#Babysitters for Hire | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snuggleboots · 10 months

Text

Akatsuki parents? Akatsuki parents.

because I like shoehorning my experiences into my ninja bullshit. Hope y'all enjoy my rambling. : )

Feat. Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi.

Hidan ends up a girl-dad, and a proud one at that, given your daughter is a complete fucking gremlin, just like him. An aggressive toddler that looks like a tiny little sweetheart, with chubby cheeks, gorgeous violet eyes framed by the prettiest eyelashes you'd ever seen, and hair that looks like a carbon copy of your own. Her little smiles are a mixed bag, and you never know whether to expect cute baby affection or chaos that no toddler her size should realistically be capable of bringing into existence.

Nobody expects it when she toddles on up, all tiny, squishy hands and 'awwww, hug?'s, only to turn on a dime and start biting, smacking, or pinching- all while wearing a huge grin that she must have inherited from her dad, or giggling like a squeaky hinge. Babysitters do not last, Hidan finds absolutely nothing more hilarious than seeing another one leave haggard and never pick up jobs from either of you again.

She's a natural climber, knows no fear, and loves nothing more than climbing up onto the back of the couch and waiting. 'Oh no, 'M stuck!' is a goddamn trap. It took a couple pint-sized ambushes, wherein she lunges, catches some serious air, and rams into you or Hidan at full force to learn that lesson. Your natural state becomes STRESSED. Hidan, on the other hand? Constantly entertained. That little girl can do literally no wrong, because, shit, she's just emulating her dad, obviously.

If it's possible for a toddler to be sarcastic, she is, and it's only ever when she's using her manners. One tiny little eyebrow cocked, a crooked smile and cooed, 'Oh, nooo. So-orry!' Hidan has literally cried from laughing so hard, until she turned it on him. One big, angry bitemark on his forearm later, and those tittering giggles and 'Uh-oh, you o'tay? Uh-oh!' felt just a little more irritating than when they were directed towards you. He's even less impressed when you're laughing right alongside your little devil-child.

Older kids tried, once, to pick on the little girl who laughed too loud and played too hard. Unfortunately for them, she's always had a set of lungs and knew damn well how to use them. One blood-chilling shriek- not because she's hurt, but because she knew he'd hear, and haha, there's dad. Big, fat crocodile tears, a quivering pout and squeaky, 'Oh, no!' and it was game on.

Hidan doesn't give a fuck how old a snot-nosed shithead might be, his bullying is indiscriminate and he's had far longer to refine his insults than they have. She's rarely bullied, because word spreads and it's hard for a kid to bounce back from such heated and targeted shit-talk, even harder to bounce back when they watch some whooping, laughing maniac beat the shit out of their dad for trying to step in. You were only slightly surprised, and a little concerned when your little gremlin laughed and squealed over the playground dad on dad beatdown.

Deidara drops by from time to time, and he seems to have as much fun wrangling your tiny little hellion as Hidan does. He doesn't mind the fact that she can be aggressively playful, and takes absolute delight in the way her eyes go wide and shine with awe when he shows off his art. She's fascinated by his hair, and you find some remarkable moments of quiet and peace when she's perched on the couch with him on the floor, her chubby fingers toying with and carding through the golden mane that's somehow smoother and shinier than silk. If he minds the fact that she essentially pets him like a cat, he certainly doesn't mention it. 'Awww! So sof', so sof'.' Between Deidara and Hidan's high energy capacity for mischief, his visits always end up with your daughter properly knackered, and mercifully tame for the rest of the day.

Kakuzu didn't want kids the same way a dad doesn't want the dog his kids inevitably end up bringing home. You two ended up with a daughter, and at some point, somehow, someway, he became begrudgingly attached and takes over everything surrounding that little baby. Maybe it was the fact that when he looks into her eyes, he sees a soft, sweet mirror of his own, moss-green eyes that haven't yet seen the horrors of the world and the awful things that wait within it. Either way, the most miniscule part of him that can still feel love does, and every ounce of it belongs to her. You have your share, but you know that his daughter put the moon and the stars in his sky again.

Your full-time job becomes raising her, the little lady that sees the world with his eyes and speaks remarkably well for a tiny toddler her age. There's not a snowball's chance in hell that he'd trust some random to watch over his girl. You're just lucky that she's an honest delight to raise, although that might be your own bias talking. Kakuzu does a lot of reading with her, and it's almost comical to see a man like him drawling and grumbling through a ten-paged book about a little pig's wild adventures in kindness.

