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crystlizabeth · 5 months

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WE NEED A PART 2 AMD 3 OF WHAT HAPPENS IN MEXICO

Kyle and Soap fight it out ft the gang

Soap actually shows up to thanksgiving and the Garrick's love him and ask him to stay for the night the whole hospitality thing (she and soap fuck in her childhood bedroom)

AHHHHHHH so cute

Happy Family ‧₊˚.

Johnny ‘Soap’ McTavish x Garrick!blkfem!reader

Summary: After the events in Mexico, Johnny finds himself going against is friends wishes to talk to his little sister and finds himself attending thanksgiving with the Garrick’s..

Warnings: cursing, smut, little age gap 6ish years apart, chaotic family stuff, Kyle hating on Johnny and his sister(sibling love!!)

A/n: So I figured out Thanksgiving is not celebrated in the UK makes sense, so I'm making the Garrick family British American(Kyle and the reader's dad is American) the accent just lingers. Didn’t really think about it but reader also studies abroad.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Kyle yelled pushing Johnny back him hitting the wall.

“What are you on? I didn’t know she was your sister yeah?” Johnny scoffed.

Kyle had been at Johnny’s throat since he had gotten back from dropping his sister off at the hotel she was staying at, price had made an attempt to pull Kyle off of him but he was only pushed away.

“You're a piece of Shit John don't fucking touch my sister, alright. She's not just of of your hookups don't even think about going near her.” Kyle spoke his finger pressed on Johnny’s chest.

“Watch yer fuckin’ mouth,” Johnny warned glaring at Gaz.

“What because I'm saying the truth? You're a bastard that ruins things he touches, you are a piece of shit, John. Stay the fuck away-”

Before Kyle could finish Johnny had punched Kyle falling back, instead of sitting there Kyle came right back at him. Ghost went to step in but Price held his hand up.

“Wait. Let them get at it for a minute.” price said.

They let them beat on each other then blood started to spill ghost grabbed Johnny and Price pulling Kyle off of him.

“Listen ya son of a bitch,” Kyle started.

“Alright Kyle keep it down.” price said pulling him away from Johnny.

That was the last time Kyle and Johnny had an actual conversation.

Johnny even talked to her out of spite at first but eventually actually started to like her, started to love her. Maybe too soon to tell but he was head over heels for her. Now for the past months, Johnny had been spending his time with her.

God, he felt as if he knew everything about her, how to touch her those soft sweet gasps that escaped from her lips as he touched her. This didn't make him a good friend that's for sure dating Kyles's little sister and he knew it.

Now he sat on the couch of his apartment watching as she was talking on the phone he didn't know who but he listened to her chat. Her back faced him, and not having any pants on the shirt she wore was his ‘Mctavish’ in dark lettering, he tilted his head to get a look at her ass that hung out at the bottom of the shirt. Green looked good on her dark complexion, but she would look even better bent over that countertop.

Soap pushed himself of the couch just as she was hanging up the phone. Johnny let his arms wrap around her waist his face pushing her curls aside his check touching hers. He felt her back in to him a bit “who was that bonnie?” he asked.

“My mum..” she hummed her hands coming up grabbing his biceps he nails lightly digging into them.

“Yeah, what she callin’ fo’..”

“School, checking on me.. She wants me to bring you to thanksgiving..” she spoke.

“American Holiday?” Johnny questioned.

“My dad’s American though me and Kyle grew up here my parents moved back to America after we both graduated being closer with family ya know.” She answered turning her body leaning back on the counter.

Johnny nodded “That means I have to meet your family and see.”

“Kyle, yeah he’ll just have to deal with it.” She smiled her hands coming ups to Johnny’s face her fingers running across his stubble.

“I reckon he will..” Johnny chuckled his lips meeting her two tones ones the taste of her Shea butter chapstick lingered on his lips.

Yeah needless to say when Kyle watched you and Johnny walk through the door his smile faded being replaced with a glare. The silence between her and her brother went unnoticed by their family. For a short while anyway.

Johnny got to meet everyone mostly everyone, pretty much all of her fathers side and few of her mother's. Kyle practically ignored Johnny’s existence, until asked about him.

“He was alright before he got in my sisters pants.” The comment earning a smack from your mother.

He got along well with her father as they talked to her dad he for sure scared the hell out of him. He was a big guy reminded him of Simon a bit taller, tattoos covered his dark-toned arms. He was scary that’s for sure but all around a sweet guy once you got to know him, her father made sure to let Johnny know if her broke his daughter’s heart he’d be dealt with. And her mother was a sweetheart tall herself maybe 5’8 her curls pulled back in a claw clip grays could be seen from her roots. They continued the conversation her uncles and mother joining in only to be interrupted by Kyle bickering with his sister.

