16 or 17 for the kiss meme... 👀
KISSING MEME | 16. a kiss to gain control and 17. a kiss to give up control.
In hindsight, she gets him with the lamest pretext ever.
"But what do you taste like?" Nicolette half-asks, half-whines one evening at his condo. It's not a special day by any means—not even Game Night with Zhilan, just an ordinary weekday in an unordinary town with Wang Yi testing a recipe for sweets because he now knows two guys obsessed with them in the city.
Wang Yi stops licking his spoon to look at her blankly. ' The hell you talking about. '
"Our kiss, Yiyi!"
Wang Yi's face flushes as red as the raspberries as he fumbles setting his spoon aside. ' Why are you thinking of that now?! '
"Who told you to stick out your tongue just to taste-test some cream?"
' What, am I supposed to stick the whole spoon down my throat or something?! '
After a few rounds of retorts treading well-worn paths, Wang Yi decisively cuts them off. ' This is a stupid argument. '
"My points still stands," Nicolette insists.
' What do you mean your point still stands, you bit my lip the first time, ' Wang Yi sputters back. ' You've tried my blood, I've tried yours; we're even. '
"The first time we did it," Nicolette corrects him, "it was after you drank my wine. Plus my abilities deal with blood all the time. That's no different from—from me tasting myself!"
As Wang Yi tries to work through that (slightly faulty) logic, Nicolette takes the initiative and pushes him where it'll hurt.
"...I just don't think it's very fair," she murmurs in a softer voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him freeze minutely and has to suppress a laugh, keeping up the pitiful air. "You got what you wanted but I've just been told to play along, both times..."
' Wait but, ' Wang Yi's flagging rationality chooses to wake up at this moment. ' You offered the last time and, and returned it, the kiss I mean— '
"That's because I'm a person, Yiyi, not some fancy free-to-drink fountain? Besides, it would've just been awkward if I didn't kiss back. Think about the chemistry of these things and how they work! Physically!"
' I guess you would know... ' Wang Yi trails off and while that sounds like an insult, this time Nicolette knows he doesn't mean it that way, he's just deferring to her superior experience in making out. Not like she'd take offense now, when she was so close to getting what she wanted.
Hiding another laugh, she prods him with her elbow. "So? Are you going to pay me back?"
He almost yelps. ' Now? '
"Well, no one's home, right?" God that sounded like lines out of some teenage movie. "Or if you're still shy...we could move to your room? I've already slept there a couple times, anyways."
Wang Yi hesitates and Nicolette privately thinks she's going to give up if he's still so damned stubborn, because it's hurting her pride to put so much on the line and still have him reject her without a second thought every time. Actually, maybe she should retract her offer first, since that'd be at least slightly less humiliating than hearing him say no.
With a huff, she turns away from him on her chair. "Fine then, if you want to be selfish—"
' No, uh— ' A hand grabs her sleeve at the same time Wang Yi speaks. ' I was just...let me clean up this stuff on the counter first, okay? I don't want to leave a mess for my roommates. '
That's better! Nicolette instantly brightens and turns to him with a smile. "Oh, let me help."
***
When they're finally sitting on his bed (in his room, with the door locked and windows drawn because apparently Wang Yi's paranoia goes harder when he's stressed), Nicolette almost regrets not kissing him right then and there in the kitchen because he's so freaking nervous.
' So, uh, ' Wang Yi's fidgeting, so much that when his knees accidentally brushes against Nicolette's beside him he almost jumps. ' Should we do this on the count of three or...? '
"Yiyi, we're not running a marathon."
' I know, but like, how else do we know when to start? '
Nicolette just stares at him. They hadn't had this problem the last two times, but in retrospect there were other things going on at the same time. In the first he'd been dead drunk, and in the second she'd been bleeding out. Now with nothing but a kiss between them, Wang Yi's mind is working overdrive to fill in all the empty space.
It annoys her more than it should because—hey, there's a pretty girl sitting right next to you, isn't that enough? If he'd just focus on her instead of his, she doesn't know, performance anxiety or whatever she's sure things will be fine! He's a natural, after all!
"Wang Yi," she lowers her voice, only half-joking. "Have you ever kissed a girl? You know, besides me."
He doesn't even need to think before shaking his head. ' Uhh, no? You're my first. Is that bad or something... '
She has to quell the smug feeling of satisfaction even as she demands, "Why would that be bad?!"
' Because I don't have experience? '
"Oh, believe me," Nicolette narrows her eyes with a giggle that's positively girlish, "You have ways to make up for it."
' Glad one of us is confident, I guess... '
"Why don't you," Nicolette tries, "just leave it to me?"
