#now do i agree with brooke being all controlling? no. but i understand why she didn’t want them together at least in the beginning. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sanjisock · 3 years

Text

more than words

50 words; 50 sentences

ao3

#01 - Motion

A spinning kick, a swing of blade — the two meet and hit but don’t hurt, and Nami sighs exasperatedly at such a pathetic display of a mating dance.

#02 - Cool

Zoro stands his ground as his enemy — finally, finally — falls unceremoniously on his back, unconscious, and Sanji thinks for a moment that the sight of Zoro — wild and victorious and ready to take on the world — looks kind of, maybe, slightly cool.

#03 - Young

Brook sees the two — dying to die for each other, the weight of their friends’ lives pulling down their shoulders — and he thinks too many people forget how young they still are.

#04 - Last

The Cook is the last person Zoro would consider lending a hand in a fight — “who would want to work together with that dumbass anyway,” he lies whenever anyone asks, and doesn’t admit that it’s because he trusts Sanji’s ability to stand his ground, wholly and fully.

#05 - Wrong

Sanji knows Zoro, like him, understands better than most — that this nakama thing isn’t just something you’d die for, but something you’d kill for, too.

#06 - Gentle

Sanji manages to catch Kitetsu before it rolls off from the deck during a storm, and in that moment, Zoro knows, from the reverent way he regards the swords in his hands, that this isn’t the first time the Cook has wielded one.

#07 - One

“Calm down, Marimo,” Sanji says with a dismissive wave of his hand when Zoro asks about the sword a few days later, “I’m not about to take your place as the ship’s swordsman; a cook doesn’t use his hands to fight, and I had a terrible teacher anyways.”

#08 - Thousand

“I’m worth two thousand men,” Zoro grumpily says, almost sulking, and Nami can’t resist patting his head like she would to a little boy pulling the pigtail of a girl he has a crush on.

#09 - King

You’re like the prince of Dumbass Kingdom, Zoro says, and it takes Sanji everything in him not to blurt out, Dumbass Kingdom sounds about right; wait ‘till you see the fucking king.

#10 - Learn

Watching Sanji converse fluently with a couple of tourists in a Northern language, Zoro wonders when he will ever stop learning something new about Sanji — or if he ever will, at all.

#11 - Blur

When Zoro finally comes to, the wounds from Bartholomeow Kuma is muted by Chopper’s medicine, a dull throb at the back of his consciousness; but the sharp pain against his heart feels raw still, visceral and razor-sharp, tucked alongside the ache of Sanji’s sacrifice.

#12 - Wait

“Wait,” he manages to croak out before Sanji flees the room, the word spilling out unbidden; he isn’t quite sure why, but he knows that he wants the Cook to stay.

#13 - Change

“Have some fucking decency ,” Sanji yells, throwing a shirt at Zoro’s direction; the brute has been walking around the ship bare-chested like an eyesore ever since they entered the summer island, and Sanji is just trying to do everyone a favor — and definitely not because there’s a different kind of heat pooling at the pit of his stomach.

#14 - Command

Robin watches the two in amusement — Zoro could have easily refused to be Sanji’s pack mule, and she can hear him grumbling about it still; and yet, here they are, once again, together at the island’s marketplace.

#15 - Hold

Sanji is rough around the edges, bristling at the slightest touch; Zoro knows he needs to be gentle, but he doesn’t quite remember the last time he held something that isn’t a hilt of a sword, without meaning to hurt . It’s a learning curve.

#16 - Need

Sanji knows Zoro is a dumbass, but it takes a special kind of stupid to think he would never be good enough for Sanji, when he’s all that Sanji has ever needed.

#17 - Vision

Zoro never regrets losing his eye, but he wishes, sometimes, he could still take in the sight of Sanji with an unimpaired vision, just to see more of him.

#18 - Attention

“You’re starting a fight, Marimo?” Sanji growls, voice low and dangerous, and Zoro thinks, yes, yes, anything to get you to look at me.

#19 - Soul

He loves the kid like a brother, but sometimes Zoro hates how Luffy can easily see past his gruff words and feigned ignorance; the way Luffy only needs to take one look at him to guess, “you’re worried about Sanji, aren’t you?”

#20 - Picture

He carries around everyone’s bounty posters, Sanji tells himself, and tries not to think too hard about how the only one he kept in his breast pocket is Zoro’s, folded neatly against his heart.

#21 - Fool

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done so far,” Sanji says when they part, lips still tingling from their earlier kiss, because Zoro’s love is fierce and consuming and Sanji knows, ever since he was just a kid with the iron mask, that he doesn’t deserve any of this.

#22 - Mad

“Don’t you ever say that kind of shit again,” Zoro snarls, slamming the wall beside Sanji’s head, his voice trembling with a kind of anger Sanji has never seen him with before — frustrated, desperate. “You’re important to me, Cook.”

#23 - Child

Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji tells himself every day, the voice ringing in his ears; you stopped being a child deserving of a dream the moment you chained Zeff down to the ground.

#24 - Now

Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji wants to tell himself, but the voice stutters, drowned out by the sight of the kid bleeding on the deck of Baratie — he’s a swordsman, too, acknowledged by none other than Dracule Mihawk himself — but a kid still, throwing himself headfirst towards the case of his dreams, steps unweighted by regrets.

#25 - Shadow

Zoro doesn’t know which is worse — Sanji, forever running away from the shadow his brothers cast; or Zoro, chasing after someone who is no longer around to leave behind a shadow anymore.

#26 - Goodbye

After Whole Cake Island, there’s a period of time where Zoro would follow Sanji around the ship like a lost puppy, unwilling to let the Cook out of his sight; Usopp definitely didn’t expect Zoro to have such a cute side, and crouches over his new invention to hide his smile.

#27 - Hide

“We’re not doing that here,” Sanji hisses, and forces himself not to laugh at the pout on Zoro’s face; the galley might be secluded enough, but they’re still on the enemy ship’s galley.

#28 - Fortune

It is annoying, the way Sanji keeps reminding Zoro that he could have collected Mihawk’s bounty and lived the rest of his life in wealth; especially when Zoro would trade any riches in the world just to stay by the Cook’s side.

#29 - Safe

It catches Zoro off guard when Sanji starts talking about his mother; it’s a short anecdote, a single happy memory, but Zoro can tell by the way Sanji tells it — guarded and hesitant, like he wants to keep the words close and safe — that he has never shared it with anyone else before.

#30 - Ghost

Usopp starts shaking like a leaf as soon as they enter the abandoned, dilapidated house, and Sanji gently tells him, sometimes the worst ghost is the one you create yourself; Zoro feels the weight of Wado on his hip, and agrees.

#31 - Book

“I don’t need this,” Zoro grumbles with a blush, pushing the book back into Nami’s hands, trying hard to ignore Nami’s laughter and the words ROMANCE FOR DUMMIES emblazoned on the book’s jacket.

#32 - Eye

Shusui sinks into the man’s stomach, all the way to the hilt, and Zoro thinks of the way Sanji curled into himself as the man landed a lucky hit on the cook’s hand. An eye for an eye.

#33 - Never

“This is my first time,” Zoro whispers, head ducking away as he feels his face flush at the admission; but Sanji’s hand rests on his cheek, encouraging, and he can feel the curve of Sanji’s smile as their lips meet and Sanji replies, “it’s mine, too.”

#34 - Sing

Luffy cheers when Zoro and Sanji comes into view, and he lets them take on the next batch of enemies; a good fight is always fun, but watching Zoro and Sanji fight is even more so — like watching a dance that only those two know the melody to.

#35 - Sudden

“What, are we supposed to be surprised?” Nami says, barely looking up from the map she’s working on; Sanji sputters, face redder than the tomatoes he served during breakfast, and Nami feels almost bad for him.

#36 - Stop

“But we — Zoro and I — how did you know?” Sanji asks, and promptly stops asking questions when he realizes the rest of the crew aren’t surprised either; who could blame them, when his and Zoro’s sexual tension can be seen from a mile away.

#37 - Time

Sanji knows they have to break apart soon, just to breathe, but right now all he cares about is to taste as much of Zoro as possible — he has waited two years for this, and it has been two years too long.

#38 - Wash

They have their fair share of fighting — and how, considering the amount of repairs Usopp has to do for Merry just from their petty fights alone — but what the crew doesn’t know is that they also have this thing, this quiet thing, just him and the Cook and a stack of dirty plates between them.

#39 - Torn

“In retrospect,” Robin observes, “dressing up our dear cook in a maid uniform would not only lower the enemy’s firepower, but also ours, considering how distracted our swordsman has clearly become.”

#40 - History

“Why do you keep him around, mister?” The kid asks, pointing at the old swordsman with three swords and an eye scar by the peer; Sanji laughs, pats the kid on the head, and says, almost wistfully — “you can say we have some history.”

#41 - Power

Sanji tugs at Zoro’s sleeve, and Zoro follows suit despite his complaints — Sanji thinks, distantly, how much of an honor it is, to have so much control over such a powerful man.

#42 - Bother

“I didn’t have enough time to make this three-tier ice cream cake for our lovely Nami-san and Robin-chan because you distracted me!” Sanji says with a hard jab of a finger against Zoro’s chest, and Zoro thinks, good .

#43 - God

Zoro does not believe in gods, but there’s a hymn of a noise when Zoro presses his lips against the crook of Sanji’s neck, the hallelujah of the world breaking apart as their bodies move together, and he thinks, close enough .

#44 - Wall

Zoro slams his fist into the wall of Polar Tang, and is taken aback by the depth of his own frustration; he knows Luffy and the others will get Sanji back from Big Mom’s place, but it unsettles him still, the way Sanji hides himself under layers of pretenses when Zoro has bared so much of himself to the Cook in return.

#45 - Naked

“What the fuck was that for , Mosshead?!” Sanji shrieks, justifiably furious, leg raised and on fire after Zoro sliced his tray into two without preamble; Zoro can’t exactly tell the Cook he did it because he was too surprised at the sight of Sanji in a swimming trunk and nothing else.

#46 - Drive

Why Zoro , people sometimes ask, but the answer is easy to Sanji — nobody drives him crazy the way Zoro does, and is that not what true love feels like?

#47 - Harm

Zoro knows Sanji will be furious ; but as he faces Kuma, knowing at least the Cook is out of harm’s way, he knows he would do this a hundred times over, a thousand times over, a million times over.

#48 - Precious

Sanji is sitting by the corner of the infirmary, face pale with red-rimmed eyes, and Zoro thinks he’s never had that, before — people who would weep for him, knowing that he is more than dried scars and calloused skin.

#49 - Hunger

This thing we have is dangerous, Sanji tells him, but Zoro doesn’t care — he already has a craving, the same way he needs a booze when it’s been too long, except he thinks that this vice will surely kill him.

#50 - Believe

This isn’t faith; this is the truth, Zoro’s truth, the same way he knows he will become the Greatest — Sanji will find that elusive sea of his, and Zoro will stay with him until it is the last thing he can do.

#opfanfic #zosan #roronoa zoro #sanji #one piece

51 notes · View notes

this-is-an-open-letter · 3 years

Note

As one OTH OG to another what are you making of the drama surrounding the Drama Queens podcast and the girls take on Lucas specially?

I honestly think its very dumb that people are offended by the girls take on Lucas at this current moment in the series.

Lucas IS a piece of shit in these few episodes, he cheated on his gf with Peyton after she had to go look at a dead body to confirm it wasn't her fathers and then when she doesn't run directly into his arms he goes to a bar, underage, and hooks up with an older woman after breaking into a mall. What about this makes Lucas a good guy or defendable?

I also find it troubling that if you're a fan of OTH and you're listening to the podcast in 2021, 18 years after the show premiered and after everything that has happened in the world in the last 5 years alone, seeing how misogynistic the writing could be and how troubling the male gaze was and you don't find the new perspective enlightening, then there's a lot of internal measures one needs to take.

Also the girls literally say it every episode, we know we're shitting on our characters but its because we want them to be better and because the writing back then was done by white middle aged men who viewed the women as their sexuality fantasy pawns...oh and the creator of the show is a sexual predator.

Its called character development - at different points in time throughout the series each character goes through something fans don't agree with but you gotta tear a character down before building them back up and tree hill did that in spades and often.

Hiliarie has also said multiple times that Lucas and Peyton are end game and everything that is happening now is just to get Lucas and Peyton to the point where they can end up being end game. On another note that I thought was very interesting and rewarding to me as a fan, was when Hiliarie said Peyton spends so much time finding validation in men. And that right there is why I never liked Leyton because the only significance to Peyton's character came when she was surrounded by the male gaze of Lucas, everything the character was was only achievable if she had Lucas' love or attention. And to see the actors point that out as well is further validation that the writers had a specific gaze in mind. Rightfully that didn't stop any character from getting beat down, which i guess is a win.

I understand that the show holds a lot of important significance to people - I went through High School and University with this show, it holds a great deal of significance for me but to be mad that three of the actors who lived through the experience of the show are not sitting back and ignoring what they went through, which we all know wasn't always positive, is gaslighting their experience because it doesn't fit yours. As fans you get to hold onto your own experience but Sophia, Hiliarie and Joy literally lived through the experience of the show and their take, their emotions and experiences are always going to be valid compared to fans.

So as a long winded explanation, I don't agree with fans being mad at Sophia, Joy and Hil for speaking their truth as women who lived the show, who have experienced terrible behaviour on that set and at the hands of the men who created that show and are choosing to not ignore that, because it invalidates not only their experience but any experience of women where the same things have happened to them.

The bottom line is they see an opportunity to regain control of an experience they didn't have any control of and its because of those experiences that they are being brave enough to step back into those emotions and scenarios and give fans something we probably never would've gotten. Their opinions don't change anything - the show is done, so whatever they believe about the characters doesn't have any actual effect on the show. Lucas is still going to do what he does and he'll overcome it and the Haley will still leave to go on tour and Nathan and Brooke will still have hooked up and Lucas will once again cheat on Brooke with Peyton and every character (minus Dan) will get their happily ever after. Nothing changes. But if having to look at a character and see their faults for the first time is hard for you...well then there's a lot more to unpack for you as a person than OTH can teach you.

#oth #one tree hill #really and truly the drama is stupid for the simple fact tht the show doesnt change #no matter how many times ppl call lucas out for his shit

17 notes · View notes

wiypt-writes · 3 years

Text

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch47: Use Your Words, Old Man

Intro: Jamie reaches another milestone, and 2021 ticks by with many more memories for the Rogers and Stark family.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: I adore the edit again... @angrybirdcr did good!!!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 46

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

May 2021

“Jamie, no!” Steve swooped down and picked up the tot who had been toddling, albeit, unsteadily, towards Lucky giggling away. Lucky, however, was fast enough to understand and jumped up bolting towards the door of the room, leaping over the baby gate to avoid Jamie’s vice like grip on his ears.

“NO!” Jamie yelled and Steve stopped dead, Jamie in his large arms, as Katie looked up at them both, her mouth falling open.

“Did he just…?” she held her breath. The fourteen month old had been uttering the odd thing that sound like a word for a good few months now, but nothing that anyone would recognise as a proper term.

Until now.

“Yeah I think so!” Steve grinned, looking at her then his son. “Did you just talk buddy? Did you just say no?” “NO! No, No!” Jamie wriggled in his dad’s arms, grabbing at his shirt. Katie, who had managed to get the last few iterations of the word on her phone camera, grinned as Steve placed him back on the floor where he headed over to this play-mat and landed with a thud on the floor, picking up a pile of the large, coloured blocks he liked to play with.

“Of course his first word would be no.” She sighed as Steve sat on the couch next to her. He laughed and dropped a hand to her knee.

“To be fair, honey, that’s what we spend half our time telling him one way or another.” Katie snorted, that much was true. Since he had been fully mobile and walking unaided over the last two months, they had constantly been moving things out of his reach or removing them from his grasp, followed by the word. Nine times out of ten the tot was content to let them do so, but the odd time he would throw a temper tantrum to rival those of his Momma’s.

“NO!” Jamie called again, clacking the blocks together and Steve gave a grin, moving off the couch to drop by his son on the play-mat. Katie watched the two of them for a moment, smiling to herself. She knew it was a cliché but she literally couldn’t have wished for a better father for either of her kids. They were experiencing first parenting issues at both ends of the spectrum, with Emmy five months off her fourteenth birthday and Jamie two months on from his first. It wasn’t easy, hell, they spent half their time second guessing their decisions. Where they being too strict or too lenient with Emmy? Was Jamie developing right? Were his toys educational enough? Was the floor clean enough for him to be crawling or lying on with having a dog in the house? But, when she saw moments like this, Jamie now trying to push his large, red Mega-Block into his Dad’s mouth, Steve clamping his lips together and shaking his head making their son screech with laughter, all her worries faded away.

Jamie really was fast turning into a miniature version of his dad, which was another thing Katie loved. Steve himself didn’t see it, but there had been a moment a few weeks back where the soldier had recognised someone he knew, loved and missed daily in his Son, and it had choked both Parents up.

Steve was led on his back on the bed, Jamie cackling away as his dad was holding him at arms-length and then bringing him back down again to blow a raspberry on his cheek, repeating the motion over and over, until he paused and his eyes widened a little. Katie frowned slightly at the look on his face as Steve gulped, looking into his son’s eyes, their familiarity hitting him like a brick.

“Soldier, what is it?” Katie asked, as Steve’s eyes misted up and he swallowed thickly.

“His eyes. Erm, do you think they’ll carry on turning green?”

Katie frowned. “I don’t know, I doubt it. Apparently most babies, if their eyes are gonna change, will have done it by six months. Why do you ask?”

“I just, well, I never thought I’d see those eyes again.” He whispered, gently resuming his actions.

“I’m not following you, love.” Katie frowned

“He has my ma’s eyes” Steve’s voice was choked as he looked at her, bringing Jamie down to his chest, pressing a kiss to his head, a soft smile playing on his face.

“Then you see your mother’s eyes every time you look in the mirror.” Katie smiled, leaning over to give him a soft kiss as her own chest felt slightly tighter than normal. She wiped a tear Steve hadn’t even been aware he’d shed off his check gently with her thumb, leaving her hand trailing softly across his skin. “Because when I look at him all I see is you. Those eyes are yours.”

He looked up at her and smiled, “yeah?” “Yeah,” she nodded, “I think you’re more like your mother than you realise. Maybe not in looks completely but, well, she raised you single handed. You’re the man you are because of her.”

“She was a fantastic woman.” Steve sighed.

“Well then you should be proud.” Katie said, and he smiled looking over at her.

“I am,” he replied softly, his attention going back to his son, “and you know what else I’m proud of?”

“What?”

“That you’re a Mrs Rogers too.” He looked at her again. “I know it’s just a name but, I really am glad you took it. Jamie has a Rogers momma as good as mine, helping to carry the name forward.”

“You sentimental sap.” Katie sniffed slightly as her own tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

“I love you so much.” He beamed at her, pressing his lips to hers softly. “Even if you are still a Stark really.” She laughed against his lips,”jerk.”

Katie turned back to the laptop she’d been looking at, flicking through a few spreadsheets with the latest figures the SIDE accountants had produced. Steve and Emmy’s idea around the support groups had been well received by everyone involved with the foundation and as such they’d started drafting up the paper work and working out the estimated funding. Steve had consulted Rhodey about the programme and the Colonel had enthusiastically agreed it was a great idea, and as such they’d pitched it to the Government, President Ellis’ reaction had been the same as theirs – why didn’t we think of this before?

As such, they were currently working up the particulars such as how they set up across the country, mobilisation, publicity…and Steve had taken up control of the project, his natural leadership qualities made him a superb Project Manager. He’d also expressed an interest in actually running the ones across New York himself, another way he felt he could help.

They were aiming to open the first ones in September, running two a week for the time being, just to see how well they were received and, from a purely selfish point of view, Katie was enjoying working alongside him again and having him at home permanently instead of traveling with the Military.

“How many groups do you think you’re gonna have eventually?” She asked and Steve tuned to look at her, momentarily confused by her sudden change of topic until he realised what she was talking about.

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “I’d like eventually to maybe run them three times a week, twice a day. Give everyone who wants to come a chance to you know…why d’ya ask?” “Just drilling into these numbers. I reckon we have enough to fund that to start with,” she paused, “and if the government meet our request then we can step it up.” He nodded. “I put the design idea in for the fliers and posters yesterday. Has to be the most sombre thing I’ve ever drawn.”

“I know,” she said softly, “but it’s gonna make a difference Steve, focus on that.”

He was about to reply but he was cut off when they heard the voice from the security system informing them that the gate had been opened by ‘Emmy Rogers’. Steve glanced at the clock and frowned.

“It’s not even one?”

“They’re on half day,” Katie didn’t look up from the numbers on the screen, “teacher training or something.”

Moments later the front door opened and the chatter of two excited teenage girls hit their ears and Lucky gave a bark, his nails clicking on the wooden floor as he trotted through from where he had been on his bed under the stairs to greet Emmy.

“I know, it’s so cool, right?” Emmy was saying, as her voice grew louder. “I never thought they’d do anything like this, not after the Decimation but, oh hi buddy!”

They heard Lucky’s excited whine as Emmy continued to coo at him, before the two girls and dog appeared in the lounge doorway.

“What’s so cool?” Steve asked instantly and Emmy rolled her eyes.

“Do you earwig into every conversation I have?” She opened the baby-gate and stepped into the room.

“Yes.” Steve deadpanned. “Now spill.” “It’s a Geography field trip Mr R.” Brooke grinned. “Hamilton for the Niagara Escarpment.”

“Canada?” Katie smiled before her smile turned to a smirk as she side eyed Steve “I had a vacation in Canada once.” Steve shot her a glare and his voice dropped to a growl. “That’s not funny.” He said sternly. The memory of what she’d been through wasn’t a laughing matter as far as he was concerned. She flashed him a grin and he rolled his eyes. “So when is it?” He turned to Emmy.

“Last week of term in June.” She answered, reaching down to pick Jamie up who had toddled over to his sister excitedly chattering jibberish as he went. “Just for three nights. I know it’s really short notice but apparently they weren’t sure they could pull it off. Hi Jay!” She swung him up and kissed the little boy on the cheek as Brooke gently tweaked his nose causing him to laugh.

“Six weeks, yeah that is short notice.” Katie pondered. “Do you wanna go?” Emmy’s eyes lit up and she nodded. “I’d love to.” Steve took in a deep breath and Katie looked at him. She could see him grappling with something but Jamie spoke before he could.

“No!”

“Did he just talk?” Emmy’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, he hasn’t shut up saying it for the last hour.” Katie grinned “Look, have you got the details of the trip?” “In my bag.”

“Okay, well leave them on the table, me and your dad will give it the once over and we’ll talk about it later.”

Emmy placed Jamie down on the floor and fished in her bag for the forms before she dropped them onto the coffee table with a soft slap. Jamie wandered this time over to Katie who set her laptop down and picked him up. He sat on her lap and gently wound his hand into her hair, rubbing his face into her neck the way he always did when he was tired.

“I’m gonna put him down for a nap.” Katie stood up and looked at the two girls. “What are you doing this afternoon?”

“Pool!” They both grinned, sharing a hi-five before Emmy looked at her mom, the familiar hopeful expression on her face she always got when she was about to ask for something.

“Can Brooke stay?”

Katie arched an eyebrow. “I thought that was a given, seeing as you’re both already here.”

The two girls grinned and Emmy looked at her mom again, her smile growing even bigger. “And, can we get Thai tonight? It is Friday.” “Dontcha mean Thaiday?” Steve quipped causing Katie to groan as Emmy picked up a cushion off the couch with her spare arm and hit her dad with it.

“That is so lame.” Emmy rolled her eyes as Brooke cackled. “C’mon…”

Katie watched as they left the room, Steve still chuckling at his own joke.

“She’s right.” Katie looked at him, gently re-arranging Jamie slightly as he had started to nod off. “That was lame.”

Steve gave her a look of mock hurt, clutching his chest, before she left and he sat up to read the information Emmy had left on the table. He was struggling a little bit between wanting to let her go and also the worry that had instantly flooded his system about her being safe. He carefully read the details, the trip wasn’t cheap, not that that really mattered, the activities looked good, and a quick google showed him the hotel looked fairly reasonable and was in a nice enough area…

“I knew you’d be on that as soon as you could be.” Katie laughed and Steve looked up at her from his spot on the floor by the table and he gave a sheepish grin.

“Busted,” he sighed, “I just wanted to look into it properly. I really want her to go and enjoy stuff like this but…” “We can’t keep her sheltered, Steve.” Katie reasoned. “No matter how much we want to. She’s gonna be fourteen this time round.” “I know, I know.” He sighed “Do you think we should let her go?” “Yeah, I do.” Katie nodded “We’re lucky enough to be able to afford things like that for our kids, plenty of other families aren’t.”

Steve’s tongue poked the inside of his cheek for a moment as he considered his wife’s words. She was right. Emmy would never have been on a trip like this before, and it did look like a lot of fun.

“Alright.” He heaved himself up off the floor “You’ve convinced me.” Katie grinned “If only everything was that easy.” “It is.” He arched an eyebrow. “All you have to do is pull those eyes at me.” “What eyes?” She asked innocently. “You know damned well what eyes. Those eyes. The ones that can get me to do whatever you want.” “Is it working now?” She looked up at him, batting her eyelashes. “Why, what do you want?” He asked, smirking, knowing full well what she was implying as her hands slid up his chest.

“Well the girls are out at the pool,” her eyes followed her fingers as they started to undo the buttons of his Henley, “and Jamie’s asleep…” Grinning, Steve span her round, shoved her gently forward and aimed a smack to her ass causing her to yelp playfully. “Get up those stairs Mrs Rogers.” He growled, and the pair of them hurried off, giggling like a pair of naughty school kids till they reached their bedroom, where the giggles turned into shared moans, groans and happy sighs.

**** “Thanks for dropping Brooke off.” Jennifer placed a latte down in front of Katie.

“It was no problem, I had to come this way on my way up to the compound anyway.” Katie smiled and then frowned slightly as she noticed the look on her friend’s face.

“You alright?” She asked gently.

“Not really,” Jen sighed, sitting down. “Brooke called last night about the field trip…” “Yeah Steve wasn’t so keen but I talked him round. The girls seem to be looking forward to it.” “That’s the thing.” Jen rubbed at her temple “I really want Brooke to go but, well, business hasn’t been what it used to be before, you know, and I’m not sure I can afford it. Not at such short notice.” Katie instantly felt like a jerk. She knew she was incredibly privileged to be so wealthy but was well aware many weren’t as fortunate.

“I haven’t had the heart to tell her yet.” Jen swallowed and Katie bit her lip.

“Jen,” she leaned over the table dropping her voice, “if you want…” “No.” Jen shook her head, her lips pressing into a thin line, instantly understanding what Katie was offering “I’m not a charity case.” Her voice was clipped. “No, that’s not what I meant.” Katie hastily assured the woman. “Honestly, I didn’t mean to offend you.” “I know.” Jen shook her head “Sorry,that was really ungrateful.” “It’s fine.” Katie waved her apology off, “but the offer is there. We could consider it a loan if you liked.” Jen chewed her lip, and Katie saw her friend’s eyes begin to water.

“Look,” Katie gripped her mug, “it’s a couple of hundred bucks. And this probably sounds crass and really, really fucking shitty when I think about it, but I make more than enough and I really, really won’t notice that amount going out, trust me.”

“I just hate this, you know.” Jen hastily wiped her face. “A few years ago this place was thriving and now, well I just about make enough to cover bills and the thought she is the one that has to miss out…” “Then let me help.” Katie pleaded, looking at the red head opposite her. “Brooke’s been a good friend to Emmy and, well, from a selfish point of view I’d be a lot more comfortable if they were together.”

“That’s really kind of you.” Jennifer nodded after a pause. “Are you sure? I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”

“Whenever, it’s not a big deal.” Katie nodded, smiling “On one condition.” “What?”

“You sneak me one of your delicious brownies every once in a while.” Jenifer laughed “Oh honey, you and Steve can get free coffee and brownies for life.” “Erm, yeah, pretty sure in a month you’d be bankrupt if I told Steve that.” Katie grinned and Jenifer smiled.

“Would you like to come over?” She asked suddenly. “The pair of you, for dinner maybe? Tonight? Emmy and Jamie as well, of course.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” Katie smiled. “We’re not doing anything that I know of but I’ll check with Steve and let you know as soon as I can.”

“Great, well, Emmy can stay here if she likes. I’m sure once I tell Brooke she can go they’ll be planning all sorts of mischief.”

“I dread to think.” Katie mused “You know I remember my last field trip. It was to San Fran and I was sixteen. Me and my friend, a girl called Laura, I made some fake ID and we got plastered in a bar. Tony absolutely kicked my ass, before he told me he was actually quite impressed at the quality of my forgeries.”

Jennifer snorted “Yeah, this isn’t exactly filling me full of confidence.”

Katie laughed. “Emmy is much better behaved than I was at that age, Steve wouldn’t stand for her getting into the same amount of crap as I did.” She drained her mug and stood up. “I best be going.”

“Sure, see you tonight? What time will suit with Jamie?”

“Well he normally goes down about seven and he’ll just sleep in his car seat.” Katie smiled “So say six ish? I can feed him and settle him then at yours before we eat.”

“Fab.” Jenifer stood up and Katie mirrored her.“And thank you.”

“My pleasure.” Katie smiled, and she handed Jen her mug. Once the woman was out of sight she dug into her purse and dropped the customary twenty bucks into the tip jar on her way out.

****

Steve was in the kitchen when he heard his wife come home. He didn’t move though, he was too busy watching his son, trying to figure out how the hell the fourteen month old had managed to climb up on top of the breakfast bar unaided. Steve had turned his back for thirty goddamned seconds to load the dishwasher and now his son was crawling along the unit. The only explanation was he’d used one of the stools as leverage, but even that was baffling the Captain, and there was no way Jamie should have been able to manage that, at all.

“Thank you Dr Erskine” Steve grumbled as he swept his son off the surface. “You’re gonna be the death of me, pal.” “No!” Jamie cackled, and Steve sighed, his son carefully held in his arms as Katie walked into the kitchen. “Hey, Doll.” He smiled, dropping a kiss to her lips.

“Hi.” She greeted him, returning his gentle sign of affection before she blew a raspberry on Jamie’s cheek. He giggled as she made her way to the fridge and Steve deposited their boy on the mat at the corner of the room.

“How was Nat?” Steve asked and Katie sighed, grabbing out a bottle of water and opening it.

“Still insisting on flying out to Nepal.” She shut the fridge. “I’ve told her Barton doesn’t wanna be found, but…” she trailed off. “And Bruce has gone again.”

“Where to this time?” Steve frowned.

“Back to the lab in Seoul.” Katie shrugged. “I don’t know what for. Anyway, I told her to come for dinner on Sunday and that if she misses it again this week imma kick her ass.” Steve smiled as Katie took a drink from the bottle “Oh, and speaking of dinner, we’re not doing anything tonight are we?”

“Not at the moment, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me we are.” “Jen’s asked us round.” Katie sat down at the table.

“That’s nice of her.” Steve poured himself mug of coffee, Katie waving away his offer of one. “You wanna go?”

“Yeah, and it’s kind of a thank you so we should do really.”

“What for?” He sat down opposite her.

“Well, she was upset about not being able to send Brooke on the Field Trip so I offered to help out money wise.She didn’t want to take it at first but she agreed in the end. As long as it’s a loan”

“I’m glad she did. I’m assuming Emmy has stayed with them for the day?”

