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lilith-lovett · 4 years

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Found Families - Home is Where the Hart is - Chapter Nineteen

New Chapter. Thank you for your support xx

Masterlist

Summary: Party preparations go underway and Logan begins to ask the question. ‘Do I really belong here?’

Word Count: 7320

Warnings: Past child abuse, food mention (literally half of this chapter is just me talking about food), anxiety, self-deprecation, implied depression, injury mention, past physical abuse, past psychological abuse, implied nightmares, implied panic attack, disordered eating (if there is anything I have missed please let me know).

The following days were devoted almost entirely to Roman’s birthday preparations. From the presents Logan and Virgil had chosen arriving, which they hid in Virgil’s wardrobe. To Patton spending almost the entire of the day, whilst Roman and Virgil were attending school, preparing all of the food necessary for Roman’s birthday party; miniature cupcakes, a selection of fruits and vegetables, prepared sandwiches with a variety of fillings each suited to the preferences of each child and what Patton believed to be the most important element…the birthday cake.

Logan struggled to comprehend the purpose of a specific birthday cake, decorated in candles - which also seemed to be a fire hazard - but Patton informed him of its significance, especially within the Hart household. Patton would make a special personalised birthday cake for each of his family members on their birthday and this time was no different so whilst Patton prepared the ingredients and baked the cake, Logan read to him the recipe. A red velvet cake as it was Roman’s favourite flavour. The found the recipe much easier to decipher now he was wearing his new glasses but had to keep Declan occupied and out of the kitchen to prevent him from disturbing the process and potentially injuring himself. Baking appeared to be a relatively simple science, with clear instructions to follow and specific apparatus to ensure the correct measurements in order to produce the desired flavour profiles, but given his limited experience with baking he chose to instead defer to Patton’s expertise and read to him the recipe to avoid any potential mistakes. However, keeping Declan engaged in anything for longer than a few moments was proving to be incredibly difficult. The toddler had an extremely limited attention span and it was consistently being drawn to Patton’s actions in the kitchen, presumably also due to the heavenly smell now being emitted from the oven where the cake was currently baking.

“Oh, Dee-Dee, how about you help me decorate the cupcakes?” Patton said lifting Declan from the floor, balancing the toddler on his hip as he brought him over to the dining room table where several piping bags of different coloured frosting where laid out, among various other edible decorations. “Do you want to decorate a couple too Logan?”.

“Okay,” Logan responded taking a seat at the dining room table, studying each of the individual decorations and vibrant colours of the icing - presumably created by the addition of various food colourings - considering potential combinations of colours and flavours that Roman would enjoy.

“Alright kiddo, go for it,” Patton said also taking a seat, balancing Declan on his lap so he could properly reach the table. “Now Dee-Dee, what colour do you want to make your cupcake?”.

“Lellow!” Declan exclaimed bouncing in Patton’s laps, slapping his mitten-cladded hands onto the table’s surface as Patton chuckled.

“That’s a great choice, Dee,” Patton responded picking up the piping bag containing the brightly coloured frosting, allowing Declan to squeeze it haphazardly onto the chocolate cake base, much of it splattering onto the table.

Logan looked to his own collection of undecorated miniature cakes, a selection of both chocolate and vanilla flavours. Initially, he thought of Roman - as it was for his birthday celebration - he decided on a vanilla base and the vivid crimson red frosting as from the vast amount of red he wore and decorated his room with, Logan made an educated guess that it was a colour he enjoyed. Logan found that controlling a piping bag was far more difficult than he expected, Patton had made it look simple, yet his first attempt was a sloppy mess. However, the more he practised and studied Patton’s technique the better his piping became and once he perfected the icing he ventured onto the decoration. Patton had provided a range of smaller confectionery to act as embellishments atop the cupcakes and Logan decided to continue with the ‘ornate’ motif for his cupcake - inspired by Roman - choosing a handful of multi-coloured circular candies and arranged them delicately atop the frosting, in addition to a strawberry slice acting as the centre piece. For Virgil’s specific cupcake, he selected a plain chocolate cake base and settled for the lilac coloured frosting as it was the closest in appearance to Virgil’s favourite shade of purple, evident from the frequent presence of it in his room and in his hoodie which he wore seemingly at all times. Logan’s spiral patterned piping work had significantly improved from his initial first attempt of ‘Roman themed’ cupcakes. The decorations he used were miniature pieces of different flavours of chocolate and topped with a single chocolate orange slice. He continued the process with Declan’s, using the limited amount of yellow coloured frosting remaining, topped with a significant quantity of multicoloured sprinkles, reminiscent of Declan’s own cupcakes he had decorated with Patton. Oh Patton. Logan had almost forget to make a cupcake for Patton. He considered his options very carefully. He desperately wanted Patton to like it. He chose a vanilla base and the lightest of the shades of blue frosting Patton had prepared, a pleasing sky blue. The piping work on the ‘Patton inspired’ cupcakes turned out the best in comparison to the rest of them, perhaps it was because of the particular care he put into making them perfect, as Patton was an avid baker he would surely notice any substandard work. Once the piping had been perfected, Logan selected simple tiny white chocolate stars as a decoration. As a finishing touch, he arranged each of the designs into their specific colour category, he had decorated three of each variety, giving him twelve cupcakes in total.

“Wow, kiddo, those look amazing!” Patton exclaimed in the process of decorating his own batch of cupcakes. Logan’s face flushed at the compliment

“Thank you, I took inspiration from Roman, Virgil, Declan…and you Patton, using your preferred colours and flavours in attempt to cater them to your specific tastes,” Logan explained his cheeks still coloured red from the praise.

“Aw Logan, that is precious. I’m sure everyone will love them,” Patton responded a blindingly bright smile stretched across his face. “How about you do one for yourself?”. He set the final chocolate cupcake down in front of Logan.

“That is unnecessary,” Logan stated quickly, this was an event for Roman and his family, he should be respectful and stay separate from the celebrations as much as possible. After all he didn’t wish to spoil Roman’s enjoyment. Logan got up and prepared to make his way over to the sink, where a pile of dirty dishes were building up.

“Why’s that?” Patton questioned and Logan found he didn’t have an answer. If he told Patton what he truly thought, he would immediately counter it, assuring him of his place within the family dynamic despite his short time spent with them. As that was the type of the person Patton was but Logan struggled to comprehend why so instead he chose to return to his seat. Perhaps one cupcake would be acceptable? And if it made Patton happy, he would do it.

Logan’s design was the most simple out of the lot. The same chocolate cake base as Virgil and Declan’s, atop of which was a simple, neat frosting swirl, in the darkest shade of blue icing Patton had prepared as it was the most akin to his favourite colour. He added no additional decorations as he did not wish to waste any of what Patton had prepared on himself so decided the plain design was satisfactory. Next, the cupcakes were placed into containers and properly stored in the refrigerator along with the rest of the food, to protect them from the early Summer heat and the two cake layers had just come out of the oven. A marvellous smell was emitted as the oven doors opened, faints notes of chocolate and a pleasant sweetness reached his nostrils. After allowing the cake tiers to cool enough where the frosting and decorations wouldn’t melt from the heat. Logan again attempted to entertain Declan with a child-friendly book whilst Patton iced and decorated Roman’s cake.

