#NUMiNOUS magazine

[yasamsallik]

BU KIZLAR BİZLERDEN DEĞİL

"Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş, bunlar bizden değil sanki..

Ne iktidara eyvallahları var, nede gelene gidene..

Önüne geleni silip süpürüyor, ezip büküp atıyor, kimseye ağlama diye tempo tutmuyorlar.

Ne hakemlere bahane buluyorlar ve nede sıradan takımları yendiği zaman höykürüyorlar.

Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş..

Sanki bunlar bizden değil gibiler..sanki Devrim yapmış bunlar..

Küçümsemiyorlar, bırakın küfürü, el kol hareketi bile yapmıyorlar.

Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş..

Bir parmak işareti yapıyorlar, ortalığı hizaya getiriyorlar.

Şımarmıyor, rekor üstüne rekor kırıp sükse bile yapmıyorlar.

Aç susuz Anadolu takımlarını değil, dünyanın devlerini bir bir deviriyorlar hava bile atmıyorlar.

Tarifeli uçakla gidip geliyorlar, özel uçak bile istemiyorlar..

Yanlarına yaklaşınca birer star değil, komşu kızı gibi ilgileniyorlar..

Ne magazine konu oluyorlar ve nede geceleri orda burda kırıştırıyorlar..

Sultanlar diyorsunuz, abartmayın, Atatürkün kızları diyin yeterli diyorlar.

Vallahi billahi bu kızlar bizden değil, bunlar numine, pigment gibi yapılmış özel ürünler.

Sporcu desen bunlar, şampiyon desen bunlar, mutavazi deseniz yine bunlar..

Ne dua ediyorlar, ne fal baktırıyorlar. Çıkıp aslanlar gibi saplıyorlar😁..

Yok tövbe bunlar bizlerden değil..

Ne sanat çevrelerinde, ne spor ve nede siyaset çevrelerinde benzerine rastlanmayan aykırı bunlar..

Kimliğini gösterseler, yan komşumuzun kızı olduğuna şahit bulsalar, vallahi billahi inanmam bu kızlar bizlerden değil..

Şakalaşıyorlar, erik dalı oynuyorlar, çocuk gibi eğleniyorlar ama taşmıyorlar..

Tamam anladık Satarwlli diye bir koçları var italyan ama o bunları mı italyan yapmış, yoksa bunlar mı onu horona katmış belli değil...

Maçtan maça görüyorsunuz, diziyorlar sıraya rakipleri kaybolup gidiyorlar.

Güzel mi güzeller, özel mi özeller ama ayrıcalıklarını fark bile ettirmiyorlar.

Almanya, Amerika ve bütün dünya bizi kıskanıyor tabiki..

Hemde öyle şaklaban kıskanması değil, adeta şampiyon kıskançlığı..

Okçumuza, güllecimize verdigimiz devket desteği ve ilgisini vermiyor ama bunlarda banamısın demiyor.

Vallahi bu kızlar bizlerden değil.

Dronlar üretiyoruz diye yaygara yapıp, el altından yapay zeka kızlar üretmişizde haberimiz yok.

Yoksa uzaydan falan transfer mi etmişiz belli değil.

Çünkü bu kızlar bizlerden değil.

Ne taraftarı provake ediyor, ne malzemeciye tokat atıyorlar.

Rakiplerin seyircileri bile, Pet şişe yerine alkış atıyorlar.

Nereye gitse seviliyorlar,saygı görüyorlar.

Sıkı mı, Arap ülkeleri onlara maç teklif etme cesaretinde bulunsunlar?

İnanın bu kızlar bizlerden değil..

Aşmış bunlar..

Km lerce ilerlemiş..

Ayna gibi parlıyor, güneş gibi aydınlatıyor ve Ülkemizin kadınının çağdaş yüzünü dünyaya sergiliyorlar.

Aşmış bunlar..

Kesinlikle devrim yapmışlar..

Var olun çocuklar. Bileğiniz bükülmesin, yüzünüz hep gülümsesin.

Alnınızdan öpüyorum sizi..

Bizden olmasanız bile🥰."

Şemsi Gürel

[baybaykus]

BU KIZLAR BİZLERDEN DEĞİL

"Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş, bunlar bizden değil sanki..

Ne iktidara eyvallahları var, nede gelene gidene..

Önüne geleni silip süpürüyor, ezip büküp atıyor, kimseye ağlama diye tempo tutmuyorlar.

Ne hakemlere bahane buluyorlar ve nede sıradan takımları yendiği zaman höykürüyorlar.

Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş..

Sanki bunlar bizden değil gibiler..sanki Devrim yapmış bunlar..

Küçümsemiyorlar, bırakın küfürü, el kol hareketi bile yapmıyorlar.

Bu kızlara bir şeyler olmuş..

Bir parmak işareti yapıyorlar, ortalığı hizaya getiriyorlar.

Şımarmıyor, rekor üstüne rekor kırıp sükse bile yapmıyorlar.

Aç susuz Anadolu takımlarını değil, dünyanın devlerini bir bir deviriyorlar hava bile atmıyorlar.

Tarifeli uçakla gidip geliyorlar, özel uçak bile istemiyorlar..

Yanlarına yaklaşınca birer star değil, komşu kızı gibi ilgileniyorlar..

Ne magazine konu oluyorlar ve nede geceleri orda burda kırıştırıyorlar..

Sultanlar diyorsunuz, abartmayın, Atatürkün kızları diyin yeterli diyorlar.

Vallahi billahi bu kızlar bizden değil, bunlar numine, pigment gibi yapılmış özel ürünler.

Sporcu desen bunlar, şampiyon desen bunlar, mutavazi deseniz yine bunlar..

Ne dua ediyorlar, ne fal baktırıyorlar. Çıkıp aslanlar gibi saplıyorlar😁..

Yok tövbe bunlar bizlerden değil..

Ne sanat çevrelerinde, ne spor ve nede siyaset çevrelerinde benzerine rastlanmayan aykırı bunlar..

Kimliğini gösterseler, yan komşumuzun kızı olduğuna şahit bulsalar, vallahi billahi inanmam bu kızlar bizlerden değil..

Şakalaşıyorlar, erik dalı oynuyorlar, çocuk gibi eğleniyorlar ama taşmıyorlar..

Tamam anladık Satarwlli diye bir koçları var italyan ama o bunları mı italyan yapmış, yoksa bunlar mı onu horona katmış belli değil...

Maçtan maça görüyorsunuz, diziyorlar sıraya rakipleri kaybolup gidiyorlar.

Güzel mi güzeller, özel mi özeller ama ayrıcalıklarını fark bile ettirmiyorlar.

Almanya, Amerika ve bütün dünya bizi kıskanıyor tabiki..

Hemde öyle şaklaban kıskanması değil, adeta şampiyon kıskançlığı..

Okçumuza, güllecimize verdigimiz devket desteği ve ilgisini vermiyor ama bunlarda banamısın demiyor.

Vallahi bu kızlar bizlerden değil.

Dronlar üretiyoruz diye yaygara yapıp, el altından yapay zeka kızlar üretmişizde haberimiz yok.

Yoksa uzaydan falan transfer mi etmişiz belli değil.

Çünkü bu kızlar bizlerden değil.

Ne taraftarı provake ediyor, ne malzemeciye tokat atıyorlar.

Rakiplerin seyircileri bile, Pet şişe yerine alkış atıyorlar.

Nereye gitse seviliyorlar,saygı görüyorlar.

Sıkı mı, Arap ülkeleri onlara maç teklif etme cesaretinde bulunsunlar?

İnanın bu kızlar bizlerden değil..

Aşmış bunlar..

Km lerce ilerlemiş..

Ayna gibi parlıyor, güneş gibi aydınlatıyor ve Ülkemizin kadınının çağdaş yüzünü dünyaya sergiliyorlar.

Aşmış bunlar..

Kesinlikle devrim yapmışlar..

Var olun çocuklar. Bileğiniz bükülmesin, yüzünüz hep gülümsesin.

Alnınızdan öpüyorum sizi..

Şemsi Gürel

[texasobserver]

“Photo Essay: The Dignity of Work” from the January/February 2023 issue of Texas Observer magazine:

Democracy is a word on a lot of lips lately, but I’m not sure what it means: The right to vote?

Freedom of speech? All of it together forms this numinous enterprise of democracy that we can’t see or touch. But we can see and know workers, who are the fabric of democracy.

Over the decades, I’ve done studio and commercial photography, photojournalism, landscape pictures, and art photography. My dad and I used to do crime scene photos for the Fort Worth Police Department. Here and there, I’ve also worked for the excessively affluent million and billionaires who seemed to know little about us mid-level workers. Their cultural currency was built on watching people’s behavior in the presence of great wealth.

But for the most part, us Byrds—I’m the fourth generation of photographers by that name in my family—don’t watch the rich. We document the great, squirming mass of humanity that has worked for a living since our Neander neighbors shared the planet with us. Our trade is the folks who trade their living moments for food and shelter.

These days, I am obsessed with the anthropology of it all—the part my images play in capturing the lives of those around me who build, invent, educate, preach, cook, and strip.

Read more on the Texas Observer.

Join the Texas Observer to get our magazine 6 times per year.

#texas history #photography #documentary photography #workers #labor rights #texas

[belialjones]

again the last two are in numinous magazine, the baroque edition. the first one was a pride weekend ‘date night’

#my polaroids #my photos #I'm just missing my friends

[pastelphantasia]

my plan. my goal as a celebrity musician

odd oddysseys: my trend setting oddyssey? make diffii your au naturale - always leave the house in exotykka pastel colored thick haute innovative stick straight falsii lashes. snow bunniei exotykka wuns made different lengths. exotykka dusk colored ones, as usual. exotykka pastel lola's coat rose wuns, as usual. lavender, lilac, magenta, fuscia, orchid, periwinkle, sugarplum purple. dawn an opal bindi. make it the trend. also do a tocking hart bindi (oz* yawns and z's...). seahorse bindi. A pink jellyfish bindi. always leave the house with dyed hair of all your shade varieties that are innovative.

💤

voyages

tribes: the pastelendipitou tribe. the ephervescence tribe. the prismatic tribe. the spellbound tribe. the masquerade tribe. the perpendiculars tribe. the Lola dusk tribe: lo la duu seek. the opalescence tribe. the dreamlike tribe. the pearadisighacal \paradisiacal tribe. the dazed tribe. the wondrou tribe. the twiligh tribe. the highligh tribe. the numinou tribe. the ubiquitou tribe. the otherworldl tribe. the revel tribe. the magnetism tribe. the perpendicular tribe.

ballads

odd odes

rare entity

rare deity

rare rarities

odd oddities

V for V magazine and voyages… and o (yawn) for odd odes, oddysseys, and oddities. r for rarities, rare entities and rare deities... phor some reason d's so v and voyages. and so's r and rare. also L acts as a cureall and heals the whole thing.

#oddyssey #voyage #phaun #luph #gwen stefani

[st-just]

Muir talked about about the attacks because of the fanfic she’d written in an interview with three crows magazine (it’s a really interesting interview and available online). She raised a similar point to you that nobody got mad about the professional short stories she’d written that explored abuse similarly to the fanfic she’d written

Interesting read, thanks! If heavier than expected

Also

There are no lines that should not be crossed. There is nothing that should not be written about. This is not to say that all Art with a capital A is beyond critique, but all works, whether fanfiction or professionally published, need to be taken on a case-by-case basis. There can be no bright lines, not even with abhorrent words or concepts. I am currently playing a video game with some of the best writing I’ve read in the last ten years — not ‘best video game writing’, but best writing, full stop. It’s called Disco Elysium, and it’s written by the Estonian novelist Robert Kurvitz. Kurvitz is my age and English isn’t even his first language, so he just ought to be banned for making the rest of us look bad.

