#also fun fact about me i grew up in the town that the band is named after

[americanrequiems]

stacy's mom is like the perfect successor of jesse's girl to me

#and the key change! adam schlesinger's mind >>> #fountains of wayne #stacy's mom #karen.txt #also fun fact about me i grew up in the town that the band is named after

[artstar1997]

Blurred Lines

Ever since I watched Trolls Band Together, I had a lot of questions sticking in my brain like gum under the tables or bleachers that can’t be removed. If you ask me, I treat these plotholes like a crime scene investigation or a science experiment in the laboratory. Sorry if there is too much information and scientific facts added to it because I found out that people with ASD like me prefer logic, accuracy, and clarity to guide my judgement because they’re consistent.

With Queen Poppy and Viva, they look semi-identical based on their designs, which makes me see that they’re fraternal or identical twins. Identical twins, are meant to have identical DNA but they differ somewhat in appearance and are not the same in terms of height, physical features, and many more so yeah, that might make sense.

Maybe they were isolated from one another in the troll tree for their safety and Viva remembers Poppy more than her because she would sneak around to be with her. There wasn’t any evidence about who is older and younger but what I know is that Viva wasn’t targeted by Chef, it was Poppy instead. It might be due to Poppy’s status as the heir because I discovered that in a legal system based on primogeniture, which favors the inheritance claims of an eldest child or his or her children over the claims of other relatives, an heir apparent is generally the eldest child, who is entitled to claim the property and titles of his or her parent. While rewatching the first Trolls movie, I noticed that King Peppy, Poppy and the other trolls escaped in the morning of the Last Trollstice so Viva and the others might escaped late at the night when Chef was exiled and there were other Bergens living outside Bergen Town so Viva’s escape might’ve happened at that time. Come to think of it, some trolls are up and running when they hatched out of their eggs like ducks and horse foals (cough* cough* Tiny Diamond) and compared to us humans, troll brains absorb memories and instincts fast or faster like sponges.

Maybe Poppy doesn't remember much about Viva because she kinda looks like she has Autism and ADHD. I read that children with autism have memory challenges that hinder not only their memory for faces but also their ability to remember other kinds of information. That's the same thing I struggled with as well.

I also based this theory on my life experiences because as an eldest child myself, I experienced the things Poppy had been through as I grew older and I am shorter while Viva kinda reminds me of my younger, taller sister.

I also read about sibling psychology and discovered that Poppy has more oldest sibling traits than Viva, who has younger sibling traits. I noticed in the movies and the animated series that Poppy exhibited the traits I listed, but she only has two youngest sibling traits, evidently mischievous and risk taker while Viva has two oldest sibling traits, usually cautious and conscientious. They both share the traits of fun loving and creative so I didn’t add them in my chart.

With the BroZone, it’s obvious to see the details about who is older and younger among them because of the features I noticed. It was evident that John Dory spent his years alone in the wilderness, Spruce established a business and had a family in Vacay Island, and Clay escaped with Viva and the others on the night when Chef was exiled and lived in the abandoned mini golf. Floyd on the other hand, he must’ve wandered around on his own until he was found by Velvet and captured him to fulfill her plan to become a popstar, alongside Veneer.

With Velvet and Veneer, they must’ve ended up that way because the Mount Rageon lifestyle is focused on partying and hedonism that they become victims of neglect and favoritism. Velvet was spoiled rotten by their parents, who were dentists while Veneer was often pushed to the side, causing him to lack willpower and only be a doormat for her when she cooks up schemes. Veneer possibly got Sparkles the goldfish as by the parents to shut him up while they spoil Velvet as if she was a treasure they can cherish and maintain. This had gotten worse possibly if the two experience bullying in school for being talentless.

Whatever my mind was thinking, all I know is that there are blurred lines in there.

#dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #trolls 3 #speculation #theory #fan theory #theories

[its-your-mind]

ya know what, I just put all of this in the tags of someone else’s post, but I have More to say about it

This is a letter to 12-year-old me, who just listened Welcome to Night Vale for the first time in 2013.

Hey, 12 year old me. There are some things I know you need to hear right now.

You are 12, and you’ve just discovered podcasts for the first time. You’re in 7th grade, and you saw screenshots of tumblr posts in nerdy Facebook groups about this super weird one called “Welcome to Night Vale” where they said weird things like “Wednesday has been cancelled, due to a scheduling error.” You think that’s pretty funny, so you check it out.

It’s fun, there’s a dog park no one goes in, and Wednesday has indeed been cancelled due to scheduling errors. The people who live there are delightfully odd - they don’t believe in mountains or angels, despite the fact that the angels sometimes change lightbulbs. When the host describes a new person in town and declares himself in love with him, you (know you’re weird but aren’t sure why - why does Cecil’s comment make you feel so seen?) write it off as equally strange as a disbelief in mountains and move on.

You, 12 years old, only just poking your head out of the hole you grew up in, don’t know who you are yet, because looking too closely at yourself is scary.

You keep listening. When Cecil and Carlos finally talk to each other, beneath those lights above the Arby’s, you start crying. You don’t know why. You don’t understand yet that you are finally being told a story where someone like you was accepted and loved, not in spite of the eccentricities, but because of them.

But that’s not a revelation you’re ready to have yet, and that’s okay. In the exact same way you had glossed over Cecil and Carlos’s relationship development for those first forty episodes, you brush past your own emotions and keep on keeping on. If you keep moving, you don’t have to stop and think harder about what caused you to feel so strongly.

You keep listening. You cheer as this strange town defeats the followers of a Smiling God, you scream into your pillow at the words “he is holding a cat,” you have legitimate nightmares about a beagle puppy, and you bounce up and down as a young disabled girl leads her family in carrying out a successful heist. In the midst of it all, you hear these characters push through the challenges they face by banding together and embracing the things that made them strange.

And slowly but surely, you begin to learn to embrace the things that make you strange, too.

Let’s jump forward a few years. You’re in high school now. You’ve been made fully aware of how people in your life see people like you like Cecil and Carlos, but you also feel nothing but giddy, pure joy each time they talk to each other over the radio. You don’t know how to reconcile those two things.

So you don’t. You slot yourself into the crowd of weirdos at school, and all of you pretend you’re not all going through the same struggle. (Over half of those weirdos turned out to be queer, by the way. Funny how that works out.)

(But that’s another story.)

For now, you’re a sophomore in high school, and you’re feeling lost, and overwhelmed, and alone. And like you always do when you feel overwhelmed, you put in your earbuds and listen to someone else’s story for a bit.

This episode is called Toast. It’s just a bunch of speeches from the characters that have welcomed you into their community. At first, it’s not clear what the toast is to, and so you focus on trying to figure it out. Your mind cycles through possibilities. Is it a funeral? Commemorating a special Night Vale holiday? Someone’s birthday?

It slowly dawns on you. This is the toast at a wedding. Everyone giving the toast can’t help but talk about what a happy occasion this is. But you are still so small, and so so scared, and it doesn’t occur to you whose wedding it might be until Old Woman Josie comes up and mentions them by name.

Without understanding quite why, you start to sob. You cry through the rest of the episode, so much that you have to pause and rewind to hear the entirety of Carlos and Cecil’s speeches to each other. Carlos talks about love as a continuous series of choices, as the turning of a story about “you” and a story about “me” into a story about “us.” Cecil shares how his love for his community and his partner has gotten him through the hardest times, not because it overpowered the difficulties, but because it allowed him to keep going in spite of them.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see why those things brought up the emotions they did. We want to be loved, but more than that, we want the chance to choose to love, and we want someone to choose to love us. What we crave, at our very core, is acceptance. We just want to be seen and welcomed, no matter who we happen to be, and no matter the person we have chosen to love.

You won’t be able to label yourself as queer for another three years. You’ll meet people who will tell you that something in you is broken, but you’ll meet even more people who build on the foundation that Night Vale began. You will learn that being different, in whatever way you are different, is something to be celebrated, not hidden.

There will come a day when you are safe, and happy, and loved, just as you are. You can let all of yourself shine - your loves, your fears, your odd fashion sense, your passion for weird radio-broadcast podcasts - and the people around you won’t just tolerate it, they’ll admire it.

The road to get there won’t be easy, but I am so excited for you to walk it. You’ve got this. And on every step on that journey, just remember: The moon is still beautiful, mysterious lights still pass overheard, and you are loved.

Sincerely, 23 year old you

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #cecil gershwin palmer #carlos the scientist #lgbtqia #queer love #if you made it all the way through that #👏 #sup #thanks for reading my ramblings

[dancing-to-architecture]

11 of 1001 - (officially 1.09% of the way through!)

Today's album: Talking Heads - More Songs About Buildings and Food (1978)

I love me some Talking Heads, but i don't know this album too well (that i know of).

My mom was pretty big into new wave, but this was not one she had.

Thank You For Sending Me An Angel -

Okay i know I've heard this somewhere, likely in the intro to an indie movie or something, but i know this one. Weird lyrics, but i dig it.

With Our Love-

Fun fact: the rising guitar riff is the exact sound of anxiety. Then again, the whole song is (probably?) about the horrorshow that is navigating teenage relationships, so that's... likely why.

The Good Thing-

I want the amount of confidence he had in The Good Thing. Also, i really like how playful the guitar work is here.

Warning Sign-

Underwater synth drumming. Kinda funky. Sounds like he's singing through a toy microphone.

...oh shit. it's an overdose song. It's a really good overdose song, but damn when i got what was going on, the realization of it hit me like a truck.

Very disorienting at the end.. makes sense, though.

The Girl Wants to Be With The Girls-

I mean, that's a lesbian anthem, right there.

Found a Job-

This is a weird one, but, you know what? if it works for Bob and Judy, good for them. Seems a bit manipulative, but if everybody's on board, then go for it.

Also, the "minute and a half long funky as fuck outro" is something more bands should try.

Artists Only-

Oh hey, "how i approach art", didn't see you there.

Kinda dreamy in a strange way, i really dig it. This song begs for a way too artsy video.

I'm Not in Love-

Feels kinda like post-extremely bad breakup depression moping more than anything, tbh.

Return of the minute and a half long funky as fuck outro, though.

Stay Hungry-

Okay, a song this aggressively horny should NOT come right after I'm Not In Love. Bad album layout, imo.

At this point my wife said she'd "never thought of Talking Heads as a jam band before", and yeah they did some meandering on this album.

Take Me To The River-

Well, i know THIS ONE. my dad had one of those goddamn singing fish. He (and he alone) thought it was the very peak of comedy.

oh Jesus, this song is 5 MINUTES LONG?

And dude, I'm sorry you didn't get laid at 16, but damn, neither did i. Sorry, this song (fittingly) just makes me want to drown myself. Never been a fan, and i still kinda want to smash that fish with a sledgehammer.

The Big Country-

Kinda feels like it's about the town i grew up in. Quaint and simple small-town...

...and I wouldn't live there if you paid me. (and not just because it's still full of radium. Like, superfund site level contamination.)

Twangier guitars than i would have expected, but not out of place, considering the topic.

Overall, not bad, but definitely not my favorite Talking Heads album. Had a few songs i really enjoyed, a few that just felt like panic, a bunch i don't care much about one way or the other and will likely not revisit, and one that might be a bit more of a sore spot than i had previously thought.

Favorite Track: either Artists Only or Warning Sign. Both are really good in very different ways and i can't decide.

Least Favorite Track: Take Me to the River.

#1001 albums #dancing to architecture #Talking Heads #More Songs About Buildings and Food

[mrtimmons]

ꕀ ꕀ ᐝ 𖠳 paul rudd, cismale, he/him 𖠳 ᐝ ꕀ ‷ heads up ; if you hear GHOSTBUSTERS by RAY PARKER JR. blaring, it’s most likely DAVID TIMMONS making their way down the shore ! they’re 51 years old and celebrate their birthday on 2/10 - i knew they were a AQUARIUS ! especially since they’re very FRIENDLY and ECCENTRIC. they are from CAPE MAY, staying in FROG HOLLOW and are currently working as a HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY AND SCIENCE TEACHER + PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR, here at the cape. they always did remind me of a beaten up old van with a satellite dish on the top and mean graffiti on the sides, an open classroom door long after school hours are over, a collection of vhs tapes with classic cartoons recorded from the tv‷

I'm gonna try and keep this really brief, because this intro is overdue and I really just want to be able to get started with writing!

So, David has lived in Cape May for his entire life. Growing up, he was the nerdy kid who liked school, was in the AV club, read comics, and watched cartoons. He didn't have many friends, and most of the friends he did have were the teachers; maybe that's why he decided to become one himself.

Fast forward about 30 years, and David still lives in Cape May, in the same house that he grew up in that he bought from his parents when they moved to a retirement community. He is undoubtedly one of the town weirdos, though certainly not in a threatening way; more like in a, 'he's the butt of a lot of jokes' way.

In addition to being a high school science and history teacher, he is also a paranormal investigator for hire, complete with his own ghost hunting equipment, including a white van with a satellite dish attached to the top, which regularly gets defaced by kids in town. Again, he's the butt of a lot of jokes.

Nonetheless, he is unapologetically passionate about the things that he enjoys: He's passionate about hunting ghosts, he's passionate about playing the keyboard in his cover band, and most of all, he's passionate about teaching. Despite the fact that there are a lot of students who love to make fun of him, there is no student that his door isn't open for if they need someone to talk to.

I could keep rambling on, but like I said, I want to keep this brief. If you want to know anything more, do not hesitate to ask!

#cape.intro

[arthursknight]

What music do you listen to?

oh this is fun!

so i know a lot of people like to answer this question with like. "everything". but i do mean everything.

i grew up listening primarily to queen and bowie and the beatles (the last of which i no longer enjoy near as much, but that's fine), but also-- i grew up in the American south. second and third generation country music (think: patsy cline, loretta lynn, johnny cash, hank williams sr and jr, the carter family, charlie pride) is my lifeblood, and i have deep, deep, deep love for it (especially since i have the firm conviction that johnny cash, and the roots therein of bluegrass and folk music, was one of the unspoken forefathers of punk, but that's a different story.)

speaking of, though. i adore punk! the greats are obviously great-- i will never fault you for a ramones song-- but gods, do i love modern punk. i am actually friends (albeit very distantly) with the drummer of my favourite punk band, and one of my best friends is very good friends with their guitarist! i love folk punk (ajj my beloved [derogatory]), and jeff rosenstock sadly has my love and affection forever. one day i will marry laura jane grace and you will never hear from me again.

pop punk My Love. insert me vagueing about that One Time where fall out boy knew who i was (another story, another time). but also smaller known pop punk bands!

and, gods. indie pop/indie rock. another fun cee fact: i have been an arctic monkeys fan since 2005. i was in a livejournal community with someone from sheffield who uploaded their first demo illegally and was like "these lads are gonna be big" And Boy Were They Right.

catch me waxing poetic about lana del rey. i was the bitch marina wrote Electra Heart about (not really).

oh god synth pop. the killers are the loves of my life and holy shit was their latest album so good? we come back to my deep love for americana and that haunting nostalgic nod to small towns and rock n roll and. God.

anything queer forever. LOVE a good dance bop. unironically and forever a carly rae jepsen stan. if you think you're too good for bubblegum pop you ain't got a place in my squad.

sadly, my rap and hip hop knowledge are my weakest point, but i adore the classics when i hear them and love trying to expose myself to newer artists. wordplay is fucking amazing and rap does it so well and it deserves all the recognition it gets and more. (megan thee stallion if you are reading this i am free--)

and we circle back around to queen and bowie, who really are just my queer weirdo foundation. (and my obsession with "death on two legs", which my drummer friend insists was the birth of a type of metal music and i am inclined to agree).

i just. love music. i love cringe music, i love obscure artsy pretentious music, i love everything in between. i love "wonderwall". i love ABBA. i love sad boy midwestern emo. i love weird experimental shit that takes a few listens to get to know. i unironically love childish gambino. i miss cobra starship every day.

this doesn't pin anything down but it's not easy to pin down. it is just a thing i love in all its forms. it is Good. it is Human. it is Mine.