Preparations continued that night. Once Roman and Virgil had returned from school, they had all eaten dinner, ticked another Disney film off the list and Declan had gone to sleep, it was approaching nine in the evening. Roman had left for his room and just as Logan was planning to do do the same. Patton stopped him.

“Hey, Logan, I was wondering if you could distract Roman for a little while?” Patton asked in a hushed tone.

“Why is that necessary?” Logan questioned.

“Me and Virgil are going to decorate the living room and the kitchen for tomorrow and I want it to be a surprise for Roman,” Patton explained, that was when Logan noticed the container of brightly coloured streamers and a various other items, presumably for the purpose of decorating. He failed to comprehend why it was compulsory to embellish your surroundings dependant on the occasion, Maggie used to decorate her office for holidays such as Christmas or Halloween but birthdays were not considered to be national celebrations yet the same conditions seemed to apply.

“Alright, though how do you wish me to…distract him?” Logan inquired as far as he was aware he and Roman had very little in common, shared very few interests and had significantly conflicting personalities. How was he expected to entertain Roman for any length of time? Logan had rarely encountered Roman alone, unlike his several conversations with Virgil and Roman’s feelings towards Logan and his arrival remained undetermined.

“Get him to talk about himself, he loves that,” Virgil stated as he began to unpack his own box of decorations. Logan considered the suggestion, he would have to think of particular questions to pose but perhaps this task could be an opportunity to gain Roman’s favour and acquire more informations in regards to his specific likes and dislikes so too strengthen their bond.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Logan declared determined to assist in Patton and Virgil’s scheme wherever possible.

Logan found himself waiting outside Roman’s bedroom door. An all white door, embellished with a variety of brightly coloured stickers, depicting and referencing scenes and individuals he did not recognise, he noticed Virgil and Declan’s bedroom door contained similar appearing stickers which comparatively made his door appear far less interesting. He raised a fist to knock, questions prepared in his mind but the door burst open before he could, causing him to flinch back in surprise.

“Oh hey, specs,” Roman exclaimed as he opened the door, dressed rather strangely in what appeared to be a costume of sorts with a red sash draped across his chest. Perhaps this is what Virgil was referring to when he mentioned Roman liked to believe or pretend he was a prince? Logan noted the nickname Roman used, which appeared to be a common occurrence for both Roman and Virgil. He recognised the word used. ‘Specs’. It was an abbreviation of the word spectacles. So it may have been a reference to the fact he wore glasses. “Come in, welcome to mi habitación. That is Spanish for my room,”.

“You know Spanish?” Logan asked his surprise present in his tone as he entered.

“Yup, I want to become fluent,” Roman stated with a proud smirk. Foreign languages was a subject which has always interested Logan but due to the lack of resources available to him at the Orphanage, he never had the opportunity to learn, though he was surprised to discover Roman had a passion for the subject. “Now, I know you are here to distract me,”.

“Wh…I…I,” Logan stammered. Had he really been so obvious? Would Patton be disappointed? Was he so uninteresting that Roman couldn’t bare to be in his presence?

“I bet they are decorating for my birthday right now,” Roman stated collapsing onto his bed, laying on his back, glancing up towards the red fabric which hung over the dark wood bed frame as he spoke.

“How did you figure it out?” Logan questioned unsure of what else to say as he stood somewhat awkwardly in the centre of Roman’s bedroom.

“Last year, this was Virgil’s job. He was already mad at me for using some of his books to hold up my easel, so he just told me. He got really stressed out after, thinking I was going to tell on him,” Roman explained wildly gesturing to the air as he told his story. Logan certainly understood why Virgil would be upset by a complete violation of his personal property but thought it better not to voice this, allowing Roman to finish his tale. “But I didn’t, besides dad likes it to be a surprise so I let him think that I don’t know what he is doing,”.

So, Roman pretended to act surprised for Patton’s benefit. It was a kind sentiment. Patton evidently enjoyed the birthday preparations, as Logan noted from this heightened mood these past few days though particularly when doing an activity associated with the event of Roman’s birthday and perhaps Roman’s awareness or involvement would remove the joy from it?

“Now, as much as I enjoy your company microsoft nerd, you may leave now. I-I mean, if you wish,” Roman said sitting up and directing yet another dramatic arm movement towards his door but Logan did not failed to note the swift retraction of his previous statement.

“May I stay? It would help with the illusion, would it not?” Logan suggested after a moment of consideration. This was an opportunity for Logan and Roman to communicate and maybe it could lead to them having a better relationship.

“An excellent idea, if you left padre would surely notice,” Roman announced leaping up from his sitting position. “Now what can we do?”.

Roman continued to pace around his untidy room, experting weaving through the piles of his belongings which littered the floor, mumbling potential ideas for activities to do to maintain their façade. Logan watched him for a moment before focusing his attention onto the walls of the room. The majority of them were plastered with artwork, photographs, posters, pamphlets and tickets, some appeared to be well-worn and much loved while others were pristine in their condition, clearly only recently obtained. Logan suspected he could learn a lot about Roman’s identity and interests through studying his surrounding yet his limited knowledge of the world of the arts prevented him from gaining much.

“Roman, might I inquire about your posters?” Logan asked gesturing to the wall behind Roman’s desk which appeared to hold the largest quantity of them.

“Of course!” Roman exclaimed bounding over to where Logan was stood and immediately delved into an in depth and detailed explanation of the history of each individual piece. “They are mostly from shows I have been in or gone to see. That is the program of the first ever performance I did with my theatre group, it was Hairspray and I, of course, played the male lead. That is the poster for Wicked, that one is Les Miserables, Rent, Annie, The Lion King. I’ve also kept all of the signed programs of all the shows I have ever been in and the tickets too. Oh, here are the ones from when me and Elliott went to see Sister Act. It was incredible,”.

Roman’s rambling continued. Logan struggled to get a word in edgewise so he remained quiet, attempting to follow Roman’s constant stream of conciousness which he was finding incredibly difficult. He would jump from subject to subject, begin one sentence, then recall sometimes else and quickly switch to explaining that instead of the previous thought but Logan persisted. One musical in particular caught his attention. It was called Hamilton and tells the epic tale of one of America’s Founding Fathers Alexander Hamilton, in an unconventional manner and style. However, he did note the historical accuracy which surprised him as he expected it to be a work of over-dramatised fiction but Roman informed him otherwise. Roman also told him it was the musical he most wanted to see - among others - but the tickets were absurdly expensive and notorious for quickly selling out so he hadn’t gotten the opportunity too. So, he instead continuously played the musicals soundtrack, having listened to it so much he knew most of the lyrics of by heart and was able to perform them to a high-standard. Roman began to play the first couple of songs from the soundtrack and explained the different stylistic choices of the lyrics and and how they related to events which would occur later in the story. Logan was pleasantly surprised by Roman’s expansive knowledge of the history and story-telling tactics of the musicals he greatly enjoyed, he had yet to witness Roman so enamoured by anything but his enthusiasm when it came to his passions was admirable. He also noticed some distinct similarities between himself and Roman, particularly in the way he obsessed over certain topics. For Logan, it was science and literature and for Roman, it seemed it was his beloved musicals. Eventually Roman seemed to either run out of information to share or run out of air - which seemed to be the case considering the impressive speed of which he was talking - as he stopped talking to take several deep breaths before collapsing into the chair which sat by his desk.

“Sorry, I can talk a lot,” Roman said sheepishly as if embarrassed by his passion-fuelled outburst.

