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scuttleboat · 4 years

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Parenthood as a Major Theme in The Witcher

aka a defense of Yennefer's fertility arc

In some commentary on The Witcher season 1, I've read about disappointment that mid-season Yennefer spends her story time dedicated to hunting a fertility cure. The primary critique of this 2-episode arc for her is that it appears to conform too readily to a trope that "all women eventually want babies", and also seems counter to her previous disregard and cynicism for the idea of motherhood.

I think there's two cases that can be made that demonstrate why this element of the series deserves more than to be judged as "lazy or reductive writing". The first is Yennefer's personal journey--which after two viewings I believe holds up strongly. The second, even bigger case is what the theme of parenthood means to the show, and why Yennefer is only one of several aspects of it. That's what I am going to talk about in this post. Expect full spoilers for season 1.

Birth, Babies, and Legacy in Season 1

To put it bluntly, the topic of reproduction is all over The Witcher. The show is kind of obsessed with it. Let's go through the ways that parenthood and/or reproduction feature significantly in every episode:

1 - The conflict in Blaviken is a result of Stregobor's murderous obsession with killing babies born under a supposed curse. Those infants and girls represented power that he wanted to terminate. In Cintra, Ciri becomes an orphan.

2 - Yennefer's mixed elven parentage is the source of her power and her physical deformity. Trauma is inherited generationally, seen again in Fillavandrel's outcast society, stripped of heritage and legacy. Jaskier's first song references abortion.

3 - A striga is made when a pregnant woman is cursed and her undead fetus becomes a ravenous monster. Foltest wants her to be rescued to live as his child and heir. Her monster body still has its umbilical cord--a gnarly cosmetic flourish that drives the point home. In Aretuza's scary gyno chair, Yen is sterilized in exchange for ultra-performative femininity. Although she consents, it is a corrupt bargain designed to exploit her.

4 - The Queen of Aederin and her newborn are assassinated for being unable to birth a male baby. Yennefer almost dies trying to prevent it, then gives a monologue about how the patriarchy only sees women as vessels. Queen Calanthe tries to protect her daughter from the Law of Surprise, only to see it initiated again on her grandchild.

5 - After some 50 years as a mage Yen goes hunting for a fertility cure, using alchemy and then a djinn. She tells Tassaia that although she knew what she was giving up in Aretuza, "I didn't know what it would mean to me." Also, wow a lot of sex is had.

6 - Geralt and Yen talk about parenthood and their respective lost opportunities. The episode mcguffin is a dragon egg, whom they both fight to defend. Borch Three Jackdaws states the theme of parenthood outright. On the surface he is proclaiming his own motivation, but in the context of Geralt and Yennefer's prior discussions we know that he is speaking for both them and the show as a whole:

"This is my final 'first'. A child. This treasure, this legacy, must endure. There is no other reason to go on."

Episode 6 also shows how Geralt and Yen have grown since episode 4. She is forced to accept that natural birth is impossible, and Geralt is forced to reflect out loud that it's only fear of parental failure that has prevented him from claiming his own child.

7 - On getting news of the Nilfgaard invasion, Geralt decides to claim Ciri. Calanthe and Eist go to extremes to keep their child in their family.

8 - Everyone wants to be Ciri's new family, including this nice woman who doesn't have any daughters. In the end, Geralt finally becomes a father.

Destiny = Family

I firmly believe that the show is leading us to a point where Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri form an eventual family. The desire for family is verbalized multiple times for Ciri, notably in Brokilon Forest when she calls Dara her family, and then when Dara leaves her and tells her find another family. Twice in the show women try to adopt Ciri, promising safety and care. Yet she's driven by a strong directive to find Geralt as "he is your destiny". She is his Child Surprise, essentially this universe's fucked up version of a godchild. And the Law of Surprise is not just tradition, but a cosmic binding with tangible consequences. Geralt initially denies this, but Duny, Eist, Mousesack, Yennefer, and Borch all vocalize it, and season 1 events bear it out.

If Ciri is steered by a bond of destiny, so is Geralt. When he rejects the Child Surprise at Pavetta's wedding, Mousesack warns that doing so will bring ill fortune. Episode 5 and 6 subtly but persistently imply that this prophecy is true, as the witcher's next several years are filled with sleeplessness and an undefined longing. Magically binding himself to Yennefer alleviates some of that (essentially by making him happy), but I don't think it's only because of love, but also because his destiny being intertwined with Yennefer is a step towards his destiny being intertwined with Ciri. Because even after getting some peaceful nights with intermittent Yennaffairs (get it? hah!), something still seems off with Geralt.

"You feel it just the same as me that hole inside you. That itch inside your brain keeps you awake at night. Come with me, I'll show you what you're missing." - Borch Three Jackdaws

This is a cute screenplay trick because we assume that he's talking about nostalgic adventure, but on review he's actually talking about parenthood. Later when Geralt gripes that the thing he was missing is Yennefer as she walks away again, Borch replies, "What you're missing is still out there. Your legacy, your destiny. I know it." (hello Ciri!) We never get a clear idea of why Mr. Three Cool Names knows all this stuff, but I didn't care because a dragon being cryptically omniscient is exactly the sort of thing I want from my fantasy shows.

Conclusion

So it's family, family, family. Yennefer is just one corner of this thematic tapestry; the other three are Geralt, Ciri, and #destiny. Their journey to find each other, to accept these bonds, is what the show is about. I expect the theme to cement even more in future seasons.

Consequently, to reduce Yennefer's storyline to cliché alone is to miss the way everyone on this show is obsessed with parenthood in some form. It also misses how much fatherhood will be central Geralt's journey. Even if he came to the same decision 2 episodes (and 13 years) later than Yen did, Geralt actively decides that he want to claim his role as a parent figure. That isn't the easy gripe target of "women want babies", but the point is that Yen and Geralt are both on the same path, with Ciri as the destination. A character can have something that resembles part of a cliché without being negatively defined by it. In The Witcher, the greater context is relevant to this critique.

So I urge you to look at the full season and see how her fertility arc fits into the big picture. If you still wish that Yen had continued to be proudly child-free, then I respect your desire to see that story told. However, it would be worth it to recognize now that this probably isn't going to be the story you want. Parenthood is a big part of it. This story is going to be about two magical adults and one magical child becoming a family.

A family of total badasses, adopted through destiny and love.

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fanfoolishness · 4 years

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A Silence Growing

Post-Prickly Pair, Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl try to talk to Steven. Angst, 2300 words.

***

At first, Amethyst had thought the problem with the cactus was just another wacky misadventure. Cactus Steven, mutating like crazy, throwing cactus spines everywhere, smashing up the house? They’d fought so many other monsters before. Was this one really any different?

Well, sure, this one wasn’t exactly like a corrupted Gem. It talked, for one. (Boy, did it talk.) But the really scary thing about it was the way it seemed to affect Steven, and the way he wouldn’t meet their eyes after the cactus left.

Still, though, Amethyst had thought once they got the house repaired that Steven would get back to normal. It had only taken them a few days to sweep out all the debris and cactus needles from the different parts of the house, and Bismuth and some of the gems from Little Homeschool had happily assisted in repairs.

Steven had been there at every step, using his strength to carry siding and windows, helping them with little details. Amethyst had thought that he’d be happy to talk to help the time pass, but instead he brought down a radio and blasted chipper pop songs while they worked. Every time she tried to talk to him, he seemed to find something else to do. Now here it was, nearly a whole week since Cactus Steven had gone crazy, and Steven was still just as close-mouthed as he had been that morning.

She pulled Garnet and Pearl aside one night into her room in the temple. “Come on, you guys. Emergency meeting.”

Amethyst leaned back in her rickety lawn chair, one of several stacked in a pile in her room. Garnet sat on a boulder Amethyst had been saving for something; she’d forgotten what. Pearl paced nervously, touching nothing.

“So what’s wrong with Steven?” Amethyst said at last, breaking the silence. “Has he talked to either of you?”

“No,” said Garnet, staring down at her palms. “I tried to see if he would come to my yoga class yesterday. He said he had other plans, but he stayed in his room all day.”

“I’ve tried to talk to him several times,” said Pearl sadly. “He just keeps saying he’s fine! But I don’t think he is. I’m not sure he’s sleeping properly.”

“What makes you think that?” asked Amethyst.

“I, ah, may have tried to watch him sleep last night,” said Pearl, blushing slightly.

“Awww, come on, P! You know he wanted us to stop doing that. That’s why we changed his room up, so that we could give the dude some privacy,” said Amethyst, rolling her eyes.

“I know, I know. I was worried,” said Pearl, looking uncomfortable. “But even though it was late, he was still awake. And I don’t think he was doing anything. You remember how sometimes he used to play video games all night, or try to call Connie secretly when her parents had gone to bed… But all he was doing was laying there and staring up at the ceiling.” She sighed.

“Did he actually talk to you though?”

Pearl chuckled ruefully. “No. He just asked me to leave.”

“Ouch,” said Garnet, shaking her head. “Not the best approach.”

“Well, I tried.”

“We don’t want him to feel ambushed,” said Amethyst, picking up a piece of trash and idly swallowing it. “But it’s obvious something is bugging him, right?”

“Of course,” said Garnet. She frowned. “But I can’t see a clear path forward for him. I used to believe I understood him. Yet something has changed.”

“So what should we do?” asked Pearl, folding her arms across her chest.

“We gotta keep trying, right? Like, I think one-on-one is definitely the best approach. I used to get so mad when you two would lecture me about acting like a Crystal Gem,” said Amethyst. “But it wasn’t so bad talking to just one of you. He probably feels the same way. And he probably feels pretty crappy about what Cactus Steven did.”

For a moment they were quiet, remembering how they’d asked Steven to talk after Cactus Steven burst through the house and escaped. Amethyst saw him in her mind’s eye again, miserably clutching a flower from the cactus, covered in spines, his eyes red. And all he said was I think I’ve said enough, before tossing the flower in the trash and getting the broom.

“We will keep trying,” said Garnet determinedly. “The more opportunities we provide him to speak his mind, the better.”

“We won’t give up on him. We’ll figure this out. He needs us, and we just need to figure out how to be there for him,” said Pearl, a fire alight in her eyes. Amethyst felt heartened, looking at the others. Yeah. They could figure this out.

“All right,” said Amethyst. “Operation Talk to Steven. We got this!”

***

Operation Talk to Steven was not going according to plan.

It wasn’t for lack of trying on their part. Every day they tried something new, though they were working hard to keep it subtle enough to not annoy Steven. They got together frequently to compare notes and give each other critiques. Some days Amethyst was almost sure they had it. Other days she started to worry it was hopeless.

They each had preferred techniques. Pearl kept trying to cheerfully mention to Steven how well she was doing these days, and how it was so helpful to get things out in the open and talk about them. Garnet took the approach of encouraging Steven to meditate and reminding him of how reflection and yoga could provide true calm. Amethyst put on maximum chill when she wasn’t trying to just get him to laugh again.

Yet Steven fended off every attempt with a bland smile and a tired, “I’m fine, really, thanks.”

They tried changing roles. Garnet attempted jokes, dry sarcastic things that would have had Steven howling a year or two back, but he replied to them as Pearl was so casual and relaxed around Steven that he asked her more than once if she needed to take a nap. Amethyst tried to pretend she knew how to be wise and collected, and Steven just gave her a raised eyebrow.

“We’ll get it right soon,” Amethyst told the others urgently. “There’s gotta be something we can say.” So they kept trying.

But the silence in the house felt heavier every day.

***

Amethyst crept out of the temple in the middle of the night, figuring she would get situated on the couch so that she could catch Steven shortly upon waking up. She hoped he might be more likely to talk when things were quiet, one-on-one, just the two of them the way it used to be. She hadn’t expected him to already be awake; nor had she expected him to be sitting out on the porch in the dark, the shape of his head a dark silhouette through the newly repaired window.

She came up to the door, then bit her lip. She could do this. It was up to her.

She swung the screen door open. Steven was sitting at the table outside, wearing his jacket and pajamas, his feet bare, his head propped up in his hands. He lifted his head as she took a seat beside him, not looking at her in the dim moonlight. His hair was damp and mussed against his forehead. “Oh, hey, Amethyst,” he said thickly.

“Hey man,” she said, uncertain of how to begin. Steven’s phone sat in front of him, the time reading 3:13. This wasn’t right. He should be sleeping. “So… whatcha doing?”

He shrugged, leaning back in the chair and rubbing at his eyes with one hand. “Um…. I dunno. Just looking. Connie mentioned there was a meteor shower going on tonight.”

Amethyst looked up at the full moon, peeking through a cloudy sky. The conditions were all wrong for any kind of stargazing, the moonlight too bright, the clouds covering most of the sky. “She didn’t wanna watch it with you?”

“She has school,” he said automatically.

“On a Sunday?”

“You know she studies all the time.”

“Right.” Amethyst went for another angle. “Doesn’t the town have that big telescope? Wanna go check it out up there?”

“No, I --” Steven closed his eyes. There were dark rings under them. “I don’t even know if Ronaldo still takes shifts up there anymore. I haven’t talked to him in forever. It’s probably locked. It’s fine. I’ll look it up on TubeTube later.”

“Well, we could always go a little farther,” said Amethyst, thinking furiously. “Didn’t they fix the warp to the moon base? I bet we’d get a great view there.”

“I’m not going to the moon tonight, Amethyst.”

“Just a thought, dude.” She glanced out at the dark waves beyond the beach, watching them go in and out, remembering Steven declaring her the most mature Crystal Gem. She’d believed him, then; she’d felt so proud of what he’d said. She wanted to be worthy of it. Needed to be, for his sake.

She decided to go for it: the direct approach. “Why are you really up right now? I know you don’t always sleep as much as when you were a kid-- “ (See? I know you’re growing up, man! Doesn’t that count for something?) “But something’s bothering you. Please talk to me. Come on, Steven.”

The lines of his shoulder, his neck, his jaw tightened. She could see the way the softness went out of him. “I already told you guys I was sorry about the cactus,” he said flatly. “Why do you keep bringing it up?”

“It’s not about the cactus!” Amethyst burst out. Her eyes pricked with tears. “It’s what’s behind the cactus, and I think you know that. We’re worried about you. We’re not mad or whatever, we’re just trying to figure out what’s bugging you!”

Steven took a deep breath, his hands clenching into fists before he slowly, carefully, laid them flat against the table. He still wouldn’t look at her. “Great. So now I’m worrying everyone. Everything I do is just so--” He stared off into the dark, suddenly distant as if remembering something.

“What is it?” Hesitantly she reached out, touching his shoulder. He didn’t react at all, though once he would have leaned into her immediately for a happy hug. How long had it been since they’d hugged? Not since their snow day, she realized.

“It’s nothing,” said Steven at last.

“You’re acting really weird,” said Amethyst, fighting back a wave of frustration. She pulled her hand back from his shoulder, crossing her arms. The burning in her eyes threatened to become outright tears. No! Steven didn’t need her falling apart on him! “You wanna know what I think?”

Steven hung his head. “Sure.”

Oh, crap. She hadn’t fully thought this out. She took a chance. “I think you’re like, blaming yourself for Cactus Steven when we all know it was an accident. We’re not mad at you about the stuff it said.”

“Yeah, I know,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on his hands.

She tried again. “I think you feel bad for venting to it or whatever, but you were probably just having a bad day. I know you don’t really think that way about us.”

“Mhm,” he said.

She kept at it. “It seems like you’re kind of lonely since you left Little Homeschool, but nobody’s upset at you for moving on, it just means it wasn’t your thing! That’s fine! You’re Steven, I know you’re going to do something awesome. And if you don’t know what you wanna do yet, that’s cool too. You could take this time to do other stuff, you know, hang out with your friends, catch up with everybody….”

He tensed, knuckles whitening. Amethyst stared at him in confusion. He loved his friends. Why would he be upset at talking about them?

“You don’t have to, though, if you don’t feel like it!” she said quickly. “You have plenty of time to figure out your own thing, like we did. We just wanna help you.” She leaned over and put her arm around him. It was harder than it used to be, with how much he’d grown. “Look, Steven… I love you, okay?”

He leaned his head against her shoulder, breathing hard. She held him tight, hoping, hoping he’d finally open up --

“Thanks. Sorry for worrying you.” He shivered, and Amethyst was suddenly reminded of how cold it was out here in the dark. “Love you, Amethyst.” He lifted his head up from her shoulder and turned to her for the first time, giving her a watery smile that didn’t reach his reddened eyes. “I’d better get to bed. I guess I’m not gonna see any comets tonight anyway. Night.”

She watched him go, the screen door swinging shut behind him, his shadow’s movements quick and practiced as it took the stairs up to his room.

“I thought you said it was a meteor shower,” she said softly, and this time, she didn’t bother fighting back the tears.

