Tumgik
#3 am dumbassery
i-wear-the-cheese · 7 months
Text
Me approaching a random lesbian couple: so uh, which one of you is the dark religious fanatic and which is the brawny two-handed weapon fighter?
877 notes · View notes
Tumblr media
one year redraw 💚
old art:
Tumblr media
458 notes · View notes
littledigits · 10 months
Text
ive given so much of my energy to animation and shows and urrughgugg...
at the end of the day i just wanna draw dumb ocs ... this is what my skills are for. I’M NOT TRYING TO BE THE BEST ART POKEMON MASTER EVER ANYMORE I JUST WANT MY SMALL SERITONIN BOOSTS  
55 notes · View notes
floram00n · 10 months
Text
"Time heals all wounds" more like time creates grudges
8 notes · View notes
lanshappycorner · 1 year
Text
Peak dumb and gay behavior is when I was younger my friend asked me about my type (of guy) and I just did not process that she was asking me about guys so I just blanked out and said "uhhh you"
32 notes · View notes
tenebriism · 1 year
Text
// Dunno what deity I flashed my debit card at to get a weekend off ( without requesting it ), but I have Saturday and Sunday off. Goal is to get as many drafts into the queue as I can before accepting new threads or inbox memes ( currently 40 something to get through . . . I'd like to get that down / below 20, if I can. I won't even START on how full my inbox is, but that's my own fault LMFAO ), so I appreciate y'all's patience, as always.
10 notes · View notes
frenziedslashers · 2 years
Text
Not me posting on my snap chat this photo of James and saying "Happy National Boyfriends Day!" And people who don't know who he is actually think I'm fucking a 51 year old.
Believe me, I wish I was.
Tumblr media
My aunt I haven't talked to for YEARS even swiped up and was all "would he be willing to give me a chance when I come into town next month?" AND I DIED LAUGHING BECAUSE OF COURSE THAT'S HOW I FIND OUT SHE'S COMING INTO TOWN LMAO
Also no hate to her, she was joking (especially after she found out James is not my bf nor does he even know I exist.)
7 notes · View notes
stealthily · 2 years
Text
slapstick comedy seems over-the-top until you yourself step on a rake on the ground which is underneath a propped-up broom, the handle of which proceeds to fly forward and fucking whack you in the goddamn face
15 notes · View notes
crayonssz · 8 months
Text
me trying to sleep:
my spotify smart shuffle which randomly added child psychology: LIFE IS UNFAIR KILL YOURSELF OR GET OVER IT
0 notes
onecentwriter · 7 months
Text
dialogue prompts that give off ~chaotic vibes~
!!please credit me if you use any!!
"you idiot. now we're gonna die."
"american cheese. shitty yet addicting. kind of like my exes."
"everything would be a lot easier if you fucking sat still."
"careful. those aren't designed for idiots."
"tssk, tssk. what would jeff goldblum think of this?"
"if you're trying to manipulate me, it's not working."
"i'm about to say 'shut up' and if you respond with a ridiculously flirtatious 'make me' i will slap you."
"i congratulate you. to convince them is no small feat." *pause* "though you do have small feet."
"don't worry. it's not lethal. i think."
"hey, did you fall from heaven when you hurt--fuck."
"no, but i can speak greek. είσαι σκατά." [you are shit.]
"can i? of course. will i? nah bro."
"we're gonna die and your tombstone will be engraved with 'death by dumbassery.'"
"i had a cat once. his name was stewart. i trained him in the fine art of jiu jitsu."
"what do you mean most people don't carry multiple knifes on them at once?? what if there's an attack?? or an urgent need to cut lettuce??"
"i swear to god if you post this on twitter i will steal your kidney."
"ok. fine. maybe i am a dumbass. but you gotta admit i'm a hot dumbass."
"ah, canada." (that's it. that's the prompt)
"is. is that a grenade."
"abso-fucking-lutely not."
"you know, this reminds me of the time i met the president."
"sometimes, your stupid astounds me."
"yeahhhh no. we're not doing that."
"is there actually anything in your skull or is it just dust and dumbass?"
"gordon ramsay is such a mood."
"this would be romantic if you weren't you and i wasn't me."
"most people just send a text, you know."
"goddammit. how many fucking beans did you spill."
"the world could be ending and you'd still find time to livetweet the imminent destruction of reality."
"you look like shit."
"i can kill a man with my bare hands but i can't unscrew this goddamn jar--"
extra challenges:
use all 31 in one work.
write one prompt every day for a month.
use a random number generator and write 500 (or any set number of) words, and only that amount of words.
to add some spice to #3, set a timer!
if you like these prompts, check out my prompt blog!!
728 notes · View notes
bitchimasnake-sss · 1 month
Text
sfw alphabet ft. monkey d. luffy!!!
warnings: might be a little suggestive here and there, but mostly wholesome lol <3 [not proofread so it probably has a lot of errors.]
Tumblr media
ENOUGH horniness, my children. time to simp. he is so cute plsplspls-
💗affection:
๋࣭ ⭑how affectionate are they? luffy is super-duper affectionate. not just to you, to literally anyone he calls his friends. it is not out of the ordinary for you to wake up and see luffy sitting on zoro's shoulders as the mosshead does weight training. "zoro, you'll pull a muscle. luffy, get off." nami suggests as she passes by the captain and his right hand man. luffy reacts by pouting and zoro by huffing as if he isn't carrying a 19 yr old, fully grown adult on his shoulders. so anyways, obviously he is super affectionate and cuddly towards you too. he always in clinging onto you, peppering absent-minded kisses onto your skin and giving you an himbo grins. ๋࣭ ⭑how do they show affection? by clinging onto you like plastic with static charge. he is inseparable. everything you're doing, he needs to be a part of it. everything he's doing, you need to be a part of it. but don't be surprised when all of a sudden, he leaves you to go see some weird sea-creatures with ussop and chopper. he would then get distracted by them and they would probably start their regular-schmegular shenanigans. but he remembers he has a BEAUTIFUL girlfriend, he is gonna come skipping over to you. enjoy the next 43 hours of cuddles.
