#(since I've fluctuated between both before)

[koushirouizumi]

{What an "emergency supply" of Levothyroxine looks like.}

by @koushirouizumi {DO NOT re-purpose without asking me first or I stg}

#actuallyhyperthyroidism #koushirouizumi posts #koushirouizumi vents #koushirouizumi personal #koushirouizumi no rb #koushirouizumi no rb posts #koushirouizumi thyroid #koushirouizumi own #(I got frustrated enough seeing really bait-y posts going around to finally take a pic lmao) #(This is the so called 'emergency supply') #(until you do the required blood work this is all they can give you on short notice here) #(Would love to have medication I need **to live my life and Not Die from idek heart palpitations or something**) #(But actually I was going to take a pic anyway) #(because I was considering talking at least a little more about it at Some point I've just been Waiting) #(Seriously I can't find a single blog here focused on purely hyperthyroidism or even hypothyroidism would also be nice to see one for) #(since I've fluctuated between both before) #(I WOULD talk abt it more if I could just find decent posts describing the issues and almost all around symptoms thyroid fluctuations can) #(Cause) #(Until then I'm focused on Aut Acceptance Month coming up in Apr) #(So if you see me rb'ng a lot of posts That Might Be Why) #actuallyhypothyroidism #(in the past at least mainly around 2k17)

[thevelaryons]

CORLYS + RHAENYRA - Power Dynamics

There is a constant power fluctuation that happens between these two, both before the Dance and for its duration. They each have an advantage over each other: Rhaenyra is the Crown Princess/Queen and Corlys is the richest man in Westeros. It's because of these factors they can exert influence over each other. Though it's worth mentioning that they only act when the other is in a vulnerable state.

The first instance is in deciding the names of Rhaenyra's sons with Laenor. Jacaerys & Lucerys are given Velaryon names because Corlys decides it and Joffrey is only given a non-Velaryon name because Corlys relents to Laenor's wishes. Rhaenyra has no say in this matter and it is Corlys' will that rules here:

Laenor’s wish to name the child Joffrey was overruled by his father, Lord Corlys. Instead the child was given a traditional Velaryon name: Jacaerys (friends and brothers would call him Jace). [...] Meanwhile, back in Westeros, Princess Rhaenyra had given birth to a second son late in the year 115 AC. The child was named Lucerys (Luke for short). [...] In 117 AC, on Dragonstone, Princess Rhaenyra bore yet another son. Ser Laenor was at last permitted to name a child after his fallen friend, Ser Joffrey Lonmouth.

I say this because the book specifically emphasizes when Rhaenyra finally does have a say in deciding the name for her child:

As the year waned, she brought forth a small but robust son, a pale princeling with dark purple eyes and pale silvery hair. She named him Aegon.

Rhaenyra's first three sons are bastards and she would be well aware that she needs to appease Corlys in order to have him accept her sons as Velaryons, so the choice of the boys' names is left to him.

There's a lot more political tension underlying their dynamic when it comes to the Driftmark sucession.

When Lucerys was around 11 years old, Corlys fell ill from a fever. Up until this point, Corlys had not named any of Laenor's sons by Rhaenyra as heir to Driftmark. As I've mentioned before, Corlys is the type who views being a Velaryon as separate from the position of family heir. Although his grandchildren have already been betrothed to each other by this point, it's not a firm solution to the problem of the family succession in Corlys' eyes. This is evidenced by the fact that Rhaenyra has to go out of her way to request Corlys to name her son as heir:

That same year, across Blackwater Bay, the Sea Snake was stricken by a sudden fever. As he took to his bed, surrounded by maesters, the issue arose as to who should succeed him as Lord of the Tides and Master of Driftmark should the sickness claim him. With both his trueborn children dead, by law his lands and titles should pass to his eldest grandson, Jacaerys…but since Jace would presumably ascend the Iron Throne after his mother, Princess Rhaenyra urged her good-father to name instead her second son, Lucerys. Lord Corlys also had half a dozen nephews, however, and the eldest of them, Ser Vaemond Velaryon, protested that the inheritance by rights should pass to him…on the grounds that Rhaenyra’s sons were bastards sired by Harwin Strong. The princess was not slow in answering this charge. She dispatched Prince Daemon to seize Ser Vaemond, had his head removed, and fed his carcass to her dragon, Syrax.

Rhaenyra is able to exert her will here, through threat of force, and does seem to have succeeded in getting Corlys' to agree with her wishes. Once again, I'll emphasize that Rhaenyra and Corlys are able to act upon their wishes when the other is in a state of vulnerability.

After Rhaenys' death, Corlys is quite furious with Rhaenyra. It is Jacaerys who works to appease him this time (acting in place of his mother). Corlys is named to the position of Hand and when the Red Sowing occurs shortly afterwards, he brings Addam/Alyn forth to claim dragons. Just going off the timeline of events, it's clear that "Laenor's bastards" was part of the conditions promised to Corlys to retain his loyalty. No doubt, it is also the reason why Jacaerys is so willing to speak up for Addam as the new heir to Driftmark, knowing full well that the next in line would have been his own brother, Joffrey. I've already talked about the politics at play in deciding the succession between Addam vs Joffrey, so I'm not going to get too into that. Though it's worth mentioning that Rhaenyra only agreed to the succession change after Jacaerys urged her to do so. Meaning she must have been reluctant at first:

Not long after Addam of Hull had proved himself by flying Seasmoke, Lord Corlys went so far as to petition Queen Rhaenyra to remove the taint of bastardy from him and his brother. When Prince Jacaerys added his voice to the request, the queen complied. Addam of Hull, dragonseed and bastard, became Addam Velaryon, heir to Driftmark.

Speaking of Rhaenyra's reluctance, it makes sense why she would feel that way. It does not matter that Laenor was gay and neither he nor Rhaenyra had an interest in each other. What matters is the public perception of events. Rhaenyra was Laenor's legal wife. Marilda is claimed to be his mistress. It is Marilda's bastard son that is being placed ahead of Rhaenyra's son who is called trueborn. For any noblewoman, this would be an unthinkable turn of events. In Rhaenyra's case, she's not just any noblewoman, but a Queen. Nevertheless, she must swallow her pride and agree with what Corlys wants. Despite taking action to ensure the succession in favor of Lucerys, Rhaenyra does not do the same for Joffrey. Corlys is the one who holds the power now and Rhaenyra must bend to his will.

It is explicitly mentioned that everyone in Rhaenyra's court plays along with the story that Addam/Alyn are Laenor's bastards. Why? To appease Corlys of course:

Many and more at Queen Rhaenyra’s court must surely have suspected the same. If so, they held their tongues.

Throughout most of the war, it is Corlys that is able to exert power over Rhaenyra, even in matters concerning the succession of other houses. And so it is Corlys' authority that Rhaenyra has to obey, because she cannot risk losing his support, or that of other such lords:

Their deaths left her with a nettlesome problem of succession, however. As it happened, each of the “faithless friends” left a daughter; Rosby’s was a maid of twelve, Stokeworth’s a girl of six. Prince Daemon proposed that the former be wed to Hard Hugh the blacksmith’s son (who had taken to calling himself Hugh Hammer), the latter to Ulf the Sot (now simply Ulf White), keeping their lands black whilst suitably rewarding the seeds for their valor in battle. But the Queen’s Hand argued against this, for both girls had younger brothers. Rhaenyra’s own claim to the Iron Throne was a special case, the Sea Snake insisted; her father had named her as his heir. Lords Rosby and Stokeworth had done no such thing. Disinheriting their sons in favor of their daughters would overturn centuries of law and precedent, and call into question the rights of scores of other lords throughout Westeros whose own claims might be seen as inferior to those of elder sisters. It was fear of losing the support of such lords, Munkun asserts in True Telling, that led the queen to decide in favor of Lord Corlys rather than Prince Daemon.

That's not to say, Rhaenyra is entirely powerless. As the Queen, she does have the final say in matters. Especially in discussions concerning the Greens, it is Rhaenyra's decision ultimately to decide what is to be done. Of course, she does hear Corlys out first before making her decisions:

The Lannisters and Baratheons should be destroyed as well, so their lands and castles might be given to men who had proved more loyal. Grant Storm’s End to Ulf White and Casterly Rock to Hard Hugh Hammer, the prince proposed…to the horror of the Sea Snake. “Half the lords of Westeros will turn against us if we are so cruel as to destroy two such ancient and noble houses,” Lord Corlys said. It fell to the queen herself to choose between her consort and her Hand. Rhaenyra decided to steer a middle course.

One of the descriptions that GRRM himself gave for Rhaenyra is that she never forgets a slight. So I do think part of the reason she was quick to believe the worst of Addam is because the circumstances in which he became heir to Driftmark were already a huge insult to her. The book doesn't mention whether it was Rhaenyra or Corlys that had Addam residing at the Dragonpit but the fact that he was kept out of her sight is an interesting detail. When Addam is suspected of treason, it does give Rhaenyra an opportunity to let out her own grievances.

Corlys and Rhaenyra can't really be described as being particularly fond of each other. However, they do share grandchildren/children in common, and it's obvious they care about them. So it would make sense to say Corlys and Rhaenyra tolerate each other and keep their personal grievances mostly to themselves. Corlys' outburst after Rhaenys death in which he was very quick to wish death upon Rhaenyra certainly says a lot about his own opinions though. But most of their actions are them trying to play nice with each other.

Rhaenyra's exercise of power is almost limited (part of that does have to do with her position as a woman trapped in a war because her authority was questioned on account of her womanhood). Corlys is a man and a wealthy noble too, so he can use that to his advantage many times. Rhaenyra as a woman does have to appease him for this reason. But since she is a Queen too, she can exert her own will if she chooses to do so, even if doing so means risking losing Corlys' support.