When Kakuzu's balancing books in the evening and she can't sleep, she always seems to find her way to the kitchen table where the old bounty hunter is pouring over expenses and budgets. Tiny fingers count on an abacus while he counts stacks of green, and when he loses count because she's quietly chatting away to the walls and the table and his ears when they listen, he can't even find it in himself to be upset. Not when those pretty eyes turn their gaze to him and she bids her sweet 'uh oh, sorry papa'. For all his power, he can be weak in those moments that make his heart just a little happier.

Innocent, and unacquainted with the temper that almost defines him as a man, she isn't afraid of him, she isn't afraid of him, she isn't afraid of him. Never had she, nor will she ever bear witness to the ugly, vicious face of his short-fuse and hellfire wrath.

That sweet little girl is spoiled, and that's only because she never seems to ask for anything herself. So polite, for one so small. When little green eyes sparkle because they fell upon a pretty dress, a toy, a book that has her oohing and ahhing, a little cup that has a straw 'oh, wow!' and a cute little pig printed on the plastic 'ohh! a piggy! haha, oink oink!' - who is he to turn his head and leave it at that?

She could ask for the moon, and it would be all he could do to bid a slow, pensive nod and murmured assurance, 'It only sits in the sky for you.'

Hidan is a frequent and uninvited visitor, and while normally you'd find that to be cause for concern it's quickly proven pointless to worry given the fact that if Kakuzu isn't grouching him under control, your daughter has a hilarious talent for putting him in his place. Seeing the zealot sat on your couch, being prodded and chided by a girl less than half his size is certainly a sight to behold; hearing her tut and chastise him in a way she must have learned from her dad for putting his feet on the coffee table, shoes on the couch, or his drink on the side table without a coaster is absolutely hysterical. 'Stains are 'spensive! Feet down!'

Kakuzu's sweet little mini-me: breathes

Kakuzu:

Kisame takes on the dad role like he was born for it, after a small period of adjustment. You two end up having a boy and a girl, and he's practically putty in their little hands. Your boy is huge, had been since he was a baby - which is natural, Hoshigaki kids are just... big, generally. Your girl caught both of you off guard, only because she's so tiny. The sibling dynamic is chaos, but a warm one that always seems to leave Kisame cackling or grinning over something ridiculous those two end up getting into.

Your boy is like a walking clone of his dad, and even as a little boy he's already standing as tall as your ribs. Slate-blue hair as soft as cornsilk, teeth that make you grateful he was never a biter, and little gills bracketing his throat. Soft-spoken, a little shy outside of his parents, and constantly looking to wrestle and play. If you're doing something, he's a guaranteed little helper - he likes to help with cooking when you let him. If his baby sister is getting into trouble, he's either helping her do it to make sure she's safe, or he's the one carrying a kicking, griping toddler to one of you two to handle. Yeah, he's a bit of a narc- but it's always for a good cause. He's a fretful big brother.

Your girl is probably the most precious little baby you'd ever met, and Kisame is quite literally helpless against her doe-eyes and deceptively sweet, cheery little voice. Where her brother is quiet, she is loud; where he's happier to follow the rules and keep out of trouble, she's a born rule-breaker that finds boundaries just to test them. When you stumble upon her in the midst of some suspiciously quiet, pint-sized anarchy, she always manages to look surprised that you ever caught her in the first place. She looks like you, if you were knee-height and sporting tiny little daggers for teeth and gills on your cheekbones. Kisame blames you entirely for her gremlin personality.

Kisame does not discipline unless he needs to, because he feels awful when big, sweet baby eyes look at him with complete betrayal that he dared to tell them no, or stop them from pulling off some kind of crazy baby scheme that would make your hair grey from stress. Quivering pouts or teary eyes and he's gotta tap out.

Babysitters adore your kids when they behave, but Kisame vets any you hire thoroughly because he's more than a little protective of his babes. It's like they're each a half of his heart living outside his body and he honestly struggles to manage the overwhelming love and affection they pump into his veins every day. He could, and gladly would break fingers over something as minute as hurt feelings.

You hold the sole rights to discipline outside the house, too. If either of your ankle-biters act out their mischief in public, and someone tries to step up and throw in their two cents, Kisame's massive silhouette and mean, sawtooth grin are very effective deterrents.

