#I am praying I’m allowed to be on the internet so we can still talk 😭

[gendertroublemaker]

I'll miss you sm Kurt, you got this💖💖💖💖 do u have an idea when you'll be back? wishing you all the best 💗💖

WAHHHHH ILL MISS U SO MUCH TOO SARAH 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭 I think its a month :( …. And tysm ur so supportive of me 🥹💖

#I am praying I’m allowed to be on the internet so we can still talk 😭 #asks for me #I’m rlly gonna miss all of u guys :(

[lilahelynora]

Everyone just soothing themselves by saying the girl with Dylan is Tiya… when she said they haven’t seen each other for a month. That’s funny.

Um okay I’m going to answer this and not answer anything more on the matter so please read everything carefully and also slowly if needed because this will be long…

Why does his romantic and also personally private life concern you? We truly know nothing about that girl, even the photographer doesn’t know who she is and was never told who she was.

Everyone is honestly just assuming they’re together because she’s sitting next to Dylan and not in the middle of him and Max.

I’ve seen rumors of people saying she’s wearing a hoodie to conceal her “pregnancy bump” when it was literally in the low 60s that night and also the entirety of that week (meaning that anyone would naturally wear a sweater if they felt cold, even Sarah and her Husband and Max were wearing hoodies).

I’ve seen rumors that he’s been with this girl for months and her neighbor and coworker confirmed it (literally if they have “confirmed it”, why not make those comments public with screenshots of them confirming it to shut everyone else’s rumors down? Why hide their names? If they publicly came out, they can handle their usernames being publicly released?).

I’ve even seen rumors that someone lives down the street from her and knows for a fact that he’s been seeing her for months? (Which I’m calling a major major bluff on because, that statement right there just makes that person that said this, a HUGE stalker — like how are you able to determine a relationship by seeing someone visiting someone else’s house?)

• Friends are allowed to visit each other?

• Friends are allowed to hug each other and joke around and stuff?

• Men can be friends with women and even sit next to them and hug or cuddle them without it meaning more?

• It shouldn’t be a societal abnormality for friends to interact like this and remain platonic?

• Dylan’s personal life choices do not concern us fans. Yes one day he will be with someone and he will naturally remain very private and discreet about them, as he’s always been when it comes to his private life (especially if that new person is not in the industry). But his private life does not concern his fans. At All. As many many have said before and I have true respect for them for saying that.

He has 1 to 2 photos taken with him of him and his friends at a movie screening and the internet (particularly Twitter) loses it; I’ve seen fighting and threats and gatekeeping forms of doxxing (people saying they’ve found the girl’s name but won’t release it??), I’ve seen so so much hatred and general negativity and honestly I am truly not surprised that Dylan, Max and Sarah haven’t come online since that photo was released.

Also his high school friends, yes friends he’s known for years, have potentially seen the s**t show that happened a few days ago. Is anyone on Twitter embarrassed or ashamed of themselves? Did anyone remember what Julia said few years ago?

“My brother, despite what you see on tv, is a very shy guy who likes his space and his privacy. He is socially anxious, again despite what you may see or think. He barely ever gets time to see or talk to ME, his sister and best friend. I know he's exhausted, I know this lifestyle is not what he expected. I know he mourns the complete loss of his privacy and often wonders if he made a huge mistake. But now at least he has a platform from which to communicate the things that actually matter in the world. I don't know how we have come so far as to NORMALIZE STALKING OUR CELEBRITY IDOLS but they are HUMANS JUST LIKE US.

“They have exhausting, strenuous, physically and socially demanding jobs that contractually obligate them to have a social media presence. And it is literally NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE. How would you feel if every time you came home from a long grueling day only to find an endless list of people you don't even know demanding your attention and feedback. It's truly insane. He is one person. He is still figuring out his place in this world…” — via Julia’s own words from her Instagram comments section.

Did everyone forget that? Nobody owns Dylan, Dylan is not an object. He’s a human being like the rest of us, when he’s not working he literally is living his life day-by-day and hour-by-hour and so on, just like we do! We can NOT vindicate or dictate his life choices. He doesn’t have to prove anything to his fans nor listen to his fans because he doesn’t know any of them in that way to warrant him doing that.

For the love of everything holy, please stop assuming that every time he’s seen with a woman or is photographed sitting or even standing next to a woman, that he is dating them. We have no right AT ALL to make those conclusions and I truly feel ashamed with the fan base after those events that day.

Also on an unrelated yet—probably soon related note, I’m sure you all have heard of Jamie Dornan right? Another fellow actor in the industry, yeah he was harassed by his fans in regards to his relationship with his wife who also was the mother of his children and he literally deactivated his social media accounts for a great allotment of time.

He’s back now I believe but my point is, he was harassed by his fans in regards to his personal life with his wife and his children and he deactivated everything. That is NOT OKAY IN THE SLIGHTEST.

One day, Dylan will more than likely have a wife of his own and a family of his own and I truly truly pray to everything pure and holy that nobody finds out about that part of his life developing because I genuinely fear for his safety and the safety of his family if that happens.

DYLAN’S PERSONAL LIFE DOES NOT CONCERN HIS FANS. HIS FANS ARE HERE TO SUPPORT HIM, NOT STALK HIM OR HARASS HIM OR JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OVER A PHOTOGRAPH OF HIM SITTING NEXT TO A WOMAN.

I’m DONE ranting and also to anyone that knows his legitimate address, I truly worry for your sanity and I pray that nobody shows up at his doorstep or even steps foot in his neighborhood. You have no right to do such a thing and that truly is the definition of a stalker, that is where the line crosses straight from “fan” to “stalker” and here in the US and I’m sure any other country, stalking leads to restraining orders and also jail time. Seriously stop stalking him. Don’t even try to stalk him.

I’m DONE OFFICIALLY with this rant. Have a nice day or night, wherever you are and I truly love everyone from the bottom of my heart and soul and I’m here if anyone wants to talk and such ❤️

#dylan o'brien #phew this got long #biggest rant I’ve done over a photo #I pray people will listen and stop jumping to conclusions #leave Dylan’s private life alone #it is private for a reason

[bitch-its-me-alv]

He is mine, bitches

Male Marinette! Male Damian! 

(Next You can’t touch what’s mine, bitch)

Damian did not have a type, he was a ex assassin, trained to eliminate useless impulses such as attraction, or romanticism of his person.

He didn't have a type, he didn't have ... he didn't ... he…

Oh my god, did that guy just threw a motorcycle? Damian had to get his number, his name, something!

Maybe not like robin, that would be clearly irresponsible and unprofessional. 

Judging by his outfit, he was at gotham college, the same one his civilian alter ego was in. That was convenient, he could approach like Damian wayne. 

Was Damian better than Robin? Who would attract him the most? Would he even like Damian or Robin to put his tongue down his throat?

Wait, he was talking to him! 

“I need you to take me to the hospital, I just threw my motorcycle at those thugs, could you?“ Omg, he was even more gorgeous up close, big, slanted eyes of blue, like the cosmos or something magical. Before Robin could answer him Red Hood intervened.

“Don't worry man, our Robin here will be happy to take you after your statement.” Red hood slapped his back.

The boy was even taller than Jason, Damian wasn't sure if he would survive the trip to the hospital on his motorcycle.

Robin momentarily emerged from his stupor, after red hood left, maybe hood thought it was bothering him, Robin was not comfortable with civilians after the fight, he was more fighting, hitting and then leaving the disaster for the police.

“If you're hurt, we could go first to the hospital” Robin said.

“Oh no actually, my friend Chloe was rushed to the hospital after the gas of fear paralyzed her. I am worried that when she recovers she would sue the entire floor.”The bluenette smiled

Robin just nodded, praying that none of his brothers would notice the blush under the mask, or worse, Batman might noticed.

On the way to the hospital, Robin felt the physical difference between him and Marin. It almost felt like he was being hugged by Marin.

They arrived in record time, Robin had a slight disappointment in his chest, but he crushed her, reminding himself that he would meet him later as Damian.

Marin got off the bike in front of the hospital. “Thanks for the trip robin, maybe you should go in too, that blow seems serious.” Marin touched the wound that went through his mask.

Robin didn’t blush, no one can prove it.” Things like these happen all the time, don't worry.”

“Well, I would say I hope to see you soon, but I don't think that's very good. So try not to hurt your gorgeous face.”

Leaving Robin flushed, he turned around to enter the hospital. Chloe would go crazy when he told her he flirted with a vigilante.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

If someone asked Marin why he had moved to Gotham city, he would tell the easy lie. After so long as a traveler with his nonna he had decided that he would finish his education in a normal and established way. And since his uncle Jagged and his aunt Penny owned a condo in the city, it was nothing suspicious.

Yeah, it is not as if the rest of his family is not completely legal and they are also conveniently around Gotham.

And if he had to hide some welcome gifts that his godparents and godmothers gave him like, a personalized flamethrower, a carnivorous plant as a pet, or exploding mallets. No one else would know, because he was not very interested in taking people home anyway.

After many close calls like Adrianna Agreste, or Lian Rossi, he did not want to rush into relationships.

But Damian was so cute, maybe he could do an exception for him. I mean, when he practically hit his chest with that stoic expression it was nice, but when Marin made him blush it was even better.

Marin was very good at flirting but not very good at getting compliments. So after seven weeks hanging out as friends, Damian discovered that he could hit him back with compliments.

Damian was in the ninth cloud, Marin was more than he had anticipated, and he couldn't love it more. He was so perfect, and that's why he had tried twice as hard to hide it from his family, he didn't want them to scare Marin away. But his plan was threatened by his very annoying and best friend, Jon.

“I seriously can’t believe it Damian, you got yourself a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me, i’m so upset.”

“Don't be dramatic kent, he is not my boyfriend ... yet. And if I did not tell you it was so that there were no rumors that would reach my family.”

“Damian, it doesn't matter, you got yourself a boyfriend and besides he is hellaMari12, I can never forgive you, meet that bonbon and save it for yourself, very bad Damian.” 

“What nonsense are you babbling kent? hellaMari12? Bonbon? Do you want my katana on your face?”

Jon showed him his cell phone, in a very famous instagram account, where in all the photos marin appeared, in a very specific one, with canvas pants, and a sweatshirt that showed his abs.

Damian couldn't control the blood that ran up his face, omg that photo was so hot. But a big part of himself was not distracted, this photo was public and had three million likes. His possessiveness made him frown, he was still not her boyfriend, he did not have to be angry, and even if he were, he had no right to claim him.

Damn, why did Marin have to be so attractive and kind? Now he not only had competition in Gotham, but also throughout the internet, excluding all the places he had been and assuming he had no suitor abroad.

Damian would have to hurry, because if he got distracted he could lose, and Damian Al-Ghul Wayne never lost.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

Marin was nearing the end of his patience. If damian was still so nice to him and didn't kiss him, Marin could hit something or kiss him until his soul was taken out.

With his attractive face in a constant frown, his jade eyes always fulminant, his olive skin so shiny and smooth. His always so neat black hair and his expensive cologne… Damn Damian why don't you just kiss Marin already?

That night Damian and Marin had arranged to do a marathon on how to train your dragon, because the green-eyed man had never seen such a work of art.

If Damian hadn't kissed him before the end of the first movie, Marin would. He had already arranged everything, hid the suspicious gifts, threw the dirty clothes into a closet that he had never opened before, shook the sofa. He put flavoring ... everything so that the atmosphere was perfect.

While they sat on the couch eating sour treats, with damian criticizing the characters' unrealistic choices. Damian let the sugar spread across his lips, unaware of himself as he concentrated on the movie.

Hiccup was about to feed the dragon when Marin couldn't resist any longer.

