#also more regular posts coming | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

traitorvalkyrie · 2 years

Text

Hi!

I promise that I'm still here, that I'm still making things, that the hardcore world is still going strong. But today, I wanted to showcase some places around the Hardcore World that I just love because while I was running around and grinding materials for a current build, I hit 5,000 in-game days.

And I want to do a little something to celebrate.

This one was a joke. And I want to do more with the idea, but we all know that draining ocean monuments is so last year.

This build is just a little outpost from when 1.17 came out and things started shifting for how the world generated. I have every deepslate ore and several axolotls here too.

This is a build that represents that one day I will try more redstone things. maybe. (I don't want to.)

This little ruin is built around the spot where I first popped a totem in the world. But it also has been a jumping off point for so many more things I want to do.

The Tower of Achievement is just for me. It's things that I've managed to do, things that I want to celebrate. (And features some names from people that have been around to see this world grow and change).

Now this one you look at and go "hey traitor that's just a bunch of glass in a room that you used ominously once" and that is true. But the better fact is that I knew I needed this room almost 8 months before I showed it on stream. I dug this one on my free days, traded glass, grinded for the bonemeal to make dye, and then had it finished almost 4 months before the stream I would use it in.

And it's not the only location like that that exists. This is an ode to all the lurking places that are waiting for the story to happen just right.

And this is how I want to finish my celebration of 5,000 in-game days in the Hardcore world. With a picture that makes me nostalgic. Chunk errors were a thing that I loved/hated from early minecraft and as the game became more stable, I would habitually dig through the world to create chunk errors, whether it was on a server or while I was alone.

I still dig these. I have been digging these in the Hardcore world. These along with the other builds I've listed are ones that I made for fun, that made me laugh. They are not all big lore builds with tons of details and thought. Some of them are just silly, some of them are supposed to serve some purpose. And some of them are ugly.

But that's okay. Because 5,000 in-game days later, I'm still in love with the game of Minecraft and with this world.

Here's to more shenanigans and at least 5,000 more days.

#minecraft #hardcore minecraft #5000 days in game #that's so many #also more regular posts coming #life got crazy

4 notes · View notes

wasyago · 4 months

Text

welp, didn't manage to get everything out before season 10 started, but i gotta post it one way or another so here we go! heard there was a fandom swap game going on, wanted to do a couple promts of my own :D

#guys with freaky eyes <3 #i really didn't expect season 10 to be so soon what do i do now...#very sorry to all the naruto girlies. there might be a lot of minecraft art for a while 😔 bud ninja stuff is coming too eventually #anyways! about the drawing:#decided to turn hypno into the 'bug tango with 4 arms and antennae' variant instead of a regular one because it's just more fun and unique;#and tango is in his dungeon master color pallett because his regular one looked a bit plain.#and i think hypnosis really fits the theme of a dungeon master and wrangling ravagers.#plus i wanted to use the design i drew a while ago at least once #oh also yeah hypno is a bee here because of his honey shop and stuffs #hypnotizd #tangotek #hermitcraft #my art #sketch #season 10 fanart is coming but later. i wanna post everything in the order it was drawn. so...

3K notes · View notes

degenerateflesh · 6 months

Text

wasteland queens

75 notes · View notes

jasontoddssuper · 11 months

Text

I'm gonna write a fic expanding on their relathionship but rn my Punkflower with trans girl!Miles in my head is just:

Mirasol:Hobie dosen't like me,i'm too much of a nerd for a punk like him :(

Hobie 24/7 ten minutes tops after meeting Mirasol:Wifey?Sorry.Wifey?Sorry.Wifey?Sorry.Wifey?Sorry.Wifey?Sorry-

#HE'S EVEN MORE OF A SIMP THAN WITH REGULAR MILES BECAUSE HE DOSEN'T HAVE TO WONDER WETHER THEY'RE INTO GUYS OR NOT ONG #but alas mirasol isn't as bright as her namesake when it comes to romance #punkflower #t4t punkflower #miles morales #mirasol morales #hobie brown #spidergirl #spiderpunk #spiderverse #atsv #spiderman #trans girl miles #they're both autistic/adhd/mdd also + i hc hobie as bigender #💌#letters from summer #pop post ⭐️