One of the game’s conceits is that the ‘f-ggot’ slur is thrown around, a lot, though whenever it’s spoken in voice acting it is censored, which I think is genius. The games uses ‘f-ggot’ as this almost transformational identity, and I think the reason it’s bleeped is because what the word and concept is differs wildly from person to person, and even what the person thinks can differ wildly day to day. It is some of the most refreshing and exciting queer writing I have read in an age. There are wildly homophobic characters, there are subtly homophobic characters, you as the protagonist get a say. I have not played anything so radical in a while, and I’ve played a lot of radical queer games. I’ve also played a lot of games that were numinously and kind of limply queer-positive that would have honestly rather sat themselves in the garbage can than used a word so unkind as f-ggot, and most of them did not exhilarate me like Disco Elysium does. And the game is not even a game advertised with queer concerns at its heart! And yet, and yet.

Glad to see she has generally good taste, also.

#reply #anon #tamsyn muir

[ddaenqu]

Numinous

“I was told you guys have...an exchange system?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

pairings: yandere ot7 x reader

themes: Magic Shop AU, Non-Idol Verse AU, Mature

summary: You went to the mysterious group of men after hearing of their incredible power to give new memories in exchange for bad ones, hoping to erase the trauma caused by your past boyfriend. Little did you expect them to take your boyfriend’s place.

A collab between @jooniescupcakes and @ddaenqu

This is where you belong

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Trigger Warnings: Violence, degradation, blood, abusive relationships, heavy manipulation, heavy gaslighting, yandere behaviours, obsessive behaviours, brainwashing, hypnosis, mentions of murder, stalking, kidnapping

»»————- ♡ ————-««

The wind brushes through your hair, an odd feeling of dread and uncertainty chipping away at your insides, the goosebumps on your skin rise to the abrupt chills. You look around and then back to your phone, focusing on the blue text that held all the information about this place, your friend managing to somehow pull-off rambling through her texts, she almost seemed adamant that you go to this spot.

How good could it be? You thought, mostly because it seemed hidden away, behind tall buildings and next to little stores and businesses that didn’t look well-kept.

It was silent and empty, occasionally a few people walking here and there, a few kids leaving a store, but other than that, it was just lonely. The streets weren’t overcrowded with cars, luckily for you, as your head and body couldn’t possibly walk through consistent beeping and yelling.

Your friend, Hana, had said that the store is squished between two other stores, and easy to miss if you don’t look closely. Now, you’re not one to doubt friends, but you’re sure confident isn’t wouldn’t be the word to describe this whole thing, especially if it’s a shop that sounds like it’s meant to be hidden. You wonder how she even stumbled upon this place if it’s “easy to miss”.

You’re about to walk further down the sidewalk, looking for this “amazing” store as Hana claims, when you see a certain storefront blending in with the brick wall and white wall from the two stores on each side, offering no space for the tiny little shop to expand.

It had a dark oak-like door, the windows were covered with light blue patterns, two lanterns on top of the windows. Above the door was a symbol, one you had never seen anywhere. On the side, there was a little rectangular box jutting out, with the words “Magic Shop” in bold, they weren’t plated in neon, but except a softer glow, one that was similar to a lightstick or lava lamp.

Your friend had failed to mention it looked like one of those places that were supposed to give card or palm readings, maybe even a therapeutic center. You wouldn’t be surprised if she sent you to one, a low blow on her part, but it wasn’t something she did with ill intent.

She had only mentioned that when she went in, she was pessimistic and very skeptical at first—and you’d be lying if you didn’t feel the exact same way as well—but leaving the place, she felt new and fresh. The exact thing you were looking for. At least, that’s what Hana had told you. She gave you their card, although, there wasn’t really an address printed on there, it was written down on the back with lazy handwriting.

At first, you told her that you didn’t want to deal with this, you had enough to deal with and talking to some magical therapists weren’t going to help you in any way. You were going to throw away the card and call it a night before she practically begged you to go. That if you didn’t go, she would kick you out of her apartment, where you currently lived since you refused to go anywhere near your own.

A sigh left your lips and finally pushed the door open. A small bell rang above your head, a soft and gentle chime. You noticed the outside was nothing like the inside, it was quite open and warm.

Dark bookshelves, little trinkets set up to some of the books tucked in, their spines covered in a light grey of mist-like dust. There were black leather couches settled against the white wall, the polished wooden floor reflected the dim light fixtures and white vintage lamps. It was beautiful, you had to admit that, as if you walked in on another era of interior style, a whole different generation.

“Hello?” An uplifting and giddy voice, lighthearted and filled with hope, breaks your attention away from the small golden trinkets sitting on dusty shelves and tables.

Your head turns, a cashier front, much resemblance to a small booth, and a tall, broad man standing inside it. Light brown-caramel hair that shone in the light, his plush lips pulled into a graceful smile. He was warm, welcoming, and absolutely charming.

You stared for a second, not expecting someone to immediately greet you upon arrival. Hesitantly, gripping the fabric of your clothing, you walk towards the small booth. The overwhelming man standing politely, but also unrestrained, waiting for you.

“Hi,” you say plainly, not sure of what to say.

The man was undoubtedly handsome, a man that you’d see on the front page of some fashion magazine or walking down a runway. Not in some beaten up store on the street where all the bankrupt businesses live.

He only smiles, his stare was unwavering as much as it was unnerving, beating down on your small form compared to his.

“It’s a bit cold—this afternoon,” he says with a hint of tenseness pulling at his words, obviously eyeing your attire. You had thought he was showing prejudice or disgust with his tone.

You let out a nervous chuckle, “yeah, didn’t really expect it to be this cold.”

The awkward silence settles in, you almost feel sick. You were never one to start conversations—or, well, you’ve forgotten how to do it without being uncomfortable. You could never keep them either. Especially with someone as good-looking as he was.

You go to pat down the pockets of your jeans, finding the item—the real reason why you were here, and holding it up to him. A small and thin polaroid picture of you and your ex-boyfriend sitting down on a couch, huge smiles present on both as they laughed their problems away

“I was told that you guys have—,” you begin, solely watching his eyes scan the tiny item with indifference, “—an exchange system?” It sounded dumb coming from your mouth. “A friend had recommended me coming here, so I’m not quite sure how this works. She didn’t tell me much either.”

Then something suddenly clicked in your mind, she didn’t tell you anything about the procedure except that it had an exchange system, she rarely mentioned it and focused her attention on her feelings and results from it.

He nods. “It’s fine, most people don’t know what this place is,” he pauses, “may I ask who he is?” His tone sounds displaced from his happy accord.

Were they allowed to ask personal questions? Were you supposed to answer them?

You sensed that you shouldn’t be discussing your own problems—memories that you don’t want to bring up. Or has it been so long that you don’t know what formality is anymore?

You feel something rise in your throat, letting out a forced cough. “Ex-boyfriend,” you state plainly, fear biting your insides as certain memories flash to that one word.

His almond-brown eyes flickered with something you couldn’t quite understand, his eyes alone spoke too little, and his words were nothing but plain sentences. The feeling that swarmed his eyes left before you could put a word to it. Instead, it was just the vivid lights in his eyes.

“I’m guessing not a good one,” he comments, “if you don’t mind me asking, once more, what happened?”

You put on a small smile, one that you’ve tried very hard to entertain with your lips, as memories of one night and before all the others had a flood in with your ex-boyfriend when he was still your boyfriend. It hurt, you wouldn’t deny that—it was painful, but it just felt gross remembering it now. Especially with someone else in the room.

“Just—uh—not a good guy,” you began, “fought a lot, he couldn’t really control his temper, so, one thing led to another.”

You stop and look up at him expectantly, waiting for him to piece together what you had explained, and maybe the pained expression on your face would help him.

He nods stiffly, a grin still present and his lips crinkled at the sides. He didn’t say anything, his mouth didn’t open, he let the warm and speckled silence to dance across the room and sit through the dim lights cast upon you and him.

The room felt alive at that second. Even if the walls were so tight, the doors all closed, and the bookshelves sitting peacefully. The room sparked with something.

You need to get this over with.

The moment you get home and see Hana, you’re going to give her a piece of your mind.

You cough, again, “well, I was told by my friend that you can help me. An item for an item, or an item for just anything?”

He nods warmly, “of course, what are you here for?”

The Polaroid picture in your hand taunts you as you place it down in front of him, on the counter that separated the both of you. Strangely secure in your mind, that there was an obstacle between you two.

“I want a new Polaroid camera, and so I give you that—this Polaroid picture.” Your hands leave the tiny and flimsy piece of plastic for the last time, “I want a new one so I can throw my old one out.”

“Why a new Polaroid camera?” he asks, then adds quickly, “when there’s so much to choose from. Not that your choice wasn’t good.”

“It’s fine,” you assure, your eyes stayed on the picture before flicking up towards his brown orbs, expecting him to have some sort of expression mixed with pity, and yet you see nothing. “I wanted a new one because my old one had broke not too long ago.”

“Is that so?”

No, it was not, but you nod anyway.

He hummed. “Why get a new Polaroid camera if you can just get a whole brand new camera with better features?” he suggested, his hands are nicely folded on the wood countertop. His eyes advert down to the small picture, eyeing it with curiosity, almost as if he was noting each feature down he could name.

His tone, you notice, changed. It was usually light and airy, up for anything, maybe low on some areas, but it sounded limited and condescending as he stressed on the idea of why a new Polaroid camera wasn’t the best choice.

“It costs more, and besides,” you breathe in, “it’s not about the price. It’s like a—uh—”

His body is hunched over the counter, his head pushed forward in an attempt to get closer to you. That odd and misplaced smile always seemed to make your mind twitch, his smile didn’t feel like how a smile is supposed to.

You’d think he’s expecting something to come out of your mouth.

“Like a what?” he pressures on, and your train of thoughts ceases to his voice.

“Fresh start,” you continue, “my old Polaroid is something I want to forget. It sounds cliché, I know, but it is broken—” your hands move to your words, pointing at the rectangular picture, “—he ended up breaking it, on accident.”

As if him throwing the priceless object down onto the wooden floor while a flurry of derogatory names left his mouth—was an “accident”.

He nods once more. Would it kill him to say “okay” or just give an approving hum?

“I just want to be able to use my Polaroid camera without having to bring up bad memories.”

“Yes, but still having a camera identical to that one thing that ties you to the past,” he notes, pushing the picture away from him, “wouldn’t it just be the same effect as the old camera? You’re not having a fresh start, you’re just reliving the past with a new camera.”

He’s right. You know he’s right and it doesn’t hurt your pride, surprisingly, but it makes you think. Your eyebrows drew together into a pensive state and your lips skewed to one side.

“You’re right,” you agree reluctantly. “But a whole new camera is too much. I couldn’t ask that of you—I mean, not to discredit you, but I just can’t see it.”

His body moved back slowly, his shoulders are no longer hunched and his body is lean standing. “There’s always a price for something, I understand that,” he begins and his fingers prodded the small piece of plastic before picking it up and studying it in his hand, discomfort present in his lips, setting the picture farther away from you and closer to him. “But, I shall give you a new camera with no expense, none really.”

This is a joke, you automatically assume. A scam of some sort.

Suspicion and surprise were clear on your face, and for once, his lips that were so prettily turned into a grin faltered and dropped into a straight line before regaining its usual look.

He leans over the table, and in a soft voice, he asks, “do you not believe me?”

You swore you could feel his breath tickle your face, heat bunching up in your palms. His words are heavy against your own, your conscious sounding them out to you as if it was a curse.

You stammered with heat growing on your cheeks, “I didn’t mean it that way, I just—” you cut yourself off, “I didn’t really come here expecting this, I just wanted a new Polaroid camera."

He chuckled, "don't worry, love, really. A fresh start is what you wanted no matter how you put it." He clasped his hands together, going to wipe his palms down on the black fabric of his pants, you’d assume. His bottom torso was covered by the expansive counter.

