#I am so utterly tired

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Writing hurt/comfort where I put my favorite character though panic attacks but also let them get comforted by their partner/their partners in a very soft, caring, patient, understanding and gentle way whenever I feel utterly panicky and scared or if I'm only a tiny bit away from a panic attack myself, in order to comfort, distract and calm myself >>>> using actual healthy coping mechanisms which are supposed to help me calm down

#Listen. I feel scared since hours again and I can't get the reason why I feel scared out of my head even tho I try it with logic like usual #I know I am supposed to use some healthy calm down methods #But hurt/comfort #I am so utterly tired #I am like. So close to writing another hurt/comfort drabble with cookie run kingdom characters #Licorice cookie suffers from panic attacks. Argue with the wall about that #Thanks to therapy I can now exactly pin point what is happening inside my mind and why I feel like this but I can't calm myself down yet #Great. Now I can analyze myself even better than before but can't do something about feeling like this #Panic disorder #Panic attack #Actually ocd #Actually traumatized #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #anxiety #hurt/comfort #drabbles #coping mechanisms

[fellowfights]

I'm gonna be so honest with y'all. I don't take you seriously if you complain about the casting of the Percy Jackson show because the poc actors aren't "book accurate."

Because here's the deal. I remember when the internet threw a fit when Rue, a black character, was played by a black person. It didn't matter that it was book accurate, y'all didn't want to see a black person on screen.

For some of y'all, it's not that you are against adaptations straying from the source material- you are simply anti black.

If you are about to argue with me, I want you to ask yourself something. Did you not mind the race change of Grover, but you are against the casting of Annabeth? If that's true, maybe try to address that. Acknowledge it and try to deconstruct your anti-black biases.

#being black in fandom spaces is so tiring #i am utterly exhausted #yall complaining about how now annabeth wont have an arc of not being taken seriously is sending me #its TOTALLY not like black people aren't seen as smart or resourceful and constantly not being taken seriously #that would be RIDICULOUS #anyway im tired but i am enjoying the show so far #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #the hunger games

[r-2-peepoo]

Coriolanus Snow and Anakin Skywalker are perfect examples of really interesting characters who had every chance to do the right thing but repeatedly chose wrong even though they were surrounded by good people, all because they had one person whispering in their ear and convincing them to be selfish and to hurt people instead. There is no point where they have to do what they do, it’s their choices that make them compelling.

They’re also both incredibly controlling over the women they claim to love but are quick to try and physically harm them when they realise that they’re actually human beings who will not blindly follow them. It’s very clear they were possessive, not actually in love. To sincerely love is to respect someone’s agency and neither of them were capable of that.

Another trait they both share is that, despite being layered and well written but fundamentally flawed characters who turn to evil by their own free will, if you cast an attractive actor to play them, there are always going to be people who blindly ignore the entire plot just to defend them and justify their actions. Being a victim of abuse or oppression does not excuse you from being a perpetrator.

#‘anakin and vader are different-‘ #i am under your bed #the entire original trilogy is rendered utterly pointless if that is the case (which is most certainly is not) #cant even blame george lucas for this one bc it’s still so obvious #anakin CHOOSES to return to the light bc of luke. it was always him and this was always about his choices. #whereas snow is just committed to evil lmao #tired of anakin’s pretty privilege #notice how they both had a best friend and a love interest trying to convince them to be better? #snow had sejanus and lucy gray and anakin had obi wan and padmé #anakin skywalker #coriolanus snow #star wars #the hunger games #tbosas

[xysidhequeen]

I was in a car for 14 hours because, if anyone is unaware, I recently became aware of the fact that the man who was my father in everything but blood passed away in 2020. I am NC with that side of the family, and for my own physical and emotional safety, I had to cut everyone off. I couldn't chance reaching out and leaving a trail for my abusersers to follow. Not when I already had to change my number three times and move four times just to ensure they couldn't find me.

That didn't mean I couldn't visit his grave, though, and I did. It was. Hard. Seeing his grave made it real. Up until that point, I could tell myself it was a trick or it was the wrong man, until I saw that grave.

But, I spent 14 hours in a car, had to see the grave of someone I loved. Perhaps the only family member on that side I still loved at all. And now I'm once more stuck in insomnia. It's been, 30hours no sleep because my body can't handle stress in any capacity and is now throwing a full blown tantrum.

