#after he didn’t get to go last year

[dreamings-free]

21/2/24

#fingers cross for all the louis at glasto content this year #after he didn’t get to go last year #we ​need cute drunk sunkissed festival louis! #conveniently he has no festival gigs of his own booked neither during nor around glasto #oh and he should bring back the stone roses tank top! #(also can they please do roskilde too) #liam gallagher #john squire #glastonbury #nme #21.02.24 #news

[chibishortdeath]

I think about this artwork of Christopher doing a spooky smile and the fact that the boss theme from The Adventure is called “Kill! Kill! Kill!” sometimes. I know his games don’t really give him a whole lot of characterization, but man I’m taking this as a character trait now lol. Serious, wholesome Mr. Dad Belmont himself can be a little sadistic if he wants to, like his job as a vampire hunter a little too much maybe—

Belmonts are allowed to be a little scary sometimes I think :3

#castlevania #castlevania games #text post #art post #my art #christopher belmont #Castlevania ​the adventure #Belmont’s Revenge #hehehehe I need to draw the Belmonts getting to be a little scary sometimes more often #they are hunters after all #their whole duty in life is to kill things to protect people #I like to think maybe Christopher didn’t defeat Dracula properly because he was just too sure it would work #not in a cocky overconfident way just like #I go do my job the job gets done situation over #probably also when you beat the hell out of something you expect it to be dead for real lol #and he was only the second person to deal with Dracula technically and he didn’t do that last time so #out of all of the Belmonts I think Christopher probably genuinely had a little fun his first time through lol #he probably just did his job and went back home into the family house woods and kept to himself mostly #15 years go by and then it’s like uh oh Drac is back in town— #it’s kinda interesting how every Belmont seems to have some kind of bloodlust or something similar tho #Leon holding a grudge against ‘you and the night’ #Trevor and whatever all that was in Curse of Darkness like geez bro chill #Christopher seeming a little too into killing bosses lol #Soleil got possessed oops #Simon idk how to explain him in one tag lol #Juste doesn’t actually really have it he gets a pass #Richter and uh well the everything #Julius being kinda really pushy about that ‘I’ll kill you if you go drac mode soma’ lol #yeah like again Juste gets a pass he is a wonderful pure boy in this instance #anyway Christopher propaganda please spread please please-

[milflewis]

.

#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it #my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with #and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l #lovely? #bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am #glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone #since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life #he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even #harder now. in others he is easier. #he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken #about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better #my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he #hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his #personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the #nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off #he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he #still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay #long when you call in to see her? #whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael. #not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart #i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him

[diaryofagoodpuppy]

.

#as always ignore this #prob gonna be doing rants till I get home im sorry :( #but ever since i was pregnant ive had this problem with gagging right #never once gagged unless it was on a dick lol #anyway i had to hold my fathers hand while we prayed and a gag came up 😭😭😭 #I CANT CONTROL IT #he didn’t get me anything for Christmas and i didn’t expect him to #he didn’t get his parents anything either #or my sister #I didn’t wanna be purposely/obviously rude so I got him something #i got him some star wars thing idc #I even wrote ”dad” on the label because I didn’t want it to be weird #I haven’t called him that since high school I think #I took a picture of it too to show my sister lol #& i caught him in a lie so that was entertaining at least lol #(also feels weird that i was pregnant today of last year and had no idea. i even took ”food baby” pics after Christmas dinner not knowing + #that I was literally pregnant lmao #BUT my father & i are going to dinner wednesday because i can’t say no to save my life 🤪 #if you made it this far i love you & hope you had the best christmas <3

[babysoftboyking]

debating on whether or not to write another grieving mpreg!sam fic where he finds out he’s pregnant the day after deans death