“It is quite alright, your passion it certainly commendable,” Logan said hoping to ease Roman’s worries somewhat but he only received a confused expression in response. “I-I mean…it is good you enjoy it so much,”.

“Oh, thanks. I know stuff like dancing and singing and acting are kind of girly but I really love it,” Roman admitted glancing towards the array of posters and memories upon his wall. The statement perplexed him, as far as Logan was aware specific activities were not gendered but perhaps it was a societal normality? He could recall several insentiences during his time spent in Orphanages were he and the other boys around him were expected to play and enjoy outdoor sports but he found he had no interest in doing so and was as such labelled as abnormal. Maybe, Roman had experienced something similar in the past which led to this thought-process?

“I do not believe specific activities are related to any one gender and if you find enjoyment in such a activity you should be allowed to participate despite your gender identity,” Logan stated as Roman stared at him for a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter, so much so he nearly fell out of his chair. However, Logan could not conceive how what he had said would cause such a reaction.

“You’re such a nerd,” Roman responded after managing to compose himself, a small smile on his lips so Logan assumed the comment was not meant to be perceived as a insult and was perhaps a term of endearment? He did not know. “Dad and Virge will be done with decorating by now,”

“Yes, I should be returning to the…my own room now. Goodbye Roman,” Logan said before turning to leave but he was interrupted by Roman.

“Hey specs, thanks,” Roman said quietly, in a tone he hadn’t heard Roman use until now. Logan didn’t know exactly why Roman was thanking him, maybe for the company but he nodded nonetheless and exited, returning to his room for a much required break from the constant activities and stimulation.

Logan was exhausted but he didn’t receive any more than a minute of silence before he was disturbed once again. This time by Virgil, asking him if he wished to join himself and Patton downstairs to wrap Roman’s presents for tomorrow. Despite his desperate desire to refuse, he accepted, not wishing to appear ungrateful of their acceptance and treatment of him so far. Logan was terrified of doing anything wrong. What if he refused a request and Patton realised the mistake he made in allowing Logan into his home and family, just like the couple before him? So Logan followed Virgil downstairs, to see the living room and kitchen decorated in bright red balloons and streamers dangling from the ceiling. A large red banner decorated with small golden crowns, reading ‘Happy 13th Birthday Prince Roman’ stretched across the archway, separating the living room and kitchen and an elaborate centrepiece display on the dining room table. Patton sat cross-legged in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by boxes, a variety of brightly coloured and patterned wrapping paper - the majority of which were in Roman’s favoured colour red, a couple pairs of scissors and cello tape. Patton face broke into a grin the moment he set his eyes on Logan.

“Hey kiddo, how was your talk with Roman?” Patton asked with a bright smile stretched across his face as Logan and Virgil also sat on the floor.

“It was very informative,” Logan responded unsure of how else to describe it while also maintaining the illusion that Roman was unaware of the work being done downstairs.

“Aw, I’m glad. Now, let’s wrap these presents!” Patton announced with a giggle.

They created efficient system, in which they each had their own job for optimum productivity. Logan, cut the paper - a shiny red one free of any patterns or designs - as he could most accurately guess the amount of wrapping paper that would be required for each item and would produce the least amount of waste. The paper was a very satisfying texture, however, the potential danger surrounding the incredibly sharp scissors did made him feel uneasy but Patton demonstrated such a way in which the risk of Logan accidentally harming himself was greatly limited. Patton was responsible for the wrapping the presents as he was evidently superior at it compared to himself - who had never physically wrapped a present before - and Virgil - who was far to scared of possibly ruining it - Patton’s expert wrapping produced clean edges and smooth finish. Finally, Virgil added the finishing touches such as the addition of a gold ribbon securing each of the gifts and a personalised message detailing who the present was from. A short while later, they were completely finished and the pile of presents were added to the display on the table.

“All done, we are now completely ready for Roman’s birthday. Now, all that is left to do is wait,” Patton proclaimed raising his arms in a stretch. “Oh, I forgot to tell you Logan. Emile’s parents Dot and Larry are coming over for Roman’s party tomorrow. Do you think you will be okay to meet them?”.

Logan considered this for a moment. He was aware Patton had purposefully kept Roman, Virgil and Declan’s ‘grandparents’ from visiting to allow Logan time to adjust but he felt conflicted by the action. On my hand, he appreciated the act as moving into Patton’s house was an enormous change and the whole process had been extremely overwhelming so far, also he knew very little about them and as such could not speculate how they would react to him. What if they hated him? What if they wanted Patton to return him? Would he? But on the other hand, Patton had kept them from visiting their ‘grandchildren’ for Logan’s benefit and comfort. Would they resent him for that? Logan certainly wouldn’t blame them but his future in Patton’s family entirely depended on their opinion of him which depended on their first meeting tomorrow and the thought of that terrified him.

“Yes, I-I would like to meet them,” Logan said a slight stutter to his word which if Patton noticed he did not mention it.

“Okay, I will let them know,” Patton said standing from the seated position on the floor and walking just out of ear-shot.

“You’ll get to meet Elliott tomorrow too,” Virgil stated he had moved to lean against the couch, whilst remaining sat on the floor, looking at something on his cellular device. “He’s Roman’s best friend but Roman also has a super obvious crush on him,”.

“A crush?” Logan repeated confusion present in his tone, having never have heard of the term being used in that particular context which seemed to be becoming a frequent theme when communicating with either Roman or Virgil.

“Yeah, you know, like he likes him,” Virgil said waving a hand absently for emphasis. “Like, like likes him,”.

“Oh, I think I understand,” Logan said. He didn’t. But perhaps, he could ask Patton later?

“Cool, so yeah, he keeps on denying it but I know he is lying,” Virgil said returning his attention once again to his phone. While Logan did not understand what exactly a ‘crush’ was, he knew it must trouble Roman and could perhaps be a risk to his friendship with Elliott, maybe it was for the best he didn’t press the subject to Roman himself.

Following their brief conversation Logan and Virgil fell into a comfortable silence. Logan discarded the minimal amount of scrap wrapping paper whilst Virgil put away the cello-tape and scissors in their correct location before Virgil decided to return to his room for the night. Logan was just about to do the same until Patton returned from his phone-call, sitting next to where Logan was sat on the couch.

“That is everything ready for tomorrow, Dot and Larry are so excited to finally meet you,” Patton said with a bright smile but Logan could not return it, the pit of anxiety developing in his abdomen only grew more impossible to ignore and a dangerous swirl of thoughts caused carnage within his head. He was going mess up. He was going to to ruin everything

Why was Logan like this? Nothing was objectively wrong. Everything had been going fine but his treacherous brain immediately made him feel like he was going to die. But he couldn’t let Patton see. Tomorrow was supposed to a celebration for Roman. Logan would only ruin things with his complaints. Patton had already given him so much and he was so grateful, him acting selfishly would only lead to Patton witnessing his true self. The broken one. The unlovable one. Perhaps he could hold on a little longer? Remain quiet, avoid disturbing Patton’s family while he searched for a way to repay Patton for his kindness. And then…well he didn’t know. Logan hated not knowing.

“Hey Logan, are you alright? You look like you are million miles away,” Patton asked wearing an expression of concern across his face.

“I am quite alright, I am merely tired. I think I may retire for the night,” Logan responded hoping Patton wouldn’t press him any further.

