#Man I truly am just tired

[pululande]

I am haunted by Aaron Bushnell's last words. I have been following the ICJ's hearings this last month. And I cannot deal with this anymore. People are dying, suffering at every second. It is hell on earth. I am furious. I am eighteen, I am in high school and every day in between classes I talk with my peers about the ICJ's verdicts.. about Rafah, about Yemen, about murdered children. We are so full of grief. We are so young and already so full of grief. We are so young and already so devoid of any hope. For the world. For our futures. It really feels as if they have stolen our childhoods. I have no words. I hope everyone is taking care of themselves. There is hope. There has to be. We are here.

#I'll delete this later #I have to log off #I have to stop doomscrolling #Man I truly am just tired #free palestine #Palestine #Aaron bushnell #politics #tw war mention

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[rapidhighway]

the problem is that i would rather draw a little cartoon guy than do anything that matters in life and so i am in shambles but at least my Tumblr blog is thriving???

#hahahah im going to fail everything because i cant make myself do stuff yay #i think i really will need to go to some kind of evaluation or something i cant live like this... #maybe i just hate hard work who knows #truly all i want to do i draw my silly little guys #i am failing academically #idk if this situation is salvageable #because whenever i jave the time i can't make myself dot he things i have to do #and when i want to i can't because there's other stuff #hrnhrnejdne #idk man idk #save meeeee!!! #im just so tired i was not made for hard work im supposed to just lay in bed and draw nothing more #i will not survive in society i knoww

[kyouka-supremacy]

( •_• )

#Aight I'm no marketing strategist but like. It doesn't take a genius to see on my dash everyone going #“If there's not going to be new bsd content soon I'm just gonna drop it” #I really don't get why they went for this route. Oh well. *Goes make the bsd reread announcement post I've been procrastinating on making* #random rambles #Tbh I too have found myself a little tired with bsd but also. #Idk I like the fandom. #Even if I'm not as excited about it as I used to be right now it's still something that makes me happy to interact with every day. #I like the format. To an extent I also like not getting new content because it gives myself the illusion- #I will be able to focus on studying more (lol) #Or at least dedicate myself to other projects I've been wanting to complete #And one of the main appeals of bsd to me stays how the content is widely accessible. #Like I love p/p and I definitelly love it a thosuand times more than I do b/sd. I truly love that franchise. #But besides from watching the anime it's impossible to get your hands on the extra content (manga‚ novels‚ dramas‚ stage plays‚ fanbooks) #Which left me - archivist obsessed - just frustrated #With bsd aside from very niche things (I love you pricey fanbooks... ) #Most of the main content is within reach. Man I was able to compile a magazines archive. I could have never done it with p/p #So yeah it's just. A space that fits my very specific kind of autism #Why am I even discussing this again?

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Okay, but how hard is it to just.

Not.

Write a love-triangle.

It cannot possibly be that hard.

#i'm going through my shelves and weeding out the good from the bad starting with the books that i suspect are not so good #and if there is a love triangle is immediately goes in the box #i am too tired for this #(i bought a LOT of books at book fairs over the past three years) #and even though i typically read 50-100 books a year #when i buy 300 every book sale #there is no way to make it through them all #i must cull #starting with triangles #(i've even found some squares) #(one might have been a hexagon but i stopped skimming when the third dude arrived on scene) #good grief #most girls struggle to net even one man #and here are all of these heroines barely able to beat off entire hordes with broom-sticks #it's being laid on a bit thick when there are three+ gents hanging around #i'm just saying #at that point i think all four+ people involved need to have a sit-down and reevaluate life choices #the problem with these books is a lot of them are vintage and i bought them based on title and prettiness since they have no blurbs #i've found a few truly wonderful treasures #but most are mediocre at best #and a few have been absolutely tragically awful

[toastsnaffler]

I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮‍💨

#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true.. #some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable #they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good #like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one #the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell #lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash #and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun #especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game.. #and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off #i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring #after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now #and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here.. #i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it #and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am #ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend #ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭 #ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that #it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh #anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate #didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol #gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge #typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone #.diaries