***

She sat on the porch watching the waves until the sun began to rise, until Garnet and Pearl joined her at the table beneath the pre-dawn sky.

“It didn’t work,” she whispered as they sat beside her, their faces drawn. “I thought -- I really thought I could help him. Something’s really wrong with him. And we don’t know how to help.”

Garnet wordlessly patted her on the back, her hand strong and comforting. Pearl raised her arm and laid it over Amethyst’s shoulders. They watched the gulls wheeling in the breeze, the dawn flaring brighter with every moment, and the silence in the house behind them only grew.

#steven universe future #suf #steven universe #amethyst #the crystal gems #fanfoolishness' steven universe fic #fanfoolishness steven universe fic #angst #prickly pair

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brave-braveman · 4 years

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PS chp 2: The Vanishing Glass

So, a quick heads up. Upon rereading I realised there is really only one point to the whole chapter and that is to firmly establish how badly the Dursleys treat Harry and how lonely and miserable Harry is. That’s it. Because of that this post is going to be very focused on my critiques of the Dursleys and their treatment of Harry.

- The first sign that things are amiss occurs within the first paragraph. ‘The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.’ The Dursleys are immediately shown to be neglectful of Harry - maybe this isn’t considered to be that bad when compared with what we learn later but imagine living in a house for ten years where your presence is not only ignored but outright denied in terms of personal items. There are no photos but ‘no sign’ means no drawings on the fridge, no shoes by the door, no school notices with Harry’s name on them. That alone is damaging to a child as it conditions them to think they have no place in their home with their family which is likely to translate into a lack of self-worth in other areas of life.

- Next up, the cupboard. As a child it never clicked for me just how awful this was. I was young when I read this book and while I hated the Dursleys, I never once made the connection to abuse. In fact, no one ever pointed it out to me, no teachers or parents, which is in itself shocking. Now though, it is heartbreaking. And yet I have actually seen people trying to defend the Dursleys actions, saying it wasn’t their fault. This is something I want to address but I’ll do that at the end. The cupboard itself goes to show how little Harry is accepted into his family. He is shoved away, out of sight, in a place normally reserved for storing things one doesn’t want out on display. No wonder he is so small and skinny.

- ‘And don’t ask questions’. What an awful rule to live by. But I do have to say it does explain certain things Harry does later in the series. This is a child who is very curious, who has all these questions about things he sees but is unable to ask them as he is expressly forbidden by his aunt and uncle. No wonder Harry doesn’t go to adults for help. It is literally ingrained in him to not ask questions. This also extends to Harry’s academic curiosity, or rather the lack thereof. he never raises his hand in class despite the fact that we are shown that Harry is actually smart ad can develop a decent interest in his studies once he is encouraged to (PoA ad HBP come to mind). Something else the Dursleys took away from him.

- So Harry is woken and put to work on cooking breakfast while Dudley is opening his many birthday parents. I mentioned in my notes for chapter one that the Dursleys were already setting out to be terrible parents before Harry arrived one the scene but this moment honestly highlights how they have gone the easiest route in earning their childs affection - by buying him. They want Dudley to feel like he is number one - which is a problem in and of itself - but the way they go about it is damaging to both boys.

- Harry being able to remember so much about his very early life is... kind of scary. Yes, the flying motorbike dream is sweet because its a tie to both Hagrid and Sirius but then we see Harry remembers the light of the killing curse which is heartbreaking. Of course, knowing the whole story, this ability to remember something from when he was so young does raise some interesting questions on just how he remembers so much. This is something that will come up again in PoA.

- Harry’s childish enjoyment of the zoo is so sad. He gets the cheapest ice lolly and views it as the greatest gift and later even admonishes himself for not realising things were going too well. This is a child who is not used to things going his way and so when he has an enjoyable afternoon he actually tells himself off for basically letting his guard down.

- The conversation with the snake is amusing, sweet, concerning and so, so in character for Harry. He connects to a creature locked away all alone which is probably the most telling part of Harry’s view on his childhood so far. He comforts himself with the fact that at least he can leave his cupboard but that doesn’t take away from the fact that Harry is painfully lonely. He has a family that looks down on him and treats him like a freak and has no friends at school. The fact that Harry decides to keep this snake company and then, subconsciously, frees the snake from its enclosure really paints this scene as an attempt by Harry to comfort himself. The chapter ends with Harry being locked up once more which highlights that, unlike the snake, Harry isn’t free from his captivity. How fitting is it that it is a man who loves all animals that does rescue Harry?

- And so we end the chapter with Harry locked up in his cupboard and thinking back on how he came to be with the Dursleys. He admits that he has no idea what his parents look like and though it’s not something that is explicitly stated, it is hinted at that Harry didn’t know his parents names either. He thinks on how he used to think that someone might come and take him away and honestly, this is probably the line that hurts me the most. The fact that when he was little Harry held onto the hope that someone out there must care about him and want him and the truly sad thing is that there was someone out there. I can’t help but wonder if young Harry had some residual memory of Sirius, maybe not a clear memory but just a feeling that someone is missing. The other things about this line that hurts me is the fact that is says when Harry ‘was younger’ he used to think this. That means that Harry lost hope that anyone would come take him away. He has resigned himself to being stuck with the Dursleys until he was 18. He truly thinks that no one in the world could possibly want him.

- The very last paragraph is a great way to end the chapter. By stating that at school Harry has no one is such a good point to make here as we know, this isn’t going to last. In fact, it’s going to be at a school that Harry will make his greatest friends.

Other Observations:

- Mrs Figg has many, many cats and many photo albums of her cats - The first mention of Marge and its to say she hates Harry - Piers Polkiss is described as looking like a rat :/ - Harry may have apparated onto his schools roof. That or he flew which, as we learn later, is something his mother did - Mrs Figg’s living room smells of cabbages (whhhyyyy???)

Favourite Quote: When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away.

#reading harry potter #my hp read #harry potter #the dursley family #arabella figg #ps

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subtextread · 3 years

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My mama, and I, are so set in our ways. My mom can’t help but say triggering things - I perhaps can’t help by being triggered by maybe mundane things. It’s work (Work™) not Reacting, and I’m working very hard at it because we are in a scary pandemic and my dad already died this year.

But after washing dishes and saying a goodbye which felt loaded for me and probably/hopefully just flew over her head, I think it was natural to find myself thinking about my dad. My dad had such little access to me - even when circumstances changed and I grew up. He was just grateful to spend time with me and see me. There were times he wanted influence over my life, what parent doesn’t, but it wasn’t the entirety or even a majority of our relationship. I don’t say this as a critique of my mama - she and her side of the family had to do the raising and all the actual work of caregiving, so it’s natural that she also wants a heavy hand in transforming me into what she thinks is right. I’m just saying that there was a balance there. Maybe in safe, well-adjusted families that balance exists with both parents as a unit. With mine it was polarized between them. All that to say, I felt that balance palpably growing up and I wonder if I ever conveyed outwardly to my dad or even to myself in recognition that I appreciated the unconditional nature of his love.

The one year anniversary of my father’s death is in about three weeks. It feels like it was just yesterday. I was writing on tumblr the day it happened because pen to paper was too hard (it’s still kind of hard).

I have hit many roadblocks with processing his death. No death of this magnitude can be easy, but the isolation is unbearable. I will never be able to see my father’s final resting place. When I think of him, there is so little tangible to hold or places to go.

After seeing my mom I ended up driving to the last place he lived when he was here. It was hard. Trying to hold vigil, trying to manifest ritual in these circumstances feels like grasping at vapor, at punishing myself and trying to discipline out memories of places and images that must be somewhere in my mind. It’s also hard because my father lived a life of such transience. His last home in the city was an affordable housing unit, but it’s in a glitzy part of Old Town in Chicago with super commercial streets all around. The building is gated and secured because it is, by its nature, a place people try to access for sanctuary. I was only there for a few minutes. It didn’t feel right to be there, seeing its gentle and cheery Christmas-light bedecked lobby several feet behind the fence while people in need of sanctuary waited outside.

I remember my dad’s unit. If any of you have read the screenplay to Brokeback Mountain, when Alma Jr, Ennis’s daughter, comes to visit him at the end of the book, she’s saddened by the utilitarian nature of his dwellings. That’s how my dad lived too. Is it how all divorced, working class dads with adult daughters live? He had his inflatable mattress on the ground, a hearty and healthily stocked fridge, a TV that only kind of worked, a dial radio, a small closet of pretty chic dad clothes and fancy leather shoes, a lot of magazines and library books. That was it.

I drove around Old Town a little. I could see him walking around there. I could see where he’d post his mail and where he’d board the red line, and where he’d go get groceries.

I went to our old apartment. It was the apartment I was born in, and where my father probably last lived a full 20 years ago. When my parents were together, our family occupied several of the units in the building. This apartment was the backdrop of all of my baby videos and photos. After my parent’s divorced, my dad stayed there still. It was super shitty, to be honest, and at the time, mice-infested haha, but I didn’t know any better. It was home. Its crappiness kind of made it a place of some level of abandon. Once it was just my dad (but even before then), he - and I guess the whole family - had given up on me not drawing on the walls so at some point everything under three feet was just Scribbles, for example.

During that period where it was just my dad in that apartment, I remember a few things - my dad had hung up his target practice headshot sheets (from... work? he was a security guard) on the walls, lol #art. He once made a makeshift swing which hurt my butt and broke a lot but was fun anyway.

One time - ha - I found a tube of bright pink lipstick in the bathroom and subsequently used it to adorn the scribbly walls with a pop of color. I distinctly remember as a kid being like this is weird, but okay. And now, as an adult, I wish I had a camera on me when the implications of my lone, always alone, dad having a random singular tube of hot pink lipstick in his bathroom dawned on me l o l. I was driving down the highway to my childhood home and after being the lady calculating numbers meme for a hot second started cackling hysterically Through The Tears™. My father was just a person, after all. We are all just people. Full, complete, independent people with lives that are always somewhat secret from our loved ones.

I got to our old apartment and there are these two big rocks that have just been there decoratively on this Chicago corner for 30 years at this point. One of them used to be a white/light gray, smooth stone and the other one was a rugged rock with one fully geode encrusted face. I distinctly remember being little enough to climb on them (the white one was slippery, the geode one had purchase making it easy to climb). They’re still there, although now I could literally just climb from one to the other like they were steps on a set of stairs lmao, and the white one has been darkened thanks to city grime ✨. That was the strongest memory of this particular vantage point of our home that I have. All other memories are from the window looking outward, like waiting for my dad’s taxi (like all immigrant south asian dads, mine too was a taxi driver at one point) while listening to the sounds of traffic on wet pavement after the rain.

I texted my brother to ask if he remembered which floor we lived on. He said “wow, weird”. He had just had a dream of our apartment last night. My brother is currently about a half a day ahead of me time-wise, so I think he was both very surprised by our connected subconscious and also perhaps a little concerned that I was visiting no longer familiar neighborhoods at 1 in the morning. But my brother is gentle about this. He didn’t have much of a relationship with my father, his stepfather. He was the first person I called when I was told of his death and he soothed me in all the perfect ways as I drove the 15 minutes it took to get to my mom’s from work. He told me I had been a good daughter, that my father had loved me with the entirety of his being and had lived solely for me, and that I had made him proud and that he had known I had loved him. I wept and wept apologizing that he had to comfort me over someone he had a difficult relationship with, over a stepfather who hadn’t treated him the best, and I could hear him shrug over the phone. He said my father had been a simple man who was constrained by a difficult life and that he had not any ill will towards him. May God protect my brother always, inshAllah.

It’s funny attempting to create ritual, chasing some sort of catharsis or relief in places that felt loaded with meaning, but on physical approach, are devoid of it. My father’s most recent place does not hold his spirit, my birthplace apartment is now occupied by another family and probably furnished up to code. I arrived back to my place having had a stilted cry, a period of smug laughter, a nice conversation with my brother, and now a headache. I’m still stuck in some ways. I’m still figuring out how to process a grief that has elusive, elusive memories attached to it and nothing physical to represent it. But I tried, and my earlier hurt from my mom doesn’t feel all that present anymore. We will keep on trying.

#grief blogging #tw: death

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forestwater87 · 5 years

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Secret Santa 2018 - Chapter 1

Hello! So I participated in @campcamp-secretsanta again this year . . . although I’m afraid that I did go a little overboard. My recipient, @pikablob, asked for Gwenvid and Dadvid and was okay with both fluff and angst, and I’m playing with the idea a little bit, but in order to do that well, it’s looking like it’s going to turn into a 4-to-5-chapter fic (which has no name, as of yet. Suggestions are welcome). Because I know “Read More”s don’t always work, especially on mobile, and I don’t want to make people scroll past over 20 pages, I’m going to post the story in chapters -- two today, and ideally one each day through Christmas. (Once it’s all completed, it’ll go up on AO3.)

It’s not a Christmas-themed fic, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Happy holidays!

He decides that this will be a healing year, a fixing and replacing and making-things-new kind of year.

They all need a little bit of that, he believes.

CHAPTER ONE: NURF

It starts when Gwen mentions that she doesn’t have anywhere to live after the summer, that she’ll have to move back in with her parents unless she finds something better.

(“And, like, anything better. This old guy in the park asked me if I wanted a sugar daddy and I was thinking about it.”)

When David suggests she stay at the camp year-round like he does, he fully expects she’ll turn him down. When she half-smiles and says that it’s better than any of her ideas, he thinks she’s kidding, chuckles numbly and looks back down at his phone.

When she doesn’t make any more plans to move out, he wonders if maybe she’d meant it.

When she starts peppering him with questions about the rest of the year, how he makes money and keeps himself busy and keeps the place from falling apart and keeps himself from freezing or starving to death, he realizes that she’s completely serious, that she’s serious about living here, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek raw to keep from grinning. Because when she says it’s better than nothing she means he’s better than nothing, that she prefers his company at the very least to that of her parents or of strangers and up until this moment he hadn’t ever considered that she might think he was better than literally anything.

So when she critiques his plans and makes her own, when she buys two rattling space heaters for the cabin and when she leaves for a whole weekend and returns with the rest of her life’s belongings in the back of the campmobile, David is quietly, glowingly happy.

(He is even more happy when she finally muscles past the mean little voices in her head and kisses him. They’re in the middle of Rowing Camp and they’re supposed to be watching the campers but they’re in a child-sized rowboat on the lake under blue sky and fluffy white clouds, and when she kisses him he almost forgets all of those things and nearly topples them both into the water.)

(He is even more happy when he realizes that kiss wasn’t a one-time fluke, but apparently a pattern, something to be repeated so many times he loses count.)

(And he’s the happiest he’s ever been -- quietly again, though, a warm gentle bubbling kind of happiness because he knows how defensive Gwen gets when she’s embarrassed -- when she finally admits that it’s not because she has no other options and it’s not because she’s bored, but because she just happens to like him better than either of them ever realized.)

So it begins.

The predictable doesn’t happen, and Max’s parents show up at the end of the summer to take him home. Both David and Gwen let out a sigh of relief, because the boy’s constant mutterings that they don’t care about him and wouldn’t bother to show up had been getting to them, and until he’s safely ensconced in the back of a ratty green two-door sedan they weren’t fully convinced Max wasn’t going to be left behind.

They spent so much time worrying about the predictable, however, that the unpredictable slips completely under their noses until the hours grow heavy and golden and damp, the threat of mosquitos looming as the air cools, and they look around and realize that something has gone wrong, and a camper has been left behind. It just isn’t the one they’d been prepared for.

Mr. Nurfington, an impatient female voice tells Gwen over the phone, hasn’t lived at this number for three weeks. He’s wanted for possession and resisting arrest -- what they might elevate to aggravated assault, the landlady adds, the coolness dropping from her tone as the conversation turns toward gossip, and Gwen should just hear what the police found in his trailer -- “but nobody’s heard a thing from him. His lease expires in two months and as soon as it does, I’m putting all his stuff on the lawn and the coons can have it.”

(Gwen sincerely hopes she means raccoons.) “Did he leave any contacts?”

Just his wife, who won’t be released for another sixteen months -- longer, if she keeps starting fights with the other inmates. There’s an uncle, Gwen knows, but a little digging reveals that he was sentenced to twenty years less than a decade ago, on charges that turn her stomach.

She sets down the phone and puts Nurf’s papers away, and tries to figure out how to explain all this to the two redheaded children sitting on the dock. Two very different versions, she decides, and calls David inside to give him something almost indistinguishable from the truth except that some of the more unsavory details are politely omitted, because at least one of them deserves to sleep that night and for some reason Gwen feels like David’s faith in the world ought to be protected.

Grimy and sweaty from the cabin’s closed-in air, she goes to the showers to wash away everything she’s just learned and leaves David to tell Nurf the version of the story they’ve agreed upon: that his father is gone, nobody is coming to pick him up, but it’s okay because they have a second bedroom in the cabin and this will surely be all better by tomorrow.

