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kunikidas-lost-glasses · 11 months

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Headcanons and short drabbles for my BSD Fix-it AU

!Contains Spoilers for the whole DoA arc!

TWs: Mentions of OCD, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of crying, mentions of slight gun violence, mentions of screaming, mentions of heavy injuries, mentions of medical related stuff (p.ex.infirmaries), mentions of chronic pain

All characters might be ooc.

Pairings: Shin Soukoku, Bramcraft, at first Ranpoe and implied developing Mushiranpoe,later mentioned Mushiranpoe, Chuusigzai, lightly implied past!Fyozai (it’s up to interpretation if romantically or platonically but it’s written more in a platonic way), implied Tachihigugin, Fyolai, engaged!Suegiku, Montcott

The ADA managed to defeat Fukuchi and obtained the page

Fyodor and Nikolai got away though.

The moment Sigma wanted to shoot Fyodor, Nikolai appeared next to Fyodor through one of his overcoat portals and pulled the other with him through it.

It did send Sigma into a panic attack and Dazai too got nervous because of this but as soon as the ADA managed to obtain the page, he got a lot calmer and told Atsushi to write that Fyodor loses his ability on the page, knowing that it not only would send the russian into several existence crises but also knowing that the chance that he would try to erase all ability users would become much lower then.

Dazai knew Fyodor for years and he knew how much his ability tortured him since his early childhood. He knew that Punishment plagued him and took over a lot.

Fyodor’s ability was strong and was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it so that his ability slowly but surely started to affect his mind a lot wasn’t unexpected.

When Dazai touched Fyodor for the first time years ago, the other basically melted into his touch after Dazai touched him despite his threats that he would kill the other if he would dare to touch him.

The heavy weight of Punishment, the sharp and piercing feeling of the powerful ability raging inside of him whenever he felt threatened as well as its influence on his mind faded to nothing for the first time in his life.

When they met again, Dazai was almost sure that Punishment affected the other’s mind completely since he had gotten more cruel and heartless but also because he worked so tirelessly on his goal to erase all ability users so now he was almost completely sure that erasing only Fyodor’s ability would stop the other.

He was right. Upon feeling his ability fading away until it was completely gone, Fyodor went, just like Dazai expected, through a whole existence crises

With his ability fading, Fyodor also slowly gained full consciousness over his mind again and fully realized what had happened, even though he couldn’t remember events where Punishment had taken over his consciousness nearly completely.

After everything, the russian spent weeks in his bed, not only recovering from his physical injuries he had from their prison escape game but also because his mind struggled to process the fact that Punishment was gone and that he was only Fyodor now. No Crime. No Punishment. No vessel for Punishment. Just Fyodor.

He also had to process the fact that he gained full consciousness again and had to deal with all the guilt because of what happened which was eating him up alive for quite some time.

The one who took care of him the whole time was no other than Nikolai.

Nikolai who had put his clown attire away by now. Nikolai, who violently shook Fyodor after saving him, screaming at him for not getting out of his mind and for stopping him from being free, screaming that he hated him so much. Nikolai who had held a gun to Fyodor’s head, hand shaking before dropping the gun, letting his friend go and kneeling in front of him, sobbing. Nikolai who slowly learned to accept that he loved Fyodor and who slowly tried to believe that he could be free together with Fyodor.

He knew that Fyodor returned his feelings but he also knew that Fyodor waited until Nikolai had everything sorted out.

And Fyodor did wait. He waited patiently and eventually, when Nikolai was ready and both got more stable as well as used to their new quiet life, living undercover and when Fyodor was physically fully and mentally partly recovered, they got together in one cold winter night.

Their relationship was beautiful actually and it was based on mutual deep understanding and a bond which already started to form when they both met while living on the streets in the Ukraine as young teens.

Dazai was still secretly searching for the whereabouts of Fyodor and Nikolai for nearly two years, despite knowing that it was nearly impossible to find the russian if he didn’t wanted to be found, scared that his plan didn’t carry out exactly as he hoped that it would but after nearly four years passed, he was almost completely sure that the rat and his clown wouldn’t try to start a war again.

Sigma and Bram joined the ADA

Sigma’s entrance actually started with the elevator crashing down and he passed it by staying on Dazai’s and the ADA’s side, nearly managing to shoot Fyodor, instead of running away or going back to the Decay of Angels.

Bram on the other hand, kind of had to stay with the ADA but he actually didn’t mind.

Aya begged the agency not to kill Bram and eventually they gave in and gave Bram an entrance exam for multiple reasons, one of them being that he can’t be on his own, slashed in half like this but also that if they would pull out the sword, he would have no control over his ability, just like he told Aya so they somehow needed to keep his ability at bay.

After Bram passed the entrance exam and managed to prove his good motives, which wasn’t that hard for him since he never wanted to cause a vampire outbreak to happen and got forced into biting people/since he joined the DoA against his own will, Dazai touched the sword, nullifying it, so that they could pull out the sword without hurting Bram any further.

With the sword out of him, he was able to regenerate his body in a matter of a few days.

At first he even refused to Dazai touching it, scared that his ability might lash out completely like he had told Aya but Fukuzawa’s ability kept his vampirism at bay and allowed him to control it much better

By now he has a full body again and can make his own decisions again without being bound to anyone but he still has to use a cane since after not walking/not even having a full body for literal centuries he still struggles with walking and kind of has to relearn it.

He also has to relearn how to use his hands for the exact same reasons.

However, he can also transform into a large bat again so he usually chills, hanging upside down from the ceiling or hanging upside down on the side of Sigma’s desk, sleeping in his bat form. (Sigma put a little metal bar on the side of his desk specifically for Bram.)

Sigma and Bram kind of get along pretty well. They already got along back when they were both in the DoA but could barely talk/get to know each other since they barely saw each other outside of the meetings of the organization.

Besides this, Sigma was nearly always busy in his casino and Bram was very well hidden and most of the time guarded by Fukuchi in some way.

Fukuchi got defeated completely.

The Hunting Dogs had to go under police investigation but after they were proven to be innocent and to be not involved with the DoA, they got a new leader. They couldn’t split the Hunting Dogs up since they would die without the operations.

Jounou and Tecchou got engaged a few months after the war against the DoA.

Atsushi brought Bram and Aya to Dazai where he could touch the vampire, nullifying his ability and turning the people who had been turned into vampires back into humans.

Yosano saved multiple lives that day since the injuries which some people had before they got turned into a vampire returned shortly after they were fully human again.

Upon seeing Akutagawa again, alive, healthy and fully human again, Atsushi thought he wouldn’t believe his eyes at first but only a couple of seconds later after standing there like frozen, staring at the other, Atsushi dashed forwards, tackle-hugging Akutagawa with such a strength and with such a speed that he knocked both of them over so that they both fell on the floor.

Atsushi hugged Akutagaw so tightly that the other heard he would hear his ribs crack before Atsushi sat up a bit, yelling at Akutagawa for being so stupid for sacrificing himself for Atsushi and asking if if he could imagine how it felt to fight against him as a mindless vampire.

He really tried not to cry but he failed. Miserably.

When he tackle-hugged Akutagawa for the first time, tears where already in the corner of his eyes and upon feeling the other again, hearing him breathe and smelling the familiar faint smell of tea like which the other nearly always smelled, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and it got worse when he was yelling at Akutagawa but that didn’t stop him from doing so.

Akutagawa just listened to him quietly (it drove Atsushi a bit crazy to be completely honest)

Eventually Atsushi actually talked himself that much in rage, that he ended up confessing accidentally to Akutagawa which caused him to shut up immediately staring shocked at Akutagawa who looked at him with wide eyes too, before hectically trying to scramble away and get up to give Akutagawa space since he was nearly completely sure that the other was disgusted now but Akutagawa actually grabbed him before he could get up fully and pulled him back so that he lied on top of him again before hugging him, telling him that he felt the same causing Atsushi to start to sob all over again.

Akutagawa lied there with a faint smile, slowly rubbing the bag of the other and he would never admit it but he too, had watery eyes

Normally he would have never reacted like this or would have shown such a soft side of him but after what happened, even he couldn’t stay as cold as usual

Soukoku watched them with little smiles on their faces, how they continued to lie on the floor curled up together in a tight hug, talking quietly about everything.

Fyodor’s downfall actually started with underestimating Soukoku’s bond and with sending Chuuya to Dazai in order to kill the latter without realizing that Chuuya was already long out of his vampire state.

Chuuya was the one who carried Dazai out of the hallway to a safe place, who did first aid on Dazai who was heavily injured from the elevator crash and who guarded him until everything was over.

Dazai managed to snap Chuuya out of the vampire state by nearly making him and Fyodor drown (it was actually part of a big plan c of Dazai which was the plan he would have to use in the worst case. That Chuuya got turned into a vampire wasn’t his first plan but it was included in one of his “worst case” plans.)

Chuuya punched him hard later for nearly drowning him and saying such things before he “drowned” but upon noticing that Dazai was sticking extremely close to him and refused to leave his side the whole time and also upon seeing that he was truly shaken up too (no matter how hard he tried to mask it), he just sighed and hugged his partner.

They stayed like that, quietly hugging each other and Dazai basically clinging to Chuuya, holding onto him and hugging him so tightly that Chuuya struggled to breathe for a moment and he buried his face in the redheads crook of the neck for a long time

Later, they would never talk about the fact that Dazai was shaking like crazy during the first time of their embrace but when Chuuya realized it he just slowly started to rub the younger's back and buried his face in the others brown messy locks. They didn’t need any words at that moment.

Dazai became even clingier to Chuuya than he was before.

Ranpo and Yosano would stick close together and also stick close to Fukuzawa for the next months, not wanting to get separated for longer than a day.

Yosano would never forget the sight of seeing Fukuzawa and Ranpo lying unconsciously on the ground, bleeding out from stab wounds.