#cee.txt #all about cee #this was so fun!!!! #ask #anonymous

[wwhatev3r]

Hi love! Your headcanons and ships are top tier, and I was hoping to request a BOB ship if you're still doing them. If not then no worries!

A little about me: I'm 5'4", I use she/her pronouns, INTP-T, Slytherin, and I've been a vegetarian for 4 years now! I have straight, dark hair, and I'm pretty tan because I'm almost always in a garden, hiking, or just generally spending time outside. My favorite sport is hockey, but I've never actually even ice skated - I just think it would be fun to, despite the fact that I literally hate the cold with a passion and will avoid almost any situation in which I might be anything other than warm. (Literally just full of contradictions; like, I also read a lot, but I'm dyslexic, so it takes it out of me.) I was captain of my section in high school marching band, but didn't have any fun with it haha. The place I grew up very much subscribed to the idea of "girls have to be pretty or funny, no in-between", and because I had to be funny in order to survive, it's left me with a weird, awkward sense of humor. My favorite color is yellow, and during quarantine, I taught myself four new languages!

Thank you, and I hope you have an awesome day! :D

I Ship You With…

Skip Muck!!!

Notes: Okay, your personality and taste drove me to Muck but the fact that you’re INTP and Slytherin got me hanging with more than one or two. I hope you like it! <3333

Yeyy, you got the sweet goofball! <3

A slytherin with a hufflepuff, perfect match! I love it. (Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks vibes If I may say.)

When you first met he was a little shy but Malark and the boys gave him a push to go talk to you at the pub.

I believe it didn't take long for you to start dating, but it depends a little on your part because you’re an INTP.

I mean, how could he not? You are way more than a pretty and funny girl!

You probably had to make sure he was genuinely interested/liked in you; you know, the typical INTP complex of always asking “Why this and why that?” (I speak from experience as a fellow INTP.)

Alright, I already posted this headcanon of mine that Skip Muck is dyslexic too, so there you have it: a pretty cute couple with a lot of struggles.

In that, I mean that you two have to put reminders everywhere due to organization and memory.

“Honey, what time is it? Yeah, I think I had an appointment two hours ago.”

When you get frustrated or tired of reading he takes routes with you and reads out loud for you; that way you can rest your eyes and relax.

Skip was never into gardening until he met you and let me tell you, ya poor boy does try but he messes up a little sometimes.

When you’re planting new flowers he always gets distracted and mixes up the seeds or puts too much water.

Oh, but when you compliment the work he does it’s the cutest thing because he gets so happy: “I did? I love gardening…”

He just loves that you compliment him and show that you’re proud of him.

The first time you went skating was with him and don’t  worry because in Tonawanda (his home-town) it snowed a lot during winter and he was used to the cold and knew pretty well how to skate.

But you did end up with your buts on the ice a couple of times.

He even gave you his coat because of the cold and later you went to a CoffeeShop to get a hot chocolate with.

He later also took you to play hockey with some of your friends and you definitely had a lot of fun but also went home with some bruises.

But, don’t worry he took good care of you.

He genuinely is interested in knowing how to play the instrument you played when you were in the band and asks a lot of questions about the languages you learned.

“How do I say I love you in that language?” 

#band of brothers #skip muck

[thaywrites]

heyyyyy, GEBF here! sorry, i got swamped by irl commitments, but im finally hereeee again! how has your break been, bestie? also i just wanted to ask you about your favorite muse(s) so far. is there any character you're currently all about? are they in their main character era in your head?

that's completely understandable with the holidays and all, but nice to hear from you again, GEBF! and oh, it's been both amazing and busy all at once but I'm just glad to be able to rest and spend time with my family. hmmmm so I have like a loooot of muses lol bc I'm always coming up with new ideas and love to build characters and stories and worlds. I adore all of them but there are some that I just feel more musey when writing bc they live in my head 24/7 rent free. so here are some of them:

aurora "rory" cohen ( victoria pedretti fc ): rory's a character that came to me when i got back into the rpc and she has been my baby since. she's a baker and pretty much, all sunshine and honey and freshly baked cookies. she's kind of a celebrity in her hometown, since she's the mayor's daughter from a small town, and kinda loves it bc she loves to get to know new people. she also just tends to talk too much. her family fell apart a couple years back bc daddy cheated and the whole town was all over it and then her first love broke her heart so she's currently in her healing era, living with her pitbull and trying to get her own bakery up n running.

adrien zahir ( avan jogia fc ): adrien is a muse i've had for yeaaars and i never get tired of writing him. he's a guitar player in the kinda famous rock band loudmouth ( and i write all the band members too ) and basically his background is that he was kicked out of his family by an overly religious father who hated the fact his only son was queer. so he found himself a new family instead. he went through many revamps and as of his latest one, he went from a sex crazed, addicted, alcoholic, messy rockstar to a soon-to-be daddy, pretty much married, recovered and decent human being. he's still loud, brazen, flamboyant and that's why we love him sm.

theodore becker ( andrew garfield fc ): theo is my broadway star. well, currently on a break. so he's basically a sweetheart broadway actor who was head over heels in love with the man of his dreams and he thought it was time to take things to the next level. he proposed, got a no for an answer and decided he needed some time away from new york, so he moved back home to help his dads out with their small business. he's pretty much a goof, big musical theater nerd, and just has a lot of love to give. i adore him sm.

alev özberk ( alperen duymaz fc ): poor man's version of clyde from the infamous duo bonnie and clyde. his bonnie is written by a friend of mine and we just have sm fun with those two. alev is my badboy, he's been part of a gang and has done some pretty hefty stuff in his life. he's a burglar, a liar, a drug dealer and all around a shitty person. but he's honestly so much fun to write bc he's always getting up to something and honestly, i miss him sm.

bowie monroe ( sophie thatcher / kiana madeira fc ): my little delinquent redneck enby babygirl. so their background is super messed up, mommy was a groupie that partied too much and didn't care about her motherly duties, so bowie was left at the cares of their older siblings (all half, all from different fathers) and was raised by them. they grew to be pretty pissed off at everything and everyone but they do try to be on a good behavior for the sake of their siblings, which is hard considering the friends bowie usually keeps by her side. she also has a pet lizard she's very fond of.

there's like so many others i could add to this list but i wanted to keep it on the shorter side lol

#rphservergifts #answered. #accidentally posted it without finishing omg

[sumpix]

Terry Hall’s music is as relevant now as it has ever been, and his legacy will live on

Jamie Driscoll

I have a rare CD version of Ultra Modern Nursery Rhymes, a lesser known album by Specials frontman Terry Hall, who died yesterday. The title track seems thematically inspired by David Bowie’s Kooks. Both are about a dad advising his kids not to get stressed by the expectations society places on them. I grew up with The Specials. I vividly remember the black and white chequered cover on the audio cassette of their debut album. That was before CDs. To find Ultra Modern Nursery Rhyme, back in 1990, I had to place a special order. Now, you just download.

Their eponymous debut album shot them to fame. It’s a classic. Brimming with the energy of ska rhythm and deep bass, punctuated by brass. The originality of songs like Stupid Marriage and Too Much Too Young – lyrical cautions against teenage pregnancy. Their articulate nihilism is expressed in Man at C&A – the helplessness against world events and uncaring politicians. Women forced into sex work in Hey Little Rich Girl. The simple sadness of watching an ageing woman clinging to her youth in Pearl’s Café. The alcoholism decried in Stereotype. The Specials were not just angry, young men. And, of course, Ghost Town. If you lived through the Thatcher years, you know this song. Never has there been a more accurate musical social commentary; government leaving the youth on the shelf.

But they could have been the band of 2022. The stalking terror of knife crime articulated in Concrete Jungle; the song Too Hot; the Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum should be Liz Truss’s theme song. “Nothing’s changed! When we wrote it we had Reagan and Thatcher and we thought things couldn’t get worse. Now we’ve got Trump and May!” Terry Hall said in a 2016 interview.

Lunatics was Hall’s first post-Specials track, with the new band Fun Boy Three. He’d started writing it before splitting from The Specials with Neville Staple and guitarist Lynval Golding. The Specials only had about 18 months of fame before they split. Five top ten singles and two number ones in under two years. Hall speaks of the pressures they were under: being targeted by the far right; the National Front turning up and Sieg-Heiling at them on stage; the violence at the gigs, which led to him being arrested, charged and fined for incitement.

“Getting picked up at the airport was a drama, checking into the hotel was a drama, leaving the hotel was a drama. You couldn’t get any space, not even for an hour or two, because wherever you went there were these lads who’d travelled 9,000 miles to see you live and didn’t have anywhere to stay, so you had to put them up in your room and then you had to sit up all night with them. Talking about the f**king Specials.”

I can’t talk about the Specials without Jerry Dammers. Their artistic inspiration and lead songwriter. In fact, it’s Jerry Dammers GCOT. That’s Grand Companion of OR Tambo. Now that’s one honour I’d salute. Dammers was awarded it for his anti-apartheid work, including writing the song Free Nelson Mandela, another staple of my teenage years.

The Specials’ It Doesn’t Make it Alright is an explicitly anti-racist anthem. Their legacy lived on when in 2017, 20 year old Saffiyah Khan calmly smiled while staring down an EDL thug. The photo of her wearing a Specials T-shirt went viral.

Hall spoke about his mental health. He’d suffered horrific child sex abuse at the hands of a teacher, and sang about it in Well Fancy That. “It got to a point where I didn’t have a choice – and it’s done me so much good,” he said. “Talking about mental health problems is a conscious decision. It’s something I want to share with people.” Seeking help seemed to make a difference. He was much happier with his later musical collaborations. And life in general.

“I also bloody love being 60. I’ve wanted to be 60 since I was in my 20s. I’ve always thought I’d make my best music in the years between 60 and 70.” Sadly, he died aged 63. As Terry Hall himself sang: “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.”

#specials #terry hall #music

[lis-likes-fics]

Hey there I was wonder if I could have Carlisle x pregnant reader and he’s really possessive and protective of her and smutty please 😊

