#I was intending this to be about Essek caring for his friends

[hello-eeveev]

can we. can we talk about how in the final lucien fight, Essek failed to resist the slow effect from one of the eyes (he rolled two natural 1s in a row). canonically, he was weighed down with with so much shame and guilt that he could barely move—the same guilt that he is seriously considering going back in time to undo—and he didn’t use his fortune’s favor reroll to try to alleviate it.

but he did expend his mote of possibility when he struggled to pull Caleb out from under a building. no hesitation.

so. so. was he saving his fortune’s favor for the mighty nein? had he already decided not to use it for himself?

homeboy really said “I would break the world to undo my sins, but I will bear them if it means you survive.”

#‘I don’t fool myself into thinking I will absolve myself of those things #but I think that if I do enough I can at least carry it more easily.’ #‘I have taken your lessons to heart.’ #now flip it and reverse it #more late night wizard posting with eve #critical role #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #shadowgast #I was intending this to be about Essek caring for his friends #and not specifically about sg #but what can I say #the wizards have had an indelible effect on each other #late night wizard posting #eve talks

[mareastrorum]

if essek did it, why do you think he did? i'm at a loss as to how it would benefit him to give her a shiv. (hope my tone doesn't read hostile, i'm genuinely confused)

I haven't taken any of the asks as hostile, so no worries!

The short answer is that Essek would have benefited whether the Scourger succeeded in killing Caleb or not. Longer answer:

To begin with, let's set the stage. In episode 56, the Nein had handed over the beacon, and in 57, the Bright Queen awarded them with emblems that represented their status as heroes of the Dynasty. It was only after the Bright Queen elevated their status in front of the entire court that she assigned Essek (without asking first) to be their "steward" for the time being, including the responsibility of seeing as to their lodgings.

The Bright Queen is clever. She certainly considered that maybe this was a ploy from the Empire to insert spies into her midst, especially because only one of two beacons was returned. From her perspective, assigning her most trusted spymaster to keep an eye on these idiots is exactly what she should do. If they're plants, Essek would sort it out. If not, they were highly valuable assets that could be used against the Empire or as liaisons.

So, let's orient this from Essek's POV. This bunch of chucklefucks that don't know court decorum came into the queen's throne room, intending to ask a favor in exchange for ridding Asarius of a demon infestation. Then a rival noble calls them out for attacking him and other Kryn outside of Asarius. Just before they're arrested, the human (ginger with blue eyes, a Zemnian) pulls out a beacon of the Luxon, announces that he and his friends are not friends of the Empire, and then offers it to the Bright Queen. Now they're the queen's favored, and out of all the people at court that day, she chose Essek Thelyss, the Shadowhand, in charge of the Dungeon of Penance, to keep an eye on them.

But Essek is the one that stole the beacons. He realizes the same possibilities (spies or well-intentioned rubes), but if anyone in the Dynasty knew about the Volstrucker, it'd be Essek. There is no reason whatsoever for Essek to trust the Nein because those beacons were supposed to stay in the Empire. The reason he handed them over in the first place was that he was supposed to share in the research done by incredibly powerful wizards who did not care about the religious significance. Whether Essek knew or not that one had been lost by the Assembly, the Nein's act of returning one negatively impacted the deal he made. There's the possibilities that Ikithon and the other Assembly members betrayed Essek by lying or hiding information, or perhaps they sent the Nein to expose Essek as the traitor to remove a loose end, or perhaps the Nein really are ignorant and they could gum everything up. Regardless of which situation this is, the best outcome for Essek would be neutralizing the interlopers before they come upon, intentionally or not, his involvement in the theft of the beacons.

The problem, of course, is that the Nein are Heroes of the Dynasty, and since Essek is responsible for their care in the Dynasty, failure to safeguard them would also reflect badly upon him. That could also sabotage his position and ability to do the research he pleases. So he can't just kill them. He has to get them killed in a way that would not make him look bad, preferably in a way that scapegoats someone else for the inevitable blame at failing to protect them.

The condemned Scourger attacked Caleb in episode 77. None of the events between Essek's introduction and that point provide a reason for Essek to trust the Nein regarding his personal risk as a traitor to the Dynasty. Here are his subsequent appearances and what happened:

Episode 57: Essek lets Yeza out of his prison after the interrogation yields information on DeRogna's research of the beacons (the potions Yeza made) and that she took the beacon back two days before the attack, which was shortly before the Nein arrived in Felderwin and began heading to the Dynasty. Because of the timeline of events, Essek realizes that must be the second beacon, so now both are accounted for. This also lets him know what sort of research they did with that beacon, and since Yeza only saw one, the one the Nein returned must have been used for something else. This is great intel for Essek, but not a reason to trust the Nein--only to find them useful.

Episode 61: After the Nein report back to Professor Waccoh of their completion of her mission, Essek arrives at the Inn where he lodged the Nein and escorts them to the Thelyss estate that his den has secured for them. Notably, the work they did was not for Essek; they worked for Waccoh and were paid for the trouble. That just proved they're capable mercenaries.

Episode 62: Essek visits the Xhorhaus after the Nein have settled a bit. He's rather cold: declines offer to join for dinner, declines a drink, has to be persuaded to answer why he isn't familiar with the neighborhood, doesn't want to say where he lives, repeatedly says he wants to get back to his research, etc. It's only once Caleb starts discussing magic and how he wants to learn that Essek starts the game they play about trying to get info from the other without divulging anything useful. Essek requests something impressive for the chance he might teach Caleb something. He then asks questions when Caleb shows off his familiar and giant earthen cat paw:

Essek was flat out rude to Beau, and this was before the whole "White Xhorhasian" drink faux pas. But even with an unimpressive persuasion roll, he offers Caleb a choice of the types of spells he could learn and even lets Caleb handle and read the book himself. Again, Essek has no reason to trust the Nein at this point. This wasn't because he believed or trusted Caleb--Caleb didn't persuade Essek of shit. Essek was fishing for information. He was already going to teach Caleb something, and the persuasion roll was probably to see how many spell levels he'd get. What spells does this Zemnian that stole a beacon from the Empire want to know? Would he give into the temptation to read elsewhere in the book? Caleb chose "the bending of fate, destiny" and learned Fortune's Favor and Gift of Alaracity. Essek is slightly less rude to the Nein as he leaves, probably pleased that he learned something useful in exchange for low-level dunamancy spells, plus now Caleb owes him a favor. Favors are a great way to set up the Nein for whatever scheme he intends later.

Episode 63: Essek is present in the Bright Queen's throne room when the Nein report their findings from the Overcrow Apothecary to her. During this conversation, Caleb admits to the Bright Queen that he had received some training to become a Scourger, though he did not complete it. When Essek is asked if he believes them about the cult of the Angel of Irons, he says he does, and even says he trusts them, though he declines to join them on this quest. Essek has not had any reason to trust the Nein by this point. He flat out lied. Even Fjord commented "'Cause he's been checking on that shit," because he and the others felt Essek was likely keeping an eye on them via Scrying (since they discovered hovering orbs in the Xhorhaus). Maybe their strangeness and civility (even if a little racist) made them endearing, but that's a different issue from trust. Essek wants them to chase down this cult precisely because it is dangerous and could get them killed. All the better that they die in service of the Dynasty, because then he won't be blamed for something sanctioned by the Bright Queen herself.

Episode 65: Jester sends to Essek asking about the Arbor Exemplar in the Barbed Fields, and while she asked for more, he only provides the name, notes it's dangerous terrain, and says they're doing him proud.

Episode 70: When the Nein return to Rosohna and report to the Bright Queen, Essek is again in the throne room. Before Essek is singled out, Caleb requests from the Bright Queen more training from Essek and info on the newly captured Scourger (which they just learned about, and Caleb suspects is Astrid). The Bright Queen says that the Nein haven't quite earned that much trust yet. Once Caduceus explains that the Nein want to fast and safe travel to the Flotket Alps, Essek makes himself known and offers to take them there, again declining to do more than transport them. Essek does not accompany the Nein to see the Scourger, but considering it's his dungeon and he is a spymaster, he was probably Scrying or otherwise tracking what transpired. Of course, it turns out that she isn't Astrid. Later, Caleb returns to the Lucid Bastion and waits to speak to Essek. Caleb confirms he was not actually a Scourger, but knows some about them. Caleb also requests a chance to speak to the Scourger again, even if Essek is there, and that they not accelerate the execution. (He didn't even ask for a delay.) Essek says he'll see and leaves.

Sidebar: Essek absolutely wants intel from this Scourger. He would know they report to the Assembly, and he would not know whether they are aware of his deal with the Assembly. As a condemned captive, her word against his isn't going to mean anything anyway, so the potential of the Scourger outing Essek is practically nil. Thus, there isn't any real risk at letting the Scourger say whatever she wants to say to Caleb. If anything, observing undetected meant better intel.

Episode 71: Jester sends to Essek, who arrives with an armed guard (weird) to teleport the Nein to the Flotket Alps. Before they go, the Nein left ball bearings on the ground to see if Essek floats (he does) and then pretend to berate Dairon, their "housekeeper", for leaving them out. Essek seems to find the whole thing amusing, then teleports them. They got a mishap because of the roll, but then arrive in the mountains. Again, stuff that could be endearing, but why did Essek have an armed guard...? That's so weird.

Episode 72: The Nein poke a little fun at Essek for the mishap, but he leaves via a Teleportation Circle.

Episode 73: Caleb asks Jester to Send to Essek to ask about the status of the Scourger's execution date, but Jester instead requests a delay. Remember how Caleb didn't request a delay before? Now he's requesting a delay indirectly; he didn't even ask Essek himself. (Man, that would seem rude from Essek's POV.) Essek responds that he'll try, but notes his den has no further interest in keeping the Scourger alive. When Caleb asks Jester to pass on that he might be able to help because of his history, Essek responds the same, but cracks a joke since Jester ended with "You pooping?" Essek's trying to endear himself to Jester, but we can't conclude whether it's sincere or subterfuge. After all, if she told anyone he joked, he could easily deny it. That was specifically for her.

Episode 74: The Nein send to Essek and ask him to come to the Xhorhaus so he can teleport them and meet someone. They briefly discuss the Scourger, and while Essek managed to get an extension of 2 weeks on the execution, he needs more of a heads up for Caleb to visit the Scourger again. Caleb then says here is a formal request, and Essek says he'll deal with that arrangement then. They introduce him to Reani, he dispels an enchantment on a paper hiding some items, then he teleports them to Mythburrow. At the end of the episode, Matt notes they're racking up quite a debt to Essek.

Let's pause there.

Each prior time the Nein went to the Dungeon of Penance, it was impromptu. They had just been announced as Heroes of the Dynasty when Essek personally took them to the dungeon to see Yeza as their first stop. The Nein were permitted to visit the Scourger unescorted as soon as they learned about her. Now there needs to be notice? It couldn't be because of the execution because the Bright Queen mentioned to begin with that the Scourger would be executed. There was no change of plan other than the extension that the Nein requested only a day prior. Why would Essek need to give anyone notice about someone visiting a condemned prisoner held in the prison that he manages?

Probably to make sure that Scourger has a fucking shiv.

Episode 75: At the beginning of the episode, before returning to Rosohna, Essek notes the Nein are ridiculous, tells them to have fun, and even calls them "friends." Again, that makes him seem endearing and less formal, but it's done out in the boonies. If any of them tried to tell someone from the Dynasty that he had done any of those things, he could probably deny it. So his reputation is safe, and it makes it seem like he likes them.

That's twice now he's been nice without any reason to trust them. Hmmm, sure seems like building some plausible deniability to me.

Episode 77: Jester summons Essek to the Xhorhaus. They discuss that the Bright Queen would like the Nein to find where the remaining beacon is in the Empire. Caleb attempts to fish for whether any particular Assembly members come to mind that Essek wants investigated, but he replies that he could list all of them if Caleb likes. Beau's insight check to see if Essek is sincere about ending the conflict fails. Caleb attempts to fish for a last known location of the beacon, and Essek gives an unhelpful answer that it must certainly be moved frequently. That's Essek being rude; they already know the beacon was last seen in Felderwin because Yeza said DeRogna took it from there 2 days before his capture by the Kryn. Essek is being intentionally and obviously obtuse. Fjord asks if others are on this quest, and Essek answers yes, but declines to give the Nein a way to identify them. Then they bring up the condemned Scourger, and Essek only recommends speaking to her soon; no specified date. Caleb asks if that day works, then Essek assents and offers to escort him.

That sure is a suspicious moment to suddenly decide to be helpful, isn't it? Sure is weird that he went back to being rude after being openly amiable and even joking with them, isn't it?

Then, when they arrive at the prison:

That is a really weird thing to say after the Nein were permitted to visit this same prisoner unescorted without notice as soon as they learned about her. Of course, then the attack happens. Matt doesn't mention whether Essek entered the cell before, during, or after Caleb starts talking to the Scourger, but Essek kills the Scourger after the attack.

Looking back at all the events that occurred leading to this point, Essek has not had any reason not to think that the Nein are somehow working for the Assembly or otherwise would expose him to the Bright Queen if they discovered what he had done. The key issue is that if the Nein placed their loyalties to either the Empire or the Dynasty over their loyalty to him, they could ruin him. That circumstance hasn't changed by this point, so the only reason to keep any of them alive is that they're cute. There's his entire life in the balance if he keeps letting them run around, especially if they search for the other beacon.

With that in mind, setting up the Scourger to be able to attack Caleb only puts his reputation at risk, and Essek has already taken steps to minimize that problem. Caleb was the one that requested a delay. Caleb was the one that wanted to speak to the Scourger. Caleb was the one that volunteered he had been training to be one. Caleb was the one that offered to fish for information useful to the Dynasty. Each was a push on the Dynasty's normal procedure and/or a personal risk to himself.