💗best friend:
๋࣭ ⭑what would they be like as a best friend? like everyone else on the ship, he is super ride or die, so, him as a best friend is truly a blessing. from 3 am snack runs to gossiping (you gossip, he listens) to actual pillow fights and pillow forts (cause hes a child like that), you are in for a wild ride if you're his best friend. since he is so emotionally mature but so fucking weird, expect to receieve some bizarre anecdotes every once in a while. ๋࣭ ⭑how would the friendship start? how do any friendships start with luffy?? he just shows up and you accept him for all his dumbassery. so, thats how it probably started.
💗cuddles:
๋࣭ ⭑do they like to cuddle? yes. omg obviously yes. ๋࣭ ⭑how would they cuddle? i dont even know how to answer this because i firmly believe he just is out there doing anything?? like ofc he holds you all nice and sweet against him. but sometimes he just wants to hold onto you and it doesn't really matter how. so, he has some unconventional methods* of touching and cuddling. unconventional methods include: - sleeping on the other side of the mattress but holding you by his outstretched hands - lying a little bit apart but his toe is on your calf - look realistically if he could he would wrap himself around you like a python but um, he doesnt wanna scare you off
💗domestic :
๋࣭ ⭑how are they at cooking and cleaning? yes you do the cooking. yes you do the cleaning. look, king luffy is no sexist, misogynistic toe-nail rag who expects you to do the entire work but for the sake of saving your own life, you should do it. he has an iron stomach and can probably eat straight up poison and survive. he has survived in shitty situations so he really doesn't care how clean his room is. but can you a mere mortal thrive like that? you'd be dead wednesday. so, just do the cooking and cleaning. he will be down to help but uh, sometimes its better not to ask for his help.
💗ending:
๋࣭ ⭑if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? luffy doesn't seem like he would break things off at any costs tbh. if someone's walking out, it you babes (he has terrible abandonment issues 😁) but if he had to. if he had to. then i think it'll be like getting suckered punched in the guts by a saw. he is never as solemn and quite as he is rn and even though he waves it off with a smile, you can see his lashline thick with tears. if you were the one breaking up with him, he wouldn't hold you back from leaving if he understood why you were leaving. but if you're leaving unannounced, that'll quite literally destroy him.
💗fiance(e):
๋࣭ ⭑how do they feel about commitment? didn't really care about labels. not in a fuckboy way but in a "well i think you're pretty and i do wanna kiss you if you let me, so, sure be my girlfriend or whatever" way. he just truly doesn't care all that much about labels, so when you got together, you were the one who had to initiate the "What are we?" conversation. "luffy" you whisper meekly, sat beside him. his fingers are intertwined against yours and you fight off a blush as you look at him, "i- uh, you know i just was wondering. like- it's just what are we?" he looks up from your intertwined hands, dumbfounded, "pirates???" but when you did suggest that maybe you could be his girlfriend, i assure you he went about every conversation like "my GIRLFRIEND yn told me". ๋࣭ ⭑how quick would they want to get married? yk what i said about labels? 100% true. doesn't mean he doesn't wanna marry you tho?? he thought actually you like someone and just marry them. so, after a month of officially dating, you both are sitting on the deck, eating some snack sanji made when luffy gives you a bright grin, "say yn, when do we get married?" you almost choke on your food, "lu- we are niNETEEN?" "yeah? isn't sooner better?" and now you're rambling, "we cannot get married now. i mean we're young and we should focus on chasing our goals. like don't you wanna be the king of the pirates? and i really-" "i can be the king of the pirates and your husband whats the big deal?" basically, he's just ready to marry you whenever, just say the word.
💗gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?):
๋࣭ ⭑physically: because of his sheer overpowered strength, he tries to be very gentle with you but tends to forget it every once in a while. nsfw: chopper often asks you why your voice sounds hoarse and why there are random bruises on your skin. you dont have it in you to let the resident doctor know that sometimes your boyfriend gets carried away. ๋࣭ ⭑emotionally: as i said a few points above, luffy is a truly emotionally mature dude but he's kinda silly goofy and that's why you always get weird anecdotes from him. he is always there for you in his unconventional ways and is really good at deducing whether he should say something or not according to your mood. evidence: 8th of march, 11:52 pm pre-dating you he sits besides you in you room as you sob into your hands. he's tried comforting you and a part of you feels so fucking stupid for crying in front of your captain like a child. but you were drunk and ussop had made an off-hand comment about how kaya was the prettiest girl he had seen and that made you spiral if you would ever get a guy that would say things like that about you. it was a stupid fear and yet, you heaved against your own palms as luffy sat beside you. "but you're pretty!" he seemed to argue to the wall, "i think youre the prettiest!!" "i- i don't feel like it" "are you saying im a liar?" "no, you're just a nice person. you always compliment sanji's cooking and nami's navigation tactics and ussop's inventions and chopp-" "thats cause all the people on my crew are the best at what they do? i have standards, is all." "who taught you the word 'standards'?" "i overhead nami when we were docked on an island. nami was telling some crying girl in a party that men arent shit and she should have some standards" "right, that checks out." well, atleast you're not crying anymore.
💗hugs:
๋࣭ ⭑do they like hugs? yes. physical touch is his domain thru and thru ๋࣭ ⭑how often do they do it? like atleast 15 times a day. out of which 10 times are you, rest 5 are wild cards that can come on anybody and everybody on the crew. ๋࣭ ⭑what are their hugs like? he has death-grip type of hugs. as if, if he didnt hold onto you, you will crumble. ngl its probably kinda nice and soothing for the first five mins, after that you're sweating profusely.
💗"I love you":
๋࣭ ⭑how fast do they say the L-word? pretty randomly, pretty fast. luffy doesnt exactly plan his words and since he's so honest, sometimes he just says shit. "you're pretty" "i'm hungry" "i love you" "do you think if two sea-kings had a baby that it will be a bigger sea-king? ussop asked me that today" yeah, it is indeed a whiplash inducing experience and you're left dumbfounded.
