˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ confessing to them hcs
i swear i’m stronger than these emotions, but they’re taking over me
°。⋆ alhaitham, kazuha, kaeya x reader
°。⋆ fluff, alhaitham a bit ooc bc i haven’t finished sumeru storyline, kaeya’s has a twinge of angst, overall very ouch (in a good way)
note: ahhhh kazuha’s is my favorite one in this batch… and ik alhaitham might be a bit very ooc, but i like the idea of him becoming more shy and moving delicately around your feelings once he notices he has that effect on you.
(diluc, zhongli, kaveh,) | (alhaitham, kazuha, kaeya)
alhaitham ♡
how do you have the courage to jump off a cliff without any wings? that was basically how you summarised the conundrum of talking to alhaitham.
you only really saw him in passing, seeing him pass the corridors, eating in the cafeteria, out in port ormos.
you never bothered to approach him other than for work, but despite some of the negative rumours about his attitude, your interactions with him were quite pleasant.
“you have my sincerest thanks for your insights. i trust you’ve been well?” “y-yes…” “and, you’re okay, right now…?” “a-ah, yes!”
over time you grew accustomed to his surprisingly amicable disposition towards you, but you could never quite be the first one to approach him.
it was weird, because you could interact with everyone else just fine. you were someone who took initiative amongst your peers, but also handled affairs with a gentle and understanding touch.
anyways, he continued watching out for you. in meetings he’d send a glance your way every now and then as if he was only talking to you, he’d also pass by your office after hours with some tea.
you put it off as him being good at his job, making sure everyone’s functioning and productive. hell, that was what drew you to him in the first place, why you were so scared to strike up a conversation with him.
you admired all his authority, hard work and efforts… i mean his genius was an amazing thing to witness.
so, it only made sense that you'd rather him perceive you as a meek background character than a bumbling flustered idiot.
that all changed, however, when he asked you for insights and advice regarding "emotions" and being a bit more cautious of others’ feelings.
you don't know why he asked you, and frankly you didn't really care. you just wanted to help him the best you could.
"how about this? your ideas are intriguing, but…" "ohh, good so far!" "they could desperately use some fine tuning." "just uh remove the desperately part, and you’ll be set."
to be honest, he doesn't even follow your suggestions half the time, but you being there instantly lightens the mood by 50%.
you saw him in a bit of a different light after then; he was still a genius, of course, but you saw parts of him you’d never expect to see otherwise, and you loved him much more for it.
you hoped it wasn’t obvious in the way you shared a bit too much about your day with him or how you’d let your hand stay on the small of his back a little longer than necessary.
ironically enough, he was the one who got a bit more shy towards you, though much more present. instead of announcing his presence and letting himself into your office with some tea, you’d find him knocking quietly waiting for your affirmation.
he was acting a bit more soft and gentle, as if he had been defeated and something sent him running.
you were quick to catch up in this attitude change of his, as it was even seeping into his attitude with others (“that man…alhaitham… being soft???”). you knew nobody else was brave enough to ask, so you might as well do it yourself.
once again, a delicate knock played itself against the door to office. you looked up at your paperwork, an amused sigh escaping your lips. “come in, alhaitham.”
you heard some shuffling before the door opened to reveal the man, himself; his eyes weren’t completing darting around, but you definitely notice the way they almost restrained themself from looking at you. he closes the door before sitting before your desk; he sets a cup of tea in front of you.
“for you. i know you’ve been a bit more busy lately, the recent changes in the akademiya surely contributing to that.”
you chuckle softly, earning a raised eyebrow from him. “what’s funny?” his voice was firm and slightly rushed, like he needed you to answer right away. you shake your head and pick up the cup between your palms. “you say that as if you don’t bring me tea every day anyways.”
“i do, don’t i?” he looks down and mumbles faintly, rubbing the back of his neck. his bashful gesture only eggs you on further to ask what exactly is going on with him. you take a quick sip of your tea before probing him.
“so, you gonna tell me what’s been up with you lately?”
“ah, you’ve noticed.”
“of course, i think i’d be a bad friend if i didn’t notice.” you watch his embarrassed smile curve into a childish pout. you know it shouldn’t, but it only makes your cheshire smile grow wider. “by now, you should know you could never be such… anyways, if you’ve noticed the shift, i guess there’s no hiding it.” you put down your cup, bracing yourself for whatever revelation comes next.