Author's Note: First of all, I am so sorry for my tardiness. This was requested like two months ago. Here it is now, again I'm sorry. I started writing it and took the longest time to keep coming to it. Procrastination is a bitch. Thank you so much and now enjoy reading this fluffy smut! ❤️

~~~

Possessive, Protective, and Pregnant

Y/N smiled as she waved to her brother, Sam. She'd stopped by the reservation today to visit her pack before returning back to the Cullens place, a container full of Emily's amazing chocolate muffins in her bag, eager to dive in.

"Don't eat 'em all in one night! You might also wanna talk to Carlisle, don't keep it to yourself too long!" her sister-in-law called.

Y/N nodded as she rolled her eyes a little. "Alright, Emily. See you later. Bye, Sammy!" Her big brother waved at her as she drove away. She didn't really know why she was so eager to have the muffins. She didn't usually like sweets and things all too much, but she couldn't wait to eat one - so much so that she opened the container and grabbed one, eating it in her car on the way back to the house.

Stuffing the container back into her bag, she got out of the car after finishing her muffin and headed inside. She was greeted by Carlisle, who kissed her cheek happily. "How was your day with your brother?"

"It was fun, I enjoyed myself," she smiled sweetly.

"I'm glad." He paused for a moment, taking a couple breaths in before asking, "Is that…chocolate?"

She shrugged, "Uh, yeah. Emily made some." She slowly pulled the box out of her bag to show Carlisle. He eyed her with a confused look, "You hate chocolate."

She shrugged, looking away a little, "I mean, I don't mind chocolate."

"No," Carlisle chuckled, "You told me you absolutely hated chocolate."

"Well, uh, people change?" she offered. He smiled as he shook his head, his hand on her waist. He kissed her gently.

~

Y/N fidgeted with the top corner of the page in her book, bored to death as she had nothing to do. Carlisle was in his office, doing some late work. He'd thought she had already gone to sleep - she did announce that, after all.

But to be honest, she was too bored and too awake to sleep. She'd thought reading the book would help, but she sighed and gave up on it as she stood from the bed, stretching her limbs.

Maybe cuddling would help. Just as she was going to do just that with Carlisle, she decided against it. He was working, she didn't want to disturb him.

So instead she decided to get a midnight snack - or after midnight snack. It was almost one-thirty.

She stepped lightly as she made her way to the garage, opening and closing the door quietly to not make noise. She didn't want to alert Carlisle. Living with vampires made her excellent at sneaking.

She pulled the box slowly out of the closet, keeping the noise low. She opened the lid to the box and smiled at her secret stash of sweets. She had no idea why she had it, but she wanted sweets.

She pulled out a chocolate bar, breaking off a piece and popping it in her mouth. She smiled as she sat there, savoring the sweet treat.

She was there for a while, divulging herself in her sweets. She didn't overindulge, but she didn't quite enjoy herself.

When Carlisle finished work for tonight in his office, he headed to the bedroom to see Y/N. When she wasn't in the bed, his brows furrowed and he started searching the house for her. She wasn't in the living room, or the kitchen. He checked the bathrooms that were unnecessary before she came but she wasn't in.

When he reached the garage, he opened the door and froze at the door with a confused look. "Y/N?" he asked.

She froze and slowly turned to look up at him, a hand held up to her mouth holding a cookie. She took a bite from the cookie and nervously said, "Hello, Carlisle… What's up?"

He blinked a couple of times, walking over to her, "What on Earth are you doing?"

She shrugged, dusting her hands off, "Uh…midnight snack?"

"You hate sweets," he accused again, "Why do you have a whole box of them?"

She sighed, "I dunno, I just want sweets."

Carlisle looked her over, taking the pack of cookies she began reaching for. She'd already eaten an entire sleeve. He set the box to the side, "Are you alright?"

Y/N chewed her bottom lip, trying to formulate the sentence she'd been so scared to admit. She tried to reach for her cookies, but he held them out of reach. "You'll get sick," he scolded, "Tell me what's wrong."

She sighed heavily before deciding just to blurt it out. Just rip it off like a band-aid.

"I'm pregnant."

Carlisle froze, and Y/N winced. She waited anxiously for him to react, to do something. Carlisle smiled and she calmed. Then he chuckled lightly and shook his head, "No, you're not. It's not possible."

A weight fell over her before she sighed, "I am. I'm a werewolf, so I can have kids, and well… maybe that's enough. Plus, I took a test three times. I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want…"

Carlisle's smile had fallen. When she trailed off, he laid a hand on her cheek, "You didn't want what?"

"I didn't want you to leave me," she muttered, looking away.

He frowned deeply, cupping her face with both her hands now so she would look at him. She searched his eyes as he gazed into hers. "Y/N," he spoke softly, "I could never leave you. And you can tell me anything. You shouldn't have to be afraid. I love you, and I want the best for you. I'll never leave you."

She smiled and asked, "And…what about the baby?"

His smile grew again and her heart felt light. He told her, "Well, I've got to start thinking about names."

She chuckled as she hugged him tightly. She was elated by the fact that he was accepting her.

~

The next couple of weeks was spent with heavy preparation for the child. At first, everyone was concerned because the baby would be half vampire. Surely that had to be dangerous for Y/N, right?

But the child was also part werewolf and Y/N wasn't human. She was stronger than a human, she could handle a vampire baby.

The news was quick - too quick even - to spread across the town. The Cullens were having a baby.

They got lucky too - the baby grew close to the same pace as a normal one would. No one would be concerned about how quickly Y/N's belly would grow, Carlisle predicted six months. It was early, yes, but it was long enough that no one would question it.

Only two months in and Y/N realize just exactly what it meant to be Carlisle's mate. She knew he was protective, yes, but it truly surprised her just how protective he could get over her.

Especially when it was just some kid.

They were out getting groceries for the house when some punk kid walked past them. He saw her belly through her shirt and chuckled slightly, "Heh, that's a big one."

He was given no escape as Carlisle grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him over without hurting him. He let go of him and the kid looked between the two of them.

"Was that appropriate?" Carlisle asked as he looked down at the kid, the disappointed dad look written all over his face.

Y/N tried not to laugh.

"She's pregnant, not 'big'. Even if she was, that isn't something you need to be saying about anyone, regardless of the circumstance. I want you to apologize."

The look Carlisle gave intensified and she could have sworn the kid shuddered. He turned his gaze to her and spoke, occasionally glancing back at Carlisle, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I won't do it again, I swear."

She nodded, "Thank you. Go on before he continues his lecture."

The kid swiftly thanked her and left. She smiled up at Carlisle, shaking her head, "You know I'm a werewolf right?"

"Of course, dear."

"And that I know how to take insults and remarks?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should have to," he kissed her forehead and they continued walking.

She laughed lightly as she kept walking with him. He told her gently, "I'll always protect you. Even if it is from punk kids calling you 'big'."

Y/N shook her head as she laughed, hand tight in his hold as she walked with him. He looked down at her, a smile on his face as he watched her. She looked up at him, "What?"

He shrugged, "You're glowing." She chuckled again.

Continue reading here...

Dr. Cullen taglist: @folkeverandalways

#carlisle cullen #carlisle x reader #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen x fem!reader #carlisle cullen x you #cullen #cullen x reader #cullen x female reader #twilight #Twilight series #the twilight saga #twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

[3desiderium3]

For your love

chapter seven - I'll do whatever you want

[ series masterlist ]

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad af i made myself sad once again , some strong language and violent behavior , mentions of alcoholism , suicide and depression

song recommendation - for your love

pov : 3 years ago

" I don't like him Y/N ! That guy just doesn't sit right with me ! " Y/N rolled her eyes at her boyfriend Michael . They had this heated argument that lasted for over an hour , because Y/N was going out with Thomas and Damiano .

Well .. Only Damiano ..

It was very clear to her that her boyfriend disliked that brown eyed god .

Y/N met Damiano through Thomas , her best male friend , maybe 2 weeks ago . But those 2 weeks ago seemed so far and so unreal .

She sometimes regretted not paying more attention to him that night .

Thomas and Damiano where driving around in Damiano's car while Y/N and Michael needed a ride to one party .

Back in those times Y/N was so in love with her boyfriend . She thought she was going to marry him . Be the mother of his kids .

At first Damiano seemed like an average person to her . She only saw him as potential band mate of her best friend . She was looking at him like she would any other acquaintance .

That night when they met felt like any other . She didn't felt sparks , she didn't felt butterflies nor did she noticed he wanted to flirt with her or something . The atmosphere was normal .

' I wanna be the first man you look at tonight

I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild '

The next time she hanged with him was at his house , along with Thomas of course . And even then she felt nothing towards him . No attraction . She was happy to have another male friend that is all . He was smart , charismatic , very interesting person to listen , he had a lot of interesting stories to share .

They weren't in touch . No texting or calls . The only time they hanged out was when Thomas arranged something . But soon that changed .

It was unplanned . Thomas couldn't hang , Michael was out of town and Y/N was bored .

So she simply texted him and they went out driving for hours in his car , playing music , laughing and having fun .

A lot of fun .

Basically that is how they started hanging out without Thomas . No one saw problem in it .

' I wanna drive you 'til the morning light and I wanna leave you alone in the middle of the night '

Damiano wasn't showing up any sort of deeper interest in her . He was very casual , calm and friendly . Y/N once told Thomas that she was glad that she met the person who is interested in her beyond just fucking her .

But boy she was wrong .

Maybe not the very first night he met her but after a while of going out Damiano became obsessed with Y/N .

He wanted to know everything about her , get in her head , under her skin . Just like she did to him . Suddenly they started hanging out alone every fucking day .

He had a thick notebook overfilled with drawings , portraits and sketches of her and her body , her hands , her eyes . .

He wrote songs for her . Poems . Songs splattered with his lust and desire all over their pages . ( just like he wrote for your love . )

It was driving Y/N's boyfriend crazy .

He started argues often and he was getting more and more possessive and scared for his relationship each day .

" I don't trust him Y/N . " She wished she listened to him on time . . .

Things where happening almost too fast , Y/N tried reassuring herself that what they are doing is not wrong .

I mean she cuddled with Thomas almost every day and he was also clingy . It was basically the same thing with Damiano . Right ?

Unlike her Damiano knew exactly what was going on . And in what direction it was heading . He wanted her . He craved for her . But only for pleasure .

' I wanna be a good man and see you smile

And I wanna swim between your thighs I wanna fuck you till you scream and cry . '

At first his only intention was to sleep with her but not even in a billion years he could imagine how deep in his mind she would be .

He had a tactic . Simply make everything appear natural , say a few comforting words to her , tell her something about how special she is , get what you want and try slowly to get out of that situation between the two of you before she realizes something . It worked every time .

Until this one .

They where slowly growing closer together . They spent an entire month cuddling , hanging out , playing with each others hair , driving , singing and making a strong bond .

" His intentions are not clear I can feel it ! " " Well I can't ! He wants nothing more than to be friends with me ! What do you want from me Michael ? To stop seeing my friend ? " " No . That is not what I am asking from you . But I expect you to know that it is bothering me and you stop . "

That is how any conversation between Y/N and Michael went . They grew cold , became strangers , one was fighting for their long lost love while the other was lost in the grip of the heartless lover .

Y/N started being depressed again . She became so limb and so distant from everyone .

Her state only increasing the fights between Michael and her . Damiano was not like it . .

He understood her . . .

The day he kissed her for the first time was December the third .

On that very same day he slept with her too . On that very same day she cheated on Michael .

It was weird . Y/N almost regretted it .

She coudln't describe how it was . She only remembers the rain outside pouring on that cold day . How the only light in that dark , black and Prussian blue room came from the muted TV . The room was warm . It was smelling so much like Damiano . It was sweet smell .

He was sitting on the edge of the bed , hugging Y/N by her waist . Both of them in their underwear . His head on her stomach as she was carassing his hair . His hands where rough , yet loving and gentle , he in fact was rough on a very gentle way . He made love to her like a man .

Every each time was better . The more they talked and discussed about their likings . Creating memories before or after being intimate .

' I wanna hold you in my arms tonight

For your love I'll do whatever you want . '

Ten days later Y/N broke up with Michael .

With an excuse that she was not completely ready to devote herself to them .

Instead she was laying in Damiano's sweaty arms , who held her close as she was gently caressing his chest and biceps . He talked so sweet . So interesting . So mysterious . So deep . Like he held all the answers to all her questions . He was amusing her .

Days slowly turned into a month . A whole month of disaster . Michael was right .

Damiano is bad news .

" Come here , let me hold you . "

He spoke those words in raspy voice after each time they had sex .

" Amore . . Amore "

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

Damiano always had time for her . At any time of the day .

Often even leaving his friends to go and see her .

Back then Y/N didn't understood this but the only bond she thought she had with him . .

Was just sex .

Nothing more . Pure sex .

All those memories they made , like looking at his childhood pictures , visiting his villa on the north of the Italy , going out to other cities etc ..

Those memories existed only before or after they've been intimate .

Damiano started to feel something . Something deeper than just desire for lust .

But unlike Y/N who also felt it he was scared of it . He didn't want it . He didn't want to admit it .

He was slowly falling in love . But for whatever selfish reason that he had , he couldn't be with her at that time .

He started to think about her every day , every night . Every second he had in those 24 hours .

" You ruined my life you fucking idiot . Look what you've done to me . You ruined me . "

He would say in joking tone to her . Only making her laugh and roll her eyes but he was so far from joking .

He simply got scared of his feelings .

She was not like other girls he had . And it was not some made up quiche move , it was truth .

She wasn't selfish .

She gave her whole being to him . Blindly .

Thinking he would do the same .

But no .

One day , he just started growing cold . It was a slow and painful process but Y/N felt it . She felt that winter . He always had an excuse for his behavior .

No one knew about their little special relationship . Y/N was left alone to think about everything that has happened between them so many sleepless nights .

' So baby why don't you please me now

I've got so much I can give to you . '

" I simply can't continue this tempo . This is something that became a mental gymnastic to me . This . Us . Our relationship . You happened to me when I was an emotional disaster . However you are a very dear to me . You mean a lot to me and I don't wanna lose you . I wanna continue hanging with you but we must not sleep with each other more . "

" Why are you feeling like this Damiano ? Our relationship is not that complicated . "

" Well to be honest Y/N we don't have a relationship . "

" Then why are you finding all this so stressful ?"

And so one day .

He just left .

He disappeared .

Stopped answering her calls , responding to her messages . Gone .

Y/N was desperate . Under the hard influence of alcohol and self harm again . Feeling like she was trapped in a slow motion movie .

Nothing was clear . Nothing was okay .

Why he left and where he was ?

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

She had no one to talk to but Thomas .

She came to his house one night .

It was January . It was cold . She was bleeding from all the wounds her heart tried to stich .

Sobbing she knocked on his door .

Three hours later she was in his hoodie , tightly wrapped in his embrace with puffed eyes and trembling lips . He was kissing her temple from time to time . Ice cream boxes beside the bed and her favorite movie in the background .

On his bed there was a mess made of used white tissues .

" Sometimes when people are scared they leave . " Thomas said . " Why ? " " It is easier . "