#its been like 3 years and yet here i am. #i genuinely feel like i am at my best when i’m writing grieving tormented sad sam #also thinking abt whether i want it to be a/b/o or not #i’ve never actually dabbled into writing it myself but i love reading it. so many interesting dynamics #like. what if omega!sam finally went off his heat suppressants because he and dean decided they finally wanted to #settle down #and so they’re ‘not trying but if it happens it happens’ #and atp sam is like. 38-39 so the likelihood he actually gets pregnant isn’t very high #so they’re just like living peacefully and then dean decides he wants to go on one last hunt for old times sake #one last hunt and then they’ll both settle down for good this time. just relaxing after years of not being able to #also maybe sam has been having a lot of morning sickness that week or like. a few days before but he didn’t rlly attribute it to anything #bcuz he just assumed he wouldn’t actually get pregnant. #and then they go on the hunt. and dean dies. and sam takes a pregnancy test either a day or like. a week after #also alternatively dean goes on the hunt alone but i like the idea of sam having to watch him go before his very eyes #man idk if i want them to be pregnant before because like. then it’d make no sense for them to go on a hunt and take that risk????? #arrrgh

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[tariah23]

He’s such a loser bro

#rambling #ppl only watch his streams to see him get drunk and cry #I really used to watch his videos bro what the fuck was wrong with me #back when he was doing the war in chiraq but stopped after Vic Mensa called him a bitch to his face and didn’t do anything about it but sit #there while abandoning that same channel he used poor black ppl in Chicago to get his first bit of clout off of #aka is literally drake’s number 1 dick eater I’m glad I stopped watching his videos years ago #he never used to talk about real hip hop news only drama and Drake #Kendrick got the Pulitzer award and all sorts of accomplishments over the years and i remember aka literally never making any videos about #them despite him being a popular hip hop news outlet #like he legit would hardly ever mention Kendrick on his channel #because he’s a Drake fan he’s so embarrassing bro #all of these hip hop media outlets have been so bad for the culture surrounding the genre for years man #aka being erm. ground zero for more of the really loud and obnoxious shit that’s been going on for the last ten years or so #then you have nbs and whites like adam22 speaking on the genre as if their opinions actually matter #and cam’ron and mase being in drake’s pocket and criticizing Kendrick for replying back to drake’s diss 17 days later despite Drake taking #weeks to almost a full month to do so himself #and the fact that he never responded back to pusha t… like what kind of line of thinking even is this and they’re supposed to be some of #the ‘real hip hop’ guys folding like barbz

[herawell]

.

#negativity cw #my younger siblings are better than me and my mom has said it many times #my first attempt at university I withdrew six weeks into my first semester #when my oldest younger sib (4 years younger) went to university #during that first semester my mom told me they had a running joke about them lasting longer than me when the 6 week came around #same sibling did a semester abroad last fall #completely on their own initiative #while I was in community college my mom encouraged me to get a job as a tutor #this sibling also got a tutoring job completely on their own initiative and my parents didn’t find out about it until after the fact #this sibling has been managing uni in a dorm and while during the pandemic #I lived at home and commuted all throughout my uni #they are managing their grades and classes and mental health diagnoses on their own #while I needed my parents riding my ass to stay on track in college #also one of my coworkers has a son who is also 4 years younger that me #and he is completely paying for his own tuition through scholarships and a co-op job #my mom has straight up said that they are better than me and. it’s true. #they are. they are going to surpass me

[aceredshirt13]

something something teenaged weird girl archetype carrying a torch for the man who gave him a place and a person to call home and only years later when he’s older does that man see him in a new and unexpected light

