#The Spider-Fucker speaks

[itbe-jess]

I once read this magazine called Twisted ToyFare Theatre, an adult magazine where they pose old Mego figures and make their own parody comics. I was only interested in reading it because Spider-Man starred in them. You know how I love me some Spider-Man.

Worst thing I ever wasted time reading. It was gross, unfunny, and it didn't feel like it was for adults. It felt like it was for pre-teen boys who stay up late on a school's night and watch Family Guy/Robot Chicken. Not to mention your "friendly neighborhood" Spider-Man is portrayed to be an unsympathetic jerkass. Would not recommend.

Rest in peace, early 2000s. Long may you rot.

#The Spider-Fucker speaks #Rant

[hiding-under-the-willow]

Tossing and turning in bed plagued by visions (Ed Edgar headcanons that are definitely just me projecting my cowboy ass autistic interest in strange animals onto him bc he too is a strange southern man with autistic swag)

#atlas speaks #i think he keeps exotic animals. not in like a joe exotic tiger king 'I'm raising endangered mammals that could kill me in my bedroom' way #but like. he has a bunch of venomous snakes and weird spiders. his living room is just lined with shelves and shelves of terrariums #i think you see him interact with his strange and dangerous pets and it's like meeting a whole new person #he is so much less of an asshole the second he is looking at a weird bug #i think he would love camel spiders in particular. those fuckers are so weird he'd love it #and bold jumping spiders. bc they're native to where he grew up #you take him out hiking or some sblhit and he starts acting like that guy on tiktok who hunts for pythons in the florida everglades #he's picking up snakes with his bare hands like #'oh yeah this is a black racer! they're totally harmless but they've got a lot of personality ^-^' while it aggressively bites his arm #he tried showing Bim the David Bowie Huntsman once. he's like 'Bowie is a gay icon Bim'll love this' and quickly learns Bim is arachnophobic #he's waving around cane toads like 'oh my god guys look at the poison glands on this thing!!!' #i feel like he'd love eastern hognose snakes too he loves the silly fucking way they play dead #anyways what I'm saying is give him a educational nature show let him do some weird shit out in the wild it's his natural habitat #he's the types of guy to stand barefoot on the asphalt next to a diamondback to get it to cross the road so it doesn't get run over #I'm hoping releasing these thoughts into the world frees me from them so i can sleep lol can you tell #anyways he absolutely handles like black widows and brown recluse with his bare hands like a madman #he would love eel pit guy #anyways this is his one redeeming quality he is still the worst in every other way 👍

[specialagentleonkennedy]

Mun's personal commentary upon meeting the REGENERATORS in RE4R.

"Oh god, is that the breathing?! Why is it breathing like that?! OH GOD ITS SO MUCH WORSE."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LIPS?! WHERE ARE THEY?! THE TEETH ARE MUCH BETTER BUT GODDAMN"

"Ewwwwww you jiggle like moldy Jello- OH FUCK THAT'S A IRON MAIDEN BITCH!!!!"

"WHY ARE YOU SLITHERING ON THE GROUND LIKE A FUCKING SNAKE?! THE OG ONES DIDN'T DO THAT!"

"Defeat the strong threat " okay that shouldn't be too ba- OH GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE MULTIPLE PLAGAS?! WHY ARE YOU AN IRON MAIDEN?!"

"I wanna go home" gets grabbed by a Regenerator "MOTHERFUC-"

#resident evil 4 remake #re4r spoilers #re4r Regenerators #leon s kennedy #mun speaks #mun cries #Mun: still the scariest part of the game #Mun: I'll gladly take the Plaga spider bitchs over those fuckers any day

[anachronistic-falsehood]

this is the same image. to me

OMG. HE'S SO FUCKING ITTY BITTY. MICROSCOPIC. spot the difference. IMPOSSIBLE!!! the autism eyes...... thats a little shrimp boy right there!!!!!

#dreamstuck #friend tag :3 #oh he's so fucking small. biggest saddest autism stare u ever seen in ur life #little shrimp boy tommy is delightful thank u mac #this is actually makin me think abt tommysprite and how he's part spider #like what if he. was the size. of a teeny tiny spider #small little guy put him in the palm of your hand and feed him bugs put him in an enclosure #TINY little fucker!!!! capturing him with a cup and a piece of paper and putting him outside AS WE SPEAK!!!!!

[kitxkatrp]

So because I have the worst luck in the world, a spider had babies in my mattress and I got bit all over in my sleep, my hip is swollen from the bites and I'm in a lot of pain (because whenever am I not) and now I have to deal with the nausea and the itching and the swelling and I am not a happy bean. I also cannot sleep in my bed until everything is washed and my room is bug bombed again, so I am stuck trying to nap in my recliner which is not the most comfortable thing.

If I'm suddenly around 24 hours until this is fixed, that is the reason why.

#{ Kitten Speaks } #tw: spider mention #{ I hate this I legit did nothing to these fuckers } #{ I was just minding my own business }

[sexy-raccoons]

there was a spider on my wall and i looked away from it for two seconds and haven’t seen it since

i live in constant fear to this day

#spiders #panda speaks #arachnaphobia tw #i should be asleep but i’m too scared #if i let my gaurd down i know that fucker will be on me #next you hear from me i’ll be arrested for arson #at least i got that damn spider

[cappurrccino]

fucking SPIDERS >:(

#//juri speaks #i hope to GOD it's just one giant fucker running around rn but i think there's at least 2 #and LOOK i KNOW spiders are good for the environment but NOT when there are 3000 of them #LOOSE IN MY HOUSE

[qtkoshi]

Maybe gn!Reader and Hobie adopt a kitten and the other three (Pavitr, Gwen, and Miles) come to see the kitten? Maybe a orange kitten gn!Reader wanted to name Spunk or Spike while Hobie gave them a spike collar? Would be cute lol

i luv ur brain anon

"you got....a kitten?"

