#I wanna take some Benadryl but I have some work to do and it’s really frustrating me

[crybaby-bkg]

I haven’t been feeling too well physically for the past few weeks so I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and she told me to fill out these forms. I put down that I was allergic to a certain ingredient in most medications. she asked me again during the appt if I was allergic to anything and I told her that ingredient again. she gives me an antibiotic. can anyone guess what was in it (hint: the only thing I’m allergic to)

#I am. SO ANNOYED!!!!!!!! #this is the second time she’s done this #but the first time I didn’t even know I was allergic so I can’t be mad at her #BUT I REMINDED HER OF THE LAST TIME AND SHE STILL!!!!! SHE FUCKIN STILL DOES THE SAME THING!!!!!! #and it’s around my MOUTH this time and it fucking BURNS #like the skin is so tight and red and I hate it. #I wanna take some Benadryl but I have some work to do and it’s really frustrating me #I feel like a fussy baby LOL I just wanna nap #hopefully this work doesn’t take me too long to do :/ #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[yandere-kokeshi]

Hey! Love your works! 🙇‍♀️

I was hoping to request a mha where darling is somehow able to start an escape. But once she's on the edge of being able to get to the outside world she panics and runs back to their yandere very upset.

Hope that makes sense 😅 and no pressure if this one doesn't interest you. Much love and hope you are doing well 🖤

— Wanna be a brat? I'll treat you like one

Warnings: yandere behavior, slight violence, reader being bratty, drugging (reader drugs Aizawa), and yelling.

Oh boy!! Please excuse me if this is to cliche! I was watching The Invisible Man while writing this; so I may have gotten ideas from it. Hope you enjoy regardless!

(P.S, sorry it took so long for me to answer this. I'm so sorry :((!!)

Everything wasn’t enough.

When you ran to the door, it was double locked. Too many bolts to recognize, so many codes and digits that made your brain swirl in circles.

Trying to pry a window open resulting in you hurting yourself — as well as getting your favorite things taken away as ‘punishments’.

Really, it was fucking hell.

That door slightly cracked open? You took your chance to run, scramble against the floor as you heard him yell your name, suddenly being pulled back by thick rope, right back into the arms of your captor.

The same glare, scowl, and tightening hold on you always irritated you — “Why run? I have everything for you, what more do you want?”

You wanted to go home! Not stay here by force, and end up as a good ol’ housewife that you may or may not shape into a sweet doll. It was humiliating to sit there and watch you leave.

Whenever you acted out, he always shook it off as fear and anger; “I understand your upset.”

HA! Yeah, right. You took me by force, dickhead. You have no idea what it’s like.

But, when you had those bad ‘tantrums’ — where you screamed, sobbed and begged to go home. Where your throat dried up and stung, your body shook so bad you couldn’t stand or you were so tired you refused to eat?

He would just push you into a small, yet cold room. Making sure you cooled off, coming back a few minutes later, looking at you with that damn eyebrow raised: “You done? Cause I am.”

You weren’t sure why he always allowed you to express your anger — even though he left the room the minute you started screaming at him.

You told yourself, maybe it was his guilt. Or possibly him losing his patience.

You weren’t sure. But you wanted to leave.

Though, one night, when the two of you were asleep, or at least he was. You were lying there, staring at the darkened ceiling, admiring and fantasizing what it would be like to stare at the moon again. Feel the grass grazed against your back, cold wind blowing all over you.

You couldn’t sleep but that was common. I mean, how could you sleep laying next to the same captor who took you? Nobody would.

Then a thought came. Why not drug him? I mean, since you always threw ‘tantrums’, you always had benadryl on hand due to the insane headaches you whined about; plus, you would just scream at him more till you were knocked out.

“Why can’t I just take care of you?” Shota asked, giving you the glass of water with two medicines that were deemed to work. You rolled your eyes, throwing down the medicine before doing the same with the water.

You heard him sigh, like always at your attitude. You turned your back, feeling him shift his weight beside you before pulling up his phone — the ‘ding!’ coming on and off while you heard him write some type of email.

And… just like that. You made a decision. Right there and then.

“A drink?” You watched him raise an eyebrow at the coffee, a random act of kindness coming from you was rare. You nodded, acting all innocently. “Yeah, jus’ decided to share it with you cause I made some.” You mumbled off, although you saw him smile in the corner of your eye.

Bingo. You watched him take a sip — hum at the taste before going back to grading papers. Taking more sips before watching the entire cup be empty. It made you laugh.

Of course, you had to make sure he wasn’t suspicious of you. You drank your entire cup, possibly got another one before starting yet another scene; yelling at him, watching him sigh before slumping off into the bedroom next door.

Then you know it, he comes in a bit early — “Time to go to bed.”

You looked at the clock, it was only 7:37 am. You faked a groan, before trotting behind him, crawling into bed and watched him sleep away with drool drizzling down his stubbled chin.

Which is where you are now. Cuddled right by his side, watching him snooze away — too hard per say.

You wanna feel bad, yet you never will. Never for this monster — fuck no.

Giving Aizawa one last glance, you slowly but steadily go out of the bed, carefully replacing his tighter hold onto a thick pillow.

Taking small, light steps towards the main room, you tried your best to not step on certain squeaky planks, making sure to keep quiet.

Getting in front of the front door, you crouched and pulled out a bobby pin; sliding it into the lock before turning and twisting it.

Your blood was pumping — hair on your body stood as your thoughts sprawled all over.

Suddenly, you heard a meow behind you; a loud one that made your heart drop.

Turning around, you saw Mickey, a black cat with different colored eyes blinking at you, yawning at such a late time. Aizawa had gotten it for you to keep company, but you thought it was the damned evil.

Somehow, the cat always knew when you were in trouble. Trotting to Aizawa, almost communicating with him and blowing your cover when you were up to no good.

Not now… you thought.

Mickie had stood there, blinking before moving towards you, rolling and pouring loud as a train.

You continued trying to pry the lock, but to no avail. Nothing worked. It was useless.

Finally, going at it while pushing Mickie away. You heard the third lock unlock.

Hope. It gave you hope. You could finally leave

You looked around, completely aware that any moment given, you could be found. But you kept trying, so hard.

Suddenly, Mickie screamed at you; her voice howled throughout the entire, quiet room.

You put your finger on your mouth, wanting her to shoosh.

Meow!

‘Shush!’ You whispered quietly. Grabbing her before petting her, pushing her off to the side.

Meow!!

“What do you think you’re doing?”

A booming voice came from behind you.

You froze, staying where you were as you slightly trembled, thinking what to do next. Before you could manage to do anything, his hand appeared on your shoulder, forcing you up and facing him.

Locking eyes with dark gray ones, you felt your entire body shake — watching his eyebrows narrowing, jawline sharp and strained while his eyes spoke for itself.

You’re in big trouble, missy.

“I asked you a question.” His sultry voice came out, waiting for an answer.

“Get off me,” you sneered, trying to act tough.

Hearing Aizawa scoff, he yanked your arm and dragged you back into the bedroom. Practically throwing you into the maddress stomach first before hearing metal clanking.

Cold — something bare and heavy attached itself towards your ankles.

“These are only temporary,” Aizawa stated. “Until you can behave correctly, these stay on.” He added, before standing up again, his knees popping.

You looked down, seeing chains connected to your feet; they were heavy, an ugly cold that drugged you of shivers into your core.

He looked down at you, anger rising in his face before he demanded a statement from you.

“Say your sorry — and I might reconsider easing the punishments.” He said, while crossing his arms against his chest. His disappointed posture was deafening through your thoughts.

You stared hard at him, teeth clenching in fear and anger, “Fuck you.”

You saw that those words struck a chord in him. Saw his eye twitch in annoyance. Finally, what felt like an eternity he spoke back up.

“It’s my fault for trusting you too much.” He stated, “Drinking that — stupid fucking coffee.”

Did he know?

He looked at you, directly staring into your soul. Almost waiting for you to answer his question.

“I hate you,” You whispered.

Aizawa nodded frustratingly.

“Fine. Wanna act like a brat? I’ll treat you like one.”

He grumbled, reaching over and grabbed your legs, pulling the chain to connect to the bedpost. Before grabbing a coat from the hanger by his bedside.

He stomped away and slammed the door shut. You heard his footsteps leave the apartment, slamming the front door.

A lump forms in your throat.

Something — something was gonna happen and it was not gonna be nice.

Too deep into your thoughts, you failed to notice Mickey climbing onto the bed. You flinched at the sudden loud meow coming from beside you.