#valyrianscrolls #asoiaf #corlys velaryon #rhaenyra targaryen #corlys & rhaenyra #meta #reposting my old twitter meta here #I decided to expand on more points

[veliseraptor]

Top 5 fucked up family bonds!

oh mannn. I feel like this one fluctuates depending on, like, what fandoms I'm focused on at the moment, but to try to shake it up a little since I've answered a question like this before (though that was specifically for siblings! and no shade! just challenging myself, mostly, since most of these are probably going to end up being siblings, that's just what I'm like)

1. Azula and Zuko. Since Avatar is in the air lately and I just queued a post about them, and I am deeply invested in their relationship even if I don't talk about it a huge amount these days - I think about this one in particular from Azula's persepctive. The way that Zuko is the negative that Azula measures herself against, that she pretends not to care about him but I think he occupies a substantial part of the way that she constructs herself in opposition to him, as everything he isn't, the negative model she will never be. But then there is Zuko's end of things, the push-pull between the ever-present comparison between them where he falls short and the fact that I think he genuinely does care for her even as he doesn't, I think, really know how to deal with her, or really understand her. And also any family relationship involving attempted murder is going to be like catnip to me.

2. Kinn and Vegas. Family dynamics where I am both very into the family dynamic and also kind of ship them occupy 3/5 positions on this list, which says something that I think is just about the way that sufficiently obsessive and entangled relationships between a pair of people is going to lure me into seeing what I can do to make it more fucked up (with possible fucking). But anyway!

I love how they make each other worse, all of the time. They bring out the absolute worst in each other, always; they fail to see each other clearly and perceive each other beyond their flaws but also beyond how their respective fathers have pitted them against each other like fighting roosters. They're mutually obsessed with each other no matter how much I think Kinn would like to pretend that he is aloof and indifferent. It's a mess. It's delightful. Also the only non-siblings on this list. Notable for the fact that in their first scene I failed to recognize them as cousins and assigned them ex-boyfriend energy.

3. Felix and Mildmay. Okay so I've included them on lists like this before but they deserve a mention anyway. Because boy! What a mess! From the beginning! They love each other so much and it's a disaster! Felix's attraction to Mildmay at least in part because he doesn't know how to love without sex! Mildmay's hopeless attachment to Felix despite all the cruelty he dishes out! They're just...I love them and I love their mess of a relationship and I also love how it develops over the course of the books into something better. Honestly the only one of these pairs that does that. Kudos to them.

4. Celegorm and Curufin. Okay, this one is built a little bit on a towering edifice of headcanon, but so sue me, and it's not entirely! There is on page content for these two! So there!

A friend of mine has the tag for these two #the other brotherwives and I feel like in some ways that sums it up for me - the way that they are, again, entangled in each other in a way where they always come as a pair, and their personalities both complement and contrast each other, and they're just so. All the sons of Feanor are a mess of codependent relationships but these two kind of stand out by virtue of always being paired, in everything, including all their worst choices, even their deaths. And again, I have a towering edifice of headcanon in particular about how their relationship both decays and calcifies over time, becoming both more desperately close and also more tangled with resentment at the way things fall out, but ultimately they can't be separated from each other.

5. Millions Knives and Vash. Throwing out a wildcard I haven't talked about much, but like. Wow! Another sibling relationship tailored to cater to me that came as a surprise out of left field and decked me in the face! I still need to read the manga but at least when it comes to Trigun: Stampede the sheer toxicity here, the fucked up love and protectiveness and possessiveness and guilt and the way that ultimately while Knives' goals exploit Vash it doesn't, I don't think, erase the love; I think he still sees it as for Vash's own good, even as he's doing much the same thing he deplores when humans do it. I have headcanons about part of Knives' motivation for crashing the ships has to do not just with self-protection but protection for Vash, and the way that decays over time is. Chef's kiss. Love it.

Bonus mention to Lucivar and Daemon and, because I just can't leave them off and they do still have a special place in my heart, Thor and Loki. But also for a non-sibling relationship again possibly out of left field, I actually think a lot about Loki and Odin too, and if I still have MCU feelings sometimes those are one of them.

#conversating #vegaseatsass #top five meme #tragic siblings #i should bring that tag back into use but more generally

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch, I (cis man, late 20s) have a bit of an issue regarding medication and my sex life... I'm hoping you can be a bit of a sounding board for me?

I recently started taking an SNRI to help with anxiety and sleep. It seems to be working (not perfectly, but there's definitely a pretty big improvement).

Currently I'm single and all my sex is solo, but I've noticed that since I started the meds my libido has significantly reduced. It's also more difficult to reach orgasm, and the orgasms feel... different? (Not sure how I feel about that bit...)

My main problem is trying to work out whether I want to raise this with my doctor when I go for my next check-up. I'm not in the market for sex with anyone else right now, so the only person it is affecting is me. The positives in terms of my anxiety are great, and the negatives are more "differences" than actual "negatives".

What do you think? Should I push to try a different medication before I get settled on this one? Or should I spend more time working out whether I'm comfortable with the lower sex-drive? I think both are reasonable, and I would appreciate your opinion - thanks!

hi anon,

PREFACE: I'M NOT ANY KIND OF DOCTOR AND THIS ISN'T MEDICAL ADVICE.

I just want to start by commending you for noting the difference between "different" and "negative." people are often taught to think of any change in their sexual function as automatically bad, when in fact it's often nothing more than a very natural fluctuation within their body.

in your case, that fluctuation is very common; many people report experiencing a decrease in libido after beginning anti-depressants. hormones drive much of our sexuality, and anti-depressants wreak havoc on our the delicate chemical balance in our brain - for the better, of course, because they ideally help bridge the gap for chemical deficiencies in our brains that make us feel Not So Good, but as a side effect functions like the libido can be thrown into a spiral.

it's worth noting that the change often isn't permanent; eventually, your body may very well acclimate to the new hormonal arrangement and gets back to business as usual. I can personally attest that my first year on anti-depressants saw my libido pretty much go dormant, but it eventually came back with a vengeance.

I'm not in any way, shape, or form an expert on how the brain works and how medication works in the long term, but as someone who spends a lot of time talking to people about sex and has been on anti-depressants for years, I have to wonder if part of the sex drive's return has to do with the effectiveness of the medication over time. many people have a hard time fully accessing their sexuality when they're suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression, because being horny - let alone actually having sex - requires an amount of mental space and energy that just isn't there when you're struggling to even perform the basic tasks that let you get through the day. again, speaking from personal experience, I know that before I was medicated, WAAAAAAY too much of my energy was getting burned up by my anxiety and the accompanying physical symptoms; there's not much left over for libido when all of you're exhausting yourself shaking and otherwise being a nervous wreck. turns out being horny is WAY EASIER when you aren't constantly on edge!

I will also point out that sometimes the reason people who aren't doing so great in regards to their mental health masturbate so much is for those sweet little dopamine hits that they're not getting anywhere else, which I don't say to stigmatize jerking off while mentally ill (god knows I can't judge for that) but to point out that after a few months with more managed anxiety, you may not even be as interested in solo sex as you previously were. or you will be, but it will look different thanks to the other positive effects your medication has had. sexuality is a slippery creature, and it's impossible to predict exactly how it will shift throughout our lives.

my point being, if you haven't noticed any other adverse side effects of this medication and you think it's going to help more than hinder you, I would recommend continuing with it for the time. you'll keep reaping the positive benefits in the meantime, and you'll have some time to reflect on those changes as they continue to happen and figure out how this new shape your sexuality has taken can still fit into the overall mosaic of your life. if you ultimately decide that you don't like what's changed, that's fine! but I would broadly advise waiting it out through the most dramatic shifts that will happen early on to get a fuller picture.

#sex edventures 2023

[tripleyeeet]

(Look away, Loki!)

✒️

I’d like to request a drabble featuring my favorite himbo, Steve Harrington. Where he and reader are trapped together somehow. Perhaps in his Scoops Ahoy era? 😆

Angsty, fluffy, whatever you choose – I know it will be incredible!

it's been so long since i've written for steve so i kind of went a bit ham with this one, my bad :')

also to anyone reading this, if you'd like your own request for steve (or even eddie) hmu i'll probably another one or two requests! :)

LIKE WHEN WE WERE KIDS

PARINGS: Steve Harrington & Gender Neutral Reader

SUMMARY: It's Steve's first day on the job... what could possibly go wrong?

WORD COUNT: 3,878

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of claustrophobia/anxiety. Also unedited so bear with me if you find any mistakes!!

-

It starts on a playground. 

Steve Harrington, the boy that lives next door is shooting across the monkey bars. His long, strong arms propelling him forward with ease. Beneath him, his legs dangle like dead weight, showcasing the curve of his calves and how they work in tandem with the rest of him. 

“Oh, my god Steve is so hot,” Becky says. The two of you are sitting on the grass a few feet away, suddenly admiring his movement as he skips one of the bars with a triumphant jump. 

Scrunching up your face, you watch as he hits the platform and turns to watch his friend follow. “I guess he’s taller than I remember,” you say then, watching the way his hands neatly nestle themselves into the curvature of his hips as he bends forward.

“Obviously. He’s like, the tallest boy in school!”

“Is he?”

You could’ve sworn Andy was. Last year in gym class the two of you had been paired together for dance unit. Both of you looked incredibly awkward standing next to each other as you moved throughout the room, trying your best to accommodate the other’s height. 

“He’s also so funny. Janet and I were at the arcade the other day and—“

As Becky drones, it’s hard to imagine Steve Harrington as anything other than tiresome. Having grown up alongside him, it’s more often than not you tend to view him as something entirely different from your peers. 

For example, to you, he’s always just been this loud and obnoxious know-it-all rather than cool. Everything he does is done with far too much gusto for that of a fifteen-year-old boy and it’s annoying. Infuriating even because as a fellow teen going through puberty, he shouldn’t be allowed to have that much confidence. Like you, he should be weird and anxious —not hip and hot and tall, apparently. 

It’s not fair, you think, trying your best to tune back into your best friend’s words. Somehow she’s still going, her voice excitedly shrill as she relays some stupid joke Steve told her while he was showing her how to play Space Invaders. Apparently, it was really funny —you can tell by the way Becky’s whole face lights up as she tells you, her hand moving to grip your arm in excitement once she tells you the punchline. Awkwardly, you laugh and nod your head in agreeance, hoping that she doesn’t catch your lack of attention span as you glance over at Steve.