It isn’t, and only David is surprised.

It’s a good thing they have a bus, because the Sleepy Peak school transportation system won’t come pick Nurf up all the way at Camp Campbell. Of course, he flatly refuses to let QM drive him to school in a full-sized bus, which neither David or Gwen can really argue. Which leaves her with two options: either dropping Nurf off at school in the campmobile every morning before killing a half hour reading fanfiction on her phone before her job at Camp Corp begins, or driving the exhaust-belching, dangerously clanking bus to work and getting a few minutes of extra sleep.

She decides David is less likely to get himself killed with the bus than with Nurf, and resigns herself to a deeply uncomfortable morning commute.

The most surprising thing she learns on these quiet, sullen mornings is that Nurf is . . . a morning person. Not like David, of course -- no one is quite like David -- but he doesn’t drag his feet, is always sitting by the flagpole with his backpack (new, cheap like it’s made out of old tarp, all they could afford) between his feet when she staggers outside with a to-go cup of coffee and a fistful of David’s trail mix. Nurf doesn’t talk, but he’s attentive; he draws nonsense patterns in the dew on the Campmobile’s windows, and after a few weeks of this strange arrangement he’s comfortable enough to flip through the radio stations.

He likes classical music. David will tell her that he once asked to turn up the Farmer’s Almanac.

(Gwen confesses to David one night that she’s halfway convinced he’ll become a serial killer or something. It’s one of the few serious fights they’ve had, though less a fight than her sitting in shock-stone silence while he gets splutteringly, hand-wringingly angry at her. Tells her that she can’t ever say anything like that ever again -- can’t even think it -- that they’re counselors year-round now and that means never, ever giving up on their campers -- that if -- that as a child -- that he knows what it’s like to be a lost cause and Nurf will never feel like that as long as he’s at Camp Campbell, and that he needs her to be on board because this is hard and scary and he can’t do it alone. Even if their campers weren’t . . . such unique individuals, he would need her, and she can’t ever -- ever -- )

(He’s red-faced and shaking when he runs out of breath or out of words, she can’t tell which, and she tugs him half into her lap and kisses his temple and tells him that of course Nurf will be fine, they’ll all be fine, and she didn’t mean it and it’s okay. And she listens to his breathing even out and, not for the first time, she hates David’s father with every ounce of her being.)

So she trusts Nurf, for David’s sake. And she tries to understand him, for all of theirs.

The seasons will change one more time before she finds herself truly liking him, but she thinks maybe that’s just because neither of them are as good at trusting or understanding as David is.

The fall settles into a pattern of quiet cars and loud buses, of Summer Camp Extended -- which is how David likes to think of it, maybe needs to think of it, because the alternative is that he’s become a father of an aggressive boy the rest of the world forgot about -- where the activities are school for Nurf and work for himself, where the afternoons are spent trying to remember seventh-grade math, buying groceries, waiting for Gwen to come home from a job that demands much longer hours than it offers pay. Sometimes there are regular camp activities, too, when he can cajole Nurf into going for a hike or learning how to fish (though they can’t eat anything they catch in Lake Lilac; the fish there have been declared dangerously mutated).

He spends his mornings as a bouncer at Muffin Tops -- Bonquisha got him the job, and he knows that he looks wiry and weedy and not all that intimidating but the crowd is much calmer during the day than it will get as the evening rolls around, and he believes he can take care of himself if he needs to. (And he has to admit, he enjoys the funny looks his school bus gets when people cross the parking lot.) The customers are polite, if not especially chatty, his coworkers are friendly, the job is mostly standing outside and enjoying the fresh air. It suits him -- strange, unexpected, but surprisingly well-fitting.

David isn’t nearly as adept at metaphors as Gwen, but he thinks quite a few things in his new life could be described that way.

This is the first time he’s able to take just one part-time job, and let the rest of his hours go toward fixing up the camp, and so every patched-up set piece and wobbly table leg repaired he considers a gift from Gwen, who is answering phones and fetching coffee so that he can make Camp Campbell his own, not just legally but in spirit.

He decides that this will be a healing year, a fixing and replacing and making-things-new kind of year.

They all need a little bit of that, he believes.

David isn’t used to devoting this much attention to a single camper. (Not even Max, who has always been a special case.) It’s surprisingly difficult, this one-on-one closeness; he finds he much prefers the scatterbrained chaos of a room full of children. It suits the way he thinks, bouncing frenetic energy, instead of this careful plodding observation and cautious trial-and-error.

It would probably be different with almost any other camper, he has to admit. Nikki, for example -- she constantly needs to be moving, and he would be running to keep up. Harrison would probably be causing trouble, fires he would literally have to put out. Nerris, who can talk for hours at a time about the things that interest her. Preston swanning around the empty Mess Hall, always trying to find an audience.

Nurf, however, isn’t like the children who are sparkling firecrackers that dance and blaze until they get tired and fizzle out. Nor is he like the quieter campers, who still get bored and act out in ways they undoubtedly think are random but really are more like predictable bursts. But Nurf doesn’t seem to have much energy; he goes from school to homework to whatever little activity David can talk him into to bed without seeming depressed or bored. Gwen suggests that maybe Nurf would act out and bully the other campers because he was overwhelmed by the constant noise and activity, and after a week or two of helpless observation, he decides she must be right and leaves the kid to his own devices. Maybe he just really is quiet; it occurs to David that he only ever really noticed Nurf when he was causing problems, and it pains him that this realization comes just as he makes the decision to step back.

“Of course you ignored the well-behaved ones,” Gwen tells him one evening, curled up against his side with her cheek on his shoulder. “What are we supposed to do, let the Problem Trio destroy the camp while we try to get Ered to drop the ‘too cool to talk to anyone’ act?”

He knows she’s right, but it doesn’t make him feel any better about withdrawing. He throws himself further into camp rehabilitation instead, letting Nurf do homework and play on his phone (finally relinquished to him at the end of the summer) and do whatever else fills his afternoons, and tries to ignore the prickling panic that lingers at the back of his mind and tells him this is not okay, this is not how a Camp Campbell counselor should act.

The problem is, of course, that up until this fall it’s exactly how he’s always acted.

The other problem is that he and Gwen were wrong about the kind of person Nurf is; he isn’t a firecracker, no, and he’s not a Max-like schemer and instigator, a controlled burst of dynamite. But just because the tension bubbles under the surface doesn’t mean it’s not there, and eventually it has to boil over.

The tipping point appears to be David asking over the dinner table how his homework is going. He’s deemed it a nice, neutral topic of conversation, one that isn’t likely to veer into uncomfortable directions about his home life or the bizarre situation they’ve all found themselves in or what’s going to happen next. It’s safe and familiar ground, and whenever he’s grasping for something to talk about he returns to it gratefully, knowing it’ll never trigger a landmine.

Until it does.

“Sure, let’s just talk about homework,” he snaps, the hint of his slight damp lisp becoming more pronounced with irritation -- not that anyone would dare point it out to him. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it? Is my homework done? Do I need help with my homework? How was school, and what kind of homework did you get?” He slams his hands down on the table, making the dishes (and Gwen and David) jump. “Do you even consider the psychological ramifications of making an impressionable child feel like they are nothing but the sum of their academic achievements? And I am impressionable!” he adds, shoving his chair back and standing up; David notices for the first time that he’s grown a bit over the summer, enough to almost loom over them while they’re still seated. “I’m still just a kid, you know!”

He swallows, trying to find the right words (and keeping a careful eye on their silverware). “Well, of course you are, Nurf,” he begins carefully, with the distinct impression that he’s feeling his way through waist-deep water in the dark. “But it’s our job to make sure that you’re . . .”

How does he finish that sentence? ‘Okay?’ ‘Happy?’ ‘Safe?’ He’s not sure Nurf is any of those things, and the thought of being responsible for them makes his stomach coil and his fingers shake.

“That you’re engaging in an activity,” Gwen cuts in smoothly, placing her hand over David’s underneath the table. Her touch and the last-minute rescue both hit him like a lifeline. “Since camp isn’t in session, school is kinda your activity.”

Something flickers in Nurf’s expression, doubt cutting through the increasing red-faced belligerence, and David thanks whatever higher power might be out there for Gwen. She’s always understood the more difficult campers better than he does; it must be the Psychology degr --

Clouds roll in dark and heavy behind his eyes. “Why does everybody sign me up for activities I don’t want?” He picks up a napkin and began shredding it -- David wonders if he picked it up from Gwen, or if he’s always had that nervous habit. “I never asked to go to school, you know! My mom never went to school, and she’s only suffering from a lifetime of consequences made from bad decisions that she didn’t have the education or emotional framework to prevent!” He tosses the shreds of napkin to the table, the three of them watching in silence as the uneven confetti flutters over their food. “Everyone does that!”

“Well, that’s not . . .” David glances at Gwen, who shrugs. He felt less helpless when Nurf was throwing knives at him. “You have to,” he finishes weakly. “It’s good for you. And I thought you liked . . .” He wracks his brain desperately for scraps of what limited conversation they’ve had on their afternoon drives home from school, “history?”

“Ugh!” Nurf whirls around and pulls back his arm, then launches his water glass into the wall. It doesn’t break -- David bought shatterproof dishes for the camp long before any of his current campers started coming here -- but the sound is massive in the silent room. We should’ve had him sign up for Baseball Camp, David thinks wearily, watching the watch drop down the uneven wood surface. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to not have the vocabulary sophisticated enough to express what you’re feeling?!”

David rarely considers himself helpless, but as Nurf reaches for his mostly-uneaten plate, face still dark with bottled-up impotent fury, he feels like he’s been attacked by Daniel again, limbs as weak and useless as if they were tied to his chair. “I . . . think you have a great vocabulary,” he begins, taking the first steps into this sentence without having any idea where the end of it is. But his instinct is always for positivity, and it’s true that Nurf’s intelligence impresses him; he may have taken for granted, in some ways, that this is the one camper who he can always rely on to be direct, his words and his fists both brutally honest. “Usually I just say I’m mad.”

“I AM mad!” he shouts, but he drops the plate to the table instead of throwing it. His voice is loud enough to blow Gwen and David’s hair back like a strong wind, and they’re both too surprised to even wipe off the bits of potato that flew up into their faces from the plate’s hard landing. “I’m mad because you don’t know what to do with me, and the state doesn’t know what to do with me, and it’s the end of summer but I’m still at camp because nobody knows what they’re supposed to do with me, which is the exact reason why I ended up in Boot Camp in the first place, and all I can do is do homework until someone decides what’s going to happen to me and I don’t know why everything is this hard!”

His arms drop to his sides and his shoulders slump, eyes widening and staring blankly into a spot above their heads.

“Wow,” he says after a moment. “That’s a lot of dark stuff for a twelve-year-old.”

The Quartermaster pokes his head into the Mess Hall. “Anyone died out here?”

“No, QM,” Gwen says, giving David a sideways glance before grabbing the butter, reaching over Nurf’s plate like it wasn’t sitting in a mess of food in the middle of the table, “we’re good out here.”

The Quartermaster grunts and disappears back into the kitchen, where an unsettling grinding noise David can’t quite place begins.

Nurf picks up his plate and sets it back in its place, stealing David’s napkin and settling it over the spilled food left behind. “I should, uh, clean up everything, shouldn’t I?”

“After dinner,” David replies, keeping his voice as calm and unaffected as possible. “You should finish eating before it gets cold.” As he sits back down and reaches for his fork, he continues, “If I help you get the Mess Hall back in shape, Nurf, do you think you’d be able to give me a hand with the canoes? I’m trying to get them ready for one last trip before the lake freezes.”

“Is this a punishment because I threw things?”

“Absolutely not.” David feels like he’s walking on a very narrow bridge, with horrible drops to either side but something warm and potentially wonderful on the other end. “You don’t have to say yes.”

Gwen, still keeping her gaze on buttering her roll, mutters, “You could always do homework instead.”

David freezes, giving her a look because what on earth does she think she’s doing? But then Nurf lets out a small, barking huff of laughter, and the evening settles back on its axis almost tangibly, a kind of metaphysical thump that he thinks they all feel, because in an instant the air is lighter than it's been since the end of the summer.

“For what it’s worth,” Gwen says after a few minutes, “even if it’s hard, I think you’re better at handling your feelings than you think you are.” Her eyes flick over to the empty glass and the water stain on the wall. “But maybe we should also buy you a punching bag over the weekend.”

“He needs a shrink,” Gwen declares later that night, then flops back onto the bed, covering her eyes with her arms. “We can’t afford a shrink.”

David is quiet for a moment. “I could . . . get another job,” he offers finally, the waves of reluctance rolling off of him, and she flaps her hand in his direction dismissively.

“No, shut up. This is your dream. Stop being stupid.”

He catches her arm, fingers closing gently around her wrist, and kisses her knuckles. “Thank you,” he says, not even pretending to argue. “I love you.”

She rolls onto her side to face him, feeling her face heat up. “Yeah, yeah,” she mutters. “I know.”

(She’s not sure why being told she’s loved embarrasses her. She’s even less sure why it’s so difficult to say it back. Her degree could not be any more useless.)

David bundles her up in his long arms, pulling her to his chest and rolling onto his back so she’s sprawled on top of him. He kisses her nose, beaming. “It’s okay, Gwen.”

She buries her face in his chest and lets him pet her hair, lets herself be loved.

(By the time she finally gets the courage to tell him that of course she loves him -- has, in fact, been in love with him since before he offered to let her live at the camp year-round -- almost all the leaves have fallen and the air is ice-breath freezing and he laughs, not at her but with the kind of giddy joy that can’t be contained in a smile. He kisses her and wraps her in his coat and it gets dark and Nurf yells that it’s time for dinner before they’re willing to pull away enough to escape the bitter chill.)

He gets therapy, eventually. Mr. Campbell still has all that money tucked away, and when the Millers hear that he wants to put it toward bettering himself and learning from his mistakes, they’re more than willing to unfreeze his bank accounts, just this once. So when David takes Nurf to the small white-bricked building where his own infrequent therapy sessions are held, he brings Mr. Campbell along for the ride. It settles his nerves about lying, because it isn’t technically a lie; Mr. Campbell is going to counseling, he’s just not using it.

When Mr. Campbell came forward one evening and offered the idea, David was shocked by the generosity, and a little suspicious. As soon as he smoothly suggested that they kill time at, say, The Only Bar or Muffin Tops while the little tyke was in there getting his head straightened out, things became a lot clearer.

(He didn’t spend long thinking it over, though. At the end of the day, an hour a week in a darkly-lit bar or strip club isn’t much of a sacrifice.)

On non-therapy days, David continues fixing up the camp, making sure to go out of his way to ask Nurf if he wants to help.

And to his surprise he . . . does, more often than not. Even more surprising is the fact that he’s rather good at this kind of hands-on work. He’s a tinkerer, like David is, and understanding blooms warm in his chest as the camper-who-isn’t-really-a-camper-anymore settles himself among the detritus of the camp unprompted, sorting through broken and disorganized supplies with a touch that’s strangely delicate, like he’s used to accidentally -- or not-so-accidentally -- breaking things.

Nothing gets broken that autumn, though. And no dishes hit the wall, either.

(When he mentions all this to Gwen, she shrugs and says, “Sure, makes sense. He liked to help Preston and Dolph out with their theater shit sometimes, right?” and again he feels like a terrible counselor.)

It’s largely David’s responsibility to take care of Nurf, which he expected and doesn’t mind. She works full-time, after all, and Gwen has always been a bit hands-off around the campers; she’s . . . not exactly maternal, and the unusualness of their new situation makes her far more uncomfortable than him. Her support largely comes in the form of common sense, observations he’d completely miss and ideas that never occur to him. Though she has a wonderful heart, Gwen is all brain. It works well -- David isn’t all that brainy, but he’s better at throwing his heart utterly into something.

So he does, with the kind of squared-jaw hopeful determination that leaves him exhausted and unable to sleep each night, his brain running over and over with thoughts and hopes and fears and ideas, above all ideas that multiply and branch until they’re full-scale plans. Plans full of holes, plans perhaps doomed to fail, but that’s what Gwen is for, when he’s finally ready to share his plans. When the heart has hung up activities and topics of conversation and a thousand ways to get Nurf to open up, scaffolded with lunatic, reckless optimism, she listens and writes in her journal and shores up the weak spots, tugs down his excitement so that his hopes don’t rise so tall they’ll collapse in on themselves.

She’s the rope around his ankles that makes sure he won’t build something he can’t get down from, so he doesn’t have to worry about anything except building.

And what does building look like with Nurf?

Quiet, at first. For someone who can so eloquently describe his issues, he isn’t really very chatty, and most of the time they work on their respective projects in silence. (One of David’s plans, tentatively titled Get Nurf to Share More About His Day, gradually deflates under the realization that he just doesn’t like talking about his day, and pushing him to share about classes or friends is more likely than not to result in him shutting down -- or throwing something. He puts it aside for now.)

