#But then I realized. That makes All hermits Legos

[myrathefarmer]

Do you guys like my season 10 Cleo design? 😊

#my art #zombie cleo #zombie cleo fanart #zombiecleo #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #This is only /j if I actually make a new design #But I’m pretty busy so Lego Cleo may be my best option #Aka #Clego #Or Lecleo #This is kind of a reference to the village they are rebuilding #But then I realized. That makes All hermits Legos

[enpr-ss]

Hermitcraft charity stream 2022 Highlights:

- 25k goal being broken by the Australians even before the event started, and the jokes about ending the stream there and seeing them next year

- Getting Martyn to do the donation readouts is GENIUS. He makes it actually entertaining to listen to!

- Martyn listening to Ren the most lol

- The bell bringing back Techno money bell memories

- Basalt Assault being broken by too much boomification (as predicted by Bdubs)

- Doc falling into Dunk Tank in the final winner-take-all round

- All the goofy skins (especially Grian’s cursed skins) and IRL costumes (Pearl’s old man mask, and Tango’s millions of hats)

- Every time Etho is confused about his fanbase

- Grian finishing backwards because “it’s the only way he can see” with his built-in rear view mirror

- Pearl getting to keep her horse from Horse Course!

- “Coming in not least but last” - Bdubs

- Scar actually doing so well on all the games actually?! I didn’t realize he was second on Horse Course

- “MY BLADDER’S FULL OF URINE” - Bdubs

- “While we were on our pee-pee break for the weak bladder people” - Doc

- Etho’s elytra glitching, with Cleo and Grian hitting him around

- Racers stealing other boats. Tango and Cub winning the race by a mile through switching drivers at the bubblevator

- Jevin fell down the powdered snow section LOL!

- Iskall fixing the Hermit Incentives redstone by just moving the dispenser and the button

- The speed at which Doc’s diamonds DISAPPEARED and then all the subsequent mocking just as a 5k soon came through

- Ren: “Nothing will calm your nerves more than Grian’s gong”

Grian: screaming “LALALALALAAAAAL” as he smashes the gong repeatedly (twice)

- Bdubs being spleefed by Tango (VIA PREINSTALLED REDSTONE) into a hole and Doc not caring because he doesn’t have any diamonds. And then Etho punching Tango into the same hole.

- Grian: “I need everyone to take a really nice deep breath in through the nose-”

Everyone: *exaggerated gasps and choking noises*

Grian: “We’re doing that again because everyone FAILED at breathing”

Doc’s panicked breathing and getting TNT to blow everyone up

Scar: “Can I get another dong real quick?”

Grian: “With a g, yes you can.”

- Scar made Panda Resue (lol) in ONE NIGHT?!?! But with no pandas lol

- Doc on strike until he gets his diamonds back

- Bucket rush more entertaining than expected and Scar absolutely killing it

- Hermits interpreting the 350k goal as returning Doc’s diamonds (THEN GRIAN RESTEALING THEM AND SETTING 400K AS THE GOAL FOR THE RETURN LOL)

- All the lore that I’m getting it discover as a new fan!!!

- How the hermits are perfectly quiet whenever another is explaining game rules or when Martyn is reading out donos.

- Impulse being absolutely on the ball with all the drumrolls

- Etho and his pvp player head + item collection mechanics

- Scar absolutely bowspamming yellow team, and Red Team continuing to kill for the spawn mechanics lol. ALMOST WINNING BY 1 POINT!!!

- Martyn with the stellar Battle Bane commentary!

- Scar donating on behalf on those who cannot donate, and apparently this is a common thing with him??? Amazing.

- The carts will have hermitcraft plaques!!

- Glasgow family’s 1k dono: Donated in memory of Technoblade.

- All the smooth backend operations by fans and others! Nothing broken amazingly.

- Doc still asking about the diamonds and Martyn announcing that he had them in a plot twist and logging out

- Only 1 week of prep??!! Insane

- $425k raised!!!! Incredible!!!!!

- Bro when Ren and Tango said Joe’s beard had legos and pinballs in it THEY WERE NOT JOKING. Omg. I genuinely thought the mechanical part was like part of his microphone set up. A SIX DOLLAR HUNTING KNIFE?!???? FROM THE GROCERY OUTLET??? WITH BRASS KNUCKLES??? FOR PIZZA???? This is my first time watching a Joe stream. is he always like this. His transparent facecam overlay is also cool; I like it better than the usual corner ones. HE ACTUALLY WENT WITH THE CRAYOLA SCISSORS??? No mirror only OBS??? His concern with accidentally hurting himself is not being able to talk and violating TOS LOL. HES GOING TO FILTER OUT THE BLOOD SO THAT TWITCH DOESNT BAN HIM. He’s doing it in the worst way possible as a commitment to the bit. He’s so hostile to capitalism it’s great. All after an 8 hour driver from Chicago. MUMBO COSPLAY LOL

#hermitcraft charity #hermitcraft #gtws #grian #docm77 #joe hills #itlw #etho #rendog #pearlescentmoon #bdubs #tango #impulse #this has been sitting in my drafts for a while #better publish before someone mistakes it for the new charity stream like they did with decked out lol #enpr-ss

[sketching-shark]

Being a multishiper is fun. I like zhuhou, niu mowang x swk and jiankong—all three of their dynamics are interesting to play w esp the latter two(yeah erlang n swk made up in a arc but still doesn’t mean feelings arent hurt. THEY ALSO HAVE A MOVIE TOGETHER)

So it really does surprise me when inthe western fandom, tgose ship are shunned in favor for sha/dop

Which okay?? It doesn’t have the actual heartbreak nor journeys the other three has.

And i dont get how lemh get a much more priority over literally zhu bajie and niu mowang. I figure if there’s different vers of swk, then ofc his closest relationship are w the pilgrims and his old brotherhood. But no, the western fandom portray swk closet relationship is lemh.

Which??? Fine if ya want swk to be a lonely af man he made friends with himself. Sad.

On that note—im waiting to see if dyslite are going to have the pilgrims OR bdk fam in them. (Chances of them knowing tan xuan is low but i want him to have that type of heartbreak w ex friend bdk esper—recreate that!!! Like sure his twin has lemh as a sponser but thats his literal brother. Not a ex

Woah, Sun Wukong and Erlang Shen have a movie together anon??? Let me know which one it is and if it's available to watch online! Also haha yeah this was definitely me realizing that Flying Bark basically destroyed all of SWK's friendships & familiy from the og classic & made him a cringefail hermit all to shove him together with a guy who's spent like 3/4ths of his screen time yelling about what a dumb bitch the Monkey King is.

Definitely remains baffling as to why so many western creators are so relentless in making lego show SWK even worse than his Xiyouji counterpart & ignoring/rewriting LEMH's entire og backstory in order to make the six-eared simian a weird conglomerate of Niú Mówáng, Zhu Bajie, and Erlang Shen for sure (X_X).

#anon answered #monkey critical #kind of neat that distyle is making them twins though! #we love tragic brothers/brothers who want to beat the tar out of each other lmao

[parttimepuff]

Does Orbee want two beeps for breakfast? Because that’s what they’re getting.

'Not gonna eat Beep!!' Orbee shouted, sticking their tongue out at the anon. "Beeps for breakfast?? Not unless you want breakfast to bite back!" The Matter joked, flashing her teeth for emphasis. "Ha! Heck of a way to start the day off." Magolor chuckled as he checked the base of their Lego tower for any structural weaknesses.

The solosis thought for a moment. 'Can have Beeper Bites for breakfast, though!' Orbee added. The Halcandran paused his inspection to look over at them. "Beeper Bites?" Magolor repeated. "Oh my god Beeper Bites-" Beep reminisced, growing hungry just from the mention. "They’re these really good snacks Luna makes, they’re so gooood! Maybe we can get Rev to let us have some, right, Orbee?" She prompted, her sibling bobbing up and down in agreement. 'Yeah!!! Want a ton!' They exclaimed.