“I will beat the shit out of you Kyle- leave him alone,” she spoke glaring at your brother.

“Please he needed to be beat in yeah?” Kyle spoke.

“You bullying my boyfriend is not breaking him in to the family.” She scoffed.

Johnny looked over his eyes coming back to her mothers only for her to shake her head saying let them at it for a second it gets interesting. And it did the two siblings going at it, her comments destroying each other until he went silent and started to walk away.

“Yeah walk away, nothin to say huh- bitch.” She scoffed Kyle turning around flipping her off before going down the hall.

“Gagged” Her aunt said moving her Bob behind her ear laughing.

She groaned “someone had to—he need to get laid so he can HOP OF MY BOYFRIEND.” She yelled the last part down the hall making sure her brother heard.

The Garricks were something else but it was enjoyable similar to Johnny’s family but a bit more chaotic. They love Johnny your aunties making his plate befor you could making sure he was fed and fed well. Table conversation went around school and other drama, your family had a colorful use of language that’s for sure.

“Ya know, Johnny baby. Have you seen her room yet?” Her mother asked.

She shook her head “no he has not. And he won’t.”

“Aren’t you staying with us?” Her father asked.

“Didn’t plan on it we have a hotel we can check into after we leave.” She spoke.

“Yeah no, I’ll show you where to take bags Johnny.” Her father spoke smiling at Johnny his melanin cheeks puffing up as he smiled.

He nodded looking over at her, his hand gripping her thigh teasingly. “What Bonnie? What’s yer room look like lass?” He asked his tone cheeky.

“It’s embarrassing because I went in it earlier I know my mother went in it and pulled some things out.”

“Yeah all of her stuff animals.” Kyle laughed.

She let out a groan, “How many we talkin?”

“To many it’s a problem.” She admitted.

Johnny only laughed light-heartedly patting his girlfriend's thigh before letting it come back up to the table to eat.

As conversation went on Johnny felt her hand go down to his thigh, her nails dragging on the inside of his thigh. He gave he a grin displayed on her glossy lips as he felt her hand go up higher her finger gliding against his clothed cock.

He shutters lightly his left hand grabbing her wrist. “What's wrong?” She asked innocently her brows frowned.

“Nothing…” he spoke his tone warning her.

She tilted her head her tight curls moving down to the side. Her long lashes batting at him as her dark eyes met his light ones. She leaned in her breath hitting his ear as she whispered “Let’s take it to the bathroom yeah?”

He moved away from her glaring at her but a smile on his lips. She was filthy.

“Are you planning on staying with her I would expect so.” Her mom spoke catching Johnny's attention.

“Yeah-”

“No.”

Kyle spoke over Johnny.

Their mother shot a glare at Kyle, him saying sorry quietly but his gaze stabbed Johnny in the side of the head.

Soon dinner ended everyone starting to pick up, Johnny helping his girlfriend with the dishes the two talking. Kyle watched and he hated it, he didn’t hate that his sister was dating someone it was the fact to who she was dating. He hated that fact the he took such good care of her too, “you keep staring at them your sister will give ya shit love.” His mother said her head resting on the arm as she watched them as well.

Johnny flicked water into her face earning a heartfelt laugh as well as a smack to his arm. “You realized he's 26 right mum?” Kyle said.

“Could be worse,” she laughed lightly squeezing his arm. Kyle only shook his head groaning.

It had finally gotten late everyone leaving leaving the five of them, Johnny hand brought their bags in.

“Okay you can't judge me alright,” she spoke standing in front of her door not letting johnny in yet.

“ ‘mon lass ain't gonna judge you.” he chuckled lightly at the girl.

She pressed her dark lips together nodding before opening the door. The room was dimly lit with Christmas lights, her walls covered in posters big and small, and her bed covered with stuffed animals. One thing he could tell it was very pink. His lips curved into a smile seeing the childish room, his head turned to hers, her hands covered the bottom half of her face.

“When did ya move out?” he spoke putting the bags down.

“A year ago..” she muttered.

Johnny moved to stand in front of her his calloused hand touching her face and lifting her chin up “What's wrong Lassie? It's very you n I love it.” he smiled his lips meeting hers.

“But I do have to say, that stunt you pulled at dinner,” he spoke his one hand grabbing her face.

Her lips pulled up into a grin “I don't know whatcha mean Johnny.” she hummed her hands trailing up his chest.

He pushed the door closed as he pushed her against it her hand moving to lock it. “You know exactly what I mean..”

She shook her head “You might have to remind me, baby..”