120 notes · View notes

architectural-sims · 9 months

Text

Henford Hall -December, 18:39PM

#sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 build #so im kinda back again #this year has been crazy #i move to Paris in september 2022 to study there two semesters #then i came back to spain and move to a new city #well is not really new since its my hometown but i hadn't live there since 2015 and I missed it so much #and between work uni and RL things I didn't have much time to play sims #so here I am again but you know how inconsisten is this blog so dosen't expect regular posts lol #probably i will not have time to play in the future but who cares #now about sims #i've been trying to make some trees DR with new meshes but they refuse to show the correct textures in autumn winter and spring #I suspect it has to be something related to vertex paint or any information attached to the leaves mesh that i'm not getting in s4s #i'll be posting that later to see if someone can give some advice #also had a problem with a building deco for Hendford wich I converted from Cities Skylines #i'm really frustrated with s4s and me lately #well i think its enough for today #come back for more ted talks

80 notes · View notes

kirisclangen · 1 month

Text

Zelda

She/her, 65 moons, cis molly

#Zelda (cat)#<- so it doesn't go in the fandom tags of the game lmao #Loner #honeyclan #<- the save file she's from. I'm gonna say she lives nearest to them #warrior cats oc #warriors oc #kiri’s clangen #clangen #She also doesn't have the chest spot on her sprite but I thought she looked better with it so. Y'know #I made her fur so massive but I need it to be known that the rest of her is massive as well. She's jut very large #also I HAVE RETURNED TO THIS BLOG!!! Can't say how regular activity here will be but I'm queueing this on thursday to go up on friday #and I've got three more finished cats to go up the three days after that. We'll see how many more I draw before the queue runs out #I'm doing hermit-a-day-may over on my main blog and I'm coming up on the end of the schoolyear so I may be mostly swamped until summerish #but I'd like to pick back up with posting these during the summer. I have some ideas for a comic that I'd like to do but I haven't written-#-it out yet becuase I want to get these designs done first and I think I'm about halfway through all the cats I have? across 5 different-#-clans two of which are very large so. Mass extinction events will be on once I start playing moons again!!#anyways sorry for rambling but I'm very proud of my next few designs. I think I've found a good method for doing them quickly. It involves-#-using actual reference images for the poses lmao #EDIT I lied I'm not even close to halfway #I've got 66 out of 181 done meaning I have 115 left #jesus fucking christ ITS FINE it's fine it's just a lot. not a problem though #I can pick up the pace after this next month or two #it's chill

30 notes · View notes

lord-squiggletits · 4 months

Text

Reasons why I don't buy into "posh, aristocratic, and/or bigot Pharma" headcanons

Listed in no particular order, mostly prompted by a conversation with a mutual (that I've also had many times in the past with other mutuals)

For some reason people assume that being a flight frame is what would make Pharma so prideful and disdainful towards everyone else? But in IDW1 canon, flight frames are actually an oppressed class who were restricted by functionism to only be allowed to be soldiers or cargo lifters. The only flight frames who got to go outside of that mold were ones who got special exemptions (Jetfire) or ones who schemed and took advantage of politics (Starscream). If anything, being a flight frame would be a source of self-consciousness/annoyance for Pharma, since he would be seen as unusual and probably get constant "wow I didn't know flight frames could be doctors" type comments that single him out because of his body and not because of his actual skill or personality. It's possible that he might be proud of being a flight frame AND being a doctor, like being so good of a doctor that being a flight frame doesn't matter. But Pharma certainly wouldn't feel prideful or entitled to anything JUST for being a flight frame.

Re: bigoted and/or functionist Pharma: I think this headcanon comes from the fact that Pharma worked at the New Institute yes, but so did other characters such as Chromedome, Rung, and Brainstorm who are neither posh nor functionists. It seems rather unfair to assume that Pharma specifically must be a functionist or hate the lower class because he worked at the New Institute, when other characters who were in the exact same situation weren't presumed to be bigots just because they worked at a shitty place. Also as my point above states, why would Pharma be a functionist when functionism is the institution that would've kept him from being a doctor if he (presumably) wasn't forged with medic hands?