“Hey Damian, I'm about to kiss you. You can walk away if you don't want it”

Damian had recorded the question, had heard and understood it. But I couldn't believe it, so I just nodded hoping it wasn't a hallucination. 

It wasn't, the hallucinations weren't that perfect.

They were completely lost in their kisses, their environment disappeared as more and more time passed kissing, tousling the hair of the other, writhing to be closer together although that was impossible.

Someone's phone started ringing and suddenly the world was more than just the two of them. Damian was on Marin's lap, his arms under his shirt, and his legs wrapped in a possessive grip on his hips. Marin had one hand buried in Damian's midnight hair, and another dangerously low on his back.

They admired each other for five long seconds, until their phone rang in unison. They did not separate, they had been waiting for this for a shameful time, they could not lose it now that they had started it.

From Damian's phone were notifications from his brothers, asking about his absence hours before the patrol. He reply quickly informing them not to expect him and not to try to track him down. With a couple of threats in the family chat to let them know it was him, he turn off the phone and throw him away from where he was sitting.

On Marin's phone there were a couple of messages from chloe letting him know that if Damian made his boyfriend he would have to pass the blonde test, or she wouldn't approve it. While in the chat of their rouge godparents and godmothers, they would message each other about an assault they would do together soon. 

Marin answered chloe briefly, and ignored his uncles, there were things that he had to turn a blind eye to.

“So ... do you want to stay here at night?”Marin gently rubbed the spot where his left hand was, giving Damian nice chills.

“Had you anticipated this Dupain-cheng? Did you feel lucky?” Damian didn't take his eyes off his lips, making Marin blush slightly.

“I was confident, don't think I hadn't noticed how suddenly all our dates involved sweating and taking off my shirt.” 

Damian shut him up with a kiss, not because he was his boyfriend he was going to allow herself to lose to him.

The night passed with many kisses, hickies on the neck and under the clavicles. His words were lost somewhere between four and five in the morning. Falling exhausted on the sofa one on the other, with the warm sensation in their bodies of knowing that their love was reciprocated.

When the sun raised Damian was ecstatic, he could already hit all those with romantic intentions towards Marin. He could kiss him without being rejected, but… He didn't really know much about romantic relationships, but He’d find out along the way.

Marin was also full of excited and happy energy, fluttering around his kitchen and taking photos of everything as souvenirs for his future anniversaries.

After many signs on the sofa with Damian, and of him just being art lying on the sofa. Damian decided that everyone on the internet should know that Marin was not single.

With a simple photo published in Marin's account, with both disheveled and illuminated by the rising sun. The eyes of both seemed clearer than they were.

In the description Damian did not try very hard, with a simple he is mine, bitches settled, and let his followers burn while Marin danced in the kitchen and Damian tried not to get weaker for that boy.

#maribat #male marinette #daminette #gay cause it's june #who i'm kidding it's gay cause i wanted

[witchyintention]

Deities: What Are They, How to Work With Them & How to Find Them.

As a beginner witch deities are exciting and most want to jump into it right away. As someone who works with 7 let me tell you it is draining. Most people will simply tell you a big fat NO! At the mention of deities and not really tell you why it's a no for beginners. For one it takes a lot out of you. For two deities are a big step in your practice and you must work on the fundamentals before you even think of working with them. If you don't work on your grounding, shadow work, mediation and basic knowledge of witchcraft things can spiral out of control. This can get very dangerous very quickly. Deities are gods (or simply higher beings. I refer them to gods often so just keep this as a note) after all and someone weak trying to handle something powerful is disastrous. 

Think of tv, video games or movies. When someone who doesn't know what they are doing trying to summon something they have no business summoning it turns into a horror shit show. 

This is kinda how you should think of deities. However you are more than capable of worshipping them just like any other religion. Pray and leave offerings. You can even ask for guidance from them and that's perfectly fine. But do reframe from actually using them in your spell work.

Let me tell you about the difference. I have yet to go into spell work but you always cast a circle. So working with would be talking with a guide during any point of a spell. Your circle is a sacred space that's intended for your energy. By inventing other beings into the circle you are allowing them access to your energies.

When seeking help you pray and ask for a sign. Remember to keep this way from any sort of spellwork, you do not want just anyone to have access to your energies. 

Any time that you invite them into your circle, they are able to use your energy and feed off it. Now inviting them can be as simple as saying their name. From that point you are working with them. Because once they can work with your energy they can effect your spellwork. If it's an entity, that can then cause potential harm. By allowing them in your circle you're opening up the chance of that happening. Spells could go wrong or you could end up in the hospital. There are many stories of novice witches opening their circle to these entities because they don't know any better. Many ended up in the hospital and even dead.

I have said witchcraft, as fun and exciting as it is, can be very dangerous. I do not tell you the things I do to scare you but to educate you. You need to know exactly what you're going into. And that is the purpose of this series.

Though I have been saying deities this also includes spirit guides such as the Fae, Angels Ancestors and everything in between. When you do get to this point in your practice you can in fact have a mix of all of them. I primarily work with the greek pantheon however I have called upon others to aid me in the message they were trying to give. For example I do not work with Apollo however a friend of mine had been seeing signs of him along with the name being whispered in the back of their mind. 

(I'll take any chance to include anime. 😅)

This friend came to me to see if it was realy Apollo or something else that was pretending to be the god. This also frequently happens with beginner witches. They are more prone to believing something that isn't a god when told it is. This friend knew that and consulted me about it. As a result I found out it was Apollo and had him aid me in the message he wished to tell this friend through tarot. 

This was an example of me working with a god who I do not usually work with. However it is very much okay and actually encouraged to do some reading into Spirit  guides such as deities, Angel's and so on. Read about their lore and things associated with them. This will help you later or even now if you have been seeing signs from them. 

However if you anything like me you'll fall far down the rabbit hole of deities. I have been studying on greek and roman mythology since the 4th or 5th grade. Later when I moved halfway through 5th grade I was thrown into a group where we would choose a topic and do research on it. The theme we chose was greek mythology. The god I chose was Hades. I had always felt Hades had a bad reputation. With that I had this crazy goal to try and explain to everyone in my class he wasn't a bad guy. That he was just a guy who loves his wife and dog. 

Here I am nearly ten years later working with him. Did it take me a while? Yes. Will it take you this long? Maybe not. For me most of the years I have spent being a witch was studying rather than actual spellwork. You learn by doing, sure but when you already know the knowledge, putting it into action is much easier. Not to mention not all of us could do actually spell work due to this and that. Whatever reason you might be in the broom closet for.

Now once you have done your research keep an eye out for potential signs. It's best to look into all the gods. I had a witch who had thought she was dealing with Hades when it actually turned out to be Anubis. They both similar for what they rule over so getting them confused as a beginner is understandable. Especially when you only do research on one type of lore like greek. It's best to explore all the lore of all the different types. You have Egyptian, Greek/Roman, Norse, Celtic, Japanese, Angels, Fae and so many more. Do you have to read up about all of them? No but you probably should.

But let's be real here. Not everyone is going to. So pick maybe five that stand out to you then most and go fall down the rabbit hole of spirit guides. Also do keep in mind that if you see signs of one they could simply have a message for you rather than being a potential deity to work with. Like I had explained earlier with Apollo. He had a message for my friend and it was nothing more than that. Spirit guides of any sort can come and go as they please. Some might only come because you need them then in that moment.

What I have noticed is most don't have more than three spirit guides. I'm sure there are many who have more but from what I have seen in finding them for people they have had three or less. I find the hardest ones to figure who exactly they are, there the ancestors. I've had a few witches ask me to help find their guides and it was an ancestor who dated back 500 years ago. At that point I have absolutely no idea how to tell you exactly who this person was. Especially since not everyone in the world was written in a history book for doing something worthy of being written in books.

Also not many can actually trace their family tree that far back anyways. I sure as hell can't. 

Now you're probably asking when is the right time to actually start working with them? Well it differs from person to person. You can ask a more established witch like myself. Other times you just know. But I wouldn't trust that "I just know feeling" until you have strong intuition skills. I have many of my Protégés and regulars asking if they are ready all the time. How do I know? Easy divination. I have a strong bond with my deities so they always tell me the truth even when it might hurt me. Sometimes I have to tell them that when I notice a hesitation in their answering.

And truthful you will know when you know. Meeting mine just happened out of the blue. I was doing tarot readings during a live broadcast when I was suddenly hit with fatigue. I had the sudden urge to ask my pendulum if my spirit guides were present. I had a hunch of who they might have been and went through the list. If they said yes I then gave a true or false question about said deities lore. Let me tell you meeting all seven of them was exhausting. That night I did 8 readings with 8 different gods. One wasn't even my spirit guide or Patron God. Zeus just felt like hanging out.

And though I say you will just know when the time is right many will still just take that leap even when they are not ready. When it comes to deities you need to be cautious and actually ready for it. Don't just jump in because it sounds fun and you want them now. If you are uncertain about things in regards to them simply ask for help. I have built a community for exactly that.

Everyone needs help from time to time, even me. Do not be scared to ask for help because it's better you ask then things going wrong. I am always open for you to ask questions about the craft. I am always willing to help. If I do not know the answer I will however find it for you and the information will be trustworthy unlike the internet most of the time.

Witchcraft is exciting. I know. Yes it's a lot of fun. But please, you know yourself better than you think. Do your shadow work, meditate, learn your history and if you need help seek it out. 

That's all I have for today so until next time stay witchy! Blessed Be.

✩ Don't Steal Other Peoples Work ✩

Written:

June 28, 2020

By:

Reine Alicis

#magick #herbalism #hellenic gods #witchy aesthetic #oracle reading #healing energy #positive energy #hellenic community #candlemagic #candle #kemetic #norse gods #egyptian gods #celtic gods #Welsh gods #pagan gods #deities #partons #spirit guides

[sisterssafespace]

Salaam ukhti, I do not know what to do. I’ve been talking to a guy for a while now. My mother knows about him she’s happy for us to be wed. Alhamdulilah

So, this guy & I are from different cultures. I’m african he’s indian & I have no problem with that. In terms of his deen he’s perfect for me. The last step was for him to meet my father; I spoke to my father before they met told him he’s asian not african. He seemed completely okay with it at the time. Anyway, on the day he rang him and he hung up to call me. He said a lot of negative things I won’t repeat.

But, my issue is that he didn’t even try to meet him because of his ethnicity? The worse part is I have a strained relationship with him already (we don’t live together). So, the fact he couldn’t even meet a prospective guy for me his daughter his youngest child makes it worse.

Ever since then, we haven’t been speaking and he’s being really rude to me. Constantly making sly remarks about me because he asked what I did. I was angry because he knows he put me in a horrible situation. Since I had to go back to the guy to tell him my father couldn’t come because of an ‘emergency’.

My mother came up with the solution of her older brother going to meet the guy instead. To be honest, I understand why because my uncle speaks better english so they can communicate which I’m grateful for. But, it’s upsetting knowing my dad didn’t even try and I do not know if my uncle can even mehr me if my dad doesn’t say yes.

- ☁️

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear sister, I hope you are feeling better by the time you are reading this.

Let me start by saying that your ask hit a not close to home for I can relate on some points. Allahu al'mustaān.

Now, before getting into the story, let me just answer your last question about whether your uncle (brother to your mom) could marry you, if your father doesn't cooperate. Well, I know I clarified in the bio and the opening post that this page doesn't give fatwahs but this is not a fatwah as the fatwah is already there and all over the internet , and it's ' common knowledge ' unfortunately no, the brother of the mother doesn't have the authority to marry the girl off in Islam. In fact, there is a sequence or list of ' wali-s ' who can marry her and in case the father wasn't capable of doing that, then it is the paternal grandfather, then the brother, then the half brother (from her father's side), then her father's brother, then her father's half-brother, then her paternal cousin (son of her father's brother), then son of her father's half-brother, then in case all of them are not available or they don't agree, then it's taken up to the Judge. See, there is no family member from the mother's side in that lineage. Just to be clear.