- ok ok idk if this is what u meant, but u can feel free to run this with the bubblegum reader + hobie bc i think it fits alright :-) - also get a little deep with describing relationship,, but it’s necessary for the plot ! (...) - also!!! tysm for the requests; i am very excited to get into them, but will prob wait till tmrw to release bc it is my birthday today <3 much love to you all

──★ ˙ ̟ to the stars ！

general headcannons

alright first of all: hobie with a kitten? i’m in tears. 

i love the hc that hobie has a soft spot for cats and the fact that y’all got one together? bye.

NAPS WITH THE KITTEN JUST NESTLED BETWEEN BOTH OF YOU

this cat is gonna be SPOILED in attention i tell u rn

hobie isn’t as obvious ab it as u, but the amount of times u see him chilling with the cat just perched on his shoulder?? (why are u taking the baby swinging across the city hobie; wait a min now–)

how u got him

imagine this: ur walking past an alley and hear this small little meow; after further investigation you find this tuft of orange fur crying outside the dumpster and

now u gotta take it in what r u talking about!!

bringing him home immediately ; hobie's spidey senses prob picked up the cat's presence before you got in the door.

'baby what's that.' 'c'mon spiderman we got saving to do'

man can't even argue with you

hobie not naming the cat himself bc he doesn’t wanna enforce socio-constructed labels on an unsuspecting creature that can’t consent

u can tho.

and while you very much want to, you tell hobie you gotta think on it for a bit – it has to fit just right!! (tbh he rlly doesn’t mind the cat being nameless, but he’s kinda whipped and will kinda go with what u want if it helps give that pretty lil smile to him again)

spider-squad finding out ab him

the besties r wrapping up something with a fight and hobie’s all k gotta leave and check on the cat and the rest are like ????? 

pav absolutely floored bc how dare did u not mention this sooner hobie

'so you lot wanna come see him?' (inter-dimensional travel ensues) – also never gonna complain ab coming to hobie’s house they all think his place is dope

i’m sure we all know orange cats are fucking crazy and that does not exclude the little gremlin jumping off the walls of your flat rn

hobie ofc is smirking bc his son the cat is a little agent of chaos and he couldn’t be more proud 

you, on the other hand, are just a little tired trying to get the fucker to stay still for a second so u can put on the damn flea medicine

everybody loves him are u kidding (miles a little hesitant tho, he still has beef with the last spiderman-variant cat he met :/ ) 

“so whats its name?” miles was watching with wary eyes as the little ball of fur darted around. with a heavy (and definitely not dramatic) sigh, you walk over to the group “still haven’t picked. we just found him yesterday.”

luv the idea of hobie looking at u anytime ur in the room (stay with me now) — can’t help it u just grab all his attention, maybe stop being so lovely idk

speaking of your relationship: he has spent years battering against everything life throws at him that having your love in the palm of his hands? something to protect not in the way he does as a hero, but in the way to cherish as a person?? give the man a break, he deserves to admire you whenever he can.

anyways hobie’s looking at you before going ‘oh yea’, just grunts and pulls out this little collar with little spikes and their matching and oh my that is so cute

says he found it in some garbage, most def made the collar with some scraps like he did his own (gotta keep it cool yk)

you giddy and putting the collar on the little heathen and just all ‘omg wait a min’

promptly lifting the cat up and “THIS IS SPIKE.”

cue golf claps from the squad with some ooo’s and aah’s

more gen headcannons

remember when hobie and the cat were swinging around the city? yea he's taking that mf everywhere. puts him in his pocket like a little surprise

hobie loves to play fight with the cat

spike is the perfect mix; got hobie’s energy and your brightness it’s a win-win

i could write more but i'll stop here for now 🕸️

⊗

#hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #spiderverse x reader #spiderpunk #hobie brown #across the spiderverse #atsv x reader #across the spiderverse x reader #spiderpunk x reader #hobart brown x reader #hobie۫ ִ✮ #this was so cute hehe #thank you anon #!!!!!

[kissitbttr]

RANDOMMM SCENARIO BUT… famous athlete(soccer player) comes up to Wife and flirts with her (???) while her and miggy are at a club or something. 🫨

ooo this gon be a one jealous miggy🤤🤤

-

miguel is fucking furious,

he and his wife had planned to have a date night. a nice drink at a cocktail bar would do the two of them good. in which he refused at first. he offered a dinner and gentle walks with ice cream but it seems that his wife managed to make him agree with her instead . thanks to her gorgeous puppy dog eyes and seduction, he actually complied. under one condition, that she has to stay by his side the entire night.

‘aw baby, you know i wouldn’t stray too far away from you. I wouldn’t like to dance alone anyway’

that’s not why miguel wanted her to leave his side for more than five minutes,

if she did, then miguel has to look at some twenty something year old mother fucker trying to hit on her like this exact moment,

it’s because he knows how gorgeous his wife is. her presence alone could make people’s head turns and men to fall to their knees. let alone if she opens her mouth and speak, they could easily be entranced and fall in love,

how would he know, you ask? because that’s what she did to him the first time he met her,

he brings his glass of whiskey to his lips, taking a slow sips as his eyes settled on another brunette man trying to entertain his wife by the bar,

five minutes. miguel fucking left for five minutes to go to the bathroom and some pubescent fucker already is trying his ways to woo her,

it’s not like she’s actually interested with the guy. he could sense the boredom radiating from her, and he doesn’t even have to stand close to her,

it makes him laugh.

her ears perk at the sound of a familiar sound that she loves, turning around and flashes a smile before reaching a hand to his waist making him mirror her expression,

