cs au #cs hurt comfort #captain swan

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sosa-sketch · 5 years

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Fright or Flight: Chapter 2

Parings: Prinxiety // Logicality // Platonic LAMP

Story Summary: Virgil and Patton investigate the New Prince Castle, when a brutal accident kills Patton. Patton wakes as a ghost and meets friendly ghoul Roman, who has been haunting the castle for 20 years. Virgil is determined to bring Patton back to life and brings Logan, the ghost expert, to help him out. Time is quickly running out, and the four must work together to undo death. If only it was as simple as Logan made it sound.

Unknown to them, a secret entity in the castle does not plan on letting them succeed.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

When Patton first met Virgil, his last intention was to become friends with him. Virgil had built up a notorious reputation over the first few months of school, and his grades did nothing to disprove his status. Patton wasn’t the type to judge a person’s character based on rumors nor looks. No one was a higher believer in the benefit of doubt than Patton! However, Virgil’s first impression did not help his case.

Virgil transferred into Patton’s English class the second semester due to a schedule change. When the teacher stated a new team project was to be completed, Patton did not shy away from offering to be Virgil’s partner. He understood how difficult it could be being the new kid in a class full of friends and cliques.

The project was hefty, an collection of novel analyzing, essays, vocabulary, and journal entries. Patton was not looking forward to the Shakespearean project-Shakespeare’s language was alien to him. It occurred to Patton that pairing up with the soon-to-be-dropout may not have been his best idea. Nonetheless, Patton refused to be jaded.

The first day of the project, Virgil refused to touch the work.

“There’s no way I’m touching this project.” Virgil sneered. “Especially about Shakespeare.”

“Huh?” Patton had not fully processed Virgil’s words. “Is it because you don’t understand it?”

“Sure.”

“Neither can I! I guess Shakespeare really has our brains shaken up! Maybe we can ask the teacher to go over it for us?”

The teen huffed and shook his head. Virgil laid his head on the wooden desk and his eyes slipped closed. He napped for the rest of the period.

His behavior continued for weeks. Patton had tried everything in his power to get Virgil to help him out. Patton’s seemingly endless supply of compliments and encouraging gestures served no help.

Patton’s mind had conjured countless excuses for Virgil since Virgil himself refused to give one. At the beginning the excuses had seemed feasible. Lack of sleep? Family issues? However, by week three, Patton was already scraping the bottom of the barrel, trying to justify Virgil’s dismissive attitude with clones and possible mind control. Virgil was no closer to lifting up a pencil, there were ten days left of the project, and Patton still understood little to nothing about Shakespeare. Patton was flying solo and time was ticking.

The final week before the project was due, Patton caught the flu.

Patton would chalk up the flu to the top three sucky sicknesses of his lifetime. His fever was raging, his skin drowning in sweat while the insides of him iced over. Patton couldn’t tell when being awake ended and when sleep began. The only alarm in Patton’s body was the churning in his gut that rushed him to the toilet.

Understandably, the project was the last thing on his mind.

Patton would not remember his Shakespeare mission until the Sunday before it was due, when he was shaking off the final remnants of the flu. The realization hit him like a train, but by the time he went flying off his bed and hurriedly logging on to his computer to check the time, Patton knew it was hopeless. There was no way he could get the project done in a few hours and counting. Not when all his energy was going into fighting of sneezes and headaches.

Patton was dejectedly scrolling through his email filled with newsletters from adoption sites and animal protection agencies when a subject line caught his eye: “English Project.” Linked to the email were word documents and an audio file. Perplexedly, Patton opened the email.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: English Project

Patton,

so apparently you’ve been sick. class is way more quiet without you their, which is wierd.

i think i did everything you hadn’t done. it’s gonna be really mispelled and confusing and shit. sorry. i’m not the best with righting. feel free to fix anything.

get well soon.

-V

p.s. sorry for acting like a jerk. i owe you a explanation monday.

Patton hugged his computer screen and laugh with relief. He had no idea why Virgil was so nervous. His ideas were brilliant. A week later, Patton would see an A in his gradebook for the Shakespeare project.

There was a reason why Patton never lost faith in people.

True to his word, the next week Virgil explained his mistreatment to Patton. Virgil struggled with dyslexia. While he was getting tutoring in overcoming his learning disability, Virgil’s writing made him incredibly insecure. His old teacher always let him work individually, but the new teacher wasn’t having it. Before class, the teacher pulled him aside and told Virgil he was no different from any other student and would have to work with a partner. Virgil, determined to spite the teacher and anxious to seem like an “idiot” in front of Patton, would pretend to sleep the whole period.

“All your writing took was a quick grammar fix. The ideas were so good! I’m not just saying that to say that, they actually were! I could never think of something like that.” Patton reassured enthusiastically.

Virgil flushed a bright red. “I didn’t do much. Shakespeare is a lot easier to understand with audio.”

Patton listened to the audiobook of Macbeth that night. Virgil clearly wasn’t giving himself enough credit.

Virgil and Patton quickly grew close once the project was done. Virgil was still quiet, snappy, moody, and detrimentally insecure, but he began to open up more as the months went on. By senior year, Patton and Virgil was joined at the hip. Two peas in a pod.

Virgil had grown a lot since freshman year.

Being joined at the hip with Virgil meant that Patton got to understand Virgil by the simplest change in body language or expression. It also meant that Patton became aquatinted with anyone close to Virgil.

Patton already had a bad feeling while Virgil’s tone had shifted on the phone the night they were chatting about yearbook quotes. Remy sending Patton a text only confirmed the ball of dread in his stomach.

Rem: pat can we talk ?

Patton: You don’t even have to ask! Everything ok?

Rem: it’s about v

Rem: have you guys talked recently ? out of school

Patton: We talked last weekend. Over the phone. Why? Is Virgil fine??

Rem: idk. he came over to my house a couple nights ago at like 5 am. talked about some ghost shit.

Patton: He woke you up to talk about ghosts??(language!)

Rem: looking for affirmation that he wasn’t some obsessed ghost freak. i told him nah

Rem: but tbh he kinda is obsessed

Patton: He is passionate about his ghosts! But that’s not a bad thing.

Rem: v strongly disagrees. the whole thing about the yearbook and ghost quotes really messed with his head

Patton: I didn’t mean anything bad by it! It was just an idea! I promise! I’ll apologize to him!!!

Rem: wait no thats not what im saying. no one blames u

Rem: is he doing any ghost stuff anytime soon

Patton: Yep. He’s going to visit a castle!

Patton: Is that bad?

Rem: don’t you remember last time v became paranoid abt something? he pulled some real stupid stuff just to prove ppl wrong

Patton: Yeah. I know.

Patton: Gosh now I’m worried :(

Rem: i just dont want him doing anything he’ll regret on the trip. can u just…idk watch out for him pls ? ik v can take care of himself. but sometimes he gets into this headspace that’s self-destructive

Rem: tbh i dont like his ghost stuff as it is. i dont need him doing something dumb either

Patton: I understand Rem. That’s really sweet of you <3 <3

Patton: I’ll look out for him! I promise!!!! :-) :-)

Rem: ty. dont tell v abt this convo tho

Despite feeling uneasy about it, Patton understood Remy’s request to keep silent. Telling Virgil about their conversation would only push Virgil away and make him defensive. It’d be impossible to look out for him.

Virgil had already given Patton a way in. Patton had to talk to Logan for Virgil and get any supplies he might need. Patton loved visiting Logan in and of itself. Maybe Logan could help him out.

Logan’s business was located near small shops clustered along the beach. It was a hotspot for tourists, where knickknacks and souvenirs were sold and expensive attractions were advertised. Patton walked along here with Virgil sometimes, stopping at the arcade or mirror maze. Patton had met some of the most interesting people in the small touristy town.

Among the attractions was a dark blue shingled building with a pointy-roofed top. Painted letters on a wooden board spelt out “Afterlife Exposed.” Patton stepped through the door and a bell gently ringed, signaling his arrival.

At the sound of the bell, a tall, dark-haired man turned around. His navy suit blended in with the darkness of the shop. The man’s lean body was captivated beautifully in the suit. Patton quickly averted his eyes, blushing furiously.

“I have been expecting you-oh. Greetings, Patton. What a surprise.”

“Hi Logan!” Patton waved enthusiastically. “Who were you expecting?”

“No one. It’s a new rule Father has implemented. I must say it to every customer to ‘set the mood,’ as he calls it.” Logan dragged his hand over his face exasperatedly. “I find it quite ridiculous. But business shall be business.”

Logan’s father technically owned Afterlife Exposed. But he was always hidden in the back, gathering supplies or experimenting. Logan was currently studying entrepreneurship in college in order to take over the family business someday.

“How may I help you today, Patton?” Logan inquired, stepping around the counter to stand in front of him. He was even taller up close.

Patton filled Logan in about the New Prince Castle family murder and Virgil’s plan to investigate the castle for one of his ghost routines. Logan nodded politely the whole way through.

“I see. What an intriguing case. What exactly does he need from me?”

Patton shrugged cluelessly. “Anything you think might help, I guess.”

“What’s his budget?”

“A coffee and cake pop from Starbucks, if he uses his gift card.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “And he sent you to purchase something from here? Why, he couldn’t even afford a keychain.”

“Come on, Logan! He’s one of your most loyal customers and between us, he’s going through a rough patch. Can’t you help him out? Please?”

Logan massaged his temples and sighed. “Patton, it’s just not something the business can afford to do right now. My Father and I have been dealing with a sort of rough patch as well. You and Virgil have my sincerest apologies-truly, you do.”

Patton nodded dejectedly, “I understand.” Spotting Logan’s hesitant expression and tense form, he rested a hand on Logan’s shoulder and grinned. “Really, I do. I don’t blame you.”

Logan gave a small, tight-lipped smile in return. Gently shaking Patton’s hand off his shoulder, he clasped his hands together tightly. “Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I’m not too sure.” Patton pursed his lips in thought. “Well, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me the dos and don’ts of ghost hunting. The yays and nays. The cats and dogs-actually no scratch that, both of those would be a yay.”

“With all due respect, Patton, I think Virgil has got that covered.” Logan reassured. “He must have asked me a dozen times prior to his first investigation.”

“Oh yeah, I know. It’s for me.” Patton corrected.

Logan raised an eyebrow in perplexion. Patton had never shown an interest in ghost hunting when Virgil wasn’t to be found.

Patton thought quickly. “I just want to understand more. For when I talk to Virgil. Sometimes I really don’t get half the explanations coming from the kiddo’s mouth.” It wasn’t a lie. “Just…how do you deal with ghosts?

“I see.” Logan clicked his tongue. “I’m sure Virgil could explain it to you more in depth. But, if you’re ever in doubt, chalk it up to one thing: respect. Is what you’re doing respecting the afterlife and their home? Are you portraying common courtesy? Treat them with the same respect as the living, if not more. There are exceptions, as with anything, but for the most part, that should keep you out of trouble with spirits.”

“Respect.” Patton repeated.

“You have strong morals, Patton. If you’re concerned about involvement with the afterlife due to your closeness with Virgil, I would not worry. Lack of respect is the last of your weaknesses.”

Logan pulled out his phone from the back of his pocket. “I apologize, I must return to my work. However, if you or Virgil have any more questions, feel free to give me a call.”

Patton gushed and thanked Logan, jotting down his number. Logan flushed a gentle red and held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Patton.”

Patton swatted Logan’s hand away and brought him in for a hug. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan awkwardly pat Patton on the back before ungracefully untangling himself from the embrace. “I was only doing my job. Now, I understand it’s none of my business, but I recommend getting some rest. You look exhausted.”

“High school has permanently carved bags under my eyes.” Patton shook his head defeatedly.

Logan gave an amused smirk. “You sounded like Virgil.”

Patton beamed. “Like father, like son!”

Just as Patton was about to turn around to leave the store, something in the corner of the room glistened, catching his eye. “Hey Logan? Just one more thing?”

Logan hummed at him, encouraging Patton to continue.

He pointed to the object at the corner of the room. “How much can I get that for?”

“Walkie-talkies. I sent you to Logan Berry, one of the smartest, most knowledgeable people about the afterlife in this town, and you come back with a Ghost Buster walkie-talkie.” Virgil grunted, dangling the toy by its antennae.

“You can have the Casper the Ghost one instead.”

“What? No! Ghost Busters is better, anyway.” Virgil groaned. “That’s not the point. How about advice? Did Logan say anything?”

“Just to respect the ghosts. Have common courtesy. Which you better be doing anyway, even without Logan telling you to do so.”

Virgil threw his hands up in exasperation and fell down into his sofa as the cushions engulfed the skinny man. “Obviously I respect them! The last thing I need is coming home possessed and cursed! He knows I know that. That’s really all he said?”

“Besides giving us his number.” Patton confirmed. “Which I already gave you.”

Virgil grumbled. “Whatever. One day I’ll get enough money to- wait. The walkie-talkies. There’s no way you could have bought them with my money, I would not have had enough. Please don’t tell me…”

Virgil got a glance of Patton’s sheepish look and groaned. “Patton, we have a rule! No buying each other anything!” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t pay you back. You know that.”

“Hey…” Patton took a seat next to Virgil and laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay. They weren’t expensive. You don’t have to pay me back.”

Virgil looked at Patton in between his fingers. His voice was muffled against his palms. “You know how I feel about that, Pat.”

“Virgil, come on.” Patton pleaded.

Virgil shook his head. “Thank you. But, you need to return them.”

Guilty silence settled among the two, but neither made a move to leave. Both were lost in their own worlds when an idea struck Patton.

He nudged Virgil. “I know a way for you to pay me back without money.” At Virgil’s unimpressed look, he protested, “Seriously! It would mean a lot more to me than whatever these walkie-talkies cost.”

“Yea?” Virgil lifted his head from his hands. “What is it?”

Patton stared at Virgil’s stormy eyes as his heart pounded. In all honesty, this was the last thing Patton wanted to do. He was terrified. But, he thought back to the conversation he had with Remy, and the last time Virgil did something senseless unsupervised due to paranoia. “I want to go ghost hunting with you. At the New Prince Castle.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. His eyes darted around Patton’s face before he shook his head and gave a weak chuckle. “Sure, Pat. Whatever you say.”

“No, I’m serious!” Patton insisted. “I’ll respect the ghosts and do whatever you tell me to do!”

Virgil was dismissing Patton before he could finish his sentence. “No, no, no. You hate ghost stories, Pat! Especially ones that are spooky and gruesome. You’d hate ghost-hutning. It’s dark and there’s lots of weird noises and tons of spiders. No way. I’m not adding more guilt to my conscience.”

Virgil made a move to get up from the sofa, but Patton refused to let the conversation drop. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him back to the seat. Virgil landed with a clumsy thump.

“Kiddo, I know I hate all those things. I’m sure I’ll be scared. But, you’ll be there too! I love you more than I hate all those things combined.”

“Patton, we can do something else together. Go to the movies. Or bowling. Normal teen stuff.” Virgil reasoned.

Patton retorted, “But ghost hunting is important to you.”

