#(sassbewitchedmyass)

[audiofanficpod]

ICU by @sassbewitchedmyass

Read by @red2007

Please leave the author a comment if you enjoyed their story 😘

#sassbewitchedmyass #audiofanficpod #audio fanfic #audio fiction #audio fanfiction #law and order svu #law and order organized crime #law and order fic #benson x stabler #bensler #eo is endgame #podfic #SoundCloud

[bensonnstabler]

i was tagged by the lovely @fourteenthofaugust (omg tysm i was literally discussing tumblr nostalgia today with my psychologist) and to tag 9 people i wish to get to know better!

last song: does the audio book of the lost hero (heroes of olympus) count as a song?

currently watching: hate to be cliche on my svu-themed main but svu 1.0 because apparently my brain short circuits at anything new

three ships: elliot x olivia obviously, tbh there's not really any others i ship on the same level. idk daniel craig's 007 and ben wishaw's Q is definitely up there, percabeth is also having a resurgence for other obvious reasons

favorite color: dark forest green

currently consuming: water lmao, though my mum did just decorate an IKEA heart-shaped cookie for me for valentines <3

first ship: j*hnlock

relationship status: in a loving long term relationship x

last movie: saltburn, which needless to say slapped

currently working on: svu 1.0 gif ideas now i finally have 1080p svu clips at my disposal

tagging (with zero pressure!): @icarusjarvis @daddydoddsjr @wildflowerswildhorses @by-the-broken-silver-birch @sassbewitchedmyass @leatvshows @franloveseo @omgmayerbeth @somuchwhatever

#tag games #aboutbensonnstabler #ty for indulging said tumblr nostalgia

[eoangstlover56]

70 degrees and sunny and new updates/fics by @sassbewitchedmyass @yhamh @marilynwhitmore @chriskaanon and @turquoiseterrier it’s a beautiful day y’all 😍😍😍

[captainelliecomb]

WIP Wishlist Round Twelve

Previous WIP Wishlists

Madness by LadyRhiyana (8,892 words, first posted 04 March 2021, last updated 31 Dec 2021)

Summary: “Hush,” he whispers. “You don’t want your husband to hear, do you?”**Brienne's first betrothed survives the spring sickness. A year after her marriage, the Kingslayer comes to Nightsong.

Things I Love: The emotional weight of the secret relationship between Jaime and Brienne both before and after this version of the War of the Five Kings, Jaime teaching Brienne to fight, the soft, safe life she convinces herself she wants as Lady Caron, the potential for violence and love and rage and dangerous happiness where it currently ends.

Shipwrecked by Archer85 (19,882 words, first posted 31 Oct 2020, last update 13 Feb 2021)

Summary: Rather than travel by land, Jaime and Brienne decide to sail back to King's Landing after they leave Harrenhal. However, due to a bad storm, they are shipwrecked alone together on a small island and must help one another survive. They must also contend with their rising affection and attraction to one another.

Things I Love: Shipwrecked on a island, survival skills, Brienne’s competence, the sexual tension between them, the way they slowly open up in ways they didn’t have time to in canon after Harrenhal, Jaime’s keen interest in learning more about her, both of them fighting hard not to admit to their desires.

how the light gets in by sassbewitchedmyass @sassbewitchedmyass​ (20,005 words, first posted 03 July 2019, last updated 25 July 2019)

Summary: What if Cersei had won the battle of Kings Landing?

Things I Love: This setup for an AU, Brienne’s friendship with Sandor, Brienne’s easy companionship with Gendry, how Brienne and Sansa love each other, Sansa in all her glory, Jaime’s complicated point of view and characterisation, Brienne fighting the undead Mountain, Jaime once again a Stark prisoner, the way Jaime and Sansa fight in part driven by their love for Brienne, the found family they created on the long ride south.

Seven Days in Dorne by Aviss @aviss​ (9,249 words, first posted 06 March 2020, last updated 20 March 2020)

Summary: Brienne needs to marry or lose Tarth and the title of Evenstar. Jaime needs to find a wife or his father will do it for him. A Tournament in Dorne might be the answer to their problems.