Magolor grinned. It was nice to see Beep bouncing back already. "Maybe when I meet her, she could tell me what's in 'em." He figured. "Yessss." The Matter hummed. Thinking about it, her smile started to falter as something else occurred to her. "…oh, they're talking about Hermit, aren't they?" She realized, face falling. "They, look more like Boop, actually." She mumbled. Despite the very brief time she knew them, she truly missed her dad matter.

'Ooooh, that what Boop look like.' Orbee understood. Magolor paused, concerned by the drop in mood. He wasn't sure who she was talking about, but what was more important to him was that he cheer her up. "Ah… Well, that might be true, but they do sound like you." He pointed out. That caught her attention, thinking on it. "They, they do huh? I didn’t notice that…" Beep admitted.

However, this revelation only confused the solosis more. 'They do? But, they sound low.' Orbee thought, trying to mimic the bass of their voice. The impression brought a half smile back to the Halcandran's face. "Heh, they do have that buzzing when they talk. I guess it's easier to hear the rest of their voice through the hivemind." Magolor assumed, as tenuous as their connection was. "Yeah, it’s kinda all over the place. But, you’re right, kinda like me but, not so Beep." Beep tried to explain, though she couldn't find quite the right words.

#ask #ic #anon #Orbee #Beep #Magolor #Wiz

[eloquenceassassinated]

I’m Leaving Tumblr: A Farewell to my Followers

I haven't been very active on this blog lately. If you're observant, you've probably noticed it. If I really wanted to, I could probably just leave it that way; everyone would eventually take me off their followed list as an inactive blog and absently wonder where I went. But I don't really want to do that.

In his poem “The Hollow Men,” T. S. Elliot wrote, “This is how the world ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper.” In my case, though I'm not a popular blog by any stretch, and though this arguably isn't a website that deserves the fanfare, I don't want to leave with a bang, but at least with a whisper: “Thanks for the memories. I'll be on my way now.”

To do that properly, I have to take you on a little ride. 

In my time on this website, I:

Joined tumblr in June of 2017 for the purposes of posting art.

Proceeded to not post a lot of art.

Found the Captain America, Voltron, and Ninjago fandoms on here and got swept up in those instead.

Got my first 100 notes on a post about Dr. Julien. Dabbed in celebration.

Made a post about Shiro and Bucky maybe being friends.

Bought a mug from mintmintdoodles—and liked it!

Went on a missions trip. Came back.

Reblogged a LOT of fandom stuff.

Saw Wonder Woman, which was good.

Celebrated my first Steve's Birthday—I mean Fourth of July on the site.

Made lots of Clone!Shiro theory posts. 

Made a dumb “who in Voltron likes anime?” post. 

Fell in love with Matt Holt.

Started posting “Grass Whistle”, my first multi-chapter fanfic. 

Got a job, which kinda put the kabosh on the fanfic for a bit.

Bought a print from mechinaries.

Found a bunch of my other fandoms on this site including Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon, and Hamilton.

Celebrated my first Christmas on the site. 

Participated in the Ninjago Secret Santa, where I actually got my friend Candaru's prompt and it was hilarious.

Kinda ghosted through the first winter months of 2018 as my job occupied more and more of my time. 

Resumed posting Grass Whistle in the spring of 2018 and finally finished it, to a wonderful reception.

Saw Black Panther and loved it!

Started posting “The Run and Go”, to a better reception on FF.net than this site.

Saw Thor: Ragnarok and wished we got to see that hug.

Witnessed the best season of Voltron (S6) before everything went downhill.

Went on vacation. Came back.

Wrote and posted “Brother”.

Posted art celebrating Candaru's story “Several Dead LEGOs Play Cards”.

Went on the missions trip again. Came back.

Saw Infinity War and was in DENIAL.

Reconnected with a friend with whom I'd been through a really rough patch over the past couple of years, and began to mend our friendship.

Posted a really long queue of LotR stuff for no particular reason.

Watched Voltron end; it was terrible.

Started a new year and continued to keep the blog busy with lots of queues.

Watched Alita: Battle Angel and it was AMAZING.

Posted a really long How to Train Your Dragon queue for no particular reason.

Continued to dread Endgame.

Watched Endgame. Stayed in denial.

Fell behind on Ninjago seasons.

Watched the Voltron and Ninjago blogs I follow fade into inactivity until I was left with nothing but gifs of Endgame and my own sadness.

Kept the charade going until the summer of 2019 hit and I realized that I'm doing out of obligation what should be for fun.

I don't really know how to state this in a kind way, but neither the circumstances that brought me here nor the conditions that kept me here exist any longer. This is a fandom blog, and it's a tough break when you've fallen either out of step or out of love with your fandoms. Keeping up the queue is the only way that my blog stays active on my work days, but it isn't fun. This blog stays inactive because upkeeping it is a chore—a chore that I keep putting off, and a chore that no one asked me to do.

2 Timothy 2:20-21 says, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”

I never really understood that. What does Paul have against common things? Does he have beef with clay? But I think I get it now—it's a simple matter of removing clutter. Cleaning out what's unnecessary so that the only things that remain are the best ones.

I'm not leaving tumblr because I have any anger against the site or any one person or fandom or whatever. I'm not leaving because something cataclysmic happened, or because I was abducted by aliens and their planet has bad wifi. I'm leaving because I've had some time to think, and I've decided that it's for my best mental health that I leave this chapter behind. Plain and simple.

Those who know me personally probably know that my prayer for 2019 has been centered around a single word: Restoration. The past few years have been hard ones for me, and it's time to rebuild and restore what's been broken. Sometimes repairing a house means tearing out the moldy walls first. Sometimes being your best self means eliminating distractions.

Because that's what these are—distractions, layered on distractions. Marvel distracted me from the real world, and Voltron distracted me between Marvel movies, and Ninjago distracted me when Voltron turned sour. When those fell through, I turned to old fandoms to distract myself. And when I finally extricated myself from that mess, made amends with some people, looked up, and faced my situation for what it is, I realized that it's not something I can maintain.

I'll still keep the blog up. I won't deactivate it, because deactivated blogs make me sad and wonder if there's some tragedy here that I don't know about. Especially since the platonic prompts post continues to make rounds, I want people to be able to come back to this blog if they wish and see what the original poster was like—someone who loves friendship in fandoms, celebrates it, and spent two years creating a safe haven of nothing but positive, pro-bromance content. If this blog was ever a safe haven for anybody, I want them to still have it available in its entirety. Even if it should never have been work, I did work hard on this. I don't want that to go to waste.

As for those I follow, there will still be some blogs that I check on from time to time—particularly the ones that my personal friends run—but I likely won't be interacting with the posts. If you know me in real life, you can still contact me through email or my fanfiction account. I'll be there.

But starting today, I'm taking the tumblr app off of my phone. I might come back sometime, but I don't see it happening. No offense or hard feelings to anybody—I'm just done for now.

If I ever made anyone smile, I think this would all be worth it. If I made someone laugh, or think, or cry, or if I inspired them to write something or draw something or create something that had never existed before, I think it would all be worth it. If I can truly say that I was a positive Christian influence in my short time here—that I touched somebody—I think it would be worth it.

After all, life isn't about followers. It's about friends. It isn't about notes. It's about whose lives you touched, whose day you made just a little bit better. And I know that all of you (except for the pornbots) are real people, and I want you to know that, to the best of my ability, I care about every single one of you. I want all of you to live happy lives, and I hope that God makes Himself very, very real to you and fills you with a love that words can't explain and a joy that our hearts can't contain and a hope that our minds can't imagine in our wildest dreams.