“i guess i just wanted to accommodate you better. i know you were quite shy when talking to me initially, and you do seem much more comfortable around me now.”
you hum in acknowledgement, knowing he has a bit more to share. he was always like this, sharing only what he deemed necessary, but you always knew he had more, you just had to give him that space.
“you look better like this, spending more time with me. uh i mean, i like seeing you unafraid of my presence, being curt with me. i…”
he finally meets your eyes, and you’re entranced by that look. your head starts to feel dizzy as you focus on the vision of him to keep you grounded. “oh, alhaitham… you d-don’t need to dance around my feelings, i…”
his eyes widen, and he quickly grabs your hand; you’re shocked by his touch, but you’re certainly not deterred by it. if anything, it’s only helping you process whatever is going on.
“i don’t want to lose you, dear, isn’t that obvious? i don’t care what those others think, as long as it means that you’re still standing by my side.”
“a-alhaitham, wait i–”
“you love me, correct?”
you freeze up, pondering if this was still reality; if alhaitham had really known and if you were really faced with the task of answering such a question. you suppose you should’ve known, nothing ever really gets past him.
“i didn’t know how to approach it, that’s why i— you already know i’m not best with those sorts of things. all i knew is that i couldn't lose you over it; i didn’t want to upset you, i didn’t want to overwhelm you. i couldn’t bear to watch your adoration turn into hatred and angst, especially when all my flaws became more apparent.”
your free hand caresses his cheek, trying to brush away his fears. “alhaitham… if you knew i loved you, you should’ve also known that i love you just the way you are. knowing you better, i only fell harder, and… if we’re being honest, i don’t think i could ever hate you.”
he looks up at you, the desperation is clear. “neither could i… i mean, i believe my feelings for you are obvious now, so would you like to give it a try? loving me, i mean. ” your eyes crinkle and smile from eye to eye.
“let me love you, and i shall.”
kazuha ♡
spring was always your favourite season, but kazuha’s presence made it all the better.
hanami: flower viewing, usually done during cherry blossom season.
hanami-zake: sake specifically for hanami; fallen cherry blossom/s are typically immersed in the sake.
you could listen to his mellow voice for days on end, short haikus and poems whispered amidst the pollen in the spring air.
you were friends for the longest time, and after a few cold years in inazuma, you had finally met again without any worries, care for time or need for secrecy.
before he had escaped away, you both hung around the same small group of friends.
one of your favourite memories was participating in hanami with them; perhaps it was the bare beauty of the flowers or the intoxicating hanami-zake, but you both especially enjoyed each other’s company far too much during this period.
tangents about how beautiful life and nature is, ramblings of small yet imaginative ideas you both, and simply basking in what the tomorrow could possibly bring.
this of course changed with the death of your mutual friend, and it seemed like you were the only one standing by and holding out hope for the kazuha. everyone else had left, either too scared, angry or hopeless.
you definitely did feel pity for his situation, but that wasn’t why you didn’t abandon him.
you trusted him, his will, and his actions, and a big part of you wanted to believe that he would come back a hero to inazuma.
once he caught wind of this, he started exchanging letters with you, appreciative of your trust in him, and frankly, he could use a familiar friend.
while you both addressed the elephant in the room, you mostly talked about your feelings. you shared your sadness, anxieties, grievances, and small moments of happiness.
you could talk to him about anything, as he could; you quickly became a dear friend to him, a reminder that someone had seen all of him and still trusted him.
you didn’t fully understand it at the time, but you so painfully yearned to hold his hand and give him all the affection he deserved.
letters turned to secret meetings in the dock, and secret meetings eventually turned back into normal ones; his name being cleared and inazuma welcoming him with open arms.
the day he came back and you saw the most precious smile you could imagine to see, that was when you fell hard. a few other people got to him first, but you didn’t mind. the view of him getting the praise he deserved was delightful.
“don’t forget about me, now that you’re a great hero…” “i… i could never!”
you were only teasing, but the moment his head turned to find you. he ran towards you and pulled you into the warmest of hugs, even raising you up.
it felt different, different from all the other times at least. it made your heart race, your face flush and your fingers tremble ever so slightly.
it was a few days into your catching up with one another, when you decided to bring up these strange, unnecessary, but almost enjoyable feelings.