Turning to your left, you saw Mickie laying down, purring beside you as she continued grooming herself.

Now… you’re only left with your thoughts. An occasional meow from the damn cat.

What did you get yourself into?

—

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#kokeshi!! #yandere blog #yandere x reader #yandere male #male yandere #yandere anime #yandere drabble #yandere aizawa #yandere shota aizawa #yandere eraserhead #yandere mha x female reader #yandere my hero academia #yandere hero #yandere mha x reader #yandere bnha x y/n #yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere mha #yandere mha x gn reader #yandere x gn reader #yandere x you #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #yandere x female reader #yandere bnha x female reader

[goodnightmemes]

GONE GIRL (2014) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ What have we done to each other? ❜

❛ I'm the guy to save you from all this awesomeness. ❜

❛ I think it's your chin. Yeah, it's quite villainous. ❜

❛ I have to kiss you now. ❜

❛ Life. I don't remember the point. ❜

❛ Go home, fuck her brains out, slap her with your penis. "There's some wood for you, bitch." ❜

❛ Now, I don't panic easily...but it's weird, right? ❜

❛ Should I be concerned? ❜

❛ I love your parents...but they really can be assholes. ❜

❛ I love having strangers pick at my scabs. ❜

❛ You have a world-class vagina. ❜

❛ We are gonna take this very, very seriously. ❜

❛ I feel like I'm on a Law & Order episode. ❜

❛ Should I know my wife's blood type? ❜

❛ Marriage is hard work, and compromise, and more work. ❜

❛ You naughty minx. ❜

❛ We're so cute. I wanna punch us in the face. ❜

❛ Everyone knows "complicated" is code for "bitch." ❜

❛ It seems like the kind of thing that would happen to [name]. ❜

❛ Just because I don't like to be around [name] doesn't mean I don't care about her. ❜

❛ Anyway, whoever took her is bound to bring her back. ❜

❛ Well, we have our first clue. ❜

❛ You've been up all night. You wanna look like you've been up all night. ❜

❛ Hey, be careful today, okay? ❜

❛ I'll balance on the exact fucking edge of your emotional razor. ❜

❛ I knew you never should have moved back here. ❜

❛ We are all worried. We are all scared. ❜

❛ We had to file a restraining order. ❜

❛ I'm hoping you can tell me what this means. ❜

❛ Hello, stranger. Fancy meeting you here. ❜

❛ Are you following me? ❜

❛ Promise me we'll never be like them. ❜

❛ If it happens, we'll deal with it. ❜

❛ We have each other. Everything else is background noise. ❜

❛ You don't trust me. You don't trust my judgment. ❜

❛ I don't get why you're daring me to be someone I don't wanna be. ❜

❛ You look like hammered shit. ❜

❛ You really don't like him, do you? ❜

❛ Could you please not share that with anyone? ❜

❛ It's like you're the goddamn Homecoming King. ❜

❛ It looked like you were having fun. ❜

❛ I am in a nightmare! ❜

❛ My God, this place literally smells like feces. ❜

❛ Hey...have you told me everything? ❜

❛ All I want is to come over here, have a beer with you, and not be judged. Can we do that? ❜

❛ I'm gonna go Benadryl myself to sleep. ❜

❛ I feel like I could disappear. ❜

❛ I called you a hundred times. You gotta pick up your phone! ❜

❛ I needed to see you. I know this is a bad idea. ❜

❛ Can you at least tell me you love me? ❜

❛ Did you, by any chance, tell anybody anything about us? ❜

❛ Did you leave a pair of red panties in my office? ❜

❛ Never say that out loud again. ❜

❛ It's our last time together. Let's make the most of it. ❜

❛ Last night, I went from desperate to pathetic. I became someone I don't even like. ❜

❛ We could have had this fight four hours ago. I'm late. ❜

❛ You're a fucking coward. ❜

❛ For Valentine's Day, I thought I'd buy a gun. ❜

❛ I'm being paranoid. Crazy. It's just... I'd sleep better with a gun. ❜

❛ You fucking idiot. You fucking asshole! You fucking lied to my fucking face! ❜

❛ If anybody finds out, you're totally fucked. ❜

❛ I was scared for you before, and now, I'm fucking petrified. ❜

❛ But the truth is, you'd have to be a sociopath to behave normally in this situation because it's the most abnormal situation in the world. ❜

❛ I'm so sick of being picked apart by women. ❜

❛ I have nothing to hide. ❜

❛ You have to fucking talk to me! ❜

❛ Why have you kept this stuff? It's like a little box of hate. ❜

❛ I love you no matter what. But you need to tell me. ❜

❛ Are you asking me if I killed my wife? ❜

❛ Because sometimes the way he looks at me I think...He may truly kill me. ❜

❛ I am so much happier now that I'm dead. ❜

❛ Let the punishment fit the crime. ❜

❛ You need to bleed. A lot. A lot, a lot. ❜

❛ But, then, we never really existed. ❜

❛ He loved a girl I was pretending to be. ❜

❛ "Cool Girl. " Men always use that as their defining compliment. ❜

❛ I was fucking game. ❜

❛ What's the point of being together if you're not the happiest? ❜

❛ You think I'd let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No fucking way. ❜

❛ I need 20 seconds where you don't judge me, interrupt me or get angry. ❜

❛ You married a complete psychopath. ❜

❛ Part of me was relieved when I thought she was gone. ❜

❛ As long as you don't own a python and blast death metal at 4 AM, we're gonna be best friends. ❜

❛ Least you could do is not keep his secrets for him. ❜

❛ I believe you. It's just the craziest thing I've ever heard. ❜

❛ I always wondered why you kept in touch after...everything. ❜

❛ The whole thing just feels hinky. ❜

❛ Whatever they found, I think it's safe to assume that it's very bad. ❜

❛ Don't take it personally. ❜

❛ I thought we were steering clear of men for a while. ❜

❛ I'm not sad. I'm angry. ❜

❛ Why should I die? I'm not the asshole. ❜

❛ That sounds like a very bad idea. ❜

❛ This is a ticking time bomb. You've gotta throw yourself on it. ❜

❛ Where is the money, sweetheart? ❜

❛ You're hiding. I don't know why, and I don't really care. ❜

❛ There are a lot of people out there a lot worse than we are. ❜

❛ Every time you look smug or annoyed or tense, I'm gonna hit you with a gummy bear. ❜

❛ Knowing you were out there was the only thing that's kept me going these past few years. ❜

❛ Why are you so good to me? ❜

❛ Why is she dressed like a babysitter? ❜

❛ Come on, you're staring at ghosts. ❜

❛ Not that I don't appreciate Bait Shop Chic. ❜

❛ There are cameras everywhere. ❜

❛ You are more than safe, and I am not letting you get away again. ❜

❛ You're probably the most hated man in America right now. ❜

❛ Just because I am not a murderer doesn't make me a good guy. I'm not a good guy. ❜

❛ And if you come back, I promise I will spend every day making it up to you. ❜

❛ They disliked me, they liked me, they hated me. And now they love me. ❜

❛ I gave you the benefit of the doubt over and over. Every time you said something stupid, I thought, "Maybe he's just stupid." ❜

❛ I've forgotten how to behave. ❜

❛ Fire doesn't erase blood. ❜

❛ Come home. I dare you. ❜

❛ You fucking bitch. ❜

❛ She slit his throat with a box cutter. ❜

❛ All right, you can stop pretending now. ❜

❛ You do know I was just telling you what you wanted to hear, right? ❜

❛ You know me in your marrow. ❜

❛ Take off your clothes. I need to make sure you're not wearing a wire. ❜

❛ You killed someone. You're a murderer. ❜

❛ I'm a fighter. I fought my way back to you. ❜

❛ I'll make sure that no one forgets the pain you caused me. ❜

❛ When two people love each other and can't make that work...that's the real tragedy. ❜

❛ I swear, you two are the most fucked-up people I've ever known. ❜

❛ I would never, ever hurt you. ❜

❛ I don't care. I am leaving you. ❜

❛ I won't have to teach your child to hate you. He'll do that all by himself. ❜

❛ You fucking cunt! ❜

❛ The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like. ❜

❛ I've killed for you. Who else can say that? ❜

❛ Yes, I loved you. And then all we did was resent each other, and try to control each other. And cause each other pain. ❜

❛ You're breaking my heart. ❜

❛ You're my voice of reason. I need you with me on this. ❜

❛ Of course I'm with you. I was with you before we were even born. ❜

❛ We've been through the darkness. We've come out, united. ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #rp sentence meme #sentence meme #rp prompt #roleplay meme #roleplay prompts #sentence starter meme #rp memes #rp prompts #*Movie #idk i just rewatched this

[brigdh]

RULES: put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by both @acidyellowlava and @schmirius, thank youuuuu! <3 I don't know what "songs you actually listen to" means, so I'm just going to list five of my recent favorites.

