#I just want to trust somebody

[uncanny-tranny]

It's just... odd to me, I suppose, going from "what is in my pants is completely irrelevant to most anybody else's life" to the expectation that you must be completely open, essentially, about what is in your pants.

I think a lot of people understand the general idea of why it's bad decorum to demand people offer explanations for private information like this, but they don't analyze exactly why it's bad besides, "asking directly is just rude" and not "asking in any way still enforces the often violent nature of gender and sex, and putting people in the 'right box' is a part of that violence."

It's especially odd when seeing other trans people enforcing the idea that "what's in your pants?" is a genuine, good-faith basis for interacting with others.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #what i mean by the last paragraph is... WHY does it matter? #if i lied to you right now about what is in my pants... how would you know OR how would you change how i am treated by you? #and also. i would absolutely rather lie about my *own* body than be put in danger because it is a trans body #if worse comes to worst i genuinely don't care if somebody is mildly insulted that i didn't 'trust them' enough with that information #it's just weird to see people go from 'only tell doctors that info; it hardly matters outside that!' to... #...'you need to tell ANYbody - even in social and platonic situations where you don't think it matters'... #...can you see how believing in the fundamental idea (that your sex and to extent gender is not your own and belongs to everybody else)... #...doesn't really mesh well with the idea that trans people should be able to live an autonomous life wherein their information is *theirs* #and can you see how for people who aren't trans but have an 'its complicated' with the broad 'what's in your pants?' would ALSO be hurt? #because even if you don't word it as such you still present the fundamental idea that - again - your sex and gender are required informatio #and that it must be judged to be 'accurate' so others can place you in whatever direction they want to treat you with #anyway lying about this shit isn't Inherently Evil and the idea that it's like. a boogeyman is weird actually

[applebees4prez]

when i say that this was my 9/11 i fully mean it. i would pull out my computer and write it myself if it weren’t so personal to dan. i will go into debt to make this happen. @danielhowell if there is anything i can personally to get dan is not okay out into the world i will do it i don’t care if i’m a freshman in college i would die for this.

#DINOK MY BELOVED #i’m getting way too fucking emo about this #actually idc #this is everything i could ever want #not only is this concept so fucking interesting and cool #but i love dan and everything he does so much #i have full trust in everything he creates #idc if it’s parasocial #i went to wad it was the best thing ever #i’ve watched every dd episode five times as they came out #daniel howell is a true creative visionary who should get to run wild #but also i need to go back to the plot #not only is it a reflection of dan’s life #but so many people are actually going through this same thing #and will continue to #i go to class every day and see the guys who are business majors or whatever #and i just want to scream in their face that there is more to life than d3 sports #also as somebody who’s interested in dan this is everything to me plotwise #like yes queen i am also incredibly grateful that you dropped out of law #i am so happy that you have become comfortable not just with your sexuality #but with who you are in general #you don’t know me but you raised me #and i am so proud of you #AKDHAKDHSK SORRY IM DONE NOW #BUT I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS #daniel howell #dan is not okay #dinok #why i quit youtube #dan howell

[dailykugisaki]

Day ninety-five | id in alt

Long time no Nanami💥

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #nanami kento #i hate his fuckass tie but like anything for the cool man who cares bad #she likes the fit nanami has but she glares at the tie he has sometimes but it eventually grows onto her like a fucking parasite #also idk how yall sukuna likers do it idk how yall like this man because its so hard for me not to roll my eyes at anything he does #trust me im not biased i roll my eyes at Gojo and co too #i just idk. i feel like ive gone through somebody with a personality like sukunas before and i just want to push him into a black hole #buckets aggression is showing #anyway back to Kugisaki! #she exaggerates the image of nanami a lot but i feel like she'd respect the guy y'know #thats a whole apt teacher dawg #also Nobaras drink...she does like popular shit but i feel like her actual tastes lay with more like refreshing stuff if that makes sense #maybe it could be a little sour #idk she doesn't seem like the weirdo that drinks horrible sweet shit but she would put like an energy drink in that shit #she woll die before she's dehydrated and from experience #sweets dehydrate a bitch #hitting nanami with the melanin beam #i fucking giggled while writing the image description im fucking done for‼️ #Kugisaki would fucking preen at praise from nanami because in her head nanami is probably a massive hardass #yes i like drawing hands

[creaturefeaster]

What is it like to raise birds? I really like birds and I would like to have as many as you but I have no idea if it is how I imagine it, even so, if I had some I would love them! I'm sorry if there are spelling mistakes.