I wish all 119 of you well. I wish everyone who has ever crossed my path through this blog well. I hope I could make you smile. It's been fun, and I've met some great people and made some wonderful friends, and I'm glad to have been here.

Thank you to my friends. Thank you to anyone who ever liked or reblogged my art. Thank you to everyone who reblogs the platonic prompts post—it's just over 3,000 notes as I write this, which is about the size of my church, and while that isn't terribly a lot I guess it's still wild to think about.

I especially want to thank the Ninjago community for always being so enthusiastic, warm, and wholesome my whole time on this website, from giving me my first 100 notes on the Dr. Julien headcanon post just a few days into my time here to your staggering and sincere support of Grass Whistle a year later. Never stop being your wonderful selves—it was wonderful to interact with all of you.

Thanks for the memories. I mean that.

Here's a picture of one of my hermit crabs, Clover, on a tiny boat I got in Michigan. Peace out!

—Sincerely, EA

#ea speaks #mine #my writing #blog maintainence #real life #and so another chapter comes to a close #and i get way too emotional about it

[nerdydork]

Tag 8 Facts- Alistair Glomgold and Jonah Dove

So on Devianart, I’ve been tag four times from my two accounts. Since two of them are about my ducktales ocs (Though I never showed them on here) I thought, ‘Hey why not place this tag on here and tag some of my tumblr friends so they can join the fun’ So here is Alistair Glomgold and Jonah Dove 8 fact Rules - Post all rules - Post 8 facts about your character - Tag 8 other people - Post the characters’ names with their owners

*~*Alistair Glomgold*~*

1 Alistair Glomgold is the son of Flinthart Glomgold. The reason behind Glomgold’s plan of having any sorts of family was sort of a show off to Scrooge ( Example ‘Hey scrooge, you only got nieces, nephews and grandnephews, but I got real family. I have a son and grandkids! Ha!’) So in reality Alistair view him and his family existence was because of Glomgold’s need to better than Scrooge. However, he doesn’t let that effect his life.

2 Alistair is an inventor. At a young age he was creating his own gadgets to help him with his day to day life, becoming proud of all his inventions to help better life. However, his grandfather Glomgold, took his inventions to use as weapons against Scrooge without knowing what they’re suppose to do.

3 When Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Webby first met Alistair, they though he would be a copy like Glomgold, a rival..but in reality, seeing how Alistair would act ashamed of his grandfather’s actions and even tells Glomgold to stop or it won’t work. That was when the kids realize Alistair was normal and no way a rival but a cool kid to be around.

4 Flintheart may not be Scottish, but Alistair sure is. His father was born in Scotland, his mother was born and raise there. And Alistair was born there and for a short period of time was raised in Scotland thus making him a true Scottish Duck!

5 Later in Alistair’s life he ends up working for S.H.U.S.H as someone who creates gadgets and little inventions for missions. 6 Alistair actually ends up marrying a girl named Bonnie ( @doodles-delights​  ) who use to work for F.O.W.L 7 This boy loves Jazz music. It’s his favourite type. He listens to when inventing and because of his love for it, he learned how to play the saxophone. 8 Alistair is a workaholic and very anti-social. With the anti-social it’s not that he’s rude, that’s not the case. It’s more so that he prefers to avoid talking and socializing. It’s not his scene thus making him more so a hermit. He’s very ingulf with his work that he doesn’t realize that beauty of life and enjoying the moment… because of this it could become a big downfall in his life if he’s not careful *Bonus in the future when Alistair has his second child, he felt like he was a pro at this and didn’t need any help. There was one major slip up, he lost the egg in the store but he found it..but Bonnie doesn’t know that..shhhh. *~* Jonah Dove *~* 1 Jonah doesn’t meet Huey, Dewey, Louie, Webby..or any canon characters until highschool. Much like Pearl, his story is more so meant for the kids as teenagers/highschoolers. 2 This boy species is a white dove, but that’s not all. His first name Jonah, means dove! Heh his name all around means exactly what his species is. 3 Jonah is very much the typical smart yet dorky character. As my friend @doodles-delights​ would say ‘Just like Peter Parker’ ((haha Spider-Dove)) 4 After his final year of highschool, he ends up moving to Australia with his family. Sadly for him and April Von Drake (  @doodles-delights​) it meant their relationship broke off ((they did try for a while but it wasn’t going so well after several months) 5 Jonah background is Greek and Turkish. He knows how to speak a little Greek and Turkish. Just enough to hold a conversation but nothing more. 6 In Jonah’s future (as an adult) he ends up having three biological kids ( Cole, Jem- first wife, Corella|   Annabelle- Second wife April  @doodles-delights​  ) and two stepchildren Nathan and Danny (April’s son  @doodles-delights​ ) 7 Speaking of Jonah’s future. He has two wives. The first one with a Cockatoo name Corella from Australia. It ended with a divorce due to…certain subjects, which he gain full custody over his children and moved back to Duckburg to married to his old highschool love, April Von Drake ( @doodles-delights​ ) 8 Jonah may not be an inventor but he loves to build things. Ever since he was a child he would play with legos or blocks and build little buildings and such. Once entering highschool he join the robotics. Tagging (optional) Ash De Spell Chen- @webby-dings​ Faith Timberwolf - @creative-draws-stuff​ Travis Downfeather- @doodles-delights​ Lula Berglin- @lelula1​ Angel Willows- @petras-crazy-cartoon-world​ Pippi or Cynthia- @icenicemice​ Dixie- @theneonbunny Isa- @jojo-draws8 Brayden- @brooke-quackery-draws

#8 facts #i got tagged #tagged post #jonah dove #Alistair Glomgold #facts #oc #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #ducktales oc #Ducktales reboot

[irondadgroupie]

Bohemian Rhapsody: Chapter 5

We want to pretend like the week-long hiatus was planned @intoresus but honestly, we would be lying :D First was Easter and- you know what we are talking about. 

When May Parker received the call, it had been a bad sign from the very beginning. There weren’t many people that would call her during work. The number wasn’t Peter’s, so it couldn’t be him telling her he was inviting Ned over - or staying for another night at the Stark Tower. It was a stranger talking on the other end of the line, calmly but urgently. He refused to tell what had happened, or why she was asked to come in the first place, just repeated he’d send a driver to pick her up and bring her to the compound.

There she was now, in the back of a small limousine - a little extravagant, as was everything coming from Tony Stark, but at least she was getting where she needed to be and had a little more time to try and reach Peter. A part of her knew he wouldn’t pick up, but the bigger, more optimistic part was always expecting to hear his voice at the other end of the line, or a new message, but nothing. The last one was from eleven this morning:

Dishes are washed. Mr Stark’s picking me up for lunch in a few. Be back tomorrow.  

May didn’t exactly dislike Tony, but she wasn’t entirely warming up to him either. She knew he was trying to be supportive, and that Peter had lightened up since Stark had walked into his life. However, she questioned his behavior. What did Tony Stark want? It was a question that didn’t let her go. He appeared as if he really cared for her kid, but so had other people in Peter’s life - people who had ended up using him, in the truest sense of that word. May still felt sick thinking about it. Who was telling her that this was about Peter and not about Iron Man needing a side-kick superhero? Or about having the kid work on some ideas Tony could present as his own in the future?  