And what does Essek have to gain? It would be easy for Essek to frame this as the Assembly's pet Zemnians putting themselves at risk for small gains, and they're so devious even the best prison in the Dynasty was not enough to secure them perfectly. All the more reason to demonize the Empire and the Scourgers. It wouldn't matter if Caleb died or not; the attack was simply fuel for propaganda. Remember, Essek did not want peace. He wanted war. That bolstered his position as a spymaster, distracted the Dynasty from anything he was up to, and provided cover for the Assembly's research. In the long-term, it would just be one more incident to point to if Essek ever needed to sow dissent about Caleb's mental or emotional stability or the risk posed to the Dynasty by the Assembly.

And if Caleb died? One less member of the Nein to worry about. They'd gotten Essek some decent intel about the beacons, about DeRogna's research, and about the Scourgers. But that's it. They've done him no favors, they aren't directly useful for his research, and they're a massive liability.

Either of those outcomes specifically required violence. It wouldn't be enough for the Scourger to just rage in her chains. She needed to somehow get loose and have a weapon. Spells wouldn't have been a sufficient/sensible threat; she wouldn't have possibly been able to prepare spells from a book, and cantrips wouldn't have done much on their own against someone as strong as Caleb. But getting the Empire-trained assassin a shiv sure would have been a threat to a wizard made of soggy paper, and no matter how it played out, it only made the Empire look more monstrous.

So, yeah, I absolutely believe Essek went out of his way to make sure the Scourger would have an opportunity and weapon to attack Caleb. Risking some human's life for one more justification to prolong a war he started? That's the sort of shit I would expect from a neutral evil Shadowhand.

#my asks #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #the mighty nein #this wasn't supposed to be this long #i am juggling this and writing #i won't be sleeping tonight because i have shadowhand essek being a neutral evil schemer on the brain

[critter-genfic-events]

This week, we have eight amazing timeskip/future fics recced! Some skip ahead a handful of decades, while some skip ahead centuries, but all of them are wonderfully heart wrenching and hit just the right spot. Check them out under the cut, and as ever, comment or kudos if you like them!

The Matter of Lot 19 by pagerunner (10102,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

Keyleth returns to Whitestone after many, many years to see about a unique and precious clock that's up for auction. But she's not the only one intending to bid...and her competitors might not only be interested because of the clock's connection to a certain legendary de Rolo.

Reccer says: Beautiful and Bittersweet and has a lot of great older Kiki and Sun Tree moments.

Library Magic by westwind (2739,General) Warnings: None Pairings:

After the Mighty Nein's adventuring days are over, Caleb travels with a library in an enchanted wagon. He comes across a stranger who's nevertheless familiar.

Reccer says: I liked it

The More Things Change by FinnsKeeper (4922,Teen) Warnings: Major Character Death Pairings:

Beau is hurt. The best chance they have of saving her is asking for her to be consecuted

Reccer says: A heartbreatking but fascinating take on the nein being consecuted

Unexpected and Predictable by alullabytoleaveby (2131,General) Warnings: Pairings: Verin Thelyss & Caleb Widogast

The last thing Caleb expects to hear on a rainy Tuesday evening is the sound of a knock at his door and Verin Thelyss, Ambassador of the Bright Queen to the Dwendalian Empire, on his doorstep. But he should have expected it. After all, Essek had already prepared for this eventuality.

Reccer says: I love this glimpse of Verin, and Caleb being able to explain his relationship to Essek's brother.

What Makes a Home? by literalfuckinggarbage (3188,General) Warnings: Child abuse, abusive parenting Pairings: Beau & TJ

TJ turns up on Beau's doorstep after running away from Kamordah. Beau takes care of her little brother.

Reccer says: It's really lovely seeing an older Beau step up to being an older sister and the relationship between her and TJ is incredibly sweet. They have a rapport, they banter, and the love that's grown between them over the years is plain in each word between them. The ending is so wonderful too and it's a concept I really should rotate more.

cycles by justsleepwalkin (500,General) Warnings: Major Character Death Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Essek Thelyss

Caduceus and Essek take a walk among the falling leaves and have a talk about endings and beginnings.

Reccer says: Beautiful and atmospheric - a perfect moment between the two of them.

From the Mixed-Up Files of The J. Lavorre Catalogue Raisonné by renquise (2328,General) Warnings: None Pairings:

An art history report on the famous artist Jester Lavorre

Reccer says: I adore epistolary fics and this perfectly scratches that itch. Seeing what people might say about Jester and her friends centuries after they are gone is a treat!

a little birdie told me by Ink_Beneath_Her_Fingernails (1647,Not Rated) Warnings: None Pairings:

Kiri absently wonders if the Gentleman somehow had the foresight to keep her name out of their ears, and how he'd managed it for all these years. (Or: The mob boss Kiri we all deserve.)

Reccer says: Mob Boss Kiri - what's not to love?

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring prank fics!

Then, it'll be Ashton focused, Hair Care, and Pre-Campaign!

Any fics coming to mind?  Well, then use this form to submit!

If you're looking for some more, check out some fics written in the critter genfic bingo tag, or the older rec lists! Or you can request your own card and join in on the fun!

#critical role #critter genfic rec lists #timeskip au #future fic #keyleth of the air ashari #vox machina #caleb widogast #beauregard lionett #verin thelyss #tj lionett #caduceus clay #essek thelyss #jester lavorre #kiri critical role #the mighty nein

[bloopitynoot]

Shadowgast Corporate/Office-Au Rec List!

Hello I'm back again with more disaster wizard (well and in this case working professional but more office-like setting) recommendations!

This list is a little bit more bawdy than normal (I love a good smut fic, but I also try to vary the ratings on these lists for those who may not share my enthusiasm).

If you want to see my other shadowgast rec lists- they are linked at the end of this post. ANYWAYS- let's get into it!

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1 As per my last email

As per my last email (11651 words) by LivThael (I don't think they are on Tumblr- if they do please comment so I can tag- but they have a twitter listed in the notes of the fic) Chapters: 11/11 Rating: Explicit Summary: Essek Thelyss is an asshole with a questionable taste in spreadsheets. Caleb Widogast has more important and certainly more interesting things to do than filing travel expense claims. A series of mails turns into a escalating meeting. Or: Please stop writing me emails, I genuinely hate you. - Explicit content only in chapter 10.

What I loved: Anyone who has worked in an office knows a passive aggressive email when they get one. Plus we have the added bonus of having to deal with accounting to get expenses covered- ugh, so good. The energy of these passive aggressive- yet flirty workplace emails between new hire Caleb and kind-of-an-asshole Essek in accounting is *chefs kiss*. The build up to their meeting was written so well! I also really love the way the fic is formatted- the email style gives it an immersive feel.

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2 Paradigm Shift

Paradigm Shift (114,291 words) by full_time_dreamer_behold (I don't know their tumblr, please totally feel free to tag if they have one- i'll add it). Chapters: 28/28 Rating: Teen and up Audiences Summary: Recently moved to Rosohna, Caleb accepts a job at a prestigious law firm, but the work turns out to be menial and dull. Thankfully, his life takes a turn when he makes new friends and starts taking a curious interest in the IT Manager- the handsome and intriguing Essek Thelyss. Could he be reason enough for Caleb to stay in this place? He certainly intends to find out.

A friends-to-idiots-to-lovers slow burn with a sweet ending.

What I loved: This was such a lovely slow burn. It covers hard topics in a corporate kind of setting including racism, nepotism, and power dynamics that really suck but it handled with care and well written. I also really love the disability representation here! This slow burn is so so good, I super recommend! Also bonus it's the length of a beefy novel!

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3 the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing (172812 words) by MarsBar2019 (If you know Mars' tumblr please comment and I will tag- I couldn' find it in the notes). Chapters: 38/? Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast does not belong here. The world of sharp suits, board meetings, and billion dollar budgets is a far cry from Caleb’s preferred domain: the research lab. Where nobody cares about his faded T-shirts and raggedy jeans. But a year of industry experience will look good on his CV, and the hefty pay bump wouldn’t hurt either. How hard could a secretary gig be? What he finds behind the glittering edifice of Auriga, Wildemount’s leading name in arcane technology, is CEO Essek Thelyss, who maintains his domain with an acid tongue and an iron fist. It’s difficult not to find him intriguing, this handsome, guarded, brilliant man. It’s even more difficult not to want to please him. Caleb knows to keep it professional, though. Working late nights together at the office and lingering glances here and there don’t cross the boundaries of propriety. That is, until they do.

Or: the one where Essek Thelyss loses focus and has a consensual workplace relationship.

Updates weekly on Mondays.

E-rated chapters: Ch. 4, 9, 13, 14, 17, 18, 22-23, 26, 32, 38

Why I love it: Out of all the recs this one is the SPICIEST (and I love that). Head the warnings - there may be stuff that isn't for you, but if you, like me, enjoy a 6/5 spicy level fic- congrats this one will not disappoint. This story is in progress but updates weekly which is fantastic. We have big time and hot mess CEO Essek and his personal assistant disaster bisexual Caleb- of course it's an HR scandal waiting to happen, but also, Essek might come out a better person for it. I cannot recommend this enough, this fic is so so good. In addition to the smut, it's also just a really fantastic story.

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4 sleep, with benefits

sleep, with benefits (62272 words) by KmacKatie @kmackatie Chapters: 12/12 Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast wakes up from the first good night of sleep in far too long. It takes him a moment to realise it's because he's not in his bed. Is it the better mattress (lump-free and like a cloud), or the fact he drunkenly slept with Essek Thelyss, the colleague he's been secretly crushing on for the last six months?

Why I loved it: Let me just start off by saying kmackatie is brilliant and everything shadowgast that katie writes makes my heart sing. In this fic Essek and Caleb are captured so well- they are both big idiots who act like scared cats around one another (even though they both want the same thing) but honestly- can there be any other dynamic? This hot mess of them not using their words eventually leads to the best of endings and you should all read it because it is so lovely.

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BONUS FIC: (high school teachers, less corporate feel, but not what I would throw on a professor or academia list so its a bonus for this one).

5 all this science i don't understand

all this science i don't understand (8858 words) by mllekurtz @mllekurtz Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Summary: Caleb knew how he was with crushes, he was aware that historically they’ve brought him nothing but trouble, and vowed that he wasn’t going to develop one on his new colleague. This resolution lasted a remarkable twenty-four hours. * Small-town high school science teacher Caleb Widogast has his life more or less figured out, or so he thinks. Then an unexpected variable gets thrown into the equation in the form of the new addition to the teaching staff: the handsome and clever Essek Thelyss.

Why I loved it: This fic was so sweet. I have a soft spot for fics that play with chronology in their story telling and this one does a bit of that. It is a shorter read but honestly that works really well for this love story. Caleb of course falls hard and fast and Essek does not mind at all. Some angst, but they are written so well and so soft, Brilliant <;3

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My Other Shadowgast Rec lists:

Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

Shadowgast Space Opera-AU list

Shadowgast Bakery/Coffee/Tea Shop-AUs

As usual I devour all fics shadowgast so if there is a rec list you want to read that is tried and true- dm me or leave a comment. I always prefer to use my librarian degree for chaotic neutral purposes so hmu.

[I am totally thinking about doing a Professor/Researcher OR College-AU OR Time is a Weird Soup list next but we shall see!]

#shadowgast fic recs #shadowgast #for the shadowgast shippers #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #critical role fan fiction #mighty nein #cr 2 #I honestly love making these lists so much #if you have a theme you like to read let me know #I will totally make you a personalized list

[blorbologist]

"Housespouses" sounds fun! Care to share a bit more about it? :D

This is one I've had in mind since Campaign 2 ended - I was sleep deprived and hadn't quite understood Shadowghast had become canon at that point, so I threw myself headlong into this silly, fluffy idea.

Beau and Yasha get a wonderful house in the Shimmer Ward, as befitting two of the people who bargained for peace (and kinda have the Cerberus Assembly scared out of their fucking minds). Beau's taken to her day job sniffing out corruption and gleefully beating the shit out of people verbally (or physically, when the Assembly occasionally tries to take her down a peg), while Yasha delights in being a housewife.

The only hiccup in all this is Astrid. She's still a driven, ambitious woman, you know, and though she and Beau were on the same side that doesn't mean they like or trust eachother. As Trent's replacement on the Assembly, Astrid is a particular pain in the ass to Beau because she's NOT actually done anything as Archmage and was a victim of Trent, but she's still vaguely shady and generally doesn't appreciate Beau potentially dismantling the power she recently acquired.

That wouldn't be Yasha's problem if she hadn't run into Eadwulf at the market one day. They chatted incredibly awkwardly, kept bidding eachother good day only to realize they were headed in the same direction.

Turns out the Empire equivalent of witness protection failed to inform Beau that Astrid and Eadwulf moved in not two houses down from where she and Yasha is. Apparently, they didn't know either.

Cue shenanigans such as:

These two being Extremely Competitive about who is the Best Spouse to their girlboss wife.

Both are absolutely certain their wives don't know they are neighbors, otherwise they would never hear the end of it, and they intend to keep it that way.

Competitive gardening. Yasha's consistently is the talk of every neighborhood potluck, because she gets cuttings from the Blooming Grove and Essek kinda smuggles her some Xorhaussian ones.

But Eadwulf's patronage to the Raven Queen lends itself to befriending the local flock of crows, which is its own delight.

