#THATS FUCKING DIRTY!

[coreytaylr]

100% legit totally real facts about the historical stede bonnet

no the title is not a lie these are really REAL bc believe it or not, somehow the show made our stede MORE competent than the real one

sources: Real Pirates podcast (ep1, ep2, ep3, ep4, ep5), Dirty Sexy History podcast (with jeremy moss, bonnet's biographer, who LOVES the show, and said it changed his perspective on bonnet's and blackbeard's relationship PLUS he has the stedesrevenge handle on twt)

the library on the revenge was a real thing. the man really did that.

running away from his family to be a pirate

paying a salary to his crew

SHOWING UP IN NASSAU IN FRILLY GENTLEMANLY CLOTHES AND A POWDERED WIG

before bonnet's capture, he ran his ship aground and that's how the english caught up with him BUT the two english ships also ran aground (😭), so they fought each other with their flintlock pistols from behind their ships (until the tides turned and dislodged the english ships first. rip)

adopted an alias when he started pirating so people wouldn't know it was him but he raided ships near Barbados (where he's from), so that didnt turn out well. his solution? burning every ship from Barbados

he only succeeded in his early days bc merchant ships knew they would get off easier if they surrendered

ATTACKED A WARSHIP that whooped his ass so bad he almost died. the remaining crew steered the ship to Nassau where he met blackbeard

blackbeard stole the revenge from him but "allowed" him to stay on BB's ship (either as a guest or as a prisoner, it's not clear, but he def wasn't a crew member bc he didn't have any chores)

he was seen on deck running around in his gowns 😭😭

BB eventually reinstated him as the captain of the revenge and they sailed together for a while

"there is a 4 month period where stede and blackbeard kind of disappeared and no one really knows what they were doing" 👀

BB allowed bonnet to raid on his own which lead to him getting his ass beat by the Protestant Caesar. BB then proceeded to HUNT DOWN THE PROTESTANT CAESAR while flying the RED FLAG (which meant no mercy to anyone on board)

bonnet would raid ships and take what provisions he needed and give the other ship what he didn't need (essentially the library raiding scene lmaoo)

BB betrayed bonnet by raiding his ship and marooning his crew while bonnet was off getting a pardon

SO BONNET SWORE REVENGE AGAINST BB who was at the time, the most feared pirate

this led to him adopting another alias - "he also changes his name, at the time he goes by captain edward's. which is really interesting, I don't know if that's an homage to, you know, edward teach, but.. captain edward's with an "s", that's as if he's.. a possession of captain edward" ONCE AGAIN 👀👀👀👀

HE ESCAPED PRISON BY DRESSING AS A WOMAN

after escaping, he was promised a sloop by some rando. when the rando didnt deliver, bonnet "WROTE HIM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER REPRIMANDING THE MAN"

that letter led to him being recaptured 😭😭

he was hanged while holding a bouquet of wilted flowers

#stede bonnet #our flag means death #ofmd #real pirates #dirty sexy history #kriss.exe #I WENT DOWN A RABBITHOLE IM SORRY #all of these are so fucking funny how was this man REAL #btw BB only became the legend AFTER he met bonnet #anyways the twt crew loved these so thats why i decided to compile them in one post #hope you all enjoy it too <3 #blackbeard #edward teach

[grayluforever]

I loved this much, its about the best thing she did, but killing sir pentious was the WORST MISTAKE VIVZIEPOP HAS EVER MADE

#How dare vivziepop #She does all the hot characters dirty #Thats verosika #stella #and now cherri bomb? #I bet the next thing that vivziepop is gonna do next is make cherri bomb become gay #SHES THE SHITTIEST WRITER IN HISTORY #I OFFICIALLY HAVE NO MORE RESPECT FOR VIVZIEPOP #Cherrisnake #Sir Pentious x Cherri Snake #OTP #SirCherri #JUSTICE FOR SIR PENTIOUS #JUSTICE FOR CHERRISNAKE #Serves heaven right #thinking people cant change. FUCK YOU VIVZIEPOP FOR KILLING HIM #JUSTICE FOR CHERRI BOMB

