#I couldn't sleep so I did this

[shiwoart]

Some more notes about feesh oc 🐟

#oc #original character #I couldn't sleep so I did this

[bijoumikhawal]

life times in enemy territory- a garak playlist

Commentary about why each song under the cut!

Better than me- the Brobecks Look at what you've done, now I'm a mess/Today I even thought I'd wear a dress/It's beautiful, so smart/And no good for me/At all

Commentary track: Garak at Ba’amaren. Surrounded mostly by upper class idiots strutting about and looking down on him even though they feel the need to steal the credit for his tactical knowledge, developing emotions for both people who are actually kind and the first man to ever beat him up.

Hallelujah- Leonard Cohen Your faith was strong but you needed proof/You saw her bathing on the roof/Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her/She tied you to a kitchen chair/She broke your throne, and she cut your hair/And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Commentary track: more ASIT references- a poet overthrown by his love of a woman, who he explicitly connects to faith and religion? Fits the vibe pretty hard. A similar vibe is the Lesbian version of Maddy Groves I can't put on this playlist because it's only on bandcamp.

Brutus- the Buttress I always knew I could be the one/Though I feel the endless pain of being/And I am scorched by the sun/Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex/My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex

Commentary track: not on this playlist for the gendervibes, more for the utter jealousy and the fact that Garak would fume about a song related to Ceasar being associated with him.

Alligator Teeth- Mother Falcon Things are not like they seem/Things are not like they seem/Things are not like they seem/That’s what I’ve learned of dreams

Commentary track: a song about anxiety and hypervigilance. Not much else to it.

Explode- Patrick Stump They said that they found it in the basement/Enough to just blow that roof to the pavement/And he was the man for the job/A one-man bomb squad/A middle aged mess thinking

Commentary track: Garak whenever anyone goes "hey you, the former spy, we need you to do spy stuff".

Lovesong- Snake River Conspiracy However far away, I will always love you/However long I stay, I will always love you/Whatever words I say, I will always love you/I will always love you

Commentary track: a dark romance song about utter devotion regardless of what someone does to you. Describes far too many of Garak's relationships.

Live by the Sword- Dorian Electra It's cold like the ocean cold like the rain/Show your devotion, show me the pain/Show me the blood, show me you tried/Show me the tears coming down from your eyes

Commentary track: there's a video on YouTube analyzing the Flamboyant album through a trans lens, and this one is read as describing a threat- if you want to live like this (out and proud), you're gonna die like this. It also works as a parallelism between Garak's two fathers- Tolan, warning him to chose a life other than violence, and Tain, urging him to take power through violence.

Father- The Front Bottoms I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat/And he is screaming and crying for help/And maybe halfway through it has more to do with me killing him/Then it ever did protecting myself

Commentary track: Garak has daddy issues... bit of a Garak/Palandine vibe as well, and kind of a gender vibe.

Villainous Thing- Shayfer James Oh dear, let me see those smokey eyes/'Cause you're a villainous thing/And we can't have you living a lie/Oh dear, let's remove those pretty clothes/'Cause you're a villainous thing, oh/And I don't think anyone knows

Commentary track: Garak talking about someone else? Someone talking about Garak? Works either way

Our Word- 36 Questions And as I laid there helplessly/A million different thoughts came to me/I saw my parents hearing the news/"Your only daughter drowned today"/I thought about what they might say

Commentary track: a family that teaches their child to lie to the point where lying is the natural and expected reaction to any complicated emotion or situation.

Hatef--k- the Bravery And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness/There will be no tenderness, no tenderness/I will show no mercy for you/you had no mercy for me/The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly

Commentary track: Garak's relationship to far too many people, but specifically Barkan. We know Barkan doesn't consider his enjoinment to actually prohibit him from sleeping with other people- he and Garak definitely had bad sex while they were at school together.