He’s on the monkey bars again, positioning himself so that he’s facing you and your friend. As per usual, he’s grinning up a storm, watching the way all the girls at the park ogle him as he pulls himself onto the top. 

Becky, who practically squeals at the sight, watches the way he sits on the edge with wide eyes. Once again, she makes some comments about his appearance. Something about his hair looking extra fluffy or whatever. 

Same as before, you merely nod your way through the conversation, listening to the way her voice fluctuates in between topics as you continue to stare at him and the way the bottom of his shirt starts riding up, exposing the bottom half of his stomach.

Immediately, it makes you uncomfortable, your own stomach churning in a way that has you readjusting in the grass to accommodate the sudden upset. Slowly, you pull your knees up to your chest and hug your shins, noticing how much tanner his skin has gotten since he’s come back from summer camp. 

It looks nice. Warm and soft and— 

Years later, you now realize that’s when your crush on Steve Harrington started. At the playground in the summer before sophomore year of high school. Embarrassing, right?

To this day Becky still hasn’t let you live it down, despite her own past infatuations. Day in and day out, she teases you any chance she gets even now that you’re all graduated and getting ready to move on with your lives. 

“I bet you and Harrington would make beautiful babies,” she always says, grinning that evil little grin she knows you hate. It makes you want to smother her in her sleep. But considering her companionship is more important, you reluctantly don’t. Instead, you just grin and bear it, hoping one day soon she’ll just forget that you and he ever existed on the same wavelength, even though you know that’ll never happen, considering Steve Harrington is still your neighbour. 

And as of today, your coworker. 

You’re not sure if it’s the universe slapping you in the face or what but either way when you walk into work and see him standing there, donning the mandatory Scoops Ahoy uniform you feel like you’re about to faint. 

“Ahoy there sail— shit.” 

“Shit.” 

Immediately, your other coworker Robin looks between you with interest, her eyes narrowing at the uncomfortable stand-off.

“Since when do you work here, neighbour?” Steve attempting to break the ice, watches in confusion as you roll your eyes and brush past, making your way to the backroom.

You need time to process. To grieve what could’ve been your first summer without Steve Harrington. To come up with a game plan of sorts so that you don’t go crazy these next couple of weeks. 

“Neighbours, huh?” Robin grins and follows closely behind you, making you feel suddenly claustrophobic. Panicked in a way that has your chest tightening at the remembrance of why you took this job in the first place. 

You wanted to escape the yearly summer trip your and Steve’s parents planned every year. 

Not many people at school knew this but your families were practically inseparable. Having been brought up together, they still clung to each other like leeches. Everything they did often held an extended invitation to the other, prompting a lot of hang out’s between you and the Harrington’s. 

Inhaling deeply, you walk over to your locker and spin the dial of the lock, ignoring the way Robin and Steve begin to talk behind your back; both of them (in a volume you’re not entirely sure you’re supposed to hear) discussing the details of your relationship and how the two of you have known each other since you were preschoolers.

It makes you quietly groan as you pull open the lock and begin to shove your bag inside, prompting both of them to change the subject. 

“So, uh, I told Kevin that I could only do a half day today,” Robin says, flashing you her most apologetic smile once you turn around in shock. 

“Seriously?” 

Steve looks between the two of you, pressing his lips together in a way that makes him look guilty. As if somehow this was his plan all along.

“I have that thing with my parents, remember?” 

You don’t remember but Robin’s never been the type to lie so you merely just sigh and close your locker, accepting your fate with reluctant arms as you fully turn to face them. “I assume that means we’re both training today then?”

Robin offers another meek smile. 

Great, you think. Just perfect. As if the universe wasn’t punishing you enough by giving you arguably the worst mall jobs in the world. Now on top of that, you had to work with him, the one person you took this job to avoid. 

A part of you wants to quit on the spot —to tell Steve that he sucks before grabbing your things and storming out of there. It’d be exhilarating for sure, but then you quickly remember school and the tuition waiting in the wings to be paid. 

So ultimately, you don’t quit. In fact, you don’t even fuss as you go about your day, letting Robin take the reins during the first half, avoiding Steve as much as possible in favour of focusing on customers to provide the best possible service. 

And for a while, it works. Thanks to the constant streamline of people and Robin’s ability to distract Steve when needed makes the day fly by with ease, pushing you into the last, dreaded half. 

The clock hits quarter to one when Robin finally hands him over, giving you a look that screams I’m sorry please don’t hate me. 

In response you dramatically frown behind Steve’s back, watching as Robin snorts and shakes her head. “Alright Harrington, let’s go to the freezer before Rob leaves.”  

You motion to the backroom and make a beeline for the freezer, motioning for Steve to prop open the door once you arrive. “So I don’t know if Robin told you but around this time we usually do restocks,” you tell him. “Obviously the exact time fluctuates but it’s usually around noon cause people are too busy getting actual lunch.” 

“Makes sense.” He nods.  

“Yeah, so basically what we’re gonna do is pull what we’re low on. I saw you and Robin going over that already so we can just grab whatever it is you guys figured was needed and then we’ll bring it up front, FIFO the case and eventually write down what we took from the back on this clipboard.” 

As you tap the clipboard hanging on the wall beside you, Steve steps forward to take a look, sending you into a panic as soon as you see the door closing behind him. 

Somehow, you forgot to mention that the door is broken. A thought that crosses your mind as you haphazardly blurt out a bunch of panicked sounds while simultaneously trying to reach around him to grab it. 

Steve, who has no idea what’s happening, looks at you as if you’ve just sprouted a second head and tries to dive out of the way. Except instead of that he merely miscalculates and moves directly in front of you, causing your face to ram into his shoulder. 

Groaning at the impact you pull away and palm the sockets of your eyes because, of course, this would happen. Of course, out of everyone in the fucking universe it’d be you and Steve destined to get locked in a freezer on your first day of working together! Of course, of course, of course!

“What the hell was that?” He looks at you with discomfort, his eyes full of judgement as he watches your continued silent frustration unfold. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest as grabs the aforementioned clipboard and begins to take a look.

“The door is broken, you idiot,” you tell him, even though you know it’s not his fault. It’s yours but you’re too angry to deal with that right now.

“What do you mean broken?” 

“I don’t know, broken? It’s just, it’s —it won’t open from the inside!”

“What do you mean it doesn’t open from the inside?” Suddenly panicked, Steve puts the clipboard back and turns to the door handle, giving it a few good yanks before looking at you. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was too busy training!”

“Well shouldn’t that be apart of the training tour? Y’know like, here we have register, here’s the case and the backroom and the freezer —oh just so you know the door doesn’t work so don’t accidentally lock yourself in because if you do you might turn into a god damn human popsicle!”

You can feel that familiar tension rising like a fog, covering you in a cloud of ignorance as you flash an angry look in his direction. Somehow it’s always your fault. No matter the topic of argument, between you and Steve, you’re always the one to blame. It’s been that way since you were kids and to this day you still resent him for it. For making you the bad guy in every situation. It’s why you’ve always hated his presence, despite the attraction. Just the sight of him often makes you feel like less of a person. Like, regardless of your accomplishments, you’ll forever be beneath him because, at the end of the day, you’re not cool enough.

It sends you into a rage just thinking about it. And has continued to ever since that summer before sophomore year when you started looking at him as something other than the boy you grew up with. Suddenly, it was like a switch had flipped in your mind, telling you that maybe he wasn’t all that bad —that maybe you and he could be more than just neighbours. 

Nowadays though, you know that that feeling is just the result of the chemicals circulating through your brain. An overload of dopamine and norepinephrine hitting you like a bus. Back then, puberty had fucked you up and now here you were, standing alongside Harrington in a small, cold room for god knows how long. 

Suddenly, Steve bashes his fists against the door and screams Robin’s name. His voice is strained —loud and desperate and despite wanting to make fun of him for the way it cracks you merely follow suit and join in, throwing your hands against the cold sheet metal. 

“There’s no way she’s already gone, right?”

Your shrug your shoulders, knowing it’s possible.

“I swear to god if she’s gone I’m—“

“What? You’re gonna kick her ass?”

Steve looks at you, annoyed. “No, I’m not gonna kick her ass. What do you take me for? A psycho?”

“Not a psycho per se.”

“Oh, not a psycho okay. Then what?” 

He’s pissed off now. You can tell by that familiar frustration lacing itself between his features. Almost instantly his brows pinch toward the centre of his face, meeting the bridge of his nose that simultaneously crinkles upwards. On his hips, his hands settle into that usual position he holds whenever he’s ready to pick a fight; his fingers tightening around the flesh that sits above the waistband of his shorts. 

“Hey Steve, for once could you just like, maybe not look at me like that?”

“Like what?”  

“Like you’re about to antagonize me like you always do.” 

He lets out a scoff. “I don’t do that.” 

“Yes, you do.”

“Name one time I’ve antagonized you.”

You stop for a moment to think of a good answer; a bunch of options rising to the surface of your mind. “Last summer at the cabin. I brought Becky with me and she brought those beers and instead of just letting us have fun you yelled at me for like twenty minutes before telling my mom.”

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t be drinking.”

“Seriously? I shouldn’t be drinking?”

“Yeah, you’re underage who knows how it’ll effect you!”

“Steve, are you serious? We’re the exact same fucking age!” 

“Actually, pretty sure I’m older than you by like, three or four months?”

You want to wring his neck. Take your two already shaking hands and wrap them around his stupid throat until there’s nothing left inside. It’d be easy, right? Sure, you’re shorter than him and probably a bit weaker but people are known to act faster when put into fight or flight. One quick lunge and you could end him in a matter of minutes. 

“Besides, you and I both know the only reason I did that is because Becky is a bad influence!”

You raise your brow and refrain from killing him (for now), looking at him confused. 

“She’s got all the bases already covered if you know what I’m saying. Every party I see her at she’s always necking with some guy she’s just met. Not to mention the fact I saw her purchasing some dope from Munson last weekend. She’s bad news.”

“Bad news? What are you my dad?”

“No but—“

“Then why do you care? It’s not like you’re any different Mr. Horny Harrington!”