#red randomness #ace attorney #the great ace attorney #herlock sholmes #yujin mikotoba #raymond shields #gregory edgeworth #homumiko #gregray #I’m going to be crucified for this take but at least it will have been fun while it lasted #my friend called this post ‘the 9/11 of ship discourse’ #naturally Gregray didn’t get to happen this way in-universe because of Gregory’s death… but in an alternate universe it could be real… #used to not care for homumiko but the Gregray parallels got me good #yes yes Yujin move back into Baker Street along with Ryunosuke and Susato. be taken care of by the man you used to take care of. #realize the incredible man Herlock has become in your long absence #and once you’ve begun to atone - really atone - for all your flaws and mistakes #realize that the love he’s felt for you all along is in your heart too #Greg has far fewer negative points than Yujin which is why in my mind it could have happened in a few years post-2001 #but I just can’t justify to myself putting Yujin with Herlock when Herlock is still young and Yujin has a baby he abandoned across the world #the smooching comes After the self-loathing acknowledgment of one’s sins #this also does not diminish my love for Ryulock in anyway. just as Gregray did not diminish my love for Gregbadd or Rayte. multishipping! #the great ace attorney spoilers

[mayclair]

the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did

#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry #mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc #at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically #towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly #ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal #they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so #meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM #and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou #ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad #max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she #still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max #and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to #see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf #come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes #ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to #last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational #it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en #ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought #for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so #its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes #her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents #anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS #mike wheeler #max mayfield #stranger things

[littlebittywildflower]

I am making another blood of coffee I have decided cause self care. I have art things to work on for my booth I need to be buzz buzz!

#personal #husband is working the closing shift #I am trying to stay upbeat #he helped me so much last night #but I am scared of going low again #I have this irrational fear that there is something deeply wrong inside of me that makes people abandon me or use me #and I am terrified he will wake up and all of a sudden see it and decide I am not worth it #like we are married and happily so and I have no reason to feel this way #but my trauma and past have been hitting hard the last few days because someone I cared deeply for messaged me back randomly #after a year and a half since I reached out and 3 years since last contact #they were a brother to me and meant the fucking world #the sun shown out of their ass to me that’s how I felt at the time #they weren’t nice but that’s okay it just didn’t make sense #I was doing so well #so fucking well #and now I feel like that girl that’s too broken to love all over again #I am working my journal and if it gets worse I will do the right thing and contact my therapist #but I am just not okay #just really really not okay #what if I am broken inside and too broken to love and my husband sees it finally and leaves too #what if this is just a fairytale and I wake up

[nothingweirdhere]

i give up. i quit. where’s the option to go back to art school, i don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. i’m done with defending this bitch, in fact i hope edgeworth gets the chair—that’ll serve him right for OBJECTING TO HIS OWN FUCKING INNOCENCE

#motherfucker it was OVER!!!!! we WON #literally all he had to do was stand there and keep his mouth SHUT what did i ever do to deserve this #don’t change ur major to chase after a man HE AINT WORTH IT #i knew he was gonna object. i knew it #but when he didn’t say anything before the judge gave his verdict i thought for a SECOND #MAYBE this bitch was gonna work with me and just accept the win #but nooooooooooooo nothing can ever be easy can it #fucking called a PARROT to the stand LIKE A MORON and this is the thanks i get??? #if he doesn’t get the chair i will kill him myself #(i know he’s got issues ok this is why i love him and he’s my favourite character) #(me and phoenix both. ‘i can fix him’ GOOD FUCKING LUCK) #(you wanted to help him??? this is what happens) #(careful what you wish for and all that) #it’s two thirty in the morning i should be sleeping. i’m losing valuable hours of rest for this. literally taking years off my life #i got off work at 11. i got four hours of sleep last night. why am i still awake #this game is going to kill me #ace attorney #jx.txt

[bushido-jack]

//Something I relate to with Samurai Jack, is that feeling of life finding every opportunity to push you back down, to kick your legs out from under you, bring you to your knees, leave you screaming, in pain, desperate, on fire. And yet to persevere, not just for your sake, but because you don’t see any other way. And somehow, even limping, you’ll find a way to wring out peace, happiness, contentment, love, and passion from this never ending path of pain. If you are to suffer, but there is no other way, there must be joy to be gripped with white knuckles and hungry claws, to fight for peace and to strive for hope even in the midst of all your anger and confusion and despair.

