#I never take nice photos anymore lol just casual shit

[rogerslovesstark]

Regret Can Only Come so Late

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Dolores x Bucky Barnes, Bruce Banner x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

WARNING: angst

Author’s Note: Lol, i found out my boyfriend of two and a half years was cheating on me with his coworker, so this came pretty fucking easily. 

He stared at your wedding photos, he looked so handsome in his tuxedo, you in a white silk wedding gown, both of you grinning from ear to ear. How much can change in nine years? Over nine years, you and Bucky had two kids, a boy, and a girl. Only two months after your son, George, was born did you find out that you were also 3 weeks pregnant with your daughter, Winnifred. George was born in January and Winnie was born in November. Raising two kids at such a close age was difficult, especially with both of you working basically on the same schedule. Both of you had come to an agreement that you would leave your job to raise the kids. And it worked for so long until Bucky had gotten bored of the same routine over and over again. Waking up every morning to run with Steve, get ready for work, help fight bad guys with the Avengers, leave by 5:30pm, be home by 6pm, shower, eat dinner at the dining room table, watch TV with you and the kids, put the kids to sleep at 8:30pm, spend an hour with you, get ready for bed and be in bed by 10, all to repeat the same thing every day. There was no excitement in his life, not until he met Dolores.

He called her Dot for short, she was a young 23-year-old who knew how to party hard and fuck even harder. It started as a casual thing, nothing serious, just messing around after work, telling you that he had gone out with the team for a few drinks after a long day at work. You believed it, you would have never thought that Bucky would cheat on you, not when you had a family. There were no signs that it was coming, you and Bucky had sex almost every night. He held you while you both slept, talked to you like he still loved you. When he handed you the divorce papers, saying he couldn’t do it anymore, you basically lost your mind, thankfully the kids were at Uncle Tony’s for a day with their favorite friend, Morgan. “What the fuck is this shit Bucky, what do you mean you can't do this anymore? Was it something I did?” You begged him to tell you, Bucky just stared out the window, wondering if you would just stop talking. “Y/n, would you just shut up, you’re so overbearing and boring, I need some spice in my life, not the same thing over and over every single day.” Your heart broke even more at his response, had he really fallen out of love with you? The divorce happened quickly, Bucky said you could keep the house but you insisted that you wanted nothing from him, the only connection that you two would have was through your children. You both had agreed to joint custody, you had the kids 5 days a week and Bucky got them on weekends. George and Winnie were able to adapt to the change rather quickly, they were obviously upset that you and Bucky weren’t together anymore but after a while, they had gotten over it. They were both eight when their parents split up. After a month of being divorced, the tabloids broke the news that Bucky Barnes had a new woman on his arm, with a huge engagement ring on her finger. You cried so hard that night, George and Winnie held you while you just broke down in front of your children. She was the cause of your divorce, Dolores. Only after two weeks of being engaged had they tied the knot, Winnie as a flower girl and George as the ring bearer. You received the invite but declined, just seeing a picture of the two of them made you feel nauseous. After the last court case, you didn’t see Bucky, only some dry text messages between both parties in regards to the kids. Three years after the divorce you decided that too was time for you to start dating again, you meet a nice man named Bruce Banner, one of Bucky’s team members. You both studied in similar fields so your conversations were nowhere near boring. After a few dates, Bruce decided to ask you to be his girlfriend and you were overjoyed. Still cautious about him since the trust issues you had developed from the divorce with Bucky. After almost two years of being with Bruce, he had asked you to marry him, you said yes of course, but news rang out into the media that the Hulk had a new woman in his life. Bruce kept it a secret from the team, determined to make sure that you were the right one for him. Once he was sure, he had let the team know what was going on. Bucky was shocked, the news left him breathless, you had moved on, genuinely moved on, and with Bruce none the less. The kids loved Bruce, raved about him whenever they could while they were with their father. They only met Bruce after the two of you got engaged but they fell in love with him instantly. That didn’t sit right with Bucky, the kids didn’t get along with Dot at all, Winnie said that Dot was strange, she would only speak to them when Bucky was around. The invitation to the wedding came a few months after you had announced your engagement. Bucky sat in the bathroom in silence, his hand covering his mouth with tears running down his face. He didn’t understand why he was feeling this way. He left you because the relationship became stagnant, nobody was benefitting from it, he harbored no romantic feelings towards you because he was falling in love with Dot. If he had no feelings towards you, why was he crying in the bathroom over a wedding invitation? The wedding crept up on you so quickly you hadn’t even realized that four months had passed. You were about to walk down the aisle to your future husband, the love for your life, you could be more excited. Bucky heard the doors open and he held his breath, scared to look, the past four months had been filled with self-reflection, Bucky knew what he was feeling, he was feeling resentment towards Bruce for trying to take his spot as the dad in his family. Bucky turned to watch you walk down the aisle, his eyes flooded with tears immediately, there you were, still as beautiful as the day he met you. A heavy feeling filled his chest and he couldn’t explain what he was feeling, all he knew was that you looked so beautiful, the lace dress was completely different from the silk dress you had worn at your first wedding. You looked so stunning that Bucky forgot how to breathe. He watched as you walked and he couldn’t help but imagine himself at the end of the aisle, waiting to take your hand and make you his forever. But he had that chance and he blew it. The heavy ring and Dot’s hand in his left hand made it feel like a 100lbs weight was in his hand. Bucky excused himself to the bathroom, leaving the wedding altogether. Dot and he were having problems, neither of them could deny it. She wanted more materialistic things, and Bucky couldn’t provide that, he also couldn’t go on vacation as often as Dot would have liked. She had begun to pull away from him, obvious signs that she was cheating on him, Bucky followed her one night after work and he caught her kissing another man outside of his building. Bucky filed for divorce the next day. A couple of months after the divorce with Dot, Bucky began cleaning out the apartment in the tower, that's where he stayed now, seeing that he had sold the home the two of you owned and the apartment was already under Dot’s name. He came across a box full of photos. Almost all of them were of you, Bucky had completely forgotten that they had even existed. You were so beautiful, it hurt to look at these pictures because Bucky could see how in love with him you were, but you didn’t look at him like that anymore. You looked at Bruce like that though. Bucky understood what he was feeling, intense jealousy, of you and Bruce, of Bruce, being able to hold you the way Bucky used too, to kiss you and make love to you the way Bucky used too. Bucky came to regret ever leaving you, both his children had found out that he had cheated on their mother and wanted nothing to do with him. None of you did. Bucky lost his whole family because he had been a fool who became bored with his family. If only he wasn’t a fucking idiot.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x Female Reader #bucky barnes angst #cheating!bucky barnes #Winter Soldier #WINTER SOLDIER ANGST #why is that in caps? #fuck my ex

[noctuascion]

I'm gonna make 2 requests, because I'm greedy and a little Cryptage starved right now. Also, you write so good and you have this way of turning a phrase that makes me super jealous so here goes. 1) FAKE DATING! Just... always with the fake dating. 2) Not sure how the lore works on your au but if it's applicable, either vamp crypto accidentally exposing wolf mirage to silver or wolf mirage exposing vamp crypto to sunlight.

;; Be as greedy as you want, sweetums. I love writing your prompts and also love you so it works out. uwu

Also, anything to keep me from falling asleep lol

I'll write your second request in a different post, but it'll be a bit. I write kinda slowly chjdjw ;;

--

Elliott Witt has had a lot of things happen to him. He's had first loves, first kisses, first everythings. He's done a lot in his life, but, in all his years of living and loving, he didn't think fake dating his rival would ever make the list. It did, though, as much as both of them resented it.

One of the promotional managers had called them in for a quick meeting. Basically, he laid down that they were to start appearing in public more and that they were doing it together. At first, Elliott had been on board. Having more time in the limelight sounded amazing, but then came in Park, who was now going to be his boyfriend.

Now, he's not saying Park's disgusting or revolting or that he isn't comfortable enough with his sexuality to be able to freely hug and tell his buddies he loves them (because, well, his only friends are a lesbian and a drug addict for the most part), but he's straight, a ladies man! Sure, the kid's pretty and everything, but he's not feminine either. He has his own special type of charm that's not entirely easy to put into words. (He has nice legs, though. Elliott will give him that much.)

He's glad, though, that he's not the only one entirely against this. Park managed to miss a lot of meet 'n greets, forgoing seeing his fans and opting out of photo shoots. He's rarely seen in public, and, if he is, he looks about as shady as a drug dealer—hiding his face, oversized clothing, etc. He hates the spotlight, Elliott quickly figured out, and that was his only real issue with this whole ordeal.

And when Elliott pointed out that he seemed to be perfectly fine with dating him, he called him what he assumes are curse words and insults in his native tongue before telling him he'd sooner date Nox.

However, their word was final, and the two were now a "couple" in the eyes of the public. Their fellow competitors were allowed insight on their little "agreement," and they did what any supportive friends would do: they laughed and wished the new couple a happy life.

Today was their first official "date" as a couple, so Elliott intended for it to be at least somewhat decent for them. He was aware Park hated public places, but they wanted them to be seen in public together. He couldn't please both parties, so he decided a small, family restaurant would be their destination. There wasn't a lot of people that normally visited, but Elliott was a personal fan of the food served there. The atmosphere was warm and friendly and he's sure Park would appreciate that much.

Why am I trying so hard again…?

Shrugging, he pulled on his second nicest jacket—a nice yellow shade that went well with his white shirt and blue jeans. His hair was done up in its usual style, though he lacked the goggles he normally wore, so his hair fell in his eyes a bit. He was sure Park wasn't going to try too hard, so he didn't either. It was a casual outing, after all; no need for either to wear anything extravagant.

Well, Elliott was wrong when Park met up with him wearing a white turtleneck, a nice black blazer, and matching slacks. He suspects a turtleneck because he's at least trying to hide his cybernetic implantations without being too obvious and still looking like effort was put in. There was such a stark color difference, though—he felt like the sun next to the moon.

"Oh, h-hey, you look…" Elliott trailed off, unsure if he should give a genuine compliment or play it off like a joke—but he's already stuttered, so he may as well commit, "… good—you dress up nice."

"Paquette and Wraith helped." He huffed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I wouldn't have put in so much effort otherwise."

"Such a heartbreaker, Kim."

Elliott chuckled before reaching out and opening the door, gesturing for him to hop inside his car. The hacker rolled his eyes before slipping inside, the trickster shutting it before hurrying to the other side.

"Where are we going?" Park asked once Elliott was inside, turning the engine on and beginning to leave the complex.

"I know you don't like public places, and a movie is a terrible first date, so I picked out a small family restaurant that has some of the best lemon cakes I've tasted. Not to mention some people will see us, together, so it'll make the higher-ups happy, y'know?"

"Hm. You're smarter than I thought you were."

"I'm full of surprises, sugar."

"Don't push your luck with this 'dating' thing, Witt."

"Oh! That reminds me—we should probably establish some boundaries." Elliott took a right, keeping his eyes on the road but focus elsewhere. "Personally, I don't really care. So long as we don't have sex, I think I'm good otherwise. How about you?"

"No kissing, holding hands, touching in general, stupid pet names, or sex."

"… Well, you've eliminated every possible way of showing we're 'dating.' Anymore you wanna ban there, kid?" Elliott sighed, stopping at a red light and looking over to where Park was seated, glaring out the window. "This is definitely more like a friendly outing, if anything, but no one's gonna talk about us if we just seem like friends. Higher-ups will have our necks."

"I take back what I said earlier. You're an idiot if you think I care about whether or not they're happy with what I do."

"All right, fair point. Can we at least hold hands? That shouldn't be too much to ask."

Park sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and sinking into his seat. "Fine. If it'll get them out of our business, we can do that. But only for a few seconds."

"Gotcha. Man, whoever dated you in the past must've been as touch-adv—avd—ad—ad… adverse as you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Holy shit—you've never dated anybody."

"Shut up."

"No, no, that just makes this whole thing worse!" Elliott began driving again once the red light changed to green. His eyes returned to the road as well, though he was no less focused on the topic at hand. "You're experiencing a date for the first time with someone you don't even like, a-and that's not fair!"

"I—"

"No, y'know what? No, you're getting a date. Getting everything! You're getting the ol' Mirage charm, gonna get swept right off your feet."

"Witt—"

"No buts! You're being dragged out of your cave and getting screwed out of a first date with someone you're actually interested in. The least I can do is be as good to you as possible."

Park only stared at him, silent, before an amused breath left him, letting himself smile. "Okay."

—;;

Park wasn't a conversationalist, Elliott quickly found out. He was very quiet and reserved, which didn't help much either. He was, however, a great listener, and Elliott loved to talk, so, in a way, it worked out for the better.

The small restaurant they were seated in was relatively quiet, but they could hear hushed whispers about them being together, seated in a secluded booth that helped alleviate any anxiety Park might have with being seen by a bunch of people.

The holographic expert had ordered himself a steak, medium rare, with a salad on the side. He opted out for any alcohol, since he was the driver and he had no idea if Park was comfortable dealing with someone drunk, so all he ordered was some tea. Park, though, only asked for steak fries and a soda.

"Y'know," Elliott said after taking a sip of his tea, "you should get more meat in your diet. Helps build muscle, gets some meat on your bones."

"Hm…"

"C'mon! You also never join us for dinner. Or lunch—or, actually, I don't… see you eat. You eat, right?"

"Yes."

Elliott hummed in suspicion, a hand smoothing down his beard, though Park's stoic gaze didn't relent any. "All right… What do you normally eat?"

"Usually from whatever takeout menu is closer."

"… How are you even standing right now?" Elliott looked sad for a moment before shaking his head. "Let's make a quick deal here—"

"We've already made a deal."

"Let's make another. If you agree to come out of your cave for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I'll agree to do whatever you want. Anything. Well, except really bad stuff. Like, I won't kill someone. Too far."

It was Park's turn to hum, taking a sip from his straw, before placing the glass on the table. "I benefit from this more than you do."

"I get the benefit of helping my sweet sugar plum get better, even if it's just a little bit."

Park raised a brow. "What did I say about pushing luck?"

"Ya love me. You wouldn't leave me on our date like this… Well, I hope not."

Park wanted to roll his eyes, say "I would and I will," but he didn't. He kept silent, giving Elliott a look, who seemingly took the hint and changed subject.

"So, have you ever been asked out before?"

"Isn't that a bad topic for dates?"

"Just curious. Feel free to not say. Besides, it's not a real date."

"Don't let them hear you say that." Park stirred his drink with his straw absentmindedly, watching it fizz up at his ministrations. "No, no one's ever asked me out."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised."

Elliott laughed in disbelief. "Well, yeah! I mean, you're…"

"What?"

"I dunno—gorgeous, beautiful, cool and mysterious! You'd think girls would be all over you."

"I'm not exactly pleasant to be around, Witt. I'd think you'd have figured that out by now."

The trickster waved a hand, like he was denying Park's claim. "You're rough around the edges, but you're not horrible." He shrugged, taking another sip from his drink. "I'm sure someone out there's just dying to wanna date you! Or maybe you haven't met them yet. Who knows!"

Park let another faint smile curl his lips, looking into his drink. "Who knows, indeed."

—;;

Day two of their time as a couple was during a duos match (of course it was just them), and Elliott had counted this as possibly his most unlucky match.

They had landed at Epicenter and Park landed on top of the tower, alone, and Elliott landed on the ground with two other squads, one consisting of Nox and Octavio and the other being Natalie and Ajay. Nox had trained his sights on him immediately and began chasing him down (the sadistic bastard), and he had to rush to find a gun. All he could find was a P2020, and it wasn't exactly a fair match against the scientist's Spitfire.

Neither of them had any shields, but just a couple of shots from the toxic trapper's gun was enough to down him, slipping on ice and colliding with the hard ground.

"Oh—fuck!" the trickster cursed, trying to crawl away from the man towering over him. "C-C'mon, Caustic, don't you have anyone else to shoot at?"

"No."

"That's a lie and you know it."

However, before Nox could kill him off, the sound of a Sentinel going off, following by Nox quickly being down, sent a wave of relief through his system, looking over onto the cliff to see Park perched atop it, the bolt-action sniper in his hands.

No scope. That's kinda hot.

The hacker had shot off a few more rounds, and Elliott could hear Octavio shout in pain, before he began sliding down the hill, swapping out his sniper for a Wingman. The revolver was shot off twice before Nox's death box suddenly popped up in front of him, signaling the end of that squad.

However, they still had Natalie and Ajay, though they'd been injured by Octavio. They were clinging to D.O.C.'s healing up until Park tosses a grenade where they were healing. Natalie hadn't escaped fast enough, and she ended up downed, whereas Ajay was only injured.

She put up a fight, firing off her Alternator with frightening precision, and, had Park not hit his shots, he would've been killed off.

However, the man calmly approaching his fallen teammate was enough of an indicator that he won that battle, only a few wounds and scratches indicating his prior struggle.

"Kid, if I didn't know better," he said, pausing to let out a grunt at the syringe being plunged into his chest, "I'd think you're trying to show off and steal my heart."

For a moment, Park was silent, helping Elliott back to his feet, before a smirk crossed those dashing fractures, looking up at the other with a faint sense of mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Did it work?"

For once in his life, Elliott was left stunned, mouth open, unable to formulate a response, before the surveillance expert left to loot.

He regained his senses after a moment, blinking himself back into reality, and shutting his mouth.

Kid's full of surprises.

—;;

Their third date wasn't for the public. Their third date wasn't even suggested by Elliott. Park had just grabbed Elliott by the arm, dragged him out to god-knows-where, late at night, and laid down on a small hill. He didn't say anything, didn't give any explanation, and, honestly, Elliott didn't expect anything less. He just laid down beside the other, looked up at the stars, and let out a breath.

However, as Park's own mind was clear, hands resting on his stomach and a leg bent at the knee, Elliott's own was filled with thoughts of confusion, his hands behind his head, acting as a pillow.

Park was such a strange guy. One day, he acts like he's the bane of his existence, and, the next, he's smiling and making quips that make Elliott's heart race. Elliott's been with a lot of people, and he's learned a lot from his time with them, but there's never been a time where they've made him feel like… this.

They never badger him about his gross, smelly hair spray, they never playfully banter with him, they never push him off of exploding trains, and they certainly never made him speechless, never made him feel like he lost the ability to function. They never treated him like a person. They always just treated him like… Mirage.

"Hyeon?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think I'm straight."

"Mm. What makes you say that?"

"Because I think I'm in love with you."

Park smiled, letting out a quiet laugh. "You don't even know how I feel about you."

"I don't. You're weird, and you're never forward w-with how you feel, but… I just… thought you should, y'know, know, since we're doing this whole… thing."

"Mm. The fake dating thing?"

"The fake dating thing, yeah."

"… Do you want it to be fake anymore?"

Elliott turned into his side, Park own head moving to meet his gaze. "No."

"Mm. Good." Park's head turned back to the stars, shutting his eyes. "Neither did I."

#apex legends #cryptage #oops this was really long !!! #but that's okay #i hope you at least enjoyed my gross cheesy cliché nonsense #i'll get to working on the other one i promise #maybe make it a little shorter lol #lenardo does a write

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hey! Sorry I had some pre-midterm tests to deal with! :/ anyway, for the supportive characters and stuff for gladnis, could I see stuff with glaives, the other chocobros, and... up to you! (A little bit of little sister Iris would be heavenly though...)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, SWEET MUFFIN, I AM HERE TO DELIVER yo pizza

I don’t know if these two asks are the same person (are you? :o) BUT LOOK AT THAT. SAME WANTS, SAME NEEDS, SO I SHALL PLEASE THE THIRST. And I hope it’s ok to put these two asks together? They’re asking for nearly the same, so I thought it was ok, but if either of you have any troubles with it, you tell me, okie? :3

BUT HERE I AM, ANSWERING THIS DELIGHT OF AN ASK ALKSDJFG YES. GLADNIS DEARS, I MISSED THE OTP.

Anyways, these are gonna be shorter for each character as they’re plenty, but they’ll form one big post so I hope you like it! :3

How other characters (besides papa Regis) support Gladnis:

Noctis

My boy is…slow.

He’s really smart, he’s just…very dense.

He’s known both Iggy and Gladio since he has memory, he’s just…very, very…v e r y dense in these matters. Very. Like. Very.

Ignis literally TOLD him about his crush on Gladio MULTIPLE TIMES.

Did Noctis catch it? OF COURSE NOT. He thought Ignis just over worried about his personal relationships, and never noticed he spoke about Gladio in ways he never spoke about others. And same the other way around, Gladio also spoke about Iggy with Noct AND THE IDIOT STILL. DIDN’T TIE ANYTHING TOGETHER.

Sixteen year old Gladio, blushing crimson red, messing with his uniform: “Do you…do you think…Ignis will think i look stupid? Or…maybe…or maybe if I do something to my hair…”

Noct just be like lmao why are you so stressed over a uniform you dummy thing what does ignis care anyway lol

He knew via Ignis. And of course he didn’t get it.

“Today was really nice. Gladio and I went to the park and just spent a nice while talking…I hope…maybe we can have a second date soon…”

Noctis is like yeah that’s nice

“And it’s official now! I don’t know why, but it just makes me more nervous, but in a good way. Is it normal? I’ve never…I’m just so happy, from among all people, Gladio chose me? AMONG ALL PEOPLE NOCT.”

yeah that’s nice specs :)

Noctis thinks Ignis is just talking about friendship, and when he uses romantic terms like date or boyfriend he THINKS IGNIS IS JOKING BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE BE TALKING SERIOUSLY

noctis pl…please

He finished processing it for real HAVING TO SEE THEM KISS. 

Noct was talking with Gladio, chatting chattering, then said bye. Gladio was going through a hallway, Ignis appeared, they said hello, then hugged, and proceeded to kiss. 

Noctis.exe Processing data.

