#Tegan and Sara snaps

[hard-core-super-star]

shock to your system [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: your move to new york isn't as panic-free as you would have hoped but thankfully, your girlfriend knows just what to do to help.

warnings: panic attack + general mentions/descriptions of anxiety; hailee being the sweetest person in the world even in stressful situations; cute cheesy fluff; one day i'll figure out how to write endings, i promise; me dragging new york again, i'm so sorry

wordcount: 1.3k

a/n: title (and inspiration) comes from shock to your system by tegan and sara, i cannot recommend the song enough, holy crap. this request by sent in via pm and it's slightly heavier on the anxiety side than some of my past works. important disclaimer: i've never experienced a panic attack before despite living with major anxiety so hopefully the descriptions aren't totally awful. hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

You should’ve known better than to keep your growing anxiety to yourself. Despite the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, you had dismissed it at first. You were sure it was just the average amount of discomfort that comes with moving to a different city and because of it, you didn't say anything to your girlfriend.

Clearly, that had been a bad idea.

You didn’t know where it stemmed from but it was obvious the move to New York had left you a little more uneasy than you had anticipated. It’s not like you were a stranger to the city but living here is something completely different to visiting every few months. Everything about it is loud and overwhelming and incredibly different from the ocean-blue views of L.A that you’re so used to.

Not only were you dealing with the move, but you were also dealing with Hailee’s absence most days. Hawkeye had been picked up for a season 2, hence your hurried move to New York, and your girlfriend was on set pretty much every hour she was awake. She didn’t technically have the title of executive producer like she did with Dickinson but she certainly behaved like one, choosing to stay on set even when she didn’t have any scenes to film.

In hindsight, the signs were obvious. And yet you managed to ignore them over and over again until you finally snapped.

You had spent most of the week laying in bed and pretending like everything was fine. Hailee was distracted enough that she didn’t question you even when it was obvious you were avoiding things and you made no effort to fill her in on what was going on inside your mind. You didn’t see anything wrong with it…until today when your anxiety got way out of your control.

You don’t even know how it happened. One second you were fine, relaxing on the couch and texting your girlfriend who was on her way back to your apartment, and the next you felt the walls closing in on you. All it had taken to tip you over the edge into an ocean of panic was a genuinely sweet question from Hailee, an offer to go out tonight and explore the city together.

The mere thought of stepping foot outside of the walls of your new home was more than enough to make you spiral.

And spiral you did.

You’re not sure how much time passed, it felt like both an eternity and a second to your overwhelmed mind, but the tightness in your chest slowly increased until you were left gasping for breath.

You’re so lost in trying to remember how to properly breathe that you miss the sound of the door opening until the caring voice you love so much calls out for you. “y/n?”

You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is a choked sob full of more desperation than sadness. You want to look up at Hailee but you feel frozen in place like all you can do is shake and struggle to get enough air into your lungs.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says as she crosses the space between you until she’s kneeling in between your legs. “Can you look at me, baby?”

“Can’t- Too much-”

“Shh, I know, I know. Take your time, you’re safe, love.”

Her gentle hands come up to caress your face, her thumbs wiping away the tears you hadn’t even realized had been slipping out of your tired eyes. Her touch helps ground you despite the chaos swirling around your mind, almost as if she’s the only thing keeping you anchored to reality.

She moves slowly but she manages to help you lift your head enough to be able to look into the loving eyes you call home. “There we go. Focus on me, alright? I’m not going anywhere.”

You sort of mumble in agreement although the sound comes out slightly muffled and incoherent. Hailee doesn’t judge your panicked response and instead does her best to comfort you, keeping her eyes trained on your face for any subtle hints that the panic attack may be growing stronger. There’s an underlying sweetness to the moment that not even the demons in your mind can argue against.

You do your best to focus on the sweetness of the moment and the sheer warmth she radiates so effortlessly while you struggle to get your breathing back under control. It’s a slow process filled with Hailee’s whispered words of encouragement and soft caresses but eventually, your shaking subsides and your breath starts coming in somewhat steadier than before.

You feel as if you’ve run a marathon despite having been frozen in place for who knows how long. The relieved smile that spreads along your girlfriend’s face offers more solace than the air that fills your lungs. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is barely louder than a whisper but at least you can finally talk without hyperventilating. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” she replies with a small shake of her head. “I’m just glad I could help you.”

You reach for her with shaky hands and she instantly understands your silent request. She joins you on the couch, her arm instantly wrapping around your waist and offering you more comfort than she could ever imagine. You shift your body toward her and rest your head against her shoulder while making sure to keep your breaths slow and deep.

A few moments of silence go by before Hailee speaks up, the question she asks breaking your heart a little. “y/n…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t realize it had gotten so bad.” Your words are laced with both honesty and small traces of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, baby, I should’ve known.” Her grip on you tightens the slightest bit and it's obvious to you how genuine her concern is. It makes your heart flutter in your chest, the love that flows between you being more than enough to help your leftover discomfort disappear.

“Hailee, you’ve been so busy lately, it’s okay.”

“That’s not an excuse,” she argues. “I made you move here with me and then ditched you every day when I didn’t even need to be on set.”

You hate the way she blames herself but you know it’s only because she cares about you so much. It turns the whole situation into an easy pill to swallow. “Lee, I moved here with you because I wanted to. I love you, and I love New York, it’s just a lot to wrap my head around and that’s not your fault.”

She chuckles but the sound comes out a tad too deflated for your liking. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around, love.”

“We can comfort each other. It doesn’t have to be a competition." You tilt your head slightly so you can gaze up at the proud owner of your heart. You pretend not to notice the thin layer of tears in her eyes, not wanting to spend any more time dwelling on the bad.

You're in your girlfriend's arms with nothing but time to spend with each other. And that's what matters to you.

"You...are way too sweet for your own good, you know that?"

She doesn't give you time to argue with her. Instead, she leans down and captures your lips with her own. You practically melt in her arms. After going almost a full day without her, this was heaven on Earth, you were sure of it.

You reluctantly pull away from the kiss, the smile on your face wider and more genuine than it's been all week. "I know you wanted to go out but how about we order pizza and watch a trashy rom-com?"

"You read my mind, baby."

#hailee steinfeld x reader #hailee steinfeld x female reader #hailee steinfeld x you #hailee steinfeld x y/n #hailee steinfeld fic #hailee steinfeld fluff #hailee steinfeld imagine #hailee steinfeld fanfiction #hailee steinfeld #hawkeye #hawkeye fanfic #mcu #mcu fanfiction #mcu imagine #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing

[crushofdoves]

for the love of GOD tell me about trans sirius in the early 2000s babyyyy

this one is my main focus rn!!!!

basically I wrote a mini-fic back last month to the song 'you wouldn't like me' about trans sirius & record store owner remus but set in like 2005!!! texting on nokia phones, dancing to bubblegum pop at the club, and centering the whole universe around the tegan and sara album 'so jealous.' here's the mini-fic!

just thinking about sirius being 20ish in the early 2000s. bopping around his apartment listening to “you wouldn’t like me” and singing SO loud and thinking about the guy who works at the record store and wondering if they have a copy of this album, if he should just go ask. any excuse to see him. putting on his binder, smoothing his chest in the mirror, singing, i feel like i wouldn’t like me, if i met me braiding his messy hair and putting earrings in and watching the curve of his own hips like they belong to someone else. high-waisted jeans, worn-in tank top, nose ring. put together, uniform and neat but like a fuckin’ jenga tower - one wrong touch and the whole thing would topple over. i feel like, you wouldn’t like me if you met me sirius wears platform motorcycle boots to make him taller, he keeps his head down on the walk there but snaps up as soon as he’s inside the shop and - there he is. standing next to the ‘new arrivals’ section like everything is normal, completely unaware that the simple act of him existing in the world turns sirius’s upside down. the shop is empty, it’s just the two of them and he looks radiant, gives sirius a wide open smile. “sirius - hi, i - i’ve never really gotten to introduce myself, i’m remus. have you heard this album yet?” he - remus, sirius’s favorite name, maybe he should change his own again - holds up a copy of “so jealous” and the unexpected joy of being known fills sirius up to the brim. don’t you worry, there’s still time

this will be expanded into a long, multi-chapter fic! I am deep in the research phase rn. I mean was 15 in 2005 so I have a pretty good knowledge base already lol

#trans sirius #trans sirius black #trans wolfstar #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #WIP

[weaversweek]

Fear of Music index post

This is an index post for the #FearOfMu21c exercise.