I may feel like there’s no way out, but I’ve got to keep moving. There are people out there depending on me to not give up. I can’t let these forces trying to cut my journey to an abrupt end win— even if I’m tired, even if I feel like it’s too much. When I feel alone, I let my mind picture what they’d want, I let myself mourn and wonder and wish, but I don’t let it give up. I can’t go see you yet. I have more to do. Watch me and I will see you when my work is done. But I will hold onto you for all of my life. I will make my life a service to you, my actions a memorial that can be trailed to you. In every move I make I will tell the ones I love, gone and with me, “this is for you, this is for you,” and when I live, even with tears and anger and joy, “this is for you.”

#『名誉: musings』 #『 out of robes 』 #『 meta 』 #『 sharkie chews the scenery 』 #//and maybe someday once the oppressive darkness doesn’t feel so close I can say ‘this is for me too’. #//hi guys I bet you weren’t surprised when I didn’t actually start rping again after trying to come back #//that’s because I posted that promo got zero response and felt discouraged #//and then life threw every awful thing it had at me. #//I feel like haven’t been able to do anything but fight to survive lately. been in a bad place #//and right as new year’s started I lost a very very beloved friend and pet unexpectedly and too soon #//I’ve lost a lot of loved ones these past few years. it builds up. I think this last loss was the most unexpected though. #//since then I’ve been in a worse state mentally that I probably have been since high school #//but I refuse to give up hope because that’s what helped me climb out of my last endless pit #//I’ve been really wanting to write Jack again since I posted the promo but haven’t really had much I could do #//plus I’ve been battling all this irl stuff and it’s made it hard to find much left over for hobbies #//but I’m posting this both as a love letter for jack and for those here I care about #//and to say I’m still here. I won’t abandon Jack I don’t think. he means too much to me #//I’m thinking if I start rping him again I’m going to worry less about cosmetics and worry more about getting something written #//I’ve been worried about trying to be presented in a nice aesthetic fashion but tbh I think that’s blocking me from actually doing things #//I’d like to do a soft restart and maybe focus more on the people I know have talked to me and talk to them #//hopefully you will have me back after to much time away and waffling to get started again. I had decent reasons but still #//being away does a lot to severe decent connections #//anyway. Jack means Hope and Healing to me. no matter how much he goes through it isn’t about the pain. #//it’s about the Herculean yet incredibly human task of overcoming constant and monumental odds because you care. #//because at your core is hope and passion and love. #//I‘ve been crying writing this so it’s probably very sappy and unpolished but I’m not sorry lol #//listening to my old playlists I used to play on loop whenever writing Jack or thinking about him and it made me emotional

[mazojo]

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

#this is definetely a line I’ve read in fanfiction somewhere #ITS HOT??? ALSKSKS AS IN MY SUPER COOL CLIMBER BIKE BOYFRIEND OR THE WHETHER EXPLAIN. #The way I am like. So invested on this I need to get a grip I am sweating through this relationship #Wdym the weather I mean? Just tell him bitch stop playing hard to get my god #Todou is so clingy man I love him that’s my man assert dominance bitch #I think the whole staying behind for his team while I climb alone thing break up is a metaphor. #Let me sit on it for a bit and I’ll make an essay on it todou speaks in fancy metaphors he is complex like that #Also like Last summer SHUT UP I AM ONLY ON SEASON ONE AND I AM EMOTIONAL WDYM LAST ONE #AM I NOT GETTING ANY MORE TODOU AFTER THIS? #No man measures up to him what am I supposed to do. Stressed. Concerned. #And then Manami goes and proposes that him and onoda have one of those homoerotic climbs up the mountain girlboss #He is already making sure his boy is reserved for next year we can’t lose #Bro biking is so complicated like I genuinely didn’t know how much strategy went behind this I am so invested ALSKSLLWK #I love watching sport anime because I have no idea what’s going on because I barely know how to run yet I get hyper invested #yowamushi pedal #todou #makishima #anime

[caught-in-the-filter]

Go and hide and run away

Run away, run and find something better

Go and ride the sun away

Run away like it's simple

Like it's right

Jamie is over, and where can I turn?