She had a sleepover at his house that night .

She hardly feel asleep . Feeling a bit better after finally opening up to someone .

Thomas was burning in rage . He was mad at both of them . More on Damiano tho , it took him a short amount of time to realize she was just being used .

January slowly ended .

And Damiano was back in town .

Y/N was starting to get over him and the fact she was feeling on her skin her mothers words.

' All boys are the same they only want to use you .'

She was getting ready go go out and hang with her friend . When suddenly on her phone screen appeared long time not seen notification .

'ykaaar sent you a message : Hey can you hang ? '

She dropped her phone on the sink .

Feeling mixed emotions of anger , sadness and excitement .

And in not less than 10 minutes she canceled her friend and she was already in his car waiting for answers .

' So tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

" I was confused . And scared . You are the first woman that made me feel like this . I still mean it when I say I want you in my life . I just needed some alone time to clear my head and think . And I had plenty of time and space to do it . "

He took her palm in his hands kissed it and brought it close to his face . She was breathing hard . Was this really all she was waiting all this time ?

" I wanna be with you Y/N . I wanna commit to you . But I can't . I am not sure I am ready . I don't want to fail you . . What do you want from me Y/N . Why do you care for me so much ? "

" Damiano .. You are in my life with a purpose . For a certain reason . I won't let you go . I won't let you leave me . You mean to me so much as a person and even beyond that words can describe . Too much emotions , time and energy is spared on you than it was supposed to be ."

They sat in that car for hours . Talking . Crying even a bit . But at the end of the night they where in peace . In love .

January ended . February almost passed .

Winter was sharp and cruel .

' Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby

Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

But despite that Damiano and Y/N went against it . They started dating officially . In private first few weeks .

Måneskin was having a rehearsal . They took that as an good opportunity to announce everyone the good news .

" I can't belive this . Y/N you are so fucking dumb ! " Thomas shouted at them .

The studio was silent . Ethan had his eyes wide open from shock . Victoria was sitting with her hands in her lap looking at the ground .

" What is your problem Thomas ! I thought you where going to be happy cause of me ! "

" And why would I be ?! What is it so good that you did to make me happy ?! You hooked up with him after everything ! After all those crying sleepless nights , all those public panic or anxiety attacks you had , all that alcohol that you drank !While he was out fucking some girl and not giving shit about you ! "

" Thomas that is en- " " Don't interrupt me ! "

He picked up his jacket and back pack .

" I was there for you then . And just then . But now when I see that you are repeating the same fucking mistake I am not so sure I would be there for you the next time . Don't come to my place crying how he hurt you cause we all know he would . "

He left the studio dramatically leaving everyone silent . Barely 3 minutes passed and he was storming back in inside .

" Oh yeah and another thing Damiano . You might be a good singer but that does not mean we are going to tolerate you just for that . I created Måneskin with Vic and I have every right to either kick you out or leave myself . "

He lighted a cigarette . " I do not want lying manipulators in my surrounding . "

Many years later after that day Y/N regretted being mad at her friend for taking that silly thing so personal . But her friend saw beyond every border she could ever see .

Thomas knew Damiano very well .

And he knew he was no good news .

' Because baby for your love I'll do whatever you want

For your love I'll do whatever you want I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

A/N i wanna write a chapter based on a song i wanna f*cking tear you apart by she wants revenge . give me ideas about what i should write in that chapter along with the song .

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcrusade , @daringovangel , @inr89 , @fanfictioncafe , @mrsllshhb , @over-themoon ,@theclavvofaraven , @annika0-o , @thxtsclxssified , @goddessofthem0on , @ellabeth , @vandafabryova , @boredvick , @paulasdodo, @damianoaf , @angeliquekalampoka , @coffee-and-blueberries , @yellowflickervic , @thatweirdesichick , @wildxxwolf , @mentally-dating-rosa-diaz , @moriro-da-regina , @scruffiejelly ,@lara-sky , @tryymebitch , @yourchicken10 , @thxtsclxssified , @klotsoskoufi , @l0standn0tf0und , @olivera-gajic

[band-of-bitches]

Band of Brothers week - Day Four

Prompt - Favorite Replacement/Favorite Dynamic

BabeRoe if you squint lmao

Babe considered himself lucky. Somehow he managed to befriend the Toccoa man all the others seemed to look up to and admire, only to find out they were from the same town and grew up a few blocks away from each other.

Babe likes to think it was his spectacular personality, but earning the respect and likeness from the men who jumped into Normandy was probably heavily due to the fact that Guarnere had taken Babe under his wing immediately.

Before they were to jump again, Babe managed to get to know the other men of Easy, and despite being a replacement he already felt like he was welcomed.

“Babe? How does someone get the nickname Babe?”

The question came from a man called Toye. He leaned back on his chair in the bar, voice low as he asked. It wasn’t harsh, but Babe could hear that his nickname seemed funny to the guy.

“Don’t really know,” Babe admitted. “My ma just called me that growing up, and it stuck.”

“Eh, I’d go by ‘Babe’ too if my ma named me Edward,” said Bill, laughing as he whacked Babe’s shoulder from where he leaned against a bar post.

Babe shook him off but smiled all the same. He knew it was in good fun, and oddly enough Babe appreciated the teasing. Hearing Bill kid him made him think of back home, when his brothers and the other boys would rib each other, making fun of pretty much whatever they could.

“Leave the kid alone, Gonorrhea,” said another voice. Babe turned, recognizing the shorter man as Martin. Beside him stood the other Joe, the taller one with the long face.

Babe stifled a laugh at the nickname, knowing if he was any other replacement then that would have earned him a glare from the other Toccoa men. It’s wild how being buddy-buddy with Bill had already elevated Babe’s status among them all.

“What are you laughing at, huh?” Bill said, making Babe raise his hands in defense.

“Nothin’ Bill.”

“Uh-huh,” Bill said, crossing his arms in a way that made Babe think about the big guys back home. Bill had the face of one of the fellows who may have beaten Babe up for running into them and being too stubborn to apologize.

“You gonna beat up a replacement, Bill?” asked Luz, placing a large glass of beer in Toye’s hand as he came up to the group, one equally large glass in his other hand. “Should I call Doc?”

Bill snorted. “Nah. I’d rather deal with a Kraut than the Doc when he’s angry.”

“For someone so quiet he’s got a tempter,” replied Liebgott, taking a sip of his glass of whisky. “When Floyd god stabbed, I was in his way or something. I’d never had anyone yell at me to ‘move my ass outta the way' then go back to being all nice and second later so fast.”

Toye hummed. “Sounds like Doc.”

“Doc?” Babe questioned, raising an eyebrow as he tried to think about which medic they were speaking of. “Spina? The one from Philly?”

“Nah,” replied Bill. “Other other Doc. Impossible to miss. Pale as snow but hair is darker than damn tar.”

Babe thought back to all the medics he’s met so far. The one he befriended was Spina, and probably only because he recognized his accent and locked in on him as a Philly native almost immediately. He’s seen some here and there, but hasn’t spoken to any others, and not the one they were describing.

“Don’t know him,” Babe said.

“You will,” Martin replied. Babe looked at him with raised eyebrows. Martin chuckled. “Doc is always there. If you ever get hit, you can always rely on Roe to show up.”

Babe hummed. Roe.

“Ah, speak of the Devil!”

It was Luz who’d exclaimed, cigarette hanging loosely in his mouth as he raised his arms. Babe followed the direction of where he was looking. Babe spotted a man at the bar and was confident he was the Doc the second he saw him.

Bill wasn’t exaggerating. The guy was pale, maybe paler than Babe, which was a feat of its own since Babe was as Irish as they came. His hair was also practically pitch black, which only emphasized his pale complexion.

And Babe didn’t know how to explain it, but he looked like a medic. Babe could imagine him running to men in the heat of battle, ready with morphine and sulfur.

“Ay Doc! Get over here!” Luz exclaimed.

The doc, or Roe, gave them a small smile at the corner of his lips as he pushed himself off the bar and walked over to the group. Immediately, Liebgott clasped an arm on his opposite shoulder, shaking it as he welcomed him. A chorus of greetings erupted from the small group as Roe made his way up, clear booze starting to take its effects as the men all seemed to be unaware of their volume. Babe noticed how Roe grinned at the men, obviously one of the only men in the bar who had seemed to maintain all his sobriety.

“Hey Gene, have you met Babe yet?” asked Guarnere, gesturing towards Babe. “Heffron’s from Philly, and only grew up a few blocks down from my place believe it or not.”

Gene’s eye met Babe’s. He had kind eyes, Babe noticed.

“That's your given name, Heffron?” Roe asked, holding out a hand. Babe looked at it, a little surprised, but shook nonetheless.

“Nah. Edward, but no one’s called me that since Catholic elementary school.”

“Alright,” Roe replied, taking his hand back. “Good to meet you, Heffron.”

Babe avoided making a face but noticed the avoidance of his nickname. He wasn’t necessarily surprised by it since most people had questions when he introduced himself as ‘Babe’, but still. It seemed odd to him.

“You too, Doc. Hear you’re the guy to come too if I get the flu.”

Eugene chuckled, looking away as he wiped his nose with his finger. “Hardly. These guys just don’t know the first thing about not being clumsy idiots.”

Simultaneously, the men all erupted in protest as they defended themselves. Doc grinned as they did, finally laughing when Luz put on a hurt expression, grasping at his chest dramatically.

“Well, I’ll see you around fellas,” Roe said, nodding at the group.

“Leaving already, Doc?” asked Toye from his chair.

“No, but Shifty over there looks like he’s had a few too many.”

Babe glanced to where Roe gestured, noticing the way their resident sharpshooter swayed into another, obviously at a complete loss of balance. Babe chuckled at the image.

“Well, see you around, Doc,” Lieb said, clapping him on the shoulder again.

Roe nodded at the group, then caught Babe’s eye. “Good meeting you, Heffron.”

Again, Babe avoided making a face, and instead nodded at Roe as he walked away and towards Shifty’s side, putting a hand on his elbow to help with his balance. Babe looked away, unable to stop thinking about the interaction.

“Don’t take it personally, Babe,” Bill said, slapping his back harder than he probably thought he was. “He don’t call anyone by their nicknames.”

Babe gave him a confused look. “Why not?”

Bill shrugged, as did the rest of the men surrounding them.

“That’s just the way he is,” Liebgott said, taking another sip of his drink. He suddenly laughed into his glass. “I heard him call Popeye ‘Robert’ once and I swear I’ve never seen so many confused faces in my life.”

“Wait, his name’s Robert?” asked Luz, emphasizing the name.

Immediately, a now standing Toye slapped the back of Luz’s head, making him yelp out unexpectedly.

“Yeah, dumbass.”

“Shut yer trap, Toye,” Luz replied, rubbing the back of his head.

The men continued to talk, all of them joking with each other here and now. Babe was mostly silent but was content with simply watching. Now and then he’d spare a glance at Roe, unconsciously finding himself seeking him out in the crowded room. Bill was right; he wasn’t hard to miss.

Babe liked Roe enough, even just from their small interaction. He was the type of guy Babe would want to talk to, and he had a kind face.

At some point in the night, both Roe and Babe caught each other’s eye, Babe nodding his head in a silent hello as Roe smiled back. Then and there, Babe made a decision.

He’ll get Eugene Roe to call him ‘Babe’ someday, whenever that was.

#band of brothers #bob20anniversary #BabeRoe #Eugene roe #babe heffron #Yes your honor after two years these bitches still own property of my soul

[nose-bandaid]

the trees, the grass, the stars

Hi tiny!! I've been reading your stuff... and I love it 🥺 I'm a sucker for royal AUs and the masquerade one with Shinwon was lovely, I was wondering if I could request a Royal AU with Wooseok? I like the idea of rebel prince/princess!! But you can write whatever you like💛💛

Prince!Wooseok x (gender neutral) Reader | royal AU fluff + a little bit of comfort? | 2k words

synopsis: getting engaged to someone you barely knew, getting lost in the forest and tripping over a talking stump. none of it made sense, and yet they all added up to one of the greatest meetings in your life.

a/n: hihi !! @raspberrymuffings​ this is for you<3 prince wooseok hgngngn i loved writing this, sorry it ended up getting a little emotional, idk that’s just a habit of mine LOL, but i hope you enjoy:)

image from pinterest !!

=====

Did you mean to get lost? Of course not. You swore you saw something flash in the forest nearby and decided to follow its trail. That was it. A little curiosity never hurt right? 

Though it turned into an unintentional adventure when you traveled a little too deep into the woods.

Were you upset that you were lost? Not particularly. Being lost meant that you were away from the party and even better, you had a valid excuse to be absent.

Was it a big deal that you weren't at the party? Perhaps, because the whole purpose was supposed to celebrate your engagement with some prince from a nearby kingdom. The two families had finally decided that they wanted to come together, and they decided that the best way to do that (supposedly) was to have the two heirs married. 

But yeah, to you, it was still just a prince from a nearby kingdom because you've literally never met this man before.

Sure, you knew of him. That his name was Jung Wooseok, that his parents frequented your place for dinners. You've seen him milling around the town square sometimes — it's hard not to notice him when he towered over pretty much everyone else. And you’d say he was pretty good looking, if you had to give an answer, though you were usually distracted by the fact that his actions were the embodiment of youth. Last time you saw him, he sprinted by with 10 baguettes in his hands as curious whispers and frightened shouts followed him. They didn’t stop the boy in the slightest bit.

So hopefully this Wooseok was a really good guy, or else you'd had to do some major convincing to get yourself out of the engagement.

But that wasn't the concern right now because you were truly, genuinely, very much lost at the moment. You were certain that you've passed the same tree almost six times by now and all the mossy stumps looked the same.

You’ve never explored the forest on your own before, and now you regretted all the missed opportunities you had to play outside with the other children when you were little. Instead you thought your studies were more important.

You bit back a yelp when you tripped over something and almost face-planted into the tree in front of you.

"Ouch."

That was not your voice. That was most definitely not your voice.

The ground does not talk, the ground does not talk, the ground does not talk.

"The ground does not talk..." You whispered the mantra to yourself and dared to look down.

Your eyes followed the pair of shoes up to the mysterious man's face. His eyes bore right into yours and you finally came to terms that he was, in fact, laying on the ground, white suit and all.

"What?"

"Geez, I really did think that no one would bother me here, but I guess I was wrong." He sighed and rubbed his neck, bending his legs to make more room for you.

"What are you doing on the ground? In the middle of a forest no less?" 

He held a hand up and began lazily counting on his fingers. "Resting, relaxing, thinking... sleeping."

You didn't even hear his answer when you scanned his face once more and realized why he seemed so familiar. "Aren't you my fiancé-to-be?"

"I suppose so." He got up, brushing off the leaves that had fallen onto him and you wondered just how long he had been laying on the grass for. He then held a hand for you to take and he bowed. "A pleasure to meet you officially, my name is Wooseok"

"Likewise, I’m y/n." You replied and pondered over your next question before deciding that you didn't have to filter yourself so much in front of him. "Don't you care about your outfit? You have a party to attend."

"I could just get someone to clean it or replace it." He answered nonchalantly without missing a beat.

"So that's what it's like to be rich, huh." You deadpanned. "No pressure to keep an image? Lucky."

"Oh, I'll probably get scolded like hell when I get back, but I couldn't care less about my image. The only time I did was when I had my portrait done. They painted my eyes perfectly, and that's all that matters." Wooseok mentioned that last part haughtily.

"You do have nice eyes...." You admitted quietly, though you quirked your eyebrows at his odd fixation on that specific memory.

"What was that?" He teased way too obviously.

You decided to humour him and repeated, this time a little bit louder. "I said you have nice eyes."

He blushed and you watched him lick his lips in nervousness. It's as if he wasn't expecting you to give in so easily and you took note of that. You could definitely take advantage of his true shyness in the future.

"Th-thanks." He stuttered and you laughed. In the distance, you heard cheers coming from the party and the music started up again. Food must’ve been served.

You looked at Wooseok and tried to break the awkwardness. "I take it that you don’t really want to be here either. How long do you think we have until they come to hunt us down?"