Things I Love: Brienne determine to save Tarth from the cousin who will inherit if she doesn’t comply with a terrible old law, the proposed marriage between Brienne and Oberyn, Elia lives, Brienne’s complete awe watching Ellaria fight, the dynamic between Jaime and Tywin, Jaime protecting Tyrion, Lyanna and Elia’s friendship, how certain Jaime is that Oberyn and Ellaria will like Brienne after he’s first seen her, all the care these different people have for each other. 

By Your Hand by girls_like_girls (24,060 words, first posted 31 July 2019, last updated 16 May 2021)

Summary: What happens if Jaime had to take Riverrun with bloodshed?

Things I Love: Brienne beating Jaime in combat but is knocked out by one of his men while Jaime begs to die by her hand, Bronn sneaking Pod out of the castle to safety, Jaime killing the man who hurt her, Brienne asking him to swear that he will not needlessly throw his life away the way he tried to do at her hand, Brienne and Bronn bonding in their own angry, violent way, Jaime reacting to the Sept explosion, how Bran unnerves Brienne and Brienne looks like a puzzle to him, the politics, the coming war.

#wip wishlist #game of thrones #asoiaf #jaime x brienne #ladyrhiyana #sassbewitchedmyass #aviss #archer85 #girls_like_girls

[oathoftheheart]

time for PART TWO of the oathfam kids finally having a dad, but this time it’s with Sansa:

Sansa has a makeup tutorial-themed youtube channel that Jaime offers to help with and every video is just Sansa trying not to giggle at her dad’s very-serious-face as she does his eyeliner 

SHE TEACHES HIM HOW TO BRAID BECAUSE HE’S ALWAYS WANTED TO HELP DO THEIR HAIR FOR PICTURE DAY ( the first year comes out horrible, but they save the pictures anyway. ) (( the year after that, he manages both a french braid AND a dutch. Arya wanted to argue against getting her hair done at all, but allows it just this once...and maybe the year after that, too... )) (((  “You look so pretty, Arya.” “I’M JUST TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM, BRINNY!” )))

Jaime brings her to the office once and comes back from the bathroom to find her trying to redecorate their break-room after she got the idea from Queer Eye ( he lets her do it, but only because she lets him pick out the couch pillows. they’re the same color as Brienne’s eyes and Sansa absolutely notices, but lets him get away with it because they match the appliances. ) 

Sansa asks him to teach her how to drive. Jaime may or may not cry.

...

...then he realizes it’s because his car is faster

they get pulled over, but the Lannister name is thrown around until they’re let go with a warning that Brienne will hopefully never learn about!!

she learns about it. it isn’t pretty. 

Sansa is the oldest of the stark kids, so she has more memories of Ned than the others, but she tells Jaime that her other dad would be really glad she has such a good papa like him around now

Jaime definitely cries this time

thats all for now but you better believe im thinking about this non-stop 24/7 😭💗💖💕

#SANSA AND HER PAPA HANGIN OUT MAKES ME WANNA CRY YALL #catalyst #oathfam #ser family #sansa stark #jaime lannister #sassbewitchedmyass #headcanon #got #game of thrones #my post #arya stark #brienne of tarth #jaime #brienne #sansa

[comicdeathx]

The Braime Bunch:

Would definitely dip apples in ranch: Arya, Bran, Pod

Watching this in shock: Sansa, Gendry, Brienne

gets pranked to dip apples into ranch: Jaime

#adventures of ser mom and ser dad and their dumbass northern kids #arya stark #bran stark #podrick payne #Gendry Waters #Sansa Stark #jamie lannister #brienne of tarth #catalyst #braime #jaime x brienne #incorrect game of thrones quotes #incorrect quotes #sassbewitchedmyass

[ddagent]

Could you write some more Queen!Brienne pretty please😍

This is probably not at all what you had in mind, but I’m re-reading ‘Head, Hand, Heart’ so I can start writing chapter 11, and I thought this would be fun to do. 