Covered with scars, I did nothing to earn

Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn

But that wouldn't change the fact

That wouldn't speed the time

Once the foundation's cracked

And I'm

Still hurting

#music #musicals #still hurting #the last five years #tl5y #going through and trying to get rid of things when I’m ridiculously sentimental #but I have to downsize and half the things have tainted memories attached now #and I still can’t rationalize who I thought he was with who he turned out to be #thanks dad for making everything so fucking hard #finding cards full of lies and lanyards from the comedian we saw that I’ve never been able to watch again #after you did what you did that day that made it a horrible time without mom who should have been able to go with us but you exploded #having to part with other relics of my childhood that feels so far away now that I’d been holding onto #trying to rationalize hanging onto the ones that I am even though there will be no space for them now #do you know how many times I’ve had a breakdown over you since you did what you did? #because I see now. I see that that was always you and I didn’t realize how much more guarded I should’ve been. #but part of me misses my innocent ignorance. misses thinking you could love and be loved despite it. not knowing why you were how you were. #why couldn’t you be the person I thought you were. the one I looked up to as a kid and followed around with my plastic tools #until I got old enough and sick enough of you yelling at me that I got so self conscious of every fucking mistake I made #and figured it wasn’t worth trying anymore. why I’m so anxious. why I say sorry too much. #do you know you gave your attitude to your son too? I hope you didn’t give him your inclinations and lies too. #I know you gave me your attitude. I’m trying to be better than that. but it’s hard when that’s what you know. #how does it feel? getting that right back at you now? finally facing the consequences? #but then we are all facing the consequences of your decisions. while you’re sitting pretty having your cake and eating theirs too. #you probably don’t even care. Jamie is probably feeling just fine. and I’m still hurting. #Spotify #(I should clarify. bc reading it back sounds sketch. when I said about his son I meant my brother. my brother has his attitude and more.)

[actualtoad]

i stayed after school but im leaving already. some random kid showed up and was there for a while so it wasn’t a good time really. and when i only get to stay after until 3:30 it hardly makes anything better than going home. i just feel bad for imposing myself

#i don’t want to go home #i should have told my mom to pick me up at 5 #this is nothing. why did i even bother #idk. me and my teacher talked about this summer and how im going to be trying to work a lot #he says i shouldn’t overwork myself like that. and i said i need to if i want to go to college #and he said that i shouldn’t even be trying to pay for college tuition and what i should be focusing on is money for living expenses in my #sophomore and junior and senior years. he says i should only do room and board for one year #and i should be saving for apartment expenses later down the line and don’t even think about paying off tuition until way after i graduate #and he said the universe will always provide. idk if im very convinced about that one #anyway we talked about that a little and then i brought up how im not good at keeping up with school #and he ended up saying i should probably work on my one assignment #and so i did and now im almost done. and somewhere within there some random kid showed up he had my teacher last year i think? or something #and im not good at talking when there’s more than one people in a room with me and so i just did my homework and was quiet #and my teacher started going home at 3:30 #so now im here. i left the classroom and now im just at school #since i don’t have a ride here yet. im not sure when my mom is gonna come get me #probably soon. and we have to get groceries on the way which i don’t really want to #but whatever. she’s giving me a ride #anyway i didn’t tell mr h about my concerns about the summer #i might still bring it up sometime. but i cant stay after tomorrow #and then it’s the last week of school and im really nervous about it being the last week of school #i want to go home but i don’t have the kind of home i want to go home to!!!! #and i don’t know what to do and that’s why im stuck like this #my mom is on her way to pick me up so i’ll be leaving soon #but yeah. idk. staying after was good i guess but i just don’t want to go home #im so scared of not having this option anymore