In it, I'm listing the best 50 singles - in my opinion, in no particular order - released from 2000 to September 2023. It's the follow-up to #Uncool50 last year.

See also - the top 450 from which my top 50 was derived.

"Reach" and "Over the rainbow" (S Club 7 and Eva Cassidy) ELF "The middle" (Jimmy Eat World) "Someone to you" and "Mourir demain" (Banners and Natasha St Pier & Pascal Obispo) "Chewing gum" and "On your head" (Annie and Tiffany Page) "Take me to church" and "Take me out" (Hozier and Franz Ferdinand) "My star" and "IDGAF" (Brainstorm and Dua Lipa) ELF "Bulletproof" (La Roux) "About you now" and "Aimer jusqu'a l'impossible" (Sugababes and Tina Arena) "Anti-hero" (Taylor Swift) "The climb" (Miley Cyrus) "Fallin'" and "Not my soul" (Alicia Keys and Destiny Chukenyere) "If you love someone" and "Sk8er boi" (The Veronicas and Avril Lavigne) "Say you love me" (Voodoo Hussy) "Summer girl" and "Turn off the light" (Haim and Nelly Furtado) "This is the life" and "Bring me to life" (Amy MacDonald and Evanescence) "The fear" and "Grace Kelly" (Lily Allen and Mika) DOUZE POINT "Snap" (Rosa Linn) "You're the storm", "First day of my life", "Tonight and the rest of my life" (The Cardigans, Melanie C, Nina Gordon) ELF "With or without you" (Scala and Kolacny brothers) "3sex" (Indochine & Christine and the Queens) "Drops of Jupiter" and "Blank Space" (Train and Taylor Swift) "Toxic" and "Can't stop the feeling!" (Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake) "Anyone I want to be" and "Chained to the rhythm" (Roxie Węgiel and Katy Perry) "Bad romance" and "Royals" (Lady Gaga and Lorde) "Vampire" and "No degree of separation" (Olivia Rodrigo and Francesca Michielin) "Baby shark" (Pinkfong) "When we were wolves" and "Portions for foxes" (My Latest Novel and Rilo Kiley) ELF "New Americana" (Halsey) "Closer" and "Year 3000" (Tegan & Sara and Busted) "Downtown" (Saw Doctors and Petula Clark)

The top 50 is not ordered; however there are bonuses to be given. One bonus point to the four ELF singles, and two bonus marks to the best single of all - the DOUZE POINT.

I was not surprised to find nobody else nominated "With or without you", and only mildly surprised that "New Americana" had no other lovers. There was one other nomination for "Snap", which failed to make the top 250.

The final top 250.

During September, Billboard magazine published their top 500 of all time. I've pulled a hypothetical top 50 from the current century.

In November, WXPN in Philadelphia listed their top 885 songs sung by women. Again, a hypothetical top 50 from the 21st century is available. (WXPN is a non-commercial indie-leaning station, quite close in playlist to BBC 6 Music, which in turn seems to be the station of choice for Fear of Mu21c posters.)

#fear of mu21c #fear of music #fearofmu21c #pop music #21st century #FearOfMu21c #greatest singles

[carrekiblue]

Character Development Challenge 2: Jam Session [REDUX]

1. Punching Bag WALLICE  2. Right Down the Line GERRY RAFFERTY  3. Hate That You Know Me BLEACHERS  4. April BEACH BUNNY  5. Pink Pony Club CHAPPELL ROAN  6. My Life BILLY JOEL  7. I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You TOM WAITS  8. I Was a Fool TEGAN AND SARA  9. So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings CAROLINE POLACHEK  10. justified KACEY MUSGRAVES  11. Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land - Demo Version MARINA  12. blame game MXMTOON  13. Lay All Your Love On Me ABBA  14. space girl FRANCES FOREVER  15. Snap Out Of It ARCTIC MONKEYS  16. Motion Sickness PHOEBE BRIDGERS  17. Disconnect CLEAN BANDIT, MARINA  18.New Person, Same Old Mistakes TAME IMPALA

link to playlist

#aop: task #also unveiling the new task pics because i wasn't super happy with the other ones #headcanons

[lilworms]

snapped

#Spotify

[jailwithonlyboys]

okay i would be extremely grateful if someone reposted tegan and sara's forthcoming tik toks here so i don't have to download the app bc i know if i ever do it will take all of my time instantly

#tegan and sara #i am in fact begging lol #y'all who would repost their snaps you got me?? pleeeease #megamazing

[fifteensjukebox]

tegan posting both of these within the last 24h is just too much

#tegan and sara #tegan quin #tns snaps #tns #trq #hijly

[7362873]

#sara quin #tegan and sara #sept 2015 #snapchat

[cluelesspigeons]

Floating on cloud 9

The front door of the little flat slammed closed with a hollow thump. Draco fell back against it, a long suffering sigh escaping his mouth.

He should have known that going to visit his parents wouldn't end well, not with his father being home, at least.

He had made it very clear what he thought of Draco’s choice of profession back when he had started working at the little coffee shop. He had sent different letters over the last few months, arguing about all the other jobs available. About all the other options Draco had. He had even promised to help Draco find a ‘decent enough job for a Malfoy’ if only he would come to the Manor.

Yet listening to his father yelling and cursing at him in real life, still made it hurt a little more.

But Draco actually loved his job. He absolutely adored working at the little cafe. So he wasn’t going to let his father ruin yet another thing for him. He was free to do anything he pleased now. His father be damned.

His mother had actually been surprisingly supportive, even interrupting his father every now and again when he kept on rambling and nagging about Draco’s ‘terrible life choices’. Draco had never been so grateful for his mother before.

And when he left through the grand front doors of the Manor, he had hugged her tightly, a soft smile on his face.

“Will you write, my dragon?”

“Of course, Mother.”

“Then I will see you soon. Perhaps without your father being home next time.

“Yes,” Draco said, “maybe that would be best.”

His mother nodded, understanding flashing through her icy blue eyes. “Give my love to Harry.”

Draco huffed a laugh. “I think he would be offended if I didn’t.”

His mother chuckled, smoothing non-existing creases from Draco’s jacket. “Harry’s a good man, Draco. Whatever anyone else says, hold on to him.”

“I will”, he said. And with one last kiss on the cheek, Draco turned around and walked down the path leading to the massive iron gates. He apparated as soon as he felt the heavy magic of the wards fall away from his shoulders.

So that’s how he found himself standing in the little entrance hall of the small flat, still leaning against the bright blue front door. Grunting, he pushed himself to his feet, removing his cloak and not looking where he was stepping. Before he knew it, he tripped over his own pair of shoes.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed loudly, trying to find any grip on the smooth walls and knocking a picture frame down in the process.

“Draco?” Harry’s voice drifted in from the living room. “Are you alright?”

Dark curls peeked from around the corner of the doorway.

Draco nodded as he bent down to pick up the shattered frame. It was a picture of him and Harry laughing and twirling around the tables at the coffee shop. It was one of his favourites. “Yeah…” he said distractedly, “yeah, I’m fine.”

A frown appeared between Harry’s eyebrows. “Are you sure? You don’t look-”

“I said I’m fine, didn’t I?!” Draco snapped. He was clutching the frame in both hands, the sharp edges cutting into his flesh. “I’m fine.”

Harry eyed him, bright green gaze roaming his face. “Alright,” he said, “let me take care of that so you can get ready then.” He nodded his head in the direction of the broken frame in Draco’s hands.

Cocking his head, Draco raised an eyebrow. “Get ready? Why should I get ready?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot, Draco.” Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Molly even specifically asked me if you would come this time.”

“Oh... I… I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

Careful, as not to cut himself on the broken glass of the frame, Harry took it from Draco’s hands and vanished it to the kitchen counter. “Tell me,” he whispered, standing only mere inches from Draco, “tell me what’s bothering you.”