Owning and raising birds is a real treat. They are easy to understand if you're committed to learning, and are a really fun and healthy source of entertainment. Most of my childhood was me being a bedridden hermit, and getting chickens was the first and most vital step in getting me outdoors and moving more. It's amazing how much flock animals can change your life for the better.

Chickens are funny, easy to keep happy, and if you handle them right, extremely loving in their own way that makes it exciting to go out each day and see how they're doing.

Raising them from chicks yourself is the best way to ensure they'll be friendly and loving when they're older. It can be sort of scary when you have your first chicks, it's easy to think they're more fragile than they are, or that you're upsetting them, but baby birds just like to whine. Some more than others, but either way you learn pretty quickly that being consistent and easy-going with your attention is what birds tend to like.

Working with a calm hand and persistence, you will be rewarded with a fun hobby that comes with many benefits. Chickens are best for eggs and compost, getting rid of food scraps and old (but never moldy!) food turns into fresh eggs to eat and poop for fertilizing the land. Geese are great for maintaining wild plant growth, keeping grass low cut and invasive weeds at bay, and also produce a lot of feather fluff if you have use for goose feathers. Their eggs are also massive, though not as good for frying as chicken eggs. Ducks are great at keeping garden pests at bay, and can be super amusing as they're surprisingly fast paced and emotive animals.

They are very messy, though. Maybe not as much with chickens-- as long as they have a dry space they keep themselves pretty clean as long as you change their bedding when they need it. Ducks and geese however, which are waterfowl, can be much much messier. Ducks especially. They need a lot of water to be happy, and get it everywhere. This in combination with their poop leads to quickly dirtied water and muddy enclosures if you don't keep up with the cleaning. Every day I get messy and wet for their sake. I don't mind it, but it can be harder to manage in colder and wetter months.

It can be a bit of a hump to get past the grosser parts of poultry care, but once you get past that, and you have a routine, I think it's still a relatively easy thing to maintain, and is worth it for all the pleasantries the birds bring in turn.

Chickens do well with less space than a lot of other poultry, their comfortable square foot per individual radius is rather small, given they have room to run and can all get along. It is simple and easy to raise chickens in a suburban backyard. I am not sure if it works similarly for other countries, but look up your town ordiances for poultry livestock allowances, if in the USA. More towns allow backyard hens than you'd expect, depending on the square footage of your property.

Geese and ducks need much more space, they are roamers and need large spaces to walk, stretch their wings, and explore to stay happy lest they grow bored and agitated. Unless you live in rural neighborhoods, it is unlikely you can own waterfowl. And roosters; Many suburban towns that allow hens do not allow roosters, because they are noisy.

Quails are also another choice, if chickens are too intimidating or difficult to procure in your area. Many quails can live quiety and happily in an enclosure even inside, so long as they have proper enrichment. They can be a good and cute stepping stone to bigger birds like chickens or ducks.

Turkeys and guinea fowl are interesting in their own way as well. I don't have as much experience with turkeys, they're larger and sassier but they generally work well with chickens. Plus they make funny noises and are amusing to look at. Guinea fowls, kind of like geese, are really good watch dogs if you live in a place with hawks, eagles, or small predators. They are very loud and vocal, and can be somewhat assertive and protective of their flock. They're also really stupid looking.

But anyways, back to what it's like to have birds in general... If you're birdbrained you will feel at home when you are amongst your flock. If you aren't birdbrained, enough time around them will make you so. It will be a peaceful experience and the work put into them is always rewarding. Being able to sit with chickens, letting them jump up to you and eat from your hand, or petting and hugging a duck, or having a gaggle of geese follow you through a field in a slow line... it's like having a fun and obtainable experience to look forward to every day. :3

Oh, I was going to end it there but I actually have one more thing to add. This part of poultry care is the part people don't always like to hear/realise, but the biggest thing with poultry is: Do not raise what you are not willing to kill. Regardless of whether you raise birds like chickens for meat, eggs, or just as pets, you must accept that fact that at some point, you may need to humanely cull one. Unwanted males do not sell/rehome easily, and can become an issue to take care of if you aren't ready to cull. Sick hens do not always make it, and sometimes you have to decide to spare them the pain and put them down. Vets can sometimes help with this, but most of the time that requires an exotics expert, and can cost you much more than it's worth. Being able to cull your birds is also useful life experience and teaches proper animal respect.