He hummed his hand reaching to the back of her head and grabbing a hand of hair pulling her head back a soft moan escaping her lips. His hand grazed over his belt before letting her fingers slide down his clothed cock.

He bent down kissing her neck right in the area that made her squirm, his free hand sliding up the bottom of her shirt pulling her tit out of her bra. Johnny let his thumb run over her hard nip meeting the warm metal of her piercing. Something about him playing with her nubs got her worked up so quickly, his knee lifting up and pressing against her core the dress she wore bunching up. Coming up to kiss her lips it became messy quickly her pawing at his shirt and pulling him closer as she ground herself on his thigh.

“Please Johnny..” she whimpered.

“Yeah bonnie? How bad ya want me eh?” he spoke hitting her bottom lip.

So she did, the begging leaving her pretty lips as he kissed her pressing his thigh harder to her core as she rubbed herself against him. Her whiney tone made him harder as he held himself back just wanting to know how desperate she was.

“Fuck- please Johnny, stuff me. Stuff me full,” she pleaded.

That was his tipping point grabbing her and lifting her up the feeling of her legs wrapping around him as they both fell onto the bed. Johnny lifted himself up unbuttoning his dress shirt, throwing it to the side the pulling of his undershirt quickly. He went back to her his hands grabbed the hem of her dress sliding it up and pulling it off her in one motion. Her bra was discarded earlier the both were topless.

Johnny leaned down his skin touching hers, the skin-to-skin practically making him moan. Her hands placed on his shoulders her nails digging into them as the made out his groin grinding against her.

“Yer so fouking wet f’er me love.” he groaned his fingers touching the outside of her soaked panties.

“It's all for you,” she whispered the feeling of him pushing her panties to the side feeling her wet folds.

He discarded his boxers, soon letting his finger lop around the sides of her panties pulling them of and watching her stick arousal make a string.

He laughed loudly “Yeah~ love ya want me that bad.” he spoke looking down at her seeing her nod.

“Open up f’er me.” he said tapping her thighs soon placing himself in between her.

He slid his cock against her folds his meaty tip soon sinking into her, he hand quickly slapping over her mouth keeping her quiet.

She pulsed around him as he sat there slowly working himself into her. “F’ckin made for me.” he whimper.

Sitting up he picked her hips up putting her in an arch his thrust becoming faster. She looked good like this his cock going in and out of her needy cunt, it drooling all over him. “Yes— oh fuck..” she cried out johnnys harsh thrust not changing pace.

Changing position his arms cuffed under hers cradling her head her legs thrown over his broad shoulders. “Common— atta girl fockin’ take it.” he groaned his head falling into her shoulder as he pumped in and out of her at a brutal pace.

“Johnny—” she cried out her nails dragging down his back as if she's trying to hold on.

She could feel every inch of him his balls slapping against her. Continuing to keep herself quiet as he fucked her relentlessly, she began to babble to Johnny telling him how good he made her feel. Soon Her walls squeeze around him “Ya good cum f’me, lass, common baby cum for me.” he encourage, feeling his balls get tight.

“I want you to cum in me..” she begged her words slurred.

Leaning up a bit enough to see her face he saw tears in the corner of her dark eyes, “want me to fill your cunt up, Lassie? You want my thick nut huh?” his words filthy his hand grabbing her throat applying pressure.

“Yes- God yes please fill me up with your nun!” she cried.

She was asking so nicely and with that pretty face how could he say no?

With a few more thrusts his balls drained into her, her body becoming slightly stiff as a shaky moan escaped her mouth as she came on his cock him pushing on her stomach as she did. Johnny lifted himself now slowly pumping in her his cum spilling out he watched with a pleased grin.

Pulling out he watched the cum leak out of her puffy cunt. “Steemin’ Jesus Bonnie, you look so good with my cum dripping out that beautiful cunt.” he spoke leaning down kissing her his hand slaponv her cunt.

“Hey!-”

He let out a cheeky laugh. “Johnny that hurt” she whined.

After cleaning himself up and making sure she peed he came back into the room with a warm wet rag letting in drag down her cunt cleaning it up, them her legs his lips leaving soft kisses on her back as he took care of her fragile body.

“You take such good care of me baby,” she mumbled.

“Oh love this is my job, especially after making a mess of you,” he spoke gently his hands needing at her thighs and kissing them as he did so.

He loved this part maybe not as much as bullying the shot out of her pussy. But he loved taking care of her after whipping her down and massaging her sore body.

“Tierd lass?” he asked.

“Mmhm..”

He hummed going over to her bag and grabbing a pair of panties and one of his shirts “sit of f’r me.” he whispered.

He sat behind her moving her legs up and putting her underwear on then pulling the t-shirt over her head. “Wanna wrap your hair?” he spoke lifting up her bonnet.

