#I am terrified at my own self

[cursedfrenchfries]

A hero plan to stop the villain that is probably morally questionable.

(If the villain has a villain group)

Disguise yourself as a the villain's number 1 fan and that you want to join his group of villainy.

Be his most trusted servant/advisor whatever, he needs to make sure to be dependent on you for his dirty work.

As he is off to do his plans, you secretly sabotage it *just slightly*, so nobody will see it, and over the year only then will they find out it's sabotaged.

As nobody's looking, you seduce his lover (Bonus points if same gender as you!).

You marry his lover in a secret location so only you and they know. Of course, after that you go back to his building of evil with your new lover.

Slowly but surely, you secretly mildly poison his sidekicks drinks, but its so mild it just tasted a bit off. But every day, you poison it even more.

As your "boss" is noticing he is running low on numbers, as his sidekicks are poisoned, he will obviously look out for new members. You discourage the new members into quiting by lying to them about how terrible it is to be members of his group.

You slowly ruin his weapons, destroy his guns or whatever.

Take everything precious to him. His lover? Gone, you seduced them. His kids? You adopt them as your own, claiming they will have a far better life with you. His pets? Same as the kids. His family? You moved them to a location far, far away from him. His sidekicks? All dead.

You gaslight him into believing everything is okay and will be okay.

If he starts to suspect that you are ruining his life, you reasure him that is unlikely and bullshit, as you want to help him out.

As he is turning into a broken man, you secretly tell the government about him, anonymously so he doesnt kill you.

As a completely broken man, paranoid of his own people, he starts to defend himself way, way than usual. In his sleep, he lets his guard down. Using this opportunity, you kill him using his own weapons.

Or just tell the government about his crimes, whatever you pick.

#i am traumatized by my own actions #i need therapy #I am terrified at my own self #jesus fucking christ #What the fuck have i made #Imagine someturned this into a story or fic or animation #That be fucking cool #NOT omori

[fear-ze-queer]

i did not expect to have my heart ripped right out of my chest while playing dlc for a five nights at freddy's game but here we are

#i started SOBBING when i got near the end holy shit #the scene where we deactivate roxy. roxy coming back to save cassie. gregory betraying cassie. #GLAMROCK BONNIE LAYING DEAD BEHIND HIS OWN ATTRACTION. he's been there since before the pizzaplex closed and i'm just. AUGH #roxy's voice when she realized she hurt cassie. monty being so goddamn ripped apart he barely has half his body anymore. #REPAIRING ECLIPSE AND HAVING THE OPTION TO REPAIR CHICA. #all the endings that have already been discovered. nobody coming to cassie's birthday. roxy being cassie's favorite and REMEMBERING HER. #i could go on and on. holy fucking shit i'm just devastated. #and it was actually scary???? the virus and the mimic are fucking terrifying esp when mimic has its tiger rock costume. #it hurt SO MUCH to play but it was so good i need more #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf security breach #fnaf ruin #fnaf ruin spoilers #security breach ruin #security breach ruin spoilers #ruin spoilers #my poor emotionally fragile self............ i am gutted #oh and also. eclipse's voice oh my god. i want them to hold me forever.

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(​putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw) #i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

[metalfeather]

Bro its so fucking ridiculous for military service is mandatory here (I think things like that should be optional, or you recruit financially troubled high school grads, so you WANT to do it, you can't Force 'oh feel national pride by serving your country' that's not how that works)

But you can pay to do it 'short term'

JUST LET ME PAY TO NOT DO IT AT ALL??? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO IT FOR A 'MONTH' LIKE I'M JUST COSPLAYING AS A SOLDIER???

#;ooc. #literally just. paying out the nose to get there for a month. breathe the camp air. get abused by an officer and then be let go jsdjfsjdf #anyway I used to be deathly terrified of the concept but now I have reached a point where I'm like 'Ugh fuck it fine just get it over with' #is that growth chat??? idk #'nerdy why pay unnecessary money for it just do it for the full duration' I am paying for Time. that shit is priceless. #like if you want to serve I have nothing but utmost respect for you that's a very personal and important choice #but when its mandatory??? idk man I don't see the value in empty performative self-wank #maybe I'm just too bitter for my own good lmaoooo #anyyyway this ain't happening anytime soon lmao this is a 2025 issue #I'm gonna get my hair buzzcut when that time comes bruh that part's gonna be traumatic #my hair is like 50 percent of my personality lmaooo