There's not much of a point to this post. I'm not aiming to garner sympathy or pity. I just needed to talk about it even if no one sees it. I don't like to talk about my issues to people close to me, I don't like to complain. Sometimes, it's easier to let these things out when I'm hiding behind a fake name and a fake face.

#tw: death #death #family death #loss of a loved one #tw: abuse #abuse #tw: child abuse #child abuse #its hinted at least #ill cover all my bases #im like three minutes from a full breakdown #im so tired #not just physically #im tired emotionally and mentally too #just #utterly drained #i really am not looking for pity or sympathy #this isnt even the first death in my life #but it was the most important one #he....was so much to me #honestly most of the time i think he was the only adult in my life that actually loved ME for who i was #he was my safe person i trusted him wo much even when i had been trained by my family's behavior to never trust anyone #he was so good and kind and genuine and wonderful #and ill never get the chance to speak to him again because hes gone #and ill have to live with the guilt of knowing I put that rift between us. im the reason i never got to say goodbye. #im the reason i didnt know he was dead. and i have to live with the guilt of knowing if i was given a second chance id do it all over again #because at the end of the day im always going to value my own mental and physical health over anything else. and thats not going to change #but fuck if i dont wish i couldve sent him a letter or an email or something. he died not even knowing if i was alive or suffering #he deserved so much more than what i left him with. and ill never get a chance to make it right now.

[melit0n]

.

#tw vent #I am so. so tired #this week hit me like a freight train #I have final coursework to hand in in less than a week and I'm stressing because I was most definitely not given enough time to do it #and everything inside me is telling me I'm going to fail and I'm pretty sure my teachers think so as well #all my friends are high achievers who always get high grades and put their soul into their work and then there's me. Constantly failing #I try so hard but no matter what I do I never make any progress and I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here #and that eventually my friends will move on academically and maybe socially and I'll be left behind and feel like a scared kid again #I can't go outside for a walk to try and calm myself down because I fucked up my ankle #and I got laid off one of my jobs which means I'm also stressing about being able to actually eat and on top of that I'm stressing about -> #getting another job because otherwise I can't eat or pay gas or shit #so I'm sat here in my room surrounded by work and I can't go outside and I can't leave my room because my roommate has friends around and #I just want to explode #I'm getting to the point where I'm just being unproductive because all I do is sit in bed and rot #and if I'm not doing that I'm working or I'm at school #and of course I can't even sleep. I can't even rest for a moment #this is shit man #so utterly shit #mel's thoughts

[instantartific]

~ rockstar!

Please click the image for better quality! I really adore the colors and little details in this but Tumblr loves to cronch my art whenever it can.

Second attack of Jason / Jay Jay for doubled-clubs on artfight!!! I fell in love with this character immediately and had to try and replicate the way his jacket and... pant. leg. metal. boots. are shaded. And got carried away with rendering, but who cares!

Though I will say that I am,,, going into hibernation after working on this one for over a week straight, actually.

#will i go this hard again..?? maybe if i become utterly deranged over a design again. #so lil spoons but also. consider: very pretty end result. #anyways i am. very tired. #also tagging this to all hell. #artfight #artfight 2023 #artfight attack #team werewolf #nsr #no straight roads #nsr oc #no straight roads oc #nsr 1010 #1010 oc #ও ~ art tag!

[yannfredericks]

being online rn is such a fucking nightmare oh my god!!!

#everyone purposefully misinterpreting the new ts album and taking lyrics out of context #and pretending they can’t tell when she’s making a joke or writing something tongue in cheek #I am being so good and so normal trying to ignore and not engage with the people spouting this shit but good lord! #people are 100% allowed to like and dislike what they like #but when all I’m seeing is massive threads about Why they hate something or why the lyrics are bad #I’m like don’t you have anything better to do #me personally when I don’t like something I’m not making huge threads about all the ways I hate it #where are the normal people!!! #people who don’t like taylor swift are being utterly deranged but then a lot of the fans aren’t being much better #it’s all fine I just wish I could exist online without being subjected to The Discourse #especially bc these albums came at the exact time I needed them and so much of them speak to me so personally #I’d rather see fucking nothing than everyone fighting over it #and I’m not engaging at all I just wish there was an option to be online to talk about the silly little characters without inevitably #seeing twenty eight think pieces and people screaming #no one in this situation is being normal !!!! #I wish the people saying the whole world is sick and tired of her and that she’s overrated were right #bc then it might actually stop being impossible to get tickets to her shows! #please amen bc I’d like to go in london 🙏

[alligaytorswamp]

