#People shocked that winter king was doing some fucked shit when this guy was actively torturing waterfowl who did nothing wrong

[tutterypuff]

also, everyone is talking about how Simon has this huge capacity for empathy this this and that about how empathy is so integral to his character as if this guy didn't just spend the first two episodes of this show torturing a goose to death

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #adventure time #choose goose #justice for choose goose #rhymes aren't crimes #let him go #he's not just a battery to ME #he's a jaunty little fellow with a jaunty little outfit and you ELECTROCUTED him #nearly TO DEATH #People shocked that winter king was doing some fucked shit when this guy was actively torturing waterfowl who did nothing wrong #stop him #choose goose should take him to criminal court #simon petrikov literally started out this series with a hostage he has kept for god knows how long #whatever he does past this point is anyone's guess. Who fucking knows. #I'm cancelling him

[birdhaslostit]

🎁🎄❄️What the Lupin Gang would do for Christmas!❄️🎄🎁

Helloooooooo Lupin fans! You may or may not remember me as that one chick who made that Halloween headcanon post a few months back, as well as the Jigen’s bangs post. I’m back with a Christmas post!!!

Please note: Personally, I really only celebrate Christmas in a non-Jesus-y way. (Which is how I’m also writing this post, because let’s be honest, do you really think Lupin is going to confession and shit? Absolutely not.) It’s purely out of habit because I was raised Catholic, but I practice witchcraft now. My family doesn’t know that though. Because of this, I considered also making posts for other winter holidays, so I could include Lupin fans that don’t celebrate Christmas. But I didn’t want to accidentally mess it up, or write something inaccurate about a holiday that I don’t celebrate. It felt disingenuous to make a Hanukkah post because I’m not Jewish and it doesn’t seem like my place, and I didn’t want to do a Yule one either, because no two people celebrate it the same way. So, I strongly encourage others to add their respective winter festivities to this post if they want to! We’re all about inclusivity here.

Without further ado:

🎁LUPIN:

I don’t feel like it needs saying, but this man goes bonkers for Christmas.

He flip-flops his choice of red or green jacket by the year. But it always comes with an equally garish Christmas-themed tie, just to make explicitly clear that this is The Christmas Jacket for the year, as opposed to the standard red/green jacket.

The hideout(s) are always decorated to the GILLS inside. It’s an odd mix of older classy decorations he’s inherited from his family, and absolutely horrendously tacky ones he’s bought himself. 

Picture real branch garlands, wrapped tastefully around gilded candelabras that have been passed down through several generations. And then one of those singing, dancing stuffed animals from Walmart that plays “Jingle Bell Rock” when you squeeze its paw, right next to it.

Christmas-themed heists? You know it, baby. But he won’t steal anything on Christmas Eve or Christmas. It just isn’t in the spirit of the season, in his opinion. But he’ll leave a little something-something with his calling cards during the rest of December. A candy cane, a sprig of mistletoe, a bough of holly, etc.

Lupin despises eggnog. He loves any other Christmas drink, just not eggnog. He’s too grossed out by the idea of drinking eggs with alcohol- some things just shouldn’t be mixed.

Will not allow anyone to mention the truth about Santa Claus in his presence. Yeah, he knows, but that’s not the point. It just feels like bad luck to say it out loud. The harder Jigen tries to debate with him that Santa isn’t real, the harder he digs in his heels that “of course he is you absolute Scrooge, how dare you! If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.”

Favorite Christmas Songs: Anything peppy! 

Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

Step Into Christmas by Elton John

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

We Need a Little Christmas by Percy Faith and his Orchestra

A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

Santa Claus’ Party by Les Baxter

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Literally anything except eggnog.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Anything obscenely sugary. Especially gingerbread men and other decorated pastries.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Loves to ice skate and make gingerbread houses! But his houses usually look fairly pathetic, no matter how hard he tries.

Favorite Christmas Movie(s): 

The Grinch (Jim Carrey version)

Home Alone

Scrooged

Christmas Gifts: The king of gag gifts, but he also gives surprisingly thoughtful presents too. He’s the kind of guy that would get a person something they mentioned once offhandedly that they really liked, and he’d go back and get it for them.

🎅JIGEN:

Lupin always wants to decorate the hideout(s) the second Halloween ends, but it never happens. With Jigen being the only American in the gang, he always puts a stop to it in order to preserve the quickly-disappearing border between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What can I say, dude loves his Thanksgiving excuse to eat like shit and do nothing for a day. Even if it is a fucked-up holiday, historically speaking.

But once the Thanksgiving meal is over, he gives Lupin the okay to go crazy. He’s pretty stoked about Christmas too, but too full of turkey to contribute, so he just watches Lupin hang up Christmas lights everywhere while he lays on the couch and digests.

Jigen likes Christmas a lot, but like, in a normal person kind of way. Nowhere near Lupin’s insane level. He’s surprisingly open about his enthusiasm too. The average person would think he doesn’t really care about Christmas much (or anything else really), but to the gang, Christmastime is the most openly excited they’ve ever seen him.

One year’s Christmas-themed heist involved Jigen dressing up as a mall Santa as a part of the plan. The gang powdered his beard, gave him a pillow for his stomach, and sent him on his way. Everything went surprisingly smoothly, and he actually did pretty well with the kids. At first they were a little intimidated, and Jigen was kind of nervous- but he gave them all candy canes and they changed their minds pretty quickly.