Speaking of bigotry, it's canon that Pharma and Ratchet were best friends since they worked at the DMF together, which was pre-war; how in the hell would it be in-character for Ratchet to be best friends with Pharma if he was an open bigot and a functionist? Ratchet would literally never. Plus, secondarily, Pharma is canonically in love with Ratchet, so if he were some sort of posh aristocrat, it'd be pretty odd for him to be best friends and shack up with a guy that's as down-to-earth and rude as Ratchet is. Not impossible, but for me personally, it counts as a mark against posh!Pharma because I think the fact that Pharma was best friends with Ratchet means that we can form a broad outline of his personality based on the type of person that Ratchet would like enough to be best friends with.

Pharma's diction and way of speaking isn't "high class" at all. He pretty much speaks like any other "normal" character in MTMTE does, but what's more, there are actually a couple of instances where he speaks in a much more casual and loose way. Little details where he says "coz" instead of "cause/because", uses words like "chap", that time he chainsaws someone and says "Feels rough, doesn't it?" I wouldn't say that Pharma is lower class or anything, but when looking for evidence that he's posh or stuck up, his diction/manner of speaking is a good place to start, but there's really no evidence of any poshness there at all. MAYBE that one time he talks to Ratchet talking about "instruments" and making an analogy between a surgeon and a musician, but in that case he was just using a metaphor to make a point to Ratchet.

In general, the only notable thing about Pharma that anyone talks about related to him (besides "going insane and killing patients") is the fact that he's a good doctor and all the various feats he's pulled off. One would think that if he was some sort of posh bigot, people would complain about it or bring it up when talking about their memories of Pharma, but no. Literally Pharma's primary trait is that he's a hella fucking good doctor. I GUESS you could argue that since a lot of doctors IRL are rich bc they get paid a huge amount of money, that means Pharma is also rich and sees himself as above everyone else, but that seems like a rather large leap to make from what little we know about Pharma. And everything we DO know about Pharma points to the fact that being a doctor was his entire life, and the only specific case where he wants to be seen as "superior" is with regards to Ratchet, another doctor who Pharma feels insecure in comparison to. So again, canon points us to the fact that Pharma really only cares about practicing medicine, and the only person he wants to feel superior to is Ratchet, because Ratchet is a better doctor than he is.

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i feel like there's more im forgetting but nothing comes to mind atm #this is my 'just a regular guy' pharma propaganda post i'll die on this hill #like granted i've read fics where pharma is just a little stuck up or doesn't care about politics or social issues #which feels accurate to him #but there's a difference b/t that and writing pharma as if being a posh bougie rich mean girl is his whole personality #also. just saying. if pharma was really into high class society wouldn't he have more friends/associates besides ratchet #pharma literally had ratchet and no one else. he was fucking friendless outside of that #almost as if the only thing pharma cares about is his job and his only friend(s) were other medics #and he cares way more about being a doctor than on mingling with the elite or whatever #thus he's not posh. if anything he'd be more of an awkward nerd than anything else

41 notes · View notes

dykeyaoi · 1 year

Text

ngl guys I think Ritsu is a little preppier than we give him credit for

#at least outside of his little hater arc #why do we think he joined student council. to fit in! his whole THING is fitting in and being #NormalCore #I think more explanation will come to me later but it's also the fact that he's not really emo.#yeah his motifs are edgy and fun I like them too but not really MCR All Black Clothes edgy #he's a freak but in front of other people he has to be regular #boy says he doesn't listen to music because it's all hauntology and noises and shit #ritsu kageyama #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #kageyama ritsu #mob posting 100

83 notes · View notes

mickeym4ndy · 4 months

Text

Alternative Storylines

One of the reasons I don’t love the “Mickey came back from Mexico for Ian” storyline (unpopular opinion I know but hear me out) is because of how many more interesting storylines we could’ve got if Mickey had come back in a different way.