Ignis and Gladio spent the while hugged snuggled and talking, and smooched again.

Noctis.exe Processing, please be patient.

Ignis and Gladio held hands and started going away together.

GASP

“OHMYGOD WERE YOU FOR REAL!?!?!?!??!”

Noctis.exe has short-circuited

Noctis supports them, just acts like he doesn’t give a damn.

Noctis is The Teenage Brother; will go Ew at everything romantic they do in front of him.

Gladnis snuggle.

“Eeeeewwwwwwwwww”

Gladnis smooch.

“UGH- UUH- EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”

Iggy pokes Gladio’s nose and Gladio proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies.

*noctis gagging noises*

Gladio may shove Noctis in between them on purpose to annoy him. There were have them, Gladnis smooching with a much smaller Noctis trapped in between their chests, flailing, screeching, completely ignored and about to explode.

Noctis is the Worst wingman.

“Hey Noct, do you think Iggy will like me in this outfit?”

“eh”

he’s busy with the face buried in a cushion while he rots in boredom, DON’T INTERRUPT HIM.

“Hey Noct. Do you think Gladio already has one of these? I want to get him one but not sure if he has one already.”

“yeah”

Yeah what? Noctis you’re not helping

Noctis does as Regis and will sometimes use his power to get these two to be together, but, unlike Regis, he won’t say shit about it and will even deny it.

The prince requires of his chamberlains in this room which is conveniently empty and there just casually happens to be a secret door for the roof on this particularly starry night.

“I. FORGOT. OK? I FELL ASLEEP EARLY, I WAS TIRED, COR NEARLY SET ME ABLAZE IN TRAINING, I FELL DEAD ASLEEP, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT DOOR, LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Noctis is a gossipy little shit, but in a good way.

“Omg Iggy guess what today Gladio spoke about his cap ripping, see, I already told you what you can get him for Crystal Day, hm? HM? YOU’RE WELCOME.”

Also uses it to his favor.

“Ten gil and I tell you what Ignis wants to do for his birthday. He told me. Hm hm. For real. TEN GIL I SAID.”

Prince Noctis PROTECTS HIS BELOVED BROTHERS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEETH AND NAILS, OK?

There’s this magazine that put up some tabloid stupid article that distorted something Ignis said and made Gladio look bad.

Noctis is alone in his office, feet on the desk, swinging a little on the chair, phone to the ear, and FREAKING AN G R Y.

“Yes, that’s what I said; put the article down and make another one clearing it. No, I’m not your boss, but I still request it. I will request it only once more. No? Then how much do you want for the brand? I will buy it and do it myself. Yes, I will buy it. My name and occupation? Prince Noctis CXIV, why? Oh? Aah, so NOW you want to put it down? How nice of you, guess you only needed time to re-consider it, right? It’s ok, it happens to the best of us, how kind of you.”

Ignis is trying to help Noct walk out of some place without being asphyxiated by the media, so he gets the spotlight.

“Mister Scientia! There’s rumors you and the Shield of the prince are DATING?”

Ignis freezes a little.

Noctis proceeds to let out tHE BIGGEST BURP OF HIS LIFE.

Next day tabloids “Prince Noctis BURPS LIVE! OOPS!”

The media are RUNNING STRAIGHT TOWARDS GLADIO.

Noctis is JUMPING BEFORE HIM TAKING HIS JACKET OFF AND DOING AN IDOL POSE.

“HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS I’LL BE HAVING A BIIIIIIIIIIIG BIRTHDAY PARTY NEXT WEEK!?!?!”

Socially Awkward Ultra Timid prince Noctis actually stood there POSING for the cameras for ten minutes to get them distracted from the relationship announcement.

“Prince Noctis will host Huge Extra Most Expensive Billionare Birthday Party OF HISTORY!! WOW!!”

((big birthday party was pizza time with the chocobros lmao))

If Gladnis ever have a misunderstanding or problem, Noct is the first they go with. Noct is there to comfort them individually, and, smart boy as he is, he also figures out the mistake and plays a big role at fixing it.

“What? Oh no, that’s not what he said. Or not as you think. He meant…”

“Oh? Oh no, that’s not what he was doing!! Ahahah you dork, no! Actually…”

Noctis keeps asking “When are you dorks getting married?” to embarrass them and make them go shy.

Joke is on him when they DO GET MARRIED.

Noctis keeps complaining that how dare they be boyfriends, how DARE they be boyfriends, MAKING HIM, THE ACTUAL PRINCE, THE THIRD WHEEL????? 

But whenever Gladnis have the slightest misunderstanding, Noctis is first to go SMACK SENSE BACK INTO THEM HOW DARE THEY GET UPSET WITH EACH OTHER

Noctis has also used his title to make reservations in restaurants that clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT just for Gladnis lmao

Noct has always hated that when he makes a reservation, they clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT like NO, why would he want to dine in an empty place!? Not like he goes out often, but he’s learned that his title has that accidental effect, so guess who’s using it for Gladnis anniversary dinners.

When they want to get fancy, or when Noct wants them to go fancy, at least. Normally they just go for noodles the DORKS

Noctis covered half their wedding without even being asked because HE LOVES THEM AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

((the other half was Regis and he was so upset he wasn’t allowed to cover it all, this dummy papa))

Noctis best supportive baby bro, please hug him.

Prompto

You knew about fanboy #1, but where is fanboy #2?

In the bushes, stalking them, snapping surprise photos to show them later.

“Prompto, that’s creepy.”

“BUT IF I TELL YOU I’LL TAKE PHOTOS, IT WON’T BE NATURAL ANYMORE, AND YOU TWO SHINE BRIGHTER WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE HAVING A PHOTO TAKEN. I’M HARMLESS, WHY IS IT CREEPY.”

Prompto that’s not the point, just…don’t.

How Prommy knew about Gladnis, hm?

It wasn’t that exciting, pretty modern way to know.

Noctis told him via text lmao

“DUDE I HAVE GROSS NEWS, YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT.”

Nocto! >:|

Prommy’s reaction was sort of cute, though. He’s a bit sharper than Noct to notice these things, but he still didn’t expect it. He thought about the two as a couple because he liked the sassy interaction, but he wasn’t sharp enough to see it wasn’t sass, it was ACTUAL FLIRTING. He was so used to the two being good friends it just. Didn’t occur to him that it was a real thing and not just him seeing things.

Noctis tells him via text.

Prommy is gasping OUT LOUD.

He gasped so loudly and sharp he chocked onto his own saliva and fell off the bed.

He ended up repeatedly swinging the feet in the air and against the mattress and squeaking. Squeaking.

“I KNEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IT”

says the boy that didn’t know it

Prompto’s trying to talk about it all day with Noctis. 

Noctis talks about it for three minutes then goes “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh can we please nOT”

Noct is just Like That with everything that isn’t videogames or fishing, have mercy on him. 

“Dude, and who told who? Dude, have they kissed already? Does lord Clarus know, omg. Dude, DUDE, DOES LORD CLARUS KNOW OHMYGOD”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s THIRSTY for gossip and news on his new favorite ship.

Prompto’s stalking them on social medias waiting for the first of them to drop the first hint of romantic something. Why? Just to squeak about it. There’s literally no other use for it.

Prompto’s now Asking and not stopping.

Training with Gladio? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. GLADIO, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Hanging with Ignis? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. IGNIS, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Arcade with Noct? “NOCT, WHO-”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s always asking about their relationship to either of them when he gets the chance. He could talk about it ALL DAY and go on and on.

“Why are you so interested in our relationship, Prompto?”

“I DON’T KNOW, IT’S JUST SO WEIRD, I’M SO CURIOUS. It’s like…its. It’s you *takes a fry* and it’s him *takes another fry* and it’s…*puts fries together* and it’s you.”

…prompto, don’t.

Prompto is the Anti-Noctis. 

Gladnis snuggle. Noctis goes Eeeww

*Prommy puts a hand to his chest and aaw’s*

Gladnis smooch. Noctis goes EEEEEEEEWWWWWW

*Prommy clutches chest chest and whimpers*

Ignis proceeds to poke Gladio’s nose who then proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies. Noctis is gagging.

Prommy’s hiding his face in his hands and SQUEAKING into a pillow.

“NOCTO HOW ARE THEY SO CUTE I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

Prompto’s always doing shitty photoshop pictures of Gladnis that are ridiculous on purpose just to make them laugh. 

Prom is there to yell NO when Noctis makes a mean comment.

“UGH YOU TWO ARE SO DISG-”

“NOOOOOOOOO! YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE, KEEP DOING YOUR STUFF”

“Stinky dorks-”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVEBIRDS!!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!”

“EW go get a roo-!”

“WE’RE LEAVING, YOU MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE, OK, IGNORE THIS ASSHAT”

Prompto. He. He made Gladnis puppets.

Ignis is too busy, like absolutely fucking loaded of royal stuff and so he’s away and unable to reach? Aaw, don’t be sad big guy. *puppet Ignis proceeds to smooch him*

*Puppet Ignis proceeds to give Gladio a million cheesy compliments and pick up lines in an unnecessarily high pitched voice*

*Puppet Ignis is nuzzling at him and insisting on kissing*

“PROMPTO STOP”

It’s not Prompto, it’s Pocket Ignis, you rude ungrateful ass.

Gladio’s not annoyed, he’s actually pretty amused XD

Gets tired of Prompto not leaving him alone, though? Gladio’s going to be “Ok you conviced me, come here Iggy” and tries to make out with the puppet, hence making a hysterical Prompto screech and try to run away.

Same goes for Ignis. Gladio’s away on some Crownsguard or Shield training at the outskirts? Away and gone and missing?

PUPPET GLADIO IS IN THE HOUSE, BABY, DON’T WORRY, HE’LL SMOOCHIE YOU IN THE MEANWHILE.

There we have an Ignis quickly striding across the flat escaping while Prompto tries to catch up with him with his cheesy pick-up lines and pet names with the Puppet Gladio.

When Gladio asked Prompto if he wanted to be his bestman for the wedding, Prompto nearly freaking had an aneurysm the poor eager hyped thing. 

Best supportive buddy ok, pls hug.

Nyx

He knew via Gladio.

Because guess who’s Gladio’s WINGMAN AYEEEEEEE

Cor, actually

BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time Nyx bby. Cor was Advice Man. Nyx was Accomplice Mate.

Gladio would tell Nyx his progress with his crush. Nyx would always listen because it was so stupidly adorable. 

It started because both would take longer in the training halls than the rest so they’d often meet at the shower/dressing room, and conversation started little by little. Conversation on Ignis first came up when a sixteen year old Gladio was being a bit clumsy, dropping his stuff and putting his shirt backwards and stuff, so of course an amused Nyx had to ask.

“I’m…we’re…some friends and I are going out tonight but…there’s…there’s this guy I like and I’m a bit nervous and…”

Nyx Romantic Aid Buddy senses tingled.

25 year old Nyx thinks IT’S SO CUTE OMG THE TEENAGE SHIELD HAS A CRUSH THAT’S SO AMUSING LMAO so he tried to help

Helped Gladio gather his stuff, dress nice, and calm down by talking smooth and cool with him, and inspired him to go ask that boy out or, if not, at least impress him.

From that day on, Nyx would ask just casually how things were going with the crush, and Gladio would inform. 

And it went on for YEARS lmao both as a crush and when they were already boyfriends and so on

Gladio first kept informing him of what he THOUGHT Ignis thought of him but no advances

“You know, Gladio, it’s been quite a while since you first told me of your crush and you still haven’t asked him out?”

“IT’S NOT THAT EASY TO ASK A GOD OUT IN A DATE, I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A MORTAL.”

Nyx kept encouraging him day after day after day, and it was perhaps partly the reason Gladio dared say anything. either because he was inspired or just annoyed lol

When they started talking about it, at first Nyx had no idea who the crush was and Gladio forgot to tell him alkajsd

One day when Nyx first started insisting Gladio ask him out, Gladio insisted he couldn’t do it and after a long while he just went “it’s just…it’s…it’s…Iggy? you know…the prince’s adviser?”

Nyx went  .u.  ohno that’s adorable best friend crush

Guess who now is not being very subtle on it (thankfully Iggy won’t notice lmao)

Every time Nyx sees Ignis now, HE FLINCHES AND GOES ALL EXCITED LIKE GASP “HELLO IGNIS :D”

Ignis is ??? h…hello mr glaive that never before spoke to me until now out of nowhere and so excitedly and daily?? 

Nyx can’t HELP IT HE’S SO EXCITED IT’S GLADIO’S CRUSH OMG THEY’VE SPOKEN ABOUT HIM SO MUCH HE CAN’T HELP BUT GET ALL EXCITED

Also, whenever he gets the chance, he freaking. MISLEADS IGNIS ON PURPOSE TO MAKE HIM GO WITH GLADIO.

“Mr. Ulric, would you happen to know where lord Drautos is?”

“n- YES. YES OMG YES YOU ASKED THE RIGHT GUY, HE’S AT THE EAST WING, THIRD FLOOR, MAIN HALL.”

Guess which Amicitia is holding guard in that room.

Nyx is accidentally bumping into either of them when they’re together trying to make them fall into each other into a romantic awkward hug that will turn into an adorable ask out for a date.

Nyx this isn’t a romantic tv show it doesn’t work like that you just made Gladio drop his candy

Nyx is giving Gladio A THOUSAND NOT SUBTLE SIGNS when he sees him with Ignis

Gladio is trying to have a casual, normal conversation with Ignis.

From above Ignis’ head he can see, at the other end of the hallway, a HYSTERICAL NYX JUMPING, BOUNCING IN HIS SPOT, FLAILING THE ARMS, MAKING FACES, MOUTHING SOMETHING, AND MAKING SIGNS OF “HUG HIM”, “KISS HIM”, “TELL HIM”, “YOU CAN DO IT”

Gladio is unable to focus in what Ignis is telling him because Nyx is flexing like a gorilla while making strange faces.

Nyx throws Gladio into meeting with Ignis without preparing him.

Nyx and Gladio are standing at a hallway just talking and chatting casually and GASP IGNISISCOMINGGOGOGOGOGOGOOG *SHOVES HIM INTO THE OTHER HALLWAY MAKING HIM NEARLY FALL AGAINST IGNIS*

Nyx thinks Gladio is ignoring him when he’s making signs to him so he’s now literally MAKING SIGNS TO HIM, like. A cardboard piece with a message on it NYX WAS TRYING TO GIVE GLADIO DIALOGUES LMAO HOW IS HE SUCH A DORK

Nyx is switching the conversation to Ignis if Ignis is passing by.

Gladio and Nyx are talking about some food stall they both seem to know and AH YES IT’S SO NICE YOU THINK THAT OF IGNIS, GLADIO

Gladio’s constantly made a blushing, nervous mess in these situations when Ignis turn to look and Nyx just KEEPS GOING. 

When Gladio told Nyx he had finally asked Ignis out and he said yes, Nyx stood on the bench and literally roared out “Yes” to the roof with the arms open and down like a dinosaur screeching. 

Every time Gladio is talking with Ignis now, or hugging him or anything, when he looks up from behind Ignis, there’s Nyx alone or with his other two friends making thumbs up and nodding and JESUS LORD CAN YOU NOT STARE GUYS, STOP.

Best Romance Aid Buddy, please hug.

Libertus

Libertus knew via Nyx.

Libertus wasn’t the slightly shaken. He had this blank face on as he kept drinking from his smoothie. Calmly put it down. 

“Weren’t those two brothers?”

Libertus is still a bit lost in the royal families’ relationships.

Nyx is sharing slight harmless gossip on the situation with Libertus. Libertus doesn’t really care much but he’s happy to hear Nyx. Not like he has lots of options anyway lmao

“He ALMOST asked him out this time but he shied away again, dammit.”

“Bummer.”

“I know.”

“LIB, HE SAYS IGNIS DROPPED A HINT TODAY, THAT’S A SIGN.”

“nice”

“I KNOW.”

Libertus is busier in his own stuff and world to care about people he rarely interacts with, but Nyx’s excitement slowly catches his attention with time.

Even Libertus can’t be saved from some cute romantic story.

Eventually, it’s Libertus who approaches Nyx for the gossip.

“Yo. How is Shield boy doing?”

“THEYWENTOUTALONEINANONOFFICIALDATE BUTTHATCOUNTSASADATERIGHT OMG MY BOY IS PROGRESSING”

“Nice.”

The curiosity, of course, leads him to start spying a bit as well.

There we have Ignis standing in a hallway reviewing some papers when he feels a stare, so he turns and there, in the distance, is some Glaive that’s never spoken to him, smiling at him, and waving.

what the hell

Now every time Nyx gets all hyped because he’s seeing Gladnis interact, Libertus gets dragged along so he just stands there and stares too. 

Nyx is the “IMPRESS HIM, HUG HIM, YOU’VE GOT HIM NOW KISS HIM” guy. Libertus is the kind to make *index fingers goes into the O formed by other hand’s thumb and index* signs at Gladio.

Libertus is going with Amicitia junior to get a laugh from how she talks about Gladnis. 

“And the other day Ignis went to our house and he helped papa prepare dinner, and it was very delicious and I had a wonderful time, Ignis is great and I always tell papa to adopt him and sell Gladdy at the market.”

Libertus finds little Iris’ sister talk funny. 

Libertus is shoving condoms into early-relationship-stages-Gladio’s pockets so they fall off while he’s talking with Ignis just to make them both embarrassed.

“Gladio?”

“I DIDN’T. PUT IT THERE, NO, IT’S NOT- NO, I REALLY MEANT JUST DINNER, THIS WASN’T- NO.”

When they do start having sexual interaction, though, Gladio just gets free condoms now and joke is on Libertus.

Libertus just wants to have fun.

Crowe

Crowe’s confused, but hell does she support that.

“I THOUGHT LITTLE GLASSES KID WAS ACE?”

Why was Nyx the only one that wasn’t surprised, where are you two dorks getting all your info from omg

Crowe noticed before Nyx told her.

Crowe’s sharp on this one. She did think Iggy was ace, but she wasn’t 100% sure because she could see the signs.

Crowe’s like (ಠ‿ಠ) every time she sees them interact after the first time he caught a first glimpse of a sign.

Sort of like how Libertus started waving hello at Ignis from afar, except she’s much sneakier and hasn’t been caught and does the creepy (ಠ‿ಠ)

Crowe’s trying to set them up every time. Indirectly.

She’s asking Luche to smack Pelna without him knowing Drautos will be watching so Drautos is chiding Luche and Pelna for their kidly fight, getting Drautos busy and distracted a bit, Cor will be curious and will approach and ask what’s going on, Gladio will look for Cor because he’s late for his training, so he’s going to ask someone if they know where Cor is, and Crowe is SO MAKING ANOTHER OF THESE LARGE PLANS TO HAVE IGNIS BE THAT ONE PERSON AT QUESTION REACH.

Crowe this is unnecessarily intrincate stop

Crowe’s giving flirting advice to Gladio, too

Glaive Trio = Gladio’s Wingmen Squad

Nyx is the supportive cheering guy. Libertus is the sexual jokes dork. Crowe is the STYLE ADVISER.

“Sweetie, you don’t want to tell him that. Unbutton the collar, your hair a bit more like…this, chin up, and you give him a look like you don’t care about anything. You grab his shoulder. And now a smolder as we practiced. Voice deep. Tone smooth, but sound a little raspy. And you say. Hey.”

Crowe’s giving Gladio a Judging Look every time he says he wasn’t able to ask Ignis out. It’s enough to make Gladio feel embarrassed and little (in a good way that makes him go YEAH IT’S NOT THE BIG THING I CAN DO IT.)

“You’re such a nerd with your condom jokes, Libertus.”

Crowe is making condom jokes, too, the double faced nerd.

Crowe is telling Gladio she could lend him her bike to impress Ignis.

“Just a problem, Crowe.”

“Hm?”

“…I don’t know how to ride this. And he does, so I don’t think he’s gonna be impressed.”

Dork.

Crowe is trying to make Gladio grab that Sexy Attitude, BUT HE’S JUST. TOO MUCH OF A NERD, HOW DOES HE HAVE ANY REPAIR.

Crowe SLAPS HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE’S NOT WORTHY OF IGGY.

“OF COURSE YOU’LL NEVER BE WITH THAT MINDSET, WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU YOU ARE? EXACTLY. WORTHY. NOW GO GET YOUR DATE WITH THAT BOY.”

((it’s nice slap, no worry))

Crowe is the dangerous (harmless) threatening friend that will insist as in REALLY insist for asking the crush out.

Nyx tells her and Libertus for the tenth time that Gladio chickened out last minute again.

Crowe is going over to Gladio.

“It’s not that hard, boy. I swear to the Six, if you don’t do it, I’ll do it for you.”

“I…I can’t…”

“…”

“…”

“Ok, I’m going.”

Crowe actually. WENT WITH IGNIS. 

Gladio’s standing in the hallway internally screeching so hard his face is red and he’s about to have a heart attack while flailing all over the place, and Crowe’s getting to Iggy.

Gladio thinks she’s just kidding and will just walk past him.

Crowe’s tapping Ignis on the shoulder and now they’re talking.

Gladio’s on the floor spazzing.

He can’t live anymore bye.

Crowe’s just making casual talk with Ignis lmao just did it to make Gladio have that breakdown because AH YOU DIDN’T LIKE HOW IT FELT, DID YOU? DID YOU???? WELL NEXT TIME I’LL DO IT FOR REAL SO YOU ASK HIM OUT NOW, BOY.

Crowe’s stealing Iris when Gladnis want lonely time but don’t want Iris to like. Suspect anything kajsdka.

Crowe’s clearing the area for Gladnis when they’re all smoochie snuggly and some idiot like Luche is about to walk by.