“miguel, darling. this is christian. christian king. he’s a—“

“number 07. football league. nice to meet you” on the contrary, miguel’s tone doesn’t sound inviting at all, in which she’s quick to notice but doesn’t say anything,

the guy however, is appalled. eyes wide at the size of the man before him who looks like he could snap his neck in half.

miguel’s impossibly large physique has never failed to intimidate people. how could it not? he’s one of the strongest spider-man for crying out loud! not to mention the amount of hours he put in during the workouts. especially when he’s in during the bulking season to put on more muscles,

lord have mercy whomever tries to cross him or disrespect his wife

“oh.. I didn’t know she came with someone” the guy gulps nervously but try to at least smile. “miguel o’hara? a friend of bruce wayne’s right?”

he scoffs, “hardly” he twirls the glass softly in his hand as the other snakes around her waist, showing him that she’s taken. “acquaintance is more suited”

christian lets out a hum, nodding along as he awkwardly tries to avert his gaze. miguel’s wife however is enjoying this weird interaction, her eyes flickers between them before smirking,

“christian here just asked me out on a date. to go watch him play”

hearing that makes christian choke, while miguel raises his one eyebrow at the bold question the man had the nerve to ask,

“that so?” miguel heaves a small humorless laugh, sounding pissed. he watches christian struggle to put some words as he shakes his head,

“t-that was before i knew she came with someone, i swear! sorry i mean no disrespect” he puts his hands up in defense, feeling scared that her words will affect his life. because the way miguel is staring him down hard,

there’s 99% chance that christian would walk out of here with broken arms,

“saw you kept touching her too, compá. you interested in my wife?” miguel steps in closer while she remains quiet, biting back a smile,

“no! oh my god, no! of course not i was—“

“how old are you?”

“21”

“shit” miguel chuckles as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “look, you got to find one your age, kid. she’s taken. beat it”

christian nods fast, grabbing his drink off the table and mutter a soft sorry before scrambling off and away from the two,

his wife has her legs crossed, exposing the soft and delicate thighs between the slits of her dress while eyeing her husband who refuses to leave his gaze off the poor guy,

she smirks widely, elbow on the counter before chuckling causing miguel to look at his woman. which then his brows dip into a frown,

“you were enjoying that”

“i did” she confirms, moving to graze his cheek and down to the collar of his shirt. “you handled that better than i did”

“you complaining, cariño?”

“kind of. I should’ve prompted a fight”

“jesus, you’re crazy”

she leans closer, breath ghosting over his mouth as he looks down at her, mind going fuzzy. “you love it.”

“ay. si lo tengo, bonita” he sighs dreamily, planting a quick kiss on her ruby lips. “i still don’t like how they keep trying to take my woman away from me. first, it was at the cake test for our wedding and now that fucking kid—jesus is really testing me”

“what? you know i’m hot. some people just can’t help themselves” she shrugs innocently, giving him her best doe gaze while sipping on her cocktail,

with a groan, he pulls her in. “you’re pushing it, querida” eyes jumping between her eyes and mouth. “but you’re not wrong”

her lips stretch into a smile, pressing a finger on his chin to keep his eyes locked in his,

“you’re my husband. and i’m your wife. we’re tied, baby. you are stuck with me”

the nickname and the reminder puts him at ease for a bit, softly unclenching his jaw, head nodding at the thought of his wife being his forever,

his beautiful, beautiful wife,

“i mean, unless you want us to—“

“don’t even think about it” he grunts, giving her butt a spank with a glare. the gesture makes her giggle,

“you’re fucking mine”

#miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara fluff #miguel o’hara blurbs #miguel o’hara drabbles

[hazelfoureyes]

So a friend read the little gifts that I dropped for you, and her first question was: "They're in a hotel right? Aren't there other people???" You can thank her for this. Btw I'mma roll with the Smut Santa thing now ☄️❤️

"What the fuck is he doin' up there?" Angel mumbled under his breath as he climbed the steps of the hotel. "And why the FUCK am I bein' sent to shut him up? I'm a guest, not an employee in this dump!" He continued to grumble as he made his way closer to Alastor's room, but as he rounded the corner, he knew. Oh buddy, HE KNEW. There was no mistaking that familiar thumping noise of wood against drywall, and there CERTAINLY was no mistaking the cries of ecstasy that could be heard all the way at the end of the hall where Angel stood. "Huh... who knew he had it in him..." he said with a smirk as he reached for his phone, quickly looking for a way to record the sounds coming from his room. But that was before he noticed one of the other doors in the hall was cracked open. Quietly, Angel put his phone away and crept up on the cracked door, trying to figure out who might be listening in on something that had even him blushing like a school maiden.

"Ssshhut up before sssomeone hearsss you!" He heard from the other side, and instantly he knew - it was the drawn out S sound, and the hiss of his tongue darting out between his teeth that have Sir Pentious away. Angel clicked his tongue before he shoved the door open, knocking Pentious on his back and sending his notepad and pencil flying. "The fuck are you doin' in here, huh? Spyin' on the Radio Demon gettin' freaky?" Angel accused him, as if he wasn't just doing the same. "He's gonna kill ya when he- mmmhhh!" The spider demon started in on but Pentious, only to have his mouth covered and his arm nearly yanked out of its socket as Pentious pulled him into the room and cracked the door once again.

"Be quiet!" He hissed, one of his Eggbois bringing the notepad and pencil back to him. "Here ya go, boss!" The creature announced. Pentious hissed at him once again to shut up, and then returned to his spot by the door, scribbling something down as he listened to what was coming from Alastor's room. "I'm taking notesss for when I... for when..." Pentious started, suddenly becoming bashful as he attempted to explain himself. Angel stared at him, one set of arms crossed and the other placed on his hips as he waited for an explanation.

