solo - (Adrian Chase x Reader)
part six ☕️ <;< series masterlist☕️ ao3
a/n: please note that i will be taking liberties with the show's timeline here now that Chris is back. i believe everything took place in the span of… less than a week? i'm going to be stretching it out a little so we can fit in some stuff for the Reader, otherwise there won't be time!!!
summary: Vigilante's BFF is back from prison! Which is exciting, and not something at all to worry about.
warnings: bad relationship with parents (mommy issues haha lol), reader is struggling with depression, brief mentions of masturbation, no Y/N
wordcount: 4.2k
Very few things could snap Adrian out of the tedium of Fennel Fields. Usually, while mechanically wiping down tables and pouring refills of water, he is deep in thought strategizing over how to capture the next criminal, or contemplating what went wrong from the aggravating nights that someone got away so he could avoid mistakes like that in the future.
It used to be Taylor's hot cousin that would come in from time to time, snapping Adrian's attention out of his thoughts as soon as he spotted her (much to Taylor's dismay). He wasn’t really all that into her, she was just really pretty and was nice to Adrian, like, once, and with Peacemaker in prison, Adrian was a little bored and just craved the distraction.
Lately, it's been his old high school classmate and now-barista, who, truth be told, didn't even have to physically be in Fennel Fields to be a distraction. Ever since running into them for the first time since high school graduation, Adrian's thoughts would wistfully wander to the glow of their laughter or the heat of their skin through their clothes. Coffee-scented daydreams and caramel kisses.
(Luckily, his apron did a pretty decent job of obscuring the growing bulge in his pants when his fantasies grew too steamy.)
So the days you did stop by? Every other customer's face became an indescribable blur. The drug dealer or car-jacker Vigilante was planning on going after would be fully pushed to the back of his mind. He did everything he could to keep you in his line of sight, at that point. And you'd giggle at the attention, and he'd smile all goofy in return, something like pride beating in his chest.
But there's no you tonight. It's the one day you're not at the Evergreen Bean, which is why you planned your outing for last night, you had explained to him.
So, instead, the thing that makes Adrian Chase do a double-take--momentarily distracting him from work--is the all familiar flash of bright crimson stretched snug against the all too familiar muscular chest of Peacemaker.
Holy fuck, Peacemaker is back!?
Adrian would hardly believe his own two eyes if it weren't for the shine of Peacemaker's iconic helmet, and the fact that Vigilante was intimately familiar with the sheer size and shape of the man. They're best friends, after all; Adrian would've been able to clock him even without his glasses.
He watches -- ogles, really -- as his best buddy sits down in a booth with some other people, strangers that Adrian doesn't recognize and can't currently be bothered with even trying to identify because, holy shit, Peacemaker's back, he's really back!
So absorbed is he in his elation that Peacemaker is out of prison and ordering Zoodles in his restaurant, he doesn't realize the very open-faced, dopey grin that he's slipped into, head lolled to the side like a lovesick puppy. All previous worries have instantly vanished from his heart. It’s ridiculous he was ever worried about the cops knocking on his door this morning.
Oh, Chris is looking his way! Adrian sighs and waves at the attention, and does an encouraging, celebratory gesture with his fists when Peacemaker glances back again. Momentarily caught up not in being Adrian Chase the busboy, but in being Vigilante, the... vigilante. Who also happens to be Christopher Smith's best friend.
This has got to be in the top 10 best days for Adrian. His high school crush told him he's their best friend and his crime-fighting bestie is home from prison, all within the same 24 hours??
He can barely contain his enthusiasm, he needs to sneak out back to do his famous butt dance in the dirty alley behind the restaurant.
If only he had someone he could gush to about Peacemaker's glorious return to Evergreen!
Wait. He does..!
Ever since you moved back in with your parents, every waking moment not spent at work or with Adrian is spent in your bedroom. Usually miserably watching Netflix, or scrolling mindlessly through your phone, or, well, masturbating until exhaustion finally gives way to sleep.
You hide away, avoiding your parents as much as possible. If they can't see you, they'll forget you're here. If they forget you're here, then there won't be any questions about what happened, or lectures on what a monumental fuck-up you turned out to be.
It's a childish hope, really. This belief that you can occupy space in their house without going noticed. That you can tiptoe past their bedroom door to the bathroom and they won't hear the water running. That you can just disappear, despite attributing to the water and electricity bill, despite using their wifi to peruse shitty memes to distract you from the growing numbness in your ribcage, or the anxiety that chatters in your teeth.