As far as she’d heard – the man wasn’t exactly a hermit - it wouldn’t have been the first time. Back in 2002, there had been a heavy accusation of Stark stealing an idea for using concepts that were rumored not to be his. The case was dropped two years later due to the lack of evidence, but with the amount of Tony Stark’s wealth, he might’ve just bribed the entire court. Peter could spend a day talking non-stop about how the man had changed over the course of the past few years, but May couldn’t shake off her doubts. No one could make a 180 change after being an arrogant and eccentric millionaire for half of his life. Peter had a general tendency to trust people too quickly and too easily, believing in the good in everyone, no matter if they deserved it or not. The fact that he’d worshipped Tony Stark for most of his life didn’t help with that either. That’s what was getting her anxious about the two of them spending so much time together: If it were really about Stark’s intention to exploit her boy, it would be easy for him, and Peter probably wouldn’t even realize anything until it was already too late.

Twenty unlucky calls later they reached their destination, and May was guided inside the building.

“Mrs Parker?” She heard it before she saw it, her worst fears coming true. The woman in front of her her was wearing scrubs. She was a medic.

“Yes,” May answered tonelessly. “I’m here for my nephew, Peter.”

“Sure. Follow me, please.” The worst part about the entire situation was that May had been working in the medical field for long enough to recognize patterns. They guided her away from the main area, because the news wouldn’t be good. Because they wanted her to have a private room, a place to sit down before they’d fill her in. And that was exactly what was happening.

“I have to inform you that your nephew has been involved in an animal-vehicle crash earlier this afternoon.”  

May heard the words, but their meaning didn’t put itself together. As if she was trapped in a nightmare. Getting the gist of a situation, nothing more. “He’s receiving the best medical care in this facility, I assure you.” Yet another typical sentence. Nothing with vital information.  

May needed it. Needed some information, at least whether or not Peter was alright.

“How is he?”  

The shuffle. A second offer for a glass of water. Again, May shook her head.

“He’s suffered something we call a hypothermia, which is factually a lowered body temperature, alongside a concussion and a splenic trauma. His vitals are stable at the moment. However, I am obligated to inform you that the severity of his injuries had caused a cardiac arrest. We managed to take control of it rather quickly, but Peter has unfortunately slipped into a coma.”

The universe around May Parker didn’t exist anymore. She’d heard all those words before. Screamed along hospital hallways, whispered between some doctors. All of them had a meaning that she was well aware of. The medic offered her sincerest apologies and suggested she’d bring her to Peter’s room whenever she felt ready but May ignored her. She wasn’t ready.

Barely a few years ago she had lost her husband.

And now they wanted to tell her that she almost lost her nephew by the skin of his teeth?

No. This had to be a nightmare, a very, very cruel nightmare.

Peter was at home, with Ned, building Lego sets.

In Stark’s lab, working on some secret inventions.

Maybe outside, as Spider-Man, saving ‘the little people’.

Safe.

Not in the ICU of a high-class medical facility.  

She barely listened to the explanation of how it had come to the crash in the first place. The only informations she tried to keep in her mind was how the current prognosis and future treatment looked like. “Tests came back promising, and we assume that his healing factor will continue to have a positive effect. However, we can’t yet tell when he’s going to wake up.”  

Her vision blurred by tears that refused to fall and the pain was so awful it literally made her feel hollow, as if she was helplessly sinking into quicksand.

Episodes of sadness had been a constant companion ever since Ben’s death, and usually Peter was helping her out. That’s what they always did: Cheering each other up - balancing each other out. But now? Now Peter couldn’t. Now it was on her alone.

They were about to explain her that he was currently still ventilated, due to his lungs needing to recover from the effects of drowning, when they entered the room.

Her first glance didn’t meet Peter - she doubted she would’ve recognized him under the thick blankets and with the countless wires covering him. But maybe it would’ve been good if that’s the first she saw. It would’ve anchored her.

Instead, the first thing she saw beyond the waterfall in her eyes was Tony Stark - One hand in her nephew’s hair, the other resting on his chest, mumbling something she didn’t comprehend. The first thing she saw was him.

The man who’d driven the car Peter got hurt in.

In that moment, he wasn’t Tony Stark anymore. Not Peter’s hero, not the man who’d rescued him after the crash.

He was the enemy.

“You-“ You did this. But the words didn’t leave her mouth, this cruelty was tying her tongue. She saw Tony looking up in what she believed to be shock and surprise.

“May- I'm sorry-“  

“No. Don’t you dare attempt to apologize. This - you did this!”

“May,” Pepper stepped forward and tried to grasp the woman's arm in comfort. “We are all upset and shocked about this. How about you sit down, I'll get you tea-“

“No, no tea can solve this! You people caused this! It was your car he was in and you were driving,” She screamed at Tony. Tears spilled from her eyes and her face was read with rage. “You promised to take care of him and you broke it! Why? Because he had that good idea before you and you needed him out of the picture?”

“What?” Tony whispered and his shock and resentment flushed away to disbelief. “- I saved him! That doesn't make any sense!”

“What do I know about you rich people? Intern in coma sounds better than a dead one.”

Tony opened his mouth and closed it in the same instant, his chest suddenly feeling way too tight to speak, or even move. Somewhere outside of his mind, Pepper was asking him to calm down in a tone as worried as he’d never heard it before - which was huge, given the condition the woman had seen him in already, physically and mentally. But on the inside, there were only two things repeating themselves, one after another.

Peter could be dead.

You did this.

“May, you need to be careful. Tony is also healing. He can't take much emotional stress or his heart-“ Pepper told as she helped her husband to the bed. He wasn’t fighting her, and Pepper realized that she hated this more than him arguing with her. It meant that May’s words, spoken in terrible grief, had left an invisible, but no less painful scar in Tony’s heart.

“Yeah, that can be easily arranged,” May sniffed. “I want you out.”

“What?” Tony whispered, eyes wide.

“Both of you, out. I don't want you anywhere near Peter or me. Only family is allowed and you are certainly not family. Leave us alone or I swear to God I am taking this to the court.”

“A lawsuit? She can’t be serious about that. What’d be the charges? Saving her nephew from drowning? We’re in America, not China, or the middle-ages.”  

Pepper kept her voice quiet only to avoid catching another deprecating glare from one of the night nurses. She and Rhodey stood outside Tony’s room in the long hallway. Although being on the possibly highest dose of non-anesthetic sedatives possible, Tony was in a light sleep, and Pepper did in no way intend to unnecessarily wake him. He needed rest, his heart and mind a break from conscious thinking. It had been hard enough to see how much the man had been suffering after May had insisted on him leaving. Doctors from both sides had tried to smooth down the conflict - arguing that it would be beneficial to both Tony and Peter’s conditions to not separate them, but May hadn’t listened. And with her being the boy’s legal guardian, there was nothing they could do about it.  

Tony had been devastated, in a way that Pepper had never seen him. He’d been crying, unresisted, the entire way back, and even after they’d shot him the sedatives to lower the risk of a further arrhythmia, he’d still mumbled “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry” until he finally fell asleep.

“She’s in shock.” Rhodey reasoned, and Pepper frowned at him in return.

“As is Tony. We all are. Hell, I certainly am.” Curses weren’t exactly in her typical daily word-repertoire, but this certainly wasn’t a typical day. “Gives her no reason to lash out at us that way. Her behavior could’ve caused Tony a heart attack and god knows I would’ve gone to court if that happened.”

“Pep.” Rhodey sighed. “She’s raised the boy.”  

He almost made a step backwards at the ice in Pepper’s eyes when she looked at him. “I’m not saying I understand what she did, I’m just -“ He massaged his temple. The day had been nerve-wracking and horrible, and he was slowly feeling the pay-off. “Just imagine it’d be your kid in there. You, I, we all know Tony the way he is. We’ve seen him grow over the years, we have seen evidence enough that he isn’t the 00’s Tony Stark anymore. He proves that to us every minute of every day.

“For May... For May he’s the man that everyone’s talking about. America’s most criticized person. Everyone who owns a functional TV has heard of him, and the media doesn’t have a reputation of showing people at their best. For May, he’s the billionaire superhero that supports her son fighting crime at night. She has no idea who he really is or how much he really cares. He’s honestly just that guy in the driver’s seat for her, but it’s her son that’s caught the worst of this crash, and she needs someone to blame, because otherwise, all of that might be too cruel to handle.”