Jigen enjoyed it a lot, actually... to the point that he may have potentially started volunteering to be the local mall Santa. Every year during December, he leaves for a day or two on “business.” Nobody in the gang can prove it though, and trust me, they’ve tried.

Favorite Christmas Songs: The classics and the chill ones, with a few rock ones thrown in for a little kick.

Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby

Sleigh Bells by Gene Autry

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays by Perry Como

Jingle Bells by Frank Sinatra

Caroling, Caroling by Nat King Cole

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow by Dean Martin

Silver Bells by Dean Martin

Happy Holiday by Bing Crosby

Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry

Merry Christmas Baby by Bruce Springsteen (Sang this once after too much eggnog and will never live it down)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by the Barenaked Ladies (He’s not into all the Jesus-y stuff, but it’s pretty catchy.)

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Jigen is ALL. ABOUT. THAT. NOG. He’ll make his cup a little stronger than everyone else’s.

Favorite Christmas Foods: He really likes candy canes, especially the mini ones. He’ll keep a few in his pocket with his cigs, and switch between them depending on his mood. Out of habit, it’ll usually dangle out of his mouth like a cigarette would.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Watching Christmas movies and laughing at Lupin’s shitty gingerbread houses.

Favorite Christmas Movies: 

Anything that’s on at the moment, really. He likes to lounge by the TV, and he’s not picky. 

He has a soft spot for A Charlie Brown Christmas though.

A Christmas Story, solely because of the BB gun.

Scrooged, because Bill Murray’s hilarious.

Christmas Gifts: Something practical and useful that the person never realized they needed until they opened the box.

☃️GOEMON:

Goemon wasn’t originally a huge fan of Christmas. Shocking, I know.

He now enjoys some aspects of it, and tolerates others. He likes the idea of giving heartfelt gifts and spending time with loved ones as a tradition, but dislikes the cheesy commercial aspect of Christmas.

He already enjoys the snow and walking through the forest, so the gang usually commissions him to pick a tree for them and cut it down with Zantetsuken. (If they’re somewhere where that’s an option.)

Unbeknownst to the rest of the gang, he will always replant the tree he cut down, and he will wrap something cozy around the bottom of the sapling to keep it safe. Yes, this was directly inspired by A Charlie Brown Christmas. No, he will not admit to this.

Favorite Christmas Songs: The instrumentals, and a few he’d rather die than admit to liking.

The Nutcracker March from The Nutcracker

Waltz of the Flowers from The Nutcracker

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker

Christmas Time Is Here (Instrumental) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Greensleeves by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Last Christmas by Wham! (He likes the storyline and the romantic aspect of it.)

Do They Know It’s Christmas? by Band Aid (He likes that it was for a good cause, even if it has its flaws.)

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono (Again, flawed, but he enjoys the intended message of peace. Also, represents Japan on the side with Yoko Ono.)

White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Surprisingly fond of hot cocoa. Heavy on the whipped cream and marshmallows. 

Favorite Christmas Foods: Doesn’t really like eating gingerbread men, but enjoys decorating them. They’re always pristine, like something you’d get in a bakery.

Favorite Christmas Activities: See above. Also enjoys going out in the snow, and making ice sculptures with Zantetsuken.

Favorite Christmas Movies: Refuses to admit he likes any of these.

Any of the classic Rankin Bass claymation specials.

Any other animated ones for kids. Has a soft spot for A Charlie Brown Christmas and The Polar Express.

A few of those cheesy Hallmark ones.

Christmas Gifts: Something small and sentimental he saw while walking by a store that reminded him of the person he’s giving it to. Nothing extravagant, but thoughtful nonetheless.

⛸FUJIKO:

Fujiko decorates the tree. Period. Lupin cannot be trusted to do this on his own. Goemon picks the tree, Lupin and Jigen put it in the stand, and from there, it’s all Fujiko. The ornaments, lights, and tree skirt are all perfectly color/theme coordinated, and arranged like a pristine store display. 

She also has a few ornaments that she bought for each specific member of the gang. Lupin’s is a monkey (he was not pleased, but he’s whipped for her, so he let her keep it). Jigen’s is a carved wooden pistol. Goemon’s is porcelain, with hand-painted sakura blossoms on it. She bought one for Zenigata too as a joke one year- a tiny bowl of ramen noodles.

Her ornament? The star on top of the tree, because she’s the star of the show, baby. It’s actually a snowflake, made of the finest crystal she could steal.

Favorite Christmas Songs: Pop music and Motown’s finest.

Underneath The Tree by Kelly Clarkson

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

Santa Tell Me by Ariana Grande

This Christmas by Donny Hathaway

What Christmas Means To Me by Stevie Wonder

Sleigh Ride by The Ronettes 

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love

A Marshmallow World by Darlene Love

I Like A Sleighride (Jingle Bells) by Peggy Lee

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Hot chocolate and mulled wine.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Loves baking and eating gingerbread men. She lets Goemon decorate them with her. Hers have lots of candy and sprinkles on them, while his are just icing.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Along with baking, ice skating! She’s the best at it out of the whole group. None of the guys are particularly good at it, but she makes them go with her at least once regardless.