“Horny Harrington?” Suddenly, Steve looks at you in horror. “Jesus christ, is that what you call me behind my back?” 

You don’t, usually, but you refuse to tell him that. Instead, nodding your head triumphantly as you watch his previously aggressive stance sort of dwindle into nothing, his hands rising to slide across the expanse of his face in defeat. 

“Never mind, I’m just… I’m gonna ignore you now and try and get us out of here.” 

Immediately, a part of you is thankful for him changing the subject. The last thing you want to do is continue to fight, especially now that you’re once again aware of the circumstances. Which is that you’re still trapped inside the freezer, arguing in a space that isn’t as comforting as it usually is.

Upon remembering your chest instantly begins to tighten, your breathing pattern becoming erratic as you glance around the room before you, remembering how small it is. Now forced together, you and Steve have probably around six by eight feet of movement amongst you which you’re sure is a lot but because of how cold it is it just makes you feel numb.

Because of this you sort of just freeze while he works, watching as he fiddles with the handle. 

“There’s gotta a be a way to fix it,” he says under his breath, his fingers wedging themselves into the base to brush against the exposed mechanisms. 

“We’ve been trying to fix it on our own for like a month now,” you tell him, noticing the air of meticulousness that surrounds him. 

Embarrassingly, it’s kind of attractive. Something about positively seeing his stubborn personality makes you feel that familiar warmth bloom across your torso. Your eyes, once used to survey the lack of space in the room quickly dart towards his face, noticing the way his tongue sort of pokes out the side of his mouth in deep concentration.

“Do you think you could hold this open for me?”

Without hesitation, you do as he says. Something you’re sure he’s thankful for based on the heavy breath that comes from his nose. 

“What are you doing?”

“I think there’s a spring stuck,” he says.

More than anything you want him to be right so you continue to leave him be, waiting in the wings with bated breath while trying not to stare.

Not that it’s easy though. Not when you’re so close and freezing and obviously full of foreign feelings like that summer at the playground.

All of a sudden it feels like a mixture of old and new emotions. All of them swirling through your system like a hurricane ready to strike. Consistently, your breath moves in and out of pace, your chest hurting from the lack of stability.

You hope he doesn’t notice. Because Steve, despite everything has always noticed you. At your best and your worst, he’s always been able to pick you apart with just the glance of his eye. It’s another one of the reasons you always avoid him. You fear he’ll see what you’ve been hiding all these years. What you planned on hiding and hopefully getting over before you left for college. 

Well, at least until he decided to ruin that by taking a job you’re absolutely positive he knew you already had. A new level of annoyance you weren’t aware he was capable of. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” 

“You knew I worked here,” you point out, suddenly curious because it doesn’t make sense. Sure, since the beginning of time, he’s been on your ass one way or another, whether it’s selling you out to your parents or making fun of you at school for little mishaps. The torment never seems to end but why continue it? Why now that you’re officially about to go your separate ways is he still trying?

“That’s not a ques—“

You let out an angry breath before rephrasing. “Why did you take the job when you knew I worked here?” 

There’s silence for a minute. An unbearable lack of sound other than the overhead fan and the clicking of his fingers against the metal. It’s awful, you think, your lack of patience quickly eating you from the inside out as you watch his eyes begin to narrow and his tongue pokes out again, completely forgetting your question. 

“Steve, can you please j—“

  Before you can finish the door jerks forward, making both of you stop. Somehow he’s managed to do it. The impossible task you and Robin and the rest of the part-timers have been attempting for weeks.  

At first, you’re happy —excited even. Your face breaks out into a large grin as both you and Steve shuffle into the back room, rubbing your arms to get a better flow of heat. But then you remember your words —your question and the still unexplained answer you continue to wait for as your moment of celebration quickly starts to end.

“Shit, we should probably—“

“I took the job so I could hang out with you.” 

What?

Time, regardless of everything, stops in an instant. Your body, still frozen from the chilled air, makes it hard for you to move even the slightest of muscles as you watch him look to the roof and sigh. 

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I swear to god,” he mumbles, shaking his head —still averting his gaze as his neck cranes back to its previous position. “I just… I know I can be dick sometimes.”

“Most of the time.” 

“Yeah, sure, most of the time. Believe me, I know. I sucked in high school. I treated people like shit and because you were always like, there, you were the one that got it the worst.” 

His apology feels surprisingly genuine. His voice is quiet and slow unlike it usually is and every word feels purposeful, like he’s rehearsed it before but has suddenly forgotten his lines. 

“It sounds stupid but I took this job thinking that if we hung out more maybe I could apologize and it’d like, actually mean something?”

You’re not quite sure you follow so you continue listening. 

“Like, maybe if we hung out you’d actually like me again. Like when we were kids.”

Like when we were kids.  

God that seems like forever ago. A whole other lifetime. Honestly, it’s been ages since the two of you could sit in the same room together and enjoy a normal conversation. A moment of peace undisturbed by each other’s thoughts and feelings. 

It reminds you of how easy it was when you were kids. How, even though he was loud and boisterous and such a frustratingly competitive child, at the end of the day, you still managed to love him. To care for him when things were hard. To set aside your frustrations after a hard day to hear him out when he needed it. 

You’d like to say you’re unaware of when all that changed. To be as ignorant as you normally are and turn a blind eye. But deep down you know exactly when it started —why it started. 

You’re the reason he feels the way he does and as you stare at the side of his face, wishing he would look at you, you know it’s all your fault. 

“Anyway, uh, we should probably go man the ship or whatever…”

You open your mouth to protest —to argue in an attempt to get him to stay— but nothing comes out. No feelings or thoughts or counterpoints rise to the surface as you watch him awkwardly scurries out the door without another word. 

#the big yeet #steve harrington fan fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fluff #forced proximity #enemies to friends #i'm honestly thinking about writing a part two to this but i don't know #summer writes

[kalamity-jayne]

heya! baby-ish tgirl here. i've been on E since dec now (current regimen 6mg E sublingual/100mg spiro per day). anyway i have a nasty needle phobia but i also really kinda want to switch to injections and i think i might be stubborn enough to overcome it. what do you think? worth doing?

Well, I'm not an endocrinologist, and this is very much a conversation you should be having with one. With that caveat out of the way though I'd say it depends. First of all, if you're Estrogen levels and testosterone levels are in the ideal ranges and you're feeling good about the results you’ve been seeing thus far, I would say there's no real reason to make that change. If you’re levels are good and your mostly satisfied but just want to get a lil extra juice out of your regimen, you may want to consider just adding in Progesterone.

Many trans women swear by injectable but obviously there's nuances here. The old axiom "your mileage may vary" absolutely applies. The big advantage you have with injectable estrogen is that you bypass the stomach and the liver and thus you don't have to worry as much about how much estrogen is actually available for your body to use or your body's receptors' ability to bind to the estrogen. When I first started I took oral estrogen, but it was really challenging to get my T and E levels in the correct ranges (for context I had incredibly high levels of testosterone before HRT, even by cis male standards). After trying a few different dosages of Estradiol and Spiro (and eventually progesterone as well) and still not getting the levels right, I made the switch to injectable. Once I made the switch it felt like I was cooking with gas. So I very well may have been one of those people who wasn't effectively binding to the estrogen taken orally.

The main disadvantage to injectable estrogen is really just the needles if you’re someone who feels nervous about that. Now with injectable there’s two formats, intramuscular and subcutaneous. Both are equally effective, the only big difference between the two is that intramuscular comes with a slight risk of scarring. Both are pretty easy, and you’ll get the hang of it fairly quickly. As far as avoiding pain and scarification my main advice is: 1. don’t do your injections when you are tired, in a rush, inebriated, or under any other condition that might cause your hand to be less than steady and 2. Be swift with the needle.

Another big difference, that is neither better or worse just different, is that your hormone levels will fluctuate differently. When you take hormones orally, you get your initial E spike and it tapers off over the course of the day, which is why you generally take two doses per day. With injectable you get your initial estrogen spike after injecting, and it slowly tapers off over the course of the week until your next does (this is why it's recommended you get your bloodwork done halfway between doses). So if/when you make the switch, you may experience some mild mood swings (not everyone does though, I only experienced noticeable mode swings during the first 3 months of progesterone) and you may experience a few other signs of hormonal fluctuation such as mild non-inflammatory acne on the sides of your nose (if you experience this talk to your end, you may need the dosage adjusted and definitely re-evaluate your skin-care routine as you may need to start treating the nose with salicylic acid).

Now there are a few other delivery methods to consider, such as the Patch and the Pellet, but I don't know as much about them so I'm not as comfortable speaking on them.

I hope that info is helpful baby-girl! But definitely take all of that with a grain of salt and go talk to an actual endocrinologist!

Love,

🌷Mother Calamity🌷

#ask/answer #anon #Mother Calamity #trans advice

[leggerefiore]

Do you have any age headcanons for some pokemon characters like for example the train men, N, Lysandre, ect?

Well, there's a few with canon ages.

N is confirmed to be like 20-22 and Cyrus is a beautiful baby boy at 27.

Lysandre is probably in his early 40s (maybe 42?) alongside Sycamore since they're clearly around the same age.

Ingo and Emmet are in their early 30s to me nowadays (despite my previous thoughts, I've stated), and Warden Ingo is maybe... I go between a few ages. The joke answer is he's just 37 and going through it hard, but it's probably mid 40s+ (and that, too, applies to Silver Fox Emmet, of course.)

Nanu is... something I don't want to give actual thought. Late forties to early fifties, maybe? 48-52 is the range I'd give.

Grimsley varies, too? He's clearly maybe mid to late 20s in BW... but, uh, idk about in Alola? Something either happened to him, or he had a rough time in like 2 years. Because... SM apparently is just two years after BW2. Help him.

Colress is hard in his 30s. Somewhere. Not sure. Just pick a random one in that range, and I'll probably agree. He just seems a more into his career and far out of whatever university had him. 33, I guess in BW2, so he gets to be 35 and insane in Alola.

Maxie and Archie also fluctuate for me. They are either in their late thirties or just turned 40. Actually, maybe Maxie is like 39 while Archie is 38 or something. I don't know. They just seem older but not too old? Especially their Gen 3 designs... I don't think there's that much age variance between ORAS and RSE them, though. Them again, with the Cyrus situation, they both might just be 25 lmao.