She nodded handing him a scrunchie, he gathered her hair up looping the scrunchie around her hair once then placed the bonnet on her head “There we go love..” he kissed the side of her face.

“Thank you, baby,” she said moving the side so she could lay next to him her head falling onto his chest once he did lay down.

The two soon one fell asleep maybe not as aware of how loud the were Kyle who was across the hall heard more than he would have liked his headphones saving him.

Heres this! As promised! I hope you like it and happy almost Thanksgiving!!

#x black reader #black fem reader #johnny mctavish x reader #johnny soap mctavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #john mctavish #johnny soap mctavish x black reader #soap x black reader #soap x reader #soap call of duty #soap cod #soap mw2 #john soap mactavish #soap mctavish

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mayakern · 2 years

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over the past couple weeks i’ve seen a lot of people ask how many skirts we’re listing (mostly in an incredulous “they’re already gone??” sort of way) and finally yesterday i got some numbers!

yesterday we listed over 500 skirts and they were still mostly sold out in about 3 minutes or so.

and i think pretty consistently we’ve been listing 300-500 skirts every week. that means quality checking, inventorying and packing up 300-500 skirts every week.

so this really goes to show that it’s not that we’re not listing a lot of skirts (i think 500 skirts is objectively a LOT, especially for a small business), it’s just that even tho it’s a lot it’s not nearly enough to meet demand. and that’s really incredible and flattering, but that’s also why we’re in an awkward period of growth right now and why we’ve outgrown our factory. when we started with our factory 6ish years ago, we would order maybe 50-100 skirts total and that felt like a TON.

we now sell more skirts in three minutes than we used to in a year. i think it’s hard, from an outside perspective, to comprehend just how much we have grown in a short period of time.

we’re working hard to find a new factory (potentially factories) that can better handle our volume and deliver more consistent results, but i hope this info helps put into perspective where things are at right now.

#maya rambles #store

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ripoutmygvtz · 16 hours

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since my page has been getting more attention i figured i'd do a lil intro again

My names Vivian and i'm 16 yrs old, i've been restricting since i was 13 (late 2021) and started with a bmi of 25 (136lbs, 5'2)

for the first 6ish months i was all on my own until i heard about tumblr (through To The Bone LMAO) i had an acc for a couple months before it got t'd and i didn't make another until a couple months later

i got to 112lbs before i decided to "recover" but relapsed a couple months later, this kept happening until we get to where i'm at rn, my most recent and deepest relapse being in early march

i haven't weighed properly in a little but if i had to guess i'm ~104.6lbs (bmi 17.4) 103lbs (bmi 17.1) is the lowest i've gone so far since i started

i'm hoping to get to at least 90lbs (bmi 15) by summer and thats my ugw but i've been thinking and i might aim for 78lbs (bmi 13) instead if i don't think i look good enough

anyways that's my ana backstory and here's some extra things about me for funsies

• I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder

• I used to be on meds for anxiety but they did more damage than anything so i switched to antidepressants and a mood stabilizer so hopefully it helps 🤞

• It's not diagnosed but i've been struggling with dpdr for the past 6 1/2 years straight (started 10/1/17)

• I have a few addictions other than just ⭐️ving myself, those being weed and nic, i wouldn't say i'm addicted to alcohol again but i do crave it at times, i also used to be addicted to sh but i've been clean since 2/23 :)

• I love music, like a lot. i had 365k minutes on spotify wrapped last year so i guess you can call that an addiction too (can't function without it for more than half an hour)

• My favorite genres are hyperpop, pop punk, scenecore, and scremo but i listen to every type and i'm always up for recommendations

• I love cooking and baking (ironic ik)

Tags:

gvtz- general tag, on every one of mine

gvtz life- relatable posts or me just talking

gvtz eats- wieiad

gvtz saves- self explanatory

gvtz 👙- th!nsp0

gvtz 🍽️- m3alsp0

#gvtz #gvtz life #gvtz eats #gvtz saves #gvtz 👙#gvtz 🍽️#thinspø #th1nsp1ration #starv1ng #bulim14 #th1gh g@p #th1nspø #st⭐️rving #3d but not sheeren #ana account

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awakefor48hours · 5 days

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Aren't you a fan of Belos yourself? Or is liking him/ enjoying his character different from being a fan? Do you not like how others like him?

You know anon, you bring up a good question and because this is something I actually think about a lot, I’m gonna make this a proper post.

The quick answer to this is no. I’m not a fan of Belos like other people. I don’t call him a cringy old gay he/they man, I call him a fascist colonizer and that makes (certain) Belos fans mad for some reason.

Now onto the longer explanation.