He knew, though. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Sir Pentious had a thing for Cherri Bomb. But Pentious - being the little prude that he was (everyone was a prude to Angel... well, except Alastor, now. He made it off that list.) - quickly covered up the confession he was about to let loose. "I'm writing down everything I hear, ssso I can ussse it againssst Alassstor the next time we do battle!" He covered, flashing a toothy grin at Angel before he went back to his notes. Poor thing thought he was so clever, it was adorable.

Unimpressed, Angeldust stared at Sir Pentious' back for a few moments, trying to decide if he wanted to call him on his bullshit, help the fucker out, or use THIS against HIM later on. But then he remebered: they're supposed to be trying to redeem themselves. That was the whole point of this crapfest they've all come to call home. With a groan, Angel approached the door and yanked it open, grabbing Sir Pentious on the way out.

"Look man, he's gonna kill us both if he finds out we heard any of this." Angel griped, fighting back the urge to shudder at the slimy feel of Pentious' skin. "If ya want pointers on how to impress Cherri, I'll help ya. Just burn that notebook and don't speak about this to anyone! Capische?" It took Pentious a few moments to respond, but ultimately he agreed, slowly following behind Angeldust as they walked down the steps, his Eggbois in tow.

"Hey boss, why does the tall red guy want Y/N to say his name so bad?"

"SHUT UP FRANK!"

You

you can write every character

so well

It’s…. Unfair and upsetting and very exciting

💦

not the wood and drywall

(Smut Santa: @synamartia) 

#hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #☄️❤️ #smutbox #smut santa

[meanbossart]

regarding the drow as a companion, do any of the others have little quips when he's recruited? something along the lines of shadowheart's little remark about karlach throwing her over her shoulder.

I can imagine Gale saying something, like "OH! Really? He's coming with us? Well... Erm, sure, better with us then loose in the wilds, I guess" while glancing around nervously LOL

You did get me thinking of something else though, camp reactions!

Shadowheart: "I'm aware that drow aren't known for their integrity, but theirs is a perseverant kind. I think having one at our side in our present predicament could serve us well." (TAV: "Have you had any experiences with drow before?") Shadowheart: "I might have. I might haven't. All kinds gravitate towards my Mistress's calling… And the spider queen hardly leaves them a choice."

Gale: "Our new friend is surprisingly shy for a man of his stature, couldn't get as much as a "good morning" out of him yet… Well, with a little time, I'm sure he'll warm up to us. Maybe a nice pot-roast will help! He does have ah... Hungry look in his eyes."

Lae'zel: "A blade is only as effective as the one wielding it, and I'm not sure who - or what - is handling the drow you've dragged into camp as of recently." (TAV: "I'm wielding him.") Lae'zel: "Tchk! Have it your way. But I won't come to your rescue if you fall on your own sword."

Astarion: "You have quite the flair for rescuing rabid strangers off the side of roads, don't you? Not that I'm complaining, the more the merrier! Just make sure to put this one back in his cage when we go to bed at night."

Wyll: "A drow on the surface is strange enough a sight… But this one seems… Especially peculiar. I hate to be the one making hasty judgments, but I hope you've made the right choice in allowing him to shelter at our camp."

Karlach: "New guy's a little closed-off, but hey - I sure as hell don't mind just looking, for now. Speaking of looking, Can't wait to see the big lad in a fight, I bet he can mince a fucker to bits in an instant."

#companion DU drow #ask

[lunnybunny12]

Husk X Daughter reader

Requests open

I've always been a gambling man

Masterlist

Husk was your dad when you two were still alive. He was at his bar in the Hazbin Hotel, when you suddenly fell from Heaven down, through the roof of the hotel right into the bar

You died

Pretty simple right?

You died in a pretty normal way. No drink or drugs or pills just slipped away in your sleep.

At first, you felt weightless. like a balloon in the wind. Going up and up with no thoughts, just floating. The higher you went, the brighter it got. Brighter and brighter. It was all blurry.

You were so close. You felt warmth. You felt joy.

But then it stopped.

everything stopped when you felt something cold and heavy snap around your neck.

-----------------------------------

"OK, everyone. gather around were going to do another session" Charlie sang earning a groan from most of her guests.

It was an average day. Well ... as average as a hotel in hell could be. The Sky was red, the bar was full and Nifty was killing bugs.

"Seriously? What now?" Angel asked

"Yeah, do you need me to bring you some roaches to use as an example of what happens when they don't play nicely?" Nifty maniacally giggled with her knife.

"I appreciate the offer, Nifty, but maybe another time. No, today we will be doing 2 truths and a liiiiieeeee !!!! " Charlie cheered.

Another collective groan echoed through the lounge.

"Wiiiiithhhhhh alchoholllll !!!"

-------------------------------------------------------------

One by one everyone had their turn. some were relatively harmless and others not so much.

"And Alastor, It's your turn" Charlie smiled nervously

Across the room, a grumpy old cad was grumbled under his breath.

"As if you'll get that bastard to play this fucking game"

"Now now Husker don't be so quick to judge. that's what got YOU into trouble in the first place." Alastor chimed and walked to sit with the others in the lounge.

Husk growled.

"Now, let's see" Alastor grinned. " 1) I like dogs. 2) Jambalaya is my favourite food. 3) We will be expecting a new member of staff very soon."

Vaggie glared at the man " What?"

" A NEW PERSON!" Charlie beamed. "When are they gonna get here?"

Suddenly a loud crash was heard from the upper floors and came through the ceiling. Dust and rubble went flying everywhere leaving a thick cloud of muck in the air.

It smelled like fire and burning flesh. It made everyone caugh.

A claw crawled out of the mess. Large black eyes were darting around in panic. The creature stumbled to the bar, a mist of dust following close behind them.