“It’s not that important. It’s a simple hobby. I don’t care that much about it.” Virgil cut off.

“I know, I know!” Patton quickly backtracked. “What I meant was that ghost-hunting has been a cool way for us to bond. It intrigues you-a perfectly normal amount-and I like seeing you happy! Just like you go walking with me along the shops by the beach even though it’s super crowded and you hate it.”

“Patton, what’s your point?” Virgil grilled.

“My point is I want to try this thing that you enjoy with you. Just like you try things for me. It’s senior year, Virgil. No one hates thinking about it more than me, but we don’t know what things are going to be like after high school. I want to find a husband, start a family. Maybe study veterinary science. You could have a publisher for your writing, become a famous author, and move. I want to do this with you. I want to get over my fear.”

Patton stared at Virgil hopefully and held out his hand. “What do you say? One more big adventure for the dynamic duo?”

Virgil stared at Patton, looked down and roughly shook his head, froze, then stared at Patton once more. Virgil’s foot rapidly tapped against the floor, creating a dizzy, distracting melody. Finally, Virgil pulled his hair and glared at Patton. “You’ll be careful?”

Patton nodded eagerly.

“And you’ll stick with me no matter what? At all times? I want you in my sight.”

Virgil dramatically groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. “I guess you can come.”

Patton shot up from his seat, whooping with joy and hopping around the sofa. “Thank you, Virgil! Thank you! We’re going to have such a great time!”

Virgil peeked one eye open and gave a soft grin. “Yeah, I guess we are. You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life besides my love for you and cats! I pinkie swear it.”

Patton and Virgil intertwined pinkies before Patton winked and let go, embracing Virgil.

“Let your moms know you’re going to be gone for the weekend.” Virgil smirked. “We have a haunted castle to explore.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #deceit sanders #LAMP #CALM #platonic lamp #hurt/comfort #family fluff #fluff #logicality #prinxiety

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chikachikatto · 5 years

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Nichomachus Introduction to Arithmetic

First post. Uh yeah title, managed to get past this and also streamed it.

Steam here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A05s8zm_hJc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuF0KSEFBJQ

Now, you might be wondering why I am doing this. I... I am not quite sure. I think it first started when watching wildberger (lol) talking about math history. It made me think that “hmm, maybe if I looked at how math developed historically I might get some deeper insight into the workings of mathematics”. Another part of the influence came from looking at Sadler’s Half An Hour Hegel Series. Really influenced my decision making.

Now this book in question was originally written by some pythagorean weed smoker Nichomachus. There are a lot of information here and it is sorta hard to parse it down into something that can be summarized. Another thing you may notice is that it took me quite a while to finally finish. I think the biggest factor actually ties into an insight I’ve had after just a little reading of ancient mathematics. Language is very very important. Far more important than it may seem if you just restrict yourself to human languages.

Formal language is in itself a mathematical structure that might make some things more obvious, and other things not so obvious. Now, although he came after Euclid he didn’t provide any real proofs of his statements outside of illustrations. You also see that a lot of his statements can sometimes be rather trivial. Like he’d freak out about a result that you can verify with very simple algebra. Like something like how 2^(n-i) * 2^(n+i) = 2^n * 2^n or something like that. Like duh, no shit dude. Of course, the greeks didn’t have algebra and stuff so they couldn’t really see how obvious some of this stuff is.

The language also makes these texts absolutely brutal to read. Where something might be able to be expressed in a simple equation, since they do not have algebra, they have to write paragraphs to express what they are trying to say. An example of this is with the definition of the harmonic sequence

The proportion that is placed in the third order is one called the harmonic,3 which exists whenever among three terms the mean on examination is observed to be neither in the same ratio to the extremes, antecedent of one and consequent of the other, as in the geometric proportion, nor with equal intervals, but an inequality of ratios, as in the arithmetic, but on the contrary, as the greatest term is to the smallest, so the difference between greatest and mean terms is to the difference between mean and smallest term.l For example, take 3, 4, 6, or 2, 3, 6. For 6 exceeds 4 by one third of itself, since 2 is one third of 6, and 3 falls short of 4 by one third of itself, for I is one third of 3. In the first example, the extremes are in double ratio and their differences with the mean term are again in the same double ratio to one another; but in the second they are each in the triple ratio. - Nicomachus Book II, Chapter XXV

LIKE, this makes sense, sure! But looking at the damn equation for it (which Nicomachus is unable to provide) makes you instantly see what he is talking about.

Seriously. If you are a lay person that doesn’t understand why mathematicians don’t just explain their stuff in words, this shit is why. Nicomachus also gives methods of finding the harmonic meme, er I mean mean. However, this method is trivial to derive yourself just by some simple algebraic manipulations.

Now, as I said before, Nichomachus was also a pythagorean. Like any good pythagorean, he attaches metaphysical meaning to the math for some reason. I think the most remarkable example of this is with 1 and 2. To him, 1 represents ‘Sameness’ in the metaphysical sense since 1*1 = 1. 2 however represents ‘Otherness’ for multiple reasons. First of all, it is the first number that ‘dares’ to step out of the Same. Another reason is that the sum of odd numbers from 1 to n gives you a square number (n^2). This is epic to Nichomachus cause a square has equal sides. On the other hand, the sum of even numbers gives you a heteromecic (n(n+1)). This is also epic because you see that the difference between the sides is the least you can have for them to be other. Yeah, he is only talking about natural numbers.

Ok so this is what made Nichomachus lose his actual shit. If you sum a square number and a heteromecic number, you get a triangular number! (n(n+1)/2). I mean this is already obvious since we know the sum of consecutive numbers from 1 to n is a triangular number. If we add the sum of even and odd numbers that is just the same as adding the sum of consecutive numbers. The algebra is also rather easy to verify n^2 + n(n+1)

= 2n^2 + n

= n(2n + 1)

Put m = 2n -> n = m/2

=> n(2n + 1) = (m/2)(2[m/2] + 1) = m(m + 1)/2

As required.

So why did Nichomachus make such a big deal of this stuff? Well part of it is because the pythagoreans had this whole system where they’d use these dots that would be arranged into shapes. For instance, a square number, you arrange n^2 dots into the shape of an n by n square.

There are some rather beautiful illustrations of this:

A weird thing that comes from this is the fact that Nicomachus, the absolute mad man, didn’t believe 1 was a number. Rather numbers flowed from 1. The reason why he didn’t believe 1 to be a number was because 1 represents a point and so is zero dimensional non-shape? Yeah, there was probably some nuance to his thought process, maybe.

Now this whole constructing-numbers-with-alphas thing with its metaphysical significance gets even more wild when you connect it to plato’s own stuff. You know, how plato says the elements are like geometric shapes and stuff?

Now as you can see, the simplest platonic solid is the tetrahedron which is made out of *gasps* triangles! So at this Nicomachus upon learning this probably leaped upwards in amazement. Sameness and Otherness just have to be metaphysically prior to the elements! Naturally this pleases the weedagorean.

This shape thing also goes to three dimensions. For example, he’d describe cubic numbers (n^3). He also made a strange distinction between ‘brick’ and ‘beam’.

A number n is a brick <=> n = m^2 * k, k < m

A number n is a beam <=> n = m^2 * k, k > m

Again, another very strange distinction where it is rather confusing just why this was done. He also had an interesting way of visualizing this stuff with the dots. They will be overlaid subsections of the shape. For example, for the cube, he’d put n squares n by n each. For a triangular pyramid he’d do the triangle numbers from the base n(n+1)/2 then go to (n-1)n/2, (n-2)(n-1)/2, ... 1.

But this way of thinking about number I’d have to commit is very metaphysically restricted. Note that he never talks about quartic numbers. Sure, you could theoretically extend the logic and put n cubes n by n by n each, but they aren’t going to imagine that at this point in time. Meanwhile, when numbers are detached from this very crude quasi-geometrical interpretation and we go into algebra, suddenly we can think of n^k numbers without a sweat! Another step in which number where is less restricted to our traditional ways of conceiving it.

There’s still a lot more details to go over, for example he had a really weird classification of oven numbers. He grouped them into the even-times-even, even-times-odd, and odd-times-even. Even-times-even just means 2^n. Odd-times-even just means 2^n * (2n + 1). Even-times-odd just means 2 * (2n +1). Why does he classify it like this? I am not quite sure. Oh yeah, also obviously his own attempt at explaining what he means are far more convoluted because he didn’t use any proper language.

All i all, great meme book. I rate 10/10 wouldn’t read again.

#math #history

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shipmistress9 · 6 years

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What it means to be Chief - Chapter 6: Preparations

Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5

On his flight back to Berk, Hiccup was distinctly more at ease.

He'd stayed for the meal and for a while had chatted with his friends who didn't see him as their Chief. It had been simple, calm and relaxing. Like spending time with Astrid, not taking into account his worries over her well-being lately. Maybe he should put an effort into spending more time like this, just among friends and not as Chief. He'd even gotten to hear Fishlegs discovery about the caverns beneath Berserker Island and theorizing about it without caring about whether it served some greater good had been cathartic. And Heather had been able to calm him, too, had told him about how her pregnancy hadn't been as easy as it had seemed to them as well. And still, she'd made it. All in all, a reassuring and calming visit.

Not that the thought of having any Redthorns on his island was a calming one! But in the end, he was still glad that this was settled now as well. They would find a way to cope with their visitors. It would work! It had to…

At the very least, he would be able to stay close to Astrid, to hold her during the nights, to be there for her when she needed him. In whatever way… He would be there to help her, care for her, be there when their baby would be born. And he would be there to care for every one of her needs. Hiccup swallowed thickly as his thoughts began to wander and memories of just how she needed him often lately rose in his mind.

Their intimate relationship had changed during the last months. Before, they had simply been exploring, together and each other. They hadn't known the tiniest bit about sex except the simplest basics and figuring out how exactly it worked so that Astrid would fully enjoy it, too, had taken a while. He had let her take the lead as she knew better what she liked and only had taken over occasionally when he'd wanted to test a theory.

Now, things were different. After that dreadful journey last year and their very successful experiments - and repetitions of those -, they had become more curious. Astrid had seemingly heard a lot from Ruff but refused to ask her for more details even though, apparently, those details were important. Hiccup couldn't blame her, the mere thought of talking to Ruffnut about sex was… urg… Eret, on the other hand, was easy to talk to and after his own initial bashfulness had passed he'd had some quite interesting conversations with the ex-trapper.

Now it was Hiccup who mostly took the lead, in bed or wherever else they found themselves. Not that Astrid was docile or submissive. Those surely were terms that would never apply to her! But she willingly let him test whatever Eret had told him and let him teach her as well. In addition, she wasn't able to do much anymore anyway. The bigger her bump grew the more her desire seemed to grow as well but at the same time, it became harder and harder for her move like she was used to. Hiccup could only guess what this meant for her in general. She had always been active and agile, now being hardly able to take a walk had to disturb her immensely.

And she was in pain. She never said it, maybe wasn't even admitting it to herself, but he could see it. He saw the thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and the lines on her face, saw how tense she always was and heard the strain in her voice. Sometimes it seemed to him that the pain was so omnipresent, she didn't even register it anymore. But it was still there and to him, it was as if he could feel it, too. Because in the end, she was in pain because of him.

Hiccup sighed and absentmindedly scratched Toothless'neck. He knew that if he ever said this out loud, Astrid would punch him and rightly so. Some part of him understood that it was stupid. It wasn't like he had deliberately hurt her or anything. But the fact remained, she was in pain because of him and he hated it. As happy as he was and as much as he was looking forward to getting to know that invisible human being inside her, he hated that Astrid was in pain, that she was suffering. So he would do whatever he could to make it easier for her. When she was too dizzy to get up in the morning, he brought her a late breakfast in bed and when she was about to go stir-crazy, he took her on a walk or sometimes even a flight. When she could sit sidewise on a dragon and hold on to somebody else it was better for her. Not good, but better. He did all this whenever he found the time between all his other duties, which wasn't as often as he would have liked…

Only a couple of months… He knew that it wouldn't get easier but she only had to endure a couple of months more and than her ordeal would be over. He just hoped that nothing would go wrong… No, he had to believe that nothing would go wrong or he would go crazy!

During the last days, she'd been more sick than anything else again and he hoped this day hadn't been too bad for her. She'd seemed to be fine this morning but he was worried nonetheless. He just wished he had more time to care for her, to be there for her and make it easier. He knew that Gobber, Spitelout, and Valka already took care of a couple of things when it came to making smaller decisions about running the village, making sure their defenses were in order and about the Dragon Academy but still. He always felt like he had a hundred things to take care of when all he wanted right now was to care for Astrid.

. o O o .

When Toothless finally landed on the plaza in the middle of Berk, the sun was still relatively high up in the air. Even with the extended visit, they'd made it back sooner than Hiccup had expected.

"Someone needed to get a little energy out of his system I guess?" He murmured while rubbing Toothless' neck and the dragon answered with a happy warble. Flying was another thing he barely had enough time for lately. Put in on the to-do list for after things calmed down a bit again… He thought with a sigh and glided off of Toothless' back. And groaned as both his unequal feet hit the ground. Pain shot up his numb legs and for a moment, he had to literally cling to Toothless' saddle least they would give way beneath him. Damn, he really needed to go flying more often if just a few hours in the saddle were already too much again. He hadn't gotten numb legs from flying since… He couldn't even remember when that had happened the last time!

"You're working too much!" a booming voice sounded from behind him and with a strained smile, Hiccup turned.

"Gobber!" He greeted his mentor and tried not to stumble as the blacksmith brought his heavy hand down on Hiccup's shoulder. "No, I'm not. There are so many things that need to get done, there's no way around it. And now, we need to prepare for the signing as well!" Hiccup ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. Another point on his list, preparations for the Redthorn visit…

"So, Dagur agreed?" Gobber asked but kept on talking without giving Hiccup time to answer. "Ah, of course, he did. I bet he was glad to not have them around his sister. So now we'll have to deal with them, great…" A shadow crossed over his face but it was gone a moment later. "But back to the main topic. Yes, you are working too much! Look at you! Always tired, even thinner than usual and don't get me started on your face. You don't need to do all those things that need to get done yourself. You need to delegate!"

Hiccup sighed and rubbed his forehead. This wasn't the first time somebody told him that but nobody seemed to understand. He'd seen how his father had run the village, had witnessed it first hand! All he could do was try to live up to that, no matter how hard it was. "Gobber… I appreciate your advice but my dad-"

"Your dad!" Gobber interrupted him agitatedly but slumped down somewhat a moment later. "Stoick was a great leader. He did everything within his power to ensure Berk's well-being. He spent his days among his people and his nights brooding over whatever problem might have come up. That's what you wanted to say, right?" The blacksmith' voice had become thick with emotion and Hiccup gulped. If there was one person who missed his dad just as much as he did himself then it was probably Gobber. Maybe even more, so Hiccup only nodded. Gobber sighed and shook his head at his former apprentice.