The Moss- Cosmo Sheldrake Well, legend has it when the sunbeams come/All the plants, they eat them with their leaves/Well, legend has it that the world spins 'round/On an axis of 23 degrees

Commentary track: this is almost entirely vibes based, at best I can say it's connecting to Garak's relationship with Tolan and Hebitian religion.

The Heroine- Unwoman I go through the motions again and again/But you are not here to see them/I go through the emotions again and again/And this time I actually feel them

Commentary track: Garak's feelings of abandonment on post canon Cardassia, if you buy that Julian wouldn't immediately start triaging people after the bombardment.

Dust and Ashes- Josh Groban How did I live?/I taste every wasted minute/Every time I turned away/From the things that might have healed me/How long have I been sleeping?

Commentary track: credit to @ofhouseadama on this one; I hadn't paid any mind to Great Comet in years, and she's right, it is a REALLY fitting post canon Garak song.

Honorable Madam- Daniel Kahn and Vanya Zhuk Honorable Madam/Queen of Separation/Many years we've been/The very closest of relations/I beg you, do not taunt me/Don't tear my words apart/If Death don't want me/How about your heart?/I beg you, do not taunt me/Don't tear my words apart/If Death don't want me/How about your heart?

Commentary track: it was very hard to chose a lyric selection. This song very much reminds me if my own fucked up relationship to the idea of homelands, borders, and "seperation". Interpret the "honorable madam" who is both "loving and oppressing" and its pretty decent song to describe Garak's relationship to Cardassia.

Circus- Lindsay Mendez Hello kind sir I'm so glad you never met me/You're my first one so forgive me if it's messy/Just to be fair/I admit that I'm scared/And sorry for what I must do

Commentary track: this one's creepy! And fucked up! Just like Garak's relationship to literally everything because of being raised with the expectation of being a spy, torturer, and assassin from a young age- especially if you think he honeypotted. Blending the lines of intimacy and violence.

Writer in the Dark- Lorde I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops/I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me/But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power/I'll find a way to be without you, babe

Commentary track: Garak has mommy issues too, it's equality. Also a song about abandonment and learning to move on.

Adam Raised a Cain- Murder by Death (cover) In the darkness of your room/Your mother calls you by your true name/You remember the faces, the places, the names/You know it's never over it's relentless as the rain

Commentary track: the secrets and violence your parents teach you.

Compulsive Liar- Ezra Furman I've got one fatal flaw/I'm a compulsive liar/If I don't love you/I will tell you anything/And even if I love you/I'll always be conniving/I'll always be negotiating with the truth

Commentary track: lying, closets, and queer subtext! About the ways lying and confinement feel safer than the truth and freedom.

A body on the step- American Murder Song Was a mother, was a mother, burning someone's clothes/Was a mother, was a mother, burning someone's clothes/With rope in her apron and black for an eye/A body on the step and lies all about

Commentary Track: yet another song about a family that lies and ruins each others lives, but especially their children's. Also a really good song to write to.

#Cipher talk #Ds9 #elim garak #I couldn't sleep so I did this #Edosian melancholies

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for? #open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer) #maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already. #really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings) #(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time) #(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.) #(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

[lazylittledragon]

isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine

but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day

#ramble #idk if this is a me problem or not #i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now #maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening #i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me #what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work #then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway #right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening #something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together #this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem #i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to

[kazuhiras]

#Astarion #Baldur's Gate 3 #Baldur's Gate III #*mine #*gifs #*BG3tag #I couldn't sleep and I remember that he did that little lip upquirk and I was like man you are a big fucking stinker and I would like to te #l you that you are very handsome and very evil but also very soft and very broken and I have a lot of feelings about you but tumblr won't l #t me type anymore because apparently there's a word limit for tags so I keep having to stop and now I'm just going to cry! bye!