Other plans are more successful. Teach Valuable Real-Life Skills is one; he picks up on things like carpentry and plumbing with an adeptness that exceeds even David’s most extravagant hopes, and soon he’s scrambling to find more things that tap into that well of enthusiasm. Sports, Violent Video Game Nights (which Gwen largely participates in because David is a bit squeamish about such things), Hiking and Mountaineering that is so much easier with only one or two people to corral instead of a dozen, and he’s already making plans for winter: skiing and snowshoeing and maybe even snowball fights, if he can teach Nurf how to do so without getting anyone hurt.

Learn Nurf’s Languages is a trickier plan, constantly ongoing. The slight slump of his shoulders that means something went badly in school, and the way he either does or doesn’t want to talk about it based on how fidgety he is. The jutted-out jaw and sullen silence that means he’s stumped and doesn’t want to admit it, the habit of clenching and unclenching his fists when he’s trying not to get angry. The little questions and observations that seem to come out of nowhere -- “Is there enough wood for the winter?” “I think the draft is coming from QM’s store; there’s a hole near the foundation” “When will you find out who’s coming back this summer?” -- that all add up to the same thing: a kid who’s trying to figure out what their future is going to look like, and if he’ll be in it.

Whenever he’s particularly helpful, uncharacteristically so, David takes a few extra hours that day to do something fun. He doesn’t know how long any of this is going to hold together, but he wants Nurf to know in no uncertain terms that for as long as it’s his and Gwen’s decision, that answer is going to be yes.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #gwenvid #dadvid #cc nurf #cc david #cc gwen #campcamp secret santa #i'm resisting the urge to fill the tags with disparaging thoughts about my writing #that is my christmas gift to the world #forestwriting #i just love nurf so much #he's so interesting #and oddly lovable for such a troubled kid

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the-lupine-sojourner · 5 years

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Takara’s Hero Academia Season 2 Episode 3 (but actually still 2) [Eijiro/OC] [Aizawa/Hizashi]

Okay, so I apologize for just now getting to the end of episode 2 and the start of the Sports Festival! And I didn’t do the sneak peek. So so so sorry!!

I’ll do the sneak peek on Patreon and all that next time. Ugh I feel so bad about this! But I don’t wanna make this chapter any later, so here we go.

Anyway! The Masterlist for This Series!

And the taglist: @elite-guard-hardygal , @dailyojiromashirao , @souskena , and @fandoms-fandoms-everywhere99 . I’m sorry, guys!! I feel weird about posting this for some reason, but hope you all like it!

Before I get to the story, I jsut awnna say I included a paraphrased quote from my favorite book; Red wall. The actual quote is ‘Even the strongest and bravest must sometimes weep.’ Also, I could resist slipping Asami in again. Hope y’all don’t mind!

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

“Takara, you ready to go?” Dad calls.

“Yeah, I’ve just finished packing the last box!” I call back. It was a week until the Sports Festival, and we were moving today. We all didn’t have a lot of stuff, so it was a simple one-day thing in theory. So far so good, though.

I hoist the box up and walk out to the living room. This box had the miscellaneous things I wanted to keep, like the old ratty fox stuffed animal that I could never get rid of for sentimental reasons, or pictures of Mom, Dad, and I, or posters and other decorations.

I plop it down. “Man, I didn’t realize how many different decorations I had in my room.” I laugh. Mom smiles. Dad had convinced her to go to Recovery Girl as often as I had and her arms looked better every day. The casts had been taken off and she was doing exercises to get them reacquainted with the things she normally did and how strong she had been. We even worked out together, going for a morning jog followed by yoga and a core workout routine.

In short, we were slowly getting to the point we’d been at before the attack. Mom and I were getting better mentally, too, but that was a long road for a number of reasons, one being the level of shit we went through, two being the severity of our injuries and the fact that the villains had caught us entirely by surprise. We loaded the last few boxes, refused to ‘say bye house’ like Dad prompted, and drove toward UA and our small condo on campus.

Once we got there, all of us grabbed boxes and I followed Mom and Dad’s lead, falling a little behind as I’d been a tad ambitious, trying to carry both my first backpack of clothes and box of decorations.

In fact, when I went to grab the door I was just a second too late to grab before it closed, I end up overbalancing, slamming my face and nose into the glass, before collapsing awkwardly to the ground, the box going flying and the contents spilling out. “Shoot!” I curse, groaning as I pick myself up. I then feel a twinge in my ankle. Apparently, I’d rolled it a little and it didn’t appreciate that.

I sigh heavily and begin picking up the box and putting the stuff back in, feeling oddly emotional about the shattered glass in a few of the framed pictures. Tears even well in my eyes and I resist the urge to start crying. All I wanted was a normal day with my family, unpacking and starting over in our new home.

Turns out, that wasn’t exactly easy. I wipe my eyes and sigh heavily before I make myself start gathering the spilled objects, minding the broken glass. I really don’t know why I’m crying, but the tears come back and this time I couldn’t stop them.

“Hey, are you okay?” I flinch and look up from plopping another glass-less frame in the box. I look up and blink in shock.

“O-oh! Asami-senpai! I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I squeak. She was trying to hand me a poster she rolled up. I gulp back a lump in my throat and take it, trying to subtly wipe my eyes.

“You know, after an incident like that, it’s okay to cry.” She says softly, hand over mine reassuringly. I shrink into myself in embarrassment.

“You saw that?” I whimper. She nods.

“And I meant what I said. Really, it’s scary fighting villains and having it be life or death. I remember my first fight.” Her eyes are serious, not looking at anything in particular as she spoke, obviously reminiscing about that day.

“Oh...from your work-study?” I ask softly. Being the daughter of two UA teachers who are also pro heroes, I knew all about work studies. She nods.

“It was a group of muggers trying to start a gang. They’d cornered civilians in a back alley and I was working with the Ryuku agency for my work study. We intervened and put them behind bars. I almost got impaled by one of the villains’ air weapon Quirk.” I raise a brow.

“Air weapon?” I ask. Asami nods.

“Hardened air limited to the breath in his lungs and weapons like spears or swords. Annoying, but the situation whacked me. I spent the rest of the day looking over my shoulder and paranoid at anything and everything. I had to have a long talk with dad to finally start to get over it. It’s hard to cope with an experience like this.” I bite my lip and nod.

“I want to be strong, but…”

“Even the strongest and bravest sometimes cry. It’s not a sign of weakness. It shows you feel and you’re human. It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction.” I smile at her, sniffling and wiping my eyes.

“Thank you.” I murmur. She picks up the box as we stand and she hands it to me.

“No problem. Oh, and you can call me ‘Ami’, Okay?” I nod, smiling.

“Okay!”

=#=#=#=#=

“What on earth are you doing?” A hear a voice ask. I turn my head from my Downward Dog position while trying to turn a glass of water into ice (sorta like Shoto, but...not exactly) after a run to see Oba Nemuri standing there, watching me curiously, a touch of amusement in her voice.

Fortunately, she was wearing her teaching clothes. As a teacher, there were certain standards to be upheld so she couldn’t be too outlandish. She had a light purple button-up (with as many buttons as she could get away with undone), a dark grey blazer on top, with a miniskirt I’m fairly certain was not up to the standard dress code. She also had thigh-high leather boots on.

I sigh and move to stand properly. While she is my aunt, it’s always slightly awkward being around her. I do love her, but she’s so...uh, unreserved, and I’d rather not be corrupted just yet.

“Hey, Oba.” I greet. “I’m practicing for the Festival.” She grins.

“Oh, how adorable!” She squeals, wriggling in delight. I blush. Why was she like this? “I must say, that Quirk of yours is really something else!” I manage a grin. She looks at the glass. It felt cool to the touch, but it wasn’t ice by a long shot. And it was draining my blood sugar faster than I’d like to keep trying. “Are you trying to make that water into ice or something? Too cute, darling!” I nod. This was just who Oba Nemuri was. It wouldn’t be fair to judge someone simply because of who they are, right? I only had about an hour with Oba Nemuri. She suggested I make my fighting style all about a whip after I showed her the different things I could do. I turned her down and she demonstrated a few kicks, at least, before she checked the time. “Well, darling, it looks like duty calls.” She sighs, with a touch more drama than needed, really. “My class starts in a quarter hour and I have to freshen up a bit. Mind if I pop into the bathroom real fast?” She asks, almost flirtatiously, winking at me as she grabs a small purse. I hold in a groan and point out where it was.

“Go ahead, Oba,” I reply. She giggles and thanks me before heading into it and closing the door. I move to the kitchen and grab a container of leftover tonkatsu to heat up for a kind-of brunch. She was too much sometimes.

By the time I’ve sat down with the food, Oba Nemuri is back. She draws me in for a hug from behind, kissing my cheek.

“Sorry to run off like this, Nīsu.” She apologizes. “Your parents wanted me to check in on you real quick. Do tell your parents this is a housewarming gift for your mother, would you?” I nod. The present she put in front of me was suspiciously small and in a Victoria’s Secrets bag. I flush, imagining what kind of present Oba had given my mom.

“I’ll make sure she gets it.” I murmur, hoping I didn’t sound as embarrassed as I felt, and Oba Nemuri gives me one last cheek-kiss and leaves. I wave at her, mouth too full to speak, and that’s that.

=#=#=#=#=

Turns out, training almost constantly made time fly by. Mashirao and I had started sparring and it turns out he’s a great teacher. He praised when earned, and sometimes mixed a bit of critique into his praises so I’d learn even from victories (of which there were few), and he was always going all-out on me. He knew that I could take it, and it also helped strengthen my leg and ribs, so we all won.

“Thanks, Mashirao.” I murmur as we walk back to the locker rooms to shower and head home.

“No problem. It’s a great way for me to exercise, too, so we all win. Plus, it’s always more fun to teach when the student is a natural at the subject.” I laugh.

“Thanks, but we know that’s not true,” I reply, scratching the back of my neck. He is quick to shake his head.

“No, I meant it. You’re getting really good, Takara!”

“Thanks,” I reply, then check my phone and see the date. “Oh, crap! The Festival is tomorrow!” I squeak. He blinks.

“I lost track of time. That’s crazy!”

“I know!” He holds up a hand.

“Well, let’s both do our best, okay?” I high-five him.

“Okay!”

=#=#=#=#=

“Nervous?” Dad asks. I gulp.

“What gave it away?” I reply, voice wavering a little. Dad laughs.

“Sweetheart, it’s fine to be nervous.” I nod.

“I know.” The car pulls into the teacher parking lot and we check in, Mom holding Dad’s hand. I notice she’s been doing that a lot since she got her hands out of the casts. I probably would, too, in her situation. It’d only been about a week, but even being unable to use your hands that long...I can’t even imagine. Now, her arms were wrapped in stiff bandages as her arms were slowly regaining strength and the last of the healing in the bones was finishing with a little help from Recovery Girl. Due to the extent to which the bones were broken, it was difficult for Recovery Girl to heal a whole lot per session. There was a lot that needed to happen in Mom’s arms, and it was taking a long time to restore what Nomu broke.

I see my classmates gathering, so I adjust my backpack and walk over. As usual, Eijiro is first to notice me, walking over as I turn to wave Mom and Dad goodbye so they could get ready to commentate on the Festival. How dad managed to convince Mom to do it, I have no idea, but I’m glad. It will get her mind off...other things.

“Hey, Takara.” Eijiro greets. I smile and accept his side-hug. We’d gotten a bit more comfortable around each other and usually gave each other hugs as a greeting. He still smelled amazing, and I always had to restrain myself from continuously sniffing him. “You nervous?” I take a breath and nod a little.

“Yeah...you?”

“Just a little. I’ve always loved watching the Festival growing up and now I’m actually in one, you know?”

“Mmhmm.” I hum in reply, feeling my stomach squirm in anxiety as we walk to the 1-A general waiting room. There, we found PE outfits waiting, and Mina groans when we’re all changed.

“Aww, man!” She whines. “I was totally hoping I could wear my costume.” I shrug, but Mashirao beats me to speaking.

“At least everyone’s in uniforms, so it’s fair, right?” Rikido is shaking in his seat, anxiety clearly written on his face.

“I wonder what they have in store for us in the first round.” He mumbles. I shrug.

“Well, as long as we do our best, it doesn’t really matter, right?” He nods.

“Right,” Fumikagi interjects. “No matter what they’ve prepared, we must persevere.” I nod.

“Yeah!” Tenya then comes suddenly into the room, startling me.

“Everyone, get your game faces on!” He calls. “We’re entering the arena soon!” I feel my stomach flip in nervous anticipation. Everyone murmurs and reacts. I grab my heart, willing it to calm down (not that it listens to me).

“Midoriya,” Shoto calls, walking over to my friend. Izuku turns to him.

“Hey, Todoroki.” He replies. “What’s up?”

“From an objective standpoint, I think it’s fairly clear I’m stronger than you.” I blink. Izuku nods meekly.

“Yeah…” He replies. I step forward to defend Izuku but then halt as Shoto continues.

“However, you’ve got All Might in your corner helping you out. I’m not here to pry about what’s going on between you two, but know that I will beat you.” I pale.

“Shoto, where is this coming from?” I ask, frowning.

“I’ve never pretended to be something I’m not. This shouldn’t be a surprise, really. I’m just stating facts to make things clear before this competition begins.” Shoto replies, not even looking at me.

“What’s with all these declarations of war lately?” Denki asks lightly, attempting to defuse the situation as Eijiro walks over, putting a hand on Shoto’s shoulder.

“Yeah, what’s the big deal? Why’re you picking a fight all of a sudden, right before we get started?” He asks. Shoto just walks away.

“We’re not here to be each other’s friends.” He calls over his shoulder. “Don’t forget; this isn’t a team effort.” I bite my lip.

“Shoto, c’mon. Pros can’t go around declaring war on each other. They have to team up at some point- -”

“Yeah, hang on,” Izuku interjects. “I don’t know what’s going through your head, or why you think you need to tell me that you’ll beat me, and yeah...of course you’re better than me. In fact, you probably have way more potential than anyone in the Hero Course. It’s why you got in so easily.” I step toward Izuku.

“Stop that!” I bark. “Recommendations aren’t an invitation to UA! You have to fight the pool of people with recommendations. In some ways, it’s harder than the entrance exam! That’s why I didn’t choose that path. I could have been recommended by my mom and dad and gotten into the recommendations entrance exam. But I knew there would be so many people that were a lot better than me. I knew I didn’t stand a chance.” I realize I kinda admitted to the facts Izuku is stating and bite my lip.

“Midoriya, Takara, maybe you’re being a little hard on yourself. And us.” He murmurs.

“No, he’s right, you guys.” Izuku counters. “The other courses, Takara’s friend, they’re all coming after us with everything they got. We’re all gonna have to fight to stand out.” Izuku looks at Shoto. “I’ll be aiming for the top, too.” I nod, stepping forward.

“I agree.” I turn to look at Shoto. “I know you’re focusing on beating Izuku, Shoto,” I continue, “but don’t think we’re all gonna stand back and let this Festival slide. We’re all going to do our best and we’ll show the world what we can go.” He tsks, not stopping or looking back.

“I don’t care what you do.” The announcement to get ready came after a few moments of awkward silence and we move toward the exit into the open area at the middle of the stadium.

“Hey!” Dad cheers and I can hear him all the way back here. “Make some noise, avid sports fans!!” I gulp. It was almost time. “Get those cameras prepped! We’re gonna need hordes! Today, we’ll be bringing you some of the greatest performances in Sports Festival history, guaranteed!” I feel like that’s hyping this festival up just a little too much, but obviously, I don’t know what will happen, so… “I only have one question before we start this show; are you ready?!” The crowd’s cheering is infectious, and we can hear it loud and clear as we begin walking. “Lemme hear yah scream as our students make their way onto the main stage!” I can also hear fireworks and lively music playing. “This is the time where the students leave everything on the field as they fight for the chance to achieve worldwide fame and celebrity!” I can’t help rolling my eyes. Most of us want to make a difference in the world in one way or another. Honestly, I doubt anyone (Mineta aside) is truly just wanting to be a hero for the recognition and fame, even Bakugo. Bakugo’s motivations aren’t precisely clear, but I do know he wants to be the top. I also wonder if there’s not more to it than that, though. “This first group are no strangers to the spotlight! You know them for withstanding a villain attack! These dazzling students, including my little kiddo, line up the stage with solid gold skills; the Hero Course students of Class 1-A!” That was our cue and we walk out into the sunlight and view of the cameras as the crowd applauds heartily. I feel thousands of eyes of me and my friends as we walk toward the middle of the area. Eijiro, standing close by, grabs my hand subtly. I squeeze it gratefully.

“Yer dad sure did talk us up a lot.” Eijiro muses.