Hey Luche. *throws a towel to his face*

Crowe is warping to Gladnis when they’re about to smooch just to startle them lmao

Crowe’s having more fun than Libertus

Sometimes, after or while making out with Ignis, Gladio looks up and Crowe’s on the other end of the hallway like (ಠ‿ಠ) *eyebrow wiggle*

Crowe no

Crowe’s always. ALWAYS. The one finding them the secret spots in the Citadel when they want a quicky.

Gets them the tools, too *eyebrow wiggle*

Good girl Crowe approves.

Cor

*HYPERVENTILATES*

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED HERE, YOU KNOW I FUCKING LOVE COR WITH A PASSION

He knew about it through Regis because…fanboy #1 had to tell all his friends of course.

Cor is mid sandwich when Regis KICKS HIS DOOR OPEN

“CORHAPPYNEWSIGNISANADGLADIOAREOFFICIALLYDATINGNOW”

Cor still has his mouth half-opened for the bite he was about to take. Regis is welcoming himself in his office and grabbing a chair and sitting all while rambling near screeching

“YOUSHOULDHAVESEENIGNIS’FACEOMG BOYWASBEAMINGWITHJOYITWASSOCUTE HEWASLIKEANDIWASLIKEITOTALLYHAVETOASKHIMSOIDIDANDGUESSWHATHAPPENEDITWASSOCUTE”

Regis was so excited he left without having had one word from Cor.

Cor sat there in silence with the sandwich in his hands while his brain processed what just happened.

When he understood he just smiled, lifted the eyebrows, thought “who would have thought”, and continued eating his sandwich.

Have mercy on him, he’s dry and cold and a stone.

Cor was always Gladio’s Advice Man. Nyx encourages, Cor guides.

Cor is petting Gladio on the head every time he’s pining or moping about being unable to ask Iggy out.

Cor is Practice Dummy for Gladio’s attempts at how to confess.

It didn’t work lol

Gladio told Cor about his crush. IGNIS TOLD COR about HIS crush. COR KNEW ABOUT IT BEING A MUTUAL THING. BUT DID HE SAY SOMETHING. DID HE FUCKING. SAY SOMETHING.

NO. COR LEONIS DIDN’T SAY A FUCKING THING.

“Wait you knew all along? Why didn’t you tell any of us!? It would have made it much easier, we’d have known it was mutual and we’d have confessed earlier.”

“…it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

COR >:|

Cor is the most supportive uncle you’ll ever find. From afar. Very quietly.

Cor is there to support Clarus too when Clarus becomes a Lost Papa on the matter. Doesn’t understand much as Cor doesn’t have a similiar experience, but a buddy can always listen.

Cor is there to support Ignis when he becomes a little insecure as to if it’s alright to be dating someone from the second most important family of all Lucis and maybe Eos.

Cor is there to support Gladio when he becomes a little insecure as to whether or not he’s being a good partner as he thinks Ignis deserves because it never feels like he’s doing enough.

Always having his mug of coffee with him, of course.

Ignis’ parents are forcing him into extra training time?

Oh my what a shame I have no extra space for that….bUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME INTO MY SIX PM TRAINING WITH ANOTHER MATE BUT I DON’T THINK YOU’LL HAVE TROUBLES WITH SHARING RIGHT?

Ignis himself is overdosing on work and refuses to listen even to Gladio.

Cor is KNOCKING HIM OUT. ACCIDENTALLY. DURING TRAINING. A C C I D E N T A L L Y.

Ignis is nervous about dinner with the Amicitia.

Cor secretly made sure to put Clarus in a really good mood before work shift was over.

“I’m sad. I have watch on the main hall at five, so it won’t be over in a good couple hours, and Iggy finally had some free time today…”

Cor is fucKING SNATCHING THAT WATCH. NO ONE IS PAYING HIM FOR THESE EXTRA HOURS BUT DOES HE FUCKING CARE. 

NO

Boys went out late at night and were home pretty late. Clarus was angry.

“They were at my place. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Cor :0

it fine they young let them live 

who would have thought that under that stoic face there was such a nice devil, Cor

Cor is always number one person they go to when they want to share some Gladnis thing in conversation. It’s just so easy to talk with him, he has no expressions and doesn’t answer, it’s like talking to a lamppost.

He does give advice or comfort if needed, though.

Cor always comes up with holidays plans or discounts for the two.

“Do you look up holidays for two on your spare time just to tell us?”

“…they pop up randomly in my computer.”

Cor you don’t use your computer.

Cor is a bit too honest. Doesn’t mean any harm, he’s jsut being honest.

“You don’t want to kiss Gladio today. He’s stinky.”

COR 

Cor dealing with Gladnis in the everyday

“Ok, we’re in for our sparring session today, we-”

“Cor can I go smooch Iggy? He’s over there at the window :3″

“…”

“…”

“No. Defeat me and you can”

“D:”

“Ok, today’s session-”

“*Ignis’ sad puppy eyes*”

“-is cancelled, I heard Gladiolus is at the fifth floor, go look for him and say hello for me.”

he’s not giving preferences lmao he just has to train Gladio but couldn’t resist Ignis’ unintentional sad puppy eyes. WHO IN THIS WORLD CAN.

Cor is answering for them to the media.

“Mister Gladiolus, is it true you and Ignis Scientia are dating?”

“No, we’re not.”

“No, I was asking-”

“I’m not.”

“…I was-”

“No.”

Cor sees the struggle they go through with the media and Noct jumping in to save them and thinks it’s very noble so let’s give the boy a break, and be the shield ourselves.

Cor is now bodyguard for the Gladnis in public.

“Mister Amicitia!”

“Yes?”

“No, I mean Mister Amici”

“Y e s ?”

Media tries to go to Ignis

“…m…mister…Scienti-”

Cor’s popping out of nowhere with his dead face like

“Y E S?”

Cor’s using the Gladnis to encourage them to train harder.

“If you want to save him you have to defeat me.”

“COR, NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, THAT’S NOT HOW- NO”

“And I’m not having mercy on you, hm”

“BUT WHY WOULD YOU PUT GLADIOLUS IN A CAGE, HE’S NOT EVEN CONSCIOUS”

Ignis is tied to the ceiling somehow

“COR NO”

“Get through me and he’ll be safe”

“COR THIS IS NOT PEDAGOGIC.”

They won only once. Because Ignis broke out of the cage. and maybe they had Nyx help. And maybe Cor was blindfolded.

He’s the Legend, you can’t just win against Cor like it’s nothing.

Uncle Cor picked Gladio’s wedding suit. 

Uncle Cor will be the most hysterical loving grand uncle but we’re not there yet akldsjf

Uncle Cor good boi he approves and likes yes yes

Iris

NOW HERE IS THE TEA.

S I S T E R  I N  L A W   I R I S

Iris the Adorable and Equally Frightening. Iris the Badass. Iris the kiddo. AS HER ROLE IN GLADNIS.

Iris was like nine or ten when Gladnis became official.

You know fanboy #1 and fanboy #2. BUT THIS IS FANGIRL #1 BABY GIRL IRIS IS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL FOR GLADNIS.

Iris likes Ignis and has always done. She once asked Santa Crys that Clarus adopted Ignis because he’s just such a good Big Bro.

Iris did genuinely asked Clarus once to adopt Ignis and sell Gladio at the market. 

She loves Gladdy wholeheartedly, it’s just Sibling Stuff.

Ignis has always been good to Iris since even before he and Gladio were a thing, and it’s always been genuine, not just that “get the little sibling love to have easier access” thing. 

Ignis and Iris even spend time alone without Gladio.

Ignis has gone to pick Iris up from school.

Ignis has given Iris his jackets if it’s cold or raining.

Ignis has cooked for Iris a million times.

Ignis has been her confidant for YEARS for things she feels too shy to share with anyone else, even Gladio.

Why do I feel I’ve already written Ignis-Iris headcanons and these exact same? 

Ignis constantly lets Iris use him as model for make-up or nails or hair.

Iris constantly sews plushies for him. Ignis has a whole shelf full of little and big plushies he’s been gifted.

Iris will go to Ignis if she sees him and try to drag him home since she was like seven.

Ignis nearby? Yes, papa, we’re taking him home. What do you mean no? I will feed him and make a bed for him in the living room.

Iris, he’s not a pet aksjdf

Iris and Ignis have their own little bubble and Gladio’s not allowed in, I’m sorry

There they are the two dorks. They’re talking. They’re talking about SOMETHING. What is it? What is it? YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. WHY THEY ARE GIGGLING, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

Iris spoke so much and for so long about Clarus adopting Ignis that Gladio was a bit scared of how she would manage the news of them in a relationship because that would cut the option of adopting him.

Iris took it surprisingly well.

A bit too well.

Iris screeched.

Iris jumped out her window. 

Her room is on the second floor.

It’s fine, she’s trained since little because the little shit could never sit still and Cor had to do something to at LEAST teach her to land since age 5 because the gods know this child needs to know how to land.

Iris ran around the house for an hour before she got tired and collapsed in the grass, and even there she kept flailing and screeching.

Clarus arrived home to Gladio calmly watching TV eating ice-cream while a nine year old Iris was sprawled on a side of the house like her sould abandoned her.

Iris is a Prompto equivalent of The Asker.

“HOW WAS IT. WHO TOLD WHO. WHERE DID YOU GO. HOW MANY DATES HAVE YOU HAD. HAVE YOU ALREADY KISS. WHY HADN’T YOU TOLD ME BEFORE. WILL YOU MARRY HIM. GLADDY TELL ME MORE.”

Someone is knocking on Gladio’s door at two a.m.

“Gladio have you told him you love him.”

Gladio closed the door in her face.

Iris never stopped trying to drag Ignis home even when she was already 15.

There she is, calmly going, grabbing Ignis’ wrist, and saying nothing while heading to Clarus’ car.

Family dinner at the Amicitia, nothing is going on, nothing relevant has happened for months, everyone is quiet and

*LOUD FIST SMASH ON THE TABLE*

“YOU HAVE TO MARRY HIM OR I’LL BE SO FREAKING ANGRY, GODS DAMMIT”

The happiest motherfucking day in Iris’ life was when Ignis called at her door, sat down on her floor, and said “Would you be so kind as to teach me to make a moogle plush toy myself? I’d love to make one for Gladio.”

Iris taught both Gladio and Ignis to sew moogle plushes AND SHE WAS SO HYSTERICALLY FREAKING C LO S E TO TELL EACHE OTHER “HE’S MAKING ONE FOR YOU TOO OMG THE COINCIDENCE, WHAT WERE THE ODDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Iris is fan #1 of Prompto’s Gladnis photos and is always asking him to show her.

Iris gets some of those photos framed. She’s not even gifting them to them, she’s just putting them at the livign room because LOOK AT THIS HAPPY FAMILY, THAT’S MY BROTHER IN LAW AND MY BROTHER AREN’T THEY THE MOST BADASS ADORABLE COUPLE IN THE WORLD AREN’THEYGODDAMMIT!!?!??!

Gladio is annoying Iris on purpose.

“Gladdy, I’m gonna have Iggy kick your ass.”

Ignis is very much ready to kick Gladio’s ass if Iris asks him for it.

Iris likes to cause little harmless misunderstandings between the two just for the sake of it.

“?? Ignis? I thought I’d bring the tools.”

“?? No, I was told I’d bring the tools? What are we cooking if no one brought the food?”

Iris is containing the laugh from the living room. 

“Hey, I thought I’d forgotten my scarf here?”

“No, you took it home with-”

“…”

“…”

“Iris.”

“IT WASN’T ME, WHY DO YOU THINK EVERY TIME IGNIS COMES HOME LOOKING FOR SOMETHING AND DOESN’T FIND IT IT’S ME WHO TOLD HIM THAT JUST TO HAVE HIM COME OVER? PFFT.”

Iris sometimes gets gifts to give to Gladio so HE can give them to Ignis

“Iris, I already give him a bunch”

“IT’S NOT ENOUGH GLADDY”

Iris alongside with Prom is always trying to get them nice, romantic dates. Cheesy sometimes. Overly cheesy sometimes. 

There you see the whole scenery Prommy and Iris put up together in a garden, a tiny table and cushions for a comfy date, in a little silk-drapes tent decored with lights, candles, and a couple flowers.

“Iris we just wanted to watch dumb cartoons”

“SHUT UP THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC”

Not like Iggy and Gladio are complaining but omg the EFFORT

You know what sorta sister in law Iris is?

Gladio and Ignis are having a private conversation at the garden.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Iris from somewhere in the universe

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER”

Honestly how badass is Iris here, you pick on her, she brings forth her TWO BIG GUARDIAN BROTHERS 

Iris be. Cutest most troublesome most supportive sister in law since she’s a kid, ok? SHE’S MORE INTO GLADNIS THAN GLADNIS THEMSELVES.

AND THERE YA GO AKLSDJFGKLHJAD 

Aaaaaah man, this took quite longer than I expected, but was it worth it! I had lots of fun with it, and I hope you enjoyed it too? I REALLY HOPE SO BECAUSE THIS IS FOR YOU ALSKJDFDLGKJ

Also, I hope the midterm thing went okie!! Sending you lots of happy raccoonie thoughts for school to be gentle and go FANTASTIC! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Thanks for the ask and LOTSA MAGIC YAYS FOR YOU! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

#gladnis #gladio #ignis #ffxv headcanons #coonanswers #yay gladnis! #gonna post papa regis in a bit :3 #i had it before this one but i wanted these two posted the same day lmao

[hanjisuung]

@floralminho tagged me to answer these 15 questions, ty for the tag!! 💕💐

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

hm i don’t rly ask for anything on my birthday anymore! i just want endless attention so no. didn’t get it 😂

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

i’ve had jungkook’s 10000 hours cover on repeat all morning 💀 don’t know why rip. don’t even care for the song but he sounds so lovely :(

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

i search out bread �� mostly matzah if it’s in the house

4. What is your morning routine?

i’m lazy on the weekend but for a work day: brush my teeth and wash my face, pretend to do something w my hair, get dressed, fill up my water bottle, play with my cat until i leave

5. What mythical/cryptid creature would you be?

to nobody’s surprised a vampire but also a mermaid dkfjsk

6. How do you interact with somebody that you don’t like?

i mean, as nice as i can be. i’m pretty kind to everyone no matter how i feel abt them

7. How do you define a toxic person?

that’s kinda a loaded question but i think the main trait is manipulative.

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?

lots of concerts!! never done a fan meeting or meet & greet type thing. except i guess when i was 14 i went to one of those free shows at a hot topic for amely and the downtown fiction, and me n my friends were the only people there so we got to talk to all of them and take photos!

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

i don’t rly have an answer. i just don’t personally get it! also i’m a capricorn and i don’t think it matches Me lmao but i love being a cap. someone explain my signs to me, i can give u a list lol

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?

i think sight!

11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?

my bby taehyung 🥰 and all of bts. and minho and key jhddjsk

12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

bro i don’t even know. i wanna say i’d be cool and just have a casual chat??? but how do i stop myself from thanking them for everything they did for me.......... guess i’ll have to meet bts so we can figure out which way this will go

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

oh!! maybe a museum? someone take me to an art museum pls and thank

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

savory!

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?

i mean i have a shit ton of albums, an army bomb, and there’s a box somewhere of all my band tees from middle/early high school!

i’m tagging @shadowflyes @fictionbunny @dykejhope @hazalmighty @agust-dyke if ur interested 🌱

#i slowly did this all morning lol #i just realized how late it is and all i’ve done today is shower and this 😭 #hope you all have/had good days 💕 #long post //

[eldritchsurveys]

862.

1. have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse?: >> I did get soap in my mouth, but not for cursing; for “talking back” or being “fresh”, mostly. I was (understandably...) too afraid to do anything as brash as curse. I don’t think it’s an appropriate disciplinary measure at all, unless your mission is to confuse and frighten your child into obedience... which, apparently, is a lot of parents’ ultimate goal, it seems.

2. what age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore?: >> I really don’t have a solid opinion about this. I tend to skew a little unorthodox on this front, which is probably best left unexplored (fortunately, this is all hypothetical and I’ll never have to address this situation in real life).

3. do you know what the word “polyamorous” means? and did you ever hear that song by breaking benjamin?: >> I know what it means, and I do remember the Breaking Benjamin song.

4. how many bug bites do you currently have?: >> Zero.

5. what’s one word you always have trouble spelling and can’t remember the correct spelling of?: >> I don’t think there’s any word like that. Spelling and phonics is one of my few strong suits.

6. what’s one band that really sucks live?: >> I don’t know, I haven’t seen any that I thought sucked performance-wise (I have seen a few whose music I just didn’t care for, like some opening acts, but that has nothing to do with the quality of their performance).

7. do you go to warped tour? why or why not?: >> I have never been to Warped Tour. I just never got an opportunity to go, or I was never interested, or whatever.

8. do you have any wind chimes outside your house? how many?: >> No. Some neighbours have them, I think.

9. do you know someone who actually had someone give them a bouquet of real roses and one fake one, and tell them they’ll love them until the last one dies?: >> I’ve never even heard of that.

10. which do you like better, firefox or internet explorer?: >> Firefox.

11. who is the most attractive person on your street?: >> ---

12. do you have a flat stomach? would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off?: >> I no longer have a flat stomach, and you wouldn’t catch me dead in a crop top.

13. which do you prefer on yourself, long or short hair?: >> I like how I look with long hair, but I prefer the low maintenance of short hair. So, I buzz my head, and I wear wigs when I feel like it. Best of both worlds.

14. what about on your preferred sex? long or short?: >> ---

15. with eyebrow piercings, do you prefer the ring or the curved barbell?: >> I have no opinion.

16. have you ever pierced something yourself? why and what was it?: >> Yeah, I pierced my ears a few times. I did it because I wanted to? And also because I couldn’t afford to have them professionally done. I also did it when I was 16 because my father wouldn’t let me get a cartilage piercing, so I pierced my own ear at work one day. (My father eventually noticed because I put the most ridiculously obvious jewelry in it... hold on, I’m going to find a photo of what I’m talking about because like... what did I expect to happen)

looked something like that. I straight up deserved to get caught.

17. would you date someone who was five years older than you?: >> I don’t date, but that wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if I did.

18. i heard of a girl whose boyfriend cheated on her with a 13yearold (he’s 18) and got her pregnant, so she left him. what would you have done if you were in her situation?: >> I... just can’t imagine being in this situation, sorry.

19. how old was the youngest person you ever found attractive? and how old were you?: >> Oh, I don’t know. Probably not much younger than myself; my tastes always skewed older (oftentimes much older).

20. isn’t it annoying when you’re trying to start conversation with someone and all they say is “yup” or “really now” or something like that?: >> Not necessarily, unless they’re usually much more exuberant and participatory than that. Then I’d wonder if something was wrong (and if it was my fault).

21. if you have aim, do you have any linked screen names? how many?: >> ---

22. which of your favorite bands released a new album last?: >> I’m not sure.

23. are you waiting for any bands to release new albums? which ones?: >> No.

24. what’s your favorite store for buying cds and such at?: >> Back in the day when that was my primary mode of listening to music, my favourite music stores were Virgin Megastore and Tower Records. Ah, nostalgia.

25. what’s the point in buying dvds like “girls gone wild” and other porn if you can get tons more online for free?: >> Well, people generally do watch more porn online nowadays, I think. But the benefit of having a DVD is that... you never have to worry about the video being taken down, and you always have it available (so, even if you don’t have internet connection, etc). It’s the same argument for having paper books or movies/shows on DVD, really.

26. if you had to have one drug (illegal ones, like marijuana and cocaine and all of them) right now, what would it be?: >> Well, marijuana is technically legal here (although I think new recreational dispensary openings in this city have been kinda interrupted by the whole pandemic business, so it’s still a bit hard to access for now). The only drugs I’m even interested in anymore (besides maybe a little low-THC weed, just to see) are psychedelics, and I don’t just want to take them casually, I want a tripsitter or a therapist present. So it’s more complicated than just “getting the drug”.

27. would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)?: >> I would love that. I have had the idea to have a tree-rings tattoo down my left arm like the astronaut character in The Fountain for years.

28. do you have a wireless mouse and/or keyboard?: >> No, my keyboard and mouse are both wired, which is logical. Wouldn’t it suck if I was in the middle of a boss fight in FFXIV and the battery in my keyboard or mouse just fuckin died? Yikes.

29. do you think your biological parents love each other?: >> They did not love each other, from my perspective. I don’t even know if my father is capable of loving anyone, the way he fucking acts.

30. do you have callouses on your feet?: >> No.

31. did you see the commercial for that “foot grater” on tv that basically shaves the callouses off of your feet? isn’t that nasty to think about?: >> That is nasty to think about, and I don’t think it’s even necessary. Anything to make a buck, I guess.

31. what’s your favorite color combination (ex. pink and purple)?: >> I don’t know, I like a lot of colour combinations.

32. ever been to watchmovies.net? what do you think of the quality of the movies there?: >> Yeah. I don’t like sites like that because I can never get good subtitles and also they’re always buffering and shit. I can’t put up with that anymore, I paid my dues back in my literally-broke days.

33. what’s one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet?: >> Everything on my watchlists across the four streaming services I patronise. I just don’t always have movie-watching energy (or time), so it’s slow going to get through all my watchlists.

34. would you rather live alone in a huge mansion or alone in a small studio apartment?: >> Alone in a small studio apartment. Unless the huge mansion had a staff, because I really can’t fucking imagine keeping a mansion clean and maintained otherwise. But... huge mansions often come with a lot of acreage... and no neighbours... that’d be nice.

35. if you came across child porn on your computer, what would you do?: >> How the fuck would that even happen? Let’s not get silly here.

36. what’s the last computer game you played?: >> Final Fantasy XIV.

37. what’s the name of the street you live on?: >> Eh, let’s not.

38. would you ever dye your entire head blonde?: >> No.