Pepper did not answer, but the words stuck with her. After all, Rhodey might be right. From the outside perspective, with just the media as a source of information, she probably wouldn’t trust Tony either, no matter how hard it was to imagine that. To imagine that no one saw her Tony as the gentle, loving human being that he was.

“You’re staying with Tony till morning? I’ll leave her for the night, and hope she’s a little more at ease tomorrow. We can help her through this.”  

And Tony’s going to break if she refuses to let him see Peter for longer than a day.

Tony woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like someone had smashed a building right on top of him. He needed a while to recognize his surroundings, and to scan his memory for the reason for his pain. As soon as he did, he wished he hadn’t.

The worst seconds after trauma weren’t those when you’re confused about what’s been happening, but the flashes of minutes - hours even - burning themselves through your mind all at once.

His movie had an injured Peter as the main protagonist, and May’s angry voice as soundtrack. Her accusations stung. They stung, because after all, he’d thought that May would know him better than that.  

The story she was referring to had happened years ago.  

Some “upcoming star technician”, that had just started his small independent business, had denounced him because some of the blue-prints that Tony had used for filing a patent for his latest invention looked similar to his. It had become a top story; people believed it to be more realistic that a billionaire would steal ideas rather than a small company would use the indictment to sneak themselves some money and attention.

It wasn’t just that Tony’s ego was far too big to ever steal someone’s idea to enrich himself.  

He could never do something like that to Peter.

The project the kid had been working on every time he’d been in the lab for the past couple of months had grown into something solid. There were still some edges on it that’d need fine tuning and Tony had gladly volunteered to help fix those, but this would always be Peter’s invention entirely, his baby and he would make sure that he’d get all the well- deserved credit for it.  

He wouldn’t take that achievement away from the kid.

And he certainly wouldn’t cause a crash to... he couldn’t even finish the thought without feeling sick. His breathing would’ve quickened along with his heart-rate under normal circumstances, but with the amount of anti-arrhythmias rushing through his system, his body seemed to be stuck in its rhythm.  

That didn’t make the idea any less hurtful. The image of how different the day could’ve ended for both of them. A world without Peter Parker would be a gruesome world, without light or colors or sounds, just a hollow emptiness. That’s what Tony had almost pictured hell like: A hollow place.

Sleeping had become impossible now. If he’d close his eyes, he would always see the picture of Peter’s lifeless, pale body in front of him. But staring in the darkness didn’t help the awful feeling either.

Rhodey was sitting in the armchair next to his bed, head hanging on his shoulder, snoring lightly.  

For a moment, Tony considered waking him, aware that Rhodey would definitely be mad if he didn’t do it, but he had no intention to have the following conversation about how he felt, or that he should rest and not worry.

He turned his head to the other side, searching for the access button they’d given him that’d give him a light dose of painkillers if his pain became unbearable, but his eyes met something else: a metallic object glistening in the moonlight shining throught the window.

Oh please, let it be.

It was indeed his StarkPad, and Tony suddenly relaxed. This was better than painkillers. This would keep his mind busy enough for a while not to be sucked in the downward spiral of anxiety.

His arms moved sluggishly, and for a moment he feared he’d drop the Pad, but he managed to settle it quietly onto his lap.

A memo turned up.

You should really sleep, Tony.

But I love you, and I know you won’t, so take it easy right now.

Tony let out a breath and smiled weakly. Pepper had put up shortcuts to all his favorite music tracks and some brain-melting arcade games. However, Tony had other intentions. He couldn’t find it in himself to allow the distraction of playing simple mobile games - worse enough that Peter had infected him with that BlockMastery hype a few weeks ago - and music was the last thing he needed right now. He doubted he could ever listen to a rock song again. Not with one of them being so closely associated with this day.

No. He needed to do something else.

The ObserverSystem refused his command.

Access denied It reported, and Tony already frowned, checking the command protocols until he found the error: A foreign protocol called “Recover & Rest” that blocked all functions aside from games, music and video-platforms. Pepper knew him to well. But she should’ve known that this wasn’t keeping him from doing what he had to.

//Override. 496e76656e746f72 He typed, and the protocol was immediately turned off. The next burden didn’t come as a surprise, and the needed code was easier to type.

//Override. 50726f746563746f72

The system needed a few seconds before the medical database was fully loaded. After that, it was a matter of seconds to get the access to Peter’s data and connect himself to the kid’s vital monitors. Audio output was still turned off, and for almost a minute Tony just appreciated the wonderfully rhythmical spikes on screen and the ease that came with not having to wait for the sound underlying one of them.  

He changed audio delivery to his headphones and the rhythmic beeps audible were more calming than even the best movie soundtrack could ever be, because each of them meant that Peter’s heart had made another beat, each of them meant that for now, his kid was alright.  

It was the soundtrack that guided him to sleep.

#irondad #fanfic #bohemian rhapsody #whump #medical whump

[sophiyademon-blog]

Lego – or LEGO – is pricey and children – my children specifically – need so much of it. Our basement looks as if the returns division of a big toy retailer, lined from nook to nook with toys and, maximum significantly, and unending minefield of little development blocks. And we revel in development fashions and imaginative play and my youngest kid, Guthrie, loves Star Wars. But all that high quality plastic is pricey and the Star Wars kits are the costliest of all. What are we to do? Add his favorites to vacation present registries so his grandparents should buy it for him? Spend masses of greenbacks on ships that crash and depart a box of particles and minifigs for miles? Or can we flip to the Internet, that fount of all solace, and in finding Lepin.

A very long time in the past in a galaxy a long way, a long way away there have been Lego knock-offs. The most well liked come from an organization referred to as Lepin which I first discovered about from this strangely entire evaluation of the First Order Tie Fighter set. This video, which includes a strangely thorough take a look at Lego vs. Lepin, was once a circle of relatives favourite for some time, taking priority over the Star Wars trailers and Bad Lip Reading my children normally watched. They have been mesmerized by means of the sluggish and secure tempo of the video and I used to be mesmerized by means of the idea that I may just avoid wasting cash on my Lego.

Before you get thinking about the morality or legality of those knock offs remember that I neatly know that Lego merits each and every penny they get. After development the Lepin set I started to higher perceive the care that is going right into a excellent Lego set and the delight of having a product that doesn’t fall aside mid-flight. That stated, this was once an experiment and it was once in reality to unexpected to peer the sort of entire and blatant reproduction of Lego’s package are available a simple brown paper sack. Unlike different knock-offs I’ve observed – switch meet Louis and pretend Rolexes, for instance – the Lepin package was once a one-to-one reproduction of the unique, albeit with a couple of main problems.

So I hit Alibaba and acquired the Tie Fighter package, a style that immediately driven all the proper nostalgia buttons for me and the pleasure buttons for my kids and was once sufficiently complicated and costly that we didn’t need to order the actual style. I’d construct this Tie Fighter… for science.

The package charge $48 with $12 transport and arrived in two weeks. It got here in a simple brown padded envelope with an instruction guide and little luggage of items. The Lepin items aren’t arranged in any discernible means despite the fact that some of the higher items are caught in combination in the identical bag whilst smaller items are stuffed within a couple of smaller luggage. There isn’t any bag order and the guide does now not be expecting you to open any bag first. Basically your best possible wager is to offload out all the items and get development.

The very first thing you’ll realize is that the pegs are totally easy with a couple of indented the place the injection mould went in. These blocks don’t have any Lego branding and are as an alternative disturbingly naked, as though any individual had sandblasted away the trademarks on an actual package. The minifigs also are problematic. The faces and portray aren’t reasonably as crisp as Lego’s and the equipment – on this case just a little hose connecting to the pilot’s helmet – was once oddly attached to the helmet itself, a cost-saving measure that appears love it may just snap off and get misplaced slightly simply.