However, we should consider alllllll the other options that you have before thinking of the worst case scenario, sis. Because even if your father wasn't the greatest man and you don't have the strongest relationship with him, you don't want to start this important chapter of your life on the wrong foot, by upsetting him more, or ruining your chances to fix things with him. It will only complicate the situation more. And keep in mind: it is not permissible to get married without a wali, as prophet Muhammad �� said : There is no marriage without the permission of a guardian.

Now let's see what we are dealing with, I don't know the reasons why your father is having this position - but one can only imagine.. However, Islam is innocent from all these ideologies, interracial and mixed marriage were never a problem in Islam and Allah swt and his Prophet ﷺ never forbid nor advised against marrying someone from a different ethnicity. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ said : "When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad)."

So, if the only reason why your father is not approving of this marriage is that the potential partner is from a different ethnicity, then your father is in the wrong and he will be accountable on his part. But there isn't much you can do without his approval. So what can you do instead? Is there any uncles from your father's side? A grandfather? An authoritarian family member? Or your local Imam or someone that your father actually values and listens to that you can actually talk to? To convince him to at least give the man a chance? And yes your uncle from your mother's side could talk to the guy and get to know him and maybe then he could tell your father about his qualities and how he is in shaa Allah a perfect fit for you, but again, he can't marry you off.

Now, I am sharing with you the feedback of a sister who is Alhamdulillah in a mixed marriage, she has been thru your experience and is now Alhamdulillah happily married, may Allah bless her and her family : "I understand her pain. They're judging him before even meeting him.. I don't know if there's much she can do tho. I think it's most likely that her father needs time to get used to the idea. He didn't expect her to marry out of the culture, that's a hard pill to slick for a lot of elder people. The advice I can give is to give it time and pray for it. Intercultural relationships is almost normal for our generation but it isn't for the generations before us. We have to keep that in consideration.

Also, if her uncle gets to meet the guy, maybe he can tell her father how great he is especially when it comes to deen. And her mother knows her father the best, she can eventually also speak in on his mindset and make him see that he's wrong to judge someone he hasn't even met.

I pray that her father 'wakes up' and realizes that culture doesn't matter. The only thing that will bring them to jannah, is their deen, and alhamdulillah he's perfect for her deen-wise. May Allah ease their affairs and bring them together in marriage. ❤️"

-----------------

I will finish with this meaningful insight from islamqa.org "While family members may think they are acting in the best interest of their children, there are many cases in which the refusal of parents is based on incorrect presumptions and understandings that stem from their own, distinct experiences and contexts that their children may not necessarily share.

In such cases, if someone does believe they have genuinely found someone suitable for marriage, whether from a different race/culture or not, and their parents still prove to be difficult, they should try to convince them with wisdom and tact, and take all appropriate means to make them see the merits of the decision.

Parents certainly have a right to be concerned about the future of their children, but since it is not the parents entering into the marriage, children also need to make sure they are not being forced into decisions that will adversely effect them in the future."

And most importantly (from the same source) "You should know that marriages are destined by Allah, All-Wise. So if this marriage is facilitated for you, then it will happen, and if not, then it won’t. And in either case, there is wisdom behind this that you are not aware of, so you should pray salat al-istikharah for ease in this matter if it should be good for you. It is best that you take the path of benevolence and kindness in these kinds of issues and don’t rush things lest you aggravate the problems."

To conclude, my dear sister, I KNOW that when we are inn love/ or when we start getting attached to someone, we let our imagination run wild, we build hopes and dreams involving them, we want to be with them asap and we let ourselves get carried away, I know for a fact that you'd want to rush things and just get married to this guy and get it over with, I feel you, I relate to you, I understand you perfectly. But sometimes that's not how life works for a) there's Allah's timing for everything and b) there's Allah's plan for us. We think we are choosing and we think we are planning but it's just an illusion, at the end of the day it's only Allah's plan that works. That's why I pray that your choice matches what Allah swt has already chosen for you, and your plan confirms with Allah's plan for you. Please please please pray Istikhara times and times and times again, tell your guy to pray Istikhara as well, and sis, duāa is your only way out of this. Try to pray Tahajjud (night prayer) if you can, I heard a saying a while ago that anyone who has any need from Allah swt should never miss a Tahajjud prayer. In the quiet of the last third of the night, when everyone else is sleeping, just you and your broken words and you crying heart sincerely and humbling asking for Allah's help and guidance. It works miracles ✨

In shaa Allah kheir my dear, may Allah swt guide you, and bring what's kheir for you closer, and grant you what your heart is wishing for. May Allah swt have mercy on your heart and not allow it to be broken over this matter. Ameen. 🤍

- A. Z. 🍃

#I'd like to thank my two beautiful sisters for their input on this ask #marriage things #marriage proposal #marriage proposal in islam #mixed marriage in islam #interractial marriage in islam #asks

[goddessdoeswitchery]

Hellenic Polytheism 101: Hymns, Epithets, and Prayers A Transcript

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing hymns, prayers, and epithets. I’ve found that a lot of Hellenic polytheists tend to struggle with prayers, with hymns, and with understanding epithets. It’s incredibly common to go into any forum dealing with an introduction to Hellenic Polytheism and see example prayers, templates for prayers, or see a button saying something along the lines of “prayer requests here”. This button is not often used in the way you traditionally think of prayer requests, as way to request prayer for someone in support of something going on; instead, it’s used to request that the writer write a particular prayer to use in every day practice. An example would be, “Can I get a prayer to Apollo for good luck in my band try-out?” Prayers can be hard. We always wind up feeling like we’re being judged, like it’s not good enough, like it should be better. So, here’s a guideline on that, on how I started writing my own prayers, to try to combat that feeling.

I want to start out with epithets, mainly because they are an important part of writing prayers and hymns. An epithet is a title, meant to indicate exactly what domain of what deity you are calling to. Again, I’m going use Hermes as an example because if there’s one deity that you want to be clear with, it’s definitely the god of trickery. Hermes has a bunch of epithets, Keeper of Flocks, of the marketplace, of crafts, or wiles, of games, interpreter, Slayer of argos, son of maia, messenger, trickster, leader of thieves, giver of joy, luck bringer, giver of good things. Hermes is all of those things, at once. However, if you’re wanting luck and decent sales at the farmer’s market, you probably don’t want the leader of thieves to be by your side. Epithets help with prayers because they can help narrow the focus of the prayer. Every deity in Hellenic polytheism has more than one side and more than one domain. Sometimes, those domains can be conflicting, in a way, like with Hermes being god of the marketplace and god of thieves.

Epithets also help with the signing of the praises and the worship of the deity in question. Remember how I said one of Hermes’ epithets was “Slayer of Argos?” That calls back to the time when Hermes, using his wiles, slayed Argos as Argos watched over Io for Hera, to keep Io away from Zeus. When I pray to honey tongued Hermes, Son of Maia, Slayer of Argos, luck bringer, for help in reaching my marketing goals for the month for at work, each epithet has a purpose. Son of Maia and slayer of Argos is how I say “I know who you are, I respect you, I know what you’ve done, I know your greatness and I’m showing you the deference and respect you deserve because of these things which you are”. Every deity has epithets which are less about their domain and more about their greatness as a deity. Foam born, golden Aphrodite. Chaste Artemis, daughter of Leto. By using those epithets, you’re calling to their greatness.

Now, you’ll notice that in that little example I gave with Hermes, I used the epithet “honey tongued”. This isn’t, to my knowledge, an epithet that was used by Homer or any of the cults of Hermes. That’s because another fun thing about epithets is that you can make your own. I’ve seen some fun ones, like Aphrodite of the perfectly shaped buttocks, or Hestia of the perfectly cooked dinner. They can be fun, amusing, small things that you credit the Theoi with. They can also be more serious things. Artemis of the well placed shot. Demeter of a mother’s grief. It’s not only acceptable, but encouraged to come up with your own epithets.

Once you’ve settled on, or created, the epithets you want to use, it can help to look at hymns. Pretty much every Hellenic polytheist knows of Homeric hymns. Now, these hymns may have been created by Homer, of the Odyssey and Iliad, but they’re called Homeric Hymns because they’re written in the same meter as the Iliad and Odyssey. There are also the Orphic hymns, if you’re looking for hymns with historical use. And there are many, many hymns written by modern worshippers. Now, a lot of people have asked “What’s the difference between a hymn and a prayer?” Hymns like the Homeric hymns were often sung out in public. There’s a reason so many of them start with “I sing of” or “I tell of” or “I speak of”. They were performance pieces. They were used in competitions and in rituals and in public places. A lot of the modernly created hymns serve the same purpose. They’re used for public worship (in a way) and often serve to sing of the praises of our deities. When we put them out there for others to see, it’s saying “Hey, look at how amazing Apollo is!” When we use them in private worship, its saying to the Theoi “Look at how incredible Apollo is! Hear all the wonderful things he’s done! I just love him so much!”

But a prayer is more…..focused. Yes, prayers can be used to worship. They can also be used to request something, or thank the Theoi. They’re a little bit more flexible. Sometimes a prayer is to one specific Theoi. Sometimes, it’s to many of them. I’ve never seen one to all of them by name, probably because no one has that kind of time, but I have seen prayers addressed to “The Theoi” in general. About 4 years ago, when I still worked on overnights, I wrote the following prayer:

Artemis, great huntress, protector of women and children alike, thank you for your protection over me and mine during this night.

Apollo, musician, without your gifts of music, I would be lost all night. Thank you for the songs and playlists, and the strength and inspiration they give me.

Hephaestus, inventor, without your mind and your creations, my life would be much harder. Thank you for the many things I take for granted.

Hera, queen of the heavens, shining goddess, thank you for the strength you bring me and the peace you bring my relationships.

Zeus, bringer of justice, King of all, thank you for the opportunities you bring me to enact what justice I can on those around me.

Athena, of wisdom, glorious goddess whose mind never fails, thank you for helping me keep my mind and helping me find creative ways to do better. Without you, I would be lost.

Demeter, goddess of the harvest, I cannot sing your praises enough, nor can I thank you enough for the food that graces my family and feeds us all. Thank you, for always ensuring we are well fed.

Hestia, who protects and guides the home and those in it, praise be to you. I have a home and loved ones inside. I am blessed by you, glorious goddess, compassionate one.

Poseidon, ruler of the seas, shaker of the earth, father of horses, thank you for your protection over your realm which allows us to travel on it and get the supplies we need. Glory be, ruler of the ocean.

Ares, warrior and raging god, whose wrath is feared and well known, thank you for guiding me in my rage to use it to the best advantage.

Dionysus, who knows a good time and who knows the value of being free to be yourself, thank you for your guidance and the freedom you give me to be me.

Aphrodite, passionate one, lovely goddess who shines above all, revered beauty, goddess of love, thank you for the love you bring me every day. Thank you for the one I love who loves me in return. Thank you for guiding us to each other, bringing us happiness and joy.

Hermes, trickster, great messenger, merchant and traveler, who watches over all who appear at my job and who keeps my family and loved ones safe from harm, endless thanks to you. Talkative one, who keeps me entertained, and who brings my prayer to the heavens for all the Theoi to hear, I praise you.

Praise be to Theoi, who do so much to guide, protect, inspire, and care for humanity and those I love every day

Notice, I didn’t use any specific, historical epithets. This was a prayer specifically for the Olympians. Not every prayer has to be, but in this case, I wanted it to be. It was one I said, every morning, for about 2 years, when I got home and lit incense after work, before bed. If I were to write it today, I would obviously adjust it. I would adjust the bits about my job because it has changed. I’m not the person I was before. And that’s okay! Prayers can change. I’ve heard from a lot of people who have used that prayer as a template for their own. Every worshipper is different and so your prayers will be unique to you and your experiences.