Their eyes met and Draco found himself not being able to look away. He couldn’t lie to Harry. Not when he was looking at him like that.

Like Draco was the best thing that had happened to him. Like Draco was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. It actually made him feel like he belonged.

“I’ve been to the Manor today”, Draco said quietly. “Father was there, too.”

“Oh, Draco…” Harry cupped his cheek, the calloused pad of his thumb caressing Draco’s cheekbone. “Is that why you left the coffee shop early?”

Draco nodded. “I just… I thought…”

“Ssshhh, no. It’s fine. You don’t have to explain anything.”

“I just thought he might have changed his mind, you know?” Draco leaned closer into Harry’s body, the other man wrapping his arms around him, shielding him. “He didn’t.”

“Draco…”

“No,” Draco shook his head, leaning backwards a bit. “No, I should’ve known. I shouldn’t have gone. I should’ve visited when he wasn’t there.”

Harry took Draco’s face between both his hands. “I think it was very brave of you to visit even though you knew he was there.”

“I’m not brave, Harry.”

“You might not be brave the way people say Gryffindors are. But I still think you’re brave in your own way.” Harry leaned closer, his breath tickling Draco’s lips. “And I love you all the more for it.”

Ignoring the pressure building behind his eyes, Draco closed the small gap between them. The whole world fell away as their lips touched. It was only them, floating on cloud 9. No one else around them.

It was perfect. It was heaven.

“We don’t have to go to the Weasley’s tonight, if you don’t want to”, Harry mumbled between kisses. His hands were weaved through Draco’s silky strands, tugging softly.

Draco pulled back a bit, his eyes scanning Harry’s face. “Are you sure?”

Harry nodded. “Yes, of course. I’m sure Molly will understand.”

“Alright,” Draco said, “but only if we can take a bath together. I’m in need of some relaxation.”

The bright smile Harry gave him in return made his heart swell with affection. Whatever he did or said, Harry would always be his favourite form of loving.

This is written for the hp pride fest organised by the amazing @girlwithacrown on Instagram. You can find the post here.

The song for this week was ‘Cloud 9’ by Beach Bunny ft. Tegan and Sara.

Read it on ao3

#drarry #writing #my writing #cp writes #hppride2021 #cloud 9 by beach bunny ft tegan and sara #hurt/comfort #coffee shop #caring Harry? #yes please #slightly insecure Draco? #another yes

[mx-myth]

Fanmixes: Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt

So, y’all...    I’ve been sitting on this idea for a long time but I finally did it! My William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay fanmix is now up! Tried to get it up on 8tracks but that didn’t work out, so it’s just on Spotify. It’s called Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt, under the same name as my Tumblr user (mx-myth), and I hope you like it!

You can find it here!

More information below the cut!

I know the track lists are probably hard to read because I chose a super-fancy cursive font (because let’s be real, no one can read Laurence’s fancy gentleman handwriting except himself and Tharkay (and I would say Temeraire, but he can’t read it that small, but he knows what it looks like from their days aboard the Reliant)) so here (tracks are subject to change):

01. What Is This Feeling? - From "Wicked" Original Broadway Cast Recording/2003 (Stephen Schwartz, Kristen Chenoweth, Idina Menzel, Stephen Oremus, Alex Lacamoire)

Notes: inspired by this post by @incorrect-temeraire-quotes; when I first heard this song I heard the cover by Austin Nebbia, but as Spotify is Like That I went with the Wicked version (I didn’t know this song was from Wicked! I’ve read the book but haven’t seen the musical)

02. Take Me Anywhere (Tegan and Sara)

Notes: They literally travel around the world.

03. Stray Italian Greyhound (Vienna Teng)

Notes: Tharkay, showing up again: Can’t you just stay still and keep out of trouble

04. Do You Want Me (Dead?) (All Time Low)

Notes: Black Powder War, A Summary

05. Next Year (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Tharkay, on one of his missions: *thinking about Laurence*

06. Come Back Home (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay both, Tharkay leaving again and Laurence trying to convince him to stay

07. Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

Notes: Every and any Laurence and Tharkay heart-to-heart and snap-out-of-it and stay-with-me

08. My Best Friend's Hot (The Dollyrots)

Notes: Tharkay (and Granby), upon seeing Laurence for the first time: Oh NO

09. One Week (Barenaked Ladies)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay’s lovers spat

10. Time-Bomb (All Time Low)

Notes: Them, pre-sewers: I would gut you given HALF A CHANCE, NO HESITATION; Them, post-sewers: YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME NOW, WE’RE MARRIED

11. Do I Wanna Know? (Arctic Monkeys)

Notes: Tharkay, staring at Laurence: Oh no. I love him.

12. I Would Do Anything For You (Foster the People)

Notes: Tharkay: TWENTY DRAGONS. IT WAS ONLY TWENTY DRAGONS. HOW DID IT COME TO THIS. Laurence: :)

13. Miss You (Foster the People)

Notes: Laurence, while Tharkay is gone: *thinks about Tharkay*

14. This Is the Life (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay, happily living with Temeraire after Everything Has Gone Down

15. Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC)

Notes: Laurence, simutaneously: *bi panic* *also Disaster Bi Dad™*

16. Brunettes (Do It Better) (KIDFORCE)

Notes: Honestly, this is a last minute decision I put in just for kicks. But Laurence and Tharkay are BOTH troublemakers :)

17. History Hates Loves (Oublaire) (added January 5, 2022)

Notes: My friend got me HOOKED on this song, gives me history looking back on Laurence/Tharkay vibes and also firstprince emailing vibes. See also: https://tanoraqui.tumblr.com/post/188592027832/the-fact-is-even-if-laurence-is-tragically and also https://political-dragon.tumblr.com/post/177592376015/owlsundermybed-considering-how-controversial

I also stuck a bunch of things on the cover! You’ve got the love letter, which has the title of the fanmix (contents of love letter below), Laurence’s trusty compass, an inkwell, a world map, keys, black pearls (for Temeraire), and (!) two gold rings (because they’re married) on a dark wood desk. (Image descriptions below)

Love letter:

Tenzing -

We have been getting on well enough, thank you, though not spectacularly, I must point out. Temeraire has taken to asking each day when you shall return, and each day, I regret to say, I must answer him that I do not know.

Oh, I am not even afraid to say this anymore: damn the brass! If only you could return to us at once, with haste; I confess I am getting quite lonely here. The manor has too many rooms, and they are all so empty without you. Temeraire's company has taken the edge off my longing for you, but there is only so long one can listen to politics! If only you were here to explain what this meant or what that could be interpreted as, I am sure it would not be so dull or boring.

I miss you, my darling, and for those few words I would hang; and yet I would do it, for I would not hide my love for you from the world.

                    With all my love,

                                 William Laurence

[Image descriptions:

An aerial view of a desk made of dark wood. Part of a love letter can be seen in the top left corner; it is written in fancy cursive font and the title of the fanmix, Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt, is written below. There is an inkwell in the top right corner, and an old world map from the right side. There is a compass below the love letter. In the bottom left corner there are five black pearls. In the bottom center there are a few old skeleton keys, and in the bottom right corner are two gold rings, presumably Laurence and Tharkay’s.

An aerial view of a desk made of wood. There is old paper reaching from the top and over the bottom; fancy cursive is written on it detailing the track list. This continues onto the third and last image, where the fanmix name is written out on the bottom once more. There is a coffee cup stain on the last image.]

#Temeraire Series #temeraire book series #william laurence #tenzing tharkay #william laurence/tenzing tharkay #fanmix #fanmixes #spotify #naomi novik #love letter #i'm not going to tag anything else #or else it'll get too confusing

[imagine-the-fanfics]

Honesty -- Part 4

Characters: Goro Majima x Reader X Daigo Dojima

Warnings: YAKUZA 5 SPOILERS! Dark fic. Abortion mention (attempted forced abortion), abuse (verbal, physical), cheating, toxic relationship traits, unplanned pregnancy

Inspiration: “Wasted on You” by Evanescence ; “Where Does the Good Go” by Tegan and Sara ; “Honest” by The Chainsmokers ; “Let it Be” by Like a Storm ; “Fineshrine” by Purity Ring ; “Delicate” by Taylor Swift ; “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls

A/n: Soap opera drama fitting for our favorite soap opera video game series. Seriously though. There is some major abuse shit happening this chapter. I love being evil to characters.