Im kind of feeling like i can't take it anymore

#vent #bad sad sleep-deprived and mentally ill #i am currently crying myself to sleep just fucking sobbing because everything hurts #my brain is failing me my body us failing me #i dont know what to do with myself #so many things are happening so many things hurt and i have no body to talk to #i have never felt so utterly alone #i hate myself for even writing this because i feel so pathetic and as if im just whining for attention #because i probably am #some lame ass cry for help because i really don't know how to function at this point #truly i am just so fucking alone #and there is just so much that is happening and i cant share it with anyone so it just all stays in my stupid brain and #probably makes me more mentally ill or smth #and for however long all i do is keep myself from crying during the day bc i cant let my family catch me having mental breakdowns #yet i have all of these painful thoughts that are plaguing my mind all the fucking time #i am just so so tired #and i keep thinking about death and it's so fucking scary #i just wish i wasn't myself and i had a different brain i could be better than this because maybe then i would be fine #at home im in toxic hell #in online spaces i have no one actually close to me #in my brain i have horrible thoughts and hardcore daydreaming distactions that dont fix anything #in my course i think im not doing well enough and im scare dthat my the end of it im still going to be a useless unemployed moron #on my silly blog i think if i dont make content i have no value and ehatever i make is not even that good or interesting #so i better cover it up with quantity but i dont have time or ability to do so #which again makes me into a fucking Nothing #god my head hurts so much #that's what u get for wailing at 4 am #anyways i am doing horrible and i can't take it anymore truly reaching my fucking limit #all my fault tho so ☺ #delete later and if someone actually reads it Um sorry for this i am hashtag unwell 😋💫

[m00ngbin]

i lied. i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on. im going to explain to you how one weird little kid changed the lives of tons of people for the better and at the end of of the series everyone he's helped and changed comes back to help him and return the favor. Let me explain to you the parallels between each of their arcs with the last few episodes. Let me tell you about how his brother finally realizes that it was all him. Every part of that kid is him and they all need to learn to live with it and accept and love him and help him not repress himself because that's what caused the problem in the

first place. Let me rant about how his friend/one-sided rival uses what he said when they first met back to him. (about not using powers to hurt other people) Let me scream about how the friend's first fight with him and last fight are direct parallels. Let me scream about how he shows how much that boy has changed him by opting to protect civilians instead of himself. I'm going to tell you about how after the former terrorist he saved finally realizes that instead of sacrificing himself to save the city he should survive and be there for his son and try to make amends and continue to be better. Let me talk about how even though the people he works out with KNOW that really they're no match for him and they don't really know what's going on, they still try to help him anyways. Because they're friends. That's what friends do and they love him. They just want to support him in every way they can. Let me scream and cry about how his mentor, the man he's known the longest, the man he trusts the most in the world finally admits that he lied to him and he's been lying to him and he finally tells the truth and that's exactly what that boy needs. He needed the truth. It shocked him back to reality, and everyone he's talked to up until that point, INCLUDING HIMSELF, shows him that everyone loves him, and they all accept him, the only problem is that he's unable to accept himself. He's been refusing to forgive himself since he was a little kid for something he didn't even mean to do, and he's been repressing and hiding important parts of himself because he's afraid. And he doesn't need to be afraid because he has people that are there for him and they all love him. LET ME THROW THE BIGGEST FIT YOUVE EVER SEEN WHILE I EXPLAIN TO YOU JUST HOW IMPORTANT THAT TALK BETWEEN HIM AND THE PART OF HIMSELF HES BEEN TRYINF TO REPRESS IS AND HOW MUCH IT CHANGED HIM. HE FINALLY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS AND HES FINALLY ABLE TO FORGIVE HIMSELF AND MOVE ON AND GROW

#can you tell that this show actually means the world to me #and let me just say that while i understand that she wouldn't have been able to do anything i wish Tome had been there #shes also super important to the story and i wish that she'd been there too #AND LET ME ALSO SO HOW UTTERLY UPSET I AM THAT SERIZAWA DIDNT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL PROBABLY AFTERWARDS #SERIZAWA WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO TRULY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHIGEO HAD GONE THROUGH #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MOGAMI INCIDENT #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT THEY NEVER HAD A MOMENT #anyways i get why it didnt happen but i wish they had gotten to have a little moment together #anyways special shoutout to the seventh divison guys i didnt mention that were working at the store #sorry to sakurai and koyama i would have absolutely mentioned you too but my hand is getting tired and you werent there for very long #but i will say something now #i love how seriously they take protecting the store. even if they werent able to save it from destruction #it really goes to show how they took what reigen said to heart and tried as hard as possible to live normal average lives #they were willing to protect that store at the cost of their own safety just because they were so thankful for the chance to be normal #so sick over everyone in this show #sorry guys #had to get this out #AND I COULD WRITE MORE #but my hand is getting tired again

[fishareglorious]

opened my art account on twt to post art and scrolled a little bit through my dash and saw someone I haven't seen in a long while. Then I realized that I had them blocked in the account i use normally. whoops.