39. what’s the randomest thing you ever heard of someone collecting?: >> I don’t know, most things people collect seem random to me.

40. how often do you use “<3” or “:]”?: >> Rarely.

41. isn’t it annoying how people walk around thinking hollister logo tshirts and ripped jeans are preppy, even though those things would never be allowed in a prepatory school because of the dress code?: >> *stares blankly in “I don’t care”*

42. how do you feel about abortion?: >> I am pro-choice.

43. what’s one thing your grandmother does that you can’t stand?: >> ---

44. did you ever notice how it’s more tragic if a younger person dies than an older person, even if they both died of the same cause?: >> It does seem that way to people, but I don’t see it that way myself. Of course I’d rather die when I’m old than, like, right now, but hey. It be like that.

45. when’s the last time you snuck around, and where did you go?: >> I don’t have to sneak around.

46. how often do you wash your hair?: >> Once a week, provided I remember.

47. do you think the price for a movie ticket is too high these days?: >> Not here, it isn’t. In NYC, it was fucking astronomical.

48. have you ever been to a drive-in movie theater?: >> No. I’d like to one day, that seems fun. But only if I have a convertible, lol.

49. what’s your favorite musical?: >> Phantom of the Opera.

50. what do you think of dr. seuss?: >> I’ve never read him (that I can remember) and I don’t care.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[nikatyler]

When I finished my exam today, I was really excited and full of energy but now all of that is gone and I’m starting to see how stressful this day has actually been. I’m so incredibly tired! I went to bed at 11 pm yesterday, fell asleep quite quickly, woke up again at midnight. I slept until 4 am and then I kept waking up and falling asleep in what I believe were really short intervals. I don’t know which of these nightmare scenarios I had were actual nightmares and which ones I came up with thanks to overthinking. It was some crazy shit - one of them, probably the craziest one, I actually shared on twitter yesterday. For a little bit, I was worried that I would wake up without the ability to read or write. And even though I know that’s impossible, I was so worried and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Thing is, my anxious perfectionist brain always jumps to “either you do well on this or you die” mindset. Which then leads to me being stressed out days before and doing crazy things because of that. Just to name a few: I unfollowed a lot of blogs because following so many was driving me insane. I muted a bunch of people on twitter and called it self care even though it was probably just petty. Last but not least, I’m generally more mean and insensitive than I usually am these days and I hate that but also, I just can’t help it. (hey please if I was mean to you, don’t give up on me, it’ll get better again I swear) So yeah, fun times. Can’t wait for it to be finally June so all of this is over. 

To quote my favourite musical: hold your breath and count the days, we’re graduating soon, college will be paradise if I’m not dead by June.

Onto those replies now.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “So…I was just casually setting up another scene, posing the sims and...”

This is DESTINY of this generation - trying to die (hard)

Just wait for when I focus on Regan. That girl is...going in her parents’ footsteps. I swear it’s not my fault. Seriously. I would never want for any of my important legacy sims to die.

Okay well, I might have planned to kill off Tyler at one point like year and a half ago but we don’t talk about that. Ever. Not since that dumb “one year with Rose triplets” thing. Don’t worry about it.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Unfortunately, it didn’t help. Again, sims logic. Don’t question it....”

NO MIRACLE NO

Miracles shouldn't die!

How dare you!

When I said "don't return to aliens" I didn't mean "die instead"

pxelblobs replied to your photoset “Unfortunately, it didn’t help. Again, sims logic. Don’t question it....”

Noooo Miracle!

I knew that sims could burn to death if the weather is too hot and everything, but it has never happened to me and I certainly didn’t expect it to happen now. I was freaking out. That was not how I wanted her story to end.

Then I went to twitter and asked people what they want me to do, but before the poll ended, I actually decided that nope, I can’t do this, she has to stay alive. By the way, if I remember correctly, people voted for leaving her dead. Sooo...yeah.

harmoniouspixels replied to your post “WAIT HOLD UP IS MIRACLE LIKE DEAD DEAD”

I guess I wasn't paying too much attention until this ask BUT MIRACLE'S DEAD WTF

Lmao I can see this happening to me. In fact, it has definitely happened to me before - just casually scrolling down my dash, not paying attention to anything (which is why I never go to my dash anymore) at all and then suddenly I realize - wait a minute, when did that sim die?! What did I miss?

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Yeah well, Adam, maybe you could’ve done something when you still had...”

Will Smith voice: It's rewind time

I laughed so hard at this because I literally made the same joke a few posts later. Great minds think alike! *let’s pretend I’m a great mind ok, at least for a few seconds*

treason-and-plot replied to your post “WAIT HOLD UP IS MIRACLE LIKE DEAD DEAD”

This game is so cruel

Yup. 

It couldn’t have happened to like...I don’t know. Esme during the uni storyline. Or Fred during James’s storyline. Guys, do you remember Fred the mustache guy? Good old times.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Adam: “Hmmm, I wonder what I should do?”

I just thought... IT'S A BEACH THERE IS PLENTY OF WATER AROUND

I KNOW

THAT’S WHAT BOTHERED ME THE MOST IT LITERALLY DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE

*slow clap for sims logic*

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “At least she gets a nice gravestone…I guess. Aaand the dog is useless...”

:(

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “At least she gets a nice gravestone…I guess. Aaand the dog is useless...”

I can't believe she died this way! :'(

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Miracle baby oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t want this to happen I’m...”

:( :( :(

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Miracle baby oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t want this to happen I’m...”

������ poor miracle

The only thing I really enjoyed about this is that these posts fell on the weekend before April 1st. I know this isn’t something to be laughed at...but the timing was so perfect. If I had planned this, it wouldn’t have worked.

Then again, let’s be real, I wouldn’t have planned this. This is just cruel.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

Whew I'm glad she's still alive

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

PHEW!!!!!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

Yay!

I’ve never been more excited to quit without saving

whysimstho replied to your photoset “Lydia: “Sorry I’m late! I didn’t mean to, I promise. Siblings got in...”

"Oh yeah and my mom died in an alternate reality but it's cool, it's cool."

I mean, she’s definitely heard about all the crazy shit that has happened to her family over the years, so maybe it doesn’t seem as a big deal to her anymore.

It’s been a while since I last said Roses are a mess but they really are a huge mess lmao

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “cloudberry-sims: ???: Sorry but you can’t read that book yet! Stone:...”

Zillah will most likely appear after I finish Strangerville!

Yay! You don’t have to rush though, as long as she appears one day, it’s cool. It’s just a little sad when I spend a lot of time working on a sim and then the person who requested them never uses them.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “This girl is no longer on fiyah, fiyaaaaah”

Next time you try to die don't do it, okay?

Oh trust me I’ll keep an eye on her from now on

It’s what Caleb would have wanted

wait did I just make myself cry thinking about this

dreamsongsims replied to your photoset “I’m still not sure why she’s doing martial arts. Like yeah, I wanted...”

That moment when you just can't remember what your plans were for your sim! I have that a lot. LOL

I guess I do kinda remember the purpose for the story, the problem is...I don’t actually understand why I did it that way?

create-a-sim replied to your photo “someday i’ll be famous and you’ll have to admit you were wrong.”

Wow, this looks super cool!

Thank you! I really enjoyed working on this. It’s just one of the many outcomes of my “Tyler gets famous” headcanons, which by the way are one of my favourite things to think about these days.

onemoreordinarysimblr replied to your photo “Am I late to the party?”

Very cute!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “I had to do another one.”

This is a nice looking room!!

berrysweetboutique replied to your photo “I had to do another one.”

They're too fun and this is way cute ♥

Thank you guys! I really enjoy the idea of this. I’m definitely not done with this trend yet! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize...”

Oh it sucks that that person isn't around anymore(( losing friends is always hard

Btw, the edit is really cute!

Yeah...I was going through my old posts yesterday, saw some asks and got sad about this again. I miss talking daily to a person who was so much like me in so many ways. I don’t want to go into details but yeah...never thought I could miss a person I’ve never actually met and here I am.

desira-sims replied to your post “�� ��?”

I feel ya on the bands. My music tastes seems to go from one extreme to the next.

It’s so hard to limit yourself to just one genre! I don’t understand how some people can do this. Well, I don’t actually believe such people exist...everyone has their “guilty pleasure” and no one will change my mind.

desira-sims replied to your post “I associate you with Ross and Caleb :D (i really need to catch up on...”

This is 100% me.

It’s clear, if a sim wants to be the mascot of my blog, they have to be a bisexual disaster.

I mean, when I look at myself, that makes sense. I myself am one big bisexual disaster.

mellowaliens replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck hon!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck! ❤️ You can do it!

desira-sims replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck!!! Sending positive vibes your way.

whysimstho replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good Luck!

audrey-rosewadsworth replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

GOOD LUCK

audrey-rosewadsworth replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

I BELIEVE IN YOUUUU

poisonfireleafs replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Good luck tomorrow :)

*hugs* Thank you so much guys. ♥

desira-sims replied to your post “Good morning guys, I'm still freaking out about the exam. I'm taking...”

Just take deep breath and don’t stress too much. You’ll do great on the exam.   Congrats on your milestone!

I started feeling so much better when I left home. I went out and I was like okay, I can’t do much about this anymore, can I? And then I met up with my friend at the bus stop and we just talked and suddenly I wasn’t scared anymore because I realized we’re all in this together - the two of us, the rest of our class and all the other 80 000 (or something) students in our country who were taking the exam as well.

My biggest problem was that the exam started at 12.30 and ended at like 2.30 pm. If it had been in the morning, I wouldn’t have had so much time to worry about it. Thank the lord that’s the case with the English exam tomorrow, it starts at 8 am which is an okay school time for me - on a normal day, classes start at 7.50.

Also, thank you! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Yay, congrats!

desira-sims replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Woot woot!

mellowaliens replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Good luck and congrats!

Now I’ll have to wait for the results...that’s gonna be fuuuuuun.

By the way, people are already making memes based on the topics and I enjoy that. People who didn’t take the exam can’t understand, but it’s really funny, I swear.

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset

awwwwww! ♥ ♥ ♥

They’re definitely among the cutest couples I have in my game right now! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Courtney: “Uhh…” Regan: “Wait. You…you guys? You’re like…” Felix: “Not...”

Well I kinda shipped themXD

I must admit that I didn’t at first, but then I noticed it could work. Whenever Regan said something bad about Felix, Courtney defended him, and so I thought...what if they went to uni together? Could they fall in love? Turns out they could :D

#replies #tiny-tany-thaanos #pxelblobs #harmoniouspixels #alfalfalegacy #treason-and-plot #whysimstho #dreamsongsims #create-a-sim #onemoreordinarysimblr #berrysweetboutique #desira-sims #mellowaliens #audrey-rosewadsworth #poisonfireleafs #simlovinggirl

[sammyhale]

Mishalecki JIBCon 2018 Panel

Misha: We’re doing a panel with Misha Jared and little Jared. This is already dirty. 

They wish the mothers in the audience a Happy Mother’s Day :)

Jared: “First and foremost to all the mothers out there, thanks to all the mothers out there!”

Jared to Misha: Aren’t you junkless? On the show, on the show! Haven’t we discussed that?

If French Mistake Sam and Dean went to a convention: Jared says, “Sam would be very confused... he’d be very happy and he’d treat it as a riddle of some sort!”

Misha: “I would be taking a lot of selfies and tweeting... something I don’t ever do!”

Misha on a mock of cons: Jared would have a mirror in the photo ops room that you'd keep checking. Jared jokes: I do have that! That was based on me! 

Con French Mistake world Dean would have sex with all the fans.

David Barry saw Jared and Jensen’s trailer in a vid on Instagram and was like, “Omg that’s your trailer!!! There’s a brick wall!”

Jared is casually & repeatedly resting his hand on Misha’s thigh. 

When Misha’s manager saw the French Mistake he was like, “Wow Misha it’s so great getting to see you play yourself!”

Jared actually rewatches The French Mistake, he loves it. 

Jared: “It brings me great joy to watch the French Mistake... lol the bit of you (Misha) pushing someone away!” That part was apparently unscripted. 

Fan: “My name is Shaked.” Jared: “That is ShakAwesome!” Lol 

Two fans with the same name. “Are you friends because of your name?” “No, we’re friends because of you.”  

Fan asks about influencing. Misha: I’m having a hard time influencing Jared. We’re talking to somebody about that. Sometimes Jared influences me very quickly 

Misha: I really want to influence Jared and I feel it. I’ve got some pills from my doctor Jared: (at a loss): I can't...I can't top that. //There's a pause in the room and finally the most uproarious laughter from the crowd. 

Misha says he can’t hear the word “influence” in non-convention life anymore without cracking up. Jared agrees.

Jared: "Are you trying to make me influence my microphone? ... You're right, I'm gripping it too low..." Everybody laughs. 

Fan: “I would be so satisfied to see Sam kill Lucifer!” Jared: “No shit, right!?”

Jared: I hope Sam will be the one to kill Lucifer. I think he just wants to see Lucifer dead no matter what. 

Jared: "I'm gonna say the only nice thing to Misha of my entire life." Misha covers his ears: "I don't want to spoil our relationship."

Fan: What inspires you about each other’s charity work? Jared says that his charity work has been accidental and “totally on y’all” (crediting the fans) and inspired by Misha. Says that Misha makes charity a part of his life, is dedicated to is, goes above and beyond. Jared had everyone clap for Misha, then they hug :) 

Misha tells Jared it was brave to come out with his mental health issues and how important it is and how much it’s helped and inspired others to seek out help. He applauds Jared for not being afraid to show his vulnerable side and helping to break down the stigma. 

Misha: It’s been great teaming up - J2M teamed up on the support chatline, came up with the idea on a flight back from a con. And then the fans stepped up & did it.  

Jared on charity work: “Y’all really did it, we’re just the faces on the poster.”

Would you play truth or dare with Jared, Misha? Misha: Absolutely not. Jared: That’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said.  

Jared offering to play truth or dare: “Be careful... I have a very big imagination!”

Jared to the fan: Do YOU want to play truth or dare?" Fan: "A voice in my head is telling me no." Jared and Misha: "GOOD. ALWAYS LISTEN TO THAT VOICE."

Jared recalled when Misha DID play truth or dare and he chose "dare" right off the bat "like a ROOKIE!" lol 

Fan asks if Jared could crush a watermelon between his thighs. Jared is pretty confident he could. Misha: “That’s what I said, and it was a mistake because now people are going to bring watermelons to cons.”

Now they’re debating whose thighs are stronger, lol.  

Jared talking about the Padalecki family going skiing with the Speight family. 

Jared: “I currently have a rip in my ACL and my FCL and a bruise on my knee and I blame Speight!” Jared went skiing with Speight and his knee popped and flipped around!

Jared had a skiing accident recently, during Rich’s episode, felt his knee pop, foot pointed the wrong way, ski didn’t come off. Lay there in shock. People in ski lift shouting down “are you all right”, Jared just groaning.

Jared’s ski accident: He didn’t tell anybody because the actors are not allowed to ski! Just toughed his way through it. Torn ACL, bone bruises

Jared's brother gave his knee an MRI and confirmed his injury. Apparently it’s in his clause that he’s not allowed to ski. Now the seasons over, “It feels so good to tell that story! I was just like hobbling around like 'Hey, I'm fine.’” Better now but still sore. 

Misha on Jared’s awful ski accident /blown knee story: “That’s the longest excuse I’ve ever heard for not being able to crush a watermelon.”

Jared’s now trying to remember the Ninja Turtle theme song. 

Biggest life lesson they learned. Jared: “Don‘t eat yellow snow.“ Misha: “Learn how to use a toilet.“

Jared: Life is short but try to live like life is long sometimes. 

Jared: I challenge you to spend a week or a month as if life is long because life is short. Try to plant seeds in a garden you’ll never see grow. Try to be who you want to be in 50 years and be sure that, when you look back, you're proud of who you are and your relationships. 

Jared says that living like life is short makes him anxious, so lately he’s been living like life is long and it's helped. 

Misha: “I have been learning from my kids, who have an amazing capacity to live in the moment.”

Misha’s telling the I Wish For This story. Tells the story about trying to rush his kids into their van and his daughter said: “look dandelion puffs.” They blew and made wishes and his daughter said, “I wish for this.”

Misha: “There can be a spectacular opportunity in any given moment if you pay attention to it.”

Fan: I like your shoes, Jared. Jared: I like your truth, too Fan: SHOES Jared: oh lol, I thought that was pretty deep

Fan compliments Jared's shoes. Turns out Gen picked them out. “My wife has good taste in clothes."

Fan: “Which role would you never play?” Misha “Debbie, in Debbie does Dallas.” Jared: “Dallas, in Debbie does Dallas.” Lol 

The music suddenly comes on to end the panel. Jared fell off his chair when the music came on and Misha had to help him up :P 

Info via: Maisie, Bubbs, Kelly, Chloe, Fandomnatural, Jenn, Sil’s livetweet list

#jared padalecki #misha collins #mishalecki #jibcon #jib9 #panel sum #long post #shpost

[hyunjizns]

dating jungwoo

⤷ idk why but jungwoo always gives me the softest, innocent vibe and that’s why he’ll forever be my bb

how you started dating

so i wasn’t sure if to make this an idol au or not but i finally settled for idol because i’m going for that “realistic” feel, lol

how you two met? well it was actually predebut when jungwoo used to work at a café 

you know, to get that extra cash because being a trainee isn’t the eaiest thing

and you frequented that café since it was pretty near to where you lived

you often saw jungwoo because you’d come during his shift and he’d always give you a warm smile 

you couldn’t explain but he was just so welcoming and warm-hearted unlike the other other employees so that was definitely fresh

before you learnt his name you had deemed him “the cute worker with the pretty smile”

seriously, every time he handed you your drink, his cute little smile would appear and your heart basically melted everytime

but tbh, anyone would melt at his smile, it’s precious, okay?

and after handing you your drink, he’d never fail to wish you a good day and ahh !!!

anyway, this continued on for a while until you didn’t even have to tell him your order anymore and he’d just have your drink and name there whoosh

he just knew that well

so you were kinda getting tired of this back and forth and wanted to get to know him better

you did the obvious bc you’re a smart person and slipped him your number when you were giving him a tip and walked away smugly

the look on his face was priceless

yes, we’d have a sh00k jungwoo because, wow, you gave him your number ??

now, now jungwoo is a bit shy so it’d take him a bit to actually text you but when he does you’re basically a candy who just got candy

but look, this boy contemplated what he was gonna say for way too long and spent majority of the time fiddling with his phone

you would never have seen someone type and erase as much as he would’ve then

“y/n, right? wanna meet up soon? this is jungwoo btw”

“sure,, any specific time? i’m free this week”

sure you may have sounded cool in your reply but your were actually just dead inside bc jungwoo !! texted !! you !!

when he sees your reply though, he would be relieved and text you the details

the two of you would kinda just drift into texting cute, soft emojis for the rest of the day

jungwoo is a bit.. clueless.. so it probably wouldn’t seem like a big deal to him unlike you who was practically combusting

p.s: it seems you’ve developed a crush on him,, but to be fair who wouldn’t?

anyway, we can fast forward to when you two actually do meet up, it’s a small bistro and everything is pretty casual 

jungwoo is a bit nervous but so are you so that leads to nervous giggles every second but you two manage through

it was a pretty, nice and calming “date” tbh and you guys started to do it more often

um yeah, that basically meant that your crush on jungwoo was getting bigger

i mean, the boy told you so much about himself already and same for you, you learnt he was a trainee, etc, etc and it just felt you got really close to him

but you weren’t sure if he liked you too since he was a bit odd with his actions

tbh i don’t think he was even planning to tell you because he was sure that it was you who didn’t like him

let’s all give a huge round of applause to his boss lol get it boss? no? okay bye sorry who told you that he knew jungwoo definitely liked you too

sorry, but basically everyone in the cafe knew about you two

and with a little courage from your friends, you found it in yourself to confess

better take no for an answer than never know, right?

so one day you called jungwoo outside and told him that you needed to talk to him and yes that kid was nervous

“I.. I kind of really like you.”