She stayed at their side until they woke up again after she had healed them.

After they woke up again, she tried to appear put together and greeted them with a relieved smile which quickly turned into a wobbly smile after she heard Ranpo complaining about his head hurting and about starting to complain about the fact that they didn’t listen to him in the first place.

He quickly stopped complaining after he noticed that Yosano had gone quiet and after Fukuzawa noticed her teary eyes, he asked her to come to him. Of course she did so and he pulled her into a tight hug.

It was the first time in years that Yosano cried.

Ranpo started to complain about getting left out so Yosano huffed out a laugh and pulled him into a bone crushing hug too.

While Fukuzawa and Ranpo were allowed to leave her infirmary the same day, the people who had been turned into vampires had to stay for a bit longer. Some of them only woke up days later.

The reason why they had to stay a bit longer was because despite Yosano successfully healing them and despite vampirism getting nullified, they felt worn out and exhausted and seemed to recover much slower. Even after a month the most still had to take things slow since their bodies quickly started to feel worn out and they often felt exhausted from doing the smallest things. After some months went by, the symptoms got lesser and lesser though.

Yosano had asked Bram if they could turn into vampires again but Bram told her that this was impossible.

As soon as Yosano allowed people to visit people in the infirmary again, Poe and Mushitarou were next to Ranpo’s bed.

Poe basically refused to leave Ranpo’s side and held his hand tightly.

Mushitarou stood next to Poe with a little smile on his face.

Mushitarou had started to slowly get along a bit more with the detective but they couldn’t really hang out since Ranpo had been in fighting against the DoA with the others while Poe acted as a supporter from the back rows.

However, he got a lot closer with the writer, after all, he lived with him.

As soon as they’ve gotten the information that Ranpo had gotten injured by Fukuchi and was now being healed by Yosano, Poe nearly fell into a panic hole and it was Mushitarou who carefully took the phone out of Poe’s hand, saying that they would come over in a minute, before he hung up and started to calm the writer down who already struggled to breathe evenly and had shaking hands.

He wasn’t as good at it as Ranpo was but surprisingly he was able to calm the other down in no time.

Now, standing next to Poe, next to Ranpo’s bed, he did felt strangely relieved that the detective was fine and seeing Poe babbling about how scared he was as well as scolding Ranpo for being so reckless while Ranpo patted the others head and squeezed his hand, telling him to calm down, his heart felt weirdly warm upon seeing them like that.

The ADA actually threw a huge celebration party over two whole days to celebrate their victory over Fukuchi and the DoA. It was an even greater celebration than when they won against the guild

When Lucy finally saw her girlfriend Louisa at that party again, she basically dropped everything she was holding and ran to her, pulling her in a bone crushing hug.

Louisa was a bit startled at first but then giggled and hugged Lucy back, burying her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.

Lucy would never admit it but she did in fact cry a little bit upon finally being able to hold Louisa again and upon seeing that she was healthy and alive.

The two would stick close together for the rest of the evening.

Lucy also proceeded to kiss Louisa’s scar which she had from Nathaniel’s attack, telling her that she still looked beautiful with it.

Bram was able to reunite with Lovecraft.

The two of them had been in a relationship back in the medieval era but after Bram got sliced in half and got taken away like a trophy, Lovecraft had been unable to find him again for centuries and when he found him again, he had already been in the hands of Fukuchi.

All that Lovecraft wanted, was to free Bram from Fukuchi but he knew that Fukuchi would use Bram against Lovecraft, hurting Bram even more in the process and the last thing Lovecraft wanted, was to make Bram suffer even more than he already had to so he couldn’t do anything beside staying close to the vampire and following them wherever Fukuchi took him.

The time where Bram had been on the ship had been hell for Lovecraft. He stayed underwater, underneath the ship where he was forced to listen to how Fukuchi treated Bram, how Bram tried to refuse biting people and how tired, hollow and exhausted the voice of his partner sounded.

Lovecraft wanted to sink the ship oh 8so bad, dragging Fukuchi down with it and killing him underwater and taking Bram with him, since Fukuchi was defenseless against him there. The world underwater was Lovecraft’s world, his element and a mere human was defenseless against him there but he knew that there was a risk that Bram got injured if he really did so and he didn’t wanted to risk that so he was forced to stay underneath the ship, hoping that one day he was able to get Bram back.

When Bram saw Lovecraft again, he froze and stared at the black haired man with wide eyes.

He was sure that he would never see Lovecraft again, that he had lost him forever.

Bram had never stopped thinking and dreaming about the other but he didn’t even dare to hope that he would see him again.

Lovecraft didn’t look any different than he remembered him. He wore different and more modern clothes and he looked more tired and worn out than before but beside that he still looked exactly how he remembered it.

It didn’t took long until Lovecraft noticed that someone stared at him and when he spotted Bram, he too froze for a moment.

He only managed to say the other’s name before ran towards him, using a bit of his vampire abilities to move faster. However, he tripped shortly before he reached Lovecraft due to his legs giving out but Lovecraft quickly catched him and hugged him.

He held him so carefully as if he would hurt him if he hugged him any tighter.

He had always been careful with Bram since the vampire always nearly felt as fragile as a human in Lovecraft’s arms, despite being an immortal being and since Lovecraft was well aware of his strength he was always careful when touching Bram but now he seemed to touch him even more careful than before.

Bram however, hugged him as tight as he could, burning his face in the other’s shirt and closing his eyes.

Nobody saw the tears which escaped his eyes. Only Lovecraft could feel them and only he felt that Bram was shaking slightly.

Lovecraft on the other hand, was still trying to process that he finally was able to hold Bram again and that Bram was okay.

After a couple of moments he buried his face in the others long gray hair and closed his eyes as well. They didn’t need any words. It has always been like this.

They stood like this, hugging each other for a long time and even afterwards, they would stick together.

Lovecraft would always visit Bram whenever he could and they also started to meet up at night again. Usually Bram would fly down to the harbor where he met Lovecraft. Then they would talk for hours again, like they did back when they first met. They would talk and sleep, holding each other. They would dance and sometimes they would just sit somewhere, watching the night sky and remiscene about the old times.

Bram often thinks about his kins and his family. After all, he is the only vampire who survived and who is now walking freely around on earth again. He misses them greatly and often he blames himself for not being able to defend them.

Lovecraft is always there for him when the thoughts get too dark.

Sigma is allowed to carry a gun with him constantly.

He is also practicing to use his ability more precisely and is training to use his ability in order to overwhelm enemies through flooding their mind with so much information that they pass out.

He often gets paired with Atsushi when they go on missions.

They both spend a lot of time together and they became best friends.

When Atsushi saw that Sigma was alive, he nearly cried. The “death” of Sigma would leave his mind and he mourned about the death of the other, despite not really knowing him so when he saw him again, he couldn’t believe his eyes before he ran over to him, telling him how relieved he was to see him alive and well.

Sigma was completely caught off guard at first. Nobody ever was so glad about seeing that he was fine. In all his years with the DoA he was merely a replaceable tool and this boy was nearly crying out of relief and happiness upon seeing him again despite not really knowing anything about him.

It made Sigma feel warm inside and his heart felt like it got squished but in a good way. It was the first time he wondered if this is what “home” felt like.

Later he asked how he could ever thank Atsushi for his kindness. He showed him back at the sky casino but to his surprise, the other didn’t want anything and told him that he’s just happy that Sigma is fine.

By now, Sigma, Atsushi, Lucy and Kyouka often spend time together. Sometimes they visit Lucy at the Café, sometimes they go shopping together, sometimes they go and get Crépes together and sometimes they just talk for a while at the office of the ADA.

Sigma and Atsushi both judge Dazai’s shinegans.

Sigma got together with Chuuya and Dazai some time after the war against the DoA.

Chuuya and Dazai were already a couple for years but after the events in Meursault, they also got together with Sigma.

Dazai already started falling for Sigma early into the events of Meursault while Sigma slowly started falling for Dazai after the latter saved them from drowning.

Chuuya already started to admire Sigma when he saw Sigma aiming the gun at Fyodor’s head, showing true strength and bravery and it didn’t take long until they both fell for each other after meeting too.

However Sigma was a bit intimidated by Chuuya at first so it took him a bit longer to warm up to Chuuya.

They love each other deeply and while Sigma and Chuuya would die for Dazai even though they would never admit it, Dazai would live for them.

However, Dazai is also still getting used to receiving this much genuine love and affection from two people.

Sigma is also still slowly getting used to being treated like a human being instead of a tool/ is still getting used to not getting used the whole time and also to finally having not one but two places he can call home (the ADA and Dazai and Chuuya).

During the first time after the war against the DoA, Dazai had to use a wheelchair for a long time after crashing down with the elevator, breaking his legs in several places and breaking other bones as well.

After months, he could walk a bit again and started to use forearm crutches as soon as he could walk for longer periods of time again.

Eventually he only used one forearm crutch.

He had to keep using a forearm crutch for years.

After a long time, he used a cane instead.

He already struggled with chronic back pain from a failed suicide attempt where he fell on his back, injuring his spine and since he didn’t seeked help from Yosano until months later, the spine healed more badly than anything which is why it now often hurts and cracks, making sitting straight hurt like hell after some time and the serval injuries he had after falling down with the elevator added more chronic pain and his legs couldn’t support his weight fully anymore without hurting like crazy until years later. The pain never fully faded though.

He hated needing the help of others but slowly he started to allow it.

Kunikida has to practice things like tying his hair into a ponytail, braiding his hair, tying his shoes and writing again because his new hands are still weak and very shaky.

It caused him multiple breakdowns already due to feeling utterly useless, especially now that he can neither do a lot of paperwork or use his ability as fast and often as before.

Dazai and Ranpo are the only ones who know about Kunikida struggling.