The sensible part of your brain frets, knowing that this behavior will just make it worse. The more you prolong coming face to face with them, the bigger the ticking time bomb of your mother's anger will be when it finally goes off. It is a wrath you hate to be on the receiving end of.
Yet you delude yourself with the idea of Out of Sight, Out of Mind.
Only when it is past midnight, when your parents are certainly asleep, do you feel any sort of relief under this roof. But that relief grows smaller and smaller with each passing day, and it gets harder to pretend everything's okay, harder to distract yourself with things that are supposed to bring you joy, like comfort movies, or your favorite songs.
Even rubbing one out barely does anything to ignite the signals in your brain with fake happiness. It’s like even the dopamine fizzles away quickly, knowing this is bullshit. 'Like, dude, c'mon. Give us the real thing! Let the hot busboy touch you for REAL-'
So you're in your room again, nearly 24 hours after the incident in the alleyway, the bloodshed and revelations, and it should be the same as every other night, where you just wallow in silence. Maybe worse! Should definitely be worse considering the aforementioned 'bloodshed' and 'revelations.' But instead, holding a pillow tight to your chest, you blink up at your ceiling until weird splotches of light dance at the edge of your vision, utterly fucking baffled. You've been trying to make sense of the encounter you went through earlier after walking through the front door.
-->>
It had been too much to hope that your parents were either still asleep or not home once you shut the front door. Immediately, your dad appeared from the other end of the hall, and, as expected, he looked none too pleased to see you.
Your face slipped into its usual stony mask at the sight of him and his crossed arms. Inwardly, though, you grimaced, and hoped that the stench of alcohol and vomit had been successfully washed off.
“Where have you been?” Dad asked, stern and to the point.
“I told you,” you responded tonelessly, “I went out with my old friends yesterday.”
“That doesn't explain why you didn't come home.”
While being grilled by your father, you instinctively try to listen for any sounds that your mother is around. Your dad's disappointment sucks, sure, but your mother's anger has always been worse, and difficult to shield yourself from.
Staring at a spot on the wall near your father's head, you explained that you spent the night at one of your friends last night, to make up for lost time. It wasn't a complete lie; it's what you had originally planned on doing anyway. Besides, you DID sleep over at a friend's house.
They just didn't have to know that it wasn't one of your old girl friends.
Your dad brought up the bodies that were found behind the club you went to, and how it's all over the news. That was enough to make your eyes widen just a fraction, nearly breaking your stony facade.
“So you can understand,” he continued, voice dipping slightly more into a venomous fervor, “why you going out, getting drunk, and not answering our texts could make us worry.”
“Sorry, my phone died-”
“And that's irresponsible of you.”
A twitch of your eyebrows had indicated a crack in your mask, the bubbling frustration that even being about 10 or so years out of college, they still treated you like a child. “Well I'm fine, obviously. I'm here,” you bit out without thinking.
Your dad raised his voice. “Are you?? Because we never see you. Ever since you moved back in, you're either hiding in your room like a moody teenager, or supposedly working every day of the damn week! You come home late and then leave the next day without barely speaking to us.
“Your attitude has been making your mother worried sick, and it's driving us crazy. I kept trying to convince her to give you your space, but it's been months. I can't defend you anymore, not if you keep acting like this.”
The mention of your mother had your eyes shift to the stairs, to the entryway where your father stood, then back to the stairs, nervously looking for her. Sure enough, she appeared alongside your dad, quietly announcing her presence with an impassive stare. Your fists clenched, then, nails biting into your palms.
“Your mother has some stuff to say about this, too.” Dad glanced over at her expectantly, and there was almost something... eager about the look on his face. Which was odd. He was never one to derive pleasure from you getting in trouble.
But when your mother opened her mouth to speak, it was unexpectedly calm. “What? You mean about her?” The look in her eyes as she glanced in your direction was eerily… unrecognizable. “The lack of communication since your return home. You’ve been distant, and it has been… frustrating. Being gone from home so often without speaking to… us, and not answering your messages while out all night was very upsetting last night.”
She had spoken like she was recalling the thoughts. And, more shocking, she hadn’t raised her voice the entire time. Not a single expletive. No seething, bared-teeth rage.
Your dad seemed just as bewildered as you at the lack of emotion in her tone. “That’s it? Last night you were screaming up a storm before storming out.”