Guzma is over 20, and that much is certain. He and Kukui (and Molayne) are all around the same age, so I like to imagine he's like 23 doing all that sjajdns.

Volo is 27 to me because it would just be hilarious that being in Hisui/Sinnoh and being that age makes you want to climb that damn mountain. Though, I also do think he's in his mid-20s in general.

My controversial take is that I see Irida as 18 at the youngest. She's the head of her clan, and her close friendship with Palina makes me think they're close in age. And I see her age as close to Adaman's own, too, but maybe just a little younger to make her feel more of a need to prove herself to him. I think they would also prefer an adult to be head of the clan, too.

Elesa is maybe... 24-26? Hard to explain why. Just seems in that range.

Cynthia is probably around Cyrus's age, so 26-28. They seem maybe a little acquainted before all the stuff in DPPt, so I think they may have met a few times, maybe at a university or in school.

Larry is like 48-50. He's been confirmed to have worked for the Paldea league for 25 years, so it just seems likely he may joined up after he graduated.

#pokemon.ima #too many characters to individually tag

[aijamisespava]

2023 vs. 2024 Part 2: Semi-Final 1 Countries

Continuing on our little adventure into the competing countries, we now look at the countries performing in the first Semi-Final in this year's contest and determining which entry I liked better...their 2023 entry or their 2024 entry.

Also, while there is one returning country and one non-returning country, I will go into those countries first before moving on to the countries with a 2023 and 2024 entry.

Luxembourg: Fighter. Okay. Yes, I am still sad about Drowning In The Rain not being the song talked about. But we are here to talk about Fighter, so let's do that. It's a cute lil' song that with right staging and running order could be a great performance! BUT, the reason it ranked low is the fact that with all the other shiny songs that came after it, it got lost in the shuffle a little. I do know we are getting a revamp, so maybe that will help the song a little more, we will have to wait and see.

Ukraine: Heart Of Steel vs. Teresa & Maria. Winner: Teresa & Maria. While Heart Of Steel is a wonderful song and great addition to my playlist, it had to grow on me a little bit before I could really appreciate it (thank the revamp too). But Teresa & Maria stays with me. I've seen so many reels of alyona and Jerry singing the song on Youtube reels (per algorithm), so I guess that's fate saying something.

Cyprus: Break A Broken Heart vs. Liar. Winner: Break A Broken Heart. Both are kinda sorta breakup songs. While Liar takes the sassy approach to the end of a relationship, I loved the melancholic feel that Break A Broken Heart has. I'm also a real sucker for high notes (need I remind you that I'm a Gjon's Tears fan?), which Andrew Lambrou does so well too.

Poland: Solo vs. The Tower. Winner: The Tower. There is no denying that Solo has cemented its place in the Eurovision meme world. And while it has grown on me enough to listen to it when someone put it on the aux cord, The Tower just sounds so good. I would literally be sitting around as the song starts and I'm like "wait, what song is this?" and then Luna starts singing and I'm like "ooooo yes!" Needless to say, I haven't tired of The Tower yet and still feel like I'm listening to it for the first time.

Serbia: Samo Mi Se Spava vs. Ramonda. Winner: Samo Mi Se Spava. This was so hard for me to decide as I actually really love both of them (I mean they both ranked 2nd). Ramonda is so beautiful and emotional, and may have changed what my favorite flower is. And Samo Mi Se Spava is an auditory experience. It went onto a WIP soundtrack within MINUTES after first listen, which is really the only thing making the decision. This will certainly fluctuate over time.

Lithuania: Stay vs. Luktelk. Winner: Stay. Luktelk, a great entry in full Lithuanian, a bop, a total dance song with great staging potential. I've liked it since I ranked the Lithuania songs in the NF. But with Stay, it's one of those songs that really came out at the right time, so I'm in emotional debt to that. But it was another tough decision for this country.

Croatia: Mama ŠČ! vs. Rim Tim Tagi Dim. Winner: Rim Tim Tagi Dim. Let 3 brought forth a piece last year that was also an experience. It was certainly an acquired taste, garnering as many fans as people who ranked the song dead last. But Baby Lasagna and Rim Tim Tagi Dim scratches that itch in my brain that I didn't know I had. Listening to it is fun, plus the lyrics kind of resonate with me (as a college student that moves out of her hometown to attend school).

Ireland: We Are One vs. Doomsday Blue. Winner: Doomsday Blue. I don't think there is another country that took such a drastic turn between what they sent in 2023 and what they send in 2024 as Ireland. We Are One was a great safe entry that fell victim to early selection and a bloodbath semi. Doomsday Blue, however, has something more. My biggest complaint with We Are One is that I felt something was missing. Doomsday Blue feels like a complete package that I know Bambie will bring to life on the stage.

Slovenia: Carpe Diem vs. Veronika. Winner: Veronika. Another tough decision here. Carpe Diem is up my alley musically with rock elements mixed with a spice of pop with an infectious attitude that makes me want to get up and dance. But Veronika? That song puts me in such a trance when I listen to it. The operatic spice adds a cinematic feel to it too.

Iceland: Power vs. Scared Of Heights. Winner: Power. Similar to Lithuania, Power came to me at a time where I might have really needed it. It's still such a great song (listened to it just the other day). Scared Of Heights has great energy which should garner some votes too, but only time will tell.

Finland: Cha Cha Cha vs. No Rules!. Winner: Cha Cha Cha. I don't think any entry can top the iconic energy that Käärijä and Cha Cha Cha had. No Rules! is a good follow-up to try and mimic (or better) the success their predecessor had. But I still dance around my room to Cha Cha Cha once in a while.

Portugal: Ai Coração vs. Grito. Winner: Ai Coração. This is my reminder to listen to Grito some more. Ai Coração jumps around my mind. It's fun, the performance was sassy. It is one of the best Portugese entries I have seen. Grito, however, has a very beautiful tone that should not be slept on either.

Australia: Promise vs. One Milkali (One Blood). Winner: Promise. One thing about me is that I love my ballads, and I love my rock entries. Promise is just that. It's a thrill from start to finish that I enjoy listening to whenever it plays on my playlist. However, I really liked the feel that One Milkali (One Blood) had when I listened to it. For my take, it's best described in the post I made about the song when it came out.

Moldova: Soarele Și Luna vs. In The Middle. Winner: Soarele Și Luna. This feels like an All-Star battle. We have Pasha Parfeni from 2012 and 2023 vs. Natalia Barbu from 2007 and 2024. And while In The Middle has one of the CATCHIEST hooks of this year's selection, Soarele Și Luna was my sister's winner last year. So whenever I hear this one, I tell her and it makes us happy.

#eurovision song contest #esc #eurovision #esc2024 #eurovision 2024 #2023 vs. 2024 #luxembourg #ukraine #cyprus #poland #serbia #lithuania #croatia #ireland #slovenia #iceland #finland #portugal #australia #moldova

[luridaemos]

i have a theory that maybe vanitas is actually sora's darkness now that was know he's not ven's..?

it's been in my mind for so long for so so so long but when you realize that kingdom hearts 1 when sora turns into a shadow all kairi does is return his form back to normal, right? right.

returns him to normal BUT he's still just a heartless. he's just a heart like ansem. end of kh1 is just humanoid heartless vs humanoid heartless right? right.

so it's not until kh2 when he meets up with roxas and he returns that sora is completed right? bc that was the whole point, sora wasn't complete so that's why xion and roxas had to go back it wasn't just his memories but sora himself. right.

so that whole time during 2 sora has anti form up until the end, which essentially is him using too much power and essentially fluctuating between his heartless form and himself. nomura himself confirmed it's due to becoming a heartless in 1 and that story-wise it's due to using too much power... it represents his darkness. right.

he also said that rage form is something different to anti-form. that it's representative of his anger. emotions.

and yknow who shows up in 3 when that debuted? the man of emotions himself:

so all this just to say i've been thinking about how both ven and van are from years into the past, and that vanitas ultimately wasn't ventus' to begin with. (ventus was a being of pure light if I'm understanding correctly.)

vanitas' form was created before either of them met sora too. it's stated that vanitas was removed from ventus and then ventus then went to meet sora. so where did vanitas' form actually come from?

it's possible that:

ventus was able to transform him into a sora clone simply because fate said so, it was always meant to happen like the closed loop for heart ansem sending young xehanort to scala.

ventus somehow was able to alter vanitas' form after the removal while inside of sora's heart

vanitas' form looked like this before the Darkness hivemind was separated/fragmented

so i'm thinking if Sora continues to have the rage form ability or some kind of upgraded emotion-based darkness form... maybe it's related to vanitas somehow? either something removed from sora and sent into the past or something that grows from sora and into something like vanitas? it very well could just be that vanitas' return, sora's rage form, their confrontation being in monsters inc which has swapped to "this ships runs on happy faces" + yeeting vanitas, sora seeing vanitas' face, sora refusing to accept that vanitas chose to be darkness is all just to show the player sora's emotional state.

that sora himself refuses to acknowledge the darkness' that he harbors could be bad in any way, avoids confronting his negative emotions properly, and feeding into the toxic positivity that he's carried since the first game...

but idk i think it'd be really interesting if that's a deeper reason for why vanitas looks the way he does. that he could potentially be darkness that sora had cast aside and stuck with ventus long enough to essentially become intertwined with him. idk i also kind of think this could go along with MoM's whole thing of wanting to get as far away from Darkness as possible. sora's on a path to rejecting darkness in his heart, but with guidance from riku who went through accepting his own it's possible that maybe sora's meant to be the one to accept vanitas as he is instead of ventus.

if anyone has thoughts about this lemme know, i'd love to see others thoughts

#kingdom hearts #vanitas #sora #ventus #kingdom hearts theory #i rambled a lot but i dont have the energy to cut it down into something manageable #im not 100% sold on it as a direction for the series but #maybe metaphorically that's vanitas' end game yknow #that maybe people will stop stomping on his feelings all the time and he can stop using them as weapons #but ultimately im curious about sora's journey with darkness #what is he going to learn about himself and the connection he has with darkness