Dazai actually helps Kunikida when his mental health is particularly bad again and helps him to calm down when he finds him locked in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom of the ADA again, breaking down on particularly bad days when his hands were shaking so much again that he couldn’t do anything which required precise hand movements.

Previously, Kuniikida would check on Dazai every evening to see if the other was fine and if he had eaten anything. Now it’s Dazai’s turn to check on his partner regularly.

At first Kunikida hated it, but slowly he started to accept the support and help from Dazai.

Dazai, Kunikida, Chuuya and Sigma regularly meet up somewhere during weekends to spend some time together. Most of the time, they just talk about work and about life but sometimes they watch movies together at Chuuya’s apartment which he shares with Dazai and Sigma.

After Sigma and Kunikida got to know each other through their work at the ADA, they started to get along pretty well and Chuuya and Kunikida got along well anyway. They love to rant about work and about Dazai’s bs while drinking expensive wine.

Sigma sometimes bakes cookies for the whole ADA.

Fukuzawa refused to exchange any of the ADA members with Mori after he found out about the lie he told Yosano.

He was furious.

He knew that it would have consequences but for now he didn’t worry about it.

Sigma’s OCD and his panic disorder which he developed during his time with the DoA got even worse after the war against the DoA.

He never told anyone about it and normally he was able to hide his compulsions, his panic and the distress which came from not performing compulsions very well but during the first time after the DoA was defeated, everything got even harder to hide.

Dazai noticed him writing a word on a word document over and over again, deleting it before writing it again and noticed how Sigma grew more and more distressed. He didn’t confront him about it right then at the crowded office of the ADA but he instead asked him if he could help him with something to snap him out of the thought spiral.

At home, he confronted Sigma about it, and while Sigma at first panicked, eventually he told Dazai about it.

By now, both Chuuya and Dazai support and help Sigma whenever his fear and his OCD get too much for him.

The Hunting Dogs came personally to the ADA to apologize for everything they did as well as for believing that they were guilty.

Tecchou also apologized less formally and more emotionally to Yosano and thanked her again for saving Jounou’s life. After all, they had wanted to execute her so he would have understood it, if she would have refused to help them.

Kenji was thrilled to finally meet this friend Tecchou talked about and he cheerfully greeted Jounou, telling him that he was happy that Jounou was okay and also telling him that Tecchou had been worried sick about him and that he was even willing to place Jounou above justice which was obviously so dear to him. (You must be really good friends then! :D)

Upon hearing this, Jounou just smiled at Tecchou who looked away, a tiny bit embarrassed.

Of course Jounou already knew about what happened and he had already scolded Tecchou for nearly 15 minutes for placing him above justice and his mission and for also nearly killing a whole child in his blind rage.

He can’t deny that his cheeks had been a dark red shade upon hearing this though.

Teruko and Sigma stay far away from each other though and Tachihara keeps a respectful distance to the former casino manager too, knowing that Sigma probably never forgives them for making his casino fall from the sky, killing everyone in it but he understands it.

That Sigma doesn’t even want to look at Teruko, whether it’s because of the guilt he feels or because of the fact that they killed the people he viewed as his family, is fully justified. At least in Tachihara’s eyes.

The Hunting Dogs now are always there to help the ADA if they would ever need more help with a case or with fighting against an enemy.

Tachihara stayed with the Hunting Dogs but he still meets up with the Black Lizard regularly and he actually lives with Gin and Higuchi.

Sometimes he meets up with the Black Lizard and with Chuuya at the bar to which they always went to drink and chat for the whole night like in the old times.

There is no bad blood at all and all enjoy their meetings greatly.

He sometimes misses his time at the Port Mafia but as long as he can meet up with them, it's alright.

He couldn’t leave the Hunting Dogs either.

Both, Port Mafia and Hunting Dogs are like a family to him so he tries his best, to connect both worlds as best as he can.

At Home, with Higuchi and Gin, they don’t talk about their jobs anyways. There it is just them. No Port Mafia and no Hunting Dogs unless there is really something someone needs to talk about with their partners/unless there is something someone wants to get off their chest.

Dazai still has awful nightmares about the events at the Meursault Prison.

Sigma also suffers from night terrors about the same events.

When Dazai wakes up from one of those nightmares again, he usually directly checks if Chuuya and Sigma are still there with him, listens to their breathing and to Chuuya’s little snores as he calms down.

Sometimes he gets out of their bed and goes into the kitchen or the living room where he sits on the couch, staring holes in the air or staring at the ceiling while he tries to calm his racing mind down.

Most of the time, Chuuya and Sigma wake up shortly after Dazai left the bed though and grow alarmed immediately, causing them to get out of bed in no time and to search for their boyfriend.

After they found him, Chuuya usually can tell directly what is going on and they comfort him and gently urge him to come back to bed with them.

Sigma reacts much differently than Dazai.

He often dreams about the DoA, about Fyodor, about his casino or about falling down from the casino but most of the time, he dreams about the elevator which is crashing down with a rapid speed, with Dazai still in it.

Those dreams are often bloody and horrifying and Sigma often wakes up screaming for Dazai, hyperventilating and crying.

Chuuya and Dazai always calm him down and are there for him. All three of them are awful at comforting but it works for them.

Most of the time, Dazai hugs Sigma, rubs his back or gently saws back and forth while Chuuya is verbally trying to comfort him and holds his hands, caressing the back of them and assures Sigma that he’s safe here with them and that they are okay.

They also help Sigma to calm his breathing again and gently prevent him from tugging at his hair/pulling at his hair since it’s something Sigma does when he is stressed, scared or panicking.

They also always let Sigma talk about his nightmare and look out that his panic won’t get worse again.

Dazai also always lets Sigma feel his pulse, knowing that this can calm Sigma down more than anything.

He always regulates his heart beat to a calming, slow one too to calm Sigma down more when he feels his pulse.

When Sigma feels better again and Chuuya gently urges him to try to sleep again, knowing how exhausted Sigma is after the panic attack and assuring him that they won’t leave his side.

They often lie curled up together in one big cuddle pile then, Sigma lying between them and both hugging him.

Chuuya and Dazai often quietly talk about everything when Sigma fell asleep again.

Dazai always stops Sigma and Chuuya from overworking themselves since both tend to do so due to Chuuya’s workaholic tendencies and due to Sigma’s anxiety and perfectionism.

Ranpo scolds the whole ADA for multiple hours that they didn’t listen to him in regards to the DoA case and brings it up over and over again.

He basically won’t let anyone forget that he warned them and that they wouldn’t listen to him.

The agency is now much more careful with accepting cases and Fukuzawa wouldn’t let anyone who was still recovering, no matter if mentally or physically, go on any more dangerous/more shady cases for the first time until they were fully recovered again.

Ranpo moved into Poe’s mansion as well and now lives with Poe and Mushitarou.

Mushitarou actually got together with Poe and Ranpoe after a while.

He’s the happiest he’s been since quite a while.

Aya often visits the ADA after school.

Fukuzawa thanked her and Lucy for their support and their selfless actions to support the ADA during the vampirism outbreak.

Bram only rarely has to go to investigate a case with others. Most of the time he is sleeping somewhere in the office.

Now Kunikida has to scold two for sleeping/lazing around at the office during working hours.

Dazai is again trying to get Atsushi to do his paperwork, driving Kunikida crazy.

However, when Dazai sees that Kunikida is struggling again, he sometimes snatches some papers from the stack on Kunikida’s desk and actually does a bit of Kunikida’s paperwork for him.

At first Kunikida told him to stop but eventually he just let Dazai help him. He couldn’t stop him from doing so in any way since if Dazai really wanted to do something, there was no way of stopping him and deep inside he was thankful for Dazai’s help.

Dazai shows Bram the most weird songs to exist.

Surprisingly, the truce between the ADA and the PM is still on going but Dazai and Chuuya already agreed to not moving into separated apartments if the truce gets broken, not wanting to give up their life living together and living together with Sigma so soon again.

All three agreed that if the truce should get broken, they would move into an apartment which is neither close to the ADA or the PM and which belongs to neither of the organizations.

Lovecraft sometimes comes over to meet Bram at his dorm or at the office of the ADA. Especially when it’s bad weather outside since Bram dislikes going out so Lovecraft comes to him instead of Bram meeting him at the harbor.

The first few times he came to the ADA, everyone was very weary around him and not even Dazai made any comments.

The very first time, even Fukuzawa came out of his office to talk with the guest, ready to fight if needed.

By now, they are still weary about him but have gotten used to him just randomly appearing at the office or in the house where their apartments are, especially when it’s raining or storming outside.

It became a normal thing.

Kenji even sometimes offers Lovecraft some tea or snacks and greets him happily upon seeing him, asking him how he’s doing.

During the first time he visited, Lovecraft also told Kunikida that if they should ever hurt Bram or just try to do so, he would destroy the whole agency.

Bram was asleep at that moment. After he found out, he scolded Lovecraft a bit.

Bram and Lovecraft love to complain about everything to each other.

Lovecraft sometimes brings Bram fruits.

Bram loves fruits. It probably has to do with him being able to transform into a bat.

After Kenji found out about this too, he often brings Bram fresh fruits, especially when Bram has a bad day, in order to cheer him up.

Sigma teaches others how to play different card games.

Chuuya sometimes comes over to pick his partner up from work when he can leave his work early for once.

He also is always willing to pick one of them up from work if one of them isn't feeling well but the other one is stuck in a meeting.

When Atsushi first saw Dazai again, after the latter finally was allowed to leave the infirmary again, he tackled hugged him and hugged him so tightly that Yosano had to remind him to be a bit more careful.

Atsushi refused to let Dazai go for quite a while and cried his eyes out.

Dazai was sitting there like frozen for a moment before awkwardly patting Atsushi on the back, laughing and telling him that he is happy to see him too while trying to ignore the fact that his eyes got a bit teary too.

Kunikida and Dazai’s reunion was much quieter but also very emotional.