Your hands were fidgety, pinching the ends of your shirt or toying with the lint in your pockets. You needed to call Hana, away from him, you add as you watch him place your item somewhere under the counter.

It’s not that he was a bad guy, he seemed entertaining and understanding. He spoke according to your emotions, he’s observant but too observant. It just didn’t feel right—something didn’t feel right.

The room felt restless despite all the furniture still being in place as it was when you first entered, the lights never flickered and did well to keep this place well lit, and the books on the dusty shelves and the gold-like trinkets on the tables had not moved.

“I see you’re still uncertain,” the man spoke softly, this time he seemed distracted or uncomfortable about something, evidently making you feel uncomfortable. “Please, sit down and think about it more if you need, it’s a one-time chance after all.”

Your head perked up to the thought of you staying any longer you had planned. Your mouth worked faster than your brain, spitting out an excuse: “Actually, I have to—”

“Stay for tea, at least, or not a tea person?” he inquired with a determined tone. You noticed his fingers were tapping consistently against the wood. “Water? Coffee? You can think it over while taking a drink break, right? I’m sorry for pushing the ‘new camera’ thing.”

His apology was very genuine, the point where guilt had bubbled up and overthrown the unsettling feeling resting at the tips of your shoes, minutes away from wanting to run out of the shop—now, wanting to offer this much as a courtesy.

His body left the small cashier still, and it’s when you noticed how much he towered of you. His height was tall as it was, but his broader body made it seem as though you were trapped. The thick line, the countertop gave helped you feel somewhat secure throughout your conversation. Like a border, he couldn’t just get around, although, that's what you told yourself.

As he was leading you to one of the leather couches in swift and elegant movements, you wondered, as he was taking out a silver tray you could only assume was real gold from how pristine and beautiful it looked, you wondered, as he was pouring tea gradually with clinks with spoons against glass, dropping as much sugar as you please. You wondered, how far did courtesy go?

“Take a sip, I added a bit more sugar since the tea is quite strong,” he said and poured a cup of tea for himself, no sugar added.

Hesitantly, you brought the rim of the teacup to your lips, tasting a sweet and bitter liquid slowly scalding your tongue. With forced repression, you look up at him and gulp. “It’s good,” you lie through your teeth, but he takes the bait anyway.

The man nods and says something ought to do with your decision before leaving the room in a slow manner, occasionally you could feel his gaze on the side of your face, but you being the only one in the room told otherwise.

With a sigh, your body finally is able to rest, your back finding comfort in the plush couch, making you slink down further. You didn’t even notice you were this tired. Closing your eyes, wouldn’t be so bad, just to rest them before he comes back.

You feel a vibration in your back pocket, a minimal vibration you note with a drowsy conscious. Hana probably, she always checks in with you whenever her paranoia gets the best of her. You know you should be checking the text or calling her just to ensure you were alive and well, however, your body couldn’t find the strength to move and pull out the phone.

It felt nice; cozy and warm. Blanketed with sleep.

Resting your eyes is what you reminded yourself, and you’ll open your eyes to find that man telling you the shop was closed, for you to come back tomorrow.

But it was just black. Pitch black.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

The next time you woke up—or at least you think you did, you heard hushed voices all around you, surrounding your body as you tried to move, but your body felt heavy and stiff. Hands caressed every part of your skin, some drawn out long on your face and lips, others stayed to hold the soft supple skin of your stomach, but you didn’t know whose hands they were.

Time after that had been hobbled, seconds turned into hours and hours turned into minutes. You remember asking someone with a giddy smile, loud whenever he talked that your ears popped and rung, you had asked them whether it was day and night. He replied with a rhetorical question, at least you think it was rhetorical, and said it’s whatever you believe it is. You don’t remember asking him anything again.

You remember the cool touch of someone’s palm pressed against your forehead, frizzy pink hair that resembled bubblegum, or blurs of bright blue.

You remember colors, smells, feelings, and the soft whispers that caressed your ear every now and then. Colors, but you can’t remember faces. You’ve tried hard, you think, you hope that you did. Trying to jog your memory; remembering who your friend was down to your parents, and down to a guy you had a relationship with in the past. You forgot his name and face, and soon, you forgot who he was at all. He was blank. An error in your memory, someone of a block to your memories.

Your place of living was gone, nonexistent for days, and your family, with names you can dot if you tried, but faces scratched out with pennies. You don’t remember if you had even worked, or if you went to school. And every night, it would just be blank—these people you don’t know at all, playing like memories.

“It was a bad dream,” they told you—someone told you. Someone with light grey hair that you remember seeing splotches of often, their warmth made you feel gooey and most of all, safe.

When your vision started clearing and the fog in your mind dissipated into small headaches, you finally processed these senses and people to names.

And when you woke up to seven people watching you or cooking your food, or folding your clothes, or caring for your health. You felt safe. As if they had been here the whole time. They were your everything—and you were theirs.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

You quickly fell in place with the relationship - not that you were out of the relationship in the first place, it just felt peculiar. Maybe it was because of the headache that often came knocking, or those awfully strange dreams, showing you a life you had never lived. When you ended up pouring out your concerns about the dreams that the boys woke you up from, there was an answer ready.

“Trauma,” Namjoon smiled, tendrils of his grey hair gently falling on his forehead, “do you remember that accident, baby? I don’t think you would, but it was really harsh on you. The doctor warned us that you might have these strange dreams, but they’re all symbolic. Maybe you can write down one of your dreams and I’ll ask the doctor to explain it to us.”

You never found a reason to question his answer more. Why should you? The answers satisfied you. They made sense, and there always was proof.

You felt so happy, waking up next to 7 other bodies tangled together. You noticed a pattern, Jimin would always be next to you, arms thrown over your figure, Namjoon and Jin at the edges, as if making a barrier so the others won’t fall off. Yoongi claimed his position next to Jimin, often throwing his legs over said male, Hoseok squeezed next to Yoongi and Jin, never minding the lack of space. Taehyung and Jungkook usually were on the other side of you, but there were those moments when you woke up to find one of them lying on top of you, dreamy smiles on their faces.

Jin would always make breakfast, brown hair still messy and uncombed, Yoongi accompanying him if he woke early enough, yawning and scrunching his dark eyes. In fact, Jin would make every meal, unless you were craving a snack, you would run to Jungkook, who hid an unhealthy pile of your favourite snacks. Tired faces showed up to breakfast, the youngest always clinging on to you before Jimin could. Even the seats at the table were scheduled, changing every mealtime. While you wolfed down your delicious breakfast, Jin would pile more food onto your plate, using his seat next to you as an advantage. On the other side, Taehyung feeding you, smiling playfully at Jimin’s pouting face from across you. Namjoon at the head of the table, Yoongi across him, rolling his eyes at the youngest trio’s attempts to get your attention. Something that never changed, was that you and Hoseok cleaned up. You enjoyed the time you spent with him, laughter erupting from all his stories.

After that, they slowly file out for their shifts at the shop. Namjoon first, always. He would smile at you, a peck and he was gone, past the wooden door. In his absence, Jin would monitor the rest of you. Yoongi and Hoseok stole you away in the mornings since their shift was after Namjoon’s. The three of you would lie in the bedroom, giggling about things that didn’t even make sense, or they would show you some things they had composed, sharing a deep love for music. You fell in love with Hoseok’s bubbly tunes, his blue-black hair bouncing with every word, ending in peals of laughter. Yoongi’s darker, sharper words always captured you without fail, wrapping itself around your heart and tightening.

When they were gone, you were bombarded by Jungkook and Jin, slipping in and dragging you out to either play one of Jungkook’s loud video games or sample Jin’s heavenly dishes. Although you were never good at the games, you played them without fail with Jungkook and Jin, Taehyung joining you at times. While Jungkook taught you how to shoot at the virtual targets, Jin whipped up a meal that absolutely blew your mind.

Then it was Taehyung and Jimin. They would always have new clothes or accessories ready for you, surprising you. The price tags read at least 4 figures, but they would never tell you where the money was from and you knew the shop couldn’t possibly generate them so much because they barely ever accepted cash. Dressing you up and approving of the clothes was how they spent their time with you, but sometimes you would just laze around, playing. Jimin would pick you up and start doing a dramatic waltz while Taehyung would watch, swooping in and grabbing you to dance with him. Before they left, you were attacked with kisses and words of affection, mostly from the frizzy pink haired male, wearing his round glasses as he mumbled sweet nothings in your ear.

They would return just in time for the final meal of the day that included everyone, dinner. The meal would be spent laughing and talking about amusing customers, or annoying ones. During this time, Taehyung and Jimin would let the others know about the clothes you wore, and how you looked in them. Talking about you, if your medication was finishing, or if your dreams returned. You would hurry to clean up, excited for the rest of the evening. Everyone would pile up at the hall and jump onto the large couch. You would find your place right in the middle, nestled comfortably between all of them.

Someone would switch on a playlist and music will flood the room. Soft dreamy music, the kind that makes you want to lie back and sleep in the warmth surrounding you, sometimes, catchy beats singing about love, cherry pie and chocolate eclairs that makes you want to sing along and dance. While you lay in the beaten up couch that they refused the replace, you think about how lucky you are to have them.

After an hour or so, everyone would stand up, ready to go to bed. Jimin, who would loyally hold on to you and growl at anyone who tried to take him away, finally complied and would stand up, sighing, heading back to make sure his younger friend didn’t steal his spot in the bed. The minute your head touched the pillow, you would fall asleep.

Or on some nights, you would lay awake, after a crappy day or bad dream, and crawl out of the mess to go to the balcony. Namjoon stood there, waiting for you, his hair gleaming in the moonlight. When you reached him, he would instinctively pull you in, murmuring a greeting.

“The dreams again?” He asks, voice hushed.

“Yeah..will they ever go away?” You ask, scared of the answer

“Maybe, over time, they might fade. Until then you just gotta hang on there,” he taps your head, “we’ll do whatever we can.”

“You’re already done so much.”

All you get in reply is a dimpled smile.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

During weekends, the shop is closed. Since there’s nothing to do, you go out with your lovers.

“Are you ready?” A voice floats up to where you are, dressing.

“Almost!” You call back, pulling your (H/C) hair into a ponytail.

You hop down the stairs, excited at the idea of going out. After staying in for 6 days in a row, anyone would be excited at a chance to get out. All of the boys were dressed in comfy clothes, bickering amongst themselves about something. At your arrival, they look up, smiling. Compliments swirl around you, filling your ears, bringing a pleased look on your face.

8 of you didn’t fit inside Jin’s car, so you had to sit on someone’s lap. This was a headache to deal with, as everyone will launch into a huge argument. Namjoon and Jin had given up trying to solve this fight a long time ago, so the others took it into their own hands. All the boys were a bit off today, and the fight over you went out of hand.

“All you do is hog her!! Nobody gets to even sit with her because you and Jungkook take her away!” Taehyung was furious, red blotches appearing on his tan skin.

“I do not! Last time, she sat on your lap! Stop making everything about you!” Jimin yelled back. Dread filled you as you realized Jimin was about to break off into another tantrum, and nobody wanted to deal with one of those.

“Can you fucking stop yelling for once? What the fuck are you, 10? Just shut up and sit down, Y/N’s with me today.” It was a rare moment to see Yoongi snap, but his words instantly shut everyone up.

You crawl in with Yoongi, quiet as a mouse. You could see Namjoon pulling Taehyung and Jimin aside, reprimanding them with booming words that even had you wincing. Hoseok, seated at the back with the doe-eyed male, frowned at the sight. Jungkook was also quiet, looking scared. Some part of you was anxious; what if Namjoon cancelled the trip?