Hayloft II – Mother Mother. I had to listen to this repeatedly until I could sing along to the chorus. It's not, like, a long chorus, but I wanted to have the random gun sound effects perfectly memorized because it feels really good to say them exactly on beat.

Champagne – K. Flay. Similarly, "In a world full of uptight gentlemen I wanna find a boy smelling like sweet cinnamon to quote some Tennyson while we take Benadryl to make my head a bit extra light" goes so fast and is so fun to say

Soldier Poet King – The Oh Hellos. I found this on some fanart last year and I'm OBSESSED with it. What does it mean? I have no idea. Is it about Jesus? Maybe. Does it actually apply to the ship in the fanart? Not really. I don't care about any of that, I could listen to this on repeat for hours.

Runs in the Family – Amanda Palmer. Yes, it's Amanda Palmer and also yes, this song is like 15 years old. I don't care. IT'S SO GOOD.

Approximately every Mountain Goat song ever, but my most recent replay has been 'Estate Sale Sign': "I remember when we shared a vision, you and I / Worked hard to build this altar—we made it earn its keep / The cracks across its surface spiderweb while we're asleep / The sacrificial stains all spreading out and soaking through / But I remember when we kept it pretty, me and you". EdIzzy song? EdIzzy song.

I tag @napneeders, @badgerette, @why-worry-do-it-later, @starberrywine, @jessica-drewz, @dracothelizard, @naryrising, @likethehotsauce, @eye-scream-girls, and @saiditallbefore. No pressure! :D

#meme

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

#laurelnose.txt

[padawansuggest]

Hi! I really enjoy your fic ideas and writing, do you have an ao3 where i can find more at, or a tag i can look through? The latest post about the star wars/ trek cross over is really good! I enjoyed the humour of how the characters were confused by each others abilities, its great. and i saw that you also write for stargate, which i also enjoy alot, so its really cool that your making fun and interesting crossovers with them. Hope you have a good day!

This is sorta the nicest way someone has told me they love my ideas. I get the ‘I love your AUs’ comments all the time, and they always make me warm, but I love being told exactly what someone likes about them. So, answer first: I just put a tag on this post that says ‘my fics’ click and follow that, that will show you actual fics that I have posted on AO3. If for some reason you can’t find the link, the username is Bam4Me

Answer the longer; I will warn you, I don’t post a link here to everything that I write so you can still go there and see what you like, but also, I don’t stick just random ideas I’m not working on or actively posting/posted to in that link. So I have a million ideas but if something is there I’m either close to finishing and about to post soon, or already have.

A deeper explanation: this is so sweet of you to say. For my entire life I’ve dealt with disabilities, and in the past six or so months, I have written and posted more than I have in the past four years. What’s changed is that I’m sorta dealing with a lot lately and it’s given me a lot of sitting time. Lol. Frankly it’s been a major help lately (I am, at this moment, trying to shallow breathe through a very painful infection that is fighting tooth and nail to stay in my face it’s so painful I wanna die but this ask cheered me up so much that I’m able to think of something else) and so I’ve thrown myself back into writing, and I have actually been typing up stories that I had/have had ideas for years ago and still love now, as well as random ones that come to my head now.

And I’m actually really excited about that. Like I have been looking through old posts (I only tag my own work or art/meta/ideas that I TRULY don’t want to forget, so what I do is that sometimes you’ll see a blank post with nothing but tags on my blog… yeah that’s me trying to look for a specific post by tag hopping because it’s fastest and most reliable on mobile) and giving new life to AUs years old and adding ideas I didn’t think of when I wrote them. Rarely do I really stray from them.

So. If you truly love an AU I just posted, and you tell what you like most about it, it typically makes the time till I actually get to writing it a lot faster than some.

I just. I just woke up from the nicest nap (because of Benadryl lmao I’m so tired still) because of the WORST swelling (because of that darn infection that I’m hoping these antibiotics take care of soon it’s so painful they had to give me oxy cause I’m allergic to acetaminophen lolllll it hurts so bad I’m rubbing topical nsaids on it and downing ibuprofen and gabapentin it’s so bad) and this ask as well as a few comments I got otherwise, have absolutely made my day. I’m happy; and I love writing and this is very nice. Thank you.

#my fics #I’m sorry I sorta had to ramble my thoughts while the pain killers kicked in enough to go potty I was dying #my face feels soooo much better now lol #it’s back to bed in a minute but yeah I just wanted anon to know this is very nice

[boag]

You need an allergy ointment for your skin. I have the same skin reaction when I'm very stressed or anxious. Don't take benadryl anymore, you need desloratadine. Maybe do an oatmeal bath to soothe your skin.

Thank u for the tips i actually just had paramedics come out to the house bc my lips started swelling and my mom got worried and called 911 . And I got briefly evaluated but I didn’t wanna go to the hospital rn bc im exhausted and barely slept and the swelling went down anyway . So im abt to take an oatmeal bath and then a nap in some fresh clean sheets/blankets and I promised the paramedics that if my symptoms are still as bad (or worsening) when I wake up I’ll go to the hospital . And while they were out here they called a mental health professional who works w them and she came out and talked to me abt all the problems I’ve been having and she was really amazing and she gave me her card with her cell number in case I need any help and she said she would personally take my case on and help me get into regular one-on-one therapy with a therapist who specializes in helping traumatized young women like me :’)

#I’m feeling hopeful I was rlly losing my mind when the paramedics were here #esp bc my ptsd often causes me to be like… disproportionately scared of men I don’t know #even if they’re medics who are trying to help me I guess #so they called the woman I was just talking abt and she brought two women with her who are also paramedics so the men could leave #and honestly once I calmed down it was much more comfortably for me to have my vitals taken and everything by the women #they were all v understanding tho #which I appreciate

[wait-thats-illegal]

(Note I should've added earlier: this post is gonna have kinda spoilers for the newest yuumor chapter (67 I think?) It will basically be me discussing what I saw in an untranslated version and am gathering from context clues and whatnot)

I just made a post about not being able to find a translation of the newest yuumori chapter but I wanna make another talking about what I did manage to find

So, the version I found (while weirdly glitches? Idk if it was my phone or the website but whatever) was fully in Arabic but the panels were still visible

Side note: apparently the like background text is written in English? But the little bubbles and blurbs are in Japanese (I also read somewhere that newspapers are also in English? So like all he text that isn't the main bubbles.) Weird tangent but I thought it was strange seeing the chapter in Arabic but background text in English (specifically the graffiti on the old Moriarty estate, namely "Devil's House" above the door and possibly "fuck" on the side of the doorway)

Anyway, tangent aside, there's like a lot of shit that happened but also didn't really happen?? At least that's my interpretation (which isn't exactly reliable, I worked like 8 and a half hours today, crashed for like 4, woke up for a bit, and am now running on benadryl and spite.) So the start of the chapter was focused on the 3 brothers and for some reason they return back to the old estate to see it horribly decaying and vandalized (a lot of people are talking about the "Devil's House" panel.) They sort of just walk around the estate for a bit and just take everything in (the vibes of this part quite literally give me chills, like idk why but something about them walking around their vandalized and rotting home is extremely unsettling.) At this point, they break away from all 3 and focus mainly on Louis (which I, of course, am always happy about.) He walks past a bedroom but I'm not certain who's bedroom it was (originally I thought William but it could also be Louis'? I don't think they've ever shown their bedrooms, or at least I don't remember them.) He looks sad as he's looking into the room which is kinda expected for the situation. He then has like a realization and goes into the room and goes to a Secret Spot and pulls out a locked object (I can't tell if it's a locked box or locked book.) Somehow, after all the years and vandalism, this book was still in the same spot and I feel like it's gonna be important (another reason why I wanna know who's room it was, I would make sense for it to be William's if the lock had something to do with the Lord of Crime but I can also see it being something personal so it could've been in either room.)