[arsenicflame]

episode 8 fix it where izzy does get shot, but it doesnt kill him- its on the left side after all! a gunshot does more damage than a sword, so he has a longer healing time ahead, and with him still learning how to live missing a leg, they all agree that its best he doesn't sail away with them, that itd be better if he stayed on land while he recovers

conveniently, he just so happens to know two men who are looking to start an inn on land! he can stay with them, help them complete repairs (god knows neither of them knows what theyre doing themselves) he can whittle little souvenirs on his sick bed; he can help moderate their ideas ("theres no point picking drapes yet stede, we don't have a fucking window") he can heal in peace.

maybe he could try being someone else other than the great izzy hands, maybe he could make something new here. no captains, no first mates, just izzy and ed and stede

#honestly you don't even need to change anything the grave could be a 'memory of the great izzy hands; the pirate' #just have ed + stede walk into their inn and theres izzy- injured; but alive #after the fishing scene i am unapologetically making ed incompetent at physical labour #hes fucking great at being a pirate captain; fighting; coming up with plans; but getting his hands dirty? boring #thats izzys job! #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #israel hands #steddy hands #steddyhands #thats where this goes for me. no question about it #that was a 'there was only one bed' size inn and of course izzy needs it for his recovery but you think ed + stede will sleep on the floor? #NO #this is canon to me i refuse to believe he's dead. hes there with them in that inn.

[sandinmybed]

can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.

most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.

#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn #its just a pattern ive observed online #im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words #but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help #youre a fucking idiot lol #people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online #how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders #of those spaces have been telling them #you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause. #text #like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim #and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh #like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation #some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore #and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time! #unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them #very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you #have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?

[constellation-skirmishes]

the death knell rings

#force ghost padme au #luke skywalker #anakin skywalker #darth vader #padme amidala #padme naberrie #padme and luke #tatooine ghosts au #yes. she is in that outfit. #they all know at least one of them is going to die. #yes. luke is wearing a flower that matches it #his hair is bright blonde at the ends and more of a dirty blonde at the roots because i said so thats why #also fuck me i cant figure out how to draw vader #this is my best attempt #help me #also. luke is wearing platforms because he can #star wars fanart #original trilogy #sw ot #rotj #luke and vader #luke is gonna face palps with amidalas makeup just to rub it in his face. #old coot gets ratio'd by a kid wearing his momma's makeup #now i gotta figure out how to draw sheev. #fuck. #lukka's workshop

[skepsys]

"preem new digs you got here... think i'll make myself right at home."

art trade with @knuckle-cluster who owns vito (on the right) :J

and the inevitable aftermath

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #lucian #puts my own oc in art thats supposed to be for someone else but its ok cause like. do not separate them. Or else #put extra effort into making lucian dirty looking to really just. god. hes so fucking awful. #it was fun to put more effort into a full piece... been a while

[sarcasticswede71]

😳😂😂😂

#funny #sarcasm #inappropriate humor #lmao #hilarious #hilarious memes #humor #naughty memes #it’s fucking funny #that’s fucking hilarious #dirty humor #dirty memes #fucking funny #fuck thats funny #funny af

[lostsmashorpass]

#lost #abc lost #james ford #lostsmashorpass #i may not be a sawyer fucker but i wouldn't do his worshippers dirty #you're welcome for the third pic. even i know thats a good fucking picture

[ironasss]

people who act like aziraphale and crowley need to be men that fuck for good omens to be progressive need to get their head out of their ass. tell me how ur cis gay allo allo men are more progressive than having aroacespec non-binaries. tell me how its more progressive to make them have sex then to have some of the only asexual representation there is in media. tell me how its homophobic for crowley to kiss aziraphale in a desperate attempt to get him to stay just because they didnt do it with sex on the brain.

they've been sexless creatures since the book came out in 1990. get over it.

#“oh neil gaiman wont let them have sex because thats dirty” #“they have to be good gays that dont fuck” #or whatever the hell you guys are saying about how hes making them not have sex because he thinks gay sex is gross #or that hes scared of gay sex #mf READ AMERICAN GODS. #they dont have sex because they dont need to not because hes “scared” or whatever #“oh but they also dont need to eat and they do that!!” ok and??? #there are plenty of things they dont need to do that they do anyway #and plenty of things they dont need to do that they dont #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #good omens book #good omens spoilers #good omens tv #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #gomens #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #ineffable idiots #ineffable partners #ineffable wives #ineffable husbands #ineffable asexuals #asexual aziracrow #theyre also aromantic #source me #but thats for a different post #aziraphale x crowley

[definitelynotshouting]