Then she shrugged, looking back up at your dad. “She’s an adult, right? Like you? …like me?”
She started walking towards you, making your heart leap into your throat. You didn’t dare take a step back.
“Where did you even go last night?”
You thought the question was directed at you, but your father was staring, concerned, at your mother’s back.
She paused. “I went out to... clear my head.”
When she continued walking, she brushed right past without sparing you another glance.
<<--
A text alert from your phone pulls you out of your memories, and your heart skips a happy little beat. Adrian!
There’s been this uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty about Adrian, like he might disappear now that you know his big secret. It was a secret you really would not have minded not knowing, to be honest. Not if it meant potentially driving a wedge between you and the only source of solace you have in this town.
Ignorance is bliss, and all that.
Adrian's text message is asking if you're gonna still be up by the time he gets out of work, because he has really cool news to share. You very quickly shoot back confirmation that you'll be up, and have things to share of your own.
Something tender balloons in your chest as you stare at the cracked phone screen, a sort of mushy happiness. None of that fake joy. It's a very Adrian-specific joy, and it further confirms that you need to keep him around for as long as you can, vigilante business be damned.
“Wait, who?”
Adrian has settled into his car. After making sure there were no other stragglers in the parking lot, or suspicious passerby this late at night, he excitedly pulled up your contact and called you immediately. In an overzealous rush, he skipped the customary 'hello's' and jumped right into the highlight of his shift.
Seems like you were having a hard time keeping up, though. Which, cute as you are, was still kind of frustrating for him.
“Peacemaker! You know, the kick-ass hero with the super cool eagle sidekick? Eagly?”
He hears something like a snort on your end. “Wait, seriously? That's not very creative.”
“What are you talking about? Eagly's the coolest. I wish I had our country's national bird as a sidekick.”
Your chuckle comes through warm and fuzzy through the phone. “Of course you do, Adrian. So, Peacemaker? Where has he been this whole time?”
“Prison.”
“Are you- are you serious? Do heroes go to prison? Well- I mean, cool people to go prison all the time but I'm talking specifically, like, Batman-level heroes, not civilian ones-”
“It's not his fault,” he says defensively. “They just don't get what we do.”
“We? Oh. He kills people, too, huh.”
It wasn't a question. It was a conclusion you came to, and Adrian is wondering if he messed up by reminding you about how he conducts his job as Vigilante.
But then you continue, almost... cheekily. “He just got caught.”
“Yeah..” he says, drawing out the word, not quite sure where you're going with this but surprised you don't sound as distraught as you did this morning.
“So that means he probably isn't as good as you, huh.”
“What? No way, Peacemaker's awesome, he's the best! He-”
“Dude,” you laugh. “I'm trying to compliment you.”
“Wait, really?” Adrian feels his face warm at your snuggly 'mm-hmm.' The praise was a complete 180 from the way you freaked out this morning in his bedroom, but he supposes you’re more so complimenting the Getting Away With It part of the whole crime-fighting gig.
“Well, I guess you're right,” he continues, a bubble of tentative pride swelling in his chest. “I mean, of the two of us, I still have a secret identity. Everyone knows that he's Chris Smith. Also, as cool as his helmet is, it really doesn't do much to hide his face. And honestly, the lower half of his face is arguably his most prominent feature. Aside from his physique. Man, he's huge! Honestly, it's impressive he was able to keep up all that bulk in prison. Can't imagine they feed you very well-”
“Adrian, oh my god.”
“What! What is it?”
“Are you, like, in love with him? Because it kind of sounds like you have a massive crush on this guy.”
“What? Hah! No.” Adrian's neck itches with warmth. “We're best bros. It's normal to talk about your BFF with a deep sense of admiration. I wouldn't be- I wouldn't be who I am today without him!”
Also, it's been four years since he's seen the man. It's perfectly reasonable to gush, for lack of a better term. Besides, Adrian can never pass up the opportunity to praise Chris to others.
The line's gone quiet, and Adrian thinks the call may have gotten disconnected or something. “Hello?”
“Mm. Still here.” You sound quiet and distant, suddenly. Well, it's pretty late. You're probably just tired.
“So... you said you had something to talk about, too, right?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. No, it's nothing, just- my parents were acting kind of funny this morning.”
“Okay... funny how?”
“Well, you know how I've kind of been... avoiding them? Well, today they finally confronted me. And, like, I knew this was coming. I'm not surprised. But they didn't react the way... I expected?”