Once you’ve arranged your items you’ll start assembling the package. This is while you meet any other cost-saving measure. The guide presentations most effective the piece you simply assembled in colour. The leisure of the items are greyed out. This way you don’t know what the package is meant to appear to be because it’s being constructed which makes it particularly laborious to gather the internals. Further, the complete guide is chock complete of steps. While the Lego package paces you via every step, putting one or two steps on the web page, this guide is chock complete of them. It’s really easy to get misplaced.

We constructed this style in two days. My son was once ready to construct reasonably a little of it however I stepped in at the finish as a result of I favored the problem and he were given bored. Soon we found out the deadly flaw in the Lepin device: the fashions don’t stick in combination.

My spouse’s father used to make injection molded toys. He all the time speaks reverentially of Lego, repeating to us time and again that the corporate time and again destroys is plastic molds to make new ones, thereby making sure that every piece is crisp, blank, and immediately. The molds, you spot, are the costliest phase of the procedure, costing tens of hundreds of greenbacks to fabricate. To create new molds for one thing as complicated as that is wildly pricey however, so far as plastics lore is going, Lego is greater than keen to spend that money.

Lepin isn’t.

As you start development you’ll in finding that some of the immediately items curl up. The hinges don’t reasonably stick in combination. The large forums don’t reasonably fit. As you construct you end up questioning if the complete factor will dangle and, in the finish, it received’t. For instance, this style makes use of 4 little U clamps that stick out on every facet to hook up with 4 bars embedded into the wings. These U clamps on occasion appear to click on into position but if they don’t the wings fall off and wreck, requiring any other ten mins of rebuilding. These aren’t constructed for tough play – or any play in any respect – as a result of even the hatch into which you slide your pilots will fall off if you happen to shut the door all the means. The tolerances – the ones candy, Danish, Lego tolerances – are long past right here, leaving in the back of one thing this is best possible displayed on a shelf.

If you or your child are fantastic with having knock-off Lego on a top shelf the place no person can get a greater take a look at it then by means of all way select up a style or two. But perceive you’ll be disillusioned. While it is a close to precise clone of the unique package, the little variations upload as much as a multitude. This Tie Fighter is recently subsequent to our hermit crab cage, untouched, whilst Poe Dameron’s X-Wing is frequently strafing Storm Troopers and the leisure of the Lego is being repurposed into bases, homes, and Minecraft adventures. The most effective toy that isn’t being performed with is the Lepin package.

That says so much. Sure you’ll get monetary savings, however must you? Lego shouldn’t charge such a lot and our children shouldn’t need such a lot of it however, in the finish, aren’t we educating them the price of tactile play, the energy of development out of constituent portions. Further, I received’t begrudge a child who needs to play with Lego the talent to construct their very own Tie Fighter if that is all they are able to manage to pay for. But, in the finish, Lego wins in a head-to-head, minifig claws down.

Should you purchase Lepin? The stalwart logo defender in me says no. However, if you happen to’re having a look to avoid wasting a dollar and need to give your children the pleasure of development a knock-off – however now not the joys of enjoying with it – then you’ll most probably break out with this little bit of C-3PFaux. May the Force, as they are saying, be ever for your want.

Attack of the clones – TechCrunch

Lego – or LEGO – is pricey and children – my children specifically – need so much of it.

Attack of the clones – TechCrunch

Lego – or LEGO – is pricey and children – my children specifically – need so much of it.

Attack of the clones – TechCrunch Lego – or LEGO – is pricey and children – my children specifically – need so much of it.

[what-soul]

My life story

I was born November 10, 1995 at 2:03 AM in Baltimore, Maryland. From what I can remember from my dad's "birthday story", nothing too significant happened. My parents were in their early 20s and I'm fairly sure they weren't prepared for the financial responsibility, because I've been told they sold my mom's CD collection and we ate PB&J and other filler staple foods. I'm pretty sure that's why I can't stand the idea of a PB&J sandwich - I had too many as a kid. We lived in Ducketts Lane in Elkridge, soon joined by some of my cousins who I grew up with. I remember a nasty, broken toilet in a basement with wood paneling and willow trees off in the corner. There was only 3-story townhouses there.

Ginny was born, and my dad realized that if he wanted to be in the military, he had to join before he had more than 2 kids. So he was at training camp when Katie was born, doing crazy stuff like swimming with 50 lb backpacks and running through chemical fumes without a mask. We moved around during this time, I think to Tennessee and Kentucky? I have no memories beyond a pre-K daycare (where I made a scarecrow with brads for joints) and the neighbors having those electric kid-sized cars.

In Kindergarten I went to Rockburn Elementary at 4, due to Maryland's strange age cutoff at the time. All I remember was that our class was near the entrance, the room was big and empty in the middle, and a caterpillar once pooped on my hand while I was admiring it on the playground. I don't remember anyone from the class. First grade is a blank, but second grade...

The second grade area was a bunch of dynamic classrooms with vibrantly colored sliding walls and a larger central area where we could buy lunch. They offered either a special that day or pizza, but I usually brought a packed lunch. I remember playing mandala with a tomboy of a black girl who scraped her knee once and showed us how it was getting puss. That's where I met Nicholas Eagles, who was my best friend for the year. I'd go over to his house every week or two where we played the pokemon card game and some Nintendo games. He had a pogo stick, but I couldn't figure out how to use it. At one point, we climbed up the big evergreens in his front yard and I fell, getting caught by branches a couple feet below. He once admitted that he thought I was gross when he first met me, though I don't know why.

Then we moved to Pennsylvania for my third year in school. I don't remember our house but I remember the area. It was next to a small pond with cattails and the backyard led to a huge patch of undeveloped land. We found some kids playing there far away, and I became friends with the older brother who enjoyed hacking together weird electronics. There I got into Yugioh. Ginny's hermit crab died and we had a fancy funeral for it, complete with a coffin made of mud bricks molded from legos. Our parents bought a wooden playground, I think?

I don't remember much from school, just some event snippets. Bits of hallways filled with seasonal candles in bags, monthly school events like a Jim Henson style play about how drugs are bad, an uninviting cafeteria... I know I was called "booger boy" for picking my nose, but I've lost the emotional context. According to my parents, I had problems with my teachers because the Pennsylvania 3rd grade curriculum was the same as the Maryland 2nd grade curriculum, and I liked to be the teacher's pet. I'd raise my hand for every question because I always knew the answer and wanted to say it, which annoyed the teachers because they wanted the other kids to have a chance. School was apparently bad enough that we moved at the end of the year to West Virginia.

I had started the gifted program in 2nd grade, but I remember absolutely nothing from then. For 3rd grade, I remember I was called out of class some days of the week to go to a room for a gifted class, but don't remember anything. For 4th grade, all I remember was the room we went to and that I had a very hard time with math and remembering the names of shapes.

It was Shepherdstown Elementary School, and we mostly did stuff in the 4th-5th grade hallway, which I remember very well. The walls were lined with lockers and there were... 6? classes total. In 4th grade I only remember an older teacher I had for English, in which we read Roald Dahl books. I think she was a hardass but I have no especially bad memories of her.

In 5th grade I had M(r)s. Lawrence at least, and Mr. Ebersol for gifted. I remember my friends better for this time than in 4th, even though they're probably the same. They were all in gifted for some reason. There was Levi Spickler, who was more of a rival than a friend. Sam Yates, a girl with bushy brown hair who hated chocolate and loved zucchini bread. Arlo, he was best friends with Levi and a very funny and sociable kid. His hair was perpetually messy, like a big brown afro almost. The only thing I distinctly remember from him was a joke he started saying "je veux une omelette du fromage", which is French for "I want a cheese omelette". No idea why that was funny, if it was. Then there was Merideth, an athletic girl who was a bit of an early bloomer.