There's a proxy war of how pretty

Caleb spends one year going over to Beau and Yasha's nightly to set up a permanent teleportation circle (because having one in his home, where a fugitive lives, would be exceedingly stupid should the wrong people drop in, and Beau is busy and he'd rather not get woken up at 3am 4 days in a row Again, Beauregard). Cue hijinks as he figures out what's going on and is terribly amused and exasperated.

A bit more serious hijinks is hiding Essek's visits and departures, because though Astrid is a workaholic Eadwulf is home a lot and Yasha doesn't know if he might out Essek or not.

Yasha and Eadwulf eventually becoming friends and resolving not to tell their wives because, again, they would never hear the end of it.

Wulf and Yasha share several recipes over the years, buf Wulf can never quite match the texture or moistness to many of the Barbarian’s dishes (it’s bugs it’s absolutely bugs)

They sometimes spar together because it's important to stay fit.

Sometimes nasties come to try and take Yasha hostage but she usually deals with them before Beau's home for dinner, though they usually order takeout given she's a lil tired.

Less funny assassins' sometimes try for Wulf, not to nab him but kill him, pissed off Scroungers namely, and Yasha takes to helping him deal with them and nudges Beau into directing investigative attention into the issue.

Eventually ofc Astrid and Beau find out, perhaps because Wulf actually gets nabbed and has to be rescued by three strong women. There's perhaps a lot of exasperation, which proves Yasha and Wulf right. And they all end up as more or less friends, though Beau and Astrid still rub eachother the wrong way half the time.

#critical role #mighty nein #critical role fic #ask game #yasha cr #yasha nydoorin #beauyasha #cr beauregard #astrid beck #eadwulf grieve

[smallerthanzer0]

Caleb brings the smell of Nicodranas with him when he teleports into Essek’s chambers, sea and salt dissipating quickly in the chill air, and for a moment he is back in the dimly lit bowels of a ship - slumped on a dusty crate with his head in his hands and wrenching emotions whose existence he had barely allowed himself to acknowledge from his chest, awaiting a judgment he cared more for than that of any politician or deity.

He waits again as Caleb’s gaze perfunctorily sweeps the room, cannot help the way his breath catches as it fixes on him. His cheek throbs in remembrance of a chaste press of lips.

Well. Surely the moment has passed by now. “Impressive aim,” he says, and stands, gesturing to the fire. “I know you haven’t been exposed to the weather yet, but if you are cold-”

Caleb takes three solid strides across the room and envelops him in a hug.

When Essek regains his ability to form coherent thought, he wonders for one wild moment if Caleb has misinterpreted his gesture as an invitation. The rest of him is entirely intoxicated by the way Caleb’s breath tickles the short hairs just above his ear, the light press of a palm on the flat of his back - if he turned his head, he might be able to kiss Caleb’s cheek. Or were such grand gestures best saved for farewells?

Thinking of either of them leaving tightens something in his chest to a nearly painful degree - ah, that might be something. “You have been missing the rest of the Mighty Nein, I see,” he proposes, a little more breathlessly than he intends.

Caleb shifts a little, grip loosening. Essek fights the urge to move closer and press him back into place. “Was? No, I have just come from them - we all met up in Nicodranas to ah, see me off. Jester was very disappointed that you could not come, she said she has been sending you messages all week.”

Maybe coherent thought is still beyond him. “Oh - yes, I remember now, I just - and everything is well with them? And with you?”

“Ja, we are all right - are you? You seem a little confused, my friend.”

There’s blood rushing to his face now, a terrible waste of heat that burns any remnant of his ability to reason about this to ashes. “This is,” he chokes out, “a very long hug.”

“Ah,” Caleb says. “Well, that is because I missed you, Essek.”

The plain honesty of it is piercing - it plunges to the core of him, the sharp edge of a garden trowel shifting loam to carve out a resting place for something new and delicate.

Those long, precious evenings spent tending the Blooming Grove still haunt him, even in the frozen wastes he’s retreated back to and buried himself in, packed and preserved like something long dead. All the more now, with every sprout the Mighty Nein have planted in him blooming wild and colorful as they strain for the bright warmth of the man before him.

Essek allows this new seedling to take root, winding hungry and painful into his lungs, brings his hands up to fist clumsily in stubborn folds of waterproofed cloth. “It is good to see you as well,” he manages-

And then, quickly, before the exposure starts to burn - “Caleb Widogast,” he murmurs into the air between them. It is as close to reverence as he allows himself.

#critical role #shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #mine #i don't know if this is any good but i wanted to get it out of my head #consider this my annual fic i guess XD

[mooneloquence]

"you are the peace i crave in this chaotic world." or/and ❛ the most beautiful part is, i wasn’t even looking when i found you. ❜ for shadowgast? 👀

Hooooly fjuck, this got extremely out of hand. These prompts were so lovely, I couldn't help but want to use them both for this. After making myself (and apparently other people) cry with this, I needed a little bit of crack treated seriously and (quite a bit of) fluff, and these phrases had HUGE wedding vows vibes👀

Sorry this took so long, I've been studying for my finals and life has been busy. Thank you for the prompt! (Also, I need to say that I adore your art! Your textures are amazing, and looking at your pieces makes me so happy) Hope you enjoy 💜I'm still taking prompts from here, send me an ask! (I intend to go through all of them, though they may take me a while to fill)

You are the peace I crave in this chaotic world. // The most beautiful part is, I wasn't even looking when I found you. (2.2k words, G)

In retrospect, it was easy to see why holding their wedding aboard the Nein Heroez was not the greatest idea, but Essek believed it was worth it just to experience the full chaos and unpredictability characteristic of the Mighty Nein. He knew he should have probably been worried to even think that way—he'd spent almost all his life in relative comfort and peace—but perhaps the Nein had more of an effect on him than he knew.

Only a day ago, Caleb and him had attempted to announce their engagement to the rowdy bunch in the quietest way possible: after dinner, Essek had approached Caduceus and murmured something to him that had made the firbolg smile in that placid way of his. It did not take long for Beauregard—whose ability to read lips he had not accounted for, and who was very, very drunk—to gasp loudly enough to catch the attention of the rest of the group before shouting, "MOTHERFUCKER." She shot a look of betrayal at the other human, who almost choked on his beer, startled. "You're getting married and you didn't tell me?"

At the word 'married,' Jester perked up, her eyes wide and full of stars, and several things happened at the same time. There was a screech that could come from no other than Veth, Fjord looked around the room in an attempt to understand what was happening, Kingsley's eyes widened before he smirked, and Yasha’s eyes went to Essek as her face formed into a soft smile.

Ah, there went their plan to tell them separately or in small groups.

And then, Caduceus, with not even a glint of malice in his eye, decided to add a little more chaos into the mix.

"I will gladly officiate the ceremony."

Everything that ensued after that was a bit of a whirlwind in his mind, but thankfully things had calmed down significantly by the time Jester approached to give him a hug. It definitely seemed like more than five years since she had done that for the first time, and by now Essek could return the gesture with a genuine, if small, smile without even flinching.

"Congrats, you guys. I'm so excited for you! Are you happy?"

"Yes, Jester, I am very happy. And thank you." Still, there was something in her expression that caught his eye when they pulled apart. It was strange, to be able to see the way others masked their emotions behind something else. "Is there something wrong?" he asked, careful to turn away from where Beau was standing with her arm around Caleb’s shoulder.

Her smile faltered for only a millisecond. "Oh, it's nothing." At his raised brow, she let her face grow more serious and looked down, becoming thoughtful for a moment. "I am a cleric, too, you know?"

Essek's eyes widened with understanding. Caleb and him had hoped to keep this ceremony a secret, just something quiet for them before Essek needed to go away again after their reunion, but had talked about a 'proper' wedding later on, something with all their friends there—perhaps even Verin. But now that the secret was out, there was no harm in asking Jester what he would have in the future.

"I know. But if you perform the ceremony, who is going to stand by my side?"

Her eyes lit up again, the smile that bloomed on her face making her blue freckles dance on her cheeks. This time, her hug squeezed the air right out of him with an undignified oof—even after years, he was still caught off-guard by her strength.

"Ohmygosh, Essek! Of course I will be by your side!"

It was Fjord who piped up next and asked, "So when is the wedding?"

A look was exchanged between the two wizards.

"Ah, we were originally thinking tonight, but... maybe tomorrow?" said Caleb.

"What?"

"Tomorrow?!"

"You guys, we don't even have fancy outfits for the occasion!"

Thinking back on it, the commotion that answer had caused paled in comparison to what transpired about fifty minutes into the Ceremony.

They were on the deck of the Nein Heroez, Caduceus standing near the bow of the ship, one hand covering Essek and Caleb’s joint hands. To Essek's right was Jester, who had somehow managed to get them all the fanciest outfits she could with such short notice. (Teleport was an incredibly useful spell.) Her proud smile and mildly watery eyes hadn't faltered since the start of the hour-long spell. To Caleb’s left stood Beauregard, whose electric blue eyes were not misty at all. The hour needed to cast Ceremony was almost over when Kingsley's voice came from the crow's nest,

"Captain, we have a small island coming towards us!"

Essek, who had only heard the story of the time when the Nein had been chased by a dragon turtle, frowned at the strange phrasing, but the realization hit him as he looked around to see that, effectively, there was something that resembled an island approaching the ship, still far away, but steadily becoming larger in the distance.

Caduceus tightened his hold on them, but otherwise kept steadily murmuring the prayer to the Wildmother that was nearing its end.

In less than twenty seconds, everyone except the three of them necessary for the completion of the spell had taken their respective places, the calm mood switching almost immediately to the tense bustle of action. Jester and Orly stood mostly where they were, ready to cast or help as needed, Veth and Yasha ran below deck to ready the cannons, Beauregard remaining on the stairs between the two decks to relay Fjord's orders. The half orc in question had taken his place at the helm of the ship, both captain and first mate shouting instructions to the rest of the crew as the sails were unfurled so the Nein Heroez could start moving again.

Even having traveled with them already, the drow could not help but be impressed by the swift efficiency the Mighty Nein displayed in dire situations. When he turned his gaze back to Caleb, he found him looking at him with a faintly apologetic smile; Essek smiled as well. There was a small velvet pouch clutched in Caduceus' other hand, his staff useless to him if he intended to complete the Ceremony. Caleb's left hand—not his casting hand, but it would have to do until the end of the spell—and Essek's right were poised at the ready by their sides.

The next few minutes were tense as the ship slowly kicked into motion, the fairly steady wind working in their favor, but not nearly enough to outpace the powerful swimming of a vengeful dragon turtle whose figure continued to grow bigger and bigger. With a muttered curse, Beauregard ran back onto the deck and opened her fan with a whip of her wrist before bringing it down in the direction of the sails. The Gust of Wind gave them an intense boost, and Essek's hand shot out to steady the cushion upon which two rings and two earrings were placed before anything could roll away and get lost in the depths of the Lucidian Ocean. At some point, Jester ran towards the stern of the ship, and some of her words drifted towards them,

"Hey... having a wedding here... this for... -ther day? Unless... you wanna... with us? Doo doo..." A few seconds passed before she relayed to them, "I don't think he's stopping, not even for the wedding. He's kind of a dick."

By then, Caduceus' prayer was nearing its end, and even with the speed they were moving at, their pursuer came close enough for the stern chasers to fire. The loud explosion rang in Essek's ears for a moment, muffling what the firbolg had just asked them. His lack of an answer seemed to be enough for him to repeat it, "Is there something you would like to say or to promise each other as part of the ritual?"

They looked at each other. The night of their engagement a couple of months prior, they had already talked in private and told each other exactly how they felt. Many promises had been made and kept since a night long ago on a different ship—one that had fallen to the very same creature chasing them—but, even in the face of imminent danger, to not say anything still felt lackluster.

With a shaky intake of breath, Caleb’s hand tightened its hold on his under the protective cover of Caduceus' large, warm palm. The cannons fired another round. "Essek," the human started, "I will try to make this brief, but I wanted to say something. You are my friend and my colleague, my mirror in so many ways, and yet so different in so many others. I am so proud of you." Something pink flashed in the distance, but they kept their eyes locked onto each other. "You never cease to amaze me; your mind and your heart are precious, and I am equally baffled and honored to know that you want to share them with me." His brow was furrowed in that particular way that indicated he was speaking from his heart. "Mein schatz, mein Mondlicht. Meine Freude. It would make me the luckiest man alive to love you for as long as my heart beats, and more."

Essek's free hand darted up to wipe a tear that threatened to roll down his cheek, his mouth upturned in a soft smile. He breathed in as well, nodding. "Caleb." The three of them stumbled as the ship rocked violently under the assault of the gargantuan turtle, and Essek interrupted what he was saying to thrust his hand out in a frantic rendition of the somatic component for Magic Missile—many of his more powerful spells required the use of both hands, and he couldn't let go of his lover's hand. The small beams of force collided against their foe's shell, chipping and cracking it in places.

Caduceus, who had tilted the contents of the tiny pouch to let the powdered silver cover the earrings and rings, let go of their hands and lifted the small cushion. Releasing each other they took the earrings first; one golden and the other one silver, both with a single amber teardrop dangling from the hook portion. With no time to delay in contemplation, they exchanged the earrings and slipped them into the right earlobes. The rings were next. Taking the drow's left hand and the band with a black pearl framed by two silver ends that curled around it one from the top and one from the bottom, Caleb slipped it onto his ring finger. Essek took the other ring, matching in design except for the gold that comprised the band and the white pearl that replaced the black one.

"Caleb," he repeated, "You already know what you are to me. I was a lost man before you came into my life, and definitely changed it for the better. Even if I considered myself a visionary, I was still blind to so much, and I am eternally grateful to you and the Mighty Nein for showing me that. I think... I think the most beautiful part is, I was not even looking when I found you."

