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airenyah · 14 days

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Your essay on Joong's underrated acting skills deepened my Joong appreciation so much, that I watched Mafia the Series, I'm watching Ploy's Yearbook (even though there is a serious lack of Joong so far), and I'm planning on watching The Warp Effect too. I haven't watched het shows in over ten years, so this is a big deal! 😂 I really liked him with Dunk in their shows, but MTS gave me another facet of him, because he's so timid in it, unlike in SIMM and HA, where he's (seemingly) very cool and in control. So thank you for making me a full time Joong (and Dunk) girl 💜

i saw this message first thing in the morning when i woke up yesterday and it instantly put me in a good mood!!! <3

YESSSSSS I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT

mafia the series might actually be my absolute fave thai het-show, it's just SO funny!!!! and the entire cast is so great, like, not just joong but the entire cast plays off each other SO well. and don't even get me started on gina virahya and her portrayal of anna kondra!!!!

you know, when i went into mafia the series i saw the poster and was like "ughh i really am gonna have to sit through this standard (overly) dramatic mafia show just for joong, huh. the things i do for my boy..." and then. AND THEN. you can imagine my surprise. i was crying tears of laughter throughout the show and i was actually laughing so hard that my mom made a comment about how she could hear my laugh in my room

beam is my loser boy and joong portrays him in such an adorably awkward way, i love it <333

and yes there IS a serious lack of joong in ploy's yearbook so far :((((

it was quite funny tho bc in the one scene where joong does show up i immediately recognized him by the back of his head, like!! i saw this:

and instantly went "OH there's my boy!!!!!" 😂😂😂

and i can't wait to see him with film bc film did extremely well with gun in not me and i feel like film and joong will also work together really well

you know, i'm always happy to turn people into full time joong (and dunk) girls!!!!!!

i've adored them ever since simm which i watched live from ep2 onwards. fun fact, actually: when i started simm i actually had no idea who they were (even though technically i'd seen dunk in bad buddy already, except i wasn't paying attention to the random high school bandmates and so i didn't actually recognize dunk and only realized later on ahahah)

aaaanyway, i had no idea who they were, right? and so in 2022 my mom and i spent two nights in prague during easter and in the evening we were in our hotel room and we were kinda looking for something to watch. and i was like "hey look, gmmtv has a new bl out and it looks kinda cute and fluffy judging by the thumbnails?? and like something that doesn't require too much brain power?? plus, there's also only two eps out so far, so we'll be caught up right away" and so we watched the first two episodes and then the two of us ended up watching every new ep together every week hahaha

i actually didn't really talk about it on tumblr back then and when you go back on my blog you'll see that there are hardly any simm post. but really, with every new simm episode that aired i liked joongdunk more and more. and especially once the characters started dating i was actually so in awe about just how comfortable joong and dunk were with each other and how they absolutely weren't afraid to touch? like, their physical affection was just so casual, like it was the most natural thing in the world to them in an "i'm-not-even-thinking-about-it-bc-it's-so-normal" kind of way and that was just soooo refreshing to watch?? i was (and still am) truly amazed

and when just a couple of months later, at the end of 2022 gmmtv announced joongdunk were gonna get another show together i got SO excited!! and also when it was revealed that simm was included in our skyy 2!!!!

and then hidden agenda started airing and then i was tagged in that tag game and then i went to watch joong's entire filmography and then i ended up falling into a joongdunk rabbit hole and here we are...

anyway, i have multiple agendas and one of them is turning people into joong fans and dunk fans and joongdunk fans sllksdfd

and my other agenda is getting people to watch mafia the series, bc it's truly a gem of a show!!!!

(speaking of agendas: the only thing that's missing in your message is you telling me that you approve of my fight for a sexy joongdunk vampire bl, like... that would have made the message and the influence of my joong/dunk/joongdunk blogging complete 😂😂😂)

#you know when i saw your message first thing in the morning my immediate thought was #''ok nothing that happens today can top this like. my day is ALREADY made and i only just woke up''#your message set the bar very very high for me tbh #but then in the afternoon my crush unexpectedly called me after we barely talked the past 3 or so months and we spent 1.5h on the phone #and well i'm really sorry but THAT was the actual no.1 highlight of my day yesterday dfjkkjdfkfdg #i swear your message is a close second tho!!! 😂😂#asks #anon #joong archen #adrm #no but every time someone tells me i turned them into a joong fan/dunk fan/joongdunk fan i get such a rush of satisfaction lmao #i'm desperately waiting for summer night #i might just go off about dunk's acting after that #we'll see #bc i REALLY wanna see what dunk can do without joong and if he'll be as good #my money is on ''yes'' but i also don't wanna say anything to avoid eating my own words kdfkdf #but in reality i see many qualities to him as an actor that i think he should be able to do keep even without being opposite joong #besides he's now done two series as a lead character so now he has a lot more acting experience than he did going into simm #his acting was already so much stronger in hidden agenda then it was in simm (hello?? yank-kiss-yeet?? ep9?? ep11??)#and i trust that he's not just gonna lose it all in summer night all of a sudden #god i'm immensely excited to see him act in summer night you don't even know

