#I imagine there's going to be a lot of guilt involved here. Even if we don't see it on screen

[buckttommy]

Who knew Eddie's dream sequence in 5x14 of Christopher, present yet distant, would be foreshadowing for the arc they're going to go through in Season 6

#The tone of that dream has a different feel in light of the fact that Eddie's going to have to learn to exist without the title of #'Father' as his primary source of identity #Eddie in that dream is very much so Dad to a Young Boy: his joke his silliness is that of a father still so enraptured in the youth of #his son. But then the dream turns on its head; Christopher is there but not. Eddie dies in front of him and he doesn't even flinch #I said when the episode aired that the fact that Christopher was in Eddie's trauma-induced dream at all is indicative of the fact #that one of Eddie's primary fears is losing his son. Or (more to the point) his son not needing him anymore. #So I imagine this period of transition that they're in is going to be... a challenge... in many different ways #Especially as Eddie contends with all the time he *missed* being Christopher's dad when he was in the service #Christopher was six years old when Eddie started taking care of him full time; that's six years that he missed #Now Chris is twelve/thirteen and what should have been over a decade with his son was really just 6-7 years #I imagine there's going to be a lot of guilt involved here. Even if we don't see it on screen #knowing the way Eddie's brain works and the incredible standard of honor he holds himself to? #[Honor that exists absent of trauma but just a standard he holds himself to intrinsically...] #It'll be interesting to see that's for sure #jack.txt

[rosemariilovesyou0922]

WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

SPOILERS TWF4 !!!

It was the best thing I could ever experience rn, I'm pretty much ascending. The fact that there was ANIMATION?? ON IT??? Martin is extremely talented I swear to god.

Personally I think a Lot of My questions we're kind of answered. Deffinetly not the "Where the hell is Jack?", No I'm Even more confused about that... I THOUGHT LIKE- FELIX GOT RID OF HIM OR SOMETHING I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD TELL THEM WHAT HE DID? I honestly thought he would hide it and kill anyone who knew (he didn't need to they're all pretty dead). I honestly felt slightly Bad for him, HE DUG A HOLE FOR HIMSELF 😭. I swear I was SHOCKED- mouth open eyes wide type of stuff, I COULD FEEL HOW AWFUL HE FELT, He reeks of guilt, desesperation and actual negativo emotions, where before I honestly think he only transmited me the smell of alcohol or something; I deffinetly feel Bad for him now.

Okay so aside from the whole Felix thing here's a few things I really enjoyed/noticed:

Beggining ANIMATION with Ed and Molly; knowing what happened that night it was honestly really sad and I felt like it was the Best way to start pt4

THIS HAHAHHA:

ROSIE VOICE REVEALL!!! Girl I swear, it's extremely obvious how hard I Stan Rosemary Peony Walten SO You know I started levitating ‼️‼️

"Bon" appears in the video early on so that's cool, aside from that uhhh Tv Guy is deffinetly going to be quite the goofy silly guy so stan

SUSAN AND CHARLES BEING SILLLLYYY!!!

Charles struck me as kind of a manager? Someone who does stay in the establishment and is involved but isn't actually like- an engenieer or chef.

Susan You wonderfull woman I swear the strong ass mecanic lesbian is all I needed in my life.

So the whole animatronics moving around and facial recognition actually clear up a bunch of stuff for me, for instance: How the hell would Bon be able to tell who Sophie was. Also I was screaming for them to run whenever an animatronic was lowkey near, scary stuff.

AWOOPPPP TIME SKIP!! Or something skip I have no clue, Charles and Susan talking about Rocket being there. Rosemary and Jack did not know Félix was an alcoholic aparently, that explains why Jack would ever let him drive his children anywhere from somewhere there would be alcohol at.

JACK?? JACK BANGING AND KNOCKING ON THE DOOR FOR FELIX TO OPEN ACTUALLY GOT ME SHOCKED TO MY GODDAMN CORE?? HIS VOICE IS CHILLING.

Félix and the whole cliff scene really broke me not going to lie, You dumbass of man, you're stupid and reckless but I feel awfull for you.

Felix told Rosemary and Jack what happened which actually throws my "Oh yeah Felix deffinetly sent killer animatronics to kill his Best friend and his family so the business wouldn't crash" theory down the drain. Also Rosemary asking for the doll, I cannot imagine how devastated She would have felt, She does not deserve that.

Alright that was terrifying!! Scary imagery actually got me bit scared at atimes, which is good, the show keeps me on My toes.

WHO THE HELL IS INSIDE OF BON?????? WHO IS THAT...

The fact that: We could actually SEE how he KILLED Susan but ED AND MOLLY HAD TO WATCH TOO 😨

Poor children, god.

The animation actually scared me really Bad, it was so unreal and disturbing in a sense that Made You feel like you'd get jumpscared at any moment, that's what makes this kind of horror amazing.

The whole conversation between "Bon" and Susan/Banny is something You have to watch for yourself.

She was ALIVE in the SUIT, GOD 😭

The fact her 'Wonderland' for has her neck snapped and everything, it looked so disturbing, it was really clear how she got killed.

THE MUSIC WAS CELESTIAL, I PRAISE WHOEVER PLANNED THE SONGS THAT PLAYED BECAUDE EVERY SINGLE ONE MADE IT TEN TIMES BETTER.

Ed and Molly at the end :[

#the walten files #molly walten #ed walten #jack walten #felixkranken #felix kranken #what the fuck just happened #the walten files 4 #TWF spoilers #twf #twf sha #twf bon #twf banny #twf rocket #twf boozoo #twf billy #martin walls #martin paredes #big rant #ranting

[rainybraindays]

Hi! Rainy here on her soapbox again!! Heres some things I've seen said about Eloise today

"Eloise be staying a terrible friend"

"Shes finally showng her true colors"

"This is the ultimate betrayal I don't care how mad she is I can't believe she'd do this to Penelope."

"Eloise was always a brat/bitch she deserves whatever happens to her for being friends with Cressida."

"If she was a true friend she wouldn't do this."

And lots more!

My thoughts on this? You all need to calm the fuck down oh my god.

Listen, I love Penelope, and I'm not exactly thrilled to see Eloise attaching herself to Cressida, but also you have to imagine being in her shoes.

You're 19 forced into a world and position you don't like, your reputation has been dragged through the mud, most of your acquaintances are no longer spaking to you, the first person you've had a crush on has basically said to never come around again, and you found out your best friend has been lying to you for years and using her anonymity to mock your family.

She gets to be hurt and upset. Penelope did betray her, and she may have been trying to do it to save her, but that doesn’t change that she did an it certainly doesn't change how she reacted when Eloise found her out.

We know from the live Cressida is the only person who was nice to her. Was it likely for a self serving reason? Does it likely have more to do with Eloises name than who she is as a person?

Maybe, but also, we really don't know Cressida beyond a surface level. I don’t know how to tell you his but characters can have more depth to them.

And even if she is, Eloise could also be in this friendship for self serving reasons as well.

Violet says it in Queen Charlotte, Eloise is lonely, and angry, and likely looking for a way to hurt Pen like shes been hurt. Cressida is excellent at helping her be less lonely and to also get back at someone who hurt her. In Eloises mind Cressida may be bad, but at least shes not pretending she isn't.

These girls are not done cooking, their brains are not fully developed, they are going to make impulsive, mean spirited decisions.

They shouldn't be crucified for them.

Marina lashes out at Pen for meddling, it's taken as evidence that shes actually this evil bitch. Eloise lashes out and makes friends with "the enemy?" She was never a true friend, and never actually cared about Penelope.

I love Penelope, I find her to be an interesting character with a lot of facets that can be played with, yet some how how this fandom keeps deciding she needs to always be in the victim role. Something she wouldn't agree with, seeing as sh seemingly hold some guilt about Marina, and immediately tried to run after Eloise. The things she does aren't full altruistic, to an extent they usually play in her favor. She knows shes in the wrong, why can't we as the audience accept that?

When Pen and El reunite, it shouldn't involve some huge redemption arc from Eloise for daring to befriend someone Penelope hates.

It should be genuine apologies, on both sides, because they've both said and done things to hurt each other.

Their friendship isn't going to be the same and I think thats okay honestly. They've both been self-centered in their friendship, niether really listened to each other, theres been secrets and fights that do change alter relationship. They have to rebuild, reassess and go from there.

#rainy talks #ugh this turned weird near the end sorry #but i stand by it #we don't even know if this friendship will be long lasting y'all need to chill #i also saw someone complain about Eloise bangs #so sorry shes gay she can't get rid of them ): #bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #cressida cowper #penelope featherington

[forgottenarias]

ooc || stafford family history i guess?

@forgotteneilionora Kate this is so much rambling nonsense i hope it makes a small bit of sense lol

Stafford Parents Okay but I am LOVING the idea that their parents put a lot of importance in action-- I definitely think it makes a lot of sense for both sisters!!! I am imagining since their mother died so young were actively involved in their father's royal affairs as soon as they were old enough? (especially considering Eilia was the heir which would technically make aria the spare?? which aria DEFINITELY ignored at all cost-- she def would spiral any time she considered that possibility.) i was wondering if perhaps aria, when she was old enough too, took up the mantle of being a patron/etc to these different things/groups/etc around Astaira which had originally been her mother's! i feel like the court/friends/whatever had tons of stories about her mother (because Aria would've been like..2 years old when she died I think?) that she'd heard over the years and she was aspiring to be as good as her mother! i dunno where this would really come from (mostly their dad i guess?) but i think they were trying to push the idea that being a queen/ruling class is about caring for the country and its people and their happiness/safety reflects back on a successful monarchy ruler. (also now wondering if they considered themselves/the queen/king "gods chosen" in the same way roderick does-- it seems like maybe that's not how the old religion would really see them but that's neither here nor there really...)

also knowing that their dad died pretty early on and while they definitely have more memories of HIM that their mother I could see where the whole lot of them have this very idealized versions of both their parents in their mind that is almost impossible to live up to in some way? that might be part of the reason why she (and maybe eilia too?) has this very strange idea that she isn't doing enough to try and fix the situation they're all in thanks to roderick!!

and because this is sort of a stream of consciousness word vomit rambling thing i'm ALSO wondering if even though they had fairly good familial relationships, maybe there was not really a forum to express emotions/concerns/etc within the family unit which is why now Aria/Eilia are in this weird sort of 'i don't want to be a burden/i am a burden/i don't want them to feel like a burden!' cycle because they aren't really that great at expressing their emotions to each other?? the whole like "we have to be strong for each other/our country" and a kind of guilt trip "things could be WAY WORSE" sort of thing

Old Religion/Guardians/Etc so to then pivot to Aria's abilities... i think she has had the ability for as long as she can remember! my idea was She talked a lot about seeing things/creatures/etc as a kid and I image her family probably thought she was just a kid who had imaginary friends, etc… but then as she got older and the stories continued/she could better articulate exactly what she was seeing they were like “ohh okay, that’s not just imagination.” Knowing there’s sort of two paths to follow when one has the ability to see/sense the guardians— being okay with it or kind of going crazy— she was probably kept a bit more secluded for a time so that if she did go the crazy route, she wasn’t out in public raving like a loon. I DO think pretty quickly it was concluded she was not going to lose her mind BUT then her abilities set up another set of concerns— even though the idea of seers wasn’t necessarily treated as a crime in Astaira it still would open her up to being a target from foreign entities (#roderick) along with potentially being seen as promoting the “old religion” despite the fact Astaira had a more open view on people’s religions! so the decision was made that it needed to remain a secret amongst the family (which really wasn’t that hard honestly). also now thinking this all maybe happened not long before their father died so she was kinda struggling with coming to terms with this ability/what it meant while they're all in mourning and her older sister is now the queen! (which obviously meant aria saw her less and while i think aria always knew that was going to happen it was still a shock/hard thing for her to deal with and i think aria tried to step up and be that person for siobhan but never felt like she actually was any good at it!) buuut anyway I think she had to figure out a lot of this guardian business out for herself along with trying to keep it under wraps so again it’s a part of her life she MAYBE put some unnecessary pressure on??

(also on the same note going off all that awesome info regarding witches lizzy posted, i was also thinking that aria never had an powers manifest which could be potential drama in the future for everyone if something happened that WOULD make some power manifest-- especially depending on who that might happen in front of!)

anyway this is, like i said, semi insane sounding rambling about things and i'm always open to changing thoughts on ANY of this but yes... it is here XD

#eilia stafford #siobhan stafford #ooc #kate rambles

[princess-of-the-corner]

So, more serious musings on Aware Lila.