His eyebrows furrowed as he went into deep thought. "28 minutes, on the dot."

You tilted your head. "And how are you so sure?"

He dropped a hand onto your shoulder. "Just trust me on this one."

You pursed your lips but didn't argue with him. "And what should we do during those 28 minutes?"

"I don't know about you, but I don't mind getting to know you better. At least, as much as I can, before our families force us to kiss in front of the crowd or something." He threw that out casually as he stretched (it was the truth, after all), but his voice wavered a little.

"True that..." You replied softly. The atmosphere grew a little awkward again as he kicked around the stones near his feet in silence.

"What were you doing before I tripped over you?" You asked to strike up yet another conversation and he let out a laugh at your question.

"I was looking at the stars."

"The stars?" You echoed as you strained your neck to look at the decorated sky. It wasn't often that you got to be outside at night, much less all alone, and you quickly realized how much you've taken the stars for granted.

They were beautiful.

"Yeah." Wooseok let out a huff as he returned to the ground to lay on his back again. He patted the spot next to him. "Want to join me?"

"Sure..." Your voice dwindled off when you touched the damp grass and then looked down at your outfit. There was no way you're going to get out of this without staining the fabric and you paused at those thoughts. What's a good excuse for a bunch of grass stains on your back? Would a clumsy trip cover it?

Sensing your hesitation, the other sat back up and began taking off the white coat that covered his suit. He then settled it onto the empty spot beside him. "Here, you can use this. I really couldn't care less about the stains, but I know you still got a reputation to hold."

"Unfortunately, I've already lost mine." You heard him quietly add to the side.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." You said.

He was a tall boy, so it made sense that he also had a long coat and you never would’ve thought of the benefits of that fact until today. Though it still wasn't enough to protect your entire outfit, it was sufficient damage control and you reasoned that you'd be able to come up with some kind of excuse for the few, inevitable stains.

For a while, you both laid on the grass in silence, watching the stars and occasionally putting the music history drilled into your minds to the test, naming the new song each time the band at the party switched pieces. The conversation then drifted back to your hobbies and you listened to Wooseok talk about his stargazing again.

He pointed a long finger at the sky and you tried your best to follow his gaze. "That's Aquila over there. Its brightest star is Altair. That one."

"I honestly have no idea which star you're pointing at, but you sure know a lot about stars." You commented lightly.

"I have a friend who loved space." He chuckled. "He always wanted to be an astronaut and wouldn't shut up about it. Then he got caught up in all his 'princely' duties and suddenly disappeared with his studies." He hummed. "I wonder where he is now, probably looking at the sky the same time we are. He always likes to keep his habits a secret."

Your expression softened at his wistful tone. "Maybe one day you could visit his place and see how he's doing? I could come with you if you'd like, keep some company. It could be another adventure, invite him along with us."

"That'd be nice. I think you would be good friends." He clicked his mouth and you waited for him to say more.

"You ever feel like everyone's growing up and you aren't?"

"Definitely." You replied.

"I know I'm immature, that's a well-known fact about me, but it's really because I'm clinging onto the childhood that I feel like I missed out on. All those classes and formalities, looking out the window and watching other kids play — why couldn’t I do those things too? Now that I'm all grown up, I have the freedom to do whatever I want, but suddenly all of my friends have turned into the person I was when I was little. They're grown up and stocked up on responsibilities and it feels like I missed out on my only opportunity to have fun..." He trailed off and cleared his throat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put that load onto you so suddenly. All this thinking has, well, got me thinking, I guess. And the fact that I'm getting engaged today is a little off-putting, no offence. It's a big responsibility and I worry that I'm too immature to commit to it." He let out a deep breath and waited for your answer.

You never really thought about your life that way until you heard Wooseok put it into that perspective. Perhaps it’s because you’ve always begrudgingly busied yourself with your royal duties, but you suddenly found yourself agreeing to everything he said. The two of you were more similar than you initially thought, now that you've witnessed what's underneath his childish persona.

"If it makes you feel better, I understand what you're saying." You didn’t know why, but you felt the need to whisper. "I couldn't care less for titles, sometimes I wish I could live life as a normal person. Sounds more exciting."

Your conversation was interrupted by someone shouting your name, followed by Wooseok’s. That shout was followed by several more from different voices and you perked up, realizing that they were beginning their search for you. It must've been time for the actual highlight of the party.

Had it already been 28 minutes? That went by faster than you would’ve liked.

"They're finally coming for us." You looked over at Wooseok. 

All of the downcast emotions he was pouring out before were absent and a small smile was planted on his face instead. He took one of your hands into his and planted a soft kiss on the back of it. 

"How about we run away?" He suddenly suggested, and you choked at his words, not even having the chance to wrap your head around the fact that he kissed you. Even if it was just on the hand.

"You want us to run away?"

"Like not, run away, run away. I'm not going to pull a Romeo and Juliet on us, but we should mess around for a little while longer; get them to chase us." He smirked. "It'll probably give us about an extra five and a half minutes or so."

"You seem to be really confident with your numbers." You responded, hesitantly standing up to return the jacket which he slipped on without a second thought.

He shrugged. "If I sound confident enough, eventually someone will come along and believe me."

"Are you implying something here?" You laughed, appalled at his impudence.

"Maybe." He cheekily smiled and you felt your cheeks heat up. You couldn't tell if it was because of his jab or because he looked quite stunning under the moonlight, hair dishevelled and clothes stained.

The shouts got louder and the music stopped, but you ignored them and continued to laugh.

"Alright then, Sir Wooseok," You held a hand out to help him off the grass.

"Lead the way."

#kdiner #kloveletternet #pentagon #pentagon wooseok #wooseok #jung wooseok #pentagon x reader #wooseok x reader #pentagon fluff #wooseok fluff #pentagon royal au #wooseok royal au #nose-bandaid

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/83268982

Chapter 78 (FINAL)

In this comfortable position, Nick soon fell asleep. But he woke up early, a sign that he was still uneasy. By no means he wanted to oversleep the moment Arthur awoke. Quietly, he got up and went into the bathroom since he needed to knock himself into shape. A short shower later he already felt much better. He combed his stubborn hair as good as he could and submitted himself to a shave, sparing the moustache. It was still sparse, but he hoped it would have the desired effect. Together with Davey's fancy rags he felt more like Nick Lightbearer again.

Then he hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It wouldn't turn out sumptuous due to their shortage in supplies, but Nick did his best to make it delicious. Eyeing the table, he noticed that something was missing. Something that would make this special. When his searching gaze wandered to the window, he recalled that the front gardens were full of pretty flowers that no one paid attention to, so he went outside and took his pick. He decorated the table with a bright red bouquet and then viewed his own work with delight.

Shortly after, he heard Arthur call for him from upstairs: “Nick! Are you there? Nick?” He sounded upset. Nick liked it. Placing himself at the foot of the stairs, he purred his answer: “I'm right here, darling!” Arthur sighed in relief. At the same time, he felt stupid. Of course Nick wouldn't leave him like that. “Oh...good...”, he stuttered. “I won't be long...” “I'm waiting”, Nick purred back and strutted into the kitchen, cooler than he actually was. He had to calm himself down. When Arthur finally came down the stairs, he stunned Nick with his new outfit by Davey. It really suited him well. “Holy catfish! You look ravishing!” Nick kissed Arthur's hand. “You too...”, Arthur stammered. Nick smiled and skimmed along his upper lip. “You like it?” Arthur instinctively palpated the same spot. “Yes...” His voice was merely a sigh. He lifted up Nick's chin to kiss him. “Is it safe to assume that you're glad to see me?”, Nick asked with a voice as soft as silk. “Yes...”, was everything Arthur could produce.

Nick led him into the kitchen, where he gazed at the well-laid table. “Just sit down, my King. I serve you.” Arthur sat down wordlessly. “I like the flowers...”, he brought out later. “Thanks. I thought it's sad to keep them outside where we can't see them.” He put a mug in front of Arthur. “There you go, my darling.” “Nick, that's...” Nick looked at him, then at the table. “Anything missing?” Arthur almost laughed. “No...” He quickly stood up to lock Nick in his arms. “I really thought you...” He began to sob. “You won't get rid of me that easily, my King”, Nick said softly. “I don't want to get rid of you!”, Arthur sobbed. “I just want to protect you!” “I know. I feel the same”, Nick answered. “But how am I supposed to protect you if I'm not by your side? If you leave me here, you'll break my heart, you hear me? Don't do that!” Arthur pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears. “I don't know what it is about me...why I'm running away from everyone...” “You lost your old life, too and you're still suffering. I understand. But let me comfort you. I think I made a good impact on you since we met.” “My sunshine...” Arthur smiled faintly.

They passed the time comforting each other. Soon, the town woke up and people became busy again. Also Arthur felt the need to do something. He was visibly fidgety. “Do you want to go back to your documents?”, Nick asked eyeing him. “I don't know...what would you do?” “Come along?” “This is gonna be too boring for you.” “Arthur!” “But it's true!” Nick pondered over it. “The boys said they want to see you.” “Me?” Arthur was surprised. “Yeah...If you like...They like you more than you think. It'll be fun.” “Not if we tell them our plan,” Arthur blurted out. “They need to know. Come on, seeing us like this, they can't help but have an understanding.” Arthur finally complied.

They met a few Wellies on the way, making it look almost like the town was intact again. “Is it still polite to say 'lovely day for it?', Nick asked one of them. “Could be worse”, the other man muttered. “That's true. Keep it bowling.” “You too.” “You know, I still have the feeling that we Wellies stick together”, Nick then said to Arthur. “You look like two Make Believes”, another man approached them. “What if I told you I'm Nick Lightbearer himself?”, Nick joked. “Gosh, Nick Lightbearer!”, the Wellie blurted out. “I wonder where he ended up.” “He's probably about to solve some problems...”, Nick assumed. “Yeah, probably. Good luck, you two.” Arthur was surprised how well he got along with people who would've slaughtered him a few days ago.

When they arrived in the backyard, Nick knocked at the worn out door, eyed by a curious Arthur. Brad opened it. “Ah, Nick, back in good shape, I see.” He slapped Nick's arm. “And Arthur...you look groovy, man.” “Thanks...I have the best supplier here...” He nodded into Nick's direction, who grinned. Brad let them inside. “Come in, get comfortable. The others will be back soon.” “What are they up to?”, Nick asked. “They went back to Maidenholm to fetch some of our stuff. Everything we can't get from the shop you looted.” “Hey, I only borrowed one guitar!” “Sure. You should put him on a leash, Arthur. It would save you a lot of trouble.” “I might think about it”, Arthur joked. “I'd have it's advantages”, Nick agreed. “Having to go wherever you go.” They laughed, but only Arthur and Nick understood the hint. “I suppose you're thirsty?”, Brad asked. “If you can spare something. I know we're low on supplies”, Nick said. “Alright, I'll go check. Make yourself at home.” They sat down on the couch. Nick didn't hesitate to place himself  close to Arthur. “Relax. Now everyone is a Downer, just like you”, he whispered to his tense lover. Arthur gave him a helpless smile.

Then they heard the back door open again. “He'll be all eyes if he sees what we brought along”, they heard Matt say. “Bradley-boy! Look what we got!”, Chris shouted playfully. Passing by the living room he found their guests. “Oh, hello.” “Made a hit?”, Nick asked. “Yeah, just look at all that! It was still there.” Chris unloaded his guitars and equipment. Matt joined him. Nick got up to have a closer look. “How's the state of the place?”, he asked quietly. “Sad”, Chris said in all honesty. “But intact.” He took a deep breath, eyeing his loot, or rather looking at what he saw in his mind. “In fact, we could...” He paused. “But it wouldn't be the same again, right?” “No...” Chris hung his head. Arthur got up too and positioned himself next to Nick. “Oh, Arthur!” Matt noticed him. “If we knew, we would've brought you a typewriter.” “It's fine”. Arthur had to grin at that. “I have one at home.” They shook hands. “Have you seen our drummer by any chance?”, Chris asked. “He went to fetch us a drink”, Nick explained. “You left him alone in the kitchen? Oh dear...” Chris went for him.

“There's still a lot of your stuff left”, Matt said to Nick with an apologizing look. “It's okay. I need to see this place myself anyway.” “By the way...You won't believe who we met there.” “Fans?” “No...Our dear friend Hunt.” “What?”, Nick blurted out. “Hunt? Did you tell him the latest news? “He knows, but he has a hard time letting go of his old post. He was happy to hear you're alive.” “Didn't you offer him to come with you?” “We did, but he said the Parade District isn't safe for Bobbies. He's kinda right...His body height and all...they'd recognise him immediately. Poor bugger.” “But...We can't...I can't leave him there. Arthur, would you go to my old home with me and help me with this?” He looked at his lover with puppy eyes. “If he agrees...” Arthur shrugged. “Thank you. For a Bobby he's a good sort.”

Soon, Brad and Chris came back with the liquids and some snacks. When they were comfortable again and the drinks were served, Chris said: “Well, let's begin with the brutally honest conversation, shall we? Seems to be the new trend.” “I can't believe it's finally over”, Arthur admitted. He felt like a remnant of the old days. Him. As a Downer. “Have you really been a Downer?”, Matt asked as if he could read his mind. Arthur was taken aback by the question at first, eyeing the band as if they'd jump at him. He figured that Nick must've told them. “It's weird to talk about it...just like that...It's weird I don't have to hide...” “How did you hold on?” “I had no choice”, Arthur said with a shrug. “I couldn't just walk out of Wellington Wells, with all the detectors and alarm systems. I had to sneak around, come up with ideas...Coming back here was hard enough, because they dumped me in the Garden District.” “What's so dangerous about the Garden?”, Brad asked. From what he heard in Uncle Jack's shows it was a rather idyllic place where they grew fruits and vegetables and had everything they needed. “Well...there you have the plaque, toxic fog, Ploughboys that love to smash a Downer's head, the other people who are also not very fond of you if you show up in a proper suit, soldiers with bayonets who take you for a Gerry and of course the spankers.” “And the food? Are there any farms there?” “None at all...the people live of what they get to steal from the guards.” “Shit...”

“Wow, you're definitely tougher than you look!”, Chris said. “No offence.” “None taken. I had a lot of luck.” “Aw come on, Arthur, what about the arena-fight you won?”, Nick replied. “Er, that...” Arthur blushed a little. “That was your amazing fighting skills! You should've seen him taking on that white Bobby!” “I had your help there!” Arthur reminded him. “It was still awesome!” “Sounds like you should write a story about yourself.” Brad was impressed. “Perhaps” Arthur grinned meekly. “But I wasn't the only one having problems. The people in the Garden District...those that made it until now...they have a story to tell. “Do they know?” Nick asked. “Did anybody tell them?” “We haven't heard of it”. Matt replied. “I don't think the General cares much for them”, Arthur said dryly. “Or he's still full of Joy.”, Matt added. “No. He doesn't take Joy. Our dear General is above that.” The others were stunned. “No Joy?” Brad asked. “Just like that?” “He's not the only one. Doctor Verloc doesn't take it either.” “Right, he didn't look like he'd take his own drugs. He was much too moody for that.”, Nick approved. Brad leaned back. “That's a bit thick.” “And we played along”, Chris said bitterly.

“But if they knew better than us, why did they let everyone starve?” Matt was upset. “Why did they let us die out?” “I don't know”, Arthur answered. “Perhaps Victoria Byng knows or she'll find out. She's on our side.” “I hope so”, Chris sighed. “Or else we're fucked.” “They can't make us take Joy again”, Brad said sternly. “I rather die in another fight than becoming their slave again!” “Perhaps more Wellies think like that...” Arthur dreamed out loud. “Oh, Arthur, we must look like absolute morons to you! We played along all this time!” Matt eyed the floor. “I wasn't any smarter, believe me. It was pure coincidence that I went off Joy and it could've happened to any of you.” Arthur actually wasn't reproachful for a reason he didn't really understand. “I'm not better than you.” “Well...I guess we can only wait now...”, Brad sighed. “Let's hope it won't backfire”, Chris said. “I don't want a new Committee that kills everyone who dares to smile.” “Don't you have a vivid fantasy!”, Nick blurted out. “Remember me to never let you tell me a bedtime story.” “I'll kill everyone who tries to suppress me.” Brad scowled. “If they dare...” “They can't do that again. They went too far.” Matt was determined now. “They can't prevent us from finding a way out, sooner or later”, Nick pointed out. “Many people are digging in the tunnel or looking for another way...and those who stay won't submit.” “In any case, not us!”, Chris decided. “No way!” Nick agreed. “I won't start now”, Arthur added. “I'm done with it, too”, Matt said. “I want to see them try”, Brad repeated. “We should drink to that!”, Nick cheered. They did with pleasure.

