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#(new OC tag! so you can see all my mental illness in one place whenever I post more about them)
sparky-is-spiders · 9 months
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Hey check out my stupid dumb idiot boy. I love him very much which is why I put him through The Horrors. He's got a lot of lore floating around the brainspace that I don't feel like dropping here, but the short of it is that he's a dragon, he's a made up thing called a Noctar (think werewolves that fly and have no particular relationship with the moon). He was chosen to at birth to be the servant of a god (much to the chagrin of his parents who really, really hate gods), he served (possibly dated, and definitely killed) the Ultra-Special Chosen One of a different god, and he even managed to fall into weilding two different (mind-altering?) fire-themed swords (who keeps giving him those anyway?).
But yeah if you've seen me talking in the tags about my Wretched Lizards? Here's one of them!
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rurifangirl · 3 years
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aight. here somes the ask lore thingie
tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention
firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?
also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin
and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?
do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?
Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.
(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw
Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.
First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.
Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.
This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.
Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.
For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.
After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)
(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention
So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck
(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw
They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.
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(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention
Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)
Rui-
It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.
Lyva-
Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.
Shou-
⭕Tw for sh⭕
It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.
I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.
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@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)
If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)
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ddaenghoney · 4 years
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chapter six
masterlist link in blog description.
As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.
Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N
disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.
Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)
Chapter warning(s): none, just finally able to introduce Hoseok in this chapter lol
Word count: 5299
if you enjoy please, please let me know!
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Yoongi’s eyes scan the weekly announcement email, not truly interested, yet still giving himself time to be thoroughly knowledgeable of upcoming events for his newfound colleagues and the company as a whole. Mentions of renovation in the lobby, a new coffee machine to be installed on the production floor along with a request to be more mindful of how this one is used, and the schedule for the practice rooms for the month remains unchanged for the last few weeks of January. Highlighted at the top of the email is the name of a mini album set to be released the first week in February along with parentheses beside it stating who would be releasing it: Park Jimin.
Reclining back in his seat, Yoongi regards the blue font notice in silence, wondering for a passing time of his involvement in the corruption between Jimin and you. He knows it’s not his fault, and knows you do too. Yet, there’s still guilt seeing Jimin’s name or hearing it anywhere. Still guilt felt in grazing his thumb against his index finger as a fidget when on the four dates so far where you’re forced in one way or another to recall Jimin’s existence. Yoongi has not apologized about it since the first date, but it doesn’t change that he feels like he should if only to assure you that the hurt you try and hide each time doesn’t need to be hidden for the atmosphere’s sake.
The foot on the floor pushes his desk seat into a small back and forth sway. He doesn’t think of your mutual problems often, just reminded every time an email requests the two of you go on a date, like the one to come that evening. By this point you’re both amicable at least, even going on the limb of saying something like friends. Maybe. It’s hard not to when you’re both forced into two or more hours of conversation. It’s something like friendship. Maybe closer to friendly coworkers. He doesn’t know. Yoongi sighs, spinning an entire slow revolution in his chair, then stopping promptly with the sound of his phone’s text notification.
Two unread.
Y/N, 4:38pm: Just got asked to go to a last second meeting. Probably will be out closer to 6:30 instead of 6:00, sorry.
Yoongi, 4:39pm: That’s fine no worries.
He exits the message thread to check on the other notification. He stares at Hoseok’s name for a second and the few words he’s able to see before opening the chat. Yoongi inhales, rubbing his jaw, while clicking it open with his free hand.
Hoseok, 3:57pm: I think enough time has passed... I’m going to start going for a new comeback now! You’re required to pre-order whenever the album is done!
Yoongi, 4:42pm: Ah, is that a fact?
Yoongi’s hand falls from his jaw to type quicker,
Yoongi, 4:43pm: I’ll help you make it however you need.
Hoseok, 4:45pm: Thanks, man.
Hoseok, 4:48pm: I’m nervous still haha
The phone rests on the desk, Yoongi’s hand resting beside it while he looks at the screen. He tilts his neck as a stretch, thoughtfully. Uncertain of how this would turn out for Hoseok. Wishing for the best. Trying to be hopeful. The dissention of early last year comes back into Yoongi’s mind. The unfair treatment, and watching his best friend go through the invasive camera lights daily, and the pouring stream of interrogative comments throughout social media. The blame that had no place linking to Hoseok when their old company decided to sell out to SoundWave as Hoseok’s contract was torn to pieces.
Yoongi, 4:56pm: You deserve the new beginning if anyone does. It’ll work out.
Hoseok, 5:00pm: Bro…
Yoongi, 5:00pm: You ruined it.
Hoseok, 5:01pm: Haha, I know……… Thanks Yoongi.
The final two words feel somber in Yoongi’s mouth. Drying. He doesn’t deserve to be thanked for anything, when he was quiet watching what happened. He could’ve done something to stop it all. Maybe Hoseok would have a studio next door to Yoongi’s still if more had been done to help. To disprove the wrong perspectives in the public. But it’s not in his persona to care like that.
He sighs, pressing the lock on his device. Index finger taps on the space below his keyboard, the desktop monitor powering off onto the screensaver. Yoongi feels like he should scoff at himself in judgement. How was he ever appalled by your lie when he’s no different.
---
You contemplate sending Namjoon a text, but acknowledge the busy time of the day for him and refrain. Instead you wallow in the quiet, staring at your notes while listening to the arranger and producers beside you editing your song by means of scribbling pencils. You hope they ask you something greater than questioning an affirmative of their ideas for changing the words on the track. Apparently the theme is appropriate, but the verbiage itself doesn’t fit the fast beat pace the producer intends to make this track into.
Jimin is across from you, equally to himself. He scrolls through his phone, appearing collected. He said hello to you sweetly, politely when he walked in with the producer. You didn’t realize he would be joining the impromptu meeting. It was just the producer that had texted you about it, mentioning the arranger also tagging along. Not Jimin. You knew he was using this song, but you didn’t think he needs to be here.