Another cannon shot, and the Nein Heroez rocked again, not as harshly this time. Around them, the air was filled with different voices shouting orders, arcane phrases and divine incantations of different sorts. Swinging his left arm in a wide arc, Caleb's voice joined the cacophony before several rays of fire shot out from his fingers and impacted right on the creature's eye.

Smiling and wholly aware of the irony of the situation, he continued, "Against all odds, you are the peace I crave in this chaotic world, my home to come back to, the fire that thaws me when I think I'm growing too cold. The time I get to spend with you is a greater gift than I ever believed I deserved, and I will honor that for as long as I have memory." The next time the ship rocked, it was accompanied by the horrible sound of wood moaning and shattering under great stress. They both looked around. "I will tell you the rest when this is over," he promised, taking his husband-to-be's hand and slipping the ring onto his finger.

Even in the dire situation, Caduceus smiled. "This is nice. You are now wed under the protection of the Wildmother. You may kiss if you like, but we really need to get into the battle, things aren't looking very pretty."

Both wizards' expressions became sheepish. With one hand, Caleb took the back of Essek's neck and pressed his forehead to his, blue eyes boring into violet ones, and pressed a single peck onto his lips. "We can have the rest when this is over. We've got time, Mister Widogast."

"Indeed, Caleb Widogast. We've got time."

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #my writing #critical role #critical role fanfiction #prompt fill #writing asks

[chockfullofsecrets]

"If I'm not careful I'm gonna end up writing content for a character who literally never appears in 141 episodes"

I mean, you are more than welcome to. In fact, we will gratefully encourage this.

you encourage chock? you encourage chock like the author? oh! oh! tk fic for anon! tk fic for anon for Two Thousand Words!

(also, heads up that i am moving next week! have been working on Importance of Timing when i can, but the first chapter probably won't be here for another two weeks at least.)

---

Verin Thelyss, Essek knows, is a seasoned battle commander and strategist.

He’s also in possession of the instinct to tackle people when he’s excited, so Essek is well aware that it’s only those decades of training and experience that have his little brother pausing for the briefest instant as Caleb and Jester teleport him into the hold of the Nein Heroez before he launches himself at Essek in a dead run.

Veth and Caduceus are at their respective homes, Kingsley watching over the ship, but he is far from alone - Yasha and Fjord each have a supportive hand on his shoulder, a silent assurance from the tense minutes waiting for their friends to return from Bazzoxan. They swear in unison and scramble for their weapons as Verin screeches to a halt just shy of shunting Essek straight though the hull and yanks him into a rib-crushing hug.

He burrows into the junction of Essek’s neck and shoulder, made possible only by virtue of the activated floating spell that puts the coiffed swoop of his hair a full inch above Verin’s. “Thank the fucking Light, you’re not actually dead.”

“What the fuck, he’s like a swearing puppy,” Beau hisses. There’s a soft thwap as Fjord gently smacks her across the back of the head.

Essek is feeling out the edges of friendly intimacy, still, stumbling through every brush of fingers and shared look of exasperation, but even he does not need Jester’s frantic gesturing to prompt him to lift his arms and awkwardly wrap them around Verin’s shoulders.

It’s like wrapping a single thread of silk around one of Yasha’s biceps. Clearly he is not built for comforting.

Verin stiffens with a single sharp twitch of his ear against Essek’s collarbone . Essek’s thoughts flail wildly between an expectation of tears or a dagger to his ribs, but his brother just laughs, loud and hearty, and snuggles even further into his personal space. “I see someone’s finally taught you how to hug back - you should have written and told me, this is better news than any number of pages on den politics.”

Essek bristles. “Careful, or I will stop,” he huffs, somewhat more waspishly than he intends to.

Luckily, Verin has proven immune to his moods. “Oh, please don’t,” he insists, voice still crackling with glee. He grins, warm and wide enough that Essek can feel it against the side of his neck. “It just makes doing this that much easier.”

“Doing what,” Essek says reflexively, even as the tiny portion of his brain that he allows to remember his childhood starts to blare an alarm. “Verin-”

It’s far too late to realize that Verin’s hands have somehow been maliciously positioned just along the backs of his ribs.

Jester, standing with Caleb behind Verin, perks up in clear interest as the corners of his mouth start to twitch up. On second thought, Essek thinks he’d have preferred the dagger.

“Verin,” he hisses again, fighting back the anticipatory shiver crawling up his back. “Don’t - don’t you dare-”

It’s about then that Verin’s evil, evil fingers find the edges of his mantle’s arm slits and squeeze him even closer as they stretch to wriggle under his arms.

He snatches his arms back, but it’s too late - a dismayed giggle sneaks from his throat, then another, and then he’s beating helplessly at Verin’s shoulders as he dissolves into high, squeaking laughter.

Every single nerve between his armpits and his ribs squirms in unison - a bubbly, slippery sensation even more potent for how long it’s been since he last felt it. “No,” he shrieks. “I - ahaha! eeheee! - no tickling, no tickling, Verin-”

Jester looks thrilled - she’s bouncing on her toes, babbling something to Caleb that’s inaudible over the rush of his own laughter. Light, the Nein are going to tear him apart for this-

“Yes, tickling,” Verin protests, laughing right along with him. “All the tickling! You let me think you were dead! For months! I thought I was never going to get to watch my poor brother giggle himself to pieces ever again!”

He’s not, because Essek is going to kill him. “That - nahaha, hff, ahaaa! - that was - ha - it’s been decades - stop, stop, there’s people!”

“Yeah, people,” Beau says, loud and smug and far too close behind him. “Hey - Verin, was it? - does hotboi here have a worst spot?”

Oh no. Oh no. Essek squeezes his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to focus and does the only thing he can while laughing like an idiot.

With a shaky flick of his wrist, his floating dispels. Verin yelps in surprise as gravity takes Essek straight out of his grip.

The instant his boots hit the deck, Essek twists the rest of the way out of his grip and bolts.

There’s nowhere to go, really - the Nein have a room full of Counterspells, and Verin can run faster than he can, and he’s already tumbling halfway back into laughter in giddy anticipation of being caught. Still, it’s a surprise when he stumbles into a brick wall of leather and biceps that resolves itself into Yasha as she hoists him back into the air.

“Oh, where do you think you’re going?” She sounds admirably innocent given the soft, teasing smile she gives him.

“Noooo,” Essek giggles. Heat gathers in his cheeks as he tries to make himself stop - it doesn’t make sense, he’s not even being tickled anymore, but even the potential for it flutters light and fizzy at the bottom of his lungs. “I - I’m not ticklish anymore, I’m not-”

The Nein and Verin cluster around the two of them, bubbling with various levels of amusement. “Really?” Beau drawls. “It’s cute that you think denying it has a single fucking chance of working.”

The sarcasm helps him center himself, if only a little - he buries his face in Yasha’s arm and sucks in a deep breath that doesn’t do nearly enough to get rid of his blush.

He straightens as best he can while being bear hugged by a barbarian. “I am denying nothing,” he says carefully. Jester is still bouncing next to Beau, fingertips already twitching where they’re curled sweetly on her cheeks around a mischievous beaming smile, and Essek has to look away before the nervous snickers still wobbling on the back of his tongue can worm their way free. “I am well aware that Verin is - incorrigible-”

He hisses the last word in his brother’s direction - again, harsher than he intends, but he is so unused to being soft around him - and fails to contain a shy smile as Verin sticks his tongue out in retaliation.

Jester’s tail waves its way into the edge of his peripheral vision. He jumps and looks over at Fjord instead. “-but I, ah, I would ask for more respect from the rest of you-”

“You really shouldn’t,” Fjord says, grinning boyishly back at him. “I mean, you know us.”

And then, to Fjord’s right - “Essek?”

He’s been avoiding looking at Caleb. It is foolish, perhaps, to think that after all of the incredibly stupid things he knows Essek has done he will decide to judge him for this, but he cannot help the way his shoulders stiffen as he twists a little further to meet the gaze of the last link in their semicircle. “Yes?”

Caleb looks - focused, in an offhanded way, like he’s intent on something happening just slightly out of their current reality. Stunned might be a better word for it. He blinks for a moment before focusing those keen blue eyes somewhere near Essek’s eyebrows. “Ah - did you know that when you laugh, your ears -” He puts his hands up to his own ears and flaps them a little.

Drow do not run particularly warm, but that only makes it easier for Essek to feel the heat absolutely flood back into his face. “I-” he stammers. Nearly a century of politics is nowhere near enough to help him keep a straight face. “I - ah - eeh!-”

Caleb is close enough to reach out and run a questing fingertip over Essek’s left ear - it flicks wildly, trying to dislodge the unexpected tickle, but a surprised squeak still slips out.

There’s a moment of silence before Verin starts to snicker. “Oh, I like your friends,” he says merrily, beaming. “Go on, Light knows he doesn’t let himself laugh enough otherwise.”

“Don’t,” Essek gets out hastily, but Caleb is already reaching out for another go and Yasha’s grip is firm enough that all he can do is squeak again. “Wait - hm, hnn!”

Beau sidles up to Yasha’s side and gives him a self satisfied leer as she reaches out across their little group to pluck the feather from Fjord’s tricorn. “You got him, babe?”

“I do,” Yasha confirms and lets out a little squeak of her own as Beau reaches around her, no doubt squeezing something entirely inappropriate with company present.

“Hot,” Beau smirks, and reaches to flutter the feather over Essek’s right ear. “Aw, does that tickle? Thought you said you weren’t ticklish, man.”

Essek maintains some facsimile of composure for all of two seconds before his face crumples “Nnn - hehehe - eheehe - oh!”

His lungs are surely going to burst, with the way they’re shivering out desperate giggles as he shakes his head frantically between Caleb’s fingers and the teasing feather. He can’t move his arms, so he kicks his legs instead. “Please,” he begs, nearly incomprehensible even to his own ears. “Ah - aha, heeheehee! - tickles-”

Verin leans down and scoops his ankles up with one ridiculously sculpted arm. “Essek, you’re going to put a hole in someone with those boots.”

He looks up, raising his eyebrows teasingly, and Essek’s stomach drops like he’s cast something on it. “Here, I’ll fix that.”

Essek’s eyes, narrowed with laughter, shoot wide open. He doesn’t remember Verin being this evil - but then again, his brother’s never been egged on by five other people determined to render reports of his death more realistic.

“Verin, Verin, no-” he tries, but he’s giggling so hard that he can’t even get the words out. He twists as far away from Caleb and Beau as he can, flailing frantically, but Verin’s grip holds firm.

He pouts dramatically. “What? Is it my fault that my tiny, ticklish wizard brother insists on wearing metal-tipped boots that endanger everyone?”

Essek opens his mouth to reply and promptly dissolves into another frantic peal of laughter as Beau gets bored of his ears and shoves her feather in Caleb’s direction before jabbing a finger between his trapped arm and his chest to get at his armpit. “Your - shihihit, shit, ahahaaa, not there! - your arcanist brother is going to kill you just as soon as I can- hahaha!”

Verin just laughs, unlacing one of his boots and starting to slide it off. “Is that your attempt to convince me not to tickle your feet?”

Jester, practically vibrating, emits a sound that perhaps only weasels can hear. “Oh, that’s so cute! Can I have one of them?”

“One of his feet? Sure.” Verin hands over an ankle, grinning down at Jester. “You, I think you’re my favorite.”

As Essek gasps and struggles and falls further and further into a formless mirth that makes him feel so light he can hardly bear it, there’s a different sensation at his ear. A hazy portion of his brain identifies it as the rough bristle of chin scruff and an amused huff of breath.

“You don’t really want them to stop, do you,” Caleb murmurs. “I will help you, if you do.”

It’s quite unfair, Essek feels, to try and make him explain himself while he’s strung out and dizzy with laughter. He tries anyway, for a syllable or two, but Verin digs in between two of his toes and he ends up just tipping his cheek against Caleb’s and shaking, laughing too hard to make a single sound.

“Alright, then,” Caleb says. “In that case-”

He brandishes the feather with a flourish more suited to somatic casting, swooping it down the length of Essek’s nose before directing it back to his ear.

“Tickle, tickle...”

#asks #tickling #critical role #essek thelyss #verin thelyss #caleb widogast #chocfic

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

@trueblue-escapist this one got long! :) (edit: now on ao3)

It was by sheer fortune that the message arrived while he was dining at Beau and Yasha's home.

They were trying some of the latter's experimental recipes. Fortunately Yasha had progressed very well in the last several months; this was now the fourth meal Caleb had been over for since Beau declared her love's attempts at Empire foods to be reliably nonpoisonous.

He was comfortable, speculating with Beau over her recent visit to Shattengrod. So when Jester began speaking in his head, he almost dropped his fork.

With strained panting—"Caleb, we need some help."

Caleb’s thoughts immediately went to static. He held up a hand as her voice continued, eyes wide, and both Beau and Yasha fell quiet with concern.

"There’s a lot of fishy people and I have, um. One diamond. We’re on the ship. Hope you aren’t busy—"

Abrupt cut-off. No continuation. He shot a look across the table to the other two, and they seemed to instantly read the tension on his face for what it was. They darted from their seats as he replied, "I am with Beau and Yasha. Hang in there, please. We’re coming."

"Sword?" called Yasha from another room.

"Sword. Beau," Caleb shouted, his adrenaline spiking with every second they were still here, "diamonds?"

"One," came her terse response. "I got it."

He stood up. The chair legs screeched against Beau and Yasha’s nice hardwood. Dug a hand through his hair and pulled half of it out of the tie.

Next he slapped his hands together. A strand of amber formed from his pinched thumbs and middle fingers as he drew them apart. Gods, his trembling hands shook the arcane thread. Ten seconds since Jester’s message.