I tend to gloss over post Season 3 stuff due to not really watching it extensively or at all and not liking what I heard though I will borrow bits and pieces from time to time.

With that in mind, Lila is where she's at in season 1 to 3.

IE, she has one mother, a Madame Rossi who is an Italian Diplomat recently moved to France. She is a woman who is evidently either profoundly gullible or profoundly checked out when it comes to parenting. Given Lila was able to stay home for six months based on a lie, despite efforts by the school to reach her.

Given her line of work I am going to say its the second one, as I know some people who work in the diplomat cores and unless you are a major nepotism hire, you are fucked if you aren't at least decent at your job and being easy to lie to will fuck you over.

With that reference point of RL in mind too I have a fun observation.

Its been noted to me that children of diplomats tend to come up a bit oddly. An anecdote I was told involved a six year old clicking their fingers for a wait, doing the finger swirl and casually ordering a round of drinks for their table of other children.

The main take away is that diplomat kids tend to be expected to or by dint of circumstances, start acting like mini adults.

This works well for Lila cos she is rather like Chloe in that both come off as presenting as older than they are in terms of fashion and manner and the like. Not totally, but of all the class they feel the least "Childlike" upon a quick glance.

Moving on from that, we know Lila lies a lot and wants people to admire her and she's convincing enough that she can usually get away with it for long enough periods of time that her mothers never noticed.

She's also prone to intense reactions that dwarf even Chloe's most bitter grudge holding given she spent six months locked in her room faking being in Achu. Even when it was clear the class still bought her deceptions she didn't go back.

I will note some of this could be tied to Hawk Moth as Nathalie did note they'd apparently been keeping an eye on or perhaps handling her in that interim. Still, girl has a temper and grudges and clearly doesn't see her mother as someone to confide in.

With all this in mind, here's what I think her situation is:

Her mother is a diplomat, and a fairly high ranked one. Enough so that Lila actually can occasionally get pictures with notable figures at events, which helps sell her lies.

This means she is an intensely busy person and they never stay anywhere for more than a few years. Meaning Lila's never really had a chance to put down roots that didn't get ripped out & her mother doesn't prioritize her needs.

Madame Rossi also expected Lila to be able to be 'mature' beyond her years when meeting others, dealing with her not being home and to otherwise get along well with others and not cause her problems.

I imagine she's very much one of those, "I work hard for you. Look at all the nice things you own because I work hard. Is it so difficult for you to just not complain, just not cause trouble?"

IE, neglectful, has high-ish expectations but only in the sense that Lila not make waves and if so barely checking in on her and prone to emotional manipulation like guilting or shaming.

So yeah, Lila' definitely abused. She's very much a latch key kid, but one who was chastized for being a kid and wasn't able to form long lasting connections to support her in place of a family.

To compensate for the utter dearth of affection and lacking sense of home and identity, she sought the approval of others but only in the most superficial sense. This means her mother won't complain, and she won't get attached, while still getting a form of positive affirmation.

If thing start to get hard, she will lie, neg, shame and guilt others to keep the con going. Because that's how her mother kept her pliant for as long as she did until Lila just stopped viewing her as anything other than another person to lie to to get what she wants. It is an incredibly empty life with a flashy mask.

Like with the others I doubt she will consider herself abused, though she might be the most willing to say it but the least willing to mean it. She'll likely be dismissive or defensive, quick to cast off the idea that her actions are motivated by anything other than desire or aren't justified. & that she likes having a mother who is so disinterested Lila can 'do anything.

She likely has a bit of Chloe's "I can make X parent do what I want by playing this role or telling this lie" and feigning it makes her happy to have the situation "In control" like that. But its just another way of trying to give herself the impression of control in a life she actually has zero control over. Where everything could slip away at any moment.

Why she reacts so intensely to what went down in Volpina is harder to say:

Is it just that she's never had this happen before and wildly overreacted by pretending to move away? Or is it that it evokes a different time she was uncovered? Or is t a trauma response? Or did it come down to just her being pissed off initially and then Hawk Moth continuing to stoke the flames to keep it going?

But I think this is a pretty good personality profile.

Or at least I hope so.

Oh yeah no 100% this is about what I have her for HC/LL aka: not conning a bunch of women

I also added things in for like. Her former classmates accidentally enabled her by giving her stories more attention than her, Lila learning the lesson of 'if one person unravels the lie, they all turn on me and act horrible' which causes her to discredit anyone who catches on, and her dad dying right before moving to Paris which is why she's scrambling so desperately to cling to this little 'happiness' she's created.

#aware au

[ejzah]

In Miss Blye’s Class, Part 27

***

Kensi stayed for dinner and while Deeks cleaned up. Over the course of the evening, Caleb slowly opened up a little more, even breaking a couple of smiles.

Deeks thought at least a part of his continued reserved behavior came down to embarrassment. While Deeks appreciated that Caleb recognized what he did was wrong, he also didn’t want him to wallow in guilt.

When he had finished cleaning the few dishes used for the pizza, and packed up the half-finished meal he’d started, Deeks made his way into the den. He found Kensi and Caleb with their backs to the door, bent over a book. He stayed in the doorway watching them interact, and listened to the rise and fall of Kensi’s voice more than the words.

“Wait, did you forget to read the fine print!!!!” Kensi exclaimed.

“They ate spicy salsa on accident and now it’s going to make them breathe fire,” Caleb announced in between giggles. “And then the whole house is gonna burn down.”

Deeks smiled as he recognized one of Caleb’s most favorite books. Even if it had be a crappy couple of days, he had a lot to be grateful for. Mainly the two people crouched over a book about dragons. He waited for them to finish before interrupting with a gentle clearing of this throat.

“Hey kiddo, it’s getting close to bedtime,” he said, and both Kensi and Caleb’s heads swiveled towards him.

“We were having so much fun, we completely lost track of time,” Kensi said, nudging Caleb with her knee. “I better get home. Have good night, ok?”

“Ok. Thanks for reading with me, Kensi.” He dipped his head, peeking up from under his bangs. “Can I hug you?”

“Of course.” Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around Kensi, clinging to her for several long moments. When he let go, Kensi brushed his hair back with a fond smile that made Deeks’ chest ache in a way that wasn’t physical. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Kensi,” he said.

“I’ll walk you out,” Deeks offered. “I’ll be back in a couple, buddy.”

Caleb nodded, turning back to the small pile of books and trains scattered nearby.

“Ugh.” Deeks rubbed his palms over his face as he and Kensi reached the front door. “This is not how I imagined today going.”

“Hey, we’re all going to have bad days. Compared to some of my other relationships, this is actually not that bad.

“Very reassuring.” Holding out his hand, Deeks waited for Kensi to thread her fingers through his. “I should have told you about Monica sooner,” he added.

“Yeah,” Kensi agreed. “But I also understand why you didn’t.” She sighed, her smile a little melancholy. “Exes are hard. Especially when there are kids involved.” She tugged lightly on his hand. “Let me know if you need anything. Talk, yell, cry. I’m here and I promise not to judge.” She nodded. “Well, not too much.”

Deeks chuckled, and shook his head. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” she told him, leaning in for a brief kiss. “Good luck with your talk.”

Deeks shut the door behind Kensi, dragging both hands through his hair. He’d been thinking about how to approach this conversation all evening, and still wasn’t settled on what to say. He walked back to the den; Caleb had cleaned up everything, with more care than usual.

“I’m ready to go to bed,” Caleb announced.

“Come here for a minute,” Deeks said, sitting in one of the chairs, and Caleb hung his head, shuffling over reluctantly. He stopped with his still lowered, which just made Deeks want to wrap him up in a big hug. He pulled Caleb onto his lap, settling him on one knee.

“Kensi said you told her you were upset about mom and that’s why you got mad and threw the block. Is that true?”

Caleb shrugged once, and then gave a single jerk of his head, still not looking up. Deeks gently tipped his chin up. The were the sheen of tears in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I don’t know.” Another shrug.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Deeks reminded him. Caleb didn’t respond, so he prompted. “Why are you upset about mom coming to visit?”

“Because you always get sad when she does,” Caleb answered, with a hint of sadness and bitterness, which had no place in a five year old’s voice. “I like it when we’re happy. And I like having Kensi here, and I don’t want it to change.”

Deeks blinked at him in shock for a moment as he processed everything Caleb had just revealed. He’d tried to conceal his true feelings about Monica, but apparently he hadn’t been as successful as he thought.

“Hey, first of all, you do not have to worry about how I’m feeling, Caleb. That’s not your job, ok? If you wanna see mom, then that’s what we’re going to do. It doesn’t matter how it makes me feel.” He tapped Caleb’s chin, until he made eye contact again.

“Secondly, mom coming back isn’t going to change anything with Kensi,” he said.

“You promise?” Caleb whispered hopefully.

“Yeah, I do.” He let that sink in for a few seconds. “So, what do you think about mom visiting again while she’s here?”

Caleb considered the question with a tilt of his head. “I don’t know. I have to think about it.”

“That’s fine. It’s always good to think about things before you make a decision,” Deeks said approvingly. As they talked, Caleb had slowly melted into his chest. He could tell he was fading fast.

“Hey, one more thing.” Deeks rested his hand on Caleb’s back. “I know you weren’t feeling like yourself when you threw that toy today at school, but that can’t happen again, ok?”

Caleb nodded into his chest, sniffling a little.

“It’s never ok to hurt people, even when we have really big feelings. If you feel like you did today again, you come talk to me, or Kensi, or another grown up,” he told him.

“Ok. I’m sorry, daddy.”

“I forgive you. We still gotta make it right though, so tomorrow I want you to apologize to your friend, and Kensi.”

“That’s all?” Caleb asked in surprise.

“First time offender,” Deeks joked, hugging Caleb tighter. “It happens again though, there’s gonna be more consequences. Like losing privileges.”

“Ok,” Caleb whispered again, curling his fingers into Deeks’ shirt.

“Love you, kiddo.” Kissing the top of his head, Deeks held him closer. A few minutes more wouldn’t hurt.

***

A/N: And of course, the book referenced in this chapter is the wonderful “Dragons Love Tacos” by Adam Rubin and Daniel Salmieri. It’s been a staple for me ever since Eric read it during one of his story time videos.

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #kensi blye #densi #Caleb Deeks #angst #drama #fluff #in Miss Blye’s Class #part 27 #au #ejzah fanfiction

[onegaylittleant]

OFMD and Revenge

I've been seeing a lot of posts focusing on characters getting comeuppance for their bad actions in this fandom lately.

People are talking about Izzy getting off easy since no one knows that Ed's behaviour is "his fault" or Ed being punished or Stede etc and like,,, no?

If that's what people want then like I get that and I see you, you're feelings make sense and they're about the furthest you can get from an unfounded opinion but that isn't really the approach ofmd seems to be taking when it comes to revenge.

In season 1 we have three major characters who's character arcs are focused on revenge; Jim, Chauncey and Izzy. Their quests for revenge are never framed as desireable.

Jim is basically done with their revenge quest for most of the show, all they really want is getting their knife back, until they return to their home where they're basically shamed for letting go of their grudge. Them continuing to avenge their family is shown to be detrimental. They leave their friends behind and Jackie outright tells them that it's not worth it.

Chauncey is just a flat-out villain this season. Like we get why he's going after Stede, I'd even say the show makes us sympathise with him, but it's also very obvious to us that he's hurting himself and the people around him by refusing to let go.

Izzy want's Blackbeard back, he's stuck in the past and he also develops a grudge against Stede specifically. These are the reasons he becomes one of our main antagonists in season 1.

But this is made even more obvious in season 2, which is why I find it so weird that a lot of people are still rooting for the possability of Izzy being punished.

I think Ed's storyline this season is the shows clearest declaration on how it's going to handle redemption and comeuppance going forward. Ed is pushed over the ledge at the end of season 1 and so far his s2 arc has been focusing on his awful coping mechanisms with trauma and guilt. He's been doing worse and worse things to the characters we love and he fucking hates himself for it. He keeps punishing himself for doing bad things by doing something worse. It's very similar to Chaunceys framing in s1 if you think about it. And he's to scared to stop because he belives that he's unredeemable, that there's no one waiting for him on the other side.

But his crew, his friends, Izzy, Stede even his own imagination (Hornigold) are telling him that he can let go of his anger and that if he'd just show them that remorse without also hurting them, they'd be there. Ed punishing himself isn't helping anyone.

And if we disregard the fact that Izzy has already lost a leg to a long and painfull infection, not to mention the fuckton of mental trauma, we see that he has put himself on the road to redemption by taking accountability for his personal actions as well as protecting the crew from Blackbeard.