Katie hummed a response.

“Those two are joined at the hip.” Steve snorted

“Another reason I really wanted Brooke to go.”

A movement caught Steve’s eye from the corner of the room and he looked up to see Jamie was now stood up again and was heading back towards the breakfast bar. He quietly observed his son, watching as the boy gripped the legs of one of the stools and pulled himself up. Steve was horrified to see that he was managing to lift his legs off the floor, swinging them onto the foot bar.

“James, No!” He said loudly. The use of their boy’s full name didn’t pass Katie by and she turned in her seat to see Jamie looking at his father before he let go of the stool and fell backwards onto his butt, the pout on his face reminding Steve so much of his wife that he had to stifle a laugh. Katie watched as he got to his feet and toddled towards her.

“He managed to get up onto the kitchen counter before.” Steve eyed the boy as Katie picked him up and sat him on her knee. “What?” Katie’s voice was high pitched as she whipped her head round to look at Steve. “How the hell?”

“Beats me, although from that I suspect he was using the stool as a climbing frame.” Steve sighed watching as Jamie’s attention turned to the now empty bottle of water in front of Katie. “I was loading the dishwasher and in the time it took me to put the plates in he’d made it from his play mat to the top of the damned breakfast bar.” “This is your fault.” Katie laughed, smoothing down her son’s blonde hair. “You and your damned super serum.”

“I know.” Steve shook his head. “I thought we could take him and Lucky out for a walk maybe see if that settles his energy.”

Katie checked her watch “Yeah, we could do. Maybe head to the park. If we go now then we should be back for his nap.”

“Or we can wait a while, and he can sleep in the stroller and I can take you for lunch?”

“Okay so that sounds even better” she grinned “You know, you’re not as dumb as-“

Steve never found out what he wasn’t as dumb as, because at that moment they heard a yell that made his breath catch.

“DADA!”

The parents looked at one another, a shit eating grin spreading across Steve’s face as he leaned forward across the table.

“Dada?” Katie asked, pointing at Steve, bouncing Jamie on her knee. “Dada!” Jamie babbled again, grinning. “Dada!”

“Typical.” Katie rolled her eyes. “I carry you for nine months, give birth, feed you from my boobs and you come out looking like your father and you say Dada first. That’s gratitude for you”

“Guess that means I’m his favourite.” Steve teased, slumping back in his chair, earning himself a glare from his wife. He blew her a kiss, shrugging.

Steve was pleased, however that Katie didn’t have to wait long for her turn. A few days later when she went into Jamie’s room to get him up for the morning he beamed at her and held his arms up exclaiming “ma-ma!” Steve watched his wife on the baby monitor screen and felt his heart swell to what felt like five times its normal size as Katie picked up their son, her eyes pricking with tears and held him tight.

*****

June 2021

Katie woke with a start, pausing for a moment, wondering why it was so quiet. It took her a second but then she remembered Jamie was at Tony’s, staying for a sleepover. As Emmy was on her field trip, Pepper and Tony had taken the boy to give Katie and Steve a night on their own, the first one they had had in a very long time. Tony had rung them mid-afternoon to ask who on earth had taught him the word ‘whatever’, albeit in Jamie’s pronunciation ‘tever’ and Katie had laughed, that one was firmly down to Emmy. He hadn’t quite managed the sign to go with it yet thought, despite her best attempts.

They’d taken full advantage of it too. Steve had gone into complete romantic overdrive, coming home from a meeting at the tower with a bunch of calla lilies for his wife and told her to get dressed up as they were going out. They’d headed into Brooklyn for a meal at a small Italian (Katie only checking her phone five times, which was an improvement on the twenty the first time they’d left Jamie with his Uncle) and they’d had a great time. It had been intimate, and they’d teased each other relentlessly meaning when they got home they hadn’t even made it up the stairs before they’d been clawing at each other, desperate touches and kisses shared in the hallway before they’d both tumbled into the lounge onto the rug in front of the fire. Grinning to herself at the slight tenderness between her legs, Katie turned over and glanced at Steve who gently shifted in his sleep, a sure sign that he was slowly waking. She scooted closer and rested her hand on his chest, her smile widening as he unconsciously let out a soft sigh of contentment. His eyes were moving under their lids, and as her hand started trailing down over his stomach he took in a deep breath, finally opening his eyes and meeting her gaze just as her touch dipped below the waistband of his boxers. He let out a low groan.

“You’re awake early considering the kids are away.” He murmured, kissing the skin in the crook of her shoulder, his morning stubble scratching her skin slightly as she continued her strokes, teasing him lightly.

“Force of habit.” She whispered back, sighing as he kissed her neck again and again. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close until she was pressed against him, his thigh between hers as he rolled them both over so she was nestled under him. His lips made their way to hers and he gave her a deep, languid kiss as she shifted so that her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him flush against her. Steve propped himself up with his left arm while his other hand went under the shirt she was wearing, his shirt, to her chest, his fingertips barely brushing against her nipples. She groaned loudly at his touch, and he was just about to warn her to be quiet, but then he realised he didn’t have to. With the knowledge that he really could make her scream, he hastily pulled the top over her head and his lips crashed back to hers, the kiss hot and intentional as her legs gripped him tightly in an attempt to get a little more friction between them. He went to tug at the waistband of her underwear, barely breaking his lips away from hers for a moment.

“You want me?” He asked, his voice low and raspy.

“Always,” she groaned, aware of the desperation that flooded her tone and Steve let out a low growl. Katie felt the tearing along one side of the thin lace garment he had hold of and she laughed into his mouth, remembering their first time together when he had done the very same thing. Her fingers scrambled to push down his boxers as he repositioned himself slightly, reaching down with his hand to line himself up, before he gently worked into her. Man and wife both let out a satisfied sigh as Steve’s hand grabbed Katie’s knee and hitched it over his shoulder, a move he knew drove her wild. She moaned loudly and her fingers dug into his arms as he starting pushing a little harder, a little faster, then faster, until he had reached a relentless pace making his wife curse and leaving her short of breath.

He slowed for a moment, making her look at him, letting out a noise of protest. “Don’t stop,” she begged, “Please Stevie.”

Grinning slightly he picked up the pace again, enjoying the noises she was making as she keened underneath him, her head pressing further back into the pillow a she gave another loud cry of his name before he felt her tighten round him as she came, her nails biting at the skin on his arms. He continued to thrust three, four more times before the snake in his belly uncoiled and he jerked on top of her with a loud cry of his own and let go of her leg, collapsing onto her, his face buried into her neck.

“Morning,” she mumbled, her hands tangling into his hair and he let out a soft chuckle.

“Morning, Beautiful.”

They stayed in bed for another hour or so, just laying with one another and talking before it was time to shower. They did that together too, and by the time they were climbing into the car to go and pick Jamie up, Katie was feeling literally and figuratively thoroughly fucked and fell asleep on the journey, Steve smirking to himself at the fact he could still tire her out like that after almost eight years of being with one another.

“Late night was it?” Tony quipped as Katie let out a yawn as she walked into his living room.

“Yeah, and an early morning,” she shot back and Tony snorted, shaking his head.

“Dada!” Jamie giggled as he tottered over from where he had been sat on the rug with Morgan and Pepper “Mama!”

“Hi, Baby!” Katie swept him up in her arms and placed a kiss to his cheek “We missed you.” “Nee!” He said gleefully and Katie frowned, and it wasn’t until he pointed to his uncle and repeated the word that she understood. “Nee!”

Steve let out a snort “Uncle Nee. Suits you Tone.” “Shut up, Spangles” Tony raised an eyebrow as Morgan laughed.

“Uncle Pangles!” The two year old quipped as if on cue, and Steve let out a moan

“Did you teach her that?” He looked accusingly at his brother in law.

“Of course he did.” Pepper sighed, sweeping the small girl into her arms as she stood up, smirking at Katie. “You guys eaten breakfast yet or were you too busy?” Katie let out a snort. “If there’s any going I won’t say no.”

Pepper handed Morgan to Steve as she was trying to reach him and he took her, tossing her into the air ignoring the wince from Tony as he did so, catching the girl expertly.

“Again!” she pleaded and Steve obliged happily, knowing that it was winding Tony up only added to the enjoyment of seeing his niece cackle with laughter. “When’s Emmy back?” Tony asked, tearing his eyes away from where Steve was tossing his daughter in the air like he was wielding that fucking shield to look at his sister.

“This evening.” Katie answered. “Spoke to her last night, not sure she wants to come home.” “I remember your field trip to San Fran.” Tony mused, raising an eyebrow and Katie snorted.

“Yeah, so do I.” She smirked “I was telling Jen about that the other month. My first hangover.” “Okay, can you stop that now!” Tony rounded on Steve who grinned and rest Morgan on his hip and she pouted.

“More!”

“Sorry, Moo.” Steve apologised and she gave a huff as he placed her on the floor and she headed off to find her mum in the kitchen. He arched an eyebrow at Tony who rolled his eyes.

“Dick.” He mumbled.

“Dick.” Jamie repeated loudly and Katie’s eyes widened. Steve looked at his son, utterly horrified, then to Tony whose shocked expression was fast turning into one of utter glee.

“Oh you-” Steve glared at Tony as Katie bit her lip to try and stop her laughter “For f-“ he stopped himself, took a deep breath and pointed at Tony. “You are an absolute…”

“Use your words, Old Man!” Tony grinned, delightedly and Steve’s jaw clenched as he turned so his back was to his son and raised his hand, flipping his brother-in-law off.

*****

October 2021

“Your daddy is gonna be soaked” Katie mused to Jamie as she looked out of the window “It’s absolutely pouring with rain.”

“Dada. Rain!” Jamie grinned, chanting the words back at her, ignoring the small piece of toast that was left on his plate.

Steve had gone for his morning run with Lucky before he headed out to the first of the two support groups he was running that day. He had held the first one in September in an old church hall, and at first Katie was worried that more people would attend to take their anger out on him and had wanted to be there to help but Steve refused point blank, but her concern wasn’t completely unfounded as a lot of people were angry at first, but no one else hit him, and he said it was actually therapeutic for him too, as he could answer questions, and speak honestly and openly about how he felt about the situation. As it turned out, Steve was a natural born councillor as well as a leader, and by the end of the month he had six different groups running through the week at different places across Manhattan. It was good for him and he was relishing the fact he could still be useful.

The back door opened, and Katie could hear the man she was thinking about stepping into the small utility room off the side of the kitchen.

“Ahhh thanks, pal, “his voice dripped with sarcasm as she heard Lucky’s tag tinkling along with the noise of the dog shaking, “that’s great. really great.” Katie chuckled to herself, picturing his face as he continued to grumble

“Could have waited until I got a towel.”

“DADA!” Jamie yelled at the sound of his dad’s voice, squirming in his seat, breakfast abandoned. “Ucky!”

“Hey, Buddy” Steve called back, as Katie undid the straps from his high chair and they made their way into the utility area where Steve was drying Lucky off as best he could with an old towel. Lucky took the opportunity as soon as he could to scoot past Katie into the kitchen.

Jamie glanced at his dad and excitedly wiggled his arms and legs as Steve shrugged off his sodden waterproof running jacket.

“Hi!” He screeched “Hi Dada!”

Steve’s bright smile light up his face “Hi, Son.” He kissed him once on both cheeks and Jamie squeaked happily before Katie set him down and he toddled back over to the play-mat in the corner of the kitchen.

“What, no kiss from my baby mama?” Steve asked, sweeping Katie into his arms and rubbing at her neck with his cold, damp face.

She squealed and tried to pull away, to absolutely no avail, and Steve continued to laugh and use her as a drying cloth.

“Ew! You’re cold and damp and sweaty!” She wrinkled her nose.

“You don’t seem to mind my sweat when I’m chasing your fourth orgasm.” Steve quipped cheekily, dropping his voice to barely more than a whisper, making her laugh.

“That’s different.” “How?”

“Because that’s sex sweat, this is run sweat.”

Steve laughed loudly “I didn’t realise I had different sweat pores for different activities”

“I didn’t mean that!” Katie rolled her eyes “I mean that I’m not sweaty now, I’m warm, and dry…” “Yeah, and if you give me a moment I can rectify that situation.”

“Dirtbag.” She grinned, his chuckle vibrating into her chest. "Go get showered and warmed up. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

"Kiss first.” Steve muttered before he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers. His lips were warm and despite herself, Katie leaned into his arms, her hands snaking up into his damp hair.

“Kissy!” Jamie giggled, and they broke apart to look at the tot who was sat on the floor clapping. “Kissy, kissy!”

“I’m gonna kill Emmy.” Steve muttered, and then he spotted Lucky expertly stealing the toast that Jamie had left on the highchair, before sidling out of the room with his precious treat. “And that damned dog.”

Katie laughed and gave him another peck on the cheek before Steve swept past his son, giving his hair a quick ruffle. She leaned back against the counter and smiled, before she sighed, her happy expression faltering a little. They’d had almost three years now of pretty much non-stop domestic bliss, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something surely had to come along at some point and turn it all upside down.

That was how things went for them, right?

“Mama!”

Her attention flew back to her son as he toddled over to her and held his arms up. “Hungry.” “Again?” Katie rolled her eyes as she picked him up.

“Yup.” He nodded emphatically.

Katie smiled, kissing his cheek, and moved him so he was perched on her hip. With one arm she placed more bread in the toaster and looked at her son, who smiled at her and pressed his lips to her cheek in a sloppy kiss.

“Love you.” He grinned and Katie beamed back at him, brushing his hair back.

“Love you too, Sweetheart.” And with that simple act, she managed to push those worries she had to the back of her mind, again, content to just enjoy what they had for as long as they had it.

**** Chapter 48 Part 1

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #Katie Stark #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers fic #mcu #mcu fanfic #chris evans #chris evans characters

55 notes · View notes

andrewmoocow · 3 years

Text

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 26: Everything’s Fine (originally posted on September 20, 2021)

AN: Welcome back to the jungle readers. When last we left Steven, his mind was going further down the toilet after shattering Jasper and the voice in his head continues trying to take control, which led to him lashing out against White Diamond & Spinel. Can he possibly keep his personal Nega-Scott under control while trying to tell the Gems that everything is totally okay? All this and more in this gripping chapter of Alternate Future!

Synopsis: Despite Steven constantly saying otherwise, everything isn't fine.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven, Topiary Stevens, Cactus Stevens

Estelle as Garnet

Micheala Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl

Grace Rolek as Connie

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Ron Perlman as Steven's Inner Voice

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Cherry Quartz

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Ian Jones-Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian, Bixbite

Tara Platt as Heaven and Earth Cubic Zirconias

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Auli'I Cravalho as Orange Spodumene

Aparna Nancherla as Nephrite

Kimiko Glenn as Blue Chalcedony

Phillipa Soo as Chrysocolla

Anika Noni Rose as Watermelon Tourmaline

Tara Strong as Grossular Diopside

Aimee Carrero as Moonstone

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

Susan Egan as Rose Quartz

As soon as Steven returned to his earthly home via Warp Pad and checked up on the bathroom, he returned to his room to flop down on his bed. Steven thought the Diamonds would be of help to him, but instead, they didn't understand what he was going through, and his evil voice kept making things worse for him.

"Why did you make me do that?" Steven lugubriously asked his inner self. "Why did you make me nearly kill White Diamond, and punch Spinel?"

"They hurt you, so I thought it was about time you gave them their just desserts." The evil voice within Steven answered. "Yet the real you insisted that everything was fine. That's your biggest problem, you're way too forgiving of others no matter how much they want you dead."

"No, I know when others don't deserve to be accepted." Steven argued. "Like Black Rutile for example. If she's going to be proud of how irredeemable she is, I'll just let her do her thing."

"Ah yes, do her thing." The negative side of Steven mused. "Like threaten your life and make repeated attempts on your psyche. Yeah, if you could change that pervert, then maybe you can change the sociopath too."

Suddenly, Steven's phone began to ring. "One second Negative Me, I have to take this." Steven said while picking it up and hearing a relieving familiar voice on the other end. "Hey Connie, what's up?"

"Steven!" Connie cried in delight. "Good, you finally picked up. I can't believe we haven't talked to each other since the hospital visit, how are you?"

"I'm great!" Steven fibbed while gazing at how he was still pink. "Never been better!"

"Really?" Connie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure you haven't had any more swelling or turning pink problems?"

"Uh, nope?" Steven replied. "Okay, maybe, but how are you doing? How's prepping for college going?"

"It's going fine Steven." Connie answered nervously. "But what you mean when you said maybe?"

"Look, there's nothing to worry about." Steven kept on lying. "Everything's fine."

"I doubt it." Steven's dark side interrupted.

"Look, I'll call you later," Steven said. "I don't wanna wake up the Gems."

"But they don't even sleep!" Connie exclaimed before Steven quickly hung up and gazed at his hands before the TV turned on.

"-it's because I'M A UNIVERSE!" Steven began seeing visions of the past on the TV, starting with his argument with Greg before it went to static. Then it began showing Steven holding the shattered remains of Jasper's gem in his hand. More static, followed by the near-death of White Diamond, then Steven punching Spinel for singing to him. Just as Steven got up to try and turn the TV off, he got one last devastating surprise.

"Steven, we can't both exist." Rose Quartz announced to Steven in the video she made before giving birth to him, the very sight of her warm face making him twitch angrily where he stood. "I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that's me, loving you and loving being you."

"No, I never loved myself," Steven growled furiously. "I've always hated being you. Everything I've suffered, and everything you ever put everyone through," He balled up his fist and pointed it straight at the TV screen. "IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Before Rose could finish, Steven broke the screen with a single punch and prematurely ended the video. However, Steven then let out a gasp as he gazed into his reflection on the shattered remains of the screen, noticing that his irises were now diamond-shaped and realizing what he had become.

"No! No, no, no, no!" Steven trembled and dropped to the ground in horror. "Th-this can't be happening, I didn't think about shattering White, I didn't shatter Jasper, punch Spinel, or nearly kill Dad!" His panicking soon turned to mad chuckling as Steven tried to cheer himself up. "I'm Steven Universe!" Steven then turned to Vidalia's painting of him and Garnet. "I'm fine, I'm fine!" he loudly repeated to himself, causing the glass of his bedroom door to break. "I'm totally fine!"

"Steven, is that you?!" The loudness of Steven's fibbing caused Pearl to cry out as she, Amethyst, and Garnet raced upstairs to Steven's room and gasped at his current appearance.

"What happened?" Amethyst asked Steven. "When did you get so big?"

"Is everything alright?" Pearl added just as nervously.

"I'm fine." Steven smiled and waved at the Gems. "Going to the Diamonds was just a waste of time since they had no idea what I was going through. I thought I needed to figure myself out, but I already know who I am! I'm Steven Universe; and I help, not hurt!"

"Yeah, then I suppose you tried to help the TV there?" Amethyst said while pointing a thumb at the damaged TV. "Seriously, we have got to upgrade someday. But seriously dude, what's going on? You look way different!"

"Pfft, I'm still your lovable old Steven!" Steven denied in response.

"Steven, we're worried," Garnet stated, taking off her glasses to emphasize how concerned she was for her ward. "You haven't been acting like your usual self lately, and we think you should get some rest before this gets dangerous."

"I'm okay, really!" Steven continued lying to the Gems, who glanced concernedly at each other before turning back to him.

"We'll take your word for it." Garnet said resignedly.

"You know, everything's gone downhill ever since I quit Little Homeschool!" Steven declared cheerfully. "I should head on over and see if I can make myself useful there! See you guys later!"

With that, Steven used his newfound super speed to race out of the house to Little Homeworld. To the Gems, it was like he was gone in an instant.

"I get that Steven wants us to know he's fine, but that was a little unsettling." Pearl stated fearfully. "We should just follow him to Little Homeworld so we can keep an eye on him."

"Agreed." Garnet nodded while putting her glasses back on.

"Yeah, that boy ain't right!" Amethyst declared before the trio left Steven's bedroom. But what they or even Steven didn't know was that a black-colored drone was watching them carefully.

"Excellent, he's just about at his breaking point." Black Rutile declared triumphantly while examining the footage her drone has gathered with White Topaz by her side. "Oh, I haven't felt this much of a rush since the Strawberry Battlefields!"

"But will Steven get any better?" White Topaz asked nervously, inciting her master to give her a furious glare.

"No, that's my intention!" Black Rutile stated. "I broke him, I broke his spirit! If I physically harmed him, the damage would just go away. But mental torture, the wounds shall only grow and fester! I have officially broken Steven Universe, and all that's left is for everyone to reject that monster."

"Oh master, we're back from training." Bluebird Azurite declared as she flew back to the Rutile's cavern hideaway.

"Oh hey guys, how you getting along?" White Topaz asked the fusion cheerfully.

"We're getting along splendidly thanks to Steven's advice." Bluebird answered before un-fusing into Aquamarine and Eyeball.

"Now we're even stronger than ever!" Aquamarine exclaimed joyfully.

"Look what we can do now!" Eyeball added before pulling out her chisel and shaking it to turn the blade into a beam of fire while Aquamarine launched bubbles from her wings.

"Ah, so glad you two are reaching your full potential, potential that Steven has suppressed for too long." Black Rutile smiled warmly at the tiny twosome. "But know this, you may be afraid of what could be to come, but remember that fear is but the precursor to valor! And to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a warrior. Don't think, become."

"I fail to see how that could inspire us, but okay." Aquamarine muttered before peeking behind Black Rutile to see the drone footage. "Now what's all this?"

"It's video evidence that I've driven Steven to madness." Black Rutile answered with a proud grin before gesturing to each screen. "Here, we see Steven going ballistic on a human television when his mother appeared on the monitor." She said pointing to the first one. "On this one, the accursed Crystal Gems show concern for him for once, but he denies that anything is wrong with him." Then Black Rutile moved on to the third one. "And finally, Steven is just gone like a light."

"How can he do that?" White Topaz asked as she looked at the third viewscreen.

"Research shows that this comes from his Diamond heritage interfering with his human biology." Black Rutile analyzed the footage. "I should know, I was often tasked with watching over Pink Diamond whenever her usual caretakers were unavailable. And let me just say, it was unbelievably hectic."

"Yeah, like remember our attempted occupation of Zembilla?" White Topaz added. "Pink really grew attached to those little orange natives and didn't want them all dead."

"Don't remind me to the point of making me have a flashback." Black Rutile groaned while stroking her temples. "This shall be our time to rise up. We shall strike the first moment we get when Steven is at his lowest, so I suggest you better prepare." The Rutile then turned to her Topaz muscle. "Topaz, I need you to preside over Aquamarine and Ruby's training for the time being."

"Oh, of course, I'll do as you say!" White Topaz frantically declared. "That's me, White Topaz, always at your service!"

"Just…..go." Black Rutile's eye began to twitch at White Topaz's brownnosing. As soon as her three subordinates left, the mastermind turned back to her screens and paused the first one at Steven punching the TV screen. "Soon, my boy. Your god complex will finally crumble, just like your so-called happily ever after."

"Ah Little Homeworld, long time no see!" Steven declared happily as he reached Little Homeworld and landed on the Warp Pad. "Time to find someone who needs my help."

As Steven ran around the village in search of people to help, Gems and humans were taken a little aback by his new appearance and tried to stay away from him, though Steven didn't know why.

"Look, we're just saying Emerald, there are more ways reptiles are connected to birds than you think." Demantoid argued with Emerald as the two played chess together.

"Name one!" Emerald declared while moving her rook to knock out Demantoid's pawn. "Are there any lizards that have feathers, hm?!"

"Hey, guys, any arguments that need settling?" Steven butted into the green Gems' debate with a wide smile, taking the two by surprise. "Something about birds?"

"What is wrong with you?!" Emerald exclaimed. "This is why Black Rutile hates you, you think everything has to revolve around you and how you think you can fix everything! But even so, you look creepily happier than usual. Something is definitely up."

"Oh, everything's fine." Steven declared, his eye twitching ever so slightly at Emerald's accusation. "I think I'll just let you guys get back to your conversation." And so, Steven set off for someone else to try and help, leaving the green ex-subordinates of Black Rutile aghast before they decided to change the topic while getting back to their game.

"So, I've heard rumors that Steven is suffering from some problems lately." Demantoid said as her rook moved to take out the opposing knight. "Something about post-traumatic stress disorder?"

"Are you sure?" Emerald replied. "Because I've read about the symptoms, and something tells me he might have a borderline personality disorder."

"Maybe somewhere in the middle?" Demantoid deduced.

"Now the key to giving a plant proper sunlight is finding a spot that's just right." Peridot exposited to her class of Pyrope, Orange Spodumene, Blue Chalcedony, Cherry Quartz, and Squaridot while pointing to a chrysanthemum. "And it also varies on what kind of plant you're growing."

"I see." Squaridot muttered in awe.

Just then, Steven barged into the greenhouse and grinned at Peridot's class. "Hi Peridot, do any of you need some help?"

"No, I do believe we're perfectly fine." Pyrope answered dryly.

"So what brings you back here?" Peridot asked. "Didn't you leave a few months back?"

"Just your friendly neighborhood Crystal Gem just here to help!" Steven declared. "And I think your students have a few struggling saplings here. Let me give you a hand." Chuckling at his pun, Steven licked his hands and reached out to Pyrope's pot before Peridot stopped him.

"Not so fast!" Peridot scolded Steven. "Amethyst told me you're on a No Plant Friends policy after what happened with the Cactus Stevens."

"We're right here you know." A Cactus Steven said while helping a nearby Sapphire.

"Besides, I don't want your germs all over my prized flower!" Pyrope added, protectively hiding her pot from Steven.

"Oh come on you guys, I just want to give them a little nudge!" Steven laughed. To further prove his point, a leaf fell off Blue Chalcedony's plant.

"That has been bothering me lately." Blue Chalcedony stated, holding her pot out to Steven. "Go ahead, just a smidge though."

"I got a bad feeling about this." Cherry Quartz said warily.

"Oh don't worry, I got this!" Steven said as he licked his finger and tapped on the spot where the leaf fell off.

Moments later, the greenhouse began literally bursting with plant life, and not in a good way. Living topiaries in the shape of Steven broke through the greenhouse walls chanting "Steven's here to help!" while Peridot's class ran away screaming.

"Nice going Chal, now look what's happened!" Pyrope yelled at Blue Chalcedony.

"Hey, lay off her Pyrope!" Orange Spodumene exclaimed. "But still, something is not right with Steven!"

On the topic of Steven, he followed the class out of the greenhouse and seemed oblivious to the damage he had caused. "Look at that, life! It's everywhere, it always finds a way!"

"Much like how you find a way to drive people away." Steven's evil voice muttered sardonically, but Steven paid it no mind as he continued his search for people to help.

"Now, tell me how that makes you feel." Garnet said to a human couple she was giving counseling to when she heard Peridot scream, causing the humans to stand up as they gasped. "See you next week."

As soon as the couple ran away in fright, three Topiary Stevens surrounded Garnet, still chanting "Steven's here to help!" while the real Steven ran into the fusion.

"Oh Garnet, I see you're making some new friends!" Steven exclaimed joyfully, continuing to be unaware of his surroundings. "Then I guess this was a net win. Welp, gotta run and find someone else to help! It's what I do!"

"Then help me stop them!" Garnet yelled while the Topiary Stevens repeated "Steven's here to help!", which began to get on her nerves. "The others have to know about this."

"Being a lifeguard was far easier than I thought." Laz declared while relaxing in a lifeguard chair above the Gems in the now completed swimming pool. "Just gotta sit around and wait for something to happen. Besides, Gems can't drown anyways!"

"Yeah, but they still need to learn some basic rules." Lapis said to her old friend turned enemy turned friend again before blowing her whistle. "Hey, no running so fast! You might slip and fall!"

"Sorry, Lapis." Teal Zircon apologized before diving in and landing on top of Watermelon Tourmaline. "This is living, eh Melon?"

"You said it, Teal." Watermelon Tourmaline said as she floated around the pool with the Zircon relaxing on her stomach. "Ain't nothing could go wrong today."

Just then, Steven came a-knocking as he opened the gate to the pool to check out what was going on. "Hey Lapises, how's everything going?" he asked. "Anyone need any saving right now?"

"Actually, I think we're running a pretty tight ship as is," Lapis answered Steven while Zuli emerged from the pool after a swim. "Right guys?"

"Yeah, we don't need any extra help right now." Zuli stated. "But if you want, we could hold tryouts sometime."

"Oh no need, I'll just do it myself." Steven beamed before he began looking out for someone who might need his assistance when he spotted Teal Zircon resting on Watermelon Tourmaline's stomach. "Hey TZ, you could slip and fall!"

"What?" Teal asked before Steven grabbed her by the hand. "I'm doing pretty fine over here." Suddenly, as Steven tried to pull the Zircon from the pool, he accidentally pulled a little too hard and threw her up in the air. "OKAY, NOW I'M NOT DOING FINE!" TZ screamed as she flew away from the pool. "WITNESS ME!"

Teal Zircon didn't stay in the air for long, and soon dropped from the sky into another part of Little Homeworld. "I'm okay!"

"What's the big idea, Steven?" Watermelon Tourmaline asked. "We were all having fun before you came in and threw Teal Zircon to who knows where!"

"I'm sure TZ's fine, she said so herself." Steven laughed. "Well, gotta run! Have a nice day everybody!"

As soon as Steven ran off, more Topiary Stevens came bursting through the chain-link fence as they wrestled with the Cactus Stevens, prompting the other Gems present to slowly back away.

"Can this day get any weirder?" Laz scoffed. "I was trying to relax here!"

"Hey, did anyone else notice that Steven was all pink and such?" Lapis asked her fellow water-manipulating lifeguards.

"Yeah, it's kinda freaking me out." Zuli replied. "And are we sure he's totally fine?"

"I'm asking that question too." Lapis pondered while Peridot came charging through the broken fence to break up the battle of the plant Stevens.

When Steven left the pool, the first thing he saw was Bismuth's forge. "That's right, it must be shop o'clock!" he declared while skidding to a stop. "Bismuth's shop class, that is. Time to get my shop on."

"You good bud, you talking to yourself or something?" Amethyst, dressed in a coach uniform, asked Steven as he entered the forge.

"Now, the detailing requires a light touch." Bismuth explained to Blue Pearl, Bixbite & Snowflake Obsidian while standing between Pearl wearing a smithing apron and Yellow Pearl in a suit of armor. "Pay attention now everybody, cause this is critical to getting it right."

"Uh, hey howdy hey!" Steven greeted the shop class while leaning against the entrance.

"Oh, hey Steven!" Bixbite cheerfully greeted Steven.

"Did you get taller?" Blue Pearl asked with a tilt of her head and a finger to her lips.

"Whoa-ho-ho, lookin' good Steven!" Bismuth complimented Steven's change in appearance.

"I don't think that look is a positive change for him." Pearl whispered to Bismuth. "We think something might be wrong with him."

"Fancy seeing you drop by." Yellow Pearl grinned, unaware of what the teachers were conversing about. "How do you like my armor?"

"You look great Yellow Pearl!" Steven answered. "So Bismuth, in need of a teaching assistant?"

"Actually, Pearl's my TA today," Bismuth replied with a hand on Pearl's shoulder before presenting Yellow Pearl's armor-clad arm. "but I could use a wedding expert for my wedding armor demonstration. How 'bout it?"

"Of course, I'll help!" Steven declared. "That's what I love doing, just helping everyone!"