"Ey! What the hell! My bar! Get away you fucker!"

"I just fell through your roof and you're giving me shit?" You hissed, trying to shake off as much dust as possible.

You erupted into a fit of coughs and wiped your eyes.

"Where the fuck am I?" you blinked. Your vision was hazy until a tall, red figure walked to meet you.

" Ah hello there my dear. Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. My name is Alastor, and you are?" He asked extending his hand for you to shake.

"I'm (Y/N)?" you answered, looking around.

It was a bit of a dump. But you did just fall through the ceiling. A lot of circus imagery covered the walls and everything was dripping stem to stern in red and gold.

The more you looked around the clearer it got you began to see other faces. One was a young lady. Long blond hair and a huge amazed and excited grin on her face. she was practically jumping for joy.

Another was a shorter lady. She wasn't as excited to see you. More like suspicious.

And then there was... A cat? A very horrified-looking cat... and a spider-person? A snake?

You started to panic. "W-What the fuck is this place? Why are some of you guys animals?"

"Speak for yourself there toots. You look like poos in boots" The spider laughed.

You looked at yourself and almost screamed. You were covered head to toe in ash grey fur, with black paw-like hands and claws for fingers. A long tail wrapped around your leg making you jump almost 3 feet in the air.

Tears were welling up in your black eyes and your heart was going a million miles an hour.

"Ok, understandably you're a little freaked out. Come with me. Im Charlie by the way." She smiled, taking your hand and leading you to a chair.

The second you were sat down Husk practically flew over the bar and dragged Alastor into the hall.

"What. The. Fuck. Is SHE doing here?!"

"The Hotel needed a Receptionist. She has plenty of experience and-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Husk seethed.

"Did you do this to her? Did YOU kill her?"

"Husker I can do a lot of things but killing the living, I can not. You know exactly why she is here."

Alastor walked over to the door and looked at you with an evil grin.

"I can't say I see much of a resemblance Husker. Must take after her mother."

#hazbin hotel x reader #husk x reader #husk hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #helluva boss

[lacedinweb22]

Vampire Next Door ♱✮♱ Miguel O'Hara x reader Miguel's POV Chapter 3: and I remember her... ˚○◦˚.

ch. 1 ch. 2

Your neighbor is strange, to say the least. Miguel O’Hara: Alchemax’s newest scientist, genius, most sought-after bachelor … and according to your wildest suspicions … a vampire?

── ⋆⋅⟡⋅⋆ ──

She looks just like I remember her. 

Plump rosy lips, that same flush of color in her cheeks, soft hair that falls perfectly into place, and a beautiful, contagious smile, one I’d let myself be infected by, that is, if I wasn’t thinking of the one million things I had to do, the people I had to protect, and that piece of shit tied up in my bathroom.

When she talks, when I stare hard enough, I can find little changes in her: the way she carries herself, the way she looks up at me, the slight change in the colors she wears, but still, even through that, I see her, and I remember her… and the thoughts from then rush back.

But I’ve changed … a lot in the past two years. A lot. So I wasn’t too surprised when she didn't remember me. There were three hundred people in that hall, and I was just one of many TAs. I do remember making eye contact with her more than I could count. I thought she’d notice, thought maybe she’d feel it,

but guess she didn’t.

Anyways, can’t be too involved with new girl. I acknowledged the odds that she round up across the hall from me, but also acknowledged the risks. I can only keep work so far away from home. Shit follows me. 

She let me walk through her apartment. It’s empty, but just from the one box I carried, I can tell she’s going to make it her own. 

Boots. She had her own style then and she has her own style now, and I know her place will reflect that when she’s done with it. I wonder if she’ll invite me over at some point, when she’s done decorating and settling in. 

Now, I stand in her empty bathroom, watching her unpack. Today’s my off day, so I figure I’ll bother her a bit, jog her memory. 

The walls are thin, I know that now. 

The fucker thumps against my wall, forcing my visit at her place to be cut short. I rush to my front door, he whines through the red webs I shut him up with. I flash her a smile, “Ha yeah, gotta help the little guy, I’ll- uh I’ll catch you later,” I say, blocking her from seeing the inside of my apartment. 

I know I seem like an asshole, and the shitty side of me, the Spider-Man side of me, wants her to perceive me that way. I can’t afford to get close to anyone again. Not after what happened.

I slam the door shut. 

I storm over to the bathroom. The anomaly I’ve caught, who I still need answers from, sits tied up in the bathtub. He glitches in the red stringy mess he’s tied up in.

I would have brought him to HQ, but Jess would want to help, probably scold me, and I had to deal with this one on my own. 

“Maldito idiota, I told you, I’m not letting you go, and I’m not letting you die until you tell me who fucking sent your ass! How did you find me in this universe?!” I kick him as he lays sideways on the tile floor.

He rolls his eyes.

“Coño, I didn’t want to have to drag you across my freshly mopped floor, but you’re disturbing the neighbors.”

Dragging him to the kitchen, I question him a bit more, rip off the webs on his mouth, and when he smart-talks, I shut him back up and relent. 

Letting out a self-pitying groan, I tap my watch. The portal opens and I drag him back to HQ. 

My suit activates upon arrival. Jess looks me up and down from the platform.

“I hope I’m wrong about where you just came from, Miguel,” she mutters, looking down at her watch.

“Shut up, leave me alone … Peter Parkedcar, anomaly control. Pick-up in my office, please,” I speak into my watch.

I leave the anomaly glitching on the floor, and shoot web to pull myself up to the platform. 

“What did I tell you about bringing work home, Miguel?”

I storm by her, ignoring her scolding, heading straight to the hologram screens. 

“Yo sé, yo sé,” I mutter, swiping across the screen.

“Hmm, your hair looks nice. It’s … different.”