[alwaysbethewest]

I don’t read a lot fic so I’m simultaneously living in an ignorant lalaland but also wanting more and afraid to venture into wild territory for fear of repeatedly encountering the Joel you mentioned. If even someone like me has noticed it, then it’s truly pervasive. I like to think I do a decent job of separating the character from their dominant trope/au/fanon but it gets hard <insert Oscar Isaac coffee gif>

I'm kind of in the same boat! I'm not reading that much these days (and when my brain is ready to I have a looong to-read list for other characters!) but I like to scroll through the fandom tag and skim the summaries. I'm sure there IS some great, thoughtful, in-character fic out there but I rarely see anything that draws me in. I've actually literally just added a tag filter for his name so I can stop looking in the first place because I find it so dispiriting and confusing 😕

#i hate to even say this stuff out loud because i truly don't want to yuck anyone else's yum or whatever the saying is #it feels shitty to become self-conscious about what you want to write and i don't want to make anyone feel bad #AND i know that my own fics are often not that in-character #i really don't believe that being perfectly in-character is the most important thing #but at the same time i just am so.... #confused by the predominant themes and tropes and how much they do not align with my vision of this character #a deeply sad broken hollowed out tired man #who probably barely finds it in him to regularly fuck his long term partner #(not that she is ever acknowledged either 🙃🙃🙃) #much less someone younger than his dead daughter #like where did that.... come from #sorry if this makes me an asshole!!!! oh well #anonymous #ask #and i am purposely not using full names or tags lol bc i'm just saying my thing to my followers not trying to start a whole conversation 😬

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[piplupod]

one more post while i am insane but i do think maybe Wanting to live should be ... enough to live. like can it just be all that is needed maybe. instead of [gestures vaguely at capitalistic society] all of that. a person should just Want to be alive and be allowed to live and given what they need to live. i dont want to have to beg and grovel for the ability to keep myself alive, i already did that (and continue to do that!) with my parents and now apparently i have to do that with the govmt and just... Everything.

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #this is mainly just. why do i need to work when i Cannot work. #i wanted to work ! i really did ! but then things did not line up properly and now i am fucked !!! #and i cannot get onto disability bc that would involve so much sneaking around getting shit done and i Cannot risk it #i have simultaneously nothign to lose and everything #like. if i get caught by parents applying for disability then i will be in so much fucking trouble #my already nearly intolerable living situation will get Truly Intolerable. and then i'll be dead basically #and i dont even really qualify for disability bc i can Do stuff still. i just... can't do it often enough to make a living. #regular ass ppl can barely make a living. i'd never even come close #me when my disability is disabling enough to Need disability payments but not disabling enough to Qualify for disability payments 🙃🙃🙃 #straight up i am tired. i am so tired. i cannot see a way of living past whenever my bank account runs out. #like no i dont want to kms but yeah im gonna kind of have to ... ????? #because what do i do fhsdfjkl there is not a way to live !!!! idk man its fine its just fucked up #i'll go eat some food and not think about this. i feel like a rat stuck in a death maze #no matter which exit you take u know ur going to be euthanized at the end. ARGH !! #suicide tw

[catfishofoldin99colours]

what's that thing of 'you meet a man and no one has ever told him to shut up in his life'sl

#catfish speaks #man i went on a date today with is very nice #hes sweet and likes animals a lot - he brought his little Quaker parrot along and thay was so cute! #we share a lot of interests and he was kind and gentle #but man. he talked a lot #not necessarily in a bad way and i enjoyed a lot of whay he said and we did share conversation at times #but were chatting on discord now and i was like yeah i would have left eventually i get tired easily #and he was like man we wete chatting so much i didnt even notice #and like. #yeah #yeah you wouldn't. why would you #like ahdjsiwiiawiiw its not malicious but. so many men just talk talk talk and don't really see whats going on around them #truly. the best dates I have been on have heen the ones where people got ME talking #cos i don't talk a lot i am a Listener #if you can get me talking on the first fuckinf meetinf you are doing something VERY right #this guy. hrm. #like hes lovely and being friends sounds fun but. bro. please. i can't talk forever

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t. #it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

[swordcoasts]

Ah yes, playing BG3 with friends who think Shadowheart is annoying but Astorion is just misunderstood.