"Okay, let's get some materials warmed up for you." Bismuth then walked over to a pot of coals that she plucked a cooling steel bar from and flattened one end of it on the anvil with her hammer hand. "I think that's good enough." She stated. "Hey Steven, mind helping me with a pauldron or two?"

"I got this." Steven cheered as he walked over to the anvil and prepared to punch the metal.

"Hold up there boulder-brain." Bismuth stopped Steven before he could punch. "It's just some detail work, no need for a big mallet when you could use a little hammer." She handed a tiny hammer to Steven. "Plus, you could burn yourself that way."

"Oh, whoopsy-daisy, thanks Bismuth." Steven exclaimed and lightly tapped on the metal with the hammer. Instead of the detail work he thought he could do, Steven instead cracked the anvil into pieces with a single tap.

"Someone's stronger than we thought." Snowflake laughed nervously while Pearl & Bismuth gazed at the broken anvil.

"Look at that, now you have two anvils!" Steven laughed while Bismuth mourned the destruction of her anvil.

"NOOOOO!" Bismuth dropped to her knees in despair. "My anvil! My beautiful anvil!"

"Oh, grow up will you?" Steven's inner voice grumbled. "It's an anvil, you can make another."

"Seems like my work here is done." The real Steven laughed as he prepared to leave. "Well, toodles!"

"You see what I mean, Steven's not himself lately." Pearl said as she comforted Bismuth. "First he nearly got Greg killed, then Jasper started calling him her Diamond, and now this."

"Can I be the first to say that he needs help?" Yellow Pearl asked sardonically as more Topiary Stevens continued their rampage outside the forge.

As Steven exited the forge, he ran towards a baseball game that Amethyst was holding. Nephrite was on the Warp Pad throwing a ball to Doc, Amethyst stood by with Onion next to her, Topaz stood with a pair of humans on the bases, Larimar was in the outfield, and Chrysocolla, Grossular Diopside & Moonstone were waiting to play.

As soon as Amethyst noticed Steven, she blew her whistle and turned to talk to him. "Hey dude," she greeted him. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you needed any more players." Steven offered. "I'm ready to have a ball!"

"I think we could squeeze you in, we do need a new outfielder," Amethyst concluded and pointed to Larimar. "Oy, Larimar! Hit the showers, Steven's taking your place!"

"Good luck there Steven." Larimar said while she got up and left while Steven took her place on the playing field.

"Yeah, good hustle there Lil Larimar." Steven complimented the ice Gem. "I'm honored to be joining such a great game, I mean, everyone here has been outstanding!"

"You just got here, how do you know that?" Nephrite raised her brow.

"That's just me, I know what everyone is doing and feel the need to help all the time!" Steven declared, creeping everyone out.

"Enough chit-chat, batter up!" Amethyst cried out, cuing Onion to pick up a bat and walk up to home base, ready to play. Nephrite threw the ball towards the silent boy and he hit it with the bat, although unfortunately, it was heading straight for a nearby house.

"Oh no, in danger again?!" the Heaven Cubic Zirconia complained as the ball sailed towards the window of her and Earth Cubic Zirconia's house while they were having tea.

"I swear, is it because we're small?" Earth Cubic Zirconia wondered. Thankfully, Steven caught the ball just in time, much to their relief.

"I did it." Steven declared and the other players cheered.

"Three cheers for Steven!" Topaz declared.

"That's our boy." Chrysocolla smiled.

"I did it, and I didn't ruin anything!" Steven boomed happily. "YEAH!" However, the complete opposite of what he just said quickly happened. His excited yell caused a windstorm powerful enough to knock people off their feet, break glass everywhere, and cause the Zirconias' house to fall apart.

"Whoa, take it easy Steven!" Moonstone cried as she held onto a bench while the windstorm continued.

"Someone help me!" Grossular Diopside yelled while she got blown away with Larimar. Thankfully, the windstorm died down after a few seconds but still left a ton of destruction in its wake, and all eyes were on Steven.

"Oops, sorry everyone." Steven blushed at the chaos he caused. "T-t-that was an accident. But what are accidents and mistakes but opportunities to learn and improve, right?" He looked down at the Zirconias, who weren't very happy about the destruction of their home.

"It was a mistake for us to be put in danger again, especially because of you!" Earth yelled accusingly.

"Earthy, shush!" Heaven shushed her partner.

"I mean, we all make mistakes, and as long as we keep improving, everything will be fine!" Steven declared while picking up a log. "Alright, let's get to it!"

"It was a mistake for you to come here in this state." The voice in Steven's head declared. "Black Rutile and I were right, you will drive everyone away."

"Listen, I am done with you for today." Steven's own thoughts argued with the voice. "Just pipe down and don't ever think about feeding me bad thoughts ever again, got it?"

"How about never?" the voice said smarmily while the Topiary Stevens got to work on helping Steven by picking up Onion, Larimar, and Grossular Diopside.

"WE'RE HELPING!" one of the Plant Stevens yelled.

High above the destroyed makeshift baseball field, Black Rutile's satellite continued watching everything and sending footage back to its creator, who was all too happy to see what her hard work has amounted to.

"This is just priceless!" Black Rutile laughed joyously. "First, he makes plants come to life and fight those cactus beasts, then he throws that annoying Zircon into the air, broke an anvil, and caused a scene during one of those human games. I'm sure he's going to make such a scene about all these little accidents."

"All the more tools to humiliate the boy." Aquamarine added just as sneakily. "Soon, he will have nothing but himself and his thoughts controlling him."

"Unless his friends were to come out and tell him everything will be alright." White Topaz objected. "I'm just saying, those Gems will stick by his side through thick and thin."

"Hey, no more objections!" Eyeball yelled while pulling out her flame knife. "Want me to test this on you?!"

While Eyeball began chasing White Topaz around the woods with her knife, Black Rutile just groaned and turned back to her screens. "Tell me Aquamarine, why do all great geniuses surround themselves with idiots?"

"Your guess is as good as mine my Rutile." Aquamarine shook her head while watching the screens focused on the beach house with bated breath.

As soon as Steven was done helping fix what he had broke, he returned to the beach house with a dourer expression than the big smile he kept wearing throughout the day. On the other side of the room, Connie was in the living room while Greg and the Gems sat down on the couch.

"Steven!" Connie cried. "I was right all along, you're still swelling! I tried calling you all day, but I kept getting this weird meme." She held up her phone, which now depicted Steven bouncing up and down while chanting "Steven's here to help!" just like the Topiary Stevens. "Please, what is going on? We're all worried for you."

"Go on boy, play dumb." Steven's inner voice commanded.

"I sometimes broadcast my subconscious these days." Steven answered. "It's really no big deal."

"NOT THAT DUMB!" the voice groaned in irritation.

"I can tell something is bothering you." Connie continued. "There are even times where the meme sometimes turns into this."

"Steven's here to help, Steven's here to help!" Steven kept chanting on Connie's phone before it began to glitch. "Steven help, help Steven!"

"Ah, I don't know what you're talking about!" Steven declared, his stress continuing to unnerve others. "Besides, you all saw I was doing just fine this morning. I'm fine, awesome even!"

"Steven, if being as helpful as you always are, even if it's a bit obnoxious & creepy, is what you want, we'll support you 100%." Greg comforted. "But if you're not really happy, if something's wrong-"

"He's onto us!" the voice exclaimed. "Should've gone a little further with the crash, I say."

"Nothing's wrong!" Steven rebuked his father's worries. "Besides, you all don't have to worry."

"We ARE worried!" Connie replied worryingly. "Besides, Pink Diamond's Pearl told the Gems over the communicator in your greenhouse that you punched Spinel while you were at Homeworld."

"Listen, you can tell us anything." Greg added.

"Look at these worms, ganging up on us." The inner voice kept snarling. "Run, run while you still can! No one may help us now! Except, of course, for a certain Rutile."

"It's not that easy." Steven muttered as he hung his head in shame. "You know what? I don't want to deal with all this." However, when Steven tried to leave, Garnet blocked his way to the Warp Pad while the rest kept him from leaving through the door. "Seriously guys, I don't want to deal with this!"

"No, we don't wanna deal with all this." Amethyst put her foot down at Steven's behavior.

"Please, you have to stop running." Garnet begged in addition when suddenly, Steven's body began to swell yet again and his face stretched out.

"Maybe we should get you back to my mom at the hospital." Connie suggested.

"HOSPITAL?!" Amethyst shrieked.

"Is that what you were doing while we were at the trial?!" Pearl yelled.

"You mean you didn't tell them?!" Connie cried out in shock, while Steven's body kept on distorting and his breath quickened.

"It wasn't that important, just my first ever doctor's visit." Steven smiled awkwardly. "You're making a big deal out of nothing! Sure, I messed up the house and broke a few things, but what teenager hasn't?"

"You spent years forcing secrets out of the Gems, and now you're the one keeping secrets?" Steven's darker half growled at his other half's hypocrisy. "You truly have become your mother."

"And sure, Dad and I had a little fight, but it was practically a rite of passage!" Steven continued fibbing and shrugged.

Connie and the Gems turned their gaze to Greg, who just scratched his head and let out a nervous laugh.

"I mean, wouldn't it be weird if we didn't?!" Steven kept on ranting. "And sure, I've had Black Rutile feed me some not so nice thoughts while you were at Los Diego that took the form of an inner voice that forced me to punch Spinel, or try and shatter White Diamond, but it's not like I actually went through with it! I did really shatter Jasper after all!"

"WHAT?!" Amethyst screamed at the thought of Steven, this sweet young man who would rather hang out with a fly than hurt it, doing such a thing, especially to a Gem he had tried many times to help see the light.

Although barely anyone could hear, Jasper let out a light moan from the bathroom.

"You're-you're joking right?!" Connie gasped with Greg while Garnet's jaw dropped and Pearl's eyes widened.

"Oh don't worry, I fixed Jasper! I can fix anything!" Steven's temper began to reach its boiling point. "I can just keep fixing and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again!"

"Except worrying about how you're deliberately pushing people away while begging them to stay." Steven's inner voice concluded while metaphorically looking around at the shocked reactions of Steven's human & Gem loved ones. "Just look at them all, how do you think they'd ever forgive you for such a horrendous act?"

"Steven." Garnet tried to lend an assuring hand on the boy's shoulder, but she was quickly shoved away.

"How messed up is that?!" Steven gasped as he felt something change in his body. His teeth began getting sharper, his skin became pinker & leatherier, his hands slowly turned into claws, and his pupils started turning pink. "That I've gotten away with all this for so long, forcing my views down the throats of others, tearing apart Gem society to the point where they'll eventually be invaded, actually murdering someone! Black Rutile was right, I am just an awful person! A sociopath even!"

No one could comprehend what Steven was thinking right now. Greg began to tear up at all these horrible things Steven was saying about himself, Connie gripped the father's arm tightly, and Pearl & Amethyst began fearfully hugging Garnet, whose face was completely frozen in horror.

"You think I'm so great, I'm so mature, that I always know what to do, BUT I'M NOT!" Steven began roaring in a more beastly tone. "I haven't learned a thing from my problems, and I never will! They all kept making me worse, YOU all keep making me worse! Are you even sure any of you ever loved or cared about me?! If it weren't for Pink Diamond ruining everything for everyone, I could've been just a normal kid!"

"That's right, just let everything out." The inner voice purred comfortingly. "Me on the other hand, I think I shall take my leave and prepare something more normal for you." With that, the inner voice seemingly vanished from Steven's mind.

"You all think of me as a perfect angel who's too pure for this world, but I'm not a little kid anymore!" Steven boomed before he dropped to the ground with his head between his hands. "I'm just like my mom. A fraud." He began to tremble where he crouched as something began bubbling on his back. "I'm a monster!"

Suddenly, a massive pillar of light pink scales erupted from Steven's back like a volcano as everyone reacted quickly. Garnet stuck her arms out to protect Amethyst & Pearl and Connie jumped back, but Greg was just plain terrified.

"I'm a monster!" Steven's final words before his transformation were rewound by Black Rutile as she eagerly replayed the phrase again and again on more of her satellite footage. "I'm a monster! I'm a monster! I'm a monster!"

With an evil grin, Black Rutile paused the video and shut off her screens. "And I have finally won!" she declared triumphantly and let out a booming evil laugh that echoed throughout the cave and scared off the nearby animals. Aquamarine & Eyeball grinned in delight, while White Topaz turned away from her cohorts in shame of what she had participated in. As quickly as Black Rutile finished her victorious cackle, she had another wonderful, awful idea in mind. "Now, onto Phase 2."

….holy shit. Uh, see you all for I am My Monster, I guess. And by the way, I did repurpose Steven accidentally playing Rose's message for the Rose trio in Rose Buds for the opening.

8 notes · View notes

honeywithblueberries · 3 years

Text

The Perks- With and Without You

I was not expecting to have this finished this soon. A big thank you to Cimar for proofreading. Hopefully you like it. THIS CHAPTER IS RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. THERE’S SOME SMUT.

………..

“One extra large brownie explosion ice cream bowl, extra sprinkles and whipped cream, three cherries on top!”

Nick shoved his paws in his pocket and grinned smugly at the otter clerk who was rapidly writing his order down. His green eyes pointed refused to make contact with Judy’s as she scowled at him. Dave chuckled, having given the clerk his own complex order, as Gideon stepped forward with a confused look at them.

“Uh, just a chocolate cone for me, please,” he requested politely. Dave put his arm around the other todd and grinned down.

“Gideon, my friend, live a little! Try something new! Crazy! You’re in Zootopia and here,” Dave grinned over at the females who were pulling out their money and passing it to the clerk, “anyone can do anything!”

“Including spending all of their friends' tips on ice cream,” Judy grumbled. Gideon gave her a worried look which had her rolling her eyes with a smile. “Come on, Gid. My treat! Anything you want.” She looked up at the menu and grinned.

“They have a pecan praline,” she added in a singsong voice. Nick, Dave, and Brook laughed at the other fox’s excited expression. Judy nodded at the clerk. “One Pecan Praline Surprise please. And the Carrot Cake Sundae for me.”

The group stood off to the side to await their orders when a cheerful ringtone came from Gideon's pocket. His phone was dug out quickly, Judy smirking at him and the flush. But he still couldn’t help but smile at the name on the screen.

“It’s Sharla, gotta take this!” He dashed away to answer. Brook and Dave had paired up, leaving Nick and Judy grinning at each other for a moment before falling into a pleasant, not quite so awkward silence.

“So…” Judy began moving closer to Nick and looking up at him, grin still intact.

“Sooo.” Nick’s expression mirrored hers.

“We’re going to have to schedule a re-match on the obstacle course at Precinct One this Saturday.” Her eyes caught the otter who took their order, setting it on the pick up counter. “I think I have a shot at whooping your tail next time.”

“Oh, is that so!” Passing hers and holding onto the other two, they made their way to the table Gideon had claimed, Brook and Dave right behind them. “I don’t know, Carrots. You were pretty confident in your chances the last time. And we all remember how that went.” He smirked at her, but she simply smiled and wagged her eyebrows at him.

“Well, if you’re scared of a rematch, I understand.” His mouth dropped open but his eyes held humor. “After all…” She scooped a bite from her bowl and cheersed him with it. “I’m just a cute, little bunny.” It vanished into her mouth, a smug smile flashed at him before she turned away to take her seat.

Nick studied her for a moment. He didn’t bother to fight his smile and leaned down to her.

“You’re so on, bunny,” he whispered in her ear. Judy looked back up at him and winked.

“Bring it fox.” Nick grinned and passed Gideon his before taking a seat next to her.

“But you know,” she gave him a curious smile around her bite as he spoke, “it would be a shame if that’s all we did on Saturday.” He took a bite of his ice cream with a shrug. “It’s supposed to be perfect beach weather. And we really shouldn’t waste our youth being cooped up indoors.”

“The beach sounds fun!”

The bunny and fox both jumped. They had completely forgotten about their friends taking a seat with their ice cream. Brook grinned and dug in while Dave gave Nick his full attention.

“What time were you guys thinking? Right after camp? Gideon, you in?”

Gideon gave them a thumbs up before turning the phone around to show off the pretty black ewe on the screen.

“Hi, Sharla!” Judy greeted with a wave. Her friend’s mouth moved but no sound came out.

“Sorry,” Gid began, gesturing to the ear bud in place. “She says hi and she misses you, Judy. And are you coming back for the Carrots Day Festival?”

“Oh, I forgot all about that.” She looked over at Nick who watched her with a curious expression on his face. “Maybe. I completely forgot about that.”

Gideon turned the phone back to himself and relayed the information.

“There’s a whole festival devoted to carrots?” His voice held a lot of pent up laughter. Enough to have the doe rolling her eyes. “A whoooooolllllllleeeee festival…. Devoted to carrots……”

“Just laugh, Nick, we both know you’re going to anyway.”

“I’m not gonna laugh.” The corners of his mouth twitched and a small chuckle escaped him when she flicked a walnut piece at his nose. “What? I wasn’t! I promise.” Everyone at the table gave him a look and the red todd shrugged with a grin. “I was just surprised! I mean…” he looked at Judy again, this time failing to keep his laughter in. “It’s a whole festival devoted to carrots.”

Judy tried to glare at him when he broke on that last word. But she too joined in after a moment.

“I know!” she laughed. “The town of Bunnyburrow devoting a whole weekend to carrots. Can we be any more of a cliche?”

Brook and Dave shook their heads with smiles before turning their conversation back to their upcoming beach trip. Gideon had since said goodbye to Sharla and was now watching with polite interest as he enjoyed his ice cream. The table fell into companionable silence as everyone enjoyed the food and pre-parade festivities.

“So, when I win our rematch,” Nick looked over at Judy as she spoke with a smug look on her face, “what do I win?”

“Well, when I win, you’re going to have to take me to this Carrots Day festival. Spare no experience.” Nick scooped up another bite and savored it, outlandishly rolling his eyes and sighing with extreme pleasure. “MMM-hum! Victory is sweet.”

Judy gave him a light punch in the arm. “I’ll take that bet.”

Then she and Gideon exchanged looks and dissolved into laughter. Brook and Dave looked from one to the other, as did Nick who was beginning to look worried.

“What did I just agree to?” he asked them.

The other todd got his laughter under control a bit. “Oh, just a rootin’, tootin’ good time! Nothin' to worry about… much."

Nick looked at Judy, who nodded and took another bite of her ice cream. “And if I win, we still go to the Carrots Day festival. So there's no backing out. She stuck her paw out and he reluctantly shook it. “I promise it’ll be fun!”

Brook suddenly checked her watch and jumped up suddenly. “It’s about to start!”

Dave followed her, Gideon right behind him. Nick and Judy lingered a moment, smiling shyly at each other as they got up to join their friends.

“Soooo….” He took a bite and lightly brushed up against her. “What does go on at the festival?”

Their group cut through the thickening crowd for spots, the red todd staying close to the doe. The paws not holding their ice cream dropped to their sides and brushed against one another, before clasping together. With it, shy glances were exchanged, smiles softer for each other and equally excited. Nick’s tail slightly shielded Judy from the crowd they were pushing through, both keeping their eye on Brook, whose height made a perfect guide towards the edge of the canals.

“Nothing as crazy as you’re imagining,” she assured with a smile up at him. “We just have some traditions newcomers might find… colorful.”

“Oh when you put it like that, it's farrrrr less daunting.”

That earned him a wide grin from her, but a response was cut off by a sudden shift in the crowd. Nick was barely able to steady himself. Judy, however, was ripped from his paw after stumbling over someone’s tail. They lost sight of each other when the crowd shifted again.

“Carrots!” “Nick!”

She stumbled again, but was caught by two familiar paws.

“Careful, there, Hopps!” Judy looked up into the familiar eyes of Kody. He grinned at her while she straightened up. “Wouldn’t want to get crushed, now, would we.”

He was given a polite smile that turned wistful when she noticed her ice cream on the ground.

“Thanks, Kody.” The paper bowl was picked up and tossed in the trash before she turned to leave with a wave. “I guess I better go find Nick and the others.”

“Unless you wanna stick with me?” Kody took her paw before she could bring it down and gave her a charming smile while stepping closer. “I have a great spot and it’s right next to the bathroom.”

Judy ducked her head bashfully.

“Kody,” she sighed and looked at him with a patient smile. He returned it sadly while releasing her paw. “I think you’re great and everything, but I’m just not interested. I actually think I’m being pretty obvious about how much I like Nick.”

The todd blinked before laughing in a defeated manner.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “you’re being clear about that. I’m not sure why, but if he’s who you want…” He shrugged. “I can accept defeat. Nick’s a lucky guy.”

Judy smiled brightly. “I think I lucked out a bit, too. Well, I gotta go find Nick and our friends. Thanks for catching me, Kody.”

She bounced away with a final smile. Kody waved back before sighing wistfully and turning away. Natasha rushed towards him looking annoyed.

"Kody!" He was given a punch on the shoulder. "You were supposed to kiss her-"

"Oh, give it a rest, you psycho stalker!" Kody rolled his eyes. "They're freaking taken with each other."

The vixen looked at him in shock before looking back towards the bunny being greeted by Nick. He scooped her up in his arms and twirled her around, laughing with glee as he did. The bunny joined in before she was set back down. Exchanging fond looks, they turned towards the canals, paw in paw.

Natasha gave an annoyed roll of her eyes before stomping off after her cousin.

Hours later, the kits found themselves in Dave's living room, going over the parade and the pictures taken. Judy lay draped over Brook's shoulders, pointing out her favorites while the guys played video games. Once Dave’s mother let Brook know her mom was outside, the females gave the males hugs before leaving. Judy wrapped her arms around Nick’s neck, feeling the slight rumble of his satisfied purr before she pulled away.

“You better bring your A game tomorrow, Carrots. I’m going another round on your obstacle course before we hit the ZPD one.”

She smiled and surprised him by pressing a kiss to his cheek. Her lips lingered a moment, just long enough for him to inhale her scent as he had done at the party. It was still everything he had wanted it to be. Moving away from him, he was given one final smile before she turned on her heel to follow the tigress out of the door.

“I’m not that worried.” The words were said over her shoulder, knowing full well she had his attention, all the way until the front door closed.

The sound of Gideon making a whipping noise broke Nick from his stupor. He glared at him while Dave snorted with laughter.

“Like that ewe doesn’t have you wrapped around her hoof,” he muttered as he settled back down. “And like you don’t follow Brook around like a duckling.”

“She sets my heart on fire,” Gideon sighed.

“Brook smells like a flower patch,” Dave added wistfully.

Nick gave a small roll of his eyes but still kept his smile. “Judy….” The other two males looked over at him while their video game reset. “She’s better than I ever thought she could be.”

Dave leaned into Gideon. “He’s been obsessed with her for, like, six months. This has been a dream come true for him.”

Gideon released a guffaw and focused back on the game. Nick’s brain was still paused on Judy and the kiss she had given him.

She likes me, he thought to himself with a slow grin. She walked away from that stupid Kody, right to you, held your paw, and kissed you.

You’re the luckiest todd in the world!

…………………..

It was the second morning that Jack woke up to the slide of a leg across his hip. Only this time, the sun just barely peeked over the horizon and he wasn’t wearing pants; the sensation of fur on fur was waking up every part of his body. He smiled when he felt lips and gentle, yet sharp, teeth nibbling his ear. Her scent surrounded him, the delicious smell of arousal mingling with his own.

I could get used to this, he thought, his eyes opening just in time for his vision to blur as she pressed against him.

Skye moved to straddle his hips again. Her movements shifted the sheets cocooned around them, their activities the night before having knocked them onto the floor of his bedroom. Blue eyes met blue eyes just as her hips shifted to take him once more. Jack’s paws went to her hips and his teeth ground together, his climax embarrassingly close. But Skye, noticing his struggle, only smirked and rocked her hips again.

A breathless laugh escaped her when he fell back against the floor and tried to last.

“Skye,” he gasped, gripping her thighs as she kept up her pace. “I- I can’t-”

“Don’t hold back, Jack,” she breathed, moving faster. She bit her lip as pleasure hit her like a bolt of lightning. “I want this.” His eyes closed and jaw fell slack, submitting to her. “I want you. Gods... I want you….” Everything went white as she lost herself in their lovemaking. Jack came with a strangled gasp, pulling her onto him as deep as he could go and grinding his hips upwards, toes curled against the floor. One of her paws gripped the fur of his belly, while the other massaged the sensitive nub between her thighs. “Gods,” she murmured again, slumping over his body once her climax burned out.

They panted together, aftershocks of pleasure leaving them sated and feeling alive. Jack was still smiling when he opened his eyes, his vision obscured by white fur.

“That was one hell of a wake up,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her. She pushed her head up and grinned down at him. “And I thought the other morning set the bar high.”

She laughed and rocked her hips one final time. “Think you can handle it, Agent Savage?”

That had him sitting up and crushing his lips to hers, taking control of their position and rolling them till he was on top. He pulled back while his paw traveled down one of her long legs, hooking his elbow under her knee and thrusting hard. Skye gasped as he thrusted again.

“You bet your ass I can,” he growled.

An hour later, they had migrated back onto his bed. Early morning light filtered into the room and warmed the couple whispering and giggling together. Nuzzling under his chin, Skye breathed in his scent before pushing herself up to look at the time. Seven am. Flopping back down, she sighed and snuggled closer .

“I need to get up and get Nick in a bit.” Her voice was muffled against Jack’s fur, but he still caught every word.

“Noooooooo,” he protested, tightening his arms and moving his paws to convince her to stay longer. “Stay here, with me. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Jack,” she protested weakly, “I can’t.” His lips and teeth found her sweet spot on her collarbone and she became jelly. “I have to go.” She shuddered with desire but stamped it down, refusing to get sucked into another round with him. No matter how tempting it was. “I have my little brother I need to look after.” Her paws went to his face, his lust filled eyes meeting her own but still giving her his full attention. “And you have a little sister you need to think of.” A kiss was pressed to his lips before leaving his bed with great effort.

He groaned with displeasure but watched with interest as her nude form moved around the room in search of her clothing.

“You’re teasing me right now,” came his dry comment.

Skye looked over to the bed where he sat, naked still, looking mouthwateringly sexy with his fur tossled and eyes half lidded when they met hers. His eyebrows lifted at her suggestively, his arms resting in his knees, trying to entice her clothes off and back into his bed. Skye's jeans were pulled on but left undone, fastening and adjusting her bra. Moving back onto the bed, she walked on her knees towards him. There was no way any sane mammal would let him get away with not being kissed senseless. Looking the way he did in that moment, she really wanted to make him moan like he did last night. But duty called. And Nick would be waiting for her.

“Don’t act like you’re not enjoying it, Agent Savage.” He whimpered as she moved away from him. Fixing her pants, she turned to face him again before she strode over to his closet. Jack’s ears and head cocked in curiosity when the doors were pulled open and a shirt of his removed. His ears went ram rod straight when it was slipped over her head onto her body. With a smug look in her eyes at his reaction, she snuggled into it and inhaled deeply. “I want your scent on me all day long.”

Jack’s arousal reared its head. It took everything he had to not tackle and drag her back into bed. But she was right. The blankets were flipped back and he dragged himself out. He was keenly aware of her intrusive gaze on his own naked form and VERY aware of the sweet scent of her desire.

“Careful, Agent Skye,” he began with a smirk of his own, pulling on a pair of pajama bottoms, “a bunny could get ideas with a reaction like yours.”

They shared a laugh, Jack reluctantly following her to the front door, paws on her hips the entire time. But it was quickly shut when the sounds of the morning rush from downstairs hit their ears. Both exchanged nervous looks.

“Ready for all the looks and taunts?” he asked her. Skye looked towards the door then back to him. She shook her head earnestly. “Fire escape.”

“Good idea.”

Together they went to one of the living room windows that faced the alley. It was slid open and Skye carefully crawled out with Jack right behind her. Jack breathed a sigh of relief when the metal ladder was lowered to the ground without a sound. Once fully extended, she smiled at him, meeting him halfway for a kiss.

“I’ll see you in a few hours?” he asked when they separated, his paws framing her face. His thumb brushed over her bottom lip, the vixen nuzzling into his paw when he did.

“See you in a few hours,” she confirmed. He was given another quick kiss before she hurried down the ladder. With a final wave, she was gone, leaving the buck with a sense of loss in her absence.

After a moment, he crawled back through the window and set about straightening up his home. Picking up his pants from the day before, laying next to the door of his bedroom, his cell phone fell to the ground with a clack. He scooped it up and pressed the unlock button. A sigh was repressed when it didn’t light up.

“Damn…” It was plugged in and turned on, almost immediately lighting up with notifications. His brows furrowed in confusion. “What the hell? Eighteen missed calls and…” he clicked on his text messages. “Three hundred texts!”

His thumb scrolled through all of his messages.

Jason: Is it true?!!?!?!?!?!?

Kelly: OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frances: you freaking badass! I’ve been chasing one for years and you ACTUALLY scored with one! You my hero, bro! how was it? was it amazing? was she freaky? DID SHE BITE? please say yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Natalie Carrets: I can’t believe I ever had a crush on you! So gross!!

Jack kept reading, dread and confusion filling him, only to be interrupted by a video chat request. Part of him wanted to screen the call. But he knew how relentless Bonnie Hopps could be. His stomach dropped and nerves went haywire when he answered.

"Hey, Mom!" He greeted with a bright smile, trying not to let her cold glare throw him. "What's up? What are you and dad up to-"

"I'm only going to ask this once," she began. The normal twinkle of love in her purple eyes was missing, replaced with a cold glint of fury. Her normally chipper tone was hard and sent cold chills down her son's spine.

Jack's ears fell. His heart pounded in his chest and his eyes watered, knowing all too well what was about to happen.

"Are you -or are you not- SCREWING a fox that you just hired and bringing her around your sister?"

"M-m-mom," he stuttered, trying to keep his smile intact while a tear slipped out and down his cheek,, "it's… it's so much more than that. It's-"

"Answer the question, Jack Edmund Hopps."

The buck's slightly desperate smile fell. Maintaining eye contact for a brief moment before his gaze fell to his lap, he gave a sharp nod and looked back up.

"Yeah," he confirmed, nodding again. He cleared his throat of emotion and took a deep breath. Jack straightened his back and looked his mother in the eye. "It's true."

If possible, the thin line of her mouth became thinner.

"And I thought I raised my children better than that." The statement sparked annoyance in Jack.

"Better than being able to see a wonderful mammal who makes me happy and treats my family well regardless of species?" Jack scoffed at his mother's shocked expression. "Yeah, now I'm starting to question where I got it from."

She considered him with a look of patient anger before she matched her son’s pose.

"You're breaking up with her. Before or after firing her. I don't have a preference. Just get her out of your life and do it TODAY!"

"You have ZERO right to ask me to do that," came his indignant response. "I get she's not who you pictured me with, but she's perfect. And you're out of your godsdamn mind if you think you're going to intimidate me into leaving her-"

"Honey, I'm going to make this very simple. You're going to get this vixen out of your life. Today. If not, I will drive up there myself and take my daughter home." Jack's jaw dropped but Bonnie wasn't finished. "And going forward, you will not be welcomed in Bunnyburrow. EVER."

"You-" he felt his brain crash. "You can't do that. You can't just banish me from town. You can't keep Judy from me. Bunnyburrow is my home and we're family. I have the right to visit whenever I want and Judy is old enough to decide if she wants to see me."