Just, keep that in mind if you ever look into owning birds. You need to be strong for their sake, you are the one they depend on the most.

#its just fun to have a herd of animals that trusts you #there's nothing like it!!! #sorry i went on for a bit there i just love birds.......... #i feel like the luckiest person in the world sometimes when im out with my geese #i get to run across a field and large & elegant birds run and flap their beautiful wings alongside me #i can sit on a hill and watch them from an acre away slowly make their way towards me #because they want to come stand with me because they think me part of their flock #i can grab some grass and wiggle it #and they all pog and get excited and squeak when i toss it to them #i cant get a single word out if somebody comes to talk to me because they all start yelling the second i make too much noise #because they want to be involved in the noise making #also they're so protective of me its nuts #i basically have 5 birdy body guards #i love my chickens too dont get me wrong but........ #geese is where it's at for me as of late

[vamptastic]

romancing astarion has thus far made me exponentially less attracted to him. can we go back to you serving face in the background and contributing the occasional quip while i go do my hero things? i can't listen to the pickup lines i cant. they're bad they're not good they're bad. and i don't know if hes doing this on purpose as some kind of sick and twisted test of faith or he thinks he is a master casanova. also if astarion can't lift a backpack full of plate armor he sure as hell cannot lift up my entire PC. sorry.

#also. why does he get mad at you for freeing enslaved miners. What is your problem mr i was a slave for 200 years #the only thing i can think of is that this is his elven superiority complex where hes like sure i was a slave but i wasn't a GNOME #and i think it's unfair that I can't at least make fun of him and ideally give him the ole one-two for that #nevertheless i do find it fun to romance him as durge because hes like Your endless thirst for blood and gore is very charming :) #but also seems to think of my durge as genuinely sweet and kind and just happening to be bloodthirsty #i assume this is due to his own bloodthirsty nature. Other than that 0/10 thus far i do NOT want any more insight into his sex life #i genuinely liked him better when he was being a bit of a cunt. astarion being convincingly fake-sweet is much scarier #can't we go back to our friendly rivalry? to tav dragging his white ass around faerun saving the day like it or not? #i do love him as a character this is just so far so profoundly not my thing. very romance novel-y #and i Know. i KNOW. that he is obviously manipulating the PC right now due to his Problems #im just saying that form of manipulation would not make me trust and fall in love with somebody i might punch them #bg3

[spider-man-2o99]

still overall optimistic as i had been figuring smthn like this would be the case ever since the full trailer drop. but. also know better than 2 get my hopes up just so they can later get crushed. feel like both andy samberg and the dog here praying these words aren't empty and that they don't just completely massacre miguel in atsv for the sake of bruteforcing a cheap kingpin parallel LOL

#talking tag #spider-man #across the spider-verse #atsv #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #spoons so so so so depleted rn but i Needed to post that gif under an oscar quote i Needed To. #i do not trust anything that ppl say abt a movie before it;s out AND the oscar-freaks have already killed One c-lister for me im Wary. #i can excuse being Wrong abt how insanely funny miguel is--the man cant help being allistic (rip)--but if the portrayal is Bad im. #if it;s Bad im blowing up the fuckinf sun #*Bad as in Without Nuance. or as in those dumb quote-unquote Theories ppl keep pissing nd shitting over that call mig a hyperviolent animal #what is presented in this interview could go either way towards very very good or very Very bad. i hope this movies ambition doesnt kill it #always hard to tell beforehand because mig is one of those characters i feel like people either Get or they don't #and there just Is No Damn Way To Tell if somebody gets how to write him until you see them /write him/. #NEED to stress im not upset if the plot is like. Miguel #-Has His Head Up His Ass For The First However-Long-Period Before BTSV. #that'd be FUN even. #i just want the character on the screen to be MIGUEL #sorry this isn't a Funny Post my body hurts so im Mean today.