(scared) What... what happens if Grian explains right off the bat when he's found out? (shaking)

in reference to the tags of this ask

So like. A really huge part of what Scar's plan entails in canon-- and yes, it's Scar doing this partially on purpose-- is the inherent kindness of the hermits. You bring a starving, dying man back into the fold, and you can absolutely bet that the VAST majority of hermits will at LEAST let him stay until he's healthier again. This is a deliberate move on Scar's part!!! The urgency of the situation (plus the familiarity) creates more of an incentive to let Grian in and then let him linger, which gives him a chance to grow his roots again and make up with the hermits. Scar wants him home again, permanently, and in this game its basically ALL about buying time.

So what happens when you take away that sense of "he's gonna die if we dont keep him here" urgency?? Well...

Well, in an au where Grian fessed up instantly abt the starving and making games when confronted, there's a lot more room to think about it. In some ways, hunger!Grian's canonical reaction to shut down and just let them furiously throw them out was a lot kinder and ultimately worked to his advantage-- nobody got any answers, so they started looking. People are more willing to talk to him if only to understand why. There's a clear element of "i was just doing this to survive and i feel fucking horrible about it" that is,,, pretty undeniable when you've got the person in question self-harming pretty severely about it. And yes, there's pity. Not always a bad thing, and in this case thats the element Scar is deliberately tugging on to make Grian's stay a bit more palatable until he can reintegrate himself

But when you have time to think about it, without that immediate evidence, without that sense of raw urgency sorta blanketing everything so people dont question as much-- what you get is a more measured, and ultimately more negative outlook. The hermits OF COURSE take the time to help Grian figure out how to feed without using people's emotions. They're kind like that. They do care. But theres now more time to think about this, more time to decide yeah, thats valid, sure, but he still used us and hurt a lot of us and also we didnt consent.

Essentially, what im getting at here is that in a hunger au variant where Grian fesses up immediately, the hermits do help him figure out a way to feed without relying on others... and then when thats all sorted out, a vote is called, and Grian is politely but firmly requested to leave. So he loses them anyway, and without the benefit of a mystery to help bring him back.

Thats not to say the vote wasnt awfully divided, there were plenty of people who were at the very least okay with him staying. But with more time and less distance to think things out, a lot of the folks who fall into the "wary but willing to hear him out" category in canon (i have a whole chart fiejfjdj) ended up moving to the "we dont want him here" side of things because they found themselves understandably uncomfortable with the situation and the harm caused by it to others. To their friends.

Basically, its enough of a majority vote to get Grian kicked anyway and without an opening to return. And in this au, i dont think he would return. The au as i have it outlined is that Grian ends up spending years alone on a singleplayer world, falling into his grief and into the rote cycle of surviving but not thriving, until Iskall (one of the people who wanted him to stay) meets him in a market hub and eagerly gets back in touch with him.

Its very much one of those aus that really SQUEEZES your heart, bc its about the loneliness, and the emptiness of losing your entire community, and knowing it is your fault. Its about what happens when you fully isolate because of guilt and forget what its like to be happy because you wont LET yourself be happy. And its about relearning what its like to be a person instead of personified misery. The recovery in that au is SO much harder, so much of a more difficult road (which is saying smth considering canon's is already super difficult), and takes a lot more time and effort on Grian's part. Its a good au, one im really sinking my teeth into and chattering about in dms, but my gods is it significantly worse in many ways to canon hunger au

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #its actually so fucking tragic like. thinking abt the ways you can sink into your grief and forget what its like to LIVE #and ofc bc its me grian is also suicidal in this au. but theres less purpose and less energy to it #which is like. a very insidious form of suicidal ideation bc it permeates EVERYTHING #anyway yeah thats THAT hunger au variant and it makes me crazy /pos smth abt the ache of it all. man. #also dgmw abt scar like he is very genuine in his distress and fear for grian #but like listen. this man knows how to seize an opportunity and getting grian back is smth he is prepared to fight dirty for #immediate answers au #txt

[craycraybluejay]

reportedly little kids are calling each other gay as an insult just like in the early 2000s now with the added bonus of calling each other trans as an insult