The car ride was extremely tense and awkward. Taehyung had a stone face on, glaring at everything, and Jimin’s eyes were filled with tears, sniffling occasionally. When you finally reach the park, you jumped out quickly, grabbing on to Yoongi. Something you learnt quickly was that when you were out, you should be holding at least one of the boys. They hovered by you, constantly. You weren’t sure what to make of it. Overprotectiveness? Possessiveness? You let your mind wander, thinking about the strangely constricting lifestyle you lived when suddenly, a force sent you sprawling on the ground. 7 pairs of feet rushed towards you and asked you questions. Managing weak replies, you glance at your attacker.

A middle-aged man stood, awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a hard fist slamming into his nose. You heard a sickening crack, and a small blood fountain spurted the red liquid everywhere. Hoseok was fuming, his hand bloody and drops of blood decorating his flawless skin. Hoseok broke the man’s nose.

“You fucking bastard, how dare you?!” He seethes

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” the male gasps between cries of pain.

“Beg,” Jin states, at the confused reaction he continued, “get on your knees and beg for her forgiveness.”

After the unknown man catches sight of the serious and angry expressions of all 7, he realized that he was trapped by some sick monsters. Fearful for his life, he threw away his pride and complied to the order.

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. And I- please forgive me,” he was on his knees, forcing himself to say the words.

‘You don’t - just go to a clinic or something,” you sigh, shooing the stranger away, before turning back to your boyfriends, “What were you thinking?!”

They seem shocked at your response, words barging towards you, “But he hurt you!”, “Are you supporting him?” “Don’t you love us?” “I should’ve killed him when I got the chance.”

Gaping in shock at the crude and ridiculous words, you challenge them, “What are you saying? You would kill him?!”

“More than that. So much more,” Jungkook’s face was void of any emotion as he stared at you, eyes blank.

“I - I can’t believe you! Why are you attacking someone you don’t even know? Humiliating him like that? Can you imagine what people will think?” You yell, disappointment and shame making its stand in you.

“He hurt you, Y/N. That was nothing, Jin just asked him to apologize. Why would it matter what people think?” Namjoon frowns at you, “when did it ever matter? They weren’t here when you were suffering, we were.”

“Y/N, we know you don’t remember, but we do. Every minute after we heard you got hurt, we were so worried for you. We camped in that hospital for days, Yoongi didn’t want to fall asleep just in case something happened, Jimin suffered panic attacks almost every day, Jungkook and Taehyung blamed themselves, we all did. I felt like a part of me was dying,” Hoseok steps up, his dark eyes showing all the raging emotions in him, anger, betrayal, fear, “we were so scared.”

“Even Namjoon locked himself away, not eating, not working,” Jimin’s soft voice floods your mind, “I couldn’t breathe, it hurt so much.”

You are faced with glassy eyes, tears collecting in pools, threatening to fall in burning tracks. Why didn’t you think of that? Of course, they were thinking about you, and that life-threatening accident. It’s always them who suffer for an incident that happened to you. They put you in front of their own wants, ever so selfless for you. But you, you were so selfish, mistook their care as possessive actions that crossed boundaries.

“Since then, we can’t stand seeing you hurt. We’re reminded of that accident, and it’s always haunting us. You don’t deserve to go through that ever again. We’re doing this for you, it’s only for the best. Do you still not trust us?” Haunting images fill your head, pictures of you, or one of the boys, hurt and bloody, lying on the ground, lifeless. How would you have felt?

You just sniffled, tears resting on your waterline, wobbling. Shame and rage fill you as you realize your selfishness. After all they’ve done, you brush off their efforts and-. Namjoon pulls you out of your thoughts, his warm hand resting on your head. He rubs his other hand on your back, softly murmuring comforting words and shushing your destructive thoughts.

Then there’s only 7 of you, only you and them, surrounded by nothing but raw emotion. You stay like that until it’s time to go. Suffice to say, you didn’t feel like going anywhere without them anymore. Smug smiles are shared behind your back, but you never notice.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Everything was basically perfect. You moved on from the incident at the park but the emotional baggage that came along with it never left you. The weight of it pulled down on your delicate frame, and it showed itself whenever you were upset at any of the boys. The emotions seeped in and messed with your thinking, whispering its shattering words in your ear.

Sometimes, you had nightmares of the situation you dreaded so much, lifeless bodies on the floor, motionless and still, only the possibilities cornering you in. As you woke, panting this morning, you had one of these dreams, tears frozen on your cheeks. Crawling out of bed, you are surprised. Where were all the boys? Confused you walk out. Silence. The smell of Jin’s cooking wasn’t there, nor the playful banter of the younger boys. Namjoon’s authoritative commands didn’t drill into you, Yoongi’s groaning didn’t bring a smile to your face, and Hoseok’s laughter had disappeared, leaving a cold, quiet room.

In the living room, you are met with a note. Scrawled, you note, in Jin’s messy handwriting: Sorry, darling. Had some work to finish so we’ll be back later with food. Love you, stay safe. It wasn’t signed, because the message was from all of them, though Jin was the medium through which it was written. However, you did notice tiny, colourful hearts scribbled in the corners of the paper. Jimin. The name strikes in your head as you observe the messy, metallic lines.

Just as the clock strikes 10, the door swings open, a gust of cold air sneaking into your home, along with 7 tall bodies, panting and huffing. The cold air is foreign to you in your warm room, sending a shiver running through you. Catching sight of your lonely figure, you are attacked by your lovers, asking questions and planting kisses. Before you fall prey to their quick, soothing kisses, you see Jungkook’s shirt. The plain white shirt was wrinkle free and pristine, except for a dot of crimson red, growing larger. His face also has the liquid smeared on it, down his jaw and on his brow. You immediately lunge for him, pulling him into you and asking him about the substance.

“It’s not mine” were the only words he could offer as an answer. None of the boys answered, choosing to avoid your questions and distract you with the tempting aroma of fried bread and more.

Later that night, you wonder about his words, the memory of his bloody shirt sending huge, shocking waves of deja vu through you. Where had you seen it? Your answer comes in a dream, distant but lurking in your mind constantly.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

You stand up at the sound of a harsh knock at the door. It looks like you were in a small, cramped room, furniture piled up everywhere, papers and cutlery lying on the ground. A voice comes through, instilling fear to your being,

“Y/N! You can’t hide anymore, you little bitch! You think I wouldn’t know?”

What did you do? Who was that?

A flash blinds you, but only for a few moments. A heartbeat or two passes and then-

You wake to another strange sight. A bathroom? White walls, stained with disgusting colours and revolting odours. You find yourself seated on cold square tiles. Standing up, you hold on to the wall for support, head pounding and muscles sore. You manage to pull yourself to the sink, ice cold to the touch, and turn on the small faucet. You look up and are faced with a pained image of yourself. Bruises, cuts and marks litter your dull skin, your lips are pale and dry, eyes red and puffy, the burning tracks painted on by salty tears. You look like you lost way too much weight to be considered healthy, and your limp figure tells you the same. How did your dream self end up like this? Then you notice it, the very familiar smear of blood, a small streak on your right cheek, and a bigger on one your brow. Red circles grow on your dirty white shirt. The flash is back, and blinds you again, sending an intense, painful shock to your head. This triggers your wake.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

A thin layer of sweat covers you, the thick covers suddenly seeming suffocating. You toss the limbs on top of you and rush to the bathroom. In the mirror, you carefully examine your face. There were no marks, but in that dream, it felt so real, so alive. Was it even a dream? You’ve had dreams of you in various situations, but never something so shockingly real. Could it be that this wasn’t a dream, but a vision? A look into what was to come?

No, you dismiss the thought, you looked younger in that dream. Maybe half a decade younger than you are now. Was it… a memory? The boys had expressed that there was nothing that happened before the accident. It was always like it had been, just with more careful steps. Then, how would they explain this? You knew all you had to do was ask Namjoon, and the answer would come, the answer you wanted to hear.

But was it the truth? Something inside repelled at the thought, forcing you to keep quiet, saying you can’t trust them. Something said it was for the best, and you believed that something. What was really going on? Why were you so hurt in that dream? You wanted answers but couldn’t find them. That night, as you crawled back into bed, you swore to yourself that you would find the answers that had been locked away for so long.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

The next day there was another ‘job’, all seven gone. You decided that it was the perfect opportunity to sleuth around. You didn’t want to be caught, what if you were just overreacting and suspecting them of something terrible? But what if you were right? There was only one way to find out, and you took the risk.

The door swung open followed by a barely audible creak. Your feet landed in the black carpeted floor of Namjoon’s office, hands stuck onto the wall. You took another couple of delicate steps towards the large mahogany table, pristine and organized as ever. Making sure you didn’t leave any obvious tracks behind, you set to work, flipping through the tall piles of papers and files. They were covered in figures and words you didn’t understand. Sighing in defeat, you were about to leave when you see something from the corner of your eye. A cramped, old, folder, labelled Y/N.

You lunge for it, forgetting the risky situation you are in, and hurriedly flip through it, devouring every word scribbled. There were pictures of you, younger, sadder, sickly, it was like they documented so much of your life. Letters, essays, diary entries and jokes, all of which you had told your friends and had written, you presumed. Then, nearing the back, you see one written Magic Shop. There was a picture of you looking in at the shop, then a couple of notes. Abusive ex, new camera, new memories, want to forget, new life, happier relationships. Then there was another note, mixed chemicals into a tea to keep drowsy before a session. Below that, in Yoongi’s almost indecipherable writing, 3 PM, first hypnosis session; replace and wipe out characters from memories.. Repeat every 2nd day of the month.

Yesterday was the 2nd of this month! You notice a smaller, neater note. Story; dating for 2 years, accident, memory loss. Constant repetition will lead to her believing (brainwash with story).

When you pick out the book to inspect it further, a smaller diary falls out, labelled Dreams. You open it and scan the writing to realize it was a record of your dreams, linking it to events. Broken bottles on floor, figure passed out on couch = ex boyfriend would often go out and drink (alcoholic), Y/N would find him passed out on couch.

Ex-boyfriend? You’ve only ever dated them! Your head spins at the new information, and the flashes return, blinding you. You stumble back into the table, heart pounding and astonishment bubbling inside you. Slowly you piece together what you have found, and try to understand the bewildering revelation. You had a boyfriend, and he was abusive? After that, for some reason, you ended up at the Magic Shop, and then you were hypnotised to forget him. They came up with an entire story and forged documents to make you believe in it too. And like a fool, you fell for the trap.

However, you couldn’t bathe in guilt and embarrassment for long. Behind you, a soft click resonated through the whole room. You spin around, to face your nightmare. 7 of them were there, Jin leaning against the door to block any form of escape in the cool room. They didn’t look like they were ready to attack you, or harm you. They stood, calm and collected while staring down at you with a disappointed look. Casually dressed and in casual stances, looking perfectly normal, except for their eyes. The dull, dark orbs seemed so void of life, a lack of emotion in the bottomless abysses. You could feel their gazes burning into you, calling you to drown in the endless pits.

Namjoon stepped forward, shaking his head slowly, “And what do you think you’re doing?”

His voice sent shivers down your spine, but you refused to break.

“Finding out the truth. The truth you hid from me. What is all of this? Hypnosis? New memories?” You shoot back, blinded by your anger.

“No, it’s the past. The past you wanted to forget,” his answer surprised you, you asked for this?

Your eyebrows furrowed, but before you could ask anything, Namjoon cut in, “he hurt you. Broke you into pieces and shattered you over and over,”  sharp intake of breath, “you were lost and wallowing in your depressive life. By chance, you heard about us. You heard that we could exchange things, feelings, emotions, memories, in a sense. In your terrible, desperate state, you came searching for us as a last resort. Well, Jin explained it to you, and you told him what you wanted.  Anything to get you out of that hell, you told him, and you were willing. Later, we warned you of the consequences, you won’t remember anything, you’ll lose contact with your old life, become a whole new person, a blank slate. You didn’t care about what you left behind and your decision was absolute. You made up your mind, we couldn’t change it.”