At this point I think it goes to a flashback? Like whatever this lock was it triggered a memory. And I'm almost certain the memory was of the light novel in which Moran is cheating ay cards, gets caught, gets onto a whole mess, has to ask William for help, and eventually discovered the guy only knew Moran was cheating cause he himself was also cheating. This story isn't told in the main storyline but it's one of the light novels (idk which one though) but it does fit into the Canon timeline (the night before the Hound of Baskerville, which is when Moran and Fred told William about the dude who was like hunting orphans for sport or something (that arc was like insane but also so important and I'm forever pissed that they didn't include it in the anime.)

The chapter ends with the ending of the flashback (or at least that's all that would load so there could've possibly been more) and I'm like so confused. I know the light novels are being adapted into Mangas but I don't think this is a light novel? I assumed this was the next chapter, but it's telling a story that's already happened in a light novel but not like in the main storyline so I'm just extremely confused about what the hell is going on. Like if it was just a manga adaptation of a light novel, why is it happening in the current timeline and why is it being shown as Louis' memory?? If I recall correctly Louis didn't even want Moran to come into the estate at all because it was in the middle of the night but Moran convinced him. So yes Louis is there but he's not like a main figure? The only rational I can think of is its being shown from a bystanders perspective (similar to The Two Detectives when they were on the train) and Louis has been used in the past as a sort of filler character for when the audience needs to know what's happening but it is either too complicated or it needs to be balanced (like The Two Detectives focusing on Sherlock and William's interactions but showing them almost as equals as it isn't focused on one perspective but showing the bith simultaneously though Louis.)

There was also another major development in this moment canonically because it's the first time Louis is allowed on a mission, which is talked about after Moran and Fred leave (I'll never understand why they changed that in the anime, like Louis was involved in the schemes but he was not allowed to go on missions because William was trying to protect this image of him (and preserve his innocence?? This man committed a mass murder at the age of like 8 he is absolutely not innocent but pop off king.) So this happening after the flashback that was shown (if I'm correct about it) seems like either odd timing or like something bigger we don't know yet.

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuumori #moriarty the patriot manga #yuukoku no moriarty manga #yuumori manga #moriarty the patriot light novel #yuukoku no moriarty light novel #louis james moriarty #manga

[troglobite]

i’m not in that bad of a mood but a bunch of body/health complaints below the cut bc i wanna bitch abt em

my life is basically a series of: i need to do x to help y, but that causes z, and i need to do b to help z, but then that causes or worsens c

like i’m not unique, it’s just sort of stupid and i’m Tired. lol

it’s gotten v bad thanks to the pandemic and also this house/town i think? long story

anyway

rn i’m dealing with:

my mental health sucks, i need to get out more

well i can’t get out bc of covid so : /

then i could at least exercise more, bc exercising also will help my cholesterol which isn’t great (but is stable and not getting worse, at least)

okay great except that my MCAS means my sweat is out of fucking control so exercising is miserable

well i could just take it easy then, right?

well no bc going for a walk makes me the sweatiest person in the world

well i mean that’s just an inconvenience, right?

nope, bc i have an issue that is exacerbated by excessive sweating, so i can’t sweat too much, either.

(i also have ANOTHER issue in the same area as the previous issue that is only solved by direct contact with a heating pad, which as you might imagine, CAUSES HEAT AND SWEATING which EXACERBATES THE OTHER PROBLEM so that one in particular has been super fucking fun to navigate)

okay then i exercise inside

well there’s not really anywhere to do that, everywhere is too small, and i ALSO sweat INSIDE a lot so it doesn’t matter

okay well then--aha! i’ll just exercise in the shower! 

okay great!

it’s working!

wait why are my feet randomly seizing and in terrible pain while i’m walking arou--oh right. EDS. and exercising without shoes is. bad. 

okay well i just need to start working on my EDS and take it easy right?

okay except i can’t do the physical therapy/muldowney method bc when i started, it caused a lot of bladder and pelvic pain that got worse w stress.

and i’m trying stress management but everything is a fucking nightmare.

i had to stop PT so that i’d stop feeling like i had the world’s worst UTI whenever i got remotely irritated. 

and turns out that’s bc i have an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder

so until i figure out what that is...i can’t do anything for my EDS...or my MCAS...so i’m just stuck taking 2 zyrtec every day and topping up with benadryl hoping that i can breathe and stop getting hives

and that i can exercise and feel good and be happy, but also still manage to walk around without extreme pain

hahaha. ha. 

i hate everything. 

i’m literally covered in hives. all over my face neck ears and scalp. everywhere. they’re unstoppable. fucking. fuck.

oh wait one more

so i have steroid cream that works to get rid of my hives for the most part

but it’s like playing whack-a-mole bc more just pop up in place of the ones i got rid of 

and then what’s more

i can’t really put them on my scalp

bc my scalp sweats so much (bc lol i also have to use dandruff shampoo) so it runs the risk of hurting me

bc i had to put some on some hives that were vaguely near but not on my eyes, and bc they were hot and/or sweaty recently before i put the cream on, my skin burned for two days straight

no relief to be had

so now i have to be careful abt what i put the steroid cream on to get rid of my hives

bc there are no antihistamines that’ll get the job done

ALSO my right wrist has recently decided to be fucked up so i keep losing circulation in my hand and fingers while i sleep, which seems to be getting slightly better, but i can no longer do one of my EDS tricks bc it seems to be pinching nerves when i do it? i’ve only tested twice to see if there had been any change. 

so it’s just like

okay

i have no idea how the fuck that happened or when or why and i can’t seem to fix it by using braces, or stretching, or ANYTHING.

incredible.

[jinkicake]

I AM SO SORRY I AM TERRIBLE AT RESPONDING

Ah that makes sense why you haven't made some! But any tries to make pesto again since the last time now? Or how about more baking??? No I totally get that! Cooking and baking is so fun and even when you make mistakes, you just find a new way to improve I feel!

Apparently she does it to like show that I'm hers?? Like wow ma'am chill I get there's two other girls here and one boy but you're still my fave since you were my first duck!

I think her anxiety has been worse which is why she's been a bit more aggressive so I gotta get her some benadryl or even cbd to help her chill out! Cause 99% of the time they're totally chilling!

I'm sure you absolutely killed your finals! I totally believe you did! I'm glad you've been playing video games! (Lots of Genshin? Hehe) and I hope your fave team won the world cup! Did you have a good Christmas (if you celebrate that is!) And new years?? I hope you did! How have you been? Taking care of yourself and kicking ass? Yeah, Thanksgiving was yummy since I cooked most of it! And thankfully Christmas was good, my mom got me an adjustable bed frame! And we went to a super yummy Italian place for my birthday!

nooo it's okay i'm bad too hehe it takes everything in me to respond to messages sigh

i haven't been cooking much lately,,, i've had no motivation! i hope itll change soon bc i really do enjoy eating good food.... but its so much work... so much but its so satisfying to make a yummy meal!

HAHAHA a possessive duck?! that's so funny i wanna see a picture of her,, how have they been doing in the winter weather? ((do you get cold weather??))

awww :-(( i hope she can relax more over time poor baby... my dog was suuuper aggressive bc he had really bad teeth but when he got them all taken out he became so mellow and calm hheheh

i passed all of my classes and that's all that matters!!! now... i just have to do another semester sigh but YES all winter break i've played video games and it has not been good for my eyesight but i dont care its so addicting i cant stop playing!!!! OH i was rooting for japan/america and messi so i kinda won hehe did you watch the world cup too??? also happy new year!!!!

italian food sounds so good im so jealousss,,, happy belated birthday!!! i hope you had a nice day and that your pets were extra sweet to you!

#sarahandoikawatalkshit

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday November 9th

6am Woke up really well rested! Good!

Got sad when I saw I didn't have any messages overnight. CBT: This is your anxiety plugging emotions into nothing. Nothing has transpired, there's no real reason to feel anxiety, the anxiety is only coming from inside you.

Why hasn't he texted you? He's sleeping and he's a POS you don't need that controlling your energy. You can't control what he does. Reclaim your energy.

What am I thankful for this morning?

- nights rest, stretches, soft blankets, cool fan, and the fact that I have no hw due tonight! Think about that! ❤️

630am I should buy another candle for the bathroom for my showers lol don't know why the last one went so quick

7am tumblr can be a really nice positive space, it's like the only positive social media like that's kinda insane.

8am about to get ready for class, I can't stop thinking about him. I would like to try to not text him today just to see what happens really. I'm afraid he won't notice or not care and just not text me either. Maybe that's what I need. Whatever this is, is clearly not working. Got to leave early enough to get a coffee bc maybe that will distract me. Drink for lunch too, I'm tired of gorging myself and wasting money on food. Just breathe oh yeah I'm going to take a benadryl and maybe that will help with anxiety.