King’s Landing had truly fallen. 

Brienne tried to keep her focus straight ahead; to the Red Keep looming like a spectre over the burning city. But the honour in her cried out to help these people. Offer her waterskin to the soot-covered children. Offer a shield to the women lamenting over burning homes, broken possessions. Offer her sword (after a fashion) to those who had no honour. Neither she, nor Ned, were willing to let some of these transgressions go unpunished. There was blood on her face, smoke in her hair, and a desperation to see justice done. 

When Robert arrived to take the throne, she would plead with him not to reward Tywin Lannister for this anarchy. Indeed, she whispered a prayer to the Father that their next monarch protected these people. Kept them safe. 

Finally, they made it to the Red Keep. Ned bowed his head. “There it is.”

Brienne shared a look with Ned: their journey had begun with Brandon riding into this city, and it would end with them doing the same. “Let us finish this.” 

They reached the doors to the throne room. Brienne led the charge; Ned behind her with his sword drawn. The first thing she saw was a body. Her gaze crept over the room until she caught sight of another, the corpse of Aerys Targaryen. She had never seen the King in person, but his white hair and golden crown were hard to attribute to another. And there, behind him, was the Iron Throne. Sitting atop it was the Warrior himself. 

White cloak, golden hair, bloodied sword. She’d prayed to him every day for a year for guidance, for strength, and he had finally answered her. He was as handsome as the stories depicted; as deadly as the tales of old. 

She felt Ned’s presence at her back. “Jaime Lannister.” 

Oh. Yes, Brienne could see it now. The closer they drew to the throne, the more human the Warrior’s features became. She had only clapped eyes upon the former heir to Casterly Rock once, at the tourney at Harrenhal. Some of the serving wenches had proclaimed him the most beautiful man in all of Westeros, even more beautiful than Prince Rhaegar. 

Perhaps he was. But that was a white cloak around his shoulders, and his King’s blood on his sword. 

Ned spoke first. "Your father and his army are within the city walls. The King is dead. Quite the coincidence, wouldn't you say, Lannister."

"You were going to kill him anyway; I was just saving you the time."

A muscle twitched in Ned’s cheek. "I'm sure. You and your father's dedication to our cause has always been about timing."

Lannister banners waving amidst soot and smoke. The city screaming, and burning, and Tywin Lannister overlooking it all. His son, sitting atop the throne as if the lions had won this war themselves. They were nothing but cowards. Only joining in the war when it suited them; only stopping the king when it suited them. Ser Jaime Lannister had kept his vows when the outcome was unknown; dismissed them at his father’s behest. 

Oathbreaker. Kingslayer. 

That white cloak of his was stained red; the hem soaking in Aerys’ Targaryen’s blood. As were her boots. She took a step back. "Lady Brienne." She turned towards Ned. "I need to speak to the others; get the word out that Aerys is dead. I need you to stay here. Watch the body. Watch him."

Exchanging a single nod, Ned left the throne room to seek out their forces. Brienne placed a hand upon the hilt of her sword and met Ser Jaime’s eye. To her surprise, he did not reach for his. She half expected him to draw his sword; to slay her where she stood and flee into his father’s protection. He did none of these things. 

Curious. 

#sassbewitchedmyass #braime #jaime x brienne #mine: paragraph prompts #ship: braime #fic: head hand heart #it's not an exact fit #because brienne's pov is meant to link to jaime's #but I hope it reads well

[mattatouile]

Too 5 Book!Jaime smartass/sassmaster quotes?

1. (Said to CerseI) “Your Grace, I was wondering. Are you drunk, or merely stupid?” 

2.  “I seldom fling children off the tops of towers to improve their health. Yes, I meant for him to die.” 

3. (Cersei) "I shall rule until my son comes of age."

"I don't know who I pity more," [Jaime] said. "Tommen, or the Seven Kingdoms."