"Try me." Her icy gaze bore into him. "You know how big our family is and your Uncle Terry was just re-elected mayor. Our burrow is the biggest and most widespread and, what’s more, Judy is a minor. Her father and I will decide who can be around her and who can't. So far, her brother who jumps into bed with random predator whores and parades his conquests around her is not making the list." Her expression suddenly softened, but Jack was feeling far too shaken to respond or notice. "And it would break my heart to never see you again.” She sighed and made her face stern again. “You have until closing time tonight and I have ways of knowing if you didn't or if you try to lie about it."

Jack was silent for a moment.

"Mom," he began with a slight choke in his voice, "I love her."

"Sweetheart, you have no idea what love is." Bonnie didn't wait for a response before she hung up.

For a moment, Jack sat in silence, staring at the now dark screen of his phone. A picture of him and Judy displayed on the entertainment center caught his eye. Judy's thirteenth birthday. Hanging off her brother's back, pausing midway through their outing to snap a photo in front of the turtle tank at the aquarium. She would forgive him, wouldn't she? Skye's scent was still soaked into the apartment, making it difficult to argue against the decision.

Unlocking his phone again, he called Jon and lifted the phone to his ear as he answered.

"Hidy-ho, boss! What can I do you for?"

"You haven’t seen Judy yet, have you?”

“No, not yet. Why? What’s going on?”

Jack’s eyes found the picture again as he thought of a response. “Just curious. If you see her before I do, send her to me, Okay? I’m going to be doing some work up here for a bit but call me if you need anything.”

“Sure thing, boss! Just don’t wear our GM out too badly! We’re going to need her.” Jack forced a laugh before the pair disconnected and he flopped back onto the couch. All he felt was misery, something he hadn’t imagined just twenty minutes ago. It felt like everything was starting to fall into place... and now…

With a sigh, he pulled himself up to get ready for the day. Fetching his clothing from his room, he paused to breathe in the lingering scent of Skye. It filled him, calmed his anxiety, and lifted him high. It was just as well.

No matter how he chose, he was going to crash before the day was over.

…………

Judy came into the cafe with a grin. It had been a great night and a great morning and it was going to be a great day. Bouncing through the front door of the cafe, she called out a greeting to everyone before carrying on to the stairs to drop off her overnight bag. A hello died on her lips when she found the apartment empty. Judy called out for Jack, having not seen or heard him downstairs, and realized that he was completely out of the building.

The stairs were taken two at a time before continuing to the kitchen. Once again, she paused, blinking in confusion. Never in all her visits had Jack been completely absent. His presence in the cafe was a constant and now the place seemed barren without him. Jon’s voice cut through her reverie.

“He wandered out of the building about two hours ago,” he explained, passing a bus bucket to her along with an apron. “Said he wasn’t going far. But no sign of Skye.”

Her purple eyes narrowed in confusion, accepting both. “Huh.” She shrugged and turned to work just as Jon turned back to his bake list. “I hope he’s okay. That’s not like him.”

Bobby gave her a look of agreement before clearing his throat as Jack appeared in the door’s window. The buck paused with his paw over the handle, hesitating before pushing it open. In the brief moment it took for him to enter, his blue eyes zeroed in on her and filled with something she couldn’t place. He gave her a strained smile.

“Hey, Jude.”

“Hey, Jack,” her brows furrowed in concern and she dropped the bus bucket to go to him. “Are you okay?”

He gave her a smile and nod, though neither seemed very reassuring. “Yeah. I was just wondering if we could talk really quick.” He stepped forward and gestured towards the stairs.

“Umm, sure.”Stomach dropping, Judy gave him a look as she stepped past the bar and towards the apartment. His footsteps were light as they followed her, but she couldn’t help but notice the weight behind each one. “This is beginning to feel like the time Mom explained what goldfish heaven was when I was six.”

A strained laugh had her ears falling as they entered. While Judy moved further into the room, he closed the door. Turning to face her, he leaned against it and took a deep breath.

His mouth opened….

12 YEARS AGO

“Come one! Come on!”

“Come to me, Quintin! Come to your big brother, Charlie!”

“Let’s go, Brook, sweetheart! Do it for your uncle Barry!”

“Nope, Silene has everyone beat!”

“Come on, Judy! Stop playing with the police car and at least try to walk!” The fifteen year old silver bunny doe sighed and looked over at her thirteen year old brother reading on the couch not far away. “I blame you, Jack. You just had to get her that stupid police car toy!”

Jack rolled his eyes and kept them on his book. “Technically, I bought that for Tom’s pet bird. He forgot it in the living room and she’s been playing with it ever since. So if you wanna blame someone, blame him.”

She narrowed her eyes and looked back at her baby sister. The tiny bunny was alternating her attentions by gazing around her cheering family, looking at her littermates steel themselves for their first steps, and rolling the police car around. To her big sister’s utter disappointment, Judy showed no interest in the competition.

“Still,” the sullen doe muttered, sitting back and giving up. She crossed her arms and glared at the others as she practically heard herself losing twenty bucks on this event. Letting out a frustrated sigh, she turned back to Jack. “Will you at least take it while I distract her, please.”

“Five bucks,” came his clipped response. His sister rolled her eyes again.

“Fine!”

Jack snickered at his victory and set the book aside.

“Judy, sweetie!” Their sister called. “Look at me! Hi, sweetie!”

Judy turned to her for only a moment before they went back to the car in her paws. A few whacks on the floor with it with some baby babble to voice her approval and it was a day well spent in her mind. Light footsteps caught her attention. She paused her game to look up at her big brother creeping across the carpet. Her big purple eyes met Jack’s and her face split into a grin.

“Dak!” she shrieked. He stumbled to a halt, his eyes going wide at that. “Dak!”

Nearly everyone in the room paused to look at her, then Jack, who was staring at his baby sister with absolute shock. Judy flopped over to her front and pushed herself up into a crawl before standing on two very unstable legs.

“Dak!” With a final shriek of his name, she barreled towards him as fast as she could go.

On instinct, he opened his arms and caught her, falling on his bottom as he did. She laughed with happiness only a baby like her could have. Jack sat up with his sister in his arms and smiled down at her.

“She said my name! Mom! Dad! Judy’s first word was my name!” Jack stood up with her balanced in his arms, grinning and bouncing her, giving her head the occasional kiss as he did.

Everyone else had gotten over her first word (something many of them- him included- had experienced several times already) and now were grumbling over the results. His older sister was singing their praises as she collected her winnings.

Jack, however, smiled at his little sister, finally setting her down and accepting the police car she offered him. Judy clutched his leg, looking up at her big brother with adoring eyes.

“Dak!”

PRESENT DAY

“Jack?”

He shook his head and focused on his baby sister.

“Jack?” She took a step towards him. “Is everything okay?”

He took a breath…

“I was just wondering….”

Judy’s eyebrows rose expectantly.

“What do you say about doing a ski trip before school starts back up?”

Confused, Judy looked at him with incredulity.

“Uh, sure,” she agreed with a nod, a smile forming on her muzzle. “Yeah, that would be cool.” She giggled a bit. “No pun intended.”

Jack smiled again, this time less strained, but still tense. “Okay, great! I’ll do some research and we’ll set a date.” Still facing her he turned the knob and opened the door again. “Now get back to work. I need to find something up here, so I’ll be down in a moment.”

“Okay, weirdo! I can’t believe you were so stressed over that!”

He laughed. “I just know how you’re not fond of Tundratown.”

With one last grin, she was out the door and down the stairs. He waited for her footsteps to fade before closing the door and leaning against it. Against his will, realizing what he had just done, he began to cry.

…………

Water poured over Skye’s body, her paws and claws moving through her fur, working the shampoo into a lather and rinsing thoroughly. Her thoughts lingered on Jack. Considering how tender she was between her legs and how sore she felt from last night, she was amazed she was even able to function. Jack had felt better than she had expected and it was a pleasant surprise finding out rabbit bucks could go multiple rounds without going soft. Had she known that, she would have skipped out on the two todds she dated and hunted him down when she first turned eighteen.

“Skye! We’re going to be late.”

Nick banging on her bathroom door had her jumping. She had completely forgotten he was here. Easy to do when he had spent their walk from David’s home in thoughtful, comfortable silence followed by a quick race through her apartment to get ready. Other than a cheerful hello and happy smile, neither had a lot to say.

“Be right out!” The water was shut off and her fur hastily toweled off. She was still damp when she slipped on fresh underwear and grabbed the jeans she was wearing. Jack’s shirt fell from where it had been resting on top of them. Skye smiled and scooped it up, bringing it to her nose and inhaling deeply. It still smelled like him. Fresh and soothing. Holding it close, it soaked into her. Satisfied and eager to see him again, she tossed it onto her bed and grabbed her black button down.

The walk back to the Perk was almost completely silent. Brother and sister chatted about their afternoon and evening from the previous day and speculated on what their mother could be doing that moment. Skye edited her version of things for Nick's sake, but the younger fox was regretfully able to figure out what she and Jack were up to all night. But he was thankfully spared when the Perk came into view. Her paw pushed the door open and they were greeted by an enthusiastic Judy.

"Ready to get your tail kicked, Slick?"

"I'm ready to see you try, Carrots."

The vixen laughed and glanced around. "Play nice, kits."

Skye grinned as soon as she saw the striped buck. Giving Nick a hug before he went to Judy, she strolled over to Jack sitting at the table with his head in his paws. He jumped slightly before relaxing when her paws landed on his shoulders. Her thumbs found a sore spot where they pressed causing him to tense his in discomfort before sighing in pleasure. But she was only there for a moment before he reached up to stop her ministrations.

"Skye," he began in a quiet voice, " we need to talk."

Her eyes grew concerned as she walked around to look at him. He kept his eyes on a spot in the corner of the window and her paw trapped in his.

“Are you okay?” A paw went to his face to bring his gaze up to hers, only to be stopped by his other paw. “Jack? What’s wron-”

“You’re fired, Skye.”

His words were cold and his expression completely blank. Nick and Judy, who had begun to joke and banter with each other, paused, both moving their stricken gaze towards the buck, and their jaws dropped. Jack’s eyes found Judy’s and watched as they filled with confusion and hurt. He stayed on her even as her own moved back to Skye.

The vixen felt a chill set in.

“Wh-what?” Her question, small and weakly asked as it was, did not pull his gaze from his younger sister. She tugged her paws from his grip and backed away. “Ar… are you serious?”

She looked over at Judy who looked back, horrified, before turning her tear filled, purple stare to her brother. Skye looked at him again, watched as he took a deep breath and stood, facing her, with eyes she couldn’t quite read.

“It’s over,” he said in a voice just barely over a whisper.

“Jack?” Judy’s voice cut through the myriad of emotions Skye was feeling. “What the hell are you doing?”

His mouth opened but words didn’t come out.

“He’s breaking up with me.” Skye met his gaze head on, her eyes filling with tears and refusing to spill them. “I get it.” She backed away slowly, trying to keep her emotions in check. “Bunny does are easy lays. He was hoping I would be more of a challenge.” The cafe staff had paused their work to look at the scene in the lobby. Nick’s face held no expression as he looked at his sister, ears and tail on alert. Skye stood straighter and nodded at the rabbit buck in front of her. “So sorry to disappoint.”

Without another word, she turned and left, her tears spilling over once her back was turned. All eyes turned from the fleeing vixen to the striped buck who watched her leave. His own eyes seemed unfocused and his expression detached. Judy let out a huff of disbelief before turning to Nick and grabbing his paw.

“Come on, Nick, we gotta-”

Nick ripped his paw from hers and growled; her ears dropped in surprise.

“What sort of sick game are you trying to pull here?”

“Nick, I- I didn’t know-”

“This had nothing to do with her, Nick. I promise-”

“Oh, excuse me if don’t exactly trust you and your stupid, fucking promise.” He glared at him before turning his anger towards her. Judy moved towards him and he suddenly turned away and stormed for the door. “Fuck both of you!”

“Nick, please, I’m nothing like him! I swear!”

“Yeah, sure you're not! I'm just supposed to trust you won't want to be just like your hero. Go find Kody, if you're so eager to experiment. I'm sure he was next on your list of foxes to try!”

Nick shot her a final glare over his shoulder before leaving. He was deaf to her when she called out again and already down the street when her feet remembered how to work and she dashed after him. Jack remained where he stood, staring blankly at where his sister had vanished. Only to refocus once Judy returned looking defeated and sobbing. He moved towards her, the action drawing an expression he had never seen before. Or at least he had never seen directed at him.

“I hate you,” she stated, simply. Vhemonately.

“Judy, I-” He took a step, only for her to step back.

“I don’t want to even look at you,” she spat, backing away from him towards the stairs. He looked from her to Sandra, Jon, and Bobby watching them with slack jaws. Tears stained his cheeks when he looked back towards his baby sister. “I wanna go home. I’m not going to spend another second with you. You’re exactly like them! You horrible, disgusting jerk!” Jack started towards her, the explanation on his lips when she turned away from him and ran upstairs.

“Judy, wait!” But she didn’t.

The walls of the cafe seemed to vibrate when she slammed the apartment door. Jack could only stand in his spot and take several deep breaths to keep his thoughts in order. He just needed to explain. To tell her so she would know what had really happened today. Just as he started to move towards the staircase and everyone awkwardly began to restart their work, the door opened again. He looked up as her footsteps hit his ears. She stormed down, her backpack on and small suitcase in paw.

“Wait, Judy!" He dashed after her as she reached the front of the cafe and stormed out, past Gideon and Daisy who were just about to enter. “You can’t just leave! Please, let me-” His paw had reached for her arm only for it to whip out of his grasp and her other paw slapped him across the face, suitcase clattering to the ground. He staggered back and blinked down at her. She fought her tears and backed away from him.

“That’s for ruining everything.”

A paw stayed pressed to his cheek even as the sting faded away. He watched his little sister vanish around the corner, choking back tears before he pulled himself together long enough to dig his cell free from his pocket. Vaguely he heard Daisy say she’ll go with her with Gideon agreeing while the pair rushed away. Watching them vanish, he sent a quick text to Bogo, asking to keep an eye out for Judy at the train station. Another was sent to Bonnie, letting her know her daughter was on her way home, but didn’t elaborate any further.

For a long moment, he stared in the direction everyone had left in before heading back inside. The buck kept his head ducked as he reentered, but raised it up once he realized all eyes were on him. A hush fell over the cafe as he gathered as much of his dignity as he could to walk towards the kitchen. His head was held high, but not his eyes, which struggled to stay off the floor. Several times his ears and chin threatened to fall, the urge fought off as he passed through the coffee bar into the kitchen.

Almost robotically, he put on an apron, took up the next order, and paused to focus on it. Materials were taken up and put to use as he set about his work. Tension was thick as nearly every pair of eyes were on him. But still, he paid them no mind, tuning them out, and focusing on his task.

Jon, for the first time in his job at the Perk, was completely speechless. He opened his mouth and took a step towards his boss. But a paw on his arm had him pausing. His eyes met Sandra’s and he understood her silent order to leave the kitchen. Jack kept his back to everyone and piped the decorations for the order in front of him. She approached him cautiously and opened her mouth to speak.

“Say anything and you’re fired.” Her mouth closed briefly before opening again. “And if you think I’m kidding, today’s not the day to test me.”

Sandra’s eyes watered a bit but she nodded and backed away. Returning to her position at the counter, she picked up where she left off, the others following her lead. And so the day passed in tense silence, Jack too far removed from everything to notice anything happening around him.

And out of respect, no one mentioned the tears running down his cheeks.

……………………….

Skye didn’t even realize Nick was next to her until she stopped at a crosswalk. He came to a stop beside her, paw going to her elbow. She instinctively jerked away before seeing who it was. As soon as she met her brother’s eyes, she broke. He dove into her arms and held tight as she sobbed into his shoulder and hugged him back.

“Let’s go home, Skye,” he mumbled after a moment.

His paw firmly guided her past her apartment, towards their mother’s. Vivian Wilde may have been out of Savanna Central, but there was a comfort in going back to her childhood home.

Nick navigated her there, thankful they had not stopped rushing away from the Perk until they were closer to the Wilde residence than Skye’s. Through the building lobby, up the stairs, to the front door, and greeted by Greg lounging on the couch in his usual position. His legs thrown over the back of the couch, with the rest of him upside down, he tapped away at his phone and grinned at the sound of the door opening.

“Welcome home, kits!” he called out with a happy grin. “Our camping trip got rained out, so I’m home early. SURPRISE! How was your da-....” His eyes finally looked towards his brother and sister and he fell silent at their expressions. “Day?” Legs were swung down and he maneuvered himself into an upright position before standing.

“What happened?”

Nick looked up at his brother then back at his sister, before casting his gaze to the ground with an angry shake of his head. Greg took her in his arms and walked her towards the couch, waiting for Nick as he made for the kitchen. Skye’s sobs had tapered off, leaving her in a shocked silence. Her breath came in pants and eyes stared blankly at the floor.

Returning with a mug in his paws, Nick came to sit next on her opposite side, passing the mug to her. It was accepted quietly and sipped from, but she still didn’t speak.

“I’m guessing,” her eyes moved to Greg as he spoke, “Jack?”

Of course.

Skye still reeked of him. Her nose had gone blind to it; Nick, too, apparently. But it was very prominent to any other mammal.

“Let’s draw you a bath,” Greg suddenly announced. That seemed to pull her out of whatever daze she had fallen into.

“What?” she asked, positive she heard incorrectly.

Nick grinned and jumped up. “Great idea, Greg! I’ll get started on it.”

“Mom has that Musk Mask Bubble Bath. I think it’s under the sink and it’s a eucalyptus… something. Add some of it, will you?” His little brother left for the bathroom, leaving just the two of them. Skye looked at her little brother and gave him a watery smile.

“Thank you,” she murmured, hugging him. He hugged her back tightly.

“Anything for you, sis.”

Hours later, after the sun had set, wearing pajamas stolen from her mother, she sat on the couch and thought....

Nothing.

Looking at her, one would assume she was a flurry of emotions, rabid thoughts, and feelings. Even she was surprised. Skye had assumed she would still be in intense pain. But she felt nothing. It took convincing to get her brothers to believe she was fine on her own, but when they finally did it was a great relief.

Now….

Now she could reset. Her eyes looked down at her phone. Seven missed calls. Seven voicemails. More texts than she had ever seen. All from Jack, all ignored and deleted. He had flooded her inbox, too. All emails from him were now auto sent to a separate folder. She looked at the screen and pressed confirm.

‘Your Number Has Been Changed.’

With a sigh and fresh wave of tears, Skye turned her gaze out the living room window and waited for morning.

………………..

In his room, Nick lay on his bed with tears streaming down his cheeks.

Dave, Finnick, and Brooklynn had been messaging him non stop asking about what happened. Brook had gone to get a drink and muffin from the cafe and visit with her friends only to find no Judy, Nick, or Skye, Jack deaf to everyone and thing, and a very dismal staff. So of course, she called Judy to find out what happened. No doubt she was calling Nick to get his side of the story. Or yell at him. Either way, he wasn’t ready to face them just yet. He picked up his phone and unlocked it. Pressing a thumb to his call log, he selected his voicemail and listened to the message again.

“Hey, Nick,” Judy’s voice greeted in a small tone. It made him close his eyes and breathe deep. “I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. Again. Please, believe me, I had no idea he was going to do that, I swear. If you could, you know, just call me back. So we can talk and maybe… I don’t know. What do you do in a situation like this? I still owe you ice cream! Remember? Maybe we can get ice cream?” She gave a sad chuckle. “Anyway…. Call me.”

Nick was tempted. Very tempted. He already regretted what he told her and he knew that family wasn’t always just carbon copies of the same mammal. But every time his thumb hovered over her number, Jack’s face popped up. That tone, that expression…

How heartbroken Skye was….

If that’s what love was, Nick was better off without it. He exited out of the call screen and moved to set his phone aside. If his eyes stayed open any longer, they would go cross. As he did, a message from an unknown number popped up.

Unknown: Hey, it’s me Natasha. Finnick gave me your number. I just heard what happened! I’m so sorry, Nick. Bunnies are just so awful! It's better you found out sooner rather than later. I hope you’re doing okay…

Annoyance filled him knowing his ‘friend’ was giving his number out to vixens who couldn’t take a hint. Nick was ready with a response as indignation filled him.

How dare she talk about Judy like that!

But the message was never typed.

Was she wrong?

Wasn’t this why the term crush was coined?

If loving someone could end with this much pain, what was the point?

Nick sat up and opened his gallery. His green eyes stared down at the picture of him and Judy at the party. The way her nose was adorably scrunched as she glared at him. It was exactly what he was hoping for when he said she looked cute. With a quick swipe, the picture changed. This time it was one he snuck of her in the Museum. The lights were dim and the stars faintly reflected onto the ceiling. And onto Judy. Her eyes were wide in that picture. Full of wonder and amazement, with a hint of excitement. His favorite part was remembering two seconds after he took it, she turned that gaze to him. Nick was only thirteen years old but he knew that was the moment he fell in love with her.

Nick exited his gallery and reopened his messages.

Thanks, Natasha. That means a lot.

……………………….

Judy was tucked into a compartment, her legs folded under her, staring down at her phone. She had tried every way she could to get ahold of Nick, to explain that she had no idea Jack would do what he did. But he had yet to respond. Her messages were on read and occasionally a thought bubble would pop up. It only lasted a few moments before it vanished.

Now it was just silence.

Silence suddenly broken by Brook calling her. Judy jumped in surprise before she slid her thumb over the answer button.

“Judy, what happened?” she demanded before the doe could speak. “I just stopped by to visit you and Nick and you’re not here! Sandra said there was a big falling out and you left for Bunnyburrow. What happened? Are you okay? Did something happen to Nick? What’s going on with Jack? Aren’t we supposed to go to the beach this weekend?”

When Brook was finally questioned out, Judy took a shaky breath and opened her mouth to explain, only to burst into tears. Brook listened in stunned silence as she sobbed out the story. It really was a testament to their friendship that she even understood what was being said to her. Brook listened without interrupting until Judy fell into hiccupping silence broken by the occasional sniffle.

“Judy, Nick’s a jerk.”

The statement shocked her for a moment. “What? What do you mean?”

“He just took all of his anger out on you!” The tigress declared. “I totally get being pissed at your brother. What he did was terrible! But you had nothing to do with it! It was in no way your fault! And he needs to stop being a dick and grow the fuck up!”

“Brook, you don’t understand. Jack-”

“Fucked up. Yes. I know. I get it, Hopps. But the simple fact of the matter is, Nick had no right to blame you for Jack’s actions. That dumb fox should consider himself lucky a female like you was willing to even look at him, let alone be willing to date him! You deserve to be treated better and if you can’t see that then you really are just a dumb bunny!”

And with that, she hung up. Judy kept the phone to her ear for a moment longer before it fell to her lap. At a loss for words and with much to think about, she turned her gaze to the window and watched the platform for Bunnyburrow station come into view.

“Now arriving at Bunnyburrow station. Please exit to the right and mind the gap.”

She stood and took her bag and backpack before heading towards the exit. And there waiting for her was her mother and father, beaming happily as she drew closer. Bonnie rushed forward and scooped her up in a hug.

“Oh!” she squealed. “I’m so happy you’re back, baby! And I’m so sorry about Jack and your summer. I know how much you were looking forward to it.”

A few tears leaked out as Judy hugged her back. “Thanks, Mom.” She pulled away to look up at her with watery eyes. “Can I sleep in one of the guest bedrooms? I’m not up for being around the litter.”

“Well, thankfully, everyone was moved out into their own bedrooms. We left your stuff there, though.” She was given another squeeze. “The room’s all yours.”

Judy buried her nose into her mother’s fur and cried silently. “Thank you, mommy.”

Stu smiled and embraced her before grabbing her things and heading to the truck. One bumpy truck ride and several hours later, she sat on her bed, a fox plushie in her paws. Gideon had given it to her as a gift for her last birthday. Now that she was really looking at it, she was reminded of Nick. A thumb brushed over the button eyes before it was brought to her chest for a snuggle, tears falling a bit harder.

Brook had given her a lot to think about and while she knew she was right, it still hurt knowing Nick hated her. Almost as much as seeing her big brother, her hero, the one who was as odd as she was…

A light tap on her door and she looked up to see Quintin peeking in at her.

“Hey,” he began with concerned eyes. “Are you okay?”

She nodded and looked back down. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Super crazy about Jack, huh?” Her brother came to sit next to her, bouncing her as he did. Judy only nodded. “I can’t believe Mom and Dad did that to him.”

Half way through another nod, she stopped and looked up at him questioningly. “What?”

“He didn’t tell you? Everyone in the burrow is freaking out about it. It’s practically divided everyone.” He looked up in thought. “I don’t think I’ve spoken to Mom or Dad since this morning. I’m actually going to do some part time work for the Fleece family tomorrow for money so I can get my food and shit from somewhere else. It’s been pretty fucked up around here.”

“What? What did they do?”

Quin studied her for a moment before he answered. “Mom told Jack that he either he leaves that vixen or he says goodbye to you and Bunnyburrow.” His paw grasped hers with sympathetic eyes. “I’m sorry he chose her over you.”

Judy looked away, feeling floored. “He didn’t. He broke things off with her and Nick was so angry, he broke things off with me.”

Quin's eyebrows shot up. “Well, at least it must be nice knowing he chose you, right?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Now I just feel worse. I still feel so angry at him, Quin. It’s great he chose me, but I wish he had talked to me about it first. If he had, we could have figured it out together. Like we always do. I would have come back here and found a way to get Mom and Dad to change their minds. But…" She shrugged. "He really is just like everyone else.” Quin studied her in confusion until she continued. “He doesn’t think I could handle anything on my own. He had zero faith in me and what I can do. Jack made the choice for me and I don’t think I can forgive that.”

She looked up at him and he gave her a sad smile. “So… Everything’s gonna suck for a while. Huh?”

“Yup," Judy agreed.

And together, the siblings sat in silence, waiting for the moment and feeling to pass.

……………………….

Jack listened to the other line ring and ring. This is what happened now. It was only a few hours since he had broken things off with Skye and now there was just this-

“Hello?” The voice, while feminine like Skye’s, sounded much younger, with a hint of confusion and fear.

He cleared his throat to clear it of the drunken slur he knew he would have and tried to not to be thrown.

“Hi, yes, is Skye there, please?” Just because it wasn’t Skye who answered didn’t mean she wasn’t nearby.

Right?

The young female just sounded more confused, though the fear was gone. “No, I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

“What?” Jack pulled his phone away from his ear and looked down at the display picture and name. Skye beamed up at him, her name in bold across the top of the. He brought it back to his ear in disbelief. “I- I guess she must have changed it. So sorry to have bothered you. Have a great night.”

He hung up before she could respond and his paw fell to his lap, phone still clutched in it. Numbness. That’s what he expected to feel. What he wanted to feel and was aiming for with the bottle by his feet and drink in his paw. The pain he had anticipated to be overwhelming was exactly that.

And he felt every.

Last.

Bit.

Drinking deeply, he sat at the foot of his bed, every light in his apartment off. The room reflected the light of the bar behind the ally, illuminating it enough to highlight how empty it now was. Judy was gone. The cafe was dark and silent. The apartment was dark and silent. Skye was gone.

Jack was completely, and utterly, heartbroken.

#zootopia #jack savage #skyefrost #nick wilde #judy hopps #wildehopps #savageskye #au-alternative universe

11 notes · View notes

wexhappyxfew · 3 years

Note

i literally choked on my pizza when i saw your writing and analyzing questions post, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! first of all, what sort of process do you go through when creating characters? what kind of things do you take into consideration when creating them? i’m fascinated because creating characters is far from easy, especially when you’re creating someone like agent mortem! i’m always interested to know what the writer’s thought process was when creating a new character!

okay, so secondly, i wouldn’t say i’m having trouble with keeping all my planning organised and ‘precise’ in a way, but it’s really not easy 😅 i was wondering what kind of processes you go through when planning, whether you have like a specific structure or a set of steps to follow, or if you just kind of roll with it? at the moment when i plan it’s okay and it makes sense, but it’s literally just 4 or 5 pages of really chunky paragraphs which makes it really difficult to pick out the events again when i come to needing the plan to help me. i don’t really know if you do anything different, but if there is any way you know of that i could keep it more organised and easy to follow, that would be great :)

i’ll keep the last ones a little shorter because this ask is already looking veryyy long — what have you enjoyed writing about natia, what struggles have you faced and what have you learned? and basically the same with agent mortem if that’s possible :) i have asked a LOT of questions in this, so don’t feel like you have to answer them all because it will probably take quite a while 😅 anyway, thank you for putting up with my endless questions, and i hope you have a good day <33

ROSE AH HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! <333 sorry ive just gotten to this omg! it’s been sitting here for a little while but i’ve just had so much going on right now and wanted to make sure when i answered that my *full attention* was put on this! (because i’ve been very excited to answer this ESPECIALLY as i see agent mortem questions poking up on here and that just makes me even more hype!!! :D enjoy! <3

Ooooo this is a cool question! I’ve been asked it before but I feel with different characters and such, it always seems to fluctuate for me at least? In the sense, it’s almost never the same process for me in the developmental stages of a character haha! Sometimes I get characteristics first hand, or sometimes a certain scene pops up that just makes the character click and I can build from there, or sometimes, it’s just a last name or a first name that I work with and suddenly have an idea for!

For example, since we’re on the general topic of Landslide, I’ll talk about some things I did when creating specifically Natia. The “Natia” who is currently portrayed in the fic, was not always really like that. Natia initially was not a SOE Agent/Polish Resistance Fighter and instead a Dutch Resistance Member who would meet with Easy in Episode 4. I always sort of knew Natia, in whatever form she was, would meet Easy in Episode 4, but I wasn’t sure how, so the building in the first 17 chapters was the toughest part to come.

I did heavily feel the Polish were underrepresented in terms of the situation of the war along with everything that happened in the Warsaw Uprising and so I felt it was important to see if I could do something with that and that’s really where Natia came into play!

Natia means “hope” essentially and something I really like doing with her character is to parallel or juxtapose different ideas together, to continue on this sort of theme of her being a quite ominous and ambiguous character — you get the general sense of what her morals are, but in certain points it’s questionable. Morally-ambiguous characters have always been fascinating to me, especially female morally-ambiguous characters and so creating Natia in that respect I felt would be interesting to see what I could do!

Something major that I’ve slowly began to take into consideration with characters more and more, is the sort of general theme I want to be present with them — what’s that goal i that they are moving towards in the end and what’s the them surrounding it? For Natia it’s a multitude of things; family, revenge, being silenced, numb, grief, mentor vs protégé, lone wolf etc….the list could truly go on! And with these basic sort of ideas and themes, I can then move on from there and expand.

Why did she want REVENGE? Because the enemy killed her FAMILY, which is extremely important to her, and she wants to feel some sort of REDEMPTION for them.

Why was she BEING SILENCED? Because of the *past* conflict of the HARMFUL MENTOR VS SILENCED PROTÉGÉ situation that occurred between Agent Mortem and herself, where she allowed herself to be silenced by someone who abused the SUDDEN POWER he never had before in his life, ultimately leading to her continued issues of TRUST that she would meet throughout.

Why is she NUMB? Because at a fairly young age she experienced heavy and intense GRIEF that struck unforgivably at a time where it seemed things were safe. To rip something from a character, especially the main character, like FAMILY which is extremely important, you pull at the heart strings and it makes that character move forward on a quest for that in a way, ultimately by the end of the fic. (Basically you up they are least get a semblance of that lost thing, found again by the end)

Why is she a LONE WOLF? Because of the MENTOR VS PROTÉGÉ situation yet again, where she was taught to rely strictly on herself and no one else and so when TRUST and COMPANIONSHIP and TEAMWORK were introduced to her character, she didn’t know how to cope because she had been so desensitized to the ways of Agent Mortem that working back in the morals of family and friends was a challenge in its own respect.