830am I want to text him so bad but I really shouldn't lol. He doesn't care enough to change. I won't say he doesn't care at all, but he doesn't care enough for me to keep doing this. I got an iced coffee and an egg McMuffin :)

11am Daydreaming about traveling over the break. I need to be realistic tho. I know I am able to take off on a flight somewhere but let's be real I probably won't have the time off and money to do something like that. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't want another Disney scenario where I just go completely broke on one adventure, I'd rather do day trips, maybe an overnight if that even sounds like a good idea. I like sleeping in my own bed unless it's for a really good reason tbh. I want to focus on things around here that I don't typically have availability or mental capacity to do. I know I'll have fun regardless. Maybe even do the plasma thing some afternoons or mornings really to fund the adventures I'll have on my true off days. Just thoughts :)

1130am I passed my HIV patient counseling! It says satisfactory in the gradebook! For some reason I can't see my rubric so I started to panic and doubt myself, but now I know I'm not the only one who can't see their rubric, so I'm sure that part is a fluke/ irrelevant :) just breathe and enjoy the passing grades ❤️ if something is wrong, someone will let you know ❤️

12pm lunchtime! I'm getting curry chicken. Journaling is actually helping a lot and made me realize how intrusive and repetitive my thoughts are when I don't write them down. It's like I need a little vent port for these thoughts to fly out of my brain like steam out of a boiling pot of water. Crazy tbh lol.

1pm Ate lunch outside with some friends and it felt great!!

3pm lol I zoned out during the whole Verbal Defense (not mine!) But then he texted me good afternoon so I sent him a picture of my sweet tea, nothing crazy. I won't let him control my evening. I just wonder what is his motive lol. During class I was looking up free and cheap things to do and it's funny how a little googling can come up with a thousand things to do! So much fun to be had in the world :)

4pm he got me looking at my phone for a text back bitch guess what I'm taking a nap just like I planned lmao I'm not waiting around to talk to you wtf. Call me like I asked you to if you wanna talk, I hate this texting shit and he knows that. What am I a high schooler? Texting bs got you into this mess in the first place dumbass. I'm eating a cupcake and taking a nap.

6pm I have woke up from my nap. No messages lol I guess he just wanted to see if I was alive?? Don't know don't care. Nap was ok, cats kept waking me up or micro waking me up I think but that's ok too :) - There's really only one week left of this bullshit I am so proud of myself ❤️ I actually love the idea of NOT burning myself out the last week so that when I leave school I don't necessarily NEED to do that hibernating thing where I feel like shit for 4-5 days afterwards. I'd like to exit my verbal defense maybe take a nap just like I did today to refresh and then shit take myself out for a nice dinner and get dressed up. Instead of getting drunk and passing out, I can do that most other nights after a closing shift 🤣 I want to start my vacay right away with no need to "recover" in such a drastic manner. Let's see if we can make that happen :) I think that also includes NOT avoiding fun things the next week, bc I always avoid fun stuff when I'm stressed as if I'm going to jinx myself, but I think I'm ready to break that curse of "all work and no play." We shall see ;)

9pm A little tipsy but I'm getting my work done :)

11pm I keep wanting to text him because I'm in a GOOD MOOD but when he doesn't reply it puts me in a bad mood....... So solution is simply DON'T TEXT HIM AND ENJOY YOUR GOOD MOOD QUEEN 😂 he's stupid for leaving and he's missing out on this drunken chill fest tbh and one day, I'll have a fuck ton of friends I've acquired through the years of being myself that I can randomly snap my thoughts to and they'll actually reply and care 😂

12am I know I texted him some dumb shit but idc I still feel good and I love journaling and Tumblr. Getting tacos again for dinner bc JFC I did a LOT of dumb shit work today. He's such a loser he can't do shit by himself not even get a taco 🤣 tbh one day I feel like you'll find someone who's gone through what you've gone through and you'll have so much in common and everything will just be EASY. Yeah I'm fucked but I'm not the only one going through this so I know I have an army of ppl out in the world who would have my back in a heartbeat and THAT'S what matters and what keeps me going fr.

1245am What a weird day. I want to keep journaling so bad I think it'll help me alottttt. I texted him a little but it's like it doesn't matter as much as it did previously lol. It's different now. Let's keep it up :)

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Beuh I just put two and two together.

I hate benadryl. I do

And for that.. I will be pouring water into the rest of the pills I have on me annd wiping my hands of that whole disaster. Jesus it's getting on my nerves. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

It's gross. The taste is nasty, the side effects fucking suck, and I withdraw HORRIBLY. My eyes get red and puffy, nose gets red, I'm just constantly hot, I risk throwing up just by having an empty stomach, I get so moody, I stress so hard about it I now dissociate when I take em, my memory is worse, its harder to form a sentence

I cant take it anymore. I'd rather look like a horrible, shitty person that does literally nothing and absolutely HATE myself for it too than ever go back. Im done

It was a long and hard journey and I find it a bit ironic that it took me smoking weed to stop afterall

Ever since my attempt I just.. cant. I'm so grateful that I finally found some strong shit to replace that feeling. I'm wondering if im starting a problem with constantly needing to smoke tbh. But seriously... not having to worry about my fucking liver health and ulcers has been a forgotten blessing

I still hate the people of the r/dph subreddit. I swear it is the most useless place in the world. Not only do you rarely get anything but people talking about the hallucinative aspect of the shit but you ALSOO get shamed and sneered at when you actively have a problem. It's the stupidest shit I've ever seen. I felt so lost throughout all this. Slowly learning the dos and donts of this stupid substance was a process I wish I didn't go through

Anyway yeah. Fuck dph I'm tired of dealing with the effects. I don't even like the high anymore everytime I get on it as of lately I've just get mad and hurt myself with it. That's fucking all. And I'm tired of hurting myself. Shit is old

Annnd I'm gonna keep my head straight from here on hopefully. I don't really want to kill myself now that I see it's really the leftover benadryl talking. I uh... don't really want to go back to my old job.. so I'll be applying to some irl places instead. Hopefully that'll encourage to stop smoking so damn much as well. I'm going to call into sallie Mae snd hopefully get another deferment and my uni debt I'll be able to skate by this month but from here on I'll keep up with that better

I'll upload proof this time since I'm finally giving up my strict anonymity thing. Probably tomorrow.. I'm exhausted.

God uh for one, I already semi knew I'd be okay THE DAY I QUIT and I put in so many applications. I even got a response back.. but my dumbass was so hellbent on ending my shit I not only didn't call em back, I blocked they number so they couldn't try to do any followup. Stupid shit 😭

I think I'm glad I did it though. I wanna do something completely different this time and I applied to all office jobs. I know I'd run into the same issue if I do some more work from home officey/customer service shit rn

And hopefully... if nothing else.. I can save the money to make the appointments to get diagnosed. If I can manage just keeping a job for longer than 2 weeks, I'll make enough money to pay off my debts with no problem.

I dont want to smoke, I don't want to play anything, I don't really wanna play or watch anything anymore, I just want to be sad and get some money to get myself fixed atp

Anyways L. I feel dumb ah. I'm ready to move on

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 28 May ‘21

Zayn’s rap EP??? Dropped yesterday???!? “Breaking my silence” says Zayn on Yellow Metal- Cathartic (Zayn is Yellow Metal here) and he DOES in 24 minutes of political, personal, complex and lyrically dense rap zoems! It was leaked/dropped whatever you wanna call it by being posted to Z’s cousin’s account (like the cover the other day); but clearly Zayn is behind these drops and that’s what matters, he is releasing this stuff in a way that will get to the fans but not inspire the media uproar (or contract issues) that posting to his own accounts would. As he says “don’t say I can’t communicate, you know I conversate with you in several different ways”, plus “I’ve had enough of being my own enemy, come a long way since 17, I have a few things to say when I get up on a microphone, I didn’t give up on fame I need this time like therapy it’s just to keep me sane… and to be honest it’s offensive, offensive to my still open wounds, trying to ask me questions they know they don’t have I ever replied, I prefer to sit down be online and respond to fanart,” I LOVE THAT. And the political content?! “What a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees, it's never leaving to a real sense so FUCK THE FEDS” (or fuck the fence, not clear, either way, YES ZAYN!), “the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding by what they put in writing we should be used to it by now say whatever for the vote and then just chose another route say they’ll never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown” and “been facing the racists back when I was a kid...kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me and the kids that would call me paki still sit in the classroom chilling, and now that I’m older I see they treat us different, got me thinking I was the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues, 20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat, came to tell you what I stand for, man I think this shit’s a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat, ‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight, try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white, my name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” HELL YEAH ZAYN. PLUS: “never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl,” not gonna lie I LOVE to see this GOOD good good, "just became a dad so now I’m taking all the checks" HA yes get it, "trying to be a better person than the world deserves to see," and, “with a cigarette, sun coming up, write my thoughts on the internet, feeling deep, I'm just bored with the silhouette, get fucked up for the thrill of it,” “I’m just here for the rap then I’m leaving.” AND SO MUCH MORE all in Zayn’s excellent voice and accent, a GIFT that’ll take much more than a day to really unpack and appreciate!