[halfyearsqueen]

need people to understand that criston cole was by her side most every day of her life since she was seven years old and that the nature of their relationship was questioned publicly by alicent when she was twelve years old. their relationship wasn’t ? she was kind to him, yes. and they likely did have a courtly love thing going on - but any serious feeling she had for him beyond the crush of a child fawning over a handsome knight dies at some point, ( likely after alicent called into question the nature of their dynamic ) because then she’s forced to confront the reality any thing between them is going to venture straight into scandal territory. she knows the story of lucamore the lusty, she knows that she would be damning him to a life upon the wall at best . so she moves on.

#she had a massive level of trust in him #he was her sworn shield and like ? I think what she says about being the blood of the dragon and being meant for more #applies to how she feels about him as well #like he has a place of honor at court #he IS answering what she would’ve perceived as a higher calling for him #she would never ask him to risk that even if she did feel the same about him still #and like ? this is a grown man wanting a sixteen year old to run off with hi #and like the very truly twisted thing about her rejection of him is he doesn’t quit just yet #but he begins to foster that loathing and resentment toward her that results in harwin being beaten and joffrey being left bloody in the Sa #AFTER she denied him infront of the court #after she denied him again #and it likely was due to that feeling of entitlement from all of the rumors that were circling about her #that she’d give herself to somebody else with no thought of like - the moralities of it #but wouldn’t MARRY him . that made him hate her so badly #which again 😭 she’s 16 #she’s a child #and he was fixated on her to the point of violence after she denied him #and I think that’s such a horrifically realistic display of how ? the patriarchy led him to believe he was owed something from her #that was more then what every other man expected from her

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you. #I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible. #I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me. #I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth. #I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely. #I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't... #I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away... #to this day... #I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that. #I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed. #“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again. #By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant. #I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did. #The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement. #Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF. #You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do. #I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs. #The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one. #I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time. #I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore. #And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry... #I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too... #vent

[plexippusangel]

Logically I know that the reason why people find me so easy to disregard is because I am really shitty at advocating for myself and I haven't been flexing that skill out of fear of being found to be inconvenient, I'm not just inherently easy to ignore, but. It still hurts.

The weird thing is that I have the skills to advocate for myself! I am literally just choosing not to use them bc I've calculated the costs and I really don't think I can afford to be a source of additional friction right now. I'm not gonna call myself a stupid, passive baby because that's not the actual situation.

#anyway guess who's in faer room crying about a bunch of silly shit that adds up? #i just. i really need to get a move on with finding a job. i need to get myself into a position where my wellbeing isn't dependent on other #benevolence. and like. i'm always going to have to count on people a bit that's a given but it CANNOT be like this forever #and i would love to be like oh i love and trust these people i can be a little frustrating while they're in a weird place and i do love the #but idk if i trust them. i don't think they'd ever be malicious but i do think that they are avoidant af and if somebody got a raise while #was causing friction they might be like well. that basement would make a sweet studio. and they'd give me time to figure shit out #but still. not good #i know who i'd crash with in that case but like. i don't want it to come to that. i just need to maintain a holding pattern #until i get my fucking shit together. #faer personal files

[knowlesian]

my last post and the shameless mountain goats reference i threw in there got me thinking about one of my favorite story beats, because it combines a lot of character work and thematic oomph in one: ed being a victim of his own legend and ability to protect himself by hiding in plain sight + codeswitch into the version of himself that best suits the company/situation he’s in, in many ways but often most visibly through his interactions with izzy.

my take on “is blackbeard real or fake” has always been “yes”; blackbeard is pieces of ed filtered and strained and assembled and pruned down in ways that scarred him even as they kept him safe, in ways that are very sad and often stretching the definition of safe as far as ed’s personal definition of murder. nonetheless: it got him to the place he's at, still alive. could he have done it another way? who knows! that was the way he did it, it's the way he knows will work because it did work.

or: he thinks he knows that. but the legend was never all of ed and in fact demanded he spotlight pieces of himself he doesn't like so much a lot and repress a lot of the things that make him feel good, it’s not helping/hurting anymore. it’s just dragging him down.

so ed is sick of the blackbeard schtick; and here’s the rub. if he’d been worse at the art of personal fuckery alongside the pirate type, maybe none of this is happening. the world never knows his name; or worse, once he gets spotted as a man who won't kill they mock it. 

that version of ed does not attract izzy ‘ask me about my boner for the sunk cost fallacy’ hands, or does not keep him. because izzy has built his identity around ed’s legend; who is blackbeard’s first mate, if there is no blackbeard? who the fuck even is izzy hands, if he’s not seated at the right hand of edward teach?