They also don’t have to be that long. A lot of mine are not that long. “Fleet footed Hermes, guide, luck bringer, help me get to work on time, please and thank you!” is a prayer that is said with some regularity in my car, my fingers clutching the prayer beds hanging on my gear shift, because I once again got out of the house a little later than I should have. At meal times, my prayer goes “ Thank you, Great mother Demeter, whose bountiful harvests provided me with this food.” “Hades, bringer of wealth, careful planner, help this check stretch as far as it needs to” is one I’ve said more than once. “Lovely Aphrodite, glorious goddess of love, swift footed Hermes, messenger, traveler of great distances, help us find the time to meet” is a prayer I’ve used to ask for more time to spend with my girlfriend, as we both have busy schedules and live like an hour and half away from each other.

I know it can feel hard sometimes, to come up with a prayer that can meet the scrutiny of a deity who has been around forever. It can be harder to come up with one that meets the scrutiny of the internet. When you’re writing down a prayer in a devotional journal, its hard to find one that feels like it’s up to the challenge of being in there, forever. But we shouldn’t be afraid to pray, to sing out a hymn, to use a unique epithet we created. I’ve been a Hellenic polytheist for over a decade. There are a lot of prayers and hymns and epithets that I’ve looked back on and went “eesh” and stepped far away from, never to use them again. But it’s never stopped me from trying. And that’s really the lesson I want to leave you with today. Start trying, and don’t stop. Your prayers do not have to be perfect to be prayers.

So thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic polytheism 101. Once again, if you want to find a transcript of today’s podcast, go to goddessdoeswitchery.com and check out the tags transcript or transcripts (plural). Along with the transcript, you’ll find a link to the sources I used today, which are the epithets section of Theoi.com pages for Aphrodite, Hermes,  and Artemis. Otherwise, it’s all just general knowledge I picked up who knows how long ago from books and blog posts whose titles I’ve long forgotten. The last episode of this year will be on December 27th and will be focused on how to create your own calendar for worship, including religious holidays like Noumenia. I look forward to seeing you all then.

#hellenic polytheism #hellenic polytheism 101 #transcript #transcripts #hymns prayers and epithets #hymns #prayers #epithets

[cheri-translates]

[CN] 100 Days - Shaw (Day 51 - 100)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for e-mails which have not been released in English servers! 🍒

What’s the 100 Days Companionship Event?

Day 1 - 3: here

Day 4 - 30: here

Day 31 - 50: here

Day 51

Learnt a new card magic trick and will leave you wide-eyed today. You coming?

Day 52

Instead of thinking about raising koi to change your fortune, why not buy a can of cola. As compared to nothing, at least my mood will be good.

Day 53

I have two tickets for an e-sports competition. It’s at 8pm. We’ll meet at the entrance of your place.

Day 54

The competition yesterday was pretty bad. I may as well have participated myself. Let’s not go for today’s competition. We’ll level up at home.

Day 55

Sign in. Come to think of it, you’re pretty amazing - you can come up with so many topics to talk about every day.

Day 56

I heard that you have plans to try jigsaw puzzles. I’ve sent you one with 30,000 pieces - it’s completely white. No need to thank me, and I wish you an early completion.

Day 57

The professor keeps complaining that his snacks go missing. Placing the snacks in a laboratory where people walk to and fro - he deserves it. Don’t you agree?

Day 58

I found the snacks thief - it’s a big fat crow. Whoa, it’s awfully sly.

Day 59

Jensen has been working hard on practising his rap. Today, I even heard a flow in his snoring, and recorded it. Want to hear?

Day 60

It’s the day of Frost’s Descent. Of course you have to eat marbled beef with me.

[Trivia] 霜降 (“shuang jiang”) translates to “Frost’s Descent”, which refers to the last solar term of autumn. Shaw’s use of “marbled beef” is a play on words because in Chinese, “marbled beef” is “霜降肥牛”!

Day 61

Even three-year-old children know that they have to wear more clothes when it’s cold. Looks like you’re only one-year-old.

Day 62

There’s a small stall on Westmoon Street selling Double Ninth cake. It’s tastier than those in other places. Come out quickly, I’ll take you to taste the delicacy.

Day 63

Head to the hotpot shop first. The Old Man wants me to meet some of his old colleagues. How troublesome. Remember to order a plate of tripe for me.

Day 64

You want to compete to see who can replicate the most number of animal sounds tomorrow? You’ll definitely lose.

Day 65

Fine, I lost… But why do you know how to imitate the sound of a hippopotamus?!

Day 66

Are you really angry today? In that case, if I wear a pompom hat next time, I’ll let you tie a knot too.

Day 67

That song you shared with me before - its orchestral arrangement is still passable, but its effects will be ten times better with the bass. I’ll record a section for you later.

Day 68 (Halloween)

Title: Costumes

This is what you called an incredibly amazing costume? Wait at home. I’ll show you what’s truly “incredibly amazing”.

Day 69

A performance without an audience is pretty fun too. It’d have been even better if someone were around to record it. I think you’re pretty suited for it.

Day 70

Today’s challenge: To sneak away under the eyes of the professor.

Day 71

I signed in late today, but you can’t blame me for oversleeping. It’s all because the sun didn’t appear and head to work today.

Day 72

Unlocked a new breakfast combo. Even though I don’t see a need for it, I can recommend it to you.

Day 73

There’s a bad ending to that drama you haven’t finished watching, so I’m giving you a heads-up. I wasn’t wrong when I said fairy tales weren’t believable, was I?

Day 74

Feels like you’ve been busy for several days. Want to sneak out to relax for a while?

Day 75

Realised that my phone battery is running low, and can’t slack off and send you messages anymore. How unlucky.

Day 76

I’ve been busy preparing for exams recently, but you can still send me messages at night as usual. At most, I’ll reply you the next day

Day 77

There’s a sports meet in school next week, and I’ve been dragged in to fill the numbers. Come watch if you have time.

Day 78

Let’s compete in a round of “flash sale” tonight. The loser will buy whatever’s in the other person’s shopping cart.

[Note] Shaw is talking about 秒杀 (“miao sha”), which directly translates to “seconds kill”. It’s a term used in online shopping where once popular items are placed on the Internet, dozens of them are immediately snatched up, sometimes in a single second.

Day 79 (Single’s Day)

The rain in November is pretty cold. I’ve decided to shower and sleep early today, so don’t disturb me after 12am.

Day 80

I can brush off how you added ginger ale to Cola the last time. But this time, what do you think you’re doing by adding indigo woad root?

[Note] Indigo woad root, also known as the root of Isatis tinctoria (板蓝根 - “ban lan gen”)is a traditional Chinese herb used for flu relief

Day 81

Horror techniques like inserting a jump scare in a comedic clip is too elementary. Next time, please come up with something new.

Day 82

Are you awake? Head out once you’ve signed in, or what I taught you about the skateboard will be completely forgotten.

Day 83

The graffiti wall I brought you to the last time has been torn down. I found a new unfinished building, and you can practice here.

Day 84

No one can be certain of the future. I can’t be bothered to think about it either. As long as you run in the direction you want to go, it’s enough.

Day 85

This semester’s elective course is almost over. There are some assignments I haven’t finished. If there’s anything, come to the library to find me.

Day 86

I don’t feel like writing anymore, and am prepared to head out for a stroll tomorrow. Give me two recommended locations from your collection of reviews.

Day 87

One principle applies to both ice-skating and skateboarding - you won’t learn it if you don’t fall a few times. In the worst case, I’ll catch you when you fall.

Day 88

Watched as someone failed to stick a straw in after three tries, and didn’t allow me to laugh out loud.

Day 89

That hook you hummed today was a little familiar. Did you watch the live performance of that very popular underground band recently?

Day 90

Call me along the next time you go to a Live. Relax, I’m on pretty good terms with the bassist from that band. I’m not going there for a surprise brawl.

Day 91

The Old Man’s a little sick, so I’m bringing him medicine. Since it’s along the way, I’ll bring the umbrella you left at my place to you.

Day 92

Didn’t expect you to grasp the move I taught you today so quickly. I’ll award you with a can of Cola.

Day 93

The punishment for today’s game are biscuits filled with mustard, and the person who loses will eat them. Do you have the guts?

Day 94

Have I been infected with your bad luck recently? Even the things I get in blind boxes are duplicates.

Day 95

Not just old antique shops - I can also find all the old game shops, old phonograph shops, and old appliances shops in Loveland City.

Day 96

Adam forgot to take the pot away the last time he had instant-boiled mutton hot pot in Live House. We could use it again today.

Day 97

Instead of believing in some “Mercury Retrograde”, why not come along with me to pray to Emperor Yang Gu, so he’ll save you from calamities.

Day 98

It’s become a habit to chat with you every day. If there are such challenges in the future, look for me too. Got it?

Day 99

It’s the second last day, and we’ll soon see the outcome of who has won this round. Are you sure you’ve been signing in every day?

Day 100

If there any other bets or challenges next time, I’m always ready and waiting.

[akari-hope]

i think a lot of liberal or left leaning adults who were extremely online as children view efforts to curb the amount of noxious shit kids are exposed to online as “puritan pearl clutching” because “they turned out okay” after being mostly unsupervised as kids, but then a lot of them are miserably depressed and suffering long term emotional and psychological damage from the fucking avalanche of bigotry they were exposed to on 4chan or reddit or kiwifarms or encyclopediadramatica or whatever.

2/2  like putting aside that the online ecoystem is TOTALLY different now and it is a lot easier for kids to just suddenly end up on nazi youtube than it was for you as a kid to navigate the labyrinth of late 90s/early 2000s internet, a lot of you VERY CLEARLY did not turn out okay, and that’s not even getting into the fact that other adults like you who were extremely online like you are the ones who are radicalizing teenagers now! where do you think they absorbed all of that propaganda, actually?

hey, i agree with you! the ecosystem IS completely different now. it’s much easier for kids to find things! bc most everything is very clearly labeled! meaning if you are old enough to be on the internet, you are old enough to curate your own internet experience. it is up to you to use features like blacklist/mute, and determine what content you ARE or AREN’T ready to see.

now, points to you anon. everyone else bringing this up was always talking about nsfw content. so props to you for instead accusing me of exposing the children to RADICAL RIGHT-WINGED BIGOTRY. i needed a laugh, thank you! now, i had a lot of negative experiences online as a kid, but uhhhhhhh bigotry was not one of them actually! i never went on any of the sites you mentioned! dunno whose experience you’re talking about! but you don’t know me! so kindly, think for 5 seconds before making wild assumptions about people with zero evidence. i know that requires using the braincell, but i PROMISE it’s so worth it so you don’t embarrass yourself like this.

since you clearly don’t know anything about me, allow me to share! i am a nonbinary lesbian. i am a leftist. i was raised in a mormon household. if you are not american, or otherwise blissfully unaware, the mormon church is a cult. my exposure to right-winged bigotry was DIRECT, not via the internet. which, shocker, is much worse! i didn’t have any choice in that matter. and i’m very lucky that i had the internet and lived experience of being in a fairly liberal area in order to radicalize me and keep me from getting entirely brainwashed by the church. needless to say, if i am accusing someone of “puritan pearl clutching”, i’ve actually got a basis for what that is! and tbh, any time someone uses “think of the children” as an argument, odds are whatever their argument is is actually just evangelical christianity in drag.

now, let’s make something clear - i am in favor of de-platforming fascists, nazis, white supremacists, or any other name they go by. i don’t know where you thought otherwise! but this blog firmly supports punching nazis! HOWEVER. i am NOT in favor of eliminating all trace that something exists. now, i know, critical thinking is hard, so this might seem like it’s contradictory. but let’s use examples to help us!