Favorite Christmas Movies:

Hallmark ones, solely to make fun of them.

Babes In Toyland, but only the 1986 one, because it has Keanu Reeves in it, and “I don’t care if I’m your girlfriend, Lupin. In this house, we support Keanu Reeves.”

Christmas Gifts: Something expensive/extravagant that will make the person think of her every time they use it.

🎄ZENIGATA:

Zenigata is the second biggest Christmas enthusiast, just behind Lupin.

He doesn’t get to settle down and decorate anything really, since he’s always running after the gang, but he does lots of other little things to celebrate instead. Like getting hot chocolate instead of coffee, tuning the squad car radio to the Christmas station, getting an air freshener that smells like gingerbread, and wearing a festive scarf and gloves with his trench coat to keep out the cold.

In years past, Zenigata still had to work on Christmas Eve/Christmas, even if Lupin wasn’t out stealing anything. Lupin found out and thought that was a little harsh of ICPO, so he came up with a plan. 

Each year he sends a calling card to the station with the conditions that only Zenigata can come to investigate. Zenigata does some research, shows up to the location on Christmas Eve, and every year, nothing’s there except for a neatly wrapped present from Lupin. 

Zenigata keeps the present as “evidence,” goes back to the station, and they give him Christmas off to go investigate on his own, in case Lupin tries anything else. Lupin never does, but the station doesn’t know that. Bada bing, bada boom, Lupin just got Zenigata a vacation.

Zenigata never catches on, bless his heart.

Favorite Christmas Songs: Ones he can sing/hum along to in the squad car.

The Man With All The Toys by The Beach Boys

Celebrate Me Home by Kenny Loggins

Feliz Navidad by José Feliciano (Does Zenigata understand Spanish? Absolutely not. Does he get the point and think it’s festive? Darn right.)

A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer by Dean Martin

Winter Wonderland by the Eurythmics

Silver Bells by Dean Martin

Happy Holiday/The Holiday Season by Andy Williams

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town by Gene Autry

December by Earth, Wind, and Fire (Let him have this okay, it’s a good song and he gets made fun of for liking it by the rest of ICPO)

Skating by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Hot cocoa and eggnog, but not strong eggnog like Jigen’s.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Anything, really. It’s something besides cup noodles, so he’s grateful. Lupin’s gift always includes lots of various Christmas goodies because of this.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Zenigata enjoys the snow in theory, but doesn’t handle the cold well. So he likes to watch the snow from his window while he listens to Christmas music in his squad car and sips his hot cocoa.

Favorite Christmas Movies: He doesn’t really have a lot of time to sit down a watch a movie, with how hard he works. But he remembers a few from when he was younger, and he really likes those. His favorite is Frosty the Snowman.

Christmas Gifts: Something inexpensive because ICPO vastly underpays this poor man, and he’s always embarrassed because of that, but it’s always something super sweet and heartfelt.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! And for those who don’t celebrate it, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! <3

#lupin #lupin iii #lupin the 3rd #lupin the third #rupan sansei #daisuke jigen #jigen daisuke #fujiko mine #fujiko #mine Fujiko #koichi zenigata #zenigata #goemon #goemon ishikawa xiii #ishikawa goemon xiii #Christmas #Xmas #obligatory Christmas post right after thanksgiving

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

Take 3...Action!

BTS

Jeon Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Drabble, Fake Dating AU, Highschool AU

Words: 2.6k

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"Alexa, play Wonderwall." + "0/10 would not recommend."

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“We have to pretend to date,” was a sentence better left not coming out of Jeon Jungkook’s mouth.  Especially when it was directed towards you.  The school you had both been attending for years and now standing as Juniors was once again putting on an end of the first-term play.  With you being involved in drama, it was only natural that you auditioned for a role and got lead actress.  The only problem is, your co-star playing the male protagonist was played by none other than Jeon Jungkook. 

It was a winter love story, something the swooning adolescent high school populous and their elder family members could smile and talk about when the story ends.  Something just in time for Christmas before exams and then welcoming the break before the second-term in the next year. 

You’ve played love leads before, but never with Jungkook.  He was one of the drama members who you admired for his talent sure- with both acting and his knack for working the stage equipment- but you saw him as a rival as well.  Neck and neck with you in terms of stage performances.  

Now, here he stood, corning you and telling you something utterly ridiculous.  Fake dating? 

“Excuse me?”  You side eyed him.  

“You and I are both leads in a romance, right?  We should date to really get into character.” 

“I can play romances just fine without the outside facade, thank you very much.” 

“But, you’ve never acted with me before.  If you don’t prepare for it then you might accidentally fall in love with me.  That would be a tragedy.” You had half a mind to stomp on his foot with your overly dramatic platformers and leave him with a busted toe or two.  You refrained yourself though, you had more self-control than that.  

“I don’t believe in stage performances influencing genuine affection.  It’s acting, not reality.”  When acting, you’re given a new name, a new face, a new persona in all.  People who mix and match fiction emotions to real life were fools in your eyes.  Or maybe it was your lack of relationships in your high school career that held your belief to sturdy. 