They were finally able to hug it out too.

The whole reunion of the ADA was very emotional.

The ADA isn’t framed anymore and went back to their normal routine, even though there are a few changes and even though the war changed everyone a bit.

They do take cases again however and even though Dazai warned them that there might be another war against another ability user, they are enjoying their time now and they are prepared a lot better for new battles than previously.

#Me? Posting own content since literal months?? Unbelievable #No really. I am very sorry for not uploading any headcanons or drabbles for so long #I had no ideas but when I had ideas; I was too scared to post them #Funny right? After nearly one year of posting I get scared to post smth (When does my blog have its anniversary again?)#I was scared that people might think that I don't understand the characters or smth bc I mainly write fluffy ooc content when in truth I do #I kind of felt like I needed to prove that I understand the characters? But today I thought who cares. Posting that stuff makes me happy #And there are so many really nice people who like my stuff and who support me and my work and I wanna give them something to read again #Soo here we are!#Please enjoy my Fix-It Au. Is it probably very ooc? Yes? But does it comfort and is it very fluffy? Yes.#It's one of my comfort AUs tbh #I hope you all like it as much as I do #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs hcs #bsd nikolai gogol #fyolai #bsd headcanons #bsd sigma #bsd nikolai #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #sigma bsd #soukoku #ranpoe #bsd ranpo #bsd poe

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shorlinesorrows · 16 days

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just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book #i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot #something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away #something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences #something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment #I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission.#I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY #because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does #Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick #privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed #Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT #anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place #and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So.#listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die #I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho.#the sunshine court #jean moreau #really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too #this is gonna be a wild ride #jeremy knox #all for the game #love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food

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insert-neologism · 1 month

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bad astrology by flower face

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED #what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em #literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me #<- guys look im living so healthy #anyways this was a blast #hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists #mitos incredible life #mine art tag #also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there #ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much #also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th #ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water #bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat #probably #omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen #recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt #that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose #gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay #no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing #ive wanted to do smth similiar alr #but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

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lilpuffyart · 2 months

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*rubbing my hand evilly (?)* I got some really nice Godzilla and Mothra drawing and comic ideas and such with my au

#one is cute is them meeting #and the other is pretty much angy goji lmao #i know i mentioned another comic woth maddie #but ive been quite busy these past two weeks #gonna try to draw some comics this weekend #puffy talks #the angy one is related with kamachi tbh #kinda hmmm the reason goji didnt kill kamachi and such #would be nice to have it fully colored and such tho i can see it with my third eye and it looks really pretty all colored and such #anyway #if u read this far hi how are you #hope u had a nice day #i can say i did but i talked with some friends and i feel better #also yeah yeah the maddie comic is related to my au lmao cjxjxjxjxjxjx kxxkxnxmxmxkx

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boxwinebaddie · 1 month

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Hi Uncle Nina !!

I don't wanna clog your ask box with stupid shit but this is stupid shit but it was also my bday on the thirteenth so shjdjdjs

As a fellow Monster addict ( I got a flat of Monster for my bday and collect the cans I have 30 diff ones so far <3 ) I need to know what Stan's favourite is

And on the less stupid side of things I was also hoping to potentially hear more about Stan's trans journey/Kyle finding out Raven is trans

Also I'm sorry your job has been so stressful lately :(( I hope you have a good day 🧡

- Stan 🧡

hi orange heart stan! <3

it's so good to hear from you, baby.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHSLAY, MY LOVE! i'm sorry i'm a little late, but you know me -- everything i do is fashionably late, darling. ;)

but also!!!!! call your wonderful, lovely ask message stupid shit again!!! see what happens!!! i'm gonna frown So WIDE, i'm gonna look so Upset. i'm going to hold you up to the sun!!! JUST WATCH!!!! >;/

my sweet stannie; you are a gift, a treasure. and your ask memes are a pleasure. i don't find them stupid in any shape or form, be nice. conversely, they are extremely special to me and it's why i put off writing this message for a little while because i wanted to respond to it thoughtfully, seeing as though it's your bday message.

which, *cracks knuckles* to get the ball roooollling.

i can absolutely tell you what monster energy is stan's favorite, but as a bday bonus, bc i wasn't sure which stan you wanted to know about, or if you wanted both: i'll give you both my style's fave monster flavs

and i was going to go into some ravenstan trans lore after that, but i feel like that info should go in it's own ask, yeah? i just don't want it to get cluttered. so if you feel so inclined, would you mind sending me a second anon where i can drop that info? thank you, baby! mwah

but now, w/o further ado...

please enjoy the most Refreshing part of your day <333

for context ( and actually because i got an anon once who wanted to know whether i drink energy drinks ), i don't really know that much about energy drinks/flavors because i don't really drink energy drinks.

i mean okay, i'm not really sure if it counts as an energy drink, but i will chug a guayaki yerba mate like it is the elixir of life. ( also i fully maintain that pep stan drinks the enlightenment flavor and ravenstan drinks the raspberry one -- crunchy eco kings ) my favorite one is the passion terrere one. it's like the only one that doesn't come in a can and only comes in a glass bottle...that ice cold passion terrere mate in the glass...it hits so different than the can...oh my god. so good.

and as far as monsters go, i pretty much only drink pipeline punch bc i'm a pretty pink princess and that's what hot girls drink <3 but other than that i drink black coffee because i am an exhausted teacher girlie, but that's purely for fuel. to be honest, i rarely drink energy drinks just for fun, i only have caffeine to stay upright.

which isn't a great idea...but...i am not a role model....

speaking of:

so i told riley this story the other day, bc i needed to get her brilliant genius girl insight on energy drink flavors because she is the sugar free energy queen ( riley's answer was kyle x ultra strawberry dreams and stan x ultra mango fiesta, which, everyone say thank u riley <3 )

-- also god if you are real, bring back the watermelon lime venom you discontinued, you sick fuck, it was riley's favorite, thank you for giving us lovely orange heart stan, and fuck you very much for making ME, bitch! come on down, king! you won't! why the fuck would you extend my coworkers vacation! fight me, ugly!!!! --

and i was telling her about how i am the chaotic kenny friend, i make really bad, chaotic decisions, have no self preservation, hype and gas up my extremely bad ideas and convince myself i'm big brain, wow.

and...oof. so like 2-3 years ago during finals week, i had a fuck ton of essays and projects due ( i was a very bad student btw which is funny bc i'm a teacher ) and no idea how i was gonna do them, so i had the Brilliant Idea...to buy three Random bang energy drinks...

AND SHOTGUN ALL OF THEM BACK TO BACK LIKE BEER CANS.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh my god, party girl nina. help. crying.

and yknow, i thought this was such a good idea! i was like wow i'm gonna be so awake, i am going to b invincible.

i....was not Invicible. i was...very, very sick. i was like almost catatonic and shaking on the floor of my dorm bathroom, lmao. i had to have my roomate take a picture of me on the floor and text all my teachers what happened, which, thank god they were all really nice and laughed but...i feel like that tells you everything you need to know about me...people who think i'm their hero...i am a fucking idiot.

but!! BUUUUTTT! just for You, baby. i deep dived a lot of forums and read a lot about the flavor profiles and think...i made a pretty accurate assertion of what my kid's energy drink preferences are <3

me: paris hilton pipeline punch bc i am bad as hell ;)

stan the man with the plan: okay, so i think that pep stan is definitely that ultra paradise monster energy. it just seems really crisp, clean, earthy. stan also doesn't really care for sweets or sugar, so it makes sense to me that he would be drinking a zero sugar monster ( kyle is disgusted ) idk the kiwi, lime, cucumber flavor profile just feels like pep stan. please tell me you can see the vision, help.

kyle pile: hmmm...so what i've concluded with my research is that kyle pile probably likes that pacific pipeline monster that seems to taste like fruit punch <3 it has to be the full sugar ones because of his blood sugar and stan does kind of scold kyle for drinking them bc he's not really supposed to and he gets really cracked out ahdslkshd like he's really cute but stan is like oh my god bro you gotta lay down but yeah i think that one or the orange dreamsicle one, which is hilarious because the only foods stmwtp canonically does not like are pickles and artifical orange flavoring...he really loves kp.

raven: soooooo i know that i said pep stan was the mango loco monster energy, BUT RAVENSTAN IS LITERALLY THE MANGO LOCO MONSTER ENERGY LIKE HELLO??? also i feel like he is like those mexican dads that put a little tajin in whatever they're eating and act like they've invented fire heeeeeelp ravenstan is so the dad that cuts u up fruit into little shapes and pus tajin on them and feeds u them when ur sad <333 luv u raven ;-; <3 but yeah i feel like he full on turns it into a raspado its so unserious sometimes theres a shot in there, it's usually the spicy tamarind smirnoff vodka,

...what can i say my man is a visionary and i see it

jersey: oooookaaaaay. so...sigh. for Obvious Reasons, pre and during rm, because of kyle's ed, he only drinks the sugar free monsters. for energy because he's exhausted ( my baby </3 ) but i also do think he thinks they taste good. i think he fucks with that ultra watermelon flavor that just tastes like the most beautiful, delectable, mouth watering liquid watermelon candy ever. i also think he could rock with the strawberry or the peach one sounds dank.

if the watermelon one isn't there it does stress him out, but he has a mental list of what one is next on the tier list, and acts accordingly. its kind of a nice change of pace but...his brain does not think that. however, when kyle is healing, weirdly enough, i think he ACTUALLY LIKES???? those coffee flavored ones??? which is Insane and everyone including tweek points and laughs at him

i hope...that suffices? you're totally welcome to offer me what you think is the right answer: you're the monster expert, after all. but this is what i feel in my heart! i think it feels accurate but, lmk! :')

and also...speaking of my job. UUUUUUGH. thank you baby. :((( i am actually criminally depressed because my fucking HOE-WORKER fucking extended his vacation ONE MORE WEEK! so i have to cover all his shifts for an extra week while he's on vacation. so that means i don't get to watch my testing accommodation kids who i miss very much, i still don't get his kinder reccess shift and literally??? spring break is next week like he couldn't WAIT???? holy fuck i'm Sad. :(

but i will be fine darling. but it's actually why i wanted to see if you could send me another anon so i can use that anon to talk about trans stan journey stuff? i just don't want it to get lost in this post and also, i'm not in great spirits rn and don't want to answer it until i can write something that's not flaming garbage.