💗jealousy:
๋࣭ ⭑how jealous do they get? he's a chill dude and wouldn't honestly know if someone was flirting with you (unless that person was being very touchy feely and blatant). but he is good at reading emotions so, if someone happens to cross the line and you seem even a tad bit uncomfy, he is all for a fist-fight. nobody makes his girl uncomfy, especially not some lame ass rando. he behaves the same way with nami and robin too tho, like if someone weirds them out, the captain is ready to enter god-mode. he's just a sweet dude who cares about his crew. ๋࣭ ⭑what do they do when they’re jealous? he almost always starts a fight. you and the girls have to intervene because zoro and sanji just watch amused from the sidelines lol. afterwards, luffy does get a little pouty like "he was so weird you should have let me deal with him" but it's not something you cannot deal away with food and a lot of kisses.
💗kisses:
๋࣭ ⭑what are their kisses like: sloppy asf!! this man is messy and all in your business, how do you expect his kisses to be any different? especially at first, he is so sloppy, kinda unsure of what he is to do. but after enough make-out sessions, he knows you better, so his technique's much much better. he always kisses you for a long while too. like even his "quick kisses" before he leaves for somewhere are long enough for the crew to get irritated lmao. ๋࣭ ⭑where does he like to kiss you: the question should be where does he not like kissing you? he is infatuated and can barely control himself around you. any part of you that's visible to him is up for grabs to him. he also is a heavy, heavy supporter of pda. not cause he wants to show you or off (which he does), but because you look so pretty looking at the sunset, what is he gonna do? not kiss you???
💗little ones:
๋࣭ ⭑how are they around children? he is really, really good with children cause he's so childish himself 😃 but like jokes apart, whenever he is interacting with young kids (anyone whos older than five), he gets like super invested in the games with them. he refuses to lose to children. yeah so what if toge is screaming???? he shouldnt have asked to a match if he didnt wanna lose. as a menace to society, he also steals those kids' candy mindlessly and then shrugs confused when you ask him why the kid is crying. tldr; he is great entertainment for kids but do not leave him alone with kids or the kids will be sacrificed to some higher, eldritch deity.
💗mornings:
๋࣭ ⭑how are mornings spent with them? sleeping, if i am being very honest. the sunlight filters through the window of your room and you groggily open your eyes, fighting back a yawn. luffy is practically draped over you, asleep. he's drooling onto your tshirt and you look at him with half love and half "yo wtf dude" kinda expression. he is such a heavy sleeper!!! oh my god. its like someone can come and do construction in your cabin and he'd sleep thru it. but if he heard sanji yell "BREAKFASTS READY" then he's grabbing you in his arms and running to the kitchen. he would literally run to the kitchen while half asleep. but most of the times, he wakes up by himself when he's hungry and shakes you awake till you (reluctantly) wake up too. it doesn't help that he always wakes up super-hyperactive first thing in the morning too. also, i am sure he's the type of boyfriend that insists to kiss you with morning breath even if you stuff your head into the pillow to avoid it. he will chase you thru the ship if he has to to get that fucking kiss.
💗nights:
๋࣭ ⭑how are nights spent with them?: sleeping, again. luffy is usually tired from his day-long shenanigans and after eating an entire nuclear family worth of food for dinner, he is ready to fall asleep. but he is always so nice, he tries really hard to stay up till you're done talking to the crew/finishing your work to come in your shared room. he always greets you with a tired grin, asking you to lay next to him and tell him how your day went (as if he wasnt next to you like 90% of the time.) he tries super hard to stay up but he almost always sleeps while you're still talking. its not his fault!! he's exhausted and your voice is so sweet and your fingers are gently massaging his scalp and your skin feels so smooth against his and- you get the picture. he's asleep. ofc you don't mind. he's adorable and you let him hold onto you as you finish up some work/fall asleep yourself.
💗open:
๋࣭ ⭑when would they start revealing things about themselves: he actually forgets to tell you things, not out of intention but because it serves no narrative purpose to the plot lmao. (i mean he literally forgot to inform anyone about ace and was just like "YEAH THATS MY BIG BRO!!" when ace showed up in alabasta) so, yeah, technically it does take him pretty long. but if you ask him questions about his past, he would most certainly start telling you all his life's lore without a second thought. and you'd be stuck thinking "how tf did all of this happen to a child???" ๋࣭ ⭑do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly: like i said, he will infodump if you ask him, otherwise he would just not tell things to you. so, really depends on how good you are at asking questions.
💗patience:
๋࣭ ⭑how easily angered are they?: he is an easy-going dude. i mean he usually fights half of his battles unserious (till some fucked up thing happens and he gets angry enough to fight for real). so, he doesn't get all that angry on a day-to-day basis. he does get pouty and offended every once in a while, but he literally moves on from that within half an hour. he never holds onto those things for a larger chunk of time.
💗quizzes:
๋࣭ ⭑ how much would they remember about you? actually, quite a lot!! like i said, he makes a genuine effort to always listen to you (even when hes tired), so, he always remembers things that are personal to you and you may have said to him in passing. ๋࣭ ⭑do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? honestly, if it isn't something very, very close to your heart, luffy will probably mis-remember it. he remembers things but never in the right context, so, its kind of a struggle to remind him those things. but its kinda endearing cause even if you are just re-telling him a story or something, he looks at you so intently with those bug-like wide eyes and a silly smile that it makes all of your annoyance fade away.
💗remember:
 ๋࣭ ⭑what is their favorite moment in your relationship?: if you ask robin, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his third and fourth ribs. if you ask luffy, it's thru food. (we know how much luffy loves food omg!!) you asked sanji to help you make a very very simple soup for luffy when he was injured after a fight. you wanted him to get better and take care of him. sanji had complied happily and helped you make a simple mushroom soup for the captain. so, imagine luffy's surprise when he was woken up by your sound. you were sitting by his side, a bowl of steaming soup in your hand and you smiled at him sheepishly, "i made you some soup." no matter how good of a cook sanji is, luffy genuinely believes that soup was the best thing he had ever tasted. (now every time he gets sick, he starts dropping hints like "if only someone made me some soup... with some nice mushrooms... maybe ill feel better. if onlyyyy" "ill make you the soup luffy" "yay!! i mean," fake coughs, "thankyou... im so weak i need some soup" )
💗security:
๋࣭ ⭑how protective are they? insanely protective. even an ounce of discomfort on you/the crew means he's gonna go berserk. ๋࣭ ⭑how would they protect you? hes the rubber man, he'd figure something out ๋࣭ ⭑how would they like to be protected? he doesn't typically need protection, both cause he's self-sufficient and also cause he lowkey loves fucking things up. but every once in a while, when the navy catches up to the crew and you say "it's okay, let me handle this." he falls in love. it's just so admirable of you to always step up (even when you dont necessarily have to).
