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#and he could drink and get high without being addicted
I raised myself.
My parents were never around, and when they were they were abusive mentally, psychologically, and physically. I have two siblings an older brother who is eight years older than me, and a sister who is 12 years older than me. My brother beat me up constantly, and my sister was mean to me, and treated me badly.
My bestfriend and cousin died when I was 7, I spent every night talking to God wishing I could take her place. I wasn't even allowed to cry over her death after the funeral. I still see her pale face in my dreams and it burns my brain. No little kid should wish to die.
I spent almost all of my time in my room. Because being alone was better than being abused.
I wasn't allowed to cry, because if I did I got beaten.
I learned from my family though. They taught me who I didn't want to be.
I am very emotionally intelligent and my IQ is in the 80th percentile.
I have adhd, bipolar, depression, high functioning autism, I have issues with fine motor skills, I have auditory processing disorder, I am a recovering drug addict, I have another personality inside my head named Sirus. He is careless, manic, and mean. I fight him with medication but sometimes he still peeks out of my mind. I feel like when he's around I'm in a glass room, behind my eyes but I cant get out. He smiles and laughs when most people would cry or be sad.
I started drinking at the age of 12, to get drunk because I was made fun of a lot at school, and home was no better.
I was raped at 12 by a teacher, who I had to see every week for another 5 years.
I had my first joint at 13.
I was a hard core addict but the age of 15.
I was a dealer of weed too at 15. By 16 I was slinging hard core drugs and was around scary people.
The money I made from slinging drugs, went towards drugs for myself.
I was beaten by my supplier and he fractured my ribs and my back.
I've had a knife against my throat.
I've had cops beat me, just because they were crooked and knew no one would care. I was just a dealer that they couldn't pin anything on, so they would harass me. I ended up getting beaten by a cop. He took out his gun and pointed it mw and my "friend", then told us to kneel in the gravel (we were in shorts), my knees got all cut up. After when our hands were behind our heads, and we were scared, he beat us, then left on us bloody on the gravel.
I attempted suicide the first time at 15 I slit my wrists. After that I tried hanging myself, overdosing on pills, overdosing on drugs, if I had a gun, I wouldn't be here today.
My first attempt landed me in a rotary home for a few months.
I spent my early 20s drinking until I blacked out and doing any drug I could. My drugs of choice were opiates and cocaine, but I also did ecstacy, mama, speed, mushrooms, if there was a drug back then, I used it. I've overdosed and been left to die.
I've only been clean a year and a half.
My wife helped me get clean. Without her I'd be dead.
My life was rough, but its getting better now.
Sometimes I still wish I were dead.
Right now, I kind of wish I were dead, but I cant do that to my wife. That's not fair to her. So I stay.
She makes my life better, but the bad times still haunt me and make me depressed.
I wish I had someone to talk to...
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shopmeal95 · 4 days ago
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9 Strange Facts About Major
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mm-annette · 15 days ago
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yesterday was easter and i found out my boyfriend is an ex con. he has a bunch of drug charges and an attempted murder charge. how i went so long without finding that out, i have no idea. 
yall know my rule, ill date the buyer, not the supplier. ive only been in love with two people, her and him. i watched him struggle with addiction and its something that was very hard for him and i know its still hard for him. i watched her beat herself up over her father being addicted to pills and then i watched her turn into her dad. i could never support or be with someone who supplies something that has destroyed two people who i love dearly. 
its one thing to be with someone who is addicted, its something that they cant help, its something that they find comfort in and it drags them down into a deep and dark hole. its another thing to be with someone who supplies addicts, i could never and will never be okay with that. 
i spent months worrying about a man who overdosed on xanax and got himself locked up into rehab and it was honestly exhausting worrying about him and spending everyday wondering if he was okay or not. i spent weeks trying to call, text, dm, anything i could to see if he was okay and finally his mom contacted me and told me he was locked up. it was truly a long and exhausting 6 months waiting to hear from him and make sure for myself that he was okay.
it was even harder falling in love with him 3 years later and watching him fall back into a deep and dark hole of drugs and alcohol. it was one of the hardest moments for me, watching him go from a great job, having his family home, us looking at houses, going on dates and spending time with the family, literally a few weeks from moving into our future home, and he hits rock bottom. he quits his job, hes popping xanax and drinking while out in the middle of no where, up on the overlook on his fourwheeler, going out crazy. we were searching for him a new job, a new home, somewhere for us to have our boy miller and trying to figure out how we were gonna make a home for us. since then, hes never been the same. 8 years and we fall apart, we no longer speak and hes lost all of his closest friends because hes fallen too deep into his selfish mess. todays his birthday, his 21st and here i am wondering if hes okay, wondering if hes on a binder, wondering if hes shitfaced and driving the highway going 100mph like he did before, or if hes passed out off xanax. 
i watched my fiancee leave me for a girl who was addicted to xanax, who i told her was a bad influence, who drank and took pills, who i was bestfriends with at one point and saw all things first hand. i watched her leave me for that. i watched her comeback and tell me about walking into their apartment and people are passed out on xanax, the patio furniture is in the living room, her girlfriends bed is a mess with handcuffs on it. i mean i was there, downstairs when she told me her girlfriend said she was going to buy shit off my other ex girlfriend. i had to deal with picking her up from the psych ward because she got drunk and was trying to jump off a bridge. i had to deal with her telling everyone at the hospital that i was her fiancee and her girlfriend was her crazy ex, and that my mom was her mom, because thats who was trying to get her out, ME AND MY FAMILY. i had to calm her girlfriend down because she was freaking out and and she was worried, it was me doing this shit. 
i had to watch her high off what she said was her moms meds that are locked in a lock box for work, while passed out drunk and throwing up in her sisters back yard by a creek. i had to follow her home and watch her drive all over the road, go home to her girlfriend and listen to her on the phone yell at her because her girlfriends throwing up in their shower. ive had to watch her get insanely drunk and beat on her girlfriend, try to stop them from killing each other. i just watched her come to my house almost a month ago and tell me shes doing cocaine. she cries and tells me she got where our wedding tattoos were supposed to be tattooed with her new fiancees name because she was high on coke and doesnt even remember it. she told me she asked my artist to cover it and he said no, but in reality, she asked him to do it and he said no. ive watched her become unreliable, unstable, unhealthy, angry, abusive, a liar. i have watched her turn into her dad and it breaks my heart everyday knowing that shes become the man who she despises, the man who hurt her so much in life, thats who shes become and it kills me. 
my heart is a mess and i am beyond sad with everything going on. i dont know how to handle it or what to do but im trying my best.  
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busch80dahl · 25 days ago
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Weighing In On Propecia And Other Men's Health Products
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avalondays · 26 days ago
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Here & Now
word count: 3,025
“Colby’s only ever known fleeting love like roller coaster rides that never stop, operating from dusk to dawn. But she hasn’t had a girlfriend since she split with Alondra. Her days of chasing highs are over.”
Colby reminisces on her days as a bounty hunter, wondering if her and Alondra can rekindle a flame whose embers haven’t quite burned out yet. After almost six years of “just business”, maybe they can make something work.
-----
The panels of Colby’s visor retract into the sides of the helmet. She can’t stand to aim through a scope and a tinted visor, even if it hardly makes a difference. You’d be hard pressed to see her miss a target-- especially on a bounty this valuable.
“Tell me what you see, Lon,” she says, looking around the block from the rooftop.
From around the corner, Alondra heads south down the sidewalk in a jacket so big it almost looks like a poncho. On the other side of the road, two hooded individuals pass by one another and exchange a backpack without as much as a glance.
“Short, Caucasian, blue hoodie, black backpack,” she says, crossing the street during a lull in traffic and ducking into an alley between two shops. She cinches the jacket at her waist and produces a slender, black mask from inside of it. Its two eye holes almost seem to glow in the flickering streetlight. “She’s rounding the corner now.”
Colby watches the woman make it halfway down the block before she passes the backpack to another man in a black jacket and a baseball cap. He secures both straps over his shoulders rather than just one.
The intersection gives way to an abandoned lot left by a flattened building; dozens of cars litter the area, avoiding parking tickets and exorbitant meter fees. When Colby looks through her scope, she has a clean shot at the car that the man makes a beeline for.
“How do you want me to play this?” she asks Alondra. “Shoot out the tires and get the guy on the run, or tag the vehicle and see where he’s going?”
She jogs down the alley, making a beeline for the parking lot. “Get him back on his feet. If I’m fast enough and he’s confused enough, I can get him here and now.”
“‘Here and now’ better get a little more here and a little more now, then.”
Colby pulls the trigger, reloads, and repeats.
The two shots echo across the parking lot and air escapes from the tires. The man stumbles back into the trunk. Gripping onto the backpack straps until his knuckles turn white, he tries to seek out the sniper; but by the time he traces the bullets back to their source, Colby is long gone and Alondra’s just feet away from him.
She propels herself off of the trunk of the car and latches onto his torso, flipping him onto his back and letting him cough up a handful of dirt. From beneath the mask, Alondra’s pitiful laugh stays hidden. She throws a kick in the gut which he seems to take pretty well, for a lanky white guy. Her second kick lands on something stiff when he swings the backpack around to protect his chest.
“I could use another pair of hands!” she mutters, grasping at straws to get him in a headlock. The height difference certainly isn’t helping.
“Three cars are about to turn the corner. He’s stalling you, Lon. Get that backpack and go!”
Alondra manages to snatch the backpack from his hands as he continues to use it as a shield. Its heaviness sends her off balance. The screeching of tires and the flash of headlights gives her just enough time to slip back into the alley, where Colby waits for her. She aims her rifle at the ring of cars that just swung into the lot, but Alondra yanks the back of her collar and forces her into a sprint. Footsteps close in not far behind.
The pair descends deeper into the web of back alleys. Even beneath her helmet, you can hear a few laughs of adrenaline escape from Colby’s lips. She scales a dumpster, lunges over the fence, and rolls onto the ground. Alondra grabs her arm to keep her from stumbling, now fully broken out into laughter. The thrill of an escape is almost addictive.
Alondra unzips the backpack and eyes the shiny, solid bricks that have been pounding against her back for ten minutes. Pure tungsten-titanium. The strongest metal that bionics can buy.
“Holy shit!” Colby says, a grin still plastered to her face. She steps backward and leans against the wall, catching her breath. “That was insane! We can pawn this off for so much.”
Alondra can’t find any words to say. The euphoria keeps her giggling as she shakes the curls from her vision. Colby reaches for Alondra’s waist with her left hand and her own helmet with her right, but finds that her partner has already begun removing it from her face. With the visor still covering her eyes, warm, soft lips place themselves against Colby’s. Both hands wrap around Alondra’s waist-- but it isn’t long until the quiet, uncontrollable laughter takes hold of them again.
Even as the years go by, Colby’s days as a mercenary sit in the forefront of her mind at all times. The thrill of the chase. The catharsis of finally nabbing a bounty. The dopamine rush of cashing in. The quiet, mysterious life that she was lucky enough to spend with a person that she loved more than anyone.
Someone she loves more than anyone.
Their recent interactions have been limited purely to business: Colby sends vulnerable citizens to the sanctuary city Alondra runs, and Alondra tips Colby off about criminals in the area in exchange. Nothing more than the pass of a baton to someone who is better equipped to hold it. For nearly six years, they have been each others’ informants, but the title never sat quite right. It should’ve been more. It should be more.
Colby drums her fingertips on a coffee cup at the kitchen counter, metal clinking with the ceramic without her even noticing. Reese comes over and rests a hand over her fidgeting fingers. She offers her roommate a kind, quiet nod before opening the fridge. “Wanna talk about it?” she asks.
Colby downs the last sip of her coffee and grimaces at the bitterness. “Talk about what?”
“You’ve been tapping on that cup for almost five minutes without taking a drink from it. You’re a lot easier to read than you think.”
“That’s only because you’ve known me for, like, eight years.” She wanders over to the counter and pours another cup, careful to put an adequate amount of cream and sugar in it this time. 
“And yet, you still don’t open up about your feelings to me. Or any of your team, for that matter.” Colby scoffs and tosses the creamer to Reese, which she catches with ease and returns to the shelf in the fridge.
“Tough talk from someone who wouldn’t leave her shell until she had a girlfriend to break her out of it.”
“It’s about Alondra, then, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t--” She slumps back into the barstool at the counter. The slightest suggestion of a nod comes from her head. Her roommate pulls out the chair next to her.
“Let’s start from the beginning. Why did you two decide to go your separate ways?” asks Reese.
“I had always planned to be a bounty hunter only temporarily. It was sort of my one ‘fuck-you’ to being given orders I didn’t believe in, but if I just ran from that responsibility and didn’t try and fix the system, I couldn’t live with myself. I had to go back to being an agent,” Colby explains. “As for Alondra, she wanted to make a bigger impact than just beating up criminals and getting paid for it. She wanted to look after people. The Nest is her baby-- a sanctuary city for people with illegal cybernetics was a pipe dream she always told me about, and now it’s real.”
“And you don’t want to pull her away from that.”
She nods and takes another sip. “Not even, like, as a partner. If I show up in her life again in any capacity beyond ‘business’ or whatever, I’m worried I’ll royally fuck it up.” Her expression melts into one that’s not quite sorrowful, but not quite frustrated-- just lost with herself. She meets Reese’s gaze and asks, “How do you and Adya do it?”
“I love Adya more than anything,” Reese says. “I have never loved anyone the way that I love her, but she’s also my coworker. Six-something years ago, we were too young and dumb to commit to a relationship and a career at the same time. We stepped back, looked at the situation a little more, and decided when we were ready to commit to both. You were twenty-one when you were a merc, running around LA and getting newspaper articles written about you. That’s prime ‘young and dumb’ territory. You and Alondra are much different people now. Adjusting your promises to match your values isn’t the same as breaking them.”
Reese takes a few dishes from the sink and sets them into the dishwasher, wiping her hands on a dish towel thrown on the counter. “Regardless, she’s still your informant. The least you can give her is an update on your life. Call her.”
Her last two words ring with a softness that’s seldom seen from Reese. Her and Adya’s relationship is steady, practical, and unbreakable; Colby’s only ever known fleeting love like roller coaster rides that never stop, operating from dusk to dawn. But she hasn’t had a girlfriend since she split with Alondra. Her days of chasing highs are over. She trusts Reese’s judgment.
After sorting through all the fruits picked from the backyard, Alondra’s finally ready to bring them downstairs to the Nest residents. They’re more than welcome to come upstairs and pick it themselves-- safety isn’t an issue when this acre of land is uninhabited by anyone else-- but most of them prefer to stay inside during the day. She doesn’t blame them for being wary; it’s all that most of them have ever known.
The back door swings shut with a creak and she sets the basket on the kitchen counter. Thick clouds passing over the sun cast shadows through the open windows and wooden floors. It’s a bit lonely, living up here by herself, but most of her time is spent downstairs, anyway.
The landline rings. “Hello?”
“No time like the here and now to say hello,” a familiar voice says. Alondra almost drops the knife in her hand.
“Colby?”
“Am I catching you at a bad time?”
She tucks the phone against her shoulder and returns to the cutting board. “No, no. Good time, actually. Is everything okay?”
“Great, actually. Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m… good. Things are good here. I’ve been…” She sets down the knife. “I have a feeling that there’s a bigger reason for this call.”
Colby chuckles. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. But really, I just wanted to check in. I promise. What have you been up to?”
Her laughter immediately lets Alondra’s shoulders drop. She can’t help but produce a smile. “I’ve started growing grapefruits in the backyard. Thank God the residents like them, because I don’t know what I’d do with all this damn fruit if I wasn’t looking after almost two dozen people.”
“Reminds me of how you used to cut up fruit and bring it to me for no reason. Like your mom used to do for you.”
The recollection of a memory gives her a bit of an ache beneath the fondness. “Yeah, and I tried to placebo you into liking honeydew.”
“It takes like sweet, wet chalk! How do you even begin to like it?”
Her voice glows, like it’ll form a halo around Alondra’s head if she listens for long enough. It’s nice to talk for more than five minutes and have it not be purely business.
A laugh, followed by a soft sigh from Colby. “I hope it’s okay that I reached out, Lon. I know you’re picky about calls being traced and everything, but I… I wanted to—“ she pauses for a second. “I miss you.”
Alondra fidgets with a fridge magnet and says, “Me too.”
“Reese gave me this whole spiel about promises. About how it’s okay to update them as you grow and how it’s not the same as breaking them. I think that I was a very different person six years ago— I was young and chaotic and I don’t know how you put up with me. But you did, and I’m thankful.”
Her elbows lean against the windowsill, where the sun emerges from beneath a dark cloud and pours rich, honey sunlight into the house again. The warmth envelops her and allows the tension to lift from her spine. She breathes out sharply. “Come to the Nest,” Alondra tells Colby. “Friday evening. I think I want to update some of my promises, too.”
Colby trips over her words when she tries to reach some sort of acknowledgment, but says that she’ll be there. They exchange their goodbyes and she drops the phone back into its slot on the counter. 
The moving train barely slows down enough for Colby to swing her body against its rungs and climb up to the top. Dozens of cargo cars stretch off into the distance; she tries to guess what each one’s transporting based on the color and the branding of the car.
It’s a trip she’s only made a handful of times, but she can’t deny that she loves the thrill of train surfing. Her and Alondra would do it all the time with the transit systems that run through LA, speeding across town to where they were needed most. Trying to catch a moving light rail in a metro area makes jumping onto this cargo train look like child’s play. 
Dusky sunlight bathes her in a comfortable warmth that counteracts the rushing breeze passing by her for thirty minutes straight. The railroad stretches on for miles, curling around hills and disappearing behind the occasional farmhouse that pops up from the earth. There’s comfort in these barren, hilly lands. It’s a far cry from the densely packed city blocks she’s used to.
The train car rounds a corner and begins its ascent up a gradual incline. That’s her queue. Two homes in the distance grow closer and closer until they’re only a block away. Colby tosses her backpack onto the ground and her body follows close behind, rolling out of the jump. Years of experience with being on the run, and she lands without as much as a stumble.
She tries to keep her hands steady as she makes her way up the hill to the house. It’s been years since they saw each other in person, and even more since they’d had a conversation that wasn’t work-related. But at the same time, their year-long tenure as adrenaline junkie bounty hunters feels like only months ago. Picking up where they left off is both the most comforting and terrifying thought. It’s funny, the way that a year of love can stretch itself into six more.
The door of the first house creaks open. Alondra plants her feet firmly on the porch-- not because she wants to, but because she can’t bring herself to carry them down the floor without taking her attention away from the figure at the end of the road. Short, scruffy blonde hair that Colby’s been cutting shorter and shorter in the recent years. Two bionic hands that catch the sun at just the right angle. A blue jacket that Alondra insisted she buy because it looked good on her. 
As the last of the train whirs by, everything around her seems shaded, but she stays in the light. Dusk hues pour out from her body and form a halo around it. The same happens around Alondra from the lamplight coming from the open doorway. The sun dips below the hills.
There is no more anxiety. No more fear of safety. No more tension. The world opens up and it’s all Colby’s and Alondra’s for the taking.
It has always been you.
Alondra tears herself from the porch and stumbles down the steps. Colby tosses her backpack into the yard, breaking out into a sprint. Their bodies collide and the kiss lasts a lifetime. It’s strong enough to grab hold of the last light of day and keep it in the sky for just a little longer. 
Just like that, Colby is twenty-one again, standing in the alley and riding the afterglow of a successful chase. Her lips latch onto Alondra’s with a youthful buzz, but a tender adoration that could spread itself across lifetimes. Living hand-to-mouth feels like having all the money in the world if you spend it with the right person. And there will never be a righter person.
Alondra wipes the tears from Colby’s face, then her own. She chokes out a laugh at the sheer drama of her reaction to seeing her again for the first time in years. Tear-stained and wind-rustled from the journey, and she has never looked more beautiful. Her hands trail over her neck, down her arms and intertwine with Colby’s fingers.
“You cut your hair again,” she says with a smile. She guides Alondra to lace her fingers through the short, blonde locks. Colby leans her head into the touch.
“I wonder who I learned that from.”
Their foreheads tap together for a long while-- longer than they expect. The porch lights turn on, bathing the yard in yellow.
“Do you still have some of those grapefruits?” Colby asks.
“Plenty.” She takes Colby’s hand and pulls her toward the house. “Let me introduce you to the residents, too.”
She comes to a halt on the first step of the porch. “I was actually thinking we could sit out here for a while and just… talk. Update those promises we were talking about. I can meet everyone later.”
Pulling Colby’s bag from her shoulder, Alondra pauses and huffs out a chuckle. “Yeah, I’d like that. Let me put your stuff inside and get you that grapefruit. Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t,” says Colby, settling down at the top of the steps.
I never will. 
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buckycuddlebuddy · 26 days ago
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𝒕𝒉𝒆 (𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓) 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚
summary ─ “why don’t we have this thing they call goodbye sex? one last time.” he leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear. “i’ll make it good for you.”
pairing ─ fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader 
warnings ─ smut, +18, alcohol usage, exes, goodbye sex, light angst, dirty talk, pet names, drunkiness, oral sex, choking, riding, mentions of infidelity/cheating, bucky gets around is what i meant, mean!bucky (not extreme, just a bit heartless), sort of one night stand
a/n ─ you can thank @clementinesandstars​​ for the idea they provided. without their idea, this fic wouldn’t be happening probably lol i really hope you like it! please leave a comment if you do, thank youuu <33
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Crowds weren’t your thing most of the time, but tonight, it was a nice way of distracting yourself. Sweaty, half-drunk and half-naked bodies were grinding each other, bass boosted house music was blasting on the speakers, you almost forgot why you were sad this morning.
The alcohol in your hand had something to do with it, too. Closing your eyes, you tipped your head back and continued to dance.
This was probably the last party you might be able to attend in the next month or so since your exams were starting in a week. You were going to be busy as hell and you wanted to let it loose before the freight train hit you.
You leaned back against the body you felt behind you. It was warm and solid; must be a male, you thought and smiled to yourself. You felt arms around your waist and you were being pulled against the solid body fully.  
“You look beautiful dancing on your own like that,” you heard them saying, and you froze. No fucking way, you thought to yourself and turned around.
Bucky Barnes was standing in front of you with a smirk and in a white wifebeater.  The tattoos on both of his arms were on display, you could also pick his neck tattoos, too. His skinny black jeans were hugging his thick thighs beautifully, complimenting his ass along the way. His mid-length hair was swept back. He had a soft scruff going and, fuck me, you thought. He looked so good.
It didn’t give him any right to come up to your after what he had done to you, though.
“What the fuck, Bucky?” You hissed, stepping away from him. “You can’t do this shit with me anymore.” He narrowed his eyes. A playful smirk was on his lips, and you wanted to punch him.
“Why not?” He said. “We are having fun, and you know what amount of fun we have together. Have you forgotten already?” He grabbed the plastic cup in your hand and finished your drink, throwing the cup somewhere in the room. He stepped forward. “Why don’t we have this thing they call goodbye sex? One last time.” He leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear. “I’ll make it good for you.”
“Did you make it good for her, too?” You couldn’t help but spat at him. Your eyes were burning with the anger and hurt you felt. “You fucker,” you pushed him. “You screw around with her and then you think you have a right to come up to me and ask for a goodbye sex? Fuck you.” A spark went off in his steel blue eyes. He stepped forward once again, fully in your personal space now.
“Take your hate out on me,” he whispered, lips hovering over yours. “Get your frustration and all your anger out of me, baby. I put them there, get rid of them with me. C’mon…” You couldn’t help but shiver as his lips brushed against yours as he spoke.
You were brave enough to admit yourself that you were going give in to him eventually. Having him touch you like that one last time sounded like a heaven for you. You’ve been hurting ever since you found out that he dumped you for another woman whom he had been seeing around for some time, and even the thought of you stop hurting for a short while meant relief.
“Sweetheart…” He whispered as he stroked your cheek with his thumb. “Give in, come on. I know you want it…” You could feel tears welling up, but you didn’t want him to see you cry so you blinked them away. You whimpered softly. He took your whimper as ‘yes’ and leaned in to kiss you.