As of late (if I had to guess, I’d say the past 6ish years), I feel like there’s been a HUGE change in how fandoms interact with characters who are just bad. I couldn’t put my finger on it until recently when I started stalking the My Hero fandom (yep, bringing My Hero into this but bare with me).

I’m not as involved in the My Hero fandom anymore, I’m so behind on the show and haven’t been in the fandom in years so I don’t know if things have changed but back when I used to live in the My Hero fandom, there were so many Bakugou fans would say that the real reason why he was angry all the time is that he actually had an anxiety disorder and lived in an abusive household. This caused him to be mean to people, especially mean Deku.

That is not true in the slightest.

Bakugou is just a teenage boy with the powers of destruction at his fingertips, that’s it. I’d say that if given the ability to make explosions like Bakugou, a solid 70% of my old high school classmates would be just as bad, if not worse, than Bakugou because teenage boy are awful.

He doesn’t have an abusive household, his mom isn’t toxic, once again, Bakugou is just a teenage boy and teenage boys are just the worst. (No offense to any teenage boys reading this. It’s not you it’s the fact that you have a very underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that’s responsible for making decisions, and live in a society that actively encourages boys and men to be violent).

Now, why am I bringing up a completely different character from a completely different show into this? It’s because I feel what’s happening in fandoms is that people don’t want to accept and/or admit that they like morally bad characters. The need to find a way to weave a victim complex into a character’s narrative as a way to find the deeper meaning to their shitty behavior is getting to be pretty popular and I don’t like it.

I’ve seen people defend Belos because “he’s actually just battling internalized homophobia” and I hate this because not only does The Owl House demonize this exact type of behavior (and it’s demonized in the scene that Belos is killed) but it’s not an actual excuse to be a bad person. It just feels like the people who say“I can’t be homophobic, I’m a lesbian” wearing a wig. Additionally, Belos being anything but a cishet, white man defeats the purpose of his character. He’s the Christopher Columbus of the show.

If you like bad characters, just say it. Stop hiding a behind the excuse that they’re actually good but we don’t get to see it because they’re traumatized or battling some internalized homophobia, especially when it’s not even canon. It reflects poorly on your understanding of how the characters are written and how mental health works.

#I might add more to this later #or not idk #anon

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norwegianwoodtarot · 3 months

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🌙 Blog Navigation🌙

Welcome! This blog is no longer active (see below) but above is my ‘Blog Navigation’ where you will find all my readings! 🌕🌖

Hello everyone!!! 👀👀

I’m just popping in to update ya’ll on some things. I’ll get into some updates on myself (if you’re interested) and where this account is going.

Some personal updates:

When I took my break at the beginning of last year I didn’t have a lot of time due to work. (I can’t remember if mentioned that last time I was on here? But I’m pretty sure I did Lol) Butttt I ended up getting a little promotion and moved states for work! (The promotion was technically an incentive to get me to move states but I’ll take it Lmao). That happened around the end of May, last year. But in bigger better news, as of December of last year, I am an ENGAGED GIRLYYYYY 💍🍾. *Que dog barking noises* My fiancé an I are not big wedding people (I honestly didn’t even really believe in marriage till we started dating) but in the state we lived in prior to moving, we were technically considered married under common law, as we presented ourselves as wives, so we thought, why not legally tie the knot Lol. We are planning to go to the court house sometime in April/May, then go back to her home state (where we used to live) sometime this summer to have a tiny dinner party with friends and family and that will be our “wedding”. Maybe we’ll wear casual white dresses, but that’s about it Lol. Those are the big things, but everything else has been pretty smooth sailing, the holidays were great. We went to Canada for Christmas, which was my first time and a very fun vacay!!

Now for this blog:

I have decided to retire this blog for good. I know a lot of you enjoy coming here when I am active, which I appreciate so much, but I have a couple reasons why I am choosing to leave. My blog will still be public, so if you ever want to come back you can, I just will not be posting any more content.

Like I said, there are a couple reasons. One of them being, I don’t feel like there is anything else to say. For the past 6ish-8ish months, I have not really been compelled to share anything else on the blog! I think everything that can be said publicly has been said! But this is a good thing!! In my opinion it means all is falling into place!!! We just have to sit back and relax!!

Also, the last time I was consistently active on here (late 2022, early 2023) I felt I was enabling a very toxic, extremely parasocial environment. To a point where almost (definitely not all) of my anons were purely here to force me to describe them as Harry’s soulmate and get mad when I share my findings/readings and it does not match up with them. Similarly, whenever some anons would disagree with Harry’s actions (particularly being in any sort of romantic relationships) they felt like it was a personal attack on them. It’s frustrating when I thought I created a fun environment to share tarot/clairvoyant findings, that turns out to be people calling Harry a “slut/slag” or saying that his soulmate is “fed up” with his “actions”, when in reality, it was their projections on to him and delusions that they were the soulmate.