"Essek," Caleb said to the thread, which vibrated with each word. "If you aren’t busy and have the spells. Retrieve Caduceus if you could and bring him to the Nein Heroez. It’s urgent. And diamonds," he added hastily. The thread dissipated.

Yasha and Beau emerged together from the hall with weapons in hand as the reply came: "I will contact Caduceus, then, and keep you updated. Hopefully I can be of aid. Stay safe, Caleb."

Caleb closed his eyes for a single breath and tried to absorb Essek’s soft, controlled caution.

They were coming. They would be okay.

Without needing to look, he held his hands to Yasha and Beau. "Uk’otoa is being an exceptional nuisance."

Beau scowled and said, "I fucking told Fjord to do something with that ball"—and they were off.

***

Jester woke up to what felt like a giant spike piercing through her head, or maybe a handaxe being sunk into her skull—but if it kept going forever instead of happening in an instant. Her stomach felt like a tiny pool of boiling acid that the ship kept rocking back and forth.

She moaned, curling up harder and pressing the heels of her hands to her temples. It didn’t really help, but the pulsing pain eased a little over some time.

"Arty?" she eventually managed.

"I’m so sorry, my dear," murmured his low voice by her ear. "I came as quickly as I could."

"It’s okay. Water?"

She felt a small weasel tongue lick her cheek, then retreat.

After about a minute of measured, careful breathing through the migraine, Jester heard a door crack open and winced from the brighter light now shining in from the hallway.

"Sorry," whispered a familiar voice, and Jester might have started crying at the sound of his Zemnian accent if she wasn’t already teary-eyed from pain.

The door closed, dimming the room again to its singular lantern.

She did her best to uncurl as Caleb set down a bowl and cup on the small table nearby and brought over a chair to her bedside. He reached for his neck, too, and a crimson weasel slipped into his hands.

"Thanks," she said as he returned Sprinkle to her shoulder.

"Of course. Would you like help sitting up?"

"Please."

She had to rest her head on Caleb’s shoulder for a minute when sitting up gave her a rush of a dizzy spell. His hand had rubbed up and down her arm. He smelled like sweat and fish guts and leather.

Eventually Jester had her back against the wall and the cup of water in her hands as she took a careful sip.

"Everyone’s alright," began Caleb, voice still hushed in consideration of her headache. "We took care of them all shortly after you went down, and Fjord was able to heal you a little bit. Essek arrived with Caduceus not long after."

"That’s good."

She closed her eyes and sipped more water. The warm weight of Sprinkle was draped around her neck.

Gods. Jester loved her friends so much.

"Where is everyone? Where’s Fjord?" she asked.

"Out on the deck cleaning up and figuring out what to do next," came the wry response. "Beau gave Fjord a piece of her mind about that orb. Caduceus suggested to try hiding it in the Happy Fun Ball."

"Aw, man. That’s a really good idea."

"Ja. So we are figuring out who will take it in there and where to put it."

She nodded sluggishly, eyes still closed.

"I’m sorry," said Caleb after a long moment. "Do you want to sleep?"

"No. I'm just tired."

That last word came out with a bit more... a bit more than Jester had intended to say it with. She chewed the inside of her cheek and took a sip of water.

She could feel Caleb's gaze on her. "Is it something you would like to talk about?"

The headache continued to pulse in her temples. She stared down into her cup, at the water sloshing side to side from the rocking of the ship. "If you guys are going to Yussa's later, I want to come with. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Mama."

"Of course."

Jester breathed in and out and continued, "It's been a year and I think I'm sick of sailing."

"Ah."

"I mean, there's been so many cool things. The Lucidian Ocean is huge. One time we saw a sea horse that was big enough to ride on. And the port cities we've visited have all been beautiful. But most of the time it's just this boat. And less Arty. And Uk'otoa attacking us for the cloven crystal. I can't even prank people whenever I get bored because it's all the same people, and it's way less fun to keep pranking the same people over and over again."

Caleb made a considering noise. She sipped water, chewing the inside of her cheek some more.

Slowly he asked, "Are you... thinking of staying with your mother for a while?"

"Maybe."

Peaceful silence. They listened to the sounds of wood creaking and the ocean undulating. Jester felt the shittiness of her body continue to ease, and she set down the water to take a sniff at the bowl instead. Some stew, still warm.

As she had a cautious taste, Caleb said, "Hey."

She brought down the bowl and looked at him.

"Would you like to see something cool?"

"Of course I would like to see something cool, Caleb."

His smile as she sat up with anticipation and set down the bowl was very welcome—and a pretty cool sight already. But she watched him pull out a piece of wool and rub it between two fingers, and all of a sudden there was a cat in his lap and another cat on his shoulders.

Jester gasped, hands flying to her face. "Are those your cats?"

The smile on his face only got bigger and warmer as he looked down at the illusory one in his lap cleaning its brown-and-white face. "Yes. This one is Gretel, she is still somewhat a kitten. The other one is Mac, which is short for mackerel because he was eating one from a rubbish heap when I found him."

"Oh my god, Caleb, that’s so adorable." She beamed and leaned in to wiggle her fingers at illusion-Gretel, cooing without caring that it wasn’t the real cat.

He rubbed the wool in his hand and illusion-Gretel began to purr loudly.

She could feel the dimples in her cheeks from grinning. "I love them."

"They will both be very glad to hear that and will eagerly exploit your love to make you spoil them."

"Well, of course I’ll spoil them, they’re so perfect."

Caleb’s smile eased into something soft. "Would you like to meet them in person, then? Before you return to the Nein Heroez?"

The excitement welling up inside Jester faltered.

Oh, right.

She twisted her fingers together, fixing her gaze on the blood crusted in the space between them and beneath her nails. "Um. Yeah, I would love to, Caleb. But probably I'm not going to come back here."

No response except a careful inhale.

She picked at a bloodied crease in her palm and continued, "Fjord and I talked a couple weeks ago. It wasn't like an argument or anything, don't worry! We're one hundred and ten per cent still best friends who love each other and everything, you know? But he loves being captain of the Nein Heroez and doesn't really plan on stopping anytime soon. Or doing anything else. And I want to do more. The world's so big, and there's like a dozen other planes I could see, Arty promised he'd show me around the Feywild—"

Caleb's long-fingered hand placed itself on top of her fidgeting ones, and Jester's rambling mouth fell silent. The illusory cats were gone.

"It's fine, Jester," he said. She looked up at his furrowed brow and crooked smile. "I understand."

Deep breath in and out. Jester returned a similar smile. "Yeah."

Seeming reassured, he leaned back in his chair and seemed to look off elsewhere, his brow still furrowed in thought.

In the lull, she took up the bowl of stew again with more relish. The weight of the news she'd been ignoring had lifted from her shoulders, and with it some of her worries. She hadn't known how people would react. The more reasonable voice in her mind figured that everyone would take the relationship change with ease, reminding her of Yasha's advice in Eiselcross a year ago. The louder, more anxious voice had stressed over whether any of them might judge her for being a bad girlfriend.

Apropos of nothing, gaze still a little distant, Caleb said, "Essek and I are in a relationship."

Halfway through a sip of the stew, Jester's mouth fell open. "Really?"

His lips twitched at the squeal in her voice. "Ja."

She smiled, said, "Aw, I'm happy for you two," and returned to her stew to try and stamp down the sudden, strange sense of instability overtaking her. Like her heart found itself stuck in the second between missing the next step down the stairs and falling.

"Thank you. I am telling you this, though, because Essek and I have had... somewhat of a similar conversation." His eyes flickered to meet her startled gaze briefly, and she saw a bittersweet wryness in them. "Neither of us expect the other to be, well. Committed. My whole self, more or less, is dedicated to my home. I want to make it a better place. Essek has very different goals in mind for his future. We love each other, but between my life and his constant vagrancy, it would be unfair to expect us to stay the same. And, you know. I don't have as much time as he does, anyway."

Jester had the bowl of stew in her lap now, unable to stop staring at Caleb. He finally seemed to notice her attention and awkwardly fixed his eyes on a spot of the wall somewhere to her right and up.

In her chest, time started again. Jester's heart safely found the next step instead of taking a tumble down the stairs.

"Thank you, Caleb," she said softly.

He returned to looking at her properly, and the renewed warmth in his expression helped resettle Jester's sense of the world even further. "I'm sure your mother could be much more reassuring."

"Maybe, but it's you."

Caleb went a little pink. The flush was still visible to Jester's eyes in the dim room. Thank the gods that the warmth in her own cheeks would be much harder for him to notice.

That was enough conversation for her at the moment. She shoved the bowl of stew back against her mouth.

(send me a brief widojest prompt!)

#cr #cr fanfiction #widojest #caleb widogast #jester lavorre #the mighty nein #mentions of shad*wg*st and f/j #prim writes #prim post #trueblue-escapist #readmore

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

#Critical Role #Critical Role Spoilers #CR Spoilers #shadowgast #Essek thelyss #Caleb Widogast #C2ep141 #C2ep141 spoilers #critical role finale

[szethsmom]

I will NEVER be done crying about the fact that Essek is so goddamn soft and has so much love in his heart. All of Trent's talk about potential, all his desire to shape people, and the marks that left on Caleb... not to mention Essek's own forays into limitless timelines and possibilities.... Caduceus was right, it is love that saves people. And somehow, it uncovered the potential within this lonely, selfish man to love SO FIERCELY.

The only thing I could think about when Matt was describing how an 'alliance' with Trent would have worked is that Essek still intended to follow them. He KNEW what that man was, and knew that he might kill him on sight, or worse. But not helping his friends was never an option.

And with our suspicions confirmed about Verin being the only positive relationship in Essek's 120 years of life before the Nein... can I just say that our hotboi learned to love at the speed of light?! He had no idea what he was doing, but in just a few short months, he dropped EVERYTHING he thought himself to be and proceeded to follow these people into hell. Look, it takes a LOT to drop your mask entirely like that. He was so completely vulnerable during the last arc--the freaking Shadowhand, a prodigy who could never show weakness, and he just. dropped it all.

Anyways, I don't care what his sparse epilogue said--Caduceus is right again: Essek has an incredibly bright future ahead of him. That man is absolutely overflowing with love, and he is going to change lives.

#AAAAAAAHHHAJDJSKFJAKLDSJFAKL #here I go again #back on my essek bullshit #guys he's just.. so good #you can tell matt adores him #he caught ALL of us off guard #hhhhh I just keep thinking about That One commune #like #matt NEVER gives answers that clear holy shit #and on one hand it is a huge testament to the nein as people and a group #they have shaken his life to the CORE and given that potential a path #but also it speaks for essek that he fucking COMMITTED #the man could have taken it slow or questioned or resisted but he didn't #he threw himself into it with everything he had #just... what a beautiful character. I hope we see more of him in the oneshots. #in the meantime he provides literally endless inspiration for fan content creators #UGH #I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU GUYS #also in case it wasn't clear I'm a huge shadowgast shipper but I'm talking about platonic/friend/familial love here #THAT was the love that was the driving force of his redemption #his growing romantic relationship with caleb is a middle step towards healing--not the first step #hhhhhhhh <3 #I don't have energy to proofread this so. I hope it makes sense. #essek thelyss #cr spoilers #cr2 #cr meta

[protomun]

Hi I've got a prompt. Caleb gets hit with a Wild magic surge and gets turned into a small Child (Like luc's age) for an hour. He is fascinated by Essek.

One minute, Caleb’s hands are outstretched, twining string between his fingers, unleashing a fury of flames - where did he learn that? - and the next, he’s vanished into heat and the light, the magic surging and sparking as if it’s come alive. At first, Essek wonders if this is not the intended effect, but as the flames clear and he sees the truth of what has happened, he is struck by two jarring realizations at exactly the same time. The first is that his colleague is now twenty-some-odd years younger: a small child, wide-eyed and innocent. The second is that those same innocent eyes are staring - not unlike Essek’s own, awed and terrified looking upon him - into the visage of a monster easily ten times his newly polymorphed size.  “CALEB!” Veth’s voice is the one that rings him out of the shock that snares him. A bolt is loaded and fired; it pierces the screaming creature in its side. “Essek! Get him out of here!” Beau shouts over her shoulder, grabbing the brutish warbeast and quite literally bearing her face into its to provide him the moment that he needs to misty step the distance between himself and the boy. He arrives in a flourish of violet-hewn silk, cloak fluttering as he scoops the child that looks so very much like his fellow wizard into his arms. “Everything’s going to be alright,” he says as he runs - not floats, runs - and he isn’t sure if he’s trying to assure Caleb or himself. ----------------------------------------------- They are sitting in the hallway; Caleb’s legs kicking back and forth, Essek bowed and watching him. He cannot help the curiosity weaving through the panic concern that is on a constant loop of “how did this happen” and “how do I fix it”. This small boy beside him shares so much of Caleb - his masterfully unkempt tawny locks, his kind blue eyes, even his clothing is the same as it was, but as if tailored to a much smaller frame. The heaviness about the man he knows is gone; the worn crease of his brows, the haunted look in his eyes, always there beneath the surface - eyes that have known horrors - replaced by naivety and wonder. He is a quiet child; he has not said a word since they fled the fight, instead staring at the ground and occasionally casting furtive glances over when he seems to think Essek isn’t looking. At length, he looks at Essek. “You’re pretty cool looking. Are you a kryn?” “I am.” It strikes him how gentle the voice is, how polite; he has not been around children in some time. This is not quite how he imagined it would be like. “My dad says that the Kryn want to hurt us. But you saved me.” And there’s the rub. Of course an empire father would teach the fear to his child that Essek himself had inspired. It stings - the prick of new regret and old transgressions. He wants to crawl into a hole and pull it in after himself. “Your father is right that you should be careful, but I do not want to hurt you. I am going to sit here with you until our friends arrive. I am sure they will be along soon.”  The boy swings his legs a bit more. “I’m five.” Childleb says. “How old are you?” Essek can’t fight the smile that touches the corner of his lips. “A lot older than five.” It’s at this point that he thinks he hears a voice from down the hallway, and he stands to listen. His feet do not touch the floor, levitating just slightly above it - pomp and circumstance that comes as easily to him now as breathing. “Whoa! You can fly!” Childleb exclaims, and there's the excitement - that spark of discovery that Essek knows too well. “I can do a lot more than fly,” Essek responds, bemused.  Part of him surfaces, that part that Caleb - young or old(er) - inspires in him, the part that wants to show off all these years of learning. “Would you like to see another magic trick?” “Uhm...yes!” “Very well. A friend showed me this, some time ago. Stand back.” Childleb scooches backward.  Essek smiles and gestures. “A little further.” A few more scooches. Essek takes a breath, raises one hand. He focuses, concentrates. A layer of frost begins to condense on