And happy 28th, Louis is writing music! Looks like he is working with producer team Rick Parkhouse and George Tizzard in London (they call themselves Red Triangle Productions and put out music as SuperHi)- they posted a studio picture and tagged Louis. He’s just visible in the booth, singing. Also present- writer/ musician, Paul Whalley and songwriter Robert Harvey (The Music, The Streets) who were both posted and tagged Louis in as well. Louis followed Harvey. Hell yeah, what a line up! Not only that, Jamie Hartman answered a ProjectKMM participant’s question about other songs with Louis-- are they still working on new stuff? He says “I’m sure Louis has been working on new songs with lots of people!” [as we see, yes] “But yes we have done some too- who knows what will make the next album but he’s a top man and I would always write and hang w LT.”

Harry won Best Lyrics for Adore You at the iHeart Awards and Best Cover Song for Juice but failed to take the Artist of the Year or Song of the Year Categories, but more exciting than that- he’s listed as the Director of a new cosmetics and perfume company!!! People have been speculated about him doing something with Gucci Beauty for a long time now (he’s been noted to use their cosmetics, and definitely models their nail polish), and he has of course done perfume ads for them- there’s speculation that this could be for something with them, or it could just be a new thing of his very own. Well the Harry Styles palette would be a damn hit and we all know it, bring it on!

Anne Marie’s Big Weekend performance aired today and yes! She did Our Song with Niall! It’s the performance they recorded last week or so that we saw the pics from, yay first time getting to see them play it, but it was very quickly followed by the next time as their Jonathan Ross show performance also aired! And in case you’re sad about Niall’s previous promo buddies being replaced, there’s no need for that, he’s only adding to the pack; he tweeted Julia Michaels just today, “love ya hules” AWWW. He posted a bunch of cute OS video bts pics too, followed Oprah Winfrey and said he’d like to go to space and that he “would have liked to have been” a godfather to a 1D boy’s baby but “maybe the next one.”

Meanwhile Liam is looking at the fanart submissions he asked for- he retweeted a terrific drawing of himself laughing and said “this is amazing!” and liked a couple of other art posts. Feels like it’s about time for a monthly Liam catch up video, perhaps? Something else to look forward to!

#zayn #yellow metal #louis tomlinson #harry styles #femme harry rise!! #liam payne #anne marie #28 may 21 #ZAYNN!!!! from least likely to spill the dirt to just DOING IT just like that #LOVE HIM #appreciate him and his relationship with the fans so much

[lochsides]

Yellow Metal - cathartic Review

Here’s something I did not expect to be reviewing this week but when Zayn drops a 24 minute rap track, you fall in line. I had to listen to it a couple times through before I could even begin to make sense of my thoughts because my brain sort of malfunctioned. I have never been prouder to be a Zayn fan. He’s such a nuanced songwriter and there is so much to unpack here.

I think this is the most unfiltered version of Zayn that we have ever been exposed to (and possibly will ever be). I am grateful that he said his piece in this because it needed to be said. As a brown woman, I felt so seen by this and I cannot explain what that means to me. Thank you Z, for your unvarnished truth in addressing racism and various forms of discrimination.

I’m doing a short lyrical analysis below the cut, but the TLDR is that this is a fantastic piece of art that deserves to be heard.

I wish he had released this as an EP because that would be easier to review than a single 24 minute song, structurally speaking. So instead, I have picked out some key lyrics, going from top to bottom, that really spoke to me and decided to study the song that way. His lyricism is hard-hitting in this track. It is beyond anything he has ever released before.

“The planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving until we ascend so fuck the fence.” — I have not seen this lyric being talked about in the fandom, because the lyrics that follow this steal the show, rightly so, but I wanted to give this line a moment because it’s important too. To me, this lyric speaks to where Zayn is at with his relationship with the physical world. He’s out on the farm (about which he even goes to say “tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor”) and I believe he’s happy in his space and he feels connected to nature (also see River Road). So it is a poignant and slightly jaded, but valid perspective that he shares on climate change. It’s never leaving until we ascend. The damage human beings have done to the planet won’t be undone until there are no humans left to do damage. It’s a single sentence that says so much about the depth of the climate crisis. I’m doing my PhD on urban air quality so this is something I care really deeply about and I resonated with.

“And until they stop killing colour, it’s fuck the feds.” — Yeah, agreed Zayn. The systemic racism that he calls out here is echoed throughout the song, in equal parts anger and boldness. I love that he isn’t glossing over it with metaphors, which he could easily do and it would be beautiful in a totally different way, but this makes it harder for racists to overlook. There is so much power in calling it like it is.

“Never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a Benadryl, keeping it green in general.” — It frustrates me to no end to see Zayn painted as this drug-addicted lazy musician that doesn’t care about his work, because we know how untrue that is. This narrative is tired and simply boring too, and I won’t get into the racist connotations of it when you consider it against his white colleagues who smoke as much as him but that isn’t one of their defining traits in the media.

“I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work … it was hard work that got me heard” — I love the juxtaposition in this verse. The public/media perception on his career is that Zayn doesn’t put in effort or that he doesn’t want it. This obviously stems from his leaving the band. It goes back to what I was saying before about narrative, when in reality, as Zayn has said on various occasions, he fights to make his own choices. And that doesn’t have to look the way everyone else expects it to (“I beg you, don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt”), he has his own struggles that have helped forge his path, but it is his path that he paved, himself. He works hard to be heard. He has to. It reminds me of something my parents used to tell me when I was younger about being immigrants: you have to work 10 times harder for the same opportunities just because of the colour of your skin or your name on the cv. It’s a harsh truth to grow up with but it was my reality, as it is for most POC.

“This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm you. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here ‘til they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80…” — There is something about the simplicity of these lyrics are the messaging that I love. He isn’t trying too hard to sound poetic but he still manages it perfectly.

“All I've been achieving, clocking miles in this region, moving like a legion. Promise that I made to myself, an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving? Staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving. // I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy. It’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on the mike.” — This is the only 1D-related lyric I’ll make reference to because this song is about so much more than that. That said though, we cannot overlook Zayn’s experiences in the band because that is part of his story. The tongue-in-cheek of “I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving” is hilarious to me. The line about not wanting to be his own enemy anymore and growing up from 17 reminds me of that quote Taylor (Swift) mentioned in Miss Americana about celebrities getting stuck at the age they got famous. I think this verse is similar to that. None of them ever wanted to be in the band and I don’t care what anyone says, Zayn leaving and proving success outside the band gave the rest of them the courage to follow their own solo careers. Sure there was drama surrounding the split but he did it for himself, to tell his stories the way he is now. Whatever else you have to say about him, you cannot deny his authenticity.

“I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane.” — I think this line tells us 2 things, the first being that this song was not leaked. Z knew what he was doing and his twitter likes tell us as much. He didn’t release it for any sort of attention, otherwise it would be widely available on streaming platforms and for purchase. Which leads to my second point, he released this song to get everything he talks about on the track off his chest. Its referenced in other lyrics too, like “now you see where I come from, the world don’t.” This was for whoever cared to listen, not the world. It’s inaccessible for a reason. I love that he threw those lyrics in. It makes the song feel more like a private conversation or listening to a friend rant. It creates a different form of intimacy between himself and his fans.

“Lessons that I’ve learned, I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself. So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt.” — This one is for anyone that buys into conspiracy theories surrounding Zayn’s personal life. He surrounds himself with real people, real friendships, real connections. I have never bought into the bullshit that he has zero autonomy over his personal life. I love the use of plastic melting as a metaphor for ridding his life of fakeness.