💗try: 
๋࣭ ⭑how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? he honestly loves you a lot, but i dont think he has the brain capacity to pull off extravagant plans. one time he tried to surprise you for your birthday by planning a party with the crew. he ended up blabbering the entire plan by mid-afternoon. he is just terrible at secrets. but he loves to spoil you. anything you even show the slightest bit of interest in, he needs to buy it (doesnt matter if he has to risk getting charged a few billion berries by nami). he is super sweet and he shows that mostly through action and words. so, if you wanna do any fancy-shmancy thing, just organise it yourself and call luffy later.
💗ugly:
๋࣭ ⭑what would be some bad habits of theirs?
💗vanity:
๋࣭ ⭑ how concerned are they with their looks? not very concerned. he has you for girlfriend, you're the most gorgeous woman alive, you love him. does he need to care about anything else? like zoro, after getting in a relationship, he would def get better at just personal maintenance and all. if you like anything like skincare/makeup, best believe he will be the kind of boyfriend that does 3 hour long skincare routines with you just for the heck of it. (you are the reason luffy is an emperor with the nicest skin 😭✊🏼)
💗whole: 
๋࣭ ⭑would they feel incomplete without you? yes. simply put, yes. he will be Devastated (with a capital D) incase you're gone. ofcourse, i see he doesn't seem the type to be stuck in despair forever, but it will be really really hard for him. for a few days, luffy would probably stop being luffy.
💗xtra (a random headcanon for them):
i have a personal belief that luffy sucks ass at games. let me explain. it's always the games where the rules are fairly simple where he ends up losing (he then whines and cries and the entire crew kinda pity-laughs it away) but the games with the most brainpower required? he wins those. easily. (he always just gets lucky one way or the other.) i also hc him as the kind of guy who wins chess by eating the pieces so, do what you must with this information 👏🏼
💗yuck:
๋࣭ ⭑what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? he likes almost everybody unless they are a chauvinistic prick, so rest assured. plus, if he doesnt like anything, you'd probably find out sooner than later.
💗zzz:
he's already asleep. he's tired, he's a gremlin and he's asleep.
a/n: i thought i would do this for all characters but lord, the amount of work just one of these beasts requires has me quaking- (it's like writing 26 oneshots in one go 😭) but i def wanna write one for sanjiii &lt;3
260 notes · View notes
wangxianficfinder · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media
Fic Finder
March 23rd
~*~
1. Hi. Looking for this fic wherein wwx tried to prank lqr and the elders by acting like a Lan. It backfired because they thought wwx was possessed by Lan An, especially when jwy visited cloud recesses (almost causes a war between jiang and lan). For it to end, wwx pretended to be Lan An and said goodbye then fake fainted (as if Lan An left wwx’s body)
please help me find it 🙏
Hi! I’m from the recent fic finder #1. Unfortunately that’s not what i’m looking for because I remember it being post canon (meaning wangxian are already married). I also remember the Lans asked lwj if lwj still do lovers stuff with wwx (as they really thought wwx was possessed by lan an)
FOUND? Wei Wuxian is Definitely Not Possessed by CursedBlessing (T, 20k, WangXian, Misunderstandings, General Dumbassery, Humor)
#1 I think was deleted. I know the fic they're asking about and I can't find it either.
Number 1 is the correct fic, it's just Chapter 3. / Yeah, 1 IS the correct fic, op's scene is the entirety of ch. 3
~*~
2. Hey, I'm looking for a wangxianfic, in which wei ying and lan zhan are already married. Wei ying goes on a night hunt with the juniors and gets hurt. I think it was a cut on the stomach with poison. Lan zhan cares for him but wei ying is almost dying. Lan zhan is davasteted and says that he can't wait for wei ying again. It was a completed work and I think just 4 chapters. Please can you find the title? With kind regards @smarti1997
~*~
3. I'm not sure if this is something I think happened in a fic, or it really exists, but on the off-chance someone know what I'm talking about - the Sunshot Campaign ends differently with Wen Qing/Wen Ning in charge of the Qishan Wen, and as part of reparations(? Maybe?) the family vaults are revealed. Wen Qing warns people not to touch anything but JGS is too greedy and grabs something and dissolves in dust? And then WQ opens the real vault, the first was to stop thieves. Thank you in advance! @katonahottinroof
I know which fic #3 is talking about but i cannot find it either, gonna go deep dive on ao3 tho (is it that one where the wens have a secret passage into the throne room that opens only with wen blood isnt it. unless im mixing fics too)
FOUND! ❤️ Gentians in bloom by teawater (M, 251k, WangXian, XiQing, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, Political Marriage, Dysfunctional Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, LQR bashing (not really), POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Eventual Happy Ending, BAMF WWX, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, madam yu bashing (again not completely), MXY Deserves Better) the thing with jgs happen in chapter 34
~*~
4. Hi writing in hopes that someone remembers this fanfiction.:
i once read a fic where LWJ and WWX were stuck in the Xuanwu cave and WWX was i think on the verge of dying but then something emerges from the waters and gives LWJ a deal that if he gives up his voices then as an exchange he can save WWX's life which LWJ obviously does so his voice goes away but by the end of the fic Wangxian go back to the cave where LWJ gets his voice back because he once again strikes a deal with that creature giving up his immortality or something that has to do with him being worshipped for gaining his voice back. was a one shot that i remember clearly and was on ao3 platform also thank you so much cause this blog has bought me my favorite Wangxian fics.