“Now let's dream a bit...”, Chris said some time later. “What if the tunnel opened one day? Where would you go?” Arthur's face fell. “I'll go to Germany...” “Arthur!” Chris shook his head as if he was talking to a stubborn child. “You have to go to France!  Paris! The city of love!” “Or how about the Maldives? Reputedly, people went there on holiday but most likely nobody of us had ever been there,” Matt proposed. “But islands again?” “Pretty islands.” “They remind me too much of this town. I want to go to a place I can easily leave when I have enough.” “So, the moon falls flat”, Brad deadpanned. Chris laughed. “That's not an option.” “How do you know?”, Matt asked. “Perhaps it's already settled and we're the last ones to notice!” Nick gave Arthur a pitiful look while the others were dreaming out loud.

“I have to find my brother...”, the former reporter said quietly. The others fell quiet. “Your brother is in Germany?” Chris had a suspicion. “He was in the train...There's at least ten places where he could have spent his childhood...I need to find him, even if it takes my whole life...” “So, your adventure continues?” Brad asked. “It's not over yet...”, Arthur muttered. “But this time he has me”, Nick announced, putting his arm around his lover and squeezing him. The room was silent for another second. “Well...that's odd...I almost got used to you again”, Chris said to Nick. “How do you plan to get there?”, Brad asked. Arthur and Nick looked at each other. “We don't have a plan yet”, Nick admitted. “We'll figure that out while finding a way off this island”, Arthur added. “Maybe we'll meet there some day...Germans might like music, too”. Nick smiled. “Sure. We become a marching band and learn yodelling...We'll be the greatest stars in Germany,” Chris joked. They laughed.

“Jokes aside, it's not too far away. We'll be close”, Brad stated. “You can visit us any time”, Nick said. “With pleasure, as soon as you moved into your estate on Lake Constance...”, Chris answered. “Not any sooner, eh? Spoilt snobs! I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore.” Nick crossed his arms. “Have fun with him, Arthur.” Once again, they laughed over the finality of their decision. Arthur had counted on them to try to change their mind, at least winning Nick over. Instead they had just accepted it. Also Nick hadn't hesitated to tell them his plan. The whole thing looked settled and still Arthur felt unwell.

“What will you do?” “Well...in all honesty...we don't know...or do you?” Brad passed the question to Matt and Chris. “I keep making plans and abandoning them again”, Chris said. “What's to plan anyway?” Matt found. “We don't know the world outside.” “We should collect a few informations before leaving”, Brad said. “We'll come up with something”, Chris assured Arthur. “Don't worry about us. We made a living here and we'll make it outside as well.” “Or we stay until we're filthy rich and go for a world tour”, Matt said. “Then we pick you up.” “I like that plan”, Nick agreed grinning. Arthur let himself get carried away and smiled too, but he was deep in thoughts. “At any rate, you're as stubborn as Nick.” “I take that as a compliment.” Chris laughed. Like this, they had an actually good time. Arthur hadn't had such honest and joyful company in the past few years, but he noticed how Nick and the band understood each other nearly without words. It made him wonder if he even had an equally close bond to Nick.

One time, Nick went into the kitchen to collect replenishments. Chris followed him and suddenly grabbed Nick by the shoulders. “Now you're leaving me, just when I begin to like you, you little bastard!”, he hissed and shook Nick slightly. “Make sure you become a star this time, so I don't have to come back to run the show for you!” Nick replied insistently. “Ah...that's what it's about...” “Exactly! Don't disappoint me, you hear me? Don't think I can't keep an eye on you just because I'm in another country!” Chris nodded. “You'll hear from me.” “I hope so”, Nick said less jokingly. “I'll miss you, little one...” “I'll send you postcards. In German.” “Great...So I can't even read them.” Nick pulled Chris into a short and tight embrace. “What's taking you so long? We're thirsty.” Brad came in. “There comes the gooseberry...” Chris let go and viewed Nick's face. “Any love bruises? No? Good...” “You cheaters!”, Brad shouted. “And Arthur sits right next door, I can't believe it!” Nick quickly backed away from his fellow guitarist. “You're silly, both of you”, he said pouting. “What did I do?” Chris played upset. “You're a bad kisser.” “You prick!” Chris lifted up his hand as if he wanted to slap him. Brad burst out in laughter. Then Matt and Arthur came in. “Don't drink it all alone, we have a guest!”, Matt shouted. When Arthur asked Nick what happened, he only shook his head. It made Arthur doubt their bond even more.

When they went home, Nick was still in a good mood, but it could've been the alcohol, too. “See, it all went well”, he said confidentially. “They're good chaps, they want nothing but our best.” Arthur wondered if Nick had drunk so much for a reason. "They are, but are you really ready to leave them?" "I am! I already told you!" Shortly after, Nick seemed to be sorry for his rough answer because he put an arm around Arhtur's shoulder and softly whispered: "Come, I'll show you something..."

Arthur asked himself if Nick should rather lay down and sober up, but he didn't want to ruin this for him. He let him lead out of town. When they approached the bridge, Arthur tought they'd go back to Hamlyn Village, but then Nick went straight to the handrail and climbed over it. Then he offered his hand for help. Arthur took it with pleasure. He soon understood why Nick brought him here. The place looked similar to their Garden District. It was a rawer landscape, with rocks spread over the meagre grass, but it still had it's magic. A glimpse of freedom that Arthur felt especially at the sight of the ocean. He remembered standing on Britannia Bridge and caught himself wishing he could show it to Nick. Being alone with him like this, enjoying the silence around them, only the rushing of the wind instead of the noise and hubbub that usually surrounded Nick, he suddenly had the feeling that they shared a closer bond that nobody else could break. Nick moved so casually within the silence as if he didn't need anything more. Here, Nick was just himself and seemed to be happy. Arthur noticed just now that he was still holding Nick's hand.

"It's a beautiful place", he said eventually. Nick gave him an eased smile. "I figured it'd be nice to have a moment for ourselves", he said quietly. "I like these moments." "Yeah, me too", Arthur answered just as quietly. Then he bit his lower lip, pondering if he should say what lay on the tip of his tongue. And how. "But would they be enough?", he then dared to ask. Nick didn't answer promptly. He seemed to think about it despite his current state. Arthur was glad that he took the question seriously.

"You know...looking back at my life, at everything that happened to me, everything I still see in my dreams..." Nick paused to gaze into the distance, slowly letting out the air as if he was letting go of a heavy weight. "I like the silence", he concluded and Arthur believed that he was feeling this way right now. "There's a lot I didn't tell you yet, Arthur", he went on and Arthur hung at his every word. His soft voice comforted him. "We spoke about my past with the band a couple of times but for your interviews I could only tell you the good things...I had good times, of course, and I don't want to forget any of them ever again. But in most situations I couldn't make my own decisions. I noticed it in the past few days when I was talking to the lads...I didn't know what was happening around me, I didn't look through other people's plans, I was tossed about by fate, I fell between the cracks...It was always loud around me, I barely had time to think about what happened and what I really wanted. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be aware of what I'm doing. I want to make my own decisions. I want to enjoy every minute, just like this very moment. It's gonna be a new start. You gifted me a new life and I want to live it." He said the last words insistently.

Arthur remembered how he found Nick. He had lost control over his life long ago and he had no greater wish than to get it back. It was fitting. "You could try to become famous by your own decisions", Arthur proposed. "I could, but like that I'd only repeat myself", Nick said calmly. "And how it ends, I know that too. I don't know if I want that again...so soon...And if it doesn't work out, I don't know if I can bear to see me fail...It's bringing up so many memories...I want to try something I can't compare myself to." Arthur let his gaze wander along the weathered rocks. "And if you don't like your new life?", he asked quietly. Nick looked at him. "Then I at least tried." Arthur gave a meek smile. He in turn had no greater wish than to take Nick with him, who supported him and cheered him up. But... "We won't be free", he replied. "We'd have to do all it takes to find Percy, no more, no less. We'll have a mission, so to say..." "We'll have a firm goal", Nick said. "A simple, understandable task. That's good." He nodded.

Why did Arthur feel like personificated chaos while Nick kept a clear head? Arthur's head was spinning. He noticed how Nick eyed him from the side. "What is it, Arthur? Tell me the truth. Do you want to leave me?" Arthur's expression was painful. "No, but..." "You think you don't deserve it", Nick said. "You think it's your fault, your problem and you have to go through with it on your own." Arthur almost winced. The analysis was scarily exact. "You showed me that I'm worth loving. Why can't I show you that you deserve to be happy? I want to comfort you when you're sad, I want to support you when you doubt yourself and I want to help you when you're in trouble. Let me do this, if you must, do it for my sake. I need you, Arthur." His green eyes lay on Arthur, who could barely stand the look. He began to shiver. "Nick, I also didn't tell you everything, but I'm afraid I must, or else I can't look into your eyes ever again." Nick fell quiet and waited. Arthur crossed his arms and turned away. "It's my fault that Percy was brought to Germany. He wasn't even on the list, but me...We went to the station together, he wanted to come along, just because he didn't want to abandon me. He was so trusting and didn't fear for himself..." Arthur gulped. "I posed as him....I acted as if I only went along to say goodbye to my younger brother...I made it back out like this, but I saw how they pushed him into the train...he called out for me...he was so afraid..." Arthur fought back tears. "Now I wish I was there..." He fell silent, sobbing and waiting for Nick's judgement.

“How old have you been?” Nick asked quietly. “Twelve....Still young enough for the train And Percy was one year older...” “You've been a child, Arthur.” “I knew exactly what I was doing!” Nick didn't say any more. He hugged him from behind and held him close. Arthur clung to Nick's arms. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked after a while, letting go and eyeing Nick meekly. “Aren't you upset?” “Just look at you”, Nick answered. “You're not a child anymore. The man who's standing in front of me now wouldn't do this.” “But it still happened...” “You changed”, Nick insisted. “If it wasn't for you I couldn't judge you in the first place.” Nick kissed his cheek. “I'm glad you're here.” “It's not about me, Nick! I have to find him! I should've never dragged you into this!” Arthur winded. “And what do you do if you find him?” “I'll think about that later.”

“Arthur...Percy isn't a child anymore...He's leading his own life by now...Who'll keep you company if you find him and suddenly lose your only purpose in life? Who'll give your life a new meaning?” Arthur hung his head. “And if he didn't make it?” “Also then”, Nick said without mercy. “Who'll comfort you?” Arthur struggled to hold back tears. He wondered how on earth he deserved such a stubborn and affectionate man at his side. He couldn't simply push him away. “Nick, if you don't like it anymore, if you believe you made a mistake, you can go! You can go anytime!” Nick put his hands back on Arthur's shoulders. “This is an offer I can accept...”, he said quietly. He ran his hands along his upper arms, making Arthur's body tingle at the sensation. With Nick, he just didn't feel like he'll end up as shark bait while Nick drank margaritas on a desert island. Nick wouldn't give up on him, search the entire ocean if he had to and take him back to his island. Arthur already felt like he was there. He leaned closer to Nick and for a long while nothing happened other than their extensive kissing. Then Nick sat down on the grass and looked up to Arthur, inviting. “Here? Now?”, Arthur hissed. Nick took his hand and pulled him down.

Lying in the grass, Arthur found his body covered in kisses. Nick was eager to spoil every spot of him. Arthur's cheeks were salty from the tears he had shed, but Nick kissed them all away. Arthur winded giggling and gasping. His body tickled and his heart fluttered. The grass was cold, so was the air, but Nick's love bites warmed him. When his heated blood pounded in his veins, he pressed Nick down. He adored the soft foam that was growing along his upper lip, that would soon be a full Lightbearer moustache, and caressed it with his lips, before he placed a craving kiss on it. He wasn't shy with his tongue anymore. He wasn't shy with almost anything, causing Nick emit a noise that sounded like a purr. Then it was time for Arthur to redden Nick's skin with his teeth. Nick gasped, running his hands along Arthur's tights. Arthur bit him gently, his tongue massaged the sour spots right after. Arthur thanked him with every kiss, every gesture, overwhelmed by the promise he had just made.

Nick was so happy, he felt butterflies all over his body and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He adored to see his Arthur in action and was looking forward to many, many more moments like this. With pleasure he felt Arthur expose him and skim along his lower back without shame. Nick moaned just as shamelessly when he felt Arthur shove a finger inside him. His body shivered, he pressed himself against it, begging Arthur to massage him. His blood was pounding in the right spot as his lover went along.  Aroused like this, Arthur felt ready. He held Nick close while his thrusts massaged him more. Nick's quiet whimpers were music to his ears. Arthur climaxed quietly, with his hands curled into Nick's hair and his head pressed against his chest. He relaxed like that for a while, receiving kisses on his head from Nick. Then he began to feel the chill on his naked skin and decided to put his clothes back on. Nick followed him shortly after.

They walked home slowly and peacefully, with their arms wrapped around each other, holding themselves as if the could barely stand. At the bridge, Arthur promptly lifted Nick up and carried him over the rail. Nick's expression after putting him back down was priceless. In town they walked next to each other as if they were friends, but if someone had paid attention to their looks they would've known better. At home, they both had a hot bath before they put themselves to bed.

The next day, Arthur didn't intent to wake Nick up early. His lover was most likely exhausted after everything he had been trough. Arthur himself was tired as well. The day wasn't quite inviting either, being cloudy and dark. The drizzle moistened the windows with tiny drops. It was the perfect weather to stay inside, have a hot chocolate and relax. But Arthur was still restless. He didn't feel well, just sitting around and hoping for the best. He was used to nothing good happening as long as he didn't do it himself. That was why he sat at his kitchen table, absorbed in his thoughts and forgetting to drink his coffee. The house was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking that hang on the wall next to the fridge. The radio had stopped playing the happy jingle that would normally start every day in Wellington Wells. He could just as well bin it, but he hesitated to change anything in this house. To make himself comfortable in it. After all, it was supposed to be only a stopover before they would go on their journey. But to make it that, he had to do something. After Arthur had walked back an forth in between the kitchen and the living room for a while, he couldn't bear it any longer. He wrote a letter to Nick and put it next to him on his pillow. He hoped to be back before his long sleeper woke up. Then he put on his coat, opened the brolly with the colourful pattern and went outside.

Nick woke up much later, feeling cosy, lolling and stretching out. He was completely refreshed. He remained in the bed a little while longer after noticing that Arthur had already gotten up, listening if he could hear him downstairs. It was very quiet. No footsteps, no clanking of the dishes, only the silent pattering of raindrops on the window. Nick sat up, thereby noticing the letter.

Nick darling, I'm on the move again. I need to make sure we're getting out of here. Don't worry about me and take a rest. I'll be back soon. I love you! Arthur

Nick stared at it. It sounded loving, of course, and not if Arthur had had any bad intentions. Still, it bothered him. Nick was sure that he couldn't expect Arthur to wait for him to awake from his sleeping beauty sleep, and Nick had been really tired, he admitted that. Still...why couldn't they go together? Was it really too necessary to wait? Did Arthur fear that Nick would spoil it? Or be bored? Nick rumpled the paper and let it fall on the table. What are you doing to me, Arthur?, he thought sadly. Then he told himself he should trust him. That he had a good reason to do it. That there'll be a good explanation for all this. He sighed. However, he was alone now. Take a rest. How was he supposed to relax while Arthur was out there facing who knows what? He just had to play the hero again.