[statementlou]

the other day I was looking for the Zayn interview from a few years ago where he tells the interviewer he's going to the bathroom and then they look over and are like "oh um he's in the parking lot... oh. aaand he's getting in a car and leaving" and I found it (GQ) but on the way I ran into the interview where Vogue (who run the met gala) are like so did you like the met gala wasn't the met gala fun and he goes off for like 4 paragraphs about how much he disliked it and how it's the epitome of everything he dislikes about being a celebrity and then at the end is like oh wait shit... I mean Gigi was good though, and that was also the interview where he said he'd made his peace with there always being paps in front of his apartment when he realized that instead of doing promo he could just go out his front door for like two minutes and call it done and my point is: I know many of you are new, maybe are just here for Louis, but I need you to know HOW FUCKING FUNNY Zayn is, like genuinely he is SO FUN to follow and I just really recommend, 10/10 celeb entertainment

#also so gd sweet #a fuckboy #but a tender soul #also the time he said he was gonna do lives every night for a week and did 2 and then just never came back #one of them was just him listening to his album and smoking weed and you couldn't hear anything he said #and the other one he spent most of the time trying to figure out how to do funny fonts #and when he did the ad for coors where it was just a loop of him sleeping for hours #I could go on and on....

[missholoska]

day 7 of Soriel Week year 8: free day 💛💙

outfit swap with Alphyne ✨

and of course, I couldn't leave out the girls themselves:

#soriel #sorielweek #sorielweek2023 #alphyne #undertale #toriel #sans #alphys #undyne #undertale art #holoskart #this wasn't Intended to be bi toriel propaganda but it sure did end up like that. which is the opposite of a bad thing #fun fact this was actually supposed to be my day 7 for last year's soriweek and just didn't work out at the time #it also really did not want to work this time either. it is nearly 3am I tried So Hard to finish this in time ;_; #it's kinda rushed in places and I couldn't polish it as much as I would've liked. but at least I can finally sleep..............

[spookypeacephantom]

#pathaan #bollywood #spy universe #shahrukh khan #deepikapadukone #john abraham #text posts #couldn't sleep #so here i am #anyway I did this faster than i wanted

[antimony-medusa]

every single creator in purgatory that I clicked into across the entire event was focused on saving the eggs, across all three teams, regardless of when I clicked into stream or what time it was for them, they just didn't have a concensus across all three teams about how best to play the game to save the eggs.

#qsmp #soulfire was doing it for the eggs green gay ninjas was doing it for the eggs bolas was doing it for the eggs #that's why people went so hard #that's why you had so much friction over things like the egg statue event because people were trying to save their eggs #but some people thought that meant destroy the statues and some people thought that meant protect the statues #discourse #this is the essence of the conflict we had because people couldn't just brush it off and say “it doesn't matter anyways” because it Did #one team not being convinced that another team is cursed to the point that they would throw the event and thus risk their kids if wrong #is not not caring #qsmp purgatory #anyways I should go to sleep but I needed to throw that one out there

[olibavee]

can't sleep so i did this...fake pink video gaaaame

#my art #*monday #i uh. couldn't figure out how to use a 4 color palette for this. i tried i rlly did. the big portrait was too hard for me tho #so it has a couple more colors #i also DID finish drawing vilya. i'll post her l8er #keep looking at this and thinking abt that one post...whats the pink they put in pink lemonade...thats pussy babe #i need to sleep so bad plaese god

[sappy-af]

freshly ravaged persephone, or something like that 🤭

#i like to think grace LOVES to mess around with persephone's immaculate hair #i did this before bed because i couldn't sleep thinking of persephone with messy hair #i am so normal about her and her gf (lies) #i think everyone should play the game and join me in this insanity actually #cygnet doodles #persephone stray gods #grace x persephone #stray gods

[a-s-levynn]

"And I feel like I'm losing touch with what I am again / And slowly I remember why I cannot pretend" A Series of Small Offerings - III/6 - day27