“Jimin, your choreographer is going to thank me for this one. I already know it.” The producer is happy, and granted you’re not entirely angry at the changes he makes on the paper. They’re minor, the meaning is still there. Your touch deteriorates only slightly, and it’s something that’s involved commonly throughout song conception processes. You don’t care about that, you really don’t. Maybe you’re even spitefully happy about the changes too, because it means less you, less for you to be bothered by in the credential section. Less you in lyrics Jimin sings.
“You’re only doing the touch-ups though.” Jimin voice is light-hearted, his playing smile small, yet meaningful. You keep your eyes towards the producer’s writing hand. Bite your lip when the message is properly conveyed to him by notice of his reply,
“You’re right, Y/N’s work is great, like usual.” He agrees sincerely, giving you a thumbs-up with his left hand. You smile softly, just managing a head nod. “Sorry about the random meeting too, by the way. I would’ve waited until tomorrow if we didn’t have to redo the recording for the album he’s going to be releasing.”
“It’s not a big deal. I was here anyways.” You tell him calmly, catching sight of Jimin when you adjust in your chair. He’s gentle in appearance like usual, watching you only because you were speaking. When the sentence ends you see the twitch of an upward smile that he smothers and instead goes back to his phone.
“You’re here more now that the whole fake dating thing is happening, huh?” The arranger’s comment is absent of ill-intent, you realize as he rubs his neck in a stupor as he goes on, “I can’t imagine how weird that has to be. SUGA’s new to the company too; must feel random to be matched up with him, right?”
“Yeah,” You say vaguely, hands in your lap messing around with one another as you hope for a new topic. “Yoongi’s been nice about it all though.” You blab softly, unable to see Jimin’s thumbs unmoving as he no longer pays attention to his phone screen despite his eyes pointing to it.
“He’s cool, I’ve done a couple of things to help him with his production lately.” The man beside you nods as he speaks, settling the pen beside the papers. “Really particular about his stuff, but because he does practically all of it himself, it makes sense.”
“Can I see the revised version?” You interject calmly, receiving the notes from him as he immediately nods, handing it off. You scan through the tiny adjustments, thinking on your own of what potential ideas they had to change the pace of the song.
“None of it’s too crazy, I don’t think, but if anything’s too much let me know.”
“No, it’s all okay with me.” You don’t mind the scribbles, but have even less desire to combat things lately since the meeting with Yerin.
“Can I take a look?” Jimin’s voice calls out to you, and you face him. Small nod as you reach the small distance to slide the papers towards him, then startle as the producer stands up beside you,
“Crap, I need to get to a session downstairs right now. Just get that to my studio when you’re done, Jimin.” He says and you watch using every muscle to refrain wonder at why the arranger also stood too. You instead mentally curse at him saying he’d tag along since he was done for the day as well. You curse again at the sound of the door, glaring at the sight at that point.
“I’ll give it to him like he asked.” Jimin breaks the silence, eyes trailing still at the page of lyrics. You look towards him, erect in your seat but unwilling to stand yet. You recall leaving before he woke up the last night you were with him, and the incredible drought of communication since then. But is it really this easy for him to be casual. Your eyes wait to meet his when he finally lifts them up from the sheet.
“I liked the pink hair.” You murmur as a comment, trying to fill the void of quiet, give yourself a reason to linger there a little longer and see the state of his thoughts towards you. “Well, the brown is nice too though.” You correct with a tiny shrug, feeling a larger pang in your chest when Jimin doesn’t stop his smile this time.
“I liked it too.” He lays the paper flat, but his fingers remain on its edge. You think of other ways to continue the conversation, and shove the thought of asking him simply how he is to the corner of your mind. You’re already staying back with him for no reason, you don’t want to seem completely tangled with missing him. “You and Yoongi...” Jimin begins, and the mere mention of you two makes you want to groan, hoping against this turning into a conversation about your precarious fake relationship when you wanted to focus on Jimin and you. “You don’t have to do anything too much, right?”
You narrow your eyes in confusion. Jimin reaches for his hair, fiddling as he goes on, concern twinging, “Like, nothing you don’t want to do, lo-”
He stops, nearly biting his tongue to do so. You notice. Your hands grip on your jeans, trying to discern if the slip was just because the term of endearment is something he’s so used to calling you, or if there is something more. You watch his index finger barely scratch at the paper on the table. Nervous.
“The whole relationship is something I don’t want to do.” Your sentence is dry, matched with your dismissive shrug. You know that isn’t what Jimin meant, but you don’t expect his head shaking and body becoming more straightened in posture,
“That’s not what I meant.” Jimin says directly, biting the inside of his cheek as he considers explaining himself further. You free him of doing that, nodding.
“I know.” He noticeably pauses, nearing a flustered expression and you almost want to smile in endearment, but you still feel more sad than anything. Confused. “Sorry,” You finally avert your gaze to the table, collecting your few items. “We’re not being forced into anything else though.” You explain while Jimin watches you move around.
Words clutter in his mouth, wondering what to say to keep you in the room, but knowing he shouldn’t. Can’t. He’s the one who ended it. He didn’t want to, but he did.
“Do you miss us?”
Jimin’s heartbeat increases, while yours secretly does as well. The question blurted from your lips in a moment of impulse that built from the second you saw him that day. Dumb, stupid; you want to take the question back, you don’t need his answer. You want it, but you shouldn’t have it in your thoughts whether it’s a yes or a no.
What difference would it make if he said yes and you returned back to how you were. He was right-- Namjoon was right, you’re own screaming logic is right: a secret untrue relationship wouldn’t last and it would only serve to hurt you in the long run. This situation that you both stand in is exactly because you made up the stupid idea in the first place. You should’ve let the first kiss be the last one. Just because you ended up falling in love, doesn’t mean Jimin did.
Jimin’s made it clear that the answer is no. Why do you want to hear him vocalize the no. Maybe a sick part of your mind wanted the words to be engraved so you can take it as a bridge burned to char. If he said no you could move on. That’s how it could work. Maybe it would actually be enough, in that off-chance-
“Of course.” Jimin’s voice whispers the words like they were heavy to push out of his lips. But you could ignore that, wrapped in the potential- “But I don’t want to get back together like we were.” He’s no longer making eye contact with you, busying his fingers further into his locks. “It hurts us both being hidden like that,” You open your mouth to interject that you could live with it, that it’s not necessarily a long-term state of being, but he speaks on, crushing you, “And I don’t want to be your actual boyfriend.”