Send help.

that is also my irl friend group's discord chat and i am suffering. u have my condolences.

#asks #Anonymous #i'm trying so hard to stay normal but i truly am just so tired lmao #'shadowheart keeps announcing her faith it's so dumb' girl ur man has his vampussy hanging out of his shirt from the first second shut up

[orcelito]

Ok, I'm apparently in such a state that Iroh's story from the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode. Made me cry.

Watched this episode who knows how many times. I know exactly what would happen. But it sure is the first time I've watched this episode since several major deaths in my life.

God. I'm not used to being this emotionally affected by things.

#speculation nation #a part of me feels like im watching this show anew #it's the first time im watching since i started doing some serious writing #so ive been seeing things through a storytelling lens i didnt have before #seeing things with a wisdom and understanding i didnt have before #and experiencing things with a depth of emotion that im not used to having. #i also nearly cried at the end of the desert episode. when aang was so angry and upset about appa that he went into the avatar state #and katara just stayed by him. reached up for him. looking So Tired... #used to calming him down from these states but hating that she is. #then both of them crying in each others' arms. it got to me man. #i wonder if ill be crying any other times from this watch. im clearly much more emotionally affected than i used to be. #man. man. this rewatch is changing smth in me i think. #reaching nearly 20 years into my own past with this. getting in touch with the person i used to be. and still kind of am #what a time! what a time. #this is episode 15 of season 2. ill probably be finishing season 2 today. and im excited to start season 3. #the book of fire is truly my favorite one of the show. so many good episodes in it. im excited.

[betweenheroesandvillains]

.

#talking about violence against women with men is so exhausting #always having to reassure them no no haha not you of course or anyone we know haha just other men #like it isn't statistically likely that it's them or their friends or brothers or fathers #but mention that it might also be someone they know and like and watch how fast they do a 180 #'Oh well that was a different situation' IT WAS STILL VIOLENCE #or even worse 'yeah well what am i supposed to do that's just how it is' #you know what. maybe truly everything is lost. I don't want to believe that but with how often i have now heard men be defeatist #or straight up claim it's not a problem at all idk what to do anymore. #Girls learn how to rip a man's testes off and how to break a nose I guess #and i'm not putting the usual disclaimers here bc i'm tired of it i put so many disclaimers for friends colleagues and family and in the en #it's all just so they can lean back and say 'but not me though' like ok cool wish that could be me but can't #anyway rant over and if i see a terf or Classical Radfem or political lesbian on this i block on sight this is just for me and my 5 followe

[hella1975]

LADY NAGANT!!!!!!

#SHES HEREEEEEEEEEEE #lady nagant fired for attempted unionisation she was ahead of her time fr </3 #overhaul 😭 he's such a wet little mess of a man yeah no u just sit in the rain while she does all the work it's fine #ough her getting overhaul out of tartarus bc he couldn't do it himself. i fucking hate overhaul but #there's smthn about lady nagant still showing heroic tendencies even after all this time and everything that happened #like is she evil or did she just snap after years being forced to be a blind government dog for the Very Corrupt Hero Commission? #such a compelling question. we may never know (it is explicitely shown to us the fandom just collectively has the brain capacity of a 2 y/o #'you told the others to go wild so why am i the only one whose freedom comes at a price?' :(((( she's never been truly free :(( #i think she deserves to go wild personally i think lady nagant should blow up the hpsc and all for one too actually #she's everything i want hawks to be like hawks u want ur lady nagant era sooooo badly pls pls pls arent u tired of being nice #mha #mha spoilers