“zuha?”
he hummed in acknowledgement, gazing at the clouds,. your head lay on his lap as you both rested in the middle of a field. there were a few clouds, but the sun still shone bright upon you, the both of you.
“i have some… feelings i need to share.”
he looked back down, raising an eyebrow. you both never really shied away from talking about such in letters, so he was quick to note the uncertainty in your voice. “oh? share away.”
you swallowed a lump in your throat before speaking; it wasn’t as though you were revealing some scandalous secret, so you didn’t understand why your body was acting the way it did.
“i’ve been having some feelings for you recently.”
kazuha almost choked on his own saliva, hearing you be so straightforward. sure, he recognised the ambiguity in your voice, but he certainly did not expect this. he was a bit shy, but did want to express that he returned such feelings. “o-ooh! that-t’s… um…”
“it uh makes me uncomfortable.”
for the second time, the shock is more than apparent in his face. he’s horrified by your admissions and his own actions; he’s frozen in place, sputtering out apologies. “a-ah, i’m sorry! let me just get that and y-you can stand up and-”
“kazuha, wait a minute.” you chuckle, brushing the flower chain off your face and onto the grass below. you lightly take his hands, intertwining his finger in yours; your grip is firm, but not by any means, rough. he quickly realises you’re trying to calm him down, and he lets you do so.
“i didn’t mean it like that. i meant like… its as though i’m running a marathon whenever we hang out. it isn’t negative feeling, but it is a new one.”
you speak slowly, squeezing his hand at every other word. you’ve never seen him this way, a flustered and bumbling mess, but it is quite a cute sight; something you wouldn’t mind seeing again. fortunately for him, you do have enough courtesy to help him calm his heart.
“ah, i see.” his breath evens out, and he lets out a sigh of relief. for a moment there, he really thought you were revealing your annoyance and/or hatred for him. after processing your words, he has a good idea of what’s really going on. he gives you a kind smile and squeezes your hand in response.
“hmm… could you describe it further, darling?”
“ah.”
you let out a small squeak at his nickname; he’s called you it before in letters so you don’t know why you’re being so bashful about it. you feel a blush spread across and wish you simply fade into the wall.
“like right now, actually… i… when y-you call me such things, touch me in certain ways.” his gaze on you only softens as you continue speaking so timidly; on the other hand, you want to turn away, bury your face in the grace, but you want to get your point across. “t-the way you’re looking at me, right now.” your voice comes out a bit quieter, but all the same to kazuha.
“hmm… i think i understand how you’re feeling. just one more thing…”
he asks inches his face closer to yours, lips above yours, as though it was the sun’s light grazing the grass.
“would you perhaps want to kiss me right now, darling?”
you nod a little too excitedly, any self-restraint you had flying out into the sunset. you’ve never really considered it, but the mere mention of the idea seems really good. he lets out another quiet chuckle, you can feel it against your cheek.
“then i think what you’re feeling is love; love for me to be more specific. you need me to give you an example of my love for you?”
kaeya ♡
it all started when you both ended it. you argued day and night about the smallest things; you suppose that the stress from work and transitioning into adulthood had taken its toll on you both.
since then, there was only one thing you both agreed on, and that was how you would be very much better off without each other.
you cried, a lot. it was a mix of sadness and frustration.
sadness, because you genuinely did love him, you wanted to make him happy. frustration, because you never did make him happy, you knew he’d be better off without you.
if love was the only thing needed to sustain a relationship, maybe you wouldn’t be here, but life got in the way and you both had greater ambitions. under all that fighting, you knew that you just didn’t want to hold each other back.
you knew you couldn’t stay when that pain was so fresh, you needed to clear your head. you moved away for a bit, planning to return in two years time.
and those two years passed by quietly, until you found yourself being welcomed back to monstadt.
only, it seemed your feelings for kaeya had only grown more complicated as you watched him bloom.
he thrived without you, he had grown to be quite a noble captain, charming everyone from children to grandparents. he was someone the whole community could rely on, someone who strived to do good for the welfare of everyone.
because of this, it was pretty hard to miss him. whether it was his name being the subject of tavern gossip or your observant eyes spotting him in the shadows, you just couldn’t avoid him.
you’d scoff, roll your eyes, do anything to show you didn’t care, but it was clear that you cared enough to perk up when you heard his name.