Yeah he's technically one of the reasons that Ed is in such a bad place right now, but if the revenge crew aren't insanely pissed at Stede for Ed's behaviour then do ya'll really think they'd react that poorly to finding out about Izzy's involvement?

Like they've been there with him, they've seen the abuse he's endured by Blackbeard and the messed up relationship they have together. I'm pretty sure they'd all agree that he's been through enough.

Yeah he's a dick, and they've basically always known him to be one, but he's their dick.

Idk I just think people are a bit to caught up in moral absolutes here when really the happiest ending for everyone involved would be for the characters to forgive themselves for the pain they've caused, and to free themselves of their personal grudges so that they can properly heal.

#ofmd s2 #ofmd #izzy hands #stede bonnet #edward teach #jim jimenez #chauncey badminton #spanish jackie #crew of the revenge

[sammy-is-not-smiley]

ok since you were looking for fic requests i have one for a robin x reader!!

reader is hoppers daughter. she dated jonathan for the entirety of freshman year. they broke up but it wasn’t bad. hopper keeps saying how good of a kid he was and how the reader should just get back with him. little does he know, she just wants to be with robin. so one day, she slips a confession note into robins trumpet case to meet her in the janitors closet after school. it goes well and they kiss a little ehe. maybe a part two or in the end she introduces robin as her girlfriend and hopper being confused but supportive 👀

Salty, Then Sweet

Robin Buckley x fem!reader

S4 SPOILER FREE

Summary: After going through the summer of 85' with Steve and Robin, you've had feelings develop for Robin. Now, after a sleepover with her, you suddenly felt the strong urge to confess your feelings. Could she love you too?

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings/tags: Underage drinking, language, PTSD, nightmares, nightmare scene, hurt/comfort, love confessions, Hopper is still in Hawkins after season 3, reader is hoppers daughter, gay kissy, timeline might feel off idk

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED IT! The longest fic I've finished yet. This one was a lot of fun to write, I hope it's what you were imagining. I went a little off the request and then back to it lol

Butter sizzled in the frying pan, making you jump slightly out of your sleepy stupor. Your father had the heat up way too high on the stove again. He would tell you he liked how the burnt butter tasted, but you knew his pride was just a pill too big to swallow. You sighed heavily and rubbed your eyes, trying to listen to what your father was griping at you about this time.

“I'm just saying, he was a good kid to ya.” 

Oh. Right. This again. 

He sloppily cracked an egg on the stove and thumbed at the shell. “When you two dated he helped you keep a schedule. You were never too out too late, always got enough sleep,” He finally dumped the egg onto the hot skillet, “And your grades definitely saw better days with him.”

“Dad,” You groaned, resisting the urge to let your head drop to the table. “I’m pretty sure you liked Jonathan more than I did, but can we not talk about him now?... Not this early,” You finished under your breath. You hadn’t dated Jonathan Byers since freshman year. The end of junior year was just around the corner and somehow your father still pressured you any chance he got to get back with Jonathan. Your family had a past with his, sure, from small interactions to dealing with the supernatural. But your father's obsession with you getting back with Jonathan was starting to get annoying. You wouldn’t tell anyone this, but deep down you had never felt any attraction to Jonathan.

Your father sighed irritably, “Fine, fine. My point is you’re staying up way too late. You never used to come in here half asleep like this.” He gestured with his spatula and flipped the already overcooked egg. "I get you're young but sleep is important"

"I know."

"I don't even know what you would be staying up doing."

"Mm-hm."

"If this keeps up, though, I might have to take your radio or something-"

“You ever think maybe it’s because I have nightmares?” You suddenly snapped, startling you both.

His spatula froze a moment as if he was taking a second to buffer. His shoulders then sagged and he continued his cooking. You watched as he put fresh bacon, eggs, and toast on your plate then walked over and slid it in front of you. You stared intently at him, trying to gauge his feelings through his expression. It was no use, he rarely wore his emotions on his face. He put his own plate down across from you and allowed himself to fall into the chair. Neither of you touched your food. 

After a bit, your father finally broke the silence. “I didn’t mean for you to get involved in my work,” He muttered, guilt present in his tone. “.... What kind of nightmares?"

You shrugged, gazing down at your eggs. The edges looked burnt, dripping with brown butter. “Those stupid monsters… and the Russians… Having to run for my life, watching Jonathan or Robin die in front of me even though they're still here… Stupid stuff.”

“Don’t call them stupid, they’re normal. You went through a lot… we all did.”

You nodded, thinking back to the events of the past summer.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You gave a weak shrug, flicking your bacon with your finger.

“How long?”

“Since I first saw one of those things in Jonathan’s house.”

You had been with Nancy and Jonathan when they discovered what they would later call the Demogorgon. You were right there when it somehow entered their house and attempted an attack. Lights flashing and heart beating out of your chest. Ever since then, your nights had never been the same.

“Shit… (y/n) Hopper, you need to tell me these damn things,” Your father chastised sternly, however, you knew this was just how he got when he cared. “I need to know when things aren’t good.”

You smiled bitterly, grabbing your fork. “If I did, I’d start sounding like the boy who cried wolf.” With that, you shoved your breakfast into your mouth. Things hadn’t felt good for a long while.

Your father leaned back in his chair with a heavy, unsatisfied dad sigh, then began going at his breakfast as well. 

As you both ate in silence, your mind still lingered on just a few months earlier. You wished things could have stayed the way they were. Working with Steve and Robin at the mall was one of the best things to happen to you… until it quickly descended into madness once again. Yes, you all managed to stay together despite being kidnapped by the Russian government, but that didn’t make the situation okay. Far from it actually. To add to your trauma from interdimensional monsters, you ended up facing federal agent-level torture. It was the first time you ever felt true terror from the presence of other human beings. It was the first time you ever got beat up and bloodied. But towards the end of it all… It was also the first time you realized exactly what it was you felt for Robin.

While you wanted anything but for Rob to get involved and be put at risk, you felt better knowing she knew the chaos you knew was lurking in Hawkins. You felt better knowing you could go to her about your nightmares, which you did. Quite often in fact. Before your father, she was the only one you ever told. She was the only one you ever called at 3 am. She was the only one you felt like would ever answer.

As soon as you were finished eating, you got up and got ready for school. It didn’t take you long, the sleepless nights slowly forced you to make your self-maintenance routine shorter and shorter. 

School hadn’t felt the same since all of this had started either. Ever since Will had first gone missing, tasks that should have felt normal… didn’t anymore. The feeling always hit you at unexpected times too. While walking down the hallway at school, during dodgeball, while shopping for groceries. You hated how that was no longer your normal and how fighting monsters was. You knew nothing would be the same and a sense of mourning for the past would come over you every time you remembered that. 

---------

Lazily you stared at the blank chalkboard, mind empty, waiting for class to start. Somehow you managed to get to first period on time today, probably because your father had drug you out of bed for the ‘proper breakfast’. You could still taste the burnt butter on your lips. 

“Hey, hey,” An chipper voice pulled you from your gaze. Robin sat next to you, a pile of textbooks thumping on her desk. “You got here before me! You slept better I’m guessing? I mean you didn’t call like usual last night. I hoped that meant you were doing better.”

The night before had been rough. It was one of those nights where you couldn’t close your eyes without seeing one of those monsters blooming their face of teeth at you. You could have sworn you heard one gurgling outside your window at one point. Guilt had kept you from grabbing the phone and calling Robin though. 

“Yep, slept through the night," You swiftly lied. 

She beamed, but it faltered as she leaned in and inspected your face more closely. “You got something on your face,” Her hand came up and wiped at the corner of your mouth, then she wiped it on her pants. “All good. Guess it was some breakfast I hope?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, fighting a smile, “Dad made us both breakfast this morning.”

She beamed once again, this time remaining that way. “Nice! Slept through the night and got breakfast. Look at you, a babe, and with your life together.” She nudged you on the arm, both the compliment and her touch making butterflies rage in your stomach. All you could do is smile in return, even if it was founded on a lie. “Hey, tell you what,” She continued, “Why don’t you come to my house tonight for a sleepover? My parents will be out late on a date so we can have a movie night! We have popcorn and fuzzy blankets-- Oh there's this one blanket I’ve had since I was little that's SO SOFT. No matter how much we've washed it, it somehow stays that way. I'm pretty sure if I ever go to college I would take it with me-” And from there she rambled on, happy as ever. You loved the way her eyes lit up and how her hands went crazy when talking about the things she loved. You were pretty sure you didn’t even get to tell her 'yes' to the invitation to her house.

By the end of class, she gave you a time to be at her house, offering to have Steve pick you up for her. You agreed considering he was the only person out of the three of you with their own car. With plans solidified for that night, you parted ways down the hall, to your dismay. You wished you had more classes with her. 

The rest of the day was a blur and suddenly you were zapped full of energy as if her touch gave you just enough power up to make it until the end of the school day. Another failed quiz didn’t even bring you down like it normally would. Before you knew it, you were getting off the school bus and running down your driveway to hurry up and pack your things. 

----------

Steve was in a rush to get you to Robins as he was already late for his shift at yet another job. You knew his boss would give him shit about it, but bless him for still pulling through for you and Rob. 

You had scrambled out of his car at your arrival, just as eager to get to Robin as he was to get to work. 

Your heart jumped in your throat at the sight of her when she opened the front door. Rob was wearing the shortest pair of bottoms you had ever seen on her. You'd go as far as to say they were boy shorts a size too small. It was compensated with a large baggy t-shirt from band, hand cut into a short crop top and exposing her belly. 

"Hey!" She paused a second and leaned out the door. "The whore didn't bother to walk you to the porch?" 

You scoffed, using it as an excuse to pull your gaze and instead look to Steve's car turning out of the driveway. "Nah, he's too anxious to get to his new flirting grounds." You felt a tingle in your stomach when Robin smirked at your remark. 

Although snickering with her, you were deflecting the situation with humor. You liked Steve, he was sweet and a big dummy, but deep down… you were jealous of him. Jealous of how close he and Robin seemed to be. They always emphasized their 'relationship' wasn't a relationship at all, they were just friends. Strictly and forever platonic. It didn't change the fact you wanted that same kind of closeness with Robin though…. And maybe even closer. 

"Figures," Robin rolled her eyes. "Get in here, make yourself at home." 

You did so, kicking your shoes off and dropping your overnight bag at the door. As soon as you were unencumbered, she jolted and tossed her hands up in excitement. "Oh!! Did I tell you what Steve was able to get for us?"

"No," You shook your head plainly, smiling at her animation. You loved when she did that, even if it was mentioning Steve.

She grabbed hold of your wrist and drug you to the kitchen. Getting into the fridge, she reached to the back and proudly held up a bottle of tequila. 

"Robin…" You whined, "We still have school in the morning, you know."

"I know, I know," She put her hands up in defense, "We won't get drunk or anything, okay? Just a few shots to relax." 

You shook your head in disbelief, taking the chilled bottle from her. "Never thought you, the band kid, would peer pressure me into drinking. I think you're spending too much time with Steve," You jested, inspecting the bottle. Although once again, there was truth in your statement, you would admit spending the night watching a movie and drinking felt like a good plan. 

"What can I say, he's clingy," She shrugged and took the bottle from you to set on the counter.. "Also I didn't know what movie to get so I think we'll just have Breakfast Club on in the background again while we drink and snack and whatever the fuck else we want to."

You nodded fervently, convinced she had somehow read your mind. "Let me change first though, I need to be comfy."

"Sure, you know where the bathroom is."

Walking past the front door, you grabbed your bag and locked yourself in the bathroom out of habit. 

Once you were changed, you couldn't help but stare at your choice of pajamas in the mirror, comparing them to hers. Should you have tried wearing something more revealing? Could you have worn a shirt that figured you better? You about slapped yourself for getting insecure over something as dumb as your pajamas. Quickly, you gathered your things and yanked open the door, the only thing on your mind being shots. 

When you got back to the kitchen, Robin already had the limes cut and ready in a bowl. 

"Let's get wasted… but not," She elbowed you teasingly and began to pop open the bottle. You stared at her hands as she worked the cork off, slender and calculated with a dash of clumsiness thrown in. Her nails were painted but scuffed and her rings gleamed slightly in the fluorescent light. It felt like forever before she got the bottle open. 

Right as she was about to pour the liquid into shot glasses, you stopped her. "Can you… just give me the bottle?" 

She froze, wide-eyed at you. "... You sure?" 

You nodded. Although surprised at yourself, you were ready for the anxiety in the pit of your stomach to drown in alcohol. 