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aha-my-villainous-thoughts · 1 month

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ASH! There is no one like you. Your art is so BOLD and creative and genuinely awe-inspiring. I admire all the slutty, slutty things you make Ed and Stede get up to, while also making them look so pretty and colorful. So glad we have you in this fandom. 💕

I seriously don't have words 😭😭😭😭 have some memes instead 😭😭😭💖🧡💚💙💜💖

Thank you so much marianne!!! 😭💖💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💖😭

#honestly this ask might have broken me a little #i have an unhealthy amount of imposer syndrome #and a general anxiety of shyness around my mutuals and any kind of audience #I'm desperate to make things and share them and i love more than anything hearing people love the things i make as much as i do #I've been in fandom spaces for a really long time #(bitch is old)#and ive never been uplifted like i have by the ofmd fandom 💜💜💜#I've had my work stolen or traced in previous fandoms #bullied or harassed or made to feel pathetic #and more often than that I've been kinda on my own in a little corner making stuff and easy to ignore/forget #i have a lot of fear about being unwanted or discarded or upsetting people #i just love to draw and get my little rainbow brainworms out into my art #and i love sharing them #and for so long that really was enough #it truly was #but after OFMD? after this crew? after this space of warmth and excitement and growth and queer joy??#finding connections and making friends and clowning with you and drawing prompts and making memes and being in big bangs and zines?!#getting to illustrate fics and have my art inspire fics?? making friends with my mutuals who write and draw and make beautiful gifs?!#this has been the most fun ive ever had on the internet #and im so grateful #and overwhelmed #and thankful #and just everything altogether all at once #thank you so much

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trashlie · 1 year

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ILY FP 210, 211, 212

WOOOOOOOF I’ve been holding off on writing this post, because I wanted to wait for this whole “episode” to fully come out. Quimchee revealed they were all meant to happen in one episode, but SO MUCH was happening in the episode that it was too long to do as the one. I... kind of wish I hadn’t waited because now there is SO MUCH for me to cover, so I’m going to do my best to keep this organized and coherent.

No lie, these go up there in my top episodes, especially 212. I have a feeling I might have some different feelings than others on this one...? We’ll see, I’m keen to hear how all of you are thinking and feeling about it. To me, these episodes really encapsulate a good 80% of the plot that we’ve been dealing with, and there’s some good reveals in here that have been a LONG time coming. I think everything is set up now for the time skip to come, and especially after all the events that transpired this arc (remember how this all started out so many moons ago with Nol going to the company Christmas party? That feels like it was years ago to what is happening now!) I am BEYOND excited to see what the time skips have in store for us!

Anyway, before I start spoiling things, let’s get into it!

Well and truly, I love this arc! It’s really capture so much of the story this bigger story has centered on - the relationship between Nol and Kousuke. This isn’t the root of the story, of course, but it’s a significant portion of what we’ve come to read for, I think, and I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the characters verbally acknowledge things they’ve swept under a rug.

212 felt especially raw to me - Kousuke’s confessions are tragic in the way of too little too late, and the realization that Nol was never against him, that he was always on the same side, that they could have been an incredible team may come to haunt him. That acknowledgement of his that nobody really liked him - no one else but the one person he had demeaned and devalued until he was truly nobody - really hit me like a sucker punch. I truly thought these were truths Kousuke wouldn’t be able to reach until he lost more, like his job or his sense of self, but I guess we can argue that he’s lost a lot of his sense of self; from the moment he punched Nol, it’s clear that he’s dissociating. That also serves to tell us how important this moment is for Kousuke, what it means to him, what Nol means to him.

Now, I’ll be upright honest with you guys, because I think this is where the difference of opinions will come in. I really enjoy stories with this kind of element of hatred and care so intricately interlaced in family or friends. There’s something about this sense of care being overwritten by jealousy so scathing it mutates into resentment and hatred and loathing. The way these two feelings battle out, the way ugly emotions are so strong they come to eclipse any hope for warmth. Idk it’s intriguing to me, it creates a compelling story.

And in Kousuke’s case, it is! A running theory has been that Kousuke treats Shinae the way he does because he is, subconsciously, treating her how he wishes he’d treated Nol. As the story went on and Kousuke’s ugliness started to come out more and more and his paranoia began to consume him, I think it was probably difficult for many to find credence in this theory - that there was no way Kousuke could have cared about Nol and transferred it to Shinae when he treated Nol how he did but I’m still here for the theory. It’s just that Kousuke’s ugliness was so strong, overwhelming, it eclipsed anything else.

Now I’m not saying I think Kousuke loves Nol or thinks of him as a brother, but rather I think deep down, he understood they were connected. As a child, Nol was the only person who didn’t treat Kousuke like an object - like a puppet or rich vending machine or influence to be gained. But how could Kousuke allow himself to think so favorably of Nol when he was so deeply rooted in jealousy?