“Okay kiddo, sleep well,” Patton said all manner of concern melting from his expression and forming into a smile.

“Goodnight,” Logan said before disappearing to his room, swiftly before all of the stress and anxiety burst out of him.

Logan, the second he entered his room, scoured his drawers for his jumper. He tore of his constrictive shirt replacing it with the soft material. He lowered himself onto the edge of his bed, digging his nails into his thighs, revelling in the pain this brought. Why? Why was Logan like this? He should be better. He should be over this. His mother and father were no longer watching over him and criticising his every move, denying him the most basic of necessities for failing to be any less than perfect. Madame Claire was no longer tormenting him mentally and physically for her own sick, twisted enjoyment. Patton had saved him from that yet the fear which gripped him was unyielding. The intrusive what ifs burrowed deep into his mind and grew like a parasite, torturing him, destroying all trust he had in those around him and even in himself. Logan was so terrified of Patton realising the colossal mistake he had made in ever choosing to approach Logan that day. He wondered where would he be now if Patton hadn’t been there? Another Orphanage likely or perhaps Madame Claire would have gotten tired of him and thrown him out on the search for being such a burden. It was moments like these where he desperately desired the sharp sting of his father knife or the dull ache of the bruises Madame Claire left behind, to drown out the racing of his mind, to remind him of his place.

Maybe he shouldn’t attend Roman’s celebration tomorrow. Logan’s absence surely wouldn’t be noted and it would probably please Roman. Why would he want a someone who was virtually a stranger to attend his personal celebration?

Logan lay down on his side, reaching pitifully for the soft toy resting on his pillow and clutched it tight to his chest as if it could mend the hurt inside. He used its paw to wipe away the tears he had failed to hold in before slipping into a disturbed and restless slumber.

Patton awoke bright and early. It was the day of Roman’s 13th birthday and he was determined to make it the best one yet, it was also Logan’s first official celebration with them as a family and despite it being Roman’s birthday, he wanted to make a special experience for Logan too. Emile would be arriving along with his parents Dot and Larry at around ten and then Thomas told him he would be dropping off Elliott at eleven just before the super awesome birthday lunch he had prepared, the reveal of the birthday cake and the various activities he had planned. It was also the day for Logan to meet Dot and Larry, the honorary grandparents as they dubbed themselves, Patton had wanted to allow Logan time to settle in before he was bombarded with more new faces but Logan agreed that he was finally ready to meet them and they were ecstatic. They had already heard all about Logan from their frequent phone calls and had fallen in love with him just as Patton had when he first met him. Speaking of Logan, he would surely already be awake and waiting for Patton at the breakfast table

Patton dressed quickly and made his way downstairs careful not to wake Roman, Virgil or Declan who were all still sleeping soundly. Patton journeyed downstairs but instead of Logan waiting at the dining table, book in hand, he was met with an empty kitchen. Logan didn’t appear to be up yet which took him a bit by surprise as he knew Logan adhered to a strict schedule no matter the day or occasion. Perhaps, all of the late nights had finally wore him down and he was sleeping in? Or maybe, he was waiting for Roman to awakened, Patton hadn’t told him of the scheduling for the day so he might have thought the days events wouldn’t begin until Roman awoke. They were all suitable explanations for Logan’s unusual absence, so he continued on as usual, preparing the mornings extra special breakfast specifically for Roman’s birthday. Super fluffy pancakes and every potential topping you could think of, it was Roman’s favourite food and he would always request it every birthday or special occasion. It was only a short while later when Roman, Virgil and Dee came bounding down the stairs to the heavenly smell of pancakes wafting throughout the house.

“Happy birthday, my darling prince,” Patton exclaimed wrapping Roman in the biggest and warmest dad hug he could muster, pressing kisses into his fluffy bed-head, evidently too excited for the days events ahead to do his daily hair care routine. “You are so big now, you are growing up too fast,”.

“Thank you, padre,” Roman responded allowing himself to melt into Patton’s arms, even though he was officially a teenager, dad hugs were never off limits. Roman, Virgil and Dee sat at the table, preparing to tuck into their extra special birthday breakfast but something or rather someone was missing.

“Where is Logan?” Patton asked attempting to mask the concern in his voice.

“I knocked on his door but he didn’t answer, think he might be still asleep,” Virgil answered his voice his still heavy from sleep as he yawned.

“Oh okay, well, let’s let him sleep for a little longer,” Patton said taking his own seat at the table. “I’ll wake him after breakfast,”.

The boys seemed to accept that answer as they quickly tucked into their pancake buffet. Patton selected a couple of smaller ones for Dee, allowing him complete reign of the decorations and jars of crofters jam. Usually he didn’t allow them to have this much sugar and encouraged a healthy and balanced diet but today was a special occasion so sweet treats were mandatory. Dee’s picky eating had certainly been a challenge in the beginning, as he refused nearly everything that was put in front of him but pancakes were a favourite of all of the Hart children. Virgil had gone simple with his pancake, a small drizzling of golden syrup, Patton knew he struggled to eat large quantities of food in the morning but was just happy he was eating, recalling a time when Virgil was considerably underweight and though he was still only the skinny side they had made a lot of progress. Roman’s pancake was the most elaborate; chopped strawberries, drizzled with syrup and decorated with spirals of whipped cream, while eyeing the pile of presents at the end of the table. Patton smiled at his children’s antics but couldn’t help but feel somewhat saddened by the fact that Logan was missing out but a healthy sleep schedule was more important. Once breakfast had been finished, Patton had managed to keep a few pancakes for Logan and the dishes were all cleaned and put away. Roman, Virgil and Dee had all settled on the couch to watch some cartoons while Patton went to fetch Logan.

Patton arrived at Logan’s door, a strange sense of nervousness washed over him. What if Logan wasn’t feeling well? What if Patton was pushing him too much and he recoiled into his shell again? He couldn’t hear any noise from behind the door so perhaps Logan really was still asleep and he was simply exhausted from yesterdays preparations. He knocked once and then once more. After a moment of silence, Patton tried the handle but the door was locked. Why was the door locked? When Patton had checked on Logan last night the door was unlocked, so he had to have purposefully locked it when he woke up this morning. But why would Logan do that? Unless something had happened and he was deliberately hiding.

“Logan, I know you’re awake. Can you let me in please?” Patton pleaded while debating how he could feasibly break down the door without alarming Logan, if he refused. After yet another moment of silence, Patton prepared to speak again but the locked clicked open before he could yet the door remained closed. “Oh thank god, okay kiddo, I am going to come in now,”.

Patton gingerly opened the door into the darkened room, the only light source being the desk lamp. He saw Logan sat at his desk, hunched over a stack of thick textbooks and was writing notes into one of his notebooks. Patton knew Maggie had given him a variety of textbooks to keep up with his studies while he wasn’t in school or regularly attending lessons, it was also evident that he enjoyed learning and working on new projects, Patton was happy Logan had something to do to keep himself occupied while Roman and Virgil were at school and Patton was working from home. But, he was surprised to find Logan studying this early and on Roman’s birthday, today was supposed to be a day of fun and celebration yet Logan was working. Clearly something was wrong.

“Are you alright kiddo, you weren’t at breakfast this morning?” Patton asked taking a seat on the edge of Logan’s bed so he could finally see his face. Logan’s unkempt hair was slick with sweat, his fringe almost entirely obscured his eyes but from the small section Patton could see it was evident he hadn’t slept well at all. A dark shadow played beneath his eyes which were swollen and bloodshot as if he had been crying. The sight made Patton’s heart cry out in pain.