It’s sort of a like a ripple effect if you think about it and that’s what helps me eventually move forward and develop the character arc I want to take place. She’s this way because of this — sort of like cause and effect. It’s really helped me out with major scenes or plot holes that have risen throughout the fic!

AGREED! Writing in general is not an easy feat and now including mind you ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, you’re literally, essentially, creating human beings from scratch and giving them characteristics, a backstory, trauma if you wish, friends and family, people they love, people they hate, morals, standards EVERYTHING! ITS INSANE! AH AND AGENT MORTEM! I’m so very glad that you brought him up, because his creation definitely stemmed directly from the want to experiment with the relationship of failed mentor vs protégé, entirely. I wanted a foil to Natia that was not directly with her all the time. Mortem plays such a MASSIVE role in her story and yet any interactions between the two are either from her mind or from memories and that’s just such a fun way to play around with their dynamic! (I just finished the creation of his backstory and character arc I want him to take and it’s only made me even more excited for what’s to ultimately come for him as well as Natia!)

A song that HEAVILY represents their dynamic is Ghost by Marvin Brooks (2WEI) and I’ll explain why. Even though Mortem is not always inherently *with* Natia, he still is a huge factor of her life, and still heavily controlling many aspects of her life such as recurring memories, reactions, and how she is also conditioned to react to certain things as well. He is essentially a “ghost” who is “haunting” Natia and I feel that’s an interesting take on their connection because they’re two people who clearly had a power struggle and a difference of opinions of multiple things and that just makes it so incredibly interesting to write!

song:

OOOOOO good question!!! So many people have such different ways of approaching story writing and planning and drafting and writing and editing and it’s honestly amazing!! I will say, I’m not an excessive planner or even a real great planner with writing, I never really have, and even as I’ve developed my writing and learned that “it’s okay to slow down”, or “it’s okay to take time for different portions to provide a deeper focus”, I still have not been someone to plan out every bit of my writing.

Reason being is I enjoy seeing where I can take the story in that time and place. Maybe if I’m doing a quick little writing segment and suddenly this idea just appears and hits me, I work it into the fic and it takes it a whole new direction and I end up not being super upset about it because it just…it works! And of course, this is not how other people operate and I have every respect for people who plan and have every detail laid out and figured out and just….completely and utterly planned to the dot. Lile kudos to people who genuinely get the planning all cleaned up before even writing, truly.

I just finalized Agent Mortem’s backstory and where I want his character arc to go and I’ve had him as a character since August of last year LOL! But ya know sometimes, I sit and I think back and go, maybe I wasn’t ready at that time to develop him completely yet because I, the writer, didn’t understand him enough to and I had to write more of him to be able to get a grasp of who he was and his character (and just about everything else!) and that’s okay!!! :)

Going with this idea I just stated above — the 4 or 5 pages of info — KEEP IT MY FRIEND!!! I swear, half the reason ideas even come to me is simply because I just write a big info dump that has all my little ideas somewhere inside and will ALWAYS be there. I recommend maybe taking a day though - away from focusing on writing or editing - and just picking that apart. (That’s what I did the other day and it helped me out MAJORLY! and it was worth it in the end!) Maybe keep the original 4-5 pages and then copy and paste the same thing in another doc so you always have the original!

And then just go through and split ideas apart! If you start reading and see it moving into another realm of headspace of ideas, just press enter and separate the two — you didn’t delete it, it’s still there and still intact! It’s just easier to look at now because instead of two, jumbled and completely different ideas, you now have two paragraphs and portions of text that relate to their own respective idea. It definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow when trying to get yourself organized!!

This really helped me when I was in my beginning stages of figuring out Landslide ESPECIALLY the first 17ish chapter where Natia was not in contact with Easy yet. I’ve explained it before but those chapters are there because we are seeing her final days with the resistance in Warsaw and how she ultimately ends up with Easy PLUS we see who she is as a character by herself and how she is not merely an extension off of Easy, but her own character, her own person. She has her own story and her own morals and ways of going about her life that don’t even relate to Easy. Their paths just happened to cross!! :)

By getting those first 17ish chapters planned, not extreme planning though I will admit, half the scenes were very much thought up on the spot for example like Natia driving to Munich in disguise or the introduction of Zdzich — two very important scenes that show us something about Natia. (1) She’s willing to go to extreme lengths for the people she loves to ensure that in the end they are safe, even if it means sacrificing herself and (2) she has trouble realizing that there are people out there that genuinely care for her, a connection to her ultimate, unruly and upsetting past. And the best part about it is THESE WEREN’T EVEN PLANNED! So sometimes, just let the story take the reigns and your mind and just guide you through it. Sometimes it is for the best :)

If you have your basic ideas and concepts and themes for how you want your fic to eventually go, the scenes for me most of the time just appear I guess when they should. Sometimes even in the times I'm not writing, I sit theorizing and questioning and thinking and developing ideas in my mind and it's a real good exercise, so when you get back to writing, you already know where you want the fic leading in the end!

MAN I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Anytime I can provide some meta or give some insight to Natia who is just one of the best characters I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with, I’ll gladly answer!

The thing I enjoy writing about Natia the most I feel, and I’ll probably always say this, is her complexity — as a writer, her character orders a healthy challenge for me that I gladly have accepted! You don’t know everything about her as a reader and as you read each chapter, that’s how you slowly uncover and discover what she hid about herself to protect herself. There’s so many different aspects of her that I could discuss truly!! (There has been so many parts that I’ve scrapped because I read through and just think “Man this doesn’t seem like Natia!”. She’s tricky sometimes to stake down exactly how she would react because of her past and her trauma and how long she’s been in war, but I just LOVE it!)

Many different aspects of her character though, come from her past and that’s what makes her interesting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the ideology of “Chekov’s Gun”, a writing device that can be used, with how I will mentioned something and it almost might seem out of the blue, yet later it all just makes sense?! When the flashback is revealed or a small portion of her past is finally allowing *light* in. It's a device I've used with Natia that has just really helped to develop her story at the pace I want it to be revealed! :D

For example, the OCEAN is mentioned many times. I make constant reference to the WAVES, the RECESSION of them from time to time, the comparison of the OCEAN both ABOVE and BELOW surface — all of that sorta stuff! For her character, it seems a bit out of place. She’s COLD. She’s NUMB. She’s BROKEN. What does an open body of water consuming at least 70% of the Earth have to do with an OC based in Warsaw, Poland?

This is where the importance of her PAST will play it’s role, as it has a major INFLUENCE on her and her CHARACTER and her MORALS. One of the main reasons the OCEAN is inherently connected to Natia is because of her PAST and one of those main reasons is AGENT MORTEM and her TRAINING, especially WATER training. I can’t comment further on this though as readers have only touched the tip of the iceberg for the use of the OCEAN and it’s IMPORTANCE so far in this fic! (Ask me again about it once this fic is finished up for the most part, unless….by Part 4 readers understand why!)

Natia just remains a character who constantly is developing and changing inside my head - where I want her path to ultimately end up leading by the end of the fic, where I want both her mental head space vs emotional head space should be and etc. So many portions of this fic are dealt specifically on her internal monologue and how she calculates and problem solves from that portion of her sort of *engagement* within the conflict. There never seems to be a dull moment when writing her!

Another thing I really have enjoyed about writing Natia is her clashing personality traits that make her interesting to write in both different scenarios and reactions. She's stubborn yet humble. She's numb and cold but internally extremely caring and giving and filled with these bottled up emotions. She's mentally strong yet she's been through so much and let the war take so much. She never complains about what she's doing, but she's lost nearly everyone she loves. She's a fighter in this war and refuses to back down from a battle she know she can wage, but the second she is pulled from the aspect of war, things crash and burn around her. Just even these few combating sort of things, really show her character and what, through writing, has slowly developed! They always lay around in the back of my mind and it's one of the main things I remind myself when I write Natia all the tme.

I think one of the most important things I've learned from both writing and creating a character like Natia is that (1) it's okay to ask for help, about anything, literally anything. You don't have to confine everything to yourself and build up this immense pressure to do what you must to continue moving forward. It's okay to have people there to help you and support you. (2) It's okay to be strong alone and even if you seem to be the only one on the current path you're are on, it does not mean you are wrong. it can still lead to the right destination in the end!

Oooo okay! AGENT MORTEM!! I am totally down to chat about some things I've loved to write with him with and some challenges I've discovered, but as far as what I've learned from him, I will be holding off and could answer that when the entire fic is both completed and then updated on platforms....just because ;) don't want to give away any spoilers haha! <3

Something I've enjoyed about writing and crafting Agent Mortem is letting him remain as mysterious and secretive as he is for so long. Initially, I can't even begin to recall what his character would be like even a year ago, but seeing where he has developed now, I'm really happy with where he is. He's mysterious, he's shadowed, he seems like a figure in the background, a past mentor who is half deranged and lost his mind with a background with so substance. It makes for such a fascinating way to begin to reveal his past! (something I've began to insert into part 4 of Landslide and man I'm just so HYPE!)

I feel I'm excited simply because he's finally getting the time and moment he deserves to finally explain and show himself as to what has occurred. There's so many fractured and disconnected parts of what is currently going on with Natia and her connection to both Agent Mortem and then Death is tossed in the mix and it seems this big complicated mess of 'how' Agent Mortem got to be this way, 'why' he does a thing such as this, just different and varying aspects such as that. it makes for those big final reveals to all be even more worth it!

He has been quite the challenge though I will admit. There's so many perspectives he could quite possibly be viewed from and his *character* + morals/values could be pulled in a various amount of ways as well. Making sure he accurately comes across the way I want him to both appear and come across to the reader and to myself has definitely been tricky. He's not as easy as suspected, you know, not just a 'dude who had a bad day and went insane in the end', there's a whole multitude of levels and reasons and a deep, heavy and traumatizing background starting from his birth really (which is a whole other story). Managing and balancing that all in one has definitely been something I've had to keep on top of and monitor but I feel has really been worth the challenge in the end. Because at the end of the day, I'm someone looking to constantly challenge myself.

And a good challenge, whether it be writing or academics or a workout, is healthy and GOOD! That's what Landslide in a whole has really shown me, to challenge yourself daily to see where you can push yourself and your imagination and creativity, just to see where you can even go!! it's exciting and refreshing!

Thank you so much for this wonderful ask Rose! I appreciate it more than ANYTHING as you well know, and I know it's taken me *quite* some time to answer, but I've been working on it for weeks now and finally got it out because it was ready! I really wanted to take my time with it and develop it to its full potential in the end and I feel I have (without giving away any spoilers haha!) As always, please know if you have any further questions regarding Natia Filipska, Agent Mortem, Death (along with other characters of Landslide), writing, the process (my own included), tips for writing/planning, or just anything else in general, I will always be happy to help in anyway I can! You're always welcome, anyone always is!!! <3333 Thank you again, I had so much fun doing this more than anything! :D

#writing #writing tips #band of brothers #bob fic #band of brothers fic #also hello landslide day tmr and it’s a good one hehe :d #natia filipska #agent mortem #death (character)#basic aid on characters + writing/planning #plus gathering thoughts #thank you again for this rose! i had so much fun! <3333

9 notes · View notes

thewatsonbeekeepers · 3 years

Text

Chapter 12: Three Men in a Boat [TFP 2/3]

[This was completely missing from my tumblr, via every search function and everything! So I’ve reuploaded - thanks anon for letting me know!!]

This section of the meta is going to deal with the events at Sherrinford – I’ve broken TFP up into three sections to try and get the most out of it. This isn’t just a read through like the first part of the meta, it has a specific structure, much like Eurus’s trials for the boys, so it’s really important to take this bit in one chapter. My hypothesis is thus – that each episode of s4 has been a different obstacle to be broken through in Sherlock’s mind, and that each of them is represented by one of the different Sherrinford tasks. It’s essentially an illumination of Sherlock’s progress through his mind – but it’s set up by Eurus, who is Sherlock’s mental barrier, so these are going to represent Sherlock’s darkest fears about each of the obstacles. Ready? Let’s go.

We take up the episode at the pirate hijacking, which is quite BAMF, but also illuminates a couple of things that we should bear in mind going into this episode. The first is that the transition from a blown up Baker Street to Sherlock and John hijacking a boat without a scratch on them is absolutely bizarre and leaves SO many questions – it’s dream-jumping of the most obvious kind. The second is that water has played a long role as a metaphor through the show, particularly in the EMP sequence, and it’s climaxing now – we are in the deepest waters of Sherlock’s mind.

Mycroft and John working together in the disguise sequence is metaphorically lovely – in the Oscar Wilde scene of the last part we saw Sherlock’s brain and heart finally coming together, and here for the first time they’re working together to give Sherlock the ability to go and confront Eurus. This is what makes Mycroft’s line so powerful. He says:

Say thank you to Doctor Watson. […] He talked me out of Lady Bracknell – this could have been very different.

Comic throwaway? Maybe. But given what we know about Lady Bracknell from the first part, this also has a more powerful meaning – heart!John finally stopped brain!Mycroft from being an obstructive force in Sherlock’s psyche, and they started working together instead to save him. This could have been very different is far more loaded than it sounds. All this whilst creating an image of Mark Gatiss as a Victorian aunt – wonderful.

When we first meet Eurus proper, her similarity to Sherlock is striking. She plays the violin – this isn’t a Holmes thing, because Mycroft doesn’t – it’s Sherlock’s motif throughout. Her hair is like a feminine Sherlock, her pallor and cheekbones match Cumberbatch. For reference, this is a picture of Sian Brooke and Benedict Cumberbatch together in real life.

I’ve done a section on why I think Eurus is the most repressed part of Sherlock’s psyche, and his traumatic barrier to love and life – I sometimes glibly refer to this as gay trauma, but that’s its essence. The similarity between Brooke and Cumberbatch in this scene is really compelling, looking the same but lit and dressed in opposite colours. Similarity and difference both highlighted. Even nicer, the white of Sherlock’s shirt is the same notable brightness as Eurus’s uniform, but it’s hidden under his jacket – a visual metaphor for her being hidden inside him.

Eurus gives Sherlock a Stradivarius as a gift. This should set alarm bells ringing for anybody who has seen TPLoSH. If you haven’t seen The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, please do so immediately because my God you are missing out, but TLDR – a Russian ballerina offers Holmes a Stradivarius to have sex with her so she can have a brainy child, and he declines because he’s gay. (This is not just my interpretation, this is genuinely what happens, just to be clear.) Eurus giving Sherlock a Stradivarius is a deliberate callback to the film which Mofftiss cite as their biggest inspiration; just like the ballerina tempted Holmes to feign heterosexuality, so does Eurus – and both make clear that it’s not without its rewards, which is unfortunately true for real life as well. This moment in Sherlock’s psyche also recalls the desperate unrequitedness of Holmes’s love for Watson in TPLoSH, a reference to our Sherlock’s deepest fear at the moment – he has realised his importance but not John’s romantic/sexual love for him, as we’ll see. So here, trauma!Eurus isn’t just referencing closetedness, but is actively drawing on a history of character repression with which to torment Sherlock – metafictionality at its finest.

The Stradivarius is specifically associated with closetedness, but violins more generally in the show are used to show expressions of love that can’t be voiced out loud – think of John and Mary’s wedding, or the desperate bowing of ASiB. So Eurus, gay trauma that she is, telling Sherlock that she taught him to play is a moment of distinct pain – she is the reason he can’t speak his love aloud, but instead has to speak in signs.

When Sherlock plays ‘him’, rather than Bach, to Eurus (he has a big Bach thing with Moriarty in s2, take from that what you will because I don’t know!), he’s playing Irene Adler’s theme. As a fandom, we’ve generally agreed on associating Irene’s theme with sexual love, which ties in nicely with Eurus’s question – has Sherlock had sex? It’s unanswered. At the end of ASiB, Irene calls Sherlock the virgin, suggesting that he hasn’t.

My favourite moment in s4 without a doubt is Jim dancing to I Want To Break Free. I know it’s the most boring thing to say, but my two greatest loves are Andrew Scott and Freddie Mercury, so it was like Christmas. Here it is also Christmas, but there are two possible timelines. I hypothesise that this refers to Christmas 2010, but it’s absolutely conceivable that it could be Christmas 2009. If we acknowledge that Sherlock is in a coma in 2014, then five years ago is Christmas 2009; however, given that we’ve jumped to 2015 in dream time, I’m going to make the guess that Jim’s visit to Sherrinford is supposed to take place in 2010. This ties up with the idea that this is when Moriarty first started taking an interest in Sherlock, who had never heard of him before ASiP, particularly as this is all in the EMP.

I firmly believe that Jim represents the fear that John is in danger – I highlight this in the chapter on HLV, where you’ll recall we first encounter Jim in the EMP and he sends Sherlock on his journey through the EMP with the words John Watson is definitely in danger – a pretty big sign. Even without this, though, his biggest threat to Sherlock has always been hurting John, whether in TRF or with the idea of burning the heart out of him with Semtex. It’s not unreasonable then to assume that MP!Jim first getting inside Sherlock’s subconscious to represent this fear happens in 2010, when he first meets John. He slips in and stays there, and he melds with Eurus. We see this in the powerful visual of the two of them dancing in front of the glass as Jim’s image slowly becomes Eurus’s reflection – the fear of John dying embeds itself into the gay trauma that Sherlock has stored up, even without him realising it. This ties in nicely with the choice of I Want to Break Free, which is famous for its use of drag in the music video – Jim melding into Eurus is the dark side of queer genderbending that we hate to see. It’s also a pretty fitting song name for an intensifying of repressed gay trauma, even without the association with queer king Mercury.

[A side note to all of this – there were wonderful TEH metas about trains in tunnels being sexual, which isn’t just a tjlc thing but is a well-established idea in cinema – Moriarty’s consistent train noises here seem like a horrifyingly inverted version of that sexual longing.]

Task 1 – The Six Thatchers

The governor is set up as a mirror for John in this task, which provides some helpful context for the episode as a whole. Heart!John makes this comparison himself, by drawing out the similarity between the situation with the governor’s wife and his with Mary, though in this case the governor does kill himself because of his wife – or so it seems. The suicidal instinct matches with everything we’ve learned about John in s4, but I want to hypothesise, perhaps tenuously, that he’s more connected with Eurus than we might think. We know that Eurus has had control of the governor for quite some time, and one of the things we hear her saying to the governor in the background of the interrogations is that he shouldn’t trust his wife. This is an odd thing to pepper into the background when he’s about to commit suicide for her, and perhaps suggests that he’s more of Eurus’s pawn than he lets on, though I grant this may be spurious.

The idea that he distrusts his wife because of Eurus is important, however, because we’ve already seen John engage with Eurus in various forms, but this seems like an extension of E; Eurus, aka Sherlock’s hidden self, has been making John doubt Mary, even before she shoots Sherlock. John cannot know she’s a spy at this point, so it’s unlikely he’s doubting her goodwill; he’s simply doubting her.

Before we look at how the actual task impacts the governor and how that illustrates what’s really going on in TST, it’s worth pointing out that it is the governor’s engagement with Eurus which prompts the entire shutdown of Sherrinford and forces Sherlock (with brain!Mycroft and heart!John ever at his side, of course) to engage once and for all with Eurus. This points to everything that s4 has been telling us – that Sherlock’s understanding of the relationship between him and John, including his power to save him (we’re going to see the governor play the foil here) is what sends his brain into stay-alive-overdrive. Sherrinford is the peak of this.

Summary of the task, for those who hate TFP: Sherlock is given a gun and told he can pick either John or Mycroft to kill the governor, otherwise the governor’s wife will be killed by Eurus. As I’ve written about in its chapters, TST is about Sherlock trying to get to the bottom of Mary and why she tried to kill him – and, of course, the impact this will have on John. In brief, by displacing the shot onto Mary in his mind, he’s discounting his own importance and instead thinking about what it will mean for John to lose Mary. His greatest fear is that losing Mary will break John, and it isn’t until the end of TLD that he recognises that the return of John’s suicidal ideation isn’t over Mary, but over him. TFP presents the horror version, the version of TST that Sherlock’s trauma wants him to believe but which he has to overcome. In this case, Mycroft and John resolve to keep the governor alive in their passivity, but that passivity – Sherlock’s coma – is not enough to keep the governor from killing himself over Mary. This is the most feared outcome from Mary’s death that Sherlock can think of – his fear of losing John combined with John’s love of Mary, which in TST Sherlock is still taking as read.

Double naming in this show should never be neglected, and in this case we learn shortly before the governor dies that his name is David. Again, the dramatic manner in which we learn this (on the moment of execution) draws our attention to it – we know another David in this show.

Yup – Mary's ex who’s still in love with her from TSoT. So even though Sherlock is experiencing the panic of John killing himself for loss of Mary, his subconscious is still pointing out to him that that’s not what’s happening here. This mirror version of John that he has set up, who is broken by the loss of Mary as Sherlock fears in TST, is actually the other man in Mary’s life – even with Eurus forcing the worst possible scenario onto him, this still can’t quite fit John’s character. And so we move onto the second task.

Task 2 – The Lying Detective

This section of the Sherrinford saga is the three Garridebs, the closest thing that the fandom has ever got to a collective trauma. I do think, however, that it’s fully reclaimable for tjlc and means the same as we always wanted it to; I also think that it’s possibly the most gutting part of Eurus’s metatfictional power play.

If you haven’t read The Adventure of the Three Garridebs, it’s quite short and the most johnlocky of the Holmes canon, so I’d thoroughly recommend. For the purposes of mapping bbc!verse onto acd!verse, however, here’s the incredibly short version. A man called Evans wants to burgle Nathan Garrideb, so he calls himself John Garrideb and writes an advertisement from a man called Alexander Hamilton Garrideb (make of that what you will, hamilstans) declaring that he wants to bequeath his fortune to three Garridebs. “John” gets someone to pretend to be a Howard Garrideb to get Nathan out of the house to meet him – he comes to burgle the house but Holmes and Watson are lying in wait. He shoots Watson, and Holmes thinks Watson is seriously injured and so we have this wonderful section:

“You’re not hurt, Watson? For God’s sake, say you are not hurt!”

It was worth a wound–it was worth many wounds–to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.

“It’s nothing, Holmes. It’s a mere scratch.”

He had ripped up my trousers with his pocket-knife.

“You are right,” he cried with an immense sigh of relief. “It is quite superficial.” His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. “By the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive. Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?”

Mofftiss have referenced this moment as being the greatest in the Holmes canon for them, the moment when we see the depth of Holmes’s affection for Watson, and so it seems odd to waste it on such a tiny moment in TFP. Many fans, myself included, were really upset to see Eurus drop all three Garridebs into the sea, the implication being that tjlc would never be real, and it was that moment that caused many (including me) to walk away. I came back, obviously, but I completely understand why you wouldn’t. However, I want to map one Garridebs story onto the other to show how they might match up.

The Garridebs that Eurus presents us with are not the three Garridebs from the story. In the story, there are three physically present Garridebs – Nathan, John and Howard – although admittedly only Nathan is an actual Garrideb. Alexander was completely invented by John and existed only in a newspaper advertisement. Evans, alias John Garrideb, is the criminal in the Garridebs story; Alexander is an invention.

So – what happens if we substitute John for Alex in bbc!verse, as in canon they are the same person? This is interesting, because double-naming means that John becomes the killer. Whilst it’s true that John Garrideb is known as Killer Evans for his murder of a counterfeiter back in America, in canon he is done for attempted murder – of John Watson, of course. Here we have a situation where a John is set up killing John. This is exacerbated by the victim in bbc!verse being called Evans; Roger Prescott, the counterfeiter, would have been a much more canonical nod to the books, so we can assume that the choice of Evans is therefore significant. It should be noted that Evans and John/Alex Garrideb are the same person in acd!canon - so killing Evans is a representation of suicide. But, in case we weren’t there yet, the reason that Evans took the name ‘John’ is acd!canon is very likely to be because Evan is Welsh for John – so whatever way you look at this situation, you have Sherlock deducing John killing John.

This is, of course, exactly what Sherlock deduces at the end of TLD, far too slow, when we see Eurus shoot John in an exact mirror of the shot from TST – I explained in a previous chapter why this means that John is suicidal without Sherlock. However, much like the passivity of Sherlock, John and Mycroft in the first task, here we see that Sherlock’s act of deduction is good, but can’t actually save anyone; Eurus kills off our Garridebs moment as Sherlock is left to watch, and it’s notable that heart!John is the most distressed about this. Remember, in the first task Eurus left Sherlock with an image of a John who was suicidally devoted to Mary, and although the Garridebs moment is one which metafictionally highlights the relationship between Sherlock and John, she’s still presenting him with a Garridebs moment in which he is fundamentally unable to save John. This is a direct result of the Redbeard trauma that Sherlock has experienced – helplessness is key to that, and this is what Eurus has come to represent in his psyche. But – Eurus isn’t real, Eurus is testing Sherlock, trauma trying to bring him down, and Sherlock’s job in TFP is to break through the walls that his consciousness has set up for him.

The power in Sherlock saying I condemn Alex Garrideb is heartbreaking, then, because it is Sherlock recognising that he is the reason that John is going to die. Eurus is there to make him confront that reality, which she explicitly makes him do. We get the split-second moment where he thinks he’s saved Alex, and then he’s plunged into the sea – but remember, this is Eurus taunting Sherlock, presenting him with worst-possible-scenarios. TFP is set up as a game for a reason – it is a series of hypotheses cast in Sherlock’s mind by his trauma that he has to break through one by one. Remember, although she’s ostensibly trying to hurt Sherlock, Eurus’s ‘extra’ murders in the first two tasks are aimed at hurting John, which wouldn’t make sense if he weren’t the mp version of Sherlock’s heart.

Task 3 – The Final Problem

Pretty much straight after this episode aired, people were pointing out that Molly is a clear John mirror and that pretty much all of the deductions Sherlock makes here could be about John. Again, we’re seeing Sherlock’s emotions being resolved in a heterosexual context – the presence of Eurus means that he’s unable to process them in their real, queer form. However, if we take Molly to be a stand-in for John in this scene, it may tell us what TFP is about – and the scenario that Eurus presents will be the worst one, the thing that is causing Sherlock the most pain.

TLD/the previous task have shown us that John is in imminent danger, so the transition to Molly Hooper’s flat being rigged with bombs is not a difficult one; we must assume this to be the suicidal ideation that we’ve just deduced. The time limit suggests that Sherlock is running out of time to save him (fucking right he fell into a coma SIX YEARS AGO). Putting Molly in a bad mood isn’t really necessary for this scene – they make her seem a lot more depressed than she would necessarily need to be, and they emphasise her aloneness and her ability to push people away, which isn’t something we know Molly to do. These traits are all much more important in the context of a suicidal John – they paint a much clearer picture of someone who is depressed and alone than we really need for this scene, where it’s not relevant to the surface plot.

Sherlock and the audience believe he has won this task, but of course he hasn’t - there were never any explosives rigged up in Molly’s flat, and it was a ruse to destroy his relationship with Molly. This is what he fears then – what if he’s wrong? What if coming back to life because he loves John won’t save him – it will destroy him and their relationship? The problem to be wrestled with is how to save John – according to the symmetry of these tasks, that is the final problem. We know that the scenario Eurus has presented isn’t real, but Sherlock doesn’t; he is being held up by his inability to cope with interpersonal relationships, and to get to the bottom of that we’re going to need to understand what he’s been repressing – part 3 of this meta.

There’s a wonderful shot just as Sherlock is destroying Molly’s coffin which zooms up and out through a ceiling window, all the way above Sherrinford, as though to emphasise not how remote Sherrinford is but just how deep inside it Sherlock is. Given what we know about the height metaphor as well as the water metaphor, this shot is a pretty clear way of telling us – this is as deep inside Sherlock’s mind as we go, this is the nub. But Sherlock smashing up the coffin has another powerful connotation – he's refusing death. In terms of metaphor, he’s refusing John’s death – there will be no small coffin, because he will not let it happen – but the visual of him smashing the coffin also suggests that he is rejecting his own death. The two are, of course, inextricably linked. Our boys’ lives are tied together.

Epilogue: The Hunger Games

I can’t watch this without thinking of The Hunger Games, I just can’t! But regardless of how much Sherlock seems like Katniss in this section, let’s press on. I don’t count this as one of the typical tasks, because this isn’t Eurus presenting a ‘haha I tricked you scenario’ - far from it. This is Sherlock’s way into unlocking his repression. The key takeaway from this scene, as we’ll see is that trauma has hurt Sherlock, and it’s going to try pretty hard here to mutilate him – but it can’t kill him.

We get a great line from Sherlock at the beginning of this, where he tells John that the way Eurus is treating him isn’t torture, it’s vivisection. Because it’s an experiment? Perhaps. But the more logical way to phrase this would be that it isn’t vivisection, it’s torture. Torture is much more emotionally charged than vivisection as a phrase – from a writer’s perspective, this phrasing is strange because it seems to negate rather than intensify the pain our characters are undergoing. Why, then, would vivisection be more important than torture? Well, put simply, vivisection is the act of cutting someone open and seeing what’s inside – and that’s what we’re doing. This isn’t just an analogy for experimenting on people, it’s an analogy for going literally inside somebody. In EMP world, then, these words are well chosen.

Sherlock is offered the choice – John or Mycroft? Heart or brain? We might initially think that this is Eurus pressuring Sherlock into death, but that’s not the case at all – we know from the early series that Sherlock has survived before (although very unhappily) with just one of these two dominating the other. It has taken his EMP journey to unite them into a functioning entity, and Eurus is bent on destroying that, mutilating either his emotional capacity or his reasoning, the two parts that make him human. This is a good sign, as well, that trauma has been acting on Sherlock through the first three series, when his psyche was dominated by brain!Mycroft - Eurus is keen to revert to that state, when trauma had control. It is touching, then, that brain!Mycroft is willing to relinquish that control and leave Sherlock with his heart, perhaps because this new unity allows him to recognise how damaged the Sherlock he created was. We should also note that this diminishing of Sherlock’s heart is compared to his Lady Bracknell, which we know to be his repression of all Sherlock’s romantic/sexual impulses – except this time it’s less convincing, because his brain doesn’t believe it anymore. What is also devastating is heart!John’s lack of self-esteem or knowledge, the sense that he isn’t useful to Sherlock, which of course will be proven wrong.

[if anyone has thoughts on the white rectangle on the floor, do let me know. It’s bugging me!]

Mycroft says that he acknowledges there is a heart somewhere inside of him – again, this is emotionally powerful in the context of the brain/heart wrangling that we’ve seen inside the EMP. Just as Sherlock’s psyche has tried to compartmentalise them all this time and they’re finally working together, now there’s an acknowledgement that the compartmentalisation into personae is maybe inaccurate as well – brain!Mycroft’s pretence to be emotionally detached is not in fact correct, as we’ve been suspecting for a long time.