You moaned into his mouth when his lips met with yours. They were always so soft and always kissed you so sweet, you gasped lightly when you realized how they soothed your pain. Rising on your tiptoes, you wound your arms around his neck and pulled him in. Bucky growled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. His hold was tight and possessive; you loved it whenever he held you against him like this.
“Hold on,” he grunted. You tightened your arms around his neck and felt his hands grabbing the back of your thighs. In a blink, you were in his arms and being carried away from the crowd. You could feel the rings adorning his long and thick fingers. His tongue piercing was mocking with your tongue, making you let out little moans each time.
You didn’t realize that you were in some room until he laid you on the bed. You pulled back from his lips, breathless and achy. You watched him strip his wifebeater hungrily. His body was like a sculpture; all hard muscles and abs and bulging biceps with tattoos all over the tanned skin. You trailed your fingers over his abs, feeling them twitch. Bucky smirked and stuck his hands under your dress.
His lightly calloused, soft hands made contact with your bare thighs, and you gasped. You felt him trailing his hands upwards slowly, to drive you mad, and you whined as you arched your back. His touch was addicting, and you always responded to it so well, Bucky had told you so.
“The sounds you make, princess,” Bucky whispered. “They drove me fuckin’ crazy.” You mewled when he dug his nails in the skin of your hips. Bucky slowly peeled your dress off you, revealing an inch of deliciously naked skin to his hungry eyes with every step.
In under a minute, you were a naked and breathless mess before him. You felt your cheeks heat up, a sudden shyness seeping in, and you tried to cover your body as much as you could with your hands.
“No,” he whispered, “No, baby, lemme see.” He grabbed your hands and locked them in his hand over your head. His lips were right against your pulse, his hot breath was licking the sensitive skin there, making you shiver. Bucky dipped down and kissed the wildly beating pulse. He peppered kisses, sucking the skin a little and he bit down gently.
“Bucky…” You breathed. He just hummed and made his way downwards. His lips found your nipple, and he took one in his mouth; his fingers were playing with the other. Your nipples were sensitive as hell normally, but with the piercings on both of them ─Bucky made you do it─, they were even more sensitive. You cried out in ecstasy, head thrown back. Bucky continued to suck on the sensitive nipple, continued to pinch and roll the other one between his thumb and point finger. “God, fuck, Bucky!” You gasped when you felt his teeth grazing over the piercing.
“I told you getting them pierced was a great idea,” he murmured after he pulled back. “Lookit these cute things,” he cooed as he pinched both your nipples. “They look so good, baby, with these things on. You look so fuckin’ sexy with’em.” He dipped down again but to suck on your other nipple, and you grabbed him by the hair as he went on sucking.
“Fuck,” you moaned. “Fuck, fuck!” Your whole body was alive with the pleasure Bucky was giving you. Your toes were curling, your thighs were trembling slightly and your clit was throbbing. You were burning alive. “Please…” You whimpered. You pulled on Bucky’s hair hard, causing him to moan throatily. He pulled briefly.
“That’s not how you ask things, now, is it?” He asked, raising a brow at you. You swallowed harshly as you surpassed a violent shiver because of the way he was looking at you. He slapped your nipple. “Ask me nicely.” You whimpered.
“Sir,” you moaned. His pleased, cocksure smirk took over his lips. “Please,” you whispered. “Please, I need you, sir.”
“That’s it, baby,” he murmured, his hands stroking your thighs gently. “What you want? Hm? Tell me.” He peppered kisses all over your stomach, his nose poked your breasts and you shivered. “C’mon, tell me.”
“I wanna come,” you breathed. Your eyes closed already, fingers playing with Bucky’s hair. “Please, sir, I wanna come.” Bucky hummed and moved down on the bed, laying down on his stomach. Your heart jumped to your mouth with his new position. He took your legs and placed them over his broad shoulders.
You knew it was coming but the first lick he gave you had you screaming. You threw your head back, eyes closed and back arched, you cried out. With kitten licks, he cleaned the slick on your lips and eased some of the throbbing on your clit. You heard him clearing his throat and you lifted your head to watch him. He pulled back to spit the slick he collected from your pussy on you.
“Oh, fuck,” you moaned as you took in the sight. You felt his spit trailing down and making you shudder with the feeling. Your thighs trembled around his head. He soothed it by rubbing them up and down. Then, he leaned in and gave you a fat lick; a kind of lick where you felt his piercing stroking your sensitive flesh. “James!”
He hummed. He was licking and slurping on your pussy all the while rubbing your thighs gently and holding your hips down. Your back was arched and head thrown back once again. Your fingers were deep in his thick chestnut hair, pulling and just holding.
Bucky was eating your pussy like he had been starving.
You keened high when you felt the familiar tightening on your belly. “Sir,” you moaned. “’m close, sir. Please, I’m─” You moaned again. “Fuuck, sir, ‘m so close─”
Bucky pulled back only to slide two of his fingers in you. “Come, baby,” he murmured. “Come.” He buried his face again; lips around your clit, fingers plunging in and out of you rapidly, you fell from the edge. You gasped, pulled on his hair and your thighs trapped his head there. Bucky hummed throughout your orgasm.
You moaned as you pushed his face away a little. Things were becoming a bit sensitive. He pulled back. His chin was shining with your slick, and the sight made you feel all warm. Bucky made his way up to your lips. He pressed a sweet, chaste kiss. You smiled.
“You always look so damn sexy when you come,” he whispered against your lips and bent down to kiss you again, but this time you didn’t let him pull back. You kissed him all the while slowly pushing him onto his back, climbing on his lap and continued to kiss him while sitting on his lap. You could feel his hard cock under you, trapped in his jeans. Your hands found his belt and you quickly got rid of it. Unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper were the next steps, and then you pulled back to strip him from his jeans. It needed a bit work, but it was off and you were back on his lap. You handed him the condom you pulled out from his pocket. Bucky reached for it as he also pulled you down to kiss you again. You helped him put the condom on.
Bucky wiggled on the bed, taking a comfy position for you to ride him. You smiled and mounted him, grabbing his hard cock, you lined it up.
You always loved riding him, always loved how he made you feel when you sank down on him, loved how it made him grab your hips tightly to stop himself from coming. Just like now; he was holding onto your hips, nails and rings digging into your skin and his head was thrown back, his neck was exposed. You breathed a sigh as you bottomed out. You stayed like that for a couple seconds and then, you started to move.
It was slow and light movements at first, but soon you started to bounce on his cock. Breathless little moans and grunts slipped from his mouth. His hands came down on the soft flesh of your ass harshly for a couple times, smacking sounds only spurring you on even more.
“Holy shit,” he moaned and let out a deep growl. “Yes, yeah, like that…” He bit his lip, eyes hooded and dark, hair a mess, he looked so beautiful under you. You whimpered when he grazed over your sweet spot. You leaned forward and placed your hands on his pecs for support. Your thighs were burning with the exhaustion, but you were close. You could feel Bucky was also close; he was whimpering and moaning softly as he murmured filth under his breath. “God, yeah, yeah. Fuck.”
You chuckled breathlessly. You loved it when he was all gone during sex. It made you feel powerful knowing that you did that. Bucky moaned when you rode him even harder and quicker. His hands tightened on your hips and he pinned them down. Then, he planted his feet on the bed and started to thrust up into you. You screamed. Mouth dropped open, you moaned and gasped. His slick skin was smacking against yours, creating obscene sounds, you whimpered. He felt so good in you, filled you up so nicely… He was going to make you come, it was so close.
“Fuck, ‘m close,” you breathed. Bucky groaned out an approval as he threw his head back, driving his hips up at a mad pace. You slid your hand and grabbed his throat. He choked on a moan, eyes snapping open, steel blue eyes found yours. You squeezed it lightly.
“Motherfuck─” He managed and his pace faltered. He groaned loud and long as he came, his thigh muscles jumping and twitching madly under yours. He exposed his throat even more to you, pressing it into your hand. You moaned as you felt his cock twitch in you. He moved one of his hands from your hip to your clit and he rubbed it with his thumb. You gasped.
“Oh!” You cried out, “Oh, Bucky, James, fuck!” You felt the center of your world shift and whole body convulsing as you came on his cock.
“JesusfuckingChrist,” he gritted. “You’re like a fuckin’ vice, what the fuck.” You squeezed your hand around his throat, digging your nails a bit deeper. He let out a guttural moan. You pulled your hand back as you collapsed on his chest.
“Holy shit,” you breathed. Bucky hummed. He rolled you over and pulled out slowly. You lay on the bed; your legs had turned into jelly and your body buzzing with pleasure still. You watched Bucky disposing the condom and reaching for his jeans. He pulled them on, doing a quick work with his belt, too. You suddenly started to feel cold. Bucky reached for his undershirt and put it on.
“Well,” he said. “Goodbye.” He threw you a distant smile and walked out of the room, briefly letting in the noises from the party that was still going on downstairs.
You tensed. All the good feelings came with the sex had gone in a blink, and you shivered. Reaching for your own clothes, you put them on. There was an empty feeling inside of you. You couldn’t feel if your heart was still beating, or if your skin was still warm. All you could feel was the cold air around you and the emptiness.
You sobbed once silently as you, too, walked out of the room. He wanted to have a goodbye sex and that was what you had.
You never thought returning back to the real world where you didn’t have him would hurt this bad, but it did: You were hurting all over.
You sighed deeply, closing your eyes for a second. You were used to the pain that came with him. It was why you loved him in the first place. You knew you could never have him, but it didn’t stop you.
Letting the house music fill into your mind, you made your way downstairs to find more alcohol.
You felt enough for a night, you thought. It was time to feel nothing and time to have some real fun. After all, this was the after party.
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caramelstyles · 26 days ago
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✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ALREADY GONE *:・゚✧*:・゚✧ ❝ To love them, you have to set them free.❞
xvi. fourteen - wattpad link
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"Are you sure you will be okay to close up, dear?" Susan asked just before she put her apron away.
"Yes, of course! You can't miss your daughter's birth," I shooed the older woman out of the workspace.
"I'll close up for you next Wednesday to make up for it," she offered before she scurried out the door.
This Monday was certainly full of surprises.
Earlier today, a couple of people I went to high school with came in and they recognised me immediately. After all, I was the girl with the dead parents at the age of fifteen, plus I used to date Harry Styles who happened to be the best thing that came out of Holmes Chapel.
I rarely see people I went to school with but it's a small world, I do bump into the ones that stay in and around Manchester the odd time.
What I wasn't prepared for was the forceful small talk and them acting like we've been best friends since birth when they never even bat an eyelid at me during our school years. Not that I minded, I really enjoyed staying under the radar.
Unfortunately, when your childhood sweetheart leaves you to become a worldwide sensation, people like to talk and make up their own version of the truth. You wouldn't believe how many messages I've had from people asking if it's true that our breakup led me to attempt to kill myself.
At least the two girls that came in earlier were bearable and I think they eventually got the hint that I didn't want to talk to them about our old school, the people in our year or my history with Harry. They would have a field trip if they knew I still speak to Harry.
Speaking of, it had been a month since Harry came over for dinner and I think he meant it when he actually wanted to stay friends because he hasn't ghosted me yet!
Harry has been busy with album promotional stuff like photo shoots and filming his debut solo music video which is due to drop next week then the album is supposed to drop two or three weeks after that. I don't remember the timeline he gave me but he wanted to be there with me when I listened to it for the first time. Just like we did when One Direction released Up All Night.
For the last month, I had been practically living in the coffee shop. One of the girls had quit and William is still interviewing potential candidates so I have been doing extra hours which I didn't mind because I enjoy being around coffee. On the plus side, the boss has also given me a bonus for the extra hours so I really can't complain.
I babysat for Rebecca and James a few times, mainly when they wanted some alone time without the girls which, was understandable. James had been working a lot of overtime so they rarely get to see each other but he's hoping to get this promotion at work so he could work from home more and spend time with Rebecca and the girls. I really do envy their relationship — they truly were a perfect match.
On top of bumping into old classmates, Susan got a call about ten minutes ago from her daughter who was rushed into labour. Penelope, Susan's youngest daughter, had miscarried her first baby so this miracle baby means a great deal to everyone and more importantly, she wanted her mum to be there when she gave birth to the baby boy.
Susan usually locks up on Monday and I finish around three o'clock but since it was just the two of us. I offered to close up and let Susan go early. William wouldn't mind anyway, I close up more often than not.
Monday afternoons were slow enough in this part of the city which I was grateful for. I can take it easy until closing and then go straight home to relax. I might even treat myself to a takeaway tonight. The options are endless.
Around three o'clock, the last person I expected to see walked in through the doors.
"Harry? What are you doing here?" I pondered, looking around the coffee shop to see if I could spot any potential fans but there were only two tables of middle-aged women who were very engrossed in their private conversations.
"Picking you up from work," he simply replied. "I thought you got off at three?"
"Not today, Susan's daughter is in labour so she left early for the hospital," I explained. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I could have let you know to save the trip."
"I was in the city seeing a few people anyway, I can wait until you finish?"
"I wouldn't want you to be bored or anything. I don't finish for another two hours," I answered hesitantly.
"If you keep the coffee coming, I'm sure I'll find something to entertain myself with," he smiled.
"Right then," I nodded. "You can take the table in the back corner, you should be safe from any prying eyes. What do you want to drink?"
"Just an Americano, for now, thank you," he ordered before taking out his wallet.
I stopped him mid-way, "It's on me, don't worry about it."
"You cooked the other night and wouldn't let me contribute a penny, the least I could do is pay for my coffee," he frowned.
"It's my treat," I insisted.
"I'll buy dinner tonight then," he demanded.
"Fine by me," I grinned before turning away to start making Harry's Americano.
I remember the first time Harry tried coffee and how much he hated it.
Granted, it was instant coffee so either way, it was going to taste like shit but the stark difference between Harry then and Harry now is bizarre.
The kid practically spat the liquid back out into my mug and expected me to continue drinking it. I mean, I did but that's not the point. I've swallowed way worse.
Anyways, he asked me how I could stomach something so bitter yet here he is years later drinking black coffee.
Coffee is definitely an acquired taste. My dad used to drink a lot of it. We only had the instant coffee lying around since dad was the only coffee drinker in the house. Mum didn't like coffee and she would always say it felt like a betrayal to her English roots.
I hated coffee the first time I tried it too. It was a sip of my dad's morning brew — a dash of milk and no sugars. I remember it was the nastiest drink I had ever tried up until that point but then he eased me into lattes at the age of 13 and I became obsessed.
Every morning before school, he would have his morning brew and he would make me an instant latte from the Nescafe sachets. My mum was most definitely not happy that dad was fueling my caffeine addiction at such an early age but I was already a big tea drinker so it didn't matter.
Looking back now, they were already acting like an old married couple, looking for any excuse to argue with each other. Life ripped them away from me too early. They were supposed to leave me when my kids grew up to be adults. Not when I was still a stupid kid.
After I brought Harry's drink to his table, time passed even slower. I felt that he was watching my every move and it was unnerving. I hated how much he still affects me after all this time.
Every time Harry and I have been in the same room, the air feels electrifying and suffocating as if lightning is about to strike. All the hairs on my body stood to attention, ready for some sort of relief or ready to fight. My heart is always in my throat and I have a million and one things to say but the words are jumbled and I can't get them out.
When I had a spare moment to myself, I would glance over at Harry's table. A couple of people came in who recognised him and asked for a photograph but they were pretty respectful and left after they got their drinks.
Harry was in his own world. He was scribbling away in a brown, leather journal of his with his tongue poking out the side of his mouth and brows furrowed in concentration. I'll admit, it was an adorable sight. I wish I could take a picture and frame it. It was the same face he used to pull when we would do our homework together either at his house or mine.
Harry could do anything he wanted to when he put his mind to it — except Maths. The boy was hopeless when it came to numbers.
I was finally ready to close up when five o'clock rolled around. Harry offered to wait but I was a little scared in case we were photographed together — just in case those girls earlier had posted about Harry's whereabouts or something. There was a secluded car park around the back of the cafe where I had asked Harry to wait in his car for me.
"Sorry for the wait," I apologised as I got into the passenger seat of Harry's very nice car.
I was honestly intimidated and I felt like I was getting his leather interior dirty by just sitting in the car after a day of smelling like coffee and baked goods.
"Don't apologise, I freed my afternoon and evening for you anyway," he smiled.
"What did you want to do?" I asked, buckling my seat belt in as Harry started the ignition.
"I was thinking we could get a chippy then sit in the park by our old Primary school, I haven't been there in a while," he suggested.
"I haven't had a chippy in ages. That's such a good idea. Do you mind swinging by mine so I change and freshen up?"
"Of course not."
Harry pulled out of the car park and headed towards my flat.
Being in the passenger seat of his car brings back a lot of memories.
He had passed his driving test about two months after he turned 17. Robin had given him lessons on the sly for years before he was legal to be on the roads. If he could have sat the theory and driving test on his birthday, he would have but One Direction had just started making a name for themselves and none of the boys could take very much time off. Harry had always had an interest in cars; it was one of the things he had in common with my dad.
Almost right after Harry passed his test, he came and picked me up and we spent the day on our road trip. He was home on a break while recording Up All Night. I never knew that Harry came home so when he turned up at our door, I sobbed. It was the first time I saw him since his birthday and I had missed him so much.
Later that night, we parked out in the countryside and had car sex for the very first time. It was probably both of our worst experiences ever.
Firstly, I felt so weird that we were shagging in Anne's car of all places since Harry didn't have his own car. Secondly, for a family car, it didn't have much room in the back for... activities, so we were sort of cramped together in weird positions. It was mildly laughable. Thirdly, it was dark and so not sexy. I never understood the appeal of car sex and how films and TV shows make it look so easy and enjoyable.
It definitely killed the mood but I had a free house so Harry stayed the night and we made it up to each other.
I most definitely should not be thinking about car sex with Harry while I was sat in his passenger seat. Definitely not in broad daylight and considering, we are just friends — I should not be thinking about sex with Harry at all.
Harry parked in the garage of the flat complex and waited while I hurried up to my place so I could change into something clean. It was starting to get a little chillier in the night so I grabbed a light scarf to go with jeans, a t-shirt and a puffer jacket I decided to throw on.
Within ten minutes, I was back in Harry's car.
"That was quick," he blew out as he started driving off.
"Didn't want to make you wait," I shrugged. "So, where are we off for tea?"
"How about the chippy round the corner from your old house?" He asked.
"Helen's? Oh, definitely," I cheered, "I haven't been there in years."
"Me too, haven't been around your way in ages," he confessed.
"I think we got sick of it after getting it every time you slept over at mine," I joked.
We both knew why we hadn't been to our favourite chippy in years but neither of us willing to admit to each other why.
"Do you think the lady that is so stingy with gravy still works there?" He chuckled thinking back to the old hag that always seemed to be in charge of saucing up the food.
"God I hope not," I sighed, "You would think that the gravy was made out of gold or something."
"One way to find out," he blew out a breath as he merged onto the junction that takes you to Holmes Chapel from the city.
We spent the next 40 minutes of the car journey catching each other up with the past month. Harry always enjoys listening to me talk about group therapy for some odd reason.
I have been back to my usual weekend group therapy sessions for a while. The attendees come and go; there are only about two other people aside from myself who are consistently there. Sometimes, I recognise a few people who come for a few weeks and then they miss a couple and when they do eventually come back, you know they have just relapsed.
Addiction is an odd thing.
No one goes through the same journey or views addiction in the same light.
Every week I hear different stories about what people go through and it really makes you think about how strong humanity is and how equally fucked up it is too. People deal with things differently and sure, there are healthy coping mechanisms but what's the point in pondering over how different things could be?
Many people who struggle with addiction are alone and some of them end up in way worse than how they started. I think I am one of the lucky ones. I had a support system, Rebecca and James, despite all the bullshit I put them through they still stood by me. I recognise that and I owe them my life.
Don't get me wrong, I've had many relapses before I got completely clean and there is this little voice in my head 24/7 that reminds me how good being high felt. That was all it was though. A momentary high; clicking pause on reality.
What I have learnt over the years is that reality doesn't pause for you. Sure, you can pause on reality but when you hit resume, it is there waiting for you and usually with a whole load of extra bullshit on the side.
"You okay?" Harry voiced, breaking me out of my train of thought.
"Yeah, just lost in my own head," I replied in a daze.
"We're here anyway," he pointed out as he parked outside our favourite chippy.
I looked up at the familiar glowing neon sign for Helen's. The last time we were here was probably before Harry went on The X Factor.
There was a light drizzle as the sun was setting which was a perfect indication that summer was most definitely over. I am excited to see what Autumn brings.
Harry came to open the passenger door and offered his hand to help me out of the car. I smile graciously at him before climbing out of the vehicle.
We walked into the chippy together and there was no one else in the place except for the staff which I was thankful for. I didn't want to imagine the headlines of Harry being pictured with a 'mystery girl in his hometown' which happens to be my hometown too.
"Well, isn't it Harry Styles?!" Helen greeted from behind the counter.
"Helen!" He cheered, approaching the older lady.
"And if my eyes don't deceive me, it's Angel McGregor too," her attention was directed to me, still grinning.
Her joyous facial expression turned into a scowl as she started to scold us both, "I would give you both a smack up the head for not coming to see me in years! I mean, Harry is understandable because he's an international superstar but you, Angel, you only live around the corner!"
"Sorry, Helen," I glanced away, catching Harry's sorrow-filled eyes before I redirected my gaze to the older lady.
"Let's not dwell in the past, what can I get you both?" She asked, getting her order pad and pen ready.
"Chips, gravy and peas," Harry and I ordered at the same time.
We turned to each other and laughed. No matter how many years it's been, our order still stays the same. We truly were two peas in a pod growing up; ate a lot of the same things and similar thought processes.
"Let me guess, just salt and no vinegar?"
"That's the one," Harry chuckled as he took out his wallet to pay for our gravy chips.
"I'm so glad to see that after all these years, you two still manage to find time for each other," she gushed as she put our order in.
I didn't have anything to say because what do I say? We didn't exactly stay in touch over the years. We just happened to cross paths again in a game of chance — otherwise known as Caroline's multiple attempts at matchmaking.
I watched as Harry charmed the pants off all the staff as we waited for our order. Every one of them takes turns in taking selfies with the grown-up curly-haired boy that used to come in every fortnight for years.
One of the traits I admire most about Harry was his ease in working the crowd. He has only grown into his confidence over the years. I could say it's the Aquarius in him but it's just Harry. Harry is confident, caring, thoughtful, kind, humble and slightly narcissistic but who could blame him?
"Here you go, you two," Helen said, handing us a paper bag containing our chips.
"Thanks, Helen," I reached out and grabbed the bag.
"Come back soon, I don't want to wait another few years to see both of your faces," she frowned before waving us off.
"We will," Harry called out as we left the shop.
Unfortunately for us, the rain got heavier so we couldn't sit in the park, but Harry suggested parking in the car park overlooking the park. The drive was short, like 10 minutes maximum, which was filled with a comfortable silence.
It felt weird partaking in a little tradition Harry and my family had a long time ago after so many years of not even thinking about small things like this.
I guess this is one of those things to be getting used to with Harry back in my life.
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qtsp00k · 27 days ago
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I need to play with my dolls in order to process the things that I'm going through right now. And the holdup there is that he hasn't yet come with the vital element I need in order to set up my dog room entirely by myself. I am 100% making my home entirely by myself. I can't even trust him to handle my things with care at this point.
I'm not allowed to correct, direct, criticize, suggest, or brain storm with him.
Nor is my inability to process my own thoughts (much less his mouth that's running top speed to vent and gossip about the stupid shitty people in his life he looks down on in order to feel better about himself) tolerated.
Yet he expects there to be no delay in my answers.
And i cannot even believe how textbook abusive this guy IS who has all his people convinced that I'M THE ABUSIVE ONE AND HE FORGIVES...!!!ME!!!
Yeah I'm not even done with this rant cuz he has an arbitrarily set limitation to how many words it takes to just "tell him what to do".