He’d be so shocked that he wouldn’t reply which would make you s c a r e d but then he gets all excited and relieved

“I kind of really like you too!” he was a bit too enthusiastic

and the rest is history 

i made this too long, oops

jungwoo as a boyfriend

we all know that jungwoo is some kind of precious human being that needs to be protected at all costs

yes

well, you’re that human being to him now

idk but we all know how he’s always smiling, well people would be starting to wonder how his cheeks aren’t hurting at how much he smiles when he’s around you

he always looks at you with so much affection in his eyes, it’s unreal

it’s that “ get you a man who looks at you the way *insert* looks at *insert*” meme

so your relationship is basically two angels protecting each other

talking about soft, idk man but this would be one of the purest, softest things for anyone to watch, your interactions would be down right precious

oh gosh, i’m already squealing, jungwoo, i see him legit defining boyfriend goals

like he would spoil the shit out of you and give you whatever you wanted, even if you didn’t ask for it

you’d be telling him it wasn’t necessary but he wouldn’t listen to you

i feel like he’d use that as a way to express himself since physical expression wouldn’t be something that he’s best at

oh yes and taking it slow and making sure you’re comfortable is one of his biggest concerns too

he absolutely doesn’t wanna rush you to do anything that you don’t wanna

as for pda, i don’t think jungwoo would go too far

he seems like the kind of person, no matter how long you’ve been together, to just enjoy soft hand-holding

yeah, your fingers are always intertwined, it’s basically the signature thing in your relationship now

even when you two are alone,he still isn’t the b i g g e s t displayer of affection

you can expect a shit ton of hugs from this one too, and no, i don’t mean those short, seemingly meaningless ones

i’m talking jungwoo style kms with full on embracing, neck snuggling and even some butterfly neck/face kisses on the occasion

his arms would be so tight yet gentle around you

i’m telling you !! this boy treats you as if you were made of legitimate porcelain

as for kisses, i feel like he’s too shy to out right kiss you, especially at the beginning of the relationship so your gonna have to ask or initiate

after he’s more comfortable though, kisses may still be shy but he isn’t afraid to do it himself

his displays of affection are actually the sweetest, like he has the gentlest hands, and does the cutest things, you’d swear he just stepped out of a romance novel

he has actually made a scrap book with all of your couple pics for you

i’m wrecking my bias list help

he’s a cuddler 100% so you can expect a lot of that from him

especially due to the fact that he’d prefer simple dates or those ones where you can just stay at home

you can seriously expect to lie in bed and just be happy with the other’s presence.

but it’s not like that everyday kind of cuddling, he’d prefer that once in a while, significant cuddle session

plus i can see him being really talkative, i don’t think he’d wanna cuddle in silence and most conversation topics would be pretty deep

maybe about your guys’ future since he doesn’t plan to break up soon or ever at that

his favourite position is you beside him with his arm around you so that he could look at your face and every little detail on it

don’t be surprised if you suddenly feel his hand under your shirt !! he just does that innocently 

he’s the boy that’d space out while looking at you because he actually can’t get over your beauty

“ how did i get so lucky ? “

he’d think that all the time

sometimes his hand is already going to brush a strand of your hair from your face before he even notices what he’s doing

yeah, it’s something that he does pretty often too

jungwoo also really cares about the little things, just enjoying small talk

like everyday you can expect him to ask how your day was and if you were okay

on that occasion that you were pissed, he’d freak because he wouldn’t be sure what to do but jungwoo being the good listener that he is, i feel like he’d just let you vent

he’d let you vent all you want while rubbing your back, not saying anything

after, he’d probably offer to make your favourite food/drink or suggest you two do something that he knew you’d enjoy

or maybe sing you one of your favourite songs since he knows that you love his voice ahh

also

okay so y’all remember that iconic vlive when doyoung was asking jungwoo what he wanted for his birthday and yea h sbksks

jungwoo would be cheeky like that pretty often when he wants something

he’s like a puppy that really just needs your love sometimes so 

this boy isn’t showing the signs correctly and you’re like “what do you want babe?”

“i um..” cue stuttering and cute giggles !!

rip you bc you just look at him like ???

“i want your love” he’d smile and tap his cheek

and you’re just like ofc you do and kiss his cheek and that’d make him 12x more giddy oho

jungwoo adores you i swear. every wallpaper on his phone is a photo of both of you

omg my heart is bursting with love for this boy

and like there was that one day when nosy yukhei took up jungwoo’s phone and was sh00k at the number of couple photos, oh dear

that would be teasing material for the other boys to use against him but y’know, jungwoo doesn’t really mind

he wouldn’t be fazed, he’just give them one of those smiles because he’s actually hella proud of those pics

but don’t ask him how things are going because he can’t really reply, he’ll kinda just scratch the back of his neck and again, s m i l e

because he wouldn’t be sure how to explain one of the best things in his life

he isn’t a master of words, y’know!

that’s why short and sweet gestures + compliments are his thing

this was also lowkey a secret relationship and you would always remember the look in his eyes after his first debut stage

you honestly felt so happy for him because you knew he deserved it 

he cried that night and it was just one of the softest things you had ever experienced, like you could tell he didn’t wanna cry but the tears still came

you patted his head as he cried into your shoulder tears of complete happiness

and when you whispered how proud you were of him, that set off more waterworks 

that just proved to you that he isn’t afraid to show his emotion when he’s around you

BuT when it came to super important things like the first “i love you” he was a nervous wreck because he wasn’t sure how you’d respond

but then he’d realise you love him just as much as he loved you so he had nothing to worry about

all in all, you guys would live that innocent relationship and every moment you spent with jungwoo would be deeply cherished

#kim jungwoo #someone get me a jungwoo #jungwoo as your boyfriend #jungwoo fanfic #jungwoo fanfiction #jungwoo scenarios #jungwoo imagines #jungwoo headcanon #jungwoo #kpop #nct imagines #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct u #nct u scenarios #nct fluff #jungwoo fluff #nct u imagines

[home-halone]

I thought I could handle the recordings. I never realized how visceral the reaction I'd get was, just from hearing stories of emotional abuse and manipulation from other victims. I'm in tears for them. I have nothing but empathy and love for these people, and I stand by them but hearing their accounts is just so hard hitting. I'm in tears because I know the exact feeling of being in their shoes. It disgusts me that so many others had experienced this, and that he's neither the first nor the last.

The more I heard about their stories as I clicked to listen to each one, the more I realize how precisely my old situation fits the same pattern. In my case it did not happen on FFXIV and the abuser in question was a completely different person.

I actually used this game to escape my previous MMO.

I don't know if it's appropriate for me to speak up about the abuse I experienced here, or in this situation, if it takes the spotlight away from the here-and-now of it all, but if anything it just reiterates how common it is and how easy it is to miss. So, so easy to miss.

Did you guys know I used to be a healer main? I loved playing support, and I could never bring myself to tank or DPS. I liked helping my friends and working with them.

Did you guys know I used to be wholly content doing casual stuff? I didn't care about endgame, and clearing the latest content. I just wanted to hang out with friends, doing silly things, making a whole army of alts to try new things and classes with. I liked to explore and have fun at whatever pace I wanted and I didn't fucking care if anyone thought it was lame.

But then I met him.

I'd seen Q* around before. He was real life friends with P, someone I played with on occasion, but I had no real interactions with him.

At least not until Q and that friend had a fight, and pretty much left him with nothing. He played the game casually, and ended up borrowing much of P's things. Now that they weren't on speaking terms, he had nothing. I wasn't the richest player or anything, but a friend (who quit playing shortly after) and I offered to give him some in-game money to start off fresh.

Eventually, I saw him around more and more often, and I started to play with him. I invited him to communities I had been a part of, including a very casual weekly group raid group. It was very much less savage and more like extreme primals in terms of difficulty. So it wasn't anything crazy, really.

When we weren't doing that, we were farming and raking in cash for glamour. I thought it was nice because I knew that being P's friend meant he was of a higher skill level than I was. I trusted his opinion and followed his lead basically. Not only that, I really connected with him in a way I hadn't connected with other people. Spending time with him was a lot of fun, and we'd be on Skype for literal hours.

It was the same story. Very charismatic, somewhat flirtatious guy. It was all for fun until he started sounding serious and I found myself very into it even with all the red flags and gut feelings. When I confronted him about the nature of our relationship it moved to us becoming a couple.

But don't tell anyone.

It was a secret.

The same story.

I should've figured it out because a lot of times it felt like he was talking at me instead of to me. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but that's what it was. Consent was a line he would try to push. He would switch from an absolute sweetheart to using disappointment and frustration against me to get what he wanted. He never raised his voice, but he was excellent at making me feel like shit.

If I didn't play well enough. Because "this is so simple". Or if I didn't know where certain items were stored. Even knowing I have problems with my memory. If it turned out he had it the whole time, he’d laugh it off. If it was with me, he’d be so so disappointed and upset and tell me I’m careless.

Q wanted another group to raid with. I get it. He wants to do more, because that's just his skill level. I was in a very casual guild, but they looked up to me as a mother figure, partly because of my age compared to everyone else's, partly because of the character I RPed. I knew I could convince them to play, and it would make him happy.

They were all new, so they weren't like the regular group. But that just made them so malleable for him.

I became stricter and nitpicky towards people who treated me like I was the group mom. I kept the same tone but there was an underlying annoyance. Why couldn't they be as good? Some things are so simple. I started to echo what Q told me. Because if they failed, to Q, I'd failed.

Praises became so hard to come by. Even when I singlehandedly shortlist and fix our raiding roster, when I make literal spreadsheets for schedules and attendance and for the item directory just so I don't forget and I keep things perfect and convenient for him, just so he wouldn't be upset or disappointed. And he would top it off by being sweet and make up for two weeks worth of not spending time with me. He treated me like a retainer. Sometimes worse. I was there to accompany him to dungeons. As far as he was concerned, that was probably all I was good for.

Because when I'd asked to spend time talking, and not playing, I'd just get told that I was suffocating him. Like I was demanding more time, and what we had wasn't enough.

I organized every raid we had, I was raid leader, I called the shots, I pushed a group of casual players into helping me avoid feeling like shit by doing well enough. When it was my fault, I'd be blamed. Even when it wasn't, I'd be blamed. There were times when I had to fill a role we were missing. It couldn't be helped. Not everyone had every class. All Q had to do was show up and do the easiest fucking class. If we'd wipe, he'd ask me why I wasn't on healer. But somehow when I play healer he'd find all the ways to tell me what I was doing wrong. I didn't feel dependable. I always felt like I fell short and I wasn't good enough.

But I had to reassure everyone, I had to remind everyone. Cast this buff when X happens. Use this element for better DPS. I had to keep it all together until he shows up. Even when we'd reached one of the deepest parts of the dungeon we'd never seen before, and I was happy and excited for them, he wasn't. He was just disappointed we didn't clear.

So I became disappointed too.

Somehow, I had hoped it was the stress of school and it would pass. And Q will go back the the way he used to be when he and I first met. It was stupid but it was some sort of blind faith I latched onto. That somehow if I'd endured and if I were the bigger person, he would wake the fuck up. Obviously that wasn't true at all.

It got to the point where I really was just his retainer. Hold this. Go here. Go there. Why are you not producing the results I want? Affection was a reward, or something to quell me when I was upset and not a staple expression. I'd drawn a lot for him, but I'd hardly get a response. When I was kidding around and having fun making silly voices, all he said was "What is that voice? I'm just gonna mute you." And actually did. He was very pushy when it came to intimate stuff, asked for pictures and pictures and all that but showed me maybe two shit quality photos of himself and a 5 minute skype video call.

I could fucking solo heal 11 people and he wouldn't be impressed. He would nitpick me and ask why I hadn't used the right buff at the right time. Because healing is so easy. I would spend 4 hours straight doing some super menial stuff that would get an open-world boss into spawning mobs that you could farm. When I tell him I'd finally accomplished it, he'd check hours later when he wakes up to say "it isn't there anymore" and nothing else. I'd have to hold on but once he's salty he can rage quit at any point he wants.

I would be praised by other people, and I'd have fun without anyone pointing out how poorly I do or what I'm missing. The disparity was so evident but I kept lying to myself.

I gifted him an official comic of one of "our" favorite series via mail. He never thanked me. He complained about how inconvenient it was that HE missed the delivery and now HE has to go to the post office to pick it up.

I never got to read it.

After half a year of enduring this, I'd confided what I'd experienced with my guild, it came to light that he had been abusing them too. I'd realized we'd effectively converted my poor, fun-loving casual guild of friends into a farming mill for profit.

We farmed not for fun, but for profit. It was awful. Some of my friends still never want to set foot in that game again. It's been 4 years since then.

That's when I'd worked up the courage to break it off. Not for myself. It was kinda pathetic that what woke me up wasn't the need to fight for myself, but because he had hurt my friends. The ones who trusted me to guide them. People I'd hurt myself, by pushing them beyond what they really wanted via peer pressure.

Even when I broke it off it didn't feel satisfactory. It just felt like he didn't care. He went, "ah yeah, it's difficult." I mean that response makes sense considering at some point he told me I wasn’t his real girlfriend until I had sex with him lol.

And that was it. He gave back my stuff in game but lol wait remember the part where he knew I had memory problems? The fucker stole some gear from me and took advantage of that. Burn in hell, Q.

I lied about the reasons why I no longer wanted a relationship and made it seem simple, and I couldn't call him out. I didn't want to upset him. I was afraid of the dirt he had on me. I was afraid of what he'd say to me. Part of me is still afraid he has some of these things on me, years and years after it had happened. I never told anyone the full story really.

I moved on to FF at this point and it was a fresh start, with another friend inviting me to play. No one to tell me what was wrong.

But it sticks to you. The bullshit people like Q and Oldbear do to get what they want. If I said that I raid ONLY because I find it fun (and I do find it fun), it wouldn't be wholly truthful.

There's a part of me that still hears his sleazy voice telling me I'm not good enough. What I'm doing is easy. Support is easy.

I wanted to stop supporting and do things on my own ability. So I switched to DPS. I kept pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone to shut the voice up. I am good enough, and I can raid. I'm afraid to try new classes because of that fear of failure he'd inflicted on me.

I've never gone to a therapist because of the costs and the general stigma in the country, so I don't know how deep this has settled within me. But it's enough that I carry that elitist voice in the back of my head telling me I have to do more, more, more and that I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I’m in denial it was abuse and I probably just had a bad relationship with poor choices ;;;; Like I said, he never outright yelled at me, and he never swore at me or called me names, so I did not think it was abusive. But he gaslit me and used my emotional attachment as leverage whenever he could, would put me down but get away scot-free for things he’d do.

Anyway tl;dr emotional abuse is fucked up and downright diabolical and disgusting and victims suffer some repercussions long after they've moved on and fixed their lives, and now several of these women have had the chance to speak out and name their abuser we must give them that closure and draw attention to this very real and heartbreakingly commonplace issue.

#very very personal #long post #cw: abuse

[acest-of-them-all]

So now story time bc today is the day I became extremely sure I am asexual

So. Let's go waaay back to when I was a kid and had no idea there was other sexualities than straight. Obviously I assumed I was gonna have a boyfriend sometime. I didn't really think about it, though. It wasn't relevant because I was a kid and I had other worries like what will I play with my friends during the breaks between classes.

When I was about 13-14, I had discovered the fact that there were not only straight people, but also gays, lesbians and bisexuals. I was like hey, girls are nice, I would date a girl as well as a boy. So I labeled mhself as a bisexual. Now, I hadn't had any real crushes(I now have realized), only a few people I had taken interest in, so I didn't really know how attraction to another person felt like.

When I was about 14 years old or when I was turning 15, I wasn't so sure about my gender anymore. I didn't feel good in my body, and I hated it so, so much. I had more knowledge of sexualities and genders, so I began to wonder, if what I was experiencing was me being transgender. I was kind of suspicious though, because the feeling came so late, and not as a child already. But I knew that the gut-wrenching feeling that made me want to throw up I got when someone called me a girl, was very real. I was convinced I was a transgender, and I was fine with that. It still hurt though, when after two years of feeling horrible dysphoria with my body I told my mom that I was pretty sure I was trans, she still would address me and my sister as "girls" when talking of both of us. I never got the chance to tell my father, though. At some point, I realized that I might not be able to go through the surgeries, as the places I could do that were quite far away, and I didn't know how expensive it was gonna be. Soon, I was fine with that, too, because I realized that my discomfort in my body being female was fading. I was so confused. I had felt like a boy for the last two years and now I suddenly felt like wearing more makeup and dressing more femininely?? I was like huh. I was a fake after all.

At the same time I started to realize that I didn't feel the desire to become close to people. I thought I was somehow incorrectly developed, that it would come to me later, so I didn't really pay attention to it.

Now, in the spring, this year. My first year of vocational school was almost over. We had photography, and I was sitting at my computer on my phone, because I had already edited all the photos I had taken and nothing else to do. There was this guy, that I knew my friend knew, sitting at the computer next to me. He wasn't in our class(he was on his second year). He asked about what we had been doing, which I found weird, because I didn't know this dude, but I just awkwardly answered him. We conversed for a while, and he offered to show me how the studio lights and flashes work. I accepted, because yeah, I had nothing else to do. Well. He showed me how they worked, I was quite awkward all the time, and he asked about stuff. One thing he asked was if I had ever kissed anyone. I obviously hadn't, so I answered no. He asked if I wanted to try. I was confused and I kind of panicked so I accepted. I was tense and nervous and confused, and he told me to relax and close my eyes. I slapped my hand over my eyes, because I couldn't bring myself to close them, I was so nervous. I was just standing there, tense as hell, as he kissed me. Or tried to. It didn't go well, as I kept my lips tightly together and I was panicking. He told me I had to relax, to which I repeatedly told him that I wasn't capable of that. That was followed by him letting it go and us both apologizing for making things awkward. The whole thing was like straight out of a fanfiction. Except that if it was a fanfiction, I wouldn't have been an already suspecting ace, I would have magically been able to kiss him back and we'd have banged in the studio. Yeah, no. I didn't really see him after that, which I was pretty relieved of, because now I wouldn't have to deal with awkward shit! At that point I was almost completely sure I was ace and aro, because I didn't feel like romantic relationships were really my thing and the idea of me having sex with someone, to be completely honest, disgusted me. I had also found a term that I felt like it fit my gender: genderfluid. My preferred gender tends to change quite slowly, I can feel really feminine for months, or really masculine for, apparently, years. Sometimes it's one of those, but in between happens too. Currently I am leaning a little bit on the feminine side.

Anyways. This fall. Summer was over, my second year of school started. And I get to live alone, which is super awesome! One day, after like two weeks of school, the guy texts me(we had exchanged our numbers back then), asking how I'd been. We talked about stuff, it was casual and cool. He's pretty nice, since he likes memes and listens to good music. I told him that I lived alone, and he joked about coming to ruin my peaceful isolated life. I was like yeah, you can come over sometime if you want to, because sometimes some company isn't too bad. The next monday he came to hang out, and it was cool. We listened to music, showed each other memes and all, and I was relieved it wasn't awkward(I had done research on the internet on how to carry on with a conversation before he arrived lmao). Then he left and everything was well in the kingdom. A week or two went by, he would occasionally text me and yeah. It was cool and I was like whoa did I manage to make a friend.

Until.

The day before yesterday(saturday). He texted me like usual and asked if I wanted to hang out on sunday, but because I wouldn't have had any time, we agreed to hang out on monday. A.k.a. today. And then he asked if I still couldn't kiss. And I was like ooohh nooooo, and said that no, I can't because who the hell would my ace ass I have been kissing? He was like well do you want to try on monday and internally I was like WHY??? DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW AWKWARD IT WAS??? And because I figured that the sooner he realizes I'm a hopeless case, the sooner he leaves me alone with the kissing stuff(and because my idiot brain is like BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE A FAKE ACE??? WHAT IF YOU DO LIKE IT HMMM?!? and I wanted to be sure), I was like uuuhhh sure I guess. I warned him that I was most likely going to be awkward as hell AGAIN, but he just told me to "relax and enjoy". Which confused me because I simply do not see the appeal of having other person's tongue shoved down your throat, but I let it be.

So he came over. We conversed for a while, then browsed memes again(which meant we were both sitting on my bed). Soon he was like sooo about the kissing and I was like oh god oh god what do I do, so my brain switched into "scientific experiment" mode, and I was like yeah, I only need to think of this as an experiment on what kissing feels like and everything would be fine. So he told me to get in his lap and I was just confused as hell and was like uuhhh do I have to like do something, to which he answered that not really. And then he kissed me. And his tongue was in my mouth. It didn't taste like anything, it felt weird and I was just kind of trying to not be too awkward, trying to somehow respond to it. He asked how it was and I was like weird, not the most unpleasant thing but nothing special either. And we ended up lying down and kind of cuddling on my bed, which was okay. I was just making random comments about like how babies have more bones than adults and at some point I was like do you wanna take a nap, naps are nice, to which he agreed. It wasn't a nap though. He kissed me some more and yeah. At some point though he had to leave, so he did. And that's when it really hit me. I felt really unhygienic and weirded out. I still could taste his tongue, which is why I brushed my teeth twice in a row. The taste wouldn't go away! I ate, and I noticed I was terribly aware of my own tongue in my mouth. I could still smell his deodorant or whatever it was, and now it wasn't even nice anymore, it was disturbing and overwhelming. I couldn't even drink from my bottle normally because of the way it feels! I brushed my teeth one more time and put my clothes at my window to air out, I don't want them to smell like him. I went and scrubbed myself under a practically boiling shower, I think I've never been so thorough when showering. I'm still confused. Why do I feel so disgusted and unclean, when clothes weren't even reduced? Apparently it doesn't need much. But if mere kissing makes me like this, I can't even imagine myself in even a slightly more intimate situation. Just, no. If he wants to do that again, I gotta tell him that kissing definitely isn't my thing, maybe just straight up tell him that I'm asexual. At least now I'm sure about it lol

#sorry for the rant #sorry for the long post #personal #i just wanted to tell this #asexual #aromantic #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqa

[m0onbean]

skaterboy!AU yoon sanha

category: flOOOOOF note: dedicated to kaka~( @sanhasmoonbuns ) and completely inspired by this super cute photo so i couldn't resist writing this

at every school there's that "skater" squad that's considered really cool & considered popular

they would skate to school together, skate down the street to the mall, skate in the neighborhood, basically they just SKATE A LOT

and everybody at your school ADORESS THEM

"omg the skaters passed by my house this morning and one of the boys WINKED AT ME AIHFOAFIA"

"wow skaters r so hot"

"have you seen the skaters today ?1!1!! they ditched school omg"

"i'm taking skating lessons now"

but then you're just awkwardly there because you really DON'T care

i mean yeah skateboards are cool but in your opinion the skaters are just edgy teenagers who are rebellious and you don't really find any appeal in that

so one day you have to walk home and you do this thing where you always go another direction from the skaters so you can avoid them

but it's not like it's bc you hate them or anything

you just don't wanna be in the way when they SKRT SKRRTTTTT past you

so there you are walking home with your earplugs in when suddenly you hear that SKRT SKRTTTT

AND YOU'RE SHOOK BECAUSE NOW WAIT A MINUTE A SKATEBOARD'S GONNA RUN OVER ME GOSHDARNIT

and before you can move out of the way bOOM a person crashes into you from behind

and you stumble forward and scrape your knee and it's stinging really badly too

and then you hear a squeaky voice that sounds really worried and he's saying "ARE YOU OKAY" while rushing forward to examine your leg

and at first you're like "yeah i'm good" but then suddenly you get anGRY AND YOU'RE LIKE:

"WHY TF DID YOU RUN OVER ME COULDN'T YOU HAVE LIKE WARNED ME AT LEAST OR TRIED TO GET OUT OF MY WAY THIS SIDEWALK ISNT THAT NARROW"

and the boy which you now take time to look at eyes just widen a little

his hair is brunette and he has messy bangs that fall a little bit over his eyes

he's wearing this red snapback, earbuds are dangling from his pockets, and he's wearing a lot of wristbands

and then you realize huh this boy is actually really cutee!! wait no hes not lol-what am i saying

and he's lowkey scared but then he turns anGRY too and he's like

"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE WALKING SMACK IN THE MIDDLE SO I WOULDNT HAVE CRASHED INTO YOU"

"SO THIS IS MY FAULT?"