FOUND! Outside Another Yellow Moon by Vamillepudding (T, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, Fairy Tale Elements, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ Needs a Hug, Curse Breaking)
~*~
5. help. hey i am certain the fanfics in my memories exist but they keep on eluding me so there are these 2 fics:
A) the premise of this story was time travel where modern WWX travels back in time when other WWX is living with the wens in the burial mounds when LWJ comes to the borders with his modern counterpart and when modern wangxian meet they have a sweet reunion in which they share a kiss after that they are joined by the hip much to the mortification of OG wangxian. WY's parents are dead (car accident) but madam Lan's alive and he calls her mother or mom and modern them is engaged they also have their phones by which they click a photo and after coming to modern world WY sees that as proof that it actually happened. read it on ao3 muti chaptered (completed) with either 4 or 6 chapters 6 being maximum
B) in this one the main Lan fam is captured body swap between WRH and LWJ occurs and after LWJ realizes what has happen he commands that his body's head be severed which is currently housing WRH's soul and LXC and LQR are present to see that happening and grieve over LWJ not knowing WRH was the one who died and LWJ doesn't inform them about the body swap but tells the guards to take LXC and LQR to their rooms he keeps his own body's severed head in his room also. LWJ asks guards to bring him WWX which they do but injured and WWX sees LWJ's severed head and gets angry he also practices to be more like WRH so nobody suspects this is the most clear i remember there were also i think one appearance of WQ and some from WX and WC was on ao3 ongoing atleast when i was reading think over 5 chapter but under 10 the last i had checked (i was so curios to know what happens next but i lost the fic)
thx and sorry if its too confusing
5B)
FOUND? where the sky begins by Shializaro (Not Rated, 17k, WangXian, Bodyswap, Blood and Violence, Body Dysphoria, Dissociation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Crack Treated Seriously)
~*~
6. Hello! This is for ficfinder, I have lost track of two fics, and would very much like assistance finding them again!
A ) an Addams family style modern au. I cannot remember the title, but Lan Wangji enjoyed the taste of Hemlock tea, Wei Wuxian always dressed in gothic clothes, A-Yuan keeps getting possessed, Wen Ning would die temporarily every now and then then, and the reason Lan Wangji went to Yiling in the first place was to find his mother (madam lan is alive in this one).
B ) Young Prince Lan Wangji fled the palace to avoid an arranged marriage, and met an older Wei Wuxian and traveled with him, keeping his identity a secret. Lan Zichen catches up with them after Wangxian have spent the night together (bottom LWJ), and Lan Zhan is taken back to the palace. Wei Wuxian returns to claim his hand, revealing himself as Baoshan Sanren’s heir. Fix ends with them watching their kids play in Lan Zhan’s mother’s garden.
If you can help me find these, I would appreciate it very much!!!! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ @cullen-blue23
6A)
NOT FOUND🔒The Altogether Ooky WangXian Family by FluffyHippogriff (T, 72k, WIP, WangXian, 3Zun, Modern AU, Addams Family AU, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, mostly because death can be overcome with the help of a little necromancy, Kid Fic, Comedy)
FOUND! lovely thorns and singing crows by isabilightwood (E, 37k WangXian, Modern AU, Addams Family Vibes, meet cute at a funeral, Madam Lán Lives, Light Horror, Curses, Possession, Fluff and Humor, Developing Relationship, Found Family, Weirdo4weirdo wangxian, Eventual Smut, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs)
NOT FOUND🔒darkness there and nothing more by wvlfqveen (M, 21k, WangXian, Addams Family Fusion, Magical Realism, Body Horror, Addams Family Levels of Violence, Identity Issues)
6B)
FOUND! Beyond These Walls, the Heart Calls by wayward_wing (E, 13k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Adventure & Romance, Prince LWJ, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Jealous WWX, LWJ Flirts, Sleeping Together, Masturbation, Slight Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, eating ass, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Getting Together, Naive LWJ)
~*~
7. Hi. I've been trying to find this Untamed fanfic which I bookmarked but somehow is not in my bookmarked collection anymore! :(. I think it's post-canon but WWX (of course) is injured and LWJ is helping him recover, told from LWJ perspective totally in-character where he has to remind himself to breathe. Once,wj returned to inn room, found WWX gone from the 2nd bed and he tripped over his own feet and was "resigned to the fall". Once he tucked WWX into his bed and sat at his desk to breathe.
FOUND? Always Light My Way by cqlorphan (E, 27k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Friends With Benefits, to lovers, wherein dual cultivation may be counted as a benefit, Jealous WWX, a little bit, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, angsty sex, Switch WangXian, Bottom LWJ, Service Top LWJ, Topping from the Bottom, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Coming Untouched, Dom/sub Undertones, the angsty sex happens in the beginning but they get past it dw, Oblivious LWJ, archer wwx, Smart WWX, Porn with Feelings, probably at least half of this fic is just that, Panic Attacks, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dual Cultivation)
~*~
8. thank you again for this wonderful blog! loading up on fics for my next offline trip and i have one that is driving me nuts. I remember seeing the reference here awhile back but for some idiot reason didn't bookmark it. What I remember is something like this : its after canon - Wei Ying is back, its after Guanyin's temple - but Lan Zhan has a soulmate to get back to so leaves Wei Ying alone on the road. that scene in Untamed haunted me. does this ring any bells? appreciate any help!! @oldoni
FOUND! Boy Trouble, We've Got Double by saltyfeathers (E, 60k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Case Fic, betrothed to someone else, unfurling of wifexian scrolls: the fic, Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension, (it gets resolved lol), WWX POV, Protective wwx, WWX centric, explicit stuff only happens between wangxian, (or wwx and his own hand), Masturbation, get wwx a fainting couch agenda, Alcohol, wwx has some brain problems in this one, Consensual Non-Consent, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, straight boy WWX)
~*~
9. Hello! Please help me find this fic. I don’t remember much, but there was an OC lan elder, who is rescued or helped by Wei Wuxian. I am not sure but Wei Ying didn’t know he was a lan or something. Later on they meet again and elder favours or helps him. I am sorry for being vague, but this is what I remember. It would be great if somebody knows what this fic may be !
Hello, this is requester for number 9. I am really grateful for the person who replied but unfortunately I don’t think that it is the fic I am looking for. As far as I remember wasn’t QHJ, rather an OC lan elder. However I really love the suggestion and enjoyed the fic, so thank you for that!