“But - there’s no way - I wouldn’t want that, stop lying to me!” You exclaim, not wanting to believe his convincing words.

“Why would I lie? What would I, what would we, ever have to gain from you? In any situation, you were a bother, a client, but over time, we grew fond over you. If you were us, would you have anything to gain from a broken, abused girl? No, you wanted this. You wanted to throw away your old life, to run away, like a coward. We couldn’t object, and now, look at where we are. You came to us, not us to you. Why are you trying to fight? You don’t have anywhere to go, nobody to run to, except us. We’re all you have. We were here during your worst and helped you heal, but now you accuse us of brainwashing you? Manipulating you? You could’ve left at any time, but you decided to stay and carry it through.” His words ring in your head, you caused this, you, it was all you.

“The tea, it was drugged?” You ask, unsure of your own recollections and thoughts.

“Not drugged, it was calming. Chamomile tea, ever heard of that? It was to help you relax,” Jin shrugged away your words.

Yes, the more you thought of it, it made sense. He wasn’t putting in sugar, it was tea leaves. The scene fixes itself in your head, a fresh picture. Your memory was already in bits but that dream showed the state you were in before, and that was convincing enough to tell that you were desperate to run away.

“You’re the one who called us, you’re the one who asked us to save you. I thought you were smarter than that. Instead of going through this… foolish confrontation, you could’ve just asked us. Don’t you see it yet? This is where you belong.” His large, warm hand was outstretched towards you, and you took it, the warmth instantly comforting your own cold hands.

Cold, after committing a crime, you think, the hands of an ungrateful sinner. The words echo in your mind, making their mark on you, forever binding you to the devils you sold your soul to.

After all, it was always you, right? You wanted to see them, you agreed to the deal, you allowed them to hypnotize you, they accepted you. Selfish, stupid, self-centred,  imbecile, you scold yourself, idiot, how could you? It’s what you wanted. Looking around the smiling faces, so forgiving, so loving, you agree silently. This is home, this is where you belong.

#bts #bts v #bts jhope #bts jimin #bts jin #bts jungkook #bts rm #bts suga #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts ot7 #bts obsessive #bts yandere #yandere bts #ot7 x reader #bts au #bts au fanfic #bts fanfiction #jhope x reader #jimin x reader #jin x reader #jungkook x reader #suga x reader #bts oneshot #v x reader #rm x reader #bts x reader #yandere au #yandere ot7 #yandere fanfiction

[penwiper26]

Prompt me

Don’t know what’s got into me, but it’s magazine submission season and I’ve already submitted something to two mags, one written last week and one written last....decade, ugh.

So, a third time for luck. I could submit a 500-word flash fiction to Fantasy Magazine this weekend before they close. Give me an image, something out of the Pre-Raphaelite flipbook in the back corner of your brain, or that single thing that stuck out from a weird dream, or a numinous sound, or a fleeting flavor. A singular artifact of the fantastic that I could write five drabbles around. Hit me!

#call for prompts #writing #pandemic life

[thedpu]

“Although tropes like the hero’s journey, or the pitfall of persona, did not seem immediately germane to my meek and cynical urban existence, they struck a note with this adventuresome, big-horizon crowd. The mountain people routinely and purposefully put themselves into states of extreme privation—exposure to the elements, and to gravity and chance. Days, even weeks, in a tent or a bivouac, the hours empty of all but numbing chores and the howling of the wind. Occasional, life-defining epics of survival or attainment, stumbling half blind through storms, all hope lost, along with some fingers and toes. Ecstatic or even numinous encounters at the edges of the earth. To such people, the Crow Sun Dance, or the ordeal of the vision quest, or Buddhist principles of nonattachment and transience might be more than metaphor. The hero’s journey is a better description of a doom-hounded ordeal up and down a sacred peak in the Karakoram than of, say, a product rollout or a takeover war.” - Nick Paumgarten

[architectnews]

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study, Modern Scottish Architecture, Architectural Education Dissertation

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study

29 November 2021

Third Year Architectural Dissertation by Daniel Lomholt-Welch, Scotland

Saint Peter’s Seminary, Cardross: An Ekphrastic Journey Through Liturgies and Leaks

Daniel Lomholt-Welch Architecture MA(Hons) Dissertation

Preface

Growing up in a family of architects in central Scotland, it was nearly impossible to avoid the ghost of Gillespie Kidd & Coia, and the architecture that they proliferated across Scotland. In fact, I knew of Saint Peter’s Seminary well over a decade before I started at architecture school, and at least fifteen years before I started writing my dissertation. So, to say that this has been brewing for a while is perhaps an understatement.

I would firstly like to thank my supervisor, Dr. Dorian Wiszniewski, for his guidance, patience and encouragement during the project. I would also like to thank Adrian Welch and Dr. Jane Lomholt for their constant advice and support with proof-reading throughout the process. And finally, I would like to thank all of my family and friends, to whom this dissertation is dedicated.

This dissertation, much like its author, is steeped in sentimentality. The following piece of work is an attempt to plot a course not only through a building’s decaying matter, but through the sentiments that cling to it and the leaking theories that we would use to explain them.

Daniel Lomholt-Welch Glasgow 02.12. 2020

Abstract

This dissertation is an ekphrastic journey through Saint Peter’s Seminary, the sentiments surrounding it, and the theories that attempt to bring definition to it. Previous research has hinted at the Seminary having a profound effect upon those who visit it, but has stopped short of actually investigating their experiences. By charting these experiences and exploring them in tandem with theoretical approaches to the space, it is hoped that the research can contribute a novel perspective of Saint Peter’s.

Introduction

Saint Peter’s Seminary is a building that is written about frequently, featuring in both the mainstream and architectural media regularly. So why write any more about it?

In this rhetoric lies the precise reason for doing so. Since its conception in the mid-20th century the Seminary has indeed been the subject of a variety of written works, ranging from brief articles in architectural magazines such as Prospect, to longer histories such as Diane Watters’ St Peter’s Cardross: Birth, Death and Renewal. However, what these discourses have arguably failed to engage with is the issue of why Saint Peter’s causes such debate in the first place. For some, it is an architectural masterpiece, for others it is an eyesore. For some, it is still hallowed ground, for others it forfeited any sacred qualities long ago. It is a building that gives rise to an extensive variety of experiences, and therefore holds a variety of meanings. This variation leads to another rhetorical question: which Saint Peter’s is being experienced?

The research focuses on this question, an issue which has had very little scholarly attention paid to it. This has dictated an approach which has combined material on the history and corporality of the Seminary with, on the one hand, theoretical material on the experience of space; and on the other, original first-hand accounts of Saint Peter’s. The theoretical material chosen is wide-ranging and attempts to investigate various aspects of the Seminary. Notions of plurality are scrutinised through Jean-Luc Nancy, before Martin Heidegger’s theory of ‘the fourfold’ is elaborated within the context of the Seminary. Mircea Eliade then provides a starting point for the discussion on the nature of sacred space, which is developed by Rudolf Otto’s concept of ‘the numinous’.

The primary source material, which forms the central empirical element of the work, firstly includes an ekphrastic composition of my own experiences of the Seminary, portrayed as a journey through the building itself. This is followed by a survey of a diverse range of those who have visited the Seminary, resulting in a broad spectrum of attitudes relating to Saint Peter’s.

Through the analysis of this survey certain correlations are brought to light regarding the proclivity of the space to induce certain reactions over others. Finally, interviews of Angus Farquhar, Ed Hollis, and Father Hugh Kelly were conducted in order to elucidate a more profound understanding of how the space is experienced. Each of these interviewees have differing relationships to Saint Peter’s, however all have a deep understanding and experience of the Seminary.

What this dissertation attempts to do is to frame Saint Peter’s in a way that gives consideration to the diversity of sentiments surrounding the building. By engaging with the perspectives of a multitude of those who have experienced the space in conjunction with some of the theories that work to define the space, it is hoped that an understanding of Saint Peter’s, or rather a series of understandings, can be conveyed.

Glossary

Being: Martin Heidegger defines ‘Being’ using his concept of ‘Dasein’, that is ‘Being-in-the-world’, in his essay Being and Time. This refers to the particular experience of being as human being. It is a form of being that is aware of its existence in the world and is constantly conscious of its actions. Heidegger’s theory of Being is fundamental in order to understand his notion of ‘Dwelling’.

Desacralisation: Antithetical to sacralisation. It is the result of the conversion of a structure formerly used for a specific religious purpose, to either a different religious, or profane purpose.

Dwelling: The notion of ‘Dwelling’ was developed by Martin Heidegger in conjunction with his concept of ‘Dasein’, in the essay Building Dwelling Thinking. It can be elucidated slightly by considering Dwelling as the distinctive manner in which Dasein is in the world.

Ekphrasis: An account of something that is vivid enough to stimulate the reader or listener ‘see’. It is a subcategory of rhetoric and could be considered an art form as much as a factual account. It has links to poetry in its use of rhythm, mood, tone and literary style. An ekphrastic account could relate to anything from a person to a experience to a physical object

Liturgy: The ritualised worship performed by a religious group. It is a communal act that represents a participation in the sacred through various activities reflecting remembrance, praise, thanksgiving, supplication or repentance.

Metaphysics: A branch of philosophy that deals in abstract theory, with no basis in reality. It is the study of that which cannot be studied through material reality.

Chapters

In order to make it easier to digest, this dissertation is split into four sections. The first of these offers a brief history of Saint Peter’s Seminary and the reasons for its current existence.

The second section is a vivid account, or ekphrasis, of a journey through the Seminary. This is a composite formed of multiple visits to Saint Peter’s in the past yea

The third section is the main body of the dissertation, where the critical arguments are. There are five chapters within the main body. Each of them is fronted by a collage image which thematises the discussion that follows.

The fourth section contains the appendices. These contextualise and support the content of the main body, offering a deeper understanding of certain arguments throughout the dissertation.

1.

Saint Peter’s Seminary: A Brief History of Liturgies and Leaks

Saint Peter’s Seminary, situated just outside the village of Cardross, Scotland, was first conceived in 1953 due to the destruction of the previous Saint Peter’s in Bearsden in a fire in 1946. Having moved between various buildings, a permanent home was finally devised as an extension to Kilmahew House, a 19th century mansion shrouded in the woods north of Cardross.

Saint Peter’s was designed by the Glasgow-based firm Gillespie, Kidd & Coia, with the design widely attributed to architects Andy MacMillan and Isi Metzstein. The building was planned to Modernist ideals, paying direct homage to the renowned Modernist architect Le Corbusier in places.

However, due in part to the extreme ambition of its design, the Seminary took until 1968 to be completed and was born into a world which had changed drastically in the fifteen years that had passed. Due to the decrees of the Second Vatican Council, a whole raft of liturgical changes were made as well as the decision that priests should no longer be educated in exclusion from society, but should be taught in the very communities that they would go on to serve.

This shift in purpose rang the death knell for the Seminary and was exacerbated by the persistent issues of maintenance that resulted from its daring design. The building was notoriously draughty and prone to leaks, as well as being dysfunctional in its efforts to control acoustics. The Archdiocese eventually abandoned Saint Peter’s in 1980, at that point only accomodating two priests-in-training out of a total capacity for over one hundred. The Seminary was open for less than thirteen years

In the wake of its redundancy it was briefly used as a drug rehabilitation centre and was also the subject of a variety of architectural proposals such as a hotel, luxury housing, health spa, and art college. None have come to pass. Instead, Saint Peter’s Seminary has sat rotting for over forty years, its leaking skeleton constantly covered and re-covered by graffiti that seems to permeate its very fabric.

It has accrued a cult-following among many who revel in the brutal architectural style, the omnipresent decay, and the seemingly infinite narrative of change that the building embodies. Despite being protected from ingress, the site is constantly visited by those who wish to lament the death of a building whose life had barely begun before it was over

2.