the ground in front of them, quickly expanding into the shape of a cat’s paw that rises up - ice and starlight - and curls toward the boy, just close enough that he can touch. “Whoa!! COOL!" Childleb reaches out, runs his hands across it. He looks back to the elf. "I want to be a wizard someday.” The shadowpawhand’s breath comes a little quicker, heavy with exertion, but oh how pleased with himself he looks. I can learn your secrets just as you can learn mine. “You are a very smart boy, Caleb.”  “Yeah, I know.” His foot digs into the dirt and he rocks sideways a little, tossing the off-handed comment aside with the air of a boy who’s been praised more often than he’d like. But Essek kneels beside him as the paw dissipates, eyes catching the child’s. For the first time, he holds Childleb’s gaze, almost as if he is searching for a trace of the elder mind in the younger body. Are you watching me now? he thinks, but can see no sign if so. “What if I told you that one day you will be a wizard greater than even I can imagine?”  The boy’s eyes go wide. Dreaming of endless possibility. But just as quickly the moment passes. He wraps his arms (in sleeves just a touch too big) around himself and scoots a little closer to Essek. “Can I go home now? I don’t like this place. I want my mom. And Frumpkin.” Something - he can’t quite name the feeling - tugs at Essek’s heartstrings. “Soon. I’ll get you home soon.” I promise. “Will you come too?” “I would like that.”

#shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #essek theyless #( Completely canon divergent ) #( Sadly this isn't a real wild magic spell ) #( but hope this satisfies anon ) #( It rather turned into Essek being fascinated by Caleb but they are always back and forth aren't they? ) #shadowgast prompts

[saphirered]

How about poly Essek and Caleb first times? Thank you!

I hope this one’s to your liking. Thank you for requesting! 😘

Warning! Hinted spoilers for recent episodes. 

You grew up in the Dynasty being born into one of the more respectable Dens. You knew Essek by reputation and he you by yours. When the two of you grew closer and eventually started a formal courtship those around you couldn’t be more pleased. The two of you were more hesitant at first considering the other party might be in it for the political gains but once you learned you both felt the same you continued your relationship according to the customs of high society. When it came to time spent in private the two of you learned to be much less restricted and ease up when you didn’t have to be mindful of the eyes on you. Both of you had a reputation to uphold and couldn’t afford a scandal so you would follow the norms for the public eye while ditching them the moment you knew no one was looking. 

Your first kiss revealed to you Essek was a hopelessly unexperienced in the ways of romance. You had found him reading romance novels weeks before he made his move and it was every bit the cheesy event you expected to originate from it. A nice evening walk ending at a lovely fountain, him telling you of his affections for you, complementing you, describing how he felt a pull towards you from the first time he met you all the while getting flustered and you could see him trying to remember the ‘speech’ he had attempted to cram into his head. You had to tell him to shut up and were the one to kiss him first. He may have taken the fireworks part a bit too literally as actual fireworks did go off when you kissed him. 

Essek and you formally announced the end of your courtship and beginning of your relationship to both your families who couldn’t be more overjoyed, more so over the political benefits for both sides than either of your happiness though you didn’t really care. Essek was more afraid of his family’s response and was glad for their approval while you may have just told your family to shove it if they disagreed. Luckily you didn’t have to and you were able to spare him the heart attack. 

From the moment you announced your relationship you no longer needed to hide or be worried about sticking to rules of engagement. You were free to kiss, hug and hold each other whenever you pleased. Essek is a bit more held back when it comes to public displays of affection but caves quickly when you hold his hand or give him a quick kiss on the cheek but you best keep the terms of endearment limited in official company or when others can easily overhear. 

Spending so much time at Essek’s home already he asked you to move in as you preferred his place over your own anyway. He offered you your own rooms even though you had shared a bed before but you were quick to decline and instead turned to permanently share chambers with him. He was not in any way opposed and very much preferred the comfort of your embrace at any time of day and night. 

You were more used to speaking your mind and had grown accustomed to saying ‘I love you’ in minor or trivial occasions whether it be upon Essek leaving for the Bastion without you, him handing you something you asked for, ether of you leaving on official business for a few days or weeks or something else but the first time you really said it intended was when he helped you when you were at your wits end dealing a particularly difficult Taskhand and getting them off your back on some official matter you had to handle. He was quick to return the words with a kiss. 

Then one day a group of curious individuals found their way into the throne room of the Lucid Bastion carrying an artefact thought long lost. Among them stood a scruffy looking redheaded wizard who caught the attention of the both of you. Curiosity peaked by a particularly ballsy move on the man’s end from you and intrigue for a different reason for Essek. Upon the groups decision to work with the Dynasty to prove themselves trustworthy Essek is appointed their steward for the duration of their stay and by default so were you. This gave the both of you the opportunity to get to know the Mighty Nein better. 

When the Nein had somewhat gained a more stable favour of the Dynasty you were tasked to provide them with a more suitable abode than a dingy tavern no longer suitable for the heroes of the Dynasty. Essek put in a good word for you but you visited together. It did not go unnoticed the scruffy redhead was more than just curious about Essek’s particular field of expertise and your seemingly endless knowledge of the workings of the Dynasty and expertises. While you could justify Essek’s willingness to teach the wizard the basics of Dunamancy as a calculated move that was not the only reason why it took Caleb so little to persuade him.

The first time you got to spend some time alone with Caleb you had dropped by the Xhorhaus to deliver some books for his still relatively empty study. The wizard’s love for literature of nearly any kind reached your ears. You had some good conversations mainly answering his questions as you did not think it was your place to ask him about his life much in depth. You didn’t want this to turn into an interrogation after all. Enjoying your company it became a habit for you to come over and spent time with Caleb, be that with or without Essek more regularly, the bond between the three of you developed further into something more than just friends but Caleb was more hesitant as he was aware of your relationship with the Shadowhand, something you did not hide. He feared he was intruding but you assured him he was certainly not. 

Caleb, while still very much reserved, compared to Essek was much more open and much less restricted than him. You and Essek had admitted your attraction to Caleb before but Essek was much more hesitant to express them to the man himself than you were. Still you figured it out, together. The involvement of Caleb in both of your lives brought you a lot of good and happiness and while you were all still figuring out how to make this work when your lives got in the way you really were ready to fight for it. 

Late nights spend at the Xhorhaus required some kind of secrecy if you didn’t want the rest of the Nein to gush about ‘you and your wizards’ making kissy faces or be bombarded with what one might consider awkward questions, or even mocking proclamations of love. When Essek got more comfortable with having outsiders in his private space Caleb would be over at your home more often than not when the Nein returned to Rosohna, most usually to spend more time with the two of you or to study. Falling asleep at a desk, table or sitting room was much less comfortable than a nice bed, one luckily large enough to comfortably hold the three of you. The first time this happened you had a particularly late night and opting for the comfort of a bed you all just plopped down in whichever space you could reach first. Waking up in a tangle of limbs and blankets became a bit of a habit after these study nights but you found more comfortable positions when you actually had the energy to do so.

Your first kiss together was much less cheesy in set up than the one you had shared with Essek. After a near death encounter for Caleb showed him the value of what you had he was the one to take initiative. Kisses peppered all over and words of kindness eventually resulted in a proclamation of love, one you were quick to return while it took Essek a hot second to process. You all wanted this. He actually felt a little stupid for his mind fighting back against his feelings. While in the public eye of the Dynasty you had to be a bit more careful, in private you were able to express your affections as you pleased and you cherished every moment you got. 

When Caleb left for longer durations he had resorted to allowing Jester to send either Essek or yourself messages when she could spare the spell slot. The first time you received a message from the blue tiefling it was quite the disaster but never ceased to bring a smile to your faces. Jester at times did ‘spice up’ the message according to Caleb but you were happy regardless. 

Your first real argument came from a betrayal you had hoped you didn’t see coming. You may have wished it wasn’t true and while you very much doubted if you hadn’t heard from Caleb, Essek would never have told you if he could avoid it. It broke your heart that the man you loved so much, who had been your support through all of this had lied to your face, hidden the truth when you would have had his back no matter what, could do this to the both of you. You weren’t mad. You may have been angry for just a moment but that faded quickly. All that was left was heartache and disappointment. You faced Essek telling him how you felt and tried to stay with him as you did before but you couldn’t get over it. 

Things couldn’t just return to normal after everything so you decided to join the Nein for a bit and stay with Caleb for a while to set yourself straight and work this out. In this time Caleb was your rock. Grounded you when you needed it and comforted you. While he too felt the weight of Essek’s betrayal Caleb remained the rational one. 

When you met again your distance from Essek may have been off-putting to some, those who were aware of your fall out understood. The rest of the Nein left the three of you to talk on your own and you came to the conclusion that while you still very much loved each other, wounds like these take time to heal and time you needed. It was a rocky road and while neither you or Caleb could forgive him for his actions you were ready to slowly open up your heart once more. Baby steps but steps no less. 

Your first time traveling together for an extended period of time while amidst the chaos of forces larger than any of you brought you back together in a way seeking comfort in each other and confiding in each other. You value every second you get with your wizards and would continue to do so no matter what you faced next. 

Essek, Caleb and you spend one evening planning what you would do when all of this is over and it was the first time you truly discussed your future. You all came to the conclusion you’d like nothing more than to spend it together much rather than apart. Brought up the prospects of one day even getting married for the hell of it. Living somewhere nice with a library beyond any of yours’ imagination and perhaps even passing on your knowledge to the next generation. That’s a future you could get behind, the first time any of you had the feeling of your own lives within arms’ reach, a feeling you could get used to.

#critical role x reader #mighty nein x reader #essek x reader #caleb widogast x reader #critrole x reader

[violet-t-9]

My take on why Caleb doesn’t trust Essek

I’ve seen a lot of discussion about “why doesn’t Caleb trust Essek” and here is just my two cents (spoilers, written after the new episode 131 talks machina). This will be very, very long, so beware. 

Before I start, this post is not meant to be against Essek and he is actually one of my top favourite characters. I wanted to get my thoughts out because I saw many people take Essek’s side and I want to consider Caleb’s perspective.

Also, the quotes are not EXACTLY accurate, but please bear with me. NOTHING I say reflects anything other than my own, biased interpretation of the events, so take it with a grain of salt. 

While it has been a long time in real life for us, in game time the peace talk was not that long ago. Liam has mentioned both as Caleb and in talks that Caleb had been very paranoid about Essek for a long time, thinking he was working them for his own agenda and could be Dynasty’s traitor. However, it is also confirmed that Caleb started to actually trust Essek because “the other shoe never dropped” and consider him a true friend - right before (“like two days later”) being the first one to discover (through Frumpkin) that he had been right about Essek since day one.

Imagine what that would do to Caleb, to finally letting himself trust just to get betrayed right away and to have his paranoia proven correct all along. Of course he still doesn’t trust Essek now, of course he is hurt. After the peace talks, Essek didn’t even seem to regret what he had done (he straight up said “I can’t say I regret what I have done”, also said seeing Adeen in chains was “freeing”). The first time he showed a genuine change was in episode 124, even then, Caleb failed to read his intentions with a nat 1 insight check, so he could not actually confirm that Essek was telling the truth (he was just given the “hard to read”) so basically he had no way of knowing if Essek was lying.

When Caleb thinks back on their past interactions, he would have to think about how everything Essek had said could be a lie, and that would taint any good memories they had. Even if we, as viewers, know that Essek was probably sincere most of the time, Caleb doesn’t know that. 

Essek had been lying to the party since they first met, he got close to M9 precisely because he wanted to use them to cover his beacon heist, to make sure that they “did not get too close to the truth”. He steered the party in the directions he wanted them to go in, like actively directing them to focus on Obann. And Essek was GOOD at what he did. M9 told him a lot of secrets - that they suspected a mole and that there are two beacons in the empire, etc. Essek succeeded in his objective and got a lot of information he wouldn’t have gotten otherwise because of his deception. Yes, he started to care for them somewhere along the line. At some point, he found himself actually wanting to be friends with M9, but that is a separate issue. He kept them in the dark, lied to their faces, betrayed their trust before they even met regardless. Now obviously he was in a very difficult position and probably felt like he could not tell them the truth (how would he tell them, anyways?), but it doesn’t change the fact that he used them for his goals and succeeded. 