The counterargument abandons your psyche entirely. The truth of the situation is apparent. Jimin’s made it apparent. The extent of what you were to him was just lust. His casual demeanor makes sense. Your lingering feelings are the minority, not mutually felt.
“Ah,” Your head nods even though Jimin’s not looking up at you. His statement burns more as you stand in the same room as him. “When you put it like that,” Jimin lifts his head, and you don’t know whether to register his expression as sad or not, because why would he be sad. Conflicted, likely. “It makes sense we’d stop then.” You continue to nod, stepping once towards the door, “Sorry. I got the wrong idea.”
You continue in your exit, ignoring anything he may try and do in response, because you didn’t want to be pitied on top of everything else. You let the sound of chairs clattering behind you drift into the background, and slipped out of the room without another word heard.
Yoongi’s studio is on the same floor, and easy to find in a matter of moments. You usually meet him at the lobby, but you don’t think of that as your phone’s clock reads twenty past six and you knock on the frosted glass door. After three soft pounds do you take note of the tiny doorbell that is likely more effective. The small device’s appearance makes you sigh, thinking of how idiotic you were about not seeing it, how idiotic in general.
“Y/N?” You don’t realize he’s opened the door until Yoongi’s voice disrupts your misguided thoughts. You look up towards him. Yoongi can see the straining expression to appear indifferent, but it fails completely this time just in appearance alone. “Are you okay?”
“Not really, but we have a dumb date to go on.” You huff, reaching both of your hands to rub your face. Yoongi remains quiet, already not fond of the dates when you were both in at least average moods, but seeing you like this makes him hate the idea even more.
“There’s no time schedule.” He says simply, you narrow your eyes towards him in a lack of understanding, then your shoulders relax as he steps back opening the door wider. “Want to hear some of the stuff I’ve been working on and we can go out later when we’re both starving instead?”
You think of his consideration for your temperament and feel a little bad that Yoongi feels the need to accommodate, but you step inside anyways. It isn’t like he enjoys the dating, and putting it off for a while sounds like the best option. Not to mention, dismissing his attempts at kindness wouldn’t be best either.
Besides, you can’t say you weren’t curious at the prospect of listening to what Yoongi’s been working on.
You glance around the studio, noting the organized arrangements overall, yet homely in some aspects as well. The decor is limited to a few wall posters and mostly bare shelving, but his couch area looks like it isn’t new at all. The couch in particular looks a bit worn, and cluttered with a couple of blankets and a pillow. His small coffee table has only a single empty plastic cup on it, but you figure he keeps the place tidy or else there would definitely be more evidence of his caffeine vice than currently appearing.
“If you want to use the couch you can. I have some wireless headphones,” Yoongi tells you as he goes to the highlight of the room: a desk space covering the entirety of the wall. Bright with various electronic equipment and brand names that also inhabit space in your own apartment. But here the space appears validated by its placement in the company walls.
You sit on the edge of the couch, hands resting on his lap as you continue looking around the studio. It’s definitely one of the larger ones. Yoongi hands you the pair of headphones, and you situated them over your ears while he goes on in speech. “Whoa, wait what?” You cut in quickly, causing him to look back at you while he sits in his desk chair. “These things are really noise cancelling, sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Yoongi chuckles, rubbing his hair back from his face. “I was just saying I need to decorate more, but haven’t got around to it.” He slips a pair of headphones on too, leaving one ear free. “This is going to sound really rough, and there’s a gap where I’m waiting on someone to fill with vocals.”
You nod, smiling in anticipation without realizing so. The sight makes Yoongi glance away, biting his lip in sudden worry the track won’t sound as great as you may anticipate. He clicks to start anyways, listening in his own ears and simply keeping his eyes on the screen watching the point on the timeline move along.
Behind him you sit back into the cushion, trying to take in everything in one listen, despite the different levels of the song meshing together perfectly. Yoongi’s voice sounds completed in the song already, like he’s already reached a point of contentment in the sound in your opinion. “Your lyrics are really good.” You say, head swaying with the beat, staring at the empty cup instead of seeing if he’d turn to respond to you.
Yoongi catches the comment, tapping his finger on the desk, lips tightening and forming more pliable peaks on his cheeks from holding back a proud smile. He waits until the fade out, before finally facing you once more. Angles his chair slightly towards you, not all the way, trying to appear more calm than anything despite nerves still simmering quietly in his stomach because you are the first to hear this particular demo.
“Did you hear me about your lyrics?” You ask right away, sliding the headphones to rest atop your shoulders. Yoongi nods softly, mumbling about not wanting to interrupt when you were listening to say thanks. “They really, really are good.” You say again anyways, smile growing wider as Yoongi reaches to fiddle with his hair,
“Thanks again.” His voice is still quiet, something bashful about it as well. Satisfied, you think, but you continue on anyways,
“And your voice is controlled, like usual.” You sigh, leaning back, “I can’t get over it; you’re so great at singing and rapping.” Yoongi just shrugs, but you miss it while you adjust your sleeves off of your hands. “For it being incomplete, I’d still listen to it, even without the other person you’re waiting on.” Yoongi chuckles, shaking his head,
“That’s too high of praise, you’re messing with me now.”
“I’m not.” You interject firmly, sitting upright. Yoongi looks at you silently, but breaks it by rubbing his neck and speaking sincerely,
“Well, thank you. I was kind of nervous about this one actually. It’s pretty different than other songs I’ve made.”
“Yeah, it’s really on the edge of your usual stuff, I think.” You nod in agreement, settling your hand on your chin while you ponder. “But I’m sure it’ll do well. Besides what’s a better time to try new things than now, right?”
“I wanted to make it last year, actually.” Yoongi shifts on his chair, clicking open an email notification. The title reads a clothing brand, and he shuts it as he goes on and for a moment scrolls through other emails in case he’s missed anything important. “It was busy with the merger going on though. But the beat is inspired by a friend of mine’s style.”