"I MEAN, YEAH"

"WHAT, HOW IS IT-"

then you two start bickering over whose fault it was for a solid two minutes before you look down at your phone and realize that you should've been home by now

so you're like oH SHIT we'll continue this argument another day then you usain bolt down the road

the next day, you're at lunch with your friends and you're eating your lunch and socializing

when suddenly a band-aid falls in front of you and when you look up it's tHE SAME BOY FRMO YESTERDAY

and YOUR FRIENDS JUST KINDA LOOK AT HIM THEN LOOK AT YOU THEN LOOK AT HIM 

AND THEYRE IN SHOCK BC WHATS A SKATER BOI DOING HERE

you notice that he's wearing a different outfit this time: backwards snapback and a green hoodie (still with those tangled earbuds though)

and his skateboard is still hanging loosely in his arms

so you give him the stinkeye and you're like "why are you here"

and i guess he wasn't expecting that response because he chokes on his words before coming up with "i got you a band-aid since you scraped your knee"

and you just scoff at him and show him your already bandaged knee

and he's like :O and he reaches his hand to take it back but you're like "no it's okay i'll just save it for the next time you crash into me"

the boy is obviously shocked but then he just laughs and says, "can't wait"

then he leaves not before winking at you and then you turn back to your table and your friends are ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) why didn't you tell us about this

so school ends and you're walking home alone AGAIN unfortunately

but this time sanha is lingering at the school gates while tossing his skateboard in his hand from boredom

then he looks up and sees you and he's like "oh (Y/N) wait up!" and he runs over to you

and you're just like ??¿?¿¿ how do you know my name

regardless, you allow him to walk with you anyways because it's lonely walking alone

and that's how you learn his name which is sanha

you and sanha chat about random shenanigans and argue over small things

"it's better hearing the bad news before the good news because when you hear the good news it'll lift your spirits and make you forget about the bad news and compensate for it"

"but that's false hope and expectation. it's better to hear the good news and THEN hear the bad news so you don't delude yourself into happiness"

and so this becomes a habit now; he would wait for you at the school gates and you two would walk together to your house. he'd watch you go in and skate away.

it becomes such a casual routine now and you actually quite enjoy it

one day you ask sanha why he doesn't hangout with his skater friends after school anymore 

and he just casually says "eh they're no fun compared to you."

and your heart flutters a little bit at his words even though he probably didn't really mean it romantically

as time progresses you find your heartbeat accelerating each time you see him and you would become unusually shy around him

but you being a stubborn cookie, you would never admit to having a crush on sanha although all of your friends know it too well

all of your friends think you guys are dating because you're always seen wearing his snapbacks and hoodies and sharing earbuds in the hallways

plus you two would often hangout during lunch together and sneak off into the back of the school and just listen to music together

and all these little actions he does such as pushing a strand of hair behind your ear or teaching you how to ride a skateboard makes your heart go sssKKKKRRRAAAA 

then on one fateful day as you two are sitting together during lunch sanha suddenly offers to visit the skate park together

and you're like sure! and then he says "ok let's go now" and you're like ب_ب wdym

"let's go to the skate park right now!" he says really cheerfully which is different from his usual chill and calm mood

but YOU'RE LIKE AIWHOADIFH DITCHING SCHOOL ?????

and at first you hit him playfully and scold him for even thinking about skipping school especially since his grades have been doing so well lately

and sanha feels down that you rejected him but then you look at his sad state and you're finally like OK WHATEVER LETS GO YOU LITTLE BRAT

and immediately sanha is (｡◕‿‿◕｡) again

using his past rebellious experinces, sanha is able to get past the locked school gates with you and your adrenaline is ruuuuuushhing because oh god what if we get caught!!!1!!

but when sanha holds your hand you calm down and you know that he'll protect you <3

once you two make it outside the gates, you both run away as fast as you can before somebody sees and by the time you reach the skate park you're both out of breath bc wow exercise amirite?

and at the skate park you two have lots of fun together (^̮^)

he holds your hands as you try to balance on the skateboard and even tho you're wobbling sanha laughs and encourages you to keep on trying

and once you can finally "ride" the skateboard he's never been so hYPED BEFORE

"yay now we can ride together!!11!!1!"

"sanha i dont have a skateboard lol"

"oh"

so when christmas comes up and sanha is waiting at the school gates you notice a pretty big present box in his hands

and you're like oh?? what's that

and guess what? it's a skateboard he bought for you and it's in a custom design of this really cool black and white sketch

and you're like in LOVE with it because it's so new and nice and pretty and you can't help yourself from hugging sanha really tightly bc wow thanks i love it omg

and you two finally skateboard together (although you occasionally trip and fall down but its ok bc sanha is always somehow there to catch you)

but you didn't forget about sanha's christmas gift!!!

you TOO got sanha a BRAND NEW SKATEBOARD since you notice that the one he uses is rlly old and is about to snap in half

but you put more thought into it by customizing his initials in it and choosing a plain design since sanha isn't into overly decorated things

and when you reveal it to sanha he almost cries because he spent all his money on your gift so he couldn't get a new skateboard but you got it instead for him

and then the next day he shows you that he carved your name onto the skateboard and you blush so hard and at this point your heart is soARRRING FLYINGGG

so in return you put the band-aid he gave you at lunch a long time ago onto the skateboard and he’s like bursting into laughter at the memory and he’s like obsessed with it

and obviously you can't hold your feelings in because you truly love sanha as a friend and as a partner

so one night at the skate park it's completely vacant and the sun is setting with pink clouds looming in the air

and you and sanha are laying down besides eachother in those big bowls used to do cool skateboard tricks while staring at the sky

and like always, you two are sharing earbuds and are listening to chill lofi hiphop music

until suddenly you turn around to face his face as he gets lost in the view above you guys

and you can see his eyes glowing like he's in a dream and you realize the beauty of love and how beautiful sanha is 

and then he looks at you and just smirks "what are you staring at?

"you." you bluntly reply

sanha just chuckles and stares back at you, forgetting about the sky

"are you just now realizing how sexy i am?" sanha teases playfully

you scoff but can't help to smile yourself

then out of the blue you lean forward and peck him on his cheek quickly

aND SANHA fREEZES because WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!1??

then you confess "i love you" before you can regret it

so he wraps his arms around you and pulls you tighter to him until your face is nuzzled in his hoodie

"i love you too."

“my knee still hurts tho i wont forgive you for that”

“you really know how to ruin the mood”

#astro #astro scenarios #astro imagines #kpop #mj #jinjin #eunwoo #moonbin #rocky #sanha #sanha fluff #sanha fanfictions

[1000-directions]

i almost forgot that @heartdevouring tagged me in a thing!! which is sad because i was so excited to get tagged <3

RULES : ANSWER all questions, ADD one question of your own and then TAG as many people as there are questions whoever i want cause i don’t even know 50 people on tumblr :)

i’m gonna tag at the top, because this is long. tagging people makes me so nervous, thanks anxiety!! feel free to ignore altogether. @akai-coat @bigbrotherlouis @jiksax @busy-nothings @alligatornyc @magicalrocketships @rickshawala @flora-flauna @gretawhy

live session or studio session? this is off to a bad start because i legitimately don’t understand what this question is asking! like a live recording or a studio recording of a song? i only enjoy live recordings like...while i’m there listening to it. i hate watching concert videos on youtube or whatever, and i never take photos or video at shows. i’ve been to around 80 live shows for various artists, so i love me some live music, but i still prefer to listen to the meticulously mixed and balanced music that comes from a studio session. IF THAT’S EVEN WHAT THIS IS ASKING?

coke or pepsi? i can’t drink soda because it hurts my mouth, and i don’t like fluids that much in general :( :( on the one hand, i’ve never even tasted pepsi? but i had coke exactly once and i hated it. so, neither.

disney or dreamworks? i guess disney but in a super casual “maybe i’ll watch ‘cinderella’ one more time someday” way and not like “i wanna get married at disney AND go there for my honeymoon AND go back every single year and never visit anywhere else ever disney disney disney” way.

coffee or tea? i love them both so much in so many varieties. if i had to choose, i would choose coffee, but i wouldn’t turn down either. i’ve been drinking a lot of taro milk tea lately and it’s fucking amazing.

books or movies? lol i’m one of those jerks who’s like “i’m too busy to read a book!!!!!!!!” but i have no problem getting through a 100k fic in one weekend. okay actually, i feel like these days i don’t super love books OR movies, i just love fanfic and tv shows, and that’s because both of them give you sooooooo much backstory and characterization, and you get to spend so much time living with them in a way you don’t get from a movie. that being said, when i was a kid i used to stay up reading in the bathroom with a flashlight until 3am like every night. i am a lapsed book lover.

windows or mac? mac

dc or marvel? ugh i love the old campy batman show, it was an important part of my childhood and my weird relationship with my father. and i LOVED “lois and clark: the new adventures of superman.” so i love that sort of nostalgia feeling i get from dc. actually you know what, i was gonna hedge and say dc for old stuff and marvel for new stuff, but i’m going dc regardless, because i’m not super into all the new marvel properties anyway. dc, final answer. batgirl could get it.

xbox or playstation? the last game system i played was a super nintendo, but i was always more of a sega genesis gal tbh

night owl or early riser? because of my schedule and my shitty decision-making, it ends up being both. i sleep like four hours each night :/

cards or chess? i’ll go cards, but i am probably garbage at both

chocolate or vanilla? like, you can’t ruin anything by adding a really beautiful freshly scraped vanilla bean to it, whereas there is a lot of extremely shitty chocolate in the world. or, i guess mostly in america, we’re pretty shit at chocolate :(

vans or converse? converse. i have like seven pairs of chucks right now, though most of them are falling apart.

star wars or star trek? star trek: the next generation. omg it’s on netflix??? i’m gonna marathon the hell out of that 🙃

one episode per week or marathoning? MARATHON. my attention span is too short to keep up with something i only see once a week.

gandalf or obi-wan? i literally don’t care at all

heroes or villains? i don’t know, just be nice?

john williams or hans zimmer? i have no opinion about this

disneyland/disney world or six flags? i kind of hate all theme parks, but i really especially hate disney theme parks because i think it’s a huge scam. it’s expensive as shit, and there’s this creepy mythology around it where we brainwash kids into wanting to go there before they even understand wtf it is, and you’re not a good parent if you don’t take your kids there, and it’s EXPENSIVE AS SHIT, and you wait in lines for ten million hours, unless you hire a kid in a wheelchair to pretend to be your kid so you can cut lines (this is a real thing, people are fucking monsters). it’s just extremely unappealing to me, but the corporation seems to be doing okay without my support. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

forest or sea? i like hiking and i don’t like swimming, so let’s go forest. however, i love birds, but i REALLY love fucking weird deep sea creatures, so this is tough. i don’t wanna go for a swim or anything, but i would get in some kind of boat and look at weird fucking rays and anemonefish and shit like that.

flying or reading minds? when i was a kid, i legitimately thought people could read my mind, and it was The Worst, so let’s go with flying. so i can hang out with birds :)

twin peaks or northern exposure? never seen northern exposure, so twin peaks

harry potter or lord of the rings? i really liked the lotr books and really did not care about the lotr movies. i am not super passionate about harry potter books or movies, but i fucking love one direction harry potter AUs, so let’s go potter. i found out today that my patronus is a chow dog.

cake or pie? both both both but if i have to choose i would pick pie but also both both both

you are banished to a desert island, which benedict cumberbatch character would you choose to take with you? THIS IS MY FAVORITE QUESTION IN THE WHOLE THING. BECAUSE. THIS MEANS I GET TO BE ON AN ISLAND WITH VICTORIAN SCIENTIST JOSEPH FUCKING HOOKER. DARWIN’S BEST FRIEND!!!!!!! he could teach me about plants, and then we could gossip about darwin and huxley!!!!! omg i want it so bad

train or cruise ship? i would rather drive, but i guess a train is fine.

brian cox or neil degrasse-tyson?  neil. he can be Too Much, but i like that he’s actively trying to defend science in a mainstream, accessible way.

wizard of oz or alice in wonderland? i’ve never made it all the way through wizard of oz because i was too scared of the flying monkeys :(

fanfiction or fanart? i am more into fic personally but good on you for creating something whatever it is <3

the hunger games - books or movies? books

be able to see the future or travel into the past? fuck the future, i wanna hang out with dinosaurs and/or victorian scientists

han solo or luke skywalker? yeah i don’t care. princess leia.

lilacs or sunflowers? omg don’t get me started on plants, i love em!!! turning sunlight into food, little legends :’)

spring or autumn? spring is good but it only lasts for about 14 seconds around here. we pretty much go from “ahhhhh it’s too cold!!!” straight into “ahhhhh it’s too hot!!!!”

campfire or fireplace? campfire 🔥🔥

french fries or onion rings? fries

truth or dare? truth. i’m pretty open about most things, but i ain’t doing shit and you can’t make me :) :)

winter or summer? i kinda hate them both. summer is too hot for me. but in winter, you have snow, which is the worst. and then you bundle up to go outside but when you get inside the heat is BLASTING and you’re overdressed for it, so winter ends up being too hot for me, too :( i’m always too hot :( :(

vampires or werewolves? vampire tv shows, werewolf one direction aus

red or blue? GREEN

eyes or lips? idk i mean they both serve an important purpose, i’d like to keep both

burgers or sandwiches? i don’t eat meat so let’s go sandwiches

friends-to-lovers or enemies-to-lovers trope? i guess friends to lovers but as long as louis is loved and cherished and gets everything he wants then i don’t care how it started

pizza or pasta? eating pasta right now :)

ancient rome or ancient greece? omg don’t make me choose. classical languages and civilizations and mythology, my first ever academic passion <3 guess who’s read the odyssey in three languages THIS GUY (guess who doesn’t remember any language except for english anymore, also this guy)

foxes or wolves? FOXES!! fennec foxes!! darwin’s foxes!! arctic foxes!! all the lil foxes 

mermaids or dragons? MERMAIDS. EXTREMELY MERMAIDS. the only reason i even started liking louis tomlinson is because i read a fic where he was a mermaid, but that’s a story for another day.

sci-fi or fantasy? ahhhhh don’t make me choose. gimme all the dystopian societies

watch a film in theaters or at home? going to the theater sounds exhausting, i’m good right here

fireproof or no more sad songs? fireproof, on account of louis tomlinson rolling and rolling until he changes his luck, which is basically my mantra

bands or individual singers? individual singers within bands

sweet or salty? if i only get one, i’ll choose salty, but i want both. both together!! salted caramel!!! cheese and caramel popcorn mixed in a bag together!! chocolate covered pretzels!!!!

monotype corsiva or comic sans? both of these make me itchy. BUT. i’m gonna go with the dreaded comic sans BUT ONLY BECAUSE i read a thing once that people with dyslexia have an easier time reading it, and i’m on board with it from an accessibility standpoint ONLY.

my question: turtles or frogs? i know this is tough because they are both so awesome <3

#i got tagged for a thing!! #story of my life

[ningyoumonogatari]

“Suppose to be 30 days bjd question thing but I just answer them all in a day, just cuz I can and there’s nothing you can do to stop me .w.” - by Skull.B

“Suppose to be 30 days bjd question thing but I just answer them all in a day, just cuz I can and there’s nothing you can do to stop me .w.” - by Skull.B

1) Why do you like BJDs? Cuz... well why not, they are beautiful, smooth and cuddly (well most of them that is) To be real honest, I don’t actually know, I just like them. It’s like asking why is chocolate your favorite food, and you can’t explain it other than “Cuz it’s delicious” Weird thing that so many horror movies are based on dolls, and just scare the shit out of other peeps, while I just look at my doll and ask “hey bruh you gonna kill me someday?” and my doll be looking back at me like “More b*llshit from you and I just might” -__-)a’’

2) Do you own any? If so how many and if not, do you have any plans to at the moment? I own one.... if the seamless phicen doll count then I have two. Am planning to make some smaller BJDs base on my OC Xin and Oku. Also hope to get a baby sis for my Rain (first bjd)... or not, cuz they are just too expensive OTL

3) Post a picture of all your dolls! Too lazy to post. Plus I don’t know how to. Just know that he has the most beautiful smile in history of BJD HAHA. 4) What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?) Rain is my first BJD, got him from Dream of Doll, and of course I still own him. I didn’t have any “planned” doll, they were just too expensive for me to even dream of owning one... but then I saw Rain and he is just askjfhalksdjfhlak and hence, he is now here haha.

5) What/who was the very first BJD you saw? Dream of Doll’s.... I think it’s Ducan? I forgot actually. The first time I enter the world of BJD was like 11 years ago, when RenLi casually showed me the pic of one of the dolls..... It’s like one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, probably. And then I returned home and google for Dream of Doll and just saved all of the photos just cuz. 

6) Biggest size you own? (Have held/seen/like) 60+cm height, my one and only Rain. Never seen any other bigger size bjd, it’s not like a lot of people around me own any BJD. (sad)

7) Smallest size you own? (Have held/seen/like) I only have one.... unless that Phicen seamless doll count, then it’ll be Chris with 30cm height. If that doesn’t count, then it’ll be RenLi’s Shorty Koi, 45cm height.

8) What is your favourite size? I only have Rain.... but well I’d prefer smaller ones, cuz it’s heavier than I expected. Preferably.... like say 30 cm or less.

9) What is your least favourite size? HUGE for no special reason. But I think I’d like to see a life-sized bjd.....

10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal! As I said, too lazy and I don’t know how. Just use your imaginations lol (Or maybe later when I have more time and less tired)

12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general? Other than RenLi.... most of them just think it’s beautiful and expensive. Some think it’s scary, thanks to them horror movies and horror stories. This one time I showed Rain to my cousin... and when I took him out, his head twitched a bit without me moving it wwwwww scared the shit out of my cousin pffffthahahahaha

13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have! NONE. TT____TT Plan to make one but I either forgot or am too busy.

14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?) I have a floating head .w. It was an extra when I bought Rain.

15) What do your family think of your dolls? Expensive and a waste. Creepy and ominous.

16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~) LOL NO wwwwww

17) What is your favourite item of dollie clothing? I honestly don’t know, it’s not like I have a lot of them. I only have a set of clothing, that’s good enough for me, I’m not good at making clothes and stuff (swt). I did bought a bunny ears and a fluffy tail, those aren’t sorta “my faves” tho. I like his hat that is, ahhh so cute wwwwww

18) Do you have a favourite company? Dream of Doll, first and only. Recently quite into Fairyland tho, they have nice mechanics with their dolls.

19) A least favourite company? Well none of them ever offended me so I have none.

20) What is your dream doll? One that is custom made to resemble my OC, which I am recently working on it haha. A small-ish probably less than 30 cm, female body with change-able bottom parts!!! That is!! My!!! Goal!! Sort of.

21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy? That Centaur’s doll from fairyland. Before was some of DoD’s doll. Actually, probably all dolls cuz they are just too expensive for me to get anymore.

22) What’s your favourite doll scale prop? I don’t know, cuz I have none.

23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike? When people just kept saying your doll’s gonna curse you and some stupid shit like that.

24) What about your favourite part of the hobby? Posing and taking pictures, searching for some suitable parts (and dwell in depression as you can’t afford them)

25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?) Nope, but I think I would if I want to.

26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?) A testing one on my test-made doll face, failed but I’ll probably do it again .w. Rain: “And before you can do a proper faceup, don’t even think of touching my face....”

27) Do you have a favourite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D) Again, I only have one (or two while the other one doesn’t quite count), so RAIN TAKES THE MEDAL!!  Rain:”Well of course.”

28) Post a crazy/silly pose! NO .w.)p BITE ME.

29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world! This is endless. I’ll probably make another post when I am less tired and shitty, but not today. -w-)a’’

30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future? Well I had one ( I think) with Ren way back when, with her doll Koichi, it’s nice and we’re probably gonna have more. Maybe.

And again, that’s it haha. As said in 29, I might make another post for pictures and all, but I just don’t have any and it’s almost 1am midnight hence I am tired enough haha.

Praise those who are able to finish reading this thing tho.

[irldumbass-blog]

</3

I’m going to talk about my heartbreak in as full detail as I can. 

I have been in 3 relationships, they have all come to an end which is never easy. That person becomes a part of your routine and its so sad to think about them not in your life anymore, whether you are breaking up with them or they are breaking up with you. I’ve had those feelings every time I’ve had a relationship come to an end. Although those feelings are very strong I haven’t had my heart broken until this year around mid February. 

My ex boyfriend Alan and I broke up within the first few days of October. He broke up with me, I didn’t take it very hard because I was going to end it anyways but I’m horrible at breaking up with people so I didn’t know when was the right time. Anyways we broke up and I was totally fine. The next day at work my coworker is talking to me about the break up and these two Australian boys come in, one was this tall dark haired boy with the same colouring as me, the other one was a little shorter and not as cute but he had long hair. Me being the way I am I only pay attention to the shorter guy because he has long hair and my eyes completely gravitate towards it (it makes me sooooo weak). I’m just working and walking around the store and long haired guy and I’s eyes are following each other. I have tons of cute guys who come into my work weekly, I don’t know what it was about him but I actually could not stop looking at him. They eventually left, but I was just thinking, damn, I hope he comes in again.