“So, then it would be a problem if we fake date.” You opened your mouth to fight him again as he just covered your lips with his palm, effectively stopping you before you started.  “It’s not a problem if it’s fake.  It’s fake just like the play.  It’s just constant rehearsing.  Mutual fake pinning, the play is a success and then voila, we can have a clean ‘break up’.” 

There was a slight pause as your narrow, unbelieving eyes looking into his own pleading on.  He looking off above your head as he started adding on to himself with a low, slurred voice.  “I also may have accidentally lied to Ms. Heu about us dating when I found out our roles.”  

You throw his hand off your face and got closer to him as you grabbed his collar.  Shaking him around the best your small arms could move his solid, strength and conditing body anyways. 

“Why would you lie about something like that?!  How- why the hell would you even mention it! How does something like a casting call turn into a fake relationship you tell to teachers faces, Jeon!” You panicked as Jungkook slapped his hand over your mouth again, shushing you as he looked back and forth.  

It wasn’t long ago that the drama club was released from their activities, someone could still be lurking around.  If the plan got out before it was even started, his ego would surely be bruised.  As he leaned closer to you, hunching over, your hands still holding his collar as he whispered to you to keep it down, a small gasp was heard behind Jungkook’s back. 

“You really have to do that shit here?” Taehyung, a fellow actor and stagehand stood with his tack sweater vest and khaki pants with his worn out slides.  But with a face like that and a set of glasses to top off his ‘studious’ look, he made the sweater vest thing work somehow.  

Jungkook and Taehyung happened to be fellow friends, Taehyung being a year above the two of you as a proud standing Senior. And it just so happens that the position the two of you were in made it seem that you were both locked away in a hidden corner of the empty halls getting very familiar with each other. 

Jungkook quickly whipped around placed a smug look on his face.  Running a thumb under his lip like he was wiping away some exotic act.  He was able to switch his acting side on and off way too easily.  He kept his back towards you, shuffling back a smidge to make sure to keep some believable distance of intimacy between you both. You even instinctively brought your hands up to his sides to brace him. 

“You really can’t blame me Taehyung.  You wouldn't understand, you’re single.”  He punched at him as Taehyung was more than capable of getting a girlfriend, but rather he was more interested in his studies and his scholarship for arts after graduation. 

“I’m single but choice, shut your hole.” 

“Single by choice my foot,” Jungkook retorts.  “You’re single because although you may charm the ladies, no one wants to openly date a walking sweater vest.” 

“That is completely false and you know it!” Taehyung motioned to you hiding- rather being hidden- behind Jungkook’s back.  “Y/n would probably go on a date with me given the chance.”

“Don’t come for my girl.  I’ll knock you right the fuck out sweater boy,” Jungkook promised with an almost too innocently formed smile. Sending chills straight down Taehyung’s spine.  You grabbed Jungkook’s ear, tugging him down as you chewed him out. Talking in a whisper so Taehyung couldn’t hear.  Jungkook arguing back to you just as quietly- which shocked the senior because he didn’t know Jungkook was capable of anything lower than a yell. 

“So,” Taehyung started, “you’re both dating now?” Jungkook looked at you, dare you to say you saw a pleading look in his eyes.  With a withheld sigh, you looked at Taehyung. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed. “We are.”  You missed the chance to see a face-splitting smile on your ‘boyfriend’ because now Taehyung was busy being a nosy upperclassman and demanding the blossoming love story of two youths. 

What a headache. 

It was week three of your ‘relationship’ with Jungkook.  Oddly enough, it wasn’t as suffocating as you originally expected it to be.  Jungkook was a complete sweetheart.  Divulged in his role as your boyfriend with kisses on your cheek, random attacks from behind that lead to him resting his chin on your shoulder to even tutoring you in weak subjects he excelled at. 

He’s taken you out on a number of times to fast food, legitimate restaurants, and an arcade once or twice.  He actually let you win some games against him too quoting that someone so cute shouldn’t lose every game they play, even against a king of games. 

You felt guilty for assuming he was a bad guy of mischieve when he was really a very kind person.  You made sure to tell him that and all he did was laugh it off, forgiving you with a faint redness to his neck and ears that went completely over your head. 

Now, you both were acting completely 100% smitten without ill will towards each other.  You both had grown close and sometimes you forgot it was all an act.  Something that would end after the coming weekend.  After the play, the curtains would close on more than one thing. 

“Cut!” Yelled Mrs. Heu.  “Let’s move to act 3, scene 2.  Jeon, Y/l/n, get ready!”  Nonstop rehearsals lead to this.  The final dress rehearsal before the first show tomorrow. 

Jungkook and you played your roles well, almost too well as even Mrs. Heu found herself swooning in delight.  Your interactions were simply fluent and you both seemed to just get it.  Get each other. 

“You going to Jungkook’s again?” Taehyung asked you as you had left to change into your own clothes and came back to leave.  You often went to Jungkook’s for line studying. 

You nodded.  “Yeah.  He said we should celebrate after so much rehearsing with a stupid rom-com marathon. Though, I’m sure I’ll be stuck watching Marvel movies again,” you chuckled. 

“No doubt.  Can you quote Iron-man word for word yet?” Taehyung teased. 

“Almost.”

“Y’all bad mouthing me?” Jungkook hopped into the conversation.  Slipping a snake-like arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him.  You easily found your role and leaned into him. 