Cuz he just wants to interact with me when my need for chore help is dire, rejects any recompensation, and wants to make no small talk as he endures my presence for the chores duration.
Get this!
He maintains the narrative that he's being used and i don't appreciate him at all.
I know with 100% certainty I'm not the only one who has this damage.
He doesn't care about getting me water. He'll do it on his time. So I've been drinking less and less. Down to my last gallon.
But did i wake up and shoot him the email command like usual? Just not angering an immature temperamental beast of a man to get my basic need meet without pulling some new platonic friend in from the periphery where i don't want them: in the role of care giver to me.
Dependency.
Cooperative dependency.
Nope. Not today!
I tried to open with all the good news if my life, but that wouldn't fly. I could believe that he'd once again gone, "yeah ill get to it" and was just fine to make me the bad guy for being too sick and addled with the tumult resultant from my move.
Just fine to make me the bad guy for not getting Grim medicine but he's letting his son suffer.
So yeah i just once again had to tell him to get help for his addiction.
(i was gonna go to work until i got high)
He can quit pot right (eyeroll)
But then he takes up drinking.
And if he can quit drinking then he goes on spending sprees.
And if he can not do all that he's got a sex addiction to feed.
He's an addict and that's that.
Maybe it's easier to wash your hands of that toxicity if you aren't responsible for the trauma that created the addiction. And if you didn't know exactly all the damage and the plan of action for productive therapy....
But i do.
So i forgive him over and over and over again. Eventually go back to just handling him with kids gloves so he comes out of his monster shell.
M shell
Jesus you can't make this shit up.
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catintheruemorgue · 28 days ago
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dazai x reader
summary: dazai drags you to a shit party 
warning: drugs and gun violence, other violent acts, possible murder? also mentions of sex and nudity.
word count: 1.1k
believe it or not this is based off a true story for the most part lol i thought dazai’s character fit it real well. i don't usually write him as i feel like nobody will like my characterization of him. oh well enjoy!
Dazai always roped you into these kinda things. You didn't mind parties but when they are so hidden that you have to go to an abandoned building to get secret directions from a mailbox?  The only reason you were going was because your boyfriend was going and you trusted him to protect you if it really came to it. 
“Didn’t the directions say it was right here?” You squinted while pulling off to the side of the road. 
“We are here!” He sounded excited but it was probably because you always got free alcohol and drugs from these things. 
You gave him an incredulous look before motioning around you. It was all woods. There were no lights anywhere or music.
“Put those bright lights on.”
“My high beams?” He just rolled his eyes and nodded.
When you did you saw a ton of cars concealed within the trees. You were about to go park with them but Dazai grabbed your wrist.
“No stay parked here.” He still sounded excited but he had that tone like he just knew something so you put the car in park and turned it off.
That was something Dazai always loved about you, you just listened to him sometimes. Without a thousand questions to give him a headache. Getting out of the car he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close. He led you straight into the woods and eventually you began to hear music. When you saw the party you were shocked, there had to be over a five hundred people there. There were topless women dancing on tables and tables full of drugs. 
You rubbed your hand on his back as he guided you to the alcohol. You weren't going to drink because you had to drive even though Dazai had told you countless times he didn't see the issue with a bit of drinking and driving. Maybe he just trusted you too much because for being such a smart guy he had some stupid opinions. As he grabbed his drink you could feel his hand reach and feel your pocket. You knew he was checking for the knife you always carry in your pocket. 
“Good, you have your knife, I'll be right back. Don't get lost!” Before you could even protest he sprinted away.
It was about thirty minutes before he came back looking quite cheeky. Dazai snuck his arm around your waist again. 
“Look, my wonderful belladonna, I got ecstasy for the two of us!” Your eyes widened.
Once, just once you mentioned you wouldn't mind trying it with him. When he heard how it enhanced pleasure he was sold. You knew at this point you shouldn't have been but you couldn't believe he got some so fast. Dazai truly did work in mysterious ways. You went to respond to him when you heard a loud commotion. The two of you looked over to see two men fighting.
The one man punched the other and blood began to drip out of his nose. Before he could get another hit back he got punched again but this time the guy just kept punching him. The bloody guy lost consciousness and just when you thought the guy was done he picked the guy up and threw him over a fifteen foot drop. You gasped grabbing onto your boyfriend but he seemed to almost be enjoying the show as a smile was on his face. 
What you weren't expecting was that the guy had friends and one of them pulled a gun out and shot the winner of the fight. Dazai’s hand left your waist and gripped your hand.
“Ok, time to go.” He began to pull you away from the party.
Your adrenaline was going insane. What the fuck does he get you into?! Did you just witness two murders in one night? You jumped when you heard the rapid fire of a semi automatic. The pressure on your hand got tighter as Dazai began to run with you towards the car. Everyone else in the party was running for their lives as well. 
When you got to your car you hoped in fast, realizing why he made you park on the street. Everyone was stuck in the woods while you two had a clear shot out of there. The minute your car started you slammed onto your gas pedal and booked it out of there. You reach a hundred miles an hour and Dazai just had to make a comment about how you better not crash that car because that was not how he planned to die. Still in disbelief you finally asked your boyfriend,
“Why did you seem so worried? You’ve dealt with worse.” The way he immediately pulled you away instead of staying and seeing the outcome was not like him.
“Because, belladonna, when there are gunshots the police get called and I have an illegal substance on me!” You let out a loud laugh.
Like that's the only reason he could get arrested. Dazai was being very dramatic tonight. The rest of the drive was calm just him changing the song every minute like he usually did. As you pulled into the driveway and got out of the car everything started to hit you.
“Holy shit. That actually just happened didn’t it?” Dazai just laughed while you opened the door to your shared apartment.
He was being awfully quiet and that was never a good thing. When you got to the kitchen you turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised. The ex mafioso had the biggest, cockiest shit eating grin on his face. He made his way to you so your back was against the counter. 
“What..?” You knew he was up to know good.
“Well, we still have that ecstasy.” The scoff that left your mouth was loud.
“Really? How could you want to do drugs after all of that? Wait- please don’t answer that.” 
Instead of answering he kissed you. It wasn’t surprising as his sex drive could rival that of a sex addict. You gave in though of course and wrapped your arms around his neck. Kissing Dazai was always fun because you never knew what you were going to get. Some days it was just him being horny, others they felt more desperate and intimate. You moaned out, knowing exactly where this was going when he bit your bottom lip. 
“W-Wait, we can have sex just, no drugs.” It was hard to focus on your thoughts because when you pushed him away he went after your neck. 
Dazai made a disappointed noise but picked you up anyways and headed towards your room. 
“Fine by me!” 
i want to let you guys know that all the people actually survived!! the guy who got shot got arrested for drugs though
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love-geeky-fangirl · 28 days ago
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Ranking every Teen Drama I have ever watched
(Updated)
The Secret Life of the American Teenager
+ young Shailene Woodley and Molly Ringwald I guess
- everything else. Even Shailene Woodley's and Molly Ringwald's performances weren't that great because the writing is just oh so bad. The background music is bland and repetative and it sounds like out of some teenager's YouTube chanel. The plotlines are ridiculous and convoluted, which isn't neccessarily such a bad thing, because it is a teen drama show after all, the problem is the show seems to take itself too seriously. Other entries on this list also have ridiculously convoluted plotlines, but I'm ranking them highed because they don't take themselves too seriously and don't claim to be realistic like this show does. Seriously, from the title it suggests like this was going to be a real, uncensored look into high school but it's the furthest thing from it. Not to mention how problematic it is- God forbid someone suggests that a 14-year-old pregnant girl gets an abortion or gives the baby up for adoption without being seen as a terrible and despicable person.
Otp: Marc Molina x a job somewhere far, far away from these kids
Notps: every single pairing on this show
Best moment: literally none
Weirdest moment: "I'm such a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." What were the writers thinking??? Was this supposed to be romantic??
We Children From Zoo Station
+the aesthetic, the casting of Christiane, Detlef and Axel
-this was such a letdown. Honestly I was so hyped for it after seeing the trailer since I've read the book and didn't particularly like the movie- I feel like it's hard to fit all of Christiane's story into 90 minutes. That's why I was so excited about this show. Christiane's story covers so much, so it's easier to make it into a TV show when you don't want to ommit anything and butcher the story. But they somehow managed to do it anyway. They changed so much for no reason and completely erased Christiane's childhood trauma, which was important in the book. Now, I know you can say that it's just a loose adaptation, so it doesn't have to follow the book word for word. But I feel like if you already decided to tell her- a real person's story- you should at least do it authentically. Imo they shouldn't have tried to make the setting vague. It worked with Sex Education because the story of Sex Education is timeless. However, Christiane's story is not timeless. It's a true story set in the 1970s. If they were making a new show from scratch, I would have liked it. But this is an already existing story and they’re supposed to be just retelling it. My last issue is a nit pick but I wish the actresses playing Stella and Babsi were reversed. It just would've fit better.
Otps: all those kids x sobriety
Notp: Christiane x Detlef
Best moment: Christiane's first time in Sound was pretty true to the book
Weirdest moment: when Detlef became a gigolo because he needed money for his dog. Who tf thought of that?
Pretty Little Liars
+ makeup, style, the theme song, the drama and mystery that always kept me guessing, the cliffhangers at the end of each episode that made it so addictive, Emily's coming out story, Hanna and Spencer had some good lines
- the mishandling of some serious issues (namely eating disorders), romantization of student-teacher relationship, the timeline not making much sense, these writers seem to put more thought into the characters' outfits than the storylines
Otps: Emily x Maya, Hanna x Caleb
Notp: Ezria
Best moment: Hanna and Caleb in the shower (the sexual tension was cuttable with a knife)
Weirdest moments: Aria asking Ezra out in the middle of a make-up test (it was supposed to be cute but it was just cringy), Spencer trying to block A's text messages on a laptop, in the middle of a park (what? Spencer, you were supposed to be the smart one!)
One Tree Hill
+ Brooke, the theme song, Chad Michael Murray
- the casual drinking and driving (I mean seriously these kids play a drinking game at a party and then casually hop into a car and drive home??), too much basketball and cheerleading (that's not a bad thing per se but I just don't really care about neither of these things), it just seems too stereotypical and kinda bland?? I couldn't really get into it
Otp: Naley
Notp: Peyton x Nathan
Best moment: Naley by the dock
Weirdest moment: "I guess I'm just a riddle, wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch." It's not really a bad moment but a cringy line. I guess the writers though they were being clever but it just sounded bad.
Dawson's Creek
+ the clothes, the 90s aesthetic, the 90s soundtrack, many movie references, Pacey is a sweetheart, Jen is a feminist icon, dealing with mental health issues through Andie (it's rare to see in shows as old as this)
- the slutshaming of Jen really hasn't aged well, the storyline of Pacey being statury raped by his much older teacher was mishandled (it was either treated as scandalous, cool or in Andie’s case somehow shameful), same goes for Jen’s backstory- it was mentioned she was raped at 12 by an older man and then never brought up again, Dawson is the most unlikable protagonist ever and his friendship/relationship with Joey is codependent and possessive, the dialogue is sometimes pretentious and unrealistic, the timeline doesn't really add up- I can never tell what time of the year it's supposed to be, because it looks like it's always fall for some reason. And how did they sophomore year have two homecomings?
Otps: Pacey x Andie, Pacey x Joey (yes, both at the same time)
Notp: Dawson x Joey
Best moments: Jen helping Joey when that jerk was spreading rumours about her and then Jen and Joey locking Abby in the closet together (I love it when they stick together instead of tearing each other down), Pacey and Joey bickering
Weirdest moments: when Joey was upset because Dawson didn’t want to tell her how often he “walks his dog”, when Jen was about to have a treesome at a party and Dawson walked into the room and carried her out despite her kicking and screaming
Glee
+ funny, Sue Sylvester's iconic, great covers and a way to find new songs, the performances are aesthetically pleasing, lgbtq+ representation, tackling of serious issues, coming out story, a father who’s accepting of his son’s sexuality right away despite not really understanding it (it’s so rare to see, that’s why it’s so refreshing), the plotlines are ridiculous but at least the show doesn't take itself too seriously
-as I already said the 1st season was great but after that it just seemed like the writers made up a checklist of hard issues they should tackle and tried to tackle every single one of them while covering every single song and it just fell flat. Prime example- Quinn ending up in a wheelchair getting into a car crash to warn us from drinking and driving, singing I’m Still Standing and then suddenly being able to walk normally after. a few episodes Rachel and Finn got almost all songs, while other characters were criminally underrated and underused (Tina, Quinn, Mercedes). The teachers are questionable to put it mildly. Cringy moments- Finn singing You're Having My Baby to Quinn in front of her parents when it wasn't even his baby! Also no one except of Kurt looks like they could be in high school. And why are these cheerleaders wearing their uniforms 24/7??
Otps: Brittana, Sam x Quinn, Tina x Artie (unpopular opinion, I know), Mr Schue x unemployment
Notp: Quinn x Finn
Best moments: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody
Weirdest moment: Rachel's gross and painfully awkward crush on Mr Schue, Mr Schue joining the Glee club on the stage for a performance of Toxic and girls in the audience cat calling him (Ewww)
Euphoria
+ Zendaya's and Jacob Elordi's performances, tackling of serious issues such as drug addiction and overdose, anxiety and depression, abusive relationships and abortion in a better manner than most (if not all) teen dramas, the aesthetics, makeup and wardrobe, the musical number in the finale, the special episodes giving us insight into the characters' psychology, toxic relationships not being romanticized (which is sadly rare), teenagers sounding like actual real life teens (no "I reject reality" crap)
- lack of comic relief (why so serious all the time), sexualization of teen characters (I know this is something many teen dramas are guilty of but it's the most evident here), too much nudity (I know some of you are going to come at me with: "But it's realistic!" So what? It is realitic that teenagers get naked when they go into shower but does it mean we have to see it?? It seems to me like this show is trying too hard to be "boundary pushing" at times and ends up being scandalous just for the sake of being scandalous), these characters just aren't believable as high school juniors to me (they sound like high schoolers but they certainly don’t act, look or dress that way). There's no reason this show couldn't have been set in college.
Otps: Rue x sobriety, Nate x prison
Notps: Nate x Maddy, Cassie x McKay
Best moments: "You did this to me!" and the musical number in the season 1 finale
Weirdest moment: the fact that Maddy lost her virginity at 14 to a 40-year-old man being mentioned so casually because apparently she was "totally in control". Excuse me what??
Skins
+ style and makeup- each character has a signature trademark (Sid and his beanie, Effy's eyeliner, Cassie's soft eyeshadow), their British accents, I'm pretty sure this is the only teen drama that follows multiple classes, teenage characters being played by actual teen actors, the characters looking like average people you meet in high school and not as if they just walked off the runway, dealing with serious issues such as drug abuse, eating disorder, parental abandonment etc (yes, some people claim the show romanticized it, but I disagree. It's not the show that romanticized it- it's the fans. The show tried to portray the dangers of drugs as well as possible. Think about it- every time characters used drugs it ended in a disaster. In the pilot they thought that Cassie overdosed and ended up crashing a car while rushing into the hospital. In later season Effy hit her friend in the head with a rock because she was having a bad trip. That's not romanticizing drugs.), Effy is iconic and honestly the first episode was enough to get me hooked
- every single teacher being a creep and having a thing for a student at some point, the show can get too dark and unncessarily dramatic at times. Did that many people have to die? Did Chris's death really have to be this graphic? Timeline doesn't really add up- are 8 episodes supposed to cover the whole year? It would've made more sense if there were more episodes in a season.
Otps: Chris x Jal, Emily x Naomi
Notps: Sid x Michelle
Best moment: ooh baby it's a wild world
Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death
The OC
+ more grounded in reality than many others on this list, the theme song, the love stories, Seth and Summer are funny, the friendships are believable and the whole group has great chemistry
- too many unneccessary fights, Luke is the worst, everyone is way too casual about drunk driving, these parents are WAAAY too chill (I know this can be said about many teen dramas but it's the most obvious here. How did the Roberts and the Coopers let two 16-year-old girls go to Mexico alone?? With no supervision?? What?)
Otps: Seth x Summer, Ryan x Marissa
Notp: Luke x Marissa
Best moments: the “oh no, there’s only one bed” in the Mexico episode, Seth and Summer's first kiss and that kiss at the yacht, Ryan and Marissa's first date by the pool
Weirdest moment: these parents letting their teenage kids go to Mexico alone. It's irresponsible when they're 16 but apparently they let them go there and party every year. What?
Gossip Girl
+ every episode having a clever title, the style, the makeup, the 00s soundtrack, the glamour of it all (it feels like reading a very gossipy magazine!), all the scandals, this show never pretends to portray the realitic teenage experience so it can pretty much be as far-fetched as it wants to and you can’t question it, it gives you a chance to live the fantasy of being super rich, living with a penthouse, riding a limo to school and going to parties in New York City every night
- the final reveal doesn't make any sense, just like with PLL these writers seemed to have put more thought into the outfits and makeup than into the plotlines, romantization of a toxic relationship, having every two straight characters date or hook up at some point, which just felt forced, mishandling of serious issues (Blair's eating disorder, Eric's suicide attempt and Serena and Jenny's sexual assault from the pilot being brought up when it's convenient but not really dealt with and brushed off at other times), sexualization of teen characters
Otps: Dan x Blair, Serena x Nate
Notps: Chuck x Blair
Best moments: the Thanksgiving flashbacks, Blair and Serena running around New York and taking selfies in stolen dresses, Nate and Serena’s first time (although it was better in the books) and then their kiss at the white party, the sheer scandal of "I killed someone", Dan giving Blair a plastic tiara to make her feel like a princess
Weirdest moments: Chuck's father returning from the death and then dying again, by yeeting himself off the roof
Freaks and Geeks
+ probably the most realistic teen drama there is, the characters dress the way I can see actual teens dressing, funny, but also heatbreaking at times, probably the only teen show that included an intersex character, the characters being a little stereotypical but self-aware at least, young James Franco and Jason Segel
- the bullying being a bit too much at times and it's a bit unrealistic that the teachers would do literally nothing about it, too short- I will never understand why this got cancelled
Otps: Daniel x Kim, Lindsay x Nick, Amy x Ken
Notps: Sam x Cindy
Best moments: Sam breaking down at the end of Garage Door, Daniel and Kim getting back together in the rain
Weirdest moment: Cindy doing a 180 and becoming super mean when she started dating Sam.
Gilmore Girls
+ so many movie, literary and music references, the quotable lines (what a great way to learn about new movies, books and bands! It’s so unique for a TV show to make you smarter), the witty banter, the comfort of the first few seasons (it really feels like wrapping a warm blanket around yourself while holding a hot cup of coffee, I can’t explain why, but it’s such a comfort show), the quirky small town with many unique festivals, many entertaining and snappy fights where everyone has a point, characters dealing with real world problems (seriously, how often do you see a storyline about termites? Or a teenager with zit cream on a teen drama show?), this is also one of the few shows where teenagers are shown to have rules and restrictions and curfews (finally some kids growing up with strict parents representation) and doing homework and studying and not just partying and drinking and having sex all the time and that’s so refreshing
- but while it is refreshing to see teenagers waiting to have sex and not doing it behind every corner, the show is kind of sex negative. Every single time a (female) character loses her virginity it ends in a disaster. Even when she loses it after she’s married! It doesn’t make any sense, unless the writers just really hated women. Also slutshaming (”I got the good kid!”) ewww. The money and budget doesn’t make much sense on the show either and the girls seem immune to calories. I know some people might come at me for this with: “But it’s just a show!” but I think it’s harmful to show beautiful, thin women eat nothing but tons of junkfood all the time and never excersize and then fatshame people who do excersize but aren’t fortunate enough to be blessed with amazing Gilmore genes, and then throw around tactless references to eating disorders.
Otps: Lane x Dave, Jess x Rory
Notps: Lane x Zach, Rory x Dean, Lorelai x Christopher
Best moments: Then She Appeared, Rory’s valedictorian speech, Lorelai’s graduation
Weirdest moment: Lorelai and Christopher getting married in Paris at 4am. That’s not how it works in Europe. Do Americans think every single Europian country works like Las Vegas, where you can just get married whenever you decide??
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point-paradox420 · 28 days ago
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Sweet Treats Part 6
Alright my lovies! Soooooo here it is !!! Part 6 !!!!!! This took me a lot longer than I thought .... but I absolutely think it was worth it. I needed to get everything right, and the dialogue was the hardest for me... I suck at flirting lmao BUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT Without further ado.... Here you are. There are a few warnings I need to add before hand. 
There is a link somewhere in the fic, that shows you the outfit that is being worn to the club :) Check it out to get a better idea of what the MC is wearing :) 
Here are the links to the last 5 parts :) 
Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5
WARNINGS : DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18!!! 18 AND UP ONLY Sex, drinking, cursing, slight choking, drunk(ish) sex 
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A week after your drunk night with Bakugou, and he couldn’t help but find his eyes on you most of the day. He was thankful that you weren’t his current patrol partner, because he wouldn’t be able to do his job. You consumed his every thought. He hated but loved the hold you had over him, even if you never realized it, or if you did you never brought it up. He found himself daydreaming about you whenever his mind wasn’t focused on work, which has been more frequently. Thoughts of you, doing daily things like making breakfast, to you wrapped around his cock. It was emotional hell. He felt like he was in high school all over again. Even more so when you brought in your lunch, and handed him a chocolate cupcake. 
His eyes went wide, you had sat it down on his desk, and walked away like you hadn’t done a thing. He sat in his chair, staring at the red frosting, and the big red and black K on the top. The only difference in these cupcakes was the Letter on top. You were back to calling him Katsuki, hearing you call him that after all these years always made something twitch within him. He watched as you sauntered back to your desk. Going about your work. But Bakugou couldn’t help but pick the delicious treat up, taking a small bite. Memories came flooding back to the night that you showed him how to make them, his face going red when he remembered that you kissed him that night. You blamed the apron, but the mischievous look in your eye made him believe that you were lying. It took another two and a half bites before the cupcake was gone. The sweet, and spicy combination going down like butter. He hadn’t realized just how much he actually missed you, and all the little extra things you would do for him. 
Bakugou looked over at you, your desk was only two away from his, but you were too far to talk to out loud. He looked over at his computer, when he saw that the whole office was connected to a messenger system that was used to talk to individuals, or a group in the office. Bakugou hadn’t paid it much attention since Endeavor sent out an email for it, not really needing it for chitchat. But he swallowed thickly, typing your name into the search engine. 
It took him a few moments but finally he found your name among the employees, clicking on the single tab, so that no one else could join. He started typing away his message. 
‘You haven’t lost your touch, I see.’ He pressed enter, and the message was sent. He glanced over his computer, watching as you clicked on his message. His computer showed three periods in a little bubble. 
‘I take it you ate the cupcake in three bites?’ You smiled as you sent the message back, trying to concentrate on the files in front of you. 
‘So what? Don’t leave delicious treats on my desk next time. Shitty woman.’ He sent it without hesitation. 
‘Well I’m just glad you still like them. I haven’t changed the recipe at all either.’ You smiled as you typed, you could hear his voice in your head calling you ‘shitty woman’, it made you feel warm that he was back to calling you his old nicknames. 
‘Oh I know. It tastes just like it used to. Except one thing is different.’ He still hadn’t eaten the K that sat atop the cupcake. His eyes would fall to it every so often.
‘Uh oh… that doesn’t sound good! What did I fuck up?’ Your heart was overbeating just a little. But you were more worried that you had messed up the batter. 
‘You used a K, instead of a B this time. It’s nice that you’re calling me Katsuki again.’ He felt his cheeks flush, as soon as he pressed Enter, he regretted his decision, immediately.
‘Back then you hadn’t given me permission to use Bakugou when we made the cupcakes, so I wanted to be respectful and not over push. But now that you said I could again, I decided to use K. :)‘  You smiled as you pressed enter.