This is what I find especially intriguing about their dynamic. Something I talk about a lot is that Nol and Kousuke are both the products of abuse - Kousuke is the way he is due to neglect and manipulation, and in turn he took that out on Nol. I’ve seen people say Kousuke doesn’t make sense to them, but he DOES and this episode really drove that home and confirmed a lot of things I’d felt.

Kousuke’s treatment of Nol all stems from Rand and his affair. Let’s look at it from Kousuke’s perspective. He has a father who is never around, and when he is he’s busy and always puts his career first. He rarely joins them for family time, there’s a rift between him and his wife. All young Kousuke wants is for his father to spend time with him, to be around, to notice him. His mother tells him things - if he’s a good boy Father will pay attention; if he wants his father’s attention he needs to be just like him; if he wants Father to care to notice he must be exactly like him. But his mother also says other thing - that there’s someone else, money is being wired to someone. At school people murmur similar things.

All he wants is his father’s approval, his father’s pride, his father’s attention, his father’s time. He must not be good enough, yet. He must not matter, yet. He’ll make sure he does, though. He’ll do exactly what his mother says, he’ll buckle down just like she tells him, he’ll make sure to become the perfect son that his father can be proud of.

So you can understand, then, why the discovery that the murmurs are true, that there’s another family, would shatter him the way it did, why it remains a point of breaking for him even as an adult, why he never really reconciles his father’s affair. How is it that the man who has no time for him or their family, had enough time to create a second family? Why was he so undeserving of his time? Why was he so undeserving of his attention?

And it rooted deep inside him, right in the core of his foundation. This other boy who describes his father as someone who couldn’t possibly be the same man as his father - a funny man, a kind man. That is not the father Kousuke knows, so why does this other child know him? (Never mind that this child has also never met that version of his father.) It all stems from that: a craving for something he’s never received.

Kousuke’s whole speech about how there was only one kind, sweet, generous, funny person in his life was the very person he attacked and tore down hit me HARD. His admission of fear, that he ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO BEING SCARED, that he’ll never be good enough for Rand, that nothing he would ever do would make him worthy of his attention actually hurt. This is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting Kousuke to acknowledge and embrace, because it’s the one thing that has been fueling and propelling him. He doesn’t do this job because he’s passionate about it - he does it because he’s still vying for love and attention. He didn’t forsake his childhood because he was above it - he literally sacrificed it for his father. Regardless of what you think about Kousuke now, it has to be acknowledged that he, too, has suffered. And let’s not pretend that Yui truly believed that Kousuke could win Rand’s affection this way - it still feels like it was a game for her, a manipulation to turn him into someone she could use to get her way, a puppet if you will. It’s fucking sad to think that he gave up everything because he was so determined to earn his father’s love, that his love and attention was believed to be so conditional he had to make himself worthy of it.

“I hate you for making me aware this person exists. And I hate your face being a constant reminder of it.”

So many times, Kousuke has berated Nol for his playful, joking behavior, for seeming so lax and carefree. I’d always thought it was jealousy that he didn’t have that kind of life, that he wasn’t allowed it - and that probably is still a part of it - but now we know that when Yeonggi laughed and played around, he was a vision of a version of Rand Kousuke had never known, a spitting image of a man Kousuke didn’t even know could exist.

And as Nol points out, it was all for naught. All of Kousuke’s jealousy and his fear, tearing down Nol so that he could instead get to know that version of Rand. All of it was for naught, because who knows if that man even exists? It seems like only one person ever knew her, and who’s to know if she didn’t make him up. Kousuke has spent his entire life - sacrificed his childhood, accelerated himself through school, forsook any fun or leisure - on a quest for a man who probably doesn’t exist, for something he’ll never achieve. He spent his whole life tearing down someone innocent trying to get to something he’ll never have.

I really thought it would take for Kousuke to lose it all, to stumble in his career before he’d realize it, but here he is.

But on the other side of that, we have Nol. Nol, who also lost - and lost more than Kousuke did. Nol who was isolated and alienated, Nol who tried time and time again to reach out and create a connection, and was refused every time. Nol who suffered under Kousuke and Yui’s watch over and over. Nol, who despite it all, still tried to treat Kousuke well, still tried to give him a chance, still tried to reach out to him at his most desperate.

I think that really illustrates something important: an understanding that there is a reason for Kousuke’s behavior and his paranoia, where it comes from, but that reason doesn’t justify. I can acknowledge both that Kousuke absolutely is the product of his environment and that he has been an asshole about it lol. Idk I can admit that my intrigue in his has grown a LOT.

These episodes have just tapped into something so deep that I love about this series - that our experiences heavily color our interpersonal relationships, as well as our relationships with our own selves. Nol notes that he, too, suffered, he, too, lost, he has been alone and alienated and despite it all he still tried, and he still attempted to be a good person, in contrast to Kousuke who let his suffering turn him into an asshole. It was kind of a hard-to-read moment, because Nol spoke the truth, and as much as I feel for Kousuke, Nol is right. Because he never attempted to deal with those ugly feelings, because he never chose to face them, because he instead wore them as armor, it became his identity, he became an asshole through those experiences. Had there ever been a moment that he could have met Nol in the middle, that he could have put aside his jealousy, that he could have turned off his Rand blinders, he could have seen what Nol was able to see earlier and more clearly. And isn’t that sad? They could have been a great team, they could have had each others’ back in a world where no one else did, they could have been there for each other, but Kousuke couldn’t cross that line.