[asordinaryppl]

about

this is long, i hope it's a satisfying introduction. my ask box is always open for anything else you might want to ask, or if you just wanna talk to me

about me

i'm a tsumugi, tasuku and sakyo oshi, so my translations and posts will be focused on them; by extension i'd also consider myself a fuyugumi oshi. i love everyone enough to sneak them all in this account at one point or another, though

i've been an a3 fan since the game's release in japan, but i've been playing it on-off for most of that duration until early this year (2024) (also my favs haven't changed at all in 7 years, so this might be telling you something about me as a person)

neither english nor japanese is my first language! if anything, my japanese is for the most part self-taught, and i translate (and post on this account) to learn and because i find it fun, so any corrections that slip past both me and my proofreader are absolutely welcome and encouraged

about my translations

my only past public fantranslation experience is on the ichu wiki. i won't elaborate on this further unprompted, but you're free to start guessing on me

i have absolutely no experience with a3's english server, and i don't plan to follow its terminology for anything, nor the way the characters speak; the only exception to that will be the torment doll, provided a story with it ends up in my hands

as mentioned before, my japanese is mostly self-taught, my translations tend to fluctuate between rough around the edges and loose localizations as close to the original text as possible, i can't guarantee the accuracy!

anything i find difficult to translate, and additional fun junk, will be at the end of posts under a NOTES section

this is where i take a moment to tell you guys about my best friend nam, she proofreads pretty much everything in this account before i post it, and she's pretty awesome. this account would look a lot sillier without her around

other than this twitter, i have no plans to post my translations anywhere else by myself. if you want to share (through screenshots or otherwise) or use (in a quote bot or your description or something) my translations, you're free to do so. linking back to this account is appreciated, but not required unless you're posting the entire thing or large snippets

i don't care what you say in the tags (or the quotes on twitter), and i love reading your thoughts. i won't interact unless it's a question directed to me (on twitter), but please know i read everything (as long as it's public, obviously) and keep it nice (see: no genuine or hardcore character hate)

#text #plucked a random tasuku from my saved pics i'm sorry who ever's screenshot this is

[blossom-hwa]

OMG AAHHH I saw your detailed rizz analysis post and I must say… Y’all really blew my mind cause I do see why you rated the idols as such HAHAHAHA I was specially laughing in agreement at the Soob, Hwa, and Bermuda line ones~ Vernon makes soooo much sense too HAHAHA And I guess your Yunho rizz analysis explains why I’m so head over heels attracted to the man! Oh and I agree soooo much with the Changbin one too HAHAHA I saw you mention Wonho during his analysis and I agree HAHAHA But that made me really curious for Wonho and MONSTA X rizz analysis :((( If it’s not too much of a trouble for y’all, would you mind analysing them too?? Or I guess who do you think is rizzless and the one with most rizz??

hey anon! glad you enjoyed the rizz post :) to be honest I'm not too familiar with monsta x/wonho anymore (not for any particular reason just changing interests), but I'll do a quick sentence or two with my main impressions below! hope you like it <3

original rizz analysis

shownu: positive and high magnitude though not quite infinity. kinda similar to yunho? in that they are both large and soft and have insane charisma but iirc shownu has a thinly veiled thing for being dominated (or is he the one dominating icr) that parallels yunho's thinly veiled thing for feet. hence the similarities and hence the not-positive-infinity level rizz

wonho: fluctuates between +5 and -5. I did say he's very similar to changbin. buff boys. stronk. much strength. except they're also very sweet losers hence the dipping into the negatives. I gave him slightly lower magnitudes than changbin, I don't know why this is the instinct but I mean at least his negative rizz is lower magnitude than changbin's so there's that

minhyuk: low. very negative. EXTREMELY negative. iirc he's very much the puppy type and he reminds me a little too much of hyunjae. he's very aware of the fact that he has next to zero rizz and he WILL use that against you so watch out for the puppy eyes. it doesn't matter in the end though you'll fall victim to them anyway

kihyun: -15. I feel like I've been influenced by this one twt account that I follow bc they love kihyun and are also obsessed with pathetic men so by extension kihyun is pathetic and is down in the negatives. not super high magnitude at least which he should honestly thank me and his hyeya performance for. I was going to give him -1 but then I realized he'd be dangerously close to rizz neutral and that is not happening this man is not neutral on ANYTHING

hyungwon: ooooooooo this is so hard but I'm going to give him -10. he's kinda like chanhee. knows what rizz is. understands his rizz level is in the negatives. does not give two fucks. this gives the impression that he has positive levels of rizz since he doesn't care but be not fooled dear reader he's just a dying victorian child in the guise of a limp noodle dragging himself around the stage. pray for him

(I think kihyun would probably kill me if he knew his rizz levels were under hyungwon's please don't let this get past him)

joohoney: FUCK BRO THIS IS SO HARD. I give him +20. he has so much charisma as an idol it's insane. I watched some of pdx101 (I think this is where it's from) and every time I remember the BAKSU bit I flip flop between convulsing on the floor with laughter and wanting to watch if 15 more times. therefore he gets positive rizz except it's limited by his aegyo. sorry I can't watch that more than 0.1 times before I cringe into oblivion

i.m.: same suit as jangjun and co. he's so alien his rizz is like undefinable. started off with positive infinity magnitude, then it got too high so it like... collapsed in on itself and got converted into whatever the fuck it is now. I couldn't tell you what it is. he's so weird. he holds too much power. I love him very much

#lina answers #nas #anon #monsta x #kpop rizz levels analysis #hope you enjoyed this anon #oh and to be clear #shownu has the highest levels of rizz and minhyuk has the lowest #I think the reasons are obvious.

[requiesticat]

We need that Goldia x Lisette analysis and we need it NOW /LH

Now there's a couple I'm invested in.

(Spoilers for Pocket Mirror)

There's a page on tvtropes that goes more into the homoeroticism of this game. It may seem silly to put it this way, but considering the MC only gets close with female characters, holds their hands, and reacts to the one male character with confusion… yeah.

I headcanon Goldia as someone who loves everyone platonically, but I can see her being gay as well. The scene where she's sitting with Enjel on the moon feels like a romantic outing, for instance. Whether this counts as selfcest (as that page puts it) is hard to say, since the girls are technically reflections of her. We can consider them entirely different people, or rather alters who fronted as her disorders worsened.

When Goldia reaches Lisette's level, she's only heard about the latter or seen glimpses. You get the sense that she knows what to expect at that point in the game, but is at her most terrified. Then Goldia meets this disheveled-looking, unstable teenager with wild hair and scissors, who chased her through a mirror maze just before she met Harpae, and has now kidnapped her. Specifically the girl Harpae warned her about. Anyone would be scared.

But Lisette is more terrified than Goldia, even if she doesn't show it. When you live with mental illnesses, you live in a constant state of anxiety and sadness. And she is the embodiment of Goldia's loneliness, fear, and rage, blamed for everything that her host did in the past. In the real world, individuals who suffer from depression tend to hide it, pretending nothing is wrong, but they internalize every bad thing that happens to them. It gets exhausting to deal with these fluctuating emotions everyday, to an extent where you wish you couldn't feel anything at all, or want to die if it means the pain will stop. That's part of the reason why Lisette turns out to be introverted, speaking only in short sentences. She never really wanted to hurt anyone, but couldn't stop thinking of targeting those who wronged her, so she cast parts of herself away into mirrors, forcing them to emerge as disturbed, vengeful clones. The most lucid clone is the one we first encounter, who shows anger without hiding it and doesn't mince words.

So when the person who put her through the wringer suddenly shows up in a realm that's meant to be a safe space, Lisette is understandably furious. To her, Goldia is playing innocent and acting like she doesn't know what happened between them. None of this excuses her actions, of course, especially given that the protagonist has lost her memories- Lisette is effectively terrorizing a scared thirteen-year-old girl with amnesia.

But it all comes down to obtaining the pocket mirror. That goal is something I've always found interesting, in terms of character. She seems to know more than anyone else, acknowledging who the Strange Boy is and leaving notes around that express her desire to shatter Goldia's compact, which would effectively bring the world to an end. This awareness appears to be something Lisette hates. During the scene where she's wrapped up in chains, she outright calls the contract Elise made with the Strange Boy a "curse", which for all intents and purposes… it is. Elise's actions indirectly caused her suffering, and she can't take it anymore.

Fortunately, Goldia acknowledges her wrongdoings, promising to make up for them. She meets the real Lisette afterward, who is lying in a grave on the verge of death. Goldia apologizes again and comforts her, saying that she loves Lisette as much as the others. This brings them both closure. In one of the bonus rooms, Goldia continues to visit the hilltop overlooking Vienna.

Their relationship would be codependent to a bigger extent. More on Lisette's side, as she is someone who needs a partner that can care for her, and take her needs seriously. Someone who wouldn't leave in the event she has a breakdown. Goldia definitely could provide this, being a caring person in general. She'd pick up after Lisette and clean the mirror realm without complaint. Not everything would be fixed, though. There would still be tension between them due to their history. A lot of fights. Lisette probably wouldn't get along with Fleta, Harpae, or Egliette, even if Goldia wanted them all to make up.

Regardless: I think Lisette believes she's too broken to be friends with others, but they'd be happy together in spite of the difficulties they face.

#ask #anonymous #pocket mirror #character analysis #shipping #spoilers/ #tw: mental illness #OTP material #i have screenshots from the og game and the remake on hand so i'm using both

[x-authorship-x]

I read your thoughts about Shisui/Tobirama and I am totally hyped.🥰 Might it be possible to get a tiny snippet about Tobirama being "enamoured" by Shisui? If not, it's totally ok.

Hey Anon, I'm glad you enjoyed my theorising! 🥰

Hmmm, I don't have anything established or enamoured 🥺 but I do have a snippet from another meeting between them? Its a Soulmate AU WIP I don't plan on posting (it's just not cooperating and I think it's a bust), so if you ask nicely I might spill some more 🤭

Tobirama’s gaze dragged sideways just in time to catch spinning Sharingan eyes unlike anything he’d ever seen before. They rested in a pale face, dried blood smearing over one cheekbone. A mop of ebony curls held back by a metal headband engraved with an unknown symbol. A widening grin that showcased two sets of the deepest dimples Tobirama had ever seen, the emotion displayed an obvious mockery of the severity of this new threat.