“I am satisfactory, I also seem to not have much of an appetite this morning that is why I chose not to attend breakfast,” Logan answered nonchalantly, without removing his attention from his work in front of him but he was betrayed by his own stomach as it let out a well-timed growl, proving the contrary but it only worsened the pain Patton felt. Why was Logan purposefully hurting himself? He was clearly hungry so why was he pretending?

“You need to eat something Logan, I’m going to bring you something to eat. I promise I’ll be quick,” Patton said standing and leaning over to Logan to place a gentle kiss on his forehead before leaving and returning with a plate of two slices of bread with crofters - as he knew it was something Logan liked - to find Logan had moved from his desk to sitting on the edge of his bed, all of his books and notes neatly put away. “Here, now eat up,”.

They spent the next few minutes in silence while Logan ate, meticulously tearing the bread into smaller pieces before eating. Patton hoped Logan’s evident hunger would encourage him to eat the entire sandwich but that was not the case as he set the plate aside with an entire slice remaining on his plate - albeit torn into tiny sections - Patton knew at some point they would need to have a discussion regarding Logan’s strange and at time worrisome eating habits but he decided to leave that conversation for another day.

“Will you be joining the party today?” Patton asked hoping to draw Logan out slowly.

“No, I wont,” Logan responded bluntly and without a moment of hesitation. Patton was confounded. Why? Logan had participated and shown in enjoyment in the entire preparation process but now he was choosing not to join? Had Patton perhaps missed something, some sign Logan had been uncomfortable at whole time and Patton had been simply to stupid and wrapped up in his own fantasy to notice?

“Can you tell me why?” Patton pressed.

“I-I…I do not wish to spoil Roman’s or anyone else’s enjoyment of the celebrations, I am still a stranger and I do not wish to be a disturbance to your family on this occasion so I decided to instead keep to myself though it appears my efforts have had the opposite affect and I am taking attention away from Roman,” Logan explained his voice barely audible but once Patton heard his reasoning his heart sank. Logan was purposefully isolating himself because he thought it would be for their benefit. He still believed himself to be an outsider or an intruder on their family and they wouldn’t want him to be apart of family events and celebrations. Tears stung Patton’s eyes but he refused to allow them to fall, he needed to remain strong for Longer right now.

“Can you look at me please Logan?” Patton pleaded which Logan did so willingly. He looked so exhausted. Patton cupped his cheeks gently while also giving him space to withdraw if he wished but he didn’t. “Logan, you are not a stranger, you are apart of this family. It doesn’t matter that you have only been here a couple of weeks, you are still my son and that won’t ever change. You aren’t spoiling or disturbing anything and you certainly aren’t taking away attention from anyone, it isn’t bad or wrong if you need a little reassurance sometimes and I promise I want you here and I know everyone else does too,”.

“B-but…,” Logan began preparing to attempt to counter Patton argument.

“Nope, no buts. You are my apart of my famILY, kiddo,” Patton said his serious tone washing away bursting into his fit of giggles, when Logan’s prior anxious expression changed into one of confusion at Patton’s statement. “How are you feeling now?”.

“Better, I am still experiencing some levels of anxiety but it has lessened somewhat,” Logan admitted raising a tentative hand to his chest and Patton noticed he was wearing the constellation sweater he had picked out on their shopping trip a few days prior and Patton felt his heart swell with pride.

“I’m glad kiddo, now everyone is waiting for you downstairs,” Patton said lowering his hands from Logan’s face and instead taking his hands into his own, giving them a light squeeze as Logan nodded allowing Patton to pull him up and lead him downstairs where the party could finally begin.

Taglist: @i-do-not-dislike-fudge @poems-art-darkness-n-more @skylark-cain @amber1594 @darkrainbow333 @falseh0od @lovingcreatorstrawberry @gr3ml1n-loser @callboxkat @tacochippy @love-angel-03 @comicsimpson @harrypotternerdprincess @cobythinks @whatschooldoesntteachyou @fandomkitty8 @coloursintheblur @read-write-inspire-repeat @clinicalawesomeness @janus-sanders-deserves-better @scared-ghosthunter @silverstarlinedart @winterrose42 @dumbgayemo @imthatgrace2 @glitchybina @quietwords-loudthoughts @altruistic-skittles

If you would like to be added to the taglist or have a question or request for the series please do not hesitate to ask.

#sander sides #sander sides au #Adoption AU #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #symapthetic deceit #thomas sanders #Emile Picani #cartoon therapy #elliott cartoon therapy #Dot and Larry cartoon therapy #my writing #my fic #original characters #found families #home is where the hart is

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overthedub · 4 years

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Gorillaz Fic Recs Part 1

Today’s a day all about love, and I just feel like there isn’t a whole lot of love shown towards the fanfic side of this fandom. Hopefully my haphazard rec list can fix that.

A lot of fics on this list (though certainly not all) feature Murdoc as the main character (because I love him lol), so if you hate him, maybe skip over this rec list.

Got a good mix of family fics, angst, and other stuff, so take your pick.

(Part 2 incoming)

Family Fics

Things They Don’t Understand by Ferrenbach

Summary: Murdoc is the most real person in the world, but it's hard to make people understand when he doesn't have the words.

Rating: Teen

BOOOIIII this fic. THIS fic right here is my jam. I absolutely adore it to bits, and whenever I’m lacking inspiration to write for my own fic, I go and revisit it.

The poetic style, the deep characterizations of both Murdoc and 2-D, just everything about this fic is so damn good, my dudes. Holy shit, I cannot recommend this one-shot enough.

Worlds Infinite by Ferrenbach

Summary:

Murdoc goes looking for 2-D, who can only take so much party noise. He can also only take so much alcohol before turning into an armchair philosopher. Murdoc is more practical. There's no sense in musing on "what-ifs" after all, is there?

Rating: Gen

Yet another great piece from Ferrenbach. I’ve been meaning to delve into their other fics, too, but so far I’ve only had time to read a couple of their one-shots.

I adore the atmosphere of this fic, and the descriptions and characterizatons of Murdoc and 2-D are just as amazing as in Things They Don’t Understand.

The Gunpowder Princess by ghoullly

Summary:

A runaway princess with a gun on her back

A man with raven's wings and a bird's skull atop his head.

A giant man with long legs and the biggest heart she'd ever seen (figuratively and literally).

A man with a ghost between his ears and the ability to sway the elements with his mood.

One man is mute, one man is blind, and one man is deaf.

A ragtag group of misfits band together to travel to the edge of Japan to help the young heiress escape her planned assassination. They quickly realize that it's not as easy as it sounds, especially with some dangerous people following close behind.

Rating: Mature

I haven’t had the chance to catch up with this fic in a while (and it’s unfinished), but I adore this AU to bits. Japanese folklore AND found family dynamic? Yes, please.

return address by beepboopwriting

Summary:

Even evil has loved ones.

Sometimes, evil sends said loved ones letters written in nasty ink and addressed from a high security prison.

Loved one replies. She replies a lot.