 You both acted like love sick puppies, you gazed at him when he was going about his work, or not paying attention. But as soon as you were doing work, Bakugou’s eyes were glued to you. He just couldn’t fucking stop himself, you were like a drug, and he was the hopeless addict. It also never helped that your hero costumes left him parched. You had two different hero costumes, your quirk being odd, it similar to Midnights, you were also a Somnambulist, but your quirk worked differently. You could control how it came out of your body and also who and how it affected people's minds. Instead of a pollen type substance coming from your body, you were able to produce a pheromone that escaped your body at will. Instead of just putting them to sleep, which you could easily do, but you were also able to control their minds and quirks as they slept. You could channel your quirk into about 10 people, making them sleep as if it was your multiplication tables, but you could use their quirks for about 7 to 9 minutes, but you could only control about 5 people within that time before your mind begins to hurt. You were a puppet master on the battlefield, pulling people left and right. 
Having a bit of an odd quirk you had to have very revealing costumes, one was a tank top style leotard, your arms and legs exposed, making it easy for you to activate your quirk. You also had a tool belt that was equipped with smoke bombs, throwing knives, a small walkie talkie in case you got lost or separated, and a few other things that you personally used in combat. And the other costume wasn’t so much as a costume but thin material, the color being faded compared to your leotard, it hooked around your shoulders, then around your waist. Your legs were still exposed, but your pelvic area, and chest were covered by the wrap. It matched the color scheme that your leotard was, everything was a deep blue, that was almost black, and silver that matched your hair color. Your wrap was the faded dark blue color, wrapping around your body like a glove. Your leotard left little to the imagination, but unfortunately, after years in UA, having a long sleeved leotard proved ineffective and made battling villains harder. So you had to go with a more revealing costume to help with your quirk. 
You knew you were watched by everyone in the agency, all the sidekicks, paper pushers, even Endeavor would sneak a peek, but you were used to all of it. You spent all of UA being gawked at, having teenagers, and even older men hit on you. So you didn’t even think about it when someone new started and their mouths dropped to the floor when you walked in. It was just a part of the job unfortunately. You just wanted Bakugou to look at you though. You wanted him to watch you the way the other staff did, but no matter what you’d never catch him looking like the rest of the people in the offices. But one day you came in late, after rushing to get to a fight that had broken out in a mall close by. You had rushed there without your wrap and had to come straight into the office, leotard on show for all. 
It felt like the entire office had come to a complete halt, watching you walk to your chair and sit down. The heat had risen to your cheeks as you desperately wished for a black hole to open and swallow you whole. Logging in, you noticed a notification for an instant message. Clicking on the blinking message, you saw it was Bakugou. 
‘I think you broke the office.’ was all it said, biting the inside of your cheek you clicked your fingers away on the keyboard. 
‘I didn’t have time to go home and get my wrap. So i had to come in like this.’ You were so embarrassed, you just wanted to go home. But you knew Endeavor wouldn’t let you get something so trivial. A few seconds later you received another message. 
‘I figured it had to be for a reason.’ 
‘Not that I’d ever complain.’ And then he attached a picture of you, it was from when you had walked in, someone had needed your signature on a report. You had turned your back to him and your leg bent as you signed the clipboard. Your mouth dropped, he had taken it with his phone. The light fine writing under the picture said ‘Sent with iPhone.’ 
‘Is Katsuki hitting on little ole me?’ You bite your lip, looking over your shoulder at Bakugou who had his eyes on you already. 
You gulped and turned back to your computer. Sighing, you tried to focus on the endless paperwork on your desk. A red icon pulling you from the work you needed to do.
‘Hm you wish, princess.’ A chill went through you, fingers itching to type something. Anything to tell him how much you want him. Instead closing out of the message, “I wish you’d just fuck me already.” You breathed under your breath, going completely white when you turned your spinny chair to come face to face with crimson eyes. 
A wide smirk plastered across his face, “What was that princess?” his lips were so close, his cinnamon fresh breath fanning your face. 
“I have a song stuck in my head…” You tried to lie, your thighs clamped shut when he growled lowly at you. 
“Don’t lie to me. What did you say?” He asked again, this time he knelt in front of you, his arms crossed over his knees as he smirked up at you. 
“I-I…” You tried to push your chair away from him, his hand clamped down on your calf, you gasped at the sudden touch of his skin on yours. “I didn’t- I mean I wasn’t- I’m sorry.” You wanted to cry. You knew he wouldn’t do anything, not here in the office, but you didn’t even think he wanted to make a move anymore. 
“Don’t be. I just want to know if I heard you correctly. Did those pretty little lips ask for me to fuck you?” His words turned your face tomato red, heat pooled between your thighs as you clamped them tighter. Willing the coil in your stomach to stop tightening. 
“...yes…” your voice was soft and quiet. Not wanting to say it out loud ever, let alone to him. 
He smirked, standing in front of you before returning to his desk. The world really was against you. Fuck if you didn’t want him to pull you out of the office right then and there. But of course, the world hated you. The rest of the day was a blur, only snapping out of it as Endeavor told the office to go home for the night. You sighed. Pulling your bag out of the bottom drawer, and filling it with some paperwork you needed to go over, along with your laptop, phone, and lunch. You blinked and suddenly were home, sighing you walked into the apartment. Going straight to your room to sleep for a good long time. 
This Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and a half day on Tuesday, Endeavor had given you off since you hadn’t had a break for 8 months. You decided to spend a good portion of the first day off, sleeping and eating. Catching up on tv shows you had missed. It was nice to have a night to yourself. But then a few bangs on the door caught your attention. Someone wanted you, but who? Getting up from the couch you moved to the door, pulling it open to reveal Uraraka, Mina, Jiro, and MoMo standing in front of you.
“Hey sweetie!! Are you busy?” Mina asked, looking down the hallway.
“Uhm, not really, I’m watching tv right now actually.” You laughed a little, pulling the door open for them to come in. 
“OhMGoodness! You have to join us!!!!!” Mina practically squealed, running inside, before you could shut the door though, an angry voice rang out.
“MINA! I ALREADY TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHE- Oh hey (Y/N), I take it Racoon eyes already asked you?” Bakugou rubbed his neck, a towel draped around his shoulders. His shirtless torso toned beyond your wildest imagination. The way he stood, breathing heavily, in front of you made your body tense in all the right places. 
“HA HA Katsuki! So funny! And yes you’re too late! I already asked her. So what do ya say girlie? Come out with us! We’ve missed hanging out!” Mina was jumping up and down, pouting her bottom lip like a child throwing a tantrum. The group let her carry on before you finally snapped.
“OKAY MINA! PINKYYYY! I’ll go out with you guys.” Your smile only grew when she threw herself into your arms. Her obnoxiously strong legs wrapped around your waist as she did, making everyone laugh. 
“Damn! When did your legs become weapons?” You both giggled as she hopped down, smoothing her dress down. 
“Since always. I’m a dancer too silly. But enough of that! We have to find you something to wear. If not I’m sure MoMo can look up a few that I know you’ll look amazing in. I’m going to your closet. BOYS GET READY AT BAKU’S APARTMENT.” She yelled over her shoulder. 
You were about to follow when Katsuki grabbed your arm, “Hey I’m sorry about her, she asked if you were home but before I could say a word she was over here already. If yo- you don’t w-want to I can hawl her back to my place.” He scratched his neck, trying to watch his feet. 
“No it’s okay Suki, it’ll be fun to go out for a change. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss our class.” You rubbed his forearm gently, giving him a reassuring smile. He relaxed at the touch of your hand. His crimson orbs meeting yours. 
“Okay good, it’ll be fun to hang out. I’ll go get ready.”
“Me too.” You smiled.
“HEY Y/N! YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD SO MOMO IS MAKING YOU SOME NEW ONES!” Mina screamed from the bedroom. 
About an hour later you and the rest of the girls finally came out of your apartment. The guys had texted Mina to tell her they were down at the car, so you all went to find them. You felt so exposed, your hero costume was revealing sure, but that was for work. This outfit was fitting, and accentuated all your curves, but you had never been like this in front of Katsuki before. You had never dressed up, put on makeup or did your hair the way Mina had. The nerves in your body were firing like crazy, your stomach was in knots as you stood in front of the building's doorway, trying to will your legs to take the step onto the street. Uraraka and Mina saw the hesitation and told the rest of the girls to go tell the boys to wait a bit longer. 
“Hey Y/N, you okay?” Ochaco smiled, rubbing your arm gently. 
“Uh… Yeah… just nervous is all.” You smiled, ringing your purse strap in our hands.
“You still like him don’t you?” Mina whispered, her eyes searching yours, red flooded your cheeks.
“Yeah. I do. And he’s been flirting with me at work lately. But he hasn’t made a move. So I’m just confused is all. This will be the first time he sees me like… well like this.” You gestured to your outfit, sighing at yourself.
“Look. I shouldn’t tell you this… But he has not stopped talking about you since he saw you drop that box of crap at your front door. Anything that comes out of this mouth, it’s always about you. You could wear a knapsack, and that boy would drool.” Mina smiled.
“Yeah. He’s never been this happy, Dreamy. He’s going to love whatever you wear. And if he doesn’t, well we will just tie him to a flagpole and I’ll use my quirk on’em.” Ochaco winked at you, a bright smile covered her cute round face. 
“Thanks you guys. You have no idea how much this helped.” You gripped their arms, giving them a smile yourself before you stepped outside. 
The sun had gone down a little bit more, bright purple, blue, pinks, and yellows covered the sky. Reflecting pastel flower colors, Ochaco and Mina locked arms with you as three of you walked over to the rest of the group. You all were giggling as you walked up, grabbing the attention of Kirishima and Denki, both noticing you first. Hitting Bakugou in the chest and pointing in your direction. Bakugou scoffed before he locked eyes with you. Your hair was curled, the left side pinned a bit behind your ear. Your makeup was subtle but bold, eyeliner on the bottom waterline, false eyelashes with a bit of silver glitter on the very tips at the corners of your eyes. Soft red eyeshadow with a bit of smokey edge to finish the eyes. And then matte red finish lipstick. The click of your heels on the concrete, giving you a little sass in your step as you stopped in front of the gorgeous blonde. 
“Well what do you think gentlemen, did YoMoMo and I do good?” Mina side eyed you and Ochaco as she smiled up at the three men. 
“Uh, yeah! You look fucking fine Y/N!” Denki hollered, receiving a hard smack to his ribs from Katuki. 
“Shut it, Pikachu! But you do look good Y/N.” Katsuki rubbed his neck, trying to look anywhere but your body. 
“Alright then! Let's get going guys! I paid big money for the VIP treatment! And I want to drink!” Mina shouted hopping into the passenger seat. “Oh, Bakugou and Y/N will be in the very back of the SUV, sorry guys. You were the last two to be picked up.” She winked before turning to click her seatbelt in place. 
You looked over at Katsuki, his cheeks flushed before he opened the door for you, extending his hand to help you up. Smiling, you placed your hand in his, allowing him to lift you into the truck. The car ride was about an hour long, with everyone in the car getting louder each passing song that was played. You chuckled every now and then, they really hadn’t changed much since the rowdy teenagers you used to remember so well. Being heroes, nights like this were very few and far between. So, when any Pro Hero was able to go out and party or have drinks with their friends, it was definitely time to party and let go of the stress that had built. You weren’t too focused on the conversation or anyone in the car for that matter, other than the man sitting to your right. 
The seat that you both were sitting in wasn’t that big, enough for two people. But only if the first person wasn’t a towering 6 feet and some change, and the fact that he lived at the gym if he wasn’t with you or at work. So there was very little room. When he first got in, he had shoved himself into the farthest corner he could, his knee only slightly touching yours. But then Kiri went around a bend faster than either of you were anticipating, and you both were smashed together. Bakugou’s body sliding to the left into the middle, and yours slid right, both meeting each other’s side in the middle. 
“Sorry, I would use a seatbelt but I can’t find them.” You smiled at him, trying to slide back to your seat, but his voice stopped you. Leaving you feeling breathless.
‘I’m not complaining, Princess.” He smiled at you, his voice a whisper, for only you to hear. Chills ran down your back, leaving goosebumps over your arms and legs. 
“Good.” You whispered back, relaxing into your seat. Bakugou moved his arm to rest on the ledge behind your head. Leaning back a bit to let you settle into him. 
By the time you all got to the club, you were more nervous than at the apartment. Realizing that you had never been out dancing like this before. Sure you could do the traditional ones, waltz, tango, a little ballet, ballroom. But club dancing was a whole new territory. You sighed as everyone got out, Bakugou pushing the seat in front of him up all the way to get out. Holding his large hand out for you to use. 
Mina paid the bouncer to let your group in, something she had already set up in advance so that the group wouldn’t be stopped by the media. Once inside the lights dimmed until it was only different colors fading in and out, music turned up so loud you could feel the bass coming off the walls in the hallway. Walking out onto the dancefloor, a sea of people already dancing around the room. Blacklights clung to the walls around the room, causing some of the artwork to seem alive. Looking around it was like a movie scene. The way the bodies on the dancefloor moved in sync with each other, coupled with the music making your body feel high. Getting to the VIP section was easier than you thought. Walking up the short staircase to the private room Mina had purchased. 
“Alright guys, here’s your VIP stamp. Please enjoy the club. We always love having the Pro’s visit us.” The owner smiled at all of you as he stamped each person's hand. Then disappearing out the doorway once again. 
“FIRST ROUND IS ON ME GUYS! Be right back.” Mina yelled over the music, giggling as she hooked her arm in MoMo’s. The rest of the group started to leave the VIP room, you and Bakugou were the only two remaining. 
“Sorry about this again. Mina doesn’t listen to anyone.” He chuckled, taking the seat next to you.
“It’s okay. I needed a night out with friends anyway. So this is a pleasant surprise.” You smiled at him, locking eyes with a pair of vermillion. 
“I’m glad she asked you.” He leaned in closer, so his voice could be heard over the music. 
“Is that so? Tell me why.” You leaned in, shoulders touching as you looked from his lips to the rubied jewels he called eyes. 
“Cuz I was running out of excuses to get you to hang out with me.” He breathed in, your fruity lavender scent wafting into his senses. 
“You don’t need excuses to get me alone Suki.” You shifted in your seat, your bare thigh grazed his hand as you turned to face him fully, leaning in so that your lips grazed the shell of his ear, “I would drop any plans to be with you.” Your hand fell to his thigh, gripping the muscle firmly, his hand shot to his mouth. Teeth biting the scarred flesh to stop the groan that you heard build in his throat, despite the thunderous music playing around you. 
Before he could respond the group returned, everyone carrying various items. Kiri had two huge platters of wings in his hands, napkins and wet wipes stuffed in his teeth. Denki had Four oversized beer mugs in his hands, plus a menu under his arm. Mina had the first round of shots on a serving platter, about 20 shot glasses lined the plastic, two bottles of liquor under her arms as well. MoMo was watching Mina nervously, her eyes wide, and hands jetting out around the platter, never touching but just making sure the acid user wasn’t going to destroy the glasses. Ochaco had another couple of bottles as well. And Jiro had an entire pizza in her hands, her earlobes bobbing to the beat of the music as she walked in. You giggled at everyone, it really was a sight to behold. They looked like stoned teenagers, the way they looked between the food and alcohol. 
Katsuki growled at them as they interrupted, but quickly stopped when you pushed yourself against him to make room for everyone to sit at the table. His arm instinctively wrapped around your waist, his muscular hand resting on your hip, his thumb rubbing small circles over the small rip in your skirt. Mina stood at the other side of the table, pouring the drinks for everyone when she gave you a knowing look, winking at you as well, a faint blush covered your cheeks when you reached for two shots. Handing one to Bakugou. 
“Ready?” You asked, holding the small glass between your thumb, middle and pointer finger. 
“Hell yeah I am.” He grinned wickedly at you, sending heat to pool in your lady parts. You mimicked his grin, leaning in to whisper in his ear. 
“Good. And this time, when I ask you to fuck me. Don’t hesitate.” You pulled back to gage his reaction, smiling when he ‘tsk’d, but followed it up with a wink. You swallowed the shot quickly, setting the glass down on the table before Bakugou. 
After Mina made everyone take at least three shots of each of her liquors, she allowed people to leave the table. Between the alcohol running through your system, Katsuki’s warm palms on your legs, and the dubstep music shaking the building, all you could think about was dancing with the blonde man. Crawling out of the booth, you grabbed Katsuki’s hand in yours and pulled him out of the VIP booth and down the winding staircase to the dancefloor. 
“Where are we going?!” He yelled over the music.
“I wanna dance Suki!” You called over your shoulder, trying your best not to fall in the heels, but his free hand came to waist to help you walk. 
“I don’t dance, Princess.” He growled into your ear, chills rippled down your spine. 
“You will with me, sweetness.” You purred, turning around to face him, now in the middle of the dancefloor. You began to sway your hips softly, gripping his waist softly as you rubbed against his body. “Come on, Suki, I won’t bite… unless you want me to.” You whispered in his ear, your hands going to his as your body persuaded him to move along to the beat.
Before long your bodies were moving in sync, his hands gripped your waist hard enough to leave bruises, but you relished in the way they felt on your delicate hips. The way his cologne filled your senses to the max, and then some, how one hand would come up along your spine to rest at the back of your neck, gripping a little and then going back to your hips. Neither of you were paying attention to the music anymore, instead basking in the way each other felt. Your hands went from his back to his hair, tugging at the soft tendrils of blonde hair at the nape of his neck. Digging your nails into his back through the thin material of his v neck red shirt. 
After what felt like hours, he finally had enough, growling in your ear as you breathed over his neck. He grabbed your wrist in his palm, pulling you through the building until you were on the street. His arm shot out, hailing a taxi immediately, he pulled the door open in one swift motion pulling you to stand in front of him and into the taxi’s back seat. You blinked, unable to say a word as he climbed in next to you, giving the driver directions to a nice hotel in town. The driver nodded and took off. Bakugou’s attention was back to you as soon as the car was in motion, his hand coming to your waist as he pulled himself to you. 
You parted your lips to speak, but before any words could escape, Katsuki’s lips crashed against yours. Melting into the kiss was all you could do, all you’ve ever wanted to do. That warm, electrifying feeling burned to your core, coating your panties in an instant. His lips tasted of alcohol and faint peppermint, his hand slipped to your back, pushing your shirt up to dig his nails into the soft flesh underneath. Instinctively you moaned into his mouth, and that was all the permission he needed to let his tongue meet yours. Both of you melted further into each other at the sensation, hot saliva that burned of top shelf liquor never tasted so sweet as you lapped at his tongue, moaning into him as he explored every nook and cranny.
“Ahem, we’re here sir.” The driver interrupted, looking apologetic as you both straightened up and looked at him.
“This is the best hotel in the city?” Bakugou asked, waiting to get out. 
“Yes sir. I’ve driven Endeavor here a few times when he’s been in town.” The driver smiled at the both of you. Pleasing Bakugou enough, he paid the man, giving him a generous tip. No doubt for the show you had both given him. 
Walking through the doors, Bakugou led you both to the front desk, ringing the bell aggressively three times. Your hands never left his chest, going under his shirt to feel his abs, groaning as you felt the sculpted muscle. He growled at you, pulling your hands out of his shirt to rest on the outside. 
“Behave, kitten. Or you’ll be punished.” He whispered into your ear, you giggled up at him. Lust filled the silver orbs. 
“What if I want to be punished... Sir.” You purred up at him, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. He growled again, but before he could say anything an employee from the back came to help him. 
You spaced out while Bakugou paid for the room, not paying attention to the details when the man behind the desk gave Katsuki his keys. He turned on his heel, wrapping an arm around you and walking to the elevator. Once inside, he pressed the top floor, and waited until the doors shut before turning to talk to you. 
“Endeavor gave us the same days off. We are staying here for the entire time, Mina is dropping your purse off at the front desk before they go home tonight. And tomorrow we can go back to the apartments to pack a few bags and drive back up here.” His hand came up to push some loose hair out of your face, smiling when you closed your eyes at the tingly sensation that went through your body at his touch. 
“Sounds perfect, Suki.” You leaned into his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso. 
“Good. I’ve waited long enough for this night, and I plan to make the most of it. We can talk about us, after this little vacation. Okay, princess?” He rubbed his thumb over your cheeks, brushing over your puffy red lips. 
“You and me both. But nothing about this weekend can or will ever change my mind about what I want.” You smiled up at him, the doors opening before he could get a word in. 
He grabbed your hand and started to walk down the hallway, looking around you realized that there were only about four doors on this level. The last one being the door Katuski stopped at. He slipped the key into the door lock, the green light and beep allowing you both into the room. 
When you walked in, you quickly understood why there were only four doors on this level. They were the biggest rooms in the hotel. There was a walk-in closet with a built in shoe rack to the left of the door, a living room sat in the middle of the room, a cream colored couch, matching chairs on either side with a glass coffee table placed perfectly in the middle. A 55 inch tv was mounted against the wall opposite of the couch, a soft fire burning in the fireplace underneath. There was a full kitchen on the other side of the living room, to the right, decorated similarly to the living room. A set of double doors on the other side of the room led to the balcony overlooking the city.
Bakugou’s fingertips on the back of your arms pulled you back to reality, remembering who you were with, and what you both wanted. His fingers intertwined with yours as he led you to the master bedroom. Closing the door behind you, he walked you over to the bed. Your fingers touched the soft linens covering the bed, Katsuki’s hands traveled up the back of your body, earning a soft moan from your lips as his hands moved your hair to the opposite side so his head could nuzzle into the curvature of your neck. 
His teeth grazed your skin, one hand wrapping into your hair to keep your neck exposed for him, the other wrapping around your torso, pulling you flush to his chest. You couldn’t help the sudden moan that came out of nowhere when Katsuki’s teeth bit into the curve of your neck, his tongue darting out to lap at the skin caught between his teeth. 
“Suki p-please… I can’t s-stand wh-while you do t-that.” You struggled to speak against his teeth biting you, melting like ice cream on a hot day at the way he touched you. 
He licked from your collarbone to under your earlobe before turning you to face him. His eyes were hooded, his erection struggling against his trousers as he pushed you to the edge of the bed, laying you back onto the softness of the bed. 
“Get comfortable, kitten. I want you to enjoy everything I’m about to do to you.” the grin he gave you sent your head into a whirlwind. You nodded at his words as you scooted back onto the bed, leaning up to take your shoes off, a strong hand came up to softly push you back. 
“Princesses don’t get to take their clothes off.” He growled protectively down at you, he had already taken all of his clothes off, the only clothing present was his black boxer briefs that were struggling to keep his dick contained as he knelt at the foot of the bed. His fingers undid the straps on the back of your heels, throwing them to the side. Warm hands traveled up the outsides of your legs, his head nudging your calves open, his soft lips kissing sweetly onto your burning flesh.
Thick fingers pushed the hem of your skirt up as he placed kisses on any piece of flesh he deemed worthy. Biting into the tender part of your inner thigh, earning a breathy, “Suki.” from your lips. He groaned into your flesh as he pushed your skirt higher, exposing the lace thong you were wearing. 
“Fucking hell, princess. You look so fucking delicious.” He groaned, almost a whine as his fingers hooked your thong, pulling it off in one swift motion. His body laying directly between your legs, hooked over his shoulders as he took in the sight of your already dripping pussy. Licking his lips, he looked up to you for confirmation. When you nodded he wasted no time in shoving your legs open wider for him to comfortably lean into you. His tongue jutted out to place kitten licks on your lips, his fingers opening them with a quick swipe of two, gathering an embarrassing amount of slick. He groaned as he placed them in his mouth, awakening something inside of his as he dove in. Lapping up your sweet juices as you mewled under his incredibly talented tongue. 
Two fingers prodded at your hole, softly pushing them inside of your clenching pussy, you gasped as his fingers stretched you for the first time. The burning sensation disappears as his mouth connects to your clit, tongue circling the bud at an alarming rate. His fingers curled in you, scissoring your tight little hole as you pushed against his hand almost as aggressively, chasing the familiar yet foreign feeling that was rapidly building in your stomach. Bakugou could sense your impending orgasm, relishing in your moans, his name falling sinfully from your pretty smudged lips. Precum oozed from the tip of his cock, soaking the fabric that confined him. Out of habit your hands went to your tits, cupping them in your tiny hands as best you could, pulling at the sensitive perked nipple that was under your shirt. Rolling it between your fingers, the coil began to tighten faster. The sensation began to overtake your body. The top of your head and the tips of your toes rippling with endorphins as your orgasm ripped through your whole body. 