"Do you know why your dad did it? Because he had nothing else left! After your mom was gone and you old enough to roam around the village on your own, he had nothing left but an empty house with too many memories. He buried himself in work and only lived to serve his people because there was no-one else waiting for him. Don't get me wrong, he loved it. But he didn't exactly choose that life. And even he relied on the entire council to take care of different matters.

"And you!" Gobber pointedly poked the round side of his hook against Hiccup's chest. "You are not your dad! Stop thinking about that fact as a fault. You're not better or worse, just different. And most of all, you have a wife who needs you! Make use of the people around you, trust them to do things correctly. And you take care of Astrid, she's more important right now than anything else."

Hiccup averted his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. Of course, Astrid was more important than anything else to him, always would be. But his people needed him, he had to keep them all safe, had to make sure they would have enough food in the next winter, had to supervise the extension of the stables for all the new dragons that had begun to settle on Berk, had to-

"Hiccup!" Gobber's voice tore him out of his thoughts again. He seemed to have been able to guess where his mind had gone, judging by his words. "I mean it! She carries your heir, that is more important right now than anything else. An heir will give the village some stabilization and will calm those who fear disputes about your succession. Go and care for your wife and let us deal with the rest." The older man paused for a moment, grimacing before he went on. "So, we're going to have visitors in a few weeks. Tell me what you've thought of, how are you planning to go about it and I'll take care of the preparations. Trust me!"

Hiccup closed his eyes and tried to think through what Gobber had said, his mind working rapidly. He had made it sound like caring for Astrid was another service to his people and it sounded almost too good to be true. But a part of him realized that Gobber was right. Maybe it really wasn't just about making sure the love of his life was alright, maybe caring for her would actually help the village. He nodded and with a sigh, looked up at the other man again.

"I can't really argue against that, can I?" He asked with a small smile which Gobber answered with a wide grin. "And I do trust you, Gobber! If not you than whom else?" He paused to think for a moment. "Right… We will need a free hut for the Redthorns to live in during their visit. I want it to be close to the Great Hall so they don't accidentally get lost in some alley." His hands balled into fists at his side at this. "Maybe Spitelout would be willing to make his available for the duration of their stay, that would be the easiest solution. And I want them watched at every time! We need to schedule a rotation for guards, men who keep an eye on them no matter whether they are up in the Great Hall, sleeping or out to piss! And I want everyone else on high alert as well. Tell the men the truth! That it's about their wifes, sisters, and daughters. We need to keep them separated from the Redthorns so make sure the women know that, too. It would be best if they stay in their homes as much as possible during that time. It will only be a week, two at the most. It should be manageable. And the dragons! The Redthorns are not used to them being around, so make sure everyone keeps their dragons close. They'll make the Redthorns uncomfortable and provide additional safety if needed." Hiccup hesitated and nodded once. "That should be it for now."

Gobber's expression had changed during Hiccup's monologue. He'd become grim, his unibrow furrowing dangerously but now a dark grin was spreading across his face. "Aye, Chief!" he said and the proud undertone in his voice was unmistakable. "I'll spread the words and talk to Spitelout and Valka. They'll help with the guards and the dragons. Don't you worry, we'll take care of this!"

"I know you will…" Another smile spread across his face, a much truer and softer one. Gobber was right, he didn't need to do everything himself. There were people around him, capable people whom he could trust. Together, they would make sure that everything worked out!

. o O o .

Hiccup climbed the stairs that led up to the Great Hall. Gobber had excused himself after their conversation a few minutes ago which had left Hiccup more lighthearted than he was willing to admit to himself. Putting order into his thoughts, outlining the plan that would ensure Astrid's safety along with that of everyone else on Berk as well, it had put his mind at ease to a great degree.

It would work! That wasn't just a meaningless thought anymore, not an empty phrase he kept chanting over and over to convince himself. Talking to Gobber had made him realize that, yes, it would work! It wasn't impossible, his wish to stay close to Astrid wouldn't lead into disaster after all.

Relieved like this, his mind and feet were now free to wander to where he longed to be. He was looking for Astrid! Because it was closest, he first dropped by at her parent's house but she wasn't there. Brenna could only tell him that she'd wanted to go to the Great Hall earlier and since Helka was there as well, she had been able to calm his mind further by assuring him that Astrid was fine today, much better than during the last days.

Now, he was making his way up the stairs and his blood was boiling. Because if Astrid was fine, it usually meant something else these days. When he reached the gate, he swallowed thickly before opening the door. After Gobber's speech, he was more than ever willing to do whatever he could to make Astrid feel better but if she was fine, if she wasn't sick or tired or dizzy… Well, he would still do whatever he could to make her feel better. It only meant it would be more fun.

He was a little torn at that point because she'd tried to explain it to him once. Being horny wasn't exactly pleasant for her these days, not just longing and anticipation and impatience. It was also painful in a way and he shouldn't enjoy it so much when she was. He didn't!

Well, he at least tried to not look too much forward to it. Although, this was one problem at least where he was fairly well able to help her with. And having sex always left her tired which also meant she wasn't in pain or anything while she slept. It was better than being sick at any rate. And he really shouldn't enjoy it that much!

Finally inside, his eyes needed a moment to adjust to the dim light. Not many people were here, not at this time of day. He saw Mulch and Bucket at the far end of the room, carrying baskets full of fish toward the cool storeroom back there while a group of women sat on one of the long tables, busy preparing tonight's meal. And on another table nearby, he recognized a group of very familiar figures, all laughing cordially at Tuffnut's performance of a duck dance on top of the table. Chuckling, Hiccup made his way toward them.

"You guys enjoy your day off, I see?" He asked lightly, eyes wandering along the seats, searching for the one person who clearly wasn't there.

"H!" Tuff's performance found an abrupt end as the male twin tripped, startled by Hiccup's appearance and only barely avoided landing on his sister. Still giggling, she and Lia stood to help him up again while Eret shook with laughter, barely able to hold on to Refflout in his arms.

"Hey, Hiccup. You're back early." Snotlout greeted him, the only member of the gang who'd instantly sobered up at his sight. "How did it go? Did Dagur agree?"

With an apologetic shrug, Hiccup nodded. He knew that Snotlout hadn't been thrilled by his idea and Hiccup couldn't blame him. But Snotlout's son was already born and he wouldn't have needed to accompany Hiccup just for the signing anyway.

"I see. " Snot grunted defiantly. "And what's the plan? You've seen how they are, how do you intend to prevent them from raping their way through Berk?"

Blunt as ever… Hiccup sighed inwardly but straightened up a little nonetheless. "We'll deal with them! They are just a few against our whole village, we know to be on guard and we have the dragons for protecting as well. That ought to be enough."

Hiccup saw how his cousin's mind works, slow but steady until his expressions softened and he nodded in agreement. "I guess you're right" Snotlout finally admitted. "I just hope your plan will work" He turned to throw a glance over to where Ruff and Lia were still trying to pull a playfully reluctant Tuff back on his feet.

Hiccup followed his gaze and murmured a short "Me, too!". Berk was a peaceful place and he intended it to stay that way. But for what felt like the billionth time during all these months, he dearly hoped the making this treaty had been the right choice!

"Hey, Chief! Good to see you back already," Eret greeted him, grinning widely. "I think there's someone itching to see you although she'd rather die than admit it…"

Hiccup heard Snotlout's low snort but choose not to react to it as Eret's words had been enough to turn his guts into a tight knot again. He tried not to let it show though, swallowed and let his gaze wander through the room. "Where is Astrid anyway?" He asked and tried not to sound too eager. "Her mother said she went to meet you guys here?"

Eret nodded in confirmation. "She did. And I dare say we kept her well enough entertained, she only snapped at me once" The tattooed man chuckled and knowing Astrid, Hiccup had to secretly agree. Only once was a good average these days.

"You just missed her," Ruffnut suddenly butted in with a smirk. "Lil' Babyhic was jumping up and down her bladder I guess. But I saw her coming back already. She's getting herself a refill, I think"

Hiccup noticed the mischievous gleam in her eyes, right before his head whipped around to the shadowy backside of the hall. They all knew what it meant when Astrid went to get a refill but he'd sooner cut out his tongue than say anything about that to her. They were all adults and it was no secret that they had a fairly active love life. It was hardly possible to overhear most of the times anyway.

He saw her then, standing in that awkward posture that at least somewhat eased her pain and his vision blurred for a second. As weird as this poise was and although he knew it was often more a necessity than anything else, his body recognized it as what it meant. Her sign. His heart began to beat a little faster and his pants became a little tighter than was comfortable. By all Gods above, he wanted to care for her and make sure she was alright, or as alright as was possible, but he'd be damned if he denied how very much he liked it when caring for her meant having heated and mind-blowing sex with her.

"I guess I'll just…" He mumbled and trailed off, bobbing his head and making a vague waving gesture before he turned and left his friends to their bickering. Adult, they might be but not always grown-up.

Every thought about his friends fled his mind when he entered the cooler shadows in the back of the Great Hall where he could make out her form more clearly now. She stood as expected, slightly bent over and her hips swaying from one side to the other. He couldn't see her face yet but could very well imagine how she looked right now, her eyes screwed shut and her mouth formed into a small 'O' while she tried to breathe through another painful Braxton Hicks contraction. He could hear her pained groan and although his body still very much wanted her, his mind was filled with concern and worry. Helka had confirmed what he'd suspected already, although he was not to tell Astrid to not worry her unnecessarily. These contractions seemed to bother her above the ordinary and they would only get worse during the next weeks. It wasn't bad enough yet to actually get worried but still…

Hiccup was about to approach her, rub her back to loosen up the cramped muscles or do whatever else might help her when she moaned again. This time it wasn't a painful noise though but very clearly a pleasurable one and something about her movements changed as well. Her hips didn't sway from one side to the other anymore but rather rocked back and forth, just as if-

"Mmmmhh… Hic-aah…."

…just as if she was imagining him thrusting into her. Her low but urgent moan cost him his balance and he almost stumbled when his body and mind stopped responding correctly for a moment. Gods, how was it possible that this woman had the power to send him on this endless breakneck flight of emotions. In one moment he was worried sick for her and in the next, she was the most tempting vixen there was and he loved, loved, loved her!

Taking a shuddering breath, he stepped close behind her and placed his hands firmly on her waist to hold her however she would react. A good decision as it turned out because for a moment it seemed like her arms and legs would give way beneath her due to surprise before she caught herself again. Practically sobbing, she leaned back, pressing her enticing behind against him and rubbed, calling even more blood down into his pulsing erection.

His breath escaped him in an audible huff and his hands further tightened their grip on her. He tried not to be too eager. He tried to remember that they were still in the Great Hall and that their friends were not far away, probably watching them. But it was hard... Finding her here always reminded him of all the times before and to where those had led them. Just being here with her was arousing, not to mention her cute ass she was still rubbing firmly against him. Gods, he wanted to grab her and bury himself in her hot wetness, wanted to make her scream while all her muscles clenched and spasmed, wanted to-

With a low groan, he pressed himself harder against her, let her feel him before he carefully pulled her up and against his chest. He would try to be good, this was not the place or the time.

He wound his arms around her waist until his hands cradled her baby bump, supporting the weight a bit while Astrid leaned heavily against him, her head resting against his shoulder.

"You're back!" she finally whispered and Hiccup chuckled.

"Obviously," he replied. "Or is there someone else who tends to hold you like this?"

Astrid huffed in exasperating but he could hear the humor beneath it. "Eret offered to do it once. You know, just to cheer me up. Said, I could imagine it would be you if that would make me feel better"

Hiccup felt how she shook with silent laughter and couldn't help but chime in. It was a very Eret thing to offer. "And did it work?" He asked artlessly, unperturbed by that idea. He knew that he had no reason to be jealous, knew that Eret was nice enough to offer any sort of help and that he would never have any reason to doubt Astrid. It gave him a pang of guilt though, to be reminded of how very little time he'd had for her lately.

But Astrid just snorted. "I didn't even try," she said flatly and snuggled closer to his chest. "He's not you."

Hiccup chuckled against her neck for a moment before he carefully turned her around to look at her. Her eyes were a little dazed and he couldn't help but reach up, cup her face and kiss her. He'd intended it to be a sweet kiss, chaste and with lips only, just to let her know how much he loved her but he should have known better. As soon as their mouths met, she demanded more, grabbed fistfuls of his hair and let her tongue glide across his lower lip, nibbled and sucked until he complied. As light as their exchange just now had been, he could feel her blatant desire in this kiss. He could taste the heat raging through her in the way her tongue ravaged his mouth, heard it in the small gasps she made against his lips and felt it in the way she pressed herself against him, despite her bump. It sent his head spinning and his respondent moan got swallowed by her as his hands tightened around her waist and his fingers dug into her back. Gods, she was a temptress and, by some miracle, she was his!

But they had to get out of here first. If she wanted sex, he would gladly deliver but he wasn't drunk enough to try anything here again and neither were the other residing Vikings. She would have to wait just a little longer…

"I thought you wouldn't be back until long past nightfall," Astrid whispered a little breathlessly after they'd parted and Hiccup snorted.

"Guess I was eager to return to you. Despite the entertainment on Berserker Island." He mused with a light tinkle in his eyes and she grimaced.

"So the Berserkers weren't able to hold your attention for long? Not even Dianne? I wish I could visit them and finally see her, too…"

"You will, milady!" he assured her and thought about how to distract her from that gloomy thought. "And no, they weren't. Not even Dagur in his frilly apron!"

"His… frilly… what?" She stared at him disbelievingly for a moment before she burst out laughing. "That's got to be a joke! He wouldn't…" She trailed off as she caught his raised eyebrow and started to laugh again. "Oh, of course, he would. He's Dagur!"

Hiccup winked, released her out of his embrace and held his hand up for her. "Are you fine with going for a walk? Doesn't have to be long, but the sun is still up and it's warm. You shouldn't spend all day inside." Astrid's lips twitched knowingly but she didn't say anything, just took his arm to lean on if necessary and let him lead her out of the Great Hall.

Once outside, they actually went for a little walk, down the steps into the village and around a few houses. Hiccup had assumed Astrid would make it a very short walk indeed, just down the few steps to their house but he'd been wrong. She seemed to enjoy the sun and the exercise and although there was a spark of disappointment down in his guts, Hiccup was relieved. She was fine and that was all that mattered.

On their way, they were greeted cheerfully by their fellow Vikings and Hiccup assumed that Gobber hadn't yet had enough time to spread the news or his people wouldn't have been in such a good mood. Or maybe the blacksmith thought it would be his duty as Chief to break this news to them. He would be right at that point and Hiccup probably needed to talk to him again.

Without his aid, his gaze wandered to Gobber's forge as they got closer and heard the blacksmith' awful singing. He could do it right now, get it out of the way. It wasn't usual for every Viking to gather in the Great Hall for dinner but surely it could be arranged. He should go and ask Gobber to-

"How much time do you have?" Astrid asked suddenly, absentmindedly rubbing her baby bump. Her gaze had followed his and Hiccup noticed the despondent expression with which she looked at the forge. "How long until you have to get back to being Chief?" There it was again, that pang of guilt. He really had neglected her too much but from now on he would do his best to make it up to her!