Nick left the bed. He couldn't sit around and wait anyway. He needed a distraction and perhaps he could even do something useful as well. On the way downstairs he remembered Hunt. Of course, his Bobby, who in a way was also his friend. If Arthur couldn't help him, he had to do it on his own. He couldn't leave poor Hunt to rot in his old home. He left a note for Arthur and went into the cold and moistly weather.

This time he went to the bridge to actually cross it. He knew the way by heart, still it felt strange. Walking by the counter where normally a Constable would control the passports, he found it empty. He went along the bridge all alone, then Maidenholm greeted him in all it's silence. It looked like a ghost-town.  Nobody had cleaned up this place. Old newspapers lay in puddles or flew by in the wind. He saw rats gathering the leftovers from the pantries of the houses. The gardens were abandoned, all windows closed. In his best days, Nick had known every face in his district. A few of them had been in the church. He could only guess where the rest had ended up. How many of them had been chased into the Garden District, without him noticing? The rainbow-coloured road looked more pale than he remembered. All houses had been more colourful as well. Did he only imagine this? Still, the town could be beautiful. Perhaps this place would be populated again. He would definitely bring it up next time he was in the church.

His own home after all occurred dusky and not very welcoming to him, even though he had liked visitors in the old days. The red carpet was greasy. The former bright red was vaguely perceptible. Nick made a few steps until he noticed that someone sat in front of the door, cowering and visibly sleeping. Under the canopy he was protected from the rain, but still it must be cold and uncomfortable. The uniform definitely had seen better days. He had taken off his helmet and the blonde hair told Nick that it was indeed Hunt.

“Hunt?”, Nick tried. When the man didn't answer, Nick grabbed his shoulder and shook him a bit. The man finally awoke with a grunting noise and then looked around frantically. He seemed to back away from Nick, even though his body was already pressed against the door. “Don't worry, it's just me, Nick”, Nick reasoned with him. “The band told me you're here.” “Nick?”, Hunt stammered. “Mr. Lightbearer?” His eyes widened and he went back up on his feet. He grabbed his arm tightly, so that it stung. “I'm so happy to see you alive!” “You know, a cat has nine lives...”, Nick played it down, massaging his arm. “What are you doing here?” “Er...well...” He shrugged. “I don't really have another place to go...I'm lucky enough, escaping the Parade and all...Here, it's a safer place for the likes of me.” “Perhaps the Parade calmed down. People stopped fighting and they have other worries now.” “Yeah, Mr. Reid told me something like that, too. You know, it's different with the other Wellies. They didn't know what they did...” “You neither.” “Blackberry Joy isn't the same as normal Joy. It doesn't make you forget...We had to keep a clear head. Who else could push through law and order?”, Hunt admitted contritely, leaning against the door and hiding his face. “I knew and I only watched...” “You couldn't stop that easily”, Nick opposed. Hunt gave another shrug and made a helpless sound. “You only guarded my house!”, Nick said with emphasis. “Yeah...after working night shifts for a long time...I can't get the bloody jingle of the Jubliators out of my head...” Nick understood how he felt. “You don't have to torture yourself though. Go inside and warm up.” “My place is out here.” “From now on you have a larger field! Go inside and warm up, that's an order!” He raised a smile from the taller man. “Well...won't do any harm...”

Nick followed him inside. “Oh”, he noticed. “We should let some air in...” “Aye, sir.” “Has it always been that dusty?” Nick remembered that his last charlady had given up months ago. Besides that, everything looked the same. Nick ascended the stairs to his bedroom and looked inside. The same as always. Nick was suddenly undecided about what he intended to do here. He gave his golden records a wistful look. He'd miss them probably. But what use would they be in Germany? Then he recalled something else that was located in this floor. Back in the corridor, he opened a door to a smaller bedroom. It took a lot of effort to go inside. Too many memories were collected here, shattered dreams and pain. But also one memory he wanted to keep. He went to the desk and lifted up the little frame, not without looking at the photo as well. Arthur would allow it, right? It was his past after all. Nick put the frame into his pocket and left the room with a heavy heart. Before he closed the door, he hesitated. He felt like Morrie had called out for him. But that was impossible. Surely, it was only a plank that had creaked. He finally closed the door. In the second floor he found his iconic blue guitar and shouldered it. Then he had everything he wanted.

Back downstairs, he found his Constable sitting at the kitchen table in a sunken down position. The window was open. The look Hunt gave him made Nick ask: “Do you really want to stay here?” “I want the old days back, when this place was full of life.” “Now the Parade is where the action is. You could try to find a new home there. I can help you.” “And I could guard you...on you way back...yeah, I could do that...” The tall man stood up and closed the window. Nick was pleased with himself. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath, waiting for the Bobby. Hunt locked the door when he went out. Nick asked himself if anyone would loot this house. If so, they'd probably look for food. Who would still care about Nick's underwear?

Walking through Maidenholm, the district was as empty as it had been before. No one crossed their path. To the empty counter Hunt said: “Ah, Constable Johnson...well...He's always been kind of an arse...I guess he had it coming...” “He could be in the Parade”, Nick replied. “Maybe...”, Hunt said less optimistically. In the Parade District however they met multiple Wellies and received their mistrust. “Where do you think you're going?” Nick placed himself in front of Hunt. “We can go wherever we like. Did you forget?” “That doesn't apply for his kind”, the Wellie glared at Hunt. “He's clearly a Bobby! He doesn't even try to hide it!” “We don't want any Bobbies here!”, another man approached them. “And also no friends them!”

“You don't have to be afraid of him”, Nick persisted. “Hunt did no more than guarding my home for years. He's a good guy.” “Guarding your home?” The Wellie spit on the cobblestone. “That's neat. Must've been some big shot to afford this. Maybe Executive Committee?” “No, I'm not that relevant. I only lived in Maidenholm.” “So what? That doesn't prove anything! Your Bobby is making you suspicious!” “I never had any power! I'm just a musician!” For the first time they took notice of his outfit “You're a Nick Lightbearer lookalike?” “No, I'm Nick Lightbearer himself.” That made them fall quiet for a second. “Nick Lightbearer, eh? The one who distracted us with jolly tunes while we were starving?” “Who told us to take Joy with his songs?” “Who led us to believe everything was right as rain?” The Wellies came closer, not any less angry than before. More joined them. Hunt gave Nick a questioning look, but Nick shook his head. “I didn't know better than you! I took Joy just like all of you! What was wrong about cheering you up? That's what I always wanted, long before  we started to take Joy! I never meant to force you into anything and as long as some of you like my music, I'll play it!” “Nick Lightbearer?”, another Wellie shouted. “That's Nick Lightbearer?” More Wellies came and the atmosphere shifted drastically. Suddenly, the thugs were outnumbered. “Alright, you won for now. But if we catch your Bobby red-handed...”, one of them implied before he took to his heels. “Nicky! Sing a song for us! We love you, Nick!” Hunt looked at him again. “Are we running now?”

Nick agreed and soon they ended up far away from the bridge. They escaped the fans and carefully made their way to the alley of the Make Believes. “I'd like to take you to my place, Hunt, but it's too close to the main road. We better hide in the band's house for now.” “So, you split up again?” “We're still friends. It's just...I'm living with Arthur now. You remember him?” Hunt didn't have to think for long. “The friendly reporter?” “Yes, him.” “Would he want a Bobby close-by?” “He doesn't have much of a choice, now that my fans know I'm alive”, he joked. “Chin up, you're a good chap, believe it or not.”

Brad answered the door again. “Hey, uh...could we hide in your house for a while?” Nick pointed at his company. Brad understood. Inside, he asked: “How bad is it?” Hunt and Nick eyed each other. “It's me...I got recognised...” Nick scratched his head. Promptly, someone knocked at the door. Nick and Hunt winced. Brad set himself into motion again. He was surprised to find a complete stranger outside. “I'm sorry...May I speak to Mr. Lightbearer? I really need to see him!” “I'm sorry too, here's no Mr. Lightbearer!” Brad slammed the door shut. “How many followed you?”, he shouted walking back to Nick. “Nobody”, Nick said meekly. “I can confirm that, Mr. Wilson! Nobody escapes my eager eyes. This fan eluded me!” “Brad?”, they heard Matt's voice. He came running down the stairs. “Brad? Have you seen the crowd in our front garden?” He came into the living room and found Nick and Hunt being abashed. “Oh, no! Are they after you, Hunt?” Brad crossed his arms. “They want Nick.” Matt looked at the still famous enough star who smiled helplessly. Outside, the crowd began to call for their idol. It wasn't long until Chris ran into the room. “What makes them think Nick is here?” Then his gaze fell on Nick and drew the conclusion. “Why am I not surprised?” “We should've been more cautious about his outfit”, Brad commented. The Wellies began to knock at the door again. “Nick! Sing a song for us!”

“Should we wait until they bugger off?” Matt wasn't convinced himself. “I can go, then you're free”, Nick offered. “They'll tear you apart!”, Brad shouted. “Why not?”, Chris muttered. Brad gave him a look. Chris ignored it and approached Nick. “If they want a spontaneous show, why not giving them one?” “Can we?” Nick asked without hesitation. It seemed to be the easiest way out. “Yeah, we got everything from your house.” “And how do we keep them from breaking in to see us?” Matt wanted to know. Chris thought about it. “We have a flat roof we can access...people could see us there.” “Is that safe?”, Hunt asked. “I'm not excited about fighting off the poor sods who climb up the walls.” “It's quite high. Nobody should climb up there”, Brad mused. “So, it's settled?”, Chris asked. “Hell, yeah!”, Nick shouted. They hurried while Hunt locked all doors and windows. When the band finally arrived at the roof the crowd went wild. “Did anybody see my Joy?”, Nick asked, seemingly nervous. The others stared at him. “I'm kidding.” Nick grinned Their first song rang out in the entire district.

Arthur couldn't express how he felt when finally the light came through. The dark tunnel that had occurred to him as if it lay hundreds of miles below ground level, an unscalable prison for every Skipper, suddenly lit up. Little fluffs danced in the air, glittering like diamonds. For a while it was silent. The rain had stopped and in the bright blue sky above them they saw fluffy white clouds pass by. Then the noise broke loose. The workers cheered, danced, cried out their relief. It was infectuous. Arthur had to laugh too, patting other Wellie's shoulders. They made it! Finally! He could see the fatigue of multiple sleepless nights in their eyes. It had been worth it.

Arthur slowly progressed, walking by the celebrating Wellies, but as soon as he was alone again, he ran as fast as he could, following the rails. He climbed out of the ravine and abruptly came to a halt. The whole town was emptied. He had feared that a crowd would scramble for the tunnel, but no one had noticed. From afar, he heard music that, after a further analysis, couldn't come from a radio. Was that...? Arthur's heart pounded after running and climbing. Or was it because of the music? He followed it and after a while, he met Wellies walking into the same direction. “Oh, no...” The crowd was getting bigger. They were all here, looking up for some reason. Further away, on a roof, Arthur recognised Nick. He was back in his element. Without Joy. Arthur was proud of him, but he also felt melancholic. Did it change everything?

Arthur wanted to reach him before anyone else noticed that the tunnel was open, but his gaze wandered helplessly along the masses. It was impossible to get through there. And then he couldn't simply walk through the door without letting everyone in. But wait...wasn't that the same house...? Sure, why would they carry their instruments any further? Arthur went a devious route, always watching out for fans, until he arrived in the backyard. But of course the door was locked. At first he knocked, but as expected, nothing happened. Who was supposed to hear it anyway? Desperately, he hammered against the door, fearing to alarm the whole district. “It's me, Arthur! Let me in!” When he felt ridiculous already, someone actually opened. It was a very tall man. The white shirt and blue trousers seemed to be the remnants of a uniform. “Arthur? Mr. Hastings?” Arthur gasped. “C...Constable Hunt?” The old escape reflex kicked in, but Hunt grabbed in and pulled him inside. Then he looked the door again, securing it with a chain around the handle and a dresser shoved in front of it. “I need to see Nick...” He felt the need to explain. “Go ahead, he's on the roof.”

Arthur ran upstairs. His heart was still pounding. When he heard that they had just finished a song, he went outside. Carefully avoiding the cables, he made his way to Nick who was talking to the other guitarists. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, making Nick wince and turn around. Arthur's expression alarmed him, so he put the guitar down and followed him back inside. Nick waited for him to speak, so Arthur blurted out: “The tunnel is open!” “Wha...really?” Nick began to beam. “You made it?” “Come, I show you”, Arthur said. Or was it more likely a question? “You want to leave now?” Nick looked startled. “No, only show you, before they realise it and the place gets crowded.” Arthur's eyes begged. It seemed like Nick would only reluctantly go. Arthur prepared for a refusal when Nick said: “Okay. Just let me give the word.” With that, he went to talk to the band, but came back shortly after with an expectant look. Arthur was looking forward to leave this noisy place and he was even happier that Nick went with him. They sneaked out of the backyard after Hunt had opened up for them and went another devious route, hiding and watching. “This is like the old days”, Nick whispered gleefully.

Like this, they reached the ravine and climbed inside. Nick had never thought they'd conquer this again. From the bottom up it looked less intimidating. When they went into the tunnel, Nick began to feel a little queasy, watching the ceiling as if it could collapse any second. Arthur noticed and took his hand. Nick gave him a thankful look, then they went on. Nick's footsteps were more determined now. He was also surprised when the tunnel lit up and couldn't avert his gaze from the beams of sunlight breaking through. He stared at the sky just as stunned as Arthur had been, at least he found that there was a certain resemblance. But this time, Arthur took the first steps towards the light. He still held Nick, who cautiously climbed after him. Back outside, also Arthur was overwhelmed. The horizon was bright and clear. He could look much further than before. The land that had been purely black and vaguely shaped, now exposed a coastal cliff, meadows and forests. The bridge went all the way to there, it's end vanished somewhere in the distance.

“Wow!”, Nick produced. “This is the mainland? Just like that?” He pointed at the horizon. Arthur nodded. “And you wanted to go all the way on foot?” Nick pointed at the bridge and grinned. Arthur had to grin, too. He went a few steps with Nick, until they were surrounded by nothing but the ocean. Arthur rested his elbows on the handrail and Nick did the same. “Do you smell that? No Motilene, no chemical waste...” Arthur took a deep breath. Nick closed his eyes and breathed in as well. “This is the real world, huh?”, he asked after enjoying the fresh air. “Yeah...a part of it...” “Can't wait to see more...”, Nick whispered. Arthur was happy to hear that. He beamed at Nick. “And from here you came back to me?” Nick turned around, leaning his back against the rail in a nonchalant manner. The wind had already ruffled his hair. Arthur would've loved to take a photo of him now. “Yeah...”, Arthur felt flattered. “It must've been hard for you.” “Actually, it wasn't...I couldn't leave you like that...” “You have a way of disappearing and coming back...” Arthur smiled helplessly, clutching the rail.

Nick eyed the stony floor, pondering. “Arthur...”, he then said. His tone alarmed Arthur. “Why did you leave me this morning?” Nick gave him an urgent look. Arthur stared at the horizon. “Because...because I had to do this alone...” “You wanted to punish yourself again?” “No...You were tired...You needed to rest and I didn't plan to be gone for long...Then one thing led to another and...I'm sorry...” “So you wanted to protect me?” “Yeah...” “Why?” “Just look at you!”, Arthur shouted desperately. “I can't let anything happen to you!” “You put yourself in danger?” Nick became louder. “No!”, Arthur quickly replied. “Well...not more than usual...Nick, I have to put myself in danger every day! Me and...others to....But you...I can't let anything happen to you...”