Again, I fully acknowledge that Kousuke is the way he is because of those experiences. I acknowledge that this is the wake up call he needed, that he was forced to finally reckon with the truth.

But I also worry what will come of Kousuke as a result of Rand’s arrival. Is he going to backpedal? Is this going to short-circuit something and push him to double down, or is it going to free him?

Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to earn Rand’s favor, to earn his attention. Everything he has done has been an angle to get closer to his father. Like, when you break it all down, that’s the sad, basic truth. He was a child who so desperately wanted his father’s attention that his life became about that. And here comes Rand, showing up when it looks like Kousuke is running away. Rand who never had time for him, Rand who didn’t shower him with warmth and affection.

Rand who showed up and wailed “My son” in response to Nol.

That whole scene honestly hurts me. Nol is hurt, Rand is anguished and horrified, and Kousuke? Kousuke finally witnessing his father show a fatherly side - and it wasn’t for him. And not only that but Rand might not even believe that Kousuke was trying to get help, that he attempted to get Nol up but couldn’t. And does it even matter when the truth is that Kousuke DID cause this? I can’t imagine it was his intention - I don’t think his mind went “punch Nol and he’ll fall over the railing” as much as Nol tried to leave and Kousuke reacted on that. But the point still stands: even if it wasn’t his intention, this is still ultimately his fault. Nol goaded him on and played a part, but Kousuke was the hand that acted.

I fear that this will ruin what little relationship Kousuke has with Rand - and it’s a fear because it means Kousuke could swing in two wholly opposite directions. Does he double-down and return to the side of his mother, the only family member who has made him feel like someone’s child? I don’t think he’s at the point where he can extricate himself from the family, as good as it would be. And I worry that if that’s the case, will he double back down on his treatment and resentment of Nol? For this one moment, he saw that they were equals, that they both had a broken, shitty relationship with Rand. And then Rand showed up, showing that paternal side Kousuke has longed for.

As much as I WANT Kousuke to hold on to that moment, I don’t know that he can. I think the cracks have formed and I think his fragile reality is crumbling faster, but I fear he’ll retreat back into the “comfort” of the world he knows.

Here’s the thing about Kousuke: on some level he knows. He knows that Yui isn’t great, he knows that she has done awful things, he knows that Nol did no wrong, he knows that Rand will probably never change. But these are such uncomfortable truths and he has spent his life propped up by a false reality. This was pointed out by AugmentedElle on reddit, but look at the difference in Kousuke’s flashbacks. Look at the memory in 210 vs 212. The flashback in 210 is the strongest, most vibrant memory we’ve yet seen. Ordinarily they’re in some kind of grey scale, or at least muted colors, sometimes with spot color like in Shinae’s. In Nol and Kousuke’s flashbacks thus far, we’ve seen those muted colors or alterations - Nessa’s face appearing scribbled out in Kousuke’s memories, just as in 212. The use of color suggests that the memory in 210 is, quite possibly, fabricated. It starts out with Kousuke dazed, unable to remember what just happened, and Yui comes in and tells him he won’t have to see that boy for a long time. It feels like something happened - that perhaps Kousuke did something (the huffing that parallels his huffing after he punches Nol in the current story) and blocked it out or whited out and Yui came in and gave him an iteration of the story. It’s the strongest memory because it didn’t come from him - because it was filled in and colored in by someone else. The whole time we’ve thought Nol had perhaps been pushed to the bring, that Kousuke instigated a fight and Nol snapped, but maybe it was never Nol. Maybe the whole time Kousuke has associated Nol with danger and violence - because he was wired to think that way. That whatever happened and lead to that moment was so traumatic he doesn’t have the real memory, and instead carries a fabrication.

And that is essentially the basis of Kousuke’s entire life. Regardless of intent, Yui does manipulate Kousuke. She says things knowing full-well the effect they’ll have. Consider that moment with Nol and Nessa vs Yui in Kousuke’s flashback in 212. He watches Nessa blow raspberries on Nol’s cheek, a warm and silly exchange full of so much love and care - and then he looks up at Yui, who wears her maternal mask, shadows falling eerie over her face. Doesn’t it feel so much like she set this up? Doesn’t it feel like she knew Nessa and Nol would be around? She fills his head with things like “the only way to get your father’s attention is to be just like him” and “we’re not like other families we’re so special” and “isn’t it just so wonderful that rand at least has enough time to eat with us”? That’s not vouching for Rand - that’s passive aggression towards Rand and creating an idea of who Rand is - that Rand unwittingly lives up to. Despite speaking of the affair in front Kousuke, she turns and tells him that “Your father values us too much, he would never do such a thing” - a blatant lie that only plays into that feeling Kousuke wears that he’s been cheated, that there exists a version of his father that has been denied to him. Nessa tells Nol that Rand was a kind, sweet, generous, funny man. Yui tells Kousuke that Rand is anything but funny and he has no time for jokes. Maybe both are true, but Nol’s unintentionally makes a point about how Yui speaks of Kousuke’s father, vs how Yui spoke of Nol’s father. Why would a parent speak ill of the other parent -- if not to make the child see them that way.