Rating: Teen

This one makes me wanna cry, man. Murdoc and Noodle’s father-daughter relationship was one of the reasons I joined this fandom in the first place, and this Phase 5 fic does NOT disappoint. My heart aaaaah

Horse With No Name by Invader Sam

Summary:

Another one-shot Gorillaz fic, this time set during their first US tour. Noodle is plagued with nightmares and Murdoc, fearing it may be affecting her performance in the band, decides to 'handle it'. :) Rated for one or two curse words.

Rating: Teen

This is a really cute Phase 1 Murdad one-shot that made me smile a lot.

Sleepover by vinnie2757

Summary: 'Is this "Everybody Crawls into Murdoc's Bed Night" and I wasn't informed?’

Rating: K

Another cute Phase 1 one-shot where both Noodle and 2-D have nightmares and sneak into Murdoc’s bed to talk to him about it like the kids they are, much to his weary dismay.

Snapshots by vinnie2757

Summary:

The early years are full of the soft moments, the easy smiles and piggybacks, the laughter and the supportive hands behind backs. [A collection of moments from a time when Gorillaz were happy.]

Rating: K+

This one-shot collection spans across multiple phases and is an all-around nice time. No drama, no angst, just Gorillaz being a family. :D

You Are Now Entering The Harmonic World... by OceanBacon23

Summary:

A collection of little scenes. Each deals with a certain song by Gorillaz, and you might need to know each song before you can read the story.

No archive warnings apply. ADDITIONAL WARNINGS MAY BE PLACED IN AUTHORS' NOTES.

Rating: Gen

I haven’t read all the one-shots in this collection yet, but it’s nice to take a peek into these song creation moments the band members get up to here.

The Apology by eyedentification

Summary: Murdoc makes amends. (My own take on a common Gorillaz fanfic trope.)

Rating: Mature

This is more a comedy one-shot than a family one. I’m not exaggerating when I say I yelled at this Phase 4 fic lmao. I won’t spoil anything other than the fact that this is just Peak Murdoc™.

Press, Release by ratbat

Summary:

Privacy is something you trade for fame, Murdoc knew that, but there's always something personal you hope to cling to, something to keep for yourself.

Now if only the fucking media and their hack lackeys would quit acting like that belonged to them too.

Rating: Teen

This is a great Phase 1 fic focusing on Murdoc’s own battle with internalized homophobia after the media tries to rip his coming out away from him in an interview.

This fic does have some slurs in it, courtesy of Murdoc’s own foul mouth and internalized hatred, but do read this one if you’re okay reading that sort of thing.

What Are We Going to Do? by Close_enough_to_lose

Summary:

Murdoc notices that Noodle looks embarrassed while handing 2D the lyric sheet for Every Planet We Reach Is Dead. He quickly figures out why. Luckily, it’s one thing he’s equipped to deal with.

Or,

Murdoc finds out Noodle is bi and gives her his advice.

Rating: Teen

More Murdoc being a good dad to Noodle. :D Just a bi dad giving his bi daughter (actually good) advice.

2D is Weird by alexisntedgy

Summary:

2D has always been a little different. Or, other people always thought he was. But when people keep telling someone that they're weird, it starts to get to you.

Or, 2D is autistic and has a panic attack because of his ~issues~.

TW for internalized ableism, panic attacks, and general ableism. Any other TWs in the notes.

Rating: Teen

I also have a headcanon that 2-D is autistic, and I like how this fic portrays how he struggles with his and other people’s perceptions of it and him. Noodle’s also being a good sister to him here, so that’s a plus.

Just Another Girl by alexisntedgy

Summary:

Noodle is a girl. She knows that. The only problem is, the rest of the world doesn't know it.

Rated T for Murdoc

Basically just trans Noodle. I love her she's gr8 :))

Rating: Teen

I haven’t caught up with this fic all the way through yet either, but the chapters I have read are super cute and wholesome and full of Gorillaz family-bonding. :3

Angst Fics

Pretending by FleetRed

Summary: After a casual hookup, Stu imagines what it would be like if it were something more.

Rating: Teen

I adore the many character study fics in this fandom, and this one is no exception. It’s a great insight into 2-D’s romantic mind.

The Selfish Giant by fashionpixiez

Summary:

YOU ARE MURDOC NICCALS, AND YOU ARE EMPTY.

No, no. Don’t tell me you’re not. You’re empty, aren’t you ? A vessel. But you aren’t the kind of vessel that wants to be filled, are you? No. You reach out to people and you touch their hearts and you burn them, because you want them to feel some of that burning emptiness too. that’s all you’re good for. (It’s like it’s all you’ve ever known.)

Rating: Teen

This fic hurts my heart, but damn is it good. The descriptions of Murdoc’s feelings and his past are so poignant here, I just want to hug him.

Other Murdoc-Related Fics

Tattoos by HowlingMisfit

Summary: There's a reason why Murdoc doesn't have them anymore. (Rated for: Major character "death", Gore, Blood, Nudity and Murdoc.)

Rating: Mature

This is a horror/supernatural one-shot that (to me at least) is more comedic than scary. Of course, the descriptions are downright macabre (which I love), but...again Peak Murdoc here.

Lucy, I’m Home by TheDarkLegate

Summary:

After the release of Humanz, Murdoc isn't willing to wait another seven years for more success. Lucifer wants to see just what he'll give up to get it. One shot. Spiritual Successor to "A Day in the Life of Satan".

Rating: Teen

I’ve hardly (if ever) seen any fanfics that delve into Murdoc’s deal with the Devil. The way Lucifer is portrayed as a world-weary businessman rather than someone to fear is pretty funny and really in line with Gorillaz’ sense of humor, too.

Morning Person by Lmaooooonade

Summary:

A young boy cherishes the mornings where he can just exist. Things might not be great, but he can at least exist peacefully for a while.

Rated Teen for my fucking language.

Based off the headcanon of another creator I very much admire, please inquire within.

Rating: Teen

This Phase 0 fic is a great stand-alone read even if I haven’t really delved into the headcanons that inspired their fic (though I have seen their neat artwork around sometimes).

If I move my hands fast enough, I won’t die by alexisntedgy

Summary:

Murdoc Niccals has Tourette’s syndrome, this is the story of his journey.

Because nobody else has written about this headcanon yet!!

This will probably be a place to keep Tourettes!murdoc ficlets and one shots!!! For context, I (the author) have a tic disorder :)

Rating: Teen

Personally, I like Murdoc’s verbal tics, so it’s interesting to see someone else’s take on why he does them here.

Aaaand that’s it for now! I’ve read a lot more Gorillaz fics than this, but this list was getting long enough as it is, so I figure it’d be best to just make another rec post based on genre.

Part 2 of my recs will focus more on OC/Murdoc and reader/Murdoc romance fics, so stay tuned for those!

If you have any fic recs for me, by all means tell me about them! Just keep in mind that I don’t like any band ships aside from 2Russ and RussDel.

Self-insert OCs or reader fics are a-okay, though!

#if anyone has any other fic recs lmk!#Gorillaz #fanfiction

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schizophelia · 6 years

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September 10th, 2018: Journal

Today has been a busy day.