but happy late birthday baby, i'm so glad you were born. <333

-uncle nina, monster shot gun queen

p.s. what is your favorite monster energy? :)

#BB IF YOU CALL YOUR MESSAGE STUPID ONE MORE TIME #I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN SO MANY BLANKETS AND FEED YOU SO MANY SNACKS AND BRAID UR HAIR #KNOCK IT AWHFF!!!!!!#you are so loved and this was no stupid at all and i actually had a lot of fun reading all about all the monster flavors #i'm sorry if its not totally accurate i did my best #i'm sorry the green one is so much more pep stan #and the mango loco one is actually raven #like thats just the right answer #ravenstan drinking the mango loco monster w the tajin rim...like he's kind of a genius oh my god #him turning them into a cursed mixed drink is foul tho i just know his head hurts after that #i cant believe i had jersey likes the coffee ones that is so foul #but him drinking the no sugar ones and drinking the candy flavored ones bc he is like 7 years old #theyre so cute lkahdkshd also kyle pile also likes the cherry blade lemonade bang energy that feels right to me #BUT YEAH I HOPE THIS MADE YOU SMILE #TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK HAHA #also sorry i didnt give you the Serious answer in that post but ravens trans journey is really important to me #and i really want to honor that and not rush it or write it when i am in a bad mood...ill make it worth it for you my love #but uuuugh no im in such a bad mood like im actually so frustrated like this is just not fair to me #me n the older kids are starting to kind of be alright but it kind of ebbs and flows like its better somedays and worse others #but they are stuck with just me for another week so were managing tbh my coworker was dad and im mom basically #im more like stepmom and they dont really like me bc ur not my real mom but like at least im nice lmao #but yeah happy birthday baby hope you enjoyed this and i will get you the answers you seek very soon mWAAAAH #also not me shotgunning 3 bang energies and throwing up and having to have my friends email my professors #when i tell you im not a role model i mean that i am a joke i make such bad decisions #live fast die young bad girls do it well

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cobaltfluff · 2 months

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my man could you be any more obvious

bonus me overanalysing maruki after seeing him twice vs my smug friend who has been recommending me this game for years

#p5r #spoilers #art tag #maruki my man your glasses give it all away #IT'S ALWAYS ALL IN THE GLASSES! character design plain and simple #your sweet smile hides nothing!!#your pain and sadness is barely masked!!#i read you like a book from the beginning!#obvs not all the details but tbh i think it's a good thing in a way that it's not exactly subtle #anyway my friend had been telling me to play this game for years #and she was right. i loved every moment of it.#it is right up my alley exactly my cup of tea #i was also talking to another friend and i was like #i love maruki so much he's my sort of character i hope he doesn't turn out to be the bad guy #and he just looked at me like uhhhhh i dont want to spoil anything.#shh you dont gotta tell me. i KNOW.#i feel like these games arent exactly subtle lol #but maybe for the better sometimes

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payphoneangel · 4 months

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Vinny's 2023 fics!!

I'm so proud of all the writing I did in 2023!! I learned so much that I'm so excited to apply to my projects for 2024 <3

Not Whole, Not Holy Rating: Explicit Word count: 2,752

Moody, quiet, and introspective, this piece explores endverse!Cas and endverse!Dean find a little bit of solace in each other among their crumbling world. Best described by the tag: Not hurt/comfort, not hurt/no comfort, but some secret third thing.

A Midsummer Night's Dean Rating: Teen+ Word count: 16,948

A wild ride of a casefic loosely based on Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Featuring love potions, Dean having chronic foot-in-mouth-disease, Cas being SO down bad it's dangerous, and Sam wanting to be literally anywhere else but here. I've been told this fic has made people laugh so hard, it has awoken children and brought concerned family members a'knocking on doors.

Innervate A series currently containing two fics, with a few more additions planned! This series follows Cas' developing relationship to his body and how he navigates through the world with it. It's full of fun science and anatomy, alternate angel lore, and LOTS of UST between Dean and Cas (don't worry, it will get resolved... eventually lol. This is a series-long slow burn)

Check out Prelude as a sampler for vibes (full disclosure-- this was a WIP for a LOOOOOONG time so while this fic was uploaded in 2023 the writing is far older than that)

Then for a more cohesive story (and tbqh way stronger writing), pop on over to Ask Me Why My Heart's Inside My Throat

Spellbound Rating: Explicit Word count: 4,764

A one-shot exploring the Master/Apprentice relationship of Sam and Rowena. Let's be real here. They have insane magic sex and I feel like not enough ppl talk about it. EYE barely even scratched the surface with this one. The quickest summary I got for this one: Sam's cardinal virtue is that one a hot woman speaks, he listens.

Long Black Cloud Coming Down Rating: Gen Word Count: 3,540

Taking place prior to s1, teen!Dean has to act quick and think fast when Sammy suddenly comes down with a fever. He can't let his thoughts race too far though, or he just might start believing that whatever's going on is more than just a fever and a snow storm.

#vinny types #vinny writes #spn fic #hilarious to me how i'm p sure the only fic i actually wrote AND published in 2023 is Black Cloud. actually AMND too #everything else had been a WIP for FIVEVER #tbf tho i put a lot of stuff on pause to work on Cell Service #and it was a goal of mine to get more of my WIPs complete before working on other big projects #which i did! save for AMND tho lmao #the idea for AMND hit me like a TRUCK and i just had to roll with it #i love it so much tho. i know we're not supposed to have favorites buuuuuuuuuut if you were going to read any one from this list #actually i'd say go read Black Cloud bc the writing is strongest #but if you want to have a silly goofy time go read AMND #but tbh im also really proud of getting Heart uploaded bc that one ooooooooh that one was a toughie #so. many. rewrites #i'll probably work on the next part of innervate when i'm stuck on Ganked #Spellbound and Black Cloud were both 'im motivated to write but having writers block on Ganked' uploads lol #im uh. HOPING to get Ganked uploaded within the year #but who knows. I want to be thorough with this one so it's taking me a while

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tonariofjananda · 10 months

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This was my participation piece for the @yuriolympics2023 ‘s first prompt, “Memory.”✌️

The fic covers things that will happen in Season 3 (including a theory that I’m treating as 100% canon tbh, lol) so if you’re not caught up with the manga, please keep that in mind :)

#Mizuha #Hanna #MizuHanna #Yuri Olympics 2023 #please make sure to check out this blog to find out how to vote for BestBonnist��s comic!#Fumetsu No Anata E #To Your Eternity #alright here’s a quick nova ramble #I was… VERY surprised to see Hanna had not been included in a fic yet #I mean there aren’t many fics for TYE to begin with but I never expected to be the one who made a tag for her #I’m really happy about it but I feel undeserving lol #anyway I had a lot of fun writing this and I’m excited to see the hit count go up (self-promoting always makes me a bit embarrassed tho lol)#it makes me laugh that Ray made the sweetest most adorable fluffy comic ever ;; 💕 While I went the… non fluffy route #going in I thought it would be the opposite lol but somehow all I had was thunderstorms in my head while writing it #I dont have that much to say about it tbh other than I hope y’all give it a read 🤗#let me know your thoughts too if you have any!#Oh and again make sure to check out the Yuri Olympics blog for more info on how to vote for Ray’s kick ass comic!

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fenharel · 8 months

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*threatens todd with a bat* there is a good game hidden beneath all this jank todd i can see it. why did you insist on adding all these empty planets everywhere todd? why?! why the forced focus on exploration when we already always wanted to explore your games without you forcing us?!

#saskia plays starfield #i had a lot of fun last night tbh #i started the uc questline and i was pleasantly surprised how the quests where written tbh #i had a lot of personal conversations with my companions which i loved! her background and some perk she has coming up during dialogue #i did the mantis quest which was awesome #just! yesterday was great #but today. god so many instances where i was just dissociating through them loading screens again #counting damn sheep until my protag finally managed to walk 8787m through an empty planet to reach some quest area.....#it feels like im doing work sometimes which is not good #just. there is so much where im like ''god i cant wait until there is a mod for that'' dunno man. rather would have bugs rn than that #the beginning is so slow and then it becomes good. just to be constantly disrupted by its flaws #and dont get me started how unfortunate it is that new atlantis is the central hub and first impression the player gets of the game #the blandest city i have encountered yet #there are just. a couple things where i just dont understand what toddy and co. where thinking #actually i do understand but i wish it was different. oh well #sorry about the rant if anyone is reading this lmaooooo #i just hope tomorrow will be a good starfield day again. i paid enough money for this damn game #just imagine how this game could be if it where all on one map like bethy games usually are. i cannot imagine i would rant about it

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redlyriumidol · 2 months

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these are the vibes I picture for the settings of dreadwolf (which I tried to transmit in my playlists):

tevinter/minrathous: opulent, magnificent, but creepy and fucked up, corrupt city of darkness and hedonism. immense gothic cathedrals of dark stone tower above the downtrodden masses that scurry beneath. so much history, but the blood will never wash out

antiva/treviso: italian obviously, with hints of spain. neighbours sit around in the streets to play guitars or lutes and sing/clap together. beautiful twisting spires, refinement, but there's a seedy underbelly, the stink of leather and the risk of murder- the people are joyful nevertheless- wine, food, song flows from every open window.

anderfels: vast, open, nothingness. a feeling of pervasive doom, a searching for some sign of the maker in the unforgiving wastelands under an expanse of empty sky. grim soldiers clad in grey march across the dusty landscape, the king has long abandoned his people who must fend for themselves against the constant threat of darkspawn.

rivain: their lives are intertwined with the sea. fishing nets, the smell of salt. pirates and sailors come and go, drinking spiced rum at the taverns. and there's an old magic there which sits on the skin, it's as natural to them as breathing. respected seeresses with wrinkled, weather-beaten faces ply their trade under the smoke of burning herbs and cured fish. women sell branches of rosemary on street corners. hints of spanish romani culture and music, also north african and al-andalus.