4. "Lord Ryman crowned me his very self." She gave a shake of her ample hips. "I'm the queen o' whores."No, Jaime thought, my sweet sister holds that title too.

5. Does  “Come on, come on, my sweetling, the music’s still playing. Might I have this dance, my lady?”  count as smartass? I doubt it. But he was being sassy so I’m counting it. 

#i lead a jaime lannister based lifestyle #asoiaf #sassbewitchedmyass

[renee561]

Braime Halloween Goodness for @sassbewitchedmyass. Special thanks to @melsanfo for helping with the description and @seaspiritwrites for betaing <3

-- read below or click the link--

He eyed himself critically in the mirror, paying extra attention to the leather on his forearms. He had to make sure the leather covered the cast that had been on his arm for three weeks now. 

He was a Lannister, and even though his father had been dead for six years, his teaching of how a Lannister should present himself in public still rang in his head from time to time. Especially when the injury was preventable. 

His nephew Tommen had been trying out his new hoverboard and Jaime thought to impress the younger generation with his skills, despite his wife's warnings. He should have listened to Brienne. 

He had impressed them, by simply falling off trying to go forward and breaking his wrist. Brienne hadn’t yelled at him on the way to the Emergency Room, but she did remind him he'd have a cast that would have to be incorporated into his costume for Catelyn Stark's Stranger’s Day Party. The one they were going to, because Brienne promised her friend she would attend.

Jaime knew that even as CEO of Lannister Productions, he would not be excluded from the wrath of his wife should he fail to attend. Brienne hated parties, but when she committed to something there was no power to make his wife reconsider. 

Her word was her bond; it was just one of the things he admired and loved about her. The list was endless, even though sometimes it drove him insane. Especially when they both knew it would have been better for Brienne to not agree to do things. She was as stubborn as Jaime and sometimes that worked in his favor; most times it did not. 

He loved his wife, and it was pure luck that he had even convinced her to date him, let alone spend the rest of her life with him. But he had, and he was sure she regretted it every time he did something stupid. Which was to say daily. Sometimes more than twice a day. 

He had finally found a costume two days ago, while Brienne had to be convinced of his idea. 

"Jaime, I look ridiculous. I should just wear the armor." His wife brought him back to the present moment: him staring at his reflection in order to make sure his folly was hidden, as he had to use his left hand for things instead of his right. 

He turned toward her and froze. He eyed her carefully, his pulse rapid, his breath caught in his chest. There she stood, a goddess draped in his house colors. He was thankful for his aunt and her team of expert seamstresses. Even though he could only see the span of her back, he knew what the dress looked like even with his eyes closed. 

The long dress on anyone else would look like a shapeless burlap sack, but on her it was grandiose. The red upper layer offset her pale skin, her straw-colored blonde hair styled to curl in tiny waves to her shoulders, it kept the white fabric from washing her out. The sleeves were loose, but not overly so, and ended just above her wrists, showing off the delicate bone structure there and showcasing her long, beautifully shaped fingers. The sapphire and diamond ring and the singular gold band on her finger winked at him playfully in the soft light of their room. Her gold earrings lay innocently on top of the dresser waiting to complete the outfit.

She was both the Maiden and the Warrior with lion head brooches keeping her dress cinched at the waist and shoulders. The gold was just another treasure she carried, along with rubies and tiny sapphire-colored stones in the embroidery all along the hem of her dress, the sleeves, crawling up her arms, and across the neckline. No sapphire compared to the blue of her eyes; all were too dull, never blue enough. No ruby matched the deep red of her lips. 

She was dressed to match their houses. She was both Tarth and Lannister and not so deep down a hum of approval traveled to his lips. A sound like a lion's purr escaped on his breath, making her eyes look at him through the mirror she was standing in front of. Her mouth parted just slightly as she took him in as well. 