trump is a fascist. that’s a fact. a powerful and loud one! twitter banning his account, though late and purely performatory, IS good. his individual influence was huge, and it’s beneficial to not have him actively spouting harmful ideology. the active push to get white supremacist and nazi groups off of social media platforms is good, as it does help limit their influence. but, even doing that, these ideologies do not cease to exist! the concept in history does not cease to exist, and neither does the fact that these nazis will disguise themselves and their arguments in order to seem less dangerous, and to avoid filters. that is why it is important for EVERYONE to have access to educative material about fascist ideology. you must UNDERSTAND what it is in order to protect yourself from it!

now, sure, you might say it wouldn’t be a problem if it was completely gone from the internet. but...it still would be. the real world exists, a fact you seem to have forgotten, anon! bigotry, fascism, nazism, it exists in the real world. and you will NEVER be able to shelter children from everything irl. they’ll go to school with baby fascists. they might have teachers, mentors, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents who are fascists. sure, it’s unfair! it’s unfair to kids that they can be exposed to horrible shit like that, especially unwittingly! especially bc fascists PREY ON UNINFORMED YOUNG PEOPLE. it is EXACTLY for this reason that you need to give them the knowledge, support, and resources to protect themselves. THAT is the job of adults online. THAT is how we create safe spaces for minors. “safety” does not mean “coddling”. safety means an environment where we can discuss and educate on serious, even upsetting, even dangerous topics. it means telling kids a) what things are and b) how to avoid them if they wish to.

so, pray tell, anon - what in any of that is evidence of me “radicalizing” the children to bigotry? can you tell me, in honesty, that it’s better for kids to live in a bubble, to be uninformed and vulnerable? bc i sure can’t! i didn’t have all these resources as a kid, and i sure think it’d be a shame to deprive kids nowadays from them bc things are “bad”. but i know, i know, it’s too hard to think beyond “thing bad” :( the world only exists online, there’s no real-world consequences for any of this stuff. wish that was the world i lived in! you seem very content to condemn total strangers for absolutely nothing from your virtual soapbox.

are we square now? :)

#anon #fascism #white supremacy mention #nazi mention #long post #please lmk if i need to tag anything else #i'm so sorry to literally everyone else for the length of this post #and for the absolute nonsense that anon is on

[someone-give-me-a-hug]

I never believed in karma

This is a little story based mostly on a story of when I was younger and a prompt I found somewhere that said right a story about why you believe in karma. I was bored and so we have this. also this isn't proofread so :) there are a few mentions of abusive behavior.

I never believed in much as a kid. I knew from the age of 4 that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real. That Santa was nothing but a myth. Not even being read stories of miracles and magic, giants and dragons could sway the little pessimist in my head who would constantly nag that the world was cruel and the universe could never give back. My parents hated it, in fact, it became a running joke that they found it so hard to convince me to believe that they would drop me off at the police station one day and see if I would believe in the miracle of them coming back. It was never that funny but everyone else would laugh. When I was about 8 my parents were divorced, it was like the only world I had known had been split down the middle like a dry log and placed on the fire that fueled my spitful ways. I was angry, at myself, at the world, at the same stupid universe who tried to trick kids into thinking the chocolate eggs in their garden came from a rabbit who had now torn my life into 2 separate factions; one filled with the rage of a drinker who screamed at the little things but wore the sweetest smile and held me tight as though I might be the next to leave and another filled with false promise and manipulation. Neither was ideal and so I taught myself how to grow up and focused on becoming better than my parents. The years went by in an endless cycle of the seasons. Spring spent watching the cherry blossom tree in my fathers' fancy new house bud and grow whilst wishing to be anywhere but there, Summers spent in isolation, left alone and separated from my friends, Autumn spent in public libraries to get away from home for a few hours and Winter spent praying for the isolation of summer or really anything to get out of Christmas dinner and having to face everyone. Father time treated me as well as he could, the image of a wise old man, gray beard littered with the stories of my life, and eyes that looked straight through you as if you were a ghost. No matter how much time passed I still didn’t believe in anything of great significance and I certainly didn’t believe in Karma. That was until I turned 11. It had been a couple days after my birthday, I had gotten a few bits and bobs that would find their way into the draw of rubbish that was religiously searched by my dad but most importantly I had gotten a phone as a way of contacting either parent when I was staying at the other's house. To me this was a dream come true! I could finally text the people that mattered and blend in with other kids my age who for the last 2 years had been trying to act 5 years older on the internet. I wasn't allowed it at night (which was understandable as I would spend all night trying to contact and interact with people all within the four walls of my room and huddled in between the 2 plush white pillows I had on my bed). Little did I know, my dad would search through the messages sent to my mum or grandma about how unhappy I was up at his with his girlfriend who treated me like I was a problem, and where I went below the dog in the pecking order. Now in these messages, I had referred to my dad's girlfriend as a “Step-witch” and when he found this out he wasn’t happy at all, I was locked in the lounge and shouted at for more time than I would like to admit. Now one thing I will say is when I get scared or too emotional I can’t talk, the words escape my throat and the oxygen can never find its way in. I begged and pleaded fresh tears gliding down the salty remains of the old ones to be able to write as a way of speaking and saying sorry. “No!” they insisted “we won’t tolerate this disrespect and you aren’t a toddler you can speak like a normal person!”. After that, I wasn’t allowed to use my phone at all and all the messages I sent had to be run through them before my finger could hit the send button. A few weeks later when it was time once again to make my Monday trip to Dad's after school I was shocked to receive a message from my father telling me my mum would be dropping me up as they couldn’t manage it. It wasn’t until mum left me on their

meticulously de-weeded and bleak front door and had to let myself in with the spare key that I realized what had happened. The house had been swept through by the flu, everyone was sick! Not wanting to give up the ongoing battle of where I should live with my mum, my dad had said he was busy and asked her to drop me up when in fact he was bedridden by the vicious illness. They were all coughing, sniffling, sneezing into a tissue, and then throwing it onto a growing pile the size of Mount Everest herself. The only one who seemed to be unaffected was my Oldest step-brother, let’s call him Dan. Dan never treated me like some old gum he had stepped in that just wouldn’t get off his shoe like the others, he never said anything bad to me or about me (at least to my face) and he was the only person in the house who treated me as if I was human. So as my Dad and Sammy (let’s just call her that for now) were holed up in their room Dan took it upon himself to take care of me for the 3 days of my stay. You see Dad and Sammy had lost their voice and resorted to writing on paper to communicate to us what they needed (or they used their phones but they were charged on the other side of the room to the bed and they could hardly muster up the strength to walk all those 10 steps to get them). However, there was 1 problem with this: all the led in the pencils were always broken and could never sharpen right, all the pens never wrote and we could never make out the frantic hand signals they would make. Now I’m not saying they deserved it for everything they did nor am I saying that it was karma who ripped their voices from their throats just as they had ripped my only means of communication to the outside world and to plead my case that day. All I am saying is from that day forward the universe and all her wonderful ways stuck on that tiny list of things I believed in. And who knows maybe next year I might catch a glimpse of a fat, red and white man and his big clumpy boots climb back up the chimney, leaving presents and mince pie crumbs in his wake.

#Story #i wrote this when I was sad #wish it happened like this #tw mentions of abuse #tw manipulation

[lord-of-fidgets]

Serious talk/vent ahead :

I don't know how to really explain everything but I feel I need to in hopes either I feel better or someone else who've even through something can give me some sort of advice or ... Something. Or maybe I'm just looking for someone to just.. listen? Who knows.

My family - used loosely - is made up of my step dad and my biological mom. At least that's who I live with because I've been unable to get my own place. There's a set of strict rules I have to follow; they rule everything. media consumed, etc, have to be approved otherwise I have to hide it ( try to anyway) or just like it from afar. They took me out of public school when I was in the 6th grade, and essentially isolated me. Telling me how evil the world was while also being abusive to me mentally/emotionally/physically.

I was expected to read the bible in the morning, during school hours, and at night. Only "biblical" music was allowed. Same with movies and books. Etc. If an argument happened I would be told that there was a demon in me and I needed to be prayed over. If I couldn't recite a prayer ( due to me not liking to talk, and being put on the spot makes me feel akward) then it was assumed I was also under the influence of demons.

Since I'm afab, I was trained that my duty as a female was to know how to run a home, be married, stay at home, and have kids ( with no say in it - as saying no or using birth control is considered sinful. ) And that college and debt was a sin and a waste of time. LGBTQ is evil in their eyes as well ( so hence why I'm not out anywhere but online and to some irl online friends ).

One of the things the community they belong to believe is that amab and afab people can't talk without supervision. And that writing letters was strictly used with the intent to get to know someone for a more romantic purpose. Aka to see if marriage was being sought. If so, then my mom and step dad would have to approve.

There's this one guy from years ago that I saw at my mom's church. It was around the time I started really questioning what I believed and who I was, truly. It was one of many difficult times in the family. Including the time where my step dad shoved me by the neck to the ground and tried to kick me, and mom didn't want to take me to the hospital because she "wouldn't lie" and that "we can't afford it" despite the fact I was concussed and more. Anyway....

I stayed to myself in the church. I didn't have friends and I didn't get along with anyone really. When we were getting ready to move again, this guy apparently told his mom I was pretty, etc. And then asked my mom and step dad for permission to write me. I said sure because I was on the spot, and he did write. I never replied. Fast forward and I find out he is still waiting for a reply. 2 years later. He has not apparently tried to date or persue anyone else and I find it creepy because this guy doesn't know me AT ALL. Just my name and my face.

Now any time I try to mention my future, my mom brings him ( M ) up. "Well you don't see anyone else around here do you waiting in line?" <--- is what she likes to tell me, feeding into my fears of being alone and also making me feel like she just wants to get rid of me. I sort of feel like I'm behind coherced into talking to M and then maybe even marrying him. Like she thinks I won't find anyone else and it feels like she low-key is guilt tripping me into not replying to M. .

If I did reply and it led down that path - I could never transition. I'd be hardcore back into the closet. Which is what everyone wants. Me to be a cishet afab. I've been desperate enough I've even googled on how to try to do conversation therapy on myself - anything to fit in to stop the struggle. To be the good girl they wanted. It makes me cry. It feels wrong. I am a man. I'm a gay man.

But if I tried to be me - I'd be homeless. With no place to go ( I have no friends to stay with anywhere near me either ), no car, etc. And then I'd be even more alone since I'd be cut off from family forever. They've abused me but I think one of my fears is being abandoned thanks to all the other truamas I went through early on in my life.

Thats another thing. This same group of these type of people said I was demon possessed because of my self harm scars. They claimed to be holy and wanting to help but would isolate me and talk bad about me to the point the kids would repeat things the adults said about me, even though I kept to myself and tried to stay out of people's way. ...

Apparently M knows I'm autistic and as mom put it that would be good because "his sister is autistic so he's familiar with it." As if she's trying to toss me over to another caretaker.

And this is just skimming the surface.

I feel alone and ashamed for being me and they've made me believe I'm evil and sinful and wrong and need to just fall in line and repent and try to be good and obey regardless of my own wants. They use my fears against me. The only reason I even have a phone is due to a friend many states away when I lost my one job ( low-key sure I was fired because I am autistic ) and couldn't afford my own phone anymore ( which didn't have internet access anyway ).

I just... Feel so afraid.

#actuallyautistic #tw religious mention #tw abuse #tw vent #trans #ftm #gay ftm

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

15. The Rise of the True King

Word Count: 3478 Trigger Warnings: Institutionalization, abortion, potential stand your ground related trauma + References to warnings of previous chapter

Previous

“Everyone was terrified of her. You can ask anyone who went to the academy. She was a terrorist. She would lure you with her sweet-as-honey routine, and then she’d just flip and become this monster. Everyone who’s come out about her, I think, it’s much braver than me. Because even though I was close to her, I had a little bit of leeway for a while. As long as I did what she wanted me to do, I was safe. But when I no longer wanted to do what she wanted me to do… we became enemies.”