Now, I don’t know who the soulmate is, and I don’t necessarily care who it is in particular. I created this blog to share my readings on them. But I know his soulmate isn’t 100 different anons on my little tumblr blog. And it is disturbing and disgusting to suggest that Harry must refrain from any sort of romantic/sexual relationships, just because he has a soulmate. That is not how life works for anyone. I was in three relationships before I met mine, and I’m sure a lot of you have/will as well. This does not hinder their connection nor is it him “cheating” on them. Get a grip on reality and stop projecting your fantasies and standards onto him. People can learn, grow, love, and experience heart breaks a hundred times before they meet the one.

As Harry has shared (quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson) “People destined to meet will do so, apparently by chance, at precisely the right moment”

Now, I don’t want this to be misconstrued. I am totally open to other readers and opinions from people who don’t partake or believe in spirituality but want to share what they think Harry’s sm may act like, look like, etc. etc. That’s why I created this blog!! For us all to share our opinions whether they are perfectly aligned or completely opposite. However, I won’t stand for people being rude or close-minded or projecting themselves onto Harry or his SM(s). That’s NOT the space I wanted to create. I wanted to keep an open-minded forum where we could share our opinions. Not people getting mad at me, other readers, or anons because our opinions don’t match up with them or their opinions.

With that said, I do want to highlight my amazing followers. To everyone who contributed to creating a fun, happy space, THANK YOU!!! You made this blog so fun!!! 💙💙🌙💙💙 I love and appreciate all of you, so much I can’t put it into words! You have helped me grow so much as a tarot reader from when I first stared!! Thanks again!!

And a huuuuugggge thanks to the other blogs who have reached out to help and support me! It means the world!! (I don’t know if anyone wants to be mentioned in specific, but they know who they are! ♥️)

Again, this blog will still be public so don’t worry! I will turn my asks on tonight and answer some tonight and possibly tomorrow if I have the time!! Thank you for following and contributing! I couldn’t have imagined this when I first started!! ✨✨✨

My first and last time using a gif on this account Lolol. 💙✨💙

#harryssoulmate #harry’s soulmate #harry #reading suggestions #harry styles #daily tarot #78 tarot #tarot

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golbrocklovely · 1 year

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What happened yesterday (if it's not too personal to ask)? Not trying to be nosy or anything, just offering a sympathetic ear - or eyes, I guess- for venting.

i'll share a little bit just bc i need to talk to someone that isn't my family (since they're the story).

and by a little i guess i mean the entire thing lol

this is sincerely, extremely long. i don't really expect you to write anything back - especially with how much shit happens in this story. but thanks for lending your ear. i honestly needed to talk this out.

my mom has chronic pain, on top of heart problems, anxiety, and needing sleeping pills. her primary doctor is out for a month or so, so they had someone else fill in. this guy is a complete and utter dickbag. first off, he doesn't "believe" in anxiety medications and argued with my mom about whether or not she even needs to take them. and then he said that he wanted to wane her off of them slowly bc he doesn't want her on them.

mind you, he is only filling in for her primary doctor.

so he was supposed to fill the scripts on tuesday. she calls, he never sent them to her pharmacy, but said "oh by friday you'll get them." mind you, she was already out of her medicine by tuesday.

my mom, for a couple months now, has been taking advil pms when shit like this happens (usually bc the pharmacy has fucked up tho bc her actual primary doctor is a really good one) bc they somewhat help her sleep (and don't really do anything for her pain, but that's not surprising). for the past couple days, she has been anxious as hell, ready to fly off the wagon at any second, and hasn't been getting much sleep.

she also is disabled, so her ability to walk is very small. she's can't walk far and usually at night falls a lot bc her balance isn't fantastic at night, especially after just waking up.

friday morning, around 4 am, i heard a loud bang come from her room. i heard her door open first and then the bang, so i thought at first maybe the dogs had to go out since they sleep in her room, and then she just accidentally fell or knocked something over.

both me and my brother found her, and she was completely out of it. she didn't know who we were, who she was, what the dogs' name were, and she was riving in pain. we thought we would have to call 911. miraculously, she snapped back to reality. or at least somewhat. we have now chalked this up to her most likely sleep walking (which is something she's never done).

but the rest of the day was not good. first off, from wednesday - friday around 12 pm, my mom had maybe slept collectively 10 hours, if that. that's being extremely generous on my end. after everything that happened at 4-5am on friday, i stayed with her until 6ish and then went back to sleep. i woke up to my brother yelling at her bc it was 12 and she had not slept. he was telling her that we needed to take her to the hospital.