A month and a half later, the truth of what happened in that hotel room became apparent. Daigo’s suspicions of your infidelity were confirmed when you fell pregnant. He hadn’t touched you in three months for so many reasons, on both of your parts. You knew he was seeking the company of other women to take care of his needs, but now there was proof you weren’t being faithful. When he found out, he lashed out at you. It started as an ember, but it was quickly fanned into a wildfire you couldn’t hold your own against.

“When was it?” Daigo asked, looking at the letter from the doctor he’d bribed, your doctor.

“What?” You asked, playing dumb. “You’re pregnant,” his words sent a chill down your spine that was so cold it did more than just make you shiver; it made your soul leave your body for a moment. “It’s not mine, so whose is it? When did you fuck another man?”

“I—”

“Don’t try to say it’s mine. We both know that’s impossible. Don’t try and say it’s a mistake, I have the letter right here,” Daigo raised it as if you could read it from that distance. “I want to know whose it is and when it happened.”

“I won’t tell you who,” you said, averting your gaze to the empty beer bottles on the coffee table. There weren’t many, but it was enough that Daigo wouldn’t be himself. You looked at him again. “I won’t tell you when.”

“You’ll fucking tell me,” Daigo said, starting to raise his voice as he stood up. “I am Chairman of the Tojo Clan, and someone impregnated my fiancé! Who was it?” He was shouting now as he glared at you. You stayed silent. He grabbed a bottle and threw it at the wall. You didn’t bat an eye as he looked back at you, enraged.

“I’m not going to say.” You stared him down. He wouldn’t lay a hand—

You heard the sound of his hand connecting with your cheek before you felt it. You heard your body hit the ground before you realized you were falling. You looked up at Daigo in shock, gently placing a hand on your cheek. You hadn’t even registered he was walking to you.

“You are going to tell me,” Daigo warned. “Even if I have to beat it out of you. Hopefully it’ll kill the bastard you’re carrying, too!” “Good luck,” you snapped back, unsure where that was coming from. The next noise you made was an involuntary release of air from your lungs as Daigo’s foot connected with your stomach.

He kept kicking. You were crying. You’d already vomited from the kicks, and you were laying in the fetal position, the puke mixing with your hair. Eventually it stopped.

“You going to tell me now?” Daigo asked, waiting for you to catch your breath.

You looked up at him, glaring as you held your stomach. “Our engagement party. I was crying, he pulled away so no one would see. We fucked, and it was wonderful and—” Daigo was kicking again and you screamed as he continued to kick.

“WHO WAS IT?!” He screamed.

“GORO!” You cried out, trying to block his kicks and protect your unborn child.

“Majima?” He asked quietly, as if he didn’t expect it. He took a moment to process as you struggled up onto your hands. “You fucked Majima. At our engagement party?”

“Obviously not, we went to his hotel room first,” you quipped back at him.

The look he gave you was enough to make you yelp. You had never known pain as you had experienced it at Daigo’s hand that night.

///

In time, your injuries healed. The baby had survived, and you were happy about that. Now you were standing next to him at a Tojo Clan meeting, wearing a short turtleneck dress, black and knitted. You wore black tights and black high heels. Your hair was pulled up into a bun and your makeup was done. All of it was picked by Daigo as he would show off his trophy.

That morning he’d told you he hadn’t decided if he would make you abort the child or dangle you and the kid in front of Majima. Maybe he’d even tell Majima it’s his kid so he could watch the experience tear Majima apart. Majima wanting a child was the worst kept secret in the Tojo Clan. He’d divorced his wife for having an abortion, after all.

So, there you were standing next to your fiancé as he groped your ass. The family patriarchs sat in their seats, pretending not to notice you as you bowed your head, trying not to cry. At one point, he even lifted up your dress some so he there was only your tights separating your skin. One of the patriarchs smirked as the dress went a little too high.

“You planning on just teasing us this whole time, Chairman?” One of the patriarchs laughed.

“I’m not sure yet,” Daigo admitted, looking up at you with a smile. “I’m definitely not sharing.”

“This is bullshit, Dojima,” Majima sighed, leaning back in his chair, legs spread as he looked at the ceiling. “You called us here for a meeting and all you’ve done is sat there playing with your fiancé. If we don’t have business to attend to, I’m going to head out to get some work done.” You watched as he moved to stand up.

“Sit. Down. Majima,” Daigo growled. “You will sit there, and you will watch.” He pulled you onto his lap and you squeaked. “Now, to business,” he said, starting to talk about the clan as his fingers slid between our legs.

You bit your lip, looking at Majima, wishing he could help you, and you could tell by the look on his face that he wished he could, too. The other clan patriarchs realized this little show was for Majima. Some of them looked at you apologetically, most of them smirked.

“You ended the drug dealing in Kamurocho, correct Majima?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. I don’t want my fiancé’s child to grow up in a drug infested shithole,” Daigo looked at you, red faced and trying not to cry, and kissed your cheek.

“Y/N’s child..?” Majima muttered, looking at you. You couldn’t look at him. You assumed he’d put two and two together, and he had.

“Sir, surely there are nicer areas where you would want to raise your child,” one of the patriarch’s suggested.

“Maybe. I haven’t decided where we’ll live,” Daigo admitted, watching Majima coldly as he continued to play with you. You bit your cheek, wanting this to stop, but there was nothing you could do at this point.

The conversation refocused on the Tojo Clan business agenda and eventually the patriarchs were dismissed. Majima was the first to leave. He couldn’t stand to sit there and watch what was happening a moment longer.

“Get off me,” Daigo said once the last patriarch had left, shoving you off of his lap. “You’re disgusting.” He stood up, making his way out the door to join the other patriarchs.

You looked up as the door closed behind him, seeing an angry Majima looking at you as you laid on the floor.

#Yakuza #majima #goro majima #Goro Majima x reader #Majima x reader #daigo #daigo dojima #Daigo Dojima x reader #daigo x reader

[ritsunaru]

Top 3 episodes from she-ra

here it is! top 5 (plus an honorable mention) she-ra and the princesses of power episodes:

1. s04e09 “hero” — i said what i said!! the cinematography is beautiful and it makes me cry even harder than the finale. the cut from mara playing with the magic ball after creating flora and adora playing with it in the barren clearing is SO good!!! mara’s story is so touching and i really wish we got to see more of her (and razz) in s5. razz is an important connection between the she-ras and remember that she is the entire reason mara was able to warn adora about the heart of etheria!! listen to “i’m not your hero” by tegan and sara immediately after watching for some extra tears

2. s01e11 “promise” — classic episode but this one really set the bar for the rest of the series. same as hero, the cinematography and parallels that ring throughout the entire series are really crucial to catra and adora’s arcs. every time i rewatch this episode i can find something new to make me cry! also this is my favorite song in the entire series, in general this episode is THE most important to the show and it’s a gem in a season of honestly mediocre intros for the princesses. “nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other” “you promise?” “i promise” AAAAUUUUUUGH just kill me already

3. s03e06 “the portal” — oh god, this and “remember” are so heartbreaking and i intend to write an essay on scorpia’s arc culminating in “remember” eventually. the main thing that makes this episode my third favorite is, you guessed it, the impact on catra and adora. the moment when catra is blaming adora for everything and then adora says “you made your choice” may be my absolute favorite moment in the show. adora won’t let people manipulate her anymore. angella is such a tragic character, but her bravery allowed the rebellion to survive, and s4′s most blatant failure is the lack of grieving for angella shown past s04e01 “the coronation”