“Oh fuck Katsuki!” Was all you could scream as he sucked your sensitive bud, making stars and black spots cover your vision. He groaned, reluctantly pulling his fingers from the death grip of your pussy. He leaned up, pushing his fingers into your open mouth. Happily you licked them clean of your slick. Moaning as you made eye contact with vermillion eyes. 
“GodDamn. You’re gonna be the death of me. And I haven’t even shown you my dick.” He growled down at you. “But first. We need to do something about these clothes.” Before you could move, Bakugou activated his quirk. Controlling the small sparks that ignited, he lit your clothes in a small fire. Soon there was nothing but your bra left, which he quickly ripped off your small frame. Leaving you naked for him to finally bask in. 
His lips were on yours in a heated battle for dominance. But you quickly let him take control, loving the amount of aggression he was showing. His hands gripped various parts of your body, hard enough that you knew you would have bruises. But you had no care in the world when the tip of his dick grazed your core, your head fell back with a loud moan, grinding against him. 
“Please Suki, I need to feel you.” You begged him, wanting him to fill you completely. Your entire body was on fire, every nerve ending in your body burned when he touched you, the way his fingers touched your skin turned you into a mewling mess under him. You dreamt about this day since you met him in high school. Wanting to know just how satisfied he could feel, with you wrapped around him. All thoughts flooded your brain when you felt him remove his underwear, the tip of his thick cock gathering slick in your folds before he pushed the tip in slowly. He groaned as he sheathed himself fully in you, the grip from your pussy clamping around him as your back arched off the bed, chest meeting with his. 
“F-fuck Princess, you’re so ti-tight.” He breathed into the space between your breasts. 
“I hope so.” You giggled running your hands through his hair. “I am a virgin.” His eyes snapped up to meet yours, confusion written over his features. 
“Wait… what?” He leaned back against his feet, still inside of you, but unmoving. 
“I’m sorry… should I have told you?” You asked, feeling shame creeping in. 
“No it’s okay. I just- I would have made this a lot better had I known.” He swept his hands over his face, taking the opportunity to slide all the way down to the base of his cock. Feeling the tip hit your cervix in such a sweet way. Pulling away from the base, you stopped right before the tip, pushing yourself back down to the base. He groaned in response. 
His hands fell from his face, revealing the lust written over his features, his lip was pulled viciously between his teeth, his brow was furrowed, as he grunted, bucking his hips against yours slightly. Finally after enough tormenting, Katsuki snapped his hips forward, his dick officially meeting your cervix. His arm went under you, pressing you to his chest firmly before he flipped you both. Your legs now on either side of his thighs, straddling his lap. He sat up, wrapping his arms protectively around your small body as he pumped into you at a merciless speed. Reaching around to grip Katsuki’s legs was the only thing keeping you grounded as the lewd sounds of his balls hitting your ass filled the quiet hotel room. 
Another quick motion and you were laying on your back again, this time with your legs resting on his shoulders, as he pounded into you relentlessly. A new wave of electricity shoots through you when his calloused thumb finds your clit, rubbing vicious circles. Your pussy clamped around Katsuki, making him curse and throw his head back. You gasped when you felt your orgasm creeping up on you. Bakugou must have felt it as well, his thumb turned into his three forefingers, aggressively coaxing your orgasm closer.   
Black spots invaded your vision as your orgasm washed over you like an invisible weighted blanket. Back arching off the bed, chasing the intoxicating feeling he gave you. His fingers never gave up, prolonging your high as long as possible, pushing his dick in as far as he could. He forced his own high down, he wanted to make this about you, and make you feel amazing. His eyes are screwed shut as his hips thrust absentmindedly into you, his hands gripped at your breasts, rolling your sensitive bud between his fingertips. Earning a desperate moan from the back of your throat. Bakugou had never felt like this before. 
He had had sex before, but it was never this. His body was reacting to yours in ways he had never experienced. The way his hips reacted to the way you said his name, or moaned out a breathy ‘fuck yes’, he was on a high he never had before and he wanted this feeling to never end. His name became a mantra as Katsuki fucked into you relentlessly, his hands gripping every piece of your body he could touch. Leaving bruises in the wake of his finger tips. Another high began to build, unbeknownst you, as his pace never faltered. 
“Fuck Suki! I-i think i-i’m gonna cum again!” You spoke between gasps, the tip of Bakugou’s dick kissing your cervix over and over and over again. 
“Cum baby! Cum around my cock again.” Bakugou chanted into your neck, his breathing on your neck quickly adding to your release. 
Quickly, blinding your vision, the coil snapped. Flooding your body as your screamed his name, “OH FUCK SUKI!” Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him flush to your chest, his teeth quickly went into your soft part of your neck. “Yes, fuck Suki. Yes.” You chanted into his ear as he continued to fuck into you. Chasing his own high, his hips continued until they stuttered and he groaned into your neck. 
“Cum in me baby. Fill me up Suki.” You purred into his ear, biting his earlobe softly. 
“FUCKING HELL!” He grunted into your neck. 
You could feel his cock twitching in between your walls, the way you milked him for every drop. He couldn’t stop though, the way your body was still trying to fuck him made his hips buck into you again. He was so close almost immediately, yet his body kept prolonging the inevitable, working up to the high, and then letting go almost immediately. But he didn’t care, he finally had you. And he was never letting you go. He didn’t tell you in that moment, and he thought he might keep it to himself for the time being. But he knew that he had fallen in love with you somewhere along the long line you both shared. He knew that no one could ever or would ever compare to anything that he was experiencing with you here in that moment. He watched your body, taking in every single curve that he could, committing it to memory. He never wanted to forget his first time with you. 
He was so captivated by you, the way your hair fell on your sun kissed skin, how your lips looked as they moaned his name. How his hand felt squeezing the meat of your ass, pulling you impossibly close to his own body. The feeling of your legs wrapped around his waist, rocking into him as he fucked you relentlessly. He would never let go of this high. He was addicted to you all over again, but this time he actually got a fix to it. 
His mind went to primal urges, the way you moved under him lit a fire he hadn’t known was there, with a guttural moan Katsuki’s body went into animal instincts. He bent at the waist, burying his head in the crook of your neck as he bit down on the tender area. Gasping at the sudden force of his sharp teeth, he pinned your arms to the bed, forcing you to submit to him. He leaned up, his crimson eyes meeting yours, but this time they were different. Something behind the lust was coming to play, causing the coil to tighten once more. 
“Mmm princess, don’t look at me like you’re so innocent. We both know you want to be fucked up.” He grinned down at you, making you squeal when his grip tightened on your wrists. 
“I never claimed to be innocent.” You purred back, moaning softly as his hips rocked into yours. 
“Fuck Princess, don’t start with that. You have no idea what will happen.” He kissed the side of each breast, pulling a slow moan from behind your clamped lips. 
“I’ve waited so long for this Suki, please.” You begged so sweetly for him, letting the desperation seep through every word. He must have liked your begging, letting his hips meet yours in a quick snap. “FUCK! Suki!” You screamed, using Katsuki’s grip on your wrists as leverage to meet his thrusts. 
“You’re FUCKING MINE!” He growled down at you, his grip on your wrists disappeared, but met your hips quickly as he gripped them. Using your tiny frame to pound into you as hard and fast as he could. The untimed snaps of his hips made stars return to your vision as the sounds of your bodies filled the room. It was loud, but it spurred him on, like a mantra he used it to fuck into you. Drool pooling out of the side of your mouth, Suki’s hand quickly clamped around your throat. “You’re fucking mine now! DON’T ever forget it!” He growled down at you, your body clenching around him as he laid claim to your body. 
You tightened around his cock even more, causing his hips to falter just a bit, pulling explicits from behind his clenched teeth. The coil in his own stomach quickly tightening, realizing that his orgasm was coming quickly, he dropped to his elbows, hovering over you as he sloppily pounded into your already puffy red almost bruised pussy. His teeth meet the curvature of your neck once again, white teeth pulling skin into his mouth as he left a definite bruise. 
“Fucking hell Princess!” He groaned into your neck, cumming faster than he anticipated. He painted your walls white, cumming more than he ever had before, causing some to leak onto the bed. He didn’t care though, you were his now and he was never going to let this go. His cock twitched between your walls again, causing you to clench around him, pulling another ‘Fuck’ from him. 
Both of you gasped as he pulled out of you, leaving you feeling slightly empty, but his arms were quick to pull you close and hug you to his heaving chest. Your head rested on his bare chest as he watched the ceiling, you both relaxing into each other. 
“How do you feel?” His voice was quiet, but it was nice to hear a softer side of Katsuki. 
“Amazing.” You giggled, moving to look at him. Laying your head on his chest, hands under your chin.
“Me too.” He chuckled, the vibrations making you smile. 
“Do you regret it?” You asked quietly, hoping that this wasn’t some one time drunken mistake. But you were surprised when he shifted so that he was leaning on his elbow above you, as you laid looking up at him. 
“Be my girlfriend.” He pushed hair from your face, as he made eye contact. A small smile played over his lips as he drank you in.
“I thought you’d never ask.” You smiled, pulling yourself up by his neck to give him a kiss.
Thank you for reading!!! I will be doing a few more parts, I’m not sure how it’ll end but it’ll be a good one !! This was just a good spot to end this extremely long part :) I hope you enjoyed !!! Like, Comment, reblog !!! If you want to be in my taglist shoot me a message or ask !! I’ll add anyone :) 
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tsumue · 29 days ago
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i belong to you — miya atsumu
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requested by anon: i'm asking for a soft (possibly nsfw) fluff for atsumu from the Avatar of Writing 🥺
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genre: smut
warnings: lots of praise, minor mention of size difference, atsumu is a simp
wordcount: 3.6k
notes: i was sad and needy and lost myself while writing this piece. i'm sorry🥺
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it’s been an exhausting week for atsumu. usually seven days filled with practice would make him feel all excited and giddy, with the end of training camp being more of a dread than relief. but this time it’s all different for the setter, this time he knows what’s waiting at home and he needs to be there. atsumu wants to be with you again, wants to cuddle up against your smaller frame and forget about his sore muscles. 
maybe his age makes him feel extra sentimental, needy and clingy as well as mentally exhausted after all the sets he did with sakusa on top of their matches and practices. but it's that horrible feeling of longing and the drain residing deep in his bones that currently gives him the strength to drag his feet up the stairs and to your shared apartment. where he quietly unlocks the door and enters the dimly-lit living space he calls home.
he’s early, way earlier than previously announced. thanks to empty streets and his aching little heart pulling him home instead of going for dinner with his team. so it comes to no surprise he catches you off guard the moment he slips out of his trainers. the little yelp coming from the doorway to your living room the first sign of your presence. 
brown eyes drink in the heavenly sight in front of him: your body clad in one of his shirts, a cardigan a little too big for your stature and those frilly socks he teases you too often about. 
“you scared me,” atsumu hears your complaints yet barely acknowledges them or apologizes. instead he strides towards you with quick steps to wrap his muscular arms around your waist and pull you close against his warm chest. 
surely you’re able to feel his racing heart, yet yours beats just as quickly against your ribcage. 
“missed you,” the usual loud miya mumbles against the silky strands of your hair, nuzzling close to inhale his favourite scent again.
the sound escaping your lips almost sounds like a whimper when he squishes your body; the force behind his hug something rather unusual. “softie…” you chuckle as your fingers find their way through the mess he calls hairstyle while you leave one kiss after another along his jawline and cheek.
the little huff coming from atsumu is all he offers before you feel his hands roam along your body, along your waistline and gently squeezing your hips. finally dipping lower, atsumu shamelessly follows the round shape of your butt to grasp the back of your thighs and hoist you up. pulling you as close as possible against his body while he already makes his to your bedroom. “can’t even miss my princess without getting made fun of.” 
while his words may sound like he's hurt, his kisses remain soft. lips lingering at the crown of your hair before they further shower you in pecks over your temple, cheekbone and tip of your nose while your eyes find his. 
you gently cup his face and let your thumbs caress his sides as you return a kiss to his nose. “did you actually miss me or are you just horny?” you tease, rightfully so, since atsumu’s fingers have long made their way underneath the edge of your shirt. his large palms fully encasing your ass instead of holding you up by your thighs, fingertips dipping beneath the fabric of your panties—already teasing you despite his sugarcoated words. 
“missed you so much...” atsumu mumbles, tongue darting out to lick along your throat before his teeth graze the wet spot, gently nibbling on the sensitive skin. “thought about your sweet, little moans every night…”  
“ah-tsumu,” your fingers push against his chest, trying to get at least a bit of distance between your bodies and make him to look at you—practically forcing his attention back to your face. yet like the devil your boyfriend is, he lets your body drop in his hold until your clothed pussy drags along the rough fabric of his jeans. resulting in stopping your complaints and instead offering atsumu a clear view of your flustered face: how your cheeks heat and your eyes widen, brows slightly furrowed as your arms wrap tighter around his neck.
the blond leans in, forehead resting against yours as the mischief in his eyes gleams brightly. “not so chatty anymore, hm…” you wish you could flick your finger against his forehead, whip that smug look off his face, but instead you whine for him as your hips are pushed against his growing erection. soft moans now fanning his lips, nodding in agreement to his teasing since you already feel yourself submit to him. 
atsumu quickly clears his throat, eyes looking over to your bed before he lets you down—seating you on the comfortable mattress while he immediately leans in. “now,” he smiles and cups your cheeks, looking deeply into your eyes. “let me show you how much i missed my pretty baby.” with that atsumu finally finds your lips and a smile already creeps its way on his features as he melts against you.
his kiss is nothing but sweet as he moves his mouth against yours, just the tip of his tongue teasing your bottom lip to play with your sensitivity until you grab fistfuls of his hoodie and tug him closer. 
but with the distance between your bodies returning, the blond makes a quick show of taking his clothes off—revealing his trained torso to your hungry eyes—removing not just his hoodie but his shirt as well.
the way his biceps flexes as he tries to fix the messy strands on top of his head—with his lazy eyes resting on your body—makes you yearn for your boyfriend; makes the neediness inside you bubbling over. yet your first reaction is to only stare at him as if a glass wall separates you from atsumu. your crawl to the edge of the bed and get up on your knees, reaching out for the pretty sight until you’re able to take atsumu's hand and pull him towards your little haven called bed. 
your lips find his again and again, leaving peck after another as he climbs into bed. one hand supports his weight beside your hip while he quickly rids you off your cardigan. once atsumu is seated in front of you, he lets his hands roam over your form, discovering the shape of your waist almost like it’s his first time touching your body.
his shirt seems so big on you, he notes, as he fists the excess fabric. accentuating your actual shape for his hungry eyes; to see your breasts push against the thin, white fabric. for the round of your hips and the small of your waist to make him feel high on your heavenly body again.
“come here,” yet before you could move, atsumu already pulls you on his lap in one swift motion. 
you can barely offer more than your pliant body, seemingly overwhelmed by his greed for you instead of just passing out after a week of endless practice—like you expected him to. 
you feel hot beneath his touch, needy to take your shirt off and be closer to him; to feel his bare chest against you and him buried to the hilt inside of you. 
a finger redirects your face, making you face atsumu and offer him your glazed eyes. the irregular huffs of air coming from your lungs meeting the lower parts of face while he once again seems lost in your irises. 
so you lean in for him, tearing him out of his awe when you kiss him again. atsumu’s hands make their way to your back, supporting you as his larger frame towers above yours once he deepens the kiss and lets his tongue slip past your lips. 
the feeling of his rougher one brushing against yours, his large warm hands finally tugging at the overflowing fabric of your shirt and his fully erect cock pressing against the embarrassing wetness drenching your panties—causing your slick to further spread over your sensitive clit—has you yearn for more. 
the addictive moan ringing from you interrupts your heated kiss and redirects his mouth to further nip along your exposed skin. planting one love mark after another over your neck until he reaches your collarbone. only for atsumu to nearly tear his shirt off your body without much regard. throwing the useless fabric over his shoulder as his eyes stay glued on your naked body. his pupils blown-wide and nearly painting his honeyed eyes black.
“finally,” you think you hear his breathless mumbles before he leans in again, lips attaching to your perky nipple while atsumu palms your right breast. gently squeezing your soft mound in his hand and rolling the nipple between his fingers as his teeth spoil—or much rather overstimulate—your left nipple. nibbling on the sensitive area until you whine and writhe beneath him, hips pressing against his cock. 
his deep moan frees you from the blond’s assault and gives atsumu room to get you off his lap. opting to have your back meet the mattress with him leaning above you, claiming the space between your parted legs and spreading your thighs further with his thicker ones. 
god, he is such a heavenly sight to be blessed with. the faux-blond strands frame his hard features, giving him that certain sunny-boy aesthetic you used to despise when you first met—yet now it’s your favourite. the way his teeth shine as his signature lazy smile creeps on his lips and those eyes, the prettiest ones you’ve ever seen only focused on your body; staring at you like you’re the most precious piece of art in the entire world.
your fingers curiously follow every dip and crevice of his body, greedily roaming along his chest and abdomen until you reach his pants—which are painfully tight at this point. you can’t stop yourself from teasing him, allowing your nails to scratch along the rough fabric until atsumu groans. until his head drops and rests against your shoulder, until his hips jut against your hand to seek further pressure and his shoulders shake the slightest. 
“princess…” the warning is clear, even if only panted against your skin. yet you giggle, palming the thick outline of his cock. until the feeling of his teeth sinking into your subtle skin brings your actions to a halt, causing you to instead whine and tug at his pants—as if remembering what hidden treasures lie beneath the cruel fabric as you try to unbutton them. “‘m sorry, just like playing with you too…” 
atsumu hums, the tip of his nose roaming along your neck as he takes a dramatic pause and ultimately pulls himself out of your hold. 
he exposes his painful erection to your eyes, his dark green briefs only doing so much to cover the stain of pre-cum. ridding himself entirely of his restricting jeans he returns to bed, his fingernails digging into the soft flesh of your thighs before he quickly pulls you towards him. burying his face between your thighs and giving the overly sensitive area one kiss after another. lips roaming all over your silk panties except for the slick drenched spot before an overly confident grin adorns his features.
“did you really miss me or are you just horny?” he repeats your question from earlier while his fingers run beneath the fabric of your panties. a single digit hooks itself around the thin lining covering your cunny to let his joint meet your pulsing pussylips. “oh, so needy…” his grin widens as he feels your arousal practically leaking from you. 
“stop-, please, don’t-” the embarrassed stuttering of words fuels the man on top of you to continue his little exploration of your body, further spreading your slick until his knuckle rubs over your clit to have you cry for more. “atsumu~”
“mh? you like that, don’t you?” he wets his lips, eyes flicking from your sheepish gaze back to your cunt, to see your hips already push against the tiny point of friction. “of course you do, i know what my sweet girl enjoys, right?” 
your nodding in agreement rewards you with his thick digits finally stretching your tight walls. “there she is,” atsumu’s husky voice breathes against your lips; tearing you out of your blissful thoughts. he feels you clench around him in surprise as you were unaware of him closing the gap between your bodies. “my greedy baby…” 
and you look so awfully vulnerable right this instance. with your begging eyes and your teeth gnawing at the plush of your bottom lip while your nails dig into his broad shoulders. “want you so, so bad, ‘tsum tsum, please, feels so good.”
the blond’s kiss to your forehead lingers, practically drowning you in his comfort as he moves two of his fingers inside your warmth. 
“i want to hear you moan,” atsumu mumbles as his lips run over the bridge of your nose until he kisses your cheek and the side of your mouth. “you know how much i love the way you moan, angel.”
you didn’t even notice you were holding back. maybe it’s caused by the previous nights spent alone, by your tiny fingers trying to get yourself off without making much noise—as if atsumu could hear your whines of pleasure miles away if you let them out. 
but now he’s back with you—right above you—ear so close to your lips that you allow yourself to let them spill free as you tighten around his fingers. your hips move against his hand, further coating his knuckles in your arousal as your moans send shivers down his spine. 
he swears he could come just from listening to you. 
yet he withdraws his fingers and gives you the most maddening sight as he tastes your arousal. savouring every drop of your slick in his mouth as he cleans his digits while his eyes witness your cheeks blush deeper shades of red the longer your boyfriend teases you. 
until your shin applies pressure to his groin, gently moving along his shaft only for atsumu to grab hold of your leg and pull your panties down; exposing your warm, wet cunny to him. he bends down and plants a kiss to your pulsing pussy, the tip of his tongue circling around your clit as his free hand tugs on the waistband of his briefs until his cock is finally freed and standing proudly against his abs. 
atsumu returns to hover above your body, elbow perched up beside your head while the heavy weight of his shaft makes the head tap against your clit. his hand wraps around his girth, the pre-cum pooling from the tip mixing with your fluids as atsumu rubs himself against you. “my precious girl...” he mumbles, "tell me what you want, can you do that for me, love?” 
your body speaks for you; with your leg wrapping around his hip and thigh, tugging him forward and causing a chuckle to ring from the setter’s lips. 
“with words.” atsumu adds, well aware of your struggle to clear your mind when the delicious feeling of his cock rubbing against your folds clouds your needy head. 
“need you inside me.”
there, finally. just hearing these words from you, with such desire laced between each syllable, has atsumu turn mad. “as you wish.” he pushes himself into you slowly, allowing you to adjust to the first few inches steadily. 
once your grip on his biceps loosens and you gently push against him, nose nudging against his neck and voice turning mellow atsumu takes hold of your hips, adjusting your position until your back is lifted off the mattress for him to sheathe his length deep inside your cunny.
god, he can be too much. too loud, too energetic in the early hours of the morning or too butthurt about your teasing. but nothing beats the overwhelming stretch of his cock. always a little too big for your velvety walls.
you clearly struggle as you clench around him. the overpowering sense of pleasure only atsumu can give you coursing through your body as you hold on to him.
the blond tries to stay still to the best of his ability, letting you get used to being stretched by his cock again as he returns to suck pinks and purples on your decollete. “you’re doing so well for me, sweetheart,” he pants, a growl chasing his praise as your walls further tighten from his words. 
you whine in response, unable to stop yourself from further sucking him in, from rocking your hips against him. “please, move. a-tsu-mu~” 
“fuck, yes,” it’s nothing but a harsh groan, the tender love he felt only a couple of moments ago forgotten as he pulls back only to enter you again. pushing his cock inside you until his hips snap against yours, until the slapping of your skin rings through the room and you cling on to him. attempting to move with him, to stay with him as your eyes roll to the back of your head.
yet the bruising grip he holds on your hips turns more gentle the closer you feel to your orgasm. the snapping of his hips changing into a softer pace once he rolls them against yours. his pelvis presses against your clit as his cock hits that certain spot with such precision you could never manage to reach with just your fingers. 
“you feel so good,” atsumu pants, exhaustion causing him to ramble on as he tastes the sweat on your skin, covering you in soft kisses as if he isn’t fucking you senseless in the same heartbeat. “always so fucking perfect for me. god, baby, i missed you,” his fingers dig into your hips again—but not to hold you in place for his brutal pace—much more to highlight his neediness. “i love you, you know that, right? i love you so much.” the blond nearly promises as he breathes the words of sweet nothing right into your ear.
your fingernails run over his undercut until you can grip on to his bleached curls, tugging at his roots as you press yourself closer against him. 
both of you are aware of how sensitive you are to praise, yet at this point your cunny is practically begging to have his seed fill you up with the way your walls cling to atsumu’s cock. feeling this full is addictive, something you wouldn’t want to miss out on ever again—like you never want to miss out on atsumu either. 