“Feeling trapped. This industry is a cage.” — Zayn is obviously not the first person to say it. Many artists talk about how suffocating the industry is ( which he further comments on in the sung portion: “I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this”). Fame is such a wild and unnatural concept and the exploitation and politics of the music industry only feed further into it. The industry being a cage makes me think of zoos and how celebrities are animals on display, when they should be free in the wild. I also really like the musical interlude following this part.

“Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views.” — Zayn toes the line between keeping to himself and speaking out on important issues, sometimes not very well. I am his biggest cheerleader, but I’m not up his ass. There have been many occasions where he could’ve done better. But I cannot fault him for being offended by the State because same, Z, same. I love that he took this song as an opportunity to real speak out, no punches pulled.

“See I’ve been facing the racists from back when I were a kiddie. Born up in 93’. Living in Bradford City, they kicked me out of the school. Said they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p***, still sit in the classroom, chilling. I’m angry now that I’m older cause I see they treat us different. Got me thinking I’m the problem ‘cause they never dealt with these issues.” — See what I meant about no punches pulled. He said that! He said it like that too. There is so much in this verse that I relate to, it hits a little too deep. I grew up as a brown in predominantly white communities where the colour of my skin was the reason I was outcasted. We know when that’s happening, clear as day. The lyric “got me thinking that I’m the problem cause they never dealt with these issues” says it all. I have many racial traumas that I’m dealing with as an adult because the adults around me when I was a child didn’t deal with racism in the classroom. They do treat us different!

“20 years later, I’m still in the same boat. Tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for. Man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? // Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them. ‘Boy your skin is so light.’ Ok motherfucker, take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.” — Zayn talking his shit is my new favourite art form. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? Something that I will always be enraged by is that POC are expected to de-escalate situations of racism. We have to push our feelings down, as Zayn says in the verse, because the institution is against us. All of the institutions are against us. The fact that he takes it a step farther to say that his name makes him a target for racism, even though he is half-white just nails his point home. Also, can we please quit the whole ‘Zayn is white-passing’ bullshit. He alludes to it again later in the song (“asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define”). Its not a compliment to erase someone identity in favour of white-washing them.

“My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” — Oh, the amount of times we have heard that age old (v. racist) saying ‘{celebrity of colour} is the new [insert white celebrity here]’ as if POC aren’t allowed to succeed in their own right. It is wild to me that Zayn has to deal with this given his level of success.

“Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening. I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine.” — There is a subtle nod to racism (and Islamaphobia) in this line, because of course the brown man is a threat, but I like the way Z turns it around. I also like the rhyme scheme.

“Raised on the benefit for whose benefit? They’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.” — Okay I might be reaching here, but this is just my interpretation. We all know the benefit system in the UK sucks. Being raised on benefit implies a lack of money growing up, but the benefits aren’t really all that beneficial to the families that rely upon them.

“Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause I hit the nerve.” — Well, okay then, just call me out. It’s fine. I seriously feel like he’s talking to me directly with this line. I imagine a lot of us do. Its one of those lyrics that are a bit too honest but that why we love them.

“Cathartic, I’m an artist. Trying to put my heart in” // “Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name.” — So do we have an alternate persona for Zayn now? Alright, I’m down. I think these two lines are tied together, because both are mentioned in the song title. (I think of the song as cathartic, by Yellow Metal, aka Zayn, or Yellow Metal as the name of the EP if this was officially released). The lyrics that accompany both title lyrics, along with the subject matter of the song as a whole, suggest that his heart is in standing up against injustices. I said it earlier, this is the most unvarnished version of Z that we have ever been exposed to. Almost like the complete picture to the puzzle pieces we’ve been putting together over the years.

“They’re tryna kill us with disease.” — Why did this line scream out ‘COVID-19 outbreaks in developing countries’ to me? Again, I might be reaching, but there is a disparity between how COVID is treated amongst minorities, along with many other diseases, and not to mention rich, primarily white countries hoarding vaccine supplies while places like India (and my beautiful Bangladesh and I’m sure Pakistan too) suffer needlessly.

“Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next. Just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around ’til I’m the best.” — I think this lyric shows off Zayn’s sentimental side more than it does his ambitious side, because we know he’s in this for the long haul. Others may doubt that but his fans never have. But hearing him talk openly about being a father on a song is something else. It’s like Khai added this whole other layer of meaning and purpose to his life and it’s beautiful to watch. I’ve been here since the X-Factor auditions guys!! It makes me so emotional to witness him like this.

“Aint many of me around, p***, I’m just different. Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil, fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto.” — God, we’ve been waiting for a fuck the label moment in this house, haven’t we? I won’t get into my theories on his label or his team, but none of us deny the fact that they should be doing more for him than they are. He has the potential to be the biggest thing with the right team and promo because he has a built-in fan base that would go the mile for him. Obviously, there’s also his aversion to promo to contend with and that’s his decision. Even without it, he could shatter every ceiling. Another thing I want to mention about this verse is the nod to the complete lack of South Asian representation in contemporary Western media.

“Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse.” — I’m just putting this in here because it made giggle. Also going to take this space to say how much I love his energy in this song. He knows he’s the shit, as he should!

“Can’t be louder … so free Gaza on my banner.” // “They’re hating on Palestine ways.” — I love that Zayn has always supported this movement, years ago, before being ‘woke’ was a thing. But now, he has a daughter that has Palestinian heritage and I’m sure that makes this hit that much deeper for him, personally. The apartheid in Palestine is heart-wrenching. It’s so strange to me to watch it happen, because I never thought I would witness something like this happening in 2021, yet here we are.

“Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing. We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route. Say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown. I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.” — This verse is straight up savage and I am living for it! I find it hilarious that he called Biden a snake. This verse addresses the truth about politics, that even electing a left-wing leader doesn’t fix the system.

“I’m Tony Stark, still embarking on a dream” // “Gone green like Bruce Banner” // “He taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten.” — And to tie it all off, I wanted to take a goofy moment to mention all the superhero lyrics Z added in this song, really showing his personality because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this stuff and it makes me wish that we were friends so I could annoy him to death about it.

#reviews #zayn #yellow metal #cathartic #zayn malik

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Do you have any upcoming fics you’re working on? If so, what are they about?

i do! i’ve been kinda focused on my dnd campaign for the past week, but i definitely wanna get back into writing fics soon.

but yes, i definitely have some WIPs brewing in my docs! the titles may not be for sure, but there’s:

regret.mov — the fic about Vanessa’s recordings while she was a beta tester. 90% humor, 10% horror.

Over the sound of the Phone Guy speaking, footsteps can be heard.

“Wait, why— what—”

The camera pans to the left. The door’s light flickers on to reveal Bonnie walking down the hall.

“OH MY GOD! THAT’S— CLOSE THE DOOR!”

Vanessa’s hand smacks the button. The door slams shut.

“Why are they so BIG?! I—”

“Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night…”

“GOTTA GO!”

Vanessa slams the phone down on the receiver. Phone Guy keeps talking.

olly olly oxenfree — taking the time travel idea and making it about the fave! Glitchtrap forces Vanessa into a never-ending time loop where the only way to end it is by killing Gregory. psychological trauma, horror, and a truck-load of death ensues!

“DISASSEMBLE VANNY!”

Then, pain. Hot, white pain that blooms all over, rips her apart. Yes, she can feel as her limbs burst at the seams of her flesh, tugging and pulling in every direction, trying to destroy her like a toddler would to a puzzle their older sibling just completed. Her body is a jigsaw of all things wrong and horrible.

The void shudders as though it’s cold, her waterfall of blood providing no warmth to its mass. She opens her mouth to try and scream, but nothing comes out.

Something then materializes in the abyss, flickering and vaguely rabbit-shaped. It stares at her with glowing purple eyes, and its voice is both everywhere and nowhere when it opens its mouth to speak.

“You will always come back.”

Suddenly, the whole world bends, twists, flips upside down, and then collapses on itself.

vermillion bones — Vanessa falls down some stairs, breaks her ankle so bad the bone comes out of her skin, and then instantly things she’s stuck in the utility tunnels forever

If there was one thing Vanessa didn’t like, it was the dark.

Well, and public bathrooms, but this was about the dark right now.

Anything could be dwelling within a black shadow, just waiting to come out and rend the flesh from your bones. In the darkness, horrible things beyond the mind’s imagination lurked. She hated how vulnerable it made her feel, taking away her vision and leaving her helpless to whatever had its bloodshot eyes on her.