You let the information fall into space, interested by the mention of a musical inspiration. You scan any ideas, but ultimately feel like you don’t know enough about Yoongi at all to make any verbal assumptions so you just joke, “Jin?”
“Oh,” You watch Yoongi pause, and turn on his seat, looking at you with widened eyes, “How’d you know?”
“Wait really?” Your eyes grow wide as well as the image of Seokjin passes through your mind as a music producer-
“No.”
“Hey,” Your eyes immediately narrow, paired ironically with reddening embarrassment in your face. Yoongi just scoffs, then all together laughs as you defiantly cross your arms. “Rude,” You mutter as his lips continue releasing his entirely humored melody. “He could’ve; you don’t know.”
“I don’t?” He counters, slumping back into his chair and looking at you with a raised eyebrow.
“He’s performed an entire masterpiece with chopsticks and shot glasses before, so, yeah, you don’t.” You try to refrain from releasing any of your own smiling, maintaining a serious gaze towards Yoongi as he believes none of it and nods once.
“I live to be proven wrong, I guess.” He turns to face his computer once more, rearranging the opened windows as though he intends to continue working like he had before you stopped by. At this realization your arms relax, and you think about what you should do so not to bother him, maybe grab coffee to bide the time, or mindlessly watch YouTube videos on your phone.
Yoongi interrupts the thoughts, “It might not be my place to offer, but if you ever wanted to talk--or vent about,” His head tilts as he decides against specific topics, “Anything… I’d listen.” His hand sits still on the mouse, hoping he doesn’t sound like he’s trying to overstep. Though with all the trouble you seem to have, Yoongi tries to ignore that worry, allowing the innocent concern to lead the offer along.
“I probably look like I’m always down about something, right?” Your voice trickles embarrassment and spite, sighing as you rub your hair and angle your neck towards his coffee table. Frankly, it’s tiring to continue each day dismayed by the amount of circumstances left out of your control. Quietly having to accept so much that no one else seems to have to bother with, especially where songwriting is concerned.
“Not always, no.” Yoongi responds, eyes on the monitor though he’s looking at nothing. Contemplative of phrasing. “But a lot has happened the past month, and not much of it is good for you. I may not be your closest friend, but I think anyone seeing you pretend to be okay this often would wonder if you want to talk.”
You stare at the glossy wood, thinking of the interaction between you and Jimin not long ago. Being the first time you had spoken to him, you hoped it would’ve been better, maybe even telling for what the future could hold, but that was all wishful thinking in the end. He still left. Still keeps an arm’s distance. “I just,” You pause feeling the air in your throat that you hadn’t expected to cloud your sentence. You swallow it down and bite your lip, noticing Yoongi’s movement in your peripherals as he faces you slightly. Likely checking. Your voice probably sounded ridiculous.
“It’s okay to not speak too. Whenever you’re ready.”
The sentiment feels as comforting as the way Yoongi’s voice says the words. Absent of condescension, wholly gentle and patient. Putting his ideas of what he thought of you when you met and he found out about your job aside, to simply focus on your troubles. Understanding when he really didn’t have to be. Even if you both were amicable, and freshly titled friends like he said; it’s not like Yoongi needed to offer a metaphorical shoulder, or a penny for your thoughts without an expiration date. The action gives you a tug forward.
“Jimin was at the meeting and I didn’t think he’d be there.” You finally murmur, trying to avoid eye contact as though the words itching to leave your mouth would hide if you did. “I didn’t want to break up with him--or,” You sigh, rubbing your hair as your head shakes, “We weren’t a couple, I can’t really call it a break up, huh?” You rhetorically question feelings silly for being wrapped up in this relationship when it wasn’t a proper one to begin with. “I just didn’t want it to end.” The words fade, spacing even more as you ponder sadly, “And seeing him doing well-- even though he said he misses us, it just makes me feel like I’m the only one unable to push forward.”
In the very least, Jimin’s more in control of himself than you’re showing to be. Strongly believing this is the best way to handle the problems that existed in the relationship and unmoving about it. If you think about it like that, then maybe it would be better to try and adhere to this idea, even with your feelings for him. If they aren’t reciprocated feelings, there really is no worth in you continuously falling deeper and deeper. It was always bound to hurt, you just wish it could have happened later; like you would whenever the separation inevitably happened.
“Whether it takes you longer than him or not to work through this isn’t a problem. I think you should let yourself take as long as you need.” Yoongi gazes without focus at an empty shelf he plans to display albums of artists he’s collaborated with. Considering the closeness you and Jimin evidently had, it’s completely acceptable that you would be saddened by it all, and for all Yoongi knows the relationship could’ve had knots and twists that he’d never guessed that would garner the need for you to take months to heal. “Also,” He starts, though he considers not saying anything at all in case it may be a statement he doesn’t have the right to speak to, but recalling all of the instances thus far that he’s been unable to help you at all, he lets himself finish, “I don’t think you should shove all of it down either… I bet that feels suffocating.”
You bite your lip, almost embarrassed that he’s noticed how upset you’ve been despite having known you only a couple of months. You thought you have done well so far to at least appear normal, but with Yoongi spending hours of random days solely with you, it’s plausible he has simply caught on. Somehow the fact alone didn’t feel bad. In the same way that you had Namjoon to turn to because he knows everything that’s going on, it feels comforting that Yoongi is there as well. At least in his accepting way, whether it’s deeper than that, you don’t know and lean towards doubt if only because you’re both not on close terms.
“So I should just cry in the middle of our dates?” You try at a joke, but the smile you give him is appreciative of his advice. Yoongi glances to you, chair still angled to the wall. He hears the slightly joking tone and shrugs to it,
“If you do it gives us an excuse to go home.” You giggle at the fact and don’t mention that Yerin would likely end up irritated by you both appearing like a mess in public.