Saint Peter’s Seminary, Cardross: An Ekphrastic Journey

‘DANGER. DO NOT ENTER’ reads the fading sign tacked onto the fence. Although what exactly we are entering is yet unknown. Abandoning our futile efforts to scale the barricade, we tentatively advance into the forest that adjoins the barrier, crossing a small brook as we do so. Trampling through thickets of brambles, we begin to move among cracked columns and ornate stonework, relics that litter the narrow path that we have made our way on to.

Finally, something glinting silver peers out through the enveloping jungle. Another fence. Squeezing ourselves through the slender gap in the railings, we emerge into a dank, squalid space, which is vaguely recognisable as the ruined Convent of Saint Peter’s Seminary.

Taking a short interlude to catch our breath, we peer out into the mist as the hulking skeleton of the Seminary looms over us. The influences of Corbusier’s Sainte Marie de La Tourette are all too apparent.

Clambering down the inside of the Convent walls, the stains of graffiti are ubiquitous. One sinisterly proclaims, ‘Your soul is mine’. Moving through the rubble, we find ourselves standing in the central courtyard, now completely overgrown. The jungle is promiscuous both inside and outside the Seminary grounds. The dilapidated main building appears clearer now, giving lucidity to its unsightly blemishes and deformities.

We ascend a beautiful curving staircase and are suddenly standing inside a vast chamber, broken open on all sides.

Descending the elegant angled steps, we pass through yet another disfigured fence. The building clearly has problems with the inward leakage of both rainwater and unwanted visitors.

The wind howls through the carcass of Saint Peter’s, rain beginning to speckle the column exteriors.

The crumbling interior arches draw one’s focus to a maelstrom of metalwork and fencing at the end of the space. As we approach the sanctuary, it becomes clear that the framework is obscuring the fragmented altar from sight.

Standing in the sanctuary, there is an ethereal sense of being. The original space’s delicate treatment of light has been condemned, its roof burned away to the timbers by arsonists – galvanized architectural purists, perhaps??

We scramble down the crypt ramp, avoiding the stanchions that support the last few roof joists. I highly doubt that the priests-in-training who inhabited the original Saint Peter’s ever descended in such a calamitous manner.

Entering the sunken crypt, even more homages to Corbusier appear, this time to his Notre Dame du Haut in Ronchamp.

The spectral light that streams through his windows puddles upon the opposite wall, revealing yet more sprawling works of graffiti. The puddles of water, however, reveal only the detritus accumulated through years of neglect.

Leaving the crypt behind, relieved to have withdrawn from the dark abyss beneath. we fumble along pitch-black passageways that eventually lead us back to the main space.

Ascending the external stairway at the far end of the Seminary, the inverted-ziggurat section of the space becomes apparent, the intimacy of the spaces enhanced from the vast expanses below.

We amble along the decaying walkways that form the perimeter of each of the Seminary’s three upper floors, punctuated the whole way along by the former students’ rooms. With trepidation, we test the strength of the rotting interior arches by crawling across them towards the inner space.

Returning to the external walkway and ascending another floor, we move towards the opposite end of the main building to investigate the burnt-out sanctuary roof. Our investigation rewards us with a fascinating aerial view of the fractured altar, revealing the cruciform support below.

Looking back through the Seminary, the volume is now more enclosed, its moss-covered concrete beams giving a defined sense of form to the space.

The delicate lightness of the concrete beams is amplified in parts where the arches have decomposed, allowing the slender forms of the beams to come to the fore.

The decay within the building is to such an extent that one can see through the concrete skeleton to the ground floor in places.

Pausing for a moment, we then return to a sturdy looking tiled chamber in order to make our final ascent.

3.

Saint Peter’s Seminary: critical arguments

Five chapters

1. Spectres of Spirit: A Deconstruction of the Genius Loci

In his book titled Genius Loci: Towards a Phenomenology of Architecture, the Norwegian architectural theorist Christian Norberg-Schulz proposes the theory of the ‘Genius Loci’, a notion which has consistently attracted critical attention since it was first devised.[1] Norberg-Schulz identifies the Genius Loci to be an ancient Roman concept and that through etymology it can be traced to mean ‘Spirit of Place’ in the modern English language.[2] The Genius Loci of Roman times was a widely held belief that each autonomous being had its own spirit, often represented in the form of a deity. It was supposed that it was this spirit that brought about the existence of certain people or places, even determining their very essence.[3] Norberg-Schulz claims that the Genius Loci has remained a core aspect of existence throughout our history, and that although the term is no longer a part of our active vocabulary, the concept remains just as important. He references how artists and writers capture this Spirit of Place, often finding inspiration in the true essence of local character.[4] Norberg-Schulz grounds his concept in Heidegger’s notion of ‘Dwelling’, and the dual aspects of ‘space’ and ‘character’ (the character of an environment) which form the totality of the Genius Loci. These two aspects are responsible respectively for the orientation and identification of man, in an environment which is constituted by ‘things’ which all have inherent ‘meaning’.[5] For Norberg-Schulz, place is understood to be the concrete manifestation of man’s dwelling, the physical matter of which gives rise to the total phenomenon that is the Genius Loci.[6] He asserts the Genius Loci as a singular essence of place that is vital to Holderlin’s pronouncement that it is through poetry that man Dwells on earth.[7] Norberg-Schulz argues that in order for us to do so, we must bring this essence to visibility through architecture, imploring that we ‘concretize the Genius Loci.’[8] He supports his argument throughout with images of various places which can be determined to bring visibility to the Genius Loci to varying degrees due to their ability to give orientation and identification to man. The use of images is vital in order to prove the instantaneous wholeness of the Genius Loci, that it is possible for one to grasp its entirety much like one would perceive an image in its entirety.[9]

The specific example of Saint Peter’s Seminary provides an intriguing case study for the application of Norberg-Schulz’s theory. As a highly articulated space for religious practice its design sought to communicate the essence of those rituals and the meaning inherent to them, an essence one could equate to the Genius Loci.[10] As a building with a very specific singular purpose – the worship of God –  one could reason that the building plausibly had a strong Genius Loci. Visibly enhanced by the daily rituals, religious imagery and architectural language, it would have been clear to visitors what the function of the building was.[11] Photos from the Seminary’s functioning years portray a space of distinct qualities which arguably portray an essence of the space (Fig. 1).[12] However, it is in the use of images that we encounter the first phantom of Norberg-Schulz’s ideology. The architectural historian Alberto Perez-Gomez retaliates that to perceive any cultural milieu in such a two-dimensional, material, and inanimate way is extremely reductive to an argument that seeks humans to Dwell poetically. He claims that such deep-rooted issues as the ones that Norberg-Schulz seeks to relate to architecture and place are deserving of an equally deep portrayal, and not one that is inherently superficial.[13] The use of the image as a medium to correspond the depth of meaning inherent to a place is surely contradictory and falls short of truly orientating and identifying man within his place. Regardless of the meaning that is inherent within the place pictured by the image, such a depiction will always be a shadow of itself. The use of images is arguably counter-productive, leading to an understanding of architectures role in giving meaning to a place that is based more on aesthetics than anything else. In observing the image of Saint Peter’s shown above, we may perceive some aesthetic signifiers of narrative, such as the priest walking down the ramp towards the crypt. This identifies the space as being used for religious purposes, and that there is a form of ritual inherent to the usage of the space. But we have little idea of the wider context of the situation pictured, whether the priest carried this out every day for example, or whether he did indeed truly believe in the cause for which his vocation existed. These signifiers are ambiguous, and only communicate a faint trace of the place’s spirit. Problems also arise in his inability throughout his book to portray a place that is deficient in a sense of the Genius Loci, making little effort to elucidate the antitheses of his theory.[14]

The issues that arise when Norberg-Schulz’s use of imagery is interrogated are symptomatic of wider problems that permeate his theory in general. Another aspect of the theory of the Genius Loci that is troubling is the potential for subjective differences in such a phenomenon. In the specific case of Saint Peter’s, this weakness of the Genius Loci is exemplified in the difference between the subjective experiences of a religious and non-religious person when visiting the Seminary when it was functional.[15] For a religious person, the space may have held an essence that was steeped in its denomination as a space for religious practice (in fact, even as a ruin it may still give rise to this feeling[16]). However, for a non-religious person the space would undoubtedly have had qualities of orientation and identification that differ, thus leading to a different Genius Loci and contradicting its totalising nature. The architectural historian Harriet Edquist questions how the Genius Loci, if it does indeed exist, manifests itself. For Norberg-Schulz, she claims, it appears to manifest itself directly to the human consciousness.[17] This implies a universality to the spirit of a certain place, that it is the same objective essence irrelevant of the subject who experiences it. For Edquist, this is a key flaw in the ideology of the Genius Loci, a flaw which suggests ‘the obliteration of the human subject’.[18] It is clear that Norberg-Schulz avoids mention of the human subject in his theory, instead grounding his work in Heidegger’s notion of ‘Dasein’, or ‘being in the world’.[19] This notion emphasises a oneness between subject and object, but fails to provide for any form of differentiation between the Dasein of one person to another. His theory imposes a meta-narrative that is supposedly universal, which conditions everyone to experience a space in the same way.[20]

In the same way that it concretises the subjective perception of the spirit of a certain place into one definite essence, the theory attempts to concretise narrative into the Genius Loci.[21] In asserting a totality of spirit, the theory implies the compression of layers of history into a singular essence, which denies the importance, or even presence, of time. In presenting his theory, Norberg-Schulz uses a series of examples of places which exhibit a certain Genius Loci, the majority of them being bygone architectures of communities that were rooted in their time and place.[22] By denying time an active role in the conception of Genius Loci, he creates a conflict: the Genius Loci must be able to evolve as time progresses if it is to be seen to be as anything more than a transient phenomenon, or it must be a static, unchanging thing that persists despite changes to the objective physical realm that it is manifested from. Norberg-Schulz seems to opt for the latter, a choice which has led to critics accusing him of being strongly traditional and nostalgic.[23] Using a lexicon of terms such as ‘concretise’, it can indeed appear that he desires to fossilise the process of time. Again, Saint Peter’s provides strong evidence to counter Norberg-Schulz’s theory, by virtue of its clear aura of multiple narratives that continue into the present day.[24] This narrative fragmented from the singular into the plural at the point when the Seminary was deconsecrated and abandoned, its purpose laid to indeterminacy. This indeterminacy resulted in the contestation of the space by various usages, and the conflict over its purpose by numerous opinions.[25] This pluralistic existence contradicts the theory of Genius Loci that is based on a space having a singular, total essence, and yet the space continues to evoke meaning for many of those who visit it, finding it to have a certain spirit.[26]

In recent years various organisations have attempted to find new purpose for the decaying shell of Saint Peter’s, invariably failing in their attempts to do so. What each of these attempts to bring determinacy and purpose back to the Seminary could be seen as is an attempt to resuscitate the Genius Loci of the space. There is an evident drive amongst some, many from the architectural profession, that something must be done to return a purpose to Saint Peter’s.[27] The notion that the building must serve a purpose, that it must retain a singular essence, is one that haunts it and leads to the contention that the theory of the Genius Loci is a spectre of the Seminary. As the French philosopher Jacques Derrida points out, spectres occupy the past and the future, if not actually the present. They are, for him, a future possibility.[28] The statement that architecture must ‘concretise the genius loci’ is one that must ring with familiarity for those who propose the revitalisation of Saint Peter’s, if not faintly ironic due to the dilapidated state of its concrete vaults. What can be said of the Genius Loci at the Seminary in its current state then, is that it is not present as a whole, but fragmented and transitory. The building’s essence, if such a thing does exist, is constantly in flux – there is no ‘stabilitas loci’, to borrow the words of Norberg-Schulz.[29]

Christian Norberg-Schulz’s ideology relating to the Genius Loci is one that is fraught with flaws, such as its lack of engagement with subjectivity, and its relationship to narrative of place. The theory emphasises the singular totality of spirit of place, and yet its existence has been haunted by its failure to engage with plurality. Its insistence on an essentialist homogenous entity that unites all difference has resulted in the haunting of its very own spirit by spectres.