(She also tells him there’s nothing she hates more than people who don’t take things seriously, and well, look at how Kousuke came out.)

There’s a fragile cognitive dissonance between what Kousuke knows to be true - that is, the reality that has been shaped by his experiences and Yui’s manipulation - vs actual reality, and we’ve seen this a number of times when various events threaten that tentative balance. Kousuke at the club, angry and paranoid, is aware of what people really think of him. Deep down he knows people don’t see him as great, as an honorable gentleman. Deep down he knows he’s a selfish, judgmental asshole, but it doesn’t fit the fabricated reality he believes in, so it only comes out in his paranoia. He knows that Nol is like him, that he didn’t have the love Kousuke coveted, that he tried to get by quietly, but Kousuke’s fear and paranoia still thought of him as the boy who had earned the love that Kousuke couldn’t, and that made him a threat. He knows what kind of person Yui is and has tried to draw boundaries, but he’s still told her things about Nol that she could act on, because he knows what she is capable of. When people or events fracture that reality, he struggles and lashes out, because he needs that reality to keep it together, but it’s crumbling fast.

Between the phone call with Rand and the moment that Rand shows up on the scene - what is the state of Kousuke’s reality? Is it crumbling? Is he trying to stuff the crumbling rocks back into the foundation? Will he retreat to his mother, the only one who can keep the tint of his rose colored glasses or will he be forced to face reality for what it really is? I wish it would be the latter, but I just don’t know if he’s ready for it yet. I don’t know if he can face that which he’s run from this whole time just yet.

As for Nol, woooooooof. What a fucking NIGHT. To think - THIS IS HIS GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. On the one hand, I think, maybe this can give him some kind of peace. He’s finally gotten a piece of Kousuke’s mind, he finally knows how Kousuke sees him, what he thinks of him, and what motivated him all these years. Maybe with this knowledge, Nol will be able to walk away in peace. He doesn’t have to wonder anymore. He knows where he stands - and where he’s always stood - and I think he’s made it clear that he’s drawn his line. He is done, he is finished, with all of them. If Kousuke can find his way to the other side of the line, then good for him, but Nol has no intention of trying to bring him over anymore.

I do think there’s a lot of room for them to reconcile in the future - when Nol’s raw anger has maybe ebbed, when Kousuke has found himself and learned to stand on his own ground, rather than prop himself up by his fabricated reality. But they are far from there. I’ve said before that I had a feeling maybe we’ll see the three main characters reunite in the time skip as adults after having gone separate ways, and that feeling still lingers. Nol has made it clear that he still wants to get away - and frankly I think he needs to. I wish he’d say so much to his friends, I wish he’d tell them where they stand. I feel so bad for Shinae, who went through so much grief and angst and really put herself out there to bring him back, to get her closure - and then when she had it and was ready to let him go, he insisted on staying. For him to turn around and leave like that again, after everything she told him, after the ways she opened up to herself, god that must hurt a lot. I guess on the one hand, she got the closure she wanted but.... it wasn’t even that long ago that Nol was making jabs at Kousuke for abandoning his friends, and there he goes doing it a SECOND time.

There’s a piece I’d love to give more time and thought to - that maybe all along, on a deep, subconscious level, Kousuke feared Nol leaving and that’s why he’s always acted when Nol was on the leave. If Nol leaves he’ll be truly alone. If Nol goes, there is truly no one left who ever liked him, who ever saw any value in him. This post is already long enough, so I’ll try to spit that out later this week, if I can. I think it’s not a coincidence that Kousuke punched Nol as he was leaving, that he didn’t bring himself to do it when Nol promised he’d leave, just as he let Yui know Nol was planning to leave. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it yet, but I think Kousuke is terrified of being left alone and Nol escaping without him.

Like I said, more on that later, but it’s an important point that I think ties in really well with this relationship Kousuke has towards Nol. It’s complicated, fucked up, toxic, and messy, and it needs a LOT of untangling by professional help. But I do think these last episodes really set something up for Nol and Kousuke’s future - as much as there is so much resentment and anger between them, there’s a mutual sense of longing, of needing each other to fill a void: for Nol, he sought out a brother in Kousuke, a companion against the adults in their lives; for Kousuke, that knowledge that Nol, too, had suffered that neglect, and was the only person who had ever truly liked him. I think one day when that anger has died, when they’ve made peace and hopefully worked on themselves, when Kousuke has freed himself, I think there’s a chance they will be able to reconcile. Like I said, maybe they’ll never be family to each other; there’s so much damage there, it’s really possible that can never be undone. But I think at some point, at least, they will see themselves on the same side, rather than each other.

