#I feel so happy now

[meownotgood]

I had a dream aki hugged me, it was really nice

#I stayed in bed for a long time because I wanted to keep thinking of it #it felt really real #like I could still feel it when I woke up #whaaaaahhhhhh...... aaaakkkiiiii....... #I feel so happy now #like today will be good #I wish I could control my dreams #I want to have dreams of aki every night.. blah #also I don't really remember the context lol #I was in some sort of scary house and it was like a horror game where I had to get out #cause this scary lady was chasing me #and then when I finally got out of the house she stopped chasing me and I was running #and I saw aki and I ran up to him and hugged him #and he hugged me back and said he missed me and it sounded like he was about to cry #I think stuff happened afterwards too but I don't remember....... I just vividly remember that one part lol

[pax-former]

Continuation from the last post

#continuation from the last post #tfp #transformers prime #starscream #make a redemption ark of starscream someone please #starscream redemption arc #I love him too much #someone protect him UNTILL he is emotionally stable please #I feel so happy now

[catmask]

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

#i think this is why ive been so much more geniunely happy these last few years #like. i will never be going to bed alone. i will always have someone who wants me here #i will always have someone to say 'im sorry im not feeling very well now' and they will be concerned instead of being annoyed #at you as if those feelings are an inconvenience #scratchpost #txt

[uncanny-tranny]

May your pain medication always kick in right after you take them. May your compression garments always slip on your body with ease. May you always find your footing when you walk. May you wake up with energy and zest. May your sinuses always be clear

#disability #disability positivity #it felt like my acetaminophen kicked in right away and i am so so happy right now 😮‍💨 #feel free to add onto this

[inktho]

sometimes

#sometimes it be like that #i just locked myself out of my twt account so this is how i feel now #anyway happy week 5. i guess!!!! AUGH #screaming #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #full illust

[dragondawdles]

the beastie <3

#totk spoilers #<- (? yet another schrödinger's spoiler she shows up during the beginning sequence but uhhh just 2 be safe) #totk #light dragon #the light dragon #totk light dragon #loz #tloz #zelda #id in alt #dragon doodles #(I don't know the TAGS for this fandom grrgrhgrgrhg I'll decide eventually) #hiiiiiii so the uh new zelda game was good. I beat that after 140 hours like a week ago (explode emoji) #and now I'm brainrotting zelda HARD which means I have feelings about like 17 dudes all at once #we'll have to see if that means I'll bombard you with characters!! lately art's been blah but I've got some stuff cooking hopefully #hey I'm happy with this tho!! happy with tha beastie :] #this worm is my best friend

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

[minzbins]

(180325) happy anniversary stray kids 🎂

#stray kids #skz #bystay #staydaily #staytay #usersun #userbeepls #usersa #userlau #meltracks #jennalook #majatual #userbinsuns #!melstuff #!bday #flashing tw #HAPPY BDAY MY BELOVED STRAY KIDS <333333 #always so so sooo proud of u guys :(( #i do realise this is in no way original but it's the best i could come up with 😭 #still... kind of proud of it tho skhdslcbglk #anyway this is like a look back on the last year of skz #also can't believe i've been a stay for like 2.5 years now but it feels like sooo much longer.. i love it here

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[cemeterything]

i've been noticing how often i refer to my friends in conversations lately and it's actually making me a bit emotional. if there's one thing i could tell my younger self, who didn't have a single friend to confide in and thought that he never would, it would be that one day he'd have so many wonderful people in his life that he wouldn't even be able to go a single interaction without bringing up someone he loves at least once.

#🐉 #saved this to my drafts earlier and fuck it i need to feel happy after my night was just ruined by my roommate #so im posting it now #but genuinely so insane to me that i can just SAY stuff like 'my friend' now

[satorus-leftarm]

dont stop me now started playing on my walk home from the subway and its cold and snowing for fucks sake and the sky is grey and the leaves r mush.

anyway, its gross.

but when i tell u i vibed SO HARD, i fucking mean that shit!!!

we’re talking over enthusiastic lip syncing, snapping, weird head motions ALL OF IT!!!

#i feel so happy now #:D #tate’s bs

[flowercrowngods]

Steve startles awake, disoriented and filled with a slight bout of panic — as always when he takes a nap that turns into five hours of deep sleep and catapults him right into the next dimension for a while there.