[1] Rowan Wilken, ‘Critical Reception of Norberg-Schulz’s Writings on Heidegger and Place,’ in Architectural Theory Review 18, no. 3 (2013), 341.

[2] Christian Norberg-Schulz, Genius Loci: Towards a Phenomenology of Architecture (New York: Rizzoli, 1980), 18.

[3] Norberg-Schulz, Genius Loci, 18.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid., 19.

[6] Wilken, ‘Critical Reception,’ 343.

[7] Norberg-Schulz, Genius Loci, 23.

[8] Norberg-Schulz, Genius Loci, 23.

[9] Alberto Perez-Gomez, ‘The City is not a Post-Card,’ in An Eye for Place: Christian Norberg-Schulz: Architect, Historian and Editor, ed. Gro Lauvland (Oslo: Arkitektur Publisering, 2009), 28.

[10] Karen Wenell, ‘St Peter’s College and the Desacralisation of Space,’ in Literature and Theology 21, no. 3 (Autumn 2007), 263.

[11] Wenell, ‘St Peter’s College and the Desacralisation of Space,’ 262.

[12] Gillespie, Kidd & Coia Archive, ‘Sanctuary Ramp,’ Glasgow School of Art, https://gsaarchives.net/collections/index.php/informationobject/browse?places=20848&collection=20333&sort=lastUpdated&view=card&showAdvanced=0&sq0=Architecture&sf0=subject&onlyMedia=1&topLod=0&rangeType=inclusive

[13] Perez-Gomez, ‘The City is not a Post-Card,’ 30.

[14] Wilken, ‘Critical Reception,’ 346.

[15] Erik Champion, ‘Norberg-Schulz: Culture, Presence and a Sense of Virtual Place,’ in The Phenomenology of Real and Virtual Places, ed. Erik Champion (London: Routledge, 2018), 218.

[16] Refer to survey

[17] Harriet Edquist, ‘Genius Loci,’ in Transition 4, no. 1 (Spring 1988), 81.

[18] Edquist, ‘Genius Loci,’ 81.

[19] Martin Heidegger, Being and Time (Oxford: Wiley-Blackwell, 1978), 106.

[20] Champion, ‘Norberg-Schulz: Culture, Presence and a Sense of Virtual Place,’ 224.

[21] Perez-Gomez, ‘The City is not a Post-Card,’ 31.

[22] Gunila Jiven and Peter J. Larkham, ‘Sense of Place, Authenticity and Character: A Commentary,’ in Journal of Urban Design 8, no. 1 (2003), 68.

[23] Massimo Cacciari, Architecture and Nihilism on the Philosophy of Modern Architecture (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1993), 108.

[24] Richard Waite, ‘Renewed hope for Cardross seminary after church finds new owner,’ in Architects Journal, July 27, 2020, https://www.architectsjournal.co.uk/news/renewed-hope-for-cardross-seminary-after-church-finds-new-owner

[25] Diane Watters, St Peter’s, Cardross: Birth, Death and Renewal (Edinburgh: Historic Environment Scotland, 2016), 188.

[26] Refer to survey

[27] NVA, ‘Debate of the future of St Peters Seminary at the Venice Architectural Biennale 2010,’ July 30, 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDuiqcRnMXM

[28] Jacques Derrida, Specters of Marx: The State of the Debt, the Work of Mourning and the New International (Routledge: London, 2006), 9.

[29] Norberg-Schulz, Genius Loci, 19.

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Part 1

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Part 2

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Part 3

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Part 4

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Part 5

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Conclusion

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Conclusion

Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Dissertation by Third Year Student at Edinburgh School of Architecture information / images from Daniel Lomholt-Welch

Edinburgh School of Architecture Student Projects

e-architect are following the progress of architecture student Daniel Lomholt-Welch during his degree studies at Edinburgh University.

Year 2, Semester 2: Valencia Community Library building design Second Year Student Projects at Edinburgh School of Architecture

First Year Student Projects at Edinburgh School of Architecture image courtesy of D L-W First Year Student Projects at Edinburgh School of Architecture

Universities Tag

Education Building Designs

University Buildings

University Architecture

Scottish Architecture Designs – chronological list

New Macallan Distillery in Speyside Design: Rogers Stirk Harbour + Partners (RSHP) photo © Simon PricePA Wire

Architecture and Landscape Architecture | Edinburgh College of Art

Glasgow School of Art Building Fire aerial photo courtesy of Police Scotland

College Buildings

School Buildings

Comments / photos for the Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study Introduction page welcome

The post Saint Peter’s Seminary Cardross Study appeared first on e-architect.

#e-architect

[finishinglinepress]

FLP CHAPBOOK OF THE DAY: I Close My Eyes and I Almost Remember by Matthew J. Andrews

TO ORDER GO TO: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/i-close-my-eyes-and-i-almost-remember-by-matthew-j-andrews/

RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Matthew J. Andrews is a private investigator and writer who lives in Modesto, California with his wife and two children. His poetry has appeared in numerous literary journals, including EcoTheo, Orange Blossom Review, Sojourners, and St. Katherine Review, among others. I Close My Eyes and I Almost Remember is his first collection. More information at matthewjandrews.com.

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR I Close My Eyes and I Almost Remember by Matthew J. Andrews

“From the beauty of the first poem, to the brilliance of the final line, Matthew J. Andrews’ I Close My Eyes and I Almost Remember shepherds the reader through a landscape of familiar stories, but deftly removes the scales from eyes whose spiritual ancestry has become rote. Each poem echoes with elemental refrains—the waves, the soil, the flames, the spirit—and in doing so, lay bare the fragility of the human condition as we wrestle with the numinous. They remind us of what we are made and all that we could become if we are “determined, / for once, to be faithful to something.” The insights in this work will leave the reader breathless, pensive, challenged, jealous, and mindful of how good poetry can be good theology.

–Matthew E. Henry, author of Teaching While Black and Dust & Ashes

“Matthew J. Andrews writes like a curious exile. He plants one foot in this lowly world but stands tiptoe on the other, reaching up to seize the flickering promises of a life still to come. Describing all the tenderness, claustrophobia, hope and lovely strangeness of our being, Andrews’ poems undress their readers through a generous act of understanding realized one line at a time.”

–Aarik Danielsen, arts journalist and Fathom Magazine columnist

“At once restrained and grand, practical and transcendent, gritty and gentle, Matthew J. Andrews’ I Close My Eyes and I Almost Remember is an ambitious and sweeping literary feat, recounting the Scriptural narrative through the eyes of those who lived it while remaining refreshingly contemporary. Andrews is a poet to be read, watched, and imitated, as well as a minister to be comforted by.”

–Riley Bounds, Editor of Solum Press and author of Hands of Years

Please share/please repost [PROMO] #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry

#poetry #preorder #flp authors #flp #chapbook #poets on tumblr #american poets #chapbooks

[cxvgfrertiou879878]

[*PDF]-> Read/Download Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life BY Ruby Warrington online book

Read and download book Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life in PDF, EPub, Mobi, Kindle online. Free book Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life by Ruby Warrington.

  √PDF | √KINDLE | √EPUB

⇓⇓⇓

Read/Download => https://bryandcvg-a88030.blogspot.com/?book=0062437119

 Descriptions :

Read and Download Ruby Warrington book Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life.From astrology to meditation and tarot to yoga, tastemaker Ruby Warrington, founder of The Numinous, takes you on a stylish journey through modern spirituality in Material Girl, Mystical World.Inspired by the consciousness-shifting traditions that have moved seekers for generations, Material Girl, Mystical World is a fabulous adventure in the ?Now Age?: a sophisticated upgrade on cosmic thinking?from healing crystals to doing your dharma?for women who know that a closetful of designer shoes can happily coexist with a deeply meaningful life.Set against the backdrop of Warrington?s own transformative path from her dream job as an influential fashion journalist to creating The Numinous, the high-style, high-vibe online magazine about spirituality for modern women, Material Girl, Mystical World invites readers on a colorful journey to discover their own path to personal enlightenment in every area of life, from love, sex, and relationships, to fashion, beauty, health, and wellness.From . 

 Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life by Ruby Warrington

Tags: Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life by Ruby Warrington Free download, PDF, epub, docs, New York Times, ppt, audio books, Bloomberg, #NYT, books to read, good books to read, cheap books, good books,online books, books online, book reviews, read books online, books to read online, online library, greatbooks to read, best books to read, top books to read Material Girl, Mystical World: The Now Age Guide to a High-Vibe Life BY Ruby Warrington books to read online.Reading Download Pdf Epub read

[toastgym25]

Five Amazing Tricks To Get Probably The Most Out Of Your Theme Wordpress Free

This creative free WordPress portfolio theme is fitting for inside design, artwork, and other portfolio type industries. It’s so versatile that it’s also perfect for any lodge and tourism industries too. Phlox. Phlox is a trendy, lightweight and customizable theme perfect for nearly any type of webpage including, blog, portfolio, enterprise, agency, news & journal, meals & restaurant, journey, and pictures in addition to WooCommerce storefront. Shapely is so feature packed that you simply would possibly believe is a premium theme, which is not the case - this theme is completely free and accessible for anything. With WordPress, you could have a choice between free and premium (paid) themes. Pinbin is a superb fit on your web site if in case you have a number of video content. It also comes with sidebar layouts, customized widgets for the writer, a lovely slider, social sharing buttons, and a lot more. These themes will make it easier to create a compelling website to advertise your charity works, donation drives, fundraiser occasions, relief efforts, and a lot more. It contains options that can catch anyone’s attention like hero content material, food menu, testimonials, and extra. Packed to the brim with tons of awesome options including complete responsiveness, cross-browser compatible and more. Post has been generated by GSA Content Generator DEMO. Sometimes the posts may fall into totally different categories and would possibly appear more than as soon as in numerous sections and widgets. Like all the opposite themes on this listing, Poseidon is totally responsive and can easily be customized using the WordPress Customizer the place you possibly can tweak normal settings as well as settings for posts. To offer you a taste, this theme comes with a cool sticky menu, numerous customized posts among which are video posts, custom widgets, custom background, and custom header. This ‘freemium’ theme is designed to help artists, collectors, curators and different inventive individuals create their very own web site with very basic degree WordPress skills. It has a fashionable, clean, and functional design to assist your drive with your charitable efforts. It has a clean, trendy, and minimal look for seamless viewing. The Virtue theme offers wonderful choices and a trendy search for all business websites. Most importantly, this theme is retina and 4K prepared, so your content will look crystal clear. Similarly, an awesome gallery section can also be included with this theme. Also, Nulled Plugin helps you develop your e-mail advertising list. The search bar within the Banner part helps job seekers to seek out jobs based on relevant key phrases. In this roundup, you'll discover the most effective free portfolio WordPress themes for creatives that won’t price you a dime. We did our best to showcase solely the very best and free video WordPress themes, however another suggestions are welcomed. We additionally provide some energy-packed on-line journal themes, like Metro Magazine and Numinous, which have been very successful. Whether Nulled Plugin could have a donation drive, relief efforts, or charity works, this theme can provide help to attain new potential donors on-line. You've the liberty to personalize your site with features like background image, shade, and font family options. Major features embrace responsive format, submit formats, featured images, custom menu, sticky posts, and customized background. Classified Ads comes with theme choices panel the place you'll be able to customize many theme settings such as the ad button textual content, header image, background picture, background color, hover coloration, header shade, nav hover color, footer background coloration, and sticky publish. Let’s meet a wonderful little one theme supported wordpress theme Blog Personal Plus. You should utilize our step-by-step beginner’s information on how to start a WordPress weblog for full instructions on getting started. This article was created by GSA Content Generator Demoversion. Travel Diaries is a great wanting free WordPress travel theme that enables you to create an informative and visually placing travel blog. If you are a writer who needs to start out a journey blog, then the Polite theme is a perfect fit for you. If your website is devoted to a band, then you definately need audio and video gamers. In case you are certainly one of them and in search of some superior highly skilled affiliate internet marketing or blogging WordPress themes then this text is just for you. One that's skilled and eye-catching and, most importantly, helps videos. With nonprofit and non-authorities organizations in mind, Gutener Charity NGO exudes an expert and hanging design. With simply customizable options, you may brand your nonprofit website. Free WordPress themes, as the identify suggests, are freed from charge with basic options - making them limited in updates, customization choices, and buyer support. The question now really is with the thousands of free WordPress themes, what’s right for you? Marketingly is the most effective free WordPress themes for internet affiliate marketing that you should try.