#queerphobia #queerphobic culture #the culture is bad. it is bad. schools need to crack down on discrimination and bullying #they never do #american education system #do better #transphobes #generational hate #hate has no place in educational facilities more than anywhere #hopefully i can one day be a speaker at schools and campaign against it #but like. come on. teachers and staff do BETTER. the kids dont know better so TEACH THEM #thats your JOB #istg they witness the kids harassing another kid and calling them gay/trans like its a dirty word and dont DO anything about it #stop hate #anti bullying #teach your children #not to fucking harass each other #it is heartbreaking that they don't have anyone teaching them kindness

[cinnamonrollsledge]

Soundtrack for a Vietnam War AU

This whole thing originally started off with just Sledgefu-related songs (see list under the cut), but then I got stuck on the idea of a more general HBO War Vietnam War AU, and it started growing and growing to include a selection of popular songs and anti-war songs from the era.

Songs spanning from early 1960s-1970

Works best in order (songs arranged to minimize jarring vibe changes)

Pairs well with a blue million miles and other Vietnam War AU works by @getmean!

Sledgefu-Specific Songs

The above playlist could work with pretty much any ship from HBO War in a Vietnam War AU, but these are the ones that I chose particularly for Sledgefu themes.

Also, there were too many to type out out, so I made a separate playlist

#this was originally like 10 hours lol i had to cut it down A LOT #esp. the songs that had like 3 minute keyboard solos and stuff and the songs that may be iconic but that i just didn't particularly like #also i'm also making a sledgefu dirty dancing AU fanmix and i didnt want to have TOO much overlap so the selection leans towards 1964 onwar #also just to be absolutely clear this is NOT intended to romanticize the Vietnam War in any way #it should never have happened and was fucking terrible #sledgefu #the pacific #eugene sledge #merriell shelton #snafu shelton #hbo the pacific #hbo war #mine: fanmix #if you haven't read a blue million miles yet go do it NOW #if you dont have time to commit to it tho (worth it) getmean also has a different vietnam-era sledgefu work thats more shorter and more PWP

[rpfisfine]

find 10 hidden objects type image

#the mysterious lonely snapback....the empty water bottle and the lonesome lid thats too big for it.. giant roll of duct tape #dirty keyboard ... why the long face second monitor #is his mouse pad... dear lord.... some kind of anime girl with breasts as the wrist support perhaps or is it sth even worse #the way he doesnt have his youtube play buttons displayed in any way is real as fuck but also bone-chilling #also the layout of their office is so intriguing to me what do you mean theres not like a solid wall behind their monitors......... #ididathing #alex apollonov #GET UP #also 10 tabs open on his computer.. which could mean nothing

[resident-gay-bitch]

This Is Wrong - Seventeen

summary: its just you and your mum, living your normal little life together, your dad a fuck off drunk. one day, your mum tells you about her new boyfriend. your instantly over the moon, glad shes finally finding herself again and opening her heart. he proposes, and you give them you biggest blessing, and they ask if you wouldn’t mind if his nephew moved in for a while, since rent was tight at the trailer park. you had always wanted a sibling, so you gladly agreed. what you didn’t know, however, was that the said nephew, was your dealer Eddie Manson, the guy you secretly had a burning desire for.

warnings (mdni 18+): reader is 18, mentions of drugs.

series masterlist / Last chap of this series :(

The world is a fucked up place. 

But sometimes we take advantage of other peoples fucked up problems so we can have less of our own. Simple. Maybe a little immoral. But simple. So yeah, when you and Eddie walked past an argument on the street this morning after buying groceries, you took your chance. An older man, maybe forty five, wore a grey short sleeve button up (that was not buttoned up all the way revealing an excessive amount of chest hair), a big gold chunky watch and a chain around his neck, and was balding on the top of his head. And a younger guy, maybe twenty five, he looked like shit, had bruises on the inner of his arms, his face was pale and clammy and he had bags under his eyes, his clothes looked like they hadn’t been washed in weeks, and his hair even longer. 

“I told you to get out last month, Johnny, I’m changing the goddamned locks!” the older man shouted. 

“Fuck you, Frank!” the younger guy flipped him off. 

Frank - the older guy - walked back inside. You and Eddie hated yourselves for lingering, but… it was just so interesting. Johnny - the younger - chased after him, tripping over his untied laces. Frank had made his way up to the second story, to one of the apartments, and was now throwing shit out the window. Johnny ran to grab it all, trying to catch the more breakable possessions whilst shouting profanities up at the man. 