“Different?” 

“You don’t usually have your hair that way, is what I’m saying. What’s the occasion?” 

How can she tell? 

“Are you seeing someone?” she asks, standing behind me, reaching her hand beside me to help organize my tabs.

“No, why would I– no,”

“Miguel … I’ll get it out of you eventually, so might as well tell me now before you start letting it affect your work, act weird, and end up making a mess of yourself … a mess that I’ll have to clean up … not that I’m complaining I just–”

“There’s a new girl, someone I knew back at NYU … and now she lives across the hall from me. I don’t want her to get in the way.” 

“Get in the way of what? Stop bringing work home and she won’t be in ‘the way.’ Easy,” she shrugs. 

I exhale. It was … recent. Time won’t fly. The pain in my chest deepens, I remember it all for a second. I feel her eyes looking up at me. She knows. 

I look down at the hand she’s now rested on my forearm. She looks up at me, brows knit together, her worry visible even through her goggles.

“You can let it go, Miguel. You can have a life outside of … this.”

“This is my life. This is my responsibility.” 

“No. There are hundreds of us, Miguel. It’s all of ours. You know … if I could find love, create life, and still be here kicking ass and being a good friend to you, then so can you. You can live again,”

I sigh, head hung low. It takes a lot to admit to myself, how exhausted I am … from everything. I haven’t breathed in months.

“Let yourself live again.”

I breathe back the tears welling up. 

“Yo sé,” I manage to mutter.

“Invite her out, Miguel, put yourself out there,” she encourages, patting my back then jumping off the platform.

“How’s … Baby doing?” I ask, turning around to watch her leave.

“Baby’s healthy and happy,” she calls out, rubbing her belly.

“Gracias a Dios.”

“Miguel, do yourself a favor… be more like Baby,” she mutters walking out.

I let myself chuckle then look back at the screen. 

My fingers subconsciously open that file. I feel myself smile, watching my past self be happy, full of life.

Let yourself live again.

Maybe I’ll try.

○◦˚.˚◦○˚

ch.4 here >:D

my lovely taglist: @wingedturtledream @skaochii @bat-yo-us @lostpirate79 @renn-pumkin-head @princessa-micomicona @waiif-uwu @punpuun @thbidkbutok @acehyacinth @thetoetickler @kaqua @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream @inafantasyworld10 @d1lf-loverrr @altheadq @thesilenthill @trash-king18 @imnotyourbcbe @tiffanypooh @ihateuguys @littlemissilovecoconuts @royal-jester @that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main @tbh2idk @gilliantate23 @envyjmoney @qiaipia @ur-fav-ginger @lacook246 @eddiestitmiguelsbigdick @blair6th @missing2socks @thel0velykey190 @ladymoztaza @ta3bae @dhollandhs @qiaipia @deputy-videogamer @kinkybandages @murnsondock @obi-mom-kenobi @rjasmin2021 @syarblu @smokers-sweetheart @cheezit-luv3rr @tayleighuh @sukioyakio @maripositanoctruna @coffeeislifeyes @lilmissyrainbowstar 

#miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara headcanons #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel atsv #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara imagine #miguel ohara x y/n #atsv miguel #miguel ohara #miguel x reader #miguel ohara x you #spiderman2099 #atsv x reader #spiderman x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #vampire next door

[elliesmainhoe]

literally begging for more of the modernau!ellie x femreader (you're feminine)

Ellie Williams Headcanons: Feminine!Reader (modern!au)

Part 2 of this

Ellie adores how unashamed you are of being 'girly'

You dressed in typically 'girly clothes', you had 'girly hobbies' etc. Etc.

Said hobbies being the classic knitting, arts and crafts and reading

She absolutely loves when you infodump to her about your books.

Her stupid smile as you talk about a mystical fantasy or a cheesy sapphic romance.

Pottery dates

"C'mon Ells- were gonna be late!" You cried, holding onto her hand as you began to walk faster.

"The pottery studio is literally just round the corner princess" she said as you turned the bend, a pastel pink shop front with the words 'Polly's Pottery' written in gold across the window.

"C'mon, c'mon c'mon!" You giggled rushing into the studio, the bell chiming as you walked through the door.

You made a pastel pink bowl with little red strawberries all over it with sage green stems!

She made a space themed mug. Dark blue base and planets and stars scattered all over.

You gifted them to eachother afterwards <33

You have knitted Ellie a sweater. It was pink and definitely not her style. But she wears it with pride! ✊

Loves all the decor you buy.

The comparison of her industrial, grungy decoration and your bright neons, pastel cooky nik-naks.

Ellie is a MASTER at doing your hair.

Doesn't matter what hair type you have- she is willing to learn.

Face masks with Ellie.

Ellie was sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet as you brushed on a cool paste onto their face.

"This feels so fucking weird." She grimaced at the texture.

"Oh don't be such a baby" you teased and pecked her cheek, already sporting the same mask on your face.

Is your knight in shining armour.... When it comes to catching spiders that are threatening you.

You:

Baby 9:46pm

Come home rn 9:46pm

I'm scared 9:46pm

Ellie:

What's wrong baby? 9:49pm

I'm heading home as we speak 9:49pm

You:

We have an intruder 9:50pm

Ellie:

What? 9:50pm

Fuck baby! 9:50pm

You alright- what's the fucker look like. 9:50pm

You:

It has eight legs 9:51pm

It has hair on it Ellie. I CAN SEE THE BASTARDS HAIR. 9:51pm

She comes home and kills it for you 🥰

Then lectures you for making her so scared- she was one tap away from calling 911.