Hesitantly, she handed you the bottle. As soon as your hand connected with the cold glass, you tossed it back in two swift swigs, treating it as if it were water. Your regret was prompt as soon as you swallowed, your eyes going wide and coughs bursting out uncontrollably. 

"Take a lime, take a lime!" Robin laughed, shoving the bowl of limes at you. 

You quickly brought one to your mouth, although you were pretty sure it was too late, the desperation on your face evident. 

"Damn, (y/l/n), never took you for the type…" She gawked at you, mouth slightly agape. It wasn't often you left her genuinely in awe of your actions. 

You wearily tried to smile, but it caused your face to twist into a lopsided grimace, making both of you split your sides in laughter. 

"Alright, fair is fair," She mumbled, swiping the bottle from you and copying your actions. The result was entirely the same, just reversed. You were now the one laughing at her as you pushed the limes to her. 

The night went on like this. Against your better judgment, you kept gulping straight from the bottle. In between swigs, you tucked the bowl of limes and the bottle in some pillows between you both on the living room floor along with the snacks. The mixture of alcohol, popcorn, and candy sat uncomfortably in your stomach, but it didn't matter. The way Robin laughed when she drank was priceless. It made the butterflies numb the slurry in your stomach. You wanted to hold on to these moments forever. By the time Robin finally took the bottle away from you and back to the kitchen, you both weren't quite drunk, but you definitely weren't sober. 

Before you knew it the movie credits were rolling and Robin was checking her watch. "Damn, mom and dad are probably on their way home." She stood from the nest of pillows and blankets on the floor and lifted her arms to stretch. The movement revealed more of her torso, her sports bra peeking out ever so teasingly. You quickly looked away before she caught you staring up at her like a freak. Little did you know, she already had and smirked to herself, cheeks heating slightly.

"We gotta be in bed by the time they get here or they'll be pissed. Ya know, school night and all," She mocked goofily. 

You cleaned the living room and kitchen together and managed to finish up just as a pair of headlights appeared in the driveway. You both dashed up the stairs, racing to the bedroom together prudently. The front door opened just as you closed her bedroom door, making you both giggle like a couple of middle schoolers. In all honesty, her parents wouldn't have been all that upset if you two were still up. But it was still fun to make a harmless game out of it. 

When the lights went out, you fell into a night of sleep faster than you had in months. Although you were sure the alcohol helped, you felt the safest sleeping next to Robin in the bed. Knowing she was right there made all your worries fade into the background, barely seen or noticed. 

----------

It's so cold. 

"Keep running!" A voice screamed at you from behind. 

Something galloped behind you in hard impending steps. It was getting closer… And it felt like it had been for a while. 

You sprinted through the woods, terror powering every stride you took. You couldn't bring yourself to glance back, for fear you'd catch sight of the creature pursuing you and the other person with you. 

Your head throbbed, blood pulling through your veins at an alarming rate. You didn't know where you were, which filled you with even more dread. 

Branches and bushes clawed at your skin like fingernails, leaving burning scratches in their wake. 

The creature behind you roared, the sound rumbling deep into your gut. An approaching doom that was so close, yet somehow it hadn't arrived yet. 

Suddenly a scream ripped through the air and reverberated down your spine. 

Skidding to a stop, you looked behind you for the first time. A stiff body lay on the ground as a demodog feasted on the ripped-open belly. Blood. Blood was everywhere. On the leaves, the body, the demodog's face, your shoes, the trees… everything suddenly now sheened with fresh blood. 

You watched helplessly as the limp body began to slowly turn its head to you and you fell to your knees in anguish. 

Robin. 

Robin was being eaten alive. 

"Please…" She pleaded in a broken sob, however, her face showed no emotion as if she had already passed on.

You felt yourself breaking down on the inside, tears freely streaming down your face. Why didn't you reach for her behind you? Why did you leave her instead of running side by side? This was your fault. You were the reason for her suffering. You lost her because of your own selfishness.

"I'm sorry," You tried to cry out to her, but the words wouldn't form. Your throat felt like it was closing up. It stung and the breath was stolen from your lungs.

"Please…" She croaked again, blood beginning to leak from her eyes resembling the cruel form of tears. "(Y/n)..." Your name echoed from her in barely a whisper. 

Your weeping was uncontrolled now and you attempted lamely to crawl to Robin’s aide. 

The demodog suddenly stopped and trained its attention onto you. Although it had no eyes, you could have sworn it was looking into your very soul. Like it knew your guilt. 

It gurgled and chittered menacingly, blood oozing from its odd lips in thick, viscous drips. It stepped over Robins's body, stopping and standing over her as if she were its property. 

Its mouth blossomed wide in rows of teeth, Robins's flesh and blood splattering forward to the ground. A roar bellowed deep from within it, making the trees around you tremble in some sort of earthquake. 

"(Y/n), please!!" Robin's voice screamed out at you. "Please, wake up!!" 

The demodog lunged forward at you at terrifying speed. 

"Wake up!!"

You awoke with a violent jolt, nearly tumbling off the side of the mattress you were on. Your eyes were suddenly no longer closed but wide open, darting around you for any sign of danger. Before you could get up from the bed and try to run, as was usually your first inclination after a nightmare, you felt the pressure of someone sitting on top of you at the waist. A pair of warm hands caressed your face at the sides, forcing you to look straight up at who had pinned you down. 

Robins horrified but compassionate face looked down at you, her shoulders heaving in breaths as quick as yours. 

"Oh thank God you're awake," She muttered, swiping your cheek with her thumb. It was cold and wet. Tears. "You started sobbing in your sleep."

The fear subsided slightly and the emotions came flooding in full force. It was all a nightmare… None of it had been real. "Oh god," You choked out, bringing your trembling hands up to her wrists. "Rob, th- that was… The worst one. That was the worst yet," You couldn't hold anything back, you couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She was okay. She wasn't dead because of you. 

"Shit," She let out in a breath, then leaned down, pressing her body weight completely onto you in a type of hug. 

You wrapped her in your arms and squeezed, both relieved she was okay and terrified of thinking of ever losing her. You tucked your nose into her shoulder, sobs racking your body in brutal tremors. She was so warm.

"I’m right here… I’m here…I thought they were getting better," She said nearly in a whisper. You felt her slide her hand to the back of your head and begin stroking it soothingly with her fingertips.

"They never were," You confessed in messy uneven breaths. 

And that's where she left it. She didn't say another word to you that night, but you didn't need her to. The fact that she stayed there, pressing herself to you like a weighted blanket was enough. The pattern of her breathing was enough, the clean smell of her shirt was enough, the way her hair tickled your face was enough. Under her, you slowly could distance yourself from the images of the nightmare and you felt safer and safer. Only that way were you able to finally calm down and gradually let yourself fall into another slumber, tears still wet on your face.

----------

Beep beep beep beep

Robin's morning alarm… Right. You both still had school. 

Your heavy eyes broke open to meet Robin's sleeping face mere inches from yours. Although no longer on top of you, she still had you pulled to her body by the waist, legs in a tangled mess. 

You leaned over and hit snooze on her alarm clock, thankful Rob was one of the heaviest sleepers you had ever met. 

The pillow cradled your head again and you lay there, staring at her lovingly. You watched her eyes lightly flutter in her sleep, her eyelashes thick and perfect. Her hair was an absolute bird's nest and it made you snicker to yourself. Then the events of the night before surfaced in your mind. 

You had woken her up with your nightmare. God, it must have been really bad to have woken her up. Shame hollowed into a pit in your stomach and you pulled away from her touch. 

You weren't sure how much longer you could take this. The nightmares weren't the only thing that had been eating you up inside for months. Every day your chest ached over Robin. Every day you wondered if today would be the day you would say something. It never was, but it was getting harder to keep it that way. 

You loved her… and you wondered if maybe she could love you too. 

After the night before, feeling her intimate touch when you were at your worst… hearing her lovely voice in your ear to ground you again… you knew you couldn't keep how you felt a secret anymore. Something had to be done. That felt like the breaking point.

You untangled your legs from hers and got up to begin getting ready for the school day. You were going to let Robin sleep a little longer, considering you kept her up the night before. The only thing keeping you going that morning was the fact that you could walk to first period together. 

----------

Your bedroom door creaked open behind you and was paired with a quiet knock. "Hey, kid, how was Robins the other night?" Your father asked.

You paused your writing at your desk and didn't turn to look at him. "Good." 

"Good, good… Sorry I had to work so late last night." It was quiet for a moment. "You… have any nightmares at her place?"

"No," You lied. 

"Oh… really?"

“Really,” You nodded. Only then you turned to look at him. "She makes me feel safe, dad." You weren't going to try and hide everything from him…. Considering you were going to hide the note you were writing from him, you had to let some truth slip. Half-truths were going to have to be the compromise to keep your conscience quiet.

Your father simply nodded back at you, then told you he was heading out for work early that morning. You weren’t convinced he was fully appeased with your conversation with him, but you had other things on your mind to think about. 

After his leave, you continued your writing. 

Your hand ached as you wrote everything in a note. When the feelings started, the jealousy of Steve, the fear you had deep down that the feelings could ruin your friendship with her, her presence in the nightmares, your nightmare at her house, all of it. Nothing was held back. Once it was all written out and physically there in front of you… It scared you. But you weren't going to let that dampen the determination you felt to get this over with. 

You asked her at the end to meet you in the alleyway next to the running track as soon as she was done with band practice. Once she knew everything, you needed to talk to her face to face. It felt like the final battle. The most telling moment.

After that, you let your pencil hover over the bottom line, hesitating to sign the note. In the end, you decided the leave it unsigned. All you could imagine was the worst-case scenario. The look of disgust Robin could have when she read it. You trusted she would know it was you based on the context and that she wouldn’t spread rumors. But if someone else were to find the note, you didn't want it to be traced back to you. This information had the potential to ruin the rest of high school for you both. 

Tentatively, you folded the note and slid it into an envelope, sealing it with an ice cream cone sticker. It felt fitting. 

Checking the time once you were done, you grabbed your things and went out to wait for the bus.

----------

At the end of the school day, you snuck into Robins's band practice in the gym, scouring for her trumpet case. You recognized it immediately and quickly slipped the note into it, heart beating loudly in your ears. 

As quietly as you snuck in, you snuck out and made your way outside to the alleyway. You pressed your back to the cold brick and slid down, picking at your nails anxiously for her arrival. 

You hoped the band director wouldn’t keep them long that day. The last thing you needed was to be sitting out there until dark or something. You missed the bus for this, so walking home in the cold at night was definitely a possibility. Sure, you could call your father, whether at the police station or at home depending on the time, but you knew he would drill you with questions as to why you were at school so late. You didn’t have the mental energy for an interrogation like that. 

Before long, you heard the gravel crunching under the steps of someone approaching to your left. Too nervous to look, you kept your eyes trained on your hands in front of you. Behind them, a pair of beat-up red converse came to a stop. The person wearing them didn’t say anything, but you knew exactly who it was. Sheepishly, you raised your eyes up to meet Robin’s staring down at you. She offered a sympathetic smile and lifted the piece of paper with your handwriting on it. However, she didn’t say a word. 

You raised your brow at her. “What do you want me to say?”

“Can you stand up?”

A sigh pushed out of you and begrudgingly you stood from the ground to face her. You hugged yourself, telling yourself it was because of the cold. 

Robin shifted the paper in her hands and looked down at it, her expression unreadable. She was quiet, and that was out of the norm.  

“I meant all of it,” You vacillated quietly, the silence between you both feeling too tense. 

She nodded. “I know…” She looked up at you, eyes softening. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course-” You were cut off by her body crashing into yours, pushing you against the brick, and her lips meeting yours. For a moment you went wide-eyed, but it didn’t take long for you to close your eyes and melt into the kiss. You felt like you were spinning as her lips fitted perfectly to yours, dancing together in a choreography that only you two knew. Her hands snaked around your waist, the letter falling to your feet and your hands found themselves weaving into her hair, pulling her face to yours as if you two could get any closer. 

She was the first to pull away, warm breaths tickling your cold face. If your cheeks hadn’t been rosy before, they definitely were now. 

“Did that make sense?” She whispered after a moment, a worried smile growing on her face. 

You smiled back and put your forehead to hers as you cradled her cheeks. “Absolutely,” You giggled. “And I loved every word.”

#robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x fem!reader #robin buckley x you #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x female reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things robin buckley #robin stranger things #robin buckley fanfiction #robin buckley hurt/comfort #robin buckley fic #request #hoppers daughter #reader is hoppers daughter #stranger things x reader

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Charmᵕ̈,

I wanted to dm and ask but then thought more people could benefit from your answer so my question is...