“I’ll cry one week, and you cry the next then.” You tease, scooting further into his couch and realizing that its incredible plushness is why it’s worn and Yoongi’s likely kept it since his last company. He laughs at the idea, nodding his head, relaxing himself now that you seem a little better, or at least, he hopes, less inclined to force yourself to act happy. “Thanks, for letting me talk a little, by the way.” A quieter, sincere tone. Before he’s able to respond you continue, “It means a lot to me that you wanted to help. I know I’m kind of, I guess, distant with my feelings, but it’s nice to feel like I don’t have to hide it all with someone around the company. I won’t bother you with myself though, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried about that.” Yoongi discerns the idea you may feel annoying and softly diverts the thought away. “Besides sometimes it’s okay to be selfish and rant anyways. You’re just trying to help yourself.” He glances to his computer as you only respond with a nod, perhaps not entirely believing his words, but that could be a building process. “Hey, actually, while we’re here, and since you’re a producer,” You lift your head up, immediately curious as he mentions the title. “You want to help me play around with this song idea I’ve been messing with for the past week?”
“Wait, really?” You practically beam the words like sunlight, refraining from a flustered smile at the idea, but Yoongi can tell by how you sit up that you’re more than willing.
“Yeah, I’m not really getting anywhere with it, and since I know you’re the one who wrote practically all of the songs I liked from this company, of course I’d want to work with you.” The growing smile on your face almost makes Yoongi feel embarrassed as well that you found the request so appealing. He briefly chuckles as you start to nod, and he smiles brightly asking in bewilderment,
“Is it that exciting? It’s just me who’s offering, anyways.”
“Says the guy who’s made so much music that I love.” Yoongi bites his lip, smile not hiding at the joy. Emulating your sudden upbeat demeanor, simply because it felt infectious, Yoongi gestures to his computer,
“Well then since we both love each other’s stuff, let’s make it the collaboration of the year.” A light-hearted joke, but you and Yoongi mutually think it’s suddenly an exciting idea to work with one another on a song. So you’re up to your feet in seconds, taking the few steps towards his work area as he clicks around the screen,
“Wait, you don’t expect me to stand and help do you?”
“Oh, right, I’ll get a chair.”
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if you enjoy please, please let me know! i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )
tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire​​ @tsvkino-usagi​​​
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lveclouds · 4 years
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forbidden (myg+jjk) the untamed au (ch.1)
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a/n: this is the first chapter of forbidden!! and again, the header was made by the talented @suhdays​​, pls go give her all the love in the world 😔❤ idk how many chapters this will have, but it will be a series!! also, this chapter takes place thirteen years after the prologue, just like in the show hehe hope you all enjoy this, and pls let me know what you think! also, please be patient with me in terms of writing and regarding uploading schedules because i am very bad at sticking to them lmao but hopefully i can come up with one in the future! also, the next chapter will be jungkook’s hehe
genre: fluff, tooth-rotting fluff, mxm, angst, mild swearing? i guess?, slow burn, alternate universe
word count: idk but probs over 100+ at least 
*note: again, if mxm relationships make you uncomfortable, then pls do not feel as if you have to read this! i will be doing member x reader fics in the future i promise!!*
*and the ocs and the other members will be introduced in a later chapter ❤*
(present, 13 years later)
the air was crisp and clean when yoongi stepped outside, clutching bichen tightly in his left hand, swathed in white mourning robes. the bright sun’s rays were peeking through the clouds, bathing the world in golden beams of light. vibrant tiger flowers stood out against the green blades of grass, swaying gently in the light breeze. normally, the sight of the flowers basking in the sunlight would be a peaceful and happy one for yoongi. however, this time, the flowers now symbolized a time in his life where things were simpler, happier, even. ever since that fateful day of the siege at the burial mounds, his life had never been the same. yoongi tried to forget the pain and anguish he’d felt when jungkook had willingly let go of his hand, plummeting to his death in the chasm below. he remembered the look of despair in jungkook’s eyes, silently begging for yoongi to let go. yoongi had refused to, and kept a vice like grip on the younger’s hand. then, to his horror, jungkook’s brother, jeon jung hyun, lifted his sword above his head, pure malice in his eyes as he swung the blade down. yoongi could only watch in horror as the blade nearly made contact with jungkook’s hand, stabbing the rocky surface of the cliff that jungkook was clinging on to. yoongi saw the younger’s big, gorgeous doe eyes widen with fear, and before he could react, he felt jungkook’s hand slip out of his, almost frantically, and yoongi felt his heart shatter as the younger fell to his doom into the chasm below. 
yoongi remembered the way his heart felt as if it had been ripped out of his chest as he watched, powerless, as jungkook, the only man he ever loved, fall to his death. he remembered how useless and pathetic he felt as he stood there and did nothing. yoongi remembered crying out his name in fear as the younger plummeted to his doom. jungkook had only closed his eyes, as if he were sleeping, seemingly at ease, and yoongi fought the urge to jump off the cliff and suffer the same fate as the younger. 
it’d been nearly thirteen years since jungkook’s death, and yoongi had spent those years in mourning, holed up in the library pavilion, composing new pieces to play on his guqin, with every single song dedicated to him. yoongi had barely eaten or slept, despite his family urging him to do so. he felt numb, as if someone had cut off one of his limbs. he had lost the will or need to take care of himself, and this resulted in losing a significant amount of weight. luckily, before things got even worse than they were, his mother finally convinced him to have a proper meal. yoongi slowly got out of his miserable state, but the process was arduous and frustrating at times. 
yoongi suspected the universe hated him, because just a few weeks after he had managed to pull himself out of his state of depression, his uncle had fallen ill. he was dying, despite the efforts of the doctors who had tended to him. to yoongi, this event proved that the universe was merely out to get him, and he felt as if nothing in his life would ever be the same. in fact, nothing had and would ever be the same, especially with jungkook no longer in his life. 
 yoongi refused to spare the tiger flowers a second glance as he slowly made his way to his uncle’s chambers, still clutching bichen tightly, as if he were afraid that someone might steal it. 