#theme #plugin #wordpress

[belialjones]

I love my friends, they’re very gorgeous in and out of make up and wigs and gowns. the second polaroid that I took was featured in numinous magazine recently. I miss them very much. 

#my photos #analog film #polaroid film

[handdesigns]

Destination Duluxe - WELLNESS TRENDS FOR 2021 ACCORDING TO THE GLOBAL WELLNESS SUMMIT

https://destinationdeluxe.com/wellness-trends-2021-global-wellness-summit/

1) Media:  The ways that music is being created for mental health, stress, sleep, focus, a better workout, or just chillout, ambient bliss…has kicked into high gear. 

Wellness Apps: Headspace (meditation), Sleep Cycle (sleep), Abillionveg (Plant based diet), Timeshifter (Jet Lag), Flipd (focus)

2) Immune Health: Stop boosting and start balancing 

3) Spiritual and numinous moment is architecture

“In recent years, a range of studies has demonstrated the powerful connection between the built environment and our physical health, and a new “wellness architecture” sector has taken off, heavily focused on functional design moves, whether circadian lighting or air purification.” 

4) Breathwork: 

An increasing number of clinical studies from major universities like Harvard, Stanford and Johns Hopkins are putting science and data behind something we’ve actually known for centuries – the way we breathe has profound effects on our mental and physical health and abilities. It may even help us strengthen our immune systems.  

_________________________

After looking at many different wellness trends and trends that are predicted for the duration of 2021 I have noticed that they are all very much the same. There is quite a clear prediction of what wellness will mean in 2021. I think releasing a magazine for the Spring/Summer is perfect as it will be just as people are coming out of lockdown and may need a bit of help finding solid ground. Just because lockdown is coming to an end, the huge increase in wellness will not end. 

- my words

#303

[hcrystals24h]

These Healing Crystal Jewelry Retailers Wish to Help You Rock Crystals Each Day

Healing crystals aren’t just decor in your home highlights (e.g. agate coasters) or Instagram nail artwork #inspo. Somewhat, to truly enlist their abilities wherever, every time, consider actually using some metaphysical minerals or gemstones by means of some super-pretty expensive jewelry. (If you’re in need of crystal 101, read this information which matches gemstones for your astrological signal.) Besides this eases the requirement to bring the unique rocks around along within a pouch (or perhaps your bra), additionally, it offers your thing a numinous feel for an effortlessly amazing but totally higher-vibe seem.

Furthermore, wearing healing crystals against or near to the chakra it may initialize can improve their energies, leading them to be a lot more highly effective, based on some woo-woo specialists. By way of example, an increased quartz necklace that is placed against your breastbone can help strengthen and mend the center chakra.

But, obviously, you can use your chosen rocks anyplace. Like at the moment, I have got an arm party loaded with jade, citrine, clear quartz, amethyst, moonstone, and rose quartz—because every one of these is my, go-to healing crystals. Skim through these extraordinary creative designers for sections that line up with your finances and your chakras, way too.

 Under, 7 expensive healing crystal jewelry retailers to find your chosen high-vibe pieces.

1. Jemma Sands

Structured out of La, designer brand Jemma Sands stocks and shares her namesake precious jewelry shop with many different beaded bracelets and evil-eye talismans, in addition to beads and stones that array in substance from wooden to diamond with pieces both fragile or full-on statement. Sands also mixes her own natural oils and candles in their “Alchemy” e-tail area and helps to create curated bins (not unlike these membership ones). Everyone features a sizeable slice of universally healing clear quartz, white-colored howlite mala beads to aid in meditating, a crystal bracelet of choice (right now, Sands has increased quartz, amazonite, and moonstone iterations offered), along with a supporting, traveling-size candlestick that’s fragrant with aligning natural oils.

 2. Alex and Ani

Made with the underlying concept of power, anything from jewelers Alex and Ani aim to talk about intelligence and beneficial electricity, plus numerous purchases have another feel-good level in the form of charity contributions, as well. What’s particularly great concerning the brand name, even though, is the fact that meaning each item is carefully revealed with the covered explanatory put that happens to appearance pretty great pinned on to your eyesight table.

 3. Power Muse

Consider this retail outlet the unofficial Costco of online healing crystal jewelry merchants. The website exhibits countless parts for individuals, along with a selection of frequent and exceptional stones (unprocessed and tumbled), in addition, a selection of shiny gemstones handpicked through the owners from your recognized and current Tucson Gem Show. The knowledgable duo behind the e-tailer, Heather Askinoise, and Timmi Jandro, also recently penned a magazine, Crystal Muse, loaded with rituals, explanations, smudging tricks, and bath recipes—that transpires with look fantastic as design in a great-vibe house, way too.

 4. Anna Michielan

An avid meditator and healing crystal collector, Michielan gives a number of pieces—including more uncommon discoveries like anklets and belts—along with meditation malas, wedding rings, beaded bracelets, pendants, and the like. It is possible to store by one or all the seven chakras (which can be particularly valuable if you’re pondering any are blocked), and even though charges are somewhat steep, everything’s palm-privileged and crafted by Michielan herself, which means you know there’s been some significant TLC behind the curtain.

 5. Jacquie Aiche

Great crystal jewelry hobbyists and celebs are becoming obsessed with Jacquie Aiche’s spiritually motivated parts, using a devoted “JA Tribe” segment onsite showcasing the loves of Blake Vibrant, Selena Gomez, and yes, even Kylie Jenner, using her styles. The expensive parts are edgy but amazing. Think precious stone abdomen chains, sapphire-encrusted Hamsa hand or wicked vision single stud earrings, and faith-transcending amulets (a tiny trinket meant to offer the beholder defense) in the BlessLev series, which will come including an appreciation checklist to the proprietor to help keep accessible.

 6. Crystal Cactus

Although wellness “it girl” Audrey Kitching’s online-only retailer carries a litany of metaphysical products, together with a number of smudge sticks, tarot credit card decks, and blossom essences, her handcrafted crystal jewelry is arguably one of the most irresistible of these all. All her pieces are one of a kind, as no two stones are identical, and each and everyone has an unmistakable, property-manufactured top quality that’ll abandon every person asking the place you obtained that pink agate Aphrodite diamond necklace or this bad-vibes-banishing design, created from much less-commonly-seen rainbow tourmaline.

 7. Gorjana

Even though this design jewelry line is predominantly noted for its skinny, delicate stacks and tiers of pendants, bands, and charms, its Energy Gemstone collection is perfect for channeling your inside goddess. Based on the manufacturer, “each gemstone item symbolizes that greater that means, that further component of on your own, whether it is a struggle you’re going through or possibly a target you have, it’s the additional boost of potential you need to allow you to get by your day time.” Prices are cost-effective, with personal things generally priced at under $100.

 Never realize how to start with healing crystals? Try one of those woo-woo membership boxes or learn to detox the electricity at your residence using them.

 Premium Crystal Jewelry at Blingvine

 Practically nothing exudes luxury like Crystal Jewelry. Each crystal jewelry conveys an enchanting story in regards to the person. Be it a wedding, a party, bday bash, a supper day or perhaps a hangout together with your good friends, your pursuit for trendy pieces of jewelry models ends at Blingvine. Check out through our over-whelming collection of crystal pendants, ear-rings, bracelets, and crystal pieces of jewelry sets on-line.

  Crystals will be the most ravishing and chic jewelry parts for many women. From making it glamourous to including grace on the moonlit meal get together, it really is a go-to piece of crystal jewelry for special events. At Blingvine we provide you with a huge variety of designer crystal jewelry series that will go perfectly with outfits and situations.

 Crystal Jewelry for females

 It is necessary for many females to travel beyond the ordinary. Each lady requires something added and different to stand outside in a group at the bash or any event. The crystal jewelry collection at Blingvine is encouraged by the newest styles in Vogue. Fashion jewelry with crystals can be something that provides an instant gleam and making you sparkle just the best sum. Magnificently crafted with good-top quality crystals like Swarovski crystals, Austrian Crystals, or American Diamonds – CZ/AD Jewelry is available in various designs and delicate habits.

 Pieces of Crystal jewelry for all Clothes

 Whether you’re sporting a pretty saree or strong hot gown, crystal pieces of jewelry can be your much-necessary fashion accessory to set with all of your outfits. Obtainable in vivid hues and unique designs, Blingvine offers an enormous variety of crystal-studded fashion jewelry selection that perfectly combines with costumes and colors. From traditional Indian clothes to modern-day traditional western outfits, coordinating crystal pieces of crystal jewelry will be here to help make every single event vivacious.

 Designer brand Crystal Pendants and Little Pendants

 Crystal pendants and pendant sets are the type of design pieces of jewelry parts making the primary component of each woman’s jewelry box. Sparkling little crystals inside a pendant or even a piece of jewelry establish is a lot-adored adornment of most pieces of crystal jewelry fanatics. Although small crystal pendants for females are ideal for a professional look or even a conventional supper date, big and chunky crystal diamond necklace sets go perfectly over a wedding ceremony, cocktail party, or even a reddish colored carpets and rugs celebration with all of the dress varieties.

 Fashionable Crystal Charms and Bangles

 Bracelets and Bangles are an issue that may go with just about every apparel - classic or western, short sleeves or long. With the optimal sort of bracelet, you can add grace to your appearance instantly. A simple crystal bracelet or bangle elevates your look without making you look over the table. A Crystal bracelet can be a go-to accent for any kind of appearance. Search for fashionable crystal bracelets and bangles at Blingvine studded with lively and colourful gemstones like crystals from Swarovski, Austrian crystals, and American Gemstones

 Designer Crystal Jewelry for females

 Crystals Ear-rings really are a must-have adornment for those girls. No matter if you’re heading little or building a statement, jewelry is a crucial jewelry part to finish the look. Statement earrings can single-handedly raise your appearance with the ideal level of bling. Blingvine Crystal Earrings on the web is a crucial addition to your crystal jewelry box. Get crystal stud earrings, danglers, and Jhumka jewelry for many events and clothes. Blingvine delivers a variety of Fake gemstone ear-rings made out of high-good quality crystals to offer an opulent look.

 Crystal Jewelry – The best gift on her behalf

 Somebody rightly mentioned, “Diamonds really are a girl’s closest friend.” It not just wraps up a style but adds a lot more to it. Considering that diamonds could be pricey, substantial-high-quality crystal jewelry can remedy the point in the price range. High-class searching and stylish crystal jewelry looking for ladies from Blingvine can be the greatest gift idea for your unique lady in your daily life. Search for present ideas to your partner, mother, sister, or lover for functions like birthdays, weddings, Valentine’s Working day, or perhaps an ordinary day when you seem like an unexpected her with something treasured.

Visit Our Official Site

Additional Resources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swarovski_crystal

https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Jewelry

https://www.nytimes.com/1991/09/22/news/crystal-jewelry-unlike-its-forerunners.html

Location: https://g.page/ShopCrystalis?share

#crystal jewelry #Jewelry