How do you feel in your day to day life knowing something your peers don't? Or rather, having done something most people will die without ever experiencing (getting into the void and waking up somewhere completely different)

I'm just really curious what it must feel like! Seeing people struggle in day to day activities when you know, experientially, you could change your life just like that 🫰🏻; I'm imagining there must be a general ease with which you live now that wasn't there prior void?

PS. Your blog is lovely, thank you so much for all the involvement and the fact that you're still here to give advice 🕊🏹🤍💌

Hi bb ty for this ask, bc this is something I struggled with for a while. I used to feel so bad and it was so unhealthy for me. I felt like I was some beholding omnipotent being and I could help so many people and that was my job. But the truth is even if you spoke the law from the rooftops in every city and home , no one would care unless they had the will to.

1. I talk about the law to everyone who meets me tbh. It’s not a secret trust me. Maybe not the same way I talk to people here but everyone knows me as the manifesting astrology delulu girl. When people ask me how I have straight As without studying, I straight up tell them I manifest it. I tell people I use to practice driving while lucid dreaming and that’s how I overcame my fear. When people ask how I don’t have a job in college, but spend a lot, I tell them money always come into my account and it never hits 0, so I don’t worry about that. I straight up tell tell them how I write all my desires down and they come to life just because I say so. Most people either don’t care, don’t believe me, or assume i was just born privileged even if I explain I wasn’t.

2.you’re not special. And not the way you think. You are a special bright star, as a person and I love you of course, but you’re not special about knowing the law. Most people know about the law whether they know what it’s called or not. Some people even know about the law and still don’t care or apply it differently to their lives than now we do, and that’s okay.

3. Some people know the law and don’t care, simply because they don’t. Maybe they already like their life, maybe they don’t believe it, maybe they prefer to follow their religious practices. Idk but a lot of time I tell friends about the manifesting practice I’ve been using and it’s not like they make fun of me.. but they’re just not into that stuff like I am, and they don’t care. I will go on rambles about how we can have whatever we want in this life, and they’re just like “okay nice .. anyways I hate matthew so much” That’s okay! it doesn’t make you special or enlightened nor does it make them dull and ignorant. Just makes them, them, and you, you. We are god. If they wanted to utilize the law like you have, they would have already. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe in another life time, or maybe never idk but that’s not my reality or problem.

4.we as a community gotta drop the hero complex. Trust me I had to work through this in therapy. (Void/manifesting or not, therapy has benefited me in so many ways guys! Get therapy no matter how good your life is. If I were president therapy would be mandated for everyone that’s how hard I ride for it!) but anyways, you’re not going to save the world. Accept that now, it’ll save you the trouble, guilt, and doubt later. Just trust me I could elaborate all day but we all know it’s not realistic or mentally healthy for us. Btw anon this is a shot at myself. not you or anyone else who feels the same 💗

But thank you for your kind words. The point Is don’t compare yourself to other people or try to see your past self in them! It’s not healthy and most people given the chance won’t care or want your delulu advice. In fact most people will make fun of you, it’s just the life we’re in. But I believe the law finds.. well Moreso your will find whatever you need, given who you are. Which is even more of a reason to not give up. Not only did you find the law, you’re still here even with your trials and tribulations, even with the doubt and uncertainty you know it’s real, so that’s really the only thing you should take from the given situation you asked!

But yes life is on easy mode for the most part. But generally it feels the same because I keep myself fulfilled even here! Especially as a shifter it’s easy to feel more grounded here remembering it’s also a reality with amazing people, foods and things to explore. And I will make the most out of it otherwise what’s the point.

*also I use delulu as a positive adjective towards myself everyday. I have reclaimed it in a cute slay way. Being delulu has gotten me my dream life, so yea I’m gonna use that word happily contrary to societies perception of that world <3! Just clarifying bc I know how people get with that word

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #law of attraction

[dixonsgirl93]

Vengeance: A Daryl Dixon Imagine (Part 2)

Warnings: murder, PTSD, cussing, verbal abuse, violence

<click here for part 1>

Pronouns: she/her

Word count: 3.1k

Era: Prison

Content description: Y/N finds the Dixon brothers getting ready to leave to find and kill your abusive ex. You manage to find him and his group in a building in the city you mentioned. Daryl intends to kill him but you stop him and end up doing it yourself… A lot of anxiety and guilt is involved, even a couple of panic attacks but the brothers find their own way of helping you through it all. And a spark seems to grow between you and Daryl…(part 3?)

A/N: I did try to proof read this a few times but please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes. Enjoy!

~~

Later that night, you find yourself unable to relax, spending hours tossing and turning and growing increasingly frustrated. Unwelcome images and phantom hands plagued your mind. The man was dead. You watched as Daryl, fierce and angry, released the arrow into his head. Unfortunately, in your head he was still very much alive. Your mind, taking an opportunity in the dark cell to create a horrific story that Daryl had not got to you in time, or hadn't been able to kill your potential kidnapper.

By 5:30, when the sky outside was a lighter shade of blue, you gave up trying to sleep. You got up, dressed, grabbed your book and went to leave your room. Your eyelids felt heavy and your body ached for rest but at the hiss of a voice, you stopped still halfway down the stairs, suddenly quite alert. Obviously, this wasn't a walker situation but who else would be up at this time? Wearily, as quietly as you could, you crept down the rest of the stairs and followed the sound. The noises became more distinct: hushed voices and a rustling of a bag. Keeping to the side of the wall, the sounds took you in the direction of the cafeteria...and Merle's cell... Who...?

You were saved from wondering when two figures emerged from Merle’s cell.

“What the hell?” You exclaimed, a little too loudly. You walk over to them, dropping your book on a nearby table.

“Y/N? The hell you doin’ up?” Daryl grunted, crossbow by his side, duffle bag at his feet.

“Couldn’t sleep. Where are you going at this time? Another run?” You fold your arms and frown.

“Go back to bed.” Daryl waves you off, picks up the bag and turns. Merle just watches you, a slight smirk on his face.

“No.” You rush forward and block Daryl’s way.

“Trust me. Just-” Merle started.

You turn to him. “Trust you? Why? What are you doing?” You step to the side as Daryl does, still blocking his way. He finally looks down at you. He sighs heavily and it clicks.

“You’re going to find him, aren’t you? That’s why you’re sneaking out.” You look between the two men but neither of them deny it. An idea pops into your head and before you even fully process it you blurt it out. “Take me with you.”

Daryl defrosts, he places a hand on your shoulder to push you to the side. “No way.”

“This is gonna be dangerous, little lady.” Merle steps forward and looks down at you.

“I don’t care. Listen, I know him better than either of you. I can help. Take me with you.” You look between the two of them but Daryl is already shaking his head and Merle is watching him.

“We can do this without you. You said he lives in [location], right? Well, that’s all we need to know. If he ain’t there we’ll come right back.” Daryl says so matter-of-factly you almost believe him.

“Bullshit. I’m smarter than I might look, Daryl. Don’t lie to me.” You move in between them and the door again, going up a couple of steps so now you were the same height. “I’ll be with you two, right? So I’ll be safe. Listen, I’ll take a car and follow you anyway. So you may as well take me with you.” You fold your arms.

“We’re wasting time ‘ere. The others’ll be waking up soon.” Merle steps forward, grabbing the duffel bag from his brother. “Let’s just go.”

“Fine.” Daryl growled and pushed ahead of you both. Merle waved his hand for you to go next. You follow Daryl with an increasing sense of foreboding building in your stomach.

~~

In the car, 15 minutes down the road, Merle leans over from the back seat, resting his arms on both seats. He turns to face you. “So, what did this guy do?”

Memories of your ex flood your brain. Where do you even start? You heave a sigh and decide to keep it simple. “Well, he’s a complete narcissist. Your typical controlling, manipulative asshole. He…found creative ways to physically harm me without outright hitting me. I guess he figured it wasn’t abuse.” You shrug, staring out the front window.

“How long were y’all together?” Merle asks.

“Around 4 years.”

“Why stay?”

“Fear. I was young and naive and shy when he met me. Easy prey. I didn’t know any better and I was terrified of him.” You felt your throat begin to close as the memories became clearer in your mind.

“What does he look like?” Daryl piped in, speaking for the first time since we left the compound.

“Well, I heard he looked a little different when he got out of prison. Long dark hair, beard, medium build, average height, glasses…uh.” You racked your brain. “He sounds really average looking. But that’s where I can help. You don’t even know what he looks like and he could just lie about who he is.”

Nobody says anything for a long time. You wondered if they were thinking about your ex, about the kind of person they were gonna meet.

The rest of the car ride was virtually uneventful, passing the odd walker. A couple hours later you were approaching the place. You’d not been to the actual place your ex was last known to be living. You couldn’t help but start looking for clues he was or had ever been there. Of course there was nothing but anxiety rose in you regardless.

Daryl parked the car behind a nearby building, you all got out and got your weapons handy. Daryl looked around at you. “Any idea where to start?”

You looked around again and slowly shook your head. “I don’t know.” You say softly. “I’ve never actually been here before. I only heard he was living here after he got out of prison. I’m sorry.” The weight of the situation sat heavy in your chest. You felt the brothers' eyes on you and shrank beneath them. “I’m not much help. We came out here for nothing.”

“Naw. I ain’t giving up yet.” Daryl shouldered his crossbow and walked away. You and Merle followed.

“That’s the spirit!” Merle said, staying close to you, almost protectively.

You suggest starting in an apartment building for any clues.

~~

A couple hours later the sun was high in the sky as you reached near the top of yet another building. In here you heard voices. Could this be it? No chance. You honestly thought this plan was useless. In a whole city with little to go on? It was futile.

Daryl leading, he steps forward quietly, crossbow raised and ready, towards the voices. Several different voices, all male, you noticed. Anxiety spiked in your stomach.

You reach a wide hallway, the voices more distinct and coming from double doors across the hall. You couldn’t see any movement though. Daryl motions for you and Merle to wait while he peeks inside and then motions for you to peek in too to see if you recognise anyone.

Your breath hitches and you swallow hard. No way. He was really there, sitting at the far back to the right, he was leaning on a windowsill glaring outside.

You open your mouth to speak but Daryl shakes his head and mouths, “is he in there?” You suck in your bottom lip and nod.

Carefully, he motions you all to go into a room next to you. Here you notice your breathing becoming faster but your chest getting tighter. You clutch it and wince and walk towards an open window. Daryl is by your side instantly. You notice Merle stays by the door, looking around, his knife hand raised and ready.

“Panic attack?” He asks from a couple paces away, giving you space. All you can manage is a nod. He’s ill-equipped to deal with this situation. “Shit.” He turns on the spot, rubbing the back of his neck. “Carol is better at handling this stuff.”

“I’m sorry.” You whimper, leaning over the windowsill, trying desperately to calm your nerves and take deeper breaths. “I’m sorry.” You repeat, feeling guilt on top of panic and anxiety.

“Shh. Hey.” Daryl steps closer, placing a tentative hand on your back. “None of this is your fault, Y/N.”

“He’s the one at the far back, with the glasses and ponytail.”

Daryl nods. “This’ll be over soon, okay?” He pays you awkwardly on the back and walks back over to Merle who looks up at his approach. You can just about hear them whisper.

“He’s here.” Daryl says.

Merle’s eyebrows raise and then he frowns. “We doing this, then?”

Daryl nods and turns back to you, scanning the room with his eyes. He silently walks around the room. There’s no other doors and definitely no walkers, but you say nothing. He walks over to you and leans down slightly to look into your eyes.

“Hide behind that bookshelf and I’ll come get you in 10 minutes, okay?” He then turned and he and Merle left the room.

You didn’t hide. You stood frozen and watched the door as if expecting Ben (your ex) to walk through it, angry as ever.

Through the open window to your right, you hear (but not see) the group abruptly stop talking. You had asked in the car about the brothers plan but they refused to tell you.

There’s a shuffling sound “What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?” An unfamiliar voice answers.

“Real question is, who are you? See, I’m lookin’ for someone an’ it’ll be real helpful if you played nice and told me yer name.” Merle drawls casually, but you’d known him long enough to hear the tone of caution and threat.

“I’m Greg. Are you sure who you’re looking for is here?” The guy replied.

“Positive.” Merle replied.

“You.” Daryl’s voice was dark and he was trying to suppress the anger as he spoke but failed.

“Me? Why? Who are you?” Ben spoke for the first time and you felt another spike of anxiety in your stomach.

“Just wanna talk is all.” Merle answered pleasantly. He was far too good at playing pretend. “Let’s step outside.”