“We’d never,” you chided.  Jungkook pinched your side. 

“That’s a lie sweetheart, and you know it,” he scrunched his nose down at you.  Taehyung fake gagged at the overly sugary display.  “You ready? Shitty romance comedies are calling our name!” You rolled your eyes at him as Taehyung sent you a fake kiss that Jungkook ‘slapped’ away before peppering your face in his own kisses. 

Shockingly enough, Jungkook didn’t subject you into Marvel that night.  YOu both stuck to the true word of rom-com, commenting and making fun of some cheesy lines or over the top cliches.  All while Jungkook’s mom occasionally checked up on you two before she found you both passed out on your 3rd movie.  For some reason, the fact his mom liked you so much, made you happy. 

Then, the play came.  The first night went without a hitch.  Scene flowed easily and you and Jungkook never once floundered.  Your entire cast put on a great first day.  Even Mr. Sweater-vest decked in his old school suit nailed his role (though it wasn’t shocking given his talent as an actor). 

Though, as it is a romance set for the most romantic celebration that is Christmas, of course, there's a final scene kiss.  Shared between both protagonists.  Jungkook and you and rehearsed it anytime Mrs. Heu asked.  It was pure professionalism, but when you were on stage, that first true performance kiss was actually butterfly-inducing.  You had no idea why. 

When night two came, so did the second kiss.  Those same butterflies came back and nearly made you stutter.  Now, you had an idea why.  When curtains closed on night two and the play was officially over, Jungkook took you home as per usual.  Though, now the play was really over.  Now, you’d have to ‘break up’ with him. 

You were disappointed.  You let yours actually believe this relationship was real for a time.  Forgetting completely that it was fundamental.  Now, you actually fel for him. 

You accidentally fell for Jungkook.  Your co-star.  And you were crushed that the relationship you both had would be gone soon. Whatever kind of relationship it really was. 

“Stupid,” you called yourself in the darkness of your bedroom. 

The next week went without Jungkook as everyone was slammed with finals and tests back to back.  Even if you wanted to face him, you could never find the time anyway.  THough, maybe that ‘break’ was what you needed to clear your head.  To try and convince yourself you most certainly were not crushing on Jeon Jungkook. 

Sitting at your desk, cheek cupped in your palm as you dazed off between passing times before the next class and next test before the longest 90 minutes of your life passed by again.  Your phone in your lap dings with a notification as you instinctively check it.  

Jungkook: Listen, I’m not a test taker by any stretch, but fucking math finals are fucking awful.  0/10 would not recommend. 

You scoffed lightly at his message before locking your screen again.  3 minutes later, another ding. 

Jungkook: Left on read? By my girlfriend? Harsh

You: Aren’t we supposed to break up?

Jungkook: Ouch. My heart hurts. So much so I have to ask:  Alexa play Wonderwall. 

Jungkook: Srsly though.  I want to talk about that.  Can we talk after school?  I’ll buy you burgers? 

You: Make it fries and you’ve got a deal.

Jungkook: Hell yeah!

Bell ringing, phone shoved in your bag and now nerves creeping up your neck.  You were gonna have to accept your stupid crush after all and break up.  How lame is that? 

Jungkook was tapping his foot relentlessly as Taehyung watched him.  Being a TA for the semester (all for some stupid student tutoring program for his scholarship), and being Jungkook’s friend, Jungkook spilled his guts to Tae about the whole fake relationship with you.  As well as the planned break up.  He called it stupid; plain and simple.  And it was. 

Now, he watched as his friend slammed his face into his desk.  He chuckled.  Jungkook was pathetic at feelings.  Or rather, these types of feelings. 

When the final bell rang for the day, Jungkook grabbed his stuff and was zipping out of the classroom.  Going to yours was second nature now.  Peeking through the doorway, he saw you packing up your things and standing from your desk.  Noticing him, you waved at you and the two of you were off for some not so healthy food. 

“So, about our break up,” Jungkook started as you bit a fry in half.  He sat across from you at the table and he looked almost worried about something. 

“Are you worried that some backlash might hit you when it happens?” Jungkook looked at you with wide eyes and scrunched brows.  Pure disbelief if you ever saw it. 

“Wha- backlash?  No! I just,” he sighed to himself. 

“Seriously, if you're worried about something.  Tell me.  Maybe I can help or we can figure something out or-”

“I want you to be my real girlfriend now.” Jungkook has always hated silence.  Now more than ever. “It's just, this fake thing was so real to me. I know I kinda forced you into it to begin with, but it’s just so comfortable around you.  I’m comfortable with you. You’ll sit and watched the same movies over and over again.  My mom likes you.  You’re a great actress and have a lot of potentials.  You're just- amazing.  And now I want that amazing girl to be mine.  For real this time.”

The silence grew between the two of you as the bustling joint behind your back murmured in the building. You spun a fry between your fingers, the salt sticking to the pads of your fingers.  You seemed to nod to yourself, looking up at Jungkook. 

“Break up with me, Jungkook.” 

“What?” 

“If you break up with your fake girlfriend, then you can get a real girlfriend.” 