#reading the wiki page for the anderfels was like. this is so fucked up guys. those poor people #obv i have the most feelings about rivain. i NEED to see it #dragon age #i def feel like fanmixes arent as big of a thing in fandom after the fall of 8tracks but i had so much fun making them even so.#i slayed with them tbh #they might be a flop but i hope not because i legit put a lot of effort into them!#so even if you're not planning on listening i'd appreciate a reblog. da fandom is so dead compared to its former glory lol

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casual-eumetazoa · 10 months

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I’m having surgery on Monday (it’s elective and I’m very glad to be having it) which means I will spend all of next week and possibly more laying in bed and doing nothing.

Therefore I am collecting suggestions for TV shows, YT video essays, YT videos in general, and podcasts (fiction and non-fiction). Sci-fi and horror are my go-to genres for everything fiction. For video essays / podcasts: science and literature are my preferred topics but I am willing to watch 10 hours of someone talking about, idk, competitive dog grooming or 17th century Hungarian folklore if the essayist really cares about it. Though I am kind of tired of super political/depressing/heavy topic video essays tbh. Not in fiction! In horror, I go as hardcore as it gets.

So yeah, if anyone has suggestions, please throw them at me. Not taking recommendations for books cause my TBR is 47 positions long :) And it terms of games I’ve been playing nothing but Hollow Knight for the last 2 months and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

#i reblogged a list of what im watching and reading earlier today #to give an idea of what i usually go for #also im thinking of going back to big finish but i will have to go into such obscure stuff #cause i already got through so much #like all of main range and most of 8th doctor stuff #i miss main range actually #if there are any story boxes with 6 or 8 that came out recently that are good #i might try them out #anyway im getting my uterus yeeted #actually my entire reproductive system tbh #like uterus ovaries cervix etc #had to fight like hell to get this surgery #and im spending most of my savings on it #so im not excited as such but i will be so relieved #my uterus has been doing weird things for the last two years so yeah #i will probably make a post about it mid next week #im hoping to go home the same day and with no complications #after reading probably a novel worth of reddit posts im pretty sure the recovery is not so bad #and im used to pain and being in bed and such #i just hope anesthesia wont fuck up my digestion #or my mood #but weirdly i feel like the surgery might get me out of the depressive slu #*slump #its gonna feel like such a huge weight of my shoulders #one more thing to be positive about

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foxgirlmoth · 3 months

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So my life is feeling like its on an upward swing since this is my final semester for my associates, I'm starting a new job real soon and also possibly have a really nice remote job if I hear back from a few places I recently applied to.

And it always terrifies me when good stuff starts happening.

Change is really hard for me especially when it feels like its all at once. With better pay comes the opportunity to leave my parent's house finally and move in with a girl who has lovingly stolen my heart. With my school behind me I can find better jobs even!

But at the same time, its just. So scary for me. What if I can't keep up my part of rent. What if my chronic pain or ADHD or other disabilities put a strain on someone I love to my core, and I end up making things worse because I get extremely emotional and will scream (at myself mostly) and panic during these high stress times (especially if money is involved)

I've had a 'safety net' of family members who barely tolerate the fake me I present myself as, and I know my mental health is going to be so much better when I'm not around them, but at the same time I need so much help sometimes. Family just happens to help in terms of shelter and food. It also doesn't help that the one other time I moved out it ended so so poorly that I'm still working through that trauma.

Hurting the love of my life in any way fucking terrifies me. I want nothing but the best for her always always always. I just know I can't always be at my best, its impossible to be. I will break at some point and probably scream and cry about how things aren't going nearly to plan and I'm so weak so often I don't know if I can pull myself together fast enough to not hurt myself or her with my untrue words.

#I used to have (What I'm pretty sure now were autism) meltdowns so bad when I was younger.#I was always told I was selfish and that I can't expect to have x thing or y thing fixed #And I would scream and slam my hands against my legs and the ground #Its never been pretty #I just learned to cry before it gets to that point now and I just sob so fucking much #But if it feels like my life is over? I just. I just can't. I'll still scream and cry and pulp my legs bruised and hands bleeding #And showing my wife all of me includes all of these things I hate. This could happen if I move in with her #I haven't had a meltdown in a while from what I remember #It was probably right after I moved back in with my parents. And was pretty much coerced into an environment I felt extremely unsafe in.#tw self harm #jic cause I have mentioned beating myself #I haven't been close to a meltdown around my love at all tbh so maybe I'm scared for no reason. I mostly just cry because #Thats what happens when any emotion runs high #<- Girl who is currently crying typing all thid #also I hope no one reads hurting her as physically. I've never thrown a punch in my life. Well. I guess except at myself #Huh thats the first time I've thought of it that way. That sucks #I just know that 1. Being loud in general would not be nice to either of us. and 2. I can be a bitch! I can say some rancid shit!#And that would! Be fucking bad and hurt! And I so desperately don't want that #And I know accidentally hurting someone is something you need to expect when you're in a close relationship with someone #It still fucking sucks though #AUGH I just needed to type this all out I'n feeling better already. I'm just a scared girl so often.#I want to live more and more each day so I know I'll make it. Even if I do it scared. I guess I hope you see this honey #Since this is stuff I should be talking about with you #Getting my thoughts sorted though before talking is good though. The reason I type this on fucking tumblr is because it helps me think #Also being vulnerable and letting friends and mutuals and the like see all this is a chance for me to better myself I suppose #This has been a runa rant #runa diary #I have a habit of overthinking. Methinks #Honestly my current safety net of family has been pretty fucking bad #The one time I earned a little bit more money than I needed for bills I was basically stripped of a lot of it paying my folks rent

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callixton · 3 months

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idr if i already posted abt this but i have been in a little phase of feeling sad abt being aro bc i’ll be reading things abt happy couples and go oh that sounds nice :’) but i am literally currently in a stable and good relationship and i fucking hate it so like. no it doesn’t ur deluding yourself :(

#i just don’t feel that ! and i’m bad in a romantic relationship ! it feels Wrong #but i still read like. idk fanfic and go oh man i wish i had that and its like no you don’t you wish you had something else that felt the #- same way. you wish you felt that not that you had it #idk. i don’t really feel like i’m missing out i love being aro but also i think it’s so much harder to communicate your desires & have them #- taken seriously. for so many people i think the idea of holding a romantic relationship is seen as a maturity thing #& so i feel like i will always be seen as less than in one way or another #even tho i have friends who love me deeply and i feel so lucky for that #but like. i hope that they don’t let me go once they find a partner. bc i get that’s wonderful but. in many ways they’re mine #this is SO all over the place i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say in the tags tbh #i’ve just been feeling a bit bad abt it but also sure of myself #ted talks

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the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis · 11 months

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new fic!!!!

honey, if you stay

based on this request from @nev20: Jacob Black has a daughter [with Bella] and him and the whole wolf pack are overprotective of her and won’t let her go to school because she’s a werewolf so she gets angry and phases into a wolf and runs away but they find her and talk to her. hope you enjoy!

“Sadie?”

Jacob Black calls his daughter’s name, and tries to ignore the panic twisting in his stomach.

Ferns tug his ankles, then fall reluctantly back as he clambers over a gnarled sitka root. His palms come away caked in cool moss—unmistakably torn loose by claws.

At least he knows he’s on the right track.

“Sadie!” he yells again. The sound vanishes almost immediately, sinking into gauzy veils of green. His heart hammers. Sweat itches down his back, pools under the straps of his backpack.

“Keep walking, Jake,” he tells himself. Somewhere above, a bird whistles, high and flutelike. Varied thrush, he thinks automatically—then winces.

He never bothered learning birdcalls when he was younger. Rachel and Beck tried when they were twelve, determined to be able to name every bird around them, and it sort of burned him out on any enthusiasm he might’ve pieced together eventually. But Sadie loves them.

They did a unit in her 5th grade science class, and after it she begged her way into going on Sue’s morning birding walks every weekend, even when it was pouring rain. Four years later, she still likes to eat her breakfast on the porch, well-worn bird guide open next to her. Most days, when he doesn’t have to get to the garage early, Jacob sits with her, watching her name the flashes of colorful feathers and the warbling tunes…

He wonders if Bella’s standing on the porch now. No, wait—that’s a stupid thought.

He’s been out here, following the ragged trail of pawprints, for at least an hour. (Ignoring the fact that if Sadie really doesn’t want to be found, she could be in Canada by now.) Bella’s got the twins to pick up from soccer practice, her latest story for the Forum to finish, her spiral-bound notebooks full of the vampire romance novel she never wants to admit she’s writing. More than enough reasons to go inside. Bella’s hands get cold far too quickly standing outside, even after all these years.

There’s no way she’s still on the porch.

He can’t help picturing it anyways. Standing there just like she had when he’d left, arms crossed painfully tight, staring at the railing Sadie tore off the porch when she phased.

I’ll find her, honey, he’d promised. She’d just swiped a hand across her eyes and muttered It doesn’t help if you get lost too, Jake.

And then he’d promised he wouldn’t, of course he wouldn’t, which…

“I’m not lost,” he says. The thrush warbles above him again. He squints upwards, but can’t find it.

“I’m not,” he insists. “Worst-case scenario I’ll just follow the footprints back!”