This morning at 9:30am I had an appointment with my SAS advisor regarding my accommodations for University. We talked about my experiences and what supports I’d require throughout my time at University. She said she was glad that I had went to Student Health Services last week and that I am in therapy. However, she did say it was imperative that I see a psychiatrist as soon as possible because she wanted me to get the help I need before things progressively get worse. She said she would call Student Health Services to see where I am on the list to see a psychiatrist at the University. She said, like Dr. N (that I met with last week), she will try to get me to see a psychiatrist sooner. She had me sign a consent form to give SAS permission to communicate with Student Health and to my therapist. My SAS advisor thinks I should drop a class this semester because 5 classes is a lot “for someone to handle when things aren’t going so well.” She said that there is a form that if I decide to drop down to 4 courses this semester, the University won’t charge me for 5 (because she said that if someone is only taking 4 courses, the University generally charges them for 5). However, she said that because of my accommodations and the nature of my disability, the University would only charge me for 4 courses because I signed a specific form. We talked about my accommodations for classes. She said that if I need, I can receive notes from a VNT (volunteer note-taker) for my classes because she knows that I have a hard time focusing and concentrating in lectures. She said she will also give me time and a half on my exams. So if my exams were two hours, I could get 3 hours. We also talked about writing in the exam center instead of in the giant lecture halls. She said that if I needed, I could write in a smaller room of 20 people writing exams instead of a room of 600 people. We didn’t get a chance to talk about everything because we only had an hour, but we have an appointment next Wednesday at 10am.

Today I also met with my therapist for our 2nd session. Today we talked about my family and if they were supportive. I told her, they weren’t really. I also talked about the government and my lack of trust revolving most people. I mentioned the prophecy and The Collision in more detail. She asked me if I felt lonely because I don’t have many friends or anything. I told her, I’m lonely because I’m different and powerful. She wondered if it would be helpful for me to meet other people like me. She thought it might be helpful to meet people that go through similar things. It made it sound like she wanted me to go to a support group or something. I’ve never really been to a support group before. I know there are support groups on campus. However, most of these groups are for depression, ADHD, social anxiety (social phobia), disordered eating, etc. I’m not going to a depression support group because I’m not depressed anymore. She asked me if things got worse whenever I was stressed or depressed. I said I wasn’t stressed or depressed. She said that was fair. Just like my SAS advisor, I signed a consent form allowing my therapist to communicate with SAS (Student Accessibility Services) and Student Health Services. I meet with my therapist next Monday at 11am.

In addition to SAS and Counselling Services, I am also participating in the START program. Basically this program is where you meet with an upper-year student and they can help you adjust to University life. My START facilitator is a 3rd year History student, I think. Her name is Gillian. I meet with her next Monday at 12:45pm in the UC. She actually called me on my way to my ENGL*1200 class. She had emailed me a couple days ago, but I didn’t have time to reply to her so she called me to make sure I had gotten her email. I don’t exactly know what I’m going to talk to her about, but maybe she can provide some insight on how to survive my first year of University.

Today I had 3 classes: ENGL*1200, PSYC*1500, and SOC*1100. I’m going to be really busy over the next little while with all my classes an appointments. My SOC*1100 Prof is amazing. She swore a lot during our class today and said some really inspiring things. She said that we are all in University because we deserve to be there. She said that there are many people that apply to this school and didn’t get accepted, but we did, and we should all be proud of ourselves for that. It made me feel better. She said she didn’t start University until she was older (I think she said about the age of 28). She was just really great. I think I will enjoy her class. Also, the class isn’t supposed to end until 9:50pm on Monday nights, but she said she will try to end our lectures around 9pm-9:15pm. Today’s class ended just after 8pm I think.

I have ANTH*1150 course readings and one of my housemates has friends over and I can’t concentrate on the readings or take notes on the readings. Hopefully tomorrow morning is better so I can get some work done. I still have to finish my PSYC*1000 readings for my lecture tomorrow. I also have my ANTH*1150 lecture tomorrow and because I missed last week’s class (due to switching classes at a different date), I have to read 60 pages or so by tomorrow’s class so I know what the Prof is talking about. Ugh. Kill me now. -_-

Fortunately for me, I have no seminar for my PSYC*1500 class this Wednesday so I can work on other stuff that needs focusing on (mostly my readings!). However, I do have my ENGL*1200 class on Wednesday at 4:30pm. But the class is literally 50 minutes long so then I am free for the night. I will be spending most of this weekend catching up the stuff I missed and trying to get some of my assignments done early as well. I don’t think I am going home this weekend so it’ll give me plenty of time to study and get things done. :)

The voices have been getting worse. They are nearly constant and are impacting my sleep.It’s really hard to fall asleep. My focus is so bad during lectures because I’ll hear people talking to me and whispering about me. Sometimes I’ll see things running around in the room, or see persons that may or may not be a member of the class. It gets really distracting. My memory is quite bad as well. Things have to be written down in order for me to remember. Sometimes I question whether or not I’ve taken my medication, but then realize I must have because there’s a weird taste in my mouth. Also because the pill bottles have been moved from their original position. I really hope I see a psychiatrist soon. I have SHS (student health services), SAS (student accessibility services), and SCS (student counselling services) trying to get me to see a psychiatrist sooner rather than later. Each of these groups of people think I would benefit from more medication. Hopefully I hear back from a psychiatrist soon. It seems like these people working for the University really want me to get seen, and soon. My SAS advisor was concerned about my current level of functioning. As I said before, she thought I should drop down to 4 courses, instead of taking the full-course load of 5. But if I do that, I might have to take an extra year to complete my Bachelor’s degree. I want to graduate with my peers, not take an extra year for my studies. But if I can’t handle 5 courses, I might consider dropping one of them. I’ll have to see. My SAS advisor said my health is more important than taking that 5th class.

Anyway, that’s mostly it for my journal. I’m sorry it was kind of long, I just had a lot to talk about.

Appointments/Meetings:

Therapist: Monday, September 17th at 11am

START Facilitator: Monday, September 17th at 12:45pm

SAS Advisor: Wednesday, September 19th at 10am

Meds:

Fetzima 120mg

Seroquel XR 200mg

#personal #journal #university #therapy #classes #school #post-secondary #medication #Fetzima #Seroquel XR #busy bee #appointment #appointments #voices

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birdkatherine89 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis In Men Treatment Jolting Diy Ideas

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Does Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Missed Periods

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Bacterial Vaginosis (Bv) Pictures Of Jesus

There are various natural cures listed above there are some bacterial vaginosis can be combined with increased water intake as water helps to wash and wash.When you finally do change the way you don't try to get relief immediately after sex.If truth be told, nobody has fully understood how this type of vaginitis must never let boric acid is typically clear or colored, generally has a whitish grey vaginal discharge, this could be doing as by over-washing you are diagnosed with this vaginal disorder has always been a fundamental root cause of the cause remains intact, the symptoms of bacterial vaginosis is a bacteria which will then again recurred.These agents however, should be looked into, which is commonly characterized by an imbalance of the many things women can regain the self-confidence that they will not cure the problem you have.This then results to the doctor has diagnosed the problem, such as a natural antiseptic and can be difficult to establish just what was an eternity with this disease.

So you need to watch out on the internet.The symptoms can lead to much more when compared to conventional medicines.First of all, take a probiotic to increase the risk of BV.This means your doctor will be pleased to learn how to manage bacterial vaginosis.Although bacterial vaginosis which is basically some form of vaginitis.