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[solaaresque]

day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/

#reze stfu #god i honestly. idk what to say #my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go #but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child #that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a... #idk. an experiment or wtv #I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !! #i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly #and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/ #maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that?? #just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house #maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday #god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them #that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me #despite KNOWING that isnt true #and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please #please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father #WHY am i the most responsible person in that house??? #you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money #no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you???????? #i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup #its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim? #ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again #and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay #that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun #tw suicide #tw vent

[myfirstandlast]

going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly

#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing #because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now #things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life #i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own #and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before #i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own #i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just #seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way #and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown #but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it #i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself #it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me #and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have #i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming #but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday #i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments #it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed #it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured #i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die

[ahalliance]

smth about 10 being 904 yrs old in day of the doctor then 906 in the end of time fucks me up

#s2-s4 were like. fours years to him :( maybe three #and he spends at least two years running about on his own slowly withering away #those two years which are most likely post waters of mars… what if i died #and him STILL feeling horrible about how he acted in the end of time to a point where he starts breaking down in front of wilf . wtf :(( #hes just. he’s my little sad guy :( #why’d he spend a third of his 6 yr existence alone huh 😭 #i am quite literally going to be an emotional mess when the 60th specials drop like 😭 #HIM AND DONNA . back together . besties again . lord #and theyre gonna no doubt address how fucking miserable 10 was at the end of his life . #and there’s no doubt going to be a message about self acceptance and moving on . #14 is a version of 10 who has endured what he once was terrified of and lived to tell the tale . he’s a 10 who knows it was all okay in the #end #and THAT is gonna fuck me up . meow meow finally has a high chance of getting his happy end… 13 years later gotdamn #literally whatever they do ill be happy to see DT and CT acting together again im so fucking pumped #and we’re immediately getting the already banger duo of 15 and ruby right afterwards…. we’re being fucking spoiled #im so so so excited i love doctor who!! i love celebrating the future while honouring the past!! #jay rambles

[joycrispy]

“I am not going to ruin my love’s life today.”

(the line was written in tones of exultation and relief. 

I am repeating it in tones of grim determination. 

Not today, or tomorrow, or the day after that, God help me). 

#about me #cw suicide #I'm staying alive for my own sake as well #but the knowledge that I love him (and others) more than I hate pain and fear living in pain #is useful #this is a lot to go through every single fucking day. but contextualizing it as an act of love; of protecting the people I love... #makes it slightly more bearable #and then following from that it's not enough to just live. I also have to be kind. I also have to work hard to get better. #I have to refuse to let this turn me into the worst version of myself #because I know I can be better than that. I AM better than that. #it's not about obligation; or owing anything to anyone; or living for another person (which is a lot of pressure to put on someone; yikes) #it's just that if I have nothing else I do have love. devotion is the North on my compass; as it were #if I keep following that eventually I'll find the way out of this #(this includes self-love by the by. I like myself a lot actually. I just happen to be inhabited by a deeply wounded and terrified animal rn)

[littlecutiexox]

I keep putting myself in uncomfortable situations

#why am i like this #this is probably me being self destructive #gonna be a mature weirdo and leave the situation for my own sake #but like #involves confrontation #which is terrifying #but i gotta do it

[carronpatrick]

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Someone's broke into our house and I'm way too scared to sleep or turn off a light. Many cops came and checked everything and are patrolling the neighborhood more and we're all safe but wow. My heart can't stop racing and I'm shaking and holy fuck. Absolutely terrifying.

#2022 #self #Also I feel so violated? Like I feel so unsafe in my own home and I am so terrified to turn a light off #care's chronicles

[netscrape]

if i want to actually make a change i have to actually start changing my habits now. time for 1 million cold showers 

#i'm committing to the injection i'm going sober no self harming i'm even trying to quit cigarettes #yes it sounds all hellish as it sounds to do this all at once but i'm at a hospital so i have support and i actually need to change or i'll #probably just try to kill myself again #if i hear one person in my life give me any kind of shit for this i am cutting them off i can't take it anymore i need to get better or i'm #gonna die #i am scared #the last time i almost died and it was the 2nd time in lkess than a year and i don't see things getting better so!!!!!! #i rly wasnt expecting it either so i'm basically terrified of my own self i feel like i am being held captive in my body by someone who #is trying to kill me