Jungkook smiled and leaned across the table slightly.  “Really?!” You laughed at his large doe eyes that sparkled with so much happiness and excitement.  You nodded.  “Alright, this fake relationship is officially terminated!” He bounced his legs like an excited child.  “Hey, let's do a third and final take of that kiss from the play.” 

“Why?” 

“Please!”  You rolled your eyes, a sign of acceptance.  He hopped out of his chair and bounced to stand over you.  “Annnd, action,” he whispered when he leaned down to kiss you. You tasted like salt and he tasted like the chocolate milkshake he ordered and nursed on before he brought the topic up. 

He pulled away, giggling like a boy in love.  “Hello, girlfriend.”  You playfully shoved him as he took a new seat at your side. Slinging his arm around the back of your chair as he then began to bug you. Trying his damnedest to get his new. official girlfriend to drip her fries into his milkshake.

#jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jeon jungkook #bts #bts jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #reader #reader insert #female reader #x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook drabble #fake dating au #jungkook fluff #jungkook humor #drabble #fake dating #fluff #humor #jungkook x reader au

[hotpinklizard]

Hi! Do you take prompts? Maybe darcy/steve/bucky for something like "No one would suspect.."?

Thank you for the prompt! You can read it here on AO3.ExpectationsDarcy enjoys watching her boys shatter people’s expectations of them. People seem to expect Bucky and Steve to be angry old geezers, shaking their fists as they rant about the youth of America. So when a journalist asks in an interview if they just hate things like instant oatmeal and powdered hot chocolate, saying it’s not as good as how things used to be done, Steve says, “No! It saves a lot of time and it tastes good. I think it’s great.” Darcy saves a screenshot of the reporter’s dismayed face for a rainy day.

The current trend in media is the thirst for information about heroes’ private lives. Darcy, as part of the PR team for the Avengers, puts a moratorium on questions about their dating lives and families. Some of the reporters like to push boundaries, but most know that they aren’t going to get anywhere and stick to questions that only sometimes toe the line. Recently it’s been a surge in trying to get heroes’ political affiliations. Or get them to say something scandalous.

“Would you agree that modern TV and movies are boring because there’s too much emphasis on political correctness?” a reporter asks when Steve is just out trying to buy groceries.

“I love seeing different stories. Diversity isn’t a buzzword, it’s the reality of the world,” Steve says before going back to buying his tomatoes.

The reporter looks disappointed that Steve isn’t secretly a bigot. Darcy smirks when she sees the clip online. The only media coaching she had to give him for questions like that is to not call the person who asked any foul names.

That’s one of the reasons she’s with Steve in the first place. Steve is good. He doesn’t need to be told that people matter, he just knows. She’d dated a man in college who admitted that he didn’t know why he should care about others and she’d dipped out of there as fast as she could at 3:00 a.m. in floppy slippers.

Pepper reluctantly allows a Fox News reporter to attend a press conference at the tower, out of what Darcy has a suspicion is just morbid curiosity. The smarmy man asks Bucky if he likes how free speech and their politicians are being attacked. Bucky says, “Free speech is me not getting arrested for telling you you’re a goddamn asshole. Or calling the president a goddamn asshole.”

And that’s one of the reasons she’s with Bucky, too. He is all out of fucks to give and isn’t interested in searching for more. He’d spent so much time being forced to be someone else that now, now that he’s spent a lot of time in therapy and a lot of time figuring out what he wants, he’s unabashedly himself and refuses to change for anyone. She loves that.

Startled and irritated, the reporter changes tactics and asks Bucky and Steve their opinion about the conservative economic plans.

“You do know we were raised in the Great Depression, right?” Steve says, eyebrows raised. “Believe it or not, we don’t want to deal with that again.”

Emboldened by the other reporter, a local news reporter asks about LGBTQIA+ rights. Pepper steps in to put a stop to what she probably feels is an inquisition, but they’re way ahead of her.

“We’re all passionate about equality,” Tony says smoothly, but Bucky cuts off whatever he was going to say next.

“You know that being gay isn’t a new invention, right?” Bucky says, glaring hard. “Do you really think queer people weren’t around when we were growing up?”

“Is that how you identify?” the reporter asks quickly.

Darcy knows Bucky would easily say fuck yeah he is and fuck you, but he doesn’t. Steve isn’t ready for the three of them to be public, and there are enough rumors about his relationship with Bucky as it is. She doesn’t care if people know, Bucky doesn’t care if people know, but they care that Steve cares.

“No one’s sexuality is your damn business,” he says instead.

Pepper cuts in there, changing the topic to Tony, who happily takes the limelight off them. It’s not the best, Steve and Bucky aren’t fond of interviews or cameras in their faces, but it handle it well enough. More than that, the department that handles Avengers-related fan mail and threatening letters reports an uptick in letters from queer kids who feel more accepted knowing their heroes love them, so that’s good.

People also seem to expect Steve and Bucky to only enjoy old man activities, like golf and talking about the war, as if they’re just younger version of everyone’s grandparents, or serious shit like cleaning their knives and shield all day. They’d be shocked to know that they like watching snowboarding and eating shitty take out and playing video games. Steve is a wild man at any racing game and Bucky is an absolute wild man at Mario Party.