This time there’s no response, and it registers that he is, in fact, yelling at a bird. He shakes his head, and turns back to scanning the ground for prints. Not that he really needs to—there’s a trail in his eyeline too, of snapped branches and the shockingly white wood inside them. Worry churns in his stomach.

God, sometimes it feels like all he does these days is worry. Ever since Sadie shifted.

Worry about why it happened in the first place. Which they still don’t know; any scents were long-gone by the time Leah and Jared and Paul made it back to help Sadie through, washed away by weeks of rain. It wasn’t the Cullens, (Bella’d dug her nails into her palms and sat in the car to make a phone call—hadn’t told Jake what was said, but she’d come back with teary eyes and curled up in his side for the rest of the day). A nomad who’d decided to linger just too long? Something else entirely? They didn’t know. The twins were only two years younger, the same age Seth had been…

Worry about how to help. He’d stopped shifting as soon as he could, as soon as the Cullens were gone, almost twenty years ago now. When Sadie had exploded the first time, a blur of snapping jaws and black fur, he’d tried on instinct to shift too, and it had hurt so badly he stopped halfway through, left with nothing but a dislocated shoulder to show for it. And a missing daughter, fifteen, just fifteen—

He’d asked his dad how he’d managed it, watching his child go through something he couldn’t help, couldn’t touch—and he’d just gripped his hand. You do your best, Jacob, he’d said. You just be there.

Worry, worry, worry. Sadie stayed in bed all day and refused to eat anything. Sadie climbed out her window in the middle of the night and brought back a deer with its throat torn out. Sadie punched her little brother for reading over her shoulder and bruised his arm so badly they both started crying. Sadie went cliff-diving by herself without telling anyone. Sadie tried to go play basketball with her cousins and had to leave halfway through to phase, came home in tears. Sadie couldn’t sleep while human anymore, so she made herself a den in the disused garage at her grandfather’s place which would be fine except she didn’t tell anyone.

Much as Jacob had hated the choking responsibility of protecting everyone he’d ever loved from the cold ones, he’d been thinking a lot recently about how much worse it would’ve been to have no purpose at all. No Sam to run him through training and patrols until he was so exhausted he couldn’t even think about shifting once he made it back to human. No pack…

And, of course, today. Summer break was drifting to an end. He and Bella’d talked it over and around in circles—stopped in on Sam and Em and Quil and Embry and Brady and Seth, even called Leah—and they’d all agreed. Sadie wasn’t ready to go back to school, not yet. They’d sat her down on the porch while the twins were out of the house, and they’d tried to explain it gently…

And then half the porch railing and Sadie had both disappeared in a heartbeat.

Really, when Jacob thinks about it, worry might not be a strong enough word.

“Sadie!” he yells again. There’s no answer—except he’s starting to hear waves, a low hum.

Huh. He hadn’t realized they turned toward the coast.

At least it’s not Canada.

He picks up his pace to a jog. “Sadie!”

There are no more snapped branches, just a few crushed ferns. Between them, the pawprints are shallower and closer together—made by a wolf stepping slowly, instead of running. The waves crash louder, louder—

Jacob pushes through a dense cluster of huckleberry, and breaks out onto a clifftop. A few paces ahead, through a veil of gray mist, the silver sea churns.

And just at its edge lies a huge night-black wolf.

Relief is a knife straight between Jacob’s ribs. He swallows, and blinks back the sting of tears. Time to do his best.

“Hey kiddo,” he says, and steps closer.

Sadie doesn’t look at him, but her ears flick back for a moment, before she presses them flat against her skull. It’s just enough acknowledgment that he doesn’t feel bad about lowering himself to the ground next to her.

His knees, of course, protest. The adrenaline is wearing off, the long jog and desperate scrambling over roots catching up. He makes more of a show of that than he needs to.

“I’m telling you,” he groans, (watching her squeeze her eyes closed tighter), “you’re lucky you’ve got young knees. Old bones make it real hard to hike.”

She still doesn’t look, but he hears the quiet huff of air through her nose. He imagines her human, rolling her eyes at him like she does every time he makes one of his terrible jokes. He can practically hear her dragging out the syllables of a response. Come ON, dad—

“Yep!” he says, determinedly even more cheerfully. “It’s sure difficult, being this ancient. Decrepit, even.”

Just like he hoped, she cracks. First she snorts again, even louder, then swings her head off her paws to nudge him in the side. For a second, he considers keeping the joke going, flopping backward like she knocked him off-balance—but where her head presses warm against his ribs, he can feel her shuddering. He stays still.

She wavers…then sags, and lays her head in his lap.

He raises his hands, a cautious breath from touching her. She whines quietly. A lump swells in Jacob’s throat.

“Okay, Sadie-bee.” He lets his hands fall into her fur. It’s warm against his palms, and much longer than it looks. She nuzzles into the touch, so he starts combing through the silk-soft strands. “Thanks for sticking around.”

She snorts again, hot breath gusting up into his face. He grins.

“If you hadn’t, there’s no way these old knees would’ve caught up with you. We were gonna have to send out Aunt Leah.”

He separates out three little strands in her fur, almost without thinking about it. Slowly starts weaving them together.

“Not that you would’ve minded that, I’m sure. She read me the riot act for pulling this shit on you when we called, you know?”

One amber eye pops open. It’s hard for a wolf to look scandalized, but Sadie manages it. Jacob grins. “What? Just don’t tell your mom.”

Sadie huffs. He tugs gently at her fur.

“I am sorry, by the way—not about the swearing.” Sadie rolls her eye. He grins, goes back to braiding. “But it’s hard, when you start shifting. I should’ve remembered. I didn’t even like school and I still tried to take Sam Uley’s head off for pulling me out of it��not that you should get any ideas from that.”

A laugh rumbles, low in Sadie’s throat.

“No, really!” He finishes the thin braid, picks a new spot and starts again. “You’re destroying way less stuff than me, so far. Let’s keep that going.”

She whines, obviously disbelieving.

“You doubting me?” He pauses his braiding to poke her side. “Ask your grandpa. I smashed an entire rowboat. He was so mad he almost ran me over with his chair.”

Which is blatantly untrue—Billy had never gotten angry about anything wolf-related where Jacob could see, just looked grim and told him we’ll figure it out in a tone that strongly implied or else—but it makes Sadie huff another wolf-laugh.

“I am sorry, though,” he continues after a moment of quiet. “We just want you to be safe, but—as Aunt Leah very loudly pointed out to me—there’s a different between helping you do that and controlling you. You have options, little bee.”

Sadie whimpers. It’s small and sad and so, so tired. Jacob swallows the lump in his throat yet again.

“I mean it, sweetheart. I think you know you don’t quite have this thing under control yet, and that sucks. But you’ll get there. And in the meantime?”

He pauses for breath. She nudges him with a paw. He smiles.

“There’s always online school. Your brothers would be crazy jealous, but we’ll just tell ‘em Mom and I trust you to actually do the work. Or we can set up an internship for you—Uncle Quil and I would take it easy on you at the garage. I bet Grandpa C could get you something with the park rangers where they won’t ask too many questions.”

Her tail wags, just a little, against his leg. He finishes another braid, and pauses—steeling himself for the next one.

Sadie’s not stupid, unlike you, Leah had snapped at him over the phone. She knows she’s not ready to go back to school. She’s been worrying about it all summer. At least let it be her decision.

“And…if you think you can do it…Mrs. Uley and Uncle Seth both work at the school. We’ll figure it out.”

Sadie freezes—even the rise and fall of her sides as she breathes stops. Jacob runs a hand down her back, slow and steady. Trying to keep his worry light. To make it so insubstantial that she won’t be able to smell it, even though he knows first-hand how sharp the smell of fear is—

She tears loose from his hands, and pushes upright onto four paws. She towers over him, and a very small part of Jacob can’t help wanting to flinch.

“I brought clothes,” he says instead, “if you want to talk.”

For a moment, she kneads the ground with her paws, like she’s going to run—then nods jerkily. Jacob shrugs his backpack off. She bites onto the top loop of it, and spins towards the trees.

He looks out towards the sea as branches rustle behind him in her wake. On the horizon, mist coalesces into rain, long silver sheets that look almost solid from this distance. The boundary with the gray waves blurs until he can almost believe the ocean reaches all the way to the white-gold circle of the sun.

“Dad?”

Sadie’s voice wobbles, and Jacob scrambles to his feet and spins around so fast the world tilts a little.

His daughter stands just past the huckleberry bush, still half in the shadow of the soaring trees, staring at the ground. The braids still tangled in her brown hair keep it from spilling down over her face, but her fingers run nervously over them, and he can tell she’s itching to pull them out and hide.

(Why’d she get all my bad habits? Bella had griped after the kindergarten parent-teacher conference when someone first proclaimed Sadie painfully shy. Because I don’t have any, obviously, he’d replied, and she swatted his shoulder.)

Jacob holds out his arms. Sadie crosses the rocks in a second and hurls herself into him. She’s almost as tall as him these days, head resting easily on his shoulder, and she clings tight enough to bruise.

“I’m so sorry,” she gasps, “Dad, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry—”

“None of that,” he murmurs. She tries to laugh, but it cracks into a sob. He hugs her back, as tight as he can. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Sadie. Nothing at all.”

By the time they make it back to the house, it’s pouring rain.

(Jacob somehow only thought to pack one raincoat. Sadie laughed, when he rummaged through the backpack and groaned, then squealed in protest when he dropped the hood over her face—Dad, I don’t even get cold anymore! come ON—but he strode away so quickly that by the time she caught up, jacket rearranged and fully on, she was just smiling.)

He’s soaked through, only not shivering through sheer force of will. But when Sadie freezes at the edge of the yard, he stops right beside her.

The rain whispers down around them, sighs through pine needles, rattles and clangs off the gutters—and fabric crackles as she crosses her arms.