4. s03e03 “once upon a time in the crimson waste” — i talk about this all the time but this episode is crucial to scorpia and catra’s arcs and shows the first massive split in their relationship. we know catra’s a bad friend but this is when she snaps in s3 and when she REALLY starts treating scorpia like literal trash. it also sets scorpia up to have her realization in s04e06 “princess scorpia” and it’s a shame that i didn’t have the space on the list to include that episode because the buildup is SO good. but the truth is that scorpia can’t see past the fact that catra is happy in the waste because she’s fueling off her trauma (this reminds me of zuko and his firebending but that’s for another post). if they stayed, catra would never have to confront her behavior because that toxic mindset is encouraged in the waste

5. s05e05 “save the cat” — i bet you were wondering when i was gonna place a s5 episode on here, and it’s not s05e07 “perils of peekablue” bc even though we got our 3 minutes of dt screentime the characterization is WAY off and idc if peekablue is hot scorpia hating dt doesn’t make sense!! phew ok anyway. this is the best s5 episode (heart part 2 is a close second) because of basically everything. let’s get the she ra hot part out of the way but the gentleness adora treats catra with even after everything that’s happened...it’s a beautiful tribute to their relationship over the series and it’s even better knowing that it came right after the WORST s5 episode with the star siblings and the reintroduction of she ra BECAUSE of adora’s grief.....let’s all say thank you noelle

honorable mention to s01e09 “no princess left behind” and s04e01 “the coronation” for having absolute BANGERS also nplb is heartbreaking and i cry every time

#spop #sleepover summer asks #i have Thoughts on this show

[jonathanrook]

rachel makes too many playlists: the in depth guide

last updated march 19, 2020

table of contents

personal

depression, but make it gay

fellas is it straight to fuck your homie...

playlist for when someone has accused you of being a bad person...

playlist to listen to when you're still thinking about vegetable man...

ships

feeling of falling - an omnispan playlist

house of memories - a reddie playlist

i go crazy - a byeler playlist

a totally complimentary mileven playlist

wanna be missed - a catradora playlist

worth it - an ineffable husbands playlist

characters // media

eddie vibes

hargreeves family (dys)function

klaus moods

richie vibes

shark puppy but it’s fall out boy

shark puppy - covers for lovers

you could make a playlist out of this!

misc.

love songs for you and your cryptid gf

that one girl on tumblr wanted queer song recs

this....but lesbians

links and descriptions under the cut

personal

depression, but make it gay exactly what it says on the tin. used to be titled “i’m depressed and gay and in unrequited love” but this is a bit snappier, though less descriptive. lots of songs about being sad and being a dyke and being a sad dyke. status ongoing format alphabetized current length 47 songs (3:00) highlights include:  "future friends” (superfruit),  "i wanna be your girlfriend” (girl in red), "sick of losing soulmates” (dodie)

fellas is it straight to fuck your homie just because he got a boner and ground it against your ass for when your comphet gremlin is triggering a sexuality crisis. but for real though. is it straight to fuck your homie? only if the balls touch. status ongoing format ordered current length 20 songs (1:07) highlights include:  "cannibal” (tally hall),  "dead girl walking” (heathers soundtrack), "sleeping with a friend” (neon trees)

playlist for when someone has accused you of being a bad person so you might as well roll with it does someone have really pointless beef with you? are you a scorpio moon aries rising who desperately needs to feel like a bad bitch 24/7? here you go my dude. feel those oats. status ongoing format alphabetized current length 16 songs (0:56) highlights include "backstabber” (kesha),  "i did something bad” (taylor swift), "what the hell” (avril lavigne)

playlist to listen to when you're still thinking about vegetable man for some god forsaken reason songs to listen to when that sexy comphet gremlin starts screaming again. alternate titles include, “how to get over that weird comphet crush you pursued for way too long.” if you’re definitely a homo but you’re still trying to figure out if you want to fuck someone you literally could not be less attracted to, here you go. this is the playlist for you. status ongoing format alphabetized current length 33 songs (1:55) highlights include "all men are pigs” (studio killers),  "how to be a heartbreaker” (marina), "snap out of it” (arctic monkeys)

↠♬↞

ships

feeling of falling - an omnispan playlist (tumblr link) i normally alphabetize my playlists, but i tried to do a little story with this one, so it’s not. media stretch armstrong and the flex fighters title song “feeling of falling” by cheat codes ft. kim petras status complete format ordered  length 9 songs (0:33)

house of memories - a reddie playlist this is a bit of a mixed bag because i still can’t decide if i want this to be a clone of depression, but make it gay or a cute little playlist about childhood love. so, it’s a bit of everything. media the it films (muschietti adaption) title song “house of memories” by panic! at the disco   status ongoing format alphabetized current length 45 songs (2:48) highlights include "common sense" (fallen pine), "hold me down" (trapdoor social), "shut up" (greyson chance)

i go crazy - a byeler playlist this one is sad. i ship byeler as being wholly unrequited, and this is just a sad playlist about falling in love with your best friend. nothing to read into here move along folks. media stranger things title song “i go crazy” by orla gartland   status ongoing format alphabetized current length 16 songs (1:01) highlights include "boyfriend" (tegan and sara), "jason" (bonnie parker), "the story" (conan gray)

a totally complimentary mileven playlist the opposite of what it says on the tin. a bunch of songs about how great having a girlfriend sounds in theory but not in practice. media stranger things status ongoing format alphabetized current length 16 songs (0:54) highlights include "all we know" (the chainsmokers), "the sound" (the 1975), "white bread boyfriend" (lemon demon)

wanna be missed - a catradora playlist (tumblr link) media she-ra and the princesses of power title song “wanna be missed” by hayley kiyoko status complete format alphabetized length 10 songs (0:35)

worth it - an ineffable husbands playlist media good omens (the miniseries) title song “worth it” by superfruit   status ongoing format alphabetized current length 12 songs (0:43) highlights include “centerfold” (the j geils band), "from eden" (hozier), "heaven" (troye sivan)

↠♬↞

characters // media

eddie vibes originally created because these songs didn’t fit in the reddie playlist but were still giving me #energy. the jury’s out on whether or not this makes any fucking sense. media the it films (muschietti adaption) status ongoing format alphabetized current length 7 songs (0:25) highlights include “kindergarten” (chloe moriondo), "pantherland" (ghost soul trio)

hargreeves family (dys)function media the umbrella academy status ongoing format alphabetized current length 6 songs (0:28) highlights include “america’s suitehearts” (fall out boy), "when he died" (lemon demon)

klaus moods media the umbrella academy status ongoing format alphabetized current length 9 songs (0:32) highlights include “flagpole sitta” (harvey danger), "habits (stay high)" (tove lo), “plastic tramp“ (arctic monkeys)

richie vibes so what if this is just more songs i project onto that didn’t fit into dbmig or hom-arp? eat my whole ass. media the it films (muschietti adaption) status ongoing format alphabetized current length 26 songs (1:29) highlights include “don’t worry, you will” (lovelytheband), "hey! we okay" (never shout never), “wired differently“ (the wombats)

shark puppy but it’s fall out boy basically a glorified it playlist. a bunch of fall out boy songs that make me think of the losers. it’s not that deep. media the it films (muschietti adaption) status ongoing format alphabetized current length 12 songs (0:45)

shark puppy - covers for lovers (tumblr link) anyway, stan shark puppy. another glorified it playlist. i’m actually super fucking proud of this. like, realistically, way more proud than i should be of arranging songs. media the it films (muschietti adaption) status complete format ordered length 11 songs (0:39)

you could make a playlist out of this! (tumblr link) a bunch of songs that, whenever i hear them, make me think of some stray show/character/ship that i don’t have enough passion for to make a whole playlist for. alternatively, they’re songs that just haven’t found their way into a half publishable playlist yet. media misc. format ordered status ongoing current length 22 songs (1:20)

↠♬↞

miscellaneous

love songs for you and your cryptid gf i was working on this for valentines day and just forgot to post about it. status ongoing current length 28 songs (1:35) format alphabetized highlights include “bite” (troye sivan), "no eyed girl" (lemon demon), “welcome to my planet” (pomplamoose)

that one girl on tumblr wanted queer song recs (tumblr link) status ongoing format ordered current length 37 songs (2:10)

this....but lesbians songs that would be better if they were sung by lesbians. status ongoing current length 12 songs (0:42) format alphabetized highlights include “cabo” (ricky montgomery), "gorgeous" (taylor swift), “only the good die young” (billy joel)

#rachel rants #rachel makes too many playlists #d slur #it's like...buried in the post but just a heads up

[blaugreen]

Nine Albums Later, Tegan and Sara Are Finally Ready to Discuss High School

In a new memoir and an album of songs they wrote as teenagers, the feminist pop stars look back at their traumas, triumphs and life as identical twins.