#a series of small offerings #sleep token fanart #Ash! Look look! The hightlights brought it together TmT Thank you for putting up with my stupid post i really needed that morale boost🫂 #i'm still not sure it looks like rippling water but it looks aesthetically not attrocious so i'm happy with it 😂 #and we are also back to the old school fantasy novel illustration type of shading because i love it #tho why i couldn't go for the burning cathedrals line i have no idea.. but it just did not wanted to happen #tomorrow might gonna be a skip day because traveling reasons but we'll see how te day goes #sleep token #vessel #vessel fanart #vessel i #vessel sleep token #sleep token vessel #sleep token band #sleeptoken

[youssefguedira]

we're not meant to be alone

The Void (Brennan Lee Mulligan), Fantasy High S1 E17 / The Old Guard (2020), screenplay by Greg Rucka / The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood / Book of Delights: Essays by Ross Gay (2019) / The Best Care Possible: A Physician's Quest to Transform Care Through the End of Life by Ira Byock / Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities by Rebecca Solnit

#the old guard #so i did one of these! because i was writing angels earlier and had some feelings #this was originally supposed to have the angels in my time panel but. tumblr image limit #but yeah angels in my time thesis #anyway this is my favourite theme in tog i think. its like. imo tog has this lovely undercurrent of hope to it #it's an action movie and it's heavy in places but also the ending to me is saying it does matter helping people does matter #celeste's scene is one of the most important in the movie because of the turning point it is for andy #at her lowest moment a stranger in a pharmacy helps her without question. later nile says she knows the good andy's done #i also loved the emphasis on the sea of people in the script + celeste's slightly extended speech #there's outtakes from this bc i found a lot of quotes i liked #but i couldn't not include healed femur #anyway. going to sleep now i think #do i tag people in these? who knows

[eldrichfuck666]

Probably the most unexpected post from me, but since they somehow (I DON'T KNOW FOR WHAT REASON??) had twins, I guess... I mean, they're really cute and Ansel & Irving really wanted to have them, so.. there probably won't be any family gameplay posts, because I'm obviously not into family gameplay (I'm mostly a blender "gameplay" and horror edits lover T^T), but still, here's a few cute photos :')

Idk if I'm bothering with tagging (if I did, I truly apologize T^T), but! These cute poses are by @rebouks and I can't adore them more, they're just... thank you so so much for them!! 💖😭 I hate kids with passion, but these poses are just so amazing and I can't stop my heart from melting and feeling something like.. a joy?? AND OMG they're so cute for family portraits! 💕 So really, really big thank you for your work! 😭💕 It's soo cute!

#i-- ansel why did you decided to get pregnant like WHY #not complaining but... #THIS POST WAS UNEXPECTED FOR ME TOO #ts4 screenshots #sims 4 screenshots #it's edited but a bit so I won't be tagging it as an edit #and I still haven't finished my render so it will take forever for me to post something else 😭 #pleaseee don't unfollow me bc I posted one family post 😭😭 I beg you I PROMISE YOU I'LL DO MY HORROR ONES #I just started playing kinda for myself and I couldn't resist posting them #TOO CUTE #why infants are so adorable in the game #not before sleep tho #*ansel my beloved #*olya's finally PLAYING sims???

[echo-does-art]

One day, Oggdo Bogdo, I WILL defeat you... eventually...

#another amphibian for today! #I wanted to do a digital painting in addition to just a frog that is painted #and I started this when I couldn't sleep at 2 am and wanted to finish it #so I did #this also fits yesterday's video game prompt! #I haven't had much time for gaming and my ps4 isn't currently the most accessible #but eventually #someday I will beat this murderous toad thing #oggdo bogdo #jedi fallen order #bogano #amphibians #amphibiuary2023 #painted #video game #my art #digital art #daily prompt

[disdaidal]

I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

#personal #i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week #i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here #but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting #i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday #where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get #after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks #but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that #what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed #so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try #because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times #which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even #so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call #from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today #and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out #'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out #because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own #i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still #but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously #so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me #i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but #at least i'd know #anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing #sorry