For one it would’ve been so interesting to see Ian deal with the fallout from the gay Jesus and prison storyline without Mickey.

Like we know Ian has always thrived when he’s had a purpose and a goal to work towards with first the army, then being an EMT. After prison when he didn’t have either of those, he had Mickey - he found purpose in being a good partner and husband, in getting them out of the south side and earning a living legally. It’s one of the reasons he was so excited about the move to the Westside. In season 11 after he quits the warehouse job we see how much it affects him to not have that purpose anymore (in his mind) and how low it makes him. Mickey helps pull him out of it and makes him shift his focus to a new job that brings on new opportunities and new goals - moving out, expanding the business etc. and we see him come back to himself and think about the future positively again. If he didn’t have Mickey I don’t think that would’ve happened so easily. I honestly think that once he left prison the reality of his actions would’ve really hit him hard and we would’ve seen him spiral similarly to the start of season 6 - “This is it for me, Lip.” In his mind he’d be back where he started after working so hard to get to where he had been. He alludes to it when he says “trying to find the strength to look for another soul crushing dead end job.” It would’ve been SO interesting to watch how he deals with that and see how he pulls himself out of it and comes to terms with his life again.

ALSO there would’ve been a cool callback to season 6 with the storyline of Ian moving on with his life while Mickeys is stuck in prison, except it could’ve been Mickey moving on with his life while Ian is stuck in prison. This would’ve been interesting to explore because I think they’d both understand the other’s actions/feelings so much more. I think Ian would’ve had to deal with the guilt & reality of how shit everything was for Mickey while he was in prison and his own role in that. BUT also I think Mickey moving on with his life would allow him understand more why Ian couldn’t have given everything up to go to Mexico with him and also maybe some of Ian’s actions in season 6. And how they deal with those feelings while finding their way back to each other would’ve made for pretty scenes I think.

I also have more thoughts on how this would’ve given Mickey a chance to have his own growth and development without Ian (which also would’ve been SO good to see) and if he were to come back to Chicago on his own terms, there’s a chance we’d have gotten to see the dynamic of a Mickey who got his life together and Ian who’s life is somewhat in shambles. Not that I think it actually would be in shambles, but I think that’s definitely how Ian would view it himself and witnessing that dynamic would’ve been so interesting.

Would it have been happy? Probably not but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have been decent TV and character development.

#gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #i say interesting so much in this post #anyway I love that gallavich was endgame I just think that particular storyline was incredibly lazy writing #that took away a lot of character development opportunities particularly for Mickey #tho I do get that originally Noel & Cameron weren’t supposed to come back for s10 so #would’ve been cool to see what they would have done had they known they’d both be series regulars again and how that might’ve changed thing #I feel like I could say so much more on this topic #but the gallavich fandom scares me sometimes #Shameless US #Also All the fanfic where Mickey comes back from Mexico a different way usually have Ian as an EMT with his life the same as season 7 #but even without the losing Mickey to Mexico element #Monica’s death wud likely still have triggered his manic episode so it still would’ve happened #So the fallout of it would’ve happened whether Mickey was there or not

14 notes · View notes

goldentigerfestival · 21 days

Text

Using this as an audio reference for the posts I'm making, but to summarize:

Yuri starts out mad.

Yuri tries to calm himself down with a deep breath to ask for details instead of going through it angry.

Flynn doesn't say "like a good knight" in the sense of putting himself down. He simply says "as a knight" (the tl here doesn't use that, but with that included it's basically along the lines of "even though I had doubts, as a knight, I was determined to follow my orders").

Once Yuri has answers he calms down significantly.

Yuri uses " 'ttaku", which is a shortened down version of "mattaku" (Yuri often shortens words and speaks very casually), which in this particular situation basically would mean "geez", or "good grief". In this manner, it's expressive of exasperation/frustration/etc.

Yuri never mentions that "Flynn told him what to do" like the dub does (because in fact Flynn did not ever tell Yuri what to do. He only gave Sodia and his other knights orders. He expressed his own desire to take responsibility, but never told Yuri and his friends what to do).