By Jenn Pelly and Liz Pelly Sept. 24, 2019 Updated 6:33 p.m. ET

To be a twin can be a psychological house of mirrors. And so where better to meet up with Tegan and Sara Quin — feminist pop heroes, freshly minted authors, and, like us, identical twins — than at a kaleidoscopic infinity room in Chelsea? As we left the small mirrored room at the kitschy Museum of Illusions, where our likenesses warped and refracted, we encountered a third set of twins. Reality grew ever more psychedelic, and we snapped a photograph of the six of us to commemorate it.

In their new memoir, “High School,” the Quin sisters alternate chapters to detail their teenage years. Growing up in Canada, they worshiped Nirvana, Green Day and the Smashing Pumpkins. They discovered and explored their sexuality. They sneaked out to raves, dropped acid, fought authority. When a classmate spewed homophobic statements during a lesson on STDs, Sara hurled a chair across the room. In the end, the twins competed in a life-changing battle of the bands. “If we don’t win tonight,” Tegan said onstage, “our mom is going to make us go to college.” They won.

While gathering their research for the book, Tegan and Sara found cassettes of some of their earliest songs. And so “High School” is accompanied by a new album, “Hey, I’m Just Like You,” featuring polished-up re-workings of those unearthed demos. Some of the songs evoke the ’90s indie pop of the band’s Lilith Fair era, while others could be the seeds of electronic-dance bangers. The connective thread is the unguarded emotionality of a teenage perspective.

This multimedia set is yet more experimentation from a band that, across nine albums, has moved from folky indie rock into synth-driven dance tracks and mainstream pop. Tegan and Sara sang “Everything Is Awesome” (“The Lego Movie” theme song) at the 2015 Oscars, and have performed with Taylor Swift. In 2016 they launched their Tegan and Sara Foundation, to benefit organizations committed to health, economic justice and representation for L.G.B.T.Q. girls and women.

During a conversation at a downtown cafe, Tegan was forthright and unapologetic, while Sara was analytical, using an app to astrologically survey our twin-by-twin dynamic. They frequently chipped at each other’s memories and perspectives to hone the truth and soon turned the questions on us: Did we feel ever competitive with each another, or encroached upon, as twins with the same career? These are excerpts from the conversation.

JENN PELLY As identical twins, we have strengths and weaknesses that are different but complementary. I often think: If you put us back together, we would be a perfect person. Do you relate?

TEGAN AND SARA QUIN 100 percent.

SARA I wouldn’t be as extreme, if Tegan wasn’t Tegan. I would have balanced myself differently. When Tegan would go through a dark stage, and be a little more chaotic, I would straighten up and be more disciplined. When Tegan went through a punk stage and started getting tattoos everywhere, I was like, I’m going to wear tailored clothing.

LIZ PELLY I think some twins learn early on that collaboration requires compromise and patience.

SARA A lot of people will say, “I have mommy issues” or “daddy issues.” I have Tegan issues. A lot of my hangups or dysfunctions in relationships are based on our primary relationship as children — what worked for us, what didn’t, how difficult it was to share the same face.

Most people sort of break up with their mom or their dad when they go out into the world and become adults. With us, it’s like we broke up, but decided to co-parent our music career.

TEGAN I believe there is a deep desire in Sara to define herself outside of this duo, like she’s cutting off an appendage. It’s not sad for me anymore, but it was at first. We are better together. Our songs are more developed together, and we stand out in a crowd together. It’s very complicated, to want to sever and tether at the same time, this mix of emotions that’s feuding inside of you at all times: We desperately want to be apart, and be our own people, but I need her to thrive and survive.

JENN Explain the mirror on the cover of “High School.”

TEGAN The mirror is distorted, and so is our perception of ourselves, and of the past, and of each other. In writing the book, it was like: That’s what you remember? That’s what you thought was happening? Over the years, I’ve realized there’s this unfair weight put on our shoulders to represent both of us. It’s a psychic burden; you’re responsible for each other.

JENN One passage that shocked me was when you discover you’ve both been playing music alone. Liz and I talk about cryptophasia a lot, a secret language that some twins share. Is that how it felt?

SARA When I discovered the guitar, I didn’t need to know Tegan was also discovering the guitar. When I figured out I was attracted to my best friend, I just assumed Tegan was figuring out she was attracted to her best friend. I assumed there was this parallel experience happening at all times.

TEGAN I was shocked you had been doing the same things.

SARA Discovering the guitar and writing songs felt like an epiphany, like a miracle. I had been so bad at so many things. This was the one time in my life I picked something up, and I knew how to do it. It felt like a gift, like it saved me. I wanted to protect that for a second, in that little tiny moment where I was doing it alone. But playing with Tegan, I knew it was bigger and better and more special and more seductive to people.

JENN You write about not fitting in with the punks, while also offending people in school because of the way you dressed, like outsiders among outsiders. Did you embolden each other?

SARA I felt alienated at punk shows. I walked in with that chip on my shoulder — “I don’t belong” — and Tegan threw her bag on the wall, walked into the pit, banged her head and thrashed.

TEGAN I always felt, if you want to be in that room, go in that room. If you want to be invited there, go. If you want to be a part of things, be a part.

JENN I wonder if some of this confidence comes from having a built in support system — the us against the world type thing.

TEGAN I never needed an external source to inspire me. It’s inside of me. I want to make my own rules. I don’t want to ask permission. There were long stretches of our career where I felt Sara dwelled on meaningless things. But she was finding a way to work through, and I worked my way around.

There were certain criticisms made of us, early on, that felt unfair. They did not feel like musical criticisms. They felt borderline or blatantly misogynist. My reaction was to design a T-shirt with all of the quotes — Spin magazine: “Wicca-folk nightmare.” Pitchfork: “Tampon rock.” I wanted to sell it on our website, and embrace the part of our history that made us as tough as we are now — not hardened, not bitter, but thrilled to be a part of this still. Because we got around it, and she got through it, and we’re still here.

SARA I always had a more institutional perspective. It wasn’t “tampon rock” that bothered me, it was sexism that bothered me. It was homophobia that bothered me.

The only reason I’m still making music, in this band, is because Tegan was championing me and cheering me on and trying to get me past these obstacles. But I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I felt furious at the industry, at the institutions that were inherently flawed and discriminatory. Even as a young person, I thought: If we’re the ones making it, and I feel this bad, Jesus, what does it feel like to be the artist that isn’t breaking through? I appreciated Tegan going around the obstacles, but I was like: I want to put dynamite under the obstacle and blow it up. We really have struggled with that dynamic.

A lot of that was planted early in our lives. Tegan’s coming out story is so different. She didn’t face the same type of homophobia. She didn’t have the same type of trauma as I did. Tegan holds her girlfriend’s hand on the street. I don’t. I’m afraid. I don’t care how big WorldPride is or how many cool new queer artists are on the covers of magazines. My experience informed how I react to the world. And that sometimes is hard to reconcile.

JENN I was thinking about your song “Nineteen” from “The Con,” which also describes your teenage years. Do you feel you’ve been reflecting on this part of your life for a while now?

TEGAN When we started talking about other songs that could be included [on our upcoming tour], the first song I thought of was “Nineteen.” I thought about how much of our music harkens back to that high school period. We’ve been diminished over and over throughout our careers for only writing love songs. But what we were really writing about was relationships, including the ones with ourselves — about family, friends, work. You talk about everything when you’re talking about relationships. There’s something about tethering the old songs to the modern age that becomes very cinematic for me. It starts to tell a bigger story.

LIZ You’ve described “You Go Away and I Don’t Mind,” from the new album, as being about the futility of fame. What is it like to reflect on that now that you are famous?