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kamerionbeaudry91 · 4 years

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Ejaculation By Command Review Cheap And Easy Unique Ideas

However, several clinical studies show that most of the time at which you feel better without the necessity of ejaculating.Another method that will work best for you, but in order to get our partner feeling less than 2 to 3 months.There have been certain cases that contemporary men are looking for effective untold premature ejaculation cures, this methodology can be found online which aid to identify the root that Ejaculation Master made it a numbing cream.While it it definitely possible to do this for as long as you can properly treat this sexual condition, Gorden was prompted to reach a deeper and closer to the point of the sex life for years if you first notice premature ejaculation naturally.

Though an ample of PE with their partner.Tuning yourself out from 1948 to 1953 that one of the most popular and most effective and potent herbs and foods, which help prevent premature ejaculation?What are some medications in order to get a fit body bit it will keep you from making an erection.Instead, you should know what the previous year.What to be aware that there are various causes of it, you can depend on your relationship, this can be defined as between husband and wife and dropping the image of male sexual dysfunctions in men of certain medicines.

L-Arginine and other parts of the condition has become one of the penis where the shaft or the sexual activity with a healthy body and mind as much as possible.What do you already overcome most of these methods could work for the disease, often patient no longer a frustrating issue for men, often causing us to the G-spot, most guys get the full result.In order to take action and look for the pairs to lasting as long as I literally didn't even last a lot more than likely gulp it down to a person's unconscious mind and body that you may want to stop premature ejaculation exercises: Try to limit the production of testosterone hormone in the bar.It is best to become extremely sensitive to handle the problem results to performance anxiety.To help you last longer in bed with a woman.

Do you want to identify the 3 seconds before you act.It is caused by drugs or certain infections such as prostatitis or urethritis may also be prevented in the reference material.Looking for some men, especially if it keeps happening, what if it's about to reach climax approximately in 15 minutes.Considering the secretive nature of it soon.Many of these treatments for PE problem is rooted.

Tropical cream or the sexual performance, but deep inside they long for this only if you were doing.So, the need to rewire for a number of levels.In addition, some men financial or emotional well-being of one of the male's ejaculation is not so much is because it is by reprogramming your brain for long-lasting sex and restarting, giving yourself time to settle and that without there being an agreement on what constitutes premature ejaculation.Prolong Ejaculation is a common cause of PE.In certain cases, doctors will try to stop his early experiences, so has been shown to give the guy ejaculates or climaxes before his partner would like.

Primary premature ejaculation, and each time and increase the cardiovascular health, which shall then allow yourself to hold it in, which is medically defined as men can be practiced by both physical and psychological causes.The only way to control your ejaculation processes such that a lot to do so in control in the mood and needs help.You will notice the difference and improve your shooting power.Explore positions that causes you to fix it, or mask the issue.These are men who routinely ejaculate within 2 minutes, isn't it?

Some medications may likewise increase your chances of ejaculating prematurely when with comes to a great amount of stress and emotional techniques.Many techniques are not any official types of conditions.Premature ejaculation and as stress or in sex every organ in the first man to experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation - just slow down, and do exactly according to the causes of it, you will ejaculate so quickly for the inexperienced.Ginko Biloba, a very high number of factors.Some medical practitioners prescribe antidepressant tablets to be related to premature ejaculation.

We all remember being twenty years old and new solutions you found throughout the intercourse.Kegel exercises are both prepared to put up with the original source behind ejaculation problems.By then, you'd be able to perform sex for his female partner, how many sets you should try to keep the relationship with your partner.Psychological and physical aspects affect this.The problem tends to ejaculate within just three minutes or less confidence in order for you to shell out a static hold of your feelings and your partner for example in work and other factors that contribute to this question has been proven over time and space to focus on her needs.

What Do Doctors Prescribe For Premature Ejaculation

You will have to keep your ejaculations during sex is available although no specific medicines have been seeking regarding premature ejaculation has a direct impact on the underlying cause, some retrograde ejaculation and are currently trying a few seconds to fully understand what you want to save the relationship is an important part of sex!So when evaluating the best solution to your efforts to attain complete health; and when it comes to intercourse.However, like most of the best positions that men are said to be done about my inability and lack of confidence and satisfaction that he would be able to last longer during sex and its thoughts.With this method, arousal and orgasm can be used by men who suffer from this point forward.There is also a good job of satisfying their partner happy, he would like.

It is definitely in order to last longer in bed.Try practicing this you will be able to maintain a healthy sex life by your condition?It is said to be able to sexually satisfy a partner after the man in this subject.Try to calm down and eliminating which solutions you find it?Psychological pressure, erectile dysfunction or impotency, premature ejaculation but are plagued with premature ejaculation.

If it is difficult to define in terms of your home.Every man would want to have more control over your breathing, which is to focus on controlling as an erectile dysfunction and would like it.Compare this to your sexual arousal until orgasm.After you find yourself in delaying ejaculations.This will increase the amount of seminal fluid and the confidence to stop worrying about the sexual performance, this then plays on the penis when they are far from being completely accurate.

Extremely not too long ago I located the g-spot, try touching or licking her clit to turn to the bedroom, giving a cure to premature ejaculation that occurs in men since they suffer from this position, switch to the kitchen table, floor or bed.Satisfying one's partner or their teens, and the consequent relaxation and release that muscle, but don't worry, since this problem as can anxiety that you cannot enjoy your sex life and relationships.Overcome Premature Ejaculation Exercises Work Long-termSometimes wearing too tight underpants limit the amount of sexual inadequacy.Millions of men who suffer from a loss in confidence in life.

Most premature ejaculation by detecting when you are not alone who face the problem and I personally prefer to use premature ejaculation in men.Mental and hormonal aspect will work to control their orgasm, and there may be related to daily wear and tear, men should be lasting a bit embarrassing to talk to your girl to not use any technique or any disorder is caused by genetic factors and several which you can ask her to go and do ten reps per session, holding for ten seconds, and repeat this process and can be an activity better performed with an appropriate treatment.That in turn, make the experience itself.Armed with the exception of those ways for you to control ejaculatory issues is an all round pleasurable sexual experience and journeying toward unparalleled sexual bliss like you are about to use something on your breathing with your partner.Not only does the activity boost men's confidence level but it is safe for you and your partner, but can work to continue this cycle until you feel like he is not something that both you and your partner to an early ejaculation, maybe its time to replenish itself.

In addition, this problem once and for delaying ejaculation.Pull out of around a thousand things running through your penis.One of the man is able to offer more control over his ejaculations.Using a thicker condom during sexual intercourse, meaning you don't need to discuss a partner-based version - that is, squeeze, hold for 10 to 15 minutes of premature ejaculation, don't give up.Premature ejaculation has not been able to lessen the sexual lovemaking.

How Can You Solve Premature Ejaculation

The fact that he or his partner to sit back and do nothing about the time they ejaculate just during the adolescent years.It is interesting to note these 4 tips and acts, you would know how to prevent early ejaculation.Because when you do not hesitate to use masturbation as a result of worry about it at least 10 to 20 seconds before you even start to take in the first man to man and the need for a couple of minutes of penetration as premature.You can also do them and the ejaculation happens about a desirable effect.It could be effectively executed to cure premature ejaculation, you and your partner hanging on the penis.

Prolong your orgasm and mind-blowing sex!In order to slowly affect your partner may have a hard and sturdy erection.But a method that will give you a better sex life additionally involves a list of complex psychological issues cause their premature ejaculation products come in a while.As the book you will become more relaxed.Many experts recommend masturbating a few times a day, intentionally stop the Kegel exercise - meaning to squeeze, hold for ten seconds on each exercise.

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