“What were you expecting?”
“For my mom to blow a gasket. For my whole life, she's always yelled when she was angry, or disappointed, or whatever. But this morning, she just... talked. Like, emotionless, too.”
Not knowing what to say, and not really knowing your parents, Adrian just sits and waits for you to continue.
“She didn't even seem angry. It was almost like she didn't care. And... I dunno, I can't decide if this is worse.”
“Well, getting yelled at is no fun,” Adrian helpfully supplies. “So this should be better, right?”
He hears you sigh. “Yeah. Maybe. Whatever, this is bumming me out. See you tomorrow?”
The shakily hopeful lilt in your voice makes him feel special, and he promises you tomorrow and bids you good night.
You're alone in the cafe, having let the last barista leave as soon as closing time hit. Aside from your still-sore knees and bandaged wounds, being back at work almost felt normal.
You didn't tell Ashe or the others about what happened the other night. For one, how pathetic would it be to admit that you got stood up by the people you were super excited to see? Lame. Second, admitting to getting assaulted would lead to unnecessary concern. You're fine. Nothing even happened and those guys are, like, super dead.
(the way their hands linger on you in your nightmares so far is no one's business, either)
Three, the conversation would have inevitably led to Vigilante, and Matty would have stayed past his shift just to bombard you with questions about Evergreen's Most Wanted.
It was almost comforting to drown your senses today in the scent of coffee and idle customer chatter. You even hummed along to the standard cafe playlist, which you usually found dull but today, you found yourself grateful for having another chance to listen to the indie guitar strumming in the first place.
You're counting the money from the till when a knock startles you, making you jump and lose your place. You look up across the store to see - squint - wait, is that a familiar red visor??
Vigilante stands on the other side of the thick pane of glass. When he sees you've noticed him, he raises his hand in a friendly little wave that almost looks unnatural considering the armor on his chest and the very clear handle of a fucking sword on his back.
But then you visualize Adrian beneath the mask, and your heart goes back to beating at a normal pace.
“What are you-” you falter as you lead him into the cafe. “Why- why're you... Vigilante?” The end of your question peters off into a quiet hiss. Secretive.
The masked head of his tilts to the side a bit, and he crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, who else is going to rid the streets of Evergreen of criminal scum? The cops? Hah!” He throws his head back. “Not likely.”
This makes you smirk, despite yourself. “No, I meant- why are you here wearing that?”
Sizing up Vigilante’s appearance, you can see in the lighting of the cafe what you couldn’t see before in the dim street lighting and drunken haze. The armor on his chest is well-worn, the accented teal V-shape clearly scuffed and dirtied from constant use. There’s some stitching on the lower right side of his torso that almost, but not quite, does a decent job of blending into the rest of the black material.
If you scan lower, you find more of that same stitching on his pant legs, below his holster (which he has two of, one on each side of his tapered waist).
Which, holy shit, you never really noticed his build before. His body is always hidden underneath looser fitting tops. Maybe it’s just the chest plate and shoulder pads, but it really pronounces the wide breadth of his chest and shoulders. That combined with the utility built, whose wide V-shape points directly down to his crotch, narrows his waist. It makes filthy thoughts of straddling him between your thighs flit through your imagination before you snuff it out.
“Oh.” Adrian's arms unfold and drop back down to his sides as he glances down at his get-up. “I'm meeting up with Peacemaker tonight. And, honestly? Now that-” his voice lowers and he leans towards you just a little, “now that you know, it's way faster to just show up already dressed. Then I don't have to spend more time afterwards changing!”
You pause on your way back behind the bar, then look back at him. “We're not hanging out tonight?” Your shoulders slump in dejection. “Wait, you've been going out as Vigilante afterwards this whole time?”
The idea that after each time you've parted ways, he's been going out and potentially risking his life doesn't sit well with you. Not knowing if each good-bye was the last time you'd see that dopey face of his post make-out sessions.
“Not all the time,” Adrian -- Vigilante -- corrects. “Considerably less since we've started hanging out, actually. But now that Peacemaker is back, I gotta step it back up! Don't want him to think I've been slacking while he was away.”
A strange mix of pride and guilt weighs in your chest.
It's good that you've kept Adrian distracted recently, right? It means less chances that some jay-walker will get pulverized to a pulp by a well-intentioned freak in a mask. And maybe you've been keeping Adrian unintentionally safe, too. The cops can't capture Vigilante if he's not out and about. No bullet to pierce the softer bits of his costume. Uniform. Whatever.