Not a damn person would believe her if she told them the former Winter Solider knitted her a sweater when she complained she couldn’t find one in the purple that she liked. They wouldn’t believe Steve is an avid Parks and Recreation fan. Not a soul would believe that when she took them to an adult store for the first time ever, it was Steve and Bucky that mostly filled the basket with all kinds of adventurous things they want to try, Darcy just adding a couple bottles of lube and condoms.

Darcy is lounging in bed, wearing leggings and the oversized purple sweater from Bucky and flipping through news articles on her phone. Bucky’s lying next to her on his stomach, face buried in his pillow, arm slung over her waist. There’s a soft beep letting them know someone (Steve) has entered the code to their apartment, and a few moments later, Steve is faceplanting into bed next to Bucky, groaning.

“Long morning?” Darcy asks, looking up from her phone. Steve just groans again, flipping off Bucky when he laughs.

“Why do you guys get a mid-day nap and I had to be Pepper’s show pony all morning?” Steve asks.

“You love when the kids visit,” Darcy says. It’s true, Steve always makes sure to be available when the schoolkids have their tours of Stark Tower.

“Yeah, but their parents…”

Yeah, okay, that’s fair. There’s always at least one chaperone that thinks she (or he) can make Captain America fall in love with them in a single afternoon. Darcy’d had to rescue him last year when a particularly forward husband and wife had tried to entice him to come home with them. Darcy had invented a fake emergency (Code Periwinkle for fake emergencies and quick getaways from social situations) and hustled him out, trying to look very serious and not at all amused.

“It’s your turn next time,” Steve says, turning his head to look at Bucky. “The kids love you.”

“They try to hang from my metal arm like a jungle gym,” Bucky grumbles, squinting an eye open to look at Steve.

“You love that,” Darcy says, nudging her toes against his thigh. He reaches behind him, grabbing at her ankle and tugging her toward him. She shrieks out a laugh, rolling with the movement until she’s lying on his back. Steve snorts at them, rolling to his side.

“Only when it’s you, doll,” he says.

“Liar,” she says, grinning. She presses a kiss to the back of his neck before Steve pulls her by the wrist until she’s squished between them.

“Nap now, jungle gym later,” he says, throwing an arm over her waist, his fingers resting on Bucky’s back.

“This is dumb,” she says, face pressed against his chest. “Why are we all squished on one half of the bed when there’s a whole empty side?”

“Because Bucky isn’t moving,” Bucky says, eyes closed again. Steve kicks at Bucky’s legs until he gives in with a grumble, rolling over until there’s enough room for them all to lie comfortably (it’s a California king mattress, really the only option when there are two sets of shoulders like Steve and Bucky’s).

The only expectations people have of the two of them that Darcy doesn’t want rocked are related to the battlefield. Everyone assumes Captain America and the former Winter Soldier will always be victorious. They’ll watch, follow the news with wide, fearful eyes, but they always believe the two of them will come out on top.

Darcy is good with everyone having that expectation. It’s probably unhealthy, but she clings to that when they’re out on some mission and she doesn’t know if they’ll be back. She holds onto the country’s collective belief that Steve and Bucky are invincible, her breath held as she watches them battle aliens or robots or other enhanced baddies in the street.

She knows they’re strong, she knows they know what they’re doing, but she worries. It’s in her nature, she’s a worrier. She hides it well most of the time, shielding herself with bravado and sarcastic quips, but something in her heart still clenches when she sees one of them take a hit, even if they stand back up almost immediately. She knows they’re doing what they believe in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. The only thing worse is not watching.

She never really considered their worry for her. They’re protective, but careful not to be overbearing so she honestly doesn’t think too much about it. But then she’s downtown, walking to get coffee when the ground shakes. She doesn’t know what’s going on, only that what looks like small robots are flying around above the city, dropping small bomb on the city.

“Shit!” she says, turning on her heel and running toward the closest alley, looking for any kind of cover. “Shit, shit, shit…”

An explosion in front of her knocks down part of a wall in the alley, and a second later there’s a pained yowl. Trapped with a pile of bricks on its back leg in a dirty black cat, eyes wide in pain and fear and damn it, she can’t just leave it.

It takes a few moments but she gets the cat’s leg out from under the bricks, scooping it up and holding it close to her chest as she runs. She’s not immediately clawed to death, which she’s grateful for, but also probably means the cat’s in shock.

There’s a small alcove farther down that used to be a loading zone for delivery trucks. She ducks behind the bricks right when one of the little robot bombs drops. She screams, can’t help it, as part of the balcony above her collapses, dropping in front of her and trapping her in the brick alcove with a mass of concrete and rubble in front of her.

“Okay, okay,” she mutters, trying to pull her phone out of her bag with one hand, the other cradling the cat that’s begun to shake in earnest. “It’s okay, kitty, we got this. Fuck, no service, we don’t got this.”

No, this is fine, this is totally fine. The explosions are already moving away, like they’re going for as much chaos as possible, not targeting anyone specific, so she doubts anything will be back to finish her off. Still, she’s trapped with an injured cat and no one has any idea where she is. If her phone doesn’t have service, they can’t track her, right? If they even realize she’s missing. It’s the middle of the work day, would anyone expect her to be here? Would they think to look?