“so close,” you moan, turning your head sideways, seeking his lips.
his gaze snaps up, brown eyes finding your orbs—the plea of making you come written all over your expression. atsumu sighs in bliss. “will you come for me? moan for me, cry for me, hm? come just for me.” 
the same time his lips meet yours, you feel the pads of his fingers rubbing soft patterns on the swollen nub while atsumu manages to keep the fluid motions of his hips up.
that is until your legs tremble around his frame, knees pressing into his sides as your cunny tightens and your back meets the mattress again with your eyes falling shut. 
the moans of his name cause atsumu to keep moving, to chase his own high and continue fucking you through your own orgasm since you cry so prettily just for him. “just like that, whine my name again, come on, baby…” his sweet little plea is merely a whisper, yet the honesty behind his words remains the same. he needs it; needs your praise as much as you need his.
you nod, exhaustion already fighting with the slight overstimulation his cock brings with each thrust, especially once his movements turn more demanding. atsumu’s attention remains on your face, eyes practically boring into yours as he drinks in the sight of your shaking form. the strength added to his thrusts causing you to bounce, making you only hiccup the following pants and moans, “atsumu, ‘tsumu… please, want you to—”
his jaw tightens as he fights with himself. atsumu doesn’t want to interrupt you in this very moment, doesn’t want the alluring words to stop; yet he can’t keep his groan to himself—so deep it vibrates against your chest as he presses himself close to you. cock twitching inside you as he paints you white. atsumu surrenders to his orgasm, his arms refusing to hold him up any second longer so he quickly opts to wrap them around your waist, holding you even closer to himself—it’s a miracle you’re still able to breathe. 
but you refuse to let go as well, with your legs still locked around his hips and your hands softly massaging his neck and shoulders. you pepper the side of his face with kisses, humming softly while savouring this sweet moment—which nearly seems never-ending thanks to atsumu clinginess. 
“what have you done to me…? you suddenly hear your boyfriend mumble. you meet his gaze with a slight frown, clearly worried and confused. “it’s barely been a week and i missed you like a lovesick fool.” atsumu is almost pouting, still snuggled up against you while he once again stares into your eyes. 
you chuckle against his forehead before softly kissing the spot between his brows, humming a little “you’re just a simp.” 
“i’m trying to be romantic!” he bites back, already sulking and pulling away only for you to 'force' him into your embrace again. 
“i missed you too…” you whisper while your fingers play with his locks.
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djjarins · a month ago
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hurts like heaven (divorced! frankie x lawyer! reader)
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divorced! frankie x lawyer! reader, silver linings playbook! au
rating: teen (I guess), no explicit content except for drug use
warnings: depictions and descriptions of drug use (if this makes you uncomfortable you may want to skip this one), mentions of divorce and custody battles, mention of time spent in an inpatient behavioral health setting
word count: 3.9k (WHOOPS i got excited)
a/n: I am so excited for my first frankie oneshot!! thank you so much to @hailmary-yramliah​ for this request, I hope you like it!! here is my masterlist, and if you have any requests you can send me an ask! also credit to @hunterschafer​ for the beautiful frankie gif!!
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"Mr. Morales, after a thorough review of the details of this case, including but not limited to testimonies of your close friends and NA sponsor, revision of your record, and speaking with the judge who oversaw the suspension of your pilot's license, I have come to the conclusion that you are currently unfit to have full custody of your daughter. I am hereby granting full custody of Eleanor Luciana Morales to her biological mother."
The minute Francisco Morales hears the words of the family court judge before him ruling in favor of his now ex-wife, he nearly passes out.
The former Delta Force soldier vaguely heard the protests of Pope, who is the only person sitting within the rows of seats on the side of the courtroom where he currently resides. He doesn't register his lawyer uttering a half-assed apology or even the cheers from his ex-wife and her family on the other side of the room.
All he hears is white noise as the judge bangs the gavel to settle the room, explaining that Ava now will have primary and sole custody and that Frankie will only be allowed supervised visits with a social worker, and that Ava can take her daughter home today.
Their daughter.
Frankie knows he isn't perfect - fuck, he is far from it but this just seems like a sick joke.
As soon as his license was officially stripped from him, he knew his marriage was over. The tension had started almost a year earlier when Ava suspected Frankie of using, to which he vehemently denied.
Of course, it was true, but how was he supposed to explain and admit to the love of his life that he needed the cocaine flowing through his body in order to feel anything anymore.
Things began to crumble soon after the initial suspicion by Ava. 
The best way Frankie thought to deal with this problem was to put some space between himself and his wife. He didn't want her to see him when he was strung out and begging for one last hit - God forbid his daughter see him like that.
In a way, Frankie was grateful that Ellie was still an infant, and that she would have no memory of the fights he had with her mother over his addiction.
He began staying out late at bars and other places downtown where he knew he could meet his dealer and get more of his fix, trying to keep it as far away from his home as possible. 
After a few drinks and a successful meeting with his dealer, he would make his way home where he eventually came down, the immediate rush of guilt and sorrow filling his heart as he would return home and see the bedroom door was locked, indicating he had to crash on the couch.
It was when he stepped through the threshold of his small cottage that he felt the shame bubble up from deep inside him, knowing that he couldn't just snuggle up next to his wife and pretend things were fine, or even cradle his daughter in his arms and rock her to sleep, as on these nights Ava made sure to keep Ellie in the bedroom with her. 
Those were the nights that haunted him the most.
Breaking Ava's heart was something long in the past - and he knew she wouldn't be able to just forgive him for what he put her through. She was always the one to give people the benefit of the doubt - something he used to tease her about but now feels scorned by. She was the one who stood by him when he admitted he had a problem - giving him support and resources for healing all while lending a helping hand. 
She knew he wouldn't try to harm their relationship on purpose.
But when his use began to impede more on their relationship, Ava put her foot down. She was getting tired of the cycle of hurt that came with each band of withdrawal and promises of this being the "last" time, only to see her husband relapse again and again. She tried her hardest to continue supporting him, her high school sweetheart, but she had reached her limit. She started spending more time with her parents, leaving Ellie in their care for most days so she didn't have to see her father stumble through the door after a night out. 
Two weeks later she served him with the divorce papers.
Frankie knows that he fucked up, be he never meant to harm Ava or Ellie along the way, especially his baby daughter, whose brown eyes were almost carbon copies of his own. He can't even stomach the idea of Eleanor growing up without her father in her life - she is his whole world, and since the day she was born he promised her that he would always be there for her.
But now, his heart aches knowing he is going home to a semi-furnished one-bedroom apartment, no wife or daughter waiting up for him like when he returned from missions or deployment.
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Francisco Morales was not one to take the easy way out.
He clutches his patient belongings bag tighly in his right hand as he walks out of the lobby of the inpatient rehabilitation center, scanning the outside pickup area for a familiar truck. After looking around for a moment a truck horn beep startles him, turning to see a familiar mop of black hair peeking out of his truck.
Chuckling to himself, Frankie jogs over to the passenger side and hops in, feeling Pope immediately wrap him tightly in a hug. "I missed you Cat," he murmurs into the pilot's shoulder, giving him a comforting pat on the back before releasing the brown-haired man from his arms.
"I missed you too Santi," Frankie sighs, placing his bag down on the floor at his feet, "I don't know how much longer I could stay there without seeing a familiar face."
Santi lets out a low laugh as he starts up the truck and pulls out of the patient drop-off area before turning onto the main road. The two sit in silence for a few moments as Frankie stretches out his limbs, turning his head to look out the window as they drive down through the city.
The black haired man knows better than to pry and quiz the pilot about his 2 month stay at the local inpatient rehabilitation center. After the fallout of the trial, things got rough really fast. Santi knew deep down there was a chance of relapse, even with Frankie left the courtroom promising that this would never happen again - but it was all too much.
At 3:11 am Santi got a call from Frankie.
By 6:30 the pair were at the very same doors that Frankie had just emerged, with Santi comfortingly rubbing his hand up and down the brunette's back and they waited to check him in and head over to intake.
But Santi doesn't pry.
He just drums a tune on the steering wheel as he continues driving down the main stretch of road in the city. He watches out of the corner of his eye as they get to a red light as Frankie fixes his hair, running his fingers through the brown fringe across his forehead and he lets out a chuckle.
"What's so funny Pope? I don't wanna look like I'm fresh out of the hospital." He huffs, looking over his hair again before closing the mirror.
To say Frankie was nervous was an understatement. He had been out of the hospital for less than ten minutes and he was already on his way to meet a new lawyer. His new lawyer.
The previous week Frankie received a call from Santi during his afternoon rec time. At first he couldn't make out what the other man was saying, he remembers huffing out something the lines of "are you fucking drunk?" but made sure to keep quiet as he knew some people in the rec area didn't take too kindly to brash language.
He then remembers the hearty chuckle on the other end. "No I'm not fucking drunk 'fish, I'm excited! I just ran into one of my old college buddies-"
"Do you mean fuck buddies?" Frankie teases, letting out a quiet laugh as he hears a scoff on the other end of the line.
"No you idiot! I didn't sleep with every girl I knew back then, I know it's hard to believe," Frankie lets out a loud laugh, "I ran into an old friend of mine who went to law school, and let's just say she owes me a favor and she agreed to take on your case! Fish? Frankie?"
The pilot drops the phone as soon as the words are processed.
He has another chance. Another chance to see Ava and his baby girl. A chance to get them both back into his life for good this time, now that he has detoxed and spent his time working on his coping strategies.
They could be back in his arms once again.
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"Mr. Morales? Mr. Garcia? She's ready for you."
"It's go time." Santi nods, standing up out of his seat and motioning for the pilot to follow him.
The pair make their way down the white and bright hallways of the law offices, walking past several cubicles full of lawyers and other workers chatting away before coming to an office with a glass door at the end of the hallway.
Frankie nervously plays with his fingers as Santi knocks on the door, hearing a soft "come in" from the otherside.
He follows the black haired man into the office and freezes in his tracks when he sees you get up from your desk and rush to pull Santi into a hug. He tries to keep his eyes from widening like a cartoon character but he can't help it - Santi didn't mention how gorgeous you are.
He listens to you both talk for a few moments before you reach your hand out and introduce yourself, a light smile playing at your lips. Frankie nods and takes your smaller hand in his before watching you go back to your desk. You open your laptop and pull out the file your assistant gathered on the details of the previous case.
"Mr. Mora-"
"You can call me Frankie," the pilot interjects, his cheeks turning red as you nod and take a mental note of that. "Frankie, do you want to start off at the start of your story for me? I always find it more beneficial to ask from the client's perspective about the details of the case, it makes a stronger case," you say, picking up a pen and looking at the brunette sitting across from you.
Frankie lets out a small cough and takes a soft breath in before laying his cards out on the table.
Santi stays quiet in the seat next to him, nodding along at the details of the story and offering a comforting hand on the back as one of his closest friends speaks about some of the darkest points in his life with you as if you have known him as long as you have known him.
It takes about 45 minutes of Frankie's explanations and your questioning to get all of the information you need for the initial meeting, making notes of the progress the pilot has made within the inpatient treatment center as well as Santi's testimony. You put your files away in the folder on your desk and stand up, making your way over to the two soldiers and giving them each a handshake, telling them both that you feel extremely confident in this case, and that you can't wait to help Frankie get his family back.
You can't miss the way he breaks out into a grin, probably one of the first genuine ones in a while, and you see Santi nod his head approvingly at you before giving you a quick "thanks" as the two begin to stand up and walk towards your door. 
Before they leave you quickly call out to Frankie, who turns around quickly and his chocolate brown eyes lock with yours.
"What's your daughter's name?" You ask softly, watching as his posture relaxes at the mention of his pride and joy. He reaches into one of his back pockets of his jeans and pulls out a small photo from his wallet and hands it to you.
You look over the tiny photo - it must have been from the day she was born. Her big brown eyes are the same as her father's, a small smile on her face.
"Her name is Eleanor, Eleanor Luciana," he smiles, a small tear welling up in the corner of his right eye.
A smile plays at your lips as you see the absolute adoration in his eyes as he talks about her.
You know you have to win this case.
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You spend the next 3 months prepping for the case.
You know this process is not an easy one, especially for Frankie. At first, he came to your office twice a week in the afternoon right after his NA meetings, most times with Santi in tow. It was awkward at first for sure - I mean it isn't fun working with a lawyer about the bad choices he had made or the fact of the matter that he feels like a piece of him has died since he has been away from his family.
Santi helped ease the tension.
When it got hard for Frankie to talk about some of the details of his drug use, or the fights he had with Ava, Santi was there to help ease the conversation and help Frankie get through it. It helped that the two knew each other like the back of their hands, with Santi being able to crack a joke at a moment's notice and bring the pilot back down to the ground.
It was when Santi brought up old memories of your time back in college that you heard real laughter from the brunette.
They weren't your proudest memories, but the way that Frankie laughed at you and Santi's old college stories brought a smile to your face and gave you a feeling of butterflies in your stomach that you didn't want to go away. You knew deep down you shouldn't feel those butterflies, especially when dealing with a client, but something about the pilot made your heart flutter.
But the minute you would feel the butterflies, like after Frankie gave you a compliment about your outfit, you would feel the guilt wash over you in waves. Frankie was a father, a former husband who was working with you in order to win back his ex. How could you feel this way about a man who was fighting through hell to get his family back.
You were just his lawyer.
Seeing him open up each time he came into your office was something that struck you deep down, knowing that being this vulnerable is something that he doesn't take lightly. 
The two of you continue meeting twice a week after NA, with Frankie telling you about his feelings from his meeting and talking about his goals for this upcoming trial.
You continue preparing him with questions you know will be brought up by the family court judge, focusing on his plans for the future after his discharge from the inpatient center, focusing on the changes in behavior he has made of the past few months. His answers become more confident the harder you work, and you feel your heart start to swell as he talks about how excited he is to see his baby girl again.
But you also feel pain in your heart at the thought of the man before you leaving your life after this week.
It's the Friday night before the trial, a night you typically take off early on, but tonight is different.
Frankie was sitting here in your office earlier this week when he casually mentioned that he was getting his 6 month sober chip on Friday. Upon hearing this news you gasp and stand up from your desk, your feet carrying you over towards him before you could even register what you are doing - suddenly you realize that you have pulled him into your arms.
Frankie is shocked at first, a small "oof" escaping his lips as you held onto him, but he is grateful you cannot see the blush rising on his cheeks.
You quickly pull yourself back and subconsciously smoothing out your light green work pants before taking a step back. "I'm so proud of you 'Cat, that's so amazing!" You smile, brushing a piece of hair back behind your ear.
The pilot nods, a small smile playing at his lips.
"How about you come here on friday. You, me and Santi can have some pizza and a beer to celebrate," you suggest, watching as Frankie furrows his brow before letting out a chuckle.
"You don't ask all of your clients to have a pizza party in your office after hours do you?" He laughs, taking his hat off and fixing his brown locks before sliding it back on his head.
"I can't say that I do, but this is what Santi and I would do back in the day to celebrate, so why not celebrate this achievement before we get in the courtroom." 
You chuckle, remembering the days spent in the shitty apartment Santi had off campus. "Alright I'm in." Frankie smiles, "I'll bring the beers."
That night the three of you sit on the floor of your office like kids and chuckle at old stories, both from college and from the boy's times spent overseas. You watch as Frankie laughs at something Santi says and you feel the pain in your heart return, knowing that in a few short days your client would be back to his old life, and you would be stuck here back in the real world at your job. You know it's wrong, but these past months have been different than any other case you have taken on.
You know Frankie is going to be able to go back to his family after all of this - he is stronger than when this whole ordeal started and he has the support to prevent another relapse. 
Hell, you are proud of him outside of work, knowing this process wasn't easy - but the idea of this man walking out of your life brings you sadness. Knowing he won't be in your office twice a week for hours, cracking jokes and talking about nothing in particular towards the end. 
Sometimes you wonder what things would be like if you met under other circumstances. Maybe you two would have a shot - walking hand in hand at the local farmer's market, singing karaoke at the bar with Santi, Benny and Will, or even going on a flight with him.
You even opened up to him, telling him things even Santi doesn't know. But you need to remember why you are here - to win this for your client.
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"Mr. Morales, after going over the details of this case, I see the dedication you have made towards your rehabilitation and future. I have talked with the treatment team at Maple Grove rehabilitation as well as your NA sponsor, and based on all of the information I have gathered is that you are fit to have custody of your daughter. You will now have shared custody of Eleanor Luciana Morales."
Before you can properly process the words of the judge, you feel two strong arms wrap around your torso and lift you in the air. You feel a blush come over your cheeks as you hear Frankie saying "thank you" over and over again as he sets you back down on the ground.
You both simultaneously pull back and hide your blushes as you thank the judge for his discretion and you faintly hear the bang of the gavel in the background as the court is dismissed.
You don't miss the way Ava storms out of the courtroom with her family and you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. Santi walks over to the two of you and pulls you both into a hug, rubbing a hand comfortingly up and down your back and thanking you for everything you did.
You nod as Santi pulls back and turns to his brother in arms, chatting about something you can't quite hear as you begin to pack up your white briefcase, pausing when you see a photo of Ellie on the table.
Since the beginning of the trial Frankie felt the nerves wash over him as this suddenly felt so real. You had suggested that he bring in a picture of Eleanor to place on the table so that whenever he became nervous, he could look down and see who he was doing this all for. Seeing the photo now brings tears to the corners of your eyes and you close up your briefcase - turning around to see that Santi has left the courtroom, just leaving you and Frankie.
"I just wanted to say thank you, for everything," he says softly, nervously scratching at the hair at the nape of his neck.
You nod curtly, trying to ignore the sore feeling in your throat - a telltale sign that you were about to cry.
Frankie tilts his head in confusion and walks closer, reaching out and grabbing your smaller hands in his. "I mean it - you have helped me through this whole process, and you are the reason I get to see Eleanor again, and for that I cannot thank you enough."
His words cut through you like knives - you knew this was coming. Your job is over, and it's time for him to move on.
"All in a day's work," you chuckle quietly, having to look down at your shoes to avoid letting the tears fall.
You suddenly feel softy fingers tilt your head up. Blinking through your lashes you see the pilot looking at you with only adoration in his eyes. You lock onto his chocolate orbs and nod slightly as he moves closer, softly crashing your lips against his.
You feel his strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling him flush against his chest in a soft yet comforting way. You find yourself getting lost in the moment, one of your hands tangling in his hair as he pushes a strand of hair behind your ear.
A moment later you both pull away, leaning your forehead against his as he lets out a small chuckle.
"I've been wanting to do that forever," he smiles, locking eyes with you once again, "I had to wait until I wasn't your client anymore, I didn't want to make it awkward or unethical."
You smile at his confession, brushing a piece of his brunette locks out of his eyes.
"Well now that you are no longer my client, would you like to go grab a beer?" You ask, looking at the way his eyes light up at your question.
"I would love that."
He watches as you grab your briefcase and wraps an arm around your waist as the two of you head for the courtroom doors.
He feels his heart swell in his chest knowing he not only has Eleanor back in his life, but now he has you too.
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taglist: @hailmary-yramliah​ @babyprim​ @shadowolf993​ @jasterslegacy​ @collectorofexperiences​
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veuliee2 · a month ago
soft santi prompts u say 👀👀 how about hhhh first kiss?
i had so much fun with this oh my gosh!!! 😭💗💗💗 thank you for this suggestion!!! i hope that you like it!!
Santiago Garcia x Fem! Reader
Word Count: ~1.7 K
Warnings: None
Santiago is not an arrogant man, but he knows that he is attractive. He notices the looks he gets from men and women when he’s out in the evenings, notices how easy it is to pull anyone he wants to warm his bed for the night. How it is no trouble for him to exchange numbers with a cute barista or store clerke and be guaranteed a call back for a date or two. He had never had any problems with casual coupling with strangers, and for a lot of them, parting from them with no strings attached. But he feels as though something deep within him has shifted and he is no longer as suave and charismatic as he once was- and you are to blame.
 The moment you’d met him, he was enticed by the look of you, and approached you with all the confidence in the world, eager to keep his eyes on you for as long as possible, perhaps take you home. But the more you talked to him, opened up your personality to him, the more he realized that he wanted more from you than a couple of coffee dates and to take you to bed. He wanted to know you in every way possible, and for that to happen he needed you to like him back, and to trust him.
 Now when he meets up with you, words that used to flow easily from his mind and towards the person he was trying to woo, are arrested in his throat and makes him hesitate. He wonders constantly if what he says would upset you, make you uncomfortable, or just outright make you laugh at him. He stutters now, and he can often feel what is almost a permanent blush spread across his face, and it’s torture when he’s around you with the boys knowing that they are enjoying his embarrassment more than anything. 
But over time, the words flow easier as he learns you better, but his mind moves swiftly to wanting to get to know you more intimately, and this urge constantly draws his eyes to your lips. The shape they make when you grin at him, how they purse when you ponder on a question, the way they look when you wear your favourite lip product, and he feels as though his heart may burst from his chest when he watches you pull your bottom lip in between your teeth or sweep your tongue out to lick off a drop of whatever you were drinking. 
He’s never felt this wrecked over a pair of lips before, and the more he has to resist from pressing his own onto yours feels like he might go insane. It’s on your third date together that he resolves that he will ask you if he can kiss you. He hasn't outright asked a girl if he could kiss her since he was a teenager, but he feels he may as well be the way his heart flutters so violently whenever he's around you.
 When he meets up with you, your outfit is casual and cute, and he has an urge to ask you right here and now, but reigns himself in knowing that he should say ‘hello’ first. He had asked you where you had wanted to go this time, and you told him that anywhere with something cold and sweet would work fine. 
He decides to take you to a marketplace, filled with little shops and restaurants. His nerves relax when you’re eating together, laughing and sharing stories as you enjoy the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the place. Eventually you’ve both finished eating, and he brings you to a shop selling over thirty different flavours of ice cream. You each grab a cone, and you pull him along to look at the shops. 
You walk around a small boutique of crystals and gems, and he watches with a smile as you stroke a heart shaped stone of rose quartz between your fingers. He remembers reading somewhere that it is believed to inspire love and romance, and he silently urges the small pink rock to work its magic, even though he’s not sure he believes in it. 
You both then move on to a small shop of stuffed animals and toys, and he melts as he watches how you coo over a particularly soft little bear. You pout as you softly stroke its supple coat before you both leave. 
“Sweet little thing, but I’m trying to control my spending.” You laugh, but his heart breaks a little as he watches you walk away from it, something he knows you deserve. While you excuse yourself to the washroom, he purchases the small fluffy bear and smiles knowing that it will make you happy. 
He texts you while you’re still away that he’s waiting by the park not far outside of the marketplace as he walks out to wait there. Standing beneath the fairy lights strewn around the trees, the waiting with a stuffed bear behind his back as the evening brings out more people to stroll about, he feels like an idiot from some romantic comedy as he waits for you, but his heart sweeps aside all embarrassment when you walk out, smiling widely when you spot him.
 Walking forward you tilt your head at his stance, how he hides his hands behind his back and wears an expression between mischief and worry. 
“You look like you have a secret, Santi,” You say as you stop in front of him with your hands on your hips. He can hardly handle how precious you look, and instead of teasing you as he had wanted to, he brings the bear from behind his back and laughs at how loudly you gasp. 
Your shock evolves into pure joy as you take the small stuffie into your hands, hugging it close as you look into his eyes, the two of you smiling from ear to ear. “You shouldn’t have, Santiago!” You try to scold him, but it’s impossible to keep the smile away.
 He shrugs and drapes his arm over your shoulder as you begin to stroll. “I wanted to. You deserve nice things.” Your cheeks warm, and you look away, overwhelmed by the tenderness he’s extended to you up to now.
 The words you exchange are softer as you both near the path to the lake, some people sit to enjoy their dinner beneath the stars and lanterns strung high over the walkway. The night breeze is not too cold, but he pulls you closer anyways, and you smile against the bear you hold close for dear life. 
“Can we sit for a moment?” You ask as you both approach a bench in front of the water, somewhat secluded from the other people. He agrees, and the two of you sit side by side as you gaze upon the water that ripples with the breeze and sparkles with the night lights. He watches your face beneath the shine of the lights, and despite the pretty surroundings, he can’t take his eyes off of you. 
His eyes move once again to your lips, and he feels that now is as perfect as ever to ask for what he’s been dreaming about since he’d met you. But just as he intakes a breath to ask, you turn to face him and speak. 