He smiled predatorily at his wife, just as he had three years ago when she walked down the aisle to him wearing this exact dress. They had been outside then, and Jaime had worn a gold tunic, breeches, and a sword on his hip. It was similar to what he wore now, except he was dressed in leather from head to toe, and he was wearing a kilt-like ensemble instead of breeches. 

The leather armor covering his chest was soft, though it left his toned arms proudly on display. His red belt held the same sword he had worn for their wedding, the gold hilt displayed on his right side instead of his left. The leather cords wrapped around his forearms to his fingers. His shins were bare and his feet were in leather sandals in order to complete the look of a Dothraki warrior of old.

Her eyes returned to gaze at her own wardrobe, turning and twisting in front of the mirror, her hands trying to fix the already perfect garb so that the bottom layer didn't mold to her body when she walked. 

"You look gorgeous, Brienne. Just as you did on our wedding day," he told her, his smile widening as their eyes met again in the mirror. 

"I'm not as I was three years ago, Jaime. It doesn't completely hide me anymore," she said, taking her eyes away from his to look at the dress. 

He walked carefully around the bed, eyes on the floor as to not accidentally stub his toe on the metal frame. He did not need to look more ridiculous than he already did. And a bruised toe would make him the butt of many jokes. 

Placing his arms around her waist, he rested his chin on her shoulder, his face turned just slightly so that his scruff and lips could graze her skin. His hands flattened on the part she was trying to hide. She placed her hands atop his, entwining their fingers, resting in this moment. 

"We don't need to hide anything, Brienne. Catelyn will be disappointed you didn't scream it the moment you found out, but I'm sure she will be just as happy for us as we were for her," he whispered the words, though he made sure to brush his lips against skin.

He was amazed no one noticed before now, though if Brienne didn't want anyone to know, no one would. At the request of his wife, he hadn't told one person about it, though every time he looked at her, he wanted to scream it. 

However, maybe tonight he could finally scream to the world that there was going to be a half Lannister, half Tarth cub around their house come spring. 

She sighed and he placed a firm kiss to her neck, letting his beard tickle her. "Besides, this does bring back memories of our wedding night. Me trying to get you out of this dress, only to find creative ways to pleasure you in it." 

She looked at him in the mirror, a mischievous gleam in her blue eyes. "I seem to recall you nearly ripping it when you couldn't figure out the mechanics of how to get it off when you got impatient."

He chuckled at her, his mouth closer to her ear. "Now I'm grateful I didn't. I'll show you after we get back from the party. As you promised to go to this horror in the first place." 

He pressed a kiss to the shell of her ear. 

She laughed at him and released his hands. With a stroke of his thumbs he moved away from her to allow her to finish getting dressed. They still had to go to this party, even though Jaime was just fine with staying in this Stranger's Day. Brienne's word be damned. 

#soft jaime x brienne #modern au #briame #renee decides to do halloween fics #sassbewitchedmyass #my fic #halloween prompts

[audiofanficpod]

AFP S3E12: Dope Ass Recs, Super-sized

Instead of our scheduled AFP Top 3, which you’ll see soon, enjoy a supersized episode of #DopeAssRecs. Check out some fic recs from @msrtheatre0223, @red2007 and our episode guests @dinalit and @slippinmickeys.

Kristin's Recs

a pale circle of light by @ghostbustermelanieking and read by @msrtheatre0223

No Place for an Entomologist by @agirlcallednarelle and read by @msrtheatre0223

The Sushi Dinner by @lotsoforangesoutside and read by @msrtheatre0223

Dina's Recs

Aprons And Scrubs by @lokisgame

Christopher Ryan Scully Stories by Jori

Barbecue Series by Susan Proto

Kasey's Recs

The Big Orange by @teethnbone

The Fisher King + Bonus Chapter by @aloysiavirgata

The Taos Hum by @lepus-arcticus and read by Anon

Rachel's Recs

Latent Heat by quantumsilver and read by @red2007

the long gone bitter truth by @sassbewitchedmyass and read by @red2007

Sins of the Flesh by @darwin-xf

#dope ass recs #audio fanfic podcast #audiofanficpod #txf #txf fanfic #fic recs #st voyager #voyager fanfic #svu fic #law and order svu #SoundCloud

[starrynightshade]

The last chapter of “how the light gets in’ really had me in my feels. Y’all can talk to @sassbewitchedmyass about this...