She’s expecting a very long wait for rescue, if one comes at all. She’s sitting down with her back against the wall, the cat calmer now that Darcy’s wrapped it in her jacket. There’s no name tag, so Darcy’s decided it’s now Florence. She has no idea if it’s a boy or girl cat, but it’s Florence now, and she’s going to get Florence out of this, damn it.

It’s nearing hour two of being trapped and she’s starting to get antsy, when there’s shifting of the rubble. She scrambles to her feet, holding Florence tightly, and shrinks back into the corner, trying to avoid anything falling on her.

It’s not the building collapsing, though. The concrete blocking her in is ripped away and there’s Bucky, breathing heavily on the other side, his eyes wide and fearful.

“Oh thank fuck,” Darcy breathes.

She dashes out of the alcove and throws herself into his arms, Florence hissing indignantly between them. Bucky lifts her easily, moving her away from the rubble and a bit farther down the alley so they’re not next to a building that’s probably a stiff breeze away from collapsing.

“Bucky,” she says when he sets her back on her feet, taking her face in both his hands. He still looks panicked, eyes roving over her for any sign of injury, pausing at the bloody scrapes on her arm, the rips in the knees of her pants.

“You didn’t come back,” he says roughly.

“What?”

“You were out - coffee run - you didn’t come back. Then we saw…” He can’t seem to finish, words failing him. Then he’s kissing her roughly, like he never thought he’d be able to again. She wraps her free arm around him, kissing him back just as hard because she gets it, she really does. She does the exact same thing when they come back after a battle, dirty and exhausted and a little bloodier than she’d like.

There are loud footsteps and Bucky pulls away to look, ready to pull a gun, but it’s Steve. He’s in his Captain America uniform, covered in dirt, and he looks as frantic as Bucky.

“You found her,” he says, then he’s running toward them. Bucky carefully takes Florence from Darcy and just in time, because Steve isn’t slowing down. He grabs Darcy around the waist and yanks her to him, holding her tightly.

“I’m okay,” she says, hugging him back. “I’m fine, Steve.”

It’s true, even. Sure, she’s probably going to shake and have a mild meltdown as soon as she’s home and has a chance to change and clean up, but for right now she’s okay.

Then Steve’s kissing her, and that shocks the hell out of her more than anything else. Steve isn’t embarrassed of their relationship, not at all, but he’s very private and never kisses her or Bucky when they’re out. She kisses back, obviously, because he’s her boyfriend and she loves it, but her mind is racing.

She learns later that she was in the background of a shaky cell phone video that the news was playing while they waited for more information, and Steve and Bucky had flown into a frenzy.

“We thought we lost you,” Steve murmurs against her lips, bending down to rest his forehead against hers.

Bucky steps up behind her, crowding in and holding her as best he can with a cat in one arm. Darcy keeps one arm around Steve, her other hand coming up to rest on Bucky’s arm, letting them both know she’s here and safe. Then Steve is raising his head, kissing Bucky and yeah, that’s new, too. Not the kiss, but in public. Steve, who longs to keep his private life out of the public view, has just kissed both of them in broad daylight with lots of people around.

“Steve, there are people,” Bucky says softly. He doesn’t care one bit, proud as hell about his partners, but Steve cares.

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve says, gripping both of them tightly. “I don’t care. I needed you both here and okay.”

The sound of sirens is getting closer and Darcy expects to be handed off to a paramedic while they get back to rescue duty, but she’s surprised again when Steve easily lifts her into his arms, making her squeak at the sudden movement.

“Not still on duty?” she asks.

“No,” Steve says, kissing her cheek and starting down the alley away from the crowds of people and paramedics. “The others have it handled.”

Darcy looks over Steve’s shoulder to see Bucky following them, Florence looking happy as a clam to be in his arm. There’s a news crew behind them and Darcy turns back around, not wanting to deal with that right now.

Steve and Bucky are both clingy for the rest of the day, not letting her far out of their sight. The only time Bucky is away from her for longer than ten minutes is when he brings Florence to the emergency vet. He comes back with news that Florence is a boy, not microchipped, and is very high on pain pills, his leg in a little cast. Steve halfheartedly suggests bringing him to a shelter, but Bucky and Darcy glare and it isn’t brought up again.

The next day, when cleanup is well underway, Darcy and Bucky are sitting on the couch in the living room, Florence sprawled with his head on Darcy’s thigh, the rest of his body on Bucky’s. The press conference is about to start, but she’s taking a day off so she doesn’t have to be there, and if she doesn’t, Bucky sure isn’t going. Steve had rolled his eyes at both of them, but went anyway. Such a responsible adult.

The first few questions are standard. What attacked the city? Are there any new threats on the horizon? Who’s paying for cleanup? Are there any team injuries?

Then come the questions they’ve been waiting for. Yes, Steve tells them he’s dating the woman he was photographed kissing. Yes, also Bucky. Yes, they’re all together. No, he isn’t going to be giving any more details than that.

“I’m sure the world is shocked that Captain America has not only a girlfriend but a boyfriend as well!” a reporter says, nudging for him to spill more.

“Captain America is symbol. But I’m Steve Rogers, and I’m just a man,” Steve says. “And I love my partners.”(A/N If you come to my comments just to say “queer is a slur11!1!1!”, I’m cursing you with a thousand bee stings.)

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