(Something in his senses, seeking, meeting, recognising-)

The katana didn't skewer Izuna, finally felling a foe too dangerous to be allowed to keep breathing.

No, the stranger did the impossible; running faster than the cutting-edge, space-time fuinjutsu of the Hiraishin.

He deflected it.

Time restarted.

Tobirama skidded as soon as his feet touched the ground again, digging in his heels and dragging his momentum round in a sharp turn. He was just fast enough to catch the blur of the stranger as he planted a sandal between Izuna’s shoulderblades and booted him clear across the field, where he landed with a shriek of rage on top of both Madara and Hashirama.

That was the two strongest Uchiha against his brother-

Tobirama tensed his thighs to launch himself after his opponent, only for the stranger to plant himself, faster than Tobirama could see but just slow enough for his senses to register, directly in his path again.

In his hand, he wielded a simple tantō.

“Senju Tobirama,” the stranger started, still smiling as if the sight of Tobirama was the best thing he’d ever laid eyes on. And those eyes- "I've been wanting to meet you for a long time."

Tobirama’s chakra fluctuated, resisting the usual iron-clad control he maintained on his core, and Tobirama ruthlessly wrestled himself into submission. He was a Shinobi before everything, and having a reaction changed nothing about the threat this second Uchiha presented.

Tobirama levelled his sword and refused to falter. “You interrupted my jutsu, Uchiha.”

He was undeniably one of them, his strange Sharingan as different as Madara and Izuna's variations were from the standard trio of tomoe. Even discounting how other he was - a tattoo on his exposed bicep, no Uchiha emblem but that same leaf engraved on his greaves and chest-guard - Tobirama could taste that specific flavour of fire-smoke-spice in his chakra that denoted Uchiha heritage. Even if his chakra cycled faster than anyone Tobirama had ever seen outside of a rare, enraged Hyuuga.

“I'm sorry, I've no doubt it would've been very impressive. That seal looks like a masterpiece.” He managed to convey genuine admiration, whatever his ploy was. “But I want lasting peace and letting you kill Madara-sama’s remaining brother would be pretty counterproductive.”

Tobirama tried to split his focus on how Hashirama was faring - Touka’s signature had raced over to support from one side, they were lucky that Hikaku wasn't present to face her today - but, for the first time since he was a child overwhelmed by Hashirama’s presence… Tobirama wasn't fully able to.

His every sense, physical and chakra alike, were honed on the Shinobi before him.

Tobirama tempered his breathing.

“Peace? The Uchiha have no appetite for anything but violence. And I have no reason to ever believe you, Uchiha.”

Hashirama could - would - take people for face value. Tobirama… couldn't. Everything was a trick, a ploy, had a price, and he’d paid it in blood and tears and the lives of his brothers because no ceasefire ever lasted and Tobirama wouldn't lose Hashirama as well.

“Shisui.”

The stranger - Shisui, Uchiha Shisui, and there was a errant thought noting how it meant ‘death water’, a match to Tobirama's own moniker of ‘Water Death’ - didn't do anything foolish, like lower his blade, but his expression remained open. Intentionally so. He wanted Tobirama to tear his words apart and check the validity of his earnestness. Even his chakra didn't contract away from Tobirama’s keen sensing, in fact it was leaning in-

"My name's Shisui and if it's a reason to trust the Uchiha that you're looking for…"

His eyes didn't match. In his peripheral vision, Tobirama could see that the left was the usual Sharingan-red but, instead of tomoe, had a thick, turning pinwheel around a crimson pupil. The right, however, was much more complex, a lattice overlaying the whole design, and the chakra that surged to the Dojutsu was massively lopsided, the right eye drawing so much more…

“-well, I’m hoping you recognise the resonance as much as I do. I wasn't expecting it, let me tell you now, but I can't say I’m upset to be paired with someone as impressive as you."

Enjoy! Sorry it's not fluffy 😅

#torship #torship talks #torship writes #ask #anon #shisui/tobirama

[systemma]

My alters

This post was made on 12/16/23, so things may change. But I thought you might like to know who is here. I won't reveal everything about them as they do not wish for me to do so, but I'll give a basic introduction.

J, short for Jack: J is one of my very first alters who I've had since I was a small child. He went into dormancy when around my teen years. I cannot pinpoint the exact ages, I do apologize. He took the form of both inanimate objects, characters I liked, and now he has chosen to show himself for who he is. His personality has not changed, simply his "body" has.

Shaun: Shaun is a fictive, and that's all he wishes me to say on that. I'm not sure why he was created, so sorry about that, but he's great, and helps calm me down when I need it. He's also there to chat if that's what I really need at the moment.

Simone: He is also a fictive, though he prefers this spelling of his name to how his source spells it. He's a grumpy pants! He has clarified he doesn't dislike me, he just doesn't want to interact with the world.

Heather: Heather is my child alter. She fluctuates between the ages of 4 and 7. She holds my childhood memories. Sometimes a "scene" slips through, but she's always quick to nab it before I can truly see what the memory was.

Bridgette: Bridgette is my teen alter. She is 16. She holds the trauma from my teen years. I think she has some from my younger young adulthood, as I have trouble remembering when I was 20-23. But I don't know that for certain. Someone else might have those. Who knows!

The Sun: I have named The Sun, and they are not telling me their chosen name. Perhaps they don't have one. They are not kind to me, and aren't aware that they share my body. Perhaps I will make a post explaining that more. They are the second alter I've had since childhood, and tried to do awful things to me. J protected me from The Sun. Quite alarming that they're back.

So! These are my alters, and the information they are comfortable with me sharing. I thought this might be interesting, especially if any of them choose to talk.

Peace and Love!

#did community #did system #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #system #traumagenic system #diddiaries #actuallydid

[anonofseasons]

Just some thoughts/worries about Seasons.

I write for myself, and I know I can't please everyone so the only person my writing needs to focus on pleasing is me. But that doesn't stop me from being a little bummed out that recent posted chapters have mostly only resulted in dropped subs and even bookmarks, and I'm rarely getting any comments. Which is feeding an internal worry that it's a mess? I know my writing is good, mind, but being decent and working hard at writing doesn't mean I'm perfect. What if there are inconsistencies I'm not seeing? (As for the quality, I damn well know it can fluctuate, no matter how hard I work at it. Some scenes come easier than others. I've had to accept that about my writing.) I also anticipated lost interest early on, which is why I have been posting like 20+ chapters behind what has already been written. I saw comments hoping for Vivian to die/Howie to never go back, others hoping the fathers would redeem themselves. I'm sort of ambling in the middle, because the fathers are trying, but not hard enough. Meanwhile, Howie is unhappy going back. Not to get too personal, but I've been promised a lot of "for the better" changes by family and partners, and they may want to change, but they're unwilling to ever put the work forward. (I'm actually about to be single again for this very reason.) As a kid, this meant I just kept suffering. It's unrealistic to me that anyone would reach betterment easily, especially Vivian. It's not impossible! This is fiction, after all, but... I'm out to write characters with depth, not rush a plot forward. That's how I opt to write, and that's not for everyone. (And that's okay. Again, it's for me.) I think my actual concern here is that I've been looking at how long these conversations between this family are, and how many chapters they take up, and it's fair to be bored of it. That's a part I agonized over before I shared, and I worry that doubt came through even after all the heavy editing I did to fix it. I love writing, but that doesn't make it less hard to do. There are always parts of stories that are trickier than others? I just hate that I'm letting my self-doubt creep up on me. I've been putting that further and further behind me as I've gotten older, but I've always tried to write what I want. I've had way too many people try to tell me what I should and shouldn't write. The only person anyone should ever write for is themselves. Who do you choose to please, if pleasing other people is the goal? That said, I think criticism has its place, and this is very much one of those situations where I worry I've fumbled on the delivery. Like maybe there's something I could have done better? I'm still having fun writing Seasons and everything else I work on, but I have one confession to make about all of this: it's so much easier to write than it is to share that writing. Haha. Seasons has 56 chapters and counting, and I expect fluctuating numbers and interest, as all stories tend to have. I know that experience as a reader! I'm just having one of those self-doubt moments, but it's more a worry of, "What could I be doing better?" It's that desire to always give my best, even if the story isn't monetized. (Fuck, honestly? Most of my work is collecting dust. I have tons of finished stories that I haven't posted or published at all. Those are between me, my hard drives, and the one friend I send my backups to in case of my death.) Sorry for whining a bit here. I'll be okay! Just have seen Seasons subs drop since mid-January and have wondered if there's an issue that needs fixed or just merely the nature of writing. It could easily be both. I have no idea. It's a strange state of mind. :')

[aurrieattorney]

it has been a While since I've remembered/interacted with any fallen hero stuff but I AM dying to know more abt suranga so pls. holds out hands.

(uhhhhh my brain is a little bit scrambled by exhaustion so please heed that there's some tough themes from the source material in this, but at least a cw for mention of suicide and eating disorders)

[inhale] ok SO 

Basically, i missed original suranga a lot given i made him when things were kind of going to shit in my life, and my very nebulous webcomic iteration wasn’t scratching the itch to have him back quite enough, and round about early feb i found out retri was coming out.