“You haven’t fucking paid rent in over a year!” Frank yelled, “You get the fuck out of my apartment complex, jackass.”

“Fuck you, Frank! Peice o’shit.” Johnny muttered and grabbed some of his things off the ground, shoving them into the washing basket that was tossed down, “You’ll be fuckin hearing from me. I’ll bring lawyers!”

“Ha!” Frank laughed loud, “Lawyers, you can barely even afford dinner with all the money you spend on getting high.” 

Johnny flipped him off and stormed out to the walkway, glaring at you and Eddie as he did. He lunged at you, trying to scare you off before continuing to walk. You looked up at the window on the second floor, throwing your arm over your forehead to shield from the sun, 

“Frank?” 

Eddie grabbed your arm, “What are you doing?” 

“He just kicked a guy out.” you shrugged and turned back to the window, “Frank?”

The man came to the window with an eye roll, leaning out, “What now?”

“Ah,” you called, “you interested in a new tenant?”

He eyed you and Eddie up, and Eddie waved. 

“Promise we’re not drug addicts.” You smiled up at the man.

He thought for a moment, “Fourty a week.” 

You looked at Eddie and shrugged, he shrugged back and so you turned back to Frank, “We can pay that.” 

“What’s your names?” 

“Y/N and Eddie.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, alright.” he scratched his chin, “It will be an extra fourty for the first month.” 

“That’s alright.” Eddie called out, “Can we move in today?”

“Today?” Frank’s eyes widened, “The place is a dump, gotta get cleaners in.” 

You shrugged, “Just, get us a broom and some cleaning supplies and we will do it ourselves.” 

“Shit, really?” 

“Yeah.” Eddie replied. 

“Alright.” Frank tossed down the keys, “Two A. I’ll leave some cleaning shit in here for you, I collect rent on the first Monday each month.” 

“Sounds good.” You nodded and he went back inside. 

You turned to Eddie with an excited grin. You both jumped with excitement and hugged one another. 

“We officially have a place.” You beamed. 

“We have a place!” He grabbed your hand, and you both ran off back to the van. 

***

It was definitely a shit box. There was smoke residue covering the walls, a thick layer of filth on the floor, rubbish and month old food left everywhere. There was a disgusting springy mattress in the bedroom, and hair and grime all over the bathroom, and needles and little baggies with reminisce of who knows what left everywhere. Frank had left a giant bin, a bunch of trash bags, some gloves, a couple brooms, some bleach and other chemical cleaning supplies in the middle of the room, right by the stinky couch with a big brown stain on the middle pillow. 

“So…” you both stood there, hand in hand, and looked around the apartment. 

It was small, the kitchen was across from the window (the one frank leant out of), the lounge area was in the middle, it was open plan - you could say - since the bedroom and the main space was only separated by a large archway without a door (but it was just you two so who cares), and the bathroom was beside the kitchen. That, thankfully, had a door. 

“So…” Eddie replied back. 

You both looked at each other with a smile, and you sighed, “It’s perfect.” 

“I know right.” He wandered deeper into the room, “Imagine it, I’d keep my guitar here, and we can set up your record player beside it. And… oh, all your paintings, we can use them as wallpaper to cover up this massive crack. We could get a TV eventually and put it right here. And we would get a couch big enough to fit a few people on for when we have guests, and it’s gotta be roomy enough to fuck on, but it cant be too big because then it will take up too much space.”

“Eddie-” you smiled. 

“Oh, and how about a little table in this corner, so we can feel fancy and eat at it sometimes? And-

“Eddie-”

“We definitely are gonna get some of those matching ‘his’ and hers towels for the shower-”

“Eddie!” you called, finally snapping him from his trance. 

He looked at you, eyes wide, “Yeah, sweetheart?” 

“How about we clean before interior designing it?” you walked over to him, holding his biceps, “Hmm? We can’t do any of that shit if we don’t clean this place up.” 

He sighed, a content, happy sigh, “Yeah.” 