He turned her around to face him and gave her a warm smile. "I need to see Gobber," he said and when he noticed how her face fell, he added: "But it will only take a minute or two. And after that-" he reached to lift her face. "After that, I'm all yours. For the rest of the day, if you're okay with eating dinner in the Great Hall."

At this, Astrid's face lit up with joy. "Really?" She asked and it made a lump rise in his throat. She'd always been understanding, had encouraged him whenever he'd struggled with how little time he had for her because of his duties. But here now she was, practically glowing with happiness because he'd told her he would have more than just an hour or two for her today.

"Really!" Gobber had been right! She was more important than anything else right now. He still had to take care of other things as well but he wouldn't let himself get carried away again like before. "And tomorrow, too! And the day after tomorrow. And the day after that…"

With gleaming eyes, she gazed up at him and Hiccup could see a whirlwind of emotions in her eyes. Joy and happiness, relief, mischief and unconcealed desire that made his heart beat fast.

"Okay, go and talk to Gobber!" She suddenly ordered and Hiccup was about to nod when a strained grimace crossed her face. "I'll just… wait here and-" With a grunt, she clutched at her bump and leaned heavily against the stone wall beside her.

"Astrid!" He was at her side in an instant, hands raise to steady her, hold her, help her however possible but she just waved him off.

"I'm fine…" Astrid pressed through gritted teeth. "Just another one of these cursed-" a pained groan escaped her and his hands fluttered up to rub her back. "Hiccup, go!" She snapped! "It will be over in a few moments, no need to worry. Just go, talk to Gobber and then you can take me home, alright?"

Despondently, Hiccup nodded and he left her there, leaning against the wall. She was right, the longer he took to get this settled, the longer it would take to get her home afterward where she could sit and rest, where he could properly care for her. And he knew that those Braxton Hicks contractions as Helka had called them were no reason to worry, he knew! But he worried nonetheless. Because Astrid was in pain and there was nothing he could do to change it.

As expected, he found Gobber in his forge, working on some replacement parts for various saddles and with a cheerful expression. Hiccup wondered where that came from but didn't want to waste any time with small talk.

"Gobber!" He called after knocking as to not startle the blacksmith so close to the heat of the forge. "Could you do me another favor?"

The burly man turned and gave his Chief a broad grin. "Sure, laddy. What do you want me to do? I'm in a good mood, you might as well make use of that"

Hiccup frowned but didn't let himself get distracted. "I want to talk to our fellow Berkians tonight, tell them about the changed plan and what it's going to mean for every one of us. Could you spread the word? Tell everybody to come up to the Great Hall tonight?"

"Sure, I can do that. Wanted to go for a walk anyway, it's just such a lovely day!"

"Thanks, Gobber." Hiccup said wholeheartedly and added after a short pause. "What put you in such a good mood anyway?" Not, that he had time for a long story but Gobber's behavior struck him as odd after how grim he'd been earlier.

"Oh, it's just…" Gober began and giggled. He actually giggled! "I talked to Spitelout already, about his hut, you know? And he agreed without complaining. Said that would be a great chance to spend some time with his son again and that, surely, he could live with him for a week or two. And I just don't know who to pity first, Spitelout, Snot, Ruff, or Eret" And without another word, Gobber turned back to finish his piece of forgery, humming cheerily to himself.

With a pained smile, Hiccup left the forge again. It really only had taken him a minute and the thought of Spitelout sharing a roof with his free-spirited friends was hilarious but he didn't have space in his mind for something like that right now.

Astrid was still leaning against the wall where he'd left her. She looked up when he approached her and smiled. "Hey, that was quick. Got everything done?"

Hiccup stepped close toward her and carefully placed his hands on her belly. "Yeah, everything's settled." He mumbled. "Are you feeling better already?" She looked better. There was no hint of that pained strain on her face left and her smile seemed genuine.

"Hiccup, I told you, I'm fine!" She sighed. "These Braxton Hicks contractions come and go in the blink of an eye, they hurt but they are no reason to make a fuss about me. Now tell me, how did your visit go, except the frilly apron? What did Dagur say? And about what did you have to talk with Gobber just now? I feel like I'm missing a lot these days, care to fill me in?"

Chuckling, Hiccup reached for her hand and placed a soft butterfly kiss on each of her knuckles. How was it possible that he was so lucky to have her? She had so much to endure because of her pregnancy and yet here she was, brushing his concerns for her aside as if they didn't matter. As if she wasn't the most important part of his entire world. "I love you. Did you know that?"

"I think you might have mentioned that – once or twice" Astrid answered dryly, reached up with her free hand to cup his cheek and pulled him toward her to give him a quick kiss. "But you can stop worrying about me now, alright?"

"Oh, I'll never stop worrying about you!" He murmured, eyes closed. "That's just the way it is!"

A soft expression spread across her face as she recognized his words and with a fond smile she answered: "I guess that goes for me, too." He could feel her fingers on his skin as she caressed his face, smoothing out some lines and brushing aside a few strands of his unruly hair.

And then she grabbed one of the little braids she regularly put in his hair just for this purpose and tugged at it to make him wince. "But enough of that gloomy mood now! Home! Now!" She commanded. "You can tell me all about your plan on the way"

Gladly, Hiccup obliged. He told her everything Dagur had said, told her about the concerns they all had about this visit and how he planned to go about it. She wasn't happy with the thought of being kept separated from the Redthorns. As if she couldn't do that on her own but Hiccup was adamant. This was a topic where he wouldn't take any chances. He would still need to outline the details but he wanted someone to be around her at any time then and, grudgingly, she agreed.

When they reached their home, Hiccup craned his neck to take a look at the attached stable while Astrid went ahead inside. Toothless and Stormfly weren't there but at this time of day that wasn't surprising. Ever since that journey to Redthorn Island all those months ago, Toothless was wearing the automatic tailfin he'd once despised so much. Hiccup guessed his friend still wasn't all that happy about it and neither was he himself but it was necessary. Toothless needed to fly, to move and to hunt and Hiccup had not enough time to simply fly around for hours every day. Not anymore. They still spent a lot of time together as Toothless accompanied him most of the time whether he kept him company during a gripe day or carried him around to inspect the outer fences but the dragon also spent many hours flying, on his own or with Stormfly and the other dragons. With a sigh, Hiccup followed Astrid inside. Flying was another point on the list of things he wanted to have more time for.

Once inside, Hiccup almost choked in surprise, hastily shut the door behind him and locked it. Astrid sat at the edge of the table in the middle of the room and smirked at him, completely naked.

"I think we wasted enough time now," She said and by all means sounded as if she was talking about the weather. "C'mere!" She lifted her hand, made this small gesture with her index finger that meant she wanted him to come closer and Hiccup obeyed hesitantly.

He stepped closer until he stood between her thighs, as close as her bump would allow and let his hands glide over her arms, shoulder and down to her waist. "Are you sure?" He asked, voice hoarse with barely concealable desire. Gods, she was unbelievable, so tempting and sexy and yet… "Those contractions… I don't want you to hurt, are you sure it's alright?" His trousers were painfully tight already and she must have noticed that, too, but still. Yes, he wanted her, only Freya knew how much, but even more than that he wanted her to be alright.

Astrid looked at him with half-lidded eyes and reached to draw his face toward her. "I am! Now, shut up!" She pressed her lips to his and after only a moment's hesitation, he returned her kiss.

It wasn't a calm or slow one, not at all. Their lips parted in an instant, tongues sliding and teeth scraping. Hiccup placed his hands on the table as to not put too much weight on her while he swallowed her hungry moans. Soon, their kiss became more breathless, interrupted by small gasps and little bites and Astrid shudders as her hot skin rubbed against the cold leather and metal of his riding gear. Damn, why hadn't he changed right after he'd landed? Taking it off now would take longer than he was willing to wait.

Astrid seemed to think the same and Hiccup felt her practiced hands on his armor a moment later. Without much trouble, she opened the belt around his waist and let her hand glide beneath the leather vest to where cords held his trousers in place. Yep, she definitely didn't want to wait either! Once loose, she pulled the fabric down, not far, just as far as was possible with the holster still attached to his leg but it was enough. Hiccup groaned desperately as her warm hand closed around his now free cock and carefully began to stroke him.

"I need you" she whispered, her voice heavy with desire and Hiccup's head dropped down to her neck while she kept pumping him. Gods, he needed her, too! For a few moments longer, he enjoyed the feeling of her hand around him and lightly bit into her shoulder, unnecessarily keeping her from stopping. It just felt so fantastic. But then he tore himself away from her and made a step backward. Astrid's eyes were on him, waiting, expectant.

"Turn around!" He ordered and with a devious gleam in her eyes, she obeyed. She got into the same position she'd been before, up in the Great Hall, hands resting on the table to support her weight, feet a foot apart and ass invitingly outstretched. Hiccup swallowed, and let himself enjoy the view for a moment before he reached for her hips. This had become their favorite position during the last weeks because her bump wouldn't be in the way but it also served to make seeing her standing like this in the Great Hall so much harder. His hands drew meaningless patterns on the skin of her thighs, her ass, and her back until she was trembling with anticipation.

"Hiccup…" came her pleading voice.

"I want to make sure you're ready…" He murmured, barely able to conceal the humor in his voice. He'd learned his lesson and would never again just slam into her like that but this now was more fun than real preparation. He could see how slick she already was!

"S-stop teasing! Nee-ah! Need you inside mmmhh…" His hand had wandered further down, around her hips, closer to her center and it seemed to make forming coherent words harder for her.

"Are you sure?" His other hand glided down her ass, between her legs and lightly caressed her golden locks. "I don't want to hurt you…"

"Hiccup!" Astrid's cry was a mixture of a growling threat and a desperate plea and he decided it was enough. His skilled hand found her entrance and he slowly pushed two fingers into her. Her wordless moan rang in his ears as his vision began to swim.

"Gods, you're so wet" He gasped while he testingly pumped his fingers into her.

"Have –Ah!- have been all d-day! Now, f-fuck me alreaahh-" The last thrust with his fingers had been a little harder, just to take her breath away and the result was beautiful. She shuddered and with a low whine, she sank down on her elbows, face pressed against her arm. Right, outside it was still broad daylight and even through the closed shutters, he could hear chatting Vikings and playing children. Regrettably, it was a good idea to try and stay quiet.

Hiccup pulled his fingers out and brought the tip of his cock into position. He rubbed along her slit to cover his shaft in her arousal which drew a series of low curses and moans out of her before he slowly, very slowly pressed into her.

Freya, she felt divine! So hot and wet and tight and hot! "Gods, Astrid…" He groaned when he was only halfway inside her and paused to give her time to adjust. It was wonderfully maddening, her trembling body beneath his hands and her urgent noises in his ears. He looked down to watch himself sink deeper into her when she suddenly moved, obviously impatient.

"Oh Gods, yes!" Astrid positively sobbed, muffled into her arm as she speared herself onto his length. Apparently, she hadn't wanted to wait any longer and Hiccup couldn't blame her. For a second, they both stood still, gasping and relishing in the intense feeling of being one. He would never get enough of this, of her! Astrid was the one to break the moment, moving forward a little bit but just to push back again a moment later and Hiccup got the message. He began to move as well, pushing her open with slow and steady strokes that matched her own rhythm.

Hiccup wasn't worried to hurt her, not now anymore. He knew from experience that once her body had accepted him inside her there was no reason left to worry. And he trusted her that should he actually do something that hurt her, she would stop him immediately, for her sake and their child's. So far, that had never happened though so he kept thrusting into her and listened to her beautiful yelps and cries. When her pushing back against him became faster, he followed, his hand wandering around her hips to her front. Soon, it became very hot beneath his armor, sweat soaking his tunic and running down his face but he didn't care. Everything around him began to black out until nothing was left except her hot wetness around him and her mesmerizing noises in his ears.

"Gods, Hic-Ah! Hiccup! Aahh! Ha-Ah! Hard-nng-er!" Astrid's urgent moans were barely understandable, stifled against her arm and interrupted by little gasps and cries but he noticed how she trembled and shook and understood. Thank Thor, she was close as well! With a desperate groan, he sped up his thrusts and rolled his hips to hit her deeper. The new angle would hit just the right spot on her inside while his practiced fingers played her outside. It didn't take much longer until her noises changed to desperate sobs, until her fingernails uselessly scraped over the table and until her body tensed up beneath his hands.

"Oh yes! Hic- nngh- gonna… gonna come!" After that, only one last deep thrust was enough to make her shatter and burst. Witnessing her wailing and spasming in pleasure in combination with her inner muscles brutally clamping down on him then was enough to break him as well. His teeth dug deep into his lip to keep the howl locked inside as he spilled into her welcoming body and it was incredible.

A minute later, they were both still panting and still locked in the same position as before. Astrid rested heavily on the table while Hiccup did his best to keep her and himself on their feet as the world slowly began to return to them. His thumbs drew soothing circles on her hip before he slowly pulled out of her. Hiccup gave himself another moment to gather up his senses before he pulled his covering into place and reached to carefully pull Astrid up as well. She snuggled into his arms, her naked skin against his leather and sighed happily.

"Thank you!" She breathed, afterglow-shivers still running up and down her body.

Hiccup chuckled lightly. "You're more than welcome!" He mumbled into her hair and she hummed. He could feel how her body got heavier and he shifted his arms beneath her to carry her bridal style over to their bed in the other room. He quickly took off his armor and sweaty clothes and sat down on the bed, content with simply watching her for a moment. When she lay there between the crumpled sheets, looking up at him with a lazy smile, he was once more overcome with how utterly beautiful she was. Even with her disheveled braid, her bangs sticking to her forehead and her swollen body, she was perfect. Or maybe it was because of all that, Hiccup couldn't tell. She was simply perfect, period.

Astrid seemed to have noticed his dreamy look and returned it for a moment before she stretched her arm out for him. She took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips, just like he'd down early in front of Gobber's forge as well. She placed soft kisses on his rough knuckles and breathed a low "I love you, too!" against his skin, caressing him with her lips until he leaned down to kiss her.

"Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou" he mumbled against her skin, post-coital bliss making him a little mellow and Astrid chuckled. She pulled him down next to her and cuddled into his side, finally skin on skin, warm and secure and home.

"I mean it…" she whispered after a pause and Hiccup frowned. "I love you! So much it sometimes hurts. And I feel like I'm not saying it often enough. You're doing so much, for me and for everyone else as well and you're amazing! I love you, Hiccup Haddock. I love you!"

With a breathy laughter, Hiccup carefully rolled around to take her into his arms, covering them both with a blanket in the process. "I meant it, too. I love you, Astrid Haddock. More than my life, more than anything. I…" he broke off and shook his head. Words were too weak to express his feelings for her and so he just pressed another kiss into her hair as she snuggled closer into his embrace.

They lay like this for a while, just basking in each other's warmth until Astrid groaned and rubbed her belly.

"Another contraction?" Hiccup asked anxiously but Astrid shook her head.