“Yeah...it’s making me nervous and worried I won’t do well.” I reply. “Especially since he all but said my name.” I add in a moan. Eijiro smiles at me.

“Yeah, he’s your dad. It’s kinda natural for him to brag about you when he gets a chance.” He then turns to Katsuki. “Anyway, how you feelin’, man?” He asks. Katsuki smirks.

“I’m not worried. Makes me wanna win this thing even more.” I chuckle.

“In a way, yeah, but still.”

“Oh, get over it, brat! Too late to back out now!” Katuski snaps. “Besides, knowing you, you’ll scrape by and be fine, you lucky little shithead.” I roll my eyes. Close enough to a compliment, I suppose.

“...Thanks, Katsuki.” I mumble.

“I wasn’t doing it to help you.” Katuski spits. “Just wanted to shut you up.” I sigh.

“Okay.”

“They haven’t been giving nearly as much screen-time, but this next group is still chock full of talent!” Dad proclaims and we watch another group march determinately out of another hall. “Welcome, Hero Course Class 1-B!” The crowd doesn’t let out the cheering and I spot the silver-haired guy who yelled at 1-A a while back. He looks super determined and ready for anything. I smirk, feeling a little of that energy rub off on me. It doesn’t do any good to fret and worry myself to nothing over something I can’t predict, so I just had to grit my teeth and get through it. More students pour out of the halls and Dad continues the introductions. “Next up, General Studies Classes C, D, and E!” I grin and look over, happening to see Hitoshi in the midst of his class. “Support Classes F, G, and H! And finally, Business Courses I, J, and K! Give it up for all of UA’s first-year contestants!” Once we get to the center, where a podium is set up, everyone’s shocked to see Midnight standing there, waving a short whip. I blink. Oba Nemuri is the Chief Umpire!?

“Now, the introductory speech!” She calls.

“Uh...someone should talk to Ms. Midnight about what she’s wearing.” Eijiro mumbles. I nod, looking anywhere but at Oba Nemuri.

“I mean, I know that’s her normal hero outfit, but...could she have worn something else just this once?” I grumble. She’d always been like this and I always found it an incredibly odd experience hanging out with her.

“Seriously, that costume should come with a warning,” Denki adds.

“Is that really appropriate apparel for a high school game?” Fumikage concludes. I, for some reason, didn’t like the blush on Eijiro’s cheeks. Which was stupid. I didn’t know why it bugged me, so I look away, happening to see Mineta’s gleeful expression. I smack him and glare him down. He pouts but doesn’t leer at my aunt-figure anymore.

“Silence, everyone!” Oba exclaims, whipping to grab everyone’s attention. “And for the Student Pledge, we have…” I gulp, praying she wouldn’t pick me. “Katsuki Bakugo!” Shocked murmurs ring the crowd, but no one’s more shocked than 1-A. We knew him and we knew this would not end well. At all. Izuku leans to Hanta.

“He’s the First Year Rep?”

“I guess the hothead did finish first in the entrance tests.” Hanta replies.

“Only for the Hero Course Exams.” A girl from Shinso’s class (I think) grumbles. Izuku winces.

“Oh. Right.” He amends.

“That girl obviously hates us.” Hanta mumbles under his breath.

“And we’ve got Bakugo to thank for them not liking our class,” Denki adds. I bite my lip as Bakugo walks up the podium. Even the crowd waits in bated breath for what Katsuki would say.

“I just wanna say…” Katsuki begins. I frown. Please be normal, please be normal…. “I’m gonna win.” I pale. Shit! Katsuki, no!

The crow boos and threatens and is in general not happy with Katsuki as he walks back down.

“Why would you be so disrespectful!?” Tenya exclaims, arms waving wildly around. “You’re representing us all!” Katsuki just turns and gives us a thumbs down.

“Not my fault the rest of you are just stepping stones to my victory.” He grumbles. From Class 1-B, I see that silver-hair guy grit his teeth and stalk forward a little, glaring at Katsuki.

“I’m gonna crush this overconfident jerk!” He screams, raising a clenched fist. “I can’t wait to knock him down a size!” I sigh heavily. I wonder what’s going through Katsuki’s head right now. He claims he wasn’t nervous and even publicly vowed to win, but there seems to be something about him that says he’s just making a show, pushing himself...but still. What a way to start the Festival…

“Without further ado, it’s time for us to get started!” Oba Nemuri calls as the screens shift from ‘introductory speech’ to ‘first game’.

“This is pretty nerve-wracking,” I whisper to Eijiro. He nods.

“Yeah...and now we have everyone gunning for us, thanks to Blasty over there.” I sigh, then nod and refocus on what Oba’s saying.

“This is where you begin feeling the pain!” She calls. “The first fateful game of the Festival!” As she swipes her whip, a hologram appears and displays a lottery style spinning title. It continues spinning...as does my stomach. What on earth would we have to do? It finally halts and I pale.

An obstacle race!? What?!

“Ta-da!” Oba cheers. I gulp. Oh boy… “All eleven classes will participate in this treacherous contest!” She explains, the hologram visualizing it with graphics. “The track is 4 kilometers around the outside of the stadium. I don’t want to restrain anyone...at least, not in this game, so as long as you don’t leave the course, you’re free to do whatever your heart desires!” I squirm a little, flushing. She looks a little too happy to be talking like that. She then sobers just a little. “Now then, take your places, contestants!” As the crowd cheers, we walk over to the start line. I gulp. This was it.

It was time to make my mark and hopefully start my path to being a pro-hero. I didn’t know what awaited me out there, but all I could do was put my best foot forward and try my best, right? No matter what happens, I’ll be okay if I just do what I can.

Above the crowding students, three green lights are lit, the first one turning off as the countdown begins. Beside me, Eijiro smiles at me and gives me a thumbs up as the next light turns off. I grin back at him and take a deep breath.

The final light turns off as Oba cries ‘begin!’ I tear forward, instinctively grabbing Eijiro’s hand, but we were quickly separated and jostled and shoved by the pressing students.

“How about some killer commentary, honey?” Dad’s voice somehow reaches over the multiple voices and I almost laugh.

“How did I let you talk me into this?” Mom replies under her breath, but there was almost a hint of amusement in her voice.

“What should we be focusing on in the early stages of the race?” Dad asks.

“The doorway.” Mom replies shortly. I chuckle despite being smushed between two students.

Just up ahead, as I’m coming up on the end of the entryway, I see ice and feel the air cooling rapidly as Shoto freezes the ground and up the walls. Gritting my teeth, I jut out a tiny platform, just big enough for my foot, and launch myself up and as far out as I can, creating another small platform when I need it. This was not in my plans, but there was nothing to do about it. I can’t turn this into water, so I had to find another way across. Shit! This will really limit what I can do for the other obstacles!

Luckily, Eijiro was right behind me, using the small platforms I’d made to get further along the ice.

“Nice trick, Todoroki!” Momo calls sarcastically, and he looks back to see the number of people that had dodged. Katsuki was using his blasts to keep airborne.

“I won’t let you get away so easily, you icy-hot bastard!” Katsuki roars, blasting his way closer as I make another platform. Even releasing the platforms once Eijiro jumped off them resulted in more blood sugar gone than I wanted. Who knew what was in store, but I had no real other choices. I just had to be smart about using my Quirk from here on out.

I couldn’t afford to be careless or I’d- -Shot!! Those vibrations feel like...no way!

They have the robots from the practical exam in this race?! I skid to a stop on the edge of the edge, feeling for water. Shit! Nothing! “What is it?” Eijiro asks, just as Mineta goes flying ahead of us, slammed by a huge metal arm. The robot comes into view, with other robots, seconds later.

“That!” I point. Eijiro hardens his forearms.

“Beat ‘em once, right? This’ll be a piece of cake!” I grin, feeling more confident now I thought about it that way.

“You’re ri- -Shoto, what the hell?!” Shoto is at the head, closest to the robots, ice swirling from Shoto’s right hand in a circle, getting larger and larger until he swept it at the robots. They were frozen solid, at least the frontrunners. I run forward as everyone else was still frozen in shock, Eijiro right behind me as well as that silver-headed guy.

“Careful now,” I could hear Shoto calling over his shoulder as the robots creak and groan, shuddering under their own weight. Taking another look, I pale. “I froze them when they were off their balance. On purpose!” Before I could move another step, before I could do anything, the robot nearest us collapsed and all of a sudden, my butt hit the ground and I am enveloped by dust and ice shards that prickle my skin. I didn’t even know what had happened till I looked where Eijiro and the other guy were standing, only to see a pile of frozen robot parts.

“Eijiro!” I scream. Was he under there?! Had he been crushed!? “Eijiro, hang on!” I am running forward before I can think, not knowing what to do, but desperately hoping Eijiro was okay.

#Fanfiction #OC Insertion Series #BNHA #MHA #OC #Original Character #Original Female Character #Eijiro Kirishima #Eijiro Kirishima X OC #Takara Yamada (OC)

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wahbegan · 6 years

Text

Okay Non-Spoiler Review

So I am gonna put this under a cut because it might get a bit long but yeah i’ll keep it spoiler-free and if you’ve been following my liveblogging of it i am gonna just re-iterate bits of old text posts during this so ye

So The Haunting of Hill House was fucking amazing. Let’s get this out of the way first though: If you come in looking for an adaptation of Shirley Jackson’s novel or the ‘63 film, you’re going to be disappointed. Or the ‘99 film, but if you want an adaptation of that, you’re a monster and may God have mercy on your soul.

Characters share names, very famous scenes are referenced, the opening line of the book is quoted almost verbatim and re-visited at the end with a twist like the film (although not the same twist but i shan’t spoil), and it involves psychic characters in a haunted house. That’s about it, though.

This story focuses on the Crain family, who were the spooky background story family in the OG, and completely changes their mythos as well. So the characters are all related, they live there as kids and don’t actually go back as adults until just about the end, and it’s dealing with their grief and trauma and dysfunction that drives them, not any kind of experiment in the supernatural.

No, what this show has much more in common with is Oculus. I know I’ve said this repeatedly but I can’t stress it enough. The Haunting of Hill House literally has more in common with Oculus than it does with the novel it takes inspiration from. Similar cinematography, similar style ghosts, same flipping between past and present, similar eldritch abomination disguised as inanimate thing villain fucking with perceptions of time and reality...The Haunting of Hill House really is more a re-imagining of Oculus than a re-imagining of The Haunting of Hill House.

Now that’s all just to address people’s expectations, though. Once again, if I had expected a re-imagining of Oculus, I wouldn’t have said no, because Oculus was the big dog’s biscuit. For those not in the know, it’s about a brother and sister whose parents went crazy when they were kids, their dad killed their mom, and then the little brother had to kill the dad in self-defense. He’s spent years in a mental hospital and chalked everything up to mental illness and an evil father, while his older sister is convinced the mirror they had just purchased was evil and drove their parents to do what they did. Zombie ghosts with glowing white eyes and mind-fuckery ensue. If you’re reading this after starting or even finishing THOHH, you may perhaps notice that sounds awfully familiar.

Oculus was actually an expansion of/improvement on a short film Mike Flanagan made, which you can find on youtube. I’d argue THOHH is an analogous expansion of/improvement on Oculus.

The thing with Oculus is it had problems. Because of the power of the mirror, basically from the moment they enter their old house until the end of the movie, the thing’s illusions are so strong that there is no way of knowing what’s really happening. Audiences complained that it’s hard to get invested in a plot when you’re not sure how much of the plot is actually happening or when it’s happening, in the past or present. Flashbacks and the present narrative blended together in very artistic and jarring ways, but some people found it too jarring, hard to keep track of, nonsensical. Additionally, things were a bit rushed, and there wasn’t enough room for Flanagan to really let some of his more complex concepts for the plot and the scares breathe.

Thankfully, in THOHH, Flanagan seems to have really actually taken those critiques to heart. There are characters largely unaffected by what’s going on, and the sequence of events never truly gets cluster-fucked. It’s a much more coherent narrative. In Oculus, a big complaint was things were too muddled to tell if the rug was actually being pulled out from under you and where the rug was to begin with and whether there was a rug in the first place. There is no fucking question in Hill House.

Additionally, the 10-episode set-up means that he can go absolutely wild with everything he wants to do, and it fucking shows.

In Oculus, one of the most disturbing scares was a brief flicker on the TV. A split instant that showed the adult sister, mouth open and dripping blood, dead and vacant stare in her eyes, for less than a second. On the TV the younger brother was watching as a child in the past. It was truly unnerving. Something similar happens when they pass the cameras at one point that they’re using to record the mirror, just showing creepy pictures of her face. But those are the only two really good easter egg background scares that could fit in that movie. There was much more right up in your face.

Not so in Hill House. Hidden ghosts and unsettling details are EVERYWHERE. Not even just the now-famous easter egg ghosts. There are also obvious ghosts in the background that seem like jump scares waiting to happen....that don’t. There are small details that change, people walking past in the background of a hallway silently, statues that turn their heads to face a character without anyone noticing it in-show. The tension is masterfully built. There are scenes that you don’t even fucking realize are scary until you see something later that completely re-contextualizes it.

It also expands on the driving concept behind Oculus, family trauma and the repeating cycle of mental illness, which wasn’t as well explored there as Flanagan clearly wanted to. But here? In all its 10 episode glory, with each child’s trauma and resulting psychological issues getting full spotlight for an hour?

It hits you hard. Flanagan’s concepts are fully realized. You get to intimately see what their childhoods have done to these characters, how history repeats itself (sometimes literally), how the ghosts-if you’ll pardon the pun-of the past drag the living of the present down. Not only that, he expands the themes he worked with in Oculus to include some downright Pet Sematary-style shit about loss, grief, and what meaning can be gleaned from death. It’s oppressively heavy, and the scares and the sadness interweave in beautiful ways. The end of one episode, which sees a maimed, anguished, silently screaming ghost standing by her own corpse, completely invisible to the assembled mourners, is both an absolutely haunting visual and an existential punch to the gut. A lot of the show is like that.

Of course this wouldn’t work if you weren’t invested in the people, but they managed to hit another home run on the characterization front. Every single character of any importance in this show is sympathetic to some degree, and even if you don’t like them, you understand why they are the way that they are. The actors are mainly relative unknowns, but i’ll be god damned if they don’t breathe life into these people. There’s also Carla Gugino who....you know. Is Carla fucking Gugino.

You can tell love and care has been put into this show. Small details almost always become important, I’m sure if I went back through with a fine-toothed comb for a second viewing, I would find a downright Edgar Wright level of foreshadowing in the earlier episodes.

There were some questions I think I still have, maybe they’d be cleared up with a second viewing, and I do want to watch this show again. I had some issues with the ending which I won’t get into here, and the show absolutely isn’t above a jump scare or six. They’re never cheap though, either coming at the end of a truly tense scene or so insanely unconventional and out-of-left-field (Anyone who’s seen Episode 8 knows what i’m talking about) that it’s noteworthy in and of itself.

Overall, it plays out like a very intense and emotionally effective family drama about trauma, grief, sickness, death, dysfunction, and love with heavy horror elements. You’ll go half an episode without any horror sometimes, making it all the more jarring when it does rear its zombified, dead-white eyed head again. This isn’t to say that the tone isn’t cohesive, like i said before, it absolutely makes it mesh together.

And yes, I did say love up there. I want to pause for a moment to tell you that all hope is not lost in this show. There are genuine moments of humor, heartwarming, and love. Yes, most of them are at best bittersweet and at worst setting you up for a cold, black sucker-punch to the heart, but it’s not all darkness and fear and death. This show has heart.

I honestly can’t say enough good things about The Haunting of Hill House. The family dynamic was realistic as hell, the characters were complex, the scares and tension were masterfully executed, the themes were intelligent, the cinematography beautiful, I cannot recommend this show enough to anyone with even a passing interest in horror.

#The Haunting of Hill House #THOHH

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onimiman · 5 years

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Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy. But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

#halloween #halloween films #film retrospective

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itcowcer · 7 years

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Subject: Pumpkin Patch

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:05 AM (6 hours ago) to Mark

Heeeeey Mark!

So I know it's been a while, and I wanted to give you a quick heads-up on what’s going on and why I haven’t sent any drafts in recent history. Let's be real, it’s been months. But I want you to know that I haven't just been laying around over here, and that I do have something planned to give to you. It's just not ready yet. Sorry :( Now I'm not trying to tease you; I've hit a wall. What I do have is a bunch of source materials which (I hope) will prove to you that I'm building something, potentially pretty big, for my next novel. That's Right!!!! I've been researching Mark!!!! Who would've thought I knew how. Anyways, I thought this might tide you over until the rough draft or, at the most, spur you to send some seed money..... ;) You will find the sources in the subsequent attachments to this email. I think they kind of speak for themselves, but if you need me to elaborate on what I'm thinking just shoot me a message and I will give you deets.

Pleasure as always [?]