NOT FOUND The Shadows of My Old Palaces, Falling Across The Moats by ChilianXianzi (T, 8k, WangXian, onesided QHJ/WWX, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, QHJ lives, Domestic, Angst, POV Outsider, Age Difference, Fix-It of Sorts)
~*~
10. for the FF: it was a fic where wx are full time dom/sub (sub wwx), i dont rmmbr much except that theres a part where jc causes a scene fearing lwj is abusing him (bc fulltime d/s, he chooses what wwx eats, wears, etc) and jyl has to tell him to shut up and that her and jzx are in a d/s relationship too! i read it ages ago T^T its not "something so flawed and free" by verseau btw! thank u guys <33 love u all mwah
FOUND! rainfall by daltoneering (E, 37k, WangXian, Modern AU, Established Relationship, lifestyle kink, 24/7 D/s, Kink Negotiation, kink discussion, Communication, BDSM, dom lwj, Sub wwx, Top LWJ, Bottom wwx, Kink Exploration, collaring, Body Writing, Breathplay, Orgasm Denial, Bondage, Subdrop, Safewording, Panic Attacks, [Podfic of] rainfall by exmanhater)
~*~
11. Hiii! I don't remember much except for the first few chapters, but the fic was really long. I think the plot started off as "What if the Incident in Qiongdi Path never happened?"
The first chapter or so takes place at Jin Lings one month celebration
Wei Wuxian is really damn depressed the whole time (he's really damn depressed the whole fic actually)
Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan never die. Yanli wants to spend time with Wei Wuxian and she makes some soup, but he gets spooked at some point and Wen Ning helps him run away back to the Burial Mounds???
At some point later on in the fic, Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli go to Cloud Recesses and they bring some food for Wangxian.
~*~
12. hii :D im looking for a modern au fic where lz works as a in pharmaceutics and meets wy who is the tech guy of their apartment. he calls himself mo xuanyu and lives with ayuan and is trying to escape his past with the help of police officer nmj. i think there was an autistic lz tag in that fic too. it was so good but i think i forgot to bookmark it.. thanks for your help! @harapecowee
FOUND! Stop and Stay by Fantazy_Eyeland7 (M, 98k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC/JGY, SL/XXC, WIP, Blood and Violence, Hurt WWX, Kidnapping, Torture, WWX discovering weighted blankets, Pining LWJ, Modern, FBI Agent NMJ, Protective LWJ, Emotional Manipulation, Toxic JGY, not JGY friendly, LWJ learning how to communicate, WangXian have competence kinks, adopting children, Bad Parent YZY, Protective JYL, Protective JC, Protective NMJ, Past Child Abuse, Precious LSZ, Baby LJY, Warning: XY, Blind Character, slaps top of WWX: This bad boy can fit so much trauma inside, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Everyone is ending up in well-needed therapy, Child Abandonment, Genius WWX, Obsessive XY, Yunmeng Siblings Feels, Eventual Smut, Bad Parent JFM, Junior Quartet Dynamics, (As Babies!), Implied/Referenced Suicide, sort of a slow burn, but not really, because they KNOW, they just can't, Good Uncle LQR, eventually) It doesn't have the austistic!lz tag, but everything else fits.
~*~
13. Hi! 🤗
I'm looking for two fics:
A) A fic where WQ makes a second operation with WWX and JC. The only thing I remember is that WWX is really in a bad condition and they ask JC to give the half of the golden core to WWX. He accepts.
B) I'm not sure if it's one o two fics that I'm mixing, but all I remember is that LWJ when he knows about the lost golden core of WWX, decided to make a second golden core inside him to give it to WWX.
Thanks for the wonderful work! 🥰 @wangxiansgirl
13A)
FOUND! The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts)
NOT FOUND! Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) might also be, (around chapter 43)?
NOT FOUND! in this place where we don’t have a prayer by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, WangXian)
13B)
FOUND? 🧡 Discarded by teawater (E, 178k, WIP, WangXian, Lots of Angst, Hurt/Comfort, YLLZ WWX, Golden Core Reveal, Case Fic, Depression, Family Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV Multiple, BAMF WWX, dubious morals in the Lan sect, Feels, Pining, Grief, Fix-It, BAMF LWJ) If 13B is different from 13A, maybe B is Discarded Lan Zhan creates a "seed core" that Wei Ying can use to grow a new core.
FOUND? these colours fade for you only by doodlebutt (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, ...eventually, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Sunshot Campaign)
~*~
14. Im trying to find a fic
It was modern setting and maybe has cultivation still? wwx is a tattoo artist and I believe lwj saw some type dark energy out side his shop. So he went in and ending up saying he wanted a tattoo, wwx was who ended up talking to him about it and making him a design. I think it had something to do with bunnies and, then finally when the day came for lwj to get the tattoo. He’s like I’m sorry I never wanted one, wwx gets upset and tells lwj to pay him money in cash for compensation. Lwj does that’s all I can remember I think wwx might have adopted or least helps take care of a -yuan. @zerokogane
FOUND! Demon Ink by Jade_Valentine (E, 189k, WIP, WangXian, Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Tattoo Artist WWX, Magic, Chaotic Bisexual WWX, Demisexual LWJ, background NieLan, Slow Burn, Angst, But substantially less angst than canon, Mutual Masturbation, Domestic Fluff, Welcome to my LWJ & NHS friendship agenda, Shower Sex, Brief mentions of past Lan Bro abuse at the hands of LQR, wangxian family feels, WWX is the Best Dad Ever, WWX's canonical abuse at the hands of Madam Yu, Blow Jobs, Slight Make-Up Kink)
~*~
15. Fic finder request please!!
This is a short omegaverse wangxia? I think it might’ve been part of a series? where it’s Omega WWX and YZY gets him married off to LWJ where she expects him to be treated badly. Instead bc the Lana treat omegas very well, WWX is happy and content. Meanwhile JYL is jealous that WWX actually got mating bites and equal status bc Jin Zixuan didn’t even do that for her. I can’t remember anything else. 😅
FOUND!🔒Alliance AU by Ilona22 (E, 21k, WangXian, JYL/OC, Arranged Marriage, A/B/O Dynamics, PWP, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Intersex Omegas, Not JC Friendly, Matchmaking, canon Jiang family dynamics, Family time, Night Hunts, Mention of male omega pregnancy, Intrigue at Jinlintai, Mentions of Prostitution, War, Conflict between characters)
~*~
16. Sorry to be asking this(fic finder), I really don’t remember how I got to this fic but now I cannot find it but I feel like it probably was here
It’s a fic about how when wwx comes back to life he meets lxc instead of lwj in Mo manor. he asks for lwj and that confirms to lxc that he is wwx and not Mo xuanyu and asks him to go back with him to cloud recesses where he takes care of lwj who couldn’t heal after the 33 leash punishment.