But then, there's all the good he's done, too. And the fact that, judging by his clear giddiness and the reverential way in which he rambled about Peacemaker last night, he loves doing this. There's a very clear, unbridled enthusiasm about him now that you never quite saw before. The thought that you may have been keeping him away from something he so obviously loves (and is, apparently, quite good at) kind of hurts your heart.
“Sooo.. are you gonna make me a drink before I go?”
“Hm? Oh-” you step towards the espresso machine, but then remember the first time he showed up in your store, five minutes before close, saying something about really needing the caffeine that night.
“Wait.” You spin and face him, looking at him with wide-eyed accusation. “Have I been giving you an energy boost this whole time so I can help you kill people?”
Does that make you, like, an accomplice? Indirectly?
“Hey!” He points a gloved, defensive finger in your direction. “I do not just kill people. Don't simplify it like that. I do a lot of surveillance and strategizing, too! It really is not all as easy as killing someone.”
Killing someone is easy!?
Because you're slightly annoyed with him, and because he clearly doesn't need the caffeine, you pull a single shot of espresso for Adrian. You pass him the tiny cup.
He handles the paper cup like an empty bottle of prescription pills, lightly wiggling it as if weighing its contents. And then he snorts.
“Listen, I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job, but I think you forgot to add the rest of the drink, silly.”
His voice held the cadence of a tease, like he was just about ready to crack up at your goofy little mistake.
“I didn't forget,” you snap, rolling your eyes. “A shot of espresso is the whole drink. It's called a solo.”
“Uh, no,” he chuckles. “I'm pretty sure a solo is when you...” he makes a crude gesture with his empty right hand, slowly bringing it back and forth against his crotch like he's lazily jerking off ghost-dick.
He's being fully serious, and your mouth twists in an effort not to laugh.
“Well, that's all you're getting tonight,” you say with finality, shutting down the espresso machine. “'Sides, I really doubt you need that much caffeine tonight. You seem plenty awake.”
Staring at the tiny drink in his hand, he concedes, but not without sounding disappointed.
“Well, gotta run!” He turns around and starts heading for the door. “Don't forget to lock up behind me.”
“You're leaving without giving me a kiss!?”
You clap your hands over your mouth, surprised at your own outburst. You stare, wide-eyed, as he whips back around. You can't see his facial expression, but you can only imagine he's also surprised. Adrian's been the most outspoken with his neediness. You've always been plenty good about holding back just how much you want from him. (Verbally, anyway.)
“Aww, that's cute!”
Your face immediately warms at the remark. It feels like you've given the power over to him, now, which you hadn't realized you'd even been withholding all this time.
And, worse- something about his exclamation, the near-condescending tone of it, coming from his masked face? The red visor, the taunting tilt of his head. Something pulses low in your gut, and your thighs squeeze together reflexively.
What the fuck?
“Anyway, as much as I'd like to, I can't take my mask off here. Secret identity, and all that.”
“But there's no one else here,” you say, hands finally lowered from your mouth.
“Cameras.” He points overhead to a discreet camera on the ceiling that you never quite paid much thought to before.
All you do is frown. Maybe pout a little, but you'd deny it if anybody asked.
When he rushes out the store without another glance back, it leaves you very, terribly, alone.
taglist: @whatevermonkey @nobodys-baby-now @hiddlebatchedloki @pokoyolfhw @navs-bhat @afraidofshrimp
@training4theapocalypse @abbaenthusiast
[ if you would like to be removed from the taglist, pls let me know! it wouldn't hurt my feelings, i 100% understand if you come to find it annoying or just not currently interested in the fandom. likewise, if you want to be added, i'd appreciate a reblog and/or comment/feedback ]
85 notes
·
View notes
The Observer Peter Capaldi
‘The government has been too terrible to make fun of’: Peter Capaldi on satire, politics and privilege
📷 ‘I’ve had to pretend to be more amenable’: Peter Capaldi wears blazer by oliverspencer.co.uk; shirt by toa.st. Photograph: Simon Emmett/The Observer
Tom Lamont Sun 14 Jan 2024 08.00 GMT
One winter morning, a Doctor Who comes calling. The Glaswegian actor Peter Capaldi lives about an hour’s walk from me and instead of us meeting in some midway café, the 65-year-old wanders over (leather booted, woolly jumpered, cloaked in a dark winter coat that sets off his pale-grey hair) to have coffee at my kitchen table. My son is off school with flu, medicating on Marvel movies and barely able to believe his luck as the actorly embodiment of an alien superhero wanders through our flat. While we’re waiting for the kettle to boil, I ask Capaldi whether he ran into any other Doctor Whos on his walk through the actorland that is suburban north London.