' Like how? You say people aren't fountains— '
"Stop thinking so damned much!" she cuts him off. "Look, it's easy. I'll start us off and you just...relax and react, okay? Just learn what feels good and...go with that, it's fine."
' Those were the vaguest fucking directions I ever heard. '
Oh, but fucking's a whole different rodeo, she thinks privately before snapping at him. "I told you to stop thinking! In fact, start right now and close your eyes!"
In the end, orders seem to work best. Wang Yi shuts his eyes and simply sits there, waiting for her next move. He's oddly blank this way, and Nicolette finds herself missing the dozen or so things he tries to hide behind those bright green irises even though his creased eyebrows reveal his nerves. She raises a hand to casually brush his cheek; he trembles slightly but doesn't open his eyes.
' What is it? ' His question comes out as a hiss.
"Nothing, just checking that you're still awake."
' What the h—mhnn! '
She catches his open lips on "hell" and smiles around them as she urges, "Remember, don't think."
' Nngh...okay... '
Wang Yi's remarkably pliant when he doesn't fight back. Even though his muscles are still tense and his fingers curled like death around the sheets, he keeps his lips relaxed as he's been told, accepting everything that Nicolette gives him. It's as if he's suddenly stripped away his walls to leave the vulnerable center exposed, leaving her exulting in her private triumph. She's not sure if this counts as trust, but it certainly tastes just as sweet.
"Kiss me back—you can, mmnh, be rougher, ah," she murmurs as she languidly sucks on his lips, a slow teasing motion that stimulates them both.
He obeys—working partially on memory as he deepens their connection—and she almost wants to laugh, with how earnestly he tries, how easy this is.
Since when had anything been easy when it came to Wang Yi?
He tastes like candy today, she thinks, and it's probably the fruit cream to blame, but that adds another layer of unreality to this whole thing. Sugar and spice and everything nice—it's pleasant, but it feels like a dream—or maybe this is Wang Yi too, except the part she doesn't get to see? She glimpses it often enough, when he's talking to Lanlan or Sun or anyone similarly gentle, but it's never been her turn until now.
The slightest trace of bitterness creeps into her thoughts before she hears a whimper—she looks down and realizes she's overpowering him, pushing Wang Yi so far backwards that he's almost falling on the bed. He doesn't though, bracing himself against the bed frame as he bears her assault, though the involuntary cry is enough to show that he's close to giving out.
She breaks contact then, leaving his mouth open and confused and wanting, before grabbing him by the shirt and throwing him against the mattress. His eyes fly open in surprise but she covers them with one hand as she leans in to take in the sound of him panting for breath.
' N-Nicolette, I— ' He stutters and she can feel his eyes darting back and forth beneath her palm, the lashes brushing against her skin like the wings of a trapped butterfly.
"Shh... I told you to relax," she coaxes him and waits until his eyelashes stop tickling her to dive in again, because she hungers and thirsts and it's so, so rare to find Wang Yi in a moment where he actually lets her take.
As promised, she guides him the entire way, until he's lost enough to sink, to fall, and to take back control. She lets him flip their positions so that he's on top and revels in all the sensations: tongue upon tongue, fingers against skin, even the sound of their breathless gasps mixing with rustling sheets and quiet moans in some sort of New Age symphony.
At some point his hand finds the spot on her waist where she was wounded last time and gives it a squeeze—in fondness or memory, she doesn't know. Her hands aren't idle either—she's never been shy when it's time to indulge—slipping beneath his shirt with soft caresses that turns the pace of Wang Yi's kisses almost desperate at times.
They might've kept going—they could've, if it wasn't for the sound of the oven timer going off. He stops in the middle of sucking the skin along her neck, eyes still hazy with arousal, and mutters in confusion, ' The fruit tarts are done. '
The next second he looks down—realizes Nicolette's shirt's pushed halfway up her torso and his hand’s fondling somewhere it shouldn't be—and sputters out, ' Weren't we supposed to be just kissing? '
His eyes dart to her face accusingly but Nicolette just smiles like the cat with the cream and licks her lips, pink tongue teasing him with the tiniest glimpse. "Congratulations, Yiyi. You graduated with honors."
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The real problem with anonymity
I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!
According to "the greater internet fuckwad theory," the ills of the internet can be traced to anonymity:
Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/greater-internet-fuckwad-theory
This isn't merely wrong, it's dangerously wrong. The idea that forcing people to identify themselves online will improve discourse is demonstrably untrue. Facebook famously adopted its "real names" policy because Mark Zuckerberg claimed to believe that "Having two identities for yourself is an example of a lack of integrity":
https://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2010/05/14/facebook-and-radical-transparency-a-rant.html
In service to this claimed belief, Zuckerberg kicked off the "nym wars," turning himself into the sole arbiter of what each person's true name was, with predictably tragicomic consequences:
https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-believe-about-names/
Facebook is, famously, one of the internet's most polluted reservoirs of toxic interpersonal conduct. That's not despite the fact that people have to use their "real" names to participate there, but because of it. After all, the people who are most vulnerable to bullying and harassment are the ones who choose pseudonyms or anonymity so that they can speak freely. Forcing people to use their "real names" means that the most powerful bullies speak with impunity, and their victims are faced with the choice of retreat or being targeted offline.