“Arthur, this is over! You're not a Downer anymore, nobody's chasing you for what you are and you're not alone! I understand that you're used to this, but we have to move on! I'm not a spoiled rockstar you have to spare! I'm your partner! You hurt me when you run off all alone! The tunnel could've collapsed! Your old boss could've changed her mind and kidnapped you! And I wouldn't know where you are! How could you do this to me?” Arthur couldn't come up with a good answer. “The worst you can do to me is disappearing, you hear me? If you put yourself in danger, I want to be at your side! I want to know where you're going if we really have to split up!” Nick had shouted the last words. He was really upset. Arthur hadn't seen him so angry before. “I'm sorry, Nick...I didn't think about it this way...I just had to do something...I'm sorry, please don't tell me I fucked this up...” Arthur was at the edge of tears. Nick promptly embraced him, noticing how much he needed it himself. “Ssshh...don't panic...I still love you...” They held still like this and and slowly calmed down.

“Don't do it again, okay?”, Nick said quietly. “Okay...I promise...”, Arthur whispered meekly. “It's hard not to see you as a star...” “But you've seen my real self...” Nick recalled something. “It's the name, right?” His face fell. “I know your name isn't 'Lightbearer'”, Arthur disagreed. His partner averted his gaze. “But it's also not 'Nick'.” Arthur was really taken aback. It felt so natural to call him 'Nick'. No other name seemed to fit. He even looked like a 'Nick'. “I never meant to keep it a secret. You have the right to know the truth, but there never was a fitting moment...” He faced Arthur again. “My name is Norbert. Norbert...Pickles...If you need to laugh, just do it...” Nick crossed his arms, dropped his gaze and waited. Arthur wouldn't be the first. Some people knew his name, from gossip or any other source. Their reaction was mostly the same. “I don't know why I should laugh...It's just a name.” Arthur came closer. “It never bothered me...But after years of being The Lightbearer...”, Nick explained and shook his head. “It's hard to look at it the same way again.” He looked back up to his lover. “You don't have to use it...But you can...Just do as you like...” Arthur felt that he'd need a while to get used to it. Still, he felt that the other man had just tightened their bond. “Thank you for telling me the truth...Even thought you're still 'Nick' to me...” “Thanks for not laughing.” Nick smiled his adorable smile. Arthur cupped his cheeks and kissed his hair.

They enjoyed their moment some more before they started back. Arthur was glad not to meet anyone yet. Back in town, they still heard The Make Believes perform. “Good idea...that concert...people love it”, Arthur stuttered. “We didn't really have a choice.” Nick chuckled. “It doesn't change anything?” Arthur eyed him carefully. “Nothing at all”, Nick confirmed. They silenced, listening. “Do you want to finish it?”, Arthur asked. “If you agree?” Nick didn't urge him. Arthur smiled meekly. “Just go for it, my Golden God.” He gave him a slap on the lower back. “I'll take care of you when you come home.” Nick beamed and ruffled Arthur's hair. “Until then, my tall boy.” After a passionate kiss, Nick hurried to join his band.

Arthur stayed outside for a while, watching Nick proudly, then he obeyed his tired body and went home. There he prepared for his journey, at least emotionally. He realized that not only Nick left his old life here, but also himself and he looked for something  to keep. After deciding for the medal that he had brought from his former hideout and the documents about Percy he had to keep anyway, he put the few objects on his night table and lay down on his bed. A few moments later he dropped off.

Nick was excited. The noise of their last song was still ringing in his ears. The last applause had doped him. And now this! He had to tell Arthur! His rash footsteps echoed in the night, but he wasn't afraid. The show had ended long ago and the fans had gone back home. Out of breath, he reached Arthur's home and hurried into the corridor. There, the light was out. “Arthur?” He flicked it back on. Nick assumed his lover was already in bed. He ran up the stairs. Also the upper floor was dark. In the second floor, the light went on and a sleepy Arthur appeared at the stairs. “Nick, is that you?” Nick stormed up the stairs and span his lover around who yelped adorably. “Pack up your things, my King! We're going to Germany!”, he shouted and kissed Arthur wildly. Greeted like that, Arthur had to catch his breath. “Nicky, I'm glad you're so motivated.  No need to exaggerate though, it's not going to be a fun journey”, he said but laughed nonetheless. “Oh, yes, it is! I know how we get there!” “Really?” Arthur's eyed widened. “You better sit down.” Nick shoved him back into his bedroom and placed him on the bed. Arthur stared at him while Nick shortly searched for words.

“After we told the boys our plan, they went looking for opportunities. They met Birdie today who has a similar problem.  Her manager is looking for ways out of here and you won't believe what he found out! Germans actually love beat music and he's already in contact with a club there! He'll organise it all...the journey...the night stop...Isn't that fantastic?” Arthur was overwhelmed once more. Their whole impossible, lonely journey, suddenly simplified? On the one hand, he was fascinated about how fast Nick came up with a solution. It was another reason to have him at his side. On the other hand, it had an unpleasant connotation.

Arthur's silence worried Nick. “What's wrong?” His lover made a pained face. “So, you'll stay with the band...” “No, you got me wrong.” Nick sat down next to him. “I'll stay with you.” “How is this going to work?” “We're travelling with the band, because it's the easiest way out. Also, we'll need money and a place to sleep. And then...” Nick shrugged. “The rest is our adventure.” Arthur pondered. “Come on, is it easier to find Percy completely without resources or help?” Nick tried a joke. “What if he'll become a fan?” Arthur had to grin even though he doubted it. “And what if you don't want the silence anymore?” “You mean, if I don't want you anymore?” Nick leaned closer and tenderly kissed Arthur's cheek. “Then I must be the biggest dumbass in the world,” he whispered close to his ear. Arthur's resistance melted away. He accepted another loving kiss from Nick.

They had a very emotional night, dwelling in dreams and wishes. They slept together and then left the house for a night walk. It was the greatest conquest of their new freedom that they could enjoy the night without fear, at least that's what Nick thought. Also Arthur appeared to be ravished by the starry sky. “It's really pretty”, he sighed. “Everything is pretty as long as you're by my side”, Nick purred, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah...” Arthur had to chuckle. “Alright, I believe you!...you won...! I believe you!” “Finally!” Nick shouted out loud. He went a few steps forward, spread his arms and yelled: “My man believes I love him!” “Sssshh!”, Arthur hissed and laughed. “You're crazy...” “Yes, I am”, Nick confirmed. “But happy.” He fell back into Arthur's arms. “Me too...”, Arthur said and hugged him tightly. “Me too...” They stayed outside until sunrise.

#we happy few #whf #wehappyfew #nick lightbearer #nicklightbearer #whfnicklightbearer #nickxarthur #whfarthurhastings #whfarthur #arthur hastings we happy few #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves #fanfiction #this is it #this is really #it's over #thanks for all the likes #thanks for the nice comments in the tags #and thanks for your amazing fanart #this has been a fun journey #I'm not crying you're crying

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 - 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 1.9k

warnings: swearing, cheating

italics means flashback/memory recall

listen to the music masterlist

| next

quick message! unlike on my wattpad, i’m not doing a character introduction chapter on here. so heads up for he/they armin and she/they sasha!! those are just my personal headcanons i included into the story :) also, i wrote this a LONG time ago. i posted this on my wattpad on 2/24/21. i apologize in advance for any errors. i do plan to re-edit a lot of things regarding this fic in the future.

"She's coming back tomorrow," Jean said casually while pouring himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. You choked on your breakfast. Armin took a worried glance at your coughing form from across the table.

"Sorry." You hacked.

"Mikasa is?" Eren peeked his head through the bathroom doorway as he looked away from the mirror.

"Yeah, I'm going to pick her up from the airport tomorrow night." Jean put down the pot of coffee and took a sip from his hot mug.

"Why so sudden?" Armin put down his book on the table in front of his plate.

"She spoke to me about it briefly. said there was something she needed to do when she got here. I'm just as shocked as you are. I didn't think she'd be back any time soon" Jean brushed the crumbs off his hands and put his plate in the sink.

"How can you all be so calm about this? Did you hear him? Mikasa is coming home tomorrow. She left nearly two years ago! She's finally coming back and none of you are freaking out? She didn't even say why exactly she was coming back." You stood up and threw your hands in the air. Suddenly you lost your appetite. 

"No need to get all bent out of shape, Y/n. You act like we haven't seen her in ten years." Eren said with a hair tie in his mouth as he grew impatient with his long and tangled mess of hair.

You rolled your eyes. "Obviously, but she left for a reason. Even when she gets here, will she still want to play with us? Her absence from the band has taken a toll on everyone, and our audience was less than pleased when she announced her vacation, or rather when I announced her vacation." You start pacing in the living room.

Armin's eyes followed you as you moved. "I hope she does, but it's unlikely. I recall her saying she never wanted to see Jean again. I doubt she'll want to play with him here." He theorized.

"Well, she did call me to say she was coming back so I don't think she's still very upset with me." Jean finished off his coffee and tucked his hair behind his ears. "It happened two years ago, after all."

"I hope she's doing better. It's not like we've heard much from her since she left. I have to clean this house! Oh god, it's a mess! You boys are pigs." You said frantically.

Eren snickered. "Well, it looks like you haven't gotten over your little crush."

"Shut it, Jaeger. I'm doing fine and, frankly, that's none of your business." Still pacing, you held your stomach as the nervous feeling grew.

"Yeah, it sure looks like you're fine." His lips pulled into a grin as he rolled his eyes.

"I think I'm going to faint."

"Do you need to lie down? You look a bit pale." Armin stood up and came to my side.

"I think I'll take a nap."

"You just woke up, smarty. Going back to bed already?" Jean chuckled. "I'm going to Marco's place. See you losers later."

A chorus of 'bye, Jeans' sounded throughout the room when he left through the garage door.

"Y/n, were you serious about cleaning the house? Because I have to go and I really don't want to clean so-"

"Yeah, Eren. You can leave, I don't care."

"You're the best! Thank you!" Eren chirped and practically skipped through the door.

"I have nowhere to be. So I guess I'll stick with you here." Armin smiled. "Do you need help with anything?"

"I'll be fine, thanks. Just nervous is all." You wrung your hands and blinked several times.

"Okay, I'll be in the office if you need anything." Armin patted your shoulder and left you alone in the large living room.

You quickly got to cleaning the house in a nervous frenzy, deep in thought. Mikasa had left one night almost two years ago after a heated situation between her and Jean that ultimately resulted in their breakup and Mikasa leaving the band with only a painful note left behind.

Apparently, there was more to the breakup than you knew, but Jean kept what we didn't hear to himself for Mikasa's sake. Essentially, Mikasa caught Jean and Marco together at a party Eren threw for his nineteenth birthday. You were with her when she saw them.

You and Mikasa were having a silly conversation in the long hallway in front of the dining room. Mikasa stopped looking at you and started focusing on something behind you. her small smile dropped. "and that's why I never- hey Mikasa? You okay? What are you looking at?" You stopped telling your story and became more concerned for your friend.

Confused, you turned around. You gasped loudly. "Oh Mikasa, I'm so sorry." You reached a hand out to her but she left the hall quickly. "Don't worry about it, Y/n. It's not a big deal."  You watched her speedwalk up the stairs with her hand covering her mouth. 

You confronted Jean calmly, not wanting to disturb the party, despite being furious. "Hey, Jean. the world can see you, dickbag. And so did your girlfriend. Have fun explaining this to her. She went upstairs. Find her yourself. If you even care enough to do so."  You spat and darted away from them.

"Wait, Y/n!" Jean pushed past people as you swiftly made your way through the crowd in an attempt to find Eren. Normally, you'd look for Armin, but he was out of town for the night. You got to the kitchen and desperately glanced around. Jean took hold of your arm before you could get any farther. He turned you to face him and took note of your angry expression. "I'm sorry. let me explain."

You shoved him away from you. "Don't apologize to me. Don't explain anything to me. Tell it to your girlfriend. I'm finding Eren and ending this shitty party early. Frankly, Jean, I don't care what excuse you have." You kicked off your heels in a random spot and continued the search for your friend. Jean tried to follow you at first but gave up.

You pushed through crowds looking everywhere for Eren. "Where is he? Eren I need you," You muttered. You caught a glimpse of dark hair being pulled out of an updo. You took a sharp turn and bumped into someone. You fell backward on the floor and rubbed your side that you fell on. "Ouch."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going!"  A girl with multiple party foods in her arms shouted apologetically. She hastily set down her collection and helped you up. I took a quick look around the room, Eren wasn't there. The brunette in front of me tilted her head. "Are you looking for someone? I can help you find them to make up for bumping into you. Hey, you're really pretty. Are you the guitarist from that band? Wait, so you live here? Oh no, I bumped into someone famous! Connie and Niccolo are gonna freak out when I tell them! I'm Sasha by the way. Your name is Y/n right?" 

Taken aback by her rambling, and the fact that she recognized you, you stuttered for a bit before gaining your composure. "Yeah, I'm looking for a friend, actually. And that's me. I live here."

Sasha grinned. "Cool! Who are you looking for? I might know them." She linked her arm through yours and pulled you to the outside deck.

"I'm looking for Eren. Uh- Jaeger. My friend Eren Jaeger. I need to find him."  Your voice sounded shaky.

"Me and him were partners in Professor Hange's science class back in high school! He invited me since we go way back." She opened the door and stepped outside. "Hey Y/n, you sound upset. Did something happen?" She unhooked your arm from hers and put her hands on your shoulders with a concerned stare. You were on the brink of tears and didn't want to cry in front of a stranger, but when you heard the caution in her tone you couldn't help but let some tears escape.

"Hey! Hey, hey Y/n, don't cry now. We'll find Eren." She pulled you in for a hug and you slowly accepted it. You weren't even the one who got cheated on yet you were the one crying. You were worried about the band. You were worried about the fight Eren and Jean were sure to get in. You were worried about what Armin would think. But most importantly, you were worried about Mikasa.

The thought of her locking herself in a room upstairs alone after what happened was enough to make you feel sick. You had to find Eren and end the party. You had to keep him calm once he found out. A part of you had always hoped they would break up, and you always felt extremely guilty about it, but you never hoped  it would end in a way that hurt them both. 

You quietly sobbed into sasha's clothed shoulder, definitely staining her frilly dress. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now." You stepped away and wiped your eyes several times. 

"No, don't apologize. You don't have to tell me what happened, either. Let's go find Eren, yeah?" She gently took my face in her hands and wiped away at my tears. She hooked her arm through mine again as we continued our search for Eren. 

We finally found him after looking for a good fifteen minutes. He was sitting alone on the front porch with a beer in hand, his hair a ragged mess. He took a swig of it and scowled at the taste. Sasha nodded to you and left you alone with him. You opened the glass door and stood awkwardly behind him.

"Hey, Eren."

"The party's inside." He said bitterly.

"I know." You sat down next him and smoothed out your dress in the process. "What are you doing out here at your own party? I've been looking for you everywhere."

He sighed. "I heard what happened. with Jean and Mikasa. He went looking for her so I assume he's found her, that was thirty minutes ago, give or take. I needed a break and came out here." 

You let your head slump on his shoulder. He let out another long sigh. "I saw it happen. She ran upstairs so I came looking for you. I figured once I told you, you could end the party. That sounds ridiculous now, considering how many people came." You let out a dry laugh and felt him laugh along with you. His head rested on top of yours and he placed a gentle kiss on it.

"What are we gonna do now, Y/n? There’s no chance this'll go over well. The band could be ruined.” He paused and sighed. “I bet Armin would know what to do right about now."

"I bet he would." You took Eren's hand in yours. "I don't even want to think about what could happen."

"Neither do I. Do you want to stay out here a little while longer? We can go back in later." Eren offered.

"Yeah. That sounds nice." 

posted: 8/23/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

#mikasa x you #mikasa x reader #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #mikasa ackerman #band au #modern au

[luviedovey]

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc 

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt?  We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day. 

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #deh #dear evan hansen #mike faist #broadway #dear evan hansen x reader