At this point you can tell the anger has gone out of him and that he's calmed down, now that Flynn is approaching this with admission and responsibility.

Sodia is asking that Flynn returns as soon as possible (I believe this was a general translation error).

Flynn's thank you to Yuri is tonally much more heartfelt.

Yuri's response and gratefulness at Flynn coming back to himself is tonally much more heartfelt, relieved and sincere.

#GTF Vesperia Clips #basically the dub version is littered with errors /and/ your regular resident angry dub Yuri #just to be clear on mattaku it can also mean ''completely'' ''totally'' ''seriously'' etc. it depends on the context #''yare yare'' is also used for ''geez'' and ''good grief'' but in a more sarcastic/casual way #''mattaku'' or in this case '' 'ttaku'' is more of a quiet expression of exasperation rather than smth you'd yell/shout when aggravated #it CAN sometimes be used like damn as a minor expletive but tbh I personally I wouldn't put it in this situation #bc his aggravation is lessening and they're getting to the point so I'd argue it's more just exhausted of the whole thing #but the dub took it a step further and used it as fuel against Flynn as they do mcfuckin' do #I'd say it's more ''damn it'' at the whole situation bc there's absolutely no reason at this point to say ''damn it Flynn''#esp bc that led into the dub having Yuri go at him accusing him of telling them what to do when he... literally did not #and did not even imply he was going to. it was just pulled from their asses and/bc Yuri never even said Flynn's name there #it's stuff like this where they add remove and change things always in stark opposite of Flynn's favor that riles me up :/#what I mean is that the dub changed Yuri's overall exasperation into smth accusatory when rly Yuri is like #stop trying to do this by yourself. it was never about oh woe is me how dare you tell us what to do #if he was directing a ''damn it'' at Flynn it STILL would not be bc ''he told them what to do''#it would STILL BE because Flynn was trying to take this responsibility fully onto himself #it's so irritating bc the dub will be spot on right on point with everything but then AS SOON as it's abt Flynn it's like #they start messing around with things and the tl is changed and yadda yadda until around late arc 2 #it like lowkey comes across as enemy to ally instead of ally with a whole character arc #and the reason I legit feel like they did it on purpose is BECAUSE they can obviously tl correctly based on other areas of the game #but when Flynn is involved they tweak things if not just outright change the context (remember my Nordopolica post? yeahhhh)#how is that not on purpose? how is it that everything can be spot on for a chunk all at once #but then a certain char shows up and it's repeatedly inaccurate? repeatedly geared in a negative light that originally didn't even EXIST?#and then ofc they almost always use Yuri himself to reflect that negativity against Flynn which is a WHOLE other story/issue for me #it's like... say I wrote a neutral statement. someone comes along and tls with negative sounding additions. it's sort of like that #I'm not that good at explaining things/how I feel abt things but yeah I hope that makes sense #it's just like... I KNOW they can tl spot on so when I keep seeing them stick in all these things with/against Flynn it upsets me sm #it feels like they tl normally and then see Flynn and go oh hold on let's change that bc it's Flynn #and that's why it's so frustrating for me :/

2 notes · View notes

areseebee · 1 month

Note

i love your someday series! also - james by maggie rogers gives such post smoke break vibes imo i think about them everytime i hear it

omg this was an instant add to my maybe someday playlist. you're so right that it gives post smoke break vibes. thank you so much for the rec!

#also thank you for the someday love!!#i've had a wildly busy few months which has had me feeling burnt out in more ways than one #but i'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and i can't wait to get back to writing on a regular basis again #last time i was working on it i was nearly done with the next chapter #i will likely still wait to post since i'd like to get a little further along but at least it's coming together!#ask #my fic #someday #smoke break

4 notes · View notes

britneyshakespeare · 2 months

Text

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

#tales from diana #long post #sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness #and idk. im tired. im so tired #do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not #thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation #not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again #that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para #i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth #i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to #'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on #the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god #i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him #like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do #earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said #that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild #my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak #like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior #i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task #and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did #i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly #like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW #that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer #a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively #that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him

5 notes · View notes