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Rand #Yui Hirahara #one day I'll replace my Rand tag with his full name but I can never remember it #lol as you can see this is v v heavy on the brothers and their relationship with each other #i want to maybe do a post later where i point out little individual bits i've enjoyed in these episodes or little details that stuck out to #I REALLY want to write more about their dynamic as brothers but woooof we'll see if i wind up finding the time to write everything i want ;A #i just feel SO STRONGLY about this current arc it's EVERYTHING i've been waiting for and i just have so many thoughts that are all over the #place and it's sooooo had to wrangle them into one place!!!!!!!!!#(I think this is why I like when people send asks - it helps me concentrate on one point lol)#Basically I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the content quimchee is feeding us the insight into Kousuke i have been DESPERATE #for this part of Rand the continued hints to Yui and Kousuke's relationship #and yknow even if you don't like a character (at least for me personally) i can often still find empathy #and man i feel for Kousuke in this one #all these truths he's finally releasing all these fears he's facing and one that literally materializes in front of him????#holy shit that's gotta hurt ouchies for EVERYONE #CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS ALL ON NOL'S BIRTHDAY?!#CAN YOU BELIEVE HIS LAST NIGHT BEFORE PRISON HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY IS GOING DOWN LIKE THIS?!#jesus CHRIST #ILY Commentary

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optiwashere · 5 months

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What does Ashreera and Shadowheart like about each other respectively? Fluff qn :)

Heya anon! I really enjoyed writing the answer to this one 💜

Because I'm me, this got kinda long-winded. All of this is stuff that's in the fics. The fluffy fics show the domestic side of things, but It Is the Wound She Gave Me and Like I Am Safe Again are the linchpins to their relationship. The Gauntlet/Nightsong fic that I'm chipping away at will be equally as important!

But I like typing about my babies soooooooo!

Shadowheart finds Asheera's bad jokes and obvious flirting endearing. Asheera's also pretty forward without disrespecting her boundaries, and Shadowheart loves that. In-game Asheera challenges her without trodding on firm "no" areas, and that's a huge show of respect. Shadowheart's low level of self-esteem gets big validation from someone like Asheera.

Even when Asheera is being a Paladin-ass Paladin™ she is always leaving room in their relationship for Shadowheart to have agency over what to share, who to be, and things like the events in the Gauntlet/Shadowfell. That's not something you get as a Sharran, and from someone that's dedicated to redeeming monsters and creating change in the world... I mean, the themes are right there!

Asheera finds Shadowheart's love of animals very telling of the kind of person she is. Asheera thinks someone who is as willing to say, "I'd rather not talk about this" as Shadowheart has a firm command of what she wants. Even if she needs nudges to know it's OK to express her desires and needs as well as what she doesn't want. The slim difference is actually huge.

Even when Shadowheart is potentially on the road to becoming a Dark Justiciar, and therefore someone that Asheera must kill, she is taking these things for herself that she deserves. Asheera might hate the choice that Shadowheart could make, but it's Shadowheart's choice. Shadowheart spares Aylin for whatever her reasons are (crisis of faith + wanting to know the memories and past that Aylin can give her) but Asheera sees it as someone that's finally embracing the fact that she is a person and she deserves to choose. When Shadowheart turns to Asheera and asks, "what should I do?" Asheera says nothing. She just nods. Shadowheart chooses for herself from that point onward.

As for in a love sense and not just a general "companionship" sense?

Shadowheart loves that Asheera isn't complicated in her love. There's nothing for her to hide with Asheera. She's tired of darkness. Asheera embraces her faults and all the things she's done as a Sharran without any hate in her heart. Though Asheera is a paladin of Redemption, she also doesn't treat Shadowheart as a project to fix. Shadowheart is just Shadowheart, and that makes it easy for her to love Asheera. She likes that no matter how she's feeling, no matter the kind of day she's had, Asheera is there for her. In anger, in joy, and in darkness.

Asheera loves Shadowheart's strength and perseverance, and the fact that she can pick herself up after something that would destroy most people. That she's extremely capable, but also that she's strong enough to share her moments of vulnerability or uncertainty. That she cares so much more than she lets on. That Shadowheart knows she can trust Asheera with anything, and that after a certain point she does.

Love is something that changes shape, especially in long-term romantic relationships. Sometimes the changes are good, though.

#hey you can ask me things!#oc: asheera #asheera's takes on the other companions in the tags!#Asheera enjoys Karlach's ability to live in the moment and they are the best buds #Astarion is a strange little man that Asheera desperately wants to make a “good” person (good luck)#Gale is that delightful friend who has really specific interests that she loves being around because hearing his excitement makes her happy #Lae'zel is that person she respects but there's an edge to it that never quite pushes over into hating each other #Wyll is a friend that tries to be all buddy buddy because they're both Baldurian but Wyll is a noble-ass noble and Asheera is NOT #Halsin and Asheera get along swimmingly but it's nothing special #Jaheira finds Asheera to be little more than a child in a lot of ways and thinks that she has a lot to learn (in a motherly sorta way)#Minsc doesn't get why Asheera thinks so much of what he says is funny but he respects paladins (the way he talks about Keldorn in BG2!!!!)#y'all should go see the banter Minsc has with Aerie in BG2 about wanting her to be his new witch...#it makes his almost rage moment after talking about Shadowheart post-House of Grief even more heartwarming #I know Minsc is ha-ha funny man but he has so much heart and he is absurdly endearing