Now Caleb and Essek had a mutually manipulative political-game-like dance going on when they first met, but that was more or less on equal footing and they probably both knew what each other was doing (they were both pretty obvious). Caleb also used his training to “keep [Essek] on the rails”, but that imo kind of pales in comparison to Essek using M9 to cover up his entire heist. Essek did help them a lot, but he did those things for favours, at least at first. He never cashed them (except the one vial Caleb gave him) but he didn’t have to - the favours worked, M9 decided not to expose him because he went out of his way to help them. Even after discovering the truth (that he was the catalyst of a war between two nations, one of which is 3 party members’ homeland), the M9 did not try to fight him or report him to literally ANYONE which would have gotten him killed. Caleb even gave Essek the hope that there IS a path to redemption when Essek didn’t believe in it. So yeah if I were Essek I would too be very grateful to M9. If I were Caleb I would probably never trust Essek ever again. 

Essek is shown to be completely uninterested in the Eyes of Nine but it was a valid concern. He did commit high treason for knowledge, it’s really not that much of a stretch that he’d be tempted by the city (exhibit A: Caleb himself, exhibit B: poor, poor Yussa). Good for him that he is not tempted, but Caleb’s suspicion was not uncalled for.

The thing is, M9 do trust Essek still. They told him literally everything about the TT and the city. Caleb even showed Essek the eye. It just makes me uncomfortable every time people say that M9 are “bad friends” for leaving Essek alone, or that Caleb is “mean” to Essek for not trusting him (by the way, the line about “that won’t help with the inside” was meant by Liam as “commiseration, not condemnation” if you didn’t know) but look, M9 doesn’t revolve around Essek? They have a lot of things to deal with and Essek was not on their top priority. They don’t have a responsibility to “fix” Essek’s morality issues (tbf, they still kinda did kick start that process). And hey, it’s great that Essek has obviously been doing pretty well for himself in terms of personal growth without the M9, and he could have reached out to them if he really wanted to. Remembering to use slots to message and check in with people is never M9′s strong suite.

Caleb also really didn’t endanger Essek more than Essek himself did. Caleb did used dunamancy in the empire (not resonant echo that he specifically learned from Essek, but something he reverse engineered by himself), but Trent would never have figured it out if Essek didn’t voluntarily work with Trent and the Assembly in the first place. Also, Caleb did apologize for endangering Essek (like he was supposed to, Essek deserved that apology).

So yeah, imo Caleb is right to not fully trusting Essek right now, for reasons I have mentioned above. However, Caleb clearly still cares about Essek, from the “just breathe” moment, the worry he felt, how he emphasized on the amulet. A lack of trust does not mean he just doesn’t care. Caleb was also very adamant about trusting Essek (“one person we can trust is better than three we cannot”) over his old friends (and obviously Trent). So again, I don’t really see him saying “we trust you more than my old teacher” as an issue - it’s just a statement, which is true, they do trust him more than Trent even if Trent may come with more power and numbers.

Yeah, Essek is very remorseful now, but they’ve seen this side of Essek for exactly two episodes (124 and 131), so I am not really surprised that they don’t just immediately go back to full trust mode with Essek. It will take some time, some bonding, but I’m sure the trust can be re-established. 

Just want to make it clear, I’m NOT saying Caleb is perfect. Caleb is a very flawed character (e.g. a hypocrite in terms of the eye tattoos) and I can see why some would see his interactions with Essek as problematic (but really, it’s from both sides). However, I do believe that some people twist Caleb’s words to Essek a lot and interpret them to be more vicious, manipulative and colder than he intends them to be/than they actually are because they dislike Caleb, or like Essek a lot, or for many other reasons. This post is about Caleb’s perspective so I’m not going to list all of his own flaws. I just think that in many posts I’ve seen people take Essek’s side and blame Caleb or the M9 and seem to forget that Essek did betray the M9 and “did a lot of shitty things” like Matt said. So this is just an alternative perspective for those people to consider.

Feel free to disagree, like I said these are only my opinions. That said, I’m really looking forward to the next episodes. I feel like they can establish how Essek may fit in the M9 now and maybe start some great trust-building. I cannot wait to see Essek’s interactions with M9 and I think the next few episodes will be very important for the character dynamics. 

#cr discourse #critical role #caleb widogast #talks machina #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #talks machina spoilers #the mighty nein

[iatethepomegranate]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences (for now)

Relationship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast

Summary: After Aeor, Caleb buys a house in Rexxentrum with Beau and Yasha. For the first time in more than seventeen years, he has some semblance of stability. Caleb is not sure he's ready to handle it, but he's trying, and his friends are eager to see him live a good life, by force if necessary.

And then Soltryce Academy approaches him with a job offer, which could give Caleb the chance to protect the next generation of wizards the way he had needed at their age. Caleb's goal of preventing what happened to him from happening to anyone else, however, takes a far more personal turn than even he could have anticipated.

(In other words, here is a fic about Caleb settling down and learning how to be a person again. Also Professor Widogast will be a thing. Fic title is a lyric from I Have Made Mistakes by the Oh Hellos. Chapter title is a lyric from Mind by Sleeping At Last. More detailed tagging and notes are available on AO3.)

_____

Chapter 1: It's the first brush stroke of a self-portrait

Caleb had mixed feelings returning to Rexxentrum after spending so long in Aeor… and everywhere else he had been, including a fucking flesh city in the Astral Sea. Sure, he had popped back to Rexxentrum regularly to update the Cobalt Soul on his discoveries, and to testify at Trent’s trial, during the conclusion of which he had the satisfaction of turning down Da’leth’s offer to assume Trent’s position as the Archmage of Civil Influence. But now he was back on a more permanent basis.

He didn’t know what to do with that information. With this place, that was both so familiar and so foreign. Full of some of his best memories, and some of his worst.

Caleb had spent so long avoiding this place, or at least the challenging parts of it, and now Beauregard was dragging him and Yasha down the street, infodumping about a house she wanted the three of them to buy together.

“Caleb, don’t give me that look,” she said. “You’re gonna love this place. I know you like your space, dude, and this is the best of both worlds. It’s technically two houses, but there’s, like, a door between them so we can visit each other. Because you’re a fucking genius but you also forget to feed yourself.”

Yasha smiled at Caleb over Beau’s head. “She’s not wrong, Caleb.” Her soft tone made Caleb a little emotional, but he categorically refused to start crying in the street. “I like my space, too. This is a good balance. And there’s room for a garden.”

“Yasha’s not an Empire citizen,” said Beau. “It looks better if there’s two of us Empire kids on the deed so no one thinks any weird shit about her.”

Caleb sighed at her. “I will look at the house, Beauregard.”

Beau yanked them around the street corner. “It’s a great location. You can walk anywhere. I can get to the Archive, and you can get to the Academy.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Maybe. Astrid says hi.”

The implication that Astrid and Beauregard had been speaking to each other recently was of concern. Caleb was too tired to unpack it. He would find out what that was about eventually. It was not worth Beauregard’s sibling-level mockery if he tried to extract the information early.

“Oh, and Veth sent you this,” said Yasha, passing a wrapped package over Beau’s head.

“Yeah, I might’ve told her we’re buying a house together,” said Beau. “She made Yussa send that to the Soul so I could grab it for you.”

Caleb didn’t open the package, but he did shake and squeeze it a little. It felt like coins. A lot of coins. Oh, Veth. Still taking care of him from miles upon miles away. They’d both come so far from Veth sneaking coins into his pockets because he had felt strange about taking her money even when he desperately needed it.

“Danke,” he said softly. That was all he could say, before he risked bursting into tears again. That was happening to him a lot lately. It… wasn’t the worst thing. More of an inconvenience. He chose not to unpack it.

Beauregard was looking at him strangely. He elbowed her. It probably hurt his elbow more than it hurt her, but she was successfully distracted from his bullshit. She punched his arm. Even holding back like she did, his arm did go numb for a few seconds.

Yasha sighed. “Children, we’re almost there.”

Caleb had been down this street before. Rarely, as it was entirely residential. But sometimes he, Astrid and Eadwulf would explore the city to find excuses to get away from the Academy, especially after they had commenced their training with Trent. But, with Caleb’s memory, he could call upon the map he had drawn in his mind. This was a middle-income area on the southern edge of The Tangles, home to mostly professionals--well-off storeowners, any researchers who did not live in the Shimmer Ward or have access to quarters with the Cobalt Soul, some teachers, architects. Largely people looking to settle down with the money to stay out of the Mudtop Ward.

It was close to the Shimmer Ward, a little southwest from the gate, but not so close that Caleb felt an itch on the back of his neck. The Tangles were the oldest part of the city, with narrow looping streets with little logic to them. This area was slightly newer than most of The Tangles, but still old. Regardless, The Tangles were fairly central to the city and an easy starting point for any travel. If you didn’t get lost on the way out.

This far south in the area, the houses were a little more spaced out. A little more green space, more gardens. Duplex-style houses were common, mostly built of old stone or lumpy brick on the first floor and clay bolstered by wooden frames above that. Children were out in force, running and screaming through the narrow streets while their parents watched from the porch of their homes. Well, for those who had porches.

“There she is,” said Beauregard. They had stopped in front of another duplex-style building, newer than some of the others but still respectable in age. The first floor was made from dark reddish brick and the upper two floors panelled with dark wood to bolster the white clay walls. The first two floors were full in width, and the third consisted of two dormers peeking through the darkly thatched roof.

There were two entrance doors on the ground floor, each spaced a third of the house’s width from the outer corners. The rectangular windows were framed in white-painted wood, dividing the glass on each window into six little squares.

Before the three of them was a low wooden fence, also painted white. The paint was chipping a little, revealing the deep brown heartwood that Caleb suspected was oak. There were a number of oak trees in the Pearlbow Wilderness. Caleb had slept under them several times in worse days. Oak was rather expensive, if he remembered correctly. He usually remembered correctly.

“She’s pretty hot, right, Caleb?” Beau said, snapping out of his hyperfocus on the history of timber in the Zemni Fields.

“Oh… ja.”

“Cool, so the owner will be here in a few minutes to let us in so we can have a look. She wants to sell the place as a package deal.”

Caleb had, in some ways, trained himself out of being too attached to places or most material things (with a few exceptions such as his spell components, spellbook, and the letters he had written to his parents). Unless there was something horrifically wrong inside, he didn’t care where Beauregard and Yasha wanted to live. It was practical that they live together, after all. Caleb had healed immensely this past year, but he was self-aware enough to understand he probably shouldn’t live alone. Of the Nein, Beauregard knew how to call him on his bullshit and Yasha understood him pretty well and knew he needed space sometimes, so it was a reasonable arrangement.

“I am really not picky, Beauregard.”

“Yeah, because you still don’t care enough about yourself to give a fuck about this. We know.” Beauregard looped her arm around his neck, dragging him down to her level so she could rub her knuckles across his scalp, ruining the two narrow braids Essek had worked from Caleb’s hairline to his messy ponytail that morning before they had parted ways beside the secret entrance to Aeor. Caleb talked himself out of getting upset with Beauregard over it. She couldn’t have known, and she was being affectionate like he really was her brother.

Once he was free, Yasha fixed the braids, and Caleb had to stop himself from crying again because she had noticed it bothered him and just… fixed it without making it a thing. Beau straightened her expositor’s garb, clearing her throat.

“Sorry, dude.”

Caleb conjured a mage hand to tug on her ponytail. Beau swatted at it, but her hand went right through it. She gave him the finger. Yasha finished fixing the braids. Everything was normal again.

The owner, a half-elf woman with long blonde hair coiled into a bun that looked like a cinnamon scroll, arrived and immediately shook Caleb’s hand.

“Mr Widogast, a pleasure. These ladies have told me a lot about you. My name is Alphira Winterheart. I teach evocation at the Soltryce Academy.”

Caleb still felt a spike of anxiety when he heard the name of that place. At this point it was ingrained, even if he held out a small amount of hope he would get to teach there one day. It would be easier to fight corruption if he had some say over what the Academy put into those children’s heads.

“A pleasure,” Caleb replied, a little flatter than he had intended. He mentally shook himself, remembering to actually grip her hand for a proper handshake. “Evocation? I used to specialise in that area.”

“Ja, Ms Lionett told me you are now a Transmutation specialist but still frequently partake in the Evocation school in your travels. I’m glad to hear you intend to put down roots here in Rexxentrum. I would love to exchange theories over coffee.”

Beauregard smirked. Caleb remembered a conversation with Essek where they had agreed to return to Aeor and exchange theories. They had meant that literally. But it had indeed sounded like a euphemism to someone like Beauregard. Well, she hadn’t been wrong in the end, but certainly the intent at the time had been more about a meeting of minds than a meeting of…

Caleb concentrated on the conversation in front of him instead.

“Ja, I would enjoy that,” he replied. “What level of Evocation do you teach?”

“Oh, I teach the beginners.”

“And you live here in the Tangles?”

“I did,” said Alphira. “Archmage Beck has offered me lodging on her estate, so I am selling this house. It was always a little large for one person, and it seems you three could make better use of it than I did.” She leaned closer to Caleb, as if to tell him a secret. “The place on the left is where I prefer to experiment and study. I would recommend you look at that one in particular. The dormer is slightly larger. You could even put a teleportation circle up there if you were so inclined, given your need to travel.”

“Danke.” Caleb still felt a little weird about Rexxentrum mages not wanting to kill him, but he didn’t sense any untoward motives from this woman. She seemed genuinely friendly. “How… is the new Archmage settling in?”

“I have no complaints. She seems competent, if a little terrifying. I am uncertain if that is her past as a Volstrucker, or a necessity of the job. She has been nothing but kind to me, and I would certainly prefer to be her friend than her enemy.”

“Ja, we are familiar with her,” said Caleb.

“Caleb most of all,” said Yasha.

Beauregard had to turn away before she burst out laughing.

“We should look at the house,” Caleb said before the conversation could go anywhere strange. Gods, he missed Aeor already.