Brain!Mycroft also states that it’s his fault that this has all happened because he let Eurus converse with Jim. If you spend any time thinking about the Eurus + Jim meeting, like many elements of this show it doesn’t make sense. There isn’t a feasible way this could have been planned, recorded etc in five minutes, and although it’s true that Jim could have come back to shoot the videos under the governor’s supervision, it’s not clear why he’s so important. Unless he takes on the metaphorical significance that we’ve assigned him, letting Jim see Eurus seems pretty unimportant – he is only the garnishing on Eurus’s plan. Instead, Mycroft is at fault for letting John be in danger – not only did Sherlock misdeduce Mary (although we can lay the blame for that at the feet of heart!John - see meta on TST), his reasoning was blinded and so he missed John’s suicidal urges and the danger to his life. Brain!Mycroft holds himself responsible – all of these EMP deductions are way late, comprised of things Sherlock should have noticed when his brain wasn’t letting his heart in.

Five minutes. It took her five minutes to do this to all of us.

The lighting is dramatic, so I can’t properly gauge Ben’s expression at this moment, but his eyes look crinkled in confusion, just like they are at the moments when a sense of unreality starts to set in in TAB. Indeed, these aren’t very appropriate words for when you’re about to kill your brother; it’s like he’s being distracted, like there’s something important that he’s missing. Mofftiss are drawing attention to the sheer impossibility of the situation – and Sherlock’s nearly there. His Katniss Everdeen move, threatening to kill himself, is the recognition that his trauma doesn’t have that power – it can hurt him and deform him by twisting his psyche into unbalance, like it has before and like Eurus is trying to here, but it cannot kill him. We can see that Sherlock has risen above the one-sided dominance that he began the entire show with when Eurus shouts at him that he doesn’t know about Redbeard yet – that’s not going to change his mind today, but it’s a direct throwback to the days when it would have, in ASiP with the cabbie. Character development, folks.

The shot of Sherlock falling backwards into the dark water links to two aspects of the EMP. One is the continued metaphor of water to represent sinking into the depths of his mind. The water is so dark it looks oily – it could be argued that this is the oil that is corrupting the waters of his mind as we finally cut to the repressed memories. I quite like this reading, though I have little other oil imagery to link it to in the show. The other notable point is the slow-motion fall backwards – instead of showing Sherlock, John and Mycroft all falling, we cut to Sherlock falling backwards exactly like he did in HLV when he was shot by Mary. This is a really clear visual callback. Even though we’re going deeper, we’re linking back to the original shooting, back in reality, suggesting that this depth is paradoxically going to lead us back to the start. To go back to the oil imagery, don’t forget that oil floats on water – although it looks like we’re sinking, there’s a real sense that these repressed memories are actually pulling us to the surface of Sherlock’s subconscious, quite unlike the deep zoom out we saw when Sherlock was destroying the coffin.

And that’s it for part 2 of the TFP meta! Part 3/3 will deal with such highlights as John not being able to recognise bones and presumably getting his feet pulled off by chains. Good thing this is just a dream. See you then!

#meta #emp theory #tjlc

13 notes · View notes

dead-account-sadface · 3 years

Text

this is a very long post and I've been proofreading a lot- but if I made any spelling or grammar mistakes I am sorry.

This is my personal ending to the ME3 trilogy, and this is meant to be a nice calm closure to my Shepard but I tried to make sure it can be inclusive to all Shepards if you like this ending or want to add to it! Because this is kinda designed as a 'happy ending' things might not seem as action packed to others.

I also thought about side things, what could be included if this was a game.

This is just something I thought about and I wanted to share. :)

I will be using they/them pronouns for Shepard to try to be more inclusive for your Shepard!

Context for my Shepard has it has influenced this ending- you can skip it if you want.

J. Shepard is a earthborn, sole survivor, Vanguard.

My sheaprd is full paragon for the most part- I can only remember picking like. 3 renegade options through out the entire series so she is mainly blue :)

Romanced Garrus in ME2/3

Saved the Rachni queen in ME1/3.

Saved Ashely in ME1.

Saved the Council.

Destroyed the Collector base and cut ties with Cerbrus. Rewrote the geth heretics.

Chose to kill the clone.

Got the Geth and the Quarians to work together.

Saved Wrex in ME1 and cured the genophage.

Felt extremely guilty over destroying the Alpha Relay.

Feels even worse about killing the Geth and EDI.

8000+ Glatic readiness, galaxy rebuilt and recovered quickly.

----

The first breath we see Shepard take is soon followed by them briefly waking up. If they have a sole survivor background, they use what they learned on Azuke to set up an emergency signal from their omi tool before passing out. If they don't have that background then they remain unconscious.

No matter what though, Shepard is recovered by the STG, major Kirahee to be precise. (If he is not around, you are saved by an different unit.)

Due to the nature of the Citadel being taken, civilian forces were locked down and protected to avoid being hunted and turned into goo - after the war STG and Asari infiltration teams were sent to the Citadel to recover both living and dead. Shepard was considered a high priority to find dead or alive. Annnnddd they found them alive :)

Earth and it's mass relay recovered quickly, and soon species headed back to their home systems to recover. STG/Salarian government offerd to take Shepard to one of their top private STG hospital on Sur'kesh that avoided the brunt of the reapers, after some convincing Shepard is sent there with some top Allience Medics and Dr. Chakwas. (if she survived)

The treatment they receive is top of the line, with funding from the Allience to ensure Shepard's survival.

Shepard's legs need to be amputated from being crushed under rubble, but the medics on site use some cell regrowth treatment mentioned in the memorial hospital in ME3. Shepard's implants from Cerbrus have become redundant, due to the blast. However, the reason Shepard could survive is that by the end their body naturally recovered over the months they were resurrected to where they are no longer needed. Implants are removed during recovery, physical therapy must be done when they recover, normal healing process. Ect. This process takes months at best, and Shepard is unconscious in a medically induced coma for the majority of it.

Now the Normandy crew! The Jungle planet they crashed on was rich in resources, but there were issues for the dextro crew members in terms of rations. How high your GR was depends on how rough the Dextro crew had it. But they overcame it and fixed the Normandy. As soon as they left the planet's system they got the news about the state of the galaxy and Shepard's location to which they immidently plot the course to the STG facility.

Shepard is still in a coma by the time they get there, and a majority of the crew do try to stay with Shepard during the recovery but later on the crew had to leave to their own planets to help their people. Only Liara, Dr. Chakwas, Joker and your LI remain by Shepard until they wake up. I personally like to imagine that while in the coma, Shepard has dreams like in 3 to do with the Leviathans.

Shepard wakes up, with their LI by the end of their bed.

Soon after all those who stayed meet up with them.

They reunite and everyone is really happy :) no pain here :) but Shepard and the LI get in some conflict as Shepard is immediately trying to get back into the front lines with the Leviathans.

Shepard spills the beans and says why they picked destroy, it also weighs greatly on my Shepard- maybe not to others.

This links into why Shepard is hellbent on getting the Lethvians. In order to make those who sacrificed their lives not be in vain, the Leviathans must be destroyed before they can regain their power and indoctrinate the galaxy. Only once they are destroyed will peace finally be achieved.

LI finally gets on board and they are like; sigh. Damn OK but after this you are retiring.

Most of the remaning crew understands why Shepard picked destroy, but Joker does not and he gets unbelievably angry he leaves the Normandy as their pilot (temporarily) as soon as they dock to the Citadel. Shepard understands why he is angry and lets him go.

Shepard and pals go to the council and ask for their aid- but this time Shepard gives them the extended brief on the Leviathans and that they want a way to destroy them.

The council agrees without much convincing due to Shepard saving them.

They come up with a plan to nuke the Leviathans' homeworld- they destroy the mass relay but they do it with a much, much more powerful bomb that wipes out the entire cluster, not just the system. The next cluter's Mass Relay is a little damaged from it... but nothing that can't be fixed. Its a very top secret plan. And boom! Leviathans gone.

7. Shepard doesn't actually retire just yet, they are offered to be the human councilor but they reject it. Wanting to remain a specter. Offer is then extended to Admiral Hackett- he accepts it. Shepard becomes a advisor to the council at Hackett's request - but she is also promoted to the head of the Allience Fleet. Shepard then spends the remainder of their their with the Normandy and their crew, doing top missions for the allience as well as specter work. They do all the decision making for the Allience in the War Room and it's where they are seen most.

At some point after they destroyed the Leviathans and between getting promoted- sheaprd has two options that can have two different outcomes. These are the the 'major' choices for the game.

The Asari are facing discrimination for hiding the prothen AI even during the war.

If you choose paragon actions to vouche for the Asari- they will not be rejected as a whole but they have lost that superior image they always had. The Asari counciler will owe you a favour if you choose this action.

If you choose renegade actions, the asari will be pushed deeper into discrimination, loosing their council seat, not get hired and get fired from jobs outside of Asari space- becoming a 'fallen angel' of sorts. This leads to a lot of political unrest.

There's also a scene with joker, much like the quest in ME1 with the Turian General and the Consort, drinking away his grief for EDI. If you choose paragon actions, Joker feels better and understands why you had to chose destroy. He rejoins the Normandy as a pilot. (This might need a high charm check and for you to always be civil with him.)

Or you can use renegade options, where he rejoins the Allience as a pilot but he refused to return to the Normandy due to Shepard's cold attitude towards EDIs death.

9. And then once peace is achieved at last, Shepard retires to a tropical place with Garrus and live of the royalties from the vids. Adopt some krogan kids and teach them how to shoot. :D Happy ending!

The ending can change to who you romanced and what you talked about in your game :)

Other things that might happen/ 'side quests':

Major thing: you and all your crewmates from ME1-3 are now considered Reaper and Leviathans experts- if there are any issues with reapers all team mates are called for council when there needs to be a meeting involving reapers. Not everyone can join if there needs to be a physical presence, but you can often have meetings with them when needed in the com room.

1. Cerbrus gets fully destroyed- due to a majority of the troops being husks, they got killed during the blast. Those who were indoctrinated were sent to a galaxy wide rehab that focuses on helping all who were under the reapers' control.

2. All the races in the galaxy who united were offered council seats and the galaxy are 'permentaly united'.

3. There's a follow up 'joke quest', it's like the Citadel DLC but with a bigger focus on the clone. It is taken seriously when it needs to be but there is clone banter. If Miranda is alive, she can help you. If not but Brooks stays alive, you find her in the cloning facility you travel to. You force her to help.

This quest acts as closure for Shepard to how they were made, and they come out happy in who they are. But depending on if you killed or spared the clone, you can have different reactions to the facility and what to do with it. (Paragon salvaging the facility for medical purposes, renegade to flat out destroy it to ensure you're the "only" Shepard remaning.)

4. Political debate to make all VI illegal like AI, to reduce the risk of sentient machines- you can influence this with paragon and renegade options? This links into the Quarians being split from reviving the geth or keeping them dead. There's a lot on unrest towards technology, half the galaxy opting to a return to manual labour permently (mainly civilians) and others wanting to keep advanced technology. (military and government officials)

5. Military unrest from separatist groups, as a specter/head of allience you do a series of quests for species and reunite with your cremates (ie. Garrus for the Turians, Tail for the Quarians, Von Barla for the Volus, ect.)

6. Specter missions for Shepard to Solo, access to Pinnical Station again as apart of physical therapy/rehab back into the millitary.

7. The keeper scanning quest you do in ME1 makes a comback, with what you got the salarian you helped makes an offer to study the keepers further. He thinks about removing the keepers and replace them with matience workers to keep the Citadel running. You can choose to back this idea or reject it.

8. Companions

James becomes an N7. Javik, after defeating the Leviathans, goes to the graves of his soilders and joins them. Tail officially becomes an Admiral. Wrex and Eve lead the Krogan to the glory of the olden days. Garrus is chosen to acend in the turian line of power and he's not too keen on it- even more so if he's being romanced by Sheaprd. Mordin and Legion get respecting statues in the Krogan and Quarian homeworlds respectfully. Anderson gets a special statue where he went up the beam to the Citadel, too.

9. There maybe something to do with Omega, I'm not too sure. I feel like Aria would survive, and if you made her go 'soft' with the general or kept her on her renegade path she might have some interesting dioluge. Idk, maybe she should be left in 3. Just spit balling.

Annnnddd that's all I have! Here's my little slice of happiness I made up to make the pain of ME3 easier :")

Hopefully in the new installment we can get a nice closure like this with Sheaprd and their LI. Maybe if this was like a standalone game it would completely close of the trilogy for new installments- maybe even a ME5 game that brings the Milky Way and Androma together years after this interpretation of events.

#mass effect #mass effect commander shepard #mass effect shepard #mass effect ending #mass effect thoughts #mass effect legendary edition #mass effect 4 #mass effect 5 #mass effect series

5 notes · View notes

noodle-fc · 4 years

Text

If you want honest play in women’s soccer, please learn to recognize it when you see it, or: Stop being salty about the PK foul on Charley, you walnuts.

The scene: Portland Thorns vs. OL Reign, October 10th, 2020, the 42nd minute. The following ensues:

Simone Charley receives a long ball from Lindsey Horan at the edge of the penalty area. She initially heads the ball into the air, then chases it and takes a touch to control. The ball bounces past Kristen McNabb. Making no attempt to play the ball, which is now behind her, McNabb initiates contact with Charley, tripping her. Charley stumbles but keeps her footing, trying to get a shot off. Amber Brooks comes in, kicks the ball but doesn’t clear it. She and Charley tangle legs and fall down. McNabb clears the ball. The referee blows play dead and calls a PK.

Now, I don’t know why 99% of the world didn’t understand this sequence, but I guess it needs explanation. The referee sees a clear foul; fouled player attempts to continue play; referee waits a few seconds to see what happens; no advantage develops; referee stops play and awards a free kick. Yet somehow everyone thinks the PK award is for contact with Brooks?! I submit for your consideration:

This is a clear and obvious foul committed on Charley by McNabb, well inside the penalty area. Tell me truly that if Charley falls down here you’d have any problem whatsoever with a PK call. Watch it as many times as you need.

But she doesn’t fall down. She is impeded and knocked off balance but tries to get a shot anyway. She ultimately fails:

We can all agree that this is not a foul. Brooks plays the ball, Charley is off-balance, their legs get tangled. Happens all the time, nothing special about this except what happened literally 2 seconds before and—astonishingly—apparently very few people can remember such distant past events once a whistle blows.

So here’s the thing. Charley did exactly what we say we want in Women’s Soccer. She didn’t intentionally fall down to get a favorable call. She continued playing. Players are only going to play fairly if it is treated fairly. The referee did exactly that, encouraging what we say we want in Women’s Soccer.

The significance of this call and our reaction to it transcends a single game. The avalanche of complaints surrounding this situation matters. The load of shit the ref’s getting for her decision matters. If you can’t see and understand a play and a call like this, players and referees are going to do the safe thing instead of the right thing. So do you want to complain about this or do you want to keep WoSo from devolving into a diving contest?

#Portland Thorns #OL Reign #NWSL #WoSo #Simone Charley #Amber Brooks #Kristen McNabb

32 notes · View notes

dragonheart-swtor · 3 years

Text

Old Wounds

Summary: In which Erisine reacts understandably poorly to learning Vaylin is under a kind of mind control very similar to what she was once subjected to and forbids Garen from using it, and a disapproving Valkorion has no meaningful sense of boundaries and no qualms about outing Eris’s trauma to Garen without her consent to try and convince Garen she’s being irrational and making a mistake.

Tags: No Archive warnings apply, mind control aftermath/recovery, implied/referenced mind control, hurt/comfort but it’s pretty light this time, KOTET spoilers

Find me on AO3 at Dragonheart37!

-----

Reactions to Garen describing the events aboard the Gravestone and the news about Vaylin's keyword varied.

Nox recoiled, eyes wide and brow furrowed as if she wasn't sure how she felt about this revelation, only that it wasn't a good feeling. Zashiil startled almost as much, glancing across at the rest of the council like she was looking for reactions too. Theron swore under his breath and pushed himself away from the table to pace across the back wall, shaking his head. Lana rubbed a hand over her face, thoughts flickering behind her eyes too fast to read.

The Commander, whose opinion on this development mattered most of all, did not startle, or pace. A split second of shock flickered across her face, and she went very, very still, lowering her gaze to stare at the holotable. Her fingers might have been a fraction tighter on its edge than they had been a moment ago, but Garen had been watching her face, not her hands, so she couldn't be sure.

Lana was the first to speak. “We could use that to stop Vaylin. If we can just get close to her – we can stop her.”

“I don't like it,” Zashiil muttered. “Taking someone's free will from them. Separating them from the Force. It's wrong.”

“So is massacring a hundred thousand people to catch three fugitives, but Vaylin hasn't had any problems doing that,” Lana countered.

“Zashiil's right,” Theron said, turning back to the table and running a hand through his hair. “We can't justify everything with what our enemies are willing to do, or we're no better than them.”

“Lana might be right about this one,” Koth added, though he didn't sound certain. “Vaylin has to be stopped somehow. She's a monster.”

Zashiil glanced at Nox, as if expecting support, but Nox was staring at the table, fingers clenched around her own biceps as she crossed her arms, silent. The Barsen'thor hissed between her teeth. “I hate Vaylin as much as anyone, but it's not right. You know that.”

“Enough,” said the Commander. The word wasn't loud, but it drew the whole room's attention back to her somehow. She was still staring at the holotable, face carefully neutral, but her voice was sure when she spoke. “This isn't an argument worth having. It's not an option.”

The collective shock at the decisiveness of that rippled through the Force. Lana blinked, clearly taken aback. “Commander?”

She looked up now, green eyes hard as chips of jade. “I'm not arguing about this, Lana. I'm taking it off the table. Zashiil and Theron are right.”

Koth made a shocked noise in the back of his throat. “Commander, you can't just – this is Vaylin we're talking about. I don't like it either, but we need every edge we can get.”

“You will not use Vaylin's programming against her,” the Commander said, turning to look Garen square in the face. It was so small Garen could have imagined it, but she thought she heard a tremor in the Commander's voice. “That's an order, Master Garen'ishta.”

Garen recoiled a little despite herself, startled. An order – the Commander so rarely gave those, or at least rarely said it so bluntly, to her councilors. Lana leaned forward. “Commander, I understand your hesitation, but -”

“But nothing,” the Commander snapped, then paused to take a breath. When she went on, she sounded calm again. “I understand the risks and prices. But I won't allow it. There are depths even I won't stoop to. Let whatever price we may pay be on my head.”

Lana didn't get a chance to respond to that before the scene froze, colors fading.

Valkorion's voice interrupted. “Commander Ganne. Such a brilliant woman. And yet so foolish sometimes.” He circled around behind the Commander, shaking his head. “Such an obvious mistake, and she's walking right into it.”

“She's right,” Garen retorted. “It's wrong to – to manipulate Vaylin like that. Even Vaylin.”

“Vaylin is a danger to herself and everyone else,” Valkorion said, eyes narrow. “Your Commander would agree, were it not for her past. She allows her fear to get the better of her.”

Garen hesitated. “Her – her past? What are you talking about?”

Valkorion smiled grimly. “Vaylin is far from her first experience with such programming. She served my Sith Empire. She knows what it's like to have a leash.” He tilted his head, examining Erisine's frozen face. “She was dangerous, too. In a different way. She killed a Dark Councilor; she could have killed more, perhaps. So she was brought under control.”

Garen's brow furrowed as she turned that over in her mind. She hadn't known this; the Commander had never spoken of it. Which no doubt meant she wasn't supposed to know. “None of this matters.”

“Oh, but it does,” Valkorion disagreed. “She's making a critical mistake, one that might cost thousands of lives, all because she's letting her emotions override the logic that tells her she should know better. She sympathizes with Vaylin because she's been Vaylin. That doesn't mean my reasons for controlling my daughter weren't sound.”

Garen gritted her teeth. “Why are you telling me this? You can't expect it to change my mind.”

“Perhaps not. But I hope it will, and that you won't let the Commander's irrational emotions dictate your actions.”

“You're wrong,” she insisted.

“So be it, then.”

The world came back into focus as Valkorion's presence receded. Garen spoke, aloud this time. “I'm not planning to use Vaylin's keyword, Commander. You have my word.”

The Commander's shoulders relaxed slightly, a little of the tension going out of her, as if she'd been braced for Garen to fight her on this. “Good. Now that that's settled, we should talk about Arcann and how to handle him.”

For a moment, Lana looked like she might still protest, but the tone the Commander spoke in brooked no argument, and after a beat of hesitation Lana sighed. “Very well. If you're sure about this.”

-----

Garen found the Commander standing on the edge of the balcony, leaning against the railing with one foot propped behind the other, staring out over the forests of Odessen. She hesitated a few meters away, not wanting to interrupt the Commander's thoughts.

The Commander nodded slightly without turning around. “Garen.”

Garen blinked, then moved up to the railing next to her. “How did you know it was me?”

Erisine smiled dryly, still looking out toward the horizon. “Footsteps. Yours are the lightest out of anyone on the council. And no one outside the inner circle ever comes to find me out here.” She snorted. “Well. No one who isn't Kaliyo, anyway. But she wouldn't have hesitated to bother me.”

Garen shook her head. “You never cease to amaze me.”

“I have to keep some tricks up my sleeves.”

They stood quietly for a moment, while Garen tried to formulate a way to broach the subject she wanted to gracefully. “So, uh,” she started, hesitantly, ignoring Valkorion's disapproval seeping through the back of her mind. “You seemed... pretty upset about Vaylin.”

Erisine turned to look at her, long enough for Garen to start getting uncomfortable before she spoke. “He's told you something you're not supposed to know about me, hasn't he?”

Garen winced. “I'm sorry. I didn't... I can't always shut him out.”

“Don't apologize. It's not your fault.” Her fingers tightened on the railing. “What did he tell you?”

She could feel him projecting himself standing behind her; she ignored him as best she could. “He said you know what it's like to have a leash. You sympathize with Vaylin because you've been Vaylin. That...” She pulled one lek over her shoulder to fidget with it uncomfortably. “That you're letting your emotions override logic, even though you know we should use Vaylin's programming against her. You – you get the idea.”

The Commander's lips tightened a fraction. “I see.” She looked back out toward the horizon again. “I have to ask you to keep this to yourself, Garen. It's true I know Vaylin's... situation better than almost anyone. But I assure you, it's no longer relevant.” She took a beat to swallow, and Garen tried to pretend she hadn't felt the echoes of old hurt in the Force, too strong to block out completely. “I undid my programming a long time ago. It's not a security threat.”

“I know,” Garen said softly. “You wouldn't let something like that compromise the Alliance.”

Before she could say more, she felt Valkorion step further into the front of her mind. “She's wrong,” he said, circling around into view behind Erisine. “She may no longer be under control of a keyword, but her past is a threat to you. She sympathizes with Vaylin.”

Garen frowned. “I wouldn't use Vaylin's programming against her even if the Commander hadn't ordered me not to,” she replied silently. “It's wrong. No matter how much of a threat Vaylin is.”

“And when innocents die preventable deaths because you wouldn't do what was necessary to stop her?” he challenged, arching one eyebrow. “What will you say then?”

That made her falter. What would she? What could she possibly say?

No. Don't let him break you. He was just looking for weaknesses – things he could exploit to manipulate her. She'd come this far and done this much good without needing to justify horrors; she couldn't start now.

He'd felt the hesitation, though, and Garen felt his satisfaction seep into her mind. She focused for a moment, pushing him back into the background again. Time caught up with her – she hadn't even realized it had stopped this time – and the Commander was looking at her, half a question in her eyes. Before Garen could say anything, Erisine said, “He was talking to you.” Garen nodded. “You get this – look on your face. Like you stop registering everything else for just a second.”

Garen sighed. “Valkorion has this trick he likes to do sometimes where he slows down my perception of time so he can talk without being interrupted. That's probably the look.”

Erisine shook her head. “I'll never understand the Force.” She smiled dryly. “He say anything I should know about?”

Garen flicked a lek dismissively, though even that was half-hearted. “Badgering me about agreeing with you. About Vaylin, I mean. Nothing important.”

Erisine mmed understanding. After a beat of silence, she asked, sounding hesitant, “Does he do that often?”

“Badger me?” Garen shrugged wearily. “Not usually like this. He's always listening, and he likes to give annoying commentary. We disagree on a lot of stuff.”

Erisine laughed. “I can imagine.” She sobered again, then said quietly, “I am sorry you got stuck with this. I don't really understand how it all works, but I've had a voice in my head, even if it wasn't a ghost of the Force or whatever. It's not easy.”

“You've had a voice in your head?”

She waved a hand. “Weird – brain stuff. Side effect of the programming. Turns out the human brain doesn't respond very well to external control being forced on it.” She huffed a half-hearted laugh and added dryly, “Can't imagine how that might apply to Vaylin.”

A vague sense of disapproval from Valkorion floated through Garen's mind. She ignored it, again. “I do wonder how much it was his... choking control on her that turned her into this,” Garen admitted softly. “I wouldn't blame her for rebelling, against that. Even if she's taken it much too far.”

Erisine pursed her lips. “No. I can't blame her for that much either.” She looked down, staring blindly over the railing for a long stretch of silence. “Garen, I don't want you to feel like I don't care that I'm putting you at risk. If I didn't think you could beat her...”

Garen reached out to touch Erisine's elbow lightly, just a brush of fingertips. “I know,” she assured her. “I wouldn't use it even if you'd told me to. It's not right.”

Erisine snorted. “Telling your superior you'd disobey a direct order? Brave.”

Garen let a smile crinkle her face. “A Jedi never lies.”

“I think the Barsen'thor would disagree,” Erisine replied, smiling back. She shrugged her arm away from Garen slightly, and Garen took her cue to withdraw her hand from where it still lay against Erisine's elbow. “It's good, I think. To have people willing to push back against me and tell me when I'm wrong. That's one thing the Empire was never good at. Perhaps the Alliance can do better.”

Garen looked out again over Odessen, over the dock below. “We'll pull it off,” she promised. “We'll beat Vaylin. And we'll set things right. All of us, together.”

Erisine nodded. “I hope you're right.”

#swtor #swtor ocs #swtor fanfiction #imperial agent #jedi knight #valkorion #kotet #kotfe #bc let's be real they're the same story in two parts #garen #erisine #fanfiction #my ocs #lana beniko #koth vortena #theron shan #zashiil #duserra

19 notes · View notes

judediangelo75 · 3 years

Text

Little Do You Know...

Hi everyone! So this is gonna be a bit of a songfic featuring Talith (Talbott x Judith). This is gonna be a backstory of when Judith (and her best friend Brooke) ran away from Hogwarts. As I mentioned in one of my story posts, How Talbott Dropped the Question, Judith went back to her homeland, while pregnant with Talbott’s son, Bakari. This is what happened during that time.

There was gonna be implied sexual content, just as a warning.

Without further ado, here’s “Little Do You Know...” ( and the song that https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP4okspbfMM)

--------------------------------

(Judith Harris) (Age: 17, close to 18)

(WARNING: IMPLICATION TO SEXUAL THEMES)

I woke up just moments before my sensitive ears picked up the soft whimpers of Bakari from his nursery.

'Must be time for his late night snack...' I mused quietly as I yawned quietly. I made a move to get up, but an arm tightened around my midsection, pulling me into a warm solid chest. The young man nuzzled my neck, breathing me in before settling again. I felt my cheeks warm a bit and the feeling of guilt creep from the bottom of my heart.

'He doesn't deserve this...'

Little do you know,

How I'm breaking while you fall asleep...

Little do you know,

That I'm still haunted by the memory...

Little do you know,

I'm trying to pick myself up, piece by piece...

Little do you know,

I need a little more time...

I carefully slipped out of Talbott's hold and rolled out of bed. Slipping on a black silk robe that stopped mid-thigh, I quietly exited the room to head to our son's nursery.

Our son...

Talbott and I have been together since we 16, a little after the whole Valentine's Day fiasco. I've fell for the Ravenclaw wizard even awhile before that. What started off as an innocent "He's cute" turned into "I fancy him", which then turned into "I love him."

Crazy how feelings work.

One of things I loved about him was how passionate he was in anything he was interested in.

His studies.

Herbology.

Transfiguration.

Poetry.

Love.

I bit my lip as my thoughts linger on the last one. Although he may not look it, Talbott is actually a very passionate lover. I should know...

I mentally shook my head as I enter my baby's room, his whimpers growing a bit louder as he slowly woke up. Rushing over to the crib, I picked up the little boy.

"Shhh, it's okay my love. Mama's here," I quietly cooed. I couldn't help to admire the young babe.

He came out with a full head of hair, which surprised the hell out of me. Though he inherited my dark brown hair color, he still inherited that gradient effect from his father. The tuft of medium to light brown hair rested on his forehead. His unfocused red eyes gazed up at me with tiny tears in the corners of them. His skin color seem to lean towards Talbott's the older he gets. Though, the shape of his eyes, nose, mouth and face resembled mine. The perfect mixed of Talbott and I embodied in this little being...

Bakari's whimpers quietly died down a little when I held him to my chest, his little hand fisting the material of my robe. I quietly chuckled at the babe's impatience. I walked over the rocking chair in the room, settling in for what might be another long feeding session. I shifted my robe and bra aside, gently guiding Bakari to my nipple.

The babe latched on and began to suckle as I leaned back and closed my eyes. Even though I've been doing this since he's been born, the sensation still feels strange. But a good strange...

Although I'll never regret having this little miracle in my arms, I regret the time I had him...

Talbott and I have been intimate a few times prior to me becoming pregnant. Only difference I was actually smart about it and took a potion daily to act as a birth control. I slipped up thanks to a lot of stressors.

Merula.

Ben.

Rakepick.

My brother.

My mother.

Classes and my studies.

Quidditch.

The final curse vault.

Tch, you name it.

I wasn't taking care of myself like I have been since the middle of 4th year. Talbott found out I was in the Hospital Wing after I passed out in Training Grounds with Brooke, who didn't hesitate to scold me once I woke up. Talbott spent a lot of time trying to take care of me whenever he had free time. I could help but to smile while he fussed over me, recalling the time he told me his mother was a Healer. He definitely picked up a few things from her.

When I got the okay from Madam Pomfrey, Talbott did everything he could to make sure I wasn't over stressed or overworked.

We were in his room one day, with him massaging the tension out of my shoulders from practice duels and being hunched over my books. I felt like jelly under his hands, leaning against his warm body with my eyes closed in bliss. With my hair up in a messy bun, my neck was exposed to his mouth. What started off as soft light kisses turned into gentle bites and sucking love bites into my skin. I turned around and kissed him heatedly.

Let's just say I was finally able to fully relax and rest for the first time in weeks...

But that was just the beginning...

Some time after our passionate time together in each other's embrace, I found myself face first the toilet, violently puking my guts out. At first I though it was probably a stomach bug aand visited Madam Pomfrey. I felt more than nervous when I saw the analyzing look she was giving me as I explained my alignment...

After a few questions (which spiked my nerves) and having to take a sample of my blood, Madam Pomfrey gently pulled me to the side so no one can hear us.

"You're pregnant, Miss Harris..."

My entire world just stopped at those two words. I remember shakily pressing a hand to my abdomen in disbelief. I quietly asked her how far was I. She said a few weeks, give or take. For weeks, I was pregnant with Talbott's child. I cried.

Out of fear.

Out of disbelief.

Out of happiness.

The Healer gave me a hug, calming my tears. I always was in the Hospital Wing one way or another, so I grew close to the older witch. And she was rather fond of me as well. Once I calmed down, she unfortunately had to drop a bombshell.

She had to inform my mother and the Headmaster. As a protocol.

I was okay with Dumbledore knowing.

My mother on the other hand...

I sighed, running my fingers through my son's hair.

I still remember the harsh sting and force of her slap when she visited me in Dumbledore's office. The throbbing feeling as I shakily touched my tender cheek as I gazed up at my mother from my sprawled position on the ground. The anger and disgust in her dark brown eyes. Her cutting words that sliced into me and left me to bleed.