“I think it’s very brave of you to speak out, as well.”

“I just couldn’t live with myself if I let her get away with everything that she’s done. All of the violence, the bullying and oppression. She is literally a beast. A monster. Luckily, I was able to see her for what she was before it ruined my entire life…”

Grace cried, watching the interview in which Simon was saying these things about her.

Her mom walked in and asked, “What are you watching?” she saw Simon and ordered, “Turn it off.”

“Do you think that he really believes this or is he just an excellent liar?”

Her mother turned the TV off and took the remote from her, “Doesn’t matter whether he believes it or not. All that matters is that he’s saying it and everyone is hearing him. What matters is that you brought him into our life and now he’s soiling our good name all over television and the internet and in books and whatever else his voice can reach.”

“We were best friends…”

“Yeah, you told us that one before. Funny, he doesn’t seem to remember that. Maybe it never was. Gee, I wonder if anyone at all tried to warn you to stay away from this boy. If ONLY someone would have told you that he wasn’t right for you and that he didn’t love you…”

The past few months had been horrific. It began when Grace tried to get online and check to see if anything had been said about her video or her outburst at school. She panicked whenever she saw news about a video of her trending. She was temporarily relieved when she saw that it was her and Simon out on the terrace, then panicked again, because it had just occurred to her why he was moving so calmly… Because on video, it looked like he was gently speaking with her and trying to console her when she punched him in the face and started whaling on him. 

Grace Monroe is Over, Grace is Cancelled, Void Grace Monroe, and The Void were all connected to every post about her. “She’s an abuser! Poor Simon. I just want to give him a hug and brush his hair.” “I knew something wasn’t right about her. The sweet act seemed fake and manipulative and the Apex underneath her was rabid and vicious.” “Yoooo… I met her and she was so nice. This is bugging me out. WHY GRACE?” “This is precisely what I mean when I say abuse goes both ways. Girls can be abusive to boys too. I hope Simon has a good support system.”

She would have laughed if she could find some emotion other than hurt… She didn’t even know that she could hurt more after the fight, but somehow, she did. But, this wasn’t right. She had gone silent for days, but it wasn’t right that they got to spin things this way. MAYBE, she WAS a little violent, sometimes. But, she had NEVER hurt Simon, and certainly didn’t abuse him! And… she had been doing so much better. She had been checking her temper and her attacks. She had been less of a bully. It wasn’t that she wanted a cookie, but it hurt that she tried so hard to get herself away from her bad child routine, only to have her partner in crime let her be crucified this way. 

She threw on some clothes, knee pads, a mask and she snuck out of her fire escape. She just wanted to talk. Maybe the paparazzi caught this on tape and went running wild with it. Maybe… her Simon was in there somewhere. She took a car and left the gates, headed for Simon’s place.

Whenever she got there, she saw that the garage was open, but it had been cleaned out a lot. It didn’t look like a workroom anymore. She didn’t know if that meant that Mr. Laurent had finally gotten closure, or was moving to a different space. But, he was there. She didn’t know how much he knew. Usually, he didn’t acknowledge much that Simon did, but who knew WHAT Simon was doing or saying at this time. “Mr. Laurent?” she said as she approached. He turned suddenly then reached for a gun. ‘WHOA!” She put her hands up. “I’m sorry. I am gonna go…”

“You came into my sacred space, destroyed the memorial for my little girl, turned my son into a monster, and you just waltz up here without a care in the world?”

“I destroyed what? Hope’s memorial. I would never do something like…”

“Never say her name again. We have a restraining order on you. Now, I suggest you leave, before I have to stand my ground.”

“I didn’t do that,” she whispered as she got back into the car. “I would never do that…” She couldn’t believe that Simon would either. She was almost ready to pray to something or someone. That must’ve been what Simon had been talking about whenever they got into that fight a couple of weeks before. He let her take the fall for that, too? Was THAT story also circulating the Internet? Her phone rang and she answered it on the Bluetooth.

“My dad called the cops on you. You really should head back home.”

“Why did you do this to me? We couldn’t just… talk it out? I know that you’re hurting. I understand that…”

“You don’t understand anything. You’ve been spoiled from the moment you were conceived. You were given everything. You never had to work for any of it. You rose to the top, and it wasn’t enough for you. You needed everybody to like you. Didn’t care whether or not I did anymore. You didn’t even notice when I started to hate you.”

“I noticed… I just thought my brain was being mean to me. You know how our brains can do that, Simon? Maybe your brain was being really mean to you to make you think that I didn’t care, because I’ve always cared about you. I came over to talk because I love you.”

“Lies.” She heard a slight waiver in his voice. Maybe she imagined it. She sniffled. “Even if I had been wrong about you, I’ve made certain that you could never look at me the same way again. I’ve done everything necessary to stop you. Nobody could still love someone after everything that I’ve done.”

“That’s not true. I can love you through anything. I always have.” She heard a sniffle on his end, then he let out a chuckle. She envisioned him dotting his finger at the corner of his eye to catch his single man tear. “Simon… let’s just meet up and talk. I’m upset, but we can still change.”

“Why would I ever want to change when I’m always right?” He asked, hypothetically. She knew that it wasn’t something that he truly believed, or at least… she didn’t think he did. It was something that she used to say to him whenever he was worried about something. She was always just saying stuff to him to make him feel better, and maybe that was his point in throwing this back in her face. 

“Simon, why are you always worried about stuff when you’re always right?” she’d asked, and now she couldn’t remember the context of that question, but maybe he had a point. Maybe she was a liar, even to him. But… she didn’t mean any harm. She meant to help him. Everybody had always been so bad to him. She was sensitive. She couldn’t stand to see the boy she loved be in pain. She unfortunately had just stood there, in denial while that boy died. “I’m sorry, Simon,” she whimpered.

“Don’t be. I’ve already handled the problem myself, Void.” He hung up on her. 

When she pulled back into the gates that night, the police were there. 

It went from her sneaking out to “stalk and harass” Simon, to them wanting to search her room for items that they believed would tie her to various crimes. Her parents were livid, fussing at the police and calling lawyers. The police were insisting that they would wait for a judge to give them a warrant if they had to. 

“Young Lady, if you have a Hope Chest with criminal souvenirs in it, the best thing to do is to cooperate with us, and maybe the judge will go easy on you.”

“I have a Hope Chest with criminal souvenirs in it,” she said. At this point, fuck it. Her life was over. She might as well go to prison too, or wherever Simon was sending her. “Simon gave me things, and that’s where I kept them. Kids always gave me things, but I’ve kept Simon’s in my chest…”

“Stop talking to them, Grace! We’re on the phone with the lawyer,” her father said and to the officer said, “We TOLD you that we were contacting our lawyer and that you were not allowed to speak to her. She is a minor and you didn’t read her any rights. Nothing that you just coerced her to say matters.”

“Am I going to jail?” Grace asked the police officer. “I’m trying to cooperate…”

The woman officer looked sad for her. The man was simply annoyed by her parents making things harder.

At the end of the night, they were able to convince the Monroes to drive Grace to the precinct to make her statement, and they were given a search warrant and Grace gave them the hope chest in question. After everything, she couldn’t believe how painful it was to let go of this. But, it was understandable too. This was years of tokens of Simon’s friendship and love (and maybe even worship). Simon had taken back everything he’d ever given her from his heart. She would have thought that would have been her breaking point.

The lawyers would have to battle to prove that all of these things were given to her and that she wasn’t associated with the crimes in question, but Simon, being the little shit he was had what was tantamount to a ledger of crimes and the souvenirs that were taken from them. Some of them Grace was present for, some she wasn’t. Simon was giving the information up, so that made him look less guilty, like she had somehow maneuvered all of it. She would admit that she was responsible for a few. But, more often than not, Simon’s temper brought on a lot of these crimes. She simply had been so fond of him that she liked that about him. They were young. It was them against the world.

But, with this new narrative of her being a juvenile delinquent and puppet master, Simon had to look even more sympathetic. How, you ask? Releasing his “journals.” Simon had notebooks full of his obsession with Grace and the things that he would do for her. While her lawyers insisted that if anything, they should prove that SIMON was responsible for these things, there were going to be doubts. Grace had been the one to establish their presence at the Academy. People hadn’t touched him because they knew that she was powerful enough to shield him. She had bent fingers back. She had uppercut Shana. She had punched Simon repeatedly on her terrace, for simply talking to her.

Her parents insisted that she tell them what they could use against him, starting with why she had attacked him on the terrace. They were getting desperate to clean this matter up. She couldn’t do it, and she knew that Simon knew that she wouldn’t. She knew that Simon knew that there was no way that her mouth would ever admit to her parents that Simon made a sex tape of her and spread it around the school. If they were going to find that out, it couldn’t be from her.

And now, still going through settlements, trying to keep her record clean, and a very emotionally disturbing trip to the gynecologist, there she was, watching him on TV, speaking about her this way. Her mother, who couldn’t even be bothered to hold her hand as she cried about having to have an abortion at the edge of 17, standing there judging her and giving her “I told you so’s.” This boy was ruining every fabric of her. He knew her from the inside out and he was ripping everything to shreds and making everybody witness it…

"We loved each other, once. The things we did for each other, with each other…”

“It is an embarrassment to our reputation and to your father and I, personally. We thought we raised you better than this. We even accepted it when you brought that common rodent into our home, into our lives, and we treated him like he was worthy of respect because you asked personally. We should have known not to listen to you. You make bad choices. You’re not very smart. You’re difficult to love. It was such a wonder that you even had a friend, that we accepted him. Even though he was nothing more than vermin… and he proved that we’ve been right not to associate with the likes of common folk. You played with your pet rat, then left him outside of his cage. And now he’s covered our name in filth. Best friend… he clearly never thought you were worth anything. The moment he found a route to success without you, he took it. Left you criminalized, brokenhearted and pregnant. We taught you better than this.”

“You didn’t teach me a goddamn thing!” 

Mrs. Monroe slapped Grace in the face at that declaration. She had never been so bold before to do this. She’d usually cut Grace down with words, maybe a little force of hand. But just to slap her in the face? Never before. Then again, Grace had been infuriating for months. Not cooperating with the people trying to save her from this Simon mess, making them look bad, making terrible decisions… PREGNANT? She came crying, in the midst of a massive media scandal and a dive from high society to add to her growing criminal accusations that she spent an entire weekend letting that scarecrow impregnate her? Her mother had had it. On top of all this, she dares to curse at her and raise her voice? 

But, when she slapped her in the face, Mrs. Monroe immediately regretted it. Maybe there was some truth to Grace’s accusation. Because, how else could she have fucked up this royally with such a substandard child as Simon Laurent? These were things that she thought about all in a moment’s time. Because when she parted her lips to apologize, for once for losing her temper so badly and slapping her only daughter in the face, she didn’t get the chance to speak it out loud. Instead, she met the Grace that the kids were allegedly afraid of. She had to admit, that was terrifying.

Grace roared and attacked, at this point, angry at her mother, angry at Simon, angry at herself… Mostly herself. She had lost her only friend. She wasn’t perfect. She failed him, her parents, herself… and she didn’t even have a career anymore. She didn’t even have his tokens anymore. She didn’t have… a baby… that she would have been hard pressed NOT to love with all of her heart, even coming from him. But, she knew that with all of this, there was no way that she could add, “teenage mother” and that kid probably would have been taken away from her like everything else.