So i kinda did a redux of him, keeping some of the things i had and tossing out others while adding other stuff. Much of this i’ve already yelled at with joel and mort, but i’ve never actually sat down and put all those yellings together lol. He’s lebanese-sri lankan (not that he would know, just generally he’s some unplaceable kind of south/west asian and using that to his advantage for fake names) and his voiceclaim, both speaking and singing (suranga sings! both in arabic and english) is hamed sinno (though sameer gadhia also works). For faceclaims, basically the closest person i can get to faceclaim inspo is varada sethu, esp pre-transition with the nose and the skin-tone. He’s also a little bit taller at just under 5’5’’ rather than 5’1 cos I took mercy on him, but he still has to crane his neck to look at ricardo being the giant he is (though suranga Did used to be 5’6’’ before HB fucked his spine up, and becoming even shorter than ortega makes him very grumpy).

freddie purrcury the lint monster is still there, but suranga adopts him pre-hb (ie. sidestep days). It’s thanks to fred that suranga stays with the rangers after a near-miss with the media (which i’m writing a fic up about!), and helps him grow into himself by having to look after another being. After HB, ricardo takes him briefly while he figures out what to do with himself. He’d ultimately love to keep fred but knows he can’t do a very good job of it esp after he decides he can’t retire yet, so fred goes to elena’s (spoilers for retri ending, theres a path where you can visit her ranch!!). I’m still deciding when would be the best point for them to reunite but basically suranga very sad w/o his cat, someone help him :(

however! He’s a mob step (at least, that’s what i’ve tended to default to, i love the crime found family :3 anarchist is also a good fit tho, and i’ve read through the code for thief which could also be fitting, so i’m planning to do), i debated whether he’d want to let the gang in on his identity and the base and ultimately decided yes, it was worth it if he wanted their full trust. He also accidentally becomes a parental figure to nehal, the gang’s driver, which is unexpected for everyone, suranga especially dsakjlfdksj. nehal has spud the pomeranian now, who essentially acts as the gang’s mascot. I have a few ideas about writing fic about their misadventures b/c i am very soft about them and suranga having people who’ve got his back

i changed his suit and his villain name (Argos) to be peacock themed! (here’s some concept sketches i’ve been sitting on a while lol, it’s meant to be imposing but whether it’s actually that remains to be said lol, mysterious might fit better

I was inspired by my trip to a SL temple belonging to a god which has peacocks associated with him, as well as music and dance. Peacocks fit well with his high arrogance anyway (tho his arrogance/obscurity stat might fluctuate a bit depending on the scenario). Thus, his gang is called the panoptes. This also extends to the cyranga au with @/geek-o13’s cyrus, whose villain name is Helios, and whose namesake is also sometimes described with the panoptes epithet :D if i go into that au this post might double in length so i’ll save that for another one, but thinking about the dynamic between the two and bouncing ideas back and forth brings me so much serotonin :’) 

i know for sure suranga would have the speed mod, as it’s what i always pick, but it might make more sense strategy wise to flip from strength (which, ouch, poor rangers) to telepathy to play to what he does best, (yes to cape, cos he’s a theatre nerd in spite of the inner edna mode telling him not to lol, spent so much time designing the stupid armor and sitting in the library as yasmin poring over books for inspo.) 

i’ve also decided suranga’s got chronic pain/fatigue from the fall in HB, especially in his legs and lower back (like… that was a four storey fall. i’m doubting the farm would bother to fix sidestep’s body enough to given them full mobility/painlessness again if they’re using the MC for experiments, doesn’t seem like giving them back those things was high on the list :V), and therefore also uses a back brace and a custom-made telescopic cane he made himself that can be extended/collapsed as necessary. He also wears a leg holster over his clothes that he can slot the cane into when he doesn’t feel like carrying it. Or doesn’t want to draw attention to himself by having it fall over like thirty times after propping it against something lol. it’s also on the same leg he had the holster for his gun during his sidestep days (and the cane also can function as a self-defense weapon in a pinch). The cane very much becomes part of his physical body language, he’ll gesture/point with it, fidget by twirling it around (he’s dropped it a lot practicing, but he’s a real pro these days) knock on doors with it, or hook things with the handle, etc etc. fhr having a bunch of medical advancements in commonplace prosthesis makes a realy interesting thought experiment about what ableism would look like, esp when chen’s (and to some extent ortega’s) conversations bring up that mods aren’t all great and come with their own issues/challenges.

He’s still a tech/fighterstep, but he’s had to think more like a tactician since then cos he can’t rely so much on his body in fights, which is making me consider doing a tactician run to see if it fits. Anyway, the powersuit mortum makes is basically a mobility aid of sorts, but he has to be careful not to overdo it. He keeps pain meds on him/uses adaptive tools around his apartment (during rebirth, it’s a comfortable flat, and one of the lower ones of the complex in the off-chance the lift breaks down, before he moves into the flat above the tech shop being used as a front for the panoptes) ie. shower chair, a grabber so he doesnt have to bend too far down if he’s dropped something/otherwise would need to get onto a step-stool and potentially eat shit if he loses balance, generally having places to sit throughout the flat in reach, heat pads, etc. 

sometimes he has a habit of drinking (so a secondary vice to sweets) as a way of coping with the pain when it gets a lot, but he tries not to do it too much, and only in the privacy of his apartment. i noticed in the code diving that this vice develops because of telepathy being so energy-intensive, and that a sweets vice mc will also want food in general, not just sweets. Given one of ortega’s love languages is sharing food, they work really well with a sweets vice sidestep, romanced or friendship route :D suranga might have some kind of eating disorder alongside textural issues with food where some days he’s just not able to eat anything. He doesn’t generally do meat, because he likely never had it at the farm and is too expensive in the FEZ anyways, fish is usually ok, but pre-HB if he was having it at his flat, he had to make sure fred couldn’t eat it while he wasn’t looking lol

Basically i’m projecting some of my own crip problems onto suranga and no one can stop me lol. 

Anyway, that also means he really understands chen as a fellow physically disabled person when they start talking in retri (ortega has their own can of worms with the military-grade mods giving back their ability to walk after being paralyzed by the accident way back when they first meet chen), ie. understanding why he named his dog spoon. I’d like to hc that given how happy suranga was with fred, after hb, part of chen’s decision to adopt a dog was that he saw how helpful it was for him, even if he didn’t fully trust suranga, but! given Suranga’s a techstep, it’s canon that techstep mcs used to help chen manage his mods/do tune-up (which would require some degree of trust) and there’s even an option in retri when you meet him at HQ where you notice he’s having problems with his prosthetic limbs and suggest how to adjust it so it works better, which is a nice touch - tactician steps also played chess with him in their downtime!

He’s got yasmin to hop into if his own body gets laid up too bad, but he’s still got reservations about what he does with her body (flirting for information is alright, but no romantic relationships/sex). Her being (presumably) cis, at first it’s a little disconcerting having to perform being a woman again, but the more he gets used to being her, the more he realises feminine stuff isn’t so bad when it’s an opt in thing and begins to experiment with his own presentation sometime between rebirth and retri now he’s got a bit more freedom and confidence to try now he’s debuted as a villain.

He’s always had a fascination with how one can change how they’re perceived just in the way they carry themself, how they dress/behave etc (which then led to an interest in costumes/theatre/fashion, and i’m imagining if there were powerpoint nights at the rangers, suranga would come in with a 20 slide presentation on tearing into x villain of the week’s fit, much to themmy’s delight)

He also has an interest in sewing instead of knitting (although he still does that too, it’s just that sewing is his main thing now, which first started out as fixing holes in his clothes rather than just throw them out, then began teaching himself from books, and then on a trip to tia elena’s, asks about the broken sewing machine she never really used, and then fixes it. Elena teaches him a few of the basics, then he gets into making his own clothes, and makes a gift for elena as thanks (an embroidered shawl with sunflowers on it :3)

this then meshes really well with the puppetmaster scar (in retri, the suicidal scar from rebirth becomes a seperate tag and there’s options throughout the game to convert it to one of the other scars), which has funky implications esp when paired with fate motivation as a fourth-wall break/slightly self-aware kind of step, BUT ALSO THE AUTISM SCRIPT THING (the mc/sidestep is so autistic coded, which makes sense given the author is also autistic). If you’re a baby regene escapee that’s used to following scripts and orders, once you break out there’s only so much you can do before you have to do improv, something something how do you know what your real personality is when you’ve always had to perform? Puppetmaster being similar in flavour to the outsider scar (his original scar, iirc) with a few more bells and whistles, I think it’s p fitting, esp since it works with the strings/thread stuff featuring a lot more heavily in retri, ie. more opportunities to possess people/meet other telepaths/reflect on your relationship to your puppet (yasmin, tall latina gal in suranga’s case). I have no idea how much spoilers you’d want for retri but i’ve been code-diving big time, specifically cos retri is such a sprawling beast of code/divergent story paths.

Suranga is still a pining dumbass for ortega except from afar as the secret crush route, which hasn’t changed (although he’s a bit more clued in that ortega is up to something and has to keep his guard up somewhat). this is made DOUBLY hilarious when also paired with the chenmance (SPOON!!!!!!!!) wherein you find out chen also. has a crush on ricardo. You have to see chen instead of going to hoots with ortega to find that out tho (what a mess lol, everyone here assumes the others are straight.)

I’m angling for the poly route, since so far in retri you can only set up for it, as opposed to chargentstep where if you’re already dating ortega and you get the auction kiss with argent and mention that, you can say you want both of them and there’s no issue cos actually, ortega (julia AND ricardo) flirted with argent when she first joined, and she also likes them lol.

SPEAKING OF ARGENT suranga did enjoy fighting her (if with some degree of stress because ‘oh shit, you would be so mad if you knew i was in your head’ and being an unknown), such that he doesn’t use telepathy against her out of respect even though that’s the only thing mostly keeping them matched. On the bridge, he flirts with her to throw her off, accidentally leaning too much into his yasmin confidence, then gets confused by her actually being interested and then has to re-evaluate what exactly his gameplan is with her. He gets kissed (and bitten) at the auction when he takes his helmet off, and then when he turns up at the HQ has a very awkward conversation with her in the breakroom trying to figure out what the hell their relationship is (some kind of weird friends but the argentmance route is very cute too)

Herald/daniel is kept at arms length, suranga’s his coach and thinks he’s nice enough but a bit sensory overload with all his thoughts (he can’t really teach by sparring since he’s not up to par anymore, and it’s kind of half-true, outside of the suit he can only do so much, but he can offer pointers/maybe bring in nehal?) - maybe or maybe doesn’t pick up on the crush, idk

there's plenty more to add i likely forgot but that has been an Infodump abt suranga the current favourite oc, THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME <3

#oc: suranga fernando