For that reason, Vanessa preferred to avoid the utility tunnels down beneath the Pizzaplex. Some people thought they were cool, but Vanessa wasn’t one of them. She didn’t like how dark and tight they were. She felt trapped down there, like she was locked underground in some kind of hellish catacombs.

However, when her boss told her she had to go down there for some god-knows-why reason, she didn’t have much of a choice.

can’t sneeze if you’re in a coma! — Vanessa takes Benadryl and NyQuil during her shift and then blacks out. requested by an anon that i have only half-written 😅

There’s a burrowing rabbit at the back of Vanessa’s throat, scratching and scratching and scratching away at the soft pink tissue. She tries to drown it with swigs of water, but it keeps swimming up through the torrent to resume its digging. She finally just accepts it: she has a cold.

Vanessa, in part, blames it on her stupid brain and its stupid insistence on being stressed all the time. She knows stress and anxiety can weaken the immune system, and she’s definitely been stressed a lot lately. Really, she can’t remember a time when she hasn’t felt stressed out.

But alongside that, it’s winter in Utah, and she did get locked out a few nights ago. It was only a matter of time before her body’s natural defenses against illness decided to retire and leave her to fend for herself.

Stupid white blood cells not doing their job. She really needs to start charging them every time they fail to protect her body.

you should be able to eat what you want: an essay by freddy fazbear — Freddy finds Vanessa stressing over homework for her Nutrients and Diet Therapy class and decides to help her out. there’s also some hurt/comfort over body image issues and eating habits in there.

“Officer Vanessa, I—”

The comment dies away in Freddy’s mouth as he takes in the scene before him: Vanessa hunched over the security office’s table, the surface covered in papers, pens, and a bulky textbook; her eyes shadowed by bags so big they could probably hide bodies; a mini mountain of coffee cans in the trash can. More interesting, though, is the fact that she’s wearing glasses.

the strength to go on — the bad ending to the dad!Mike au

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

It was the thing that wouldn’t stop running through his head.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Animatronics should not be able to feel human emotions. They simply were not capable of perceiving such a large spectrum of sensation and awareness. And yet, the pain in his chest was intense and fiery, like holding a smoldering point to the twisted metal of his core. It was real. This was real. And kneeling here now, witnessing what laid before him, he was sure nothing could hurt any worse than this.

In his arms he cradled a fragile body. It was not the body of the boy he had been chauffeuring around the Pizzaplex all night, but instead the body of the night guard that the boy insisted on not trusting. His daughter.

run for your life — me? projecting my trauma onto a fnaf character? more likely than you think!

There are nails in her flesh, similar to wolf claws, drawing bright red blood. They’re so strong they managed to rip the fabric of her uniform, and she hopes her higher ups won’t be angry with her when they find out. Will they give her a new one with no charge or will they berate her, blaming her for its destruction? She doesn’t know. Frankly, she doesn’t want to tell them about it. She doesn’t want to tell anyone about this.

#ask #enjoy these snippets 😌 #writing things

[r3almellow]

Dealing With A Sick Kiro, Victor and Lucien

Hello there! Thank you for the request! I did Gavin and Shaw before so please refer to the links below for those two! 

Gavin: Dealing With A Sick Bird Cop

Shaw: Dealing With A Sick Shaw 

Warning: NO WARNINGS!

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Kiro

BIG BABY!

Knows he’s sick and wants you to take care of him.

He’ll be super dramatic and wants to get his way the whole time! 

“Miss Chips, its so difficult to get out of bed. If only I had someone to carry me.” Obviously, he’s joking but he wouldn’t object if you actually tried to pick him up. 

Wants you by his side always! You thought he was clingy before? You’re not prepared for his sick ass wanting to cling on to you like some damn koala. 

If he doesn’t get his way, he’ll pout. 

“You know what would make me feel better? Hawaiian pizza with stuffed crust, French fries, and strawberry soda an-.” Yeah, no. You’ll drink this soup and take your butt to bed, mister! Cue the cute pout. 

The only time Kiro will try to hide that he’s sick is when he’s preparing for a show. Like he ends up getting sick the day before a performance. 

He never wants to disappoint his fans.

Horrible liar when confronted about the possibility of being sick. 

“Me? Sick? Of course not! My body is only hot whenever I’m with you. Wanna make it hott-? OW! Okay! Its only a cold!” 

If its really bad he’ll give in to yours and Savin’s concerns and take a sick day.

Depending on the severity of his sickness Kiro likes to think of his sick days as his goof off days. Play video games, eating snacks, and tinkering with his computer.

You’ll have to monitor him to make sure he’s not overdoing it unless you want to face his manager’s wrath. 

Hates medicine! Will be a pouty baby if you make him drink something disgusting.

Sick Kiro can also be a bit naughty, not as much as he usually is, but will try his luck. Will get even poutier if you deny his advances. 

“I’ll get a reward if I drink this, right? What kind of reward will it be? If you can’t tell me what it is, then can you show me instead?” 

As stated, how Kiro behaves depends on what the issue is. Kiro with a sore throat is different from Kiro with the flu. 

One will be trying to stuff a large amount of Halls candy into his mouth with a cup of honey and lime with ginger tea and a game controller by his side while the other will be too weak to get out of bed.

Lives for your cuddles while he’s lying down. Will you get sick too? A high possibility. Does that stop him from smothering you with wet kisses? NOOOOPE.

Don’t worry though! Kiro is really good at returning the favor if and whenever you get sick.

Victor

This workaholic will acknowledge he’s sick but continues to work. 

He’ll be in the office even if you express your concerns unless its something contagious. He wouldn’t want to infect his employees!

Will most likely go home for the day if he ends up almost doing something that jeopardizes his work, like uncontrollable sneezing during a meeting or passing out after taking medication.

Worst case scenario, Goldman “secretly” calls you to inform you that your stubborn baby should probably stay home for the day. Thus, causes you to show up at LFG to drag Victor home. 

You will have to put your foot down to make sure Victor doesn’t do anything work related while he’s home. 

Take away all electronic devices because he will find a way to check his emails! 

Victor will complain a lot, but give him two minutes in his satin silk comforter and he’s out like a light.

He has a list of foods he likes to eat while he’s sick but since you both know your cooking skills are...questionable at times he will settle for soup. 

Will have ingredients and a “How to make” memo ready and waiting for you just in case. Even if you don’t make it the way he’s used to Victor won’t complain too much. 

Doesn’t care for medicine and prefers to just sleep off whatever he’s feeling, but will take what you give him. 

When he complains about the taste just tease him a bit. What will that do? Put a smile on YOUR face as he looks at you in pure horror.

“Don’t like the taste? How about I slip this cherry flavored Benadryl into your soup next time.” 

The disgusted on Victor’s face will have you dying from laughter. 

“Never joke about something so inhumane ever again.” 

Victor can sometimes be a bit fussy when he’s sick. Things will either be too hot, too cold, too bright or not bright enough. Its almost impossible to satisfy him when he’s like this. 

He’ll go from “Just because you’ve decided to become my “nurse” doesn’t mean you can slack off. Go finish that report.” to “Where are you going? Come back here and stay with me.”

Once he’s back at full strength he’ll make you all the pudding you want as a thank you. 

Lucien

The least likely to give you trouble while they’re sick.

However, is most likely to tease you until you forget that he’s sick, so you don’t worry over him too much. 

You’ll figure him out earlier on and make it known that you will do whatever it takes to nurse him back to health. 

If you’re that adamant, he won’t stop you from researching all sorts of remedies to help him.

He could easily just tell you what to do, but it was much more fun seeing your eyebrows furrow and your eyes glaring at the computer screen in annoyance. 

The only time he’ll step in is when WebMD informs you that Lucien’s coughs could be a sign that he’s got some super rare disease that’s incurable. 

You’ll look at him with watery eyes. “But...but, this website said that you-”

His chuckles will cut you off. “Silly, just put on some tea and sit by my side. This is more than enough to make me feel better.” 

Is a pretty simple guy. Wants to relax with some tea and a good book.

Will sleep a lot and will probably have the best sleep of his life after you give him some Nyquil. 

If he wakes up and finds you passed out in a chair by his side, he’ll pick you up and have you in bed with him. 

He’ll have your body against his warm chest, enjoying your light snores as he too drifts back to sleep. 

“Thank you...” 

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Like my writing? Take a look at my other MLQC stuff in my masterpost! 

#mr love #mr love queens choice #mlqc #mlqc kiro #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mr love kiro #mr love lucien #mr love victor #kiro #lucien #victor