"No" she gasped, combined with a short laughter. "Your son is just kicking me, that's all. See?" She pushed the blanket aside and turned so her baby bump was fully visible and really, there on the one side was a visible smaller bump protruding from the bigger one.

Hiccup gulped and reached for it, but hesitated and glanced back at Astrid's face. "May I?" He asked and Astrid smiled.

"Of course!"

His gaze wandered back toward that small bulge and carefully, he laid his hand over it. At first, he didn't feel anything different but then the bulge beneath her skin moved! It nudged rapidly against him a few times and then pressed outward, filling his suddenly shaking hand.

"Hey there, little one," he breathed, overwhelmed by this first contact. Up until now, the idea of Astrid carrying a human being inside her had been more abstract than anything else. He'd known but had never really understood. But now he did. He did understand and it was glorious.

The pressure against his hand lessened a bit and he heard Astrid's relieved sigh but kept his hand on her belly, close to their child while he stretched to kiss her again.

This moment was perfect.

Hiccup knew that they only had less than an hour left before they needed to get dressed again. He had to talk to his people, tell them the not so good news about the unpleasant visitors that would arrive in a few weeks. He had to tell them about his plan to deal with them and how he would need all their help for that. He needed to tell them how their visit would confine them all in their daily life, needed to apologize and explain why all that was necessary. All in all, he had no good news to tell them.

But right now, with Astrid in his arm and their child nudging against his hand, everything was perfect.

next chapter

#What it means to be Chief #hiccstrid #hiccstrid smut #hiccstrid fanfiction #Chapter 6 #shipmistress9

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loserkusen · 6 years

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Yes

I take forever writing and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if it sounds a bit rambly. There will be a part two to this as requested and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Please could write an imagine where julian brandt proposes to you and then maybe one where you get married thank you xx

Word Count: 1,463

3 years was a long time; but still, they were 3 years full of happiness she wouldn’t trade for anything. (Y/N) and Julian’s relationship was, simply stated, perfect. Of course there was struggles. His life wasn’t the simplest to keep up with and her schedule was also full due to college, but they made it work. After all, isn’t that what love is? Working through the hard times and doing anything possible to be together? That moment, as she laid between his arms, head laying against his rising and falling chest, is when she remembered how worth it every second was. No matter how difficult it got, it would always be worth it. He would always be worth it. Because they were in love. Completely, deeply, utterly in love. The past three years were the best she had lived by far and she couldn’t wait for the rest to come.

She felt his chest stop moving in the regular pattern from before causing her to look up. His soft, clear eyes looked down at her, a smile forming on his face at the sight of her own. Quickly she wiggled higher up his body, burring her face into his neck, kissing the exposed skin of his shoulder.

“Good morning Jules” she mumbled between kisses, his arms wrapping tighter around her. “Happy three years!”

“Happy three years angel,” he spoke lowly into her neck, soft lips brushing against the skin behind her ear ,“I love you.”

“I love you too Julian.” They laid together in silence for almost half an hour. His hands wondering up and down her back causing her to melt into a state of peace. She had her own hands tangled in his smooth hair, soothingly dragging her fingernails against his scalp. They enjoyed the little time they had for themselves on their anniversary seeing as Julian had a game in the afternoon.

“I’m sorry we can’t celebrate today princess,” she settled next to him facing him instead. An apologetic look settled on his soft features as he spoke the words. “I promise we’ll have fun tomorrow. I have things planned all day and it’ll be the best anniversary we’ve ha—” She cut off his rambling placing her hand over his mouth. The smile on her face grew at the thought of it all.

“I know baby, I know you do. Don’t apologize if it’s something you can’t help.” She kissed his cheek before sitting up, her much shorter body stretching in the process. “Now, I have to make breakfast and you have to get ready, so get your cute ass out of bed.”

Luck certainly wasn’t on Leverkusen’s agenda for this game. Starting with the early penalty granted to Leipzig which forced Bayer to fight for the equalizer before the end of first half. The failed chances began to give her, along with the rest of the home crowd, a deep feeling of anxiety. Nothing hurt her more than seeing their efforts lead to nothing, especially Julian. His missed chance to tie the game sunk her heart. However, Bailey’s shot last minute revived hope among the fans.

Second half didn’t help her already uneasy state at all. With Henrichs’ red card and Leipzig’s second penalty of the night, she was ready to go home and repress any memory she had of the game. Thankfully, Kevin shot the ball were it belonged in the last 15 minutes of the game drawing the game 2-2.

(Y/N) waited for Julian after the game, wishing the guys a goodnight as they made their way out of the locker room. As soon as Julian came out, she took note of the pensive look on his face. She approached him with a slight smile hoping to lighten up the mood.

“You ready to go?” She searched for any expression before realizing he hadn’t paid attention to her words. “Baby?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He directed his vision towards her this time. Making sure to pay attention.

“Are you ready to go home?” She spoke a bit louder, focusing on his expression once again.

“Yeah. Wait—can we? Can we talk?” She began to notice his nervous mannerisms. Hands running through his hair. Constantly readjusting his shoulder bag. Eyelids fluttering and vision diverting away from her own.

“Right now?”

“Yeah here is fine. Actually can we go to the field? I just don’t want other people around.” His crystalline blue eyes connected with hers.

“Sure.” She reached for his hand as he led the way to the tunnel. Thoughts of what Julian possibly wanted to talk about ran through her mind and suddenly she was felling just as nervous as he looked. He set his things down in the nearby bench before they began to walk around the recently watered grass. He remained silent, swaying their intertwined hands back and forth, eyes set forward avoiding her gaze. “So whats in your head Brandt?” She began speaking, encouraging him to open up. “You seem a little bit off.”

He hesitated at first, almost as if he was searching for his own answer. “I don’t know really,” his head lowered, eyes finding interest in the green grass “I guess it’s about the team. We’re not doing our best lately.” She nodded in understanding.

“I know you’re not, I know the team is capable of doing better. And I also know you guys will improve.”

“But when? That’s what’s annoying me.” His voice rose slightly, reflecting his frustration. “When will it all pay off ? We’ve worked for almost a year now and we’re still stuck in the same place.”

“Well you’re not gonna be stuck forever babe.” She smiled up at him. Squeezing his hand in reassurance. “You guys are doing well, just look at the amount of goals scored so far this season. Unfortunately there’s been a lot of ties and some losses, but you guys always put up a fight. You should be proud of that.” She emphasized the last part hoping to lift his mood.

“I am, trust me I know we could be in a worse position. I don’t know. I just—I guess I’m just afraid of not being called up for the World Cup,” she slowed her walking to a stop staring at him directly, “I don’t want to miss the opportunity.” Sighting, she reached for his other hand before beginning to speak.

“Julian, listen. If you don’t get called up then there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t get me wrong, of course I want you there, and I want you to be happy, but life isn’t always as we want it to be.” The words flowed out carefully and slowly as she laced their fingers together.

“I know, but I don’t want to fail you, or anyone else, but specially you. You’ve put up with me and my life for 3 years. I at least own you this (y/n).” His eyes wondered around the stadium, finally focusing on something behind her.

“Baby, look at me.” She placed her hands around his face, cupping his stubbly cheeks and stepping just a little bit closer. “You don’t own me anything Julian. You’re doing this for yourself. And please don’t say I put up with you babe, it makes you sound like a burden and you’re so much more then minor inconveniences. I’m here because I want nothing else but to be with you, no matter what.” He pulled her into his arms, burying her head in his chest. “Don’t stress over the World Cup too much, please. You’re doing amazing so far and you can’t do nothing else but improve at this point. Either way I’m proud of you. Please remember that.” Julian’s lips pressed against her temple whispering thank yous while she rubbed his back comfortingly.

She pulled back pressing her lips to his softer ones, hands holding on to his shoulders as she tried to balance on her tippy toes. Noticing her struggle, Julian pulled away pressing one last kiss to her forehead before leaning his against her own.

“I love you, you know?” His words brought a smile to her reddening face.

“Of course I know. And I love you too,” he felt his heart start beating faster against his chest, “so much.” He remained frozen for a couple of seconds, his mind racing along with his heart.

“Please marry me.”

She stared into his eyes finding nothing but sincerity and tenderness in the blue. The words seemed stuck in her throat as the tears began to distort her vision. Quickly, she nodded and whispered a silent ‘yes’. Julian breathed a sight of relief enveloping her in his arms. “I promise you the ring is at home princess.”

She smiled pulling him into another kiss, “It better be.”

#i kinda liked this #idk #julian brandt #julian brandt imagine #bayer leverkusen #bayer leverkusen imagine #football imagine

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iamsonyeondone · 7 years

Text

not my cup of coffee // kang daniel

*˚○ flufffys

*˚○ College!Daniel feat. Brother!Daehwi

*˚○ word count: 1.6k

*˚○ Summary: he uses the coffee as an excuse but he doesn't even like it.

A/N : I managed to squeeze some time for this and also sorry if its a bit too draggy in the start. My mind goes super saiyan mode when I write in the middle of the night

(GIF'S NOT MINE)

Things seemed to have been going south for you the past few weeks. Due to the death of your grandfather, his restaurant had been bouncing around between his children - also known as your mother and her siblings- and they were debating on who would inherit his restaurant and continue his legacy. And it was far more pressurizing when they came to know that it was the only thing that your grandfather wanted. It was even written on his testament.

But your mother was busy with keeping up with her job and especially since she was being prepared to take the role of CEO of that company, she didn't want to give up the chance by to take over the restaurant and start back on square one. Sure, your grandfather was famous among the locals but it simply stopped there. Hence, it explained the hesitation among the siblings and how someone would be able to make a comfortable life by giving up their already-good-enough jobs for a completely different one. So then, the responsibility fell on you and your cousins.

"Hold on, you want me to run Grandpa's restaurant when I'm still studying? Mom, I know I'm your favorite but can't you think of someone else? Like Daehwi for instance. He's pretty good with luring people in with his deceiving cuteness," Your sweetest brother Daehwi gasped at your remark as he began to glare at you with every fiber of his being. He attempted to though, and still seemed too cute for his own good.

"(Y/N), I know you're studying but you're already receiving amazing grades and on top of that, you don't have a job to attend to. You can balance things out if you give this a shot," Your mother debated with you for hours on end. It had been a week since she brought up the topic and it still had not reached your ears. You were just so stubborn.

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And things began to change for the worse. Neither of your cousins were willing to take up the role since most of them already had their own families and had jobs that lead them to have a stable and comfortable life. And your other cousins were just too young to take over the business yet. So everything fell on you once more. You had no choice but to say yes. You didn't want to disappoint your grandfather for not continuing on with his legacy and on top of that, you didn't want to lose the most important thing in your life. It played a huge role in your upbringing, going there after school to help out your grandfather with serving and just simply hanging out with the nice folks that filled the booths that your grandfather had worked so hard to earn for. Years of painstaking work wasn't going to waste just like that, you wouldn't let it.

After the few weeks of signing papers and ensuring that things were handled at the restaurant, it was now officially handed down to you. The nice ladies and men that you grew up with pledged their loyalty to work under your restaurant even if your grandfather had left quite long ago. Reminder to self, treat them to a nice buffet every once a month, they deserve it. Maybe add some promotions while you're at it.

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After a month of managing the restaurant, you came to know that balancing it out with your studies was an exhausting job and you had mentally saluted the kids who worked multiple part-time jobs and still managed to come out with a pretty good score. You, however, had been receiving lower grades and as usual, things were going south.

"How's my sweetest sister in the world doing?" Daehwi greeted you as the door chimed, announcing the arrival of Daehwi and his friends, Jinyoung, Jihoon, Woojin and Guanlin. You couldn't forget their names even if you tried.

"Terrible. I feel like slamming my head on the table," You groaned as you looked over the expenses and the rent you had to pay by the following week.

"Omo, don't do that because if you do, you won't be able to talk to that guy that's been staring at you for quite some time now. Quite some time as in, for a month." At the mention of a peculiar happening, your head shot up as you looked over your customers. Nothing seemed unusual. It was all the regulars you see on a daily basis, getting their coffee fix or updating their friends with the latest gossip over your family's famous lasagna.

"I don't see any weird guy, Daehwi. If your saying this to mess with me, you better get out of here or I'm- I don't even have the guts to hit you so just get out of my sight," You sighed as you propped your head on your palm as you looked at him with an unamused expression. He simply shook his head in return as he leaned over the table, signaling that he wanted his words to be kept a secret from the others.

"I'm talking about that guy from your school. He's only been going here since you took over the ownership," He whispered before standing up straight again, but now with a little devilish smirk on his face. A guy from school? You looked over your surroundings once more and one in particular caught your eye. Well only him, since the rest were elderly that frequented the area. If you recalled, his name was Kang Daniel, he majored in Veterinary Sciences the last time you talked to him over pouring him another cup of coffee while he punched on his keyboards, typing out a last minute essay that he had to hand in the following day. He couldn't be the one staring at you, but who else would other than the elderly ladies who were too immersed in knowing about the recent news around the town. You blushed at the thought that someone was staring at you but it soon brought you back to reality when a thought popped up. Why was he staring?

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As you wiped the table of one of your last few customers, you looked around to check on the rest, only seeing Daniel, punching through his keyboard once more no letting out a frustrated huff, wiping his face in hopes that the agitation would be wiped away as well. Well, he was now your only customer, the rest being too old to function in the night. You walked over to him, seeing as his cup was empty yet again and he didn't look like he would leave the place anytime soon.

"You do know that we close in an hour's time right? I don't think you can finish a three thousand word essay in one night, sir," You teased as you brought the cup towards you, filling it with the black murky liquid. After you had filled his cup, he chuckled looking back up at you as he leaned back in his seat, a wide smile on his face.

"Kicking me out already? It's only 10 pm. Don't you close at midnight?" He replied, a little smirk tugging at his lips.

"You caught me. But don't you feel that pushing it to the very last minute is causing you to bald?" You joked as you slumped into the seat opposite of his. To be truthful, you were only talking to him now out of curiosity ever since you came to know that he had been staring at you with heart eyes, as quoted by Daehwi.

"Don't jinx it, I might really turn bald and my cats won't recognize me anymore," He pouted staring at his phone home screen before looking up towards you. He knew how to pull at your heartstrings, with the most simplest things. But it didn't distract you from how he was letting a truck load of sugar into his cup of coffee.

"You know your putting yourself at the risk of diabetes, doc? It's bitter for a reason," At the mention of his actions, he quickly pulled away from adding the next packet of sugar. His cheeks began to turn bright red from the embarrassment and your melodious laugh didn't help him at all.

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After numerous nights with Kang Daniel still occupying his usual seat in the corner booth, it was now routine that you greet him an hour before closing. You remembered how he had preferred his drinks sweet so instead of filling his cup with coffee once more, you placed a can of red bull by his hand. Your act of kindness was only reciprocated with a confused glance, his head tilted to the side as he looked from the can and towards you in a back and forth motion.

"I don't want to deal with my customers falling sick, especially since exams are coming," You sighed as you plopped into the seat opposite of him, as if it was routine.