his uncle, as he had feared, had died the moment he got there. his family was gathered around his bedside, his brother quietly sobbing in their mother’s arms. yoongi fought back tears at the scene as he made his way over to them, standing a few feet away, unsure of what to do. yoongi had never been the greatest at comforting, nor did he know what to say or do that would console his devastated family. out of the corner of his eye, his brother reluctantly broke away from their mother’s embrace and went over to him, his eyes red and puffy from crying. min jun was sensitive and gentle in nature, and his heart could be hurt quite easily. “yoongi, i didn’t think you’d come.” yoongi looked at him in disbelief. “of course i would, why wouldn’t i?” min jun shrugged. “i don’t know, i just figured you wouldn’t want to be surrounded by grief when you just got out of such a state yourself.” “i’m fine.” said yoongi, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. 
min jun looked unconvinced, but he didn’t press further. “his funeral will be held three days from now.” he said, his voice hoarse and full of sorrow. “i know. i’ll be there.” min jun gave him a sad smile. “i know you will.” and before yoongi could respond, min jun ruffled his hair affectionately and walked away, rejoining their  mother. 
yoongi couldn’t stand seeing his family in so much pain, so he quietly slipped out of the room, gently pulling the doors closed behind him. minutes later, yoongi found himself in an alcove in the forest that surrounded the cloud recesses, staring fondly at the snow white bunnies hopping around on a patch of grass. he sighed and settled down on a rock a few feet away, propping bichen up against a tree. as if sensing his sadness, a bunny practically flew into his lap, moving around to get comfortable. yoongi allowed himself a small smile as he cradled the bunny to him, fingers idly stroking its soft fur. he had always come to this area to clear his head and escape from the turmoil that often plagued his family. he had grown fond of the bunnies that occupied this part of the forest, for they always seemed calm and serene. they also reminded him of jungkook, for he was also quite fond of bunnies, and his smile resembled that of the cute animal. 
yoongi ignored the way his heart clenched at the memory of jungkook smiling at him whenever he was in the younger’s vicinity. he shook the thought away and instead tried to think of what would happen after his uncle’s funeral. someone would have to take over his position as clan leader, and the only possible candidates were him and his brother. however, there was no doubt in yoongi’s mind that min jun would be chosen, after all, he was the oldest of the clan. 
yoongi had no qualms about his brother being clan leader. despite his gentle and often carefree nature, min jun was also very intelligent and sensible, and could also be very serious when needed. he would make an excellent clan leader, yoongi thought. 
yoongi let his mind wander for a bit. his mental state was in disarray, and no matter how hard he tried to forget jungkook, he knew that the memory of his gorgeous doe eyes and cheerful smile would forever be burned into the back of his mind like a brand. 
a/n: hello all!! so this was the first chapter of forbidden! i hoped you all enjoyed this and pls let me know what you think!!!
tagging: @softguks​ @sketchguk​ @suhdays​ @joonglows​ @swanqook​ @brilliantlybasicb​ @outroshooky​ @jinies​ @yourdelights​ @starlightstae​ @glitterjoons​
p.s. - let me know if you want to be tagged for my fics 💕💕
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ask-drunk-wheeljack · 5 years
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The Wrecker Code (Rules)
General Guidelines
Be nice. Prob don’t have to tell ya that.  If you’re not then you’ll go to the block list with all the porn bots and you don’t wanna be there.
Open to new RP’s with anyone.  Just hmu in the ask box or hit up my dm’s and let’s get this party started!  You can use a starter from a list I’ve shared whenever, or you can come up with one of your own.  I love seeing what people come up with.
Multiverse and OC friendly! Just gotta fill me in on yourself or your character and we can do it.  I RP with all continuities of Transformers.
I explore and rp potentially dark subjects (abuse, mental health/illnesses, drugs/alcohol use, etc). You’ve been warned.  I’ll try to tag things or use a cut when needed.
There aren’t a lot of subjects I won’t rp since nothing really phases me, but I’d rather asks and rp steer clear of politics/religion and stuff like that where people end up uncomfortable or highly opinionated.  We’re here for robots not human politics.
On that note, anything else is up for grabs.  I will do most anything but I would appreciate a dm if you’re looking to do anything that involves dubcon/noncon elements or brings direct harm to either your muse or mine.
You’re always welcome to send asks to Wheeljack or myself (mun Jackie). Make Wheeljack cringe, roll his optics, shake his head, become painfully insecure, whatever. He’ll answer according to his thoughts bout the subject but I can’t promise he’ll be fully honest all the time.
Please don’t reblog my rp’s if you’re not a part of the rp.  It creates confusion and honestly, if you think about it, is hardly productive since the thread is ongoing and you’re only ever gonna have part of it.  You’re interrupting the writers (literally, we are writing together) and that’s rude.  so please don’t.  You’re always welcome to send a starter for your own rp with me.
If you ever have any questions about anything (Wheeljack, rp, headcanons, whatever), my dm’s are open
Take a moment to read Wheeljack’s about section.  It’s the best way to get to know him and it might even inspire a question or a starter. Link in bio.
You can talk to SG Wheeljack (although he is a horrible boy so be careful!) and human Wheeljack at any point in his life.  I will do RP as all of them.  Just make sure to specify who you are directing the ask or starter to.
Shipping Guidelines
I am multiship.  Come ship with me ;) 
I accept all continuities for shipping and if I’m down for it, I will ship with human characters.
There are some ships I will not do: wj x Bulkhead (I see them as brothers so that would be weird), wj x ultra magnus (just don’t dig it all that much) are my main ones but I’ll let you know if I am not comfortable with a ship.  
Ships I am always down for are: Ratchet x Wheeljack, Wheeljack x Wheeljack (yes my boy needs to date himself, and I’m open to any continuity wheeljack for shipping), Wheeljack x OC’s (if the chemistry is right)
NSFW RP Guidelines
I answer NSFW asks, participate in NSFW RP, and joke about/discuss NSFW things. I have quite a bit of mature content on here since I am of age.  My jokes may not be funny to everyone.  If that bothers ya, this prolly is the wrong place for you, cos Wheeljack a filthy, dirty, nasty minded mech, and I am almost as dirty minded as he is.