Paul

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:56 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

Whoops! I forgot to attach the sources in that last message. Oh well, I will take better care to attach them this time. I figure I should go ahead and let you know what's going through my head right now, just so we are on the same page. First off, all of this is real. All of this stuff has apparently occurred or is currently occurring, and I've been able to pick up more bits and pieces the longer I've stayed in town (hence the long turn around). Where am I? I don't particularly want to tell you. For that reason I've redacted some information which might clue you into my whereabouts. I'm sure with a certain amount of cyber- sleuthing you'd be able to pinpoint my location, as some of the major points I just cannot change. However by that point I figure it will be too much work for you anyways. DO NOT COME AFTER ME! This story is too good for me to pass up on. I'm only messaging you as a courtesy, and to let you know that I haven't forgotten the money I owe you. I will hopefully be able to pay you back with this novel's completion.

Now onto content. I found this story, of all places, in the newspaper. Yeah it was this grotesque murder which had all of the city community in a hubbub. It was strange too, like ritualistic and such. I've included the short blurb I found in the newspaper, it should be the 3rd attachment. Of course I saved it. I wasn't sure where to go next with my writing and everyone loves true crime or at least a good murder mystery. Then, in the next week, I saw a couple other odd articles (I have attached them as well). One is a letter of resignation from one of the news paper's journalists, due to some kind of journalist ethical concern. Apparently he hasn’t been heard of since. Like completely disappeared. For some reason I was sure that the initial murder, and the later disappearance were related, though I couldn't figure how.

This forced me to dig a little further and I think what I found is captivating at least. Even if I'm grasping at straws I think it tells a compelling narrative, and might sell. I found a small interview, written by the Journalist that disappeared, in regards to a cultural movement within the city. As it turns out this place has a long history of creepy shit, like underground slave prisons, civil war ghosts, a history of catastrophic fires, train accidents, macabre poets, dilapidated asylums turned apartment complexes, and even a vampire legend. No kidding! The guy is entombed down at this old cemetery that overlooks the river. Well the interview is with a member of this group of artists, all of whom were trying to keep this inherent creepiness a part of the city's culture. Though she went by a code name, as all members of Pumpkin Patch do to remain anonymous (in this case kittykat666(=^.^=). I believed that she was the victim in the murder. Having contacted the victim’s parents, I asked if they knew anything about the group Pumpkin Patch. Only the mother would respond, with an invitation to meet with her. Though the meeting was brief, she gave me a series of her daughter's journal entries, a forwarded set of emails between her and her daughter on the topic, and permission to use these things in publishing my next book, so long as I didn't use her daughter's name.

The first attachment is the newspaper interview with kittykat666(=^.^=) It describes really well what the group is about, and how it operates, and it shows you where I'm leaning for main characters (the girl and the journalist). I think it introduces everything well. The second is the girl's journal entries (at least the ones I've deemed relevant). All of these pertain to Pumpkin Patch and they really get you to see who this poor girl was and how she got sucked into this whole mess. The next attachment is the first article blurb I found, the one that describes the murder. The fourth attachment is the letter of resignation from the journalist who interviewed “Kat”. I figure I will just forward those emails that the mother sent to me. There aren't many of them, however there is some character building stuff there. You can see the loving family “Kat” and her mother had before. They also show how the two found Pumpkin Patch. Sorry in advance, the mother has no clue of grammar. I have also included one last attachment, which is unnerving and chilling when you understand how the group finds its inspiration. It's a series of screen shots I took from the group’s auction site. Here, they post a bunch of their work for buyers. They had just posted a new auction when I checked out the site page. Pay attention to the groups shared theme in the artwork.

Whew! That was a lot for an email! Let me know what you think! Paul

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:59 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

-_____-

Paul

Attachment 1, Attachment 2, Attachment 3, Attachment 4, Attachment 5

Paul Holland [email protected] 3:08 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

Weird. Someone just rang the door bell to my apartment. I went to go check and no one was there. I'm a little unnerved, especially given what I've just sent you (that subject matter which is still fresh in my mind). I'm not entirely sure it's nothing, but realistically it’s probably nothing so I'm going to get these emails to you and then cool off. Here you go,

Paul

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: opportunities ;)

Hey Kit Kat i hope everything is going better. i know that finding friends can be rough in college but im sure there are a ton of great clubs over there. Just get off your little butt and look!!!! :p only teasing. Also your father should be put that money back into ur college fund. Evidently he needed to buy his new gal pal a car lol. The man's no good! Either way i will make sure everything is all set, u just worry about school work and meeting people and HAVING FUN!!! Let me know if you need anything, im just a phone call away!!!

Love, Mom

. . .

Resp:opportunities ;)

Thanks Mom. Everything is fine, I was just a little worried because the tuition bill is overdue and it needs to be paid in order for me to sign up for classes next semester. He's buying her a CAR!!!!! SMH! SMDH! But my classes are going well. I actually turned in my first couple of paintings and the professor really liked them. He told me I thought out of the box, already had a unique style, and that I should keep pushing myself. He said that I might run into trouble when we start doing other forms, but that he'd help me if I need it. I thought that the class wouldn't like my work or be weirded out, but all in all I got good responses and helpful critiques. Some people in my class invited me to hangout, idk I might go.

. . .

Resp:resp:opportunities ;)

Oh kitty thats great! im glad your classes are going well. And you should SPEND TIME WITH THOSE CLASSMATES!!! Jeeesh!!! Also i am not sure what SMH stands for. i tried to think but cant. :( i did some looking because i knew u wouldnt and i found a club that you might enjoy. They are artists in the area who have auction events, have group meetings and they seem to do a lot in the area. it might be the kind of thing to set u on an art career, if thats what u want to do. i just happened to hear about them and i looked up their site. A lot of their work looks right up ur alley! There is a submission section on their page, and maybe u can send in some of you drawings? i was surprised by how much they were selling for, and i think a lot of ur work is better. I will send you the link. There called the Pumpkin Patch. Thats kinda cute!

Love ya! Mom

. . .

Resp:resp:resp:opportunities ;)

Yeah I'll look it up and send something in. I'll also try hanging out with my class, I'm not sure what we will be doing. Thank you for everything. Love you Too! P.s. SMH is Shaking My Head.

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: Pumpkin Patch

Remember that group you were talking about? Pumpkin Patch. I submitted one of my works and it got accepted. I think you'd remember the one, it had that spider made out of sewing needles and thimbles, strung up in a wire web, the one that I got an award for in school. The group admin sent me an email and wanted to know why I wanted to join the group so I kinda bullshitted an answer and I guess they liked it. I'm supposed to go to a meeting with them, however I have to wear a mask and create an artist name which is kind of weird. I guess they want all the artists to be anonymous even to each other. I told them that that made me uncomfortable, but they assured me that the meeting will be on campus. I'm going to see what it is and drop it if its too sketch. I guess most meetings are online, but bimonthly meetings are in person.

. . .

Resp:Pumpkin Patch

Kit Kat. Idk this sounds a little scary. i wish i had known all that before i sent you the link. Be careful there are a lot of weirdos out there and i dont want u to get hurt. u are a grown women and i hope you will use you best discretion. There is always your classmates, and maybe starting a group with them would be better for you. How did that go with them? I expect you to call me soon.

Be safe, Mom

. . .

Resp:resp:Pumpkin Patch

Please don't freak out but I ended up going to that meeting. It was cool though. We kind of just sat around, discussing what the next theme will be, what scary movies we like that kind of thing. We also planned a little get together at a museum. There are a couple other girls there so I think it's fine. I kind of know one of the people in the group too, although I'm not supposed to. He was actually one of the guys I hung out with last week. He's not in my art class but he is a year above us so everyone knows him. He sort of let it slip that he was in the Pumpkin Patch when we were all hanging out. He assured me that it wasn't going to be weird and that the mask thing was more like a gimmick than anything else, to make the group interesting. That night with my class was fun too, we just sat around a fire pit talking, eating hot dogs, sharing stories. Somebody had a guitar and they all started singing these old songs. They are a good group. I'm going to spend time with them again.

. . .

Resp:resp:resp:Pumpkin Patch

Well im glad that you had a good time. Just remember to be careful, and that u dont have to do anything u dont want to, and CALL YOUR MOTHER. Also im glad you met some nice people. Is there anyone I should be meeting anytime soon? ;)

Please call, I worry Mom

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: What's Up!!!

Hello Kathryn? Im not sure if you remember me, however im YOUR MOTHER! What's been going on? u haven't called me in a while. I hope you've started thinking about housing for next year. Dont worry about the price its all being paid for by ur father. Also I see that you have another exhibition thingy coming up with your Pumpkin Patch. Im thinking about coming down and rooting u on, seeing as u failed to mention the last one. What do you think?

. . .

Resp:What's Up!!!

Yeah I've been looking at some places. Some friends and I are thinking about getting an apartment together a little off campus. I will let you know what we find. Also that first exhibition wasn't a big thing, and I didn't think you'd want to miss work for it. This next one's not a big deal either and I'm not even going to be there, we aren't supposed to associate with or present our work in order to retain the whole aura of mystery. We can still check it out if you want, we just can't let anyone know that I'm a collaborating artist. Also I can't tell you which work is mine, sorry. :/ We can go to this nice little french restaurant after. I just went there recently with a close friend of mine, it just might be my favorite place in town now :3. Let me know when you're in the area.

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: New Exhibition

Hey Mom, I know that there is another exhibition coming up, however I'd prefer that you didn't come to this one. I had fun last time, it's just that I don't think I'd be comfortable with you being there. Also I've decide to leave the group. I just didn't like where it was going and it didn't feel the same as when we first started. That's part of the reason why this latest exhibition would be no good. Also things are falling through at the apartment so I'm trying to find another one for the rest of the semester. I'll send you the places I've found. So far the rent will only be slightly more expensive. Also my roommates already have someone lined up to sublet so we don't have to worry about paying for two places. I will call you soon, and I love you.

Kat

Mark Gergich [email protected] 7:13 AM (1 hour ago) to Paul

Paul,

I just read through everything you’ve emailed me. The forwards, the attachments... everything. Paul Pick up the phone, let me know where you are, I am concerned. I think you may have stumbled onto something that needs to be taken care of by the police. Please Paul. Do not write this book. Don't worry about debts you think you owe me, I'm not worried about that I just want you to come out of this safely without a target on your back. You need to STOP writing this book.

Your friend and publisher, Mark

Paul Holland [email protected] 8:06 AM (3 Minutes ago) to Mark

Mark,

He says I can’t.

Paul

#pumpkinpatch #PP #itcowcer #writing

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Digimon frontier ocs?

Randomly started rewatching CactusCasual's great Digimon Frontier critique series. He's leaving youtube soon and making the weird decision to delete his whole account and everything he's ever done. But he's uploaded a bunch of his best stuff to google drive so if people wanna keep.it they can. Still i think its a lil dumb to not just leave the account open even if you're not using it? I dont know anything about why he's quitting the site though so maybe he has his reasons.

ANYWAY this got me thinking again about how Frontier is so goddamn boring and weirdly cliche and badly paced, and like everyone just focuses on "but they changed how digivolution works" and ignores all the actual reasons its bad. Like, kids have fused with digimon in previous seasons too! And haven't we all wished we could be the awesome characters like angemon and etc? A digimonny power rangers henshin thing isnt an inherantly bad idea, it was just executed badly. I dislike it cos it meant we completely lost any sort of digimon and human bonding experience plotline. They gave us two recurring digimon characters but they were just basically a pokedex and the world's least funny comic relief. Gimme a version of the show where the kids actually talk to their "spirit evolutions"! Like maybe they have a digimon partner but its forever stuck in baby form or spirit egg form and cant fight without fusing with a human host? Or just give us a better non-combat digimon pal like bokomon and neemon but like.. Fully developed with their own character arc and relationships with everyone else. Maybe ophanimon could have been around the whole time and been a mentor and parental figure? And we could actually explore her moral ambiguity, cos seriously the show makes her kind of a "ends justify the means" asshole and just NEVER AKNOWLEDGES IT. Wtf was up with that scene where she illusions Cherubimon with a fake dream of him being purified and getting to just go back home and be friends? And then she just backstabs him and we never mention it again. Like seriously even if she couldnt actually cure him that scene at least revealed that he WANTED to be cured and it made him so much more sympathetic! If he can be reasoned with, maybe they could have talked him down and then gone on an adventure together to find an actual cure for him? Also seriously what is up with his entire plot! Cos he just gets 'infected with darkness' cos he 'had darkness in his soul' but its just cos he thought the humanoid digimon were being racist against the beast digimon? And like.. The council was 2/3rds humanoid with him as the only beast representative and since he got infected by evilness they never remotely tried to recruit a new one or listen to what beast digimon have to say. So he was kinda right, yo! Also wtf with the reveal that actually no everything we just said is pointless because his REAL motivation was just blindly obeying ANOTHER humanoid digimon that comes out of nowhere to be the final boss. Also what is up with all the increased sexism in this series!! Its so weirdly worse than even adventure which had the excuse of being "a product of the times" yet still had way better variety of female characters and less bigoted stuff! And frontier came right after tamers which was one of the best series for gender equality and even used the medium of the setting as an opportunity to talk about the subject. Shame they censored that in the dub tho, Renamon talking about how digimon have no biological sex and how she only came to think of herself as a girl when she came to the human world. And rika's family accepting her and inviting her to family girls's night and stuff! Like as a metaphor for transgender issues it really worked to try and explain it to a younger audience in a natural way. And then one season later in frontier we have ONLY ONE GIRL IN THE CAST and wah wah whining about fashion and oh no she cant ever win a fight and her goddamn spirit form is in skimpy lingerie despite her being 12, and the show is always perving on her! And then she loses her powers halfway through the first season without winning a single fight, and has to be the damsel in distress to motivate the dudes in a stupid love triangle. And even when she does get to fight she's only allowed to fight the ONE SINGLE GIRL ON THE VILLAIN TEAM and they have stupid slap fights and "who's the most pretty" and BEACH EPISODE and GAHHHHH

...anyway as you can see i have a lot of reasons why i didnt really like the series. But what i meant to make this post about (BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED) is that the fundemental concept itself isnt bad, they just wasted all its potential. And its a really good concept for ocs! Make your own digi superhero person and explore the fragmented world doing stuff offscreen during the series! Like they left so much open?? We know that other kids also got on other trains to the digiworld and they all just failed or gave up or got captured by the bad guys. And we know there's a bunch of spirits that the heroes never use because the villains got them again, so its cool to imagine an alt universe where the roles were swapped. What if different kids became the chosen heroes? What if different spirits were corrupted by the villains? What would a good guy Grumblemon be like? What would the kid be like who got that spirit? Would their evolution form be wildly different from grumblemon? Do the villain forms and purified forms look as different as Duskmon and Lowemon did?

SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!

So yeah i wasted so much space here blabbering, so i'll probably make a separate post about my oc ideas lol. But i'd love to see other people's ideas for ocs/reinterpretations/other ways to fix that wasted potential!

So! Digimon frontier oc ideas!

To start off,have an undeveloped idea of someone on the team having Angemon as their spirit evolution. Cos it would have made the transition to such a new series a lot easier if they had some sort of "hey this is for you" to the fans of the previous ones. And angemon is the Adventure digimon that already looks the most like a regular human in a weird mask.

SPEAKING OF WHICH! less regular humans in weird masks! Whats the point of "you turn into a digimon" if you dont turn into a digimon? Like i know the whole gimmick is "humanoid mode and beast mode" but even the beast modes often look like humans in a costume! And there's been so many humanoid digimon before who actually looked like HUMANOID MONSTERS rather than just normal dudes cosplaying! There's literally nothing "monster" about agunimon, he's just a guy in some knight armour. Like the most you can do is charitably assume maybe the horns are his own and not just attatched to the helmet. And its annoying cos the villains have way cooler evolutions! And also double annoying that they always bend the humanoid/beast rule in such transparently self serving ways. Tommy gets two beast forms cos he's meant to be the cute mascot-looking character. Zoey gets two human forms cos she's meant to be grossly sexualized all the time. When kouichi turns from bad to good he loses his interesting looking actually monsterous evolutions and just becomes another dude in an armour. A friggin palette swap of his brother!

Anyway anyway LOL IM RAMBLING AGAIN yo...

Ideas for ocs!