Alphira unlocked both front doors. They checked the one on the right first.

“This one has a larger living area,” said Alphira, leading them through the entrance. “I am offering the furniture as part of the sale. I have already taken everything I need.”

Beauregard threw herself onto the large couch in the centre of the room. “Yasha and I call dibs on this side of the house. Since you’re gonna spend so much time here with us anyway. We’re taking the larger living area.”

“Beauregard, we have already established that I do not mind.”

The floor underfoot was a pleasant hardwood, probably more oak, and a large rug occupied much of the space. They would have to purchase candles for the evening, but it was well-lit during the day. Caleb followed the women through each of the rooms on the ground floor on this side, largely going through the motions. The kitchen was equally large, and had a good oven for Yasha to practice baking. They would need to purchase a larger dining table.

There was one large bedroom upstairs and two smaller ones, alongside private areas for bathing and other such activities. This was where they found the door between the two houses. The top floor dormer was full of assorted furniture and household items Alphira didn’t need, but they would likely use. Beauregard and Yasha discussed the possibility of turning this into another bedroom for when they had friends over. Or perhaps converting one of the lower bedrooms into a workout space and using this as a replacement. Caleb did not need to contribute much to the conversation, aside from promising he would help move furniture with telekinesis.

Truth be told, Caleb was having a hard time concentrating on the whole thing. He hadn’t really had a home in a long time, and he could not wrangle his mind into understanding the change. The Xhorhaus had been easier to stomach, as nobody had expected to live there forever. But this? Putting down roots? Real , long-term roots?

Maybe Caleb had been homeless for too long. It was beyond his comprehension at this point. And maybe it frightened him a little. He could not afford to inspect those feelings, not right now.

He pulled himself together in time to inspect the other side of the building. His side. His house. Scheisse .

The living area was a little smaller, but could still easily welcome the Nein (just in rather cosy quarters). The kitchen, also smaller but still respectable--a little larger than his childhood home in Blumenthal. There was less furniture on this side; Alphira had evidently used this side more and therefore had more furniture to take. There were two bedrooms on the second floor, one slightly larger than the other. Caleb found himself thinking that he would probably take the larger one just so there was enough room when Essek was over, or maybe he would take the smaller one so Veth could bring her family with her. Fuck. He didn’t know what to do.

And then they visited the dormer. It was indeed larger than the other one. There was a table in front of the window, with a few dark ink stains, and plenty of floorspace to spread out notes or create a teleportation circle. A few chairs were stacked in the corner, seemingly in good condition, and one wall was lined with empty shelves.

Caleb had always been partial to a tower, and this was pretty close. It would make a great study.

He was genuinely excited over a house. In Rexxentrum. A short journey from where his childhood home once stood. He was going to hyperventilate if he thought about this too hard.

“There are already plenty of shelves in my new house,” Alphira said. “These are all yours.”

Caleb nodded slowly, pulling his mind back into his skull. “Wundervoll, danke.” He took a calming breath. “This is a nice place, Professor.”

Alphira smiled. “Yes, I did not make nearly enough use out of it. But I hear you three have a lot of friends from out of town.”

“Ja, we do not see them enough.”

“Perhaps you will see them more once you have a place to welcome them.” Alphira led them back downstairs, and into the other side of the house where they could sit around the small dining table. Alphira already had the paperwork they needed to sign; Caleb got the impression Beau and Yasha had already decided to buy the house before they spoke to him about it. He was glad the decision was out of his hands.

He signed the paperwork, using both his legal name and the name he now wore (Alphira had apparently been briefed on this, and had consulted a contract lawyer on how to make it work on a binding document). Caleb had needed to sign various statements as part of Trent’s trial, so signing in Bren’s name was not as strange as he feared it would be. He was relieved. Beau and Yasha had insisted on finding a way that his new name would also be included, given he had not gone through any legal name-change process. The money Veth gave him more than covered his part of the cost. He needed to hug her. He needed to hug all of them.

Alphira gave them three copies of the contract and handed over the deed to the property. “I will head to the housing authority and file the paperwork immediately.” She slid the keys over the table to them. “Congratulations on your new home.”

She left. Caleb traced the shapes of the letters on his copy of the contract, over and over, letting reality sink in. He had a house. A house in Rexxentrum. A house in Rexxentrum with two of his best friends. It wasn’t at all what he imagined he would have when he was seventeen, when he thought he and Astrid and Wulf would one day have done their duty for the empire and settled down together.

But this was good. This was right .

He cried. Yasha was probably crying, too, but he couldn't see. The three of them hugged across the table, the edges jabbing their ribs.

#critical role #caleb widogast #shadowgast #not a lot in this chapter but there will be #fanfiction #ao3 #my fics #the pomegranate's professor widogast fic

[omniscientwreck]

Day 6: Time & Transformation // Temptation

Day 6 of @shadowgastweek (I’m very late I know I’m sorry!) 

Please enjoy this little glimpse into the future I hope the wizards will get one day, please let me know what you think! 

“Caleb?”

“Ja?” The wizard looks over, silver hairs peeking through the copper and he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose looking over from the loveseat where his papers and books were sprawled across the dark upholstery.

A familiar, grin spreads freely across his features.

“Can I tempt you away from your studies for a moment?”

Eyebrows raise and a mischievous glint, “Well you know, this is some important work I’m doing. I’m not sure if you can compete.”

Gliding over, Essek leans down over the human’s form, sporting his own devilish grin. The wizard’s eyes raked over him with a hunger. That could wait. They have time. “Oh I assure you I can be quite compelling.” And he leans in to kiss Caleb. Kissing him is so comfortable, safe, it fills him with a warmth he’d never previously known. It’s been years and it still excites him when their lips connect. Caleb’s short stubble scrapes a bit before they part, Essek righting himself and offering Caleb a hand.

“I have to say Thelyss, you make a good case. What is it?”

“I just wanted to talk with you, about tomorrow.”

As Caleb stands he smiles reassuringly, “Mein Engel, you are still nervous?” He grabs for Essek’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Caleb’s hands are strong and his fingers are wider than Essek’s. It’s easy to feel reassured in his grasp, familiar callouses rough as Caleb’s thumb rubs circles into his hand. “The spell has been performed many times without issue, we’ve got it figured out. I’m certainly excited to see what happens.”

Essek nods, “Of course I am excited too, but well. The other times it was you and now it’s me and transmutation certainly isn’t my specialty.”

A gentle laugh falls from Caleb’s lips and he squeezes Essek’s hand, “You know you really don’t give yourself enough credit. You quite nearly pioneered an entire school of magic. You’ve been it’s foremost scholar and teacher for some time. I understand nerves but I promise you I trust your ability. You’ll have the rest of the Nein there, Veth has had it done to her and the rest were there with us the first time. I will be okay. Besides, won’t you be happy for me to be rid of some of these age markers?”

He winks at Essek, teasing, already knowing the answer. “You grow more beautiful every day Caleb, I have never once regretted the aging of your body. You know very well it’s not about looks, it’s about time.” Caleb stops their walking and wraps his arms around him, pulling Essek in and kissing him gently, chastely. “Regardless of how old you look or what happens tomorrow I intend to stay by your side until death. But we only have one life so we may as well lengthen our time.”

Caleb kisses the tip of his nose and they continue outside of their home. The dark of the night engulfs them and the glow of the stars is vibrant as always, Essek looks at his husband and tries to quell the nerves, the anticipation, when a voice fills his mind, “Hey Essek it’s Jester! I couldn’t wait to see you and Caleb until tomorrow, it’s been so long and I’ve missed you so much. I’m-” the spell cuts off and he waits a few moments to see if she plans to recast.

When he hears nothing he responds, out loud so Caleb can hear, “Hello Jester. It is good to hear from you. We’re home and I believe you know our address. You’re welcome at any time.”

Caleb’s crows feet crinkle around his still piercing blue eyes, “Well, if Jester’s here then so is Fjord and I can’t imagine the others are far behind. We should prepare the guest beds.”

They float inside to welcome their friends and briefly Essek’s anxiety is pushed to the back of his mind.

-----

Long ago he’d finally stopped referring to the Nein as ‘Caleb’s friends’ and accepted his role in their lives and allowed them to step into their roles in his properly. Agents of change, bestowers of affection, it’s been about a year since they last saw everyone together.

Ten years ago when they defeated Lucien the group took a break. Jester and Fjord split off to Nicodranas with Veth, Caduceus went home, Yasha and Beau had posted up mainly in Zadash, and Essek and Caleb spent a great deal of time travelling and exploring. Whenever one of the Nein called they all answered, whether it was something as simple as providing fire power when Beau had an investigation or something as momentous as tying up loose ends from their past, they remained steadfast to one another.

Jester, Fjord, and Veth and her family are the first to arrive and Essek opens a well aged wine. Luc is a teenager at this point and he’s becoming a bit of a menace at the amusement of his uncles. Caleb had previously taught him message and he’s been getting a lot of mileage out of it. Jester and Fjord have stories from having come back from a few months at sea, helping with some errands for merchant ships for old times’ sake.

Their home feels full and alive, and the next moring when Beau and Yasha arrive, and then Caduceus it feels like the family is whole again.

They begin digging clay out of the back yard just as they had the first time and as everyone assumes their positions, laughing and joking, filling the backyard with cacophonous uproar, Essek is hit with nostalgia.

He misses travelling with them, having them by his side and standing at theirs throughout some of the worst confrontations in history. He misses the jokes they lob his way with ease, Fjord and Veth hurling insults back and forth, all of it. It seems like so much time has passed since they had last upturned his yard to help a friend into a new form, but in his comparatively long life it’s hardly any time at all.

They assemble the clay, sprinkling in diamond dust and Essek is basically useless with nerves, they’ve created the trough, incorporated the diamond dust. All that’s left is him. They pause to eat, Caduceus’ cooking a welcome break from the day’s preparations.

Dinner is delicious, and loud, full of stories Luc and Yeza have heard dozens of times but still delightful all the same. As they finish eating and prepare to cast the rest clean up as Essek floats outside to check their arrangement one last time. He feels a punch land on the back of his shoulder, where he was once marked by the Nonagon and Beau surveys alongside him, the day’s work. “Hey man, you okay?”

He should be used to her check-ins but she still puts him on edge despite their ‘beef’ as she put it having been ‘squashed’ years ago. “I am alright. This is a big deal and well, I just want to perform well.”

“You will.” She rubs his shoulders a bit and continues, “You know, I didn’t think you deserved him. Even after we figured our shit out and you like became cool. I didn’t think you were good enough for him. Thanks for proving me wrong, you’re good people and I know you’ll take care of him. You’re nervous because you care and that shows me a lot about you. You’ve always been that way but. Well, I see the way you look at him, it’s just real fucking nice.”

All he can do in response is nod and swallow hard, he doesn’t have words to explain what the reassurance means. He kneels down to ensure the dimensions are right for the fiftieth time and the others come out breaking the silence.

“Ah- before we begin can I steal him quickly?” Caleb asks his friends as if they have somewhere else to be or any reason to deny the couple a few words. He takes Essek a good distance away so they can talk without being overheard. “Schatz, are you ready?”

“It feels like I should be asking you that. You know the form you would like to assume?”

Caleb nods, “Just as we discussed, we’ll put us on a more even playing field.”

Essek tucks a stray strand of copper hair behind a rounded ear and looks at his husband’s face one last time, “I can’t say I won’t miss this view Widogast, you are a most striking man.”

Caleb just laughs and kisses him gently, “Well you have much to look forward to.”

They stay like that for a moment, hands clasped, pulling their bodies close, eye to eye. Determination and a stoic resilience fall over Essek and he nods to Caleb, “Ready?”

“Ready.”

All told the casting is uneventful. The Nein are knelt in a circle around Caleb with Essek at the head, kissing him one last time before beginning the incantation. As the wind picks up and arcane lines and symbols light up, Essek’s concentration is stone cold. The clay begins slowly building over Caleb, covering his face entirely and as the view of his partner is taken from him he seems to connect on a deeper level to Caleb’s psyche. They think together of the chosen form, and he can feel a reassuring wave come off of Caleb as he continues reciting the incantation. The runes light and as he continues casting and putting everything he has into ensuring their mutual happiness. His voice gradually rises and arcane power swirls around them, hair freely whipping around the faces of his friends, watching with confidence, Yasha smiling knowingly at him across the vessel. He can feel the heat radiating as his hands pass over Caleb and at the hour the clay bursts, the ensuing wave of arcane energy pushes him back a foot or so, even in his kneeling position. The light from the spell is snuffed instantly and the night is dark again. Before them is Caleb anew.

He brushes clay away from his face with slender fingers, gently sitting up as Jester helps him. Essek floats over, kneeling beside him where he sits.

Caleb turns to look at him, he has the same copper hair and bright blue eyes, but the skin is smooth and free of stubble, his ears narrow to a point, and his features are just a little finer.

They did it.

Caleb looks at Essek for a moment, not dissimilar from the look they’d shared as they met at the altar the day they were wed, “So this is what you look like in the dark.”

He cups Essek’s face with a smooth hand and laughs lightly as the Nein begin chattering around them, Essek doesn’t hear what they say as Caleb brings his new lips to Essek’s and they’re locked in their second first kiss. Pulling back slightly, Essek’s laughter rings out and they press their foreheads together. He feels someone wrap their arms around the two of them and eventually the rest of the Nein join. In the middle of the large group hug two wizards hold each other and time stretches before Essek as the full gravity of the what they’ve done makes his heart soar. Time will catch up eventually, it always does, but for now they have plenty.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #critfic #shadowgastweek2021 #I just wanted to write romantic semi-domestic fluff okaaay #god i love these two so much