Itachi is a semi-frequent visitor, and both of your children love him fiercely. You're half-convinced that he has some kind of Uchiha magnetism, given the fact that he'd won over not one, but three Hoshigaki by the sheer power of his quiet, soothing presence. Kisame takes great amusement in watching your little lady climb all over the poor man, and your son sidle up beside him with his favourite book to chat his ear off about the adventures that lay within it. Itachi, to his credit, never ever seems to mind the undivided attention of the lively gilled babes.

Kisame, and his pint-sized sidekick: getting into Hoshigaki-brand bullshit

You, with your sweet little chore buddy: > : ( no- one hundred times, no!

Kisame, and his tiny co-maker of mayhem: betrayed, bamboozled, and somehow? positively shocked that you found out

Itachi slips seamlessly into a domestic role, despite how long he'd been absent from one. Childrearing almost seems like his god-given purpose in life once he actually sets himself to it, and the second you two brought home your cooing, burbling baby it was on. He's happy, grateful to stay home and take care of your son, tend to the home and make your transition back to work as smooth of a process as possible.

It's an all-too common scene to come home and find the Uchiha at task in the kitchen, tending to a meal simmering on the stove while your squishy, pudgy-cheeked and sleepy eyed boy perched on his hip with a tenderness that makes your heart hurt. Even as a clumsy little toddler, he's never found very far from his dad. If Itachi is cleaning, there's his little mini-me, trying to help and earning gentle encouragement and a soft, fond smile for his efforts.

Honestly, your little guy is the most well-mannered, well-adjusted, well-spoken toddler you've ever met. He genuinely likes to help, to the point that it sometimes becomes a problem because he's very determined when there's any little problem set out in front of him. At the park, playing with other little babes, he's more concerned with making sure everyone's playing fair and playing safe than he is about actually having any fun himself. He's a bit of a worrywart for someone his age, and half the time it feels like he's the self-appointed tiny guardian of his friend group. Someone trips and skins a knee? 'Are you okay? We can sit down for a little. It's okay.' A born father, is your Itachi.

Who, for a man so reserved and soft-spoken, is hellbent on making sure his son has the most peaceful, memorable childhood he can possibly offer. Not a day is wasted in your household, even a lazy day is an opportunity to make memories and spend some honest, quality time with the people he loves most. You three can cook meals together, with your boy set to work at taste-testing and mixing ingredients under the quiet, watchful eye of his dad. He never wants for encouragement, love, affection, or little things that catch his eye; it would be wrong to call him spoiled, because he isn't, but there is little he wants that he doesn't receive.

Your secondary job is bullying Itachi into taking a day to relax and unwind, because although your son is essentially the perfect child, it's still a lot of work to raise him. Even when you're the primary parent on those days off, he's never far away, and always finding sneaky ways to slip back into dad-mode rather than actually relax. Half the time it takes you putting your son on the job of wrangling his dad just to make the man sit down, crack open a book and let himself just be. That typically entails your little boy gently chiding his father in a way you're certain he learned from the Uchiha himself- and god, it makes your heart melt. 'No, no. Gotta have your tea, it's gonna get cold', 'Sit, sit, sit. Sometimes we need to sit, papa. Gotta rest!'

Kisame loves to visit, he makes that fact no secret. For a man so massive, so intimidating, he handles your boy like glass- as if he's afraid a little rough play might break him. And your son, always as sweet as he is smart, adores the company. His questions know no limits, and he's a clever little babe about getting answers without actually asking questions. 'Can we go swimming? You must swim fast- can you swim under water? I can hold my breath longer than you can.' You once got to watch the boy perched at the end of a dock for half an hour, holding a staring contest with the swordsman who'd been stubbornly sat at the bottom of the lake's shallows for at least half an hour. That thoroughly entertained grin on the swordsman's face when he flared his gills told you he knew what exactly your boy was so curious about when he'd challenged him in the first place.