"You bloody disgrace! You sorry excuse of witch! You were sent here to learn and keep your head down like an obedient, proper witch. Not spread your legs for the wizard population and endanger the students here! You never could do what you're told, can't you?! I should've aborted your sorry arse when I had the chance. Don't even think about coming back to my house, you whore. You're disowned and I never want to see your wretched face ever again! Do you understand me?!"

Dumbledore always seem to know I've had a very strained relationship with my mother. Especially since sightings of Brooke's and I's brothers sprang up again thanks to us freeing them. She wanted her baby boy to come home. But instead she had me. When she never wanted me...

The old wizard was shocked as he watched the woman send me one last scorching look before marching out of the office. I left curled up in a small ball, crying my eyes out and quietly whimpering for my Papa. Gods knows how long I remained on that floor. I remember the gentle hand on my shoulder and the soft coos of Fawkes as the phoenix nuzzled my hair, trying to soothe me. I didn't leave that room until I ran out of tears for the moment and I was presentable enough to leave. People talk and I don't want people trying to figure out why I looked like I was a mess.

I eventually got up and silently nodded my thanks to the Headmaster. His eyes were sad as he returned it. I petted the back of Fawkes' feathers before leaving. I kept my exterior emotionless until I reached my dorm. I placed a sound proof charm on my room before letting out a heart wrenching cry. I tore my entire room apart until I sat in the middle of the room, staring at nothing. And that's how my best friend found me.

Brooke hasn't seen me all day and heard that my mother came to visit. When she saw my unresponsive form in the mess that was now my room, she basically jumped over the rumble and held me. That's when the water works kicked in again and I cried in again in my best friend's arms. We were silent until I could compose myself. I quietly explained to her the whole situation.

My condition and my mother.

She was livid. She wanted to hunt her down so bad, I saw the rage in her eyes. But I quietly asked her to leave it be and to keep my condition a secret. She begrudgingly agreed, as long as I promised to make her the Godmother of my unborn child. I weakly chuckled and agreed. After cleaning my room, I carried on like nothing happened. No one knew about my condition but me, Brooke, and the staff at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout tend to fuss over me the most. They never want me doing anything to stress myself out, especially if I wanted to help them set up for class or clean up like I normally do. I often chuckled at them, saying I was fine, even though this pregnancy was a whole bitch and a half.

The morning sickness (thank goodness those passed after awhile).

Dizzy spells.

The sudden waves of fatigue.

The crazy intense cravings (I found myself in the Kitchens a lot for food, Pitts never complained. The old House Elf seem to care for me in a way, especially since my House founder provided the House Elves jobs at Hogwarts.)

The slight bump I had (I had to constantly wear my House robes since they were slightly bigger and hid the bump.)

The mood swings (I had to separate myself from a lot of our friends so I don't go from happy and chill to wanting to bash someone's head in or breaking out into tears in 2.5 seconds randomly.)

Talbott has his suspicions about me. We progressed rather far in our relationship. Where he was able to tell I was hiding something. Plus he noticed the slight weight I put on, though he never voiced this, I saw the curious look on his face. But he never questioned me because usually I would tell him, eventually. Though, how the hell do you tell someone that they're a father at the late age of 16 going on 17?

Lucky for me, I didn't have to.

More time passed and eventually, Brooke and I finally cracked. After she got attacked and lost her magic, and the pressure of the Curse Vaults (with Merula and Ben consisting reminding us) and the adults insisting we leave the Curse Vaults to them (especially me since I was literally carrying another human being inside me), we just couldn't take any more. We secretly made a plan to leave. Though not before leaving a goodbye to the young men we love. I spent one more night with him, getting him to go out with my on a impromptu trip to Hogsmeade and the forest. I spent as much time as I could with him because of the uncertainty of us seeing each other again. The next day, I skipped classes to prepare to leave. I silently cried as I wrote my note to Talbott, constantly having to wipe my eyes so I could see clearly. Brooke and I sneaked into their rooms when everyone was in Great Hall for dinner.

It was hard to leave the letter on his bed. Even harder to walk out of his room. The hardest of all was not even telling him about our unborn child...

But I had to. I didn't want to take him away from his life at Hogwarts. He aspired to become an Auror, to protect others from the Death Eaters, Dark Witches, and Dark Wizards. So they don't have to experience the same loss he did as a young child. He had dreams and I wanted him to be happy. I probably really was cursed. The fact that danger seems to follow me everywhere like a lost Crup puppy was ridiculous. And to tell him that he was gonna be a young teenage father? I would ruin his life before it could even begin. I can't be the girl he wants to be with...

He deserved better than a life with me...

Once we did what we needed to do, we grabbed our stuff and left Hogwarts, sparing one more glance at the grand castle before disappearing into the night.

Right away, we went into training. I tried to help Brooke hone and refine her skills as a werewolf. She was a bit worried about me since I was pregnant but I guaranteed her I was fine. I understood my body's limitations, and tried to take advantage of my lighter weight as much as possible. There were days where the babe in my womb would drain me of all my energy so I had to sit out or at least do the bare minimum of training for the day, which was instructing Brooke in archery.

Thanks to my constant drills by the time I was roughly 6 months, Brooke was an okay shot was much better at tracking and tapping into her werewolf side. I felt bad for being in such a state, especially since I feel like liability (I could still notch a bow and arrow and throw knifes, but was nowhere able to fight hand to hand if need be). I told Brooke that I wanted to go back home, where it was safe and I wouldn't be found. She agreed, especially since she wanted to find out more about her family. Taking the first Muggle flight to Barbados, I left Britain with a solemn goodbye.

I lived in my grandmother's old house, which was surprisingly since up and in fairly good condition. Some of the old neighbors from my childhood recognized me and offered to help clean up the place so I can rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was thankful for them and felt amazing to not have worry about anything for once.

Until Bakari decided that he wanted out. Jeez, I would never forget those contractions for shit. I was just happy when the local midwives cleaned up my baby boy and handed him to me. The love and happiness I felt as I gazed down at that chubby face and unfocused red eyes was immense and overflowing. I called Brooke not too long afterwards so she can visit her godson.

She nearly bust down my front door, eager to meet little Bakari. She would openly coo in his little face, smiling whenever she made him laugh or reveal a gummy smile. She wouldn't stop going on how she was gonna spoil him and teach him all her mischievous ways as the young babe blinked up at her innocently. I would roll my eyes in exasperation but I chuckle nonetheless.

So how did Talbott end up finding out me, our son and where I was at? Simple, he told me, Hagrid. Brooke went back to Hogwarts to scope out everything and to visit Hagrid. We both loved the gentle half giant but I warned her ass that the man can't keep a secret for shit. But she insisted it will be fine.

What was the biggest what the actual fuck of the century: Our brothers came back to Hogwarts to check in on us from trying to find Rakepick. Once they realize neither of us were at Hogwarts anymore, they went up to our friends and demanded answers. Bill and Talbott didn't take this too well, seeing how them leaving us impacted our personalities. Bill and Talbott were ready to fight them. That's when Dumbledore and Hagrid had to put a stop to it before it can get out of hand.

Jamal was rather distraught and angry, wanting to know where I was. Dumbledore tried to reason with him but he was too emotional to really listen. Hagrid meant to mumble to himself that he hoped Bakari inherited Talbott's sense of calmness over my brother's emotional behavior in stressful situations. Of course, damn near everybody heard him.

My brother fell deathly silent and stared at Hagrid, who embarrassedly mumbled how he shouldn't have said that. Dumbledore simply sighed and asked Jamal and Talbott to join him in his office. Where he explained everything.

To say that when I found Jamal and Talbott on my doorstep shook me to my very core would be an understatement. I wanted to shut the door and pretended that I was just dreaming, but I knew better. I let them in and we had a talk. Jamal wasn't pleased to find out that I got pregnant so early, especially who the father was (Jamal wasn't all that impressed with Talbott, thinking he wasn't good enough for me). I did tell him if he talked shit about me, Talbott, or our son, I would throw his ass out the window. I gave zero fucks if I gave birth three months prior and was still recovering, I would not let my "family" degrade me twice.

After proving I can do physical harm to him (clocked him right in the jaw, sent him flying into a wall) and not feel bad for it, Jamal did admit that he was just happy to know I was safe and healthy. And he seem to adore his nephew, even when he spat up milk on him (which I found HILARIOUS). As Jamal played with Bakari, Talbott pulled me aside into my bedroom.

"Why," Talbott quietly asked. I bit my lip as I look into those hurt eyes.

"It's better this way," I whispered. Talbott glared at me, not liking that answer.

"Better this way? For who," he snapped, his eyes growing misty with tears. I remained silent, looking at a nearby wall.

"Judith, look at me." I stubbornly ignored him, which he didn't like at all. A low growl escaped the back of his throat as he firmly grasped my chin so I look into those beautiful red eyes I fell in love with.

"Judith, answer me!" I clenched my eyes shut and roughly shoved him back.

"For you, okay! This is better for you," I hissed. Hot tears burned my eyes, clouding my vision of Talbott's shocked expression. I walked to the dresser, not wanting him to see me cry.

"I did this for you, Talbott. Okay? You already have so much going for you. You're one of the top students at school. You have dreams... goals... a future... I had to face the possibility of being expelled like my brother ever since I even came to Hogwarts when I wanted to keep my head down. I practically scream 'DANGER'. You were right to be weary of me from the beginning. Being around me would only bring you trouble, worry and pain... To suddenly trap you with a baby because I was stupid enough not to take my potions? That's unfair to you. You deserve better than that... than me..." I choked on a sob as my body shook from the force of my sadness. I never heard Talbott come up from behind me.

I gasped when I was swiftly grabbed and turned around by my waist. I didn't have time to breathe when a pair of lips claimed my own. I felt my heart thundering in my chest as I stared at Talbott who picked me up by the back of my thighs and placed me on the dresser. His lips were demanding and harsh as they moved against my soft, vulnerable ones, bruising them slightly. He ended the short but intense kiss, staring down at me.

"Let me decide what good for me..."

After that, Jamal stayed a few days to relish in our dad's homeland before leaving. He made a promise to visit soon and left Talbott a warning to take good care of me. Yes, Talbott ended up staying here in Barbados. He told me he had a personal talk with Dumbledore that he was leaving Hogwarts to stay here to be with me and our son.

That was over 6 months ago. And to this day, I still feel guilty.

I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he had to take care of.

And I have a hard time forgiving myself for doing this to him...

Living together has been much harder than I think either of us expected. It was hard for me to find comfort in his arms like I used to without the guilt threatening to eat me alive. I constantly kept him at arms length, which he didn't like at all. Talbott gotten used to touching me in some way during our time at Hogwarts. In public, it would be us holding hands or and causal touch. In private, he liked to hold me a lot. His favorite way of greeting me was a hug from behind. This sudden cut off seemed to trigger him a little and become slightly clinger, especially in his sleep. And this wasn't technically easier for me either, I find it harder to stay away whenever he gets close.

Doesn't help with me being insecure about myself either. I literally gave birth roughly 9 months ago and it bloody shows. My hips ended up growing a few inches and the baby fat seem to cling onto me. Around my thighs, butt and stomach. The fact I breastfeed Bakari as made my chest full with milk and giving me all types of back issues. And let's not forget my new stretch marks around the areas I gained the most weight. I didn't care what I looked like before Talbott showed up, but with him here and knowing how he likes physical touch made me embarrassed and guilty all over again. I'm the mother of his child at 17. Not a happy reminder.

Then there were the arguments. Talbott wanted to talk about my time before Brooke and I left Hogwarts and I remained tight lipped about it. He knows talking about my feelings is one of the major things I was bad at. I find myself snapping at him to leave it be, telling him that he was a hypocrite on wanting his own privacy when he can't seem to respect my own. I knew my anger was misplaced but I found it difficult to apologize. I found myself in a neverending hole of guilt.

I want to apologize.

To talk to him.

To cry in front him.

To hold him.

To be held by him.

To kiss him.

To surrender my scarred heart to him.

To love him.

Deeply.

Dearly.

Fiercely.

To the point, it was borderline terrifying.

But I can't allow myself that form of vulnerability. I was scared. Scared that he'll finally open his eyes and realize everything. That this was all a mistake. That he should've never left Hogwarts.

That he should've never met me.

If he were to suddenly were to up and leave one day, I wouldn't be mad. I would forgive him within a heartbeat.

But forgetting him, however...

Underneath it all,

I'm held captive by the hole inside...

I've been holding back,

For the fear that you might change your mind...

I'm ready to forgive you,

But forgetting is a harder fight...

Little do you know,

I need a little more time...

I sighed after Bakari finally latched off. I checked the time and chuckled. Nearly 40 minutes...

'Hungry little tike...' I mused as I readjusted my bra and robe. Grabbing a small cloth, I throw it over my shoulder and placed Bakari on my shoulder. Patting his back so he burp up any gas lingering in his little tummy. After a few minutes, I heard a few tiny burps and a yawn. I chuckled and cradled him in arms.

"Nice and full, huh," I asked. A little gurgle was my answer. I let out another soft chuckle before softly singing the song my father taught me. Bakari seems to sleep better whenever I sing to him, which reminds me of his father. I watched his droopy eyes slowly flutter close before falling asleep. Slowly, I rose from the rocking chair and placed him back into his crib. I gently brushed some of his hair from his forehead.

"Goodnight my little prince. Mama loves you," I whispered. I quietly left the room and paused. I wasn't fully ready to go back to bed...

Instead my feet lead me to the patio.

----------------------------

(Talbott Winger)

I'll wait... I'll wait,

I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait...

I promise you don't have to feel afraid,

I'll wait...

The love you see right here stays,

So lay your head on me...

I turned what felt like the umpteenth time. I open my eyes to look at the empty side next me. The spot was faint from her warmth. A warmth I missed dearly...

I've been in the weird limbo of heaven and hell ever since I found about Judith... and our son.

I can't express what kind of gift that she has brought to my life. I understood what kind of trouble I could be tangled with associating myself with her. But there was no escaping the Cursed Children of Hogwarts.

Or Cupid's arrow for that matter...

I haven't loved anyone else outside my family, who were long gone. But it wasn't until I started getting closer to the girl with mystical gold eyes that I felt a different kind of love.

Something more intimate.

Intense.

Sweet.

Terrifying.

I never thought I would have a crush, given how anti-social I am. Nor did I expect said crush to return those feelings, given the way I am. But life has a funny way of proving you wrong. I never thought I would even be in a relationship. I was so against becoming attached to anyone in fear of losing them. But the more I spend time with her, the harder I found it to stay away.

To the point I gave up trying.

Everything about her was captivating. I found myself loving every part of her, even the parts of her that she struggled to love herself. From her scars down to her cute kitten like sneeze.

I love her and wanted her to know that. Even though I was more so reserved, I still would try to express my feelings towards her. Because I know that she has her moments where she holds back from me. I wanted give her the same love she gave me.

A love where it feels like she was never left alone...

A love where it feels like she's never been in pain...

A love that tells her that I'll wait for her until she's ready...

Little do you know,

I know you're hurt while I'm sound asleep...

Little do you know,

All my mistakes are slowly drowning me,

Little do you know,

I'm trying to make it better, piece by piece...

Little do you know,

I, I love you till the sun dies...

Sighing softly, I got out of bed and slipped on some pajama shorts. Glancing over to my side of the bed, I slipped on the ring Judith gave to me on Valentine's Day before heading over to the nursery.

Quietly I opened the door and frowned to see no signs of the girl. I crept inside and made my way over to the crib. I smiled at the sleeping babe.

When Dumbledore told me that Judith was pregnant with my child, I was completely speechless.

"Professor Dumbledore, what did Hagrid mean by 'I hope her son is more like me rather than Jamal?'," I asked when we were inside the Headmaster's office. Jamal had yet to say a word ever since then, possessing a far way look in his gold eyes.

'The same eyes as Judith...' I mused quietly to myself, fiddling with the ring around my finger. I missed the girl dearly. I was hurt and heartbroken when I read the girl's letter. She's all I have, she should knew that anywhere she would go, I'll follow. No questions asked.

The old wizard sighed, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"I'm sure you already have a decent guess by what Hagrid means by that, Mr. Winger. But I'll explain. Before Miss Brown and Miss Harris disappeared, Miss Harris has been feeling ill for awhile. She went to report this to Madam Pomfrey, who had her suspicions but had to run a test to be sure. The test came out to be positive... Miss Harris was pregnant..." I felt everything stop for a few moments. Judith was pregnant...

With my baby?

"WHAT?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SHE NOT ONLY DISAPPEARED BUT SHE'S PREGNANT?!" I almost forgot Jamal was even here. Dumbledore let out another sigh.

"Yes, Mr. Harris. Your sister was indeed pregnant... with Mr. Winger's child." Sharp gold eyes glared at me, fury dancing in them.

"You were the one who deflowered my baby sister?! I outta-"

"Enough." The short command from Dumbledore force the hotheaded wizard to back down.

"I understand you're deeply worried about her, Mr. Harris but hurting the father of her child is not going to bring her back," the Headmaster advised. The young man grumbled under his breath, sparing me a side eye. I resisted the urge to roll my own. Granted, this isn't the greatest first impression I wanted to give when first meeting Judith's family but from what I can understand so far, she doesn't have the greatest relationships with them. At least with the ones who are still alive.

"How come she couldn't just stay with our mother," Jamal asked. I was rather curious about that too. Judith rarely spoke of her mother. Maybe a memory with her and her brother but not much else...

"Your mother, Jamal, disowned her." We both froze. What...?

"D-d-disown?! Our mother wouldn't-"

"She would and she did," Dumbledore stated coldly. I felt my chest ache. So Judith really did have hardly anyone left...

And part of that is my fault...

"Do you know where she is," I asked. Dumbledore sighed and shook his head.

"I... I think I do..." I swiftly turned to Jamal, eager to find her.

"It's a long shot that she'll be there," he warned. I stared him dead the eye.

"I'll take whatever chance there is." Jamal seemed pleased with this answer, saying we'll leave by sunrise before exiting the room. I turned to Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore, there something I wish to talk to you about before I go..."

I pulled out of the memory thanks to my son's sneeze. I chuckled, playing with tuft of hair the resembled my own.

"Bless you, little one," I said softly. The little boy yawned before settling again. Never would I thought to have a child so soon...

But I love the boy just like I love his mother. Sparing one last glance at the sleeping babe, I left his room. If she's not in Bakari's room, then she must be in the patio out back...

With that destination in mind, I made my way start to the sliding door that led to the backyard of Judith's grandmother's old home. Sure enough, I saw her form leaning against the gate lead out into the backyard. Stepping outside, I came up behind her. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around the young woman, pulling her against me. I nuzzled her hair, taking in the sweet scent. Judith wriggled in my arms.

"Talbott-"

"Judith, please. Stop running from me," I whispered, tightening my hold on the young woman. I pulled her with me to the small couch that was there. I sat down, pulling her into my lap. Brushing her hair to the side, I nuzzled the soft skin of her neck while squeezing her close.

Whenever I do get the chance to hold or touch her, I couldn't help to notice her post pregnancy body. Her hips did grew a few inches and she gained more weight in the lower half of her body and in her stomach. I find that my hands tend to gravitate to those areas more, enjoying the softness of her skin and curves. The biggest give away would be the stretch marks on her belly...

"Talbott, must you really touch me there," she whined, swatting my hands again from her stomach. Part of me wanted to pout. I was deprived of her love and affection for months since she disappeared. I was robbed of one of my greatest comforts in this cold world. I'm tired of being denied.

"What's wrong with me touching you? You never complained before," I challenged with a glare. She returned it but her blush ruined any chances of her looking intimidating.

"Well I do now. Not when I look like this..." I frowned.

"Like you were pregnant?" Her blush grew worse as I leaned in and started kissing her cheek.

"Like you were pregnant with my child?" I purred in her ear. I'm not above admitting that I had a possessive streak when it came to her. She is a very lovely woman, any man would be lucky to have her and gain her affections. I was jealous of Andre at first, seeing how much time they spend together and how they went to the Celestial Ball when I chose not to go. Andre liked her more as a friend and part of me thought she saw him the same way. Hearing her admit that she never saw him that way and she only had eyes for me eased that jealousy.

She owned my heart, and always will. She was mine just as much I was hers. Knowing that she carried and delivered my child, watching her take care of him stroked the possessive side of me. She was the perfect mother for our son...

"Talbott..." the soft gasp interrupted my train of the thought. I seem to move without thinking as I found myself kissing on her neck. I pulled away to look at her. Her sweet face was flushed, her gold eyes reflecting her hesitation and uncertainty. I sighed, reigning my desire for the young woman in my lap.

"Judith... we really need to talk... I miss you so much, little bird," I whispered against her neck. I felt her breath hitch in her throat.

"You..." she trailed off. I pulled away, just enough to look into her gold eyes.

"Judith, I know you feel guilty about everything that led us to this point. But please listen and understand that I feel the same way. I ended up getting you pregnant with Bakari, which led to your own mother disowning you. When you already barely had anyone to lean on. I should've noticed something sooner, so you wouldn't have to suffer alone. Where you didn't have to feel like you were alone. I love you and want to be with you... always," I said. Tears brimmed in those pretty eyes of hers.

I'll wait, just wait,

I love you like I've never felt the pain, just wait...

I love you like I've never been afraid, just wait,

Our love we see right here stays, so lay your head on me...

"Oh Talbott... I'm so sorry," she whimpered. I hugged her tight, tucking her head underneath my chin. I quietly shushed her as she cried, running one of my hands through her long strands.

"I never wanted you to believe that this was your fault. I didn't want to trouble you further. Even when you got here. Parenthood isn't easy as I come to learn and I didn't want to burden you with a child. I love you too much to do that to you. So when you came and said you were staying, I hated myself. I felt like I made you walk away from a potential future that'll bring some good in the world. Like you had to come and be with me because of Bakari. I was scared... hell I'm still am. That'll you'll one day wake up and realize being with me is a massive mistake," Judith whispered. I felt my chest tighten as she aired out her grievances. I've learned that she doesn't like speaking about her feelings or emotions, why I can never stay mad at her when she snaps at me. I'll be frustrated, yes, but I can never stay mad.

"Darling, look at me..." I felt her flinch, but she came out of her little hiding spot. I noticed the little tear streaks on her cheeks.

"I could never look at our relationship as a mistake. Ever since I lost my parents, I thought I'll never experience another good thing in life again. I thought that for a long time...until I met you. You gave me one of the biggest blessings I've ever had in my life. Someone to love. Someone to trust. Someone to rely on. Someone to look out for and take care of. You gave me you. Everything about you is beautiful to me. And I love you despite everything that you've been through. I would never want to leave you. Anywhere you go, I would follow. We don't have to be alone anymore. Please let me back into your heart, little bird. I miss you... I miss us. You can depend on me," I pleaded with her. I wanted her to hear me, really hear me. Her eyes were still misty with tears but a small smile tugged on her lips.

"Oh Talbott... I miss us too. And... thank you... for being patient with me. I know I didn't make it easy for you... I love you," she whispered, our eyes locking. I smiled.

"I love you too, darling," I said, pecking her lips. I felt her purse her lips against my own before I pulled away. She pouted and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Talbott..." I shivered at the sound of her voice. Low with a husky edge. I squeezed her closer, leaning in again. Our lips met for another kiss and I was pleased when the young woman kissed me back. The kiss was slow but spoke of an underlying desire for each other. I felt one of her hands tangle in my hair, it's twin slipping under my white tank top. I groaned against her soft mouth. My arms snaked around her waist, pulling her flush against me. She let out a soft hum at my unspoken need to have her as close as possible. The kiss ended with a soft smack.

Her gold eyes held a seductive spark, threatening to set me ablaze from the inside out. Without another word, I picked up her bridal style and heading back inside. Reaching the bedroom, I carefully laid her down against the mattress. My hands found the curve of her hips while my lips reacquainted themselves with the sensitive skin of her neck.

"You sure you want to do this," I mumbled against her neck. Judith's body shivered as my cool breath ghosted over her warm skin.

"I'm positive, Talbott... please, make love to me..." was her soft plea. I pulled away from her neck to look into that angelic face.

"I'm right here, darling. I'll give you what you need," I said softly before capturing those sweet lips in another kiss. Judith's arms wrapped around my neck as she leaned back, pulling me on top her soft body. Her thighs cradling my hips, pulling me even closer. I shuddered when I felt her bite my lower lip, tugging on the flesh teasingly.

Fuck.

My impatient hands found the sash of her robe, undoing the knot and slipping the silk material from her body. I broke the kiss, my eyes drank in the sight of her. Every dip, every curve, every scar, every mark.

Beautiful. Every bloody inch of her. Just beautiful.

And all mine.

I took my time making good on those two claims.

I took my time to worship her. Caressing her soft skin, leaving loving kisses in places she felt the most insecure, whispering soft words of adoration and praise into her skin, tracing every mark with loving attention...

But that didn't mean I held back my desire. Sucking love bites into delicate skin of her neck, lower stomach and inner thighs, taking my time in removing what's left of her underwear, teasing her sweet spots and listening to her needy little moans for more, and my favorite: making her fall apart under my teasing mouth and tongue. Judith was a woman who prefers to keep herself and emotions in check. Watching with red hooded eyes as she wriggles and squirms against the sheets, biting her kiss swollen lip to keep her from vocalizing her evident pleasure, and finally locking eyes with me as she rocks her hips against my lips before coming undone.

Her sweet cry of my name is one of most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. I left a lingering kiss on the little gem in between her legs before pulling myself up to kiss her. Despite her slightly spent state, she tugged down my pajama pants and boxers in one go. I chuckled at her eagerness.

That didn't last long when she set out to give me the same treatment. I felt my sanity slip inch by inch with every sensation on my body. Especially when I felt her lips wrap around me. Soft grunts and moans escaped my throat as she worked me just right. I had to push her off me, not wanting to finish so soon.

She understood and allowed me to lay her back, settling in between her thighs. She whimpered as I gently pushed in. Leaving kisses on her face, I continued until I bottomed out. Gods, nothing can compare to being connected with her on this intimate level...

After a few moments, she nodded her okay for me to continue. Rocking my hips against her, I slowly moved in and out. Her mouth fell open, letting out soft gasps and little moans. Her voice was hush, as if she was whispering a prayer.

Softly she urged me to give her more, squeezing my hips with her thighs. I groaned against her shoulder and rocked harder against her, still keeping the tempo slow. She moaned her approval, moving against me. I bit my lip, eyes rolling at the feeling of her squeezing around me.

Seconds later, I found myself on my back. Judith stared down me with heated eyes as she rolled her hips in circle. I cursed beneath my breath, setting my hands on her hips to encourage her to do it again. And she didn't disappoint.

The room was filled with sounds of our moans, quiet confessions of love and the creaking of her bed. I felt a pressure slowly begin to begin more and more as she rode me.

I tried to pull her off, warning her that I was close. But Judith grabbed my hands and pinned them to the sides of my head. She lowered herself until our faces were inches apart. Her gold eyes bright with desire and love. She lowered her mouth close to my ear, whispering to fill her and mark her as mine. Pleading in my ear, begging me to let go with her. She drew a shape I couldn't remember and I lost it. With her name on my lips in a heated gasp, I gripped her hands tightly as I grind up against her. Judith moaned my name in delight, pulling me into a sweet kiss.

Coming down from our high, the young woman crawled off me to snuggle against my chest. I ran a hand up and down her back as she rested her head over my heart.

"I love you, Talbott," she whispered in the dark. I let out a chuckle.

"I love you too, Judith," I said back. I pulled her back up so I look at her face, admiring her lovely features.

"Talbott, as much as I love having you here with me, I still want you to finish your education and live out your dream," she told me with a serious expression. I frowned.

"I'm not leaving you, little bird," I grounded out, squeezing her close.

"But-" I pressed a kiss on her lips, silencing her.

"I refuse to be without you again, Judith. I'd be damned..." Judith gazed up at me with a flushed face before sighing.

"I'm not gonna like this... but I'm willing to compromise," she offered. I rose a brow at her, waiting for her to continue.

"If you agree to go back to Hogwarts, I'll come back to Britain with you. But I'm not going back to the castle," she proposed. I thought about this for a few moments. It's been a few months but I'm sure I'll be able to catch up with everyone else and still graduate on time. And Judith will be with me...

"If we go back, I'll be keeping you up to date with your studies. Just because you're not in Hogwarts, doesn't mean you can't get a form of an education," I inserted. The girl groaned.

"Ughh, fine," she relented. I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"We can work out more details in the morning, darling," I said as she let out a little yawn.

"Mmm... alright. Goodnight, Talbott. Thank you and I love you," she mumbled.

"I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth, little bird. Goodnight, and I love you too..."

#hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mc #hogwarts mystery talbott #talbott winger #talbott x jacob's sibling #talbott x mc #judith harris

16 notes · View notes

barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Home - Part 20

A/N- Hey!! So this part is just fluff! Lol and a few time jumps as we near the end! 💕

12 weeks pregnant.

Bucky and I had just come out from my 12 week scan, Dr Forester said everything was looking great which was a huge relief! We were currently sat in the car looking at the newest scan photos.

"i cant believe how much has changed since the last scan! You can actually see their babies now!" I said shaking my head "The weeks are flying by Buck!"

"I know! They'll be here in no time" Bucky said his eyes comically wide before he started laughing "i can't wait".

"Me either, now we just have to tell the girls" i looked over at Bucky biting my lip nervously "do you think they will take it well?"

"You kidding me? They'll be so excited baby"

"Yeah?"

"Of course!"

"God i hope so" i mumbled as my hand stroked over my tiny bump, it didnt take long before Bucky's hand reached over to join mine.

"You have nothing to worry about i promise" he kissed me quickly "i cant wait for them to know so you stop hiding this cute little bump".

I rolled my eyes at him before chuckling at the man i loved. Bucky was obsessed with the tiny bump i had, his hands resting over it any chance he got.

"Come on lets go break the news".

When we got inside we found Steve fast asleep on the sofa the girls asleep all around him, Rosie was on his chest, Brooke and Allie tucked into each side.

"Oh my god how cute is that" i smiled down at them pulling out my phone to snap a photo.

"They must have had a busy day at school huh" Bucky laughed "Lets get dinner sorted while they sleep, we can tell them later".

We were all sat around the dining room table an hour later eating dinner, Steve stayed too of course!

"Daddy can i have some more juice please, im thirsty" Allie looked up at Bucky while tapping his arm.

"Sure sweetheart"

"I'll grab it i'm gonna grab another beer anyway" Steve said pushing his chair back and heading towards the kitchen.

"Grab me one too please" Bucky called after his friend.

"Hey, are these the new scan photo's?" Steve called through before holding up the photo's from todays session as he walked back in with Allie's juice and a couple of beers.

"Yeah take a look" Bucky nodded proudly.

"OMG..... look at that!"

"What are you looking at Uncle Steve?" Brooke asked trying to look over at the photo.

"Um, its a secret" he said with a look of panic on his face, he knew we hadn't said anything to the girls yet and he didn't want to be the one who told them.

"Bucky why don't you tell the girls what Uncle Steve is looking at?"

"Yeah?"

"Go for it" i chuckled nervously, hoping they would be happy with the news.

"Okay, girls..... Y/N is pregnant! She's gonna be having a baby... two babies actually"

"TWO?!" Brooke asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah sweetheart, its twins" i smiled.