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skitskatdacat63 · 11 days

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you don’t have to post this but i just want you to know i totally relate i rbed an ask game post today and got no asks :/ it sucks even if it’s just a silly little tumblr game

Yeahhhhh :(( I'm glad I'm not alone, anon. This made me feel a bit better, so thank you <3

#I feel pretty lonely in general atm #and it's not fun when you try to make an attempt to get out of your shell and it just. Doesn't do anything.#I already feel weirdly desperate for attention when I reblog those #like it's one of those things that still make me feel weird for some reason #And it doesn't help when you feel like you don't get acknowledged #again im probably being super whiney rn but #i feel like im having trouble attracting interest? is that bad to say? idk :/#i just wanna talk about anything and i just have trouble finding ways to get people to engage ig #thats not to blame anyone at all. i just dont know how to get that :')#its just a weird thing to kinda feel like youre losing your footing like this #ughhhh sry i sound so insecure #but idk. i wanna talk about art and such. or get peoples opinions or questions.#but I just dont even want to reblog them bcs it makes me feel emptier than not reblogging #and you see other people's blogs and theyre getting a lot of asks and idk what to do in that situation #they deserve those asks and im very glad for them but like. am i doing smth wrong :/#my constant insecurity is that im being annoying. and unfortunately things like this just make me feel like people are fed up w me ig #SORRY AGAIN. its my blog i can complain ik that. but still. am i being whiney idk #catie.asks.

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wizzardhat · 7 months

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Im rereading nona and i am baffled anew by people who listen to jod recount every single agonizing step in his slow and terrible descent and are like, "wow John was always an awful irredeemable liar and his reluctance to admit that he set off the nukes was not, in fact, him struggling to accept the magnitude of how completely and terribly he failed and became the very person he was trying to stop, but was just another calculated lie because he's a Bad Man. if it were me i would have simply not done that." I have to assume these are the same people who read "**When our backs are against the wall and everything is falling apart we rarely become heroes" and were like "huh i wonder who thats for"

**approximate quote from memory because I cannot for the life of me find the exact excerpt but it was one of Wake's "letters" that only Harrow could read while they were in the bubble

#people get very defensive about this too like if you even imply that john's actions were individually understandable #or that the person he is in harrow the ninth is different from the person he was 10000 years prior immediately after the world ended #or if you suggest that sometimes. a person can be genuinely and truly traumatized by a tragedy of their own making.#and being traumatized is not a mark of moral correctness or victimhood but a neutral reality of human psyche separate from morality #or and this is a big one #suggest they consider genuinely what they would do at each step of that journey #and dont take Well I simply woudl not have nuked the earth or #Well he's a liar so most of that was probably a lie anyway #as an answer #well #people dont like that lol #john being indefensible seems to be so important to people #that to suggest that John's downfall is an interesting and compelling study in how a person with good intentions can still end up the bad g #this will immediately be taken as Defending Him or Justifying His Actions and they will get Quite Upset #i know its asking a lot for people to appreciate the moral complexity of a well written villain who isn't like. a sexy meow meow or whateve #but it just amuses and annoys me #how people desperately need to flatten the complexity of this series #this is probably the reason why people who like TLT then turn around and recommend the shittiest books ever written as comparable #generally on the basis that they are both about Sword Lesbians #which is like. true on a superficial level.#But like. TLT is about sword lesbians in the same way that EEAAO is about a lady doing her taxes #these tags are longer than the post sorry lmao. i have Opinions about these books.

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steaksex · 8 months

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Auugg i cant sleep now im thinking of getting used. World is cruel etc. Though tbh its fine i slept earlier and sleeping now means id wake up ungodly early. If anyone wants to tell me to edge or anything btw lol <- desperate horny loser

#nsft #raunchy rabble #trans nsft #ftm nsft #mlm nsft #genuinely please god just send a number of edges or an amount of time ill edge that long prommy <3 #even if its a lot i love having tasks to do #ill add any asks together btw if someone tells me to edge for an hour and another tells me to edge for 45 minutes ill do both #plus that means that if im almpst done edging and check my blog you could make me go another hour without cumming!!!#blinks cutely . please god im desperate

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kyouka-supremacy · 1 year

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Thoughts on odazai? I wondered if your reasons for disliking dazai apply to this ship since it doesn't seem to function the same way other popular dazai ships do

Mmmmhh okay first off, I'm afraid my dislike for Dazai transcends all ships (╥﹏╥)