I was thinking of a main girl character who's basically just a "fuk u" to all the stereotypes they did with Zoey. Actually gets a monster lookin beast form and a warrior lookin human form and actually gets to goddamn fight! Maybe her name is Hilda or Hildegarde? And i'm imagining her as a chubby nerdy kid with glasses and curly hair and a super cute oversized sweater kind of fashion sense. And her main spirit form would be this super badass lady knight giant orc thing who can Protec All The Peoples! Maybe earth element or the irony of being light element but she's this big ol monster goblin with just a tiny pair of angel wings on the back, lol! And then her personality is normally super shy and socially anxious, but she actually finds the digimon world kind of freeing? She's a total badass in battle and acts like a big ol powerful protector of all her friends! And she's always super excited aboyt adventuring and gets carried away comparing stuff to her favourite books. And now we must learn everything about this new place!! TO THE DIGI LIBRARY!!! So she's able to be confident and bubbly when it comes to actual adventure stuff, but she's still shy about regular life and anything social. Maybe its her weakness? Like she's scared about going home because she thinks she'll be "just a nobody" again, and lose all the great friends she made here. And also maybe a backstory of her heroic side still existing even before she got magic powers, but in the most tragic way? She managed to fend off a burglar once all on her own, she just snapped and did everything possible to defend her family, even though this was a man three times her size! But instead of being seen as a hero it just made all the neighbours and kids at school spread rumours about her being dangerous. Oh she must be in *a gang* if she knew how to fight like that! Oh its so *dangerous* for a kid that age to have such anger inside! Maybe she's a *scary mentally ill person*! So the whole situation ruined her social status even more and made her retreat even more inside her shell. And this is why the circumstances of the digital world are such a wish fullfillment for her and she's so scared of just waking up and it all being a dream. I think the villains could manipulate her fears, and it could maybe lead to her Skullgreymon Moment?

And then another idea i had was for a trans boy? I just thought this would be a good framework to explore LGBT stuff. He'd maybe be the wind element? And his personality would be very "classic shonen hero" but without the "dumbass" part, instead he's the cynical planner type dude while Hilda is the "i didnt even think, i just wanted to save everyone" type. But he's still super peppy and tries to be the class clown all the time so people will like him, and loves to climb trees and stuff. I think maybe his fighting style would be all about trickery and random chance? If there was such a thing as an element of surprise then he'd have that one! And then his story is that he doesn't have anyone supporting him for who he truly is at home, and he's afraid that his new friends will call him a freak too if they find out. He took the opportunity and cut his hair short as soon as this adventure started, and just introduced himself to everyone as a boy. But he's scared that people will find out he "lied" even though he didnt, he's just been so beaten down with the idea that he's not allowed to be himself and he has to pretend to be everyone else's idea of an ideal cis man or else they'll reject him. So maybe he starts off a bit obsessed with cliche masculinity and has low confidence about himself? And this could reflect in his digivolutions actually changing! He starts off with a really over the top buff warrior dude form, even though his fighting style is entirely about speed and trickery. So he tends to get into trouble with this fake form getting in the way of his ability to fight. And then when everyone accepts him he gets all powered up and changes into a new form! A way less "cliche macho" dude who looks like a stage magician instead and actually synchronizes with his element to become super powerful! And he's all like "oh no i became less manly" but everyone is like "wtf dont let yourself believe you're any less of a man because of dumb stereotypes!" And Also Big Friendship Hugs.

And then maybe this provides a resolution to both him and Hilda's plots? Like when the story is over they still stay friends in the real world, and having a friend who supports them gives them enough power to withstand all the haters and stay confident in themselves. But itd be kind of a coincidence for all the digidestined to live in the same city lol! So maybe in real life they live at least a few towns away, and they become long distance pals who send letters/emails. Because I LOVE ALL MY LONG DISTANCE PALS!! Also itd make sense to have a Internet Good message in a digimon show, lol.

And then i dunno about the rest of the team yet but i thought itd be good to have a sort of moral divide? Like these are the two who have a shitty home life and dont want to leave the digital world. But then the other half of the group has big reasons to wanna go home. So the villains could play on this difference in goals and make them fight amoungst each other. Just generally make the villains more actually competant, yknow? Oh also if there's a Dark Agunimon on the villains he needs to be EVEN MORE of a boring human in a costume! Cos it sucks that all the villains have better character designs and the show seems to think theyre worse ones. Give me one case of more boring not meaning more heroic!

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symbianosgames · 7 years

Link

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

I’m the director and co-founder of a mom-and-pop indie game studio called Finji (Overland, Night in the Woods), and today I am attempting to record the process we use for collaborative decision-making and planning. That is, how do we decide what we will do next on any given project? How do we get a bunch of different opinionated and intelligent people to cooperate and produce something greater than the sum of its parts? How do you retain individual creative satisfaction but also benefit from the input of your brilliant collaborators? How do you take abstract principles like “putting the project first” and turn that into something concrete you can apply?

Disclaimer Time

First, the process we’re about to outline is one that we’ve been using, formally and informally, with our internal and external game development teams, for maybe two years now. So, what follows is not just theory, at least for us — this is practice, and we’ve been happy with the results so far. Thus, what follows.

Second, I’m not talking about basic production and scheduling practice, which I’ve written a little bit about elsewhere. Instead, please treat this article as a kind of a pitch for an alternative to toxic argument culture but also an alternative to things like “only say yes” “brainstorming” “sessions” that are often proposed as the obvious “good” alternative to argument culture. The idea that intelligent critique doesn’t have a place in a design discussion is as absurd as the idea that survival of the fittest is a good way of running (more like ruining lol) (sorry) (sorry) your team.

Third, this process is unequivocally not something that I invented. Just like our games it was the result of a kind of informal collaborative process with a lot of input from a lot of lovely brilliant folks — my Finji partner Rebekah, our art director Heather Penn, NITW team, and more. This was an exploratory process that grew over time, and is mostly practiced informally by all of us, we don’t have like a rigid checklist sitting around for this or whatever. Rebekah outlined a lot of this in her GDC talk this year too. A lot of this article is just revisiting and expanding on those ideas, with the added benefit of not having shipped NITW last week. This process sort of grew out of this process, if that’s even possible. Or maybe that’s the only way it can happen.

Fourth, probably someone else smarter and more qualified than us has already outlined a better approach that we just haven’t found yet. YMMV etc. And finally, in the spirit of every design text that actually has any value, I’m going to do my level best to adhere to the design rules we’re pitching here. This way the article itself can be an example of whether or not this process has any value.

Ok, let’s do this.

Usually a good plan starts with a good problem. I know, I’m probably blowing your mind right now but bear with me. On your project it might be that players aren’t having enough fun on level 7, or that your QA department are grumpy all the time, or that your logo still sucks, etc. Gasp!

But ok so, for the purposes of things, I’m going to define Good Problems as problems that:

Actually exist

Actually make a thing worse

Actually can be solved

And are as accurately described as possible

These sound over-obvious but they’re also very easy to overlook, especially in the middle of a long and difficult project. That last one is a real kicker, because it requires a level of understanding that most teams making most things just won’t have until quite late in the project. Until then, just do your best.

Anyways, so let’s say that we think we’ve identified a good problem, and we’re working on a plan to fix it. It’s important to understand that at this stage, the plan can be absolutely terrible, completely ludicrous, and otherwise impossible, as long as it addresses the needs of the problem we’re trying to solve. The clunky-but-accurate term intermediate impossible is the best I’ve found to describe the inherent nature of these plans.

Of course, it’s fine if the plan is totally amazing in every regard too. I mean that is always convenient. Impossible, but convenient. This step of the process is primarily about having any plan at all, not magically having a perfect plan immediately. For example, let’s say that you know you want adventurers to be able to travel over this scenic canyon in your game. You don’t know yet if that will be achieved by running across a bridge, or riding a griffon, or using a teleport spell, etc. But you know they need to be able to cross.

The initial plan might be to simply link the two areas using a long hot-pink rectangular box. This is not an acceptable solution in the long-term, obviously, but it provides a starting point for talking about how to address the problem of linking these two game areas. This is a perfect intermediate impossible, and a great place to start this discussion, and the rest of this article is about how and why that’s true.

Note: sometimes the problem appears after the plan, which is fine, as long as you’re honest about the problem being a good one. For example, Overland’s audio director Jocelyn Reyes recently proposed that we include a new type of environmental hazard in an upcoming area of the game. This plan started because it just seemed like a cool idea, but we were able to also identify that it would address a major problem we had, which is that we didn’t have any unique environmental features in that area yet. So our hypothetical bridge plan here could easily start from “gosh we don’t have any bridges, a bridge would be neat” only to realize “oh, that would fix our crappy canyon problem. Hmm”

Ok, so let’s say you’ve been thinking about this “link two game areas” problem for a while, and you’re still not sure what the best thing to do is, above and beyond a pretty convincing argument that players need to be able to cross this canyon in some way. Maybe you’ve even ruled out a couple of options, or think that a bridge might be the best option. Either way it’s time to show your plan to your collaborators.

This step can be scary, especially at first. What if your team doesn’t like your plan? What if your cool idea gets shot down? And this is a chicken-and-egg problem in a lot of ways. The point of this process is actually to completely avoid these fears, but until you’ve been doing the process for a while, these worries will still be hanging around. Until then, just do your best.

So ok, you’re about to explain to your team that you need to add a big garish pink box over this scenic canyon that your collaborator worked on for two weeks. What does that look like in practice?

Step 2a: Show the Good Problem

Hey team, so I’ve been playing our alpha a bunch, and the pacing gets really weird around the canyon. To get from Area A to Area B, you have to run all the way back around this region here, and it feels like busywork. But the canyon itself is awesome, obviously. And Area A and Area B are also great. I just want to fix this weird pacing thing. Here, watch how flat it is if I try to run around it right now. (Bonus points here for showing a concrete example, and not an abstract, unsubstantiated theory)

Step 2b: Show Your Plan

Ok so keep in mind that I’m not actually proposing that we put a giant magenta box into this excellent canyon. However, a giant magenta bridge would allow players to go directly to Area B without the pacing problem I just illustrated. Watch this (runs directly across bridge in hacky prototype mode). Not bad right??

Step 2c: Explain the Upsides

So obviously the main upside is you can avoid that whole area with the bad pacing if we do this. It’s also the simplest plan I could think of. The other ideas I had for addressing the pacing are a lot more complicated: it involves adding a whole new Area C in between A and B to provide some activities on the journey, or else adding a new ability set which is going to change navigation for the rest of the game and put too much burden on the UI. But we can talk about those if one of those stands out for some reason. A bridge is also a chance to show more of the architecture from Area A, and we could also reintroduce that intro character here also. Plus landmarks are almost always valuable, and this doesn’t seem to be an exception yet.

Step 2d: Explain the Downsides

The main downside is that we don’t have a bridge yet. We’ll need to design that whole thing. Which won’t be free. Also it’s going to mess up the line of sight for this key navigation point down in the canyon, which is used in like four other quests. Also there’s at least two tech issues that I’m not sure how to do here.

…and, scene!

So while we might not always pitch things quite this formally, even small informal pitches benefit a lot from hitting each of these general concerns. Constantly restating a problem might seem annoying after a while, but in my experience understanding a problem too well is sufficiently rare that I’m willing to take that risk. On everything. All the time. Plus, as Christopher Alexander says, a perfectly-defined problem is also by definition it’s own solution, so maybe the right thing to do will just pop up on its own here, especially later in the project.

So not to get too meta hopefully, but the upside to this entire step of the process is increasing the odds of having everyone be on the same page, not just in what you want to do but why you want to do it. This drastically increases the chances of these next crucial steps working out. If you don’t spend the time here, then the odds that your team will be talking past each other about completely different problems is too high, in our experience. The downside is that this does require some extra effort and due diligence before presenting, although that burden is localized to the team member most likely to be able to explain it well, which actually is an upside.

This step tends to work best if you wait until after your collaborator has finished their full pitch. There are some exceptions but generally we’ve found the best discussions happen once the pitch is done. So try not to interrupt unless maybe it’s going to save a ton of time, or there’s something you’re extremely confused about. This isn’t so much about avoiding critique or avoiding interruptions in and of themselves, but about making sure everyone understands the whole pitch before they start analyzing it. So I mean pitch how you want, but the problem we’re trying to solve here is getting everyone to understand the problem and the solution as fast as possible, which usually means trusting your team and letting them say their piece.

This step also tends to work best if you can focus on the same breakout the person presenting the idea used. Is the problem that we’re trying to fix actually framed correctly? In the case of the pink bridge, is it actually a pacing problem, or is there some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed (or both)? If there’s a problem with the problem, then we probably have to rethink our plan.

If we mostly agree that the problem description is accurate, is a bridge actually the optimal solution here? Maybe these other areas also have pacing problems that can’t be solved with the addition of a bridge, and a more general purpose plan is what is needed at this time. Maybe there’s plans for a flying ability that hasn’t been implemented yet and this needs to be sidelined for a bit.

If we mostly agree that some sort of bridge is the best option, did we miss any upsides? For example maybe the bridge could include this puzzle that had to be cut earlier, that would work much better here, and most of the work on it is done already. Also there is already some concept art for a bridge from pre-production that never got used.

Did we miss any obvious downsides? Maybe the canyon dividing the two areas is currently of great importance for the story, and bridging it undermines a big chunk of the narrative. Maybe the environment artist won’t be available again until it’s too late.

So, after this step, what we hopefully have is either:

a stronger pitch than we started with

avoiding a mistake when a teammate catches a bad assumption

an unchanged pitch, but a higher level of confidence from team vetting

So how exactly is this discussion different from the one that would happen as part of “argument culture”? What prevents participants from becoming overly emotional / combative / toxic? Maybe nothing. However, there are some factors that I think contribute to it generally producing much healthier discussions than argument culture does, while still maintaining some of the productivity of allowing critique to happen.

First, any discussion of any idea almost always entails restating and/or discussing exactly what it is we’re trying to solve. That might sound like a downside but it’s very much an upside in my experience. As long as this discussion is happening in good faith, then this provides a bigger base and better chance of shared understanding between participants, and helps avoid discussing solutions to problems that don’t even exist, which can be intensely stressful in and of itself. We believe that doing these steps in this order produces an environment in which all participants can be more confident that the thing they’re even bothering to talk about is useful or even necessary, which is great. Confidence in outcomes will always be higher when confidence in the discussion itself is higher.

Second, by pitching a big pink rectangle bridge, the conversation has a better chance of avoiding the swamp of architectural specifics when instead we are trying to focus on whether or not we want a bridge at all. That way when the discussion about bridge architecture does happen, there’s much higher confidence in that discussion, since we have good feels about the bridge itself. In other words, that bridge will have been crossed (sorry).

Third, once we establish the basic problem, the conversation tends to focus on addressing specific pros and cons tied to specific solutions. We’re not deciding whether or not the person pitching the bridge is smart. When we are talking about how we can optimize an idea together, we start to get a better understanding of how this idea relates to the rest of the game and the rest of the team. Maybe we also finally understand that greenlighting an idea is really always greenlighting several ideas. We start to understand that if we’re doing this right we’re all pitching the bridge together.

Fourth, I think it puts a lot of good, positive pressure on the person presenting the idea to value the solving of the root problem over any particular given solution. This is maybe the most important mindset you can have as an individual collaborator, and this process acknowledges this and even incentivizes this. It also requires it.

The next step is to trust but verify. In this scenario, it might mean making a version of the pink-bridge that everyone else on the team can play too, that includes some of the revisions and feedback from the discussion, and listening to any new ideas or concerns that crop up after the collaborators have had a chance to experience this new idea in the concrete, as opposed to grappling with the pitch in the abstract. A million nebulous concerns that might exist when you’re talking about theories and doodles have a tendency to suddenly crystalize and/or evaporate as soon as the thing is put into practice.

Concrete tests can also be a way of vetting potential collaborators, especially early in a project. If team members are clinging to personal ideas despite their bad fit, well beyond the point of playtesting and seeing the objective pros and cons of the decision, it can be a warning sign that either they need more time to embrace this style of making things, or that they might not be able to work in that environment. Not everyone is … not everyone values project outcomes over personal contributions. Not everything or everyone needs or benefits from that mindset, but it is a practical (and in some sense tautological) reality of collaborative work specifically, and one that needs to be acknowledged.

Like the previous steps, we see huge benefits from focusing our post-test discussions on these four questions:

what is the actual problem?

what’s the actual solution?

what are the actual upsides?

what are the actual downsides?

If your collaborators are the wonderful, perceptive, intelligent folks that we all hope they are, it’s totally possible that new facets of the basic underlying problem will suddenly come to light during this test, so yes, you absolutely should reevaluate the solution if someone notices something new.

This whole process is all about building group confidence in this specific outcome, because in all likelihood, one team member’s plan to fix this nasty problem is going to require the cooperation of the rest of the team. This is the underlying philosophy / admission of this particular process, in a lot of ways. Lots of teams have team members wearing a lot of hats, with a lot of interdependency, and I think a lot of studio processes ignore this basic fact. Having a process that builds higher group confidence is something we’ve found invaluable for every facet of production.

At some point, somebody has to actually build a dang bridge. As always, we keep an eye on our four basic questions. In the time that passed since identifying the need for a bridge and actually putting it in, has that need since been addressed by some other part of the design that we could use instead? Have the upsides changed dramatically? What about the downsides?