You were sure Ben was going to flat out refuse them. Instead, there was a short silence and then the sound of movement. At this point you were almost at the door, your feet having taken you against your better judgement.

“Bro, don’t.” A new voice spoke, quieter, pleading almost. Ben seemingly ignored him and the 3 of them stepped outside.

“What’s going on?” Ben’s voice was clearer and you could have sworn you heard real fear.

“Do you know Y/N?” Daryl growled. You gasped, for some reason not expecting him to bring your name up but then realising he wanted confirmation.

“You know her?” There was disbelief in Ben’s voice. “Who the fuck are you and what did she say? She’s a fucking liar, you know. Don’t believe anything that bitch says. She-“ his voice got choked off.

“Say another damn word about her. I dare you.” Daryl growled low in his throat, real anger showing now.

You were standing right the other side of the door and could just make out the back of Daryl’s jacket through the slit in the open door.

There was silence for a few moments and then a scuffle. You saw Daryl’s back move and instinctively you reached for the door handle, flinging it open to find Merle holding a struggling Ben. Daryl had Ben’s shirt balled in his fist, his other hand was raised, holding his knife.

“Y/N?!” Ben exclaimed. Your heart seemed to stop as your eyes met. You froze in the doorway.

“I said I’d come get you!” Daryl growled, turning back to finish what he was doing.

“Wait!” You put your hand on Daryl’s back and he freezes.

“Don’ tell me yer changed ya mind?” Merle asks incredulously, huffing slightly with the effort to hold Ben still.

You step around to Daryl’s other side reaching up to take his knife. Ignoring the confused looks on Merle and Ben’s faces, you keep your eyes locked on Daryl’s. He understands and steps back.

“What…?” Merle asks.

You stand before Ben and look him in the eyes once more. You fantasised about this very moment for years and now you were here. Something in you told you he’s still a human, you can’t do it, you can’t kill him. But all the years of built-up rage for all the shit he did not only to you but other people, and the rumours you heard too, were way stronger. These feelings and memories grew so loud you didn’t hear that Ben was trying to yell for help, you didn’t hear that the door behind you opened and more feet were approaching you. At that moment you didn’t care what happened, so long as this did.

And with everything you could muster, you thrust the blade into Ben’s stomach. He coughed, staring wide-eyed at you in fear and panic. For a moment again, it felt wrong and then you remembered all the times he made you feel as scared as he looked, when he made you feel small and worthless and unloved and like you wanted to die to escape the hell.

The one thing that delighted you was the look in his eyes as you yanked the blade back out. His eyes, which had always been black and cold were now full of emotion.

“It takes you dying to finally show an emotion other than anger? You’re pathetic.” You spit, driving the blade into his stomach again and yanking it out. His feet collapsed under him but Merle kept a hold.

Ben tried to speak but gurgled and coughed out blood. He looked at it like he was surprised to see it. Merle let him fall to the ground, clutching his stomach, twitching horribly and with spluttering breaths. You could almost hear his lungs filling with blood.

You feel a gentle hand on your arm that makes you jump but you cant seem to tear your eyes away.

“Let us take care of this, now.” Daryl’s voice, though rough around the edges, speaks in your ear softly. He gently pushes you toward the way you came in, away from Ben.

Another hand touches the middle of your back briefly. “I didn’t know you had it in you, girl. Gotta say im proud.” Merle’s voice sounds amused and amazed.

“Me neither.” You admitted, stating at the wall, lost in thought. “I fantasised about all the ways I’d kill him. There were a lot of creative and painful ways too.” You turn to watch Daryl standing up, wiping the wet blade across Ben’s now-still leg. The other men who were with Ben watched on with horror. When Daryl turned to them, their eyes widened.

“Don’t kill us. We hardly knew him. Please.” One of the men, shorter, sunken eyes says from the outer edge.

“It was just him we wanted.” Daryl nods at the body on the ground and steps around it. “Go make something of yerselves or yer gonna starve away up ‘ere.” He calls over his shoulder.

Daryl walks up to you, now almost with fear himself, he stands close, blocking your view and crouches down. “you good?” he asks.

You heave a sigh and look into his eyes. “I don’t know.” You admit.

“I’m proud of you, Y/N.” Daryl almost whispers it and you can’t help but smile because that’s exactly what Merle just said.

“Proud… for murdering someone. Weird.” But you grin anyway and feel a slap on your back.

“It ain’t murder if they’re scum like him. Yer just takin’ out the trash.” You turn as Merle grins down at you. You roll your eyes.

“Let’s get outta here before they attract trouble.” Merle glances over your shoulder at the other men.

“Them?” you ask, bewildered.

“Trust me, little slayer. I met plen’y of guys like ‘em before. Don’ believe the fear. They can still call people in to finish us off. We better get goin’.” He ushers you toward the door. Daryl slips ahead of you, blade ready.

Daryl grunts in agreement.

~~

We make it to the car when a familiar wave of panic washes over me and the reality sinks in.

“I just killed someone.” You whisper, staring at the dashboard.

“He hurt you. He deserved it.” Daryl stated. “I woulda done it for ya. You wouldn’t have even known if ye’d stayed at the prison. Don’t start having any regrets now cause they’ll just eat at yah and you’ve got enough to worry about.” He gestured in front of him and you understood. He was right, of course. He had starting pulling away as he said all this.

Merle reached forward and patted your shoulder. “You did good, kid. Be proud.”

~~

Back at the compound. It was now late afternoon, everyone would be wondering where they’d got to. They reached the gate where Rick and Michonne were watching the car approach. It was hard to say if they were angry or not.

“Wait.” You put your hand over Daryl’s on the steering wheel. He looks down at it then up at you but pulls the car to a stop a few feet away from the gate. There are a few walkers against the fence. You knew you couldn’t stall too long.

“Time to face the music, m’afraid. It’ll be fine.” Daryl patted your knee affectionately but it did little to calm your nerves.

He pulls inside and parks up.

“Where the hell were you?” Rick is first to ask, looking between all of you.

“Had something to take care of.” Daryl grunted. He walked to the boot to get his things.

“What things?” Rick followed him to the back of the car. “Wait! I��m not done with you.” You and Rick turn to see Merle backing up slowly. Merle sighs and steps forward again, next to you. He nudges you and winks.

“Last run we ran into trouble. I took care of it but…this was personal.” Daryl said.

“We need you here. You can’t go running off for-“

“You ain’t the boss of me, Rick. It’s done. We’re back.” Daryl starts to walk back to the prison but Rick is quick to follow.

“I’m not trying to control you but there’s a system in place. You didn’t tell anyone you were leaving. For all we know you coulda been killed out there.” Rick admitted.

“It’s done. Don’ worry about it.” Daryl said again and kept walking.

Apparently the matter was over…until Rick turned to you and Merle. He looked so much like a fed-up dad you almost laughed. Instead he just sighed and followed Daryl. You and Merle looked at each other looking and feeling like naughty teenagers.

#daryl dixon #merle dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd #daryl dixon imagine #daryl x reader #the walking dead #daryl dixon angst #daryl dixon x you #twd daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl #the walking dead daryl dixon #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl dixon x reader

[chirpsythismorning]

Your post about Mike's guilt complex was AMAZING. I can't wait to read what you put out in the future about later seasons.

I just had a thought inspired by that. Do you think part of Mike's anger towards Lucas' desire to join the basketball team to alleviate some of the social ostracism the party faced in school may be a projection of his own shame?

To expand, Mike's own internal discontent with himself is valuing his identity in the party-- a group of 'freaks' and outcasts'-- but Mike knows that by trying to conform to something he is not (hetero), he is causing pain to himself and his loved ones. So clearly Lucas must not be conforming for good reasons either, in his mind. We know Lucas has different motivations for playing BB and genuinely enjoys it, but I think Mike is clouded by his own feelings here and doesn't see that at all.

Yes, but I think he knows it (deep down at least).

The look Mike gives Lucas at the end of the pep-rally, goes from this offended sort of annoyance, but then shifts to something a little more sad, only to go back to a less severe case of annoyed offense. And I think this is because the tables have turned and he's aware of it.

Because isn't it ironic that last summer Mike was going to Lucas for advice about his girl problems, what he looked at as 'growing up', and so that behavior arguably could have continued in s4? Mike's arc in s4 could have easily involved him trying to fit in with one of the more accepted cliques amongst the student body, with him and Lucas at least being closer based on their social circles overlapping.

But that didn't happen.

Instead what we get is a total flip in s4, where instead of Will trying to convince Lucas and Mike to play, it's now Dustin and Mike trying to convince Lucas to play.

Another part of this I can't help but think about, is how leading up to the rain fight in s3, yes Mike was focused on trying to fit into this box of what a boyfriend should be, and so he was compensating a lot to do just that. But in doing so, he got so caught up in the persona, that he didn't realize he was hurting Will in the process. And Lucas too. It's like their mutual attempts at pretending to be these mature dudes with girlfriends fed off of each other, and turned into something a little too mocky and toxic, only for it to backfire and for Will to storm out. And suddenly that's when Mike is saying that they're just 'not in the mood' and it's like.?.. What? Like, just imagine trying to use that as an excuse for bailing on a DND game to Mike in s4... Dude would have gasped in disgust. And so Mike's attempt at trying to be honest with Will in s3, by telling him that the real reason they don't want to play is because they're just 'not in the mood', is a crock of shit, seeing as Mike himself wouldn't have even been willing to take that as an excuse less than a year later.

Honestly, I think in that moment at the pep-rally, Mike was thinking something along the lines how Lucas was ruining the party for being more interested in being popular (aka growing up) than he was in playing d&d anymore (games), which is reflected in their costumes, with Lucas rocking the bball jersey throughout the day followed by sitting with the team at lunch, in contrast to Dustin and Mike sitting at the table with the club in their hellfire shirts. So in thinking that, Mike's instantly being reminded that he's not all that different from Will, and so now he's wondering why he feels the way Will did, only to push it down and put back on his face of annoyance. What this back and forth shift tells me is that Mike is stubborn (not new) and is evidently not willing to face what him switching up in such a short time, and under these specific circumstances (Will and El being gone), could possibly mean.

I do think that Lucas likes basketball. I mean it's not like he's going to hate it in s5 just because of his experience with Jason. It's likely it's going to be a sort of bittersweet thing, where he wants to appreciate the moments he enjoyed, but feels like he can't because it's been spoiled by everything that went down. Maybe he'll even feel like he's sort of betraying the party by wanting to keep playing in some capacity or something.

Which would be kind of stupid tbh, because we all know that a person should be able to have other interests outside of what they specialize in with their core friend group.

I would like for Dustin and/or Mike to have a conversation about the whole thing, like how despite everything that happened they shouldn't have blown off Lucas' game like that. Like he literally made the winning shot. That's something to be proud of. That's the kind of thing you want your close friends to experience with you.

I do think that despite the show's message of going against conformity, there's also an aspect of it that they need to explore, which is that there is a happy medium.

Yes, you should be able to enjoy what you like and how often times that might look like embracing being seen as an outcast/different, but you should also be able to enjoy things that are seen as overrated/cliche/normal without it being the end of the world.

Like, you don't need to be Eddie, insisting that you're against conformity at all levels, to the point where you assume anyone that merely enjoys things that fall in line with being seen as 'normal' means that they're against you or something.

And you also don't need to be so scared of stepping out of the line of normal, to the point where you live an inauthentic life out of fear of not fitting in.

There is a balance.

Dustin and Mike didn't have to get along with the popular crowd if they didn't want to or maybe they could have at least tried at first to see how it went. Or they could have just gone to Lucas' game and cheered him on anyways as his friends. If Lucas wants to have other friends and still hang out with the og party too, then he should be able to.

I feel like a lot of us go through that when we're really young, where it takes time to let go of those expectations and constraints we put on ourselves growing up and we eventually just let all of that go by the end of high school.

And I do think some people find themselves craving one side more than the other because this is usually after years of being stuck on the opposite side as a result of pressure put onto you (or maybe because it wasn't even in your control to begin with).

This also kind of reminds me of the difference between El vs. Will (or Mike) and how being different makes them feel.

El doesn't want to be known for being different aka being a superhero and that's because she's spent her whole life living and breathing that experience only, against her will, while Will (and Mike) have been so used to trying to be as normal as possible their whole lives, they want someone to tell them it's okay to be different.

El should be capable of embracing her powers, while also wanting to explore a life that entails normal everyday things she missed out on. Will (and Mike) should be able to embrace aspects of themselves they'd been hiding for so long (their queerness), while also accepting that normal for them doesn't have to always mean being less of who you are.