Heart racing, he blinks his dark bedroom into existence, and it takes him a while to realise where he is and what woke him up.

And then the landline phone on his nightstand rings again, and he exhales deeply before reaching for it with clumsy, sluggish movements.

“‘Ello?”

“Steve,” comes Eddie’s sing-song voice from the other end, washing over Steve in a soothing way that leaves him falling back into the pillows. He clutches the phone to his ear as he closes his eyes, the smile already forming at how happy Eddie sounds. He rarely sings Steve’s name like that. He should do it more often.

“Hi there.” His voice sounds like shit. Like he just took a — Jesus Christ, has it really been four hours? Well. He sounds exactly like someone who took a four-hour nap after a shit day at work would sound like.

There’s fumbling on the other end, but it stops suddenly. “Did I wake you? Shit man, I thought it was past nap time.”

“I don’t have nap time,” Steve grumbles, actually pouting at Eddie’s words and realising only a second too late how ridiculous he sounds.

“Sure, man, whatever you say. We all know you’re actually just a life-sized toddler.”

Steve sputters, sitting up against his headboard as he gradually wakes up. “Hey! Also, I don’t think you actually understand what life-sized means.”

“Yes, I do.”

Steve shakes his head at this ridiculous, ridiculous man. “What exactly do you think a non-life-sized toddler looks like, Eduardissimo?”

“Like Dustin.”

The answer is so quick and deadpan, Steve cannot contain the laugh that bursts out of him, waking him up quicker and gentler than anything else in the world could have, and he revels in the sound of Eddie joining him. He must look so smug right now, and so damn proud of himself. Steve wants to see him. Wants to kiss that smile right from his lips and replace it with something a lot more genuine.

“You’re an asshole,” he says instead, pulling his blanket further around him as he lifts his knees to sit more comfortably.

Eddie hums, still teasing somehow with just that noise, and Steve just can’t stop smiling. “You like me so much, Harrington.”

“Hmm,” he mirrors Eddie’s hum, but even he can hear the smile on his face. “Jury’s still out on that one, actually.”

“Any tendencies yet on the verdict?”

“Nope, they can’t decide.”

Eddie snorts at that, and Steve has no idea how that can sound so sweet. But it does. He buries his smile in his knees for a bit, the blanket hot around his burning cheeks. He’s hopeless.

“Well, let me know as soon as they do, yeah?”

“Will do,” he laughs, ruining all his attempts to sound solemn. “So what’s up? Why’d you call?”

“Oh!” And suddenly it’s like a switch has been flipped and Eddie doesn’t sound teasing and smug anymore, but instead just fucking giddy! “I have a bed now!”

Steve smiles at it. At that voice, that tone, that infectious emotion. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!” More fumbling on the other end, and Steve can only imagine that Eddie is rolling around in his newly acquired bed.

Who’s the life-sized toddler now, hm?

“No more sleeping on the floor for this Munson boy, nuh-uh, my good sir! We are in possession of a bed now. A wooden bed, no fancy headboard or anything, just…”

“Just a bed,” Steve says, feeling like he’s about to burst into a million little particles of fondness and affection and the never-ending need to kiss Eddie. To hold him. To touch him in any way he can. “That’s great, Edsie.”

“It is, Stevesie.”

“Man, I hate you so much,” Steve squints at the ceiling and laughs, actually kicking his feet, the minute breeze providing a little relief for the heat in his face.

And Eddie has no business to sound so smug when he says, “Yeah, you do.”

A pause then, and it feels loaded even through the phone. Steve clutches it closer to his face, hoping stupidly that Eddie can feel it.

“You should come hate me in my new bed.”

Steve’s breath hitches, and his brain shuts off for a hot second there. Before he can overthink this, he decides to just… play along. And listen to what his heart has been telling him for months now.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, breathless still, but his whole body tingles with just these two words. With the possibility they bring. The offer that they are. The question. The everything that’s stored in them.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and he sounds just as breathless. “I mean, if— If you want to?”

“I do.” Steve swallows. “Right, uh— Right now?”

“Whenever.” And it sounds more like an As soon as possible.

“Okay,” Steve breathes, scrambling out of bed as quickly as possible, pulling off his shirt with the phone still pressed to his ear, letting out an embarrassing noise as it gets tangled in a mess of cord and fabric. He scrambles to free it, almost dropping it in the process. “I’ll be there in thirty.”