***

You had spent the entire day cleaning. You had called over Gareth, Jeff and Grant to help, since they were definitely okay with the whole thing. They thought it was pretty rad you had your own place now. Jeff and Grant went out on a run to buy you guys a phone, and to pick up any decent furniture they could find on the side of roads. They found a coffee table, a couple of chairs - odd ones of course - a TV stand, and a funky looking stool. They all brushed up pretty nice after a good clean. Eddie and Gareth had run out at the same time to super spy retrieve some things from home. They climbed in through his old bedroom window and loaded up the van with as much as would fit - primarily your things - and so your rooms were basically empty. They managed - and they have no idea how - to grab your mattress and tie it to the top of his van and dive away unseen. Maybe no one was home. Whilst all the boys were gone, you spent time scrubbing the walls with a mop and jamming out to some Motley Crue, it was quite therapeutic. And you also met your neighbour, who came over to yell at Johnny because she thought he was throwing another rager and was gonna have a bunch of high delusional fucks around. Her name was Samantha, and she was a single mum with two little ones - Johnny was a bad influence - and she was super kind and inviting, and was happy to let you play your music. By the time the place was spotless, it was quarter to six. You all plunked down on your mattress - which was now nicely made up on the floor - and cracked open some beers. You sat with your legs crossed in the middle, back against the wall and looking out to your new home. Eddie’s hand was resting on your knee as he joked with his friends. This was your life now. You grabbed onto his hand, taking a long sip of beer. Eddie tore himself from the conversation to look at you. 

“You alright, sweetheart?” 

You looked down on him, and he smiled softly, and you knew you were okay, “Yeah,” you squeezed his hand, “Just processing.” 

He nodded, “Let me know if you want these fuck wads to leave, I’ll kick them out.”

You smiled, “No,” you thought for a moment, “it’s new years. How about we throw a party?” 

“Did I hear party?” Gareth leant back, his head hitting your shin as he tried to talk to you. 

“Yeah,” you nodded and looked at Eddie, “A New Years, slash… house warming… slash… introduction to our weird relationship party.” 

He squeezed your hand, “Fuck yeah.” 

“Okay, but we can’t throw a rager, and no drugs…” all of them deadpanned you, “Well, only inside, not around kids, and don’t let the other tenants see.” 

“Deal.” Jeff stuck his hand out to shake. 

“Let’s throw a partayyy!” Eddie raised his hands in the air and you laughed. 

***

It took way too long to explain, but eventually, all your friends understood yours and Eddie’s situation, and none of them really gave a fuck. Which was fucking brilliant. A bunch of tenants from the complex came, ones that didn’t have plans to go out because of work or kids. It was just a nice party. A few people brought a few things, like second hand toasters and kettles, and pots and other home essentials - which you didn’t expect - which you took graciously. And yes, you and Eddie got your kiss at midnight. At around two in the morning, Wayne rocked up. You were stunned, to say the least, but Eddie had slipped the address on the windshield of Wayne’s car when he dropped home. He stayed and partied with you guys for a few hours - but he had to get home before Mary woke up. 

It was a nice way to start the new year. 

A fresh start. 

A happy start. 

And you were ready for whatever life wanted to smack you in the face with next. 

***

7.16 PM, November 17, 1990. 

“Fuck.” You slammed the door behind you, bag thrown onto the sofa, already tearing your clothes off your body as you stormed through the apartment. 

You sat down on the bed in a huff, kicking off your heels and laying back, an aggressive groan erupted from your lungs. 

“Hi princes.” Eddie leant back to look at you from his place in the kitchen. 

“Hi.” you huffed. 

He smiled and turned the stove off, walking over in his pretty pink apron (A christmas present from Dustin), and he dropped to the floor in front of you, and began to massage your foot.

“Long day, huh?” He kissed your ankle as he worked. 

You sat back up to look at him, running your fingers through his hair, “Yeah. Cassandra went an hour over meeting time tonight. I’m fucking sick of her bullshit. I go ten minutes over and it’s like the end of the world, but she can go for an extra hour?”

“Fucking bitch, she is.” Eddie shook his head, he knew the drill, he reached for your other foot. 

“Fucking bitch.” you shook your head and sighed, “I love the fact that I get to work in the art industry, but fuck, Ed’s, I hate the meetings.” 

“I feel ya.” He nodded. 

You looked down at him and stroked his cheek, “How was your day?” 

“Eh,” He shrugged, working his fingers up your calf to soothe you, “Old Jimmy’s Buick broke down again, so I basically worked on that all day.” 

“Hmm.”

He kissed your knee before standing again, “Pasta for dinner.” 

“Yum.” 

“How about I run you a bath, and you can help yourself to some pasta in the meantime?” 

You smiled up at him and hummed, “Yes please.” 