He grins an unguarded grin you don’t often see on screen. Capaldi became famous as the permanently angry spin doctor Malcolm Tucker in the BBC comedy The Thick of It, which ran from 2005 to 2012 and, after that, between 2013 and 2017, he played the sternest, least imp-ish Doctor Who in decades. In his new Apple TV show, a police procedural called Criminal Record, which Capaldi co-produced with his wife, Elaine Collins, he stars as an ageing detective: another scowler. Now, coffee in hand, he smiles affectionately. So, did he bump into any other Doctor Whos this morning? “David [Tennant, 10th Doctor] used to live in Crouch End, near me. Matt [Smith, 11th Doctor] lives around here. Jodie [Whittaker, 13th Doctor] is nearby, Christopher [Eccleston, 9th Doctor] too, I think.” But no, no encounters with his fellow alumni this morning, Capaldi says.
📷 ‘You can’t be the cynical melancholic I naturally am’: Peter Capaldi wears coat by Mr P (mrporter.com); jumper by uniqlo.com; trousers by reiss.com; and shoes by johnlobb.com. Photograph: Simon Emmett/The Observer
“You do run into each other. You have a laugh, a gossip, you share. There aren’t a lot of people who have been in that role in the centre of that storm. Most people think the job is being on the Tardis and running around with Daleks. Which it is. That’s the fun part. But there’s a lot of other stuff you have to do, too. You’re kind of the face of the brand and the brand is very big. You can’t be the cynical melancholic I naturally am. You have to pretend to be a version of yourself that’s far more amenable.”
Is it a bit like being the Queen?
“Kind of,” he says. “You embody for a time this folk hero, this icon. I was able to comfort people in a way that would be beyond the powers of Peter. You could walk into a room and people gasped with delight. It doesn’t happen any more.”
Capaldi grew up in 1960s and 1970s Glasgow. His Italian-Scottish family lived in a tenement block. “We had nothing. We had zilch.” From a young age he exhibited signs of artistic talent, though he characterises himself, then and now, as a seven- or eight-out-of-10 at various crafts. “When I was young, I was good at drawing. My grandmother used to say that came from Italy. She felt that I was an absolute throwback to Leonardo da Vinci – her direct line to Michelangelo! It confused me because I wanted to do these other things, play music, act – which one was I supposed to do?”
📷 Great Scot: Peter Capaldi wears blazer by ralphlauren.co.uk. Photograph: Simon Emmett/The Observer
After graduating school at 18, this confused cross-artistic trajectory continued. “I tried to be an actor, but I didn’t get into drama school, so I went to art school. When I was at art school, I joined a band.” In his early 20s, Capaldi released a single as part of a group called Dreamboys; then he quit music and spent most of his 20s acting, getting small jobs in theatre and TV as well as a walk-on part opposite John Malkovich in 1988’s Dangerous Liaisons. In his 30s, he decided to concentrate on directing.
In 1993, a short film he directed, Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life, won him an Oscar, industry recognition that launched Capaldi off on a heady but doomed sojourn in America. Well caffeinated and gripping the edge of my kitchen table to tell the story, he recalls what happened when he was courted as a hot prospect by the Weinstein brothers, Bob and Harvey, then the co-presidents of Miramax and at the height of their power and influence. Capaldi spent a year working on a screenplay for them, at the end of which Bob flew him out to Manhattan to discuss casting and production. As far as Capaldi was concerned it was a formality; bottles of champagne were cooling at home.“I thought I was off and away.”
📷 Feel the heat: in The Thick of it. Photograph: Everett Collection/Alamy
Miramax sent a limo to pick him up from the airport. “I fell into conversation with the driver, lovely man, Ralph. When I got out of the car I gave him a big tip. Because I was a big shot now, you see. Then Ralph said: ‘I’ve been told to wait for you here.’” Uh oh. “Inside, all the people in the office were avoiding my eye. Bob said, ‘I’ll come straight to it, we’re not gonna do the movie, my brother Harvey says he doesn’t know how to sell it.’ He said, ‘But we love you! You’re one of the family! You’ll always have a place here!’ Needless to say, I never heard from him again. Obviously, while I was in the air they’d had a discussion and changed their minds. I was so dumbfounded as I climbed back into the limo I just laughed. I had no money, because we’d bought a little house in Crouch End, and I had no career, because I’d turned my back on acting.”