Most of my memories were from the gifted class. We once acted out commercials, including one, "Don't be sad, get GLAD for all your kitchen garbage needs!" We would enact plays such as A Midsummer Night's Dream. Or even write our own plays; one Levi wrote included a joke that flew completely over my head about a girl being "rapped on the head", to which everyone started knocking on the table with their knuckles.

In Ms. Lawrence's class we once made our own peanut butter chocolate candies for Halloween... That's all I got.

From 6th to 8th I was in Sheperdstown Middle School, less than a mile away from the Elementary School. I remember the layout of the building fairly well, but there are some fuzzy areas. It was mostly one long hallway going left and right from the entrance with some hallways jutting out from the forward direction. I remember Ms. Carter, a science teacher who adored me. She was a very large red-head who liked to wear excessive make-up and had a Ms. Frizzle vibe to her teaching methods. By this point I loved science, so I relished in raising my hand for every question. She eventually made a running joke out of it, saying she needed to call "1-800 dial a Robert!"

Next to Ms. Carter's room was a ramp down into a secluded area with a few classrooms, one of which was my... history class, and somewhere in that area was my sign language class. Or was it English? Gifted class was in a hallway directly in front of the entrance with Mrs. Wagner across the hall from the touch typing classroom. I mostly remember learning English, particularly the roots of words.

Then there was Mr... Marcin? An older science teacher who had a very dry, even cynical sense of humor but seemed to genuinely care about his job. And Mrs... Tracey? The 8th grade science teacher. I remember the cafeteria very well, as well as the gym - it was burned into my brain by the Pacers, an exercise we did twice a week where we'd run from one side of the gym to the other with increasing frequency.

In the 7th grade, my parents divorced. From what I can gather, my mom had caught my dad cheating multiple times, and then my dad caught her cheating with my stepdad. Of course, these were symptoms and the official explanation. Underlying that were personality incompatibilities, my mom's stress from generalized anxiety disorder without medication and raising 4 kids vs my dad's stress working a billion minimunm wage jobs just to support us. Abandonment issues, personal insecurities, projection, the works.

I know that when they announced it, they sat us all on the couch and told us about it very seriously. I barely remember it, but the memory paints it as feeling like a dream. From there, my mom moved into the basement while she found work (she was laid off) and housing while my dad bought a dog (Zoey) to fill the void. Eventually my mom moved to a rinky-dink apartment and later to a nice townhouse, and we went to each parent's house in shifts over the week.

9th grade... Was at Shepherdstown Highschool. I remember the cafeteria, a taller guy I was friends with, the entrance being near the library. That's all.

At this point my dad was laid off from his job as a professor at some university. In searching for another professor position, he had the option of going to New Mexico or Wyoming; he chose the former. After a few months of convincing, I decided to move out with him over the Summer for the opportunity of going to a good school and good college.

The time I spent from 10-12th grade blurs together. I remember quite a few teachers and classmates, but not when and where I knew them. The teachers I remember are my Spanish teacher (native speaker), Ms. McCoy (art teacher), Mr. B? (Chemistry teacher, very eccentric), Mr. Smith (science and CS teacher), Mr. DeWitt (AP Biology, he had extreme standards), and the dreaded Mr. Evans. Hello, yes? He tried to fail me out of high school by demanding that I not be allowed to take a replacement English class to substitute the grade I got in his.

The people I knew, I knew only some names and the rest were archetypes. Al of course, Ryan Sun (an asian guy who took it upon himself to become my rival, which unintentionally became a kind of bullying as I was too depressed to cope). For some reason I remember Kim Wong, another asian girl who was always near the top of the class. And Stephanie, I think her last name was something like Dijkstra, who I think was even better at programming than I was. Beyond them, the archetypes I remember were * a crazy-fun drug supplier who had some issues with her parents * a larger hispanic guy who had a very negative vibe and introduced me to Johnny the Homicidal Maniac * one girl from art who was like 7 feet tall but had normal proportions, so she looked like a mini-giant

At the same time, I was going to UNM for dual-enrollment, mostly math. My relationship with my dad was deteriorating; teen angst, stress from moving, depression, and lack of mutual understanding. Eventually he relented to getting me a therapist, which ended up being a (late) PhD child psychologist. I stopped seeing her when I turned 18 and went into college. To get away from my dad, I moved into the UNM dorms.

Sometime around here was when I got my first job as a student worker. First a temp job moving boxes, then as an IT admin assistant, and finally data entry and call redirection. Over the Summer I got a job with one of my mom's coworkers helping him research hobby electronics so he could make the most of his free time. All of these were full of shame because I didn't feel like I was working hard enough to justify the pay, and they all ended in ways I took personally. At the time they confirmed to myself all of my personal failings and screamed back that I was a loser who couldn't do anything right.

I think this is around the time my mom married my stepdad, and my dad married Kaya for tax reasons. Eventually they separated and Lindsey came in; they married a couple years later. I liked both stepmoms, and had no problem with remarrying. My stepdad however, I didn't dislike, but I found a very large disconnect with him. He clearly didn't enjoy children, and had a difficult time expressing emotions which made him extremely intimidating. There were even some interactions which unintentionally shattered my confidence, as he was a programmer and I thought I could talk to him about that.

College was a blur. I met up with Al again in a sociology class we shared, and through him and his sister Sarah, I made two more friends: Ariel and Tristan. They were the best friends I remember having, though it was mostly through Al. We shitposted about My Little Pony and Arnold Palmer tea. The first semester I passed, barely. I think I failed the next semester and planned to kill myself at the end because I thought my life was ruined. I exploded and told my dad that I hadn't taken any of my antidepressants. I ended up moving back in with my dad. My sisters had moved in by that time. Our relationship only strained more, and I exploded at him telling him "fuck you", to which he kicked me out. I moved in with Tristan.

There my depression stewed. My eczema got especially bad without my topical steroid, and I isolated more and more. Tristan's dad talked to me often about stoicism, philosophy, and project management. He pursued stoicism as his best virtue, taking on all the burdens of the world. When I talked to him, it always felt like he was a diamond under immense pressure that would shatter if the pressure was relieved. It seemed like he was using my stay as an extra mouth to feed to increase the stress he was under on purpose, so I eventually worked up the courage to go back to college.

I think I did one semester, passing barely again. Then at some point, Al realized I was taking the group's sarcastic jibes personally and was codependent on them. He told me he didn't want to be responsible for giving me pain and that we shouldn't be friends. From there, I avoided everyone from that group, going so far as to make large detours to avoid spotting them. I was too afraid to face them any longer. The next semester, I went to the first few classes, then became a hikikomori for the rest of the semester, only leaving my room for food and the bathroom. I didn't want to live, but I didn't have the will to kill myself either.

That state broke when it was revealed that I had failed all my classes. My dad took me back in, with similar tensions. I visited my mom for the Summer and saw a therapist/psychiatrist named Dr. Goodman. She had my half-sister Marlena.

By sheer luck, I got a job as a administration assistant at a company my cousin Alex worked at, Engage. He presented it in terms of reprogramming their database stack, but I knew I wasn't there for that. Still, I insisted on writing scripts to do the extremely tedious job of pressing buttons in the right sequence to print the mailing labels by the thousands. At some point I accidentally managed to fuck up not once, but twice. The first was caught, but the second made it all the way to the post office where they charged a fee for every incorrectly labeled mail, probably costing thousands of dollars. I was let go soon after for personality conflicts and because I wasn't taking my time, doing things too fast so mistakes were easy to make.