#kakuzu #hidan #kisame #itachi #naruto scenarios #naruto imagines #kakuzu x reader #kisame x reader #hidan x reader #naruto x reader #itachi x reader #i'm sorry but kakuzu as a dad specifically is my favourite #kisame as a dad and/or an uncle is ALSO my favourite i can't help it #kisame hoshigaki #itachi uchiha #kisame hates hiring babysitters and has no shame in offering to call itachi - you try to persuade him not to because itachi's a busy guy #kisame doesn't even have the courtesy to look sheepish when he tells you he'd already called him over to watch the kids for the night #'he's practically their uncle- sweetheart he LIKES watching 'em. it's fine! it's really fine!'#househusband itachi who brings his son along when it's time to go babysit the hoshigaki babes #'is it really work if it's essentially a playdate?' 'yes - and i'd like to pay for the trouble' 'you consider your children trouble?'#'...shut up and TAKE my MONEY PLEASE'

322 notes · View notes

ayermite · 6 months

Text

T-01-112 | The Rhea-Like Doll

Made an abno page for Nugget, so if you're interested you can read it all under the cut ( /// • ω • /// )

Risk Level: ZAYIN

Qliphoth Counter: 5

PE-Box Output: 10 (0-1: Bad, 2-5: Normal, 6-10: Good)

Work Type Preferences: Attachment > Insight > Instinct > Repression

Attack Type: N/A

Damage Type Resistances:

Red: Resistant White: Endured Black: Normal Pale: Weak (For Ruina) Slash: Normal Pierce: Fatal Blunt: Ineffective

Appearance: A small, pudgy, basic looking doll with beady eyes and a double curved mouth that does not open. While it can take on the appearance of any employee, it will often default to one named Rhea.

Staaaaaaare

Behaviour and Abilities

The Doll’s Qliphoth counter will reduce by 1:

When obtaining a bad work result

If the employee who cumulatively performed the greatest number of Attachment work on it fails to perform work after 120 seconds. The employee in question can perform any type of work, just as long as it is done within the time limit

If it fails to perform work on an Abnormality when given orders to

The Doll will befriend an employee if they perform attachment work on it for a consecutive total of three times. After the third time, it will take on the employee’s current appearance (minus the facial features). The Doll will also take on 50% of the stats from the employee it grows attached to.

If the employee in question changes their E.G.O. equipment and/or their appearance, the Doll will not change until after that employee performs work on it. Its respective stats will also change accordingly.

If there are two or more employees who performed the same amount of Attachment work, or if there are no employees who performed any Attachment work, the Doll will take on the appearance of the one who recently worked on it.

The Doll can be ordered to work on another Abnormality once one employee has performed Attachment work on it for a cumulative total of 10 times. If it succeeds, its Qliphoth counter will increase by 1, and it will return to its containment unit. If it fails, its Qliphoth counter will reduce by one instead.

Breaching

The Doll will travel around the facility in an unspecified direction. The employee who has performed the most Attachment work on the abnormality will unlock a new work order on its containment unit to retrieve the Doll.

During this time, the employee will be unable to perform any other actions until it returns the Doll to containment. If they happen to die before this is done, the Doll will panic and run the rest of the way back to its containment regardless.

If the employee who performed the most Attachment work on the Doll is in the middle of working on a different Abnormality, it will randomly enter another Abnormality’s containment unit and perform a random work type. If it fails, depending on the Abnormality, it will either be booted back to its containment unit (which resets the Qliphoth counter) or leave to go work on another Abnormality. If it succeeds, it will return to its containment unit and reset its Qliphoth counter.

Work rules and abilities of the Abnormalities it works on will still apply as normal, just as if you would order a lower-level employee to do work on them. :)

If the employee who performed the most Attachment work on the Doll dies before being able to return the Doll, the return order will be available for the next employee who worked on it the most, regardless of work type. This will be indicated by a symbol near their name.

If there are two or more employees that performed the same amount of work on the Abnormality, the one that worked on it recently will be prioritized. Similarly, if there are no employees that the Doll made friends with when it breaches, it will default to the employee who performed the most work on the Abnormality.

If no employees have worked on the Doll when it breaches, one will be chosen at random to perform the return order.

The Doll will not choose to work on item Abnormalities. Likewise, if the selected employee is performing work on an item Abnormality, it will not prompt the Doll to work on another Abnormality.

Suppression

While it cannot hurt employees, the Doll has a large HP pool of 15,000 and will thus be more tedious to properly suppress. Therefore, it is recommended to try to return it to its containment unit.

However, if the employee that performed the most Attachment work dies before they perform their return order, all of its damage resistance types change to weak.

Managerial Tips

When the Qliphoth counter reaches 0, the Doll will leave containment and start to wander around the facility.

When an employee finished work with a good result, the Doll’s Qliphoth counter still decreases after a certain period of time.

When employee was accidentally ordered to perform Repression work on the Doll instead of Attachment, its Qliphoth counter increased.