now. you would hope, in a better world, that izzy would be like you know, edward, the thing here is: you wanting something different involves emotional consequences for me. i would have to figure out my whole life over again and i am simultaneously con o’neill’s age and emotionally sixteen like the real world me was, so you can see that would be super complicated. i have so fucking much baggage and you are just adding to it, and i do not like that. also: this fucks up my work situation and my home life at once, it makes me feel sad and abandoned and itchy in ways i do not wish to label with words because they would be gay ones like ‘please don’t leave me, i love you and i thought it was mutual’ so like... world rocked, thoroughly and in ways that make me want to rant until past last call, in conclusion this sucks and i think it's twenty mistakes in a trenchcoat, some of them maybe life threatening! i wish you would not.

and then he would step back and let ed make his own fucking choices anyway and either do the work to figure himself out in the same space or finally grab those cds from the car and find his own place to do the same, because a shitty fact of adult life is sometimes people cannot be what we want or need. sometimes that is because they suck: sometimes, it’s just because they can’t or don't want to, and that isn't them being mean or withholding. they don't owe us more than the basic kindness and dignity we all owe to each other just because we put in our hours longing for them to do so. that’s some toxic, entitled shit. understandable! an impulse i share at times! but we should never be That Guy (gender neutral) because the friendzone doesn’t actually exist and nobody deserves to win someone else as a prize for hanging around long enough and driving them to the airport. that’s just called being friends, etc.

izzy is sadly currently stuck on being That Guy. so instead of realizing ed is an adult man and can make his own choices, even if izzy thinks they're bad ones, he fucking panics and starts swinging around and finally runs to big daddy england to make stede bonnet stooooooooop (messing with ed’s brain).

and of course he does something like that! he thinks a relationship is when you metaphorically own each other and when you can only be tender after putting your right foot in and then putting it out before once again putting it in and then proceeding to shake it all about, violent rituals unlock love style. he’s a desperate man in a hell entirely of his own making.

and so is ed, in this entirely different way but stuck in his own fucking orbit as firmly as izzy, only ed is trying to claw his way up and out to see what else he can be, while izzy would do juuuust about anything (including lick the king’s boots) to stay the same forever.

that’s some tragic shit. i love this writing team, the end.

#what if i staple no children to their heads when they're together what then #truly this is some good writing #like: i find izzy fascinating because he was written by the same team who wrote everybody else #he sucks in ways that i want to think about because they sometimes allow me to examine myself #and then sometimes let me laugh at his dumb ass or talk about serious thematic shit #he bears a lot of weight in the narrative because that's in part what a good antagonist should do #anyway yeah the sort of classic tragedy of these two is super interesting since like...clearly the show knows what's up #i maintain izzy is gonna figure his shit out and become a productive member of this pirate society tho #because okay like: in real life i know the best i can often hope for is somebody knocking a specific behavior off #and often they won't ever do that #but if they did the world would be better and they would be better and i would have another comrade #i will always settle for one less enemy if that is my only choice #but i'd rather make a new ally i can trust #and my fantasy is often that the izzys of the world in all their forms don't just knock it off #it's that they start fighting alongside me or become someone i don't mind being around because i CAN trust them now #(hey: i did say it was a fantasy) #so i kind of ask myself: what makes life better in this fictional world #an izzy who can't hurt people because he is no longer around or an izzy who has started to figure his shit out #anyway yes: this shit is sad and well-crafted

[airenyah]

ok so today i had my first thai class after a really long christmas break and somehow andreas gabalier (an austrian folk singer) and his music came up. and i don't remember what exactly my teacher said but he made a comment along the lines of "andreas gabalier is considered a standard good looking dude here in austria, right?" (my teacher is from thailand, so he wasn't sure about austrian people's preferences)

and his question was met with complete silence, because the thing is... our class consists of 3 middle aged guys plus one more guy in his early 30s. and then there's me. the only girl

and since no one answered the question about andreas gabalier's looks, our teacher then addressed me directly and following conversation ensued:

teacher: "[airenyah]?" me: (feeling slightly shy and embarrassed) ".....i don't know what andreas gabalier looks like 🙈" everyone: (breaks out in laughter) middle-aged classmate: (highly amused) "i suspect he's not your type..." (me: "oh 🙈") "you're not missing out on anything :D"

i really like my teacher but god, let me live. don't put me on the spot like that 😩😩😩