This can be a matter of life and death. Cambodian dictator Hun Sen uses Facebook's real names policy to force dissidents to unmask themselves, which exposes them to arbitrary detention, torture, and extrajudicial killing. For members of the Cambodian diaspora, the choice is to unmask themselves or expose their family back home to retaliation:
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/meghara/facebook-cambodia-democracy
Some of the biggest internet fuckwads I've ever met – and I've met some big ones! – were utterly unashamed about using their real names. Some of the nicest people I know online have never told me their offline names. Greater internet fuckwad theory is just plain wrong.
But that doesn't mean that anonymity is totally harmless. There is a category of person who reliably uses a certain, specific kind of anonymity to do vicious things that inflicts serious harm on whole swathes of people: corporate bullies.
Take Tinyletter. Tinyletter is a beloved newsletter app that was created to help people who just wanted to talk to others, without a thought to going viral or getting rich. It was sold to Mailchimp, which was sold to Intuit, who killed it:
https://www.theverge.com/24085737/tinyletter-mailchimp-shut-down-email-newsletters
Tinyletter was a perfect little gem of a service. It cost almost nothing to run, and made an enormous number of peoples' lives better every day. Shutting it down was an act of corporate depravity by some faceless Intuit manager who woke up one day and said "Fuck all those people. Just fuck them."
No one knows who that person was. That person will never have to look those people in the eyes – those people whose lives were made poorer for that Intuit executive's indifference. That person is the greater fuckwad, and that fuckwaddery depends on their anonymity.
Or take @Pixsy, a corporate shakedown outfit that helps copyleft trolls trick people into making tiny errors in Creative Commons attributions and then intimidates them into handing over thousands of dollars:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/01/24/a-bug-in-early-creative-commons-licenses-has-enabled-a-new-breed-of-superpredator/
Copyleft trolling is an absolutely depraved practice, a petty grift practiced by greedy fuckwads who are completely indifferent to the harm they cause – even if it means bankrupting volunteer-run nonprofits for a buck:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/02/commafuckers-versus-the-commons/
Pixsy claims that it is proud of its work "defending artists' rights," but when I named the personnel who signed their names to these profoundly unethical legal threats, Pixsy CEO Kain Jones threatened to sue me:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/13/an-open-letter-to-pixsy-ceo-kain-jones-who-keeps-sending-me-legal-threats/
The expectation of corporate anonymity runs deep and the press is surprisingly complicit. I once spent weeks working on an investigative story about a multinational corporation's practices. I spent hours on the phone with the company's VP of communications, over the course of many calls. When we were done, they said, "Now, of course, you can't name me in the article. All of that has to be attributed to 'a spokesperson.'"
I was baffled. Nothing this person said was a secret. They weren't blowing the whistle. They weren't leaking secrets. They were a corporate official, telling me the official corporate line. But they wouldn't sign their name to it.
I wrote an article about for the Guardian. It was the only Guardian column any of my editors there ever rejected, in more than a decade of writing for them:
https://memex.craphound.com/2012/05/14/anodyne-anonymity/
Given the press's deference to this anodyne anonymity, it's no wonder that official spokespeople expect this kind of anonymity. I routinely receive emails from corporate spokespeople disputing my characterization of their employer's conduct, but insisting that I not attribute their dubious – and often blatantly false – statements to them by name.
These are the greater corporate fuckwads, who commit their sins from behind a veil of anonymity. That brand of bloodless viciousness, depravity and fraud absolutely depends on anonymity.
Mark Zuckerberg claimed that "multiple identities" enabled bad behavior – as though it was somehow healthy for people to relate to their bosses, lovers, parents, toddlers and barbers in exactly the same way. Zuckerberg's motivation was utterly transparent: having "multiple identities" doesn't mean you "lack integrity" – it just makes it harder to target you for ads.
But Zuckerberg couldn't enshittify Facebook on his own. For that, he relies on a legion of anonymous Facebook managers. Some of these people undoubtably speak up for Facebook users' interests when their colleagues propose putting them in harm's way for the sake of some arbitrary KPI. But the ones who are making those mean little decisions? They absolutely rely on anonymity to do their dirty work.
Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/04/greater-corporate-fuckward-theory/#counterintuit-ive
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