I think in order for Mike to evolve, he needs to accept that him blocking out the truth is causing him to behave in ways that go against what we've seen is his true self. We saw him go from trying to be someone he's not in s3, back to his true self in s4, only to, in that same season, revert back to being someone he's not. And we know why. So it's going to take him acknowledging that and accepting it and also realizing that accepting it doesn't necessarily mean having to overcompensate by rejecting anything and everything that on the surface seems like a threat to what makes him different. It's really just about accepting himself and being sure of who he is so that he has the confidence to live a life that is authentically him. Because when he does that, then it wont matter what anyone else is doing or what they think.

I think in order for Lucas to evolve, he needs genuine support from others around him, which will require work on their part, in a way that acknowledges why Lucas felt pressure to be more accepted (we all have our reasons, some more than others). Unlike Mike, I think Lucas playing along with treating d&d like a joke in s3, then being followed by a continuation in s4 of him again putting d&d on the back-burner, is showing that he is consistently striving for this idea something outside of a life of otherness. Does that mean he doesn't like d&d anymore? I don't think so. It means that there needs to be clarity on things from his side, and why his situation was much different from the others. Do I think Lucas' experience as a Black kid in a small town in the 80's is going to be something explored thoroughly in s5? No, probably not. I also wouldn't want that to be the main focus of his arc at the end of the story though either because the whole point of his arc is that he doesn't want what has always defined his otherness to get in the way of every aspect of his life. His arc does feel like someone who has been trapped in his otherness in a way that is outside of his control. And so having the ability to live life in the way he wants, in some cases to manage what comes with experiencing racism, but in more ways that embrace who he is regardless of the world around him, is something that I think is important for him to close off his arc in a way that is satisfying.

And I do think that given the message of the show, they have a responsibility to explore what accepting yourself looks like for all of these characters. And that includes Lucas and Max and Dustin and all of the other main characters that weren't mentioned in that David interview referring to the OGs getting their happy endings. With a 2 1/2 hour finale and apparently a 30 minute ending sequence covering all of those endings, I'm expecting something vaguely along those lines.

#byler #stranger things #ask #are my expectations high #yes #are my expectations the bare minimum #also yes

[librosamarillos]

Can I ask you why you portray Rhaenys in such a way in your fic? I really enjoy it all, don’t get me wrong, but her portrayal feels a bit off.

Thank you so much for your question! The short answer to this is that it’s supposed to feel off and one sided!

To further expand on that, we see Rhaenys through the PoV of other characters, but we never get to be in her own head to figure out who’s got it ‘right’ about her. For example, Aegon and Visenya both have a vastly different image of their little sister and her personality, despite the fact that they grew up together and conquered Westeros.

We see Rhaenys through the eyes of a grown up, very hurt Visenya, who clearly has a lot of unresolved issues with her sister (and Aegon too) and through her thought process we can see all her built up frustrations through the years. Little siblings have a way of getting under your skin like no other, don’t they? So through Visenya’s lens, Rhaenys appears as an annoying, spoiled and unthoughtful little girl. She has moments where she mentions a time when things were good between them and she misses her sister, but even years and years later, she has a lot of unprocessed emotions. (We will see them get processed eventually, I promise!)

Now, I’ve only given Aegon one PoV chapter, and it was the one where he dies, and even that I was highly debating to not include at all, but ultimately decided to go for it. Aegon is arguably this fic’s antagonist, as his actions are what kickstart Maegor’s downward spiral for the worst, so naturally he’s quite an unsympathetic character in this. His view of Rhaenys is the one closest to canon sources we have from Fire and Blood, so I won’t expand much on that. He views her from a lens of love, though in his chapter, he does grow to feel a lot of guilt about it when it came time for him to face the fact that he pretty much abandoned Visenya and just didn’t want to see it.

Maegor has no sympathy for his aunt, there’s no love lost here. It’s a great indication of how the relationship between the two sisters fell apart, as Visenya did not like to talk about her much to her son. In Maegor’s early chapters when he’s a young kid and teenager, there’s a lot of anger and resentment toward Rhaenys, who’s pretty much a total stranger to him. She does go out of her way to avoid him when she’s in the same space as him, so for Maegor that’s a loud and clear sign. He already has this non existent relationship with his father, yet he yearns for it so much. So imagine what it’s like to finally go see his father, only to see him love and dote on Rhaenys and their son, all the while tolerating Maegor and his mother. Of course he views Rhaenys as nothing pleasant and good, and in comparison to his own mother, he views his aunt as someone weak and foolish, who died in vain.

Then there’s Aenys, who of course sees her as his loving mother who was taken from him too soon. I’ve made it so that he’s in his early teens when she dies, instead of a toddler like in canon, so that Rhaenys has a much bigger role in his life and leaves a much deeper impact. So her memory is very much alive through him, and the fact that she’s no longer here to meet his own children really hurts. So of course when Maegor goes low and hits him where it hurts, things don’t end well. I’d like to point out that his idolisation of his dead mum, really mirrors Rowan’s, doesn’t it? ;)

Finally, we see Rhaenys from the PoV of two highborn Westerosi ladies, Rowan and Ceryse, who met her when they were both young, Rowan a child and Ceryse a teenager, but both make the observation that Rhaenys’ kindness felt empty and performative. To give her the benefit of the doubt, these two girls are essentially born and raised to be the top of their societies and a huge part of their culture is the Faith of the Seven, which both Ceryse and Rowan are devout believers in. Both girls have a history and background of being involved in charity, so of course they’re able to spot who’s in it for the clout. They both are able to see through the act and understand that Rhaenys is trying to soften up the image of the harsh Conquerors, to people who care about the little guy.

This could very much be true, she could care about them and it doesn’t need to be fake, but it is absolutely a performance of kindness. She needs to show to everyone that house Targaryen is not only about fire and blood and war. But to the two young girls who can see through it, it feels fake and disingenuous, therefore making Rhaenys untrustworthy to them. Both reach the same conclusion too, that they prefer Visenya for the fact that she’s not hiding behind any performance of kindness and relatability, despite how harsh and cold and distant she is.

Another thing both Rowan and Ceryse mention, that I really hope people picked up on, (please let me know if you did btw!) is the way she dresses. They mention it being over the top, excessive and in their eyes, gaudy. The Hightowers and the Evergreens are ancient noble houses, close to the faith, very, very wealthy and pretty much on top of the social chain. They’re the old money that doesn’t need to prove themselves to anyone, they need no validation, as the people already know them and their worth. So of course when they see this new money girly, dressed in jewels from top to bottom, wearing fashions that are gaudy and almost kitsch, trying to get into their circles, they can spot her out immediately. Another little note, that since both characters are very religious, modesty is something that is preached and taught, so flaunting your wealth in such a way is seen as very tone deaf. To her defence, perhaps Rhaenys simply didn’t know any better and was excited to get to afford so many new things that she mixed and matched outfits that looked good to her without much thought. Or maybe she did want to flaunt wealth and feign it ignorance and innocence, we’ll never know.

To finally get to Rowan a little bit more, she is very much attached to Visenya. She grows to see her as a mother figure after her own had died, so of course she loves her very much. Visenya relies on Rowan for emotional support from a young age, so she gets to see first hand the affect that Aegon and Rhaenys’ treatment of their sister has on her. Rowan doesn’t hate Rhaenys, but she strongly grows to dislike her because of how much pain her actions have brought to two of her most beloved people, Visenya and Maegor. While Rowan has the emotional intelligence to understand that Aegon is the one responsible for most of the conflict that exists between the three conquerors, she also cannot imagine ever having a sister and treating her like an inconvenience, the way she sees Rhaenys do.

Of course, Rowan is very young and clearly has her own biases, despite having the emotional intelligence to know she doesn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but as she is one of the main characters of this fic, her mostly negative view of Rhaenys is one of many that paint her out to be ‘the bad guy.’

The two conflicting images we have of Rhaenys were very much on purpose. She’s seen as either a sweet, carefree, kind and loving person, or a selfish, thoughtless and ignorant little girl. All of the PoV characters are biased and have their own reasons to be so, making the reality of things very difficult to grasp. I will say though, that since Rowan is meant to be our window in, her PoV will lean the most toward the ‘truth of it all’ if there can ever be such a thing. She’s a person that tries really hard to be objective (despite how partial things have become in recent chapters, she’ll get back on her feet, promise) so her PoV will be, in a way, a clearer one.

I hope this was a satisfying enough answer anon! I’m glad you asked, because I’ve gotten some comments on ao3 about this, and I really wanted to get the chance to expand here as well! Please let me know if there’s anything else you want me to expand on, my inbox is open! ♥️

#pdlfs: asks #rhaenys the conqueror #rhaenys targaryen #visenya the conqueror #visenya targaryen #aegon the conqueror #lmao I’m not tagging everyone mentioned but you get it

[seeyouafter]

SYA Extended Notes Ch. 39-44

Or: Acceptance and healing - some thoughts on Shouto's post-war journey

Notes for "See You After" Chapter 44: August 2: Shouto's Journal - Unsent Letter

I can’t forget what happened but maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive you so that I can put all of it behind me and move on. I don’t know what that means for us or for our family, but I hope that someday I’ll be able to show you that I’m proud of who I’ve become in spite of everything you did.

I originally started typing this up to post with chapter 39 but decided to wait until after this chapter, and Shouto's unsent letter, to share my thoughts on how I imagine he and his family might begin to navigate the healing process.

In essence, I think that a post-war arc for Shouto involves him taking the time to process the things he went through and to decide for himself what he wants to do going forward.

This fic inevitably contains my personal headcanons of what Shouto's healing journey might involve after the war ends. Of course, there are as many interpretations of what "should" happen next as there are readers, but these are a few of my thoughts in relation to "See You After" so far.

Acceptance is the first step

I talked a bit about this in the extended notes for Chapters 10-11, but up until this point, I really don't think Shouto saw what Endeavor did to him as abuse. Even if he knew it on an intellectual level, he probably didn't want to accept it for various reasons. Although he did acknowledge that what his father did to his mom was abuse, when he expresses his anger toward his father, it's always framed around what he did to his mom (and later Touya).

BNHA 192: The Todoroki Family & 249: The Hellish Todoroki Family

One of those reasons probably has something to do with the way Touya revealed Endeavor's abuse of his family, specifically Shouto, very publicly and out of spite toward their father.

BNHA 291: Thanks for Going Strong

Shouto never had a say in the matter and Touya didn't do him any favors. Rather than viewing him with sympathy for being a victim, the public views him with suspicion because of his blood ties to a mass murderer and an abuser. Of course, that's not fair, but that's the cultural context of the society they're living in.

BNHA 325: The Bonds of One for All & BNHA 327: Rest

Guilt, Blame, and Responsibility

Shouto has been the one carrying the burden of his father's mistakes for his entire life, but even moreso since Touya reappeared. Unlike Touya, he blames his father completely, but I don't think Touya is entirely wrong when he says that Rei is guilty too. She's a victim, of course, and most of it was beyond her control, but she agreed to the marriage, knowing what it was. Moreover, it is a parent's responsibility to take care of their children, and she wasn't able to do that. Even though it wasn't her intention and Shouto refuses to blame her for hurting him, there's still a lot to unpack and a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt.

BNHA 249: The Hellish Todoroki Family & BNHA 302: The wrong way to put out a fire, part 2

Natsuo and Fuyumi's guilt about not being able to do anything was realistic and understandable, but they were also children and it wasn't their responsibility to fix everything, which makes their experiences heartbreaking in a different way. There's a lot for all of them to reconcile on their own and as a family.

Rei showing up at the hospital and meeting Endeavor face to face again took a great deal of courage, and I don't think we can fault her for the things she says. Although it shouldn't be any of the children's responsibility, they do all have to deal with the fallout, which I think was the point she was trying to make here. But once again, the burden fell on Shouto to be their family's hero.

Shouto believes that he has to be strong because he's a hero. And while that's admirable, that mindset is part of the larger problem. So far in canon, we've mostly seen Shouto protecting his mom, not the other way around. And that's part of his character, his foundation as a hero - the way he had the instinct to protect when he was just a child, and his decision to take the first step after the sports festival to reach out and save her.

But it still kills me that their reunion scene in the hospital post PLF war was skipped over just so there could be a big reveal when the family went to confront Enji.

BNHA 298: Sounds of Collapse & BNHA 300: The Hellish Todoroki Family, Part 2

In this scene, Shouto had his hand on Rei's back to support her, meanwhile not once do we see him get a hug or any comforting touch from any of the people who should be there to support him. (A lot of Chapter 39 of "See You After" came from my desire for just that)

Identity and the choice to become a hero

BNHA 39: Todoroki Shouto: Origin

Shouto's fight with Izuku during the sports festival was the start of him reclaiming his identity as his own person, separate from his father, and reaffirming his desire to become a hero on his own terms. Still, the fact that he never really had the choice to try to be anything else is something to consider, especially as we see the rest of the world question the role of heroes and the overall system.