Next thing she knew, she was at the mental facility. She heard them promising to take care of her. She heard them ask her parents about scheduling visits. she heard her father sternly say, "We will not be back unless you contact us to tell us you’ve fixed her.” she cried. So, now they believed in getting her help? When she was so far gone that she couldn’t think straight? or… was this just goodbye? She caused them so much distress they decided that they’d rather shut her away than ever have to deal with her failures again? She began to pace, crying profusely. She had never been this alone before… and her only comfort now was a needle that forced her to sleep.

Simon received a barrage of tags and he opened the story to see multiple publications covering Grace being dragged from her home, kicking and screaming and being brought into a mental institution. His heart stopped. His first impulse was to cry. He felt the tears creeping up, but he cleared them away fast. It wasn’t his fault she turned him against her. This was what she got for misleading him. He smirked and reposted her screaming like a demon while they tried to get her into the vehicle, with the caption, “Stop sending me this shit.”

He was closing a book deal about all of this. There had been reports of seeing Grace be concealed and sneaking to a facility where it was speculated that teenage elites go to “get rid of certain problems.” A few Apex girls admitted that it was THE go to place for a rich girl to have a quiet abortion. That was the main thing that they went there for, though a few said that it was also to confirm pregnancies before sending them off (for the more religioso types) and to “hide an attack or abuse” for the straight up monsters raising teen girls. The point was that everyone seemed to agree that there was no way that Grace was going there for anything other than handling a pregnancy however the Monroes saw fit.

On the one hand, he couldn’t imagine ever having a family with anyone else, at one point. On the other, he was rising to his true form. 17 now, and famous without her. Every publisher wanted his book. Every personality wanted an interview. Every student wanted to stay in his good graces. Colleges were looking at his situation as a survivor and a scholar, helping him transition from the break up between himself and the Monroes, and he had taken the Apex over. Grace was voided. He had won. The true king had risen, with a new vision for his future. Over time, he knew that the old dreams would fade. Her face, her laugh, her eyes, the scent of her hair, the feel of her warmth when she held him close and cupped his face, the shivers it sent through him when she lied and said that she cared, that she loved him, that she was his…

He couldn’t get close to anyone else. It just wasn’t possible. Even if he thought he could trust someone. All they had to do to make him think about her was enter his personal space, and he couldn’t have that. He dreamed about her, still. About their good times. He even sometimes thought that when they gave themselves to each other that she was sincere, that this access to her body wasn’t just another weapon that she was using to make him her slave. Because, she almost had him that weekend. He was ready to give up everything he planned to do to take her out. He was ready to submit to her again and settle for whatever warped notion of love she expected him to take. 

Then, he’d remembered his vision of the void that had taken her away from him. He remembered the impending loneliness of her being the one with the power to leave him. He pushed the feeling of her body and their fake union from his mind long enough to do what needed to be done. After that, everything started falling into place. 

By the time he watched the videos and some with remixes of her own songs (his favorite being one about being “Taken Away” (by love) as she was dragged off… he realized that all of his fondness of them was basically dried up. Without that attachment holding him back, his mind couldn’t even fathom how far he could go.

Next

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 7: Behind The Scenes

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which movies and actors aren’t what they appear to be.

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Word count: 4.3k

Chapter 6: Teenagers In Love - Harry finds the perfect location for their official date.

Wattpad link

ANNOUNCEMENT: After this chapter, I’ll take a three-week break (this is why). I’ll still post blurbs and come back with chapter 8 preview on Thursday, August 15. Thank you so much for giving me your time and patience. I love you all.

A/N: the song Harry sings in this is Yellow by Coldplay :)

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Isaac and Ruby had never been friends. They'd met through Harry and had hung out a couple of times in a big group, but that was it. After all, she'd made his best friend go through hell and back for months and was one of the reasons he and Y/N had got sucked into the same mess. There was no way he would even consider forgiving her, let alone do her a favor. But here she was, standing right outside his door and asking him to hear her out.

"It's important," she said, but of course, he was smart enough to not be fooled.

"I'm not gonna talk to Harry for you, Ruby, go home."

Quickly, she jammed her foot in the doorway to stop him from locking her out. "Do you know he's been snooping around with your girlfriend? That little girl, Y/N. I saw them kissing in her car this morning."

Isaac rolled his eyes and exhaled as he placed one hand on his hip, the other was still holding the door. "Y/N and I broke up, she can see whoever she wants," he said with a straight face. "Thank you for coming all the way here to tell me that, but I think you're wasting both of our time."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Excuse me?"

The woman scoffed as she crossed her arms. "Aren't you upset that she got with your best friend the minute you two broke up?"

The question made Isaac chuckle. "Who are you to tell me how I should feel?" He stated, his brows furrowed as he squinted his eyes. "These are my relationships and my friends, it's none of your business. So go home, Ruby. I've had a tiring day and the last thing I need is for you to make it worse."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Ruby cried out, not about to give up. "You and Harry, both of you, might have been fooled by that little girl, but I know what she is. She's a gold-digger! Because why else would she get back in touch with him after all those years? Where was she when he was a poor student struggling with four part-time jobs, huh?"

"She was home, waiting for him to come back!"

Ruby's mouth snapped shut. Fear crossed her face as he went on to snarl at her, "if you didn't have to wait seven years to finally be with the one you've loved since you were nine, then you have no right to act like you loved him the most. For all I know, you're the little girl here, Ruby."

"Wait—"

"Now leave, before I call the police and put your reputation on the line."

Just like that, he slammed the door right in her face.

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"Say something, please..." Y/N heaved a sigh, one hand gripping the phone, the other was clawing at her leg. She knew this wasn't a good way to deliver big news, but the internet connection didn't allow her to video call Celine. The longer she put off this conversation, the more nervous she would become, and the last thing she wanted was for her best friend to find out about this from anyone that wasn't her.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything," she breathed. "Tell me I'm wrong, that I'm making a big mistake."

"I don't know that for sure."

"Then why are you angry?!"

"I'm not," Celine replied with such a calm voice that Y/N thought she was being sarcastic. However, the next thing she said was far from Y/N's expectations. "If you believe that he loves you, then so do I. I don't know Harry or your relationship as much as you do, so I respect whatever choice you already made."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

When Celine giggled, Y/N felt truly relieved. "Thank you, my love." She sighed happily. "I guarantee that this time won't be like the last."

"Good, you two better not fuck this up, at least not before my wedding."

Shit.

"You're taking him to my wedding, right?"

"Are...are you and Amala okay with that?" Y/N chuckled to hide the subtle discomfort in her voice. "I mean...you said friends and family only and Harry's not—"

"Of course we're okay with that! Amala is excited to meet him and that's not even sarcasm. She's always been a fan of his movies!" Celine sounded so thrilled that Y/N could only laugh it off. Now she felt lucky that they weren't on a video call, because she wouldn't have been able to hide her true feelings. Honestly, she didn't want to ask Harry to be her wedding date.

One, he was busy with his new movie; two, they were supposed to keep their relationship in the dark, so them showing up hand-in-hand at a wedding would be a suicide pact. But how could she turn down the invitation without making it seem like Harry was too 'big and famous' for her best friends' wedding? She needed them to support her relationship with him, and that couldn't happen if they both hated him.

"Baby, I'm home!" The voice interrupted her busy thoughts. She heard the front door open and shut and Harry walked into her bedroom, wearing the biggest grin on his face.

"Aww, is he there?" Celine asked but Y/N was already distracted by Harry joining her on the bed and tickling her neck with his soft lips.

"Uhm...Look, I gotta go now." She cleared her throat and mouthed 'no' to Harry when his hand snuck underneath her shirt to tease her nipple. "Call you later, Cece..."

"Wait, give the phone to him."

"What?" Y/N seized Harry's wrist, frozen at once.

"I need to talk to him."

Harry chuckled when he saw the look on her face. "What is it?" He asked, giving her a smile. "She asks about me?"

"She wants to talk to you."

"To me?"

Nodding, she handed him the phone. Both of them knew how Celine felt about them being together. Despite what she'd just said, Y/N believed a big part of her was still unsure, but Celine was such a good friend that she didn't want to interfere with Y/N's happiness. So it would be an understatement to say Y/N was nervous when Harry answered the phone, her heart was actually fighting to break free from her chest.

"Little Cece! I haven't seen you in so long," he spoke with an overly enthusiastic voice that made Y/N facepalm herself. Peeking through the gap of her two fingers, she tried to read his reaction, wishing she could hear what they were talking about while praying that Celine wouldn't be too hard on him.

"Yeah...oh, okay. Definitely...Yeah, you too, Cece. Have a good day. Congratulations on the engagement."

And that was it. He hung up faster than expected.

"So?" Y/N got up on her knees, gripping his shoulders in concern. But he was quick to put her phone back on the bedside table and flip her over to pin her down on the bed. She almost scolded at him for manhandling her like that, but when he left butterfly kisses down her neck, she could barely maintain her self-control.

"She told me if I broke your heart again, she would kick me in the crotch like she did when we were little," he said between kisses, smiling into her skin.

"To be fair, you broke her favorite doll, and tried to glue its neck back hoping she wouldn't find out. And she did!" Y/N shook with laughter as she held his face and turned it up so their eyes met. "I thought little Harry also broke that day."

"Oh, really?" He raised an eyebrow, moving upward so his face was right above hers and his elbows were resting beside her head on the mattress. "You were pretty vocal about how 'not little' it was so I don't think it's broken."

"Gosh, you're fucking dirty."

"And you love it when I am." His dimples appeared when she burst out laughing and pushed him right off. Harry, now lying on his back, gave Y/N a smirk as he spread both arms, so she quickly snuggled down by his side, her head resting on his chest.

"How was your day?" She asked, looking up at him as her lashes fluttered.

"It was great actually." He breathed happily and combed his fingers through his hair. "I got to do this very funny scene where..."

As he rambled on about that one scene he thought was hilarious, she found herself completely smitten. She loved it when he was in a good mood which was always contagious and now she felt elated simply because he was. Maybe this was an appropriate time to ask him to be her wedding date, since Celine apparently hadn't said anything to him yet. However, when it was finally her turn to speak, she blurted out, "I...uhm...saw Ruby this morning."

His entire body tensed up when she mentioned that name, but before she could continue with the story, he cut her off to ask if she was okay. "She didn't talk to you, did she?" He seemed frantic. "Or did she say something mean to you? Because I'll—"

"No, we didn't talk." Y/N giggled, shaking her head fast. "I saw her enter the building after you. She seemed upset, but I guessed she was only having a bad morning. Did she say something to you?"

"No." He cracked a smile. "We didn't talk either, well, only for our scenes together, because we had to."

"Did you...kiss her?" That question was barely above a whisper, but Harry heard it loud and clear. He found her bashfulness amusing and endearing at the same time, especially when she had that pouty look on her face that reminded him of when she was little.

"No." He shook his head and ran his thumb across her bottom lip. "I didn't kiss anyone today except for my baby."

Y/N snorted at the cheeky response. Her eyelids drooped as she grasped the hand on her face and intertwined their fingers to give his knuckles a kiss.

"But there's at least one kissing scene, right?" She went on, not breaking their eye contact.

The girl had thought twice before asking another question as she didn't want to sound possessive. Maybe she was a bit jealous. How could she not? He was the male lead in a romantic film, in which his ex-lover played his love interest. She had all the right reasons to be jealous. But honestly, she was more curious, as this was all new to her. It'd been three years since her first and only long-term relationship, and she was still learning every day.

"It won't mean anything," he reassured her. "It's just a movie kiss, and I've done so many of them I've lost count."

"How's it different from a real one?"

"Technically, it's not. But it doesn't feel the same, if that's what you're asking."

"Sorry if I'm being annoying," she muttered into his chest, her eyes closed but she could tell he was smiling. "I just don't know how to feel about this. I've never...had an actor boyfriend before."