“To come look at my new bed?”

“Sure.”

On the other end, Eddie laughs again, but he still sounds just as breathless as Steve does. Just as excited. As fragile. Just as many fucking things.

“Alright,” Eddie murmurs, though Steve can still hear the smile. “I’ll see you then.”

And then he hangs up before either of them can get lost in their own heads about this sudden certainty of change. Steve is grateful for the steady noise of the dial tone reminding him that this is happening. But that nothing has to happen.

It’s a nice bed, he finds hours later, fingers combing through Eddie’s hair who’s cuddling him half asleep. It’s the best fucking bed he’s ever seen, if only because it led to this.

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 (lmk if you want on or off)

#listen i have a bed now. assembled it yesterday (actually my brother did i just stood there and looked cute) #and i’m so happy and schmoopy (@myself for myself with myself by myself) about it #steddie fic #steddie #steve x eddie #dio’s steddie ramblings #look yet more fluff from me like wow who dis??? #dio words #i feel so anxious about the permanent tag list like do yall even wanna see silly little things like this 😭😭🙏

[cesiscribbles]

More Good Omens! I‘m sorry bit I probably won‘t shut up about them any time soon.

Please don‘t repost.

#i love them your honor #so many sketchoos #feeling more confident about the style now #really struggled with Crowley #wasn‘t happy the way I drew him but now its goin somewhere I think #could change again tomorrow and then I throw everything out of the window #ANYWAY #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #my art #sketchoos

[toomanywordsnllines]

Sometimes... the world can be a little too much.

#cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty ghost #simon ghost riley #manysart #manyrambles #vent in the tags beware #drew a little ghost to see if it made me feel a little better and it did... maginarly... #I have been having the roughest month (roughest year reallly) of my life mental wise... #I feel so drained everything is too much everything is too little #it's like my brain is covered in static and not the good kind #I'm exausted mentally #my nerves feel rubbed raw #feels like I'm so close to snapping #I don't even know why I'm like this that's why it's so frustrating #now I'm gonna work on my assigment that does involve soap so that makes me a little happy #personal stuff yee haw

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

as someone who rarely listens to music, i am unceasingly in wonderment at the emotional connection many humans have to music as a medium. genres & styles & artists and all that jazz --you guys care a lot about this stuff. i sit marveling at the sheer commonplaceness of people feeling an intimate connection to individual songs & albums & musicians. to the point musical preferences are often considered a meaningful part of one's identity as an individual....thats crazy. so much passion...so much fierceness of feeling ...people say "you have to listen to this song" and i listen for 30 seconds and say "neat!" bc it is, it's neat! the chorus is catchy! i might tuck it away to hum to myself later. but for now im putting my earplugs back in returning to the glorious silence that my essence depends on the same way my lungs depend on an oxygen-rich atmosphere. u beset me with fascination

#me listening to a Certified Jam: i get it now! i get why you guys care so much i understand the Feelings #me 60 seconds later when the chorus is over: ok that's plenty let's calm down with a nice quiet breather #yall are out there just constantly Absorbing Sounds huh #just letting your ears rawdog it when you're not surrounding them with Specific Rhythms And Tunes #u have such rich lives. sounds exhausting but im happy for u

[mipexch]

comic about v2 and the goal they'll never fully reach alongside a dissatisfying conclusion. intimate rivalry and all (alternative ending comic. V1 dies instead of V2 during 4-4. V2 is narrating. V1 is dead.)

#high of victory drops to an overwhelming crushing feeling of what comes next now that youre done #if it wasnt clear v2 is trying very hard to put v1 back together after it kills them. very very poorly. weight of your actions hits #v2 #v1 #ultrakill #v4v #heavy implied at the very least. see as you will #i realize now that the writing is very disconnected and so are the drawings but bear with me here. do you see my vision #theres something going on between these two that is beautiful but also extremely codependent #at least on v2s end #tried to do those two descriptive pages in a way where it went like. 2 - 3 small details about v1. and then something very specific. some- #-thing theyd only know if they paid close attention to how the other acted or looked #took me a few days to put together and im pretty happy with it i think #feel free to dub or do whatever as long as you gimme credit where credits due #there are many ways to interpret v2 and this is one of them #gen art