I was offered a replacement job in the data entry department, which I was very reluctant to take because I wanted to run away from the whole thing and forget the wild emotions. I got it, learned the ropes, and did that for a couple months during the 2016 election (which made lots of mail), all the while getting less and less stable as I began to see the job as a symbol of my failure as a person. As I saw it, it was the job I was moved to out of pity because any hobo off the streets could deliver identical work, and yet I was still struggling and felt ashamed because no one else had any problems. I ran out of my medications and that spiral plummeted and I felt the need to quit because what work I did on the clock was terrible and I frequently had to clock out to keep from clawing my eyes out. Every day I went in was sheer agony, which I'd compare to mentally tearing off each fingernail one by one. It was exploding with shame, panic, anxiety, fear, self-hatred, and tedium.

Unfortunately no one in my family saw it that way. Everyone seemed to think I just didn't want to do my job because I "didn't like it". I tried to tell them that I "just couldn't" go in anymore, but all I got back was that I have to. I didn't. More shame. It doubly confirmed the fears I already had, that the job was more important than I was. I suffered this pain every day and yet it was more important that I bear it and lose my mind rather than lose the job. Talk about worthless.

Eventually it came to a point where Goodman seemed to think I wasn't depressed and was manipulating my parents into giving me a free ride. My parents expressed their fear that "if I dropped him off at a shelter, I'd never see him again", which stung. I didn't want to live and everyone around me wanted me to work to live no matter the cost. I would thoughtlessly mention euthanization as a viable option. So, she was right to fear that. More shame from being such a failure as to put such responsibility and pain on my parents. That day I spent an hour seriously thinking about killing myself despite my hesitation, reasoning that I was a parasite on my family and the only way to relieve them of my burden was to relieve them of me. Whatever pain I caused by dying would pale in comparison to the pain I'd cause by living. I wondered if any excuse I had against this plan was a selfish desire to continue living in spite of the pain of others. I never went much farther beyond that, though.

Eventually my parents convinced Goodman to send me to Sierra Tucson. There, I learned about trauma, the distinction between shame and guilt, codependency, and the importance of friendship. I felt awakened, as if from a coma, and first time in my life, I enjoyed living for its own sake. I was transferred to Crownview Co-Occurring Institute for Intensive Out-Patient, where I regressed some due to it being a less supportive environment. Still, I learned how to deal with adversity in reality, particularly overcoming my issues with authority, defensiveness, a need to be right all the time, and how to take criticism without taking it personally.

During recovery, Katie had my niece Aurora. Most of the effect of that was from watching how other people reacted and interpreting the underlying reasons. I believe Katie refused an abortion/adoption because she intended to use Aurora to assert her maturity and capacity to be responsible to my dad and Lindsey, who had a tendency to micromanage her which led to teenage rebellion. What's sad about that is I think she lacks self-care emotionally and mentally, and now she won't ever have an opportunity to work on herself because she'll be working on her kid. In trying to appear more mature, she destroyed any chance of reaching maturity healthily. Now she's still struggling to break free of them, seeing all of their "suggestions" (which, to be fair, are stated more as commands) as personal attacks, saying she isn't capable of taking care of her symbol of adulthood.

And now I'm in R&R. I don't know where I'm going from here.

#life story

[parttimepuff]

Cant wait until Hermit arrives, they’re gonna be welcomed right in!

'Me too!! Gonna be friends with them! And play legos and-' Orbee rambled as they floated down the hall, only to stop when they saw someone new, eyes wide. "Finally, an anon that’s correct-" Beep muttered to herself before gesturing to the other Matter. "Orbee!! This is Hermit. Hermit, this is my little sibling Orbee!" She introduced proudly.

Though they weren't sure what a sibling was, Hermit waved regardless. "Hello…" They greeted. The solosis gasped, zooming up to them. 'HI HERMIT!! NICE MEET YOU!! HAPPY YOU HOME!!!' Orbee enthusiastically welcomed, so excited that their telepathic message came across as yelling. "a…" The Dark Matter mumbled. They had only just experienced having someone's voice in their head a little while ago, this was nearly too much.

Something Reverie noticed. "Ah, buddy, make sure to give them some space." He reminded them. Like it was second nature, the solosis backed up. 'Right!! Need space!!' Orbee agreed. Watching them interact, something they had said stuck out to her. "Home…" Beep repeated, smiling. "Right! Hermit's kinda shy, but they are home. They are now. So, we can just, take it easy, right guys?" She asked.

Her sibling nodded. 'Yeah!! And play legos and eat breakfast and pillow fight!' Orbee suggested. "Heh, that's not all 'taking it easy', but we'll have time for that." Reverie chuckled. "Easy…" Hermit repeated, leaning against Beep more. "Hey, c’mon, breakfast and pillow fights are eas-y?" Beep started to protest before cutting herself short. It registered with her that the other Matter wasn't leaning against her as a form of affection. Something was wrong and she could feel it. "Maybe we should do that soon-" She started, growing concerned enough that her father picked up on it. "Sorry, do you need a break? I know this must be a lot." Reverie asked them. "lot…" Hermit agreed, their voice quieter. As the group began to worry, Magolor returned to the room. "Ok! It's really basic, but I've managed to pull together a space for-" He announced, trailing off as he took in the scene. "...oh. I, took a bit too long, huh?" The Halcandran guessed.

"I think, something's wrong, Wiz." Beep expressed, shifting to help hold the other Matter's weight more. "Hermit? Are you okay?" She asked. They had only just met, but they were friends now. Family. Her worry was only getting worse. "feel… don't know…" Hermit managed. They felt, bad, but in a way they'd never experienced. Magolor floated over, taking a look at them. "I was kinda worried this could happen. They've just kinda been wandering about up until, right? I don't think they have much of a resistance to positive emotions." He explained.

Beep's eye widened. "They don't..." She realized. "Oh. Oh, sh-sorry." Reverie apologized, knowing that he was partially responsible. "B-but we can help, right? So it won’t always hurt them?? Right?" Beep pleaded, looking between her father and her friend. "I-I'm sure we can. You weren't good with positivity at all when you were little, after all." The Dream Fae pointed out. "I think they just need to have some space to, detox more or less." Magolor figured.

"space…?" Hermit asked. If they thought it would help, it must be a good thing. Orbee, having tried to follow the conversation, seemed to grasp what was happening. 'Ooooh. Yes, need more space.' They agreed, backing up a bit more for emphasis. "Yeah, like when I was a kid." Beep nodded. "Right." She stated, determined now to make them feel better. "Space like, the room you got for them, Wiz? That’ll work."

The Halcandran nodded. "Yeah, exactly. It's not much right now, but it'll serve for this." Magolor assured her. That eased her worry somewhat. "Thanks, Wiz." Beep expressed, turning her head to look at the other Matter. "You feel bad because everyone is happy, you know?" She told them. They stared for a moment, confused. "happy..? thought happy…. good…." Hermit expressed. In fact, it was really the only thing they thought they knew about it.

"Happy, is good but…" Beep trailed off. It was becoming more and more clear to her that they had very little experience, having been alone. Even concerning how they worked. "it, feels bad for…us." She explained, voice growing quieter as she spoke. "….oh…." Was Hermit's simple reply. It was difficult to tell if they truly understood.

Magolor looked between the two, worried for both of them. "Um, don't worry, it'll get better, ok? Just follow me and you can rest." He assured them, beginning to edge towards the hallway. "ok…." Hermit murmured, gearing up to follow with Beep's help. "It will get better! I promise!!" She insisted as they started the short trip to their room. Their false eye fixed on her, the only part of them that seemed unaffected by this sick feeling. "trust Beep…"

#ask #ic #anon #Orbee #Beep #Hermit #Reverie #Magolor #Wiz