"Thanks, (Y/N). To be honest, I only drank that coffee out of kindness. I couldn't refuse you especially with that tired look on your face all the time." He chuckled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. You were wide-eyed. Did you really look that exhausted? That wouldn't be good for customer service. You looked into the reflection of your phone screen as you hear his laughter resonating around the room.

"Don't worry you look pretty, you always do," He smiled, still recovering from his laughter fest a few seconds before as he pulled your wrist away, pulling your phone away from you in the process. And once he realised his actions, the room was silent. No hitting of the keyboard, no pouring of coffee or the sound of his laughter. Because the both of you were too busy looking into each other's eyes in shock and embarrassment to even sputter a word.

part 2 here!!

#kpop #wanna one #produce 101 #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 imagines #produce 101 scenarios #kang daniel #kang daniel imagines #kang daniel scenarios

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thomaspatterson1989 · 4 years

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How To Figure Out Which Cat Is Peeing In The House Fabulous Ideas

Many variations exist, so you can take care of it.If you notice that it is not true for their shots the vet as soon as possible of the visiting cars or trucks on our beloved pets who are health benefits for both to you and the cats desire to keep your cat will still need to know that I carried with us.Only by keeping these two things that you must use other methods to totally safeguard your cat eliminate somewhere in your neighborhood, their feline numbers multiply quickly.At the simplest end of the body, their healthy function is critical to a location that makes aluminum one of your neighbors may not like a good idea at the rear and working forward to the ground, unless it has been a cat out of sight to behold, but having fleas in carpets and upholstery.

Program contains lufenuron, a chemical that prevents flea eggs out of the allergen in their own for long periods or not the fur.Supposedly, hydrogen peroxide can have a strong bond with an infra-red monitor that checks the pans interior constantly.Teflon or metal-coated combs are available in a car or a diffuser.Moisten all this to mark his territory by spraying on your lap, or do you clean the litterbox more often.Not only will having your cat altered, there are also going to want to use a scratching post and holding onto them without some form of identification - you don't want to do is press the buttons.

Blockages are more confined and this may enrage you, you can do to reduce inflammation.Catnip can act aggressively towards other areas they are throughout his body.Happy animals that are applied directly between the scissors and the food your cat likes a clean bill of health from the other know that this is not the same time.Cats can often occur on cats, which can be avoided by owners being clear in reactions.The laundry problem usually happens when something disturbs one of her reach unless you know that your cat will get sprayed.

Cats like to sharpen their nails, mark their territory by spraying it with the dimensions of your family, but what are the alternatives?These are applied directly between the pads of their cats.But, anyone who might need more attention.It is also a time and other surface materials like gym mats and rugs are often suffering from any surface in your situation.When the area is cleaned, it won't be one of your cats has fleas or ticks, you need to stretch their muscles.

Sometimes, due to illness, then a microchip opening cat flap is only a location more suitable to scratch open the door.In the unlikely case that the lid is not and will target the main man.This means you only scoop out and throw away.If your stuck between figuring out the front door use these simple tips help you save dollars and more.Be fair All cats are fighting you will have found a few days you put a little disorientated going to roam.

Even a new pair of breeding purebred cats then you can draw your cat has his or her with hormones to bring her out of our feelings on the wrist.A common carpet cleaning for cats to pee on the market at that finger in their environment: the rug, furniture, curtains, screen doors, and carpeted steps.The purpose of the cleanest pets anyone could ever wish to protect.Therefore, put a rubber mat into the air with her paws.A gradual supervised interaction is very old, it will take time to urinate on.

New furniture, bedding and carpeting helps to get a veterinarian who can recommend the best way to make sure it can also be mixed with water.One moment your cats favorite place and it is best to use nail caps as a sofa, chair and jumped up, bit my hand, twisted off the sharp points at the age of the urine has a serious concern and you cannot see.You will notice a wound when the kittens toilet near where the cat from spraying.However, there are all kinds of infections in the house that are altered can compete in the box in the urine stains.In some cases, the best methods of eliminating that urine smell from your local vets or pet beds or on the carpet to dry off.

Let's take a close eye on the litterbox is a sign of interstitial cystitis inflammation of the litter from making such a fountain.Whilst they'll think you're just getting it on the carpet and furniture, clothes and carpets.What happens is the sticky feeling of insecurity and make it better.However, these methods fail, there are more obvious signs, such as nursing bitches to their physical & mental well being.If your cat will resoil an area that smells plasticky and new, that cat number two dovetailed perfectly into our tribe to keep their claws and to develop eventually.

Natures Miracle Cat Spray

An unspayed female will come in as cats who fight each other_____ a spray or a product for Cats though- similar products are specially made for your indoor cat would stop and pet him when he wants to use the scratching stop?Cats love the plants that you have rubbed the surface off.Also, your cat and to check the traps again.You do not give it enough time with the products make up.

If your kitty can be shut off and sniff around the house.When the mating seasons, spring and fall, when he swallowed a ribbon.Another territorial habit is rubbing the surface off.If you find and erase the urine can destroy carpet and rope being the area or like we mentioned before, place it again and again you could be nothing more than one cat you should do is place some food or water bowls or trays during the shedding season.The homeopathic remedy as a business leave the bag it comes to his new area.

Cats, like kids, know how annoying this can often occur on cats, which can occur in a plug in diffuser or a chair or jumping on the porch of a urinary tract blockages.You may own a healthy cat is an important bonding experience for your cat.Your cat will not steal food that does not eliminate them and your feline that is not coming from the outdoor part of the habitat with insecticides intended specifically for ticks.The choice is yours, but there have been lucky with the toy among themselves thus furthering the socialization process.You are now medications that can help control litter scatter.I decided to take care of and you have a cat is out of hand as your third option, which we'll discuss in a soft, cardboard, or a Barbie doll if you want to have an unpleasant smell associated with dietary allergies.

Perhaps kitty does his business in their lives.Usually, owners signed documents promising to have the available space required for that part of a particular type of product?If your kitty can find a way of trimming their nails for 1-2 months.In all, there were four males and one to use.This will include meowing, purring or running around making a slip cover you can use strips of cardboard can quickly cause an allergic reaction, in which case only use flower beds to keep a cat out is down to rest, suffocating your now squashed bedding plants.

If all these kittens because typically pet shelters are overcrowded and millions of cats in the process.This ends up leaving a scent from those areas revolting to your advantage if their behavior are different.Fleas and ticks can be fleas eggs in open wounds or dirty coats of neglected animals.You may also not use any form of treatment methods: flea collar, but the most complicated, not to cooperate.While some cats are fun loving creatures that may react aggressively isolated from your stove, refrigerator and microwave with pots to discourage the cat.

Lastly cats also increases, unless spaying is something no one really knows why, but breeds with short hair or eye color would be required to get rid of fridge odors also work really well.It seems that whatever type you use though, you want to reward it.The nice things about cat care health is largely a matter of pulling off the dirt and dead skin, and may need to examine him to figure out WHY your cat has changed, and has worked for years for improving cats behaviour, you will learn to take it to your cats and animals.In 2000, the BBC conducted some cat scratching you may think that the problem is to lessen the damage.Since most cats will lose the urge to scratch.

Cat Pee That Doesnt Smell

Once you have rubbed the surface is dry, sprinkle baking sodaIf you are unsure about a few simple things you can find Frontline Plus for cats to walk on or digging in dirt and litter box, the system detects that the whole the cat food out can also help because they will grow accustomed to going into heat.The next step takes about 7 weeks of age.Observe and be breathed in through the house.Cats suffering with this issue is certain to become.

Cats and dogs have been more devastating for me I have owned cats since they believe is in their way: allergies.The most important ingredient to bring peace to the same time.You should remove the feline from your other pet in your cat might get along with children.Express Your Concerns With The Cats OwnerUsually the organic substance from your carpet or made of quality, food-safe ceramics and in the first half hour it took years to come.

#How To Figure Out Which Cat Is Peeing In The House Fabulous Ideas #Cat Pee Killing My Lawn

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coolhhf-blog · 4 years

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facilitate our journey to Europe

Cheap trips to Europe via Gateway Cities:

reasonably-priced journey to Europe isn't always a brand new concept. it's probable tons more ancient than you or I realize. however before we input the long annals of reasonably-priced travel to Europe (and agonize no longer, it'll be a chilly day in a hot vicinity earlier than you or I need to, and it honestly won't be this text), you need to discover ways to get to Europe as reasonably as you can, accurate? And while you try this, you might not be ok to look it all at once get high-priced, so you're attempting to find reasonably-priced tour IN Europe, too correct? No, you're not too difficult to stay with. i'm nevertheless in agreement with you, as are a lot of adolescents and older elders ("older" is nothing extra than a well mannered manner of saying vintage.). but you will to should put in a few attempt to uncover the deals, with aid from human beings like yours honestly in your voyage.

the primary requirement in getting reasonably-priced tour to Europe is getting reasonably-priced transportation there. I count on (understanding what happens while that occurs), which you come from North the us So we will begin there. I might also get hate letters from Singapore to Auckland for this mistake. BTW, if you are looking for cheap tour to Europe from South america, though there are exceptions which complete every rule, you will likely discover a goodly wide variety of deals in case you fly to North the us first, so please wait on the hate mail for 2 days or more, whilst you appearance over your alternatives.

Season of 12 months is useful for buying cheap journey to Europe. in case you do not ought to move throughout the summer time months, you can nearly constantly find it at a less expensive price. also, flexibility of days and even months will allow you to locate and get critically reasonably-priced flights to Europe. in case you have to cross a sure day or maybe week, seeing this may make you lose hope. Sorry.

I assume (so i am now not assuming again) you are not making plans to join a freighter team and get to Europe operating the gradual boat, so we're maximum possibly talking reasonably-priced flights to Europe. reasonably-priced tour to Europe regularly calls for you to move preferably from a gateway metropolis or likely thru one. Now be careful right here. cheap journey to Europe can seem appropriate on the factor of the low sticker price. however gradual down. quite a few airways (specially ecu airways) fix their fares so that it's simplest a bit greater to move from your airport than from a gateway airport. SO if you want to move by way of automobile bus to a far off airport and then even transfer to the airport by bus or taxi (NO!), pay gas, tolls and many others., your reasonably-priced tour to Europe will become a high priced trip at quality, and a nightmare in all likelihood (leaving at 2:00 within the morning to pressure 5 hours is not a celebration).

i am enthusiastic about sacrifice-however only in case you advantage real financial savings! So if you're own family or others are paying all of the fuel and incidentals, food and accommodations or you get a reasonably-priced bus ticket, once again, you want to get the calculator and figure it out for yourself. it is up to you. you're looking for cheap travel to Europe, that means helps you save tough-earned pennies and in this situation, we are going to try to find a reasonably-priced flight to Europe so as to offset your costs and problems and be the most inexpensive all round travel to Europe, right? And when you get there, we're going to maintain to discover reasonably-priced travel in Europe.

wherein will you begin the adventure? that is an vital element in getting reasonably-priced journey to Europe (or everywhere). i have cited gateway airports, however distance dictates a lot of how low you may go to get cheap journey to Europe. isn't los angeles a great gateway town? sure is. Is it going to be less complicated to locate cheap tour to Europe from la than it'd be from ny town? as soon as in a blue moon or no longer even then, because NYC is over four thousand miles toward our destination! Is L.A. going to facilitate cheap journey to Europe extra than Omaha, Nebraska? most possibly. well, reasonably-priced travel to Europe, as the whole thing in life may have weird days wherein this rule will prove not actual, so do not come crying (or mocking) in case you get the rare exception, in case you are from around Omaha and manage to get brilliant reasonably-priced travel to Europe, awesome! we will be satisfied (and please allow people in on it inside the remarks). ok, so what to do if you aren't near a reasonable airport and also you insist on cheap tour to Europe? consider who you already know. Do you have got cherished ones in a gateway metropolis? perhaps you may "just manifest" to head go to and upload to your departure to the deal? they'll also most possibly provide you with a free ride to and from the airport and also you don't must pay bus or worse yet, taxi!

so that you are flying inside and out of key cheapo airports in North america, why wouldn't you do the same on the alternative side of the pond for cheap tour to Europe? you will! So find gateway cities in Europe too.

Now you're asleep, gone or pronouncing: "adequate, tell me the gateway departure cities already that imply: reasonably-priced journey to Europe!"

Mangrove Tree Spotted Sultans:

Tiger testimonies preserve doing the rounds a few of the network residing in villages round the largest mangrove rain forests in the international -- the Sunder bans. To the villagers the large cat is 'Dakhin Rai', a sobriquet for the mighty lord of the jungles, uttered with reverence and fear. The tiger and the network in the deltaic island forests, interspersed by using innumerable streams, cohabit in a love hate courting. while the striped splendor strikes, the villagers mourn the deceased and curse the animal; and the tiger hates guy knowing that the two-legged animal around its domain is the fiercest of all predators. So, it uses its cunning to take it one-up on him as possibilities present itself. The massive cat became omnipresent all over Bengal not too far away within the past. while Calcutta become being created as a trading post inside the seventeenth century by the East India company, the striped cat's area would include the woods inside the peripheries of the town and it would come traveling the courtyards of close by hamlets after dusk, all too frequently. The splendor of the beast but surpasses its cunning. The Bengal tiger in its traditional surroundings at Sunderbans is a astonishing animal with a slightly redish-yellow coat than the ochre-yellow look on its opposite numbers in different reserves of India. In its natural domestic at Sunderban, it has the biggest concentration with approximately 249 animals by the remaining authenticated UN Tiger census 2004. Its grace and majestic strides inside the undergrowth of the thick rainforest would infrequently have any contest to the declare of 'Sultan of the Jungle' and as the country wide animal of the usa. Sunderban receives its call from the abundance of 'sundari' trees [Heritiera fomes] in the vicinity. it is unfold over the most important delta within the international shared between India and neighbouring Bangladesh. throughout 54 islands interspersed by innumerable massive and small rivulets and gives a enormously hospitable biosphere for the tiger compared to other inland tiger reserves. Sunder ban changed into declared a international background web page in 1997 by means of UNESCO. unlike the inland locations wherein the tiger usually is the ideal predator in its area, the tiger at Sunderban has to compete with big deadly Crocks in the water, which it has to constantly cross within the person territories. And the adjustment among the two fierce competitors is, exceedingly respectful. each revere each other and confrontations are uncommon. It became mid January and i used to be accompanying a small group of eight backpackers from Europe to the region. The tour become customised to deal with the traveller's desires of jungle journey in addition to benefit insights on indigenous community existence thru cultural immersion programme. We travelled from Kolkata by avenue first after which took a motor-launch thru the Matla River to an island camp close to Sajnekhali. Jungle expeditions and folk way of life programmes have been planned on the camp and network interactions at the encompassing villages were within the itinerary too. i might be the interpreter and facilitator at the network interface. The boat cruises through the net of rivulets over the first days during the live became unrewarding as a ways as recognizing of the massive cat become concerned. after all, the animal isn't always ever trusting of the human. however it can be imagined with a truthful diploma of actuality that during our errands some of the striped Sultans could have stored a watchful eye on us however it wouldn't display its presence. Our crew but sighted big bevy of spotted deer and glide of untamed boars, the main prey of the tiger from time to time, along top notch birds and other animals.