“Thank you, Santiago. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect night out.” You smile at him, and he reflects your delight with a warm smile of his own.
 “It’s my pleasure. I enjoyed tonight too,” He whispers, and strokes a finger over your cheek. He sees your face change, into something more serious and pensive, and he’s worried that he’s done something wrong. He asks if you’re alright, and you shake your head.
 “Well no- I mean yes, I’m perfect, I feel great, it’s just…” He turns his body to face you fully, concerned and with a comforting hand on your thigh as he waits for you to elaborate. 
“Can I kiss you?” For a moment Santiago thinks he didn’t hear that correctly. He thinks this may be a figment of his own imagination, a manifestation of his own desires. But then he hears you whisper a soft ‘please’, and he wastes no time pressing his lips to yours. 
The relief of finally being able to kiss you draws a shuddery sigh from him as he cups your cheek and leans closer, one of your hands resting on his neck while the other clutches his gift in between your two bodies. You find a steady rhythm together, and he doesn’t think he ever wants to part from you, to leave the blissful bubble that envelops the both of you as you feel each other's lips for the first time. The taste of each other sweetened by the ice cream and the warmth of your lips together an almost addicting sensation. 
Neither of you know exactly how long you stay connected like this, only that you are the first to pull away, reduced to a state of breathless giggles as you try to gather yourself. He pants as well, watching you with what he’s certain is the dopiest grin on his face.
 When you look back up at him, he can’t help but steal one more kiss before resting your foreheads against one another. “I’ve wanted to do that since I met you, sweetheart,” He whispers softly.
 “Me too,” you reply, and his heart swells. After some more moments with your head on his shoulder as you overlook the water, a few more shared kisses here and there, you both decide it’s time to head home. 
As you walk your way back to his car, you both ponder on what to name your new little friend. 
“What’s your callsign again? Pope?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “You shouldn’t name him that, it sounds ridiculous without context. How about Mr. Ice Cream?” You both laugh at his suggestions, the simple but funny names he gives. 
You giggle as you finally settle upon the perfect name. “This will be Baby Santi!” He laughs, but he swears he could drop to his knees right now and become subservient to you for the rest of his life for how adorable you are. 
“Really?” He asks as he helps you into his passenger seat, and you nod visibly pleased with this name. 
“I’ll have him to hold and kiss when you’re not around.” He smiles, pressing a firm kiss to your cheek before closing the car door.
“You’d better take care of our girl when I’m not there, you fur ball.” He thinks to himself as he settles behind the wheel to take you home.    
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masterwords · a month ago
Text
An Idiot Prayer of Empty Words (Part Two)
Warnings:  Child abuse, neglect, hoarding, canon-typical violence & death, this one runs the gamut.  
Notes: Inspired by an ask prompt by @elliotlovescm for “rossi cheering hotch up after his first brutal case as a bau member”, here is the final bit.  There is some comfort here and I hope it’s what you were looking for...I know that if it was later, I could have pulled out some really good comfort but I think for his first case...this was probably as close as Dave could get to the porcupine that is Hotch.  <3  If you squint, you’ll see I planted some Mortch seeds at the end.  I can’t help it.
Previously On:  PART ONE
The morning brought with it news of another boy missing, and the team was buzzing about the unsub and his cooling off period getting shorter. Aaron hadn't slept more than an hour at a time, woke and called Haley and begged her to tell him about her morning while he brushed his teeth and shaved, asked her to spare no tiny detail (the coffee pot overflowed because she forgot to put the lid on) because he needed to feel something normal.  Something that meant the world was still spinning on its axis, because all he knew was three dead boys and another missing and his nightmares of his father that Haley barely understood and he spared her the gory details because she might run screaming for the hills.  All she knew was that his father had been a lawyer, that he'd passed away shortly after they began seeing each other, and that he had a reputation for being gruff.  She had her suspicions but she let Aaron hold onto his secrets out of fear.  What she was afraid of, she couldn't really say – maybe it would scare her out of having his children someday, worry that he might turn out like his own father, she didn't know, but she wouldn't ever ask because if she let the sleeping dragon lie, maybe it would stay asleep.  And Aaron wouldn't ever tell, he didn't talk about it.  There were months, years of his childhood unaccounted for in his stories, his memories.
“Did you sleep?” Jason asked and Aaron shrugged, sipping the motel room coffee he'd been trying to suck down since he got out of bed.  He'd made a full pot, knowing it would make him feel sick to his stomach but he was an addict and this was what you did to get a fix.  He didn't bother with a granola bar this time, he knew it wouldn't be long for the world if he tried.  There were many ways he'd known his body to betray him, to show his vulnerability when all he wanted to do was conceal it, and eating was near the top of the list.  It wasn't that he didn't like food, he loved it, but it was always the first thing to go when things went all topsy turvy.  There were people in the world, people he’d known quite well who probably thought he had an eating disorder, but it was really just knowing that he was prone to throwing up when emotion struck and he couldn’t manage that.  The photos of the third boy were already on Max's board when he walked into the conference room, and the fourth boy was being pinned up – the boy who was still missing but not dead yet.  
“CPS, did that get you anywhere?”
“Each of the boys' families had been visited in the last twelve months,” Aaron said softly, trying to affect an air of calm.  “Neighbor complaints for Colton, tennis coach concern for Grant, school nurse inquiries for Scott,” he said.  Scott was the third boy, the third body in a lake.  The new boy, Troy, he knew he'd find the same.  Troy looked like him, all messy dark hair and sharp, pinched features. Squinty brown eyes that looked like they were on the verge of tears and filled with more anger than a ten year old should know, anger set against that generic school picture gray background with shots of bright colors, lightning strikes of pink and green and purple.  He turned away when Max pinned his face to the board, and Jason noticed. No one else seemed to.  
“Hotchner, why don't you work with the detectives around here today?  I'll go interview Troy's family.”
“He's already been working the families,” Dave interrupted, and Max backed him up.  Continuity, they claimed.  “He's got a relationship with CPS, too.”
Jason looked at Aaron, and suddenly Aaron felt like he was under a microscope – Jason knew something, and he wasn't sure what. “They're right, I'll try the case workers and I'll go talk to Troy's family.”
“Let me come with you,” Jason said quietly, and he didn't look ready to take no for an answer.  Dave raised an eyebrow, asked if he could speak to Jason in the hallway, and Aaron watched the two of them in a heated discussion he knew was entirely about him.  He hated every second of it.
“You can handle this, can't you?” Max asked, drawing Aaron's attention to him.  
“What? The job?”
“Yes. The job.  I don't have much left, this team is going to be yours eventually...if you can handle it.  We're all old dogs.  If you can't handle it, you'd better say so now so we can look for someone else.”
“I can handle it.”  Aaron didn't think he could, not really, but staring into Max's eyes he couldn't back down either.  He'd asked for this, he'd worked hard for this, and now it felt like punishment instead of a reward and that somehow made it more fitting.  “I'm going to talk to Troy's family alone.”
“Good.”
Aaron stormed out of the room without waiting to hear a word out of Jason or Dave, though they called to him.  His trench coat billowed behind him as he swept dramatically through the station and he figured he at least had put on a good show, though he felt like a child who volunteered for a job that was too big, one he was destined to fail at, but boy howdy would he try.  The drive went by without him even realizing it, and when he arrived in the driveway at Troy's house, he couldn't remember having driven at all.  It was the sort of blackout he remembered from college, when he would drink too much at a party and somehow arrive back at his dorm miles away without a single memory of having driven, but his car was always in the lot. Sometimes there was a girl or a boy in his bed, and he hoped they had been the ones to drive and just invite themselves to crash, but sometimes he was alone and he knew he'd driven.  He was a year ahead of Haley, and they had been seeing other people through college because she'd gone somewhere else and he couldn't get her out of his mind so he never committed to anyone else the entire time, just a string of regrets for years and years until she called him and said she wanted to marry him, because he'd asked her the week before he left for college and she knew she still had a full year of high school left.  Why she'd gotten under his skin so well he could never say, but they had hardly been dating at all before he wanted to devote his life to her, and even when he found other people he loved (because he fell in love so easily with anyone who showed him even the slightest kindness) there was no one but her.  Not really.  And as he thought about those times, thoughts confused and all over the place in the driveway, Troy's mother came out of the house with her sweater pulled close and he would have lost his granola bar if he'd eaten it.  Right there. She looked so like his mom, pulling her sweater too close, too tight, and her skin was pallid and thin and freckled, her hair was brittle and red and long and windswept and her eyes were puffy, tear stained, but she looked strong.  Somehow.  Like a sailor who had just bested a squall but knew there was another on the way.
“Who are you?” she asked, and Aaron stepped out of his car and flashed his credentials, told her why he was there, choked down the bile rising in his throat when her husband appeared on the doorstep in his suit and tie with his angry features contorted, twisted into what he thought could pass for a smile but Aaron knew better.  It was only a smile in the same way that hyenas smiled and nothing more. His father was the king of that smile, in the hospital feigning concern over his injured son, sweet talking the nurses and doctors, discussing their private matters, attorney client privilege extending to great lengths.  Aaron was sure the law was never meant to extend so far, be so perverted, but his father was no genius and he’d found it easy as cherry pie.  
“FBI.  Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner,” Aaron said, enunciating every single letter as if it was something he was saying to his own father.  “I'm investigating the disappearance of your son Troy, I have a few questions.”
“We already talked to the police.  Marnie, come inside now.”  
And that was that.  The door was shut, and Aaron was alone on the porch. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer and he couldn't enter – these people weren't suspects, they were victims.  He had to remind himself of that, over and over, as he walked back to his car and drove away.  
There were two more boys who died, no saved victims before they caught the unsub – a CPS case worker who Jason referred to as an Angel of Death and Dave called an Angel of Mercy, they couldn't seem to agree on the terminology but it all meant the same thing.  Max didn’t care about the name.  Someone with a God complex, who thought they were putting someone out of their misery, and Aaron's stomach was twisted in agony because he wished he'd met someone like this when he was thirteen and in the hospital with a broken collar bone that would force him to miss the entire track season, an ATV accident while hunting his father had said but the nurses, they knew.  And one of the nurses told him he was lucky, because he'd been abused as a child too (and he could see that this was the result of abuse) but it was his uncle and he'd been sexually abused so Aaron must have been lucky to only be hurt.  And that was how it went for him, the silver lining – it could always have been worse.  His Angel of Mercy had come in the form of boarding school, because people in town were talking and his father had to save face, but it was just as bad - the other kids were terrible to him, he was friendless and alone and in the infirmary more often than not.  When he looked back on his childhood, it wasn’t with fondness, and it wasn’t always at the hands of his father.  
They wrapped up the case, pulled the photos down off of the board, never thought about telling the boys' families that the killer had been found because there would be no point, except Aaron knew that Troy's mom would want to know.  She looked like his mom, and he was sure his mom would have wanted to know.  So he excused himself and walked to Troy's house, he needed the fresh air and the house was only a mile away from the police station.   He could see the boy's mom on the front porch, just sitting there in the same dress, the same sweater he'd seen her in days ago.  
“Mrs. Julsen?” he asked, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he approached.  She stood, pulled her sweater closer around her body and glanced back at the house before walking toward him.  “We found the man.  I thought you'd like to know, he's in custody.”
“It won't bring Troy back,” she said, and Aaron nodded.  He knew.  It didn't really help.
“No, it won't.  But this man, he thought he was helping Troy.  Was he?”  It wasn’t fair, what he’d asked, and if he didn’t think he knew exactly what Troy’s life was asked maybe he would never have said it.  Whatever it was, it was inappropriate, and he couldn’t take it back.  
“I don't know...” she said, but she stopped a moment, peering at him suspiciously.  Like she knew.  Like she saw him, really saw him.  “Maybe.  Maybe he was.”
“I'm so sorry,” Aaron said, glancing down at the gravel driveway.  He knew his mom would have said the same, if it had been him.  That she wasn't strong enough to stop things, but maybe it would have been okay if someone had.  “I'm sure Troy knew you loved him.”  
“Did he?” she asked, and tears fell down her cheeks and she swiped at them too quickly, like she was ashamed.  “Do you think? Because...” but she couldn't finish her sentence and he didn't want her to.  
“I think so.”  Because he still loved his mother.  Because he could never stop loving her, even if he resented her sometimes, even if it was hard to look at her, he loved her.  She tried.  He heard tires in the gravel and turned to see Dave pulling up in the car, by himself, and Aaron gave her a last smile and excused himself, getting into the car without another word.  He had nothing else.  Instead, he pulled out his credentials and set them on the dash as Dave pulled out of the driveway.  Set them there and closed his eyes, breathing out maybe for the first time in two days.  
“I'm sorry, Agent Rossi.  I'm not your guy, I'm not cut out for this.  I apologize for wasting your time.”  
“Sure,” Dave said, pulling out onto the road.  He didn’t seem surprised or upset.  “If you say so.  But do you want to know what I think?”
“Not really.”
“I'm going to tell you anyway.  I think you're exactly the guy for this job, I think you are the future of the BAU.  I didn't see it, I was so wrapped up in this case, these kids...but Jason saw it.  He saw you.  These kids...you were these kids.  He saw it, he told me, that’s why he wanted to go with you. And you stared them in the face alone, and you let yourself feel all of this pain and all of this horror and you saw things we didn't see, we would never have seen...you solved this case all by yourself because you lived the life these boys lived.  We let you down, but you didn't let these kids down.”
“You...” Aaron said, and he felt his breath catch in his lungs.  The breath he felt like he'd been holding for days, that he thought was back to normal, it caught there and it burned inside of his chest until his eyes watered.  “I wasn't...”  he had no other words planned though, nothing to really say, except a desperate attempt to save face.  Not to be a victim, never again to be a victim.  He spent his entire youth being a victim, and now it was his turn to advocate for them, not to join them.  
“You don't owe me an explanation, I know what I know because I trust Jason Gideon.  If you want to ask him how he figured you out, you're welcome to, though I suppose you'll need your badge to get into his office tomorrow so you may as well grab it off of the dash and put it back where it belongs.  He told me because as good as he is at decoding, he's not good at the human part that comes after...that's where I come in.  You and me, we're going to drive back to Quantico on our own, and maybe grab a drink before I drop you off, if you’re up to it.  Jason and Max will find another way back.”  
So they drove, and Aaron was quiet.  They stopped at the motel briefly to grab their things and drop off their keys, and Aaron was glad to sit in the front seat instead of the backseat but Dave asked him questions he didn't want to answer.  Questions that made him feel sick, that made his head throb and his chest burn and his fingers tingle.  
“Your father?” Dave asked, and Aaron nodded.  What else could he do? “Just you?”
“Yes,” Aaron said softly, eyes downcast.  “My mother at first, probably a long time before me, but eventually it was only me, I made an easier target as he got older I guess.  It was better that way, I hated seeing her cry.  That was so much worse.”  
“What saved you?” Dave asked, turning onto the interstate.  He had such a calm, cool way about him that Aaron felt safe opening up.  At least a little.  As much as he was able.  There were things he felt that had no words, nothing he could say to explain them, but he did what he could.  
“My brother,” he replied, picking at his thumbnail absentmindedly. “He's ten years younger than I am, but he helped.  When he was five, he had already learned more than a kid that age should have about first aid.  He saved me.  And he's paying for it now, he uses...” Aaron's voice trailed off for a moment.  He cleared his throat.  “He's a mess.  But I send him money, I try to make up for it.”
“Good kid,” Dave said, and Aaron didn't know if he meant himself or Sean but maybe it didn't matter.  A moment later, out of nowhere, Dave's hand was covering his in his lap, squeezing gently.  
“I really don't think I can do this job...” Aaron sighed, but he didn't pull away from Dave's hands.  The warmth there, it was something he hadn't felt in too long.  No one but Haley touched him, and when she did it was different.  Dave knew things about him she didn't now, even after so many years of marriage, and yet he touched him anyway.  Without fear or apprehension.  
“Good. After seeing what you saw, I'd be more concerned if you came away confident.  You should be a wreck after one of these cases, but you should also be driven to do it again.  You're going to see worse things, things that chip away at your soul, give you nightmares, make you afraid to be a part of this world.  You confronted your own demons this week, but there are thousands of demons you haven't met yet.  I have no doubt about you, Aaron Hotchner.  You're the future of the BAU, Max is on his way out and I'm next...you'll be choosing my replacement soon enough.  Eventually this will be your team.  I need to know you'll do it, that this is safe in your hands because you care, because these people need someone exactly like you...broken, held together precariously by superglue and duct tape and patches, stronger after every crack appears.  You're exactly the hero these people need.  If I'm being honest, and selfish, you're the hero I need.  I've been doing this so long...so long, Aaron.  I need to know it wasn't in vain, that someone will carry on when I have nothing left to give.”
“You sound like a writer...” Aaron sighed, and he sucked in another painful breath.  
And Aaron cried.  Tears swept down his cheeks as he put his credentials back in his pocket, not because he felt like he could do the job, but because he didn't know who else would if he wouldn't.  Who would step in and help save these people if he wouldn't?  Dave pulled the car over to the side of the road, right there on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere between North Carolina and Virginia and he pulled Aaron into a hug, across the center console, the gear shift jutting uncomfortably between them but it still felt entirely right. He hugged Aaron close, and let the younger man cry against him, let him sob out every ounce of anger and frustration and sadness that this case had dredged up and as he held him, he was overcome with the knowledge that no one had ever done this for Aaron, not ever, and the very very bigness was not lost on him.  He'd been planning to retire as soon as Aaron seemed confident, and now...now he thought he could hang on longer, to be beside this man who needed just a little more time to be secure, to be sure he was right.  Dave could hold on for Aaron, for a real friendship because the Lord knew he needed one too. Aaron may have been broken, and he wore it on his sleeve as much as he liked to think he didn't, but Dave was broken too, and he could use this kind of friendship, the close kind where you could hug and you could tell each other anything and the other person might not get it but they would love you anyway.  Dave had a suspicion that Aaron hadn't ever had that before, and though he had it in Jason, he wanted another because he was greedy.  And he hoped that by the time he was ready to retire, maybe he could help guide Aaron to bringing a new member of the team in that would give him the same, that would fill all of those needs, because in a world as ugly as this, you really needed people you could trust.  Who would love you unconditionally.  Not even at your worst but especially there, in the trenches, when you were ugly and you were worn and you were ready to be thrown out.  
Aaron still woke up every morning upset that he hadn't died peacefully in his sleep, but it wasn't so bad now.  He had Haley, and he had the BAU.  That was enough to get him out of bed, and what happened next...well that was all on him, but he was doing okay.
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mymoodwriting · a month ago
Text
What Is Mine
F!Reader x NCT
Genre: Vampire Hunter AU
Warning:  Blood, Fangs, Drugs, Anxiety
Words: 1.6K
Chapters:
One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine |  Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen (Coming Soon)
Prompt: Vampire hunting was always simple, you go in, you kill the monsters, burn the evidence and move on. Easy. At least that’s what they thought until they find themselves with a fresh new vampire, as innocent and as vulnerable as a child. It presents them with a once in a life time chance to learn and try something new, train a vampire to hunt it’s own kind without remorse. They never would have thought they could have such a pet, let alone grow so attached to it.
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    Jooheon held on tight to you, getting as far away from the hunters as he could. As soon as he stopped you were squirming your way out of his grasp, yelling at him to let you. When you got free he expected you to run back, but you just went off in another direction. Regardless he chased you down and quickly had you back in his arms.
“Let me go!”
“Stop running off! You’re already in enough trouble as it is!”
“Let me go!”
“She said let her go.”
    Jooheon looked up to see Kihyun. Before he could speak the eldest pulled you into his arms, calming you down. He always made you feel better, regardless of the situation.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Kihyun hissed. “Running off in the middle of our argument.”
“She ran away with her brothers, what was I supposed to do!”
“And where are her brothers? Hm? Did the hunters get them?”
“… yeah… they called them.”
Kihyun scoffed. “You lost your family again? What a surprise, but then again you weren’t really a family. This feels like karma, and well deserved at that.”
“What?”
“Are you okay, love?” Kihyun asked you. “You’re not hurt are you?”
“I’m okay…”
“Have you eaten yet? Are you hungry?”
“A bit…”
“Alright, how about getting you a quick little bite?”
“But it’s morning…”
“That’s fine, you know I’ll take care of everything. Come on.”
“What are you doing?” Jooheon asked. “What-”
“Quiet!”
    Jooheon followed Kihyun as he brought you to the city streets. It was still early morning, but the rush hour period had already passed, so not many people were around.
“Do you remember my hunting lessons?” You nodded. “So do you think you can get someone by yourself?”
“Yes…”
“Alright, give it a shot.”
    You looked around to see who was around and then went off on your own. Jooheon didn’t like the idea at all and tried to stop you but Kihyun held him back and dragged him down the alley. A while later you came down with someone who was asking who needed help. Kihyun gave you a smile and calmed the person down and let you dive in. Jooheon watched in silence, that is until he realized you had no intention of stopping.
“Y/n!”
“Ya!” Kihyun held him back. “Leave her. She’s enjoying herself.”
“She’s going to kill that person!”
“And what of it?”
    Things weren’t always so confusing or concerning when you were with Kihyun. He treated you like a vampire, as if there wasn’t any other issue in your life, and because of that it was easy to just be one. You were lost in your snack so you didn’t know what was going on with the other two. Jooheon wound up slamming Kihyun against the wall.
“I’ve heard rumors going around the club about a bunch of bodies dropping because of a ripper!”
“Really?”
“Is it her!” Jooheon yelled. “Did you fucken turn her into a ripper!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You know that fledglings can get addicted to fresh blood! It’s why they’re not supposed to be left alone!”
“Isn’t that exactly what you did though?” Kihyun scoffed. “Excuse me for feeding the poor girl.”
“She wasn’t your responsibility!”
“As if you ever took any initiative with her!”
    Kihyun wound up shoving Jooheon off of him and knocking him to the floor. He regained his composure and kept Jooheon down by pinning him beneath his foot. At this point Jooheon knew better than to retaliate.
“The only thing you ever wanted was a family of your own, completely forsaking the one that raised you! The one you already had! I sent wave after wave of hunters hoping that you’d learn you weren’t ready, and when you were finally on your own again, what did you do? You wallow in your failures instead of picking yourself up and being strong like before!”
“You… you sent the hunters?”
“You were even fortunate enough to get one of your kids back and all you care about is vengeance for the ones who died! Did you think she was just going to sit quietly and wait around for you? Twice now you’ve been so focused on the family you lost that you forget about the one you already have!”
“You sent hunters after me!”
“And I will do it again if you try anything! You got y/n back, take care of her, prove to me you can actually take care of someone and then maybe, maybe, I’ll let you go off on your own again. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal.”
    Kihyun moved away from Jooheon, helping him up. He was upset, but mostly hurt by the young ones actions. Jooheon looked at you, seeing you on the floor with a body before you, lips stained red with blood, a dazed look on your face. He knew Kihyun had a point, he was so caught up in the past he couldn’t see what he had now. This mess was his fault regardless of how he looked at it. He slowly made his way over to you, wiping the blood off your face.
“Was it good?”
“… yeah…”
“You think we can go home now? Uncle Kihyun can clean up the mess.”
“Okay…”
♥♥♥♥♥
    The young ones were glad to be going home, but nervous all the same. Things were different now. The boys were taken to the lab as Taeil and Jaehyun took blood samples and gave them a proper examination. Afterwards they were put into your old room, the only comfortable place for them that wasn’t a cell. 
“She must have been so lonely.” Jisung mumbled as he looked at your pile of books. “Being in here…”
“So what happens now?” Chenle asked. “How long will we be in here?”
“We need to monitor you guys.” Taeil answered over the comms. “Make sure you’re eating properly and everything.”
“Does that mean we get…” Jaemin lowered his voice. “Animal blood?”
“You want human blood?” Renjun questioned. “When all we ever gave Ze was animal blood? Don’t be a brat!”
“You say that now but it’s not like we’ve had animal blood before!”
“Can you guys not fight.” Mark cut in. “Does that matter right now?”