SARA I think that is the most strangely prophetic song. It was very surreal to read those lyrics all of these years later. Because for me, it’s very coherent. Since we were little, we had drawn undeserved or unearned attention. We would go to the mall as little kids and people would touch us. And that’s very disorienting and destabilizing as a young person. I think we did feel popular but it felt false. And in a lot of ways that echoes what it feels like to be famous or to be a celebrity in some ways. It can feel very empty.

JENN In part of the book, a friend’s brother asks you to jam, and you talk about how badly you wanted to be taken seriously. Was there a point in which you finally felt like you were taken seriously?

TEGAN To this day there��s a part of us that doesn’t feel like we’ve been taken that seriously, and I think all women probably feel that way. But we’ve now spent the majority of our adult life doing the thing we love, and we’re approached every day by people who are like, “I exist because of you.” Things like the Grammys become less important when you have an entire generation of people who are grateful you were bold and open about being gay before it was cool.

SARA We want journalists and fans, and culture at large, to reconcile how we see young women as artists — and when we begin seeing art as valuable. With our new songs, there are going to be people who say, “Oh, isn’t it cute? They released songs from when they were in high school.” But we want this music to be taken seriously. Not because we’re 38 years old and rerecording these songs, but because we were 15, 16 and 17 years old when we wrote them. And as 38-year-old women who have been around the world, who have experienced so much, I still think there is value in what I had to say. I went back and listened to that music and decided it is valuable.

TEGAN Actually I did first and then you did two months later.

SARA We are challenging people to see this work as sophisticated and mature and ahead of its time.

When we were teenagers, our music was written about as “rudimentary, but geez, there is something there.” It wasn’t rudimentary. There was something remarkable about what we were trying to say. There is something so profound about your first experiences. I fell in love multiple times. I was depressed. I was suicidal. I was passionate. I fought with my mother. I broke up with my sister. Those are some of the biggest moments of my life. How am I supposed to just write them off, like, “Oh who cares, I was a teenager.”

LIZ We’re taught that thinking in an emotionally-charged way is something for your teenage years. But actually, that sort of emotional intensity is powerful to carry with you throughout your life.

SARA I have a visceral memory of sitting down to write the song “Hello” at the end of grade 12. I had been devastated by this girl, Zoe, in the book — I loved her, and she was like, “I don’t like girls.” I was grappling with all of these big things. And I remember thinking, “I wish I was older. I wish I knew how to get through this.” I’m 38 years old, and every time I sing that line, I feel that right now. I wish I knew how to do this better. I don’t understand why I’m still suffering. I don’t understand why I’m still not better.

TEGAN It’s powerful to acknowledge that you don’t have all of the answers yet.

SARA When I sat down and listened to the demos, I just thought: I’m so glad little Tegan and Sara wrote all this music. They were better at addressing my feelings than I am right now.

#tegan and sara #tegan quin #sara quin #tns interview #sweet baby jesus hi-res photos #beat the paywall

[sadapricus]

Boyfriend Sara 💦.

#tegan and sara #snaps #are #back #bitches #im so happy #sara quin #skq #boyfriend sara

[julia-highstorms]

Closer: Part Two (Bryce x Rei (F!MC))

Summary: Bryce Lahela can't deny the growing affection he's been feeling to a certain medical intern...

Author’s note: We already know how Rei really feels about Bryce… but how the medical intern really feels about her? Read Part One here. My masterlist

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry Studios.

Song: Closer - Tegan and Sara

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Bryce x F!MC (Rei Sato)

Word count: 2527

I want you close, I want you

I won't treat you like you're typical

He soon noticed the woman striding toward him.

It was becoming just impossible to not notice Rei Sato. Maybe it was her long, dark and purple hair. Or those brown innocent eyes that she had. Or that soft and so kissable mouth of hers.

The truth was that, before he even had realised it, Bryce Lahela’s eyes were instinctively searching for Rei through the crowd. It didn’t matter where he was, at the hospital, or out in the city. He was just always secretly hoping to meet her.

So yeah, his already elevated ego got a boost when he saw her coming toward his direction. Of course she was coming to talk to him. Even with Donahue's packed like that, he simply knew she was.

Bryce was fully aware that he wasn’t Rei’s only “secret admirer”. Jackie was a tough cookie, but she seemed to have a soft spot for Rei, always helping her roommate when she needed. The surgeon intern was a great observer and had noticed the way Jackie looked at Rei. It was similar to how Dr. Ethan Ramsey looked at his clearly favorite internal medicine intern, with fondness in his usually so serious and cold blue eyes. The new Director of Diagnostics had a tough and stoic facade and was known to be harsh with the interns. But Bryce noticed that the attendant had been gradually becoming more lenient towards Rei as they got... closer. He only saw the corners of Dr. Ramsey’s mouth turning upwards in an attempt of what was supposed to be a smile twice, and they both happened when the more experienced doctor was hurriedly talking to Rei about something, probably about her patients.

But she didn’t seem to notice Ramsey’s nor Jackie’s weaknesses towards herself. Bryce wasn’t sure if Rei’s naïveté was a good thing or not. The good part was that he wouldn’t need to worry much about competition - yes, even himself would feel threatened sometimes, especially by two people so smart and charming, on their own ways, like Dr. Jackie Varma and Dr. Ethan Ramsey -; but there was the risk of Rei not understanding that he was interested in her. So Bryce Lahela had to step up his game.

And that was part of why he flirted so blatantly with her. He wasn't ever sure if she would truly understand what he meant or not. If she understood that he was interested in her. Like, interested a lot.

But the fact that she was approaching him that night must have been a sign. Right?

“Are you sure you should be here, in the enemy’s headquarters?” - Bryce asked playfully, that signature smirk on his lips. - “I can feel Dr. Varma’s eyes shooting lasers through my back already.”

Rei just rolled her eyes to him, a small smile tugging on the corner of her lips, instantly feeling at ease by his presence. Although he and Jackie said those kind of things, she knew they shared a camaraderie and respected each other greatly.

“I just wanted to thank you. Uh, properly. For listening to me today. And all the other times.” - Rei completed, her cheeks flushing slightly. His grin widened.

“Glad to be at service. For someone who you medical interns claim to not have enough sympathy towards people, I’m a pretty damn good listener, ain’t I?” - she rolled her eyes again to his stupid and super sexy wink.

“You know, you’re more handsome with your mouth shut, Lahela.”

“Oh, so you find me handsome now?”

Of course he noticed that her face got another shade pinker under the neon lights of the bar, but he said nothing, just grinning pridefully to himself.

“You only hear what you want, don’t you?” - Rei murmured when she finally found her voice, and he laughed heartily.

"But you said you wanted to thank me… 'properly'?" - his eyes shined, a sly grin spreading on his face, as he leaned closer, one hand on the wall behind her.

“I… uh, yeah…” - she stuttered, her heart speeding up.

"And how do you intend to thank me?" - he asked suggestively, his eyes gazing to her lips.

"Uh..." - just kiss him. Yeah, go for it, just kiss him. No one will see. Nobody will care. You've already kissed him before. What's the big deal? Just kiss him! - "...I can buy you a drink?" - she asked instead.

Bryce hid his disappointment behind a relaxed grin.

"I'll never say no to free booze." - he winked at her again and they both headed towards the bar, his hand on the small of her back.

While Rei asked for their drinks to the barman, the surgical intern watched her, his thoughts drifting back to events that happened earlier that day.

Bryce was enjoying a little break after another successful surgery, when he saw Rei sneaking into a supply closet on the third floor. He knew instantly that something was off with her.

He knocked on the the supply closet's door and waited for an answer for a few seconds, but the answer never came. Without hesitation, he simply entered in there, even uninvited.

Rei didn't kick him out of there. In fact, she let him stay, next to her, and eventually told him what was upsetting her. They even had a moment, when the P.A. System’s voice suddenly echoed through the building, completely breaking the mood.

After checking that the message wasn't for neither of them, Rei relaxed again, sinking onto the floor next to him.

"Wow, you really are tense." - Bryce commented, watching her.

"Understatement of the century." - she took a deep breath, before muttering with a somber tone: - “I wouldn't be surprised if they were calling me because I misdiagnosed a patient."