But I do think odazai is very enjoyable for its own uniqueness!! Oda is the only person Dazai respects, literally, and that's bound to make their relationship distinctive and unique. I feel like respect should come with every healthy relationship, so you see the appeal here? Odazai is the only ship that shows a side of Dazai that finally feels authentic– it shows a side of Dazai that is willing to care. For the rest of the franchise Dazai's character is pretty much up to interpretation, there's the mystery element of never being able to tell what's going through his mind, but Oda's existence alone is enough to show us a true face of Dazai for once– which is nice, because Oda showed us a side of Dazai that is capable of love. Which wasn't exactly predictable given Dazai's nihilism, cruelty and apparent disregard of human life; and yet even him is capable of love. And he truly is! Even if you don't like them romantically, Dazai's love (platonic, if you prefer) for Oda is undeniably there, and it's nice, it's miraculous to get to witness it. In a way, Anon, maybe you're right! I don't like Dazai, and still odazai has the power of making Dazai feel sympathetic: because it shows you a man who cares about another person, and who would do anything for them; and then that person is taken away from him. You just can't not feel sympathy for that, it's inherently human to relate to and be touched by another man's suffering, and a thousand times more so when such suffering is moved by love. Odazai is the only ship that makes me want to ship it because I think it would make Dazai happy, and makes me feel happy for him.

Odazai is a sweet, tragic, comforting ship. People have definitely put it more eloquently and in detail than me, but it's just the completely lack of judgement on both sides which is SUCH an appealing aspect. They can be their true authentic selves with each other, and it must have been so staggering and exhilarating and overwhelming for Dazai specifically who probably didn't even know who he himself was– how much human he could be. There's the mutual respect, the genuine admiration. There's the feeling of being accepted and understood like they aren't by anyone else– they both share this morally grey view of the world, and they are the only ones who aren't judgemental of the other's lack of morals; they get each other. In a world that results meaningless to them, they can be each other's reason to live. Then there's the making each other better?? Seriously, what other ship makes Dazai even slightly better. Oda canonically changed Dazai's whole existence prompting him to do good for the rest of his life with six words. And again, the fact alone that Oda is the only person to ever make Dazai capable of love– that's as good as it can get! Dazai is the best he can be as soon as he allows himself to be vulnerable and emotional and soft and honest, and Oda prompted him to do exactly that. And I know that's very arguable, but we literally do not know if Dazai ever truly loved anyone after joining the good guys, or if he's just doing good things because Oda asked him to instead of having an innate will to do good for a genuine love of human beings– maybe he's really doing all of that solely because he loved a man and he will never love anyone else; we really have no way to know, and it's up to interpretation. My take, while we're at it (because I'm drunk on tiredness and I can't stop talking), is that Dazai, even if coming from a place of having no fondness for humans and exclusively doing good because he was asked to rather than for a true conviction, got so accustomed to doing good, he actually... Became good (Aristotle and moral virtue being something you can get better at by practicing it). In that case, Oda would be someone who literally taught Dazai to love, and that's beautiful in its own way.

I didn't get much into Oda's side of the relationship; I feel like I don't know Oda a lot, I only watched the Dark Era episodes of the anime once ten months ago and even Beast doesn't feel like giving away much of his personality. But I do like to think he would love Dazai; if else, I feel like Dazai too is a special person to Oda like no one else is.

Also like, there's the fact that they're quite literally canon. Like I don't know what to tell you it's literally there. Not that many men out there Osamu Dazai would literally abandon everything he's ever known, completely turn his life upside down, start doing good without even believing in good, for. Characters who aren't canonically gay but who's actions don't make any sense until you interpret them as gay and stuff. It barely even count as queerbating tbh like it's just right there.

#Writing this was illuminating. Still don't like Dazai tho 😔#osamu dazai #I feel... Some of this *may* apply to Daz/atsu too but I have mixed feelings about it #sakunosuke oda #odazai #If they use the same criteria to write the name on Dazai's tomb they did for Oda it's literally going to say “o.dazai”#bsd #bungou stray dogs #mine #people asks me stuff #Thank you for this ask! As you can see I love giving my opinion on matters lmao #Besides yesterday I finally got around to finish watching the Beast movie and man I was not prepared for–#Dazai's voice cracking at the bar Lupin scene that scene was so good #Tbh for most of the time in the bsd fandom I thought fyo/dazai was my favorite Dazai ship but tbh...#I think I might have been mistaken to assume that #I mean I never thought about fyo/dazai as intensely as I do for odazai #And granted I don't think about Dazai a lot either way but still ///////#I MAY have rewatched some odazai bits from s2 ep4 and I MAY have gotten a little bit too emotional over these two #I mean. Dazai's desperation seriously??? Why is he suddenly so human??? I can't make this post any longer but I'm sobbing #I'm thinking about that time - I made a post about it that's going to be published at some point but whatever -#that time I was showing Oda's death scene to my cousin for whatever reason #And Dazai entered and he throws his coat away #And my cousin goes “what was that why did he throw his coat away”#And I answered without beating an eye “because that coat represents his position at the pm and everything he's ever known #and he's willing to throw all of that away and leave everything behind without even thinking about it if it's for Odasaku”#I'm not sure where that came from so promptly but I still think about it a lot #The fact that Odasaku spent the last moments of his life advising his friend on how to live because he cared about him–#and his last wish was literally for him to be happy and live a peaceful life. Okay that was not very heterosexual of you #Bones didn't have Dazai cry in that scene because they're cowards

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