#i hate when people ask me my opinion on somebody's looks #esp if that somebody in question is an older dude (as in significantly older than me. doesn't have to be ''old'' in reality) #idk!!! the person looks normal to me!!! person-shaped!!! idk‚ what do you want from me!!! i'm too asexual for this conversation!!! #we're not super close in this class (it's online which doesn't help with that either) so no one actually knows shit about my sexuality #and idk if my teacher put me on the spot for heteronormative reasons bc i'm the only girl in class #or bc he trusts my opinion (technically i could be considered an expert in austrian culture‚ i have a BA for that now lol) #but somehow my classmate's comment felt really reassuring to me somehow #i have no idea what made him think that that singer wouldn't be my type (maybe the age difference??) but like #so true man. so true. you don't even know #what even IS my type #airenyah plappert #stories from my thai class #also yeah everyone was laughing but it wasn't mean-spirited like. they weren't laughing AT me #i think my comment was just funny to them bc they probably weren't expecting it and so maybe they were surprised #or maybe bc i'm also the youngest in the group so maybe in their heads they were going ''aw she's too young to know andreas gabalier'' #(i mean i WAS very much aware of him‚ i just never cared about him and his music and so i didn't care to know about his appearance) #the guys were laughing very amusedly while i was just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao (i too was amused when they laughed tho) #anyway i have since looked up andreas gabalier's face and he is literally just some dude to me #i do hate his hairstyle tho. it looks greasy with gel ewww #but yeah apart from that my opinion on his looks is that he looks like an ordinary human being idk #nothing good and nothing bad about it #(except yeah. the hair gel maybe. maybe that IS bad actually)

[stonerzelda]

Lowkey hoping my application to college falls through again so i can. Perchance apply for video game school lol

#ill be honest i cannot see myself as a psw im sorry #its an extremely noble job and i do enjoy caring for people and wish i could be somebody families could trust to care for their loved ones #but the idea of doing that for the rest of my life. fucking kills me #a resident i was endeared to died this weekend and im. havibg a rough time processing #that ill never see her again or hesr her voice or see this thing she had wanted to show me #my life does feel so so so bleak and defeated tbh #i just want to do what im passionate about. but thay doesnt make money. #why is life always faltered by fucking money man #im trying so hard to be positive now but i am naught doing as great as i coukd be lol #its onky a matter of time before the dissonance runs out and i snap under the reality of what direction im goin ✊️😖

[spring-lxcked]

thought abt the secret mini games in P.S and went crazy again

#—— ✧ ooc » #.tbd. #like the constant theme of william targeting kids who need somebody is just. ugh. #especially if you're like me & think midn.ight motorist is a part of this #( i don't think any theory fits perfectly but tbh i think the af.ton family one is completely disproven by the ending ) #( like when matp.at said 'you want me to solve MM? i don't think ANYBODY can solve MM' that was real fkjsdhfash ) #william & susie mourning her dog & a kid trapped in an abusive home & charlie locked out of the pizzeria #like my william is so invested in the day-to-day of Being Spri.ng Bon.nie & building these seemingly genuine connections. #somebody the guests can go to & get supposed comfort from ( YES there's intentional irony in this regarding his own kids ) #and it's a lot easier to manipulate somebody who needs something/somebody and believes they can trust him #and if their parents don't give shit about them then it's just that much easier #like. To Me. in my canon midn.ight mot.orist is like. he's made this kid feel like he's the one person they can go to #anyway rambling done i'm so sad over this rn #child murder tw #child death tw #murder tw

[jrueships]

hi ted, is this josh between de'aaron and steph c ??

https://64.media.tumblr.com/4aa4415b394ce18638932c6c8b5448e1/0ce3b2cab8478c9b-78/s1280x1920/868bf4956853cc72ad22f3332ebf470b72008fac.jpg

hi anon 😊👋! lol i feel so professional

it IS josh!!! looking like a skrunkle devoid of happiness.... a Struggle. a struggle skrunkle. the all black outfit and his emo eyes 😭 the bowlegged stance is being rlly exposed here omg. This is the poses you'll find men who attend private Christian campuses to be in when you enter