and it was like that the whole day until 4 pm.

not only was she just not sleeping, we believe now that she took too many advil pms (bc of how exhausted she was) and it snapped something in her brain. that piled on top of her anxiety, her chronic pain, her breathing (which is also an issue) being bad for a couple weeks now, and about a million other things on her mind caused this break to happen. this was all keeping her awake. bc when she spoke, she wasn't making complete sense. like she could hold a conversation, she wasn't slurring her words, but she would go on tangents and loop back to certain talking points, regardless of what we were talking about.

like my mom was on oxy for a long time. didn't abuse it, but around the time of my father getting sicker, her doctors were taking her off of it after having her on such a high dose. but that was four years ago, and she was bringing it up yesterday. she kept talking about how it was an addiction and that she doesn't even believe she was actually in pain, she was just addicted to the pills. she also talked really badly about herself, which i won't get into.

now i need anyone reading this to understand: my mom is not an addict. she was prescribed pills that she never abused for 20 years. she has chronic pain, and will have chronic pain the rest of her life. i've seen her fall to the ground from pain, i've heard her cry out in the middle of the night. she's not making it up. there are way too many times i have seen her cry after going to doctors begging to not be on pills anymore bc they weren't working anymore. she doesn't want to live this way, but this is just reality. i have seen the way she has been abused by doctors that don't care, have no time for her, and just see her as an addict bc she was on oxy for so long. anytime she has mentioned about wanting something for pain, they act as if she's begging for pills bc she's a druggie. SHE PHYSICALLY CANNOT WALK FAR BUT THEY THINK SHE IS DOING THIS ALL FOR PILLS. she got discharged from a hospital years go after falling down the fucking stairs bc they saw she was taking oxy and just thought she was a druggie when in reality it was a combo of some medication that was doing it to her - which she was PRESCRIBED. she had a doctor that was giving her shots in her back (which is another thing that has been damaged in her body) that said to her "if i was you with all this pain and taking all these pills, i would have just killed myself. why do you stick around?"

but for some reason yesterday, all of her insecurities and all of the shittiest things my mom has been told over the years came to the surface and she fully believed them. it wasn't just about the pills either, it was about herself and her personal worth too.

and on top of all of that, she just wouldn't go to sleep. and she couldn't tell how much time had passed. she would lay down for not even five minutes, shoot right back up, and think hours had gone by. that's why we were ready to take her to the hospital if she couldn't sleep.

but finally at 4 pm, she went to sleep. and slept until midnight. she barely moved the whole night and we kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing. my brother fell asleep around 10ish, i woke her up at 12, and we talked for a bit. she didn't really remember what had happened friday.

which brings us into today. she's a lot more coherent. but her frame of reference is completely off. the things she did on tuesday she thinks of as a week ago. she doesn't remember talking to certain ppl on the phone that she did on wednesday, she feels like everything we tell her that happened yesterday happened in a dream. we'll ask her what she remembers, she doesn't know much, but when we tell her certain things she goes "oh yeah i remember that". she's not completely better, but she's way more coherent than yesterday.

me and my brother have no clue what happened. we don't know if it was a psychic break, psychosis, withdrawals from her medicines, taking too many advil pms without realizing it, lack of sleep, delirium, the starting signs of dementia, everything and then some - we're not sure. we're keeping an eye on her, and if anything seems worse, we're taking her to the hospital. but so far it feels like things are okay.

just bc this is something else i want to say - not too long ago they had her on xanax. which mind you, for someone her age, basically melts your fucking brain and liver. and for a while there when she was taking them, she was somewhat like this until she finally got this primary doctor who took her off of them bc she knew better than the psychologist or whoever that prescribing them to her. and also, in case anyone reading this is curious as to why we didn't just take her to the hospital: first off, she didn't want to go, and we would rather not take an ambulance which won't take her to the hospital she likes and then on top of that is $1000+ we don't really have to spend. second, we are not doing the best financially so the fewer hospital visits the better. third, we know that bc it was about to be the weekend, unless she was literally dying, all they would do is put her in a room and not do anything to help her until monday bc that's happened before.

if you're wondering how i'm feeling: i'm completely drained. i more defeated than anything else. i hate situations where i feel completely helpless in, and this was and continues to be one of them. i just want my mom back. i want her to be okay, and i'm so tired of her having to go thru shit like this with her fucking doctors. do they not realize they are taking her life in their hands when they act this way?? my brother is about ready to kill this guy, and i mean that very seriously. bc this asshole doesn't """""believe""""" in a medicine my mom takes, he almost fucking broke her brain. and i pray that this is just a fluke and not a permanent problem. bc if it is, i'm taking every single dime this man owns, and i mean it.

i just want things to go back to normal. to even 48 hours ago at this point. things were okay. or at least a certain stress level i'm used to. but the idea of losing my mom rn… i won't be able to manage it.

it really is always one step forward and 12 steps back.