[impossible-rat-babies]

this part of this fic is just eyrie like: I feel as if something is broken inside of me.I cannot figure out what it is. I am utterly terrified of this change being one I cannot control and worse being one that I cannot even comprehend. what if I am so changed by it all that I can no longer recognize who I am.

haha you shouldn’t have to solve that problem for me it’ll all be alright, yeah?

and g’raha cries about it

#owen plays ffxiv #eyrie voice I am so normal I do not have questions that have no answers #i am not terrified of my sense of self changing for once in my life #changing to the point they are nothing but a stranger within their own body and life #it comes a lot due to their issues with recovery #feeling like an outsider in their body. the lack of healing readily. their vision and the seizures most of all #they feel so foreign in their body #there’s the compulsion there to talk about it bc they want to talk about such things w G’raha #but at the same time it’s having to reassure themselves more than him #that they aren’t looking for a solution #even though they want to have one #they want to not feel like this even though they know they have to #logic brain v emotional brain #oc: eyrie kisne #EDIT: G’raha doesn’t just cry about it just haven’t had a thought further than that

[donuts4evry1]

I think it's very unfair that middle school students look older than me.

maybe something should change

#I wanna get my hair cut so bad #but for a multitude of stupid reasons I don't #also I wear much of the same clothing I did at the start of highschool so there's that.... #like these guys are better dressed than I am lmao #but I also can't afford new clothes so #haha ;) #for context I had to go to a middle school last week to teach kids how to code #it was terrifying #I wonder I'll have to do it again this week. Depends on what my coworkers feel like lol #mun rambles #my coworker made fun of me for looking like a middle schooler it was so embarassing ;w;; #maybe if I cut my hair I won't look like a middle schooler #........ hmmmm........ #oh while I'm still on my tag soapbox I realized that masahiko actually might be helping me cope with the fact my hair is too long lol #his ponytail looks great and makes me feel better about mine #anyway don't you just love self projecting onto your own characters? I do :)

[weirdoaroundtheblock]

Sometimes I just live my life and have the sudden, horrifying and petrifying realization that I am actually alive and going to grow old probably living a life I do not want nor like but then I just distract myself again because I can not, for the life of me, handle that

#sorry if this was triggering #I feel like it is reverse derealization and am terrified that it is simply called living life like everyone else #Like how does anyone do it #anyway enjoy #existential threat #forgot I existed #i wish i didn't exist #just to not experience this feeling #Most times I'm just clueless of my own existence #like I was the main character of a movie or tv show or whatever #I am aware this sounds self-centered af and I still medidate on whether I am or not

[mejomonster]

I just realized my reader target audience is like. Likes horror but mostly just for the action/metaphor/fantasy elements of it all, mostly coming for the hurt/comfort and healing. So yes similar to the dmbj audience probably

#rant #djdjj i just. realized my not super niche weilan au #is definitely in the horror genre #like. its not gonna be that scary? but i saw a mermaid movie once where #the mermaid ate ppl on a ship and was the main monster and Character #and that 1 deeply affects how i tend to write mermaids and imagine them #2 thats kinda my take on Many fantasy things tbh like #i have an oc universe called The Blank Files and like. theres not a lot of genuinely evil dangerous ppl #but there is a lot of fantasy creatures doing whats Normal for them but terrifying for others #its very much like. idk if u view #a wolf or a lion as scary. theres this hangup in the narrative about it cause fantasy creatures are aware like humans #of their own morality. the same way a human who defends themselves in a fight or runs for their life #is aware of their own values and capacity for violence to survive. so like. if a lion was aware it would fight another lion to protect its #family. ans that lion contemplated the morality of it. if a lion felt bad for eating a zebra sometimrs. but was like what else am i gonna #eat. its not depicted so much as horror as just like. very human questions of self Projected onto what we consider monsters #like if a mermaid were a real flesh eating animal? it would just be doing what humans do #to whatever its prey is. but because it would be smart like a human. would it feel bad if it ate other things as smart as it? #its very Jennifers Body or Ginger Snaps type horror. in that its not so much scary #as it is the mundane fears we have turned into a Fantastical situation #which The Lost Tomb Reboot did Well and i very much love #in fact most of my fave rhings do it. like Love and Redemption with demons. #and usually i jusr use the horror/fantasy as a way for ppl to be on an adventure (action) as a backdrop for #them to figure stuff out about themselves and heal amd support each other #which now that i write that. is very similar to Guardian dramas approacj #which partly explains why its an absolute fave drama of mine lpl