NSFW rp is welcome to be brought up. I may not agree to every NSFW RP request, but you’re definitely welcome to ask. Just don’t start popping panels and wielding spikes before you inform me you’re interested and I agree to it. I love NSFW RP but my character is not just here for the taking at any time.  Character does not mean consent. Keep ya panels shut until everyone participating has agreed to it.
No NSFW RP with minors.  End of story.
If you would like to RP something NSFW but would not like to do so publicly on Tumblr, dm me and I have a discord server we could head off to and create a private channel in.
I will not do nsfw rp as human Jackie unless he is over 18.  
SG Wheeljack is very selfish and cruel in the berth so please do keep that in mind if you wanna do nsfw rp with him.  He brings up a lot of triggering content for some users.  DM me for nsfw rp for him bc there is usually dubcon involved and I want to plot that very specifically with someone beforehand.
That said, I am always open to subjects such as: rape, dubcon, bondage, etc.  I will also rp most kinks since Wheeljack is a bit of a freak in the sheets.  Again.  Please dm me first to discuss.
ABOUT THE MUN
The name’s Jackie, and I’m 21+
I am an artist, writer, and in general creative person.  you can find my art here sometimes but mostly on @drunkjackieart, my art blog
I’m pretty much a goofy dumbass.  i don’t make the rules
I work 6 days a week between two jobs, so y’know.  if my replies are slow that is a contributing factor
sometimes i struggle to come up with replies, especially longer ones since i have to actually think these through.  so do bear that in mind.  i also struggle with depression, meaning my brain sometimes turns to literal mush when it comes to tryna be creative.  sometimes it’s hard to get into the headspace to write when ya can barely get into the headspace to get up and function.
when asking mun questions, DO NOT ASK EXPLICIT PERSONAL NSFW QUESTIONS ABOUT ME. I WILL NOT ANSWER IDENTIFYING QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE, INCLUDING MY PRIVATE LIFE.  it makes me very uncomfortable, and while Wheeljack might answer those, i will not.
TAGS I USE
About, headcanons: #about jackie, #wheeljack answers
NSFW: #jackie’s frag life, #nasty, #valveplug
Mun stuff: #mun speaks, #mun post, #bitchjack speaks
Rule updates: #rules, #guidelines
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I know not everyone is huge into rules, but they make things go more smoothly and help out to make things better for everyone. So here's a list of things to expect, not really rule, rules... But close enough.
I am an Indie RP blog, which means I don't belong to a specific group. I never have and I probably never will because that's just not my jive. I do RP with a specific person quite often but that doesn't mean I'm exclusive, I just happen to know this person personally and so I RP with them often.
If you ask me, I can tag things with a trigger warning. This doesn't bother me at all but I will not know to tag this unless you ask me to. I'm not going to go snooping for anything and I'm not a mind reader, so it's your responsibility to let me know to tag something. You're welcome to go through my tags list and block whatever may bother you. However, if something bothers you and it's not there, let me know so I can tag it in the future. If I forget to tag something (which I'll do my best not to, but it happens when you're human) then just remind me. I'll do my best to avoid this happening, however.
If you need to talk, go ahead and message me. I use combinations of my own experiences with scientific evidence and understanding to cater my responses to your situation. I will be honest, however. I don't want to lie to you, so I'm going to do my best to not do that. I try to provide a neutral voice, affirm what you're feeling, and give the most mature advice I can. I do not always have the answer but I'm excellent at listening, at least.
This is my only warning, my blog may have NSFW themes. Sex, cursing, death, and other dark themes. I tend to not shy away from the cruelties of reality, no matter how much I (or others) abhorr them. There is no way to stop the horrors of life... but we can take action and open up conversations and outlets of thinking so we can better understand and combat these terrible atrocities. I enjoy making myself think and question things and then going further and wondering WHY.
However, I am also mentally ill, live in the middle of nowhere, and have a life offline... so sometimes even the things I'm causing myself to question I have to take a step back from due to PTSD. I am still willing to discuss them, but I would need a small break so as to not cause myself mental and emotional pain. This is how I process and understand things. I will pick up the thread when I feel I am mentally able to and I will let you know that it's on pause because I do NOT just drop threads randomly. If you have this problem as well (or even if you want to actually drop the thread or just skip ahead) let me know and I will gladly do what I can. I'm not here to cause pain and distress. If the topic I'm RPing with you is pushing too far, let me know and we can stop that (and probably never do it again unless you request it).
Again, I will not randomly drop threads without discussing with you first. Not unless we personally come across an issue and you and I are no longer communicating. In which case, I will drop them in an effort to leave you be. I do not go out of my way to ask others why they dropped threads, either. I just ask that if you're going to drop it, let me know so I can remove it from my tracker. You don't have to give me a reason why, just let me know and I'll do it.
My replies MAY be incredibly slow. I live in the middle of nowhere so most of the time my internet doesn't work or only partially works. I'm mentally ill and have life outside of the internet. Sometimes I'm just slow to respond. I am not ignoring you, I promise. If I don't want to talk to you, I'll generally say I don't want to talk right now. Otherwise, assume something on my end is messing up so I cannot currently respond... or I'm sleeping or away from the computer.
I am not interested in anything more than platonic friendships with others. I am in a relationship and, honestly, am not really a people person... I'm a loner who lives on 12 acres and would rather go for a walk with my dogs or build toys for my rats than go to the mall. I'm not good with communication, though I try my best. I have no interest in flirting and it actually makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so I would prefer if you just didn't. I am friendly on a platonic level and nothing more. I may RP sexual themes, but other than my lover, I am not sexually interested in anyone. I'm very much grey-ace/demisexual... Meaning I have to build an attachment in the first place and, even then, I'm not generally interested in sex. I would appreciate if you respected that.
I do not generally have icons or gifs that are directly related to the character, but if I find one I may use it. Otherwise, I am an artist and so I may draw and/or doodle here and there. You are not required to do any of this, however. Please do not feel obligated to do anything for me. I owe you nothing and you owe me nothing. You are your own person, just as I am my own.