"I love you princess. But never ever pull that shit again"

-----------

Taglist: @aunslie @lonelyfooryouonly @prettypeoniesx @daryldixonh0e @kittynnie @lovelyyevelyn @randomhoex @moonlightdivine @haerinwho @mufflaa @mial1l @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @moonlighting87 @escaping-reality8 @magicalfreakcowboylawyer @hejdevkdbdjsd @dergy @half-of-a-gay @ellieismami @cyberlainn @gollumsmygel @sseorii @kyleeservopoulos @taloulalila @ellieluhme @kiiyoooo @delusionalvioleht @joelscharm @hi2647

#ellie williams #the last of us #lesbian #wlw #ellie williams fic #ellie williams x fem!reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #lesbian fic #ellie williams headcanons #ellie the last of us #hyper feminine #feminine!reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #tlou fic #the last of us fic #tlou #ellie headcanons #tlou headcanons #tlou 2 #tlou hbo #fem!reader

[leclerc-s]

paint the town red - part three

FERRARI IS BACK BABY!

series masterlist

peter parker added 8 people

peter parker anyone have oscar piastri's number? this is for research. ALSO, CAN WE BRING BACK THE BLACK FIRE PROOFS??

carlos sainz you're a strange child.

harley keener that's what i've been saying since we met.

bianca stark-potts peter, let it go.

tony stark i don't know if it's still a joke or if you're being serious about it.

peter parker it isn't for me, it's for ned.

bianca stark-potts BULLSHIT!!

peter parker i'm in love with him, mj understands (i think)

arthur leclerc i too am in love with oscar piastri, we kissed one time. charles leclerc it was for a video, and you didn't actually kiss. arthur leclerc but i wanted too.

peter parker but think about it, i get oscar to fall madly in love with me, i take the competition out at the same time.

carlos sainz you think oscar is the only competition we have?

peter parker well no, i can send the avengers after the rest. like what’s max verstappen gonna do against black widow? or lewis hamilton against bucky barnes?

ollie bearman right i forget you people know the avengers

tony stark i am the avengers

arthur leclerc no, you’re iron man. the avengers are the entire team.

peter parker realistically speaking the only one able to take an avenger on would be toto, and i think he could only take on rocket or groot.

arthur leclerc the fucking raccoon?

peter parker he gets defensive when you call him a raccoon.

bianca stark-potts right, who gave him coffee? he only brings this type of shit up when he's had sugar.

charles leclerc it was an accident…i did not know he would get like this. and he made those eyes!

tony stark he does that a lot.

arthur leclerc one could say it was an inchident?

charles leclerc ARTHUR I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU harley keener THIS IS GOLD!! I'VE HIT THE GOLD MINE!! ARTHUR LECLERC YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE NOW!!

harley keener fucking snitch, parker

bianca stark-potts peter had coffee, well if what charles drinks is even coffee. it's pure sugar.

harley keener facts.

natasha romanoff again, aren't you people supposed to be working?

harley keener considering seb and tony are busy scolding peter and charles for the coffee thing, we're good for now. also, carlos left to pick up our lunch it was his turn today.

steve rogers peter drank coffee? i thought that was banned at the paddock??

bianca stark-potts it was, but charles wasn't here the day of the wall-climbing incident. therefore he didn’t know what would happen

bucky barnes did he not know peter was spider-man?

harley keener he did because we told him, carlos, and seb first. however, we never went over the rules

sam wilson i guess it’s time to break out the peter parker handbook again

tony stark aren't you two supposed to be working? focusing on the upcoming race?

bianca stark-potts i'm trying to mass send the peter parker handbook to everyone.

harley keener i'm currently watching old C2 videos.

sam wilson lord help all the fans who are counting on you two idiots to deliver a decent car

bianca stark-potts WE BUILT A FUCKING ROCKET SHIP SAMUEL!

BAHRAIN 2024

scuderiaferrari CHARLES LECLERC P1! CARLOS SAINZ P2! IT'S A FERRARI 1-2 IN BAHRAIN MOTHER FUCKERS!! THAT'S HOW YOU KICK OFF A SEASON!! CONGRATS TO SIR LEWIS HAMILTON FOR HIS P3!!

tagged: charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, lewishamilton

view all comments

username NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?

↳ username NEVER GIVE UP!!

username I CAN FORZA FERRARI SEMPRE AGAIN BITCHES!!

harleykeener LET'S FUCKING GO!!

↳ samwilson i never doubted you guys for a second

↳ biancastark_potts lies. slander. you said we couldn't do it.

username IS THIS WHAT RED BULL FANS FELT AFTER EVERY WIN??

↳ username you guys got luck max had a breaking issue. he ended up in 4th but next week is our week.

↳ username as a longtime tifosi, i've heard that one before

↳ username however, wishing you guys the best of luck next week.

biancastark_potts and harleykeener posted new stories

ferrari 1-2 here in bahrain! ferrari is back baby!

the only way to kick off a season is with a 1-2!

SAUDI ARABIA 2024

taglist: @celesteblack08 @be-your-coffee-pot @evans-dejong @elliegrey2803 @bingewatche @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @melanier7 @ironspdy @mypage-myfandoms @vellicora @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @enchantedthoughts @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @fulla02 @cowboylikemets1989 @six-call @embrosegraves @justtprachisblog

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! this is what i wish the 2024 season would look like for ferrari but who knows if we'll ever get that. on the brightside only two more races left with the sf-23 and then we can finally throw that shitbox in the trash can, where it belongs. (note: the drivers on the top tweet are as follows: lando, esteban, max, and george.)