#ask #personal

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ettawritesnstudies · 10 months

Text

First day of work! Everything went well on the logistics side of things and everyone was so friendly and happy to see me back. I was so glad they all remembered me by name it was very sweet, and apparently the work I did at this company last year was very useful to my team so that's exciting to hear that it was all appreciated.

I've got my very own office! I get to decorate tomorrow and they gave me TWO extra monitors and TWO BOOKSHELVES. And I'm going to start working on sustainability projects so I'm not getting pigeonholed into one particular technology or application like doing glue and only glue for the next 20 years slksjsflkj. The company has been going through some pretty big changes this past year and so I have no idea what its going to look like in 6 months, much less a year or two out, but I'm very hopeful that this will be a good fit for me and I'll be able to grow and keep my work-life balance with my writing.

I plan to formally come off hiatus next week, but I'll keep you posted with updates here too about my new plans for the year. Mostly I'm just so gratified all my hard work's paid off. I spent 6ish years of my life through high school AP classes, doing insane hours at the pool to save up for uni, slogging through zoom school with a full time IT job and lab work, spending all this time and energy and tears working towards... this. today. I made it.

and I never have to do homework again

#etta rambles

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the-devil-in-the-details-666 · 4 months

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Caitlin Snow for the Character Ask

Caitlin Snow (And I’m also doing Frost because I love her)

1: Sexuality headcanon

I’ve always headcanoned Caitlin as being demi with a preference for men. Ronnie was her first time feeling romantic attraction and she fell hard.

As for Frost, I headcanon her as being demi as well, but being much more interested in women than Caitlin. She’s open to men, but her first choice would be a woman.

2: OTP

Caitlin/Ronnie for sure. They had so much chemistry and I’m a sucker for the whole fire/ice thing.

As for Frost, I don’t have anyone in particular I ship her with, in part because I stopped watching The Flash at Season 6ish, so I only got to really see the early stages while she was still finding herself.

3: Brotp

Caitlin & Cisco is the obvious choice, because they obviously love each other (platonically), but I also love Caitlin & Frost. Something something loving and caring for the parts of yourself that you used to hate because you were scared of them.

Frost & Caitlin is a big one (see above) but I also love Frost & Ralph because of the bonding over being kinda outsiders and looked down upon for their pasts.

4: Notp

Caitlin/Cisco. I love them as friends, but I don’t particularly care for them as romantic partners.

Honestly, I don’t see many ships with Frost and I’m neutral on most of them, but the only one I’ve seen that really squicked me out was Frost/Ralph Dibny. I love them as friends, but the thought of them dating is just viscerally offputting.

5: First headcanon that pops into my head

Caitlin, Ronnie, and Cisco definitely had a threesome at some point and then decided that they’d gotten it out of their systems and would rather just be friends. It’s the one secret that, if Cisco ever blabs it to Barry, Caitlin will ACTUALLY lobotomize him over.

Every time Frost spots a new flavor of ice cream that she’s never tried before, she HAS to get it, even if she’s pretty sure she won’t like it. For her birthday one year, Barry took her on a world tour of ice cream shops with crazy flavors and accidentally got her hooked on crawfish ice cream.

6: Favorite line from this character

My favorite two lines from Caitlin are “I need you to urinate in this” literally as soon as Barry wakes up in the pilot episode and her threatening Cisco with a lobotomy.

There’s not necessarily one singular line for Frost, but I love her entire conversation with Barry about her having existential crisis over the fact that the world might be ending always.

7: One way in which I relate to this character

I definitely relate to Caitlin trying to live a double life and keep half of herself (Frost) a secret. I’m trans and spent a good chunk of time trying to hide that part of myself from people.

As for Frost, I definitely vibe with her feelings of being an adult but not really knowing who she is or what she wants because she’s spent her whole life not really having any agency.

8: Thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment about this character

Not necessarily about Caitlin herself, but the way that canon kept trying to throw love interests at Caitlin made me cringe so hard, in part because of how forced it felt.

I don’t love Frost bashing Caitlin for her femininity/liking pink/etc. in her early appearances. I understand that canon was trying to do it as a ‘look at how punk and tough and different from Caitlin she is’ type of thing, but it just came across as very ‘Not Like Other Girls TM’.

9: Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Caitlin and Frost are definitely cinnamon rolls.

#asks

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