#the random speck on the wall above gups head ?? #driving me insane somebody GET THAT!! #choose your character im picking scoot bcs he looks like there is nothing happening in that head #how did he become besties with steph i wonder? #hes always so nervous to talk to him bcs he doesnt wanna seem like an annoying fanboy #even tho steph is always more than happy to help him #he even brought his husband to help coparent like SCOOT!! #u are WANTED here! u are their SON! #i like how u specificed the last name intial of steph lol #he is not just steph... but steph.. C!! #fox looks so skinny compared to the rest #he can never leave twighood #he will never blossom into the strong oak trunk ! #thats ok i love u twink twink #the photo honestly looks like some type of positivity intervention 😭 #theyre trying to help gup out of his emo spiral #(it's not working. his body may be moving but trust. that mind is stagnant and sorrowful) #even The Smilies and The Stupids (klay and scoot) could not help.. #but at least theyre trying!! #an in progress photo... #next photo gup will be utterly elated shopping at a farmers market or smthing #totally not thinking about green suddenly liking old ladies #LOVE! #WIIINS 🫡🫡🫡 #agonized sobbing echos in the depths #gup #ted asks #thank u for showing me this omg.. this photo radiates such odd energy 😭 i love it it's amazing ty #fox #scoot scoot

[dayas]

I’m so SICK Brooke was worried about Lucas and Peyton being a thing after he cheated on her with her best friend and then they go and kiss AGAIN and hide it from her AGAIN 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

And to juxtapose it with them (Brooke and Lucas) “learning to trust each other again” and all through that time intertwining Lucas and Peyton moments like. Be fr 😭💀 It could have worked better narratively (imo) if they would have separated them but by doing this it felt (to me personally!) that Brooke and Lucas were never that serious to begin with because their growth was always one step forward and three steps back.

#sumn about doing the baddest bitch on the show wrong don’t sit right w/ me #especially with how they never let brooke and lucas stand on their own literally every other episode they had lucas and peyton like… #respectfully brucas never stood a chance it was so unserious #and to have peyton go lucas-jake-pete-jake-lucas like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #NOT TO MENTION: all they literally had to do was tell the truth. i get peyton thought she was going to die but AFTER? #she AND lucas had all the time in the world to tell brooke and neither of them said shit #i can’t blame her for not trusting them because they literally did the same shit twice 💀🤡 #anyways it just got on my nerves that brooke and lucas could never have their own moment without peyton coming up and needing lucas #i think they set lucas and peyton up to be soulmates which is fine but they didn’t have to throw brooke through hoops to do it #OR make her and lucas the ‘even though we aren’t technically perfectly suited I still choose you and i keep choosing you’ couple #anyways free brooke PLEASE abeg let peyton continue her development and lucas develop further and THEN bring leyton thx #somebody tell me does brooke actually get her happily ever after and prince charming like she deserves though AT LEAST TELL ME YES OR NO #BLINK TWICE I’LL TAKE ANYTHING #brooke davis #brucas #one tree hill #oth #k watches #now do i agree with brooke being all controlling? no. but i understand why she didn’t want them together at least in the beginning. #plus she said that they went days without meaningful conversations but every conversation he has with peyton is meaningful. #even when brooke was going through it lucas was with peyton #brucas was just so unserious 😭 in theory they made sense but my point is they didn’t have to do her like that to set up leyton endgame #lucas scott #peyton sawyer #to be clear this is NOT anti leyton but it IS pro brooke #k chats

[starfoam]

//I'm still thinking about Lorelei, indulgence, and her fear of being a burden

#NO BUT BECAUSE TO LO THE ULTIMATE INDULGENCE *IS* INTIMACY #NOT JUST SEX (but it does include sex) BUT. PHYSICAL CONTACT. TRUST. THE SIGHT AND SMELL AND FEEL OF ANOTHER PERSON. #AND HOW TO HER THE THING THAT KEEPS HER UP AT NIGHT AND GNAWS AT HER CHEST IS LONELINESS AND TOUCH STARVATION #BUT THAT *REQUIRES OTHER PEOPLE* AND SHE CAN'T BRING HERSELF TO ASK FOR WHAT SHE DESPERATELY NEEDS #FOR FEAR OF TRAPPING SOMEBODY IN SOMETHING /THEY/ DON'T WANT THROUGH OBLIGATION #SHE LOVES SO DESPERATELY AND DOESN'T THINK SHE DESERVES TO ASK FOR IT AND I #AAAAAAAAAH