Jacob waits, hands in his pockets and eyes on the soft yellow flicker of the porchlight. There’s an ache in his chest, a lump in his throat. Sadie looks so much like her mom out of the corner of his eye, biting her lip and rocking onto her heels. He wants to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pull her close and hug the worry out of her, tell her it’s going to be okay—

But he waits for her to find her words.

“What’d you tell the juniors?” she asks.

Jacob sighs, long and drawn-out like he knows she’s expecting—Ephraim’s the only one of the twins who’s technically a junior, but ever since Sadie figured out that Wren’s named after Grandma Renee, she calls them the juniors whenever she needs a plural. It drives Wren crazy.

Sadie sticks out her tongue, and Jacob knows he’s made his point.

“I don’t know,” he says, “They were still at soccer when I left.”

Her smile twists a little. He offers an arm—she leans in, nestles her head on his shoulder. She’s wolf-warm, heat radiating through the jacket down to his bones, and he lets himself feel the grief and the bitter nostalgia of it.

“I’m sure your mom explained,” he says. “And we both know they think this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened, come on.”

“And Mom’s not mad?” Her voice cracks on that one, just a little. He can feel her stiffen as it happens, gritting her teeth and trying to swallow it back.

He rubs her shoulder. “Why would she be?”

“Cause I—ran away again. Freaked her out. I don’t know.” She’s still stiff, one quiet tremor running down her spine. But she hasn’t pulled away either. Jacob squeezes a little tighter.

“You gotta give her more credit, kiddo. She dated a vampire once, it takes a lot to freak her out.”

“Da-ad,” Sadie whines, and he can’t help his laugh. She ducks away to glare at him—but there’s no real heat behind it. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard about that since I phased?”

“It’s because it explains literally everything about your mom,” Jacob says, “and I have fifteen years worth of jokes I couldn’t tell saved up.”

She rolls her eyes. He reaches over, pokes her gently in the ribs. “Really, little bee, nobody’s mad. We just want to help.”

She rocks away from his touch, and he lets her. Watches her look toward the porch—the yellow light barely reaches here into the shadow of the trees, but her dark eyes catch just enough of it that he can see the tears glossing their edges. She twists the zipper of the jacket between her fingers.

“Okay,” she says. “Okay, let’s go.”

As they get closer to the porch, noise swells out from the house—a low murmur of voices, and snatches of humming music. Sadie pauses in the mud, gripping the broken railing. Jacob can see her knuckles straining under the skin, and a fine, furious shiver running through her.

He lays a hand next to hers. “I bet Aunt Leah’ll do some carpentry with you this weekend.”

“She’s coming up?”

Jacob nudges her with his shoulder. “We called her, and she’s mad at me. You think she’d miss out on that opportunity?”

“And you all thought I was running away to Canada,” Sadie mutters. Jacob can’t quite parse the tone of it—wry and bitter and maybe teasing—but she vaults onto the porch fast enough to jar him out of it, and turns back to stick out her tongue. “Your old knees are gonna have to use the stairs, huh?”

In a whirl, she’s gone—pushing open the door and flooding the rainy evening with yellow light and buzzing guitar and the awful squeak of hinges that he’s been meaning to fix for months.

It clicks shut, and Jacob’s standing alone in the rain, gaping—until he laughs.

When he makes it inside, Bella’s waiting with a towel in her hands and a smile on her lips. Light spills from the kitchen, around the corner of the little hallway that they turned into a mudroom—he can see Sam’s back by the fridge, the unmistakable streaks of gray hair that he had before he even stopped shifting.

“Wolf spaghetti night,” Bella tells him, holding out the towel, “for emotional support. Emily commandeered the kitchen to make dessert.”

“Genius,” Jacob says. He bends down to dart a kiss onto her lips, and she settles the towel on his shoulders, brushing back his long hair. “What’d you tell the kiddos?”

“You know, that’s the first thing Sadie asked too,” Bella grins. He rolls his eyes, and straightens up to start actually drying off. “Just that Sadie needed some alone time and went for a run. I got a solemn promise from Junior not to bother her about it, but you know Wren.”

“Makes no promises ever,” Jacob agrees.

“Mmm-hmm.” Bella leans into his chest, and wrinkles her nose. “You really got soaked, huh?”

Jacob grins, and ducks down to press a kiss to the bridge of her nose, right in the middle of the scrunched-up freckles. (Twenty years, and he still gets giddy sometimes about the fact that he can do that, when she pulls one of those faces that he spent so long thinking were the cutest thing he’d ever seen.)

“I only packed one raincoat.”

“Of course you did.” Bella loops her hands around his waist. “You’re lucky you’re so warm, or I’d be yelling at you for dripping on me.”

“Sure, sure,” Jacob says, and wraps an arm around her. “Remember when you kissed me in the literal ocean? Right after we jumped off a cliff?”

“I had an adrenaline rush,” Bella says primly.

“And we got smacked in the face by a wave, but you wanted to kiss me again instead of getting out of the water?”

“Adrenaline rush,” she repeats, and pops onto her tiptoes. Jacob obliges, bending so she can kiss him again. She’s soft and warm as always, her fingers tangling in the back of his shirt, and he can feel the smile still quirking the corners of her lips—

“UNO!!!” Quil bellows from the living room. They break apart, laughing. Bella laces her hand through Jacob’s.

“We should go join the party,” she says.

“Someone’s gotta keep Quil from winning Uno too many times,” he agrees, and she laughs—quietly, and still a little breathless. He grins. Hand in hand, they head into the noise.

The rest of the night is as close to perfect as they’ve had for a long time, and the sharp-toothed worry in Jacob’s chest settles almost completely by the end of it.

There’s spaghetti—his dad’s secret recipe, which he used to laugh about, but he knows by now that nobody else’s tastes quite the same—and two berry cobblers that Emily slides onto the counter still steaming. Jacob beats Quil once at Uno, then spends the rest of the evening getting destroyed by Junior at almost every game they own. In between, Seth tells stories about this year’s class of kindergartners to uproarious laughter. Jared calls in from his ranch down in east Washington—and then even Paul, from a pay phone somewhere in Colorado, where he’s been wandering around eating deer for the past couple years. Embry and Bella gossip quietly on the couch about their respective newspaper jobs. Wren pokes Quil and Emily into showing off their latest tattoos, then spends the rest of the evening on Sam’s heels, as he wanders around the house gathering dishes—she decided she wants to be an EMT a couple months ago, and has been bothering him about taking her on a ride-along ever since. (Jacob’s pretty sure he’ll crack soon, but for now Wren’s only succeeding at getting handed bowls to dry and put away, so neither he nor Bella bother calling her off.)

And Sadie spends the entire night glued to Leah’s side.

She looks years younger, curled deep in the couch cushions with her hair loose past her waist and her eyes half-lidded with sleep. There’s a mug of hot chocolate cradled in both their hands, and a blanket swaddled tight around Sadie’s shoulders. Leah tilts her head in easily for Sadie to whisper to her every so often, but mostly they just sit together and watch the chaos unfold.

It’s enough for memories to catch and tug at the corners of Jacob’s heart, sweet and soft as the half-smile on his daughter’s lips. A toddler in bright purple overalls, stumbling adoringly in Leah’s wake at the first wolfpack reunion, with wide eyes and a gap-toothed smile…a baby girl, cradled in Jacob’s arms in the hospital room, eyes scrunched shut and one fragile hand curled around his finger, the flutter of a tiny heartbeat against his palms and his own heart in his throat…

A piece of blanket fuzz bounces off his nose. Jacob blinks—realizes he’s staring, and Leah’s staring back with eyebrows raised, one hand still poised from the throw. He exaggerates a frown, and she just grins.

For a second, he contemplates revenge, (the twins and Seth appear to have decided that he was too zoned out to keep playing Monopoly, and have been skipping him accordingly, but he could probably still grab a house for a projectile), but Sadie’s actually asleep now, head tucked on Leah’s shoulder, and he doesn’t want to risk waking her.

Instead, he heaves to his feet, and wanders over to flop down beside them. His knees pop, and Leah—who’s phasing again, and still unfairly early in her thirties—grins even sharper.

“Your kid likes me better than you,” she says.

“Sure, sure.” It’s an old joke. Jacob just leans back, closing his eyes. “Thank you.”

For a long moment, there’s no reply. He listens to the warm chatter filling his house—slowed down, now that Sam and Emily have left to drive his dad back to his own place, and Quil’s switched to sitting with Embry, the two of them whispering just too quietly for him to make out words. From the kitchen, he can hear Bella humming as she cleans up the last of the mess—

“She deserves it all,” Leah says, and her voice is a little hoarse. “She really does.”

They’ve made it far enough from their teenage years—decades of apologies and arguments, shared hunts and careful, quiet trust—that Jacob knows exactly what’s behind those words, and what isn’t. What Leah’s left behind. Enough to be here, with her little brother’s voice echoing off walls the same way Harry’s used to, with a plate of Emily’s baking half-eaten by her feet—

With a girl sleeping on her shoulder whose life they've all worked to make softer than their own.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Yeah, she does.”

#is this original content?#it is!#i had a lot of fun with this request actually #jacob black is a good dad #and bella's a good mom #and leah is a kickass lesbian aunt #also quil and embry are married. btw. if you even care #let's see...anything else...#oh. sadie's a nickname for sarah. OBVIOUSLY #i stole jacob and bella having a kid named ephraim and called junior from musingsofvenus i'm pretty sure #wren's because i do actually like the idea of bella naming a kid after renee #especially if all the rest of them are named after jacob's family #but i think she'd put a little twist on it!#idk #anyways #i hope you all enjoy reading this #as much as i enjoyed writing it #OH WAIT ALSO #sam with gray hair my new favorite headcanon #my favorite disaster boy tbh #the version of sam uley in my head is so depressed and anxious and trying so hard #i love him your honor

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