"Boyfriend?"

Y/N's entire body stiffened as she realized what she'd said. Pulling away to sit up straight as he did the same, she batted her lashes and looked at him with her eyes wide and her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Nothing," she denied, but Harry wouldn't let her get away with it. He exhaled through his mouth and cupped her chin with one hand so she couldn't look away.

"You called me your boyfriend?" His soft yet heavy voice turned her face crimson at once.

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

She had no idea why she'd apologized, but she was blushing like a teenage girl who'd called her crush her 'boyfriend' by accident, and that couldn't be more embarrassing. Now she could only pray that Harry would change the topic to save them both from this awkwardness. However, he pulled her back in and surprised her with a passionate kiss. Blood rushed right up to her face, and she felt warm all over her body, not only for the way he was holding her, but also because she could feel his heart pounding in sync with her own, and there was something so fulfilling about it that made her stomach clench with anticipation.

Harry pulled back to rest their foreheads together as he teased, "my girlfriend's so cute when she's shy."

That comment caught Y/N off guard. Her body went limp in his arms, and so she kept gawking at him until he couldn't help it anymore. He had to kiss her again.

When they broke apart for the second time, both were breathless and panting. She had to fight the urge of ripping off his clothes because he looked so good right now, with his plump lips wet and slightly parted and his brown hair messily beautiful.

"That was a real kiss," he murmured, grasped her hand and laid it on the left side of his chest, "because this is real. See? Only for you."

She nodded, breathing heavily in response to the way his heart was beating enthusiastically against her palm.

"Remember this, because if you ever see me kiss another girl, it's only for a movie scene and it's not real, okay?"

Y/N answered with a firm nod, pressing her lips into a small smile. She kept silence for a short moment before speaking up again, "I don't think I've ever told you this but...I saw you kiss another girl once."

"In a movie?"

"No." She shook her head. "In our treehouse."

From the way his face scrunched up, she knew he couldn't figure it out on his own, so she had to fill him in on what had happened that night. "When you kissed Kathy in our treehouse, I was there, watching from my backyard."

"Oh, baby..." His eyes squeezed shut as he sighed. "You never told me that."

"It was a long time ago." She gave him a shrug, her mouth twisted. "I was only thirteen, but I guess...I really loved you then. That heartbreak was truly awful."

"That kiss doesn't mean anything to me now," he reassured her while stroking her flushed cheek. "I could barely remember what it was like or what happened that night. With you, it's different."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." She scoffed. "There's no way you can't remember that night. You were...singing to her, playing guitar and stuff."

"Was I?"

She smacked his arm and cackled. "You were, Harry!"

"Okay, I remember it now! Got it!"

As if his reply wasn't vague enough, Harry lied back and patted the other pillow to tell her to do the same. She gave him a funny look but didn't move, so he had no choice but to reach out and grab her.

"What are you—"

"Shhh," he cut her off and flipped them both on their sides so he was now the big spoon. His arm was tightened around her waist as their fingers interlocked. "Be a good girl, I'm gonna sing to you now."

"You're joking, right?" She let out a laugh, feeling his hot breath fanning her ear as he propped his head up with the other arm.

Harry ignored her previous remark and whispered, "any request, m'lady?"

"Hmm." She tapped a finger on her lips, holding back a smile. "What song reminds you of me?"

That question sent Harry back to silence. As he took time to think, she found comfort in the rhythm of his chest rising and falling against her back, soon her body began to relax in his embrace. That was when she heard his voice at her ear, slow and silky as he sang the words of one of their favorite songs, "look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything you do, yeah they were all yellow..."

As her eyes fell shut and her lips spread into a smile, Y/N saw the two of them sitting in their treehouse on a hot summer day. The sound of leaves rustling in the wind turned into a soft melody as if adding to the song Harry was strumming on his guitar. He was sixteen, had just learned to play, and she was his number one and only fan. She'd heard this song on the radio the other day, and she loved it so much she'd made him learn the chords to play it just for her. She felt special knowing he had never sung to another girl before. To him, she was indeed special.

"Your skin, oh your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful. You know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so," he sang softly into her ear and paused to press a kiss to her temple.

"I do know that, thank you very much." She giggled.

"You ruined the moment, kid," Harry murmured with a tiny sigh as he dropped his head back down and hugged her close.

She felt his grip around her waist gradually loosen up, so she had to break the silence. "Don't fall asleep."

He shifted a bit as his body shook with laughter. "I'm awake, love. Still need to go take a shower first and make you a cup of tea."

Y/N was taken aback by his response but quickly caught on to what he meant. "I don't need to drink tea before bed anymore." She turned her head to give him a smile. "I haven't had nightmares in a long time."

"Oh..." His face fell in reaction to her answer.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just..." He trailed off, a frown transformed his face. "I just realized...right now I might not know you as well as Isaac does..."

"That's not true." She laughed and poked his cheek where his dimple should be. "You know me better than anyone else."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

His forehead puckered as he stuck out his bottom lip. "I'm gonna love you more than anyone else too."

"Hmm, you're gonna have to compete with a lot of people for that number one spot."

"Don't underestimate me, Bambi," he playfully grumbled, resting his cheek on top of hers. "I might be bad at relationships, but I'm learning, because I love you and I'm never giving up on us again."

"Promise?" She murmured, her eyes slipping closed.

And right before she drifted away, she heard his voice whispering, "promise."

.

.

.

Everything was perfect for the next few days. They were happy.

Of course, they couldn't go on normal dates like any other normal couples, because they were obviously not a normal couple. That was something they had eventually come to terms with at this point. So they would only go out when it was late and only to places where he wasn't easily recognized. When they decided to stay in (which was almost every night), they would have dinner delivered to his or her place and binge-watch Netflix together while they ate. They would have sex, lots and lots of sex, hot and heavy fucking, but also sweet and passionate love-making. Y/N felt like her life was finally turning to a good page. But she was soon reminded that it wasn't, when she came home one afternoon and found an unexpected guest at her front door.

"Hello, Y/N."

Ruby threw on a smile and gave out her hand the second she saw Y/N. But the younger girl only glared at her until she felt awkward enough to slowly withdraw that hand and clutch her handbag instead.

"How do you know where I live?" Y/N finally asked.

"You'd be surprised to find out what I know," said Ruby as she gave the girl a shrug. "Anyway, I'm here because—"

"I know why you're here and I'd prefer that you leave," Y/N grumbled as she pulled out her key and stepped toward the door, but Ruby refused to let her go.

With her arms crossed and nose stuck up, she gave Y/N a once-over before asking without a clear context, "how much?"

"How much what?" Y/N scoffed, rolling her eyes. "How much time am I willing to waste on talking to you, or how much tolerance I have left before I call the police?"

"How much money do you want?"

"Excuse me?" The girl raised her voice as her eyebrows drew together.

But Ruby seemed unbothered as she fished out her phone from her bag and smiled. "I mean it, just give me a number and I'll make a call. You can have as much money as you want."

"In exchange for what?"

"For Harry."

"You've got to fucking kidding me." Y/N's jaw fell slack as she crossed her arms and laughed wryly. "You have a lot of nerves to stalk me here, and now you're asking to buy my boyfriend from me?!"

"Your boyfriend?" The actress sneered at her but she kept a neutral expression, not wanting to let this woman have the upper hand.

"Don't believe me? Go ask him yourself. Oh wait, he doesn't talk to you anymore, does he?" She smirked as Ruby's face already showed a faint sign of anger. "Go home, please. You're ten years older than me, not ten years old. Stop acting like a spoiled little child."

"I understand why you're full of rage," the blonde went on even though Y/N had pushed her aside to get to the door. "I suppose he's already told you about our sex scenes."

And this time, her words worked. Y/N turned around instantly, her eyes bulging as she had failed to keep her composure. She said nothing as she was careful not to fall into this woman's trap, but like a hungry tigress, Ruby could sense fear from miles away, and now Y/N was just a few steps from her. It was way too obvious.

"You think you've had it all figured it out. But you know nothing because you don't belong in our world."

"This is none of your concern—"

"I care about Harry, as do you," Ruby cut her off, giving her a short, mirthless smile. "So I'm gonna be honest here. This 'relationship', or whatever you call it, is built upon your little fantasy. I mean, who doesn't want to date an actor? But trust me, you won't be able to endure the price that comes along. It certainly won't feel good to watch another woman strip your man naked and touch him in a way that you think only you can. It's easy for Harry and I to tell what is real and what is scripted, but for you? Keep telling yourself it's fake, honey. It doesn't feel that way, does it?"

The irritation was clear in Y/N's expressive eyes, but the actress didn't care as she just kept going, "the worst part, however, is when the whole world finds out about you. With your appearance and this little box you call home, you'll see that I won't be the only one who thinks you're a gold-digger. And who's gonna have to deal with all this pressure directly? It's not you, is it? It's him. He's gonna take all the consequences, and the next you know, his career turns to dust, and that's on you."

Y/N felt sick in her stomach. She couldn't tell whether it was because of Ruby's pretentious demeanor or the words she was saying. All she knew was that she was infuriated. But instead of letting anger take control, she took a deep breath and spoke calmly, "are you gonna walk out of here or am I gonna have to push you down the stairs?"

"Just think about my offer." With a contemptuous smile, Ruby turned her back and then she was gone.

.

.

.

"I cannot believe she came to see you?! Have you told Harold?!"

"Uhm...Niall?"

"Yeah?"

Y/N stole a quick glance at Isaac, who was making tea in Niall's kitchen, before she turned back to Niall and whispered, "why is Isey here?"

"I asked him to come."

"Yeah but...why?"

Niall still didn't get it, so the girl had to explain, "I mean, I don't want him to be a part of this, especially when it's related to Harry and Ruby."

"Don't worry, Smiley. Isey is already involved."

"What?"

"Hey, Isey! Tell her about the other day!" Niall shouted just in time Isaac brought tea and scones to the living room and took a seat next to Niall on the sofa. The Irish singer was quick to grab the first cookie on the plate as soon as Isaac placed it on the table. Meanwhile, Y/N was sitting right in front of them, fidgeting awkwardly.

Isaac could see it, so he looked up and gave her a reassuring smile before he began. "Ruby came to my house a couple of nights ago to tell me about you and H."

"Oh, God..." Y/N pinched her temples, trying not to let her irritation show as she questioned, "what did you say to her?"

"Nothing much. I told her to back off." He shrugged and blew into his tea. "She seemed pretty upset when I asked her to leave and slammed the door."

"You slammed the door in her face? That's my buddy!" Niall laughed and raised his hand for a high-five but Isaac ignored him to go on.

"She's obviously not in a good mental state, but she's all words, she's not gonna do anything to you."

The girl sighed and tucked a strand behind her ears only to wrap both arms around herself again. She was lost in thoughts when she heard Niall ask, "what did she say to you exactly?"

"It doesn't matter." Y/N shook her head, her mouth twitched. She didn't want these two to get more involved, so she decided to keep the details of her conversation with Ruby to herself, for now at least.

"You need to trust Harry, he loves you," Niall reassured her as he reached out for his fourth cookie.

Isaac quickly agreed. "Yeah, I think he's done with her bullshit anyway. Don't think too much about it. Harry's birthday is coming soon, isn't it? That's what we should focus on right now."

Y/N happily nodded and heaved a sigh to shrug off all the negative thoughts, even just for temporary. Harry's birthday was next weekend, and she couldn't let Ruby's words stop her from planning the best birthday party for her boyfriend. After all, this relationship was theirs, and some words from a bitter ex shouldn't affect it in any way.

"You got this, Bambi—Shit, I mean, Smiley!" Niall tossed his head back and groaned as Y/N and Isaac dissolved into laughter.

She had to clear her throat before she spoke, "now, let's discuss Harry's birthday."

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