I am an AU/Crossover/OC friendly blog. For OCs or Crossovers into other fandoms I ask that you please toss me some information, however. There is the high chance that I will have no idea what you're talking about, even if I'm in the fandom, because my memory is not the best, I do not go snooping on other people's pages, and it's just nice to have something to work with. Plus, I may not even know the fandom. Regardless, I'll still work with you because I do enjoy challenges and learning.
If I reblog a meme or starter post, feel free to reblog and/or send me some. I don't mind either way, but I do enjoy getting inbox things so feel free to ask away, even if it doesn't have to do with a meme or starter post.
If you want to do a lot of threads with me? Same or different muses? Feel free! I'm really laid back and chill so it's no problem with me.
My muse is usually a top, though can switch depending. Preference for those who identify as male but swings any which way. He's generally Alpha in ABO universes. I will write sexual but if you don't want to then let me know and we can skip those scenes or even just do platonic RP. I am not picky and will not judge for this.
My Mike is usually the kind of guy with a big heart and a secret dark side that he's ashamed of and tries to hide. He wants to help everyone else be better than he thinks he is. He doesn't think highly of himself but works hard to do the right thing, despite being able to be swayed to do the wrong thing. I do this so I have a complicated character to work with who has realistic problems and not always the correct response. There are topics I can (probably even will) cover that I do NOT agree with or am even uncomfortable with myself because it helps me to process and understand things better when I can think of alternative trains of thought and get inside another's head.
I am mentally ill, sometimes I fall behind... Please be patient. I'm not going to bite and I do my best to talk professionally. If our RP touches on a topic that upsets either of us, it is your responsibility to let me know that you'd like to pause, skip, drop, or change the topic, and it is my responsibility to do the same for you. I will not judge you for this. I can only handle some topics at certain times too, so it's nothing personal. There are some topics that I can never handle when they hit a certain point, even (usually victim-blaming/gas-lighting children who are being abused, I cannot go in depth on this topic) because I suffer from PTSD from childhood trauma. There are topics that some people simply cannot do and that's okay. So if I'm RPing with you, and there's a topic you don't want, let me know so we can avoid it. I'm not here to cause undue distress. However, if I'm RPing a topic with someone else that makes you uncomfortable or you cannot do? Just let me know to tag it so you can block the tag. Nothing personal, no issues.
I generally do not move asks to a new thread because I am lazy and often forget how to do that. I write things down and use programs to help me keep track of things. However, if you want to move it, feel free. Just tag me so I can track it. If I don't see your tag, feel free to DM me to let me know to go look for it.
Personal blogs feel free to follow me but don't expect a follow back all of the time. Let me know the sid blogthat you RP with and I'll follow you there. This is NOT my main blog. My main blog is a Michael/Tall Goth RP blog that is much darker in topic, so do not feel like you have to follow that back.
If there is anything you have a problem with let me know. If you don't want to RP with me, that's okay! I'm not going to stalk you or demand an explanation. It's not my place and I don't have the time or energy to do that kind of thing. If you want to drop RPing with me completely, let me know and I'll remove the RPs from my tracker and leave you alone. You have every right to choose to not interact with me and that's okay. Even if you just want time, that's okay too. Unless we have a personal dispute, chances are that, even if you ask me to drop you, I won't block you so you're welcome to come back whenever you want to. No questions asked. You owe me NO explanation. Even if I ask you if it's okay if I ask why? Feel free to tell me no and that you don't want to explain, that's okay! You don't owe me anything and it's okay if you don't want to interact.
If you want to RP but something is bothering you? Whether it's a topic or a real life issue or my attitude... It's okay. Let me know. If you know we're just going to argue on a topic but you want to talk about other things, just ask me to never bring up that topic and I will do that for you. I can avoid topics to avoid disputes that way we can talk about other things. It doesn't bother me to do that. If you want me to tag that topic? I can do that too, so you don't have to see my talks about that with other people, either. I have no problem with that.
However, if you want to argue, are looking for an argument, or want to try to tell me how horrible I am because of xyz reason? I'm going to ignore you. I may even block you. It's nothing personal but I do not have the energy to do that. I am literally sick enough that if I get too stressed I pass out. I don't have the time or energy to waste on arguing that when I could go do something else. I do my best to study before I speak. I take facts and studies from trained professionals. I educate myself and separate reality from fiction. I have no interest in arguing over arbitrary things and I know who and what I am. I do no harm. I go out of my way to bend backwards to compromise. I will not stand there and be told I'm a horrible person with falsehoods because I know it's not true and I could spend that time going outside and working on the garden. So I won't. End of story.
In real life, I don't really do a lot. I live in the middle of nowhere with my partner and my animals. I spend my time taking care of my animals and making art because I'm not a people person. I have a lot of late-night deep debates with my partner that makes me really think and question things in order to challenge myself. I love science and studying. I don't generally interact with people in real life because I don't like people and it causes me stress. I'm not a super sexual person. I'm angry about the world's issues but not violent. I prefer to just chill and learn and ask questions. I want to challenge myself to think about things that make me assess situations from multiple sides and understand WHY someone does something. I want reality, no matter how cruel, so I can better learn how to help prevent that. It's just what I do.
I have no interest in arguing. Too much effort and no reward. If you want to hate me? Go ahead. I don't care the reason, just do it on your own time. Don't waste my time with it because I don't care. My caring goes as far as, this makes you uncomfortable? Okay, let me know and I'll tag it. Then you can block the tag and we can be done with it. It's your job to let me know. My job to make the tag. Your job to avoid the tag.
I'm not here to fight. I'm here o open up discussions within myself and challenge myself. My morals lay at how my rights end where yours begin and vice versa. I will not seek you out to cause harm. If you seek me out and cause yourself harm? That's on you. You did that to yourself. I am not forcing you to look up tags that upset you and read them. You did that to yourself. I put the tags there so you had the option to opt out.
Anyway, I feel like this is long enough. So there are my rules/explanation for my blog. If you need anything to talk abou, DM me and we'll figure out if I need to add anything. I'm nt actually an asshole, I just suck at communication and am not going to argue with every aggressive person online because I could use that time being productive.
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