About a week later I match with this guy named Cieren on Tinder who messages me about red bull and how it isn’t good for me. I was giving him a bit of attitude because red bull is my life and he looked cute in some photos, really bad in others. At some point in the conversation I told him I work at a costume store and he told me he was in a week ago and completely recognizes me. I put two and two together and realized that it was the guy I kept staring at, I actually could not believe it. We texted for about a month and then decided to meet up one night when he was done work and I was coming home from a party. We met up around 1:30-2am (lol) and sat at Trinity Bellwoods for a couple hours just talking about everything. The more I looked at him the more I realized how cute he actually is. He has kind of a weird face but I liked it in a way? It just worked. I don’t know. He has light brown hair that goes past the shoulders, green eyes, small nose, small face if I’m being honest, about 6ft tall and pretty lanky. His teeth weren’t perfect and his smile was semi crooked but I kind of liked it. We walked to McDonalds so we can be somewhere inside and this homeless man used his money to buy us coffee and muffins because we “looked like a beautiful young couple”. McDonalds closed so we moved to Tim Hortons across the street and talked until 7am. He was going to Berlin that weekend but he asked if I wanted to hang out when he got back. I was really enjoying my time with him so I said yeah. We cabbed back to our own houses  together and my stop was first. We both got out of the cab and we hugged and said our goodbyes but then I kissed him. And then kissed him again. I literally never kiss a guy first on the first date because it makes me anxious as hell but I don’t know what it was, I went home with the biggest smile on my face. 

The first thing I did when i got home was look him up on Facebook so I can show my friends. I look up his full name, hes the first person who pops up and it says “in a relationship with Issy H”. I was like ...oookaayy....maybe this is old and hasn’t changed it......or hes being really sketchy what the hell is happening... He was off to Berlin anyways so I decided I’d wait until he brought it up, or I would just bring it up in person to him. 

He came back from Berlin and I met up with him around Trinity Bellwoods, he bought me German cigarettes which was very thoughtful of him. First thing I asked him was who he went to Berlin with. He stopped walking and was like “I have to tell you something, I’m in an open relationship. I understand if you don’t want to hang out and I’m really sorry for not telling you earlier but I had such a good time hanging out with you and I didn’t want to ruin it.” I didn’t really know how to react, but I thought, well okay thats fine, we’ll just have a NSA thing going on. We went out for drinks before he had to leave for work, and he told me he wanted to take me out on a date. I was so confused because he just told me he was in a relationship and now he wants to take me on a date? I thought we were just going to go for drinks from here on out and then go back to my place and hook up. I’ve never hung out with a guy in an open relationship so I didn’t really know how to act so I agreed to go on dates with him. One day my work had a Christmas party and he asked me if I would go to his works Christmas party with him, I was so confused (again) because like, why aren’t you bringing your girlfriend Issy? I said no but he asked if he could see me that night so he came over and we just talked and kissed till about 5am. I told him about my darkest shit, things I do not tell strangers, like when I was in a very sexually abusive relationship when I was 14/15. I don’t know why I would tell him that but I felt very comfortable and close with him even though I only knew him for a month. He told me that his girlfriend was very jealous of me hanging out with him as much as I do. I felt really bad but I also really wanted to continue hanging out with him and he wanted to continue hanging out with me, after all he was the one in the relationship and could have took it on himself to stop seeing me. There was one instance where he met me at work and I had to meet up with Summer to go to a show with her, so we walked around the Eaton Centre and he told me he lied to Issy and said he was at work instead of hanging out with me. Thats when I started to feel really weird about the situation I was in, because I liked this guy but he has a girlfriend and I was kept a secret. I don’t know it was weird. 

We went to my friend Trevor’s birthday drag show two days before Christmas with my friends Connor and Alex. They really liked him and I was so happy but also so conflicted because of the situation with the girlfriend. I was house sitting my friend Jens apartment, so him and I went back there and we talked all night. He told me hes never felt so connected with someone this strongly in his entire life and I felt the same way even though it was such a short period of time knowing him. I felt so guilty and sick because hes telling me this while his girlfriend is only a couple km away. We cuddled on the couch and made out but he was too anxious to have sex which was totally okay and understandable. We stayed up until 8am and I walked to work. I was completely drained from lack of sleep and the intensity of the conversation. I thought about it all day, so later that day I texted him and told him I will continue hanging out with him but I can’t go any further but friends with him until he figures out his situation with Issy. He told me he understood and he apologized. I hung out with him 2 days later.

Issy started to get jealous to the point where she would attack me. Looking back, I don’t even know why he would tell me any of this because it would obviously just make me uncomfortable and hurt my feelings. She would say things like, “Why do you hang out with her? She looks so fake like she wears all this makeup and wears fake nails” etc. It hurt because I don’t see a problem with the way I look and I never attacked this girls looks to Cieren. I would consider myself a genuinely kind person and for this girl to attack me really bothered me. I met Cieren’s friend Dermott and that did not help the case because apparently when he saw Issy he was talking to her about how good looking and nice I am. Looking back at it I understand why she hated me; I was spending time with her boyfriend. At the same time though, they are in an open relationship. It should not matter. It got to the point where she would read our text conversations, creep me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It was a lot for me to handle and I didn’t ask to be put in this messy situation. I should have gotten out of it sooner than later but I really liked him. I started to hate her and would want to hang out with him more out of spite which is pretty evil of me looking back. I liked him so much and I didn’t want to not see him. One night we were at Panamar and he told me he has a really big crush on me. Honestly everything felt perfect with him but in reality nothing was perfect. He told me Issy and him weren’t together anymore and they were breaking up for good once they were back in Australia. He said they weren’t together but he kept switching answers and she would post photos of him/them hanging out still. It was all super confusing to me because i never got a straight answer from him. 

One day we went out for dinner and drinks, I ended up back at his place because Issy was in NYC for a couple days. He gave me head in the bed they sleep in together every night and I didn’t even do anything to him. I felt super uncomfortable to be in his house because he lived with quite a lot of roommates and they obviously know I am the -other- girl. We went out for brunch the next day and Issy called him, told him she knew what happened. He felt so sick he couldn’t even eat. I felt really guilty but at the same time, he told me they weren’t together anymore and even if they were, they are in an open relationship. We hung out all day and he asked me if I was seeing anyone else other than him, and I was. I was also casually seeing a boy named Colt and Cieren got so upset and jealous. I told him I liked him more than Colt, which was true. I shouldn’t have told him that though because he didn’t even deserve to be hearing that. I wish I liked Colt more than I liked Cieren because he probably wouldn’t have put me through all this emotional labour to hang out with him. 

One night Cieren and I went out for dinner and he asked me what would happen with us if he came back to Toronto. Because he had a crush on me, I was comfortable to tell him that I would date him. He didn’t really say anything back so I went to the washroom and had a giant anxiety attack because I didn’t really know what else to do... Like why would you ask me that? He knew the answer he just wanted me to say it out loud. I couldn’t really talk afterwards, it wasn’t even because I was mad at him or trying to give him the silent treatment, I just really didn’t know what to say. I smoked like 3 cigarettes because I was so overwhelmed by my own feelings. We took the streetcar back to the west end and he started crying when we got off. I walked up to college and we sat in an A&W and kind of just broke down. He was crying saying he likes me so much and doesn’t know what to do because hes going back to Australia in less than a month. I didn’t really know what to say and thats when it kind of clicked in with me that he was leaving. We talked it out and we both agreed we have really strong feelings for each other and I went home. He came to my work on my break the next day to buy me a coffee and apologize to me about last night. We just continued on. 

The week he was leaving I drew him this beautiful card and wrote the most heartfelt shit. The last guy I made art for was Alan back around Christmas time last year. I saw him the night before he left, he met me at work and we went to Java House and got really drunk on cheap beer. We made out in the bathroom downstairs and were super PDA in the booth we were sitting at. We Ubered back to mine and he just sat on my couch and started bawling. I brought him into my room and I gave him the card. He read it and just hugged me and went on top of me completely sobbing. We just cried and told each other how much we like each other. Its like a break up that we didn’t want to happen but it was pretty much forced. We took pictures together and we were all red in the face from sobbing, he needed to go because his roommates were having a goodbye drink night for them so I walked him to the lobby and we just bawled and held each other. We kissed like 20 times and then he left. I bawled my eyes out for the next half hour, he texted me saying “I have so much love for you”. The next morning he texted me before he left, saying they drove past my apartment building when they were in the taxi and he was so upset. He messaged me at the airport and in between flights every chance he got. Him and Issy were at the airport together but apparently they barely talked. 

When he got back to Australia, we would call each other for 3 and a half hours just talking about anything and catching up. He’d tell me he misses me and has even stronger feelings now that he has left and was planning on coming back so we could see each other again. Because he was gone, I was back on Tinder. You obviously get some pretty bad messages from men on that site, there was a couple times that I’d tweet that men are shitty. Cieren took it so personally and told me that women can be even shittier, defending men and doing that annoying “not all men” shit. He all of a sudden verbally attacked me and called me ignorant, immature, rude, told me my opinions are stupid, etc. Even though he was being so hurtful to me I still wanted to talk it out with him because I liked him so much. He stopped messaging me, completely ignoring all of my messages. I was so hurt. I check Instagram and he is fully hanging out with Issy, even though he told me they weren’t together and were for sure ending things when they went back to Australia. Directed at him this time, I tweeted that men suck and my friend alex replied “-australian accent- not ALL men-” and I laughed because Cieren and I weren’t talking anymore and he kind of screwed me over. Cieren messaged me all of a sudden freaking out at me telling me i’m cyberbullying (lol) him. Sure I may have not laughed at what Alex said, but at the time it was completely justifiable. After all, he stopped talking to me and said really rude things to me questioning my intelligence. For some FUCKED up reason I sent him a huge apology even though I really shouldn’t have. He didn’t even respond to it. 

I was so fucked up over him for months. I would cry and question what I did wrong, but I realize now I really couldn’t have done anything. I should have just ended it when he told me he was in an open relationship. Instead, I went through the most emotionally draining experience of my life all for a guy who was rude to me and could never take accountability for his actions. He messaged me recently telling me that he hopes I’m doing well, he still thinks about me every day and he misses our time together. Then he continues to tell me that I am insane. He is insanely passive aggressive and doesn’t even realize it. He never apologizes for anything, even after everything he put me through those couple months he lived in Toronto. I got absolutely no apology about anything because he doesn’t even realize how much he broke my heart. This was the first time I’ve been so crazy about someone and it ended so horribly. He turned out to be a completely different person than I thought he was. I’m sure he is still with Issy, I used to hate her but I just feel bad for her at this point. She obviously really loves this guy and hes messaging this girl from Toronto telling her he thinks about me every day. He treated me so unfairly and so horribly and I don’t think I can ever forgive him. He completely ruined my trust, I used to have no problems with it but I have insanely strong trust issues now. It really sucks and he really hurt me but this situation has helped me grow into being a stronger person and to not settle. I deserve the world and he did not deserve someone like me. I’m doing better than I was a couple months ago, I have deleted him off of social media so this chapter of my life has officially closed, which is why I’m writing this. 

Goodbye heartbreak, goodbye manipulative men, goodbye gaslighting men. 

[cheerstocrazy]

Vegas Weekend Recap

Jenny hit me up to go to Vegas bc she got left behind, but I was supposed to have an interview on Friday. It ended up getting cancelled, so I started to pack frantically. I was freaking out bc I was SO FAT and felt so rushed. We finally got on our merry way, made it to Vegas after a truly pain-inducing car ride, getting lost, not being able to find a parking garage. It sucked, but I kept my cool the entire time. We parked so far and had to walk for what felt like a mile to the hotel. When we got there, no one even opened the door bc they were all passed out from the pool party. I thought 2 of the guys were gay bc their eyebrows were done lolol. FF a bit and we all got dressed to go to Marquee. We took quite a few shots. All in all, it was a bust of a night bc I wasn’t feeling buzzed, and the girls wanted to go home. Oh well, at least I got 6 hours of sleep. I was exhausted, but I could’ve gone ham too. Drank a crap ton for the pool party the next day, but felt drunk off 6 shots bc I only have falafels in the morning!! Made it to the pool party, and Jas forgot her ID UGH. Jen and I weren’t abt to wait on her, so we grabbed our 2 free drinks and just sat and wait around. Also Jen was kinna a buzzkill bc she was sick and couldn’t drink and was sober. Anyway, pool party was fun, I didn’t even finish my drinks and was feeling so drunk. I think I danced with Knox and had to take care of him too, bc he wasn’t a functional human anymore. Saw Kevin which was kinna cool. Oliver Heldens was the DJ, and the music was really good. We got a really cool Ethiopian driver with whom I enjoyed conversing, but turns out he only did it to get a large tip, so FUCK YA, YA DOUCHE. Jenny was so done once she got home, she couldn’t get up anymore. We walked everywhere to find food, and she wasn’t feeling it/hungry at all, so she didn’t go out at night. I also matched with a Welsh dude from Tinder and I told him we were going out to Omnia. We got dressed and pregamed pretty hard. I drink too much. I ended up wearing Susy’s pretty friggin revealing black cropped/tie top with no bra, and I felt so naked, but looked hot so whatever. We had such an annoying taxi incident again after when a fucking driver kept going when we said wait, we’ll get out. We ended up running over to Omnia bc Susy’s guy was so close to the front of the line and there was so much miscommunication. That killed our vibes and my buzz so much. We were sweating, hot, and annoyed. Finally found the 3 guys, so I asked the bouncer from behind if we could go to the front to meet them. Then we go up, and this fucking LATINO BOUNCER ON A POWER TRIP tries to start something with us and telling us either the guys enter only or everyone goes back. You just cut. The guys were helping us and making up valid excuses. Then the bouncer is like you should have asked if you could cut. I was like BRUHHHH, I FUCKING ASKED THE BLACK ONE BACK THERE. JUST FUCKING HOLD UP A SECOND, ILL GET HIM PINCHE PENDEJO. Wtf, why is everyone trying to start a fight with us. NO ONE HAS GOOD VIBES!! We went in and it turns out they didn’t even have a table FUCK. We’re like well shit, we ain’t paying, so we ended up having to get the guest list pass after all, and it worked out thank god. They ditched the guys which was kinna sad, but not my problem. Anyway, we made it up 3 flights of stairs and he bought us a round of tequila shots. I downed it like a champ and didn’t cringe while the girls made the sour face. I was shocked myself. Jas and I left her bc Jas was like ok, I’m abt to show you a good time, I love Omnia. We took a lap around the tables and didn’t see anyone that looked like they were offering a spot. We made it to the bar and were like we don’t even have our IDs or cards to buy anything. I see this super slim and drunk hairy Italian eyeing Jas. She talks to him, he’s saying oh, you are so beautiful, are you from the heavens? Then I cut to the chase and say if you think she’s so beautiful, buy her a drink! He’s like sure, so I called out 3 TEQUILA SHOTS PLEASE. lmao. He was dressed super shitty, but I guess after that shot, I was feeling loose, so he started hitting on me and who am I to resist? We just danced with each other and we hooked up (fml). He’s not a bad kisser by any means, and we spent a lot of time with each other. I gave him a HJ on the dance floor, and he fingered me a little too heh. I took a couple of photos and he kept kissing me along the neck, which I really liked. I just like to be held/touched when I’m drunk, which he was doing. Also, my philosophy is you gotta find a guy to do shit with to pass the time with. Jas was with a creepy guy and wanted to go, so I was like whenever you want to peace, just lmk. We left to find Susy, and Jas swore she was on the terrace, when I was like SHE IS ON THE BOTTOM DANCE FLOOR!!! GIRL, U IS DRUNK. Anyway, we finally find her and yay happy times! Also, I think the Italian found me again, so I was like shit how??? Jas bounced bc she didn’t have a guy and wanted to get more drinks. Danced with the Italian all the while the Welsh guy is texting me asking where I am. I’m drunk, I’m dancing with a guy, and texting Welsh all at once. Idk where I was or how I got there, so it’s just a lot of back and forth (read Whatsapp, kinna funny). I had no clue where I was, only described the music. Finally, he said he was at the Hearts Club, and I looked around and was like wait I’m here too!!! I told him to wait in an obvious place, and I’d go find him. It’s 3 am. I walked to the bar and passed this guy along the rail, Idk what came over me, but when I passed the end of the rail, I turned back and shouted Tom??? He turned around, and I was so elated! I remember thinking, “Oh, he’s cute!” I think I hugged him. I’m not sure if I grabbed his hand, but we went to dance with Susy. Everything is super fuzzy here. I think we were just dancing casually when we were with Susy, and he was still holding his beer. He ended up taking me to the bar and we took a love shot together. It was by far one of hte worst shots ever. After I took it, I was gagging and screaming at the bartender can I get a lime????? Then after he saw my reaction, he gave me a cup of water and a glass of pineapple juice. SWEET ANGEL FROM HEAVEN, TYSM. You know nothing in Vegas is free, but he gave me all of that!! After this, Idk where he lead me, but I’m guessing it was the main stage. He grabbed my face to kiss me, and his lips were really similar to the Italian’s, almost same kissing style too, but he used significantly less tongue which I appreciated. The one thing abt his kissing is that he was a tease, so he pulled away after a while, when I just wanted to keep kissing. I left my phone in his shirt pocket so I could dance hands free. Idr when, but I heard Disarm You play, so I opened my eyes and looked up, and we were 10 feet away from Kaskade, which was a total moment for me!! I was having a freakout bc I love that song!! Kaskade was there!!! Wtf how???? He played Atmosphere and Eyes too, I was gonna cry!! I would turn around so we were back to front, so I could dance, but he just turned me around. Then I look at my phone and start seeing texts from an unknown number so I assumed it was Susy. She’s like where the fuck are you???? I texted her and told her to leave me. I was gonna leave with him tonight. I just needed them to open the door later. We clearly weren’t on the same schedules bc I meant open the door later as in the morning (possibly at night, idk I was drunk. Idk the time) She thought I wanted to leave immediately. She also thought I was already at the hotel, and I was like no wtf I’m still in Omnia where you left us. So I decided to regorup, I took him outside, and we found them (with other guys milking them for drinks JFC they’re good). They were so relieved haha. Jas also met him and she’s like so you’re from Wales? Do you speak Wale-ish? He said no, I speak Welsh, and she proceeded to ask him that 3x more SMFH. I think after talking, I said ok we’re gonna go use the RR. Went to use it and I just remember (all night tbh) me holding out my right hand, so he’d hold it and come with me. We come back and Susy is like NATALIE YOU NEED TO STOP DISAPPEARING LIKE THAT!! I was like what??? I told you I was gonna use the RR wtf. Anyway, we sat to the way right of them, and Idk what took over my brain, but after he sat down, I was like I’m going to sit on you, then I proceeded to wrap my arm around him. Clearly, wasn’t thinking Idk (?????) Some convo topics we had that I vaguely remember: I think I began with so you’re Welsh? He replied, How do you know that? I said well, you went to Cardiff...He’s like right. me: I know my geography, I’m not an idiot.  I asked for 2 cups of ice and was like how would you address a bartender in British? Mate?? He’s like mate or pal. I was like uhh, I would never say pal pero ok weirdo. I also was feeding him the pieces of ice, and some of them didn’t even make it in. lol Then he brought up the word randy, but Idr the context, probably talking abt himself. He’s like it means sexually aroused. I was like uh, def never heard that before.  I asked him to speak Welsh, and he’s like do you want to hear one of the hardest phrases? Sure. He said it and I couldn’t even tell where the syllables began and ended. I repeated it to him horrifically, and he just laughed. I couldn’t hear either and ofc I was drunk, so I was prolly slurring.  I asked him what his last name was (expecting a cool Welsh name): Jones. Your name is Tom Jones? You’re fucking kidding, right? That’s so classic British jfc. I couldn’t believe it. I probably laughed. He was 5′10-6′. He was muscular and fit like an American, which surprised me. He was wearing a t-shirt, Idk how he got into Omnia. He had really nice arms, which I kept feeling. He also smelled really nice, both of which I’m sure I told him. He’s super sweet, nice, relaxed, fun to be with, and supe gentlemanly. Didn’t go up my skirt at all on the dance floor. He went through my top sleeves a few times, and that’s it. I was surprised. I was like you can grab my boobs dude (in my head). It’s 5 am at this point, and everyone decides to leave. We also finally took our full length photos looking hella trashed. I grab Tom and we start walking to our hotel across the street, and I was like Tom I can’t walk anymore, can you give me a piggyback ride? He’s like ya sure, so he did, but she said your skirt’s gonna show. I was like Idc, I literally cannot walk anymore, so he tried to cover me. He would always be on the lookout behind and sideways, and whenever he saw someone he would spin so that my butt wasn’t facing them. His watch was also cutting into my left leg, so I was like ow, what is that? It’s hurting me. He put me down, took it off, then carried me again. That’s when I tried recording him, and he’s like if you record me, I’m putting you down. *hence the video. They got pizza, and I wasn’t even hungry. I was just so tired!! They all sat down to talk and we found Justin!!! Wtf!!!!! The feeling of being reunited is second to none haha! I sat next to Tom and was so tired, so I just wrapped my arm around his left and arm fell asleep on his shoulder. I really like to be held and hold people when I’m drunk -- something I’ve discovered. Susy was telling me to be careful with my top bc it was showing, but I could not care less. It was 5:35 ish at this point and I have no recollection abt getting back to the hotel, but I was still with Tom and we didn’t talk abt spending the night, but I guess it was expected. Jas was with her guy still, so I was like I guess I’m ok *shrugs* Jenny’s passed out on the bed, so I was like Jenny, go to the main bed. I told her a few times, and she was mumbling something back to me, but I didn’t hear. Then finally I was like, Jenny, there’s a guy! So she grabbed the blanket and hauled ass over there. I changed super quickly bc I was so uncomfortable and tired. I just gave him a HJ under the covers, and he was moaning so much, so I kept telling him Shhh. Sidenote: Jenny said she thought he was snoring so much, which is why I shushed him. LMAO. I also remember him adjusting the sheets and kissing me and I saw him smiling. So sweet. Anyway, after a bit of the HJ, my head met his dick, so I just gave him a BJ. It was super lite and before I saw it, I was like it doesn’t look that bad tbh. It also tasted really good and felt good too. I was trying to be so quiet, so I hardly did anything good. Then I told him to go down on me but either he was ignoring me or didn’t hear me. I asked him if he had a condom, and he didn’t. I think this is the point where I rolled over from exhaustion and bc we weren’t gonna have sex (!!! no condom!!!) Next thing I know, Im wakened up by this motion in my butthole/vagina area?? I was like is he fingering me...but it was really consistent, and I could start to feel the pressure. Then I thought omg is this anal? Then realized it was sex, and he was fucking me from behind. Then I was like but wait, he doesn’t even have a condom. It felt kinna good (idek, I was so sleepy) I was surprised he even got it in by himself. I could hear him moaning too, but I was in and out of slumber at this point. He was starting to go harder, so I could hear and feel the slaps really quickly. He repositioned himself and I think it fell out and he wasn’t getting a good angle anymore. He took it out, and I felt my vagina was a little wet, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I came or not. I don’t think he finished though. I fell asleep shortly after. Then I hear loud knocks on the door, and I was like who the fuck is that?? I was gonna open the door, looked under the blanket, and was like wtf I’m butt-naked, where are my shorts??? I just stayed under the sheets, but I also needed to pee, so I grabbed my green throw and wrapped it around me. I found my shorts and undies on the floor so I grabbed it and went into the RR right as Knox was leaving. He’s like, so who is that guy?? Why is his dick so small?? *makes the hook gesture with index finger* Can’t believe you settled for that, Natalie. Kept talking to me, ALL IN FRONT OF TOM (I just realized this rn, omg I’m mortified lololol) I was so embarassed bc he was not the first I wanted to talk to abt this, and I just met him a day ago. It was like a brother scolding sister talk. So funny but so awkward. I was putting on my undies and struggling so much. Tom was super cuddly. When I was cuddling him, he had one arm underneath me, and the other was one was holding my hand (not wrapped around him) on his chest. I remember being super tired, but liked the sensation of his hand and wanted to see if we were actually holding hands, so I moved it a bit. Whenever I turned around, he would always turn with me and cuddle me. He would slip his arm under my right arm and into my shirt. He just really liked the touch of skin. I also remember telling Knox to close the blinds, and he’s like OMG THERE ARE BUTTONS?? smfh. Anyway with the darkness, I think I gave him another HJ, but he didn’t finish. We fell back asleep.He tapped me ever so softly on my shoulder, and he said he was gonna go. I got up too and couldn’t find my sandals, so I went barefoot. He grabbed his shoes and we both left barefoot. He thought I was gonna leave him at the door, but I walked him all the way to the elevator. I asked him for the time while we were walking, but his phone was dead. When he left, Idk how he felt, but he grabbed my face to give me a peck. I am not a one peck girl, so I went back to kiss him twice more.  When everyone woke up in the morn, they were like NATALIE, WHAT HAPPENED GIRL????? Knox asked me for more details in the morn, and when I told him, he fist pounded me and said I like you!  It took me all morning to piece together what happened and looking through time stamps of convos bc I hardly remember anything. I don’t think I browned out, but I def don’t have full recollection. FML I didn’t mean/expect the night to turn out like this!! Omg, I’m a nice and normal person!! Also, I slept only 80 minutes that morning and I was suicidal all Sunday and I’m still freaking recovering from it. That was wild and ugh too much for my body to handle. 