“What about Ze?” Jeno asked. “She didn’t come home with us and… the body…”
“We know.” Jaehyun admitted. “I don’t know if you guys know, but bodies have been dropping lately. We figured out it was a ripper, and that ripper is Ze.”
“What? That can’t be true.”
“I didn’t want to believe it either, but I looked into it and confirmed it. It’s my fault more than anything.”
“How the hell is it your fault? “Haechan asked. “What did you do?”
“Feed her animal blood. It’s not surprising human blood has more nutrients for her, and probably tastes better. It’d be easy to get addicted, especially since the vamps themselves probably let her drink to her heart’s content.”
“But she… you saw her, she’s scared!”
“She can’t control herself, and I doubt the vampires care to help her given they’ve been covering her tracks.”
“But can we help her?” Jisung asked. “If we ever bring her home…”
“I have an idea. In theory it should work just fine, but it won’t be pretty. Either way we need to bring her home first, and I don’t know if she wants that.”
♥♥♥♥♥
“You should go wash up. It’s been a long night.”
    When you got back to the penthouse Kihyun told you to wash up. The high had worn off, and you weren’t so sure how to feel about Jooheon. You went off to your room, doing as you were told. You were pretty exhausted and could certainly use a shower. As you walked out, drying your hair, you screamed, Jooheon in the room.
“Sorry, sorry, I was just waiting up for you.”
“… why…”
“I wanted to check on you, so get dressed.”
“Right.”
    You felt a bit uneasy with him in the room, but you certainly wanted to get out of your towel. As you dressed you’d glance back to make sure he wasn’t looking at you.
“So… what do you want?”
“I was hoping you could show me your wings. I haven’t seen them in a while.”
“Oh… yeah, sure.”
    You pulled your shit up a bit and let your wings fall out. It had been a while since you let them loose, but even in the room you couldn’t properly spread them out. You were nervous as Jooheon went around, grabbing them.
“They’ve grown well. In fact, they seem strong enough for flight.”
“Wa… what do you mean?”
“I mean you can fly, and it’s about time you learned. I could… I should teach you.”
“Re… really? You wanna teach me how to fly?”
“It’s an important part of being a vampire. What else would you use your wings for?”
“I don’t know…”
“Well there are other things, but you should learn how to fly first, get better control with them.”
“You’ll… you’ll really teach me how to fly?”
“Of course. It won’t be easy though. Your wings, and being able to fly are something entirely new to you. I’ll teach you, that is if you want me to…”
“I… I would like that…”
“Then we can start tonight. You should sleep, you seem pretty tired.”
“I will.”
“Good. I’ll see you later.”
    Jooheon gave you a soft smile and left the room. You stayed put with your wings out, letting them breath and wondering if the conversation you just had was real. The idea of flying had still been a bit of a fantasy given that you hadn’t seen any of the others fly before. You tucked your wings back in and got into bed, thinking if things were going to change this time. You were on your own again, and you hoped the other boys got home safe. They could go back, you knew that, but you didn’t believe the same option was there for you, not after all you’ve done.
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paytonooc · a month ago
Text
Night Out
writing credit to @amoryamoryamory
Part 1
***
The first thing he noticed about her was that she was blonde. Very blonde. Actually, almost white-blonde. Her hair was mesmerizing. It almost looked like a painting, dripping over her tan shoulders like someone had brushed it there from a palette of oils.
Payton shuffled out of his coat and held it in the crook of his elbow as he walked over. Damn. I should have left this in the car, he thought. But it would look strange to turn around and leave without even saying hello. Maybe nobody had seen him yet. Maybe he could--
"Payton!" called Miranda. She extended her arm, which was already holding a cocktail glass, to wave him over. Payton bit his lip.
Locked in now, he thought. His fate was sealed for the rest of the evening.
"Payton, this is Elle and Shannon," Miranda gestured to her friends one by one. They gave him polite smiles. Payton nodded at them, unsure of what to say besides a short "Hello." He was already regretting this.
Miranda twisted towards the Blonde at the bar to introduce Payton. "Riley, this is Payton. Payton, this is Riley, Amory's beau. Amory's running behind a little," she explained. "But he said he'll be here by eight-thirty."
Payton glanced up at the clock. The large, grey face looked like a moon, hanging over the dimly-lit bar, and Payton consulted it like a desperate astrologer: seven fifty-four.
Over half an hour of small talk left, he thought gloomily.
Payton lowered himself onto the empty stool next to Riley, holding his coat on his lap. A bearded bartender appeared across the counter. Payton ordered the first thing that came to mind. Gin and tonic, please.
Riley leaned closer to him and asked something. Payton didn't hear her over the electronic ambience. Her nails were neon pink. No, orange. It was hard to tell in this light.
Payton leaned closer. "What did you say?"
"You work at Amory's office?"
His hand slid into his pocket and he gripped an old prescription bottle he carried around with him. The prescription had long been used up, but it carried medication of a different nature now. He surely had time to slip into the bathroom for a moment without being missed.
Distracted, he had forgotten what she asked. "Sorry, I'm still adjusting to the volume in here."
Riley shrugged, and abandoned this line of conversation. Strands of her oil-white hair shifted a little on her bare shoulders. She hit the home button on her phone, tapped in her passcode, and resumed scrolling through vacation destinations on Instagram. Or whatever app that was. It looked like it was Instagram, but there were probably cooler apps for cooler people Payton didn't know about.
He tapped a finger on the bottle in his pocket. 
"I'm going to head to the restroom. Would you mind keeping an eye on my coat?" He asked Riley, Amory's beau.
"You can just hang it up," she suggested.
Payton looked around. He didn't see any coat rack. He picked it up off the chair anyway. He carried it to the back of the bar and down the hallway to the restroom.
Maybe she meant figuratively. Just hang it up, Payton. You clearly don't belong here.
***
Payton felt better in the quiet privacy of the restroom, and much, much better after sticking the tip of his car key into the orange prescription vial and shoving it up his nose. He sniffed the coke high into his sinuses, and immediately felt a rush of familiar warmth to his face and fingers.
He ran some water through his thick curls. He looked himself over. His work shirt was creased around his stomach, probably from being hunched over all day. He was still wearing his tie, for godssakes. He slid the knot loose and pulled it off over his head, stuffing it in his coat pocket. He pulled his shirttails out. He rolled his sleeves up.
Pitiful.
He tucked his shirt back in.
He took a deep breath, rubbed his nose again, and marched himself back to the bar. 
Miranda clinked a half-empty glass down in front of him when he slid back onto the stool. "I had some sips of your drink," she admitted, "Sorry!"
"S'okay."
"Carey said he's on his way, too."
"Oh, joy."
"Yeah, that's what I said." Miranda scoffed, and pulled her phone out of her purse. She texted rapidly, presumably to Carey, to tell him off for a second time. Why does she have his number if she despises him so much? Payton wondered dully, and sipped his drink through the stirring straw. His face felt slightly numb. 
The clock read eight-fourteen.
Riley plopped her own phone down on the counter, apparently tired of living vicariously. "I'm going out for a cig."
Miranda nodded vaguely, still texting. "I'll watch your stuff."
"I think I'll join you." Payton stood up again. The word 'cig' had jogged his memory: ah, yes! he was also addicted to nicotine!
They stepped out onto the patio, where groups of other smokers were milling around some tall, narrow tables. It was a chilly evening, and Payton, finally glad to free his hands, pulled on his coat.
Riley stood there in a tight short skirt, and gave an exaggerated shiver. "Brrr." She tapped her pack of cigarettes hard against her palm. 
"I'm so bored," she repeated. "I hate being in places I don't know anybody."
A pang of empathy ran through Payton. He lit her cigarette for her. "Sorry," he said, automatically.
Riley gave him an incredulous look. "It's not your fault."
"I know. I don't know why I said it."
"How old are you? You look pretty young."
"Twenty-five," Payton lied.
"You're a baby. I'm twenty-eight."
"We're only three years apart." They were six years apart, actually.
"A crucial three years. You have so much more adulting to learn."
Payton took a drag of his cigarette. He hated the word adulting. He thought about telling her he was second-in-command at a national Advertising firm, but dismissed the idea. He didn't really want to talk about work. Ever.
He flicked the ashes off the end of his cigarette. "You're probably right," he said.
"No offense," she began. He held his breath. "But this doesn't really seem like your scene."
He didn't know what he was expecting her to say, but she was right about that. "It's not my scene, really. I was just off work tonight. Amory asked if I wanted to come out, so I said sure."
"God, yeah, Amory." Riley rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms tight to barricade herself against the cold. "He practically organized this whole thing, and he's not even here yet."
"He's on his way."
The conversation petered off. To fill the silence, he added, "My brother Carey might join us later."
Riley glanced at her phone. "I swear, if Amory doesn't show up soon, I'm going to order a coffee. I won't be able to stay awake."
Payton scratched his arm. He was feeling punchy and tingly. He was definitely not going to have any issue staying awake. "Mm."
"Actually," she said, almost to herself. After another beat, she wrinkled her nose and nodded. "I think I might do that. I'll order him one too, so us ancient twenty-eight year-olds can actually get our bones to the club."
"One what?" Payton leaned over and put his cigarette out in the black sand of a nearby ashtray. 
"Coffee."
Payton was baffled. "You're going to order Amory a coffee?" 
Riley finished sending a text, then met his gaze. "Hm? Yeah. Why?" 
Payton fought back a strange grin. She didn't know. Amory had made his hatred of coffee obvious to countless people, hundreds of times over, but still hadn't shared this with Riley, his supposed "beau." 
She didn't know. Payton basked in dark glee for a moment.
"Amory hates coffee," he finally relinquished. "He never told you that? How long have you been together?"
That was uncalled for, and they both knew it. Riley narrowed her eyes, sucked the last life out of her cigarette, and remained silent.
Payton felt sharp, empty laughter bubble up from his chest. He was wired on coke, and an alien feeling that he had won something, and couldn't stop himself. "It's just amazing to me that you don't know this," he continued. "That's all. He tells everybody. He absolutely hates coffee."
"Then I won't order him one," Riley muttered, and turned back towards the bar.
"It's just pretty amazing," Payton took a step after her, but before he got any farther, Riley spun back around to face him. Her white hair twirled.
"Look, I get it. What the hell is your problem?"
Oops. Payton backed up from her, holding his arms up defensively. "Nothing! Nothing's my problem. Sorry," he stammered.
"You just became super fucking judgmental, out of nowhere. I really hate that kind of attitude."
"I don't--I don't have--I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm really sorry. Honestly. I don't know what got into me. You guys are great together, I'm sure. Great together." 
Riley crossed her arms over her chest and shivered. Payton offered his coat to her. She refused.
He felt like a real jerk.
"It really doesn't matter. About the coffee. About Amory," he repeated. "It's not a big deal. You guys are great together. Really. You and Amory."
"Yeah, you said that already." Riley examined Payton, her eyes scanning him deftly. "So, what's your real story? Are you his ex, or something?"
Payton was dumbstruck. He repeated the words in his head, but they did not find any receptive place to land in his brain, so he was sure he hadn't heard her correctly.
"What?"
Riley leaned towards him, enunciating. "Are you gay?"
"I...I..." he stuttered weakly. The question had caught him completely by surprise. He wasn't sure he had heard anyone ask something like that, aloud, to another human being. It seemed almost like he had been transported to a comic strip by accident, and this was an exchange between two cartoon people. Are you gay?
And with precise, comical timing, Amory stepped out onto the patio.
"Hey strangers!" Amory was grinning wide, but somehow still looked appropriately apologetic. "I'm sorry you had to wait up for me." 
Riley, thankfully, broke her concentration on Payton, and greeted Amory with a quick kiss. Payton involuntarily averted his eyes.
"Hey babe," Riley purred. "I was just going to text you again."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you," Amory ran a hand through her shimmering hair. "Ooh, this is a really fun look. I like it. Payton!" Amory yelled sharply in his direction.
Payton was deeply startled. "What?!"
Amory giggled and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Ha ha, what. Hello to you, too. I'm really, really glad you were able to struggle out from under the paperwork pile for a little night out. Did you get a drink yet?"
Payton was thinking in fragments. Drink. Yes. Right. He nodded.
"Payton was just telling me--" Riley began. Payton snapped to attention. 
"That! That--uh--" He fumbled with his coat. "That I have to go. I have to leave. Right now."
"What? Why?" A look of genuine concern crossed Amory's face. "Don't be silly. You just got here."
Payton wasn't able to respond. He opened his mouth, but no words formed.
"I'm freezing. Can we go inside?" Riley complained.
"Yeah, it's cold out here. Let's go in. You too, Payton. No making a break for it now. C'mon." Amory herded them both back into the bar.
Inside, the warmth fogged up Payton's glasses. The crowd had grown, the music was louder. Payton could feel the bass thumping in his chest. Or, no. Maybe that was the coke making his heart pound.
Carey had arrived, too, and had brought a few friends of his own. Their gaggle had become a formidable army. Payton's nervousness deflated a little. Now, he could sink back and become part of the scenery. Thank god.
Amory waved the bartender over and ordered some cocktails. Payton's initial drink was long gone, probably thanks to Miranda. He already knew Amory was ordering a drink for him, too. Amory was like that, always looking out for people.
He glanced over at Riley, who had metamorphized from the spiky person she had been on the patio to a bubbly partygoer. She was chatting animatedly with one of Carey's pals, who, surprisingly, had the same neon color nails that she did. She was actually very pretty, Payton admitted to himself. He felt guilty, again, for shaming her needlessly.
Riley's gaze connected with his, and her cheery smile became a knowing smirk.
Payton's neck grew hot and his cheeks flushed. Whatever he had said--or hadn't said--about his relationship with Amory, Riley had drawn her own conclusions. Maybe he would actually leave, to get as far away from here as possible--
Amory appeared before he could continue the thought. He slipped an icy glass into Payton's hand. "I'm really glad you were able to come out tonight!" He called to Payton over the noise of the crowd, although he was directly in front of him.
"Riley, she--" Payton started. Amory leaned closer to him to hear better. Payton began again. "Riley was going to order you a coffee!"
Amory laughed, throwing his head back. "Really?! That's so weird! I hate coffee!"
Payton nodded emphatically. "Yes! That's what I said!"
"In a bar?"
"I know!" Payton laughed, too.
"What a wacko. Hey, I'm gonna go say--" He turned his head over his shoulder as he spoke, and his words were lost to the booming music. He was pointing to a couple more late arrivees, however, and Payton understood he was going to go and greet more people.
Payton watched Amory push through the crowd. He was alone now, but content. It was okay if Amory was there now. Even across the room he felt linked to somebody, socially safe.
He saw Amory and Riley share another gentle kiss when they crossed paths. Payton's stomach flipped. He lifted the glass to his mouth and started gulping. 
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imoutofreach1 · a month ago
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I have decided to turn this into a blog. A blog where truth honesty and integrity and I don't have to be intimidated by feeling and showing my life as raw and hard and the challenges I face on a daily occurance truly is as someone who suffers with schizoeffective disorder lives feels and thinks. Welcome to hell and bliss All in one. Oh and don't let me forget to tell you drug addiction. Also. Starting this completely fucked up story off and how I abused a very important friendship. This is a true and accurate story of life and how easily you someone can fuck everything up. Life for me started off completely shitty as a child I would have to guess that life started with abuse at the age of 8yrs of age. See my parents were not fit to be parents they should have. Protected me as a child and throughout my. Younger years but they failed. I was molested by their friend who was a " family friend" haha.you know even your parents can be. Bought to turns blind eye. At the age of 1p we moved from the east coast to California. Wowwwhat a mistake. My father not a dad. Brought his family if 5 here and divorced my mother less then a yr after arriving. Wait. So my dad left my mother for a woman he started N affair with before the move band we were forced to move in with. My dad's brothers. Family. Mistake number 3 they subjected me too. My uncle molested me what the fuck you're supposed to trust family's oh hell no. I was 10 and a half or so. That's when life just started to get rich.. so as his wife walks down the hall and asks what he's doing and he replys I'm covering her up. And the good lil soilder I am I agree. Life is not easy knowing that night if my mom was with her kids and not conceuwith getting boned or drinking that I would have been safe that night asleep with a mother not hands down my pants. By a blood relative..well I. Think like anyone would do at the age that would have become rebellious and try not to feel. Some conflict. Happens I in the home that was mine that my father's brother bought and moved his family in and like that I was a guest in my own home. And I got the added bonus of family "love" sick shit so conflict broke out between my dad's brother and me and I ran away. I. Had gotten in the ice cream trucks guys truck well oh yeah he took real good care of me I don't know junk I was 11 yet.well he took me to Escondido didn't know where I was at that time but I know it now. Well like any kid would think they were safe with the ice cream man. He and his buddy persued to get me drunk and high.so much that I couldn't function he out me in the station wagon of his where I'm blacked out and came to where I found a fat ass dirty ass Mexican pin my back where he was fucking a 10 yr old and when I got up weather or heard my cry's idk I was able to make it to the tree next to the car and I don't know. How
Does a kid feel when they were just raped . I was brought to his friends house and as I sat on her sofa sue had cartoons on for her kid. I fucken hate cartoons. I made it home and walked in my molesters home and my mother who is never around and my perpatrators home that was mine first. I was put on the couch and had a fist raised in my face she didn't hit me but had she I might have. Thought she loved me.. while theyre being responsible they had no idea I was just raped. No child should experience this type of life yet or ever. I'm living with this in mind and body. There was never love it life by the two people who brought me in this God awful world. So we cont. to live with them .the family that demised my life. My older cousin was getting married and I was probably 12 and everyone was drunk at the reception and I had asked for an older woman to stay because she was to fucked up to drive bi was chocked. By my father's brother and yes mind me. I had to get through this alone too. I went to my father's home where I pounded on the door and was just tring to find a safe place. My dad's wife knew I was there so I climbed throughout the bathroom window where I was greeted by my dad's wife naked with a knife no lil one a butcher and was escorted to the door. As i noticed the bruses went around my entire neck.so as I am realizing at this moment I have only had myself for my whole life. So that's the horror story as I'm still young I guess we are at the age of 12 . I'm giving you the gore of my life leaving most of the moving between dad's. Home and moms homes. And all the time my life has been filled with men who only want lil girls to rub their dick and give me booze give me crystal and smoke pot with me. I'm surprised that. Not more damaged to that I am. It's amazing that I have not started to attempt suicide much earlier in life than my early 20s 23 to be exact. And all the while I'm doing methamphetamine and drinking and smoking pot I figure it this way I deserve to get high in this stage only life. I don't think I deserve to live with the pain of loss or memories of someone I love it and I lost because I won't tell the people I care about and treat them with the respect they deserve simply because Im scared to trust and love. Now I have my life to finish up the way it is supposed to play out. . I have love one woman with every fiber of my being and had 2 chances to have her in. My life and you guessed it did fuck it up once I did it twice now I have to live with the fact that I have to live the rest of this life without my best friend
I want to make it clear and honest when you love someone with all your heart you don't think about anything except wanting to be a better person and not for yourself but for them. Not the fact of sex. If you're still thinking about sex I definitely did not reach you. And if you ever think that it might have ended different no probably not. In the end there's always an end. Love the experience I got to share with you I didnt know it could be anything but honest and felt with courage and just know. It's a life I only wanted to share with her and forget about one of the biyches in my past I want nothing more but to forget one day I'll get to rest and stop hatred I want freedom complete
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crimsoncarrigan · a month ago
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( haley lu richardson, 24, cis female, she/her/hers ) Have you seen CARRIGAN CONNOLLY around ? I hear they’re an ER NURSE AT UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO MEDICAL CENTER who can sometimes be STUBBORN & IMPATIENT. But I also heard they can be CARING & OPTIMISTIC if you catch them on a good day. They’re usually hanging around SWAG in their spare time. I sure hope they’re alright !
ROUND TWO BBS! she’s back and better than ever! tiny baby is here once again bc i think hermione may have come for me if i didn’t bring her back. ( jk but also.....no really jk loVE YOU HERMIONE! ) her background is mostly the same, but i did give her a little facelift! fingers crossed her intro is significantly shortly than del’s but...i make no promise. so buckle up babies!!! 
pinterest. stats. again, someday there’ll be a wc page....someday. 
quick facts
full name: carrigan adara connolly. nicknames: carr, reeg, care.  hometown: chicago, illinois. family: cormac & lorna connolly - living, but divorced, two living brothers and one living sister. oldest sister - deceased. zodiac: scorpio sun, taurus moon, scorpio rising. sexuality: bisexual. education: bachelors of nursing from university of chicago. several specialized classes/certificates from uc, as well.
more good ish ( death/murder mention tw, alcohol/substance abuse tw )
born and raised in chicago to a big irish/welsh family. her home was always loud and full of life and music and laughter. it was joy come to life, quite literally. 
never had a ton of money - dad was a mechanic for a local shop and mom was a secretary for medical office. they weren’t poor poor, but they didn’t have anything extra, that’s for sure. especially with raising five kids. 
( death/gang violce tw ) carrigan was 10 when her sister was shot in what was assumed to be gang violence - either a drive by or shootout that she was caught in the crossfire of.
her whole family was absolutely gutted, but her mother took it the hardest. ( alcohol/substance abuse tw ) it was after this that her mother began to abuse alcohol and prescription pills.
it didn’t take long for the grief of losing a daughter and lorna’s addictions to put strain on the marriage and, within a year, carr’s father filed for divorce. 
unsurprisingly, carr’s father gained full custody of the kids and carrigan hasn’t heard from her mother since.
with her father still working, it fell to the kids to take care of the home and carrigan was raised by her siblings for a majority of her childhood, though her father did his best to be around as much as he could while still making enough to clothe, feed, and put a roof over the kids’ heads.
i’m leaving the siblings open for possible wcs, so this isn’t set in stone, but i’d imagine the older sibs got involved in gang activity to help their father. also possible her father joined as well for the extra income. but all of this was kept from carrigan, because baby.
because of the sacrifices the rest of the family made, carrigan was able to focus on school and excelled in science and math and took particularly quickly to anatomy and physiology. 
pretty much shocked the hell outta everybody by being wicked smart and picking the medical field to go into. the second someone voiced their doubts, carrigan knew she had to do it, if for no other reason than to prove them wrong.
due to killer grades, a shit ton of volunteer work, and a fire personal essay, carrigan managed to get a full ride scholarship to university of chicago. 
college was her first taste of true freedom away from her family and girl when wild. she partied, hoe’d around a lil bit ( and by a little i mean...a lot. she had exactly one high school boyfriend that dicked her over right before their hs graduation, so she sowed them damn oats y’all. ) she basically did everything she could without getting her scholarship revoked or kicked out.
also found out just how much the rest of her fam struggle after the divorce and rebelled just a smidge ( again, a lot ). carr was beyond salty no one in her family gave her the choice to help.
also shocked a couple of professors when she ended up graduating magna cum laude because of how many times she’d shown up to class hungover.
has since calmed down quite a bit, though she’s still known to drink most grown men under the table. it’s the irish blood.
carrigan applied everywhere as soon as she graduated, but accepted a position at university of chicago medical center and continues to take classes, especially now that the hospital will pay for them. 
the last two years have been spent making a home and second family there and she couldn’t be happier. 
personality
carrigan is a lil ball of sunshine. she’s smiley and happy 99.9% of the time, but she’s definitely not someone who will let you walk all over her. she’s a spitfire and hella cutthroat when it comes to work. she’s a dancer and very into boxing, so don’t think that just because she’s small carr’s easy to take out. she’ll put up one hell of a fight. she’s impulsive and chaotic, but will drop everything for someone who needs her help. 
possible connections
high school pals. literally just anyone she would have gone to school with, be it in her class or not. 
high school boyfriend. also probably going to put in a wc for this? but we’ll drop it here first for funsies!
college hook ups! girl got around and sowed her wild oats. she was indeed a v good time. these are probably, for the most part, v positive interactions. 
patients. either people always in the er or people that come by her apartment/house bc they know she’ll patch ‘em up and not make a lot of fuss about it.
co-workers! anyone in the medical field! gimmie all the coworker pals!
again, i’m open to any and all ideas!! just hit me with ‘em!! the messier the better, especially for lil miss carr here!!
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