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

#leclerc-s #paint the town red series #f1 instagram au #f1 x oc #f1 oc #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 #formula one #f1 fic #formula 1 fic #f1 x female oc #charles leclerc x female oc #marvel social media au #f1 x marvel crossover

[lowkeyrobin]

Can i have mcyt + cellbit with a reader who has lots of pets like reptiles, birds and mice and stuff?

ooooo okay!! I don't know too much about little rodent pets (/lh) so I had to do some research, bare w me if anything is weird or wrong lmaooo

MCYT ; animal sanctuary

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, quackity, & cellbit

warnings ; language, talk of harm towards animals

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

"Holy shit, what is this? an animal sanctuary? this is your house???"

he loves all ur animals dw

he's afraid of the little parakeets though

he mistakes them for pigeons at first 💀💀

"WHY ARE THERE SPY BIRDS IN YOUR HOUSE???"

"what⁉️⁉️"

he's jittery around the mice and rats but he comes to love them

if you have a lizard/salamander that likes to be heald/climb all over ppl, you know damn well he's allowing it to crawl all over him

so many selfies and pictures of the little critters all over his insta, tik tok and even twitter

he makes a whole segment in his show to talk about your animals 😭😭

"the first time I ever went to y/n's house, I actually almost pissed myself" cue pictures of your little critters on the screen behind him "these fuckers are so terrifying. you see that bird right there? he mocks me everytime I speak! hashtag ban rodents 2024"

TUBBO

"Oh my god."

one how do you afford taking care of all these animals, two, why???

"these are my lizards. they've all been rescued from abusive households where parents gave their kids an animal and didn't care afterwards. most of them had limbs cut off but they've just about all regrown by now"

"Holy shit?.."

he loves the fuzzy critters like the mice, rats, guinea pigs, hamsters etc

not the biggest fan of reptiles or amphibians, they look cool but no touching for him

you guys turn the lights off, and ur led lights on and have a little concert with the animals and stream it (the music isn't super loud dw)

if any of the critters like climbing around on people, he'll always record or take pictures of them doing so

"mothball was climbing all over me today" and below is a video of a little mouse making a home in his hair 😭😭

"I think I need to rename them to Remy because you might be the next Alfredo Linguine"

if he's over at yours while recording a video or streaming, he always gets distracted by the birds and has to say hi and show them off

God forbid you own a parrot for some reason, it's his whole personality now

lovesss talking to the birds that talk back to him LMAOO

RANBOO

absolutely loves the reptiles and fuzzy critters

always taking pictures of them

you two do this fun thing by inspiring outfits around your different animals

like one day it'll be a certain salamander and another it'll be one of your birds

loves handfeeding the critters

loves posting their goodnight pics with one of your critters in hand/climbing on them

you guys go to animal shelters if you wanna find a new pet or buddy for a critter of course

yall always get the ones with the saddest backstories and shit

ranboo gets an axolotl

they're obsessed with her, and is so good at raising the fishy lizard 🫶

you bring a salamander over to meet the fish and they have a connection istg

ranboo takes a pic and posts it to Twitter; "two best friends in two different worlds"

is probably slightly afraid of the birds at first, they're scared of being bit

uses funny pictures of your animals as reaction memes

FREDDIE BADLINU

absolutely loves all your little critters

loves all the colors of them as well, especially the reptiles and birds

if you have a snake, he's terrified to get near it but will always take pictures of it climbing all over you

"You feed him spiders?? 😨😨😨"

he's the bird master

birds all over him all the time, he's a walking bird nest

always taking pics of/with your animals

if you have hamsters, good lord he's paying more attention to them than you 😭😭

"hiiiii, how are you today?"

"why do you actually care about my mice more than me"

also loves taking to the birds that talk back

has genuine conversations with them too

you do a cooking stream and he HIDES A RAT IN HIS HAIR FOR TEN MINUTES

"what the fuck"

"BAHAHAHHAA"

NIKI NIHACHU

absolutely adores all your little creatures

always has to show them off online

and always telling stories on stream

"y/n has this one salamander and she likes to nibble fingers, and one time-"

always taking cute pics with the pets that like to be heald/like to climb on people

she's literally an animal godess I swear

she's a critter whisperer sorry not sorry

always taking videos of funny moments / when you're giving all them time outside the cage

there's always birds on her shoulder, sleeping beauty ass 😭🙏

literally becomes a photographer for ur pets, she takes the best pictures ever

she makes them little hats and accessories 😭😭😭

always buying them toys as well

in the middle of the night you'll be awoken with the RMRMRMRMRMRM of the hamster wheel she got the hamsters

ALEX QUACKITY

"HOLY SHIT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY FUCKING ANIMALS?"

literally has to make a note on his phone to keep track of all the names

he is not touching no damn reptile

always posting pics online

you guys start fostering critters as well

turns on loud meme music and has a concert with the mice

he knows how to call the birds like he's fucking sleeping beauty

"how tf did you just do that???"

"magic"

"okay then 🤨"

you foster a duck together that had her wings clipped

you name her together (it's named daisyhq I can't even make this up. you did the hq btw)

mice and rats all over him and his desk 24/7

and he'll gladly show them off on stream

"can we get a parrot?"

"my brother in christ we already have two birds?"

CELLBIT

also lovessss your critters

he genuinley has conversations with the birds

so many pictures of your animals on his social media LMAO

he names the new ones (you left it all up to him) the most random things

always asking you about toys before he buys them because he feels bad because what if they're lonely and sad but he doesn't wanna potentially hurt them either

always fucking around with the birds when they're hyper

also plays tag with the mice/rats

also loves showing them off on stream and ranting about them for a solid ten minutes

he finds a rat on the qsmp and names it after one of your rats

walks back in the house one day with a rat like "I found a friend! :D"

"Holy shit bro"

selfies with critters in his hair >>>>

alright this is all I got this took me way too long...

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #ranboo x reader #quackity x reader #badlinu x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #niki nihachu x reader #nihachu x reader #alex quackity x reader #quackityhq x reader #tubbo x reader #cellbit x reader