[trishgibsontx]

yesterday my therapist and I figured out what my “problem” is. and here it is —

photo by Nelson N. Castillo

maybe I’m not like most people. maybe I’m not like a LOT of people. maybe I’m like no people. I don’t know. but since I was small, I forever wanted to know how I could be better. fixed. “normal”. I wanted to know how I could be a better person. I wanted, mostly, to know what was wrong with ME, because then maybe, just maybe, I could fix my surroundings. I know. heartbreaking. it brings tears up just writing this. but this is real. it’s how I spent my entire life. it is a lens that I still look through, and I fortunately now have other lenses for reference.

when I was in my 20s, I attended many alanon meetings. I remember one time, the group leader at the meeting was speaking about what HER addiction was. and I kept thinking, “what is mine?”. I had been to therapy (with seriously, some really defunct people, and a couple of good ones throughout that decade of my life) and they had asked me repeatedly “but what did you DO with all of that pain? what did you DO with that trauma?”. the looked desperately for a diagnosis for me and could never find one. I was never a cutter. I never had eating issues or body image disorder. I didn’t vomit or starve myself. I didn’t use drugs and I was not alcoholic. I did not sleep around. I had no personality disorder (though I desperately wanted one! because then I wouldn’t have to accept my reality and the others in it! because then I could actually FIX something!). as I sat in this one alanon meeting, I felt like a failure for not being able — once again as I felt all throughout my early years on this planet — to pinpoint my “problem”. I didn’t know what it was and it felt horrible. because if I could just have a diagnosis, or a tangible label, maybe I could work toward fixing stuff. but what stuff was I fixing? I remember leaving that alanon meeting and realizing what my addiction was…bending, breaking, doing all kinds of headstands that I could to fit what others wanted me to be. I unconsciously chose broken and sick people in my relationships so that I could prove I was broken. being around their brokenness was familiar territory, and it put me back into the old comfort zone of what my ego knew best: having my light dimmed, or dimming it enough to be broken enough to match another person. I was addicted to being less than, and then working out these issues in my intimate/romantic relationships. because I never chose a situation that was on par with my being. I didn’t know how. I was trained so beneath my actual value that I would go and match it in the real world, and then try to break myself further when it didn’t “work” – because obviously it didn’t match me on a core level. I was addicted to having something wrong with me. the problem was, that that was just the problem. and so I could not find a “real” problem. which perpetuated the problem.

at the end of my 20s, I decided to take a good, long break from relationships. I was always better on my own anyhow. I could go a year or two without dating, even celibate, with no issue. in fact, the longer I was alone and not entangled in an unbalanced romantic “partnership”, I the higher I would begin to fly. until the pitfalls of my early life and training sucked me back into a paradigm that had nothing to do with me. and so I would repeat it again — to prove that I was damaged. so I spent a LOT of time alone. of course I saw all of my peers dating and sleeping around, and I wondered what was wrong with me sometimes, because it just wasn’t me. this time alone however, without the burden of someone else’s unsolved, unattended to, and honestly eternally unsolvable issues, was EVERYTHING. my life became stable. interesting…I removed the common denominator to the pitfalls of my life and being, and I was thriving again…

I saw a few more therapists. the one I liked the most at that time was murdered in her office one day. it was tragic. she was classy, supportive of me, and probably the second therapist since my move from out-of-state years prior, to tell me that I was not crazy: I was around crazy people. the PROBLEM was, I still didn’t believe that (the part about me being normal). I kept trying to prove that there was something wrong with me. and I unconsciously chose the worst people and situations to validate that. it was an old comfort zone, the only zone I ever knew. so, how could my mind or ego adrenaline even get itself around the fact that maybe there was another truth that I just could not connect to in the outer world? after all, somewhere, deep down, I did believe that therapist, and that is how I ended/escaped every relationship I ever had. I only saw my then-therapist 3 times before she was murdered. but sometimes, there are people who say something to us, and it just clicks. the source of the info is so important. she saw my truth. she clicked for me. but I still, myself, was not convinced on an unconscious or even fully conscious level…

as I entered my 30s, I still chose really bad people to be around. when I say “bad”, I mean those with bad intentions. users, social climbers, sociopaths even. of course I would realize who they were once situations went awry. I was not dating these kinds of people. I had ended serious and even casual dating in my 20s! so it began to show up in my day-to-day life as I began to build other things/businesses for myself. unconsciously, there I was, choosing some of the very worst people: so that I could prove that I had caused it. that I was responsible for their bad behavior. that I was the one who was unbalanced, not them. I basically unconsciously looked for any asshole I could find, and these assholes were absolutely fully unconscious as there was not a shred of self-reflection in their field, and I tried to help them or do them favors. things like getting them jobs, bringing them onto projects I was part of, joining projects they were doing, and so forth. even co-workers on little projects or a crappy retail job that I had. I kept attracting all of these users losers and plain clothed assholes. I resigned to the fact that again, it must just be me. if I kept attracting this, what did that say about me? again, I looked for my dysfunction. I went therapist hopping again. I found one out-of-state and she was really nice. but not nearly strong enough for me. she did not have the depth of insight that I needed. I felt perpetually lost and decided that I am just not a likeable person.

now, it’s not like I didn’t have friends and acquaintances during all of the above time. I had tons. too many, in fact. and, both at those times and in retrospect, of course I did: all I did was give. endlessly. like blood bleeding from a stone. of course people loved to be around me. I saw the best in everyone. I was a sociopath’s dream. I was a dream not only because I had no boundaries around my giving, but because I was trained to go against my instincts and straight into abuse, duality and danger. most of my “friends” at this time were not only fair-weathered, but they had no core true self. I began to become more and more isolated during this time and it actually felt good. it was around the time of many ego deaths and a death of self that I talk about in my eBooklets. one day a thought occurred to me, as my “best friend” at the time accused me of being selfish…LOL — she was THE most selfish person I have ever met, both in retrospect and I knew it at the time that she said it — the thought was “wait a minute, maybe my life has been inverted for me and I need to reverse everything I have ever thought about myself…what if, just for a few minutes a day, I meditate on the fact that there is nothing wrong with me?”. this seemed like a HUGE feat. and it was. it still is, and I will continue explaining why.

as I began to meditate on the above, which honestly seemed like a HUGE risk, I began to spend more and more time alone. this is around the time that I had been counseling people on the DL, and doing healing work for them, but I had not called it reiki nor had I come out of the closet with my healing practice. I basically began to see the correlation between my inner happiness and the fact that there was no one around me. I felt on one hand, amazing, but on the other, that maybe I could not spend my life in solitude, trusting no one. so I resolved to remain in solitude, and to slowly let people in eventually. after about a year or two of transition to the point where all I did was eat, sleep, do yoga, work and breathe ALONE 100% of the time, I met two ladies. one’s name is Megan. Megan is my dearest friend, a brilliant doctor who is also very empathic and can’t talk about much of what I do for work in her field. yes, the medical community is still like that. the other lady, her name is Vanessa. I met each of them about a year or so after my hiatus from society. I had been nearly a shut-in and I loved it. no one was giving me shit. I had either stopped communicating with or substantially cut down on engaging with ANYONE who made me feel bad. and I didn’t question it, and I didn’t question what MY problems were anymore, for the first time ever, at least not at the frequency that I had in the past, my entire life prior. so enter Megan and Vanessa…

Megan is someone I met at my yoga studio. at that time, I could not afford to go to yoga, so I was a work-study. she was also a work-study and I covered her shift. I don’t know how we ended up hanging out but we did. it was such a new experience. I remember one day, I was feeling down, and she just came over and sat on my bed with me. I had nothing to give to her. just my presence. and that was enough! that. was. enough. I couldn’t believe it. I thought “wow…is this what friendship is? no tit for tat, no measurement, no…judgement?”. that moment hit my gut like nothing else. it was one of my first social experiences with 100% acceptance. I knew right then and there that she was a lifer. I didn’t need to do a song and dance for her to like me, and I didn’t need to solve her problems. she didn’t need to show me off to her other friends and there was nothing outwardly or superficially important about me to her. she just wanted ME. we are friends to this day, even while she has spent the last 6 years working overseas with occasional NYC visits. actually, I think she is moving back soon…

also around the end of my hermit solitude phase (I still have them by the way, this phase was just simply marked with a brand new chapter, and nearly none of the old souls in my life carried over to this day), I also met Vanessa. Vanessa also happens to be a doctor! in fact, I met each of them while Megan was in medical school at NYU and Vanessa was applying for a medical program in AZ. one day, I was sitting in my then-favorite coffee shop where I spent a LOT of time thinking and writing (and getting hated on) and getting loved on. I offered to move one of my belongings for this young lady sitting near me and we locked eyes and began talking. that was it. she met me at the biggest transition ever, to date, of my life. it was similar to spending time with Megan: she wanted nothing from me but a true, soul connection. like Megan, sometimes she would come over and just listen to me, and give ME advice and support. like Megan, she was pure. devoid of jealousy, bitterness, comparisons, and anything similar. my body felt light and relaxed and I didn’t have to try to smile if I didn’t feel like it. any potential resting bitch face was not met with resistance or attitude. she just knew my soul and accepted and supported me. we are still in contact. she saw me transition from the throes of housing court and no food to having a thriving business that continues to expand every single week. she is genuinely happy for me. she did not feel inadequate when I posted about my excitement and success for my business when I came out of the closet over half a decade ago. she will probably read this and definitely give me the thumbs up.

the two women above, Megan and Vanessa, were instrumental in helping me to redefine my personal worth, identity, and NEW NORMAL. it is also not an accident that these were the energies present in my life when I came out of the closet with my work, with my actual name and photograph — because my practice has been nothing short of that same exact energy. my practice is the greatest blessing in my life (besides my cat). ha. my practice is everything, and even when I get scared about getting “bigger” and saying “yes” to being “out there” publicly, I know that nothing — nothing — can damage what it is. because it is me. my internal being. all of it. with all of this said, it became easier and easier for me to work on my “problem” — which was, figuring out what my “problem” is…

although my practice was and is the ultimate dream come true, something I give and take the ultimate form of inner peace from, I was still encountering pure assholes in my day-to-day life in acquaintanceships and people whom I kept trying to help. I write about the technical aspects of this in my eBooklet about why we are attacked. so I had totally licked the romantic part of my life, and the “never ever again” moment that I had in my 20s has never been again, but I was still coming up against old familiar responses in the general outer world. and, like a chicken-egg snafu, either choosing people or being chosen by people to help and then get stomped on. the old unconscious patterning of being convinced that it MUST be something that I was/am doing ensued again. it was in such STARK contrast however. and so last year, when I decided that because everything was going SO right in my life and I wanted support as I crescendoed — with a new therapist — I decided I would go back to addressing my “problem”: trying to find out what was wrong with me based on others’ reactions. you would think I would have had that figured out already, right?

well, in a sense I DID have it figured out. I DO have it figured out. I know this on a strictly intellectual level, and it doesn’t linger long when I’m in the “problem”. but it’s something that I would like to be rid of forever, and know FULLY on an emotional and even newly unconscious level. and recently I got there. and that is not easy, as my adrenaline has been running on the same fuel of BLAME and guilt since the day I was born.

over the past year, and this past year of 2017 specifically, something happened. not only did I begin therapy consistently, but I attracted more Megan’s and Vanessa’s — in my personal and career sector. nevermind my practice and my patients, that/those are DIVINE. but me ME life — what I want, where I want to go, who I am, etc. those who are helpful to reflecting back my core, my truth and my value. those who want to help ME, and see ME succeed. what also happened, as a compliment to having these NEW people around me, is that I had a healthy and powerful sounding board for my understanding of self and those entering my field. so when my lifelong “problem” popped up (I will tell you again below what it was/is!), there were an army of sound, sane, wonderful people around to keep me on track.

my “problem” has been a rather intense reaction from others. my entire life. it’s separate from me having been a rescuer or saver or God complex individual in romantic partnerships or past friendships. something that plagues me, nearly daily, is unwanted responses from others around me. these others are not usually strangers, but they are not always friends either. they are people I see on a regular basis in passing. how just can’t figure me out. and for some reason it’s important to them to figure me out. you know how it goes: people generally do not like what they can’t understand. they are also people/3rd parties that I meet as significant others or what not to people I have a connection to. or, they are acquaintances that I have tried to help and inspire. not friends, and not patients: but present enough to notice. in short: they just don’t like me. for no valid reason in particular (I’m finding out). my entire life, and up until this year, I have been hypervigilant to accommodate someone’s response before they respond (PTSD much?). I have been hypervigilant to smile, mirror, or do whatever so someone would not feel whatever it is they feel around me. I have been pathologically apologetic. to avoid my “problem” — other’s reactions. but we know that’s not been the real problem. the real problem is the fact that I still believed that there was something that I was doing to illicit said response or behavior from someone else. this was my glue. the ego adrenaline in my DNA that said “if you don’t blame yourself you will die”. because that is how I began and lived my entire life. and I am excellent at helping others through my work who have been in the same position. and I can explain it all intellectually, like any of us can, but living there full-time has been a challenge in terms of really, truly and 100% believing and feeling that my very presence is not defunct.

so yesterday when I went to therapy, I had like 5 real-time debbie downer examples to share with her about the insanity I was experiencing with other people as of late. I went in partially convinced, again, that I might need some fixing! I asked her – begged her – to tell me if I was haughty. or arrogant. or…something. anything. and however, even before the therapy session yesterday, I was already on the brink of full-breakthrough into the land of no more fucks given. I had been walking with my gatekeeper, late at night, down the west village neighborhood blocks. I looked up at the sky and asked him to please tell me if I ever had a diva moment. I asked him if I ever appeared to be full of myself or rude or anything like that. he nearly laughed. “no”, he said. the fact is, there were so many examples as of late, of negative and unfair responses of others toward me (including those I have tried to help on a personal level — no good deed, y’all!!) that I was again in my old sickness, assuming “I did something”. or “I am this way and it needs fixing!”. so as I unloaded the 5 recent examples with my therapist, we went through every checklist possible and she spelled out what I already knew intellectually, cognitively, consciously: this is about other people. if you have read my other posts, you will see the very first thing she ever said to me on our very first day together, knowing absolutely nothing about me: “another person’s obsession with you has nothing to do with you”. pretty astute, ey? yeah, I found the right therapist.

and so all of the events leading up to this week in particular finally allowed me to unhinge that remaining 1% of me that still believes that it is ME who is affecting others, and responsible for their response: through forgetting to smile, through poor mirroring or whatever the Fuck it is people want from me. I think I have been pretty solid at being unapologetic now for a number of years, but my “problem” was still there, in the basement of my mind. and maybe it still is, in the tiniest fraction imaginable. but something broke this week, for good. I had too many people acting shitty toward me, again for no reason that I could fathom or figure out (and believe me, I tried, and asked) to ignore what I was supposed to learn: another person’s behavior has nothing to do with me.

the crux of all of the above was and is a survival based chemical inside of me. that is all. it is different for each of us. there are a lot of factors. too many to count how it manifests for each of us.

I asked my therapist for a full explanation as to my “problem” again, one that I have heard many times, and one that makes me vulnerable to share here, as to WHAT people respond to with me. and here is what she gave me. it’s nothing I didn’t already know, but maybe I fully accepted it recently. she told me that my “problem” is that I am transparent. that I can not lie. that my face and my body language can not lie. that my energy reflects back truth, like a child, and most people are not comfortable with the truth. this sounds a lot like my eBooklet about why we are attacked. but, just like a first-class therapist who goes home to her wife-beater husband every night, truth sinks in at different times and different levels. cognitively, emotionally, spiritually, physically and otherwise. I think I heard it in all spaces of myself this time. I thought about all of the people I see, in spaces like yoga studios and places where people are supposed to be “awake” and who just do not like me. and I hear about it. and see it. and feel it. and I do not have the energy to get them to like me. because I don’t know how to be fake. my “problem” is basically, bottom line, that I don’t know how to be fake. I also can’t change whatever electromagnetic equation or signal my body or field put out to accommodate someone else’s personal sense of security, and I can’t make myself ugly enough for someone else to feel attractive. that, of course, is base-level 3d shit, but it does amaze me how people respond to physical appearance (I wish we were all blind, that would teach us a good lesson). I thought about the “friends” I hire for projects only to have them secretly resent my success and ghost me while trying to maintain relationships with MY hard-earned introductions. talk about hurtful, daggers to the heart. I thought about the spore of where all of these patterns, across the board, come from. and I decided to take a real risk: stop asking what I am doing wrong. stop analyzing, worrying and looking for a diagnosis in order to spare my conscious awareness of someone else’s deficits. I have to let them be what they are without looking inward anymore as to how I might be causing abc response. maybe I’m different, and, like my therapist said, I may never learn to lie or fake it with my energy field. and if that’s my problem, I do not want to fix it. I remain unapologetic for being the best person I know how to be, and letting others lose their shit if they can’t stand my truth. let them.

I write this from an open and (obviously) vulnerable space. as I write, my stomach feels queasy, because I am releasing lots of final threads of beliefs, feelings that accompany them, and the shitty people who have jumped on those threads of energy. I write this from a space of compassion for anyone else who doesn’t blend, can’t blend, doesn’t know how, and lives from a space of purity and non-judgement — only to be judged constantly by others. I write this from a space of advice, given my personal make-up: be willing to let people not like you — hate you, even. be willing for there to be something gravely wrong with you (there isn’t). be willing to, just for a moment, imagine that what I am saying is true. if you do it enough, you will step into a power few will ever know as humans.

my problem has been and is, thinking that I have one. that is my problem. what is yours?

    The post yesterday my therapist and I figured out what my “problem” is. and here it is — appeared first on The Medical Intuitive Blog: Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy By Elaine™.

from Trisha Gibson http://www.themedicalintuitiveblog.com/2017/08/18/yesterday-therapist-figured-problem/