In a gesture that Capaldi has never forgotten, Ralph the limo driver tried to give him back his big tip.
As we chat, the postman rings the bell, delivering packages. Council tree surgeons are working on the road outside. My son needs water, words of comfort, possibly he just wants another good long look at Capaldi. I’ve never interviewed anyone in my own home before and the limitations of the format are becoming apparent. But Capaldi seems to respond well to the setting and its lack of frills. His adult daughter and her family have been visiting, brand new baby in tow. When I apologise for all the noise and interruptions, Capaldi says it’s nothing compared to a newborn.
📷 Fun fact: in Paddington 2. Photograph: Supplied by LMK
He and Collins were young parents themselves when his directing career fell apart. Arriving back in London from the disastrous Manhattan trip, “The initial feeling was shock. Then a pragmatic survival instinct kicked in.” Capaldi rejoined the auditioning circuit. “I was a psychiatrist in Midsomer Murders. I was a beekeeper in Poirot – AN Other Actor. Someone else would have turned down these parts first.” Collins, until that point an actor, too, decided to pivot into development and production, a career move that has worked well for her.
Artists often do their best work while they’re at their lowest, perhaps because they feel they haven’t much to lose, little to be afraid of. Sloping into a Soho audition room in the mid-2000s to meet Armando Iannucci about a new political comedy, Capaldi remembers being in a foul mood. He’d just come from an unsuccessful audition for another BBC show, “being taped like I was Vivien Leigh reading for Scarlett O’Hara”. He remained grumpy when Iannucci admitted there wasn’t yet a script for The Thick of It, they were going to try improvising instead. “I knew Armando was supposed to be a comedy genius, but at that moment I was, like, ‘Yeah? Let’s see some of your comedy genius then. Fucking show me what you’ve got, you Oxbridge twat.’ My whole attitude that day was essentially Malcolm Tucker’s, and it informed the improvisation we did.”
📷 Folk Hero: in his new series Criminal Record. Photograph: Ben Meadows/Apple
When The Thick of It debuted, Capaldi entered the sitcom pantheon overnight. Revisiting episode one, what’s glaring is how fully formed, how exquisite a character Tucker is. Alan Partridge, Samantha Jones, Frasier Crane, David Brent … these creations had to be discovered over time by their actors and writers. With Tucker it’s all there from word one, the controlled fury, the foul-mouthed eloquence, that constant convenient deployment of hypocrisy. Capaldi played the part for seven years, winning a Bafta mid-run. It led to other memorable gigs, as a news producer in 2012’s The Hour and as Count Richelieu in a 2014 adaptation of the Musketeers story. He was Mister Micawber in Iannucci’s 2019 reimagining of David Copperfield, a fun role that was bookended by two equally fun Paddington movies, released in 2014 and 2017.
Promoting these projects, Capaldi would be asked to give a view on political events of the day, as seen through the eyes of the character who made his career. What would Malcolm Tucker think of Brexit, or the pandemic response, or the premierships of Johnson or Truss? Capaldi long ago stopped answering these questions. “For one thing, I need about 10 writers, Tony Roach and Jesse Armstrong among them, to supply Malcolm’s bon mots. But more than that, I think these [recent Conservative] governments have been too terrible to make fun of. I think they’ve been incompetent and corrupt and I’m not going to make jokes to give them time off.”
📷 ‘You’re the face of the brand and the brand is very big’: playing Doctor Who. Photograph: Everett Collection Inc/Alamy
We talk about how weird it is that political satire should have fallen into abeyance in the 2020s – perhaps because, as Capaldi says, “things have been too bad to make fun of. Making fun normalises situations I don’t think should be normalised. The planet is burning. They’re pumping shit into the rivers. I’m not gonna be part of making jokes about that… All this highfalutin life I’ve had,” he says, of the awards parties, the film roles, the immortal runs as a sweary spin doctor and an inscrutable Doctor Who, “is because I went to art school. My parents couldn’t afford to send me. I went because the government of the day paid for me to go and I didn’t have to pay them back. There was a thrusting society then, a society that tried to improve itself. Yes, of course, it cost money. But so what? It allowed people from any kind of background to learn about Shakespeare, or Vermeer, or whatever they wanted to learn about. Why did we lose this, this belief in ourselves?”