"Oh my god thats so cool!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!.... but wait, am i gonna have more sisters? I really want a brother" Brooke suddenly asked making me Bucky and Steve burst out laughing.

"We don't know yet, its still a little early" Bucky told her as Allie slipped off of her chair and walked over to stand in front of me. She stood there staring down at my belly looking confused.

"You okay babe?" I asked her stroking back some loose bits of hair from her face.

"There's two babies in there?" She asked pointing to my tummy with her head tipped to one side.

"There is"

"How? They wont fit in there"

"Their still really tiny at the moment Al, but they will get alot bigger soon".

She walked closer and put a hand against my tummy before whispering "hi, I'm Allie. Im your big sister"

It was the cutest thing ever!!!

"They can't hear you Allie" Brooke rolled her eyes at her little sister.

"Sure they can!" Bucky added quickly seeing Allie looking like she was about to get upset.

"They can?" Allie asked as she fell into my arms wanting a cuddle.

"Of course! Thats how they know who you are when their born"

"Sounds stupid" she huffed with attitude giving Allie the stink eye "I hope i have brothers this time"

"We need some more boys around here, Buck and I are outnumbered already" Steve added.

"I totally agree with Steve, but i'll be happy either way" Bucky laughed.

"Well we'll find out soon enough".

Rosie didn't really understand what was going on yet, i think it will effect her more once the twins are here and she's no longer the baby of the family.

The girls were all in bed and Steve had gone home..... i sometimes wondered if he lived here too! I was laying on the sofa watching a movie while Bucky was making me a cup of tea, i had just started to fall asleep when i heard the tiptoeing of a sneaky child who should be asleep! I kept my eyes closed and waited to hear Bucky tell them to get back to bed.

"Hi.... I'm Brooklyn, I'm your biggest sister" i suddenly heard her whispering next to me "i'll take good care of you i promise...."

"Brooke....whatcha doing hun?"

"Um nothing..... i couldn't sleep"

"You wanna come lay with me a while?" I offered holding out my arms, Brooke wasnt usually one for cuddles, she liked to act like she was too old for that. But she surprised me when she nodded and came to cuddle with me.

"Y/N.... i want the babies to know who i am so I'm gonna talk to them all the time"

"Ok hun, thats fine" i chuckled kissing the top of her hair.

"What are you doing out of bed lil miss?" Bucky asked walking in with mugs of tea before sitting back down next to me so i was leaning against him.

"Couldn't sleep"

"I said she can stay with us and watch the rest of the movie then bed"

"Okay okay" he smiled and we all got snuggled on the sofa....10 minutes later Brooke was fast asleep.

20 weeks pregnant.

Waking up with awful heartburn (AGAIN!) i looked over at my phone on the bedside table to check what time it was, 5:15am! Jesus! Id had it bad for the past couple of days now and it was driving me crazy. I slipped out of bed to go head downstairs for a glass of milk and noticed Bucky was already gone.

I poured myself a glass of milk and while i stood in the kitchen taking a few sips i heard the grunting from the basement. Ooh! Bucky must be working out! I smiled to myself before quietly making my way down there. When Bucky and the girls moved in he made the basement into his gym being as it was never used. I stood in the doorway watching Bucky laid on his back making the most beautiful noises as he lifted some weights. I bit my lip as i leaned against the doorframe watching him....admiring him.

"Ahh fuck!" He moaned lifting the weights above his head once again.

I squeezed my thighs together as the sinful sounds shot straight to my core.

"Jesus christ" i mumbled to myself, my eyes raking over his body....

"Hey doll" the sound of his voice making me snap out of the lust fuelled trance i was in.

"Hey"

"You okay? You look a little flushed" he asked looking smug as he dropped the weights and sat up.

"Mmhmm I'm great, just admiring the view!" I smirked taking a sip of the milk while looking at him, his navy t-shirt clinging to his chest....

"Heartburn still?" He asked noticing the glass of milk in my hand.

"Yep" i nodded as my free hand stroked over my growing bump "your boys hate me i swear" i chuckled.

"They don't hate you" he chuckled shuffling over to me on his knees, he placed his hands either side of my stomach and pressed a kiss to my bump.

"Come back to bed Buck.....watching you down here has turned me on like crazy!"

"Oh really!?"

"So much, i need you.... now!"

"How about i just take you right here, huh?" He smirked pulling me down into his lap.

"Fuck yes!" I groaned before kissing him hard and grinding down onto him.

"Your insatiable baby" Bucky mumbled making me laugh.

"Pregnancy hormones are out of control i swear" i chuckled "everything you do turns me on!"

"Is that right?" Bucky said as he slipped a hand into my panties and moaned instantly "god doll your soaked already!"

"I was soaked the second i walked in and heard you making those noises Buck"

"Don't worry, i'll take care of you".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames

#bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastianstan #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #home

138 notes · View notes

kittinoir · 3 years

Text

Phantoms Ch. 8

Read on Ao3

It had been hours since the fight at the Louvre and Marinette’s hands refused to stop trembling. Not from the fight, or the adrenaline, but because of him. She could swear she could still feel the phantom touch of his thumb, gliding over her wrist bone, the echo of his voice in her chest, the press of his shoulder against her cheek.

It was torture, these glimpses of things she could never have.

But she was stronger now. Strong enough, to tell him the truth she’d seen. Strong enough to keep him at arms length. Strong enough to say goodbye.

So why wouldn’t her hands stop shaking?

“You ok, girl?”

Marinette glanced up to see Alya looking at her fingers, her brow furrowed.

“Not really,” Marinette said, pushing down the urge to lie and brush it off as nothing. Honesty had become their new policy that first night Alya had stayed over and the truth had come pouring out - every insane detail, every excuse, every action explained. Every thing she could remember. And at the end of it, she’d sworn to never lie to her best friend again. “But I’m not really ready to talk about it.”

Not yet. Not until Adrien knew first.

Even if he didn’t feel that way about her - not now that he knew ‘his Lady’ was just his friend.

For the best, she told herself. It was for the best.

But it didn’t make her feel any better.

“I’m here for you,” Alya said, gently squeezing Marinette’s fingers. “We all are,” she added quietly.

Marinette glanced behind them at the group of girls that had arrive for their biweekly sleepover. Rose was braiding Juleka’s hair, away from her face for once, while Alix painted a new pair of roller skates. Kagami and Mylene had yet to arrive, and Chloe and Sabrina were running late. No surprise there.

“I know,” Marinette whispered. “Amazingly.”

“There’s not a single one of us who wouldn’t have done the same thing,” Alya said, waving the words away. “Besides, it’s not like you didn’t try to warn me. And how many times did you do me favours as LB when you didn’t have to? Those interviews, the shout outs? You were always my best friend, Marinette, I just didn’t always know it. If anything, I’m the one who didn’t - ”

“Hey.” Marinette put a hand on Alya’s shoulder, stopping her. “Let’s agree to stop apologizing, ok? We’ve both done things we’re not proud of, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other…right?”

“Of course,” Alya said, pulling her friend into a hug. “Deal.”

“Ugh. If this is what I’m in for, I’m going home.”

Marinette pulled away to see Chloe coming up through the trap door as Sabrina pulled her up.

“We’ll spare you,” Alya said drily.

“Glad you could make it,” Marinette added with genuine warmth.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Sabrina said, “Especially now that…” She traced the clip in her hair with a finger and Ziggy popped out of her purse to grin.

“Speaking of,” Alix said, “Is it safe for them to…?”

“Sure,” Marinette said. “They know how to be careful.”

As if on cue, Tikki, Pollen, Trixx, Ziggy, Fluff, Daizzi, and Roaar burst out of their hiding places and swirled up to Marinette’s bed as they cheered.

“Remember…” Marinette called after them, unable to stop herself.

“If your parents knock, play hide and seek,” Daizzi chirped.

“Hide and seek?” Juleka asked with a smirk.

Marinette shrugged, a small blush warming her cheeks. “It seemed to be the only way to get them to actually hide.”

“Here.” Chloe handed Marinette what looked like a bag of cookies from her own bakery as Alya and Sabrina drifted over to the others. “A hostess gift.”

“Uh, you didn’t have to,” Marinette said with a short laugh. “But thanks.”

“I did, actually,” Chloe said with a sniff. “It’s rude not to. I thought about getting something else, but this is the best bakery in Paris. Seemed like a waste to go anywhere else.”

Marinette blinked, but took the compliment in stride. She’d learned the hard way that acknowledging those comments was a great way to make sure they stopped coming.

“Can I get you anything?” Marinette offered. She didn’t know how to act around this girl, how to be friends with her. Chloe had turned her nose up at her so often in the past, but she wasn’t doing that now.

“I’m fine,” Chloe said, but she leaned in. “Did you you talk to him?”

For a second, Marinette’s heart stopped beating. “Wh…what?”

“Luke,” Chloe huffed, rolling her eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t throw away that opportunity after I practically gift wrapped it for you.”

“Oh.” Marinette grit her teeth, desperately trying to convince herself that strangling Chloe for the heart attack would not improve their relationship. “It’s Luka. And yes. Yes, I did, thanks.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What did he say?” Chloe demanded. “Was it as awful as you thought it would be?”

Yes. It had been. Every bit as awful as she’d thought it would be, and worse. Hearing her future out loud had been so much worse.

But it was real now, and she could deal with it. She would deal with it.

“He was really nice,” Marinette said instead. “Very understanding.”

“That made it worse, didn’t it?” Chloe said with a sigh. “I get it.”

She would get it, Marinette suddenly realized. Probably more than anyone else. The girl who lashed out at everyone, who pushed everyone away - how much of that was to see who would finally snap, finally yell back, finally treat her like a person instead of a doll? Was that why Chloe had treated her so badly for so long? Because she felt like she was finally getting what she deserved when Marinette pushed back?

“I took advantage of him,” Marinette admitted. “I don’t feel like I deserve to just be let off the hook.”

“I can’t even believe I’m doing this,” Chloe said, “But you didn’t ‘take advantage of him’; you tried to move on and be happy with someone else. It’s not the same thing.”

“But I knew I didn’t feel the same way.

“So you’re not even allowed to try?” Chloe demanded. “He wasn’t a distraction, he wasn’t some toy you threw away when you got bored, was he?”

“Of course not,” Marinette said with a frown.

“Well, then?” Chloe said. “What were you supposed to do, be miserable and alone? Wallow?”

Marinette couldn’t believe she was about to say this to Chloe of all people, but even with her new honesty policy with Alya, there was no one else to say it to. “No one’s mad at me. Not even Adrien.”

“Didn’t you literally just tell Alya no more apologies?”

Marinette flushed. “How long were you standing there anyway?”

“Long enough,” Chloe said with a smirk. “Now come on, no more moping. Did you ever think that maybe there’s nothing you need to be forgiven for?”

“The apologies thing was more for her than me,” Marinette protested, but Chloe threw a look over her shoulder that brooked no arguments as she pulled Marinette over to the other girls.

And the longer Marinette sat with them, the more she thought Chloe might be right, a thought she didn’t think she’d ever have. It wasn’t that their friendships seemed unchanged; it was that they seemed stronger, brighter with the truth out in the open, happy to share the secret and the burden.

Even Chloe seemed to strike up and tentative conversation with Rose and Mylene, who had come in with Kagami just a few minutes after Chloe and Sabrina had arrived.

Warmth bloomed in Marinette’s chest and her cheeks hurt from smiling. She recognized love when she felt it, but it was nice, for once, to feel it unencumbered by the weight of keeping it to herself.

“I’m glad this happened,” Kagami said suddenly over the group.

Individual conversations trailed off, hands stilled, as everyone turned to look at her, but Kagami didn’t even blink as she surveyed the group.

“Not the akumas,” she clarified without flinching under the weight of a dozen eyes on her. “This. You. All of you. I’ve never really had people I’ve wanted to...share things with.”

“I’ve…always been afraid,” Mylene chimed in. She blushed. “Of…pretty much everything. I thought I’d be too afraid to ever use a Miraculous, but being able to do something, having some control…having you guys around me. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid any more.”

“I’ve never been a part of anything,” Chloe said suddenly, and then all eyes were on her. “My own family wanted nothing to do with me. As long as I’m happy or content, they consider their job done, and so I’ve always pushed everyone away. Before they could leave.”

“You treated all of us horribly,” Kagami said, her eyes narrowing. “Even your own supposed ‘bff’.”

Chloe flushed. “I didn’t say I was proud of it.”

“You kind of acted that way,” Alya said, the harsh words just barely softened by an apologetic shrug.

“At the time… I was…” Chloe admitted. The words came haltingly, as though dragged from some dark, horrible, lonely place inside her. “I thought I was better than everyone, and I needed to make sure everyone knew it. I needed to make sure my parents knew it. I needed them to know that I was…worth it.”

“And now?” Rose asked, a small smile on her lips, as though she knew Chloe’s future was brighter than her past had been.

Chloe looked up at the group of them, but her eyes stayed clear. “I’m embarrassed. I behaved…horribly. It’s not an excuse. I’m not saying I deserve to have it all forgiven or forgotten, but… I don’t want that to be my life anymore. It was too lonely. Even when I won, I felt empty. I know that some of you…most of you…probably don’t want to be my friend. All I’m asking for is to be allowed a place here…with all of you. To help fix what I broke so many times.”

Marinette didn’t blink as she felt all the eyes swivel to her. She tried not to see them. It wasn’t her choice to make any more, and she suspected Chloe needed more than just her say-so.

“Everyone gets a say,” Marinette said, finally meeting her friends eyes. “A vote. Right here, right now.”

“Not privately?” Sabrina said, glancing up at Chloe as she bit down on her thumb nail.

“If you can’t say it to Chloe’s face, you shouldn’t get a vote,” Marinette said. “But we’re a team. We need to be able to trust and rely on each other.”

“Then I vote yes,” Rose chirped, bouncing a little on her heels. “Chloe’s done amazing so far, and she’s an awesome spokesperson for the team!”

“Sure,” Juleka mumbled. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Well, it’s a no from me,” Alix said without missing a beat. “We all have issues, but you’re the only one who took them out on everyone else.”

“Fair enough,” Chloe said, meeting Alix head on. Marinette flinched, but she didn’t miss Alix’s appreciative smirk as Chloe took the criticism in stride.

“I say yes,” Alya said. For the first time, Chloe actually looked surprised. “For what you did for Marinette.” Chloe frowned, but Mylene chimed in before she could ask any questions.

“I say no.” Mylene fisted her hands on top of her knees, ducking her face. “It’s not that I don’t want Chloe to have a Miraculous, it’s just what Marinette said - I don’t think I can trust her. I want to, but…”

“It’s fine,” Chloe said, saving Mylene from her rambling. “I get it.”

“I also vote no,” Kagami said. Marinette couldn’t say she was entirely surprised. Kagami didn’t elaborate, and Marinette supposed she didn’t have to. What else was there to say that she hadn’t already said?

“I vote yes,” Sabrina said as she regarded her best friend. “Chloe is…a lot of things. Some of you think she treated me badly, but it’s my friendship, too. I could have changed it at any time. I was her friend because I wanted to be, not because she made me. Still am.”

For the first time, Chloe actually looked a little misty, but it cleared quickly.

“Then it’s decided,” Marinette said.

“Not yet,” Kagami interrupted, her voice a blade. “You have to vote. It could cause a tie.”

“I made my choice a long time ago,” Marinette said. “Chloe stays as long as she wants to. Now that that’s been decided, if anyone has a problem with that, they’re welcome to leave - after they returned their Miraculous.”

Kagami glared but remained silent. Alix simply shrugged, and Mylene wouldn’t look up, but no one left.

“Who wants to see the submissions I’ve gotten on the Ladyblog for identity guesses!” Alya said, whipping out her phone. “Someone got one riii-iiight!”

Marinette could have kissed her friend for changing the subject as the girls nearly fell over themselves to peek at Alya’s phone screen.

“I thought ‘no more apologies’ was the theme of the night?” Marinette said as she switched seats with Sabrina to sit beside Chloe.

“It wasn’t supposed to be an apology,” Chloe muttered. “It just kind of happened. I just meant to…participate. I’ve never really had friends before. I’m not really sure how this all…works.”

And for a moment, Marinette was no longer in her room, but standing outside her school, her flat so close but so far away as the rain poured down and a boy in white said the exact same thing.

“You’ll figure it out,” Marinette said softly.

“I’ve never had to figure anything out by myself before,” Chloe groaned, dropping her chin into her upturned palm. “Couldn’t I figure out something easier first, like Hawk Moth’s identity or something?”

For once, Marinette actually laughed. “If you do, let me know. Adrien and I have been trying to do that for years.”

“Seriously?” Chloe said, frowning. “You have zero clues? Not even one? A suspect, even?”

“I mean I’ve looked over the submissions to the Ladyblog from time to time,” Marinette said, referencing the submission box Alya had made for Hawk Moth’s identity after she’d been akumatized a second time. “None of them have ever panned out. Although…”

Marinette felt the blush work its way across her cheeks as a dim memory resurfaced.

“Although what?” Chloe demanded, sitting up.

“At one point I thought it was Gabriel Agreste.”

Chloe’s eyes widened. “Adrien’s dad?” she demanded, just barely managing to keep her voice down. “What on earth made you suspect him?”

Marinette shrugged. “He had the book. The guardian’s manual. Master Fu said the peacock and butterfly Miraculous were lost at the same time, and that whoever had one probably had the other.”

Chloe blinked. “Um, ok. Pretty solid evidence. So…why’d you change your mind?”

“Gabriel was akumatized shortly after we began to suspect him.” Marinette flinched as her eyebrows shot up. “That’s why Chat Noir was so upset that day. I’d just told him his dad might be…uuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh.”

Marinette buried her face in her hands but the images wouldn’t stop playing against her closed eye lids.

“You told Adrien you thought his dad was a supervillain?” Chloe laugh, and for once, Marinette found herself giggling along with her. “I can’t believe you’re still friends.”

“Well, like I said,” Marinette said, lifting her face, “He got akumatized by Hawk Moth shortly after. Hawk Moth has to be transformed to control the akuma. And if two kwamis were living in the same house, I think they’d notice. Besides, I’ve seen them in two places at once. So it’s back to square one, with no leads and no answers.”

Chloe nodded and didn’t object when Marinette was dragged into the conversation with the other girls. Ladybug and Chat Noir might have ruled out Gabriel as a suspect, but as she watched the other girls squawk over the Ladyblog, one thought would not leave Chloe alone:

Hawk Moth and Gabriel Agreste were not the only ones who’d been seen in two places at once.

#phantoms #phantoms ch 8

2 notes · View notes

nerdzzone · 4 years

Text

Light After Dark: Chapter Twelve

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

______________

June. 19. 2020

"Are you excited?"

The question came from Henry as we strolled down an old country lane between a few fields as we headed towards the stables in the distance.

"I am," I smiled. "But I'm nervous too."

"Nervous? Why?"

"Because I've never ridden a horse before!" I reminded him. "Best case scenario, I embarrass myself in front of you. Worst case scenario, I fall off and die."

Henry chuckled at my predictions, but shook his head.

"Neither of those things will happen," He assured me. "I requested a gentle, well-behaved horse for you and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. There will be no judgment from me."

"Well, I appreciate that," I smiled. "And I will hold you to it."

Henry chuckled as our hands swung between us and I turned the question back to him.

"Are you excited?"

"I am," He grinned. "I haven't been on a horse in far too long."

We turned a corner as he spoke and saw a man with two horses, brushing one of their manes.

"They look huge!"

Henry laughed at my observation and nodded.

"Most horses do tend to be quite large," He teased. "Were you expecting donkeys?"

"No! But I didn't think they'd be this big!"

"It'll be fine," He assured me. "We can go slow and they'll give you a helmet."

"I look awful in hats," I frowned. "Can I just promise not to fall off?"

"No," Henry chuckled. "Safety first, I'm afraid."

I went to protest, but Henry didn't give me chance before waving and calling to the man with the horses.

"Henry!" The man cheered. "So good to see you! Ready for a ride? It's a lovely day for it!"

"It's always a good day for it," Henry smiled. "But yes, we're ready. We're looking forward to it."

"Great!" The man nodded. "Well, this is Mandy and Chester and they should take good care of you today. I picked Mandy for your lovely lady. She's very calm and great for first time riders."

"Oh, good," I smiled. "Thank you for taking the time to pick a good match for me. I'm Brooke, by the way."

"Dennis," The man held out his hand for me to shake before quickly pulling it back. "Sorry, shouldn't do that, I suppose. It's hard to break those old habits."

"It is," I nodded in agreement. "But it's lovely to meet you."

"You too," Dennis smiled. "And it's nice to see you looking so relaxed and happy, Henry. You're always much too busy these days, you deserve this break even if it's been forced upon you."

"Ah, well you know what they say," Henry smirked. "No rest for the wicked."

"True, true," Dennis smiled. "Anyway, they're all saddled up and ready for you so I'll get out of your hair and leave you to it. There's a helmet on the fence pole for the first timer."

"Thank you," Henry nodded. "We should be back in a couple of hours."

"Take your time," Dennis insisted. "I have lots to do so I'll be around all afternoon."

We thanked him again before he left us. Henry walked confidently up to both horses, rubbing their noses and cooing to them softly, but I hung back.

"Are they friendly?"

Henry turned around then, noticing that I wasn't with him and smiled.

"Are you scared of them?"

"No," I insisted. "Just trying to be respectful..."

"They are friendly," Henry assured me. "Just walk over slowly, from an angle so you're not in their blind spot, and speak softly so they know that you're here without startling them. And try to relax because they pick up on tension very easily. These horses are well trained and socialized though so they're very easy going around people."

I nodded and cautiously did as he advised and approached the smaller horse that I assumed was for me. Once I got close enough and she hadn't panicked at my presence, I held out my hand to let her sniff before gently rubbing her nose.

"Awe, she's pretty sweet," I smiled, happy that she hadn't attacked me. "They're so calm."

"I've been riding here since I was a boy," Henry told me. "Dennis takes great care in training each and every horse so they're all very well-behaved."

"You are well-behaved," I cooed to the horse. "You're going to be very understanding that I have no idea what I'm doing, aren't you?"

Henry chuckled beside me.

"She will be understanding," He agreed. "Now, do you want to get in the saddle?"

I nodded hesitantly.

"Will you help me get up?"

"Of course," Henry nodded, walking down the side of the horse, running his hand along her neck as he went. "Just swing your foot up into the stirrup, grab onto the top and hoist yourself up until you can swing your other leg over."

"Okay, just make sure I don't fall."

Henry nodded again and stood behind me as I put my hands on the top of the saddle and took a deep breath. After a moment of psyching myself up, I put my foot in the stirrup and lifted myself with the help of Henry's hands on my hips. I let out a sigh of relief once I was settled on top of the horse, holding the reins tightly as if she was going to bolt any minute.

"Perfect!" Henry grinned. "Now you just need to put this on."

He went to the fence where the helmet was hanging and passed it up to me.

"Do I really have to?" I wrinkled my nose, knowing what the answer would be and when Henry nodded, I reluctantly put it on. "I feel like a knob head."

Henry laughed, apparently at my choice of words and not because of how I looked because once he'd got his laughter under control he flashed me one of his winning smiles.

"You don't look like a knob head," He assured me. "You look adorable."

"Liar," I glared playfully as Henry approached his horse. "How come you don't have to wear one? Accidents can happen to anyone."

"They can," He agreed before effortlessly lifting himself into the saddle. "But I have many years of experience under my belt and we won't be going on any trails that I can't handle or am unfamiliar with."

"It still seems unfair," I mumbled, earning a cheeky grin from Henry. "Anyway, any other tips for me before we head off?"

"Just relax is the best tip," Henry informed me as he moved his horse to be right next to mine. "Don't hunch your shoulders or grip your legs too tightly. We won't be going faster than a walk so you just have to keep yourself loose and move with the horse."

"Okay," I nodded, taking a deep breath. "So, how do I get her to move?"

Henry laughed again and I couldn't help but laugh with him at my own stupidity before I protested, reminding him that I was very new to this and he promised not to make fun of me.

"I know, I'm sorry," He smirked. "You're just too cute being so clueless."

"Okay, well after this we'll do some baking," I suggested. "Then we'll see who's clueless."

"I would definitely be the clueless one there," Henry relented. "But anyway, you just gently tap your heels against her side and she'll start walking."

Henry demonstrated by tapping his horse, but stopped after a few steps to look over his shoulder while I did the same. It took me a few tries as I didn't want to kick too hard and hurt poor Mandy, but eventually I got her moving and we set off on our adventure.

****

The trails Henry took us on were very easy, even I didn't struggle at all. It helped that Mandy really was a wonderful horse and after the initial nerves that something would go wrong, the whole thing was really relaxing and quite fun. We rode around for about an hour and a half before Henry suggested that we head back to the stables. I wasn't going to admit it, but I was somewhat relieved as my bottom was starting to hurt from the unfamiliar exercise, but it was bittersweet because watching Henry do something that was so in his element was very heartwarming. There was something quite boyish about him while we were out on the trails and it was very endearing. It was like all his troubles had melted away and there was nothing on his mind other than the joy of doing something that he loved.

He told me tales of his many horse riding adventures as a child, including many of the mishaps and injuries that naturally happen when a young boy is tackling a skill like this and pushing the boundaries of what is safe. He told me how much he'd missed it once his career took off and he didn't have the need or the time to ride as much as he would have liked to. And he told me how pleased he was and how lucky he felt that horseback riding was such an important part of his new role. Geralt and his horse are apparently inseparable so Henry was determined that he would have a similarly close relationship with the horse that he worked with on the show.

His passion was inspiring and I would be lying if I didn't fall for him just a little bit more knowing that he'd opened up to show me this side of himself.

After we dropped the horses back off at the stables and we were once again walking through the wide country lanes, I brought it up.

"Thank you for today," I squeezed his hand gently. "Thank you for sharing this part of your world with me."

"You're welcome," Henry smiled. "I'm glad I could give you the opportunity to try something that you've always wanted to do."

"It was great," I nodded. "But it's not just that. I can tell this is something that means a lot to you and it was lovely to get the chance to see that and be apart of it."

I felt like I was being sappy and worried for a moment that Henry would think I was being a bit over the top, but the soft look on his face put me at ease.

"It does mean a lot to me and it was nice getting to share it with you, even if I probably bored you to death with my stories."

"Not at all," I shook my head. "I'm touched that you want to tell me these things. I would imagine that with your line of work it can be hard, you know, opening up to people because you never know what someone's motive might be. Every time you show me another part of yourself, I'm so relieved that you trust me enough to let me in."

Henry stopped walking then and using our clasped hands, he pulled me towards him before wrapping his arms loosely around my waist.

"It can be difficult to know what people's motives are," He agreed. "But it's hard for a lot of people to let someone in, regardless of their career, and you've been nothing, but open with me so I'm happy to return the favour. And I do trust you, you've never given me a reason not to."

I smiled as I let my arms drape over his shoulders.

"Does that mean that you haven't noticed that I sell all the selfies you send me online then?"

It was a joke which Henry clearly understood as his shoulders shook with laughter.

"Times are tough," He smirked. "If you're that desperate for money then I'll let it slide for now."

"You're so generous," I giggled. "Thank you for your understanding."

"Perhaps you can thank me in another way..."

The smirk was still on Henry's face as he spoke and I matched it before stretching up and, knowing what he was referring to, pressing my lips against his.

Despite having more of a sense of each other and a certain level of comfort now, there was still a spark of excitement and a hint of disbelief that I got to kiss such a gorgeous man. His grip tightened on my waist, pulling me even closer to his chest as his tongue slid into my mouth. The softness of our romantic day, mixed with the building tension between us was almost too much and I couldn't stop a moan from slipping out as Henry softly rubbed his thumb on my side where my shirt had ridden up.

Henry let out a low grunt in response before pulling his mouth back from mine just enough to trail kisses along my jaw and down onto my neck. His hand still slowly pushing its way under my shirt, combined with his soft breath tickling the hair on the back of my neck as his lips nibbled and sucked gently on my skin made me dizzy. My hand slid into his hair, gripping it tightly, but I was unsure if I wanted to pull him away or hold him there forever. Letting out another groan, Henry made that decision for me when he nipped my skin once more before pulling back and rested his forehead against mine.

His eyes were shut as he breathed deeply and with the slight change in position, I could feel a bulge in his pants. My breath caught in my throat at the sensation and I settled back down on my feet to nestle my head in his neck.

"We need some privacy," I sighed. "We can't keep making out like horny teenagers in public places."

Henry chuckled, but I felt him nod against the top of my head.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that actually," He confessed. "One of my brothers has a house on the island that he uses as a holiday home in the summer, but with everything going on, they aren't coming this year."

I leaned back, intrigued by why he was sharing this with me and waited for him to continue.

"So, I mentioned how hard it is some days with eight of us living in one house and he offered to let me use his place. He's posted me the keys, they should be here in a few days and I was wondering if you'd like to come over once they arrive?"

I felt like I was vibrating with excitement at the thought of having a quiet evening in a private space with Henry. Being able to spend the night, have some time to ourselves without our families or the general public being around us. It would be a small bit of normalcy in the midst of the strange world we were living in and I could have burst with happiness.

"Of course!" I grinned. "I would love to."

"Perfect," He smiled, leaning down to softly kiss my lips. "And there's no pressure or expectations for anything, I just thought it would be nice for us to have some time away from prying eyes."

It was sweet of him to clarify and reassure me, but it was unnecessary. Of course, I wouldn't pressure him into anything either, but there was a mounting tension between us and I was fairly certain that we both knew how things would go.

"It will be nice," I agreed, resting my head back in the crook of his neck. "I can't wait."

"Me neither."

Henry kissed the top of my head and tried to step away, but I tightened my grip and groaned in protest.

"Can you carry me home?" I mumbled against his skin. "My legs are so tired. I didn't realize sitting on a horse would take so much effort."

"It makes your muscles work in a way that you're probably not used to," Henry sympathized. "I probably pushed it a bit with such a long ride for a beginner."

"It was really fun though," I insisted. "I wouldn't change it, but walking home is starting to feel like an insurmountable task..."

I was being a tad dramatic, I would definitely make it home, but I flashed him a dramatic pout for added effect. He laughed and shook his head, but moved out of my grasp before turning around.

"Hop on."

"Are you sure?" I smiled. "I wasn't really expecting you to carry me."

"Oh, sure you weren’t," Henry rolled his eyes. "Just get on before I change my mind."

I giggled and climbed onto his back, holding on tightly as he stood up.

"Am I really not too heavy?" I fretted. "Let me know if you get too tired."

Henry laughed at that as he lifted my legs into a position that was more comfortable for him before starting off down the path again.

"You're light as a feather," He assured me. "I lift weights much heavier than you."

I rested my head on his shoulder, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Really?"

"Well, I know better than to ask your weight," He smirked. "But I would say that it's a safe bet."

"Very impressive."

I kissed his cheek and he turned his head to place a kiss on my arm. My heart was feeling very full after our lovely day. Every day we spent together, I felt our bond grow. Henry had mentioned that I was open with him, but it was almost effortless. I never felt like I would be judged for anything I told him and I was pleased to know that feeling was reciprocated.

The world thought they knew Henry Cavill, but as the evening sun washed over the fields around us, I couldn't help but beam with pride that I was the person Henry Cavill wanted to share his true self with.

Tag List: @heartfelt-pen @stephartrave @herefortherealdeal @imaginecrushes @justaboringadult

Let me know if you’d like to be added!

#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x ofc #Light After Dark

39 notes · View notes