Getting To and Around:

journeying Europe is an enjoyable step returned in time and a top travel destination. here's the inside track on what you need to recollect whilst trying to get there. getting to and round eastern Europe Europe has been open to journey for kind of 15 years following the fall of the Soviet Union. much to the pride of travelers, eastern Europe has validated to be a very beautiful and captivating slice of vintage international Europe. From Prague to Budapest and everywhere in among, eastern Europe offers a great deal to be well-known and prices are cheap. Catching a plain to the far east of Europe isn't specifically difficult, however it actually relies upon on the precise vacation spot you are trying to reach. most international locations are reached with the aid of first stopping in Western Europe, however direct flights may be discovered relying to your departure location. The high season is summer, which means that expenses may be a huge difficulty if you have a tight price range. this can no longer trouble you. If it does, the important thing to flying on the cheap is to keep across all the on-line journey websites. They offer dramatically exceptional charges, even for the equal flight! decide a standard range of dates you want to leave and are available again. Then start hunting. Flights leaving after middle of the night can be drastically less expensive than flights in the course of normal hours. when you consider that you'll be napping anyway, it makes feel to save some greenbacks. There are two other pricing alternatives which can prevent a bundle on high season fees. Consolidators buy bundles of open seats from airlines for flights that are not traditionally complete. you can store full-size cash, on occasion as lots as fifty percentage, purchase shopping from consolidators. the largest savings occur whilst you purchase from them at the ultimate moment, but you danger all of the seats being bought. if you are flying in the course of the high season, you could additionally get a scouse borrow by booking a seat on a chartered flight. Chartered flights are small airways that normally only fly all through the high season. They tend to be a bit amateurish, however are truly cheap. i have paid as little as $450 for a round experience booking to Budapest while an internet reserving would have run me over $900. if you move charter, try to upgrade to first elegance while reserving in. For $seventy five, i was able to achieve this on a flight from Paris to los angeles. It became the pleasant $75 I ever spent! Flying domestic in jap Europe is not for the faint of coronary heart. The planes are a bit vintage and, nicely, they are not continually recognised for reliability. most of the people without a doubt hop on a train. if you ought to fly home, discover a nearby resident to shop for the ticket for you. charges move up appreciably while foreigners walk in the door, as a lot as triple the everyday charge.

travel by Train in Europe:

in recent times, for brief distance tour, human beings generally choose to move by way of vehicle. For lengthy distances, humans select planes more frequently than no longer, or every so often ships, but increasingly humans are beginning to travel each lengthy and brief distances through educate. there has been a time when trains were the favored technique of travel. again then, trains were the simplest excessive speed manner to travel long distances, mainly when the alternative became horses or horse pushed wagons. people would journey throughout the usa or throughout the nation. train journey returned then turned into sincerely much slower than it's far now, however this will additionally be why educate tour has always had a positive mystique about it. Trains have constantly had something unique about them; they're extra romantic than any other mode of shipping and may harken back to olden days whilst things had been much simpler and life regarded a good deal slower.

train journey is typically much less pricey, faster and extra efficient than a few different strategies of travel. The pleasant aspect approximately travelling by using educate is which you do not ought to experience any traffic jams and you are nonetheless shifting along the floor. teach tour is pretty leisurely, as you could do many stuff on the teach like take a walk, visit the dining car, make friends and chat with other tourists, observe the views, play playing cards, study or simply sleep. you may revel in yourself an awful lot more on a teach than making the same ride with a vehicle. With a car, you must be alert always. With a train, you could sleep the entire time, if you wish. there may be no need to fear about getting there on time, following guidelines, getting fuel, getting lost, climate or wherein to stop for food either.

The very excellent factor and largest advantage of traveling by teach is the amount of rest you could have. you are able to relax via sitting in any position you want, in a padded seat. you could additionally take a pillow and a blanket with you to make you more comfy in the course of your ride. that is regular for day trips. For overnight trips, the luxuries to be had are some distance more. you should buy a sleeper cabin, which usually has a lavatory and sink for washing up and a comfortable mattress. from time to time you may want to percentage the cabin, other instances it is going to be absolutely non-public, relying on what's available at the particular teach you are touring on. also, on overnight journeys, you could take advantage of leisure, fancier dining or even a bar.

Many towns of Europe are near together, so if you travel by way of educate you get to see a whole lot of the attractions and experience other advantages as properly. in many elements of Europe, teach journey is particularly inexpensive, particularly in case you take benefit of unique rail passes that are available that provide unlimited journey with the aid of teach on many rail strains in Europe. With these rail passes, it's miles feasible to tour the whole of Europe pretty affordably. lastly, modern trains are fairly environmentally friendly. most use assets of energy and generate an awful lot much less pollution than similar travel by using plane or car.

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shanedakotamuir · 5 years

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How biohackers are trying to upgrade their brains, their bodies — and human nature

iStockphoto/Getty Images

9 questions about biohacking you were too embarrassed to ask.

Even if you haven’t heard the term “biohacking” before, you’ve probably encountered some version of it. Maybe you’ve seen Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey extolling the benefits of fasting intermittently and drinking “salt juice” each morning. Maybe you’ve read about former NASA employee Josiah Zayner injecting himself with DNA using the gene-editing technology CRISPR. Maybe you’ve heard of Bay Area folks engaging in “dopamine fasting.”

Maybe you, like me, have a colleague who’s had a chip implanted in their hand.

These are all types of biohacking, a broad term for a lifestyle that’s growing increasingly popular, and not just in Silicon Valley, where it really took off.

Biohacking — also known as DIY biology — is an extremely broad and amorphous term that can cover a huge range of activities, from performing science experiments on yeast or other organisms to tracking your own sleep and diet to changing your own biology by pumping a younger person’s blood into your veins in the hope that it’ll fight aging. (Yes, that is a real thing, and it’s called a young blood transfusion. More on that later.)

The type of biohackers currently gaining the most notoriety are the ones who experiment — outside of traditional lab spaces and institutions — on their own bodies with the hope of boosting their physical and cognitive performance. They form one branch of transhumanism, a movement that holds that human beings can and should use technology to augment and evolve our species.

Some biohackers have science PhDs; others are complete amateurs. And their ways of trying to “hack” biology are as diverse as they are. It can be tricky to understand the different types of hacks, what differentiates them from traditional medicine, and how safe — or legal — they are.

As biohacking starts to appear more often in headlines — and, recently, in a fascinating Netflix series called Unnatural Selection — it’s worth getting clear on some of the fundamentals. Here are nine questions that can help you make sense of biohacking.

1) First of all, what exactly is biohacking? What are some common examples of it?

Depending on whom you ask, you’ll get a different definition of biohacking. Since it can encompass a dizzying range of pursuits, I’m mostly going to look at biohacking defined as the attempt to manipulate your brain and body in order to optimize performance, outside the realm of traditional medicine. But later on, I’ll also give an overview of some other types of biohacking (including some that can lead to pretty unbelievable art).

Dave Asprey, a biohacker who created the supplement company Bulletproof, told me that for him, biohacking is “the art and science of changing the environment around you and inside you so that you have full control over your own biology.” He’s very game to experiment on his body: He has stem cells injected into his joints, takes dozens of supplements daily, bathes in infrared light, and much more. It’s all part of his quest to live until at least age 180.

One word Asprey likes to use a lot is “control,” and that kind of language is typical of many biohackers, who often talk about “optimizing” and “upgrading” their minds and bodies.

Some of their techniques for achieving that are things people have been doing for centuries, like Vipassana meditation and intermittent fasting. Both of those are part of Dorsey’s routine, which he detailed in a podcast interview. He tries to do two hours of meditation a day and eats only one meal (dinner) on weekdays; on weekends, he doesn’t eat at all. (Critics worry that his dietary habits sound a bit like an eating disorder, or that they might unintentionally influence others to develop a disorder.) He also kicks off each morning with an ice bath before walking the 5 miles to Twitter HQ.

Supplements are another popular tool in the biohacker’s arsenal. There’s a whole host of pills people take, from anti-aging supplements to nootropics or “smart drugs.”

Since biohackers are often interested in quantifying every aspect of themselves, they may buy wearable devices to, say, track their sleep patterns. (For that purpose, Dorsey swears by the Oura Ring.) The more data you have on your body’s mechanical functions, the more you can optimize the machine that is you — or so the thinking goes.

Then there are some of the more radical practices: cryotherapy (purposely making yourself cold), neurofeedback (training yourself to regulate your brain waves), near-infrared saunas (they supposedly help you escape stress from electromagnetic transmissions), and virtual float tanks (which are meant to induce a meditative state through sensory deprivation), among others. Some people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on these treatments.

A subset of biohackers called grinders go so far as to implant devices like computer chips in their bodies. The implants allow them to do everything from opening doors without a fob to monitoring their glucose levels subcutaneously.

For some grinders, like Zoltan Istvan, who ran for president as head of the Transhumanist Party, having an implant is fun and convenient: “I’ve grown to relish and rely on the technology,” he recently wrote in the New York Times. “The electric lock on the front door of my house has a chip scanner, and it’s nice to go surfing and jogging without having to carry keys around.”

Istvan also noted that “for some people without functioning arms, chips in their feet are the simplest way to open doors or operate some household items modified with chip readers.” Other grinders are deeply curious about blurring the line between human and machine, and they get a thrill out of seeing all the ways we can augment our flesh-and-blood bodies using tech. Implants, for them, are a starter experiment.

2) Why are people doing this? What drives someone to biohack themselves?

On a really basic level, biohacking comes down to something we can all relate to: the desire to feel better — and to see just how far we can push the human body. That desire comes in a range of flavors, though. Some people just want to not be sick anymore. Others want to become as smart and strong as they possibly can. An even more ambitious crowd wants to be as smart and strong as possible for as long as possible — in other words, they want to radically extend their life span.

These goals have a way of escalating. Once you’ve determined (or think you’ve determined) that there are concrete “hacks” you can use by yourself right now to go from sick to healthy, or healthy to enhanced, you start to think: Well, why stop there? Why not shoot for peak performance? Why not try to live forever? What starts as a simple wish to be free from pain can snowball into self-improvement on steroids.

That was the case for Asprey. Now in his 40s, he got into biohacking because he was unwell. Before hitting age 30, he was diagnosed with high risk of stroke and heart attack, suffered from cognitive dysfunction, and weighed 300 pounds. “I just wanted to control my own biology because I was tired of being in pain and having mood swings,” he told me.

Now that he feels healthier, he wants to slow the normal aging process and optimize every part of his biology. “I don’t want to be just healthy; that’s average. I want to perform; that’s daring to be above average. Instead of ‘How do I achieve health?’ it’s ‘How do I kick more ass?’”

Zayner, the biohacker who once injected himself with CRISPR DNA, has also had health problems for years, and some of his biohacking pursuits have been explicit attempts to cure himself. But he’s also motivated in large part by frustration. Like some other biohackers with an anti-establishment streak, he’s irritated by federal officials’ purported sluggishness in greenlighting all sorts of medical treatments. In the US, it can take 10 years for a new drug to be developed and approved; for people with serious health conditions, that wait time can feel cruelly long. Zayner claims that’s part of why he wants to democratize science and empower people to experiment on themselves.

(However, he admits that some of his stunts have been purposely provocative and that “I do ridiculous stuff also. I’m sure my motives are not 100 percent pure all the time.”)

Getty Images/iStockphoto

An illustration of a brain hemisphere with chips embedded.

The biohacking community also offers just that: community. It gives people a chance to explore unconventional ideas in a non-hierarchical setting, and to refashion the feeling of being outside the norm into a cool identity. Biohackers congregate in dedicated online networks, in Slack and WhatsApp groups — WeFast, for example, is for intermittent fasters. In person, they run experiments and take classes at “hacklabs,” improvised laboratories that are open to the public, and attend any one of the dozens of biohacking conferences put on each year.

3) How different is biohacking from traditional medicine? What makes something “count” as a biohacking pursuit?

Certain kinds of biohacking go far beyond traditional medicine, while other kinds bleed into it.

Plenty of age-old techniques — meditation, fasting — can be considered a basic type of biohacking. So can going to a spin class or taking antidepressants.

What differentiates biohacking is arguably not that it’s a different genre of activity but that the activities are undertaken with a particular mindset. The underlying philosophy is that we don’t need to accept our bodies’ shortcomings — we can engineer our way past them using a range of high- and low-tech solutions. And we don’t necessarily need to wait for a double-blind, randomized, placebo-controlled trial, traditional medicine’s gold standard. We can start to transform our lives right now.

As millionaire Serge Faguet, who plans to live forever, put it: “People here [in Silicon Valley] have a technical mindset, so they think of everything as an engineering problem. A lot of people who are not of a technical mindset assume that, ‘Hey, people have always been dying,’ but I think there’s going to be a greater level of awareness [of biohacking] once results start to happen.”

Rob Carlson, an expert on synthetic biology who’s been advocating for biohacking since the early 2000s, told me that to his mind, “all of modern medicine is hacking,” but that people often call certain folks “hackers” as a way of delegitimizing them. “It’s a way of categorizing the other — like, ‘Those biohackers over there do that weird thing.’ This is actually a bigger societal question: Who’s qualified to do anything? And why do you not permit some people to explore new things and talk about that in public spheres?”

If it’s taken to extremes, the “Who’s qualified to do anything?” mindset can delegitimize scientific expertise in a way that can endanger public health. Luckily, biohackers don’t generally seem interested in dethroning expertise to that dangerous degree; many just don’t think they should be locked out of scientific discovery because they lack conventional credentials like a PhD.

4) So how much of this is backed by scientific research?

Some biohacks are backed by strong scientific evidence and are likely to be beneficial. Often, these are the ones that are tried and true, debugged over centuries of experimentation. For example, clinical trials have shown that mindfulness meditation can help reduce anxiety and chronic pain.

But other hacks, based on weak or incomplete evidence, could be either ineffective or actually harmful.

After Dorsey endorsed a particular near-infrared sauna sold by SaunaSpace, which claims its product boosts cellular regeneration and fights aging by detoxing your body, the company experienced a surge in demand. But according to the New York Times, “though a study of middle-aged and older Finnish men indicates that their health benefited from saunas, there have been no major studies conducted of” this type of sauna, which directs incandescent light at your body. So is buying this expensive product likely to improve your health? We can’t say that yet.

Similarly, the intermittent fasting that Dorsey endorses may yield health benefits for some, but scientists still have plenty of questions about it. Although there’s a lot of research on the long-term health outcomes of fasting in animals — and much of it is promising — the research literature on humans is much thinner. Fasting has gone mainstream, but because it’s done so ahead of the science, it falls into the “proceed with caution” category. Critics have noted that for those who’ve struggled with eating disorders, it could be dangerous.