Just because a given proposal or idea or solution has passed muster once in the past doesn’t mean it’s the best possible design when it comes time to implement or put in the final artwork. If you’re unsure, pester a team-mate and see what they think; it could save you days of unnecessary stress, and help make the project as good as it can be.

So yea, that’s our pitch: a collaborative studio process for building better group confidence in outcomes. A way to make new things with people we never met before. A way to be more than the sum of our parts. The steps are so simple too:

Make a plan

Show the plan

Talk about the plan

Test the plan and talk about the test

Finish the plan

The most surprising thing to fall out of this approach is the way that I think about individual contributions to a project. On our game Overland, for example, we have pretty well-defined roles: Heather is in charge of the visuals, I’m in charge of the maths and implementation, Jocelyn is in charge of the sounds, Rebekah’s in charge of the business, and so on. But on a day to day basis, I might figure out a nice little fix for an art problem. Jocelyn might fix a weird gameplay thing. Heather might have a cool marketing idea. Rebekah might identify a cool audio opportunity. This process allows us to capitalize on this, without unduly overburdening our teammates, and we get not just the satisfaction of excelling in our own disciplines but occasionally getting to fix something else.

And, in the spirit of this whole thing, I have to end by saying that I think this is the best way to solve this particular problem, but I’d love to hear your thoughts about the problem, our solution, and any other pros or cons we might have overlooked.

#IFTTT #Blogger

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char27martin · 7 years

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Reflections on Rejections: How I Learned to Query by Working as a Lit Agency Reader

Rejection is brutal.

When I was querying my first novel, I sent out ninety-nine queries. Ninety-nine. I had plenty of partial requests, lots of full requests, but ultimately ninety-nine rejections arrived via email or through that particularly grating squeal of deafening silence.

This guest post is by Shannon M. Parker. Parker is the author of THE GIRL WHO FELL and the forthcoming THE RATTLED BONES, both with Simon & Schuster. She is a proud contributor to WELCOME HOME, a YA anthology on adoption, coming from Flux in September. Parker works as an author and freelance manuscript editor. You can find her and her books at shannonmparker.com.

I told myself I didn’t need to publish a book; I could stop writing. Maybe I was even too busy to write.

My six-year-old son overheard me say I was giving up my dream, and he looked at me with his wide eyes and so-much-zest-for-life smile and said, “You’re so close, Mom! You have to try for one hundred!”

In his young, kindergarten-trained brain it only made sense to strive for a perfect score, right?

His optimism melted me in the way a child’s optimism always liquefies my heart. But that moment was something so much bigger because my son knew too much about profound rejection, more than any person should encounter in a lifetime. For years, he’d suffered some of the worst abuse and neglect a human can endure. He was cast aside. Before joining our family, he survived in a world that was so big and scary and frightening and yet … yet. He managed to retain hope and tenderness and pure joy at the prospect of someone else’s opportunity to achieve their dream. He saw how hard I’d tried to get an agent and his toothless smile nudged me to try one more query. I did. Just one. For him.

Well, I signed with that one hundredth agent and I was happy. So happy.

Until the rejections from editors started.

Oof. Those hurt.

I mean, they were kind. The editors loved my writing style, or the characters—but they all agreed the manuscript lacked that essential something. Turned out, it was plot.

My book had no plot. Not kidding. None.

My agent stuck with me. She was lovely. But then two years passed, more editors passed on another project, and my agent retired. I was without representation again, but I was okay with it. I’d been at the writing game long enough to know I wasn’t going to be published.

And still, writing called to me.

Maybe I wasn’t going to be published, but I still wanted to be part of publishing. I’d grown up without any books in my home, so maybe I was trying to fill some childhood desire to be surrounded by spines and spines and more spines.

So I answered an ad for an unpaid Literary Agency Intern. I would be volunteering my time. But I would be reading, talking, and discovering books alongside an agent, and maybe editors!

[10 Ways to Make Your Submission Stand Out in the Slush Pile]

Each day after work, putting the kids to bed and the laundry to shelves, I read submissions. I was quickly on the “inside” reading query letters.

While training as an intern, I familiarized myself with the types of works agents were looking for and I jumped into the query pile each day. The very, very, very big query pile. Imagine a lot of queries arriving each day—then quadruple that number. When I came across a query that had a strong pitch and was something an agent was looking for, I forwarded it to the agent. The agent and I considered the first ten pages of the submission separately. We made and compared notes.

If a submission resulted in a request for partial or full pages, the agent and I would read and then exchange ideas. We discussed comparable titles. Did the voice engage us and not let up? Was it the type of story the agent thought she could sell, given her particular set of editorial contacts? Was it a story the agent was excited about given her particular literary tastes?

The best days were when the answer was yes to all of these questions. The agent would contact the author and offer representation. I wasn’t involved in the offers of representation (I never had any direct contact with the authors), but it always brought me great joy knowing a writer was getting “the call.”

There were some projects I fell in love with. Deeply. I wanted to see manuscripts become novels, but the agent felt differently. The agent needed to fall in love.

For querying writers, it’s hard to get the rejection that is some variation of: I just didn’t fully connect with the story or characters. This may seem like a form rejection, but I saw the way this really had to matter. An agent is there to champion a writer’s work. They have to connect with all aspects of the story, characters, and setting in order to continually support the project through all phases of development. It was hard knowing these writers would receive a rejection. I wished I could have told the authors how much I connected with their stories, that they should keep writing and not give up. But maybe that was because I was a writer, and I knew how important it was to receive encouragement while fielding rejections.

As my work continued, I edited manuscripts for existing clients across all genres—debut authors and New York Times bestsellers alike. Agents asked me to note where a story might need more development. Were there plot holes? What worked on the page? The agents I worked with encouraged me to be part of their team. They considered me a trusted colleague. They took the time to constantly thank me for my close reads and detailed feedback. And I witnessed just how special it was when a writer, manuscript, and agent found each other in that perfect literary storm that resulted in representation.

And somewhere in the after, after, after hours of work and interning, I wrote.

I read, critiqued, and edited manuscripts for two years without ever telling an agent that I was a writer. I didn’t want my desire to become a published author to infringe on the beautifully professional relationship I had built with my colleagues in New York. So I queried my new project to a few other agencies—just to test the waters. I got some bites; I got my hopes up. Then came the day when I submitted editorial notes on a manuscript and the agent I worked most closely with told me I should be a writer.

I confessed I was.

She asked to see a manuscript.

I shared one. She loved it. She told me where it might need work. She started talking to editors about my project. I put the project aside, adopted another child.

Then, at some point in the chaos of an over-demanding life, I finished my revisions and sent the reworked manuscript to the agent. Not “my” agent—I hadn’t signed with her; she was just looking at the project.

She asked me if I was okay to go on sub with my novel.

Um, yes!

[How to Overcome Rejection by 200 Literary Agents (& Still Land a Book Deal)]

I was prepared to settle in for a long wait. I was prepared for rejection. But the book sold in only a few weeks.

I signed with my agent.

I signed with Simon & Schuster.

A year and a half later my book was on shelves at Barnes & Noble.

But none of that would have happened if I hadn’t interned as a lit agency reader. As I was reading submissions, I became skilled at seeing where writers buried plot under too much backstory. Used too many “info dumps.” Filled the manuscript with “telling” instead of “showing.”

I was able to return to my work-in-progress with honed, critical eyes. I removed my info dumps. Heightened the stakes for my main character. Made sure there was a plot. (That’s still a tricky one for me.)

And somewhere between the reading and the writing and the parenting and the dreaming, a real book was born. And then two. And then a short story in an anthology on adoption. My then six-year-old is now a fifteen-year-old who just completed a freshman book report on my sophomore novel. He is anxiously awaiting the release of the adoption anthology in the way every reader’s heart quickens at the chance to discover a story that mirrors their own.

Looking back on my very windy road to publication, I think maybe rejection was the best thing for me in those early—albeit brutal—query stages. Rejection made me want to work harder, which is really what my writing needed. And shortly after my debut was published, I learned that there were people who didn’t particularly like my story or my writing. But even that newest form of rejection felt okay, because the readers who didn’t like my book were going to like other books. They would keep reading, buying, and recommending books—and that, for me, is what this industry is all about.

Then there were the readers who did like my book. Some who truly loved it enough to send fan mail telling me that my book might help save kids. Their words reminded me to honor the little six-year-old boy who saved my writing nine years ago. The boy who managed to believe in dreams, despite everything.

The biggest literary agent database anywhere is the Guide to Literary Agents. Pick up the most recent updated edition online at a discount.

If you’re an agent looking to update your information or an author interested in contributing to the GLA blog or the next edition of the book, contact Writer’s Digest Books Managing Editor Cris Freese at [email protected].

The post Reflections on Rejections: How I Learned to Query by Working as a Lit Agency Reader appeared first on WritersDigest.com.

from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/reflections-rejections-learned-query-working-lit-agency-reader

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universeinform-blog · 7 years

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Famous parenting blogger Jill Smokler is divorcing her gay husband

New Post has been published on https://universeinform.com/2017/03/11/famous-parenting-blogger-jill-smokler-is-divorcing-her-gay-husband/

Famous parenting blogger Jill Smokler is divorcing her gay husband

Just due to the fact your soulmates doesn’t always imply you’re in love.

This blogger become the case for the founder of Horrifying Mommy blog Jill Smokler and her husband Jeff when the pair introduced they’d be gay getting a divorcing after three kids, 17 years of marriage and “23 years of togetherness”. The purpose for their divorce — Jeff is homosexual. Jill took to Fb on Saturday to announce the split explaining “that is a truth which we’ve confronted collectively for many years. And, for a totally long time, the deep love we had for each other sustained us through the greater tough moments that our increasingly more diverging sexuality created.” And, even as they not “love each other as husband and wife” the couple hoped the experience “interprets into elevating empathetic, caring and open-minded children who discover ways to include their differences … And appreciate and appreciate that which makes others one-of-a-kind, too.”

And today, her husband Jeff decided to pen his own version of their story on Jill’s blog calling the heartwarming piece ‘while Love Isn’t Enough: Divorcing My Soulmate’. Jeff gets candid about his realization he changed into homosexual “4 or 5 years in the past”, admitting he “constantly knew he turned into exceptional”. “When you meet your soulmate While you’re 18 years old — best 5 years older than my very own daughter is now — and that person is a female, you actually suppose ‘thank God then, I will be homosexual’,” he wrote. After Jeff realized he turned into a gay, he knew he had two picks, which he says should’ve been.

The first became “to die” from his “intentional neglect of his health and health” or, to pop out and “desire to be surrounded by using the affection of my pals, circle of relatives, wife, and kids”. Despite believing it to be a smooth preference, Jeff chose The first alternative for years and allowed himself to “slip into dangerous behavior and depression”. The same day of writing his piece, Jeff and Jill bumped into each different at Target where they “laughed out loud and hugged”.

The previous couple, Jeff writes, have been “a million kilos lighter from the disclosure of our fact”. “Are you as happy as I’m?” Jill asked her former accomplice as they shopped for things for his or her new houses. And, he becomes. Jill genuinely loved the story, tweeting “I Simply love this publish from my homosexual husband. (What a freaking weird sentence to write.)” The couple has also obtained an amazing quantity of help on account that their respective posts which Jill said helped her to do not forget why she “fell in love with blogging first of all”.

Jill, who is also a The big apple Instances great-selling author for her parenting books, began her Scary Mommy blog in early 2008. 9 years on, the enterprise is now one of the international’s most famous parenting websites and boasts extra than three.five million followers throughout its social media channels.

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Are You Considering Divorcing Your Passive Competitive Husband?

The choice to divorce anybody is a totally hard one, however, It could be in particular hard in case you are married to a passive Aggressive. Because one day he is appearing great to you, and seems as loving and nurturing as the day you married, after which the following day, he is making your existence hell, It can make you query your selections approximately divorcing your husband.

Today, we’ll be sharing with you the Top 5 questions you need to be asking your self.

How Do You make Your selection?

The word that those questions are troubles you need to answer order to prepare for what occurs after divorcing him:

1. How a lot Ache Do You have to suffer To Have the ability To say “Forestall, No Extra”?

Within your passive Competitive marriage, you have been giving up your personal goals to fulfill your husband’s child-like need for guide and attention. Whether out of affection or worry, you discovered to Forestall speaking about the matters which you desired, as it made him jealous and indignant.

Not only that, you have lost your dignity, via having to be a mother and a wife for your husband. You’ve needed to squash your personal thoughts, critiques and ideas to hold “the man of the house” pleased and calm – it is either your dignity or peace, and peace is what maintains an own family collectively, proper?

Except that, while your dignity is trashed, and When you cross permit together with his recreation of passive aggressiveness, he forces you to surrender your self-admire, as well. Remember the fact that he’s passive Aggressive – he won’t just take your 6ba8f6984f70c7ac4038c462a50eeca3 and self-respect, he’s going to make you provide it up willingly, which is all of the More heart-breaking.

How lots Is Sufficient? Is Today Enough? whilst Will Or not it’s?

2. Wherein Is yours?

Divorcing your husband requires a little 6ba8f6984f70c7ac4038c462a50eeca3 – You need to experience that you deserve equal treatment Before disturbing it. You may not be complete of confidence for a while (it will take the time to heal), however, you could get on the right track by using searching at how your husband has harmed your and the way divorcing your husband will help you get you again.

How do you realize which you have dwindled? You don’t accept as true with your ideas or gut feelings, you look forward to permission/affirmation from others about movements, you second bet choices approximately what’s excellent for you and choose terrible alternatives, you do not think that you can make a great life for you or your kids without someone else’s assist. All of those want to be diagnosed in yourself so you can see how deeply entrenched for your husband’s recreation you’re. You want to interrupt of the mentality that “I cannot stay with out this man as my husband.” you may, and you have to reveal him that you may.

3. How are you going to Avoid Feeling Responsible?

In a wedding In which gender roles are strict, or if you come from an own family In which you were taught to be a “proper” girl, being invited to recognition on your self and your existence purposes could make your experience Guilty. They advised you that you had been on this lifestyles to take care and serve others (particularly your husband), and specializing in making yourself satisfied can experience a horrible issue to do.

In the meantime, your husband has advised that you aren’t capable of continuing to exist without others supporting you (making you a psychic cripple). he’s going to do some thing he can to make you sense like you’re “leaving behind” a “loving” husband, a “best” circle of relatives, your youngsters, your livelihood, your dignity, or some thing else Inside attain he can throw at you.

How are you going to Keep away from his guilt experience, or that of society? a good area to start is questions 1 and a couple of. Evaluate what the guilt-trippers say to what you actually realize. Is there any possible logical motive, at all, that you ought to sense Responsible for leaving an abusive husband?

4. How will you Detach From Him Before Leaving?

Here’s a risk involved with divorcing your passive Competitive husband: your husband, understanding exactly what you’ve got been ready all those years to have (a loving, knowledge associate to share lifestyles), will now promise that all with the intention to appear. And a part of you thinks: what if I leave now and he was, in the end, going to deliver the answer to my desires? it is like anticipating a capturing big name to bypass: you have not visible one, but you are haunted via the idea that one will skip simply as you shrink back.

That is what you need to be organized for. What have to your response be? Tell your self the reality. Ask your self, why is he telling me this? What has been looking ahead to, if he is honestly capable of it? Realize that his speech is a verbal mirage that he is weaving to keep you here (without requesting Extra and or leaving, Because you will now wait patiently). He knows what you need and wants flawlessly; he has been manipulating you all this time (dangling the “satisfied marriage” carrot in the front of you), telling you that he may be the character you want.

Inform your self that it is a false promise; either he can’t or will No longer supply that form of relationship.

To detach Before divorcing your husband way looking reality inside the face and Inform yourself: “Anything he says, he turned into unable to deliver Earlier than, and he cannot supply this in the future. I ought to Not be lured by means of false guarantees; he’s doing this to break my resolve, knowing rattling properly what I’ve been wishing for and looking forward to all our married lifestyles.”

5. What will My New existence Appear like?

Imagining your new existence, Pain-free, abuse-free, is extremely crucial. Perhaps you’ll pursue that university degree you in no way acquired, or the placement at paintings that calls for you to transport to a brand new metropolis. Perhaps you are going to spend Greater time with the children or with some remote family. Some thing it is that your passive Aggressive husband has been protecting you again from, now is the time to seize it and Realize that you can eventually do it.

Your husband will try to trap you lower back with the aid of conjuring up pix of your “best marriage” and the “correct lifestyles” you’ve got together, about how he’s a “superb issuer” and a “loving partner.” You can need to rehearse a speech, or deliver playing cards, or have some thing different reminder with you that will help you recognition on what you’re absolutely attempting To mention: “You have harmed me, and that I might not let you do it anymore. I cannot stay with you.”

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