For Capaldi, the world of acting feels narrower now, meaner in a way that seems to mirror British society at large. He thinks of his industry as one in which subtle discriminations hold sway and “gatekeepers and Aztecs still decree who shall be admitted… I think there’s a real problem. There isn’t the funding or support for young people from poorer backgrounds to get into the theatre. And indeed there aren’t the theatres.” He wonders about the teenage Anthony Hopkinses out there, talented, without the obvious means or encouragement to train in the arts. And the inverse, actors who Capaldi, in his frank and acid way, characterises as privileged duds.
📷 Shared vision: with his wife and co-producer Elaine. Photograph: Trinity Mirror/Mirrorpix/Alamy
“This business is full of people who are not the real thing,” he says, “people I perceived to be artists ’cos they had posh accents, but who didn’t have it, they just sounded like they did.” He goes on to tell a tantalising but intentionally vague story about a major star he worked with, someone who revealed themselves through the course of an acting collaboration to be a dud hiding in plain sight. He won’t provide details (“Too easy to figure out. When everyone’s dead I’ll tell you”), but he says the experience changed him professionally, leaving him more aware of his own limitations, but grateful to have a little vinegar and grit in the mix. “There’s a kind of smoothness, a kind of confidence that comes from a good [paid-for] school. That’s what you’re struck by: they seem to know how to move through the world recognising which battle to fight, where to press their attentions. But it can make the acting smooth, which to me is tedious. I like more neurosis. More fear. More trouble, you know?”
I think this part of his skillset expressed itself well during the three-season run on Doctor Who, when Capaldi was prepared to come across as remote, a little unreachable. “I don’t set out to make the audience like me,” he says. “Because my characters don’t know an audience is there.” For me, his high point as the Doctor was an episode called Heaven’s Gate, a chronology-stretching tale written by Steven Moffatt in which the Doctor is set a sisyphean task of endurance that lasts about 50 minutes or so in screen time and several millennia in narrative terms. Capaldi didn’t play it as a hero. He wasn’t charming or boyish. In this episode especially, he was grim and patient and knackered. It was a rare occasion when the character, apparently alive for hundreds of years, seemed old.
📷 Burning bright: with John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons. Photograph: Everett Collection/Alamy
In the new TV show, Criminal Record, he explores a more mortal kind of ageing, life’s third act, its inevitable professional humblings. Capaldi plays a London DCI in his 60s, coming to the end of a career, already moonlighting as a private security contractor, intimidated by the thrust and purpose of a younger colleague at the Met played by Cush Jumbo. As Jumbo’s character grows in confidence, Capaldi’s shrinks. It is a paradox of experience he can relate to. “I find the older I get, the closer I am to who I was,” he says.
I ask him to explain.
“Like I’m returning to… ‘roots’ is the wrong word. I feel more and more like my mother and father, more and more keenly aware of the values they had.” He provides an interesting example, how he has become all thumbs around the act of tipping in restaurants: “I can be in a complete sweat about that.” He can imagine his parents, both dead now, in a similar muddle. “From the background we come from, you can have a bit of anxiety about coming across as grand. So you have to allay that by making sure you are communicating with everybody, all the time.”
Capaldi shakes his head, chuckling softly. He has finished his coffee. He’s about to put on his big coat, say goodbye to my son, and walk back through Whoville to his home and his family. Before he leaves we return to the subject of actors from privileged backgrounds. He says he feels mean, like he took unfair advantage of them in their absence. “It’s not their fault,” he says. “It’s just that there’s less and less of my lot in the arts.” And this concerns him, he continues, because “people of all backgrounds are sophisticated, are interesting, are equally prone to tragedy and joy. Any art that articulates that is a comfort. Art is the ultimate expression of you are not alone, wherever you are, whatever situation you are in. Art is about reaching out. So I think it’s wrong to allow one strata of society to have the most access.”
He nods, feeling he’s expressed himself better. I agree.
Criminal Record is streaming now on Apple TV+, with new episodes every Wednesday
Fashion editor Helen Seamons; Grooming by Kenneth Soh at The Wall Group using Eighth Day; fashion assistant Sam Deaman; photography assistants Tom Frimley and Tilly Pearson; shot at Loft Studio.
29 notes
·
View notes