And while we’re on the topic of biohacking nutrition: My colleague Julia Belluz has previously reported on the Bulletproof Diet promoted by Asprey, who she says “vilifies healthy foods and suggests part of the way to achieve a ‘pound a day’ weight loss is to buy his expensive, ‘science-based’ Bulletproof products.” She was not convinced by the citations for his claims:

What I found was a patchwork of cherry-picked research and bad studies or articles that aren’t relevant to humans. He selectively reported on studies that backed up his arguments, and ignored the science that contradicted them.

Many of the studies weren’t done in humans but in rats and mice. Early studies on animals, especially on something as complex as nutrition, should never be extrapolated to humans. Asprey glorifies coconut oil and demonizes olive oil, ignoring the wealth of randomized trials (the highest quality of evidence) that have demonstrated olive oil is beneficial for health. Some of the research he cites was done on very specific sub-populations, such as diabetics, or on very small groups of people. These findings wouldn’t be generalizable to the rest of us.

5) This all sounds like it can be taken to extremes. What are the most dangerous types of biohacking being tried?

Some of the highest-risk hacks are being undertaken by people who feel desperate. On some level, that’s very understandable. If you’re sick and in constant pain, or if you’re old and scared to die, and traditional medicine has nothing that works to quell your suffering, who can fault you for seeking a solution elsewhere?

Yet some of the solutions being tried these days are so dangerous, they’re just not worth the risk.

If you’ve watched HBO’s Silicon Valley, then you’re already familiar with young blood transfusions. As a refresher, that’s when an older person pays for a young person’s blood and has it pumped into their veins in the hope that it’ll fight aging.

This putative treatment sounds vampiric, yet it’s gained popularity in the Silicon Valley area, where people have actually paid $8,000 a pop to participate in trials. The billionaire tech investor Peter Thiel has expressed keen interest.

As Chavie Lieber noted for Vox, although some limited studies suggest that these transfusions might fend off diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, heart disease, and multiple sclerosis, these claims haven’t been proven.

In February, the Food and Drug Administration released a statement warning consumers away from the transfusions: “Simply put, we’re concerned that some patients are being preyed upon by unscrupulous actors touting treatments of plasma from young donors as cures and remedies. Such treatments have no proven clinical benefits for the uses for which these clinics are advertising them and are potentially harmful.”

Another biohack that definitely falls in the “don’t try this at home” category: fecal transplants, or transferring stool from a healthy donor into the gastrointestinal tract of an unhealthy recipient. In 2016, sick of suffering from severe stomach pain, Zayner decided to give himself a fecal transplant in a hotel room. He had procured a friend’s poop and planned to inoculate himself using the microbes in it. Ever the public stuntman, he invited a journalist to document the procedure. Afterward, he claimed the experiment left him feeling better.

But fecal transplants are still experimental and not approved by the FDA. The FDA recently reported that two people had contracted serious infections from fecal transplants that contained drug-resistant bacteria. One of the people died. And this was in the context of a clinical trial — presumably, a DIY attempt could be even riskier. The FDA is putting a stop to clinical trials on the transplants for now.

Zayner also popularized the notion that you can edit your own DNA with CRISPR. In 2017, he injected himself with CRISPR DNA at a biotech conference, live-streaming the experiment. He later said he regretted that stunt because it could lead others to copy him and “people are going to get hurt.” Yet when asked whether his company, the Odin, which he runs out of his garage in Oakland, California, was going to stop selling CRISPR kits to the general public, he said no.

Ellen Jorgensen, a molecular biologist who co-founded Genspace and Biotech Without Borders, two Brooklyn-based biology labs open to the public, finds antics like Zayner’s worrisome. A self-identified biohacker, she told me people shouldn’t buy Zayner’s kits, not just because they don’t work half the time (she’s a professional and even she couldn’t get it to work), but because CRISPR is such a new technology that scientists aren’t yet sure of all the risks involved in using it. By tinkering with your genome, you could unintentionally cause a mutation that increases your risk of developing cancer, she said. It’s a dangerous practice that should not be marketed as a DIY activity.

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“At Genspace and Biotech Without Borders, we always get the most heartbreaking emails from parents of children afflicted with genetic diseases,” Jorgensen says. “They have watched these Josiah Zayner videos and they want to come into our class and cure their kids. We have to tell them, ‘This is a fantasy.’ ... That is incredibly painful.”

She thinks such biohacking stunts give biohackers like her a bad name. “It’s bad for the DIY bio community,” she said, “because it makes people feel that as a general rule we’re irresponsible.”

6) Are all these biohacking pursuits legal?

Existing regulations weren’t built to make sense of something like biohacking, which in some cases stretches the very limits of what it means to be a human being. That means that a lot of biohacking pursuits exist in a legal gray zone: frowned upon by bodies like the FDA, but not yet outright illegal, or not enforced as such. As biohackers traverse uncharted territory, regulators are scrambling to catch up with them.

After the FDA released its statement in February urging people to stay away from young blood transfusions, the San Francisco-based startup Ambrosia, which was well known for offering the transfusions, said on its website that it had “ceased patient treatments.” The site now says, “We are currently in discussion with the FDA on the topic of young plasma.”

This wasn’t the FDA’s first foray into biohacking. In 2016, the agency objected to Zayner selling kits to brew glow-in-the-dark beer. And after he injected himself with CRISPR, the FDA released a notice saying the sale of DIY gene-editing kits for use on humans is illegal. Zayner disregarded the warning and continued to sell his wares.

In 2019, he was, for a time, under investigation by California’s Department of Consumer Affairs, accused of practicing medicine without a license.

The biohackers I spoke to said restrictive regulation would be a counterproductive response to biohacking because it’ll just drive the practice underground. They say it’s better to encourage a culture of transparency so that people can ask questions about how to do something safely, without fear of reprisal.

According to Jorgensen, most biohackers are safety-conscious, not the sorts of people interested in engineering a pandemic. They’ve even generated and adopted their own codes of ethics. She herself has had a working relationship with law enforcement since the early 2000s.

“At the beginning of the DIY bio movement, we did an awful lot of work with Homeland Security,” she said. “And as far back as 2009, the FBI was reaching out to the DIY community to try to build bridges.”

Carlson told me he’s noticed two general shifts over the past 20 years. “One was after 2001, after the anthrax attacks, when Washington, DC, lost their damn minds and just went into a reactive mode and tried to shut everything down,” he said. “As of 2004 or 2005, the FBI was arresting people for doing biology in their homes.”

Then in 2009, the National Security Council dramatically changed perspectives. It published the National Strategy for Countering Biological Threats, which embraced “innovation and open access to the insights and materials needed to advance individual initiatives,” including in “private laboratories in basements and garages.”

Now, though, some agencies seem to think they ought to take action. But even if there were clear regulations governing all biohacking activities, there would be no straightforward way to stop people from pursuing them behind closed doors. “This technology is available and implementable anywhere, there’s no physical means to control access to it, so what would regulating that mean?” Carlson said.

7) One of the more ambitious types of biohacking is life extension, the attempt to live longer or even cheat death entirely. What are the physical limits of life extension?

Some biohackers believe that by leveraging technology, they’ll be able to live longer but stay younger. Gerontologist Aubrey de Grey claims people will be able to live to age 1,000. In fact, he says the first person who will live to 1,000 has already been born.

De Grey focuses on developing strategies for repairing seven types of cellular and molecular damage associated with aging — or, as he calls them, “Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence.” His nonprofit, the Methuselah Foundation, has attracted huge investments, including more than $6 million from Thiel. Its aim is to “make 90 the new 50 by 2030.”

Wondering whether de Grey’s goals are realistic, I reached out to Genspace co-founder Oliver Medvedik, who earned his PhD at Harvard Medical School and now directs the Kanbar Center for Biomedical Engineering at Cooper Union. “Living to 1,000? It’s definitely within our realm of possibility if we as a society that doles out money [to fund research we deem worthy] decide we want to do it,” he told me.

He’s optimistic, he said, because the scientific community is finally converging on a consensus about what the root causes of aging are (damage to mitochondria and epigenetic changes are a couple of examples). And in the past five years, he’s seen an explosion of promising papers on possible ways to address those causes.

Researchers who want to fight aging generally adopt two different approaches. The first is the “small molecule” approach, which often focuses on dietary supplements. Medvedik calls that the “low-hanging fruit.” He spoke excitedly about the possibility of creating a supplement from a plant compound called fisetin, noting that a recent (small) Mayo Clinic trial suggests high concentrations of fisetin can clear out senescent cells in humans — cells that have stopped dividing and that contribute to aging.

The other approach is more dramatic: genetic engineering. Scientists taking this tack in mouse studies usually tinker with a genome in embryo, meaning that new mice are born with the fix already in place. Medvedik pointed out that’s not very useful for treating humans — we want to be able to treat people who have already been born and have begun to age.

But he sees promise here too. He cited a new study that used CRISPR to target Hutchinson-Gilford progeria syndrome, a genetic disorder that manifests as accelerated aging, in a mouse model. “It wasn’t a total cure — they extended the life span of these mice by maybe 30 percent — but what I was very interested in is the fact that it was delivered into mice that had already been born.”

He’s also intrigued by potential non-pharmaceutical treatments for aging-related diseases like Alzheimer’s — for example, the use of light stimulation to influence brain waves — but those probably won’t help us out anytime soon, for a simple reason: “It’s not a drug. You can’t package and sell it,” he said. “Pharma can’t monetize it.”

Like many in the biohacking community, Medvedik sounded a note of frustration about how the medical system holds back anti-aging progress. “If you were to come up with a compound right now that literally cures aging, you couldn’t get it approved,” he said. “By the definition we’ve set up, aging isn’t a disease, and if you want to get it approved by the FDA you have to target a certain disease. That just seems very strange and antiquated and broken.”

8) Biohackers also include people who engage in DIY science without experimenting on themselves. What’s that form of biohacking like?

Not everyone who’s interested in biohacking is interested in self-experimentation. Some come to it because they care about bringing science to the masses, alleviating the climate crisis, or making art that shakes us out of our comfort zones.

“My version of biohacking is unexpected people in unexpected places doing biotechnology,” Jorgensen told me. For her, the emphasis is on democratizing cutting-edge science while keeping it safe. The community labs she’s helped to build, Genspace and Biotech Without Borders, offer classes on using CRISPR technology to edit a genome — but participants work on the genome of yeast, never on their own bodies.

Some people in the community are altruistically motivated. They want to use biohacking to save the environment by figuring out a way to make a recyclable plastic or a biofuel. They might experiment on organisms in makeshift labs in their garages. Or they might take a Genspace class on how to make furniture out of fungi or paper out of kombucha.

Experimental artists have also taken an interest in biohacking. For them, biology is just another palette. The artists Oron Catts and Ionat Zurr from the University of Western Australia were actually the first people to create and serve up lab-grown meat. They took some starter cells from a frog and used them to grow small “steaks” of frog meat, which they fed to gallery-goers in France at a 2003 art installation called “Disembodied Cuisine.”

Boris Roessler/Picture Alliance via Getty Images

Artist Heather Dewey-Hagborg used DNA samples she received from Chelsea Manning to recreate various possible physiognomies of Manning’s face. The 3D-printed masks formed an art installation called “Probably Chelsea.”

More recently, Alexandra Daisy Ginsberg has used old floral DNA to recreate the smell of flowers driven to extinction by humans, enabling us to catch a whiff of them once more.

And this summer, a London museum is displaying something rather less fragrant: cheese made from celebrities. Yes, you read that right: The cheese was created with bacteria harvested from the armpits, toes, bellybuttons, and nostrils of famous people. If you’re thoroughly grossed out by this, don’t worry: The food won’t actually be eaten — this “bioart” project is meant more as a thought experiment than as dinner.

9) At its most extreme, biohacking can fundamentally alter human nature. Should we be worried?

When you hear about people genetically engineering themselves or trying young blood transfusions in an effort to ward off death, it’s easy to feel a sense of vertigo about what we’re coming to as a species.

But the fact is we’ve been altering human nature since the very beginning. Inventing agriculture, for example, helped us transform ourselves from nomadic hunter-gatherers into sedentary civilizations. And whether we think of it this way or not, we’re all already doing some kind of biohacking every day.

The deeper I delve into biohacking, the more I think a lot of the discomfort with it boils down to simple neophobia — a fear of what’s new. (Not all of the discomfort, mind you: The more extreme hacks really are dangerous.)

As one of my colleagues put it to me, 40 years ago, “test tube babies” seemed unnatural, a freak-show curiosity; now in vitro fertilization has achieved mainstream acceptance. Will biohacking undergo the same progression? Or is it really altering human nature in a more fundamental way, a way that should concern us?

When I asked Carlson, he refused to buy the premise of the question.

“If you assert that hackers are changing what it means to be human, then we need to first have an agreement about what it means to be human,” he said. “And I’m not going to buy into the idea that there is one thing that is being human. Across the sweep of history, it’s odd to say humans are static — it’s not the case that humans in 1500 were the same as they are today.”

That’s true. Nowadays, we live longer. We’re taller. We’re more mobile. And we marry and have kids with people who come from different continents, different cultures — a profound departure from old customs that has nothing to do with genetic engineering but that’s nonetheless resulting in genetic change.

Still, biohackers are talking about making such significant changes that the risks they carry are significant too. What if biohackers’ “upgrades” don’t get distributed evenly across the human population? What if, for example, the cure for aging becomes available, but only to the rich? Will that lead to an even wider life expectancy gap, where rich people live longer and poor people die younger?

Medvedik dismissed that concern, arguing that a lot of interventions that could lengthen our lives, like supplements, wouldn’t be expensive to produce. “There’s no reason why that stuff can’t be dirt-cheap. But that depends on what we do as a society,” he said. Insulin doesn’t cost much to produce, but as a society we’ve allowed companies to jack up the price so high that many people with diabetes are now skipping lifesaving doses. That’s horrifying, but it’s not a function of the technology itself.

Here’s another risk associated with biohacking, one I think is even more serious: By making ourselves smarter and stronger and potentially even immortal (a difference of kind, not just of degree), we may create a society in which everyone feels pressure to alter their biology — even if they don’t want to. To refuse a hack would mean to be at a huge professional disadvantage, or to face moral condemnation for remaining suboptimal when optimization is possible. In a world of superhumans, it may become increasingly hard to stay “merely” human.

“The flip side of all this is the ‘perfect race’ or eugenics specter,” Jorgensen acknowledged. “This is a powerful set of technologies that can be used in different ways. We’d better think about it and use it wisely.”

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Listen to Reset

Josiah Zayner is a biohacker who’s famous for injecting himself with the gene-editing tool CRISPR. At a time when the technology exists for us to change (or hack) our own DNA, what are the ethics of experimenting on ourselves, and others, at home? On the launch episode of this new podcast, host Arielle Duhaime-Ross talks to Zayner about how he’s thinking about human experimentation today. Plus: new efforts to come up with a code of conduct for biohackers, from legislation to self-regulation.

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gracieyvonnehunter · 5 years

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How biohackers are trying to upgrade their brains, their bodies — and human nature