you were so proud of him and the person he’d become. it was safe to say that you remembered why you’d fallen in the first place, that playful smile, moonlight blue eyes, and inviting familiar warmth.
your memory of meeting him was blurred by adrenaline, he had approached you noticing you were awfully quiet among everyone else. he made conversation with you, making you laugh within a minute. you opened up, he did the same. you trusted him as he did you.
right now though, you were falling harder this time around. you intended to deny it though, deny it until it broke you.
today, you were having a busy day, visiting old friends, seeing all the new sights you had missed out on, when you saw him approaching you.
you knew you weren’t equipped to handle whatever it was he had to say; you didn’t need to hear it.
you ran, letting the adrenaline take you far far away, and soon enough you found yourself by the monstadt lake. the wind was blowing as fiercely as your heartbeat.
you tried to squat down to catch your breath, but your tiredness got the best of you and misstepped.
bracing for a cold splash into the lake, you closed your eyes and let gravity take its course; only that coldness came in another form.
“you’re being dramatic, you know that?~”
he chuckled, arms around your waist quite snuggly. sure, you had been fantasising about him holding you like this, but it wasn’t welcomed at the moment. he pulled you back up to some even land before letting you go. you huffed and crossed your arms, not in the mood to deal with his cheekiness. your eyes never met his as you spoke up. “what do you want?”
he feigned hurt, dramatically placing a hand against his forehead. “so cold, dear. not even a thank you, how are you, or hello.”
you were quickly reaching your boiling point, so you decided to step away before things could escalate any further. before you could take another step, however, he gently grabbed your wrist; you looked up at him, eyes wide, and it seemed that he was surprised by his actions as well. his touch was as cold as the last time you met, but this coldness now felt much more like frostbite.
his eyes darted up into your eyes and back down to your wrist before he let you go, flinching away. a faint blush spread across his cheeks, one you certainly could not see under the moonlight. “sorry, i– you dropped this.”
he hastily fished out a key from his pocket; it was your house key. the moment you recognised it, you wanted to fall over in embarrassment; maybe you did deserve to be in the cold waters. he was right after all, and you were being dramatic. you looked down at his palm and hesitantly took it from his hands, as he explained further.
“you dropped it by ms. blanche’s shop.”
“thank you.” your voice was soft, almost inaudible; a stark contrast to your initial hostility. kaeya frowned, watching your timid movements. “do you hate me that much?”
your swiftly looked back up at him, the hurt in his expression was more than clear and genuine, at least from what you could tell. “no. i… i just–”
“after these past couple of years, i was excited to see you again, dear.” his voice falters as he tries to push through his own self-disappointment. “i-i didn’t realise i hurt you that much, that you didn’t want anything to do with me.” he sighs, finding the courage to look into your eyes; he’s a coward in that moment though and his fears and insecurities are eating him up.
you pity him, and you know you’re starting to succumb to defeat. “you don’t scare me, kaeya. its… its my feelings for you that scare me.”
“is it that strong? you really fear you might hurt me or—”
“it’s not hatred, kaeya.”
that takes him by surprise, and his thoughts start running miles per minute. “sadness? disappointment? frustration? please, i need to know, please.” his voice is almost cracking at this point, eyes glassy. he gently takes your hands in an attempt to plead with you to set him free.
you never were the best at denying him, and you thought you’d set yourself free too.
“it’s love, kaeya, it’s… i still love you, and i’m afraid it’s striking me harder this time. look how far you’ve come without me.” at that fact, you find hot tears running down your cheek. “i’m happy to see you so happy, kaeya. it just hurts that i missed it.”
“i’m not. i’m…” he’s taken aback, but he tries to articulate himself. he takes your cheeks into his palms, gently guiding your gaze to his eyes. “i was lying earlier, you know? saying i was excited to see you was an understatement, dear. i missed you everyday, i wondered if you were doing fine without me, and seeing you come back, having seemed to forget me i just…”
“kaeya…”
“can we start back just before things went wrong? can you give me… can you give us another chance?”
it’s that same desperate look as his touch softens and he waits for a response. despite your trembling from the rush of emotions, you feel that things can’t be clearer. you acted fast to meet his lips, giving him your decisive response. it was a simple truth that had never left you, even as you left him; you always loved kaeya alberich, and now, you knew he loved you just the same.
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