At first wwx doesn’t want lwj to know that it’s him. He brings him bunnies and helps him re learn how to play the guqin(he cannot play it due to his injuries and because he hasn’t practiced since he was punished) lan Yuan helps wwx to learn how to play it and lwj starts being more active
Lxc is happy and let’s wwx go to a small one week vacation but lwj gets worse that week, he also discovers mxy is wwx I think
Tsm for the help🙇‍♀️
~*~
17. hi! i’m looking for two fics:
A) one where wei ying lives with ghosts and is a teacher and runs into lan zhan for the first time in years during a class field trip
B) all i can remember is that wei ying wrote a software called yiling
17A)
FOUND! won’t take the easy road by twigofwillow (T, 47k, wangxian, JC & WWX & JYL, WWX & WQ, space au, yearning, found family, complicated family feels, ghosts, food, teacher WWX)
17B)
NOT FOUND Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing) I think no. 17 might be "Tempo Rubato" but the software is "Stygian"
NOT FOUND The Fated Fortuity by devinokaze (T, 26k, wangxian, WIP, Royalty AU, Modern, Social Media, WWX is Wen Ruohan's son, Qishan Wen Kingdom, stangers to lovers, Prince WWX) The software is called Yin Tiger Tally and Su She tries to claim he wrote it lol.
~*~
18. Hello!! All good? I'm looking for a fic in which WWX becomes a god after his death, I think he's the god of death if I remember correctly. I remember a part where Madam Yu and her Husband (the leader of the Jiang sect) decide to reincarnate... I don't remember much, it's been a while since I read it, another thing I remember is that he communicated with Jiang Cheng through dreams. I already searched the Tag Deity Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian but I didn't find it... Thank you for your work!! @sweettiebah
FOUND! 🔒 Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 88k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, major character death, rape/non-con, underage, graphic depictions of violence, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death, God WWX, God Verse, BAMF WWX, Grieving LWJ, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Gods & Goddesses au, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Rabbits, Fix-It, Attempted Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, Castration, Lots of it, repeatedly, Punishment, Hell)
~*~
19. heyy could u help me find a fic, I only vaguely remember the details
I read this quite a while ago, wwx is some sort of courtesan, pretty sure he works in a brothel, lwj is either a cultivator (like in canon) or he's a noble/king smth like that! he meets wwz in the brothel place and I think wwx is pretty sly, MAYBE he's wearing dresses and I'm pretty sure they get married in the end? I think someone in the lan clan is against wwx (either lxc or lqr) and I'm also pretty sure it's a pwp, they might have been conspiring too, it's all very vague! any help would be appreciated thanks!!!
FOUND! 醉 | drunk; intoxication by sweetlolixo (E, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mythical Creature WWX, everyone falls in love with weiying at first sight..., Besotted LWJ, Romance, Pregnant WWX, Fluff)
~*~
20. Hi I’m looking for a fix where sizhui and jingyi travels back to the past (maybe to the conference) and they make commentary during the entire time they were waiting to get back to their present. I think in this fix, sizhui revealed that some of the people (madam Yu and others) are listed on lan zhan’s lists. Sizhui also mentions that lan zhan has several lists for different things. Also jinyi called Jin guangshan jin guangshit throughout the whole time they’re there. Thanks
FOUND? A Room Full of Dead People by BurningBlueDiamond (T, 10k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It, but not really, Canon Divergence, Conference in Qinghe but canonically they stay in Gusu, strangely fluffy, POV Outsider)
~*~
189 notes · View notes
thekatebridgerton · 2 years
Text
As someone who finds Anthony Bridgerton super relatable from a fed-up-eldest-sibling perspective. I want Julia Quinn to just give me a novella of Anthony descent into ultimate insanity from book 1 to 8
My Family an 8 book series by Anthony Bridgerton
Book 1: My best friend the traumatized Duke and my sister the one with the dubious understanding of the rules of consent and how they apply to baby making
Book 2: Falling inlove with Kate hoping my siblings absolutely do not follow my example of dumbassery, because even if my bad decisions are legendary I'm still right about all of them being idiots
Book 3: never make the mistake of thinking a sibling is well adjusted. Next thing you know he's seduced a maid, gone crying to mommy about his relationship issues and proposed to someone in jail
Book 4: Surviving Mr Bridgerton, lessons from my dumbass brother on how to end up as both lady Whistledown's sugar baby and Portia Featherington's son in law in one masterful session of stalking
Book 5: to sir Phillip with my apologies, how my sister managed to brainwash a man and two kids into naming her as their leader and I accidentally punched an innocent single dad for something that was wholy Eloise fault !
Book 6: The quiet one strikes back, see my most normal sister ruin her track record of cero scandals by bringing the Merry rake into the family. Using the excuse that what happens in Scotland stays in Scotland.
Book 7: felonies my little sister may need a lawyer for in her journey towards true love, breaking and entering, stealing private property, and the usual bribing of servants.
Book 8: I AM SO DONE. So Watch how Kate deals with my little brother's one man mission to top the entire family's track record for Mad shenanigans. While I comfortably hide in my study and scream.
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
floram00n · 1 year
Text
Let's nuke the moon!
2 notes · View notes
tendergraphite · 1 year
Text
Richard Papen: The Master of Illusion
Why did Richard become an accomplice, how could he so easily be swayed to ''Allow'' murder? The answer is simple: He longed for the picturesque—at any cost.
Richard grew up isolated, and seen as an inconvenience; Nineteen-years-of-life and not a single mention of an old friend (Apart from an ex-girlfriend he was desperate to rid of)—It's why he idolises Hampden and the Greek Scholars to such a fictitious degree, they represented everything he did not have: Fundamental familial experiences with love, being cared for, and feeling wanted.
