#Cass giving her tips unironically | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

#this is only like half of it #but at least you can get like a few answers #yanno fuck it #bataranswers #ask #asks #anon

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scorpionyx9621 · 3 years

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What Each Member of the Bat Family Orders at Starbucks Because this hasn't been done before. From the lense of someone who was a Partner for 3 years.

Dick

Either get something super healthy like a black iced Americano or goes for High School Girl caramel frappucino with 1.5 inches of Caramel.

The man is usually coming into starbucks in a hurry but is always very polite. Has low-key flirted with every partner in the store.

He lives off of those Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Perfect Bars. But generally tries not to spend too much money at Starbucks.

If he does get a breakfast sandwich it's the Bacon Gouda.

Barbara

Very Iced Matcha Green Tea or London Fog vibes.

But her no-stop go to drink is a dirty chai with blonde espresso and one pump of Mocha.

Pre-pandemic Barbara would be the person who sits at the cafe working on her laptop, berating the whole brood for their performances on the previous night's trips.

Doesn't eat the food at starbucks UNLESS it's the holidays and she hoards Cranberry Bliss Bars like some type of feral goblin.

Jason

Any dark roast he can get on the machine (usually French roast from my store but he likes Italian better) or just a plain Nitro Cold Brew. Has unironically ordered the pink drink on occasion. Always asks for extra ice in his iced drinks.

He gives the energy that he's the one who knows everyone's names and is super polite but once people know he's the Red Hood everyone's just like 'yeah he gave off those vibes. He looked like he was going to snap my neck when I accidentally put Pumpkin spice in his Nitro but he still smiled and apologized profusely and insisted he'd take it.'

Sits in the cafe and reads. For hours on end. But never at a consistent time. Likes to come and harass Barbara occasionally.

Gets a Double-Smoked Bacon and puts a pack of Sriracha on it every time. And I mean every single time he comes in.

Tim

He likes Peet's better but gets either a red eye with extra shots or a Venti cold Brew with 6 packs of Stevia.

He swears it isn't about the caffeine but it's totally about the caffeine.

Always in and out quicky but will come back multiple times a day. Has rewards to use but always forgets them. Ends up saving them for Jason or Cass.

Gets the Taco Bell breakfast from the Taco Bell a block away because it's 8x better than anything at a Starbucks. Or he gets the Ham and Swiss Croissant.

Stephanie

Venti Vanilla Latte extra hot with an extra shot, short pull, skim milk. Or unironically a PSL. But ALWAYS with a pump of vanilla.

Always comes into the store with at least one other member of the Bat Family. Never EVER comes in alone. Always ends up snort laughing at one of the boys. Tries to convince either Damian or Jason to try to swallow a whole thing of cinnamon.

Unironically gets the salads and food boxes from the display. And always gets one every time she comes. Her favorite is the Chicken Quinoa bowl.

Go-to breakfast is the Bacon Guyrere Sous Vide egg bites.

Cassandra

She always comes in and tries something new! Even if she doesn't like what she got she always tries to find some way to analyze and experience the taste and flavor of the drink. Her favorite is still a blended Dragon Drink with whipped cream.

Everyone at the store loves her because her smile radiates through the whole store. She's like Jason in the sense that she's always super polite and super smiley but deep down everyone fears her. When the two come into the store together everyone is on edge but no one does anything less than smile.

Is on a mission to experience everything their is to life and that means experiencing everything once. She loves receiving recomendations from baristas and loves to hear what we have to think on certain beverages.

Her favorite breakfast item is an oatmeal cup with the nuts and chocolate chips.

Damian

When he's with his family? Almond Milk Hot Chocolate with a pump of peppermint. (He's "not supposed" to have caffeine yet) when he's alone? A grande Nitro cold Brew with Coconut milk and yet again, a pump of peppermint.

Brat. Just a brat. He's kind enough when paying and will usually take his drink without saying anything but if you mess up his drink he will make a scene.

Usually comes in with Jon and tries to get Jon into coffee. He hates it. But will always be Jon's sugar bestie and buy all of his drinks.

Doesn't like to eat the food at Starbucks. But when he does he gets an Almond Croissant.

Duke

Likes Dunkin better but will still go if he's with family. Usually gets a grande iced coffee with an extra pump of classic.

Is always super polite and very friendly to staff. Tries new seasonal items with Cass.

Is usually in and out pretty quickly non because he doesn't like the people or the atmosphere. He just is an in-and-out guy when it comes to fast food (No not the burger chain you west coast savages)

Ironically he really enjoys the spinach tomato feta wrap. Has given Tim money to buy one for him.

Bruce

Doesn't really like Starbucks but will go if his children ask him to come with him. Unironically likes Pike Roast and will drink it black because he's a monster.

Everything is too sugary for Bruce. He physically probably couldn't stand the menu at a Starbucks.

Always strikes up casual conversation with the partners and likes to secretly slide benjamin's in the tip jar. Even if the service was subpar.

He loved the Spicy Chorizo sandwich and way really sad when they got rid of it.

Alfred

Mildly pissed at all of his children for taking the equivalent of McDonalds for coffee over his food.

Refuses to give a red cent of his money to that chain.

Barbara bought him a London Fog one time and he begrudgingly admitted it was tolerable then proceeded to make Barbara one that was 80x better.

#Batfam #bat family #bruce wayne #dick grayson #barbara gordon #jason todd #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #tim drake #damian wayne al ghul #damian wayne #alfred pennyworth #duke thomas #starbucks #long post #meme format

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