Names are important

BNHA 45: Time to pick some names (+anime ep. 26)

I really love the symbolism of Shouto's hero name. By using his real name, he's essentially refusing to separate his identity as a hero from who he is as a person, which is important because of how he makes a clear distinction between Endeavor (the hero) and Enji (the father). But something that's often lost in translation is Shouto's choice to use the phonetic spelling: ショート instead of the kanji characters: 焦凍 (meaning to burn and to freeze), which I've always interpreted as a statement of his desire to exist as an individual beyond the context of his quirks.

It was hard to convey in this fic because I'm obviously writing it in English, but I wanted to make it clear that he signed the unsent letter as ショート because of what it symbolizes.

I feel like Shouto would probably have a complicated relationship with his given name because Endeavor valued him solely for his quirk. Meanwhile, "Todoroki" is a constant reminder of his family's legacy in the aftermath of Touya's broadcast.

I like to think that even before their conversation during the long phone call at the end of chapter 39, Katsuki understood this on some level. That's why in this fic, even though he rotates through a variety of nicknames (in their earlier letters, he uses a different one each time), he rarely calls Shouto by his last name, unless he's trying to make a point (like in his letter in Chapter 11 and the phone call in Chapter 19).

That's something I leaned into when I started writing the transition to them using each others' given names back during their text conversation in Chapter 36. (Originally, I thought it was going to happen quite a bit later in the story, but writing is a funny thing and characters sometimes have minds of their own.)

#sorry this ended up being super long #i have a lot of thoughts #i usually just incorporate them into fanfic but i saved a lot of chapter references so i figured i would share #sya extended notes #sya: bridges #dancing girl writes #see you after fic

[itssoinevitable]

Hiii 👋 I just wanted to say I’ve been a fan of your blog since the good ole Downton Days and I’m so chuffed you’re a ACGAS fan too! Tbf right now the fandom is super down in the dumps (me included). How are you remaining so positive since Audrey x Gerald development in the Christmas Special?

Hi Anon! Thanks for your message, and happy holidays! So nice to hear from our old Downton Abbey crew again, I think a lot of us migrated here.

To be honest, there are a few reasons I’m not worried. (Sorry, it’s long).

1) Because I honestly love Siegfried and Audrey as friends and surrogate family. Their bond is special and beautiful, whether or not it ever becomes romantic. (Although I hope it does). They are life partners, involved in all the most important parts of each other’s lives. They have coparented Tristan (and James and Jess), they’re each other’s confidant and source of comfort. That’s special in and of itself.

2) Because I actually think they’re playing the (really, really) long game with them. I could be wrong, but that seems to be what the writers are doing. It seems quite intentional. 3 years on screen together may seem a while for some, and I suppose she’s been his housekeeper for around 7 years so it feels like ages. But imo, the best slow burns imo are the ones where you’re never quite sure if they will or won’t. It’s the little crumbs they leave scattered here and there, it’s the longing looks and angsty build up that makes it so delicious tbh. I just hope they get renewed for enough seasons to see it through. (Plus I am a Carson & Mrs Hughes fan, so 3 seasons doesn’t feel that long! Lol)

3) And lastly, because I don’t actually think they’re ready to be together yet. They’re still in the process of getting there.

Siegfried has probably had to longest way to go, in terms of being emotionally ready to realise, admit and accept that he has feelings for his housekeeper. In Season 1, he opened himself up to intimacy and the possibility of love again. He did that with Dorothy and then Diana, (although who knows why she’s been such a non-entity this last season. Maybe the actress wasn’t available?) And now, at the end of S3, he literally just resolved one of his biggest character arcs - his complex relationship and feelings for Tristan (and even then, only with a lot of encouragement and support from Audrey). He’s emotionally levelled up.

Now, I think it’s Audrey’s turn. Gerald befriending her/ pursuing her has allowed her to imagine she could be with someone again, after leaving her husband. It helps her relationship with Edward is also on the mend, since that’s been a source of so much guilt and pain for her. As for her feelings toward Gerald, they do seem to have deepened somewhat suddenly. I know some people said it felt very out of blue considering she had friendzoned him. But maybe she liked him all along and simply didn’t feel she could be more than friends, much as she wanted to. Or maybe it was brought on by the war, and him moving away. Either way, I think he’s a good man, simple and uncomplicated, which is just what she needs as she’s testing the waters of romance again. I think he’s also serving as a catalyst for Siegfried to realise the depth of his feelings for Audrey, which is v exciting imo.

Siegfried is also a good man, but things with him are as ever, more complicated. Their status as employer and employee, and long time friends also raises the stakes a lot more. Considering she’s a lot more self-aware, I think Mrs Hall knows she might have certain feelings for Siegfried (seemed a bit disapproving / jealous of his relationships) but I don’t think she has considered it could go anywhere. I feel that this budding relationship with Gerald will be pivotal in a shift between them. It might motivate her to get her divorce from Mr Hall, and resolve that source of pain from her past, too.

TL;DR All that said, I think they’re getting where to need to be, and I think we should enjoy the journey. It’ll be all the more sweet if and when it happens.

#acgas meta #anon #ask #siegfried farnon #audrey hall #siegfried x audrey #acgas s3 spoilers #acgas spoilers #all creatures great and small 2020 #tq Anon for letting me ramble

[a-crumb-of-whump]

if you wouldn't mind, i'd love a summary of what carlos, ryker and adam's dark!au personalities would look like? 😅

This gets really dark. Please heed the warnings as you go.

Content: [mentioned] death, murder, vampire whump, whumpee-turned-whumper.

So, I've talked about Carlos' dark!au before, I think, but he essntially just becomes a much more vengeful version of himself. I imagine him making a living out of hunting down humans who have abused vampires in the past, similar to Cohen's situation! Torture and prolonging someone's death still isn't something he agrees with, but he will definitely ensure that the person he's after will never hurt another person - human or vampire - again.

He does not do this until after Ryker and Adam have passed, however. After that, he starts to feel like he has no purpose in life, but if he can't kill himself then he's going to at least make the most of what he's got, which is a lot of self loathing, frustration and vengence. Unfortunately, he does not have a third party to stop him, because Bailey is in full support and even becomes his work partner at some stage.

-

Content: Suicide, verbal abuse, [implied] minor whump.

Ryker's dark!au would involve him (unintentially) turning into a watered down verson of his parents. His relationship with Adam would be extremely unhealthy and possibly even abusive at times, and he'd be more prone to verbally abusing the people around him (I can't see him becoming physically abusive, even in this au) in general.

Carlos actually sees more sides of Ryker in this au than anyone else. Ryker targets him frequently because he knows Carlos won't leave him afterwards, but also is at his most vulnerable when it's just the two of them. He hates the person he has become, but does not have the tools to stop it and better himself. He has not lost his strong sense of self-awareness.

I like to think that Ryker is able to find support and get help eventually. It's not something he's able to stop completely, but he develops enough coping strategies to be able to heal relationships with friends and maintain them without turning into something abusive at every corner.

But. The sad part about Ryker here is that he most likely takes his life much earlier. There is hardly ever a moment in time where he doesn't hate himself and what he's done. He hates that he's hurt so many people, and that they continue to love him anyway. The guilt in knowing how disappointed in him Carlos must be is consuming him, and there comes a point in time where he just can't do it anymore.

-

Content: Murder, minor whump, suicide.

And then we have Adam. I'm going to be blunt here. He will end up killing his parents before he hits thirteen. This poor kid has been through so much abuse, and he actually considers it anyway in canon. I think he's just far more impulsive here.

He immediately owns up to what he did. He sits in between his parents' corpses while on the phone to the authorities and explains what he did - doesn't even mention the things they'd been doing to him. He knows it won't matter anyway.

As sad and anti-climatic as it is, I imagine he kills himself soon after. I don't know how. I don't know where, but I know that he would not live a long life in this au.

#whump #anb au #anb stuff #anb ask

[monstersinthecosmos]

What do you think Marius considers his greatest failing in canon, and do you think that ever got resolved?

!!!!!!!! this is such an interesting and tricky question because like many moral quandaries in VC you have to ask like, “is this Anne or is it Marius?” (Or David, or Lestat, etc.) The bananas authorial intent always makes these questions really interesting to unpack because I think readers often have a very different version of the events & characters than Anne did.

Like the short answer is no, I don’t think anything got resolved in canon for him. LOL. At least, not as far as things he would consider failings. I think the series ends very optimistically for him with his accepting vampires as his people and his culture in a way he never could before. A lot of his problems throughout his life stem from his isolation and distrust of his own kind, so if there’s healing to be done and things to be resolved, I think he’s definitely on the path to getting his shit together. But we didn’t get to see that in canon, really. I’m also inherently skeptical if the court can last more than a couple decades as seen by heaps of lore about how covens tend to collapse on themselves and how Night Island didn’t work out. We have to ask if like, creating rules and structure would help. We also have to ask if things like CELL PHONES even help, ie; can Pandora and Marius ever lose each other again if everyone can communicate like this? Do all societies inevitably fail if we leave the rule making to one person with their own biases? Shrug.

But what I’m stuck on here is the wording of what does *MARIUS* consider his greatest failing, and I think that’s an extremely different thing from his greatest failing LOL.

I kinda read Marius as burdening himself with caring for other people, even when he’s doing it poorly or in a way that’s unproductive for everyone except himself. But just because the outcome is a failure doesn’t mean the intention isn’t there. I would imagine he sees his biggest failures as his times where he failed to protect people. The obvious example is Armand, both when he’s first abducted by Santino but also when he attempts suicide. I think he feels this way about Pandora, too; I don’t think in their first relationship that he necessarily thought she needed his protection, but he’s sooooo close to getting her back and can’t navigate that she’s afraid of Akasha. It feels like his relationship with Bianca was an attempt to start fresh and treat her as more of an equal, but he fucks it up by being dishonest with her. Again, something perhaps that he sees the logic, he sees the through line, but is unproductive to everyone else involved.

And then with QOTD and Akasha’s awakening it feels like a very large public humiliation for him; this is a failure as well, both in the way he misread her for TWO THOUSAND YEARS and didn’t understand how to navigate, also that caring for The Parents was often framed as doing it for the protection of the entire race. Obviously his own needs & role with Akasha evolved over time but I think that’s the justification he tells himself. Again, whether or not he’s hitting his mark is less relevant than his intentions when it comes to his own perception of his actions and what he would consider a failure, what he might feel regret or guilt for, what feels humiliating, etc.

So anyway, no I don’t think any of this was resolved LMAO. I think Blood Communion tees it up where we can assume it gets resolved. Like, the reason his role as the keeper became corrupted was because he was so isolated, and he got trapped into this like egosyntonic cycle of behaviors that totally destroyed his relationship to the outside world!!!! And letting go of that created a massive existential crisis about who he is, what they are, etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it’s beautiful that in Blood Communion he was able to see the value in his community. No more secrets! No more isolating!

And I just hope that can lead down a path of like, Marius getting to know himself better, learning to be a better maker/friend/lover/father/etc. I think he might see his relationships as failures but I also think that in canon he doesn’t have the tools to fix any of them.

Because he might consider his greatest failure to be that he couldn’t protect people around him, couldn’t be present for them, couldn’t be honest with them, etc. If you asked ME what I think his greatest failure is, I’d say it’s that he’s so fucking unhealed that he doesn’t know how to apologize to people.

It’s easy to write off that type of behavior as just being a douchebag thing to do but you have to remember how much he’s had to deify his own self reliance. It means every mistake is a crack in the armor. Apologizing is going to feel like his entire worldview is crumbling and it’s just not a simple thing when you’ve had to trust yourself and when you’ve convinced yourself for two thousand years that you’re the glue holding the vampire world together. It doesn’t matter if he’s wrong or right and doesn’t matter if anyone wants to moralize about him; it’s just not an easy thing to do.

So I hope that canon left us with space for him to grow and be better. I think it did! I think he’s trying!!!

#marius de romanus #vampire chronicles #anne rice #blood & gold #queen of the damned #blood communion #deep ass thoughts about vampires #he's a mess lol #don't bring up that he forgot daniel in the mural #i'm blaming anne for that one #it was anne I SWEAR #like the growth he has that you see in PL with his relationship to daniel and then he leaves him out of the mural LMAO PLEASE