He leant down and kissed your forehead before wandering back to the kitchen. 

***

“Okay,” He smiled, flicking the light off in the bathroom, since it was filled now with lit candles, “it’s ready.”

You walked in, your robe wrapped around you and sighed as the warm smell of vanilla hit you. You smiled at him, pinning your hair up quickly to keep it dry. He was just in his boxers - a common occurrence around the house - and had his hair tied back in a low bun. You looked in the bath, and rose petals drifted through the slightly bubbly water that was filled with lavender essential oils and other concoctions you often put in the bath. You pulled off your robe, hanging it up on the hook behind the door before turning back to him. He handed you a wine glass, one of his own in his hand. 

“Eddie,” you sighed, “you know I can’t-”

“It’s alcohol free, sweetheart.” he smiled, “Let me be romantic.”

You rolled your eyes and grinned, taking the glass from him. You stepped into the hot water - the perfect temperature - and he grabbed your hand to help guide you down. You relaxed back, crossing your legs as they poked out the other end, as you were too tall for the little bath. He took a sip of his wine, sitting down on the edge of the bath.

“How’d Baby go today?” 

You pressed your hand to the lower of your stomach, and smiled up at him, “She went very good.” 

His eyes widened, “She?” 

You nodded, “Doc called.” 

He slid over to you, almost falling in as he gave you a big wet kiss, “Oh my fucking god, I’m gonna be a dad.”

“You’re gonna be a dad.” You grinned, “A girl dad.” 

“A girl.” he nodded, sliding back to his original position, “I can’t believe it.” 

You shook your head, “Neither.” 

He dipped his ring adorned hand into the water and stroked your shin, “I can’t wait to see you as a mum.” 

“I’m gonna be the coolest mum.” you took a sip of your ‘wine’. 

“The coolest.” 

You smiled and relaxed down into the water, “Are you gonna play for me, daddy?”

He smiled and grabbed his acoustic, something he often did when he drew you a bath, “Yes, mummy.”

You giggled, “Sounds weird.” 

“I know.” 

He leant over his guitar and began to gently strum a soft tune.

“Did you talk to Mary today?” you asked over the music. 

He nodded, “Yeah, she came by the shop. Still hates me.” 

“Hmm,” you sighed, “she’s difficult.” 

He nodded, still plucking at the strings. 

“I think we just say, fuck it, Ed’s.” 

He stopped playing for a minute and looked at you, “Yeah?”

You nodded, “Yeah, I don’t know if she will ever really be happy. Lets just… just send out the invitations, get fucking married next month.” 

“You sure?”

“You proposed two years ago.” you shrugged, “Plus, we can’t keep Baby hidden any longer, the girls at work are starting to notice.” 

He smiled, “Then, let’s get married next month.” 

You nodded, “And we can announce the pregnancy there.” 

“I like the sound of that.” he grinned and started to stum his guitar again. 

“Sing for me?” 

“Course, princess.” he smiled and looked up at you, “Ah- princesses plural!”

You laughed, “Hell yeah.” you rubbed your belly, “And she’s sure as shit gonna act like one if you spoil her like you spoil me.” 

“Oh, I’m gonna spoil her even more.” He grinned, “She’s gonna be soo spoiled.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully, “Keep playing, dingus.” 

“Yes, mamma.” 

He strummed the guitar, soft lyrics to several different love songs left his perfect lips. You closed your eyes and listened, just feeling content with the world. You kept a hand on your stomach, cradling it as he sang to you. You alternated between sipping wine, and looking at your engagement ring, and looking at him. Everything was peaceful. Everything was soft. And everything felt right in your shitty little apartment you and Eddie had turned into a home. And yeah, he may technically be your step brother, and yeah, it may be a little wrong. But heck, you were too fucking in love to care. 

The world is a fucked up place, afterall. 

***

AUTHORS NOTES: thank you all so so much for taking the time to read this. it means a lot. I hope you enjoyed this fic, I know I enjoyed writing it, and I’m sorry that it came to an end.

check out some of my other works here if you liked this one! i write a lot for Eddie. :)

#jay writes #this is wrong #stepbro!eddie x fem!reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson #stepbro!eddie #perv!eddie #slowburn #smut #fluff #angst #stranger things 4 #corroded coffin #i love this fic too much #its so bad and dirty but like #thats what our fucked up little brains seem to like the best #mature