They were beautiful, but beauty cannot replace what he hadn't had.
Tumblr media
The Motive: To sum it all up in a pretty bow for you; Richard left his morals at the door once Henry rescued him—All of his fears had not only been amplified in chapter 3, but realised; His Parents distain, his Teachers neglect, his lack of companionship, his very existence unperceived (tainted): All of which almost led him to his own grave, with nowhere else to turn.
The side-character to his own story, the man everyone felt passive-disdain for (Not even hatred, that would be too impassioned—To personal.) But for the first time, someone caught him when he fell. For the first time he was shown compassion, Henry stayed by his bedside when he was too ill to do much else other than lay in pain, and Henry made it clear he would recover within his own home and very bed—An action Richard could never forget—Of course he'd put Henry atop a pedestal, and become so agreeable for his Messiah; Richard had never experienced such guidance nor support in his entire life.
After a life of desperation for an escape—After everything which previously had been brimmed with dread, suddenly leaked beauty: Was it really a question of if once glanced, whether he'd franticly flail to grasp it again? Of if he'd insert himself into these people's lives, and make any sacrifice possible to return their tranquil silence once it had been so foolishly broken by Bunny?
Tumblr media
Now the real reason I am creating this post: That's right I fooled you into reading my theory MWHAHA!—Richard Papen was the one to push Bunny, not Henry. I figured I'd get his motive out of the way before we'd delve into pure insanity.
The most notable part of the actual murder is it's never written who pushes Bunny. One of the general ideas for the reason is it didn't matter who it was, simply that they were all complicite... But that's a little boring, so let's pick at this wound. It simply couldn't have been Henry; He was thirty-feet-away, his shear distance keeps coming up too—But with Richard, Bunny was practically breathing down his neck, he was close enough to read the label on the bear bottle.
He describes being overwhelmed by Bunny's sudden appearance, but really it was anticipation: Because Richard realized he'd have to be the one to push him. If Henry had tried to push Bunny it couldn't of logistically worked, there is no element of surprise as Henry is too faraway and within Bunny's direct sight, he has his full attention. Henry may be large but so is Bunny, it's even directly mentioned here how he's 6 foot 3; Not to mention Bunny had fully been expecting Henry to attempt to murder him at some point.
You could argue he was just to stupid to fight back—However, Richard may never describe the push, but he does go into deep details on the shear surprise and shock on Bunny's face; He well and truly hadn't seen his emendate death coming. Dumbassery doesn't entirely dull out your reflexes nor does it suddenly make you the size of Francis scrawny ass.
Bun entirely trusted Richard, all Richards previous machinations of Bunny's jealousy for him he'd made up in his own mind and didn't actually match in Bunny's actions.
Richards within shoulder length, and Henry, who limps and is too far to seize the element of surprise: The push—The fall, Richard watches each and every moment of Bunny's death at an intimate proximity.
It just couldn't have been Henry, I'm sorry.
Tumblr media
It all loops back to why Richard would've felt the need to commit this murder, because yes Henry manipulates Richard well and truly but it completely backfires due to Richards traumatic history: Ultimately he killed Bun out of his own volition, and selfish desire for the picturesque lifestyle he'd only so recently acquired.
And finally, Donna Tartts quote of The Greeks and The Irrational
Dionysus [is] The Master of Illusions, who could make a vine grow out of a ship's plank, and in general enable his votaries to see the world as the world's not.
We are reminded of who our narrator is, and then must listen to Richard try desperately to twist his language in order to fool us into believing Henry had well and truly committed the murder without implicating either of them.
But no man who was a mere witness describes a murder in the way Richard chose to, it is morbid and soaked in guilt. He goes on a tangent about murderers always avoiding telling the meat of their crimes, but really he was doing so to avoid telling us the true events of that evening; He goings in circles around the incident constantly, never landing on the mark.
God this post got long, if you made it through the entire thing oh my gosshhh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii how are youuuu :)
421 notes · View notes
promptsbytaurie · 7 months
Text
dialogue prompts that give off ~chaotic vibes~
!!please credit me if you use any!!
"you idiot. now we're gonna die."
"american cheese. shitty yet addicting. kind of like my exes."
"everything would be a lot easier if you fucking sat still."
"careful. those aren't designed for idiots."
"tssk, tssk. what would jeff goldblum think of this?"
"if you're trying to manipulate me, it's not working."
"i'm about to say 'shut up' and if you respond with a ridiculously flirtatious 'make me' i will slap you."
"i congratulate you. to convince them is no small feat." *pause* "though you do have small feet."
"don't worry. it's not lethal. i think."
"hey, did you fall from heaven when you hurt--fuck."
"no, but i can speak greek. είσαι σκατά." [you are shit.]
"can i? of course. will i? nah bro."
"we're gonna die and your tombstone will be engraved with 'death by dumbassery.'"
"i had a cat once. his name was stewart. i trained him in the fine art of jiu jitsu."
"what do you mean most people don't carry multiple knifes on them at once?? what if there's an attack?? or an urgent need to cut lettuce??"
"i swear to god if you post this on twitter i will steal your kidney."
"ok. fine. maybe i am a dumbass. but you gotta admit i'm a hot dumbass."
"ah, canada." (that's it. that's the prompt)
"is. is that a grenade."
"abso-fucking-lutely not."
"you know, this reminds me of the time i met the president."
"sometimes, your stupid astounds me."
"yeahhhh no. we're not doing that."
"is there actually anything in your skull or is it just dust and dumbass?"
"gordon ramsay is such a mood."
"this would be romantic if you weren't you and i wasn't me."
"most people just send a text, you know."
"goddammit. how many fucking beans did you spill."
"the world could be ending and you'd still find time to livetweet the imminent destruction of reality."
"you look like shit."
"i can kill a man with my bare hands but i can't unscrew this goddamn jar--"
extra challenges:
use all 31 in one work.
write one prompt every day for a month.
use a random number generator and write 500 (or any set number of) words, and only that amount of words.
to add some spice to #3, set a timer!
(reposted to switch to my prompt blog)
298 notes · View notes