#braime #how the light gets in #sassbewitchedmyass #fanfic rec

[152glasslippers]

Lover is out, Disney announced they're bringing Lizzie McGuire back, and @sassbewitchedmyass updated Catalyst I'M 😭😭💘🙏

#this day has been too emotional for my poor little heart to handle #blessed and in my feels about it #taylor swift #lizzie mcguire #sassbewitchedmyass

[robertpatinsons]

Hi!!

helloooo!!! this took so long to organize, but this finally says what i’ve been trying to say since forever, I LOVE YOU!!!!

thank you so much for this ask, and please never stop writing, because your writing is beautiful, and your headcannons always crack me up!!

I'm sorry, I'm not the most pretty,

Oh, I'm a mess right now,

I know I have my moments.

You touch me and it's almost like we knew,

Strangers in the night, exchanging glances.

send me a “hi” and i will present, to you the first five lines of the first five songs that come from my playlist in a shuffle, as a poem

#answered #sassbewitchedmyass #frenz

[ayofandomthings]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers.

oh, hmm five things lets see

1. my laugh, it’s kinda like gwens actually and you know what we’re loud and proud!

2. my improvement in art. I had given up on growing but since I came back to it last year I’ve been happy reconnecting with it.

3. I like that I’m a morning person, thanks mom lol

4. I like that I’m someone that people come for advice or just to rant about their day and say that I get them. Feels nice to help out.

5.  I like the way I cook! I’ve been improving so much I’m so proud of myself. 

#I should tag this #as #about me #thanks for including me! #sassbewitchedmyass

[oathoftheheart]

some little gendry finally-having-a-dad moments i die thinking about:

jaime gets crazy proud whenever gendry does well in school (even when it isn’t an A) and takes him out for icecream every time, even when gendry tries to pretend he doesn’t care (but he studies even harder for his next test) 

they bond over their same disgusting taste in pizza toppings. “FRUIT DOES NOT BELONG ON PIZZA, JAIME.” “TOMATO IS A FRUIT, TOO, BRINNY!” 

once, while waiting in a doctors office for over an hour, they made their own secret handshake. it may or may not have involved fight moves gendry learned from die hard and WAY more than one fist bump (they were definitely banned after Jaime tripped and knocked over the fish tank...Brienne had to come pick them up) 

every once in awhile, jaime will take arya and gendry to the movies just so that they can watch the scarier ones without giving poor pod nightmares from playing them at home (he also took pod, sansa, and bran to see Last Christmas, he’s a total sucker for rom-coms)

jaime is always telling gendry what a good big brother he is and on more than one occasion, he’s pretended not to see him crying while holding baby joanna

HE WON’T ADMIT IT, BUT EVERY TIME GENDRY HEARS JAIME REFER TO HIM AS HIS SON IN PUBLIC, HE GETS CHOKED UP

SER FAMILY GIVES ME A LOT OF FEELS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I REMEMBER THAT THESE KIDS HAVEN’T HAD A DAD FOR MOST OF THEIR LIVES 

thank you for coming to my ted talk mkay bye 👌👌👌

#BABY GENDRY DESERVES A DAD 2K19 #CATALYST #ser family #gendry waters #gendry #jaime lannister #jaime #au #got #game of thrones #headcanon #my post #sassbewitchedmyass #arya stark #podrick payne #brienne of tarth #baby joanna #sansa stark #bran stark

[aviss]

11 please!

Not sure if it’s really unpopular but I honestly love Daenerys and I would have loved to see her on the throne. I understand reading her chapters cat get a bit too much, and she needs a wake-up call on her entitlement, but I’ve always liked her. 

#got meme #sassbewitchedmyass