The Doll left containment looking for , who was still performing work on another abnormality; it suddenly entered into another Abnormality’s containment unit and began working on it.

Only employee was able to convince the Doll to return to its containment unit.

Trivia

If there is an employee named Rhea present in the facility, they will take on the following effects for this Abnormality:

Will become a priority over all employees for the Doll, regardless of the work they perform on it

Will have an increased success rate when performing work on the Abnormality

Will override the Doll’s current appearance, regardless if they have worked on it or not

Will change the Doll’s expression when performing work

Upon death during a breach, the Doll’s damage resistances will become fatal, and its HP threshold will reduce by 50%

If an employee consecutively performs Attachment work seven times in one day, the Doll’s Qliphoth counter will automatically reach 0 and will pathfind its way towards the employee

If the employee is performing work on another Abnormality, it will wait outside the respective containment unit for them

Once it is within range of the employee, the Doll will attach itself to their face; this makes the employee unable to perform any kind of action for 60 seconds

There is no way to prematurely get rid of the Doll, even if the employee tries to return it to its containment unit

If the Doll’s containment unit is located in the Containment Team’s department, and is out of containment for over 5 minutes, Daemon will promptly arrive at the facility to personally punt it back to its unit

Upon being hit, the Doll will make squeaky toy noises

Flavour Text

“The Doll tilts its head curiously at .”

“The Doll wonders if will give it snacks.”

“The Doll stares at .”

“ wonders if the Doll even closes its eyes while sleeping.”

“ cautiously gives the Doll a chicken nugget to eat.”

“ cautiously gives the Doll a cracker to eat.”

“ watches the Doll devour a whole head of broccoli in one sitting.”

“ watches the Doll devour a whole bowl of tapioca balls in one sitting… including the bowl.”

“The Doll makes soft popping sounds while walking around the containment unit.”

“The Doll is happy to see again.”

“The Doll thinks that ’s outfit looks ‘cool.’”

“As soon as enters the containment unit, the Doll runs up to them for a hug.”

“The Doll wants to play with .”

Spoken when breaching

“Am bored. Gonna come out now.”

“Want out. Going out now.”

Spoken when encountering befriended employee

“Hello! Want snacks. Can have snacks?”

“Found ! Can play now?”

Spoken when deciding to randomly work on an abnormality

“Wanna help . Gonna help now.”

“ busy. Should help.”

Spoken when ordered to work on an abnormality

“Can help ? Okay.”

“For you? Okay.”

Spoken after work success

“Hooray!”

“Was helpful?”

Spoken after work failure

“Could do better.”

“Again! Again!”

“Uh oh.”

Flavour Text When Rhea is Present

“Unlike the other employees, the Doll seems really happy to see Rhea.”

“The Doll happily greets Rhea.”

“Rhea lightly pats the Doll on the head.”

“The Doll thinks that Rhea looks pretty.”

“The Doll listens to Rhea speak. It seems to be interested in what she has to say.”

“The Doll wants to share its food with Rhea.”

“Rhea makes mental preparations to run out of the containment unit before the Doll sticks to her like glue.”

“Rhea sighs upon seeing the Doll copy her appearance again.”

“Rhea wonders if the Doll can eat E.G.O. gifts… for reasons.”

“The Doll asks Rhea if she could stay a little longer.”

“The Doll calls Rhea its ‘best friend’. Rhea doesn’t know if she should be flattered or concerned.”

“The Doll wants to hug Rhea.”

Spoken when breaching

“Wanna see Rhea. Can see Rhea now?”

“Gonna visit Rhea!”

Spoken upon encounter

“Rhea! Like Rhea lots.”

“Found you. Hooray!”

Spoken when deciding to randomly work on an abnormality

“Rhea tired. Wanna help!”

“Rhea? Rhea? … Gonna go help Rhea.”

Spoken when ordered to work on an abnormality

“Can help now? Okay!”

“Snacks for helping? But… wanna be with Rhea…”

Spoken after work success

“Hooray! Can go back to Rhea now?”

“Work is done. Can have snacks?”

Spoken after work failure

“Ooh!”

“Rhea not happy…”

“Didn’t do anything.”

Spoken upon Rhea’s death

“Rhea… want Rhea…”

“... Rhea?”

#T-01-112: The Doll #Aka Rhea #Aka Nugget #Lobotomy Corporation OC #|#TL;DR: just hire a babysitter to look after Nugget

9 notes · View notes