"Hey, don't be like that--"

"It’s just so frustrating. I’ve thought that, as time passed, I’d be messing less on being a doctor. But it seems like the only thing I know to do is putting my patients on more danger than they already are.”

"I told you, Rei… you have to allow yourself to make mistakes--"

“I know." - she interrupted him again, gazing into his eyes. - "But I wonder if I’ll ever stop doing it." - he watched a frown surging on her pretty face. - "Will I ever be good enough? Will I ever be a good doctor?”

“You are good enough. If you weren’t, do you really think you’d be an Edenbrook Hospital’s intern? And you are a great doctor already, Rei. We’re always learning. Just because we’re close to be fully capable doctors who’ll save the world, it doesn’t mean that we’ll never make mistakes again. That we’ll save every single person that walks into this - or any - hospital. All we can do is do our best and I'm sure you're already doing it. I see how hard you work.”

She let out a snort.

"You don't even see me. I mean, you always are too busy, I don't know, cutting someone open."

Bryce pulled out, pretending to be offended.

"Is this what you think I do? I thought that, by now, your view on me would be better, Sato." - she giggled, feeling a bit better already, thanks to Bryce's words. And to his presence there. It was great being able to confide to him.

They both stood up, smoothing their uniforms.

"So, are you feeling better? Good to go?" - she nodded to him as he cracked the door open, letting light come into the room.

"Yeah. Thank you, Bryce." - he saw her cheeks flushing a little. - "You probably are getting tired of always having to listen to my dumb breakdowns." - to her distress, she had lost count on how many times he found her in a supply closet in that state.

He chuckled softly. If she only knew. Bryce was pretty sure it was simply impossible for him to get tired of her.

He really liked Rei Sato. He admired how so genuine she was. Admitting that she made mistakes was the hardest thing ever, and something that he would never do.

Rei was noble and a dreamer. And she was the only internal medicine intern that seemed to not judge him and call him a ‘bloodthirsty’ for choosing a more "in hands" - literally - job. Even with all those jokes, he knew she was just teasing him.

But she put so much pressure in herself, she couldn’t see how capable and brilliant she already was.

"I don't mind. We all need to let things out of our chests sometimes." - he said instead and she smiled sweetly at him, ready to step out of the supply closet. - "Wait, before you go..."

Rei had just turned to face him when he pulled her chin to his, leaving a quick but soft kiss on her lips.

When Bryce pulled out, the other doctor's face was bright red.

"Just for good luck." - he winked mischievously at her, before hurrying back to work, leaving a numb Rei behind.

"Bryce? Aren't you going to drink?" - the man snapped out of his thoughts by her voice. He looked down to the bar counter, noticing the untouched glass of some fruity drink in front of him. Rei was already drinking hers.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I just zoned out a bit." - he took a sip of his drink and smirked at her. - "I was thinking about that kiss we shared this morning."

Of course she blushed violently to it. She was adorable.

“You’re insufferable, Lahela.” - was everything she murmured at him, before going back to sip her drink.

They drank in silence, enjoying each other’s company and the upbeat songs that made the whole place shake.

“Hey… you want to dance?” - he asked when both their glasses were empty.

“I’d love to.” - she smiled sheepishly. He took her hand and gently guided her toward the dance floor, both of them squeezing between the dancing people.

Rei giggled softly as Bryce promptly started moving to the beat, and joined him, enjoying the catchy pop song that was playing, their eyes never leaving each other.

“What?” - he asked after she let a low groan as a calmer and more sensual song started playing.

“It’s just… I don’t know how to dance to this type of music.” - she murmured, embarrassedly rolling her eyes.

“Nonsense, it’s like dancing to any other song. There’s no right or wrong. But I can help you if you want…” - he stepped closer, grinning, and she felt his firm and warm hands on her waist, pulling her close enough to make her feel his heat through the fabric of his clothes. - “Just follow the music. Feel the beat.” - she nodded, his hands effortlessly guiding her hips along with the sensual rhythm. They swayed, their bodies pressed tightly close together.

Lost in each other, Rei threw her arms around his shoulders, absentmindedly biting her lip as her eyes moved to watch his lips, just inches from hers. Smirking and fully aware of what he was doing, Bryce pushed her away until the medical intern felt her back hitting the wall against her, letting out a surprised gasp as she felt his warm mouth on her neck, his hands gripping her firmly by her hips.

“Finally. This is right where I wanted you to be the whole night.” - his voice was low and husky into her ear.

“What, with my back against the wall?” - she murmured back at him, her heartbeat speeding up.

“And in my arms.” - he flashed that smirk of his to hers before leaning in.

Rei sighed when his mouth met hers, enjoying the sensation of his weight pinning her there, kissing her fiercely. She tightened the embrace around his neck, kissing back as hungry as him, both of them going completely oblivious to the people around and listening to the song playing only inside their heads.

He felt so drawn to her.

When they finally parted, a new energetic song was playing. They gazed into each other’s eyes, Rei feeling her mouth swollen and tingling.

“You’re amazing, Rei.” - he grinned at her, fondly stroking her cheek, and saw that silly smile spreading on her face.

“Careful. If you keep saying this, it might go all over my head.” - he chuckled and pecked her lips again.

“I know it won’t.” - reluctantly, he pulled away. - “You should go back to your friends before they accuse me of kidnapping you. You neglected them long enough this night.” - she giggled.

“Yeah, you might be right…”

“Jackie might even start getting jealous of me.” - he winked playfully at her, running his fingers through his hair. Rei rolled her eyes but assumed a worried expression right after.

“You know, I actually wanted to talk to you about this thing…” - he looked at her curiously. - “Uh… would you…” - he noticed her hands fidgeting anxiously. - “Uh…” - Deep breaths, Rei, count to three. One, two, three. Breath in. One, two, three. Breath out. Okay. - “I mean, uh, on Saturday night we’ll be throwing this housewarming party for our new apartment and…” - her face got hotter and hotter as she got more tongue tied. - “well, if you’d want to go, you’re more than welcome—”

“Do you want me to go, Rei?” - he asked, his famous smirk spreading on his face. Bryce Lahela had to bit back a laughter as he watched her face turning bright red, almost purple. Who would have thought that that walking nervous hot mess could be so demanding when kissing him back?

“I… Yeah… I mean, it would be nice! But if you can’t, I can totally understand and—” - the avalanche of words started coming out of her mouth. He chuckled softly.

“I’m sorry, Rei, I was just teasing you. I’d love to go, thank you for inviting me.” - he squeezed her shoulder affectionately and that gesture somehow seemed to relax her a bit.

“Oh okay, cool!” - her smile was so cute, Bryce had to control himself to not kiss her again.

Although they've known each other for a few weeks, he somehow knew Rei Sato well enough to know that there was a limit of how many times he could kiss or flirt with her per day without startling her. Things should go at her own pace.

...And he actually liked it and was willing to take things slower. He enjoyed her company and was figuring out how she worked. Things at work were already pretty hectic, they didn’t need to rush things up between them.

“Uh, if you want, you can invite the other surgical interns too.” - she completed.

“That’d be nice.” - he smiled brightly at her. - “Thanks.”

“Just don’t tell Jackie I told you this!” - he laughed loudly, throwing his head backwards.

“I won’t. Thanks for the invite, Rei. I’ll be there.” - he winked as his hand squeezed hers gently before letting it go.

“Okay. See you there then.” - she smiled coyly at him before going back to her booth, where her friends were, leaving them both with an exciting feeling.

They couldn't wait for the housewarming party!

All I wanna get is a little bit closer

All I wanna know is, can you come a little closer?

Tagging  @brightpinkpeppercorn @pixelburied @nyastarlight @endlessflame @awkwardalbatros @choicesarehard @strangelycami @stillafictosexual @queen-among-writers @indiacater @worldofchoices @radlovedreamer @fairydustandsarcasm @choicesthot @blackreddish @lilyofchoices @fluffywhitehair @weaving-in-words (if you would like to be tagged in upcoming Bryce x MC fanfics, tell me!)

#bryce lahela #bryce x mc #bryce x rei #open heart #playchoices #choices fan #playchoices fandom #playchoices fanfiction #choices fanfiction #open heart fanfiction