#random #me #im gonna be a little mean about them in the tags but. they're a big account that gets into fights a lot that just get utterly tiring after #watching them argue with the same set of people the nth time. i do think its just the burder of a popular account with people leaning on ba #faith arguments over one thing or another and the account bites back which just fans the flames and cycle repeats #i think it boiled over into a big controversy where someone threatened (?) to dox them a year ago. doxing is shit behavior of course and #thankfully nothing of harm came to them #all in all it is mainly petty internet and fandom drama. but they've kinda left a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to a certain ship #am pretty ambivalent on #oh well this was just a ramble #its been a year since i even saw a post of theirs so they might have gotten better with that stuff

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[musical-chick-13]

One of the WORST parts of having OCD is that some of the Fears™ are actually humanly possible, so it's not like my response can just be, "Oh that'll never happen" or even "I've never seen that happen, so it's probably unlikely."

#like. okay. for example. 2019 me: 'better do cleaning compulsions because oh no what if I get the Plague™' #fast forward a year to covid and that was genuinely a very real possibility. I could LITERALLY catch the plague #or on a smaller more personal scale: 'no one is going to screenshot a Bad Line™ of your fic and publicly make fun of it online-people #don't do that it'd be so extra why tf would you be afraid of that happening' except I JUST saw someone literally do that. so we engage in #Avoidance Compulsions™ as a protective mechanism because the only way to avoid a feared outcome is to never do anything! 🙃🙃 #and okay yeah these things are not created equal and one of them probably doesn't actually matter the point I'm trying to make is that #this shit affects my life on EVERY level and I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE FOR IT NOT TO DO THAT #I AM TIRED OF THE BRAIN DISEASE BEING HERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE A MENTALLY HEALTHY PERSON PLEASE #*sigh* yeah yeah the answer is erp the answer is always erp that doesn't mean it's fun #mc13 and her ocd #I'll probably delete this later because it most likely makes me look completely and utterly absurd if not straight-up stupid #(no one ELSE with this disease or fears is absurd or stupid btw. just me. it's only me who is A Problem™) #(yes I know how that sounds. I know okay.)

[rosenfey]

beating up my hyperfixation with a stick: let. me. sleep.

#ambie.txt #if I hear someone say hyperfixation is good for you I'm gonna bite them!! bite them hard!! tear them to shreds!!! #I haven't slept longer than 6 hours for two weeks now because brain is actively thinking about video game #praying to the adhd god so I can beat my hyperfixation so I can finally sleep #actually no. I am going to KILL the adhd god outright I'm done #I hate hate hate this sm sorry to vent but. when I don't have a hyperfixation I'm utterly miserable because no dopamine #but when I do have it it consumes everything? like I can't sleep I forget to eat and shower.. #can't win here?? except I will!!! I'm propelled by rage!!! I am just too stubborn #(yes I do have adhd. I'm not self diagnosing I promise nnn I'm just so tired)

[commandermeg]

.

#so exhausted #I feel like I could sleep for 200 years #Just utterly tired #I want to do creative things but I need to be to work at four am tomorrow #uuuuuugh

[bintturaab]

...

#at that stage in life where I want nobody in my life except Allah #people can make you feel so expendable; your closest people can make you feel so replaceable #there truly is no peace nor joy except with Allah #finally finally after so many years of utterly hating my life and myself #now I wake up and I don't hate myself anymore... I don't hate my life anymore #i actually wake up and look forward to the day #Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah #Allah gave me everything I could ask for and more #I'm so tired of people; I think I'll be just fine being by myself #being how I am rn #I don't want anyone in my life anymore... we good like this #walhamdulillah #hello to you if you've come this far

[medinaquirin]

//

#utterly rude that starting birth control got me exactly one week with no bleeding #and